1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:04,205
ANNOUNCER: In space,
no one can hear you sc--

2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,340
(all screaming)

3
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,076
ANNOUNCER: Archer 1999.

4
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:10,744
Premieres Wednesday, May 29
on FXX.

5
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:15,849
ANNOUNCER: FX presents
What We Do in the Shadows.

6
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,017
[bats squeal]

7
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,825
That's the... C-Come here.
That's the Baron.

8
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,827
-Come on, Barry.
-Come on.

9
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,662
(laughing):
We are so high.

10
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,064
We're on drugblood.

11
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,732
Put the hat on.
Oh, yeah...

12
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,435
-Oh! Ugh, no.
-LASZLO: Shit.

13
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,605
-NADJA: I broke his half off.
-NANDOR: His bodies' half off.

14
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,540
LASZLO:
No, no, no, he's just coming
through the floor.

15
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,008
Guillermo?

16
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,077
Help us!
Don't just stand there.

17
00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:45,246
I don't think that's Guillermo.

18
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,947
-Guillermo?
-LASZLO: No.

19
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,683
N-No, Nandor,
that's the StairMaster.

20
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,452
The master of the stairs.

21
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:53,554
-We fucked up. This is bad.
-Where's Guiller...

22
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,423
(in distance):
Guillermo!

23
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:58,426
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God. Oh, my God...

24
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,594
("You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing)

25
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:03,063
* Don't sing if you want
to live long *

26
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,599
* They have no use
for your song *

27
00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:08,236
* You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead *

28
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,604
* You're dead
and out of this world *

29
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,743
* Now your hope and compassion
is gone *

30
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,479
* You sold out your dream
to the world *

31
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,881
* Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead *

32
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,983
* You're dead
and out of this world. *

33
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,186
*

34
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,263
(bell tolling)

35
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:39,133
NANDOR: We are gathered here
tonight in our backyard

36
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:42,436
to commemorate
the second death of the Baron.

37
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,838
NADJA: We are having a ceremony

38
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,674
to commemorate
the Baron's passing.

39
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:47,741
Problem is, though,

40
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,410
we don't remember how he died,

41
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,644
because we were absolutely

42
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,846
messed up on drugblood.

43
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,949
And as a sign of respect,
we have decided to bury you

44
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,952
betwixt my two favorite vaginas:

45
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:02,656
that of my wife and my mother.

46
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,959
Baron, such a wonderful,
filthy times

47
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,328
we did have.

48
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:08,996
-(snickering)
-What a way

49
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,698
to live your life after death,

50
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,466
and what a way to die.

51
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,303
(bell tolling)

52
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,705
Did we murder him?

53
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,540
LASZLO:
We, um, we might have
floated the idea

54
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,443
of murdering him,
but we didn't do it.

55
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,677
Did we?

56
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,913
NADJA:
Oh, I think something
awful happened.

57
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,884
Fuck.

58
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:33,020
LASZLO:
Maybe we should
keep this under our hats.

59
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:34,988
If any vampires
find out about this,

60
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:36,690
then it... (quacks)

61
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,492
(bell tolling)

62
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,366
Give the Baron his last sip.

63
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,734
-Of course.
-(Nadja humming a tune)

64
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,570
(Nandor and Laszlo
humming along)

65
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,172
NADJA:
So just get him in.

66
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,541
-Yep.
-Goodbye, Baron.

67
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,842
(raven squawks)

68
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,544
Master, there's a raven
looking at us.

69
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,246
(squawking)

70
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,381
It is a bad omen.
It means that

71
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,483
bad luck is approaching.

72
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,484
-Hey, gang.
-(all groan)

73
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,152
What's up? Oh!

74
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,153
Oh, my God.

75
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,188
Did-did you guys kill him?

76
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,324
-No! No one murdered him.
-No! What... He was just...
-We found him in there.

77
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,692
(laughs):
I'm just giving you guff.

78
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,662
And, uh, just so you know, I am
feeding on you guys right now.

79
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,430
NADJA:
You can be such a prick, Colin.

80
00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:18,165
COLIN:
I have heard that.

81
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,701
Shit.
The Baron's familiar.

82
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,570
(ravens squawking)

83
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,772
There's more ravens.
They're giving me the shits.

