1 00:00:07,130 --> 00:00:10,960 ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 2 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:15,310 ANNOUNCER: FX presents What We Do in the Shadows. 3 00:00:21,930 --> 00:00:23,710 It's nightfall. 4 00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:28,460 The job of a vampire's familiar 5 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,460 is not an easy one. 6 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:31,900 It's very dangerous. 7 00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:34,160 I mean, they are vampires, after all. 8 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,510 We can go in now. 9 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,300 Good evening, Master. 10 00:00:44,340 --> 00:00:46,220 MAN : Guillermo? 11 00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:47,650 Yes, sir? 12 00:00:47,690 --> 00:00:49,740 -Is that you? -Yes, Master. 13 00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:51,570 -Okay. -Okay, Master. 14 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:54,140 It's time to... rise. 15 00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:56,230 MAN: The... Okay. 16 00:01:00,230 --> 00:01:02,140 MAN: Guillermo, it is stuck. 17 00:01:02,190 --> 00:01:03,710 I think it is the latch. 18 00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:05,320 GUILLERMO: Being a vampire's familiar 19 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,760 is like being a best friend. 20 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,110 Who-Who's also a slave. 21 00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:12,110 -MAN: Guillermo, it's too loud.-What? 22 00:01:12,150 --> 00:01:13,460 GUILLERMO: Tomorrow night marks 23 00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:15,770 the ten-year anniversary since 24 00:01:15,810 --> 00:01:17,120 I started working for my Master. 25 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,950 I think he's planning something pretty special. 26 00:01:20,990 --> 00:01:24,040 : I think he's gonna make me a vampire. 27 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,300 MAN: This is very embarrassing. 28 00:01:27,340 --> 00:01:29,690 Okay, Master. 29 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:31,700 He awakens. 30 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,490 Very cool, Master. 31 00:01:44,530 --> 00:01:45,710 Very scary. 32 00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:46,930 Thank you. 33 00:01:50,450 --> 00:01:53,720 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 34 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:55,850 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 35 00:01:55,890 --> 00:01:59,380 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 36 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,550 ♪ You're dead and out of this world♪ 37 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,300 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪ 38 00:02:06,340 --> 00:02:09,250 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪ 39 00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,560 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪ 40 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,780 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 41 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:26,450 NANDOR: Everyone? 42 00:02:26,490 --> 00:02:28,400 Nadja, Laszlo. 43 00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:30,320 -Yeah? -Yes? -Can you come downstairs 44 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,190 for a second, please? 45 00:02:32,230 --> 00:02:34,450 Thank you, Laszlo. 46 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,540 In your own time, Nadja. 47 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,110 Yes, good, excellent. 48 00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,240 So, listen. 49 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,420 We have received a letter 50 00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:44,250 and I would like very much to read it to you. 51 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,340 -But not here, we want to go into the library. -Why not here? 52 00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:49,340 I'd like to read it in there. It's just a formality. 53 00:02:49,380 --> 00:02:50,430 It'll sound exactly the same if you 54 00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:52,250 read it here than if you read it in there. 55 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,300 I'm not going to disagree with you, but that's not the point. 56 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,390 NANDOR: I was a very ferocious soldier 57 00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:57,130 in the Ottoman Empire. 58 00:02:57,170 --> 00:03:01,000 Which meant a lot of killing, lot of pillaging. 59 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:04,700 People would say, "Please, don't pillage me." 60 00:03:04,740 --> 00:03:06,440 And I would say, "No. 61 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:10,230 I'm pillaging everyone, you included." 62 00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:12,140 I was relentless. 63 00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:14,230 They would call me Nandor 64 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,890 the Relentless. 65 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:19,670 Because I just never relent. 66 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:20,930 So I'd like very much for us to go into there, please. 67 00:03:20,980 --> 00:03:22,240 Just a formality. 68 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,160 Come on, please, it's just a formality. 69 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,680 -You could have read it by now.-Hmm. 70 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,290 Just a formality, okay? Look, it's not even that far. 71 00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:28,900 -Oh, fuck this, fine. -Thank you, Laszlo. 72 00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:30,380 It's just a formality, please, Nadja. 73 00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:33,300 -Just a formality, thank you. 74 00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:35,470 Guillermo, the door. 75 00:03:35,510 --> 00:03:37,260 -That wasn't so bad, was it? 76 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,480 Now before we go into the reading of the letter, 77 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,350 I wanted to talk about general hygiene in the cell. 78 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,740 -Last night, 79 00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,610 there were all these people down there, 80 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:50,310 shouting and screaming, half-drunk. 