1 00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:04,787 My name is B. J. Novak. I wanna tell you about this show I made. 2 00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:07,181 It's a completely different episode every time. 3 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:08,312 - Pop culture. - Sex. 4 00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:09,400 MAN: Revenge. 5 00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:10,445 Here it is. Is that it? 6 00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:12,142 That's it. 7 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,198 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 8 00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,634 COLIN: What about that one? 9 00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:27,288 LASZLO: That'll do nicely. That gaggle 10 00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:28,985 of human flotsam doesn't even 11 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,552 belong on the sea. 12 00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:32,641 Bat! 13 00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:37,385 [screaming] 14 00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:44,000 COLIN [singsongy]: Hello. 15 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,960 - Get the fuck out of here! - Just like on Gilligan. 16 00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:49,919 - MAN: Come on! -[woman screams] 17 00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:52,530 - Send us a postcard. -[both laugh] 18 00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,706 [whoops] Just the dudes! 19 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,100 And away we go. 20 00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:59,233 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 21 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,757 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 22 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,238 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 23 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,936 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 24 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,852 ♪ You're dead and out of this world♪ 25 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:14,422 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪ 26 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:17,164 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪ 27 00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,514 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪ 28 00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:22,169 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 29 00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:23,953 ♪ 30 00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:34,398 Again, we do apologize so deeply 31 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,270 for taking up any of your time. 32 00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:38,446 I wish I could have helped you with 33 00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:40,143 whatever this was supposed to be about, but-- 34 00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:41,971 Is that Count Bakula? 35 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:43,842 - BAKULA: Who's that? - Hi, Count Bakula! 36 00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:45,409 - Big fan! - No, shush! 37 00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:47,194 It turns out he's not even actually a vampire. 38 00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,196 We got it wrong. He's actually a Scoot? 39 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,546 - He's a Scott... Bakula. - Scott. 40 00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,939 Nadja, really, I-I need to go. I got people in the pool-- 41 00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:56,028 - NADJA: Yes, you must go. Thank you so much. - NANDOR: But before you do, 42 00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:57,421 eh, Count Bakula, could I just ask, 43 00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:59,075 did you ever have an ancestral 44 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,338 home in the Transylvania area? 45 00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:02,905 Not that I'm aware of. 46 00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,689 Uh, we're all here in Sherman Oaks. 47 00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:07,039 Oh, is that near Bucharest? 48 00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:10,173 No, it's between Mulholland and, uh, and-and the Galleria. 49 00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:12,175 I do apologize for my associate. 50 00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,134 He is demented. 51 00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,266 Nandor and I have come to a better agreement 52 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,573 on how to run the Vampiric Council together. 53 00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:21,967 - Which is a-- - A diplomatic solution, whereby-- 54 00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:24,796 Which is that we will each be running the council... 55 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,711 BOTH: On alternating days. 56 00:02:26,755 --> 00:02:28,887 GUIDE: It's a terrible solution. 57 00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,933 Every day is spent undoing what the other one did 58 00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,239 on the previous day. 59 00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:34,893 We are two, but we work as... one. 60 00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:36,112 One. 61 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,592 I said say it together. 62 00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,289 GUIDE: This is the most poorly run 63 00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:40,682 Vampiric Council 64 00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:42,336 since the rule of Paduk the Deranged. 65 00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,164 Who also tried to share his leadership duties 66 00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,557 with what he believed to be was a talking footstool. 67 00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,298 But we even had good days with him. 68 00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:49,865 There are no good days with these two. 69 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:52,041 This is ultimately what power-sharing 70 00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,565 and coexistence is all about. 71 00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,959 A real - Israel/ - Palestine situation. 72 00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:59,266 Yes, a win-win. 73 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:04,184 - Nandor! - NANDOR: Yes? 74 00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:05,576 Here we go again. 75 00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,056 - NANDOR: What? - Nandor! 76 00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,666 DOLL NADJA: Ah, there you are! 77 00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,451 - I've been looking everywhere. - Not now, darling. 78 00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,366 - I need a moment. - Could you possibly pick me up and--? 79 00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:13,454 - GUIDE: Busy. - I'm going to peel the skin off your scrotum 80 00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,020 and chew it like a gum! 81 00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:17,153 What is this? 82 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,329 This is an agreement for our Vampiric Council 83 00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:21,201 of the Tristate Area-- VCOTSA! 