1 00:00:07,181 --> 00:00:10,967 Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 2 00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:15,058 ANNOUNCER: FX presents What We Do in the Shadows. 3 00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:21,717 NANDOR: Guillermo, I want you to go 4 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,240 tomorrow, and I want you to get 5 00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:26,069 some of those things that humans use for smelling. 6 00:00:26,113 --> 00:00:28,332 Rhymes with "hoses." 7 00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:29,855 Noses? 8 00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:31,944 NANDOR: No. It's a green, spiky stick. 9 00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,859 You know, with the colors on the top. 10 00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:35,731 You got the red. "I love you. 11 00:00:35,774 --> 00:00:37,733 -Here's some..." -Roses. 12 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,300 NANDOR: Roses, yes. 13 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:43,086 The Baron's attic has got a bitof a dank whiff. 14 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,305 Since the Baron arrived, 15 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,046 things have been very stressful. 16 00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:50,311 That's our familiar. 17 00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,313 NANDOR: He's staying in our attic at the moment, and 18 00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:56,491 that's a lot of storage space that we-we can't use. 19 00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,449 When is he going to leave, anyway? 20 00:00:58,493 --> 00:00:59,929 Shh, Nadja! 21 00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,236 Guillermo. 22 00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:05,543 Well, pull it, then. 23 00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,329 -NADJA: Oh! -Too loud! 24 00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:09,765 -He needs to pipe down with that. -Yes. 25 00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,723 -When will he leave? -Shh. 26 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:14,117 Nadja, you must keep your voice down, my darling. 27 00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:16,511 Oh, for goodness' sake, I'm not scared of him. 28 00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,513 -Oh... 29 00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:23,039 The Baron has awakened? 30 00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:30,177 Sorry, was that a yes? 31 00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,136 -LASZLO: Was it a nod? -No, I asked and she went, 32 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,920 she went and did this. 33 00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:36,226 That is a nod, I've seen her do it before. 34 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,749 What, this? Like this? 35 00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,273 -He's awake. -COLIN: He's awake. 36 00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,752 Oh, he's awake. 37 00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:42,928 All right, I-I can feel 38 00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:45,496 his energy, it's very dark and angry, and I think 39 00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:48,369 it's pointed at you guys. 40 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:49,544 Hate to be you guys. 41 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:55,289 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 42 00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:57,943 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 43 00:01:57,987 --> 00:02:00,511 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 44 00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,992 ♪ You're dead and out of this world♪ 45 00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:08,171 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪ 46 00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,826 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪ 47 00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:13,263 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪ 48 00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:16,745 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 49 00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:29,758 In Europe, a couple of centuries ago, the Baron was a fun guy. 50 00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:32,587 And we got up to some very messy business together. 51 00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,415 -Yes. -Problem is, 52 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,199 he's turned up recently 53 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:39,811 with what only can be describedas pretty old-fashioned ideas. 54 00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:43,380 He's obsessed with the idea ofvampires taking over all humans, 55 00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:46,209 which, at first, you're like, "Oh, that's a cool idea," 56 00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,777 but then, after a while, it's like, 57 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:50,779 "Sorry, why are we doing this?" 58 00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:52,998 Yeah. 59 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,348 You can bet your balls he's gonna be furious 60 00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:56,001 we haven't come up with a conquering plan. 61 00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:57,220 NANDOR: Maybe he's not angry. 62 00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:58,656 Maybe he's just wanting a chat? 63 00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,355 Get up with the latest vampire gossip. 64 00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:02,791 --That's highly unlucky, Nandor. 65 00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,358 The man's a fucking psychopath. 66 00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,011 I think he's going to kill us all. 67 00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,361 That's more likely. 68 00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:09,363 Baron, we are here. 69 00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:11,669 But there's really no needfor any kind of grand entrance. 70 00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:14,629 Or j-just do your bit-- that's fine, too. 71 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:21,070 ♪ In nomine Patris...♪ 72 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,028 My slumber is... 73 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:24,116 complete. 74 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,379 Great. Uh, we weren't sure 75 00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,468 that you wanted us to conquer the whole 76 00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:29,644 of North America, or just, you know, maybe a couple streets? 