81 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,270 Where did they find the alcohol? 82 00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:55,190 No, they were half-drunk. They'd been half drunk. 83 00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:57,190 -Oh. -Please, finish a whole victim 84 00:03:57,230 --> 00:03:59,410 before moving on to a next one, okay? 85 00:03:59,450 --> 00:04:01,280 It's very unhygienic. 86 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,280 I think I know who's leaving them down there, 87 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,280 -but I don't want to say.-If you've got something to say, 88 00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:07,940 -then damn well say it. -It's not hygienic. 89 00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:09,850 How dare you. 90 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:17,340 The problems with living with other vampires 91 00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:19,120 are the vampires I have chosen to stay with. 92 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,300 Nandor is like 93 00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:24,560 a big turkey just walking around 94 00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:26,480 trying to control everything on the farm. 95 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,090 -Hyah! 96 00:04:28,130 --> 00:04:30,130 NADJA: And Laszlo is my big, crazy, 97 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,660 wild bear and we love to chase each other around the house. 98 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:35,010 -I ought to fucking kill you! 99 00:04:35,050 --> 00:04:37,790 We have a great time together. 100 00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:41,360 LASZLO: I was the most handsome man 101 00:04:41,410 --> 00:04:42,320 in our village. 102 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,240 His village was very badly affected 103 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,320 by leprosy and the plague. 104 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:47,540 That's true. 105 00:04:47,590 --> 00:04:50,330 And I, myself, did contract leprosy, 106 00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:52,550 but I was quite lucky 'cause it couldn't be seen. 107 00:04:52,590 --> 00:04:54,510 It was only one part of my anatomy. 108 00:04:54,550 --> 00:04:56,160 Well, I can see it. 109 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,420 Anyway, one night, 110 00:04:58,470 --> 00:05:00,820 I was awoken by this... 111 00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:03,470 horrible clawing at the window. 112 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,040 And I thought, "Who the hell is that? 113 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,820 'Cause I live on the third floor." 114 00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:10,170 So I went to investigate it, I threw back the curtain... 115 00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:13,740 Well, I saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. 116 00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:16,350 But she was gripping the window 117 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,360 and she was clawing at the glass. 118 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,710 I was hypnotized. 119 00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,580 I used hypnosis on him. 120 00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:23,360 Which I found out later. 121 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,580 Anyway, obviously I invited her in. 122 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:27,540 We were about to make love 123 00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:30,500 when she turned into this hideous, leathery bat thing. 124 00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:33,370 She drained me of my blood, 125 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,980 giving me the curse of eternal life 126 00:05:36,030 --> 00:05:38,070 and thus making me a bloodthirsty 127 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,460 creature of the night. 128 00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,730 Why don't we just write on them with marker pen? 129 00:05:48,780 --> 00:05:50,610 Put our names and the date? 130 00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:51,610 LASZLO: Oh, that's a good suggestion. 131 00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:53,040 -NADJA: Yeah. -Good idea, Nadja. 132 00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:54,650 Marker pens, Guillermo. 133 00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,310 Make sure they're permanent. 134 00:05:56,350 --> 00:05:57,570 -Sharpie. -LASZLO: Genius. 135 00:05:57,610 --> 00:06:00,880 -NADJA: With date, as well. -Yes, great thinking, Nadja. 136 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,230 -And yes, this... yes. -The name of the month, day, year. 137 00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:05,400 Okay. 138 00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,670 And now we come... 139 00:06:07,710 --> 00:06:09,450 to the reading... of the letter. 140 00:06:09,490 --> 00:06:11,450 -At last. 141 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:12,800 Guillermo? Close the door. 142 00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:15,940 -The door's closed, Master. -Close it more. 143 00:06:17,370 --> 00:06:20,070 More. 144 00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:21,460 Good. 145 00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:23,420 -Now that we are gathered here... 146 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,420 together as one, finally, 147 00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:26,990 in accordance with the protocols... 148 00:06:27,030 --> 00:06:28,300 Which you made up. 149 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:30,340 Yes. 150 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,820 We have received this letter. 151 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:36,390 From Baron... Afanas. 152 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:41,610 Really? 153 00:06:41,660 --> 00:06:44,310 Yes. 154 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,660 NANDOR: How do you... 155 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,100 -GUILLERMO: Like that. -Shh. 156 00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:49,580 The Baron... 