1
00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:04,330
We have just returned
from the talkies.

2
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,600
They should never have
added sound.

3
00:00:06,670 --> 00:00:09,300
There was pop music and people
talking all the way through it.

4
00:00:09,370 --> 00:00:10,870
We had to watch it like this.

5
00:00:10,940 --> 00:00:13,870
I mean, it was better, but I had
no idea what was going on.

6
00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:16,640
I like to read when
I'm watching the pictures.

7
00:00:16,710 --> 00:00:19,810
- And then I can...
- Laszlo.

8
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:21,210
- Hello?
- Hello.

9
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,020
Do you hear this? There is
a voice coming from the sewer.

10
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:25,220
Laszlo.

11
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:26,750
"Laszlo." It's saying my name.

12
00:00:26,820 --> 00:00:28,426
You won't be able to hear that
'cause you don't have

13
00:00:28,450 --> 00:00:30,560
the finely attuned ears
that we do.

14
00:00:30,620 --> 00:00:33,060
Excuse me, good evening.
Are you in the sewer?

15
00:00:33,130 --> 00:00:34,230
Yes.

16
00:00:34,290 --> 00:00:35,330
- Yes, it says.
- Oh.

17
00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:39,160
Come into the sewer.

18
00:00:39,230 --> 00:00:40,630
- In the sewer?
- Yes, yes.

19
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,840
I don't think so, me old boy.

20
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:46,170
Come. Please.

21
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,540
We're in a sewer.

22
00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,080
Quite why we're in a sewer,
I've no idea.

23
00:00:50,140 --> 00:00:52,080
Because we've been
invited here, darling.

24
00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:53,980
What, to walk through
a shit pipe? Please.

25
00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:56,580
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

26
00:00:56,650 --> 00:00:58,750
What in hell's house was that?

27
00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:02,350
Show yourself.

28
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:04,390
- Hello?
- Be you vampire?

29
00:01:04,460 --> 00:01:05,890
Rude.

30
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,730
What was that?

31
00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:12,330
Huh? Hello? Excuse me.

32
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,500
We mean no harm, we're just
w-walking in your shit pipe.

33
00:01:16,570 --> 00:01:18,370
Don't worry, my darling,
I shall protect you.

34
00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,010
You're just pushing me
in front of you.

35
00:01:20,070 --> 00:01:22,370
- I know what I'm doing.
- What, putting me in front

36
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:26,110
- to get the danger first?
- Who is that?

37
00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:29,280
- You're kidding.
- Simon the fucking Devious.

38
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:32,150
Yes. It's me.

39
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:33,450
I was never in any doubt.

40
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,520
You just said you didn't know
who it was.

41
00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:41,190
♪♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪♪

42
00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:43,830
♪♪ They have no use
for your song ♪♪

43
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:46,330
♪♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪♪

44
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,100
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪♪

45
00:01:50,970 --> 00:01:53,940
♪♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪♪

46
00:01:54,010 --> 00:01:56,780
♪♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪♪

47
00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,010
♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪♪

48
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,980
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪♪

49
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:15,230
<i>One of the best ways
to drain people's energy</i>

50
00:02:15,290 --> 00:02:18,130
nowadays is via the Internet.

51
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,970
This woman is a astrophysicist.

52
00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:25,870
"Actually, this is not
how space works.

53
00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:27,940
Read a book."

54
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:29,210
Now I just wait

55
00:02:29,270 --> 00:02:31,580
for the comments to come in.

56
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:34,550
"Hey, can you mansplain
any louder?"

57
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:36,050
Yeah, sure.

58
00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:39,920
These are all different accounts
that I have set up.

59
00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:42,320
<i>The energy you get this way
isn't quite as pure,</i>

60
00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:45,420
but if you do enough of it,
it'll fill you up.

61
00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:47,760
"Shanghai sucked.

62
00:02:47,830 --> 00:02:51,000
Where was the Chinatown?"

63
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:54,830
"Jason Mraz is just
too weird for me."

64
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:58,270
"Jesus actually hates horses."

65
00:02:58,340 --> 00:03:02,140
"Childhood obesity? LMFO."

66
00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:04,740
When they call you a dumb-ass,
you know you've got them.

67
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,310
They called me a dumb-ass.

68
00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:10,180
"Women are getting too tall."