84 00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:23,333 To be the proud sponsors of the upcoming 85 00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:25,248 - Fun Run for MS. - NANDOR: Yes. 86 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:27,381 - And you think this is a good idea why? - DOLL NADJA: Nadja! 87 00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,687 It is a good idea because it is good 88 00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,689 that humans are healthy. 89 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:34,083 Healthier humans mean healthier eating choices for us. 90 00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,607 - NADJA DOLL: Pick me up, please! - Not now, darling! 91 00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:38,261 - Please! - GUIDE: Shoo, little one. 92 00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,958 And so we are going to announce to the world 93 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,352 on the back of T-shirts, "Proudly sponsored 94 00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:44,659 -"by the vampires that live amongst you..." - Pay attention to me! 95 00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,530 -"...that you're not supposed to know about"? - Yoo-hoo. 96 00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:48,576 - Ay! - I am undoing this. 97 00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,230 - It will be undone. - NADJA DOLL: Hello? 98 00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,753 Undo nothing! 99 00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:53,494 I will put a temporary stop-work order 100 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,017 on the proposed undoing. 101 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,237 No one will even notice. It's gonna be like... 102 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,674 "Sponsored by Wells Fargo, 103 00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:01,197 - Jersey Mike's Sub Shop..." -[sighs] 104 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,981 -[speaks foreign language] -"...VCOTSA." 105 00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:05,593 Sometimes I feel like I've become invisible to everyone. 106 00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:07,421 And that hurts, you know? 107 00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:09,031 Wow, so... 108 00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,946 this is what we're doing now? 109 00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:14,166 Just gonna pair Guillermo with the doll for interviews? 110 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:16,299 That's wh-- that's where we're going? 111 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,301 Really, just get all the B-team interviews 112 00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,129 done at the same time? 113 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:21,565 Nice, real nice, guys. 114 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:22,914 Oh, boo-fucking-hoo! 115 00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:25,265 My legs are five centimeters long. 116 00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:26,962 Looks like you guys have things covered here. 117 00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,790 I have chores to do. 118 00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:30,748 - Do you need help? - No, I got it. 119 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:33,055 - Oy. - PRODUCER: Guillermo, come on. 120 00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:35,623 He's a chore, am I right? 121 00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,843 Now I'm guessing you're wondering 122 00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:40,758 why are those fellas on this boat? 123 00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,761 We're actually on our way to a place called Plum Island. 124 00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:46,198 LASZLO: Colin Robinson believes that Plum Island 125 00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:48,723 holds the secrets to his energy vampire 126 00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:50,290 origins. 127 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,335 COLIN: It's owned by the government. 128 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,729 It's an animal disease research center. 129 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,687 Off-limits to average Joes 130 00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:58,210 and likely highly guarded. 131 00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,603 Centuries ago... 132 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,910 I commanded the captain's helm 133 00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,564 of many an important vessel. 134 00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:06,088 I began my seafaring life as a... 135 00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,482 young sailor scrubbing the poop decks-- 136 00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:11,049 [laughs] Poop decks. 137 00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:12,486 That's what it's called. 138 00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,183 - Oh. - Yeah. 139 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:17,055 And from there I was in charge of sloops, 140 00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:18,883 battleships, brigantines, 141 00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:20,363 the Titanic for two seconds. 142 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:21,712 You name it, I sailed it. 143 00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,061 [horn blowing] 144 00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,759 What the fuck?! 145 00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,761 - Just hit the-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. 146 00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,545 Sorry. [laughs] 147 00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:30,417 Yeah, that's loud. [chuckles] 148 00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,550 DOLL NADJA: You know, being a ghost spirit 149 00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:36,118 in a doll body has been a complicated experience. 150 00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:39,469 But I've made some good memories here. 151 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:42,124 Yes... [speaks foreign language, whoops] 152 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:45,823 Remember that chopping someone's head off is an absolute last 153 00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,564 - resort. - Yeah, okay. 154 00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,610 [grunting] 155 00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:54,789 Which, in turn, causes an uneven wear pattern. 156 00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:56,921 - Mm-hmm. - And that is why you were 157 00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,880 walking weird last week. 158 00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:01,535 - You'll be walking weird if you don't shut up. - Absolutely. 159 00:06:01,578 --> 00:06:04,581 ♪ Vampires are a happy folk♪ 160 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:07,932 ♪ They share a laugh, they share a joke♪ 161 00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:10,457 [both grunting] 162 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,720 Oh, Nandor! 