84
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,241
NANDOR:
Guillermo, shield us
from the ravens.

85
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,109
NADJA:
The sky is filled with them.

86
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,578
-No, let's just go inside.
-Let's go inside.

87
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,046
Fill the hole.
Keep filling.

88
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,448
GUILLERMO:
But the ravens...

89
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:35,616
NADJA:
They're everywhere!

90
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,618
(whimpers)

91
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:40,087
There are ravens all over
the front lawn now, too.

92
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,923
They're trying to frighten us.
But it won't work.

93
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,525
-(thump)
-ALL: Aah!
-NADJA: What is going on?

94
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,527
-GUILLERMO: Master.
-ALL: Aah!
-LASZLO: Ay yai yai.

95
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,195
There's a floating woman
on the front porch.

96
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,497
She needs to talk to you.

97
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,371
You have been summoned...

98
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,772
(thunder claps)

99
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:02,042
...to appear before
the Vampiric Council

100
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:05,513
at the Temple
of Blood-Devourers.

101
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,282
Could you not have
just telephoned?

102
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:10,584
We sent ravens.

103
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:13,220
We sent 500 ravens!

104
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,222
Yes, but we have a telephone.

105
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,392
I'm shocked and appalled
that you didn't raven us back.

106
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,227
We didn't know how.

107
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,496
You just say,
"Raven, we will be there.

108
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,965
Thank you. Fly."

109
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,601
You've been invited.

110
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,136
(thunder claps)

111
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,304
(hissing)

112
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,343
Couldn't you
just have telephoned?

113
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:43,317
NANDOR:
The Vampiric Council
is a very ancient organization.

114
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:45,986
Very powerful.
And, apparently,

115
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,855
very scary.

116
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:51,425
LASZLO:
They travel from
all corners of the globe

117
00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:53,527
to administer supreme
and final justice

118
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,663
upon any vampire

119
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,798
who's violated
the Vampiric Code.

120
00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:00,534
Laszlo was very nearly summoned
when he turned a baby

121
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:03,270
into a vampire,
which is a big no-no.

122
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,672
It's true.
You're not supposed to do that.

123
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:07,541
But, to be honest, I was bored.

124
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:09,610
I gave it to an acquaintance
in the Bronx,

125
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,844
where, I believe,

126
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,513
it remains to this day.

127
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:15,215
That baby would be about
90 years old now.

128
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,650
You really fucked up there.

129
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,218
I certainly did.

130
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,487
Maybe we should visit it.

131
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,254
I'd rather not.

132
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:23,957
Here it is.

133
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,694
NANDOR: Okay, so, obviously,
we are all on edge.

134
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,862
This could be about anything,

135
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:32,466
-so we must say nothing
about you-know-what.
-Obviously.

136
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,167
LASZLO:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa...

137
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,203
NADJA:
It is that woman.

138
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,008
LASZLO:
I think she wants us
to come inside.

139
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,676
Hello again.

140
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,246
Follow me.

141
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,215
So glad you could make it.

142
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,418
(clears throat)

143
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,288
-(elevator bell chimes)
-Oh.

144
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,092
Enter.

145
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,528
(whispers):
How did she do that?

146
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,865
(Muzak playing)

147
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,366
-(elevator bell chimes)
-Oh.

148
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,003
And we're here.

149
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,072
And follow me.

150
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,441
How does she do that?

151
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:18,111
The Tribunal have gathered
in the Chamber of Judgment,

152
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,747
and there
you'll be put on trial.

153
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,349
NADJA:
Why does this hallway never end?

154
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,385
Well, it's just
a freaky-long hallway.

155
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,863
I thought the Council
was bigger than that.

156
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,898
-Maybe we can battle them.
-Shh!

157
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,032
GUIDE:
Enter.

158
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,868
Not the human.

159
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,803
Vampire-only trial, Guillermo.

160
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,541
What will happen to me?

161
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:50,077
Oh, you'll see.

162
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,145
(laughs, coughs)

163
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,881
Sorry, I have a...

164
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,583
little blood bubble
in my throat.

165
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,817
(clears throat)

166
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,752
You'll see...

167
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,420
a room at the end of the hallway

168
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,289
for the familiars.