157 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,890 ...is coming to visit us. 158 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:55,710 Holy shit. 159 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:56,930 Silence, Guillermo. 160 00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:58,460 Vampire comments only. 161 00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,020 The Baron never leaves the old country. 162 00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:02,630 Has he told us what the purposeof his visit is? 163 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,030 Uh... 164 00:07:06,070 --> 00:07:07,680 No. 165 00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:09,290 LASZLO: The Baron is a firm believer 166 00:07:09,340 --> 00:07:11,300 that vampires should rule the world. 167 00:07:11,340 --> 00:07:13,910 I think the main purpose for the Baron's visit 168 00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:16,300 is to find out whether we as vampires 169 00:07:16,340 --> 00:07:17,610 have populated America. 170 00:07:17,650 --> 00:07:19,740 But as you can see, 171 00:07:19,780 --> 00:07:21,740 the place is fucking massive. 172 00:07:21,780 --> 00:07:23,610 When is he coming, exactly? 173 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,570 -Tomorrow. -Shit. 174 00:07:25,610 --> 00:07:26,750 NANDOR: Why didn't you give this to me earlier? 175 00:07:26,790 --> 00:07:28,490 It arrived this morning, Master. 176 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:30,970 NADJA: Baron Afanas is... 177 00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:34,750 a very charming member of the vampire royalty. 178 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,360 A few hundred years ago, 179 00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:39,370 we enjoyed a very intense, very long sexual affair. 180 00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:40,500 It was pretty wild. 181 00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,590 Lots of acrobatic stuff. 182 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,940 This could make it awkward, 183 00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:46,900 to see him with Laszlo... 184 00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:48,720 present. 185 00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:50,770 LASZLO: Just between you and I, 186 00:07:50,810 --> 00:07:52,770 a while back, the Baron and I 187 00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:55,430 enjoyed a very intense sex affair. 188 00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:57,650 Very animalistic. 189 00:07:57,690 --> 00:07:59,300 Acrobatic stuff, you might say. 190 00:07:59,340 --> 00:08:00,560 So I, personally, 191 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:04,000 am very much looking forward to reconnecting. 192 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,390 We should get a chariot led by 193 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,920 12 black alligators. 194 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,880 -I like that. -That's a lot of alligators, 195 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:11,960 a lot of paint. 196 00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:13,580 What about a van? 197 00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,660 A van? 198 00:08:15,710 --> 00:08:16,580 That's not the same, is it? 199 00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:18,320 Can you at least make sure it's black? 200 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,370 Yeah. Black van for tomorrow? 201 00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:24,670 Excellent. Uh, what about the Baron's bloodlust? 202 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,540 -Virgins. -Oh, yes, let's do that. 203 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,550 Guillermo, two virgins by tomorrow evening. 204 00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:30,590 -Yes, when the Baron arrives 205 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,590 we shall feast on virgin blood. 206 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,260 Vampire only laughing. 207 00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:43,780 -Should we tell Colin Robinson?-Laszlo, 208 00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:45,690 -that is a terrible idea. 209 00:08:45,740 --> 00:08:47,700 He'll ruin the evening. 210 00:08:47,740 --> 00:08:48,960 Uh, what would ruin the evening? 211 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,570 I told you-- didn't close the door properly. 212 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,880 Are we having a house meeting? 213 00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:58,970 -No. -No. 214 00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:01,410 So, your gathering here... 215 00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:03,580 is just a coincidence? 216 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,450 Yes. 217 00:09:06,890 --> 00:09:08,670 COLIN: My name is Colin Robinson. 218 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,680 And I am what's known as 219 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,590 a psychic vampire. 220 00:09:12,630 --> 00:09:14,370 Or energy vampire. 221 00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,030 This is my office. 222 00:09:16,070 --> 00:09:18,470 Also known as the hunting ground. 223 00:09:18,510 --> 00:09:20,510 Hi, Deb. 224 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,040 Energy vampires drain people's energy 225 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,650 merely by talking to them. 226 00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:27,740 Actual v. Budget, year-to-date, no thanks. 227 00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:28,950 You're gonna be at that all day. 228 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,960 We either bore you 229 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,960 with a long conversation... 230 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,530 Feeling better now, I was a little sick this weekend. 231 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,960 Hey, Don. 232 00:09:39,010 --> 00:09:40,400 Don? 233 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,010 I have to pee, too. 234 00:09:42,050 --> 00:09:43,270 Or... 235 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:44,320 Hey. 236 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:45,320 ...we enrage you. 237 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,630 In fact, you probably know an energy vampire. 