1
00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:06,658
What happened to this country?
2
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,098
Bravo.
3
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:31,031
It's a really weird time
in the household
4
00:00:31,074 --> 00:00:35,078
because Colin Robinson
is no longer with us.
5
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:37,080
I mean, vampires are
no strangers to death.
6
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:39,648
They deal with it every day
with the people that they kill.
7
00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:41,563
But when they lose
one of their own,
8
00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:43,173
they just don't know
how to deal with it.
9
00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:45,088
I mean, their only
funeral-type tradition
10
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:46,872
is that they get
a new portrait made
11
00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,483
with all of them except for
the newly deceased,
12
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:49,962
and I don't think that's
a really healthy way
13
00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:52,095
of dealing with the loss
of a family member.
14
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,402
Perhaps we'd all like
to go around the room
15
00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:56,969
and each one of say something
that we liked
16
00:00:57,013 --> 00:00:59,015
- about Colin Robinson?
- Oh, leave us alone, Guillermo.
17
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,538
You're giving everyone
a big bummer.
18
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,192
When she's right, she's right.
19
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:04,020
Should he even be here?
I know.
20
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,502
I did think this was sort of
a "vampires only" portrait.
21
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,199
Hey, he is a valued member
of the team
22
00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:12,115
and has every right
to be in this portrait.
23
00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:14,770
Even though he is a dog.
24
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,250
I wasn't talking about the dog,
you halfwit,
25
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:17,860
I was talking about Gizmo.
26
00:01:17,903 --> 00:01:18,948
Yes, well,
Gizmo needs to be here
27
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,863
to help control the Hellhound.
28
00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:22,212
If they talked about
their feelings,
29
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then the healing could begin.
30
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:24,780
- Guillermo,
31
00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:26,173
your Hellhound is
wandering around
32
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,826
and pissing all over
our floors.
33
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:30,133
And once they're healed,
they would realize that
34
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,613
the dynamic's a little off.
35
00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:34,311
So maybe they need
to make a new vampire.
36
00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:37,575
I-I just heard it,
and I know...
37
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,142
I know what you're thinking,
38
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:41,405
but I truly believe that
that's what's needed
39
00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:44,713
to really restore--
And I deserve it.
40
00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:49,370
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long♪
41
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:52,721
♪ They have no use
for your song♪
42
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:55,637
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead♪
43
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,465
♪ You're dead
and out of this world♪
44
00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:02,078
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone♪
45
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,820
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world♪
46
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:08,040
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead♪
47
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:09,825
♪ You're dead
and out of this world.♪
48
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:23,534
Yeah,
I took up painting
49
00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:25,232
during season two
of Grounded for Life.
50
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:26,711
As an actor,
you spend a lot of time
51
00:02:26,755 --> 00:02:28,452
sitting around your trailer,
waiting for them
52
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,193
to light the next scene
or whatnot,
53
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:33,327
so I got some brushes
and a how-to book from Blick,
54
00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:34,893
and I think I've gotten
pretty good.
55
00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:37,244
This is the cast of
Grounded for Life.
56
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:39,550
Oh, my God, Jake and Griffin
were so squirrely,
57
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:41,378
I was like,
"Look, here's the deal.
58
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,598
"I'm gonna take a picture,
and then you guys can fuck off
59
00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:45,991
and do whatever
you want to do."
60
00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:48,603
I finished the painting
from a photo, but you know,
61
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,866
that's the way a lot
of the masters work now.
62
00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:53,477
This is the front gate
of Radford in Studio City.
63
00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:55,653
I was really happy with
the way the light reflected
64
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,525
off the admin building
that day.
65
00:02:57,568 --> 00:03:00,049
I think I really captured it.
66
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:02,791
This was a gaffer
I worked with onER.
67
00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,662
The guy had just
such an amazing face,
68
00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:06,229
I was just staring at it.
69
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:07,926
I was staring at it
when I was on camera,
70
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,754
which would get me in trouble,
you know?
71
00:03:09,798 --> 00:03:12,931
But I think
I really got his essence.
72
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:14,585
So when the gang here said
that they needed
73
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:16,239
a new portrait done,
I said I'd be more than happy
74
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,894
to stick around and do it
because I had some downtime
75
00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:21,549
between the next meeting of
the Worldwide Vampiric Council
76
00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:25,335
and the two-episode arc
I booked on SVU next month.
77
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,424
You gotta remember
I came up with MTV in the '90s,
78
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,296
where they were like,
"Go shoot 15 hours
79
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:30,862
"of Jimmy the Cab Driver,
80
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,386
and then we'll figure out
where to stick it later,"
81
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,039
- but when I got Grounded...
Oof.
82
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,824
- This buhbutz is really
killing me.
- I know.
83
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,261
Right? I mean,
I like the cinema,
84
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:40,524
but don't need to know
how the sausage is made.
85
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,309
Yeah, and it's kind of
insensitive.
86
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:43,527
I mean, we're all still
mourning the death
87
00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:45,181
- of Colin Robinson.
- I'm not.
88
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,226
Well, that's what
I'm talking about.
89
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,749
We need to talk about that.
90
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:48,532
- How you're feeling...
- We don't need to talk
91
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:49,968
about anything.
92
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,796
We are having our picture
painted.
93
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,016
Then we will have a picture
that Colin Robinson is not in,
94
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,583
and we can forget about him
forever,
95
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:56,888
and this will heal us.
96
00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,890
Why did we have to rush it?
