1 00:00:07,180 --> 00:00:10,960 Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 2 00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:15,050 ANNOUNCER: FX presents What We Do in the Shadows. 3 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,710 NANDOR: Guillermo, I want you to go 4 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,240 tomorrow, and I want you to get 5 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,060 some of those things that humans use for smelling. 6 00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:28,330 Rhymes with "hoses." 7 00:00:28,370 --> 00:00:29,850 Noses? 8 00:00:29,890 --> 00:00:31,940 NANDOR: No. It's a green, spiky stick. 9 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:33,850 You know, with the colors on the top. 10 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,730 You got the red. "I love you. 11 00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:37,730 -Here's some..." -Roses. 12 00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:39,300 NANDOR: Roses, yes. 13 00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:43,080 The Baron's attic has got a bitof a dank whiff. 14 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,300 Since the Baron arrived, 15 00:00:44,340 --> 00:00:46,040 things have been very stressful. 16 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,310 That's our familiar. 17 00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,310 NANDOR: He's staying in our attic at the moment, and 18 00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:56,490 that's a lot of storage space that we-we can't use. 19 00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:58,440 When is he going to leave, anyway? 20 00:00:58,490 --> 00:00:59,920 Shh, Nadja! 21 00:00:59,970 --> 00:01:02,230 Guillermo. 22 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,540 Well, pull it, then. 23 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,320 -NADJA: Oh! -Too loud! 24 00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:09,760 -He needs to pipe down with that. -Yes. 25 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,720 -When will he leave? -Shh. 26 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,110 Nadja, you must keep your voice down, my darling. 27 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,510 Oh, for goodness' sake, I'm not scared of him. 28 00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:18,510 -Oh... 29 00:01:20,550 --> 00:01:23,030 The Baron has awakened? 30 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:30,170 Sorry, was that a yes? 31 00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,130 -LASZLO: Was it a nod? -No, I asked and she went, 32 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,920 she went and did this. 33 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,220 That is a nod, I've seen her do it before. 34 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,740 What, this? Like this? 35 00:01:37,790 --> 00:01:39,270 -He's awake. -COLIN: He's awake. 36 00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:40,750 Oh, he's awake. 37 00:01:40,790 --> 00:01:42,920 All right, I-I can feel 38 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,490 his energy, it's very dark and angry, and I think 39 00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:48,360 it's pointed at you guys. 40 00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:49,540 Hate to be you guys. 41 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,280 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 42 00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:57,940 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 43 00:01:57,980 --> 00:02:00,510 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 44 00:02:00,550 --> 00:02:02,990 ♪ You're dead and out of this world♪ 45 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:08,170 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪ 46 00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:10,820 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪ 47 00:02:10,860 --> 00:02:13,260 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪ 48 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,740 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 49 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:29,750 In Europe, a couple of centuries ago, the Baron was a fun guy. 50 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,580 And we got up to some very messy business together. 51 00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,410 -Yes. -Problem is, 52 00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:36,190 he's turned up recently 53 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,810 with what only can be describedas pretty old-fashioned ideas. 54 00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:43,380 He's obsessed with the idea ofvampires taking over all humans, 55 00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:46,200 which, at first, you're like, "Oh, that's a cool idea," 56 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,770 but then, after a while, it's like, 57 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:50,770 "Sorry, why are we doing this?" 58 00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:52,990 Yeah. 59 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,340 You can bet your balls he's gonna be furious 60 00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:56,000 we haven't come up with a conquering plan. 61 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,220 NANDOR: Maybe he's not angry. 