238 00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:52,500 We're the most common kind... 239 00:09:52,540 --> 00:09:54,280 of vampire. 240 00:09:55,890 --> 00:09:58,460 We are day-walkers, not affected by the sun. 241 00:10:00,460 --> 00:10:03,690 And we are the only kind of vampire 242 00:10:03,730 --> 00:10:06,690 that can drain another vampire's energy. 243 00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:09,470 It's very cool. 244 00:10:11,950 --> 00:10:14,870 The power grows stronger in him by the night. 245 00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:23,710 GUILLERMO: There's different kinds of jobs that I have to do. 246 00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:26,930 Keep the house tidy. 247 00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:28,140 Make sure there's no sunlight. 248 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,280 Sunlight! Why, Guillermo, 249 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,110 why?! 250 00:10:38,150 --> 00:10:40,680 Not on my watch. 251 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,680 Getting rid of carcasses, 252 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,770 I feel, is a big one. 253 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,340 So, we are under the stairs and this is my bedroom. 254 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,610 This is a picture of me as Armand 255 00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:58,570 from Interview with the Vampire. 256 00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:00,570 Played by Antonio Banderas. 257 00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,960 That was the first time I've ever seen 258 00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,830 an Hispanic vampire 259 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,140 in mainstream, like, movies. 260 00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:11,100 And I said, "If he can do it, I-I... 261 00:11:11,140 --> 00:11:12,710 I can do it." 262 00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:14,840 Guillermo... boarded this whole window up, 263 00:11:14,890 --> 00:11:16,710 it's a huge sunlight risk. 264 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,320 We wouldn't want the Baron waking up to sunlight 265 00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:20,330 and being turned into barbecue meat. 266 00:11:20,370 --> 00:11:22,330 Yeah, really cover it. 267 00:11:22,370 --> 00:11:23,940 He's made a lot of comments recently, like, 268 00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:26,380 "I'm going to make you a vampire." 269 00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:29,210 This is a little coffin toy that, uh... 270 00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:31,860 I hope to be in one of these one day. 271 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,910 What ho, good friends. 272 00:11:33,950 --> 00:11:35,600 LARPERS: What ho! 273 00:11:35,650 --> 00:11:38,910 There's still a few places to find virgins. 274 00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:41,870 LARPing stands for Live Action Role Playing. 275 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,610 In regular life, I'm just Jonathan. 276 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:47,960 But here, I am a very high-level paladin. 277 00:11:48,010 --> 00:11:49,010 GUILLERMO: I'm not a killer. 278 00:11:49,050 --> 00:11:52,010 I find people who are easy... 279 00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:54,530 to... kill. 280 00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,010 Is that a 14th-century battle-ax? 281 00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:57,800 Oh, it's so exciting. 282 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,670 Uh, will we be able to touch the swords? 283 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,800 Oh, you'll touch the swords. 284 00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:06,940 NADJA: We moved here from Europe 285 00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:09,330 about 200 years ago because there was 286 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:12,900 a lot of prejudice against vampires at that time. 287 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,260 They don't like the color of our skin. 288 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,780 Or the fact that we killed and ate people. 289 00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,780 Probably more that. 290 00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:27,830 LASZLO: We're being very careful not to stand out, 291 00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:29,830 which is why we're both dressed down. 292 00:12:29,870 --> 00:12:32,830 -Uh, good evening. -Go back to your own country. 293 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,790 What the fuck did you just say? 294 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,620 You heard me, Ghost of Christmas Past bitch. 295 00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:37,970 Oh, Mike, shut up. 296 00:12:38,010 --> 00:12:40,890 Silence to you. We've been here since 1861. 297 00:12:40,930 --> 00:12:44,190 At least, our families have. 298 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,980 Begone. 299 00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:48,280 We should just suck their blood,I'm absolutely starving. 300 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,890 -They're perfect. -No, I'm furious. 301 00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,500 He just insulted me, I'm in fifth gear. 302 00:12:51,550 --> 00:12:53,510 -We should kill them. -Yes, that's what I'm saying. 303 00:12:53,550 --> 00:12:55,900 -We should suck their blood. -Yes. 304 00:12:57,290 --> 00:12:58,820 -LASZLO: Now? -NADJA: Wait. Wait, darling. 305 00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:01,470 -Now? -Now! 306 00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:03,690 What? 307 00:13:03,730 --> 00:13:05,520 -Mike? 308 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:06,960 Where the fuck are you? 309 00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:09,700 What the fuck? 310 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,750 Yum, yum, yum. He was delicious. 311 00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:17,620 Now, listen, I don't know about you, 312 00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:20,100 but I'm very much in the mood for some sexual intercourse. 313 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,320 Darling. Right next to the public toilet? 