97
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,196
The corpse has barely
begun to stink,
98
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,719
and we've got the Tao of Steve
99
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,286
- painting our portrait.
Oh, here we go.
100
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:06,071
Nadja's masking her
true feelings with a joke.
101
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:08,073
That was not a joke.
A joke has a punchline.
102
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:09,553
And you wouldn't know
a punchline if it ran over
103
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,251
your scrotum with
a penny farthing!
104
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:16,299
Oh, I am sorry,
but that was a good one.
105
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:19,171
Also, I feast upon hate.
106
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:21,304
You know what?
Fuck this whole thing!
107
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:24,351
Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
108
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:27,963
You're cool.
Fuck you, and fuck you!
109
00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:29,486
- Fuck all this shit!
- Whoa.
110
00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,314
You are not storming away
from me.
111
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:34,099
I am storming away from you,
but in a different direction!
112
00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:35,840
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Fuck you.
113
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,189
You know what,
maybe we should just
114
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:38,887
take five, shake it off.
115
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,889
When he says "take five,"
five of what?
116
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,412
And where are we taking them?
117
00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:45,415
This last year,
it has not been easy on me.
118
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,765
My search for love has
119
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,332
been stymied at every turn.
120
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,073
- I'm a lesbian.
- Are you sure?
121
00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:52,248
Definitely sure.
122
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,250
Would you do me the honor
of being
123
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,686
my vampire bride?
124
00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:57,645
I was married before.
125
00:04:57,688 --> 00:04:59,951
I discovered that
there is no meaning or purpose
126
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,823
to the universe,
127
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,607
because of the Big Bang Theory.
128
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:06,741
And on top of all that,
the death of Colin Robinson--
129
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:10,440
it has, I must confess,
hit me quite hard.
130
00:05:10,484 --> 00:05:12,355
Life is precious.
131
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:15,358
Even so-called eternal life
can be snuffed out
132
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,055
at a moment's notice.
133
00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:19,841
Colin Robinson's head imploding
into a pile of goo
134
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:24,628
has made me realize that I need
to make the most of my life.
135
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:27,762
Which is why I've decided
to leave Staten Island
136
00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:29,764
- and travel the world.
- What?
137
00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:33,071
Visit the Great Fjords of
whatever country they're in.
138
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:35,160
Get a job on one of those boats
that collect plastic
139
00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:36,945
- from the ocean.
- What the hell
are you talking about?
140
00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:40,905
- Guillermo, did I not tell you
all this already?
- No.
141
00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:42,777
- Sorry. Would you mind giving
us a moment?
- Sorry.
142
00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,344
Can you just give us
one minute?
143
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,606
- Thank you so much.
Appreciate it.
144
00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:47,259
Careful with the rug.
145
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,913
You can't make any rational
decisions right now
146
00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:50,437
because you're dealing
with Colin Robinson's death
147
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,786
and you're running away
from your feelings.
148
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,396
Yeah. So what?
I hate my feelings.
149
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,137
You know what, this plan,
it sounds great out loud,
150
00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:56,921
but I-I, I just can't drop
everything that I'm doing.
151
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,488
I have duties, you know.
Responsibilities.
152
00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:00,272
Like, my mom is here.
I can't just pack a bag
153
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:01,665
and go on a world tour with you
at the drop of a hat.
154
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:04,494
You're not coming with me.
155
00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:06,409
What?
156
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,672
You are one of the things
I need to get away from
157
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,326
to make a fresh start.
158
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,502
No offense.
159
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,330
Okay, well,
how you gonna travel?
160
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,114
Just by night?
You're just gonna carry
161
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,768
your ancestral dirt with you
and your coffin wherever you go?
162
00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:20,031
- That-that's insane.
- Yes, you're right.
163
00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:21,772
There's a lot of details
to figure out.
164
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:24,862
And you are going
to figure them out for me.
165
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:27,387
- Oh, surprise, surprise.
- As your last duty.
166
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:31,956
My sweet, sweet Guillermo.
167
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,177
You don't understand because?
168
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,179
I'm not a vampire.
169
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:39,616
Yes! Trust me,
170
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,489
Nadja and Laszlo,
they are itching to get away.
171
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:45,274
These vampire pods,
they don't last forever.
172
00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:47,450
And I'm not gonna be
the last one in here
173
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:50,018
all alone like a fucking loser.
174
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:54,501
I would rather not talk
about the death
175
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:57,591
of Shmolin Shmobinson
because my dear husband Laszlo
176
00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,114
is having a bit of
a hard time dealing with it.
177
00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:00,594
What are you talking about?
178
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,378
I said you were having
a hard time dealing
179
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,859
with Colin Robinson's very
disgusting and tragic death.
180
00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:07,296
Well, that would be bullshit,
then, wouldn't it, my darling?
181
00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:09,037
I couldn't give a tinker's fig.
182
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,473
- People die all the time.
183
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,954
- Animals die, plants die.
184
00:07:12,997 --> 00:07:14,042
Oh, Gizmo, it's just you.
185
00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:15,783
It's kind of important.
186
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:18,002
Can't you see I'm doing my
talking-to-the-camera thing?
187
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:20,614
I'm busy. Shoo!
188
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,137
...by lunchtime I was
in the whorehouse
189
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:24,487
with two prostitutes
and three good-time boys.
190
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:27,229
Hold on, I've just had
the best idea.
191
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:28,448
I think I might know
just the thing
192
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,493
to cheer you up, my love.
193
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,016
I don't need cheering up.
194
00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,801
How's about me and you
take a lovely little trip
195
00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:37,108
- back to merry old England?