169
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:05,392
Ludwig will take you
to the familiar lounge.

170
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,561
Ludwig. Ludwig.

171
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,062
Ludwig!

172
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,598
I'll just do it.
Follow me.

173
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:11,932
Watch your step.

174
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,134
I don't have to, I glide.

175
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,472
Good evening,
Your Excellencies.

176
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:21,842
This is Vasillika the Defiler.

177
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,310
Hello.

178
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,312
And I am...

179
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,314
Garrett.

180
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,816
Garrett the...

181
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,317
The vampire.

182
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,351
Simple. Nice.

183
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,253
Hi, Garrett the vampire.

184
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,989
Now, what happened
with the Baron?

185
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,858
-He's dead.
-Oh...

186
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,661
-Sorry, everyone.
-It w... We didn't
make him dead.

187
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,996
LASZLO:
No, it's true.
It was a misunderstanding.

188
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:45,699
Um, as a joke, we said,
"Why not kill the Baron?"

189
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,467
And if you were there
at the time,

190
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:48,869
-you, too, would have laughed.
-NANDOR: (chuckles) Yes.

191
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,471
Now we realize that it was
probably a stupid thing to say,

192
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,607
and we are truly sorry,

193
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,442
and we're taking this
very seriously.

194
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,810
And these are our serious faces.

195
00:07:56,844 --> 00:08:00,614
Serious, serious, serious.

196
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,750
GUIDE:
Follow.

197
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,353
What are you doing?

198
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,622
I'm warming my face.
It's so cold in here.

199
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,490
Well, it's an LED light.

200
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,293
-Oh.
-There's no way
we could have fire.

201
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,263
The fire marshals
would have a fit.

202
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:20,968
I have to say

203
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,403
we are deeply moved

204
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,673
by your story,
and-and maybe it's just me,

205
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,074
but I don't think
you're guilty at all.

206
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,341
-Vasillika?
-Mm, no,

207
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,743
I don't think you sound guilty.

208
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:33,046
I-I think...
they might let you go.

209
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,048
Sorry, what do you mean
by "they"?

210
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,484
VASILLIKA:
The Vampiric Council.

211
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,319
You're not the Vampiric Council?

212
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,088
-(laughs)
-Oh. (laughing)

213
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,323
GARRETT (laughing):
No. No, we're...

214
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,524
-we're prisoners here.
-No, we have

215
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:46,159
-been imprisoned
in this boring room
-Oh...

216
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,229
for... 1,000 years?

217
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:52,099
-Oh, it's really awful.
-Since 1932.

218
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,734
Mm.

219
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,236
That's not 1,000 years.

220
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,572
What-what year is it?

221
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,307
It's 2019.

222
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,077
We have been here for 90 years.

223
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,746
-GARRETT: Oh, shit.
-What did you do?

224
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:07,915
Oh, me?
Too much defiling.

225
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:10,083
They say I turned a baby
into a vampire

226
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,919
and left it in the Bronx.

227
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:15,388
Who would do such a thing?
If I ever find out who did it,

228
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,626
I will take a dagger
and stab them 5,000 times

229
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:22,129
with this hand,
switch hands, and stab them

230
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,231
another 5,000 times!

231
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,067
I can fill up this book

232
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,470
with the ways I would
torture that vampire.

233
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,041
Wouldn't want to be him.

234
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,010
-That poor baby.
-Poor, poor baby.

235
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:42,482
The Vampiric Council
will see you now.

236
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,552
-Doesn't have to be right now.
-I mean, right now...

237
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,622
-Right now. I... They had
a break, but they're ready now.
-They...

238
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,162
(door slams shut)

239
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:03,771
Hey.
Are you a familiar, too?

240
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:05,806
Yes.

241
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,607
Welcome.

242
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,920
(bell tolling)

243
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,490
This is the chamber
where you will be tried.

244
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,659
You could hang...

245
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:29,129
-Hang?
-...here, until
the trial starts.

246
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,798
I think we're ready.

247
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,099
-No...
-NANDOR: We are not ready.
-GUIDE: Yes. We are ready.

248
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,300
NANDOR: No, we're not...
-What? What's going...

249
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,369
The spectacle
of judgment begins.