314 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,320 Yes. But why don't I get home, 315 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,980 get cleaned up, then we can carry on with our love-making. 316 00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,240 Um, I'm going to walk home. 317 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,200 --Why the hell would you do that? 318 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,680 Why would you walk home? 319 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,680 When you could turn into a bat? 320 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,510 Bat! 321 00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:46,340 NANDOR: I would like some of that, uh, 322 00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:49,000 colorful dust that sparkles. 323 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,260 -Glitter? -Yes. 324 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:52,650 Get me some glitter. 325 00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:54,310 Whatever for, Master? 326 00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,130 Oh, I want to do something special 327 00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:57,920 for the Immortal One's arrival. 328 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:01,270 I'm going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body. 329 00:14:01,310 --> 00:14:03,360 Like Twilight. 330 00:14:05,270 --> 00:14:08,150 So deliciously macabre. 331 00:14:08,190 --> 00:14:11,110 -Creepy paper. -It's crepe paper. 332 00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,760 -Creepy paper. -It's crepe paper, Master. 333 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,810 Creepy... Oh, multipack. 334 00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:19,510 Master, this is pretty "macarbre." 335 00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:28,170 NANDOR: Guillermo is my familiar, 336 00:14:28,210 --> 00:14:30,600 but sometimes he's a little toofamiliar, you know what I mean? 337 00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,260 I mean, he's always just there. 338 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:34,040 I think it's good, Master. 339 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,780 NANDOR: I mean, he works really hard, 340 00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:37,260 he's just not great at it. 341 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,180 Guillermo, my cape is stuck. 342 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,180 I don't like saying this kind of thing 343 00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:43,920 in front of him, of course. 344 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,320 Sorry, Guillermo. 345 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,710 I don't like saying this kind of thing in front of you. 346 00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:50,840 That's okay, Master. 347 00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:58,200 Lot of glitter. 348 00:15:00,550 --> 00:15:02,510 -Cash or card? -Credit. 349 00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:04,070 You cannot pay with that. 350 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,810 GUILLERMO: I'm so sorry. 351 00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:08,080 -Did you just throw a coin at me? -Yes. 352 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,120 Sir, you can't be throwing ancient coins at me. 353 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:11,950 -Just... Credit card's fine. -Guillermo, stab this man. 354 00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:14,040 -He's joking. -Stab him. 355 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,610 -Ahh... -Thank you. 356 00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,520 -I tried, and... -Here you go, man. 357 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:19,740 -Thank you so much. -You kind of disobeyed me just now. 358 00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:20,780 And I'm noting it. 359 00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:29,100 NADJA: Recently I have been seeing another man. 360 00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:35,840 He doesn't see me, though, because I sneak behind him. 361 00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:43,330 I watch him in the night, 362 00:15:43,370 --> 00:15:44,720 in secret. 363 00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:01,090 In the old country, centuries ago, 364 00:16:01,130 --> 00:16:03,350 I was in a very passionate love affair 365 00:16:03,390 --> 00:16:05,130 with a human man called Gregor. 366 00:16:05,180 --> 00:16:07,570 He was a knight. 367 00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:10,180 He got decapitated in battle. 368 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:13,270 I don't think I ever really got over Gregor. 369 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,060 Even when I met Laszlo. 370 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,880 June, I've lost my boot. 371 00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:19,630 June? 372 00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:21,060 Come on, June. 373 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:22,800 The man I saw last night, 374 00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:24,630 I think it is him. 375 00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:28,160 I think it is my reincarnated ex-boyfriend Gregor, 376 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,810 with his head. 377 00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:30,850 LASZLO: Put it on, June. 378 00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:33,160 -Shut up, Laszlo! -Yes, there we are. 379 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,860 Boot on. 380 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,300 Okay, it's just down here somewhere. 381 00:16:40,340 --> 00:16:42,430 Why haven't I been to this part of the house before? 382 00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:44,090 It's so lovely. 383 00:16:44,130 --> 00:16:45,960 -No one has for 80 years. - Gorgeous. 384 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,310 What are we doing down here? 385 00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:49,050 There is a chamber, okay? 386 00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:51,050 It's going to be perfect for the bloodfeast. 