- No.
196
00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,762
We could get a red bus
and make love in it.
197
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:41,983
We could get a black cab
and make love in it.
198
00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:44,420
We could go to Madame Tussaud's
and look around.
199
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,117
If I were to need
rest and recuperation
200
00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:49,120
for my dear friend's death,
that fuck hole would be
201
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,035
the last place on Earth
202
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:52,428
that I would choose
to go back to.
203
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,909
You know this.
I made a precious vow
204
00:07:54,952 --> 00:07:58,129
- never to go back there again.
- Laszlo! Ugh!
205
00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:01,350
United Kingdom?
United Ding-dong, more like.
206
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:03,961
Nadja, Nadja,
I really need your help.
207
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:05,397
It's about Nandor.
208
00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:10,881
- I suppose we just wait.
I don't know.
209
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,404
We have a problem.
210
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:13,928
You are not the only one
with problems, Gizmo!
211
00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:15,843
Look at you.
"Oh, everyone feel sorry for me
212
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,322
"'cause I'm a pathetic human,
213
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,846
"and I can't fly,
and all I do is
214
00:08:18,889 --> 00:08:20,456
sit on the toilet all day."
215
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,590
Well, what about my needs?
Look. Look at this.
216
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,899
Uh, that's not how that works.
217
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,422
- Oh, you do it!
- Okay.
218
00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:32,512
This is a glass paperweight,
219
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:35,123
and this is the TV control.
220
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:37,081
- We push this in...
- Patronizing.
221
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,692
...and play.
222
00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:45,089
-This is not taping over
RuPaul, is it?
- No, no.
223
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,830
-'Cause I haven't seen
the latest episode.
- It's a fresh...
224
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:49,180
-Okay, good. What?
- We're recording.
225
00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:50,747
Oh. Ahem.
226
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:54,272
Dark greetings,
Nadja of Antipaxos.
227
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:56,710
You must know by now
that I've had my eye on you
228
00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:58,363
for quite some time.
229
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,975
Your work on your local
Vampiric Council
230
00:09:01,018 --> 00:09:03,891
has been quite impressive.
Yas, queen.
231
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,023
Everyone is going on about it.
232
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:09,461
And thus, we would be delighted
for you to join us
233
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:11,681
in London, in England,
234
00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:14,162
where you will take a position
that ranks amongst
235
00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:18,427
the highest of all worldwide
Vampiric Council positions.
236
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:20,690
We do hope you'll accept
this offer promptly,
237
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,736
because as you know,
vampires hate waiting.
238
00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:26,087
Even though we're immortal,
waiting is just still a thing.
239
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:29,003
So, if you accept,
as fast as you can,
240
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:32,528
tape your acceptance speech
on a VHS tape, and then
241
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,575
put it in an envelope
and send it by mail,
242
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:37,794
and eventually
it'll get to us.
243
00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:39,579
This is your last ch...
244
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:41,624
You're thinking of leaving, too?
245
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,583
Of course I want to leave.
246
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,846
It is such a great honor
and opportunity,
247
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:48,065
and I would have a chance
to finally do something
248
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:49,763
with my stupid eternal life.
249
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,199
But it is not to be.
250
00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:52,417
- Good.
- What?!
251
00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:53,897
I mean, uh, why?
252
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:56,204
Because Laszlo will never
go back to England.
253
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:58,249
You heard him.
He has sworn it.
254
00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:00,121
But I cannot leave him
on his own.
255
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:03,646
You know, I went on holiday
for two weeks in 1924,
256
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,692
and when I got back,
he hadn't fed himself once.
257
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:08,956
He spent all his time writing
poetry and wanking.
258
00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:10,522
So, no, I can't go.
259
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:12,873
So you're saying
if Laszlo doesn't go,
260
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:15,789
then you certainly won't go?
261
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:18,008
I literally just
said that to you.
262
00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:22,012
I know it seems like
I'm panicking,
263
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:23,840
but I'm not panicking.
It's just that I'm afraid
264
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,668
it's like a party; as soon as
one person leaves the party,
265
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,496
another person decides it's okay
for them to leave the party,
266
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:28,758
and before you know it,
the whole party's over.
267
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:29,803
And you devoted 12 years
of your life
268
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,108
to a certain type of party,
269
00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:31,892
and it's not gonna end
like this!
270
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,723
- Sorry.
271
00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:38,115
Hey...
272
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,290
Sorry, I didn't mean
to startle you,
273
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:40,814
I just had a question.
274
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,729
If this has anything to do
with the fact that
275
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:44,731
I won't let anybody touch
Colin Robinson's body,
276
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:47,298
yet I myself have not been
down to the basement
277
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:49,823
to pay my respects,
I can answer that.
278
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:52,782
There's nothing down there.
Only a bag of skin.
279
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:56,264
Plus I find that kind of
sentimental gesture
280
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,613
fucking tawdry.
281
00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:01,486
No, no, that wasn't it.
I wasn't--
282
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:04,011
No, it was just a random
question that I was--
283
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:07,754
What do you think about England?
Is it a cool place to live?
284
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:11,888
No, it is absolutely not
a cool place to live.
285
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,760
- Why not?
- You want to know a story about
286
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:17,067
- England and the English way?
- Yeah.
287
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:20,680
- I used to be a member
of a club.
288
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:22,203
The Sherwood Club of London.
289
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:24,596
My father was a member of a club
290
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,947
called the Sherwood Club
of London.