250
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,806
*

251
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,841
LASZLO:
What the hell is this?

252
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,525
That's very elaborate.

253
00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:00,027
GUIDE:
Since this may be
your last night

254
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,995
of existence,
the Vampiric Council

255
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:05,365
likes to do something
a little bit special.

256
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,968
They rehearsed it for decades.

257
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,402
*

258
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,746
LASZLO:
This is very odd.

259
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,781
*

260
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,528
-(music ends)
-(bell tolls)

261
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,569
-(bell tolling)
-What the blazes is this?

262
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,539
Dark greetings of the night

263
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,541
to all the members

264
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,879
of the Vampiric Council,
from all the continents,

265
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:55,548
gathered here together on...

266
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,584
-(whispers): Staten Island.
-On St...

267
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,920
O-On Staten Island.

268
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:03,757
VIAGO:
Welcome, vampires
from near and far,

269
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:07,560
to this here
grand Vampiric Council,

270
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:11,064
to judge over
these three accused.

271
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:14,434
Accused of what, you may ask.

272
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,769
-Murder...
-Vampire murder.

273
00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:17,805
-Vampire murder.
-Sor... vampire murder.

274
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,540
(hissing)

275
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:23,410
VIAGO:
So that's why we're here.

276
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,278
I'll now introduce
the leaders of the council,

277
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,581
starting here with Tilda.

278
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,217
Pretty much our leader.

279
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,985
-She's the one who makes
all the big decisions.
-Hello.

280
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,422
Welcome, Tilda.

281
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:39,392
I am Viago Von Dorna Schmarten

282
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,795
Scheden Heimburg.

283
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:43,630
This is Deacon Brucke.

284
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:46,099
-Hello.
-Vladislav the Poker.

285
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,801
We also have

286
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,269
Evan, the Immortal

287
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,905
Princess of the Undead.

288
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,340
You don't have to say my whole
name. You can just say Evan,

289
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:54,975
it's fine.
-VIAGO: Or just Evan.

290
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,776
Who else do we have?
Danny.

291
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,112
Hey, Danny. With his shirt off,
as usual.

292
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:02,082
Cool Mexican tattoos
all over his chest.

293
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,118
-Dark greetings, everyone.
-VIAGO: Welcome, Danny.

294
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:08,588
-We also have Paul.
-Dark greetings, everyone.
Dark greetings.

295
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:12,125
Great to be here.

296
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:15,996
-Rob... Wh...
Is Rob here? Is...
-Couldn't make it.

297
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:18,598
-We couldn't get Rob?
-Uh, no, I-I talked to Rob,
he didn't...

298
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,201
didn't want to come.
Want to... leave it behind.

299
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,502
VIAGO:
That's fine. No, he didn't want

300
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:25,205
-to be here. Kiefer?
-I don't see Kiefer.

301
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,440
Kiefer said that he wanted
to do it, but he couldn't come.

302
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,542
-He was busy?
-Tom and Brad...

303
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,978
-VLADISLAV: Tom, not... No.
-VIAGO: Not interested.

304
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,313
-Tom and Bra... Well...
-VIAGO: Not into it.

305
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,814
They're not committed like us.

306
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,850
It's just an availability thing.

307
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:39,819
-Well, who is here?
-VIAGO: Calling in via Skype,

308
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:43,056
we have Wesley over there,
the day-walker.

309
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,457
-TILDA: Wesley!
-VIAGO: Hey, Wesley.
-Is this working?

310
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,659
-VIAGO: Look at him then...
-Oh, God, not this fucking guy.

311
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,996
He is a vampire killer!

312
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,364
Hey, he is half vampire.

313
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,500
His opinion still counts.

314
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,703
-Yeah, well, I'm only listening
to half his opinion.
-(hisses)

315
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,738
-DANNY: Look at him
in the sunlight.
-VLADISLAV: Showing off.

316
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,840
-Can you hear me?
-Wesley, can you hear us?

317
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,209
-Hey, can you hear me?
-VLADISLAV: There's a lag.

318
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,912
The Skype seems glitchy.

319
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,147
-Hello?
-Push the mute button.
-TILDA: It looks like

320
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,382
a little microphone,
it's got a-got a ring around it.