77 00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:31,863 Silence! 78 00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:35,824 I have heard so much of the wonders of this New World, 79 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:39,262 yet I have seen of it not but this attic. 80 00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:42,483 Uh, would you like us to get you a TV? 81 00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:43,875 No. 82 00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,661 I want to see the sights. 83 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:48,663 -I want a night on the town. 84 00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:51,274 A night on the town? 85 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:53,102 Really? I mean, won't that be a bit difficult 86 00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:54,146 with your, um...? 87 00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:56,497 Oh. 88 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,499 You were saying? 89 00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:03,112 : No, but I'm sure we can help you fit in. 90 00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:05,854 Marvelous. 91 00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:09,292 -Ah, relax. 92 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,860 This is going to be fun. 93 00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,078 No. 94 00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:14,515 Oh, that's the documentary crew. 95 00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:22,523 We are so sorry that... 96 00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:25,917 our houseguest ate your sound recordist. 97 00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,963 NADJA: This... what is this "conquering America" stuff? 98 00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:29,443 He's going to get us killed. 99 00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,445 Not unless he tries to kill us himself first. 100 00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,577 -He threw me straight across the room. -Most importantly, we are... 101 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,450 ...that he ate your sound recordist. 102 00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:37,538 That was very... 103 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,106 Yeah. Wasn't very cool. We'll, uh, 104 00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,326 we'll make sure we look after you people. 105 00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:44,762 And how are we going to do that? 106 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,198 I don't know, uh... 107 00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:52,596 NADJA: Of course it's a trap. 108 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,337 Why would the Baron want to go on a night out? 109 00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,426 Because he wants to know howmuch of America we've conquered. 110 00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,341 And when he finds out thatwe've just conquered our street 111 00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:00,474 and part of Ashley Street, he's going to kill us. 112 00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:02,737 But if we seriously think he's gonna "quack" us... 113 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,782 -NADJA: Which we do. -...then we should "quack" him first. 114 00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:07,132 You want us to quackhim? 115 00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:10,701 If you think he's gonna "whack" us first, yes. 116 00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:13,922 Laszlo, be quiet. We will not discuss this any further. 117 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:15,489 It is the greatest violation 118 00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:18,492 of the unnatural order by which we live. 119 00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,581 Also, can he even die? 120 00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:22,757 -NADJA: Oh, my... 121 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,149 NANDOR: You happy now? You just scared 122 00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:25,499 the shit out of all three of us? 123 00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:26,978 Hmm? You don't knock anymore? 124 00:05:27,022 --> 00:05:29,372 Is this the new you? Hmm? 125 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,505 Sorry, I just wanted to inform you that the Baron's ready. 126 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,158 -Oh. -NADJA: God... 127 00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:34,508 He's really terrifying. 128 00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:37,162 Yes, okay, well, we all are, we are vampires. 129 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,381 Well... 130 00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,470 -Eh. 131 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,953 Get out. 132 00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:47,259 We shall call this night Operation... 133 00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:49,610 Accidentally Kill the Baron. 134 00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:53,048 Absolutely not. At least think of a different name. 135 00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,399 This conversation never happened. 136 00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:09,281 She keeps looking at me. 137 00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:13,503 Don't look at her. 138 00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:20,031 Bloody hell, he's wearing two ruffs. 139 00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:25,515 -Let our grand evening on the town commence. 140 00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:26,995 -NADJA: Yes! Very good. - Yes. 141 00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:30,825 Yes, uh, this is what you're going to wear? 142 00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,871 Is it not right? 143 00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:37,571 Y-Yes, I mean, you look the... dog's knackers. 144 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:41,052 But, um, where we come from, two ruffs 145 00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,228 means you're up for anything. 146 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,796 Uh, it's best just to kind ofblend in like-- like we are now. 147 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,624 Yes. 148 00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,844 Yes, I see. 149 00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:53,674 I want to walk amongst the commoners unnoticed. 150 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,632 -NADJA: Yes. -A prince amongst paupers. 