291
00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:28,557
His father was a member
of a club
292
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,429
called the Sherwood Club
of London.
293
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:34,084
- You get where I'm going
with this?
- I think so.
294
00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:36,521
Anyway, treachery was afoot,
and I was expelled
295
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:38,741
from the Sherwood Club
of London.
296
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,875
The decision was unanimous.
297
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:46,053
So I left the UK and came here,
298
00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:47,489
to the New World.
299
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:49,926
To the land of opportunity,
300
00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:52,799
where men--
and, I'm told, some women--
301
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:55,453
can be kings
of their own castle.
302
00:11:55,497 --> 00:11:59,022
Where industrialists can rub
shoulders with chimney sweeps.
303
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:01,285
My late friend Walt Whitman
said to me,
304
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:04,071
-"You'd better put
that away, Laszlo..."
- So you're saying
305
00:12:04,114 --> 00:12:08,423
you would never, ever
go back to England.
306
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:09,772
Yes, I am.
307
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,469
- I would never, ever,
308
00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:14,342
ever, ever, ever
309
00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:15,735
go back to England.
310
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,127
Well, there you have it.
311
00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:18,738
- Oh.
312
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:19,826
- There's the bell.
Five minutes, vamps.
313
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:20,783
Time to get back
to the portrait.
314
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,567
Tell him to fuck off.
315
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:23,960
- I'm busy here.
- All right.
316
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,223
Plus, that conversation
about my homeland
317
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:27,964
has given me the pip.
318
00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:29,879
- Of course.
- I shall need ten minutes
to recover.
319
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,455
Hel-lo.
320
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:42,762
Your English is
coming along nicely.
321
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,981
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
Hey...
322
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:46,591
You see?
You have made progress.
323
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:49,072
I have to remind myself
that vampires always make
324
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:51,858
these grandiose plans,
but they never see them through.
325
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,685
- Everything's gonna be A-ok...
It's a map.
326
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:55,209
It's a cape.
327
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:57,080
- It's a mape!
I'll tell you what,
328
00:12:57,124 --> 00:13:00,170
- world travel looks good
on you, Nandor.
- Thank you.
329
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:03,260
- Oh, hi, Guillermo. Good news.
330
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:06,437
She is an expert on
international vampire travel.
331
00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:09,919
It's true. I book all the trips
for the Vampiric Council.
332
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,356
- Really the only fun part
of my job.
- Yes.
333
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,097
Anyway, we figured out
all the details
334
00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:15,838
- so you don't have to
worry about a thing.
- No.
335
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,319
I mean, I don't think
you've thought of everything.
336
00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:19,886
- I mean, what about...
- The coffin? Super easy.
337
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,409
All you need is international
bill of lading,
338
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:22,627
- and that's kind of it.
- Really?
339
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,064
Here's a tip.
- Yes?
340
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:26,936
Put your ancestral soil
in your Jansport
341
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:30,070
so it's always on your back, and
you can just lie down anywhere.
342
00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,507
- What's a Jansport?
- It's a backpack.
- It's a backpack.
343
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:35,379
- It's a very popular backpack.
- It's a children's backpack.
344
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:37,251
That's smart.
That's very smart.
345
00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:38,861
- Anyone could have
thought of that.
Let's celebrate.
346
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,170
Master, listen to me.
347
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:44,911
Nadja and Laszlo
aren't leaving after all.
348
00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:46,869
So you don't have to worry
about being all by yourself.
349
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:49,263
But I'm excited
for this trip now.
350
00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:52,396
It's gonna be a real eat,
prey, love kind journey for me.
351
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,616
What do you mean?
You're gonna pray?
352
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,705
Well, how am I gonna eat if
I don't prey on people, dummy?
353
00:13:56,748 --> 00:14:00,535
Now, you must travel
by railway and always at night.
354
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:01,971
It's the only way
to stay safe.
355
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,452
Plus, it's usually much cheaper.
356
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:06,541
Oh, I'm so excited.
357
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:09,544
I cannot wait to see
all the wonders of the world.
358
00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,154
The Colossus of Rhodes.
359
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,591
The Hanging Gardens
of Babylon.
360
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:15,550
The beautiful unmarred face
of the Sphinx.
361
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:17,900
Ah, cheers to that!
362
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,293
- We should finish our portrait.
Come on, everybody!
363
00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:20,294
- Shall we?
- Absolutely.
364
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:21,469
And there are so many
365
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:23,036
wonderful vampire hosts
366
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:24,515
- I can hook you up with.
- Oh, please.
367
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:27,997
You know, you spend
your whole life wanting
368
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:30,695
to shoot in New York;
Brooklyn in this case.
369
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:32,262
We were at Steiner Studios.
370
00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:34,656
And then you find yourself
so far from your family,
371
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,745
- it gets kind of lonely.
- I have to say something.
372
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:39,226
- I'm sorry, Donal Logue.
- Quite all right.
373
00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:41,750
I know that we're all
a little bit shaken up
374
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,795
- by the death of Colin Robinson.
Speak for yourself.
375
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,885
I'm as dry as a nun's doodah.
376
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,756
Well, regardless,
we have to remember
377
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:50,019
that there's the family
that you're born into,
378
00:14:50,063 --> 00:14:51,760
and then there's
your chosen family.
379
00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:53,501
That's what we are.
380
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:56,112
We're a chosen family,
and it's a rare thing...
381
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,505
I've been offered
a job in England,
382
00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:58,810
- and I want to move there!
- Whoo-hoo!
383
00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:00,290
- Over my dead body.