321
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:10,550
-I'm pushing it.
-VIAGO: Can you hear us now?

322
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,253
I can hear you.
Dark greetings.

323
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:14,888
Okay. Great.

324
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,823
Moving on. As is vampire law,

325
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,858
we also have
a local vampire here

326
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:22,029
on the council this evening,
Colin Robinson.

327
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,430
Hello.

328
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,032
What the fuck
are you doing here?

329
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,733
Okay, now...

330
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,835
So why are we gathered
on "Statee" Island?

331
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,038
Because one of our brothers
has passed from this world.

332
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:35,575
Baron Afanas,
also known as The Undying One.

333
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:38,845
Well, he died.
That's why we're here.

334
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,047
Call the witness.

335
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,049
First witness.

336
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,850
-Oh, good grief.
-Oh, shit.

337
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,953
Where the hell
did she come from?

338
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:48,956
This is Baron Afanas' familiar.

339
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:51,858
Witness number one, speak.

340
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,861
(whispers):
It's okay. She doesn't speak.

341
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,865
On the eve of the death
of my master...

342
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,067
(whispers):
Well, she's speaking now.

343
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,535
...these three vampires

344
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:05,638
-took Baron Afanas...
-(whispers): She's speaking.

345
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:09,943
...and they let him partake
of human food.

346
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,878
(vampires groaning, hissing)

347
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,948
We cannot eat human food.
It's gross.

348
00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:16,316
DANNY:
The fuck is wrong with you guys?

349
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,584
BARON'S FAMILIAR:
Earlier,

350
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:21,254
I overheard them
plotting to murder him.

351
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,956
(vampires gasping, hissing)

352
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,791
She speaks the bullshit.

353
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:27,127
We simply floated the idea.

354
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,928
You floated the idea
of murdering him?

355
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:32,065
-LASZLO: Yes.
-Not floated, you plotted.

356
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,734
-Floating and plotting
are very similar.
-WESLEY: Wait,

357
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,670
-The Baron is dead?
-VIAGO: Oh, my God, Wesley,

358
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,439
-we're past that now.
-Wesley, catch up,
we're past that.

359
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,841
-Remove the witness.
-VIAGO: Yeah.
-Thanks a lot.

360
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,411
-Bye, bitch.
-WESLEY: Human food?
Like-like-like

361
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,579
-hamburger
or some-something like that?
-VIAGO: Wesley.

362
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,181
We're over the human food thing.
Shut up.

363
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,916
We're not talking
about that, Wesley.

364
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,351
You need better Wi-Fi.

365
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,987
Move the computer
next to your router, homes.

366
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,822
Hey, hey, hey.
It's not my Wi-Fi.

367
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,191
I got the best Wi-Fi. Okay?

368
00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,860
I heard about one familiar
who was made into a vampire,

369
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:04,631
and now he has a big castle
and he is really successful...

370
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:08,168
My master says I'm gonna be
a vampire in a few days.

371
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,603
It's only been seven decades.

372
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:13,006
So, have any of you

373
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,743
met a familiar
who's become a vampire?

374
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:19,946
Not personally,

375
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,382
never met one.

376
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:26,719
Well, I'll be a vampire soon,
and then you'll know a vampire.

377
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,056
And then you can
become my familiar.

378
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,691
Did anyone really like
The Baron, anyway?

379
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:34,361
-Well, I... no, I didn't
like him. He was creepy.
-I mean, I didn't...

380
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:37,997
-He was loco.
-I thought he was pretty rude
and a backstabber.

381
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:40,067
-He was a bit of an asshole.
-Loco.

382
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,534
He was a psychotic madman.

383
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:42,869
Aren't we all, though?
A little bit?

384
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,071
DEACON:
He was a whackjob,

385
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,706
he was crazy,
but rules are rules.

386
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,741
-VIAGO: Now what?
-Bring in the other witness.

387
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,843
-VIAGO: Now let us call
the next witness.
-LASZLO: What other witness?

388
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,513
-PAUL: Another witness.
-VIAGO: Witness number
whatever-it-is.

389
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,248
-LASZLO: Oh, my life.
-Guillermo.

390
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,716
VIAGO:
Who's this
delicious-looking thing?