151 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,591 -NADJA: Yes, very good. Very good. -NANDOR: Exactly. 152 00:06:57,634 --> 00:07:00,071 Two ruffs don't make a right. 153 00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:04,728 Colin Robinson. 154 00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:07,905 Oh, wow. Uh... hello. 155 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,820 NANDOR:You wouldn't happen to have any 156 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:13,302 human-type clothes to lend to the Baron? 157 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:16,827 Uh, yeah, I-I could scrounge something up. 158 00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,046 What size are you? 159 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,700 Mm, this size. 160 00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:23,268 And what kind of vibe are-are you going for? 161 00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:27,055 Jeans, T-shirt? Are you a jeansand T-shirt type of guy? 162 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,709 Probably not shorts. 163 00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:33,278 Um, maybe some cords, some w-wale cords. 164 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,280 He is not coming along, is he? 165 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:37,500 I will take care of it. 166 00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:41,112 Oh, okay. But don't make a big thing out of it. 167 00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:42,897 -Mm? -Okay. 168 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:46,640 LASZLO: Vampires have hidden amongst humans 169 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,337 for millennia. 170 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,600 There are some in the community that believe 171 00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:53,734 that vampires should rule the world. 172 00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:55,518 One such person 173 00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:56,737 is the Baron. 174 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,087 And he's become a massive prick. 175 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,306 Absolutely agree. 176 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,353 LASZLO: Which is ironic, because he doesn't have one. 177 00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:10,664 Where is he? 178 00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:13,144 He was right behind us. 179 00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,798 -LASZLO: Ah. 180 00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,887 NANDOR: He's going to frighten the townspeople. 181 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:20,108 -Oh. 182 00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:22,197 -LASZLO: Um... -MAN: Holy shit. 183 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,329 A lot of these buildings are, uh, are taverns, 184 00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:26,767 -or bars as they call them. -NADJA: Don't mind him. 185 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,116 -WOMAN: Did you see that? -Why are these pedestrians 186 00:08:28,159 --> 00:08:29,378 making rictus faces at us? 187 00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:30,597 MAN 2: Oh, my God. 188 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,424 Devils suck, man. 189 00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,425 We are vampires! 190 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:34,601 Shh! What are you doing? 191 00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:36,777 He is literally going around, 192 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:40,128 telling everyone, "Nice to meetyou, I am vampire." 193 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,912 And, you know, there's only so many times 194 00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:44,741 you can say that he's joking, because look at his face. 195 00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:48,179 -Yo, Laz. Nadja. Whoa... 196 00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:51,792 I was just, uh, stocking upon some brews for the big game. 197 00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,968 Who is this guy? 198 00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:56,144 NADJA: No, no, no. This is our neighbor Sean, sire. 199 00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,798 NANDOR: He brings our trash cans in 200 00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,756 when we forget them. 201 00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,978 What the fuck? How did he...? 202 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,588 LASZLO: Shut up. You won't remember anything 203 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:08,591 from the last five minutes. 204 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,767 Yo, Laz, Nadja. 205 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,943 I was just going to stock up on some more brews. 206 00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:15,424 -Oh, no, no, no, no. -LASZLO: No, no, no, no... 207 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,732 BARON: We will fill this place 208 00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:21,430 with the carcasses of the conquered. 209 00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:23,954 Some humans will become slaves. 210 00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:26,435 The rest, food. 211 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,872 Slave. 212 00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,874 WOMAN : Pharmacy, pick up line three, please. 213 00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:31,875 Pharmacy, line three. 214 00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:34,835 Food. 215 00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:37,185 He's as mad as a wax banana. 216 00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:39,187 -He's a fucking liability. -I think it might be 217 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,754 better if he dies. 218 00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:43,887 How about we just put his coffinon a nice, long ocean journey? 219 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:46,977 Look at this wonderful talisman. 220 00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:49,240 -Whoop. 221 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,765 Need I haggle with the proprietor? 222 00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:54,855 -Just put it in your pocket. -Hmm. It is done. 223 00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:58,902 BARON: Let us see, what to drink. 