384
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,031
Well, it seems everyone's
getting into it now.
385
00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:05,121
I have decided to leave
the island of Staten,
386
00:15:05,165 --> 00:15:09,473
travel the world and
rediscover my groove.
387
00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:11,301
- You are so selfish, Laszlo!
She's right.
388
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:14,609
I made a vow never to return
to that cack house
389
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:16,089
ever, ever again.
390
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,308
- But why?
- You know why.
391
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:21,790
- The British are a pack of
classist wankers.
Here, here.
392
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:24,271
And those fuckers
expelled me
393
00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:25,837
- from the Sherwood...
- From the Sherwood Club.
394
00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:27,752
Yes, I know. You have told me
so many times.
395
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,363
Yeah, I've told you
so many times,
396
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:31,713
but I've never told you why.
397
00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:33,454
And now I will.
398
00:15:33,497 --> 00:15:34,890
I always thought
it was because of
399
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:35,978
all the whores and the whoring.
400
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,110
They don't give a fuck about
401
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:38,676
whores and whoring, my darling.
402
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,765
They didn't even care
that I was a vampire.
403
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:43,986
What they did object to,
however, was the fact
404
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,249
that I fell in love
and eventually married
405
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:50,601
the most beautiful,
simple girl.
406
00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:53,517
A girl with no surname,
407
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:56,477
no social standing.
408
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,262
They actually called her
a peasant girl.
409
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:04,050
A girl from a tiny village
on a dirt island
410
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:05,442
in the Mediterranean.
411
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:08,968
That girl is the most
beautiful girl
412
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:10,578
I have ever known.
413
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:14,277
That girl's name--
yes, my darling--
414
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:18,064
- Is my name?
- Is your name. Nadja.
415
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:21,110
- Oh, snap.
- Snap, indeed, Donal.
416
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:23,808
But, my dark baby,
417
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:26,115
I will be returning to England
to assume a position
418
00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:28,596
on the Supreme Vampiric Council.
419
00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:30,119
Wait, what?
420
00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:32,556
We would be going back
as the tip of the tops
421
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,862
of the upper classes.
422
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:35,516
- Really?
- Yeah.
423
00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:38,649
Well, that changes pretty much
fucking everything.
424
00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:41,609
- Count me in.
No, no, Laszlo,
425
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,741
You made a lifelong vow
to never go back
426
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:45,830
- to that shithole, remember?
- Didn't you hear what
she just said?
427
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,658
We're gonna rule
the fucking place.
428
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,138
Rule Britannia!
429
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,926
- Oh, okay, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Now I'm ready.
430
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,537
Now I am ready.
431
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,713
- So romantic. Great!
Oh, yeah, get some.
432
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:02,021
It is decided, we will all
move on from this place
433
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,848
- and regroup elsewhere.
- Yes. Whoo-hoo!
434
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:06,199
I think we should all
just take a second, breathe.
435
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,331
You know,
just take a deep breath.
436
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,072
And, I mean, the portrait's
not even done, so we could...
437
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:11,682
No, it's almost done.
- What?
438
00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:13,032
And that's that.
439
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:15,077
So, you're all free
to go about doing
440
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,600
whatever the hell it was
you were doing before.
441
00:17:16,644 --> 00:17:18,907
Plus, I just got a text
from my agent
442
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:21,562
that I have to do a self-tape
for a CBS pilot,
443
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:22,867
so Logue out.
444
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:28,047
Always a drama with
this little rascal.
445
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,353
I will fix.
446
00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:33,095
You know, usually when
someone is upset,
447
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,705
they go to their own room,
448
00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:37,186
but I understand why
you would come to my room,
449
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:39,101
as it is a far superior
room to yours.
450
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,016
Which probably makes you feel
even more depressed.
451
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,888
- Is this your attempt
at cheering me up?
- Guillermo...
452
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:47,544
You want us to go through this
one more time? Hmm?
453
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:49,329
It is a very dangerous world
out there.
454
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,114
You're joking, right? It's me
who's been protecting you!
455
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,029
So what, you shooed away some
assassins; who gives a shit?
456
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,683
If it wasn't for me,
you would be dead by now.
457
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:58,120
If not by assassins
then by my very own hands
458
00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:59,861
because I am,
and I will remind you,
459
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:02,733
by birth and lineage,
a vampire killer.
460
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:06,172
And the only reason
you're alive is because...
461
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:07,956
I let you live.
462
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:14,049
What did you just say?
463
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:18,053
I said, the only reason
you're alive
464
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,142
is because I
465
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:24,581
let you live.
466
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:29,934
My poor, dear thing.
467
00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:32,111
You forgot that
we hypnotized you
468
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,896
to make it physically impossible
for you to harm me
469
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:36,724
or any or your masters.
470
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,247
Do you remember that? Hmm?
471
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:41,598
No, because we used hypnosis.
472
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:43,339
Hypnosis doesn't work on me.
473
00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:45,907
I just let you think it did
so you wouldn't feel weak.
474
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:48,910
I never feel weak,
my furry little friend!
475
00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:56,135
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
476
00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:57,397
Master, your-your sword
needs polishing.
477
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:58,963
It does?
478
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:01,270
- Hey!
479
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:05,187
- Plancha!
- Don't you dare!
480
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,971
Ow.
481
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:12,412
Once a familiar,
always a familiar!
482
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,333
Uh-uh-uh.
483
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:25,120
You almost hit John!
484
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,518
Yes, yes, finally.
485
00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:33,172
This is what
I've been waiting for.