62 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,650 Maybe he's just wanting a chat? 63 00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,350 Get up with the latest vampire gossip. 64 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,790 --That's highly unlucky, Nandor. 65 00:03:02,830 --> 00:03:04,350 The man's a fucking psychopath. 66 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,010 I think he's going to kill us all. 67 00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:07,360 That's more likely. 68 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,360 Baron, we are here. 69 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,660 But there's really no needfor any kind of grand entrance. 70 00:03:11,710 --> 00:03:14,620 Or j-just do your bit-- that's fine, too. 71 00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:21,070 ♪ In nomine Patris...♪ 72 00:03:21,110 --> 00:03:23,020 My slumber is... 73 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,110 complete. 74 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,370 Great. Uh, we weren't sure 75 00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:27,460 that you wanted us to conquer the whole 76 00:03:27,510 --> 00:03:29,640 of North America, or just, you know, maybe a couple streets? 77 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,860 Silence! 78 00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:35,820 I have heard so much of the wonders of this New World, 79 00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:39,260 yet I have seen of it not but this attic. 80 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,480 Uh, would you like us to get you a TV? 81 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:43,870 No. 82 00:03:43,910 --> 00:03:46,660 I want to see the sights. 83 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,660 -I want a night on the town. 84 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:51,270 A night on the town? 85 00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:53,100 Really? I mean, won't that be a bit difficult 86 00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:54,140 with your, um...? 87 00:03:55,580 --> 00:03:56,490 Oh. 88 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,490 You were saying? 89 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:03,110 : No, but I'm sure we can help you fit in. 90 00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:05,850 Marvelous. 91 00:04:05,890 --> 00:04:09,290 -Ah, relax. 92 00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:11,860 This is going to be fun. 93 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,070 No. 94 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,510 Oh, that's the documentary crew. 95 00:04:19,780 --> 00:04:22,520 We are so sorry that... 96 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,910 our houseguest ate your sound recordist. 97 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,960 NADJA: This... what is this "conquering America" stuff? 98 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,440 He's going to get us killed. 99 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,440 Not unless he tries to kill us himself first. 100 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,570 -He threw me straight across the room. -Most importantly, we are... 101 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,450 ...that he ate your sound recordist. 102 00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:37,530 That was very... 103 00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:41,100 Yeah. Wasn't very cool. We'll, uh, 104 00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,320 we'll make sure we look after you people. 105 00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:44,760 And how are we going to do that? 106 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,190 I don't know, uh... 107 00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:52,590 NADJA: Of course it's a trap. 108 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,330 Why would the Baron want to go on a night out? 109 00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,420 Because he wants to know howmuch of America we've conquered. 110 00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,340 And when he finds out thatwe've just conquered our street 111 00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,470 and part of Ashley Street, he's going to kill us. 112 00:05:00,510 --> 00:05:02,730 But if we seriously think he's gonna "quack" us... 113 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,780 -NADJA: Which we do. -...then we should "quack" him first. 114 00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:07,130 You want us to quackhim? 115 00:05:07,170 --> 00:05:10,700 If you think he's gonna "whack" us first, yes. 116 00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:13,920 Laszlo, be quiet. We will not discuss this any further. 117 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,480 It is the greatest violation 118 00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:18,490 of the unnatural order by which we live. 119 00:05:18,530 --> 00:05:20,580 Also, can he even die? 120 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,750 -NADJA: Oh, my... 121 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,140 NANDOR: You happy now? You just scared 122 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,490 the shit out of all three of us? 123 00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:26,970 Hmm? You don't knock anymore? 124 00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:29,370 Is this the new you? Hmm? 125 00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:31,500 Sorry, I just wanted to inform you that the Baron's ready. 