69
00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:13,890
<i>You can drain their energy
via social media</i>

70
00:03:13,950 --> 00:03:16,420
<i>without having to even
be near them.</i>

71
00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:17,960
"That is racist."

72
00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:19,990
You are correct, it is.

73
00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:21,360
Oh, yeah.

74
00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:23,930
Yeah, yeah. Oh, they hate me.

75
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,460
<i>It's surprisingly simple
to get total strangers</i>

76
00:03:26,530 --> 00:03:28,170
<i>completely furious with you.</i>

77
00:03:28,230 --> 00:03:30,440
"I should get a life."

78
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,170
Come, come, come in.

79
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,410
It's a beautiful song, isn't it?

80
00:03:36,470 --> 00:03:37,580
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, great.

81
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,410
- Um...
- We got to go.

82
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,510
Y- You remember, uh,
Count Rapula,

83
00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:43,650
from my crew?

84
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,220
- ♪♪ Sewer dwelling... ♪♪
- Oh, God.

85
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,590
♪♪ Deeper than hell,
and subterranean ♪♪

86
00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:49,090
♪♪ Hotter than uranium ♪♪

87
00:03:49,150 --> 00:03:51,220
♪♪ Playing 'em
from the cranium. ♪♪

88
00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:53,390
Yes, "straight from the
cranium." How does he do it?

89
00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:57,600
I think he pre-writes the raps
and pretends they're freestyled.

90
00:03:57,660 --> 00:03:58,930
And Carol.

91
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,970
Uh, where is my dear Carol?
Is she here?

92
00:04:02,030 --> 00:04:04,170
Good heavens.

93
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,440
Ah, there she is.

94
00:04:06,510 --> 00:04:08,740
A vision, isn't she?

95
00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:12,710
And that is, well, about
the extent of the crew now.

96
00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:14,810
Most of them left after...

97
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:19,450
Are you aware that...
my nightclub exploded?

98
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:20,590
Um...

99
00:04:20,650 --> 00:04:22,450
- Touch the sky!
- Touch the sky.

100
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,060
- Shit!
- Shit!

101
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,290
I think my hat's
probably cursed.

102
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:27,430
No.

103
00:04:27,490 --> 00:04:31,200
Yes, well, it exploded
and I lost my home.

104
00:04:31,260 --> 00:04:35,230
I was found in the wreckage
by the ambulance people.

105
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:37,700
Is that you in there, Simon?
Well, I'm gonna take

106
00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:39,810
my hat back,
you crispy piece of shit.

107
00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:43,480
Just going to turn this off.

108
00:04:43,540 --> 00:04:47,550
I don't know how to play
the piano, so I use a Zune.

109
00:04:47,610 --> 00:04:50,450
How did I survive, you ask?

110
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,180
I didn't ask.

111
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,190
No one asked.

112
00:04:53,250 --> 00:04:55,120
I used what little
strength I had

113
00:04:55,190 --> 00:05:00,090
and wandered the sewers
of New York City,

114
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,460
eventually connecting
with Carol...

115
00:05:02,530 --> 00:05:04,460
...who's been great.

116
00:05:04,530 --> 00:05:08,530
And then I found Rapula by
sending him psychic messages.

117
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,670
- Uh, you e-mailed me.
- And I e-mailed him as well.

118
00:05:11,740 --> 00:05:15,270
And now it is to my great shame

119
00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:18,140
that you find me here...

120
00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:20,110
- In the sewer.
- ...in Staten Island.

121
00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:23,120
But what matters
is that you are here.

122
00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:24,850
Yeah, listen,
this has been fantastic.

123
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,456
- Oh, yeah.
- It's been great seeing you.

124
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:27,750
You should come at anytime.

125
00:05:27,820 --> 00:05:29,166
Nandor would love
to see all of you.

126
00:05:29,190 --> 00:05:32,160
Disgusting. Why did you
invite the prick?

127
00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:35,130
I felt sorry for the wretched
creature. His home is a sewer!

128
00:05:35,190 --> 00:05:37,730
He's not gonna come here.
He'll be too embarrassed.

129
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,230
He has some dignity, at least.

130
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:42,230
- Well, well, well.
- We beat you here.

131
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,840
We have visitors,
so that's a nice surprise.

132
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,816
We took the sewers, of course.
It's a straight shot

133
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:48,910
from our place.

134
00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:51,840
Now we are here
in your lovely home.

135
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:55,550
Carol. It is lovely.