163 00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:14,548 [grunts] Shit. 164 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,376 - She's pretty good. Hey! - I'll kill you! Aah! 165 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,552 - Nandor, I'll fucking kill you! - Whoa, no-- hey, Nadja! 166 00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:20,597 But as time has passed, I have realized 167 00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:22,425 I don't fit here. 168 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,167 Perhaps I'm that one extra piece leftover when a puzzle is 169 00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:28,257 already completed and there is no place where it fits. 170 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,607 Which is not how a puzzle works, of course. 171 00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:31,869 But who gives a shit? 172 00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:33,654 That is how I feel. 173 00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,438 I'm the extra puzzle piece. 174 00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:36,874 [sighs] Okay. 175 00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,136 [speaks foreign language] 176 00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:39,486 Let's hit the road. 177 00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:41,966 NADJA: Honestly, Nandor, I don't want 178 00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:43,794 to sample virgin dogs. We've already tried that before. 179 00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,448 It doesn't work. 180 00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:47,015 - GUIDE: It will be undone. -"Vampire ice cream"? 181 00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,364 It's just cold blood. 182 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,887 We can put blood in the fridge. 183 00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:51,498 We don't need to do vampire ice cream. 184 00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:52,716 - Nadja? Hello? - Undo it. - It will be undone. 185 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:53,935 I'm leaving now. 186 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,458 NADJA: More portraits of Nandor? 187 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,068 Undo that. No, we've got enough portraits... 188 00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:59,288 Okay, then, I guess I'll just be moving along. 189 00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,811 NADJA: Vampire carnival?! 190 00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,161 I mean, we are a secret species. 191 00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:07,209 When I was a captain, life was the best. 192 00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:09,429 I knew a thousand sea shanties, 193 00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:11,605 I was nut-deep in prostitutes, 194 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:13,737 sword fights every other day, 195 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:16,523 as much gold as you could shake a shitty stick... 196 00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:19,221 What the fuck are you doing? It's dark! 197 00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,658 I-I know, it feels good, though. 198 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:24,095 - Hey, can you get my back? - Uh... 199 00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,706 maybe I'll do that later. 200 00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:27,403 [garbled radio chatter] 201 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,449 [woman vocalizing] 202 00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,104 What is this song? 203 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,150 It-It's haunting, yet... 204 00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:36,847 so familiar, I... 205 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:40,068 And yet like nothing I've heard before. 206 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,809 Kill the engine! Kill the engine! 207 00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:43,724 And the radio! 208 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,378 I think it's coming from over there! 209 00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,511 Coming from the starboard bow. 210 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,644 We should investigate! 211 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,950 Well, we got to. I don't see what else we can do. 212 00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:56,171 - Okay, shall do! Okay, let's go. - Haul ass! 213 00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:59,783 No, I'm... I'm starting to think 214 00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:02,090 - it could be a trap. - I was just thinking that. 215 00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,440 It definitely seems like some sort of trap 216 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,486 - we probably shouldn't, uh-- -[woman vocalizing] 217 00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,357 Ooh, ooh! 218 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,534 No, I think we should definitely investigate. 219 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:14,015 - Haul ass, smoke grass, let's go! - You got it. 220 00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:15,756 Ha-ha! 221 00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:18,106 - Whoa! How about that? - Where's my tie? Where's my tie?! 222 00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:20,195 [woman vocalizing] 223 00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:23,633 [boat crashes] 224 00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,026 LASZLO: Fucking hell! 225 00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:27,332 NADJA: Oh, Nandor! Oh, Nandor, help! 226 00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,726 - What? What? - Help me, somebody! I can't-- 227 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,554 [crying]: Oh, no! 228 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,643 - What is it? What the--? - She's gone! 229 00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,645 - Who?! - My baby dolly! 230 00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,647 She's gone! She has left home! I can't find her! 231 00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:39,214 How do you know she has left home? 232 00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:41,651 - Maybe she's just under the couch. - No! 233 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,348 I can feel it inside my bones. 234 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:44,915 It is exactly what I would do if I wanted to make 235 00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,569 everyone worry about me and cause a big drama. 236 00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:48,745 Just give her some space, I'm sure she will come back. 237 00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,965 37 wives and you still 238 00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:53,141 cannot read the room when a woman needs some attention! 239 00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:54,838 Come on, we have to go and find her! 240 00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,405 - Oh, do I have to? - Oh! 241 00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:57,841 I hope she is okay out there 242 00:08:57,885 --> 00:08:59,843 all by her small self-- you know what? 243 00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:02,498 If she wants to go out there, get kidnapped 244 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,588 by a Turkish horde of gangsters and sold off as mincemeat, 245 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,938 fine by me. Rolled up, turned into kofta, 246 00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,375 then I'm fine with that. This is all my fault. 