126 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,150 -Oh. -NADJA: God... 127 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,500 He's really terrifying. 128 00:05:34,550 --> 00:05:37,160 Yes, okay, well, we all are, we are vampires. 129 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:38,380 Well... 130 00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,470 -Eh. 131 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,950 Get out. 132 00:05:44,990 --> 00:05:47,250 We shall call this night Operation... 133 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,610 Accidentally Kill the Baron. 134 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:53,040 Absolutely not. At least think of a different name. 135 00:05:54,090 --> 00:05:56,390 This conversation never happened. 136 00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:09,280 She keeps looking at me. 137 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,500 Don't look at her. 138 00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:20,030 Bloody hell, he's wearing two ruffs. 139 00:06:20,070 --> 00:06:25,510 -Let our grand evening on the town commence. 140 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:26,990 -NADJA: Yes! Very good. - Yes. 141 00:06:27,030 --> 00:06:30,820 Yes, uh, this is what you're going to wear? 142 00:06:31,690 --> 00:06:33,870 Is it not right? 143 00:06:33,910 --> 00:06:37,570 Y-Yes, I mean, you look the... dog's knackers. 144 00:06:37,610 --> 00:06:41,050 But, um, where we come from, two ruffs 145 00:06:41,090 --> 00:06:43,220 means you're up for anything. 146 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,790 Uh, it's best just to kind ofblend in like-- like we are now. 147 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,620 Yes. 148 00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:49,840 Yes, I see. 149 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,670 I want to walk amongst the commoners unnoticed. 150 00:06:53,710 --> 00:06:55,630 -NADJA: Yes. -A prince amongst paupers. 151 00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:57,590 -NADJA: Yes, very good. Very good. -NANDOR: Exactly. 152 00:06:57,630 --> 00:07:00,070 Two ruffs don't make a right. 153 00:07:03,070 --> 00:07:04,720 Colin Robinson. 154 00:07:04,770 --> 00:07:07,900 Oh, wow. Uh... hello. 155 00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:09,820 NANDOR:You wouldn't happen to have any 156 00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:13,300 human-type clothes to lend to the Baron? 157 00:07:13,340 --> 00:07:16,820 Uh, yeah, I-I could scrounge something up. 158 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,040 What size are you? 159 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,700 Mm, this size. 160 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:23,260 And what kind of vibe are-are you going for? 161 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:27,050 Jeans, T-shirt? Are you a jeansand T-shirt type of guy? 162 00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:28,700 Probably not shorts. 163 00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:33,270 Um, maybe some cords, some w-wale cords. 164 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,280 He is not coming along, is he? 165 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,500 I will take care of it. 166 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:41,110 Oh, okay. But don't make a big thing out of it. 167 00:07:41,150 --> 00:07:42,890 -Mm? -Okay. 168 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:46,640 LASZLO: Vampires have hidden amongst humans 169 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,330 for millennia. 170 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,600 There are some in the community that believe 171 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,730 that vampires should rule the world. 172 00:07:53,770 --> 00:07:55,510 One such person 173 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:56,730 is the Baron. 174 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,080 And he's become a massive prick. 175 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,300 Absolutely agree. 176 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,350 LASZLO: Which is ironic, because he doesn't have one. 177 00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:10,660 Where is he? 178 00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:13,140 He was right behind us. 179 00:08:13,180 --> 00:08:14,790 -LASZLO: Ah. 180 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,880 NANDOR: He's going to frighten the townspeople. 181 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:20,100 -Oh. 182 00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:22,190 -LASZLO: Um... -MAN: Holy shit. 183 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,320 A lot of these buildings are, uh, are taverns, 184 00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:26,760 -or bars as they call them. -NADJA: Don't mind him. 185 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,110 -WOMAN: Did you see that? -Why are these pedestrians 186 00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:29,370 making rictus faces at us? 187 00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:30,590 MAN 2: Oh, my God. 188 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,420 Devils suck, man. 189 00:08:32,460 --> 00:08:33,420 We are vampires! 190 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:34,600 Shh! What are you doing? 191 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,770 He is literally going around, 192 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:40,120 telling everyone, "Nice to meetyou, I am vampire." 