136
00:05:55,610 --> 00:05:57,420
These are our hosts. Be nice.

137
00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,020
And to reiterate, do not eat.

138
00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:02,220
- If possible.
- How do you resist?

139
00:06:02,290 --> 00:06:04,920
Well, it used to be difficult
to resist,

140
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:07,030
but after a while,
you start to wonder

141
00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:08,960
why hasn't anyone eaten him?

142
00:06:09,030 --> 00:06:11,860
He's like the last doughnut
in the display cabinet.

143
00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:13,670
Carol. Carol!

144
00:06:13,730 --> 00:06:15,130
Do not eat. Something wrong.

145
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,170
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

146
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,600
You want
to show Carol your room?

147
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,610
No. I don't think
she'd like that.

148
00:06:20,670 --> 00:06:23,340
Would you like to see
Guillermo's room?

149
00:06:23,410 --> 00:06:25,540
She's going to eat him
if she goes to the room.

150
00:06:25,610 --> 00:06:27,280
Okay, probably better not.

151
00:06:33,190 --> 00:06:34,266
<i>We keep spare coffins down here.</i>

152
00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:35,696
There might be something,
if you're lucky.

153
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:36,860
Come this way.

154
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,320
Oh, that would be so kind.

155
00:06:39,390 --> 00:06:40,630
- Ah.
- Oh.

156
00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:41,790
Hello, Elvis.

157
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,960
♪♪ Mm... ♪♪

158
00:06:44,030 --> 00:06:45,760
- Hey.
- I made him into a vampire

159
00:06:45,830 --> 00:06:47,830
back in the 1970s.

160
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,330
He sometimes uses this room,

161
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,016
which you can see,
he's doing some recording.

162
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,010
- So it's probably best if we...
- Hello, The King.

163
00:06:54,070 --> 00:06:55,540
Yeah, yes.
Back up the stairs.

164
00:06:55,610 --> 00:06:57,280
- Sorry, Elvis.
- It's all right.

165
00:06:57,340 --> 00:07:00,180
♪♪ Drinking that
big ol' blood, baby. ♪♪

166
00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:01,910
Really, we'll sleep anywhere.

167
00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:03,956
In the rafters. I could
construct a makeshift coffin

168
00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:05,550
out of discarded planks.

169
00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:09,050
Uh, honestly, you are just
such a true friend.

170
00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:13,460
It is very sad to see Simon
so decrepit and weak.

171
00:07:13,530 --> 00:07:14,590
No, it's not.

172
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,090
It's about time he ate shit.

173
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,460
It's partially our fault.

174
00:07:17,530 --> 00:07:20,130
Because of your bloody
cursed, stupid hat.

175
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,100
It's ruined him.

176
00:07:21,170 --> 00:07:23,300
That thing makes men go crazy.

177
00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:24,916
Well, we needn't worry
about that anymore.

178
00:07:24,940 --> 00:07:26,076
We don't know where the hat is.

179
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,540
- Right?
- Well, exactly. Exactly.

180
00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:30,040
The hat is gone, so we
don't need to worry about it.

181
00:07:30,110 --> 00:07:31,710
- Thank goodness.
- Yep.

182
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:34,850
There's some kind of human nerd

183
00:07:34,910 --> 00:07:37,180
who is telling people
to ignore me.

184
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:40,620
I mean, he's getting my accounts
suspended left and right.

185
00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:42,620
This will not stand.

186
00:07:42,690 --> 00:07:45,260
I mean,
he's stealing my food now.

187
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,330
He just told people

188
00:07:47,390 --> 00:07:50,430
that I live
in my mother's basement.

189
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,770
"Actually, I live

190
00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:56,540
in my own basement, dumb-ass."

191
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,170
Fire.

192
00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:02,680
Oh, no. H-He's getting to me.

193
00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:06,750
Simon the Devious, he thinks
I don't know what he's up to,

194
00:08:06,810 --> 00:08:08,510
but I do.

195
00:08:08,580 --> 00:08:10,020
There he goes.

196
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,426
Follow me.
Quick, quick, quick, quick.

197
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:13,790
Look. Running away.

198
00:08:13,850 --> 00:08:16,290
Ah... He's only here
to steal my hat.

199
00:08:16,350 --> 00:08:17,790
I got you.

200
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:20,530
He's gone into the cellar.

201
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:23,660
We need to catch him in the act.