247 00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:12,203 I have been neglecting her. 248 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:14,423 And when I find that little... [speaks foreign language] 249 00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,686 I am going to melt her head. 250 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:19,297 I'm going to make a chalice out of her face and drink from it. 251 00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:22,170 I will help you find her. Guillermo! 252 00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:24,041 - Guillermo! -...petty emotional drama... 253 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,957 - GUIDE: So is this you? - GUILLERMO: Just put it down. 254 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,569 Handsome then, handsome now, huh? 255 00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,571 Yes, you keep saying that over and over... 256 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:33,355 - Guillermo! - Oh, look. - We are leaving! 257 00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,313 Great, great, I'll come with you because I'm your bodyguard. 258 00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,620 No, no, you will stay here and you will search the attic 259 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,840 for that sweet, little, stupid bitch of a doll. 260 00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:42,364 If you find her, you will kiss her, then hit her, come on! 261 00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:44,322 - But she said not to-- - Doesn't matter what she said. 262 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:46,107 I'm dealing with a woman who is having a heated 263 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:48,109 debate with an identical version of her own mind. 264 00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:50,241 Come on, I do not want to be alone with her. 265 00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:53,201 Mind if I stay in your bed for a midevening slumber? 266 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,159 No! Get out of my room! 267 00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,509 - Get out and don't touch anything! - Okay. 268 00:09:57,553 --> 00:09:59,947 I will not touch anything. 269 00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:03,124 [woman vocalizing] 270 00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,343 Oh, oh. 271 00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,911 - It's beautiful. - That voice. 272 00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,434 It beckons me. 273 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,001 Really? 'Cause I-I'm getting more 274 00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,525 of a "Colin beckoning," to be honest 275 00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:15,615 [vocalizing] 276 00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,054 Do you have a name, my darling? 277 00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:21,882 Don't interrupt my song, mm. 278 00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:24,754 There'll be plenty of time for applause at the end, boys. 279 00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,626 [laughs] 280 00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:29,237 The only thing I hate more than when someone interrupts 281 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,848 my song is when they try and join in. 282 00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,807 It's not right. 283 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,765 [laughing] 284 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:38,725 Is it me, or is she... hideous? 285 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,509 - Yeah. - Yeah, okay. 286 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:42,554 LASZLO: Nope, nothing there I want. 287 00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:44,034 - Let's go. - I'm as limp as a finger. 288 00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,340 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Fantastic stuff. 289 00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:46,558 All the best, my darling. 290 00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,430 - Toodle... - Oh, wait! 291 00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:50,519 Hang on. 292 00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,134 Shit. 293 00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:58,527 Shit, look. 294 00:10:58,570 --> 00:10:59,833 Colin Robinson, 295 00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:02,183 we are in the presence of a siren. 296 00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:04,185 [gagging] 297 00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:05,490 [burps] 298 00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,101 Sirens are 299 00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:09,581 creatures from Roman and Greek mythology. 300 00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:12,889 There is a common misconception about their appearance, 301 00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,978 but they actually take many different forms, 302 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:18,025 mainly birds that lure unsuspecting sailors-- 303 00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:19,853 Yeah, they know what a fucking siren is. 304 00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,245 - We just got to get out of here. - Well, maybe they-- 305 00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:23,770 Wait, perhaps one of my suitors 306 00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:26,120 would want to compete for a shiny trinket? 307 00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:27,556 [squawks] 308 00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:29,384 - Yummy. - Or perhaps, fuck that. 309 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,212 Bat! 310 00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,996 [Sheila vocalizing] 311 00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:39,089 - That's the most beautiful song I've ever heard. - Yeah. 312 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,744 Call Dick Clark, 'cause he's gonna want her on Bandstand. 313 00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,441 Reckon. 314 00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,748 [speaks foreign language] Where are you? 315 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,881 - Yes, where are you? - You silly bitch! 316 00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,883 - Where have you gone?! - How do you know she's even here? 317 00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,580 Because this is exactly what I would do! 318 00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,843 I would come to some toy store and sit on a shelf 319 00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:56,411 and wait for a sweet little girl to take me home instead 320 00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:58,892 of living in a house with a bunch of uncaring assholes! 321 00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:01,503 That is what you think of us, a bunch of uncaring assholes? 