193 00:08:40,170 --> 00:08:41,910 And, you know, there's only so many times 194 00:08:41,950 --> 00:08:44,740 you can say that he's joking, because look at his face. 195 00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:48,170 -Yo, Laz. Nadja. Whoa... 196 00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:51,790 I was just, uh, stocking upon some brews for the big game. 197 00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,960 Who is this guy? 198 00:08:54,010 --> 00:08:56,140 NADJA: No, no, no. This is our neighbor Sean, sire. 199 00:08:56,180 --> 00:08:57,790 NANDOR: He brings our trash cans in 200 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,750 when we forget them. 201 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,970 What the fuck? How did he...? 202 00:09:04,020 --> 00:09:05,580 LASZLO: Shut up. You won't remember anything 203 00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:08,590 from the last five minutes. 204 00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,760 Yo, Laz, Nadja. 205 00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:12,940 I was just going to stock up on some more brews. 206 00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:15,420 -Oh, no, no, no, no. -LASZLO: No, no, no, no... 207 00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:18,730 BARON: We will fill this place 208 00:09:18,770 --> 00:09:21,430 with the carcasses of the conquered. 209 00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:23,950 Some humans will become slaves. 210 00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:26,430 The rest, food. 211 00:09:26,470 --> 00:09:28,870 Slave. 212 00:09:28,910 --> 00:09:30,870 WOMAN : Pharmacy, pick up line three, please. 213 00:09:30,910 --> 00:09:31,870 Pharmacy, line three. 214 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,830 Food. 215 00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:37,180 He's as mad as a wax banana. 216 00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:39,180 -He's a fucking liability. -I think it might be 217 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,750 better if he dies. 218 00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:43,880 How about we just put his coffinon a nice, long ocean journey? 219 00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:46,970 Look at this wonderful talisman. 220 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,240 -Whoop. 221 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,760 Need I haggle with the proprietor? 222 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,850 -Just put it in your pocket. -Hmm. It is done. 223 00:09:55,850 --> 00:09:58,900 BARON: Let us see, what to drink. 224 00:09:58,940 --> 00:10:00,640 What to... 225 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,470 -LASZLO: Oh, no, no. 226 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,820 NANDOR:Oh, give him a nice hug from us. 227 00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:10,820 -Is he okay? I... -NADJA: Ha, ha. 228 00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:12,870 Whoa, dear. Hi. 229 00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:15,440 The Baron is being very loud and obvious 230 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,920 and vampirey and reckless. 231 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,790 He had a very high alcohol content. 232 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,440 Do you think maybe we should move the body? 233 00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:27,060 Now he's just gone up to a drunk man 234 00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:28,930 and he's drunk the drunk man's blood 235 00:10:28,970 --> 00:10:31,060 that has made him drunk. 236 00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,240 Okay. That's a... 237 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,890 Just a little dizzy. Okay. 238 00:10:34,930 --> 00:10:37,280 -A little dizzy, little dizzy. 239 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,330 I am better. 240 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:44,460 Back in the saddle. 241 00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:46,380 The drinking saddle! 242 00:10:47,510 --> 00:10:48,730 That was bollocks. 243 00:10:53,780 --> 00:10:56,520 ♪ We need you now...♪ 244 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,960 You people are as much fun as the plague. 245 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,050 Remember the plague? And how much fun it was? 246 00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:02,530 That's this. 247 00:11:02,570 --> 00:11:05,270 -Let's liven this place up. -Not too lively. 248 00:11:05,310 --> 00:11:09,270 It's very important to just blend in and go with the flow. 249 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,710 Or we could do shots. 250 00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:13,100 Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, 251 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,500 shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, 252 00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:16,930 shots, shots, shots, shots. 253 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,890 LASZLO: For God's sake. 254 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:22,980 Oh, who wants a shot? 255 00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,500 We could do shots. 256 00:11:25,940 --> 00:11:28,860 Just a minute. 257 00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:31,730 -And I said, 258 00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:34,910 "No, how do you like yourstakes?" 