202
00:08:23,730 --> 00:08:24,930
There you are!

203
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,100
- The game's up, old chum.
- Oh...

204
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:29,330
Nothing's changed
since New York City.

205
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,946
- I don't know what you're talking about...
- Really, you smug bastard?

206
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,410
What's behind your back?

207
00:08:33,470 --> 00:08:34,610
Just the rope, I think.

208
00:08:34,670 --> 00:08:37,140
Show me.

209
00:08:37,210 --> 00:08:38,280
Yeah.

210
00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:39,386
- Get in the hall.
- Laszlo, I...

211
00:08:39,410 --> 00:08:41,680
- What's going on?
- Everyone come down.

212
00:08:41,750 --> 00:08:43,096
Th-There's been
a misunderstanding.

213
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,150
- What is it? What is it?
- This.

214
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:47,750
- This thief.
- Thief? Chop his hands off.

215
00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:49,420
Don't embarrass him.

216
00:08:49,490 --> 00:08:51,790
Laszlo, my love.
He's not gonna get me.

217
00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:54,330
I'm yours, baby. Chill out.

218
00:08:54,390 --> 00:08:57,360
- I'm yours forever.
- Uncover that now.

219
00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:59,160
I- I'd really prefer
not to, if possible.

220
00:08:59,230 --> 00:09:00,400
Yeah, I bet you wouldn't.

221
00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:01,700
Well, look at that.

222
00:09:01,770 --> 00:09:03,800
Oh.

223
00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:05,400
Lovely. Very...

224
00:09:05,470 --> 00:09:06,670
Very cool.

225
00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:08,060
- Gorgeous.
- What the fuck is it?

226
00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:09,510
Yes, what is it?

227
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:10,840
It's a bat.

228
00:09:10,910 --> 00:09:13,150
I made it myself
from sewer trash.

229
00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:15,380
It's just a small gift
to say thank you

230
00:09:15,450 --> 00:09:18,450
for allowing me and my reduced
crew to stay with you.

231
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,320
I just wanted to say thank you
for not abandoning me

232
00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:23,360
- when everyone else had.
- Oh.

233
00:09:23,420 --> 00:09:25,120
Simon, you don't
need to say any more.

234
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,760
That is so pathetic
and truly lovely.

235
00:09:27,830 --> 00:09:29,190
Thank you.

236
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,560
Well, I'm sorry.

237
00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:32,570
What was that?

238
00:09:32,630 --> 00:09:33,830
I said I'm sorry.

239
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,070
Couldn't quite hear that.

240
00:09:35,130 --> 00:09:36,540
No, I couldn't hear it, either.

241
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,200
I said I'm sorry.

242
00:09:38,270 --> 00:09:39,200
Well, the good news is

243
00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:41,210
you get to keep your hands.

244
00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:46,340
<i>Everyone's asleep, so...</i>

245
00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:49,050
you know, I get a little bit
of peace and quiet...

246
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:51,420
¡Chinga!

247
00:09:53,790 --> 00:09:56,590
She startled me.

248
00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:59,020
<i>¡Mierda!</i>

249
00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,990
Hey, Carol.

250
00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:04,100
I know what you are.

251
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,630
Hopefully not lunch.

252
00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:10,600
Master?

253
00:10:10,670 --> 00:10:12,340
You are a slayer.

254
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,170
What? Why did you say that?

255
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,270
I- - No.

256
00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:18,510
I smell the death on you.

257
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:21,910
Oh, that, that's just
my body spray. It's Axe.

258
00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:24,020
Killer of vampires.

259
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,226
Carol, stop saying that, okay?

260
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,890
I'm gonna be a vampire
just like you.

261
00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:32,660
<i>Sounded like</i>

262
00:10:32,730 --> 00:10:35,360
Guillermo just took
a tumble down the steps.

263
00:10:35,430 --> 00:10:38,560
Maybe I should, uh...

264
00:10:38,630 --> 00:10:40,930
F... Asshole.

265
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,700
"If my dick is a pencil,

266
00:10:43,770 --> 00:10:47,810
then why am I using
a keyboard to write?"

267
00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:49,010
Fire.

268
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:55,250
Oh, wow. You're really strong.

269
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:57,380
I'm really impressed.

270
00:11:00,690 --> 00:11:01,820
Slayer.

271
00:11:01,890 --> 00:11:04,260
Don't call me that.

272
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,000
Slayer.