224 00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,643 What to... 225 00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:04,473 -LASZLO: Oh, no, no. 226 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,825 NANDOR:Oh, give him a nice hug from us. 227 00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,827 -Is he okay? I... -NADJA: Ha, ha. 228 00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,873 Whoa, dear. Hi. 229 00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:15,440 The Baron is being very loud and obvious 230 00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:18,922 and vampirey and reckless. 231 00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:21,795 He had a very high alcohol content. 232 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:24,449 Do you think maybe we should move the body? 233 00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:27,061 Now he's just gone up to a drunk man 234 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,932 and he's drunk the drunk man's blood 235 00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:31,065 that has made him drunk. 236 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,241 Okay. That's a... 237 00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:34,895 Just a little dizzy. Okay. 238 00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:37,288 -A little dizzy, little dizzy. 239 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,337 I am better. 240 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:44,469 Back in the saddle. 241 00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,384 The drinking saddle! 242 00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:48,735 That was bollocks. 243 00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:56,525 ♪ We need you now...♪ 244 00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,962 You people are as much fun as the plague. 245 00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:01,051 Remember the plague? And how much fun it was? 246 00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,531 That's this. 247 00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:05,273 -Let's liven this place up. -Not too lively. 248 00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:09,277 It's very important to just blend in and go with the flow. 249 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,713 Or we could do shots. 250 00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:13,107 Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, 251 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,500 shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, 252 00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:16,937 shots, shots, shots, shots. 253 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:19,896 LASZLO: For God's sake. 254 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:22,986 Oh, who wants a shot? 255 00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,509 We could do shots. 256 00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:28,862 Just a minute. 257 00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:31,734 -And I said, 258 00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:34,911 "No, how do you like yourstakes?" 259 00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:38,001 And pushed itright through his stupid heart. 260 00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:42,136 You know I'm not really a baron. 261 00:11:42,179 --> 00:11:43,746 NANDOR : Yes, you are. 262 00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,748 You're the Baron. 263 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,969 No, I am not. It was a nickname. 264 00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,753 To tease me. 265 00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:53,625 Barren, B-A-R-R-E-N. 266 00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:54,757 Huh. 267 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,846 Because I cannot sire offspring 268 00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:59,893 due to my lack of genitals. 269 00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:02,199 -Hello-- whoop! -There it isn't. 270 00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,766 NADJA: I like it. 271 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,987 All I ever wanted was a child of my own. 272 00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:11,426 Well, I don't know, Baron. 273 00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:14,385 Maybe we could be your children. 274 00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:16,561 -NADJA: Yes. -Yes. 275 00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:17,998 -Yes. -Also, maybe 276 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:20,217 you want to pull your pants back up now or...? 277 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,393 Hmm? Oh, of course. 278 00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:24,613 NADJA: Aw... 279 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,011 NADJA: The Baron, 280 00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:33,013 he told us very sad story. 281 00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:35,929 We might not kill him now-- 282 00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,931 no, not going to kill him. 283 00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,412 BARON: It's just hard. 284 00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:45,025 I used to derive such pleasure from killing, 285 00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,940 but now... it's just a thing 286 00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:50,813 I do because... why? 287 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,815 Because I've always done it, I guess? 288 00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:56,253 And these dark rages that overtake me, 289 00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,690 oh, my mind is devouring itself. 290 00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:00,040 Aw... 291 00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:01,476 We're all going through shit. 292 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,217 It's hard doing what we do. 293 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:05,175 BARON: You know... 294 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,177 this is going to sound odd, but... 295 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,049 I was thinking of killing all of you tonight. 296 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,180 NADJA: Ah. 297 00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,008 -Yeah, yeah, I was. -Ah. 298 00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:13,836 BARON: What have I become? 299 00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,930 Guess what. 300 00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:26,414 We were going to kill you tonight, too. 301 00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:33,725 NANDOR: We were going to kill you! 302 00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:36,685 It was, it was Laszlo's idea. 303 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:39,209 -Yeah, it was. 304 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,645 He had the stake, 305 00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,082 -the... 306 00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,997 ...stake... 