259 00:11:34,950 --> 00:11:38,000 And pushed itright through his stupid heart. 260 00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:42,130 You know I'm not really a baron. 261 00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:43,740 NANDOR : Yes, you are. 262 00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,740 You're the Baron. 263 00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:48,960 No, I am not. It was a nickname. 264 00:11:49,010 --> 00:11:50,750 To tease me. 265 00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:53,620 Barren, B-A-R-R-E-N. 266 00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:54,750 Huh. 267 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,840 Because I cannot sire offspring 268 00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:59,890 due to my lack of genitals. 269 00:11:59,930 --> 00:12:02,190 -Hello-- whoop! -There it isn't. 270 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,760 NADJA: I like it. 271 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,980 All I ever wanted was a child of my own. 272 00:12:09,070 --> 00:12:11,420 Well, I don't know, Baron. 273 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,380 Maybe we could be your children. 274 00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:16,560 -NADJA: Yes. -Yes. 275 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,990 -Yes. -Also, maybe 276 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,210 you want to pull your pants back up now or...? 277 00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:22,390 Hmm? Oh, of course. 278 00:12:22,430 --> 00:12:24,610 NADJA: Aw... 279 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,010 NADJA: The Baron, 280 00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:33,010 he told us very sad story. 281 00:12:33,050 --> 00:12:35,920 We might not kill him now-- 282 00:12:35,970 --> 00:12:37,930 no, not going to kill him. 283 00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,410 BARON: It's just hard. 284 00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:45,020 I used to derive such pleasure from killing, 285 00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:46,940 but now... it's just a thing 286 00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:50,810 I do because... why? 287 00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:52,810 Because I've always done it, I guess? 288 00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:56,250 And these dark rages that overtake me, 289 00:12:56,290 --> 00:12:58,690 oh, my mind is devouring itself. 290 00:12:58,730 --> 00:13:00,040 Aw... 291 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,470 We're all going through shit. 292 00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:03,210 It's hard doing what we do. 293 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:05,170 BARON: You know... 294 00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,170 this is going to sound odd, but... 295 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,040 I was thinking of killing all of you tonight. 296 00:13:09,090 --> 00:13:10,180 NADJA: Ah. 297 00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:12,000 -Yeah, yeah, I was. -Ah. 298 00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:13,830 BARON: What have I become? 299 00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,930 Guess what. 300 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,410 We were going to kill you tonight, too. 301 00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,720 NANDOR: We were going to kill you! 302 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,680 It was, it was Laszlo's idea. 303 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,200 -Yeah, it was. 304 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,640 He had the stake, 305 00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,080 -the... 306 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,990 ...stake... 307 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,470 I beg your pardon? 308 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:48,910 NANDOR: Uh... 309 00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:50,520 LASZLO: He was just joking, it was, 310 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,870 it was just an idea that we were kicking upstream. 311 00:13:52,910 --> 00:13:54,960 NANDOR: Was more of a "what if" situation. 312 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,660 -Like, "What if?" and then "No."-Shut up. 313 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,530 You... "kicked upstream" 314 00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:06,670 the idea of killing... 315 00:14:06,710 --> 00:14:08,100 me? 316 00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:10,670 As a joke. Nothing more. 317 00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:12,110 NADJA: Just a-- a laugh. 318 00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:13,150 NANDOR: Nothing happened. 319 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,680 LASZLO: Oh... 320 00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,340 -Your faces! -Oh, the Baron... 321 00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:27,770 -Oh... -You shithead. 322 00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,690 BARON: Oh, I am proud of you. 323 00:14:29,730 --> 00:14:31,690 If I were you, I would have done the same thing. 