322 00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:02,983 All the time? No. 323 00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:04,506 Sometimes? Yes! 324 00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:05,812 Lately? A lot! 325 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,552 - Guillermo? Focus now. - Sorry. 326 00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:09,554 You know, maybe she just needs some love and caring 327 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,339 and respect, you know, the things that 328 00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:12,993 - are completely missing from our house! - Hello? 329 00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,777 - Dolly, baby! Hey, Dolly. - Here, Dolly, Dolly, hello? 330 00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:16,387 - It's okay, come out. - Where are you, my love? 331 00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:18,520 - Here, Dolly, Dolly... - Nandor! 332 00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,174 -[Nandor grunting] - I'll kill you! 333 00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,828 You're stupid, Nandor! 334 00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:23,394 Aah, my fucking... 335 00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:25,222 - Nandor... -[grunting] 336 00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:27,007 [screams] 337 00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:28,965 What have you done?! 338 00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,750 My sweet baby! 339 00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,577 She is so limp and lifeless. 340 00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:34,928 Sorry, I thought it was a giant bug or something. 341 00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:37,147 - GUILLERMO: Hey, guys, look! - DOLL NADJA: Leave me alone. 342 00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,019 I don't want to talk to you. 343 00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:40,890 Her spirit has jumped from one body to another! 344 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,284 - NADJA: [speaks foreign language] Come home! - Come on. 345 00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:45,199 Stop being so dramatic, you stupid bitch! 346 00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:47,070 I love you so much! 347 00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,680 - What are you doing? - DOLL NADJA: Leave me alone! 348 00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:50,073 - NANDOR: That's not nice. - NADJA: Goodness' sake! 349 00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,814 NANDOR: Oh, shit, uh... 350 00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,468 - DOLL NADJA: Forget about me! - Just kick them out... 351 00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:54,948 [grunting] 352 00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:56,210 - Are you okay? - Yes! 353 00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:57,646 You silly cow! 354 00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:59,256 Guillermo, tidy the balls, please. 355 00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,736 NADJA: I love you so much! 356 00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,830 If you scoot a little to your left, 357 00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:10,833 I think I can get my mouth down to gnaw through this rope. 358 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:13,705 - We're not even tied up. - Oh. 359 00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:15,011 -[glass breaks] -[Sheila laughs] 360 00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:17,144 If she found out, she'd have me for dinner 361 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,798 and you for dessert. 362 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,191 Well, why-why would she eat me second? 363 00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:23,933 Well, you don't go to the hog roast for the coleslaw. 364 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,543 -[glass shatters] -[Sheila clucks] 365 00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,981 COLIN: Oh, God, listen, it's useless for me. 366 00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:30,374 Why don't you save yourself? You can fly. 367 00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,594 I'm not gonna leave you, Colin Robinson. 368 00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:34,639 [frequency crackling] 369 00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,554 ♪ Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots♪ 370 00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,295 ♪ Shots, shots, shots♪ 371 00:13:38,339 --> 00:13:39,819 ♪ Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots♪ 372 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,821 ♪ Shots, shots, everybody...♪ 373 00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:44,475 What a heavenly voice and a beautiful personality. 374 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:45,912 Absolutely. 375 00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:47,609 Sit tight, boys. I'll be there 376 00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:49,872 in just a sexy, tiny, little second for you! 377 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:51,613 Not again! 378 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:54,355 Just a little second, actually. 379 00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:55,878 Bloody hell. We're being enchanted. 380 00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,011 ♪ You want to go♪ 381 00:13:58,054 --> 00:14:00,665 ♪ Carmel is the number to know...♪ 382 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,406 It's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. 383 00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:04,626 It reminds me of the first time that I met my love Nadja. 384 00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:07,455 That's how I know that this is true love. 385 00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,283 Yeah, I'd give a year's salary 386 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:11,459 to watch her lay a couple eggs. 387 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:14,549 Yoo-hoo, boys! Who's up for a little fun? 388 00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,551 [whoops] 389 00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:17,900 LASZLO: Shit. 390 00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,554 One word springs to mind. 391 00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,556 - What's that? - Bat! 392 00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,123 [bat squeaking] 393 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:26,039 Alone at last. [laughing] 394 00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,649 - Nadja! - What? 395 00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:29,520 No, I'm calling out for the doll. 396 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,871 - Well, that's not her name. - What is her name? 397 00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:34,134 I... I didn't give her one, okay? 398 00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,439 GUILLERMO: Wow. 399 00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,006 - Real nice. - Doll? 400 00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,747 - My love. - Dolly. 401 00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,357 - Where the hell are you?! - Hey. 402 00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,142 -[screaming, clamoring] -[baby crying] 403 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:44,361 - NANDOR: Oh, shit. -[Nadja speaks foreign language] 404 00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:46,363 Please stop this... [speaks foreign language] 405 00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:48,975 - And come home! - You don't love me anymore. 