307 00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:47,478 I beg your pardon? 308 00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:48,915 NANDOR: Uh... 309 00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:50,525 LASZLO: He was just joking, it was, 310 00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:52,875 it was just an idea that we were kicking upstream. 311 00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:54,964 NANDOR: Was more of a "what if" situation. 312 00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:58,663 -Like, "What if?" and then "No."-Shut up. 313 00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:03,538 You... "kicked upstream" 314 00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:06,671 the idea of killing... 315 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,108 me? 316 00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,675 As a joke. Nothing more. 317 00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,112 NADJA: Just a-- a laugh. 318 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:13,156 NANDOR: Nothing happened. 319 00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,689 LASZLO: Oh... 320 00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,343 -Your faces! -Oh, the Baron... 321 00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:27,779 -Oh... -You shithead. 322 00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,694 BARON: Oh, I am proud of you. 323 00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,696 If I were you, I would have done the same thing. 324 00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,351 BARON: Where is next? 325 00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:36,266 You know what I have always wanted to try? 326 00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:37,964 -Coprophilia. -No. 327 00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:39,574 Pizza pie. 328 00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:42,098 Is it as wonderful as they sa...? 329 00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:43,926 Coprophilia? 330 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,710 Sire, this is an even worse idea 331 00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:47,582 than when we tried to invade Vienna. 332 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,105 It's certainly going to make you very ill. 333 00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,194 I'm having pizza pie. 334 00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,762 Oh, no, no, no. 335 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:57,331 Mmm. 336 00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,334 Mmm. 337 00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:01,944 The garlic burnt a little, but... 338 00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,082 Down he goes. 339 00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,779 -NANDOR: He's up again. 340 00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:11,780 NADJA: The Baron has eaten 341 00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:13,956 some human food and now his body 342 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,611 is being propelled around by his own vomit. 343 00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,091 -LASZLO: Is he all right?-NANDOR: Now, where's he going? 344 00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:19,788 NADJA: So, that's what's happening 345 00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,137 right now. 346 00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,403 -LASZLO: There he is. -NADJA: Ooh. 347 00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:37,980 Uh... 348 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,375 Totally worth it. 349 00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:42,767 What is next? 350 00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:10,012 ♪ I♪ 351 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:13,233 ♪ I'm alive♪ 352 00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:18,238 ♪ I'm alive.♪ 353 00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:20,153 We drank the blood of some people, 354 00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:22,372 but the people were on drugs 355 00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:24,809 and now I am a wizard. 356 00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:29,031 The Baron is, is very, actually... great man... 357 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,424 I drank the drug blood. 358 00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:32,252 Yes, I drank some drug blood. 359 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,254 We drank-- we've done some drug blood. 360 00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,821 BARON: ♪ It is the time♪ 361 00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,823 ♪ Of the season♪ 362 00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:42,262 ♪ When the love runs high♪ 363 00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:43,654 ♪ It is the time...♪ 364 00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:47,180 That's the Baron I remember. 365 00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,878 Having a really great time, 366 00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:51,923 but it's almost sunup. 367 00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:54,709 I think we should leave soon,otherwise we're gonna be fried. 368 00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:59,627 It's the time of the season♪ 369 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:04,284 ♪ For loving♪ 370 00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:05,850 ♪ Ah.♪ 371 00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:07,852 Laszlo, can you see if they have 372 00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:10,203 "Girl in the Village with the One Small Foot" 373 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,074 by Vasilios the Balladeer? 374 00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:13,858 -Yep. -Never mind. 375 00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,164 I'll sing a cappella. 376 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:16,731 -LASZLO: Okay. 377 00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:19,690 ♪ There was a girl in the village♪ 378 00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:22,867 ♪ She had one very small foot♪ 379 00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,087 ♪ Did she lose her foot in the well?♪ 380 00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,654 -It is time to return to our den. -♪ No one knows♪ 381 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,874 -♪ No one knows...♪ -Party's over. 382 00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:31,354 I said we are leaving! 383 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,314 -NANDOR: We should go. -LASZLO: Yeah, yeah. 384 00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:35,532 -NADJA: The sun is coming. 