324 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,350 BARON: Where is next? 325 00:14:34,390 --> 00:14:36,260 You know what I have always wanted to try? 326 00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:37,960 -Coprophilia. -No. 327 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,570 Pizza pie. 328 00:14:39,610 --> 00:14:42,090 Is it as wonderful as they sa...? 329 00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:43,920 Coprophilia? 330 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,710 Sire, this is an even worse idea 331 00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,580 than when we tried to invade Vienna. 332 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,100 It's certainly going to make you very ill. 333 00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:51,190 I'm having pizza pie. 334 00:14:52,190 --> 00:14:53,760 Oh, no, no, no. 335 00:14:55,850 --> 00:14:57,330 Mmm. 336 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,330 Mmm. 337 00:15:00,370 --> 00:15:01,940 The garlic burnt a little, but... 338 00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:09,080 Down he goes. 339 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,770 -NANDOR: He's up again. 340 00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:11,780 NADJA: The Baron has eaten 341 00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:13,950 some human food and now his body 342 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,610 is being propelled around by his own vomit. 343 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:18,090 -LASZLO: Is he all right?-NANDOR: Now, where's he going? 344 00:15:18,130 --> 00:15:19,780 NADJA: So, that's what's happening 345 00:15:19,830 --> 00:15:21,130 right now. 346 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,400 -LASZLO: There he is. -NADJA: Ooh. 347 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:37,980 Uh... 348 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,370 Totally worth it. 349 00:15:41,410 --> 00:15:42,760 What is next? 350 00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:10,010 ♪ I♪ 351 00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:13,230 ♪ I'm alive♪ 352 00:16:13,270 --> 00:16:18,230 ♪ I'm alive.♪ 353 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,150 We drank the blood of some people, 354 00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:22,370 but the people were on drugs 355 00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:24,800 and now I am a wizard. 356 00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:29,030 The Baron is, is very, actually... great man... 357 00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:30,420 I drank the drug blood. 358 00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:32,250 Yes, I drank some drug blood. 359 00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:34,250 We drank-- we've done some drug blood. 360 00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:36,820 BARON: ♪ It is the time♪ 361 00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:38,820 ♪ Of the season♪ 362 00:16:38,860 --> 00:16:42,260 ♪ When the love runs high♪ 363 00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:43,650 ♪ It is the time...♪ 364 00:16:43,690 --> 00:16:47,180 That's the Baron I remember. 365 00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:49,870 Having a really great time, 366 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,920 but it's almost sunup. 367 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,700 I think we should leave soon,otherwise we're gonna be fried. 368 00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:59,620 It's the time of the season♪ 369 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:04,280 ♪ For loving♪ 370 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:05,850 ♪ Ah.♪ 371 00:17:05,890 --> 00:17:07,850 Laszlo, can you see if they have 372 00:17:07,890 --> 00:17:10,200 "Girl in the Village with the One Small Foot" 373 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,070 by Vasilios the Balladeer? 374 00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:13,850 -Yep. -Never mind. 375 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,160 I'll sing a cappella. 376 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,730 -LASZLO: Okay. 377 00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:19,690 ♪ There was a girl in the village♪ 378 00:17:19,730 --> 00:17:22,860 ♪ She had one very small foot♪ 379 00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:25,080 ♪ Did she lose her foot in the well?♪ 380 00:17:25,130 --> 00:17:26,650 -It is time to return to our den. -♪ No one knows♪ 381 00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:29,870 -♪ No one knows...♪ -Party's over. 382 00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:31,350 I said we are leaving! 383 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,310 -NANDOR: We should go. -LASZLO: Yeah, yeah. 384 00:17:34,350 --> 00:17:35,530 -NADJA: The sun is coming. 385 00:17:35,570 --> 00:17:37,360 NANDOR: The door's stuck again. 386 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,440 Everyone, quickly, the sun is coming. 387 00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:43,320 -♪ Par-tay!♪ -Come on. 388 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,320 Just one foot at a time, Baron. 389 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,240 COLIN: Someone sure had a good time, huh? 390 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,110 NADJA: Colin Robinson, we missed you. 391 00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,150 -BARON: Hi. -What? 392 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,680 What-What's wrong with you? 393 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,110 We are on drugs. 394 00:17:56,590 --> 00:17:58,330 Have you partaken of the pizza pie? 395 00:18:01,730 --> 00:18:03,690 NANDOR: I can do this, I can do this. 396 00:18:03,730 --> 00:18:06,210 NADJA : Oh, no, the sunlight. 