387 00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:52,830 If we have the ceremony in here, 388 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,270 then you-know-who won't even need to know. 389 00:16:55,310 --> 00:16:57,140 I mean Colin. 390 00:16:57,190 --> 00:17:00,140 -Colin, what are you doing in here? -Oh... 391 00:17:00,190 --> 00:17:03,060 This is my bedroom. I'm resting. 392 00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:06,190 -You idiot. 393 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,630 I didn't know he was gonna be in there. 394 00:17:07,670 --> 00:17:09,500 -Why didn't you check? 395 00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,980 It's fine, we're gonna have the ceremony in the attic. 396 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,770 We can't, the StairMaster's in there. 397 00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:15,680 Well, we're going to move the StairMaster. 398 00:17:18,380 --> 00:17:21,470 LASZLO: Is it definitely this boat? 399 00:17:21,510 --> 00:17:22,990 NANDOR: There he is. 400 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,430 NADJA: I knew he'd have a big box. 401 00:17:24,470 --> 00:17:27,350 June, you need to go and fetch him. 402 00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:32,130 WHARFINGER: Sir, I just need someone to sign for it. 403 00:17:32,180 --> 00:17:35,010 -Where's the pen? -So, the tablet is the paper. 404 00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:37,140 Your finger is the pen. 405 00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:39,530 Okay, that's weird. 406 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,450 Okay, that's nothing. 407 00:17:41,490 --> 00:17:43,490 Both of you, for some reason, aren't registering here. 408 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:44,970 You got long nails maybe or something? 409 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,100 Would you like a go, Laszlo? 410 00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:48,150 -Do you have a quill? -No, it's all digital. 411 00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:49,890 Then I'm not signing that. 412 00:17:49,930 --> 00:17:51,590 Guillermo, give me your hand. 413 00:17:51,630 --> 00:17:54,240 -Ah. -Okay! 414 00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:57,550 GUILLERMO: I think the baron might be here 415 00:17:57,590 --> 00:17:59,680 to see me become a vampire. 416 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:02,690 That would be really cool. 417 00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:06,040 I'm ready. 418 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,350 NADJA: I should be preparing for the bloodfeast, 419 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:14,700 but I can't seem to stay away from new Gregor. 420 00:18:14,740 --> 00:18:18,220 Man. Human man. Man! 421 00:18:20,310 --> 00:18:22,570 -S-Sorry, what did you say? -Gregor, 422 00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:23,790 it is you. 423 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,360 Oh, my name is Jeff. 424 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,800 -Jeff? -J-Jeff Suckler. 425 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,760 My sweet Greg... Jeff S... 426 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,590 Really-- J-Jeff Suckler? 427 00:18:33,630 --> 00:18:36,410 -Yeah. -Ew. 428 00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:45,080 I call that "Nadja's Theme." 429 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,740 Guillermo, are the virgins arriving soon? 430 00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:57,220 They should be any minute now, Master. 431 00:18:57,260 --> 00:18:58,350 -Fingers crossed. 432 00:18:58,390 --> 00:18:59,660 Sorry. 433 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:02,090 Don't do that. 434 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,100 Ah. Dinner is served. 435 00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:07,400 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.... 436 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,060 Hello. So glad you could make it. 437 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,360 Please come in, quickly. 438 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,330 Everyone, this is Jenna and Jonathan. 439 00:19:18,370 --> 00:19:19,760 -Hi. -Hi. 440 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:20,810 Are you virgins? 441 00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:22,070 LASZLO: Mm. 442 00:19:22,110 --> 00:19:23,460 I don't see how that's relevant. 443 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:24,680 -Mm. -I'm actually 444 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,420 in a relationship online, 445 00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:29,030 but we've yet to meet IRL. 446 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,640 Well done, Guillermo. 447 00:19:31,690 --> 00:19:32,860 Yeah. 448 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,260 JONATHAN: All right, okay, let's do it. 449 00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:39,220 Are they a vampire LARP group? 450 00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:40,780 Yeah, well, why don't we wait in here? 451 00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:42,480 The party's gonna start in a few minutes, 452 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,220 so we can just hang out, and I'll come get you when... 453 00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:49,010 GUILLERMO: No. No, no, no! No, no, no, no. 454 00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:51,140 No, no, no. I said no! 455 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:57,580 We take our LARPing very seriously. 456 00:19:57,630 --> 00:20:01,370 And that was just an example. I wanted you to see that. 457 00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,500 I'm inspired. 458 00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,630 So, are you a knight? 459 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,900 Yeah, I'm... Well, no, uh, sorry. 460 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,940 I thought you were gonna say "night watchman." 461 00:20:09,990 --> 00:20:11,470 I'm a-I'm a night watchman 462 00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:13,470 Mmm. 463 00:20:13,510 --> 00:20:15,860 Protector of the people. 464 00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,470 Oh, no, not-not really. 