273
00:11:15,830 --> 00:11:17,340
Slayer...

274
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,150
I don't feel good about that.

275
00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:30,620
Something bad's gonna happen,
isn't it?

276
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,420
It's just me, Guillermo.

277
00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:34,620
Hello, sir.

278
00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:36,320
I heard a horrible
feminine shrieking.

279
00:11:36,390 --> 00:11:39,220
- Were you having a nightmare?
- You could say that.

280
00:11:39,290 --> 00:11:42,700
Uh... Guillermo, why is there
all this dust on the floor

281
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,530
in the shape of a body?

282
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,230
Were you trying to make
a girlfriend out of dust?

283
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:50,600
- No, the vacuum broke and...
- It is a very messy but cool idea.

284
00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:52,400
Reminds me of Carol.

285
00:11:52,470 --> 00:11:57,410
You know, how she's kind of like
that shape and that smell...

286
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,750
Guillermo?

287
00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:01,750
Did you kill Carol?

288
00:12:01,810 --> 00:12:04,920
It was an accident.
I'm sorry, sir.

289
00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:08,250
Oh, no. You killed a vampire.

290
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:11,790
That's very frowned upon
amongst the vampire community.

291
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,190
- Is it?
- Yes.

292
00:12:13,260 --> 00:12:14,366
Simon's not going
to like the fact

293
00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:15,760
that you've killed
one of his crew.

294
00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:18,500
- He's only got a little crew.
- I know. I know.

295
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:20,846
You must not say anything about
this to anyone, understand?

296
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,300
- I won't.
- Because it reflects badly on me,

297
00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:25,900
- and you will be killed.
- Okay, then I definitely won't.

298
00:12:25,970 --> 00:12:29,510
All right... vampire killer.

299
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,180
Only joking. Clean it up.

300
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,780
You got it, sir.

301
00:12:59,270 --> 00:13:01,570
I searched his name,
I didn't get much.

302
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,340
But I found his eBay profile.
He used his actual e-mail.

303
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:08,410
<i>Hacked that
and I found some photos.</i>

304
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,720
One of which had
a Pennsylvania watermark.

305
00:13:10,780 --> 00:13:12,890
<i>So I traced that back
to another account.</i>

306
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:14,450
<i>Found his actual location,</i>

307
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:18,260
<i>an Internet café
in Medford, Massachusetts.</i>

308
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,790
Rookie mistake.

309
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:21,590
Also, he did DM me,

310
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:24,200
saying he wanted to kick my ass
and gave me his address.

311
00:13:24,260 --> 00:13:27,200
So another rookie mistake.

312
00:13:27,270 --> 00:13:28,930
Waiting on my driver now.

313
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,200
- Hello.
- Hey.

314
00:13:30,270 --> 00:13:31,700
Mind if I sit up front?

315
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:33,586
And that's why you have
to be careful on the Internet.

316
00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:36,470
There's creeps out there
that'll find out where you live.

317
00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:39,110
I mean, you really need
to encrypt everything.

318
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:41,110
Okay, I'm gonna speed up.

319
00:13:41,180 --> 00:13:42,620
<i>House meeting.</i>

320
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,520
- To the foyer. House meeting.
- House meeting?

321
00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:46,550
The fuck does he think he is?

322
00:13:46,620 --> 00:13:48,350
- No, it's night.
- It's not his house.

323
00:13:48,420 --> 00:13:51,420
Ah, yes, thank you all
for coming to the house meeting.

324
00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:55,360
I wanted to say thank you,
for staying here has replenished

325
00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:58,000
my heart and my soul
and my body.

326
00:13:58,060 --> 00:14:01,570
And I am forever grateful to all
of you for your hospitality.

327
00:14:01,630 --> 00:14:05,770
But onto some more
difficult news.

328
00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:08,940
Carol has gone missing.

329
00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:12,110
She seems to have slipped away
in the dead of night,

330
00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:13,780
abandoning me...

331
00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:16,110
- Oh, no.
- ...like so many others have.

332
00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:17,520
Guillermo?

333
00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:20,490
- Hmm?
- You seem relieved.

334
00:14:20,550 --> 00:14:21,690
Hmm?

335
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:25,760
I think I know
why you are relieved.

336
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:27,890
Why?

337
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,930
Because Carol...

338
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,330
wanted to eat you.

339
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,170
That's so flattering.