397 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:07,910 -Laszlo! 398 00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:09,340 Careful. 399 00:18:09,390 --> 00:18:10,480 Be careful. 400 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:11,910 -Oh... -Oh, man. 401 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,260 BARON: Look at this... wait. 402 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,130 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 403 00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:17,530 No, the sunlight. 404 00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:19,270 I'm so scared. 405 00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:20,700 No, no, no, Baron. 406 00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:22,530 -Baron... -No, no, no, no! 407 00:18:22,570 --> 00:18:25,270 No, no, no, no, go easy. It's dangerous, man. 408 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,140 He's being an idiot. Come on, Baron. 409 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,280 You're a bunch of pussies... 410 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:31,930 NADJA : See what you've done. 411 00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,240 -Did you see that? -You hurt yourself. 412 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,330 -Come on, Baron. -Put your night skirts on 413 00:18:35,370 --> 00:18:36,720 -and go to coffin. -BARON: All right, okay, 414 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,370 -okay, okay. -Go to coffin, Baron. 415 00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:41,380 Thing off, I don't know how to work this. 416 00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:42,510 -Oh-- ah! 417 00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:43,510 LASZLO: Oh, shit. 418 00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:50,390 LASZLO: Baron? 419 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:53,000 Well, that was unexpected. 420 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,820 Uh, oh-- oh... 421 00:18:54,870 --> 00:18:58,310 oh... aw... 422 00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:00,350 Hello. Oh. 423 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,400 -NADJA: Shit. -LASZLO: Shit. 424 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:05,970 -Is he dead? -Oh, no. 425 00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:08,400 Ouchie. 426 00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:10,190 Just a little sore. 427 00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:12,190 Oh, God-- Oh. Oh... 428 00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:14,320 lucky I missed these wooden stakes. 429 00:19:15,890 --> 00:19:17,590 He's safe. 430 00:19:17,630 --> 00:19:19,760 I am okay. 431 00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:28,210 What's that smell? 432 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,820 Hey, I got the rose... 433 00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:34,120 Fuck. 434 00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:39,560 Oh... 435 00:19:39,610 --> 00:19:41,040 -Wow. 436 00:19:41,090 --> 00:19:43,050 Oh, shit. 437 00:19:43,090 --> 00:19:45,000 ♪ Let's go sunning♪ 438 00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:46,440 ♪ It's so good for you♪ 439 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,360 ♪ Let's go sunning♪ 440 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,450 ♪ 'Neath the sky of blue♪ 441 00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:53,270 ♪ Greet the sun every morn♪ 442 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,280 ♪ Feel as free and happy as the day you were born♪ 443 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,670 ♪ Let's go native♪ 444 00:19:58,710 --> 00:20:01,590 ♪ Sun your cares away, be creative♪ 445 00:20:01,630 --> 00:20:03,590 ♪ Learn to live and play♪ 446 00:20:03,630 --> 00:20:06,370 ♪ Pretty flowers need the sun♪ 447 00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:09,900 ♪ This applies to everyone♪ 448 00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:13,030 ♪ Happiness to everyone♪ 449 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,080 ♪ So let's go sunning.♪ 450 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,130 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 451 00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:32,880 Very cool, Master. 452 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,360 -Name that tune! 453 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:42,890 Ow! 454 00:20:44,890 --> 00:20:47,850 "I'm a vampire. I'm immortal." 455 00:20:47,890 --> 00:20:50,940 -Creepy paper. -It's "crepe paper," Master. 456 00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:53,420 Creepy. Oh, multipack. 457 00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,160 ANNOUNCER: What We Do in the Shadows. 458 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:58,380 All new, Wednesday at 10:00 on FX. 459 00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:10,310 Again. 460 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:14,490 Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 461 00:21:15,790 --> 00:21:17,660 Whoa. Gotta use only the right foot. 462 00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:19,400 You gotta alternate. 463 00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:25,890 Okay. Good lesson. 464 00:21:25,930 --> 00:21:27,540 ANNOUNCER: Better Things. 465 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:28,590 All new Thursdays at 10:00 on FX.