486
00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:35,913
- What?
- Put the crucifix away,
Guillermo.
487
00:19:35,957 --> 00:19:37,611
You have passed the test.
488
00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:41,136
What test?
489
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,183
I have been worried that you
have been going a little soft.
490
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:47,795
But tonight, you have
proved to me finally
491
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:50,711
that you can take care
of yourself.
492
00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:52,713
And more importantly,
493
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,672
you can take care of me.
494
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:58,066
Guillermo de la Cruz,
495
00:19:58,109 --> 00:20:02,897
will you do me the honor...
496
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:06,379
of accompanying me on my journey
around the world?
497
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:09,469
If you're scared of me
right now...
498
00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:11,732
If you accompany me
on this journey,
499
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:15,736
when we arrive at the banks
of the River Tigris
500
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:18,521
in my homeland of Al-Qolnadar,
501
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:21,263
you will take a knee,
502
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,918
and I will make you...
503
00:20:23,961 --> 00:20:26,225
a vampire.
504
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:29,576
- Really?
- My word
505
00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:31,447
is my bond.
506
00:20:32,796 --> 00:20:36,365
Then yes. Yes, of course
I'll go with you, Master.
507
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:39,890
There will be plenty of time
for that kind of thing.
508
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:42,328
- Right.
- Well...
509
00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:44,678
you should go,
start making arrangements.
510
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:45,896
Yes.
511
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:48,769
Let our great journey commence!
512
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:52,338
That little fucker can
really move when he wants to.
513
00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:57,995
Yeah, I'm gonna miss
this house, but...
514
00:20:58,039 --> 00:21:00,259
definitely won't miss
cleaning it.
515
00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:03,436
It'll be sad to say bye
to Nadja and Laszlo.
516
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,264
They're off
on a big adventure now,
517
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:07,048
so I'm really happy for them.
518
00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:09,311
Don't you even fucking dare!
519
00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:12,183
But the real thing
I'm looking forward to is...
520
00:21:12,227 --> 00:21:16,362
traveling the whole world
with my Nand-- master.
521
00:21:17,624 --> 00:21:19,147
Just the two of us.
522
00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:22,106
- Master.
- Yes?
523
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,108
You need to hurry up.
I still have to help
524
00:21:24,152 --> 00:21:26,110
Nadja and Laszlo load
their coffin into the boat.
525
00:21:26,154 --> 00:21:28,765
And then you and I are catching
a midnight train.
526
00:21:28,809 --> 00:21:32,073
Why are you helping them when my
ancestral soil needs scooping?
527
00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:33,596
Because it's the last time
I can say goodbye to them.
528
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,859
- I thought you'd understand.
- Oh, Guillermo.
529
00:21:35,903 --> 00:21:37,818
Fine, I will allow it.
530
00:21:37,861 --> 00:21:39,907
But don't think for one second
I'll be getting into the habit
531
00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:41,909
- of scooping my own soil.
- No, of course not.
532
00:21:41,952 --> 00:21:43,650
Oh. Can you take my luggage
to the train station?
533
00:21:43,693 --> 00:21:45,216
I don't want to carry it
to the dock
534
00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:46,479
and then have
to carry it back...
535
00:21:46,522 --> 00:21:48,698
Hey! What,
am I working for you now?
536
00:21:50,265 --> 00:21:51,353
I'm kidding, Guillermo.
537
00:21:51,397 --> 00:21:52,833
I will take your bag for you.
538
00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:54,661
Okay, gracias.
539
00:21:54,704 --> 00:21:57,446
- Knock, knock,
Mr. Relentless.
- Hi.
540
00:21:57,490 --> 00:22:00,406
Hello.
I just wanted to say goodbye.
541
00:22:00,449 --> 00:22:03,713
- Thank you.
- I got you a little card.
542
00:22:03,757 --> 00:22:05,367
"Bon voyage."
543
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:07,151
Those are
the wraiths' signatures.
544
00:22:07,195 --> 00:22:09,197
- Oh.
- Some of them
don't know how to write,
545
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,634
and others once did
but have long since forgotten,
546
00:22:11,678 --> 00:22:13,636
so I just dipped
their claws in ink
547
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,159
and let them go at it.
548
00:22:15,203 --> 00:22:16,944
Smart.
549
00:22:16,987 --> 00:22:18,119
Thank you.
550
00:22:18,162 --> 00:22:20,121
Should we hug now, or...?
551
00:22:20,164 --> 00:22:22,558
I think it would be too much.
552
00:22:22,602 --> 00:22:24,865
- Okay.
- Nandor, I have come
to bid you adieu.
553
00:22:24,908 --> 00:22:27,128
You are a vampire
I have known for a while now,
554
00:22:27,171 --> 00:22:29,348
and now our time together
has ended.
555
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:30,697
Cheers! Bye! Ha!
556
00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:32,916
Nadja, Laszlo, vámonos!
557
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,353
We have to go!
558
00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:35,658
Don't you dare shout at me,
Guillermo!
559
00:22:35,702 --> 00:22:37,181
I could suck out
all of your bodily fluids
560
00:22:37,225 --> 00:22:38,357
in less than two seconds.
561
00:22:39,532 --> 00:22:41,316
- Not gonna miss that.
- Laszlo?
562
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,665
Where are you?
It's time to get to...
563
00:22:42,709 --> 00:22:44,754
Oh.
564
00:22:44,798 --> 00:22:46,930
What were you doing
in the basement, my dear?