340
00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:38,840
She really did not like you.

341
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,410
I don't know why.

342
00:14:40,470 --> 00:14:43,410
Probably because
he's such a downer.

343
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:44,810
- Indeed.
- Yeah, that's true.

344
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,110
Yes, I noticed that.

345
00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:49,880
I just have one...

346
00:14:49,950 --> 00:14:51,720
one final question.

347
00:14:51,780 --> 00:14:52,780
Yes?

348
00:14:52,820 --> 00:14:55,790
Where is the hat?

349
00:14:55,850 --> 00:14:57,320
I bloody knew it.

350
00:14:57,390 --> 00:14:58,720
I want that hat!

351
00:14:58,790 --> 00:14:59,830
Which hat?

352
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:02,960
- This hat?
- Yes. Give me the hat!

353
00:15:03,030 --> 00:15:04,936
- No chance, Simon.
- You gave it to me as a gift.

354
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:09,500
You took it by force
from me in New York City.

355
00:15:09,570 --> 00:15:13,940
Yes, and it looked better
on me in New York City.

356
00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:15,810
And it will be mine!

357
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:21,210
I could've sworn
that I left that door open.

358
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,820
Devious!

359
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,720
Meet thy maker!

360
00:15:26,790 --> 00:15:27,990
Ha!

361
00:15:28,050 --> 00:15:31,290
I caught your arrow with ease.

362
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,590
Ooh!

363
00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:35,930
I caught it inside my hand.

364
00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:38,700
- Do you need a bandage?
- No, it's the fucking hat.

365
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,200
I'll be taking this!

366
00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:42,600
I want that hat! I want to feel

367
00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:45,340
the sweet embrace of a witch's
sphincter against my...

368
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,070
- Idiot.
- Where are you, Simon?

369
00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:48,540
This isn't about the hat.

370
00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:51,410
It's about...

371
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,110
Ooh! Ow.

372
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:55,980
You kept the hat!

373
00:15:56,050 --> 00:15:56,950
You bloody plonker!

374
00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:58,650
- Fuck me.
- And now look at you,

375
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,850
bouncing off the cars
like a bouncing idiot.

376
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,820
- Fucking hell!
- Is he gonna be all right?

377
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,190
- Shit.
- There.

378
00:16:06,260 --> 00:16:08,660
Bat!

379
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:10,630
Once again, into the shit pipe.

380
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:14,130
I saw that he logged into
the café computer after hours.

381
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,000
I think he lives here.

382
00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:17,700
What am I doing?

383
00:16:17,770 --> 00:16:20,470
I mean, I-I'm stalking
some poor schmuck

384
00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:22,880
whose only outlet
is his computer?

385
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,110
Nah, this is stupid.

386
00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:25,740
It's gone too far.

387
00:16:28,310 --> 00:16:30,780
Uh, he-he messaged me.

388
00:16:30,850 --> 00:16:33,750
"Colin Robinson,
I know you are here.

389
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:38,720
Meet me in the alleyway,
you loser."

390
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,030
I'm gonna teach
this little beef jerky

391
00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:43,360
a thing or two about boredom.

392
00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:45,260
Stupid little
jerk-chicken human.

393
00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:46,430
This troll.

394
00:16:48,870 --> 00:16:50,040
Oh.

395
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:59,180
You don't look like
your online photo.

396
00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:07,450
Shh. I'm echolocating. Shh!

397
00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:14,890
Laszlo, stop it!

398
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,660
- Go, go.
- Laszlo?

399
00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:19,630
You've been annoying me,
Colin Robinson.

400
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,670
Yeah, well, you've been troll...

401
00:17:21,730 --> 00:17:24,270
- trolling me.
- Excuse me, I'm a troll.

402
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:25,770
I do not like
the term "trolling."

403
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,540
Well, it's not really up
for you to decide.

404
00:17:28,610 --> 00:17:30,586
- I mean, that's current slang.
- Well, I think it is

405
00:17:30,610 --> 00:17:31,940
because I am a troll.

406
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,380
It's an offensive term.

407
00:17:33,450 --> 00:17:35,050
Well, that's
what it means, so...

408
00:17:35,110 --> 00:17:37,080
- That's not what it means.
- It does mean that.

409
00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:40,420
If you need me to look it up in
Webster's and show you, I will.

410
00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:43,220
- You're basically just a big...
- Don't say it.

411
00:17:43,290 --> 