391
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,685
What is this?
Is this-is this lunch?

392
00:16:58,718 --> 00:16:59,919
-NADJA: Yes, it's lunch.
-No, it's not lunch.

393
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,088
It's lunch.

394
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,856
GUIDE:
This is one of their
familiars, council.

395
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:04,991
He bears witness.

396
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,194
Did these vampires three

397
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,762
murder The Baron?

398
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,064
No, they did not.

399
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:13,266
Did they "float" it?

400
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:16,002
They discussed it,
but they-they were just talking.

401
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,670
They weren't going
to really do it.

402
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,540
VLADISLAV:
So who murdered The Baron?

403
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,309
Um...

404
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:29,316
They... It was I.
I-I killed him.

405
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,519
-You did it?
-Yes.

406
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,720
(stifled laugh)

407
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,255
It was I.
I did it.

408
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,390
Okay. Unlikely.

409
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:40,293
Don't take offense,
but you don't seem like someone

410
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,529
who would be capable
of killing a vampire.

411
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,264
-But I did it.
-Uh, hard to believe.

412
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,065
-Well, I did.
-From maybe
a tougher-looking guy,

413
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:49,102
-I'd believe it, but...
-TILDA: I think you're lying

414
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,703
-to protect your master.
-VIAGO: Of course he is.

415
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,739
This little guy
couldn't kill a vampire.

416
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,941
No, it was, it was me. I opened
the door and it was dawn

417
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,376
and then the sun came in and...

418
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,311
(stammers)
and then it happened.

419
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,713
That sounds very made-up.

420
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,048
VIAGO:
I mean, I don't know, guys.

421
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,950
None of us really liked
The Baron,

422
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:06,386
so maybe we just kill
this cute little guy

423
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,421
and then let
the other three go.

424
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:09,589
Send his soul to hell.

425
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,391
Does anyone else
feel like having

426
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,494
-a cheeky little snack?
-Sneaky snack?

427
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,496
-(vampires hissing)
-VLADISLAV:
What do you think, Wesley?

428
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:19,499
Who is this motherfucker now?
This glasses motherfucker?

429
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:20,767
PAUL:
It's lunch, Wesley.

430
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,236
-Lunch.
-Oh, yeah.
-No!

431
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,771
NANDOR:
I cannot abide by this.

432
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,973
-(exhales): Oh.
-Get to the point.

433
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:30,577
-Have you got a point to make?
-Listen to me.

434
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,912
-We're all listening.
-You got...
Everyone's listening.

435
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,347
-Everyone's like...
-Everyone has stopped
what they were doing,

436
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,848
we were all about to chomp down
on this guy,

437
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,451
and then you said,
"Oh, I'm gonna say something."

438
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,453
-Speak.
-It was we...

439
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,922
-NADJA: No.
-who killed The Baron.

440
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,524
We thought that!
That's what we thought.

441
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,793
-We-we...
-We were all discussing that.

442
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:47,860
TILDA:
You have committed

443
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:51,097
premeditated vampicide.

444
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,032
Pass the judgment, Tilda.

445
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,934
TILDA:
I pronounce these three

446
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,769
guilty.

447
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,172
Raise your fangs, all who agree.

448
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:01,374
(vampires hissing)

449
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,213
(cries)

450
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,014
The punishment is

451
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,149
they will be killed
in the same manner

452
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,551
that their victim was:

453
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:14,120
exposed to sunlight.

454
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,689
-Ooh!
-VIAGO: Ow, Chihuahuas.

455
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:17,790
(snarls)

456
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,526
Man, that's fucking rough.

457
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,961
You gonna help us,
Colin Robinson?

458
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,563
Fuck can I do?

459
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,798
GUIDE:
Follow me to your doom.

460
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,200
Don't worry.

461
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:30,570
I've coordinated
a secret escape plan.

462
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,373
Bat!

463
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,208
NADJA:
Laszlo, you fucking asshole!
How could...

464
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:37,244
-How could...
-Ludwig, get him.

465
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:40,280
Dan, get her.

466
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,984
Watch the hands, Mr. Hands!

467
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,654
Fucking hell!

468
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:51,090
Release my blade.