465 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:26,180 Oh, my sweet Gregor-Jeff, 466 00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:29,530 I forgot how much ofa fantastic raconteur you were. 467 00:20:29,570 --> 00:20:30,530 -Oh, yeah. 468 00:20:30,570 --> 00:20:31,750 Oh, yeah, yeah. 469 00:20:31,790 --> 00:20:33,440 Ooh, do you remember that first time 470 00:20:33,490 --> 00:20:36,140 that we made love, and it was so passionate 471 00:20:36,190 --> 00:20:37,880 that I accidentally cut off your head? 472 00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:39,490 -No. What? -Mm! 473 00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:42,280 But then I kept going, squeezing 474 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,500 until my needs were met. Hmm. 475 00:20:44,540 --> 00:20:46,370 We should do that again. 476 00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:49,070 But I mustn't. But I want to. 477 00:20:49,110 --> 00:20:50,420 But you can't. 478 00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:52,680 But I have been married for such a long time. 479 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,420 -Oh. 480 00:20:58,250 --> 00:21:00,210 -I must go. -Okay. 481 00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:01,520 -Let me just get your number before you go... 482 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,520 ...so we can... I can... we can do that again. 483 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,130 Uh... 484 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,570 -You're late. -NANDOR: Throw it. 485 00:21:11,610 --> 00:21:13,480 That's it. 486 00:21:13,530 --> 00:21:15,750 Okay, Guillermo. 487 00:21:15,790 --> 00:21:20,670 We three... not counting Guillermo... or June... 488 00:21:20,710 --> 00:21:22,750 or you... 489 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,500 are gathered here in accordancewith the ancient... 490 00:21:25,540 --> 00:21:26,760 Get on with it. 491 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,150 -NADJA: Get on with it. -Guys. 492 00:21:28,190 --> 00:21:30,370 -In bearings with the ordinance- 493 00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:33,460 of the nine generations that have surpassed us 494 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,330 before this historic and memorable moment. 495 00:21:37,940 --> 00:21:41,210 Guillermo, open the casket 496 00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:43,600 of Baron Afanas. 497 00:21:44,820 --> 00:21:46,600 -Oh... 498 00:21:46,650 --> 00:21:48,430 Oh, it opens all by itself. 499 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,480 It's so cool. 500 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,180 ♪ In nomine Patris♪ 501 00:21:55,220 --> 00:21:59,270 ♪ Et Filii♪ 502 00:21:59,310 --> 00:22:02,450 ♪ Et Spiritus Sancti...♪ 503 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,760 LASZLO: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa... 504 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,540 I say, old chap, that's our familiar. 505 00:22:18,850 --> 00:22:20,070 Good God. 506 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:21,640 Guillermo, did you see? 507 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,290 He ate the familiar. 508 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,170 That's scary. 509 00:22:28,210 --> 00:22:30,650 Ne la materia 510 00:22:30,690 --> 00:22:33,390 che mai non dorme 511 00:22:33,430 --> 00:22:38,260 re de le forme. 512 00:22:38,310 --> 00:22:42,570 I have risen again. 513 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,750 Hello, Nadja. 514 00:22:45,790 --> 00:22:47,490 Hello. 515 00:22:47,540 --> 00:22:49,580 He's so hilarious. 516 00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:51,630 -Laszlo. -LASZLO: Yes. 517 00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:54,280 I seem to remember him having genitals. 518 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,590 NADJA: No, never. That is why he was such a good lover. 519 00:22:56,630 --> 00:22:59,330 Guillermo, fetch the virgins. 520 00:22:59,370 --> 00:23:01,850 As an advocate of the old ways, 521 00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:04,640 -can I just apologize for the crepe paper? -NANDOR: Hey... 522 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,680 It should have been human skin, obviously. 523 00:23:06,730 --> 00:23:09,600 And I deeply apologize for the StairMaster. 524 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,210 -It's all his fault. -I go through all this effort, I get the creepy paper. 525 00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:14,300 -I get Guillermo to... -LASZLO: It's not "creepy." 526 00:23:14,340 --> 00:23:15,820 It's crepepaper, crepe. 527 00:23:15,870 --> 00:23:19,040 Silence! 528 00:23:19,090 --> 00:23:23,530 I come with a proclamation. 529 00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:26,840 The old ways... 530 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,450 are over. 531 00:23:29,490 --> 00:23:30,840 Which is what I just said. 532 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,840 The New World, as you call it, 533 00:23:33,890 --> 00:23:35,890 is our lifeline 534 00:23:35,930 --> 00:23:39,240 to an eternal future. 535 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:40,540 Si... 536 00:23:42,590 --> 00:23:44,720 It's a documentary crew. They're cameras. 537 00:23:44,770 --> 00:23:46,160 It's like they're not even here. 538 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,810 -They are filming me? -Yes. 539 00:23:47,860 --> 00:23:49,470 NANDOR: Just pretend like they're not there. 540 00:23:49,510 --> 00:23:51,030 It's kind of a natural piece. 541 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,730 You were saying, Baron? 542 00:23:52,770 --> 00:23:55,120 Centuries have passed, 543 00:23:55,170 --> 00:23:59,520 and you have not conquered the New World. 544 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,480 You hide in the shadows. 545 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,530 Bah. You are weak. 546 00:24:04,570 --> 00:24:05,700 JONATHAN: Oh, God. Oh... 547 00:24:05,740 --> 00:24:07,480 NANDOR: Not now, Guillermo. 548 00:24:07,530 --> 00:24:09,490 GUILLERMO: Go, go, go. Go, go, go. 549 00:24:09,530 --> 00:24:11,180 -Go. -BARON: Oh, by now, 550 00:24:11,230 --> 00:24:14,540 you should rule this, this, uh... 551 00:24:14,580 --> 00:24:17,710 -what is this place again? -Staten Island. 552 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,760 This Staten Island. 553 00:24:22,020 --> 00:24:24,680 Is this Staten Island the seat of power 554 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,630 in the New World? 555 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,290 It is where the boat dropped us off. 556 00:24:29,330 --> 00:24:32,640 Down with the old ways. Up with t-the New World. 