406 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:51,978 None of you do! Just let me go. 407 00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:54,763 Of course we love you, you stupid bitch! 408 00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:56,634 Too little too late. 409 00:14:57,635 --> 00:14:58,898 - NADJA: Ah. - Where did she go? 410 00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:01,291 Okay, enough! You can forget it! 411 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:03,511 I am not indulging in this anymore! 412 00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,469 Go and live your stupid life, 413 00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,211 and good luck trying to make it on your own! 414 00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:10,692 Fine! I will! I'm going to have a lot of fun 415 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:13,390 - as this big rat! -[woman screams] 416 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,305 Well... your ass looks huge! 417 00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,960 Ha! Not as big as yours, darling. 418 00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,179 -[Nadja gasps] - Shots fired. 419 00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:20,832 Taking it up a notch. 420 00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,704 You better not have said what I think you just said! 421 00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,140 She did. 422 00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,055 Enjoy the view, baby! 423 00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:28,101 -[bat squeaking] - Oh. 424 00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:30,407 Oh, Laszlo, thank goodness! You can help me with my-- 425 00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:32,105 Not now, my darling! 426 00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:33,802 - Come on. - Now I need you 427 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,978 to come up with a device that'll make me 428 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:38,024 impervious to all external sounds. 429 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,982 GUILLERMO: Yeah, we, we can go somewhere for that. 430 00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,941 NANDOR: You're protesting. 431 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,246 By that, I mean making me temporarily deaf. 432 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,074 Yes, I-I know exactly where to go. 433 00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:47,207 LASZLO: What is all this stuff? 434 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,165 Is this stuff any good or is it just shit? 435 00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:50,688 - Okay, just find it and let's-- - Hi. 436 00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,560 Can I help you guys find anything? 437 00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,214 No, we're just looking for some noise-canceling headphones, 438 00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,085 but we have it under control. Thank you so much. 439 00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,739 Now hang on, what is the purpose of this 440 00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,393 propelled plastic spider? 441 00:15:59,436 --> 00:16:01,351 Oh, this is our Magic Mini tri-copter 442 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,788 - with the special-edition chrome propellers. - Oh, wow. 443 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,312 Gizmo, I think we need one of these. 444 00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:07,096 No, we don't. We should get going, Laszlo. 445 00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,793 ♪ 446 00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,012 Judi? 447 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,884 Between you and I, 448 00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,364 could I really notice a difference 449 00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:17,063 between 5.1 and 7.1 surround? 450 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:20,196 Look, 5.1 is absolutely fine for most standard home use. 451 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,546 Right, but it's not 7.1. 452 00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,026 That's what you're really saying. 453 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,115 Well, me, I'm a bit of an audiophile. 454 00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:28,291 And I have a sneaking suspicion 455 00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:30,598 that you might be, too, Mr. Cravensworth. 456 00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:33,122 [laughs] Guilty as charged. 457 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,473 Hey, did you find everything you were looking for today? 458 00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,649 - Yes, I did, Kevin. - Great. 459 00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:40,956 Now, will this be, uh, cash or card? 460 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,741 I will not be paying for anything today. 461 00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:45,047 Got it. No charge. 462 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,353 Now, will you be wanting 463 00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:47,876 the extended warranty coverage? 464 00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:51,053 I won't be talked into any extended warranty. 465 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,577 Got it. Now if you just punch in your email-- 466 00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,537 Nor will I punching in my email address. 467 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,801 I won't be talked into any kind of Best Buy membership card 468 00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,890 or charge card. 469 00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:04,414 Right, but we really do need 470 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,895 your email to keep you up to date about... 471 00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,679 - promotional... Geek Squad. - Oh, for the Geek Squad? 472 00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:10,203 - Not a problem at all. - Okay. 473 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:11,813 Lcravensworth... 474 00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:16,470 @nyconnex.com. 475 00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:18,515 I have no idea what my home phone number is-- what is it? 476 00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:20,256 - 718... - Okay, yeah. 477 00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,954 Quadrophonic sound was a great gimmick. 478 00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:25,000 But I don't think the wider public gave a shit 479 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,697 about that kind of detail. 480 00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:28,308 What exactly does all these electronics 481 00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:29,613 have to do with Colin Robinson? 482 00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,267 Oh, shit. 483 00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,574 Enchanted twice in one evening. 484 00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,184 Once with Sheila. 