469
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,059
-Ooh.
-Is it welded on there, or...?

470
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,027
Well, it's for
decoration, really.

471
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:58,164
-Thank you, Ludwig, very good.
-Fuck me.

472
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,999
What is that?
Uh... Hey!

473
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,201
He's a vampire, he couldn't get
an ax off a wall.

474
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:03,770
Well, you should see it.

475
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,005
It's, like, welded on there
or something.

476
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,074
(sighs)

477
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:09,876
We have to find a way
out of here.

478
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,511
This is the thing
where we wa... Okay,

479
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,714
I broke this, turned right, and
then we turned left to the...

480
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,616
-(roars)
-(screams)

481
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:17,784
-Stay back!
-(screams)

482
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,454
Oh...

483
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:22,755
(groaning)

484
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:24,757
(quietly):
It was an accident.

485
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,026
It was an accident.
It was an accident.

486
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,495
It was an accident!

487
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,467
So, they're being sent
into a well, and, uh,

488
00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:36,703
the sun's going
to slowly come up,

489
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,105
-and then they'll burn to death.
-It's a very horrible way
to die.

490
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:42,775
-Very dramatic way to die.
-(chuckles): Yes.

491
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:45,312
*

492
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,647
(birds chirping)

493
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,249
(Laszlo, Nandor, and Nadja
screaming)

494
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,625
That's so macabre.

495
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,460
They could have
at least cleared them up

496
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,929
before putting us in here.

497
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,964
(yelping, panting)

498
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,267
(screaming)

499
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,604
(hissing)

500
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,606
I wish I had made more
of my leadership skills.

501
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,608
I could have ruled
many more countries

502
00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:19,312
-instead of dying in a well
with two perverts.
-(mouths)

503
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,581
I was Jack the Ripper.

504
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,016
I've never told
anyone that before.

505
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:25,852
And I wish I'd made love more.

506
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:28,287
Well, you did that a lot.
A lot.

507
00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:30,957
-I suppose I did.
-Yeah, a-a lot.

508
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:33,426
I miss my horse John.

509
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:37,163
I wish I was better to him.
And to you both.

510
00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:40,166
That's very kind of you, Nandor,
to say that, and, um,

511
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:44,003
I know we haven't got on
over the years, but, uh...

512
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,973
Nope, that's it.

513
00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:49,509
I hate to say it,
but I think it's gonna hurt.

514
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,379
-(crying): Oh, no!
-Fucking Colin Robinson.

515
00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:55,114
-Oh, shit.
-No! No!

516
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,984
-Save me! Oh, Gregor,
I love you!
-No! No!

517
00:21:58,017 --> 00:22:00,453
Gregor!

518
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,855
-Oh, my love, my love...
-(screams) I'm burning!

519
00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:04,857
(Nadja screaming)

520
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:06,493
(gasping, panting)

521
00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:08,995
-I-It is an eclipse.
-What is that?

522
00:22:09,028 --> 00:22:11,130
Hey, dudes. It's me,
Colin Robinson, your roommate.

523
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,566
-(groans)
-(whispers): Colin Robinson?
-COLIN: Yeah,

524
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,668
Guillermo's here, too. He was
running around, peeing himself.

525
00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:17,303
I didn't pee myself, Master.

526
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,138
-He was freaked out.
-No, I wasn't.

527
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:21,808
So, anyway, I, uh, I was walking
by this hardware store

528
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,576
and I says to myself,
"Colin, you should go in

529
00:22:23,610 --> 00:22:26,913
and, uh, see if they have
any umbrellas for the well."

530
00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:29,749
Made sure to keep the receipt,
I'm gonna probably take it back.

531
00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:31,418
You can do that
on non-food items.

532
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:34,053
-Is he zapping our energy?
-He's taking advantage of us.

533
00:22:34,086 --> 00:22:36,188
-Don't do that.
-Shut up.

534
00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:38,024
Do you not want me to stay?
I can... I'll go.

535
00:22:38,057 --> 00:22:40,427
-No, no, no, no, no! No!
-No, don't do that! No!

536
00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,261
(chuckles)
Just giving you guys guff.

537
00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:44,030
Yeah, I'm gonna save you.

538
00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:46,399
You guys awake?