557 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,510 I've been saying it for centuries, and he would never 558 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,780 -listen... -Shh. 559 00:24:37,820 --> 00:24:41,690 Mm. I must slumber. 560 00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:43,690 But when I awaken, 561 00:24:43,740 --> 00:24:46,740 we will rule this... 562 00:24:46,780 --> 00:24:48,790 Staten Island. 563 00:24:48,830 --> 00:24:51,220 Y-Yes. 564 00:24:51,270 --> 00:24:52,660 -Yes! -Yes. 565 00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:53,880 Nadja? 566 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,930 Baron. 567 00:24:56,970 --> 00:25:00,760 -Laszlo. -Baron. 568 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:01,840 It's Nandor. 569 00:25:07,810 --> 00:25:09,200 LASZLO: Thank God. 570 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,590 NANDOR: The Baron is furious with us. 571 00:25:10,630 --> 00:25:13,550 It's so dumb that I wore glitter. 572 00:25:13,590 --> 00:25:14,770 Let's get rid of this shit. 573 00:25:14,810 --> 00:25:16,340 If we don't conquer the New World, 574 00:25:16,380 --> 00:25:17,690 he's going to kill us. 575 00:25:17,730 --> 00:25:19,600 Again. 576 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,430 -Basically, we're fucked. -Fucked. 577 00:25:24,820 --> 00:25:26,780 NANDOR: Well, that was a complete disaster. 578 00:25:26,820 --> 00:25:28,830 At least we have the virgins. 579 00:25:30,310 --> 00:25:32,830 -Uh, yes. 580 00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:38,400 ...for an economy car. 581 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,620 -NANDOR: Oh, great. -GUILLERMO: We're too late. 582 00:25:40,660 --> 00:25:43,580 Colin Robinson has drained themof all their energy. 583 00:25:43,620 --> 00:25:45,970 COLIN: "How are you gonna wash this car?" 584 00:25:46,020 --> 00:25:48,280 NANDOR: They have no nutritional value now. 585 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:49,720 COLIN: And I know you two said you don't drive, 586 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,630 and don't have driver's licenses, 587 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,720 but are you gonna do a... 588 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,070 a-a different type of car wash, 589 00:25:55,110 --> 00:25:57,640 maybe having detailing done? 590 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,210 Now, detailing, they go into your car 591 00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:02,730 and they get into the nooks and crannies, so... 592 00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:05,300 Anyway, you take care, okay? 593 00:26:11,780 --> 00:26:13,740 You are glum, Guillermo. 594 00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:15,390 -: No. -Yes. 595 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,400 You think that I've forgotten that tonight 596 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,230 is a special occasion for you as well, haven't you? 597 00:26:26,060 --> 00:26:28,540 Does not an anniversary deserve a reward 598 00:26:28,580 --> 00:26:31,720 recognizing your years of service? 599 00:26:33,020 --> 00:26:34,890 I'm ready, Master. 600 00:26:34,940 --> 00:26:36,500 Good. 601 00:26:36,550 --> 00:26:39,070 Prepare yourself. 602 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,690 Happy anniversary, Guillermo. 603 00:26:50,950 --> 00:26:54,650 -Wow... -It's a glitter portrait. 604 00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:58,920 It's a portrait made from glitter. 605 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:00,700 Look, it's you. 606 00:27:00,740 --> 00:27:03,090 I made you a vampire. 607 00:27:03,140 --> 00:27:04,710 And look who's next to you. 608 00:27:04,750 --> 00:27:06,100 It's me. 609 00:27:06,140 --> 00:27:08,800 -Wow. -Enjoy it. 610 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,930 You can put it in your depressing room. 611 00:27:11,970 --> 00:27:16,150 And you deserve it. Two years of service. 612 00:27:16,190 --> 00:27:17,850 T-Ten. 613 00:27:17,890 --> 00:27:19,720 Ten years of service. 614 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,900 -Ten. -Ten years of service? 615 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,820 Okay. 616 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,880 NANDOR: Night, Guillermo. 617 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,760 ♪ Tonight in the moonlight♪ 618 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:04,160 ♪ When I'm alone with you♪ 619 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,990 ♪ Tonight in the moonlight♪ 620 00:28:08,030 --> 00:28:10,730 ♪ With you.♪ 621 00:28:17,470 --> 00:28:20,220 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 622 00:28:20,260 --> 00:28:23,220 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 623 00:28:23,260 --> 00:28:26,310 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 624 00:28:26,350 --> 00:28:28,830 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 625 00:28:45,590 --> 00:28:47,500 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 626 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,490 -Oh! -Aaah! 627 00:29:13,530 --> 00:29:16,180 ANNOUNCER: What We Do in the Shadows. 628 00:29:16,230 --> 00:29:19,010 All new Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX. 629 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,970 -We're not having a wedding. -We're eloping, suckas! 630 00:29:24,020 --> 00:29:26,850 It's like Inceptionfor pooping. 631 00:29:30,850 --> 00:29:32,850 ANNOUNCER: You're the Worst. The final season. 632 00:29:32,900 --> 00:29:35,030 All new. Wednesdays at 10:00 only on FXX. 633 00:29:36,770 --> 00:29:38,990 How did this happen? Uh! 634 00:29:40,860 --> 00:29:42,300 Have you been under a lot of stress lately? 635 00:29:42,340 --> 00:29:44,650 There's mean-girl issues with my youngest, 636 00:29:44,690 --> 00:29:46,210 and birth control with my oldest. 637 00:29:46,260 --> 00:29:48,040 My boyfriend broke up with me. 638 00:29:48,090 --> 00:29:49,740 -Which one? -Um... 639 00:29:49,780 --> 00:29:52,000 -And some mornings, I just...-Oh, my God. 640 00:29:53,220 --> 00:29:55,530 Fun mom! Hey! 641 00:29:55,570 --> 00:29:57,830 Can you please arrange for a pleasant dream while I'm under? 642 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,750 -It's my specialty, dear. -Guess what my specialty is. 643 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:03,540 ANNOUNCER: Better Things. 644 00:30:03,580 --> 00:30:06,150 All new Thursdays at 10:00 on FX. 645 00:30:16,770 --> 00:30:18,860 -Again. 646 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:22,730 ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.