485 00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:37,099 And then Judi from Best Buys. 486 00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:39,014 I-I don't know who Sheila is, so... 487 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,060 - No, don't... - Bat! 488 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:53,072 ♪ Sail away with me to another world♪ 489 00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:55,770 ♪ Where we rely on each other♪ 490 00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,728 ♪ Ah, ha♪ 491 00:17:57,772 --> 00:18:00,557 ♪ From one lover to another♪ 492 00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:03,082 ♪ Ah, ha♪ 493 00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:06,955 BOTH: ♪ Islands in the stream♪ 494 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,218 ♪ That is what we are.♪ 495 00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:10,872 [both laugh] 496 00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:13,744 You know, um, Rascal Flatts, 497 00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,486 they have a song called "Life Is a Highway." 498 00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:18,880 - I don't know that song. - And, uh, 499 00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:23,058 this detour tonight has kind of changed my mind. 500 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,886 Maybe life isn't a highway. 501 00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,844 You know, maybe life is an ocean. 502 00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:28,585 -[laughing] - Yeah, yeah. 503 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:30,109 Yes. [chuckles] 504 00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,633 You're an odd one, Colin Robinson. 505 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:34,635 Listen to me babbling on. 506 00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:37,290 -[laughs] - Um, Sheila... 507 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,509 I-I think that you're something 508 00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:41,163 really special. 509 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,904 Really? 510 00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:47,300 Most people don't like me when I'm not singing. 511 00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:50,172 Most people don't like me when I'm talking either. 512 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,478 [both laughing] 513 00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:52,870 -[squawks] - Oh. 514 00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:54,176 I'm sorry, I got nervous. 515 00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,396 I did a little poopy on you. 516 00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:58,049 Nothing to be nervous about. 517 00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:00,051 It's not the first time 518 00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:02,228 a beautiful woman has shit on my shoes. 519 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:04,186 [chuckles] Thanks. 520 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,840 - Probably... - Human form! [grunts] 521 00:19:05,883 --> 00:19:07,320 Fear not, Colin Robinson! 522 00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,800 - Oh, shit. - A captain never abandons 523 00:19:09,844 --> 00:19:12,890 his crew, so, siren, release him. 524 00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,457 -[clucks] - Can you give me just 525 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,067 - one second, sweetie? - Yeah. 526 00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:18,200 - Leave him alone and come on. - Laszlo, no. 527 00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,202 - What? - I'm in love. 528 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:23,074 -[Sheila clucking] - I mean, she's the one. 529 00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:24,902 It might be a little unconventional, 530 00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:28,036 but... love can't always be explained. 531 00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:29,820 What, even when she's not singing? 532 00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:33,389 Well, when she's singing, I-I can't resist her, but... 533 00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:35,348 when she's not singing, I don't... 534 00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:38,133 want to, want to resist her. 535 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,135 - LASZLO: Look at what she's doing. - Yeah. 536 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,224 He's mad. 537 00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:47,142 - My lovely bitch, we've got you! - Leave me alone! 538 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,927 There's nowhere left to run-- just give it up! 539 00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:52,060 Stop chasing me! Let me be free! 540 00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,714 You don't even want me! 541 00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:55,585 - Hey! - What are you talking about?! 542 00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:57,239 - Of course we want you! - Ooh! 543 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:58,936 You're the one who ran away! 544 00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:01,548 - Are you fucking kidding me with this? - Ouch! 545 00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:03,027 [screaming] 546 00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,638 Oopsies. 547 00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:07,249 What have you done?! Oh, my love! 548 00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:10,339 She was only gonna jump into another vessel anyway. 549 00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,211 DOLL NADJA: I am very tired. 550 00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:14,082 Just let me go. 551 00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,345 It would be easier for you. 552 00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:19,130 You have so much to do already, without having to worry 553 00:20:19,174 --> 00:20:22,264 about me and my silly emotions. 554 00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,919 Yes, I have been very busy recently. 555 00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:27,530 But you have to understand. 556 00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:29,619 I have been working so fucking hard 557 00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:31,882 in that house to be taken seriously. 558 00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,972 To get anyone to give me any respect. 559 00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,453 I've been trying to be professional, but I've been 560 00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:41,065 squishing down and mincing up my own... 561 00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:43,894 silly emotions. 562 00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:47,028 BOTH: Oh... 563 00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:48,551 Oh. 564 00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:50,161 Wow. 565 00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:52,294 I am so sorry. 566 00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:53,904 It is not okay. 567 00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:56,298 And I am going to do better for you. 568 00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,300 And for myself. 569 00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:01,216 NADJA DOLL: I am too tired. Switching hosts 570 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,523 is extremely draining. 