565
00:22:46,974 --> 00:22:49,672
Nothing. Just taking care
of some business.
566
00:22:49,716 --> 00:22:52,066
Oh, my sweet love.
567
00:22:52,109 --> 00:22:54,068
Were you finally saying goodbye
to the decaying corpse
568
00:22:54,111 --> 00:22:55,852
of your very dead friend
Colin Robinson?
569
00:22:55,896 --> 00:22:57,376
Something like that.
570
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:58,812
Are you okay?
Do you need a bit more time?
571
00:22:58,855 --> 00:23:00,248
Not at all. I feel fine.
572
00:23:00,291 --> 00:23:01,684
Let's rock and roll.
573
00:23:01,728 --> 00:23:03,904
We're missing
three boxes of porn.
574
00:23:13,870 --> 00:23:15,916
- Whoo-hoo! Guillermo, my things.
575
00:23:15,959 --> 00:23:18,484
- Coming.
- Ah, smell the sea.
576
00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:20,486
I do love a journey.
577
00:23:20,529 --> 00:23:22,879
- And I went ahead and downloaded
578
00:23:22,923 --> 00:23:24,751
all the seasons
of RuPaul's Drag Race.
579
00:23:24,794 --> 00:23:26,535
Thank you very much, Guillermo.
580
00:23:26,579 --> 00:23:28,929
It has been... nice.
581
00:23:28,972 --> 00:23:30,496
Yeah.
582
00:23:30,539 --> 00:23:32,715
My darling, I will see you
583
00:23:32,759 --> 00:23:35,631
when we are kissing the ground
of your native land
584
00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,591
and make love on the bones
of those who scorned you.
585
00:23:38,634 --> 00:23:40,636
Safe passage, my darling.
586
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:45,685
- Are you in?
- Yes. Lock me up.
587
00:23:45,728 --> 00:23:48,165
Right. Now, come on,
don't fuck about, get that in.
588
00:23:48,209 --> 00:23:51,168
Why do you have water and food
if you can't even eat it?
589
00:23:51,212 --> 00:23:52,953
It's Oreos and Pedialyte.
590
00:23:52,996 --> 00:23:55,129
This stuff's worth its weight
in gold where I come from.
591
00:23:55,172 --> 00:23:57,044
I can barter that
and get anything I want.
592
00:23:57,087 --> 00:23:59,350
Makes sense. Well, this is it.
593
00:23:59,394 --> 00:24:01,396
- Indeed.
- All right.
594
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,658
- Yeah.
- Okay.
595
00:24:02,702 --> 00:24:03,833
Right.
596
00:24:03,877 --> 00:24:05,400
Safe fare.
597
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:06,706
You, too.
598
00:24:06,749 --> 00:24:08,447
It's a lot of Oreos.
599
00:24:08,490 --> 00:24:09,796
Make sure
you look after my wife.
600
00:24:09,839 --> 00:24:12,581
What? Aah! No! No, no, no, no!
601
00:24:12,625 --> 00:24:14,583
- No, no, no!
602
00:24:14,627 --> 00:24:16,672
What the fuck?! Master!
603
00:24:16,716 --> 00:24:17,934
Wait for me!
604
00:24:20,110 --> 00:24:23,287
Help! Let me out!
Let me out, Laszlo!
605
00:24:23,331 --> 00:24:25,812
Laszlo, please don't!
Hello! Hello?
606
00:24:26,813 --> 00:24:28,771
Hey...
607
00:24:31,339 --> 00:24:33,472
All aboard!
608
00:24:34,821 --> 00:24:37,345
Guillermo...!
609
00:24:38,738 --> 00:24:40,174
You coming or staying?
610
00:24:53,143 --> 00:24:55,276
My dearest Nadja,
611
00:24:55,319 --> 00:24:58,584
you must be deucedly cross
with me for my subterfuge.
612
00:24:58,627 --> 00:25:01,848
But you have Gizmo at your side,
613
00:25:01,891 --> 00:25:04,154
if he has not expired
or drowned in his own filth
614
00:25:04,198 --> 00:25:06,417
during the transatlantic crossing.
615
00:25:06,461 --> 00:25:09,203
I did cut a small hole
in the bottom of the coffin,
616
00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:12,336
so if he is
either accurate or persistent,
617
00:25:12,380 --> 00:25:14,556
he should be fine.
618
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,253
But I digress.
619
00:25:17,777 --> 00:25:20,693
Guillermo is
a damn good bodyguard.
620
00:25:20,736 --> 00:25:22,259
He will keep you safe.
621
00:25:23,652 --> 00:25:25,654
But the truth is, my darling,
622
00:25:25,698 --> 00:25:28,527
you don't need anyone
to keep you safe.
623
00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:30,529
Okay, so,
this is my trinkets case.
624
00:25:30,572 --> 00:25:33,053
Over these past
200 or 300 years,
625
00:25:33,096 --> 00:25:36,230
- Hurry up!
- you have grown into a strong,
626
00:25:36,273 --> 00:25:39,059
bold, independent woman
of the world.
627
00:25:39,102 --> 00:25:42,497
It is a strange and dangerous
netherworld we inhabit,
628
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:45,631
and I once thought you
too weak and defenseless
629
00:25:45,674 --> 00:25:47,633
to navigate it on your own,
630
00:25:47,676 --> 00:25:50,505
and that you needed me about
at all times
631
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,246
to take care of you.
632
00:25:52,289 --> 00:25:55,945
But that is no longer true,
were it ever so.
633
00:25:55,989 --> 00:25:57,251
Um...