539
00:22:46,433 --> 00:22:49,836
-(bats screeching)
-Hello?

540
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,104
(chuckles): Oh, no,
a roller coaster for vampires.

541
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:54,206
(laughs)

542
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,677
-Oh, no, oh, no!
Roller coaster again.
-Stop it, Colin Robinson.

543
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,179
And sorry about the camera crew
at the bottom of the well.

544
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,549
You're gonna want to get them
out sooner than later.

545
00:23:02,582 --> 00:23:04,316
They're in-they're in
grave danger.

546
00:23:06,252 --> 00:23:09,055
-You had a heck
of a day, too, huh?
-Yeah.

547
00:23:09,088 --> 00:23:12,124
-How long have you been with us?
-Ten years.

548
00:23:12,158 --> 00:23:14,561
I guess that's
the whole deal, right?

549
00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:16,195
That, you know,
you work for him,

550
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:19,832
and he eventually turns you
into a, uh, a vampire?

551
00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:23,470
Yeah.

552
00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:25,472
That's the deal.

553
00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:28,107
* Can't trust his kind today *

554
00:23:31,277 --> 00:23:35,247
* Love has died
and death is here to stay... *

555
00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:37,584
(birds chirping)

556
00:23:39,318 --> 00:23:42,288
* Guess our plan can fade away *

557
00:23:42,321 --> 00:23:46,292
* On a cloud so far away *

558
00:23:46,325 --> 00:23:50,262
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *

559
00:23:52,331 --> 00:23:57,336
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *

560
00:23:59,338 --> 00:24:03,309
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *

561
00:24:06,345 --> 00:24:10,282
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *

562
00:24:13,219 --> 00:24:16,188
* Time will come
when death will pave the way. *

563
00:24:23,229 --> 00:24:25,197
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

564
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:31,137
(eerie chanting)

565
00:24:32,839 --> 00:24:34,874
(high-pitched screaming)

566
00:24:34,907 --> 00:24:37,544
(chanting continues)

567
00:24:39,211 --> 00:24:43,282
(singing in foreign language)

568
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:46,385
(woman warbling)

569
00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:48,387
(hissing)

570
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:49,355
(flames roaring)

571
00:24:49,388 --> 00:24:50,857
-Oh!
-Aaah!

572
00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:53,626
ANNOUNCER:
What We Do in the Shadows.

573
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:56,495
All new
Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX.

574
00:24:58,330 --> 00:25:00,232
MAN: Five, six, seven, eight.

575
00:25:00,266 --> 00:25:02,969
-He's a wonderful teacher.
-Boom-chicka-boom.

576
00:25:03,002 --> 00:25:04,571
Well, you have
taught him plenty.

577
00:25:04,604 --> 00:25:06,739
When do I find out
if I got the part or not?

578
00:25:06,773 --> 00:25:08,708
You got the part
when you walked in the door.

579
00:25:08,741 --> 00:25:10,209
ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon.

580
00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:13,045
All new, Tuesday at 10:00,
only on FX.

581
00:25:15,447 --> 00:25:16,716
(grunts)

582
00:25:18,117 --> 00:25:19,852
This is just-- This is--

583
00:25:19,886 --> 00:25:22,555
(grunts) Seriously?

584
00:25:22,589 --> 00:25:23,455
Whoo.

585
00:25:26,959 --> 00:25:28,527
Who's the lucky guy?

586
00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:31,163
ANNOUNCER: Better Things.

587
00:25:31,197 --> 00:25:33,032
All new
Thursdays at 10:00 on FX.

588
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:39,171
(shrieks)
Rocket pack!

589
00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:41,540
You know how much fuel
you just wasted?

590
00:25:41,574 --> 00:25:45,444
Oh, no. How much paint
did Michelangelo waste
on the Sistine Chapel?

591
00:25:45,477 --> 00:25:47,446
ANNOUNCER: Archer 1999.

592
00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:50,316
Premieres Wednesday, May 29
on FXX.

593
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:52,719
(record static)

594
00:25:52,752 --> 00:25:56,222
(hip-hop beat)

595
00:26:00,492 --> 00:26:02,394
(rapid drumming)

596
00:26:02,428 --> 00:26:06,065
(beat resumes)