571 00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:05,786 I don't think I can do it anymore. 572 00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,222 [sighs] 573 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,442 How about one last home? 574 00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:12,401 Do you feel like coming back and living with a bunch 575 00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:14,490 of uncaring assholes? 576 00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:19,234 Okay, why not? 577 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,628 For what it's worth, I also think you're doing 578 00:21:21,671 --> 00:21:23,934 - a great job as coleader-- - NADJA: Shut up. 579 00:21:23,978 --> 00:21:26,154 - This isn't about you. - NADJA DOLL: Not even a little bit. 580 00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:28,678 And I'm taking the day off tomorrow! 581 00:21:28,722 --> 00:21:30,463 Oh, yes, a day out! 582 00:21:30,506 --> 00:21:32,334 We can crush grapes and spit all the pits at the pigeons 583 00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:34,293 and torture mortals... 584 00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:35,859 -[Sheila clucking] - Right. 585 00:21:35,903 --> 00:21:38,645 Listen to me, Colin Robinson, she is a siren. 586 00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:40,299 It's her job to enchant you. 587 00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,344 You're not in love. You may think you are, 588 00:21:42,388 --> 00:21:44,346 you dumb fuck, but you're not. 589 00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:46,348 Yeah, well, how do you know the difference? 590 00:21:46,392 --> 00:21:48,916 She's half-chicken. 591 00:21:48,959 --> 00:21:50,483 Yeah, nobody's perfect. 592 00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:53,399 You go away, my friend. 593 00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:55,444 I'm in love. 594 00:21:55,488 --> 00:21:57,751 - Did you eat your dinner? - Yeah. 595 00:21:57,794 --> 00:22:00,406 All right, this is going to end badly, so what you need to do 596 00:22:00,449 --> 00:22:03,278 is cut the mics, turn all the sound equipment off, 597 00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:05,541 and put your fingers in your ears, and do it now. 598 00:22:05,585 --> 00:22:08,109 - PRODUCER: Okay. Do it. - Now! 599 00:22:08,152 --> 00:22:09,937 [audio cuts out] 600 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:22,645 [microphone thumping] 601 00:22:22,689 --> 00:22:24,734 [Sheila crying] 602 00:22:27,433 --> 00:22:29,391 PRODUCER: Oh, shit. 603 00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:31,393 NADJA DOLL: How do I look? Do I look all right? 604 00:22:31,437 --> 00:22:33,613 - Yes, you look great. You always look great. - Mm-hmm. 605 00:22:33,656 --> 00:22:36,833 This has all made me realize that in my efforts to be taken 606 00:22:36,877 --> 00:22:39,575 more seriously as a leader of the Vampiric Council, 607 00:22:39,619 --> 00:22:42,186 I have been neglecting my gorgeous, sweet, 608 00:22:42,230 --> 00:22:44,841 cutie, silly, little, dolly mama-moo. 609 00:22:44,885 --> 00:22:46,582 Yes, exactly. 610 00:22:46,626 --> 00:22:49,411 And because, uh, she is me, the same, 611 00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:52,414 it means I have been neglecting the gorgeous, sweet, juicy, 612 00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:55,286 lovely, silly part of my own excellent personality. 613 00:22:55,330 --> 00:22:58,115 And what I've realized, since I am her, 614 00:22:58,159 --> 00:23:00,161 I've got to communicate my emotional needs 615 00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:02,293 to everyone... and to myself. 616 00:23:02,337 --> 00:23:04,687 I love this little slut. 617 00:23:04,731 --> 00:23:06,950 And I love you, my little whore. 618 00:23:06,994 --> 00:23:08,430 Potty mouth, the same. 619 00:23:08,474 --> 00:23:10,040 [laughter] 620 00:23:10,084 --> 00:23:12,129 ♪ 621 00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:15,219 Oh, hello. 622 00:23:15,263 --> 00:23:17,091 I say, um, apologies 623 00:23:17,134 --> 00:23:19,441 for not making it to Plum Island 624 00:23:19,485 --> 00:23:22,009 to find out more about your energy vampire origins. 625 00:23:22,052 --> 00:23:24,403 Yeah, well, I-I guess 626 00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,361 I remain an enigma. 627 00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,232 Which is pretty cool. 628 00:23:28,276 --> 00:23:31,410 Right, has that chicken's spell worn off? 629 00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:33,150 I guess. 630 00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:34,978 I mean, maybe I didn't experience 631 00:23:35,022 --> 00:23:37,851 true love today, but it-it-it sure felt like it. 632 00:23:37,894 --> 00:23:40,462 I'd say that you didn't experience 633 00:23:40,506 --> 00:23:43,291 true love today. 634 00:23:43,334 --> 00:23:44,640 I didn't, no. [laughs] 635 00:23:44,684 --> 00:23:46,033 All right, well, I'll leave you 636 00:23:46,076 --> 00:23:47,687 to whatever the hell you were doing. 637 00:23:47,730 --> 00:23:49,776 Okay, then. [chuckles] 638 00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:57,044 [radio frequency crackling] 639 00:23:57,087 --> 00:23:59,133 [Sheila vocalizing] 640 00:24:01,352 --> 00:24:03,920 If-if you guys could... 641 00:24:03,964 --> 00:24:06,053 maybe give me a-a minute? 642 00:24:06,096 --> 00:24:08,403 Um, I'm gonna beat off now. 643 00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:12,146 ♪ Nightingale of paradise♪ 644 00:24:12,189 --> 00:24:18,457 ♪ You sing of love♪ 645 00:24:19,675 --> 00:24:23,810 ♪ Flooding all the world♪ 646 00:24:23,853 --> 00:24:30,207 ♪ With light♪ 647 00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,515 ♪ Heedless men♪ 648 00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:35,561 ♪ Hear not your song♪ 649 00:24:35,604 --> 00:24:40,348 ♪ Of life eternal.♪ 650 00:24:55,319 --> 00:24:57,452 [LASZLO READING] 651 00:25:00,673 --> 00:25:04,285 [NANDOR READING] 652 00:25:08,202 --> 00:25:10,726 [NADJA READING] 653 00:25:14,251 --> 00:25:15,514 [GUILLERMO READING] 654 00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:20,823 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 655 00:25:26,046 --> 00:25:27,351 WOMAN: I have a huge crush on you. 656 00:25:28,744 --> 00:25:30,137 Well, that's really flattering... 657 00:25:31,486 --> 00:25:32,487 ...because you're beautiful. 658 00:25:40,321 --> 00:25:41,931 ARCHER: You're probably wondering what we're doing. 659 00:25:41,975 --> 00:25:43,629 Short answer, saving the earth. 660 00:25:43,672 --> 00:25:45,282 Again. 661 00:25:45,326 --> 00:25:46,545 I'm not leaving without you. 662 00:25:46,588 --> 00:25:48,808 I need something soft to land on. 663 00:25:48,851 --> 00:25:49,852 [BOTH SCREAMING] 664 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:56,555 [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] 665 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:04,563 [PLAYS DISCORDANT TUNE] 666 00:26:11,091 --> 00:26:12,788 WOMAN 1: It happened pretty fast. 667 00:26:12,832 --> 00:26:14,573 WOMAN 2: The world has changed. 668 00:26:14,616 --> 00:26:16,139 WOMAN 3: His survivor's classified. 669 00:26:16,183 --> 00:26:17,663 Nobody can know about him. 670 00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:21,014 People are going to have to pick sides. 671 00:26:22,537 --> 00:26:24,147 I think it's going to get worse 672 00:26:24,191 --> 00:26:25,279 before it gets better. 673 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:27,281 Run! 674 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:30,763 I imagine that you attract 675 00:26:30,806 --> 00:26:32,068 quite a bit of attention. 676 00:26:32,112 --> 00:26:33,592 You know, more than before. That's for sure.