634
00:25:57,294 --> 00:26:00,341
safe passage, Colin Robinson.
635
00:26:01,516 --> 00:26:03,039
Not much more to say.
636
00:26:03,083 --> 00:26:05,302
What's that...
637
00:26:06,303 --> 00:26:07,522
Oh, my...
638
00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:09,568
What the fuck?
639
00:26:10,830 --> 00:26:13,136
- What?
640
00:26:13,180 --> 00:26:15,791
- Shit.
- There are, it seems,
641
00:26:15,835 --> 00:26:17,619
others in our world...
642
00:26:17,663 --> 00:26:19,099
What's this shit?
643
00:26:19,142 --> 00:26:21,623
...whose future
is far less certain,
644
00:26:21,667 --> 00:26:23,538
whose existence
645
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:27,673
is even more terrifying
and mysterious than our own...
646
00:26:28,891 --> 00:26:33,069
...who actually are weak
and defenseless,
647
00:26:33,113 --> 00:26:37,639
- who need protection and care.
648
00:26:37,683 --> 00:26:39,510
Hello?
649
00:26:44,733 --> 00:26:46,039
Shit.
650
00:26:46,082 --> 00:26:50,347
♪ Our love is young♪
651
00:26:50,391 --> 00:26:54,003
♪ It shines so bright♪
652
00:26:54,047 --> 00:26:57,050
♪ Don't ever let♪
653
00:26:57,093 --> 00:26:58,878
♪ It vanish♪
654
00:26:58,921 --> 00:27:01,750
♪ In the night♪
655
00:27:01,794 --> 00:27:04,274
-♪ Don't wake too soon♪
656
00:27:04,318 --> 00:27:06,929
And a little to the right.
657
00:27:06,973 --> 00:27:08,409
Almost.
658
00:27:08,452 --> 00:27:10,237
A little more to the right.
659
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,369
Just squaring it up.
660
00:27:12,413 --> 00:27:14,067
And a little to...
661
00:27:16,939 --> 00:27:19,942
♪ Our love is young♪
662
00:27:19,986 --> 00:27:21,988
♪ Like a bird♪
663
00:27:22,031 --> 00:27:24,207
♪ It hovers near us♪
664
00:27:24,251 --> 00:27:25,687
♪ Tread with care♪
665
00:27:25,731 --> 00:27:27,950
♪ Lest it should hear us♪
666
00:27:27,994 --> 00:27:29,778
♪ Seize it now♪
667
00:27:29,822 --> 00:27:32,651
♪ Before it flies away♪
668
00:27:33,913 --> 00:27:36,785
♪ Don't let it go♪
669
00:27:37,786 --> 00:27:41,572
♪ Our love is young♪
670
00:27:41,616 --> 00:27:46,447
♪ So very young.♪
671
00:27:55,325 --> 00:27:57,414
Everything you want to know
about vampires,
672
00:27:57,458 --> 00:27:58,589
it's right here.
673
00:28:00,113 --> 00:28:01,897
- I'm in love.
She's half-chicken
674
00:28:01,941 --> 00:28:03,072
Nobody's perfect
675
00:28:04,204 --> 00:28:05,640
Bat!
676
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:06,859
Cash or card?
677
00:28:06,902 --> 00:28:09,078
I will not be paying
- for anything.
- Got it.
678
00:28:10,340 --> 00:28:13,300
They have wellness
vampires now.
679
00:28:13,343 --> 00:28:14,823
Stretch those hammies!
680
00:28:14,867 --> 00:28:16,607
Feel the burn!
681
00:28:17,391 --> 00:28:19,045
She has changed my life.
682
00:28:28,228 --> 00:28:29,272
We're not safe here.
683
00:28:31,187 --> 00:28:32,362
We don't really
live in this world.
684
00:28:33,015 --> 00:28:34,016
We feed off of it.
685
00:28:35,017 --> 00:28:36,149
Aliens.
686
00:28:36,192 --> 00:28:37,541
Mother of God!
687
00:28:38,717 --> 00:28:40,327
How have you
not gone insane?
688
00:28:41,632 --> 00:28:43,678
Once you sell your soul,
it's gone.
689
00:28:44,157 --> 00:28:45,332
Boom!
690
00:28:45,375 --> 00:28:46,550
It's breaking
all the rules.
691
00:28:48,074 --> 00:28:49,118
And I'm here for that.
692
00:28:56,778 --> 00:28:58,519
It happened
pretty fast.
693
00:28:58,562 --> 00:29:00,260
The world
has changed.
694
00:29:00,303 --> 00:29:01,827
His survivor's classified.
695
00:29:01,870 --> 00:29:03,393
Nobody can know
about him.
696
00:29:05,308 --> 00:29:06,745
People are going
to have to pick sides.
697
00:29:08,224 --> 00:29:09,835
I think it's going
to get worse
698
00:29:09,878 --> 00:29:10,966
before it gets better.
699
00:29:11,967 --> 00:29:12,968
Run!
700
00:29:15,188 --> 00:29:16,493
I imagine
that you attract
701
00:29:16,537 --> 00:29:17,799
quite a bit
of attention.
702
00:29:17,843 --> 00:29:19,279
You know, more than before.
That's for sure.
703
00:29:25,546 --> 00:29:26,765
Hillary.
704
00:29:26,808 --> 00:29:27,896
Hillary, wake up.
705
00:29:30,681 --> 00:29:31,682
I'm sorry.
706
00:29:32,248 --> 00:29:33,249
For what?