385 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,360 NANDOR: The door's stuck again. 386 00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:39,449 Everyone, quickly, the sun is coming. 387 00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:43,323 -♪ Par-tay!♪ -Come on. 388 00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:45,325 Just one foot at a time, Baron. 389 00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,240 COLIN: Someone sure had a good time, huh? 390 00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:50,112 NADJA: Colin Robinson, we missed you. 391 00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:51,157 -BARON: Hi. -What? 392 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,680 What-What's wrong with you? 393 00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:54,116 We are on drugs. 394 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,338 Have you partaken of the pizza pie? 395 00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:03,691 NANDOR: I can do this, I can do this. 396 00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:06,215 NADJA : Oh, no, the sunlight. 397 00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:07,912 -Laszlo! 398 00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:09,349 Careful. 399 00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:10,480 Be careful. 400 00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:11,916 -Oh... -Oh, man. 401 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,266 BARON: Look at this... wait. 402 00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:16,138 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 403 00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:17,531 No, the sunlight. 404 00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:19,272 I'm so scared. 405 00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:20,708 No, no, no, Baron. 406 00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,536 -Baron... -No, no, no, no! 407 00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:25,278 No, no, no, no, go easy. It's dangerous, man. 408 00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,149 He's being an idiot. Come on, Baron. 409 00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,282 You're a bunch of pussies... 410 00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:31,936 NADJA : See what you've done. 411 00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,242 -Did you see that? -You hurt yourself. 412 00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,331 -Come on, Baron. -Put your night skirts on 413 00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:36,724 -and go to coffin. -BARON: All right, okay, 414 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,378 -okay, okay. -Go to coffin, Baron. 415 00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:41,381 Thing off, I don't know how to work this. 416 00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:42,512 -Oh-- ah! 417 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:43,513 LASZLO: Oh, shit. 418 00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:50,390 LASZLO: Baron? 419 00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:53,001 Well, that was unexpected. 420 00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,829 Uh, oh-- oh... 421 00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:58,311 oh... aw... 422 00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,356 Hello. Oh. 423 00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,404 -NADJA: Shit. -LASZLO: Shit. 424 00:19:04,447 --> 00:19:05,970 -Is he dead? -Oh, no. 425 00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:08,408 Ouchie. 426 00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,192 Just a little sore. 427 00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:12,194 Oh, God-- Oh. Oh... 428 00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:14,327 lucky I missed these wooden stakes. 429 00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:17,591 He's safe. 430 00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,767 I am okay. 431 00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,210 What's that smell? 432 00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:29,820 Hey, I got the rose... 433 00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,129 Fuck. 434 00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:39,569 Oh... 435 00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:41,049 -Wow. 436 00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,051 Oh, shit. 437 00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:45,009 ♪ Let's go sunning♪ 438 00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:46,446 ♪ It's so good for you♪ 439 00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,361 ♪ Let's go sunning♪ 440 00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,450 ♪ 'Neath the sky of blue♪ 441 00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:53,279 ♪ Greet the sun every morn♪ 442 00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:56,282 ♪ Feel as free and happy as the day you were born♪ 443 00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:58,675 ♪ Let's go native♪ 444 00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:01,591 ♪ Sun your cares away, be creative♪ 445 00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,593 ♪ Learn to live and play♪ 446 00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:06,379 ♪ Pretty flowers need the sun♪ 447 00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:09,904 ♪ This applies to everyone♪ 448 00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:13,037 ♪ Happiness to everyone♪ 449 00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:17,085 ♪ So let's go sunning.♪ 450 00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:27,138 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 451 00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:32,883 Very cool, Master. 452 00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,368 -Name that tune! 453 00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:42,893 Ow! 454 00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:47,855 "I'm a vampire. I'm immortal." 455 00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:50,945 -Creepy paper. -It's "crepe paper," Master. 456 00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:53,426 Creepy. Oh, multipack. 457 00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,166 ANNOUNCER: What We Do in the Shadows. 458 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:58,387 All new, Wednesday at 10:00 on FX. 459 00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:10,312 Again. 460 00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:14,490 Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 461 00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:17,667 Whoa. Gotta use only the right foot. 462 00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:19,408 You gotta alternate. 463 00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:25,893 Okay. Good lesson. 464 00:21:25,936 --> 00:21:27,547 ANNOUNCER: Better Things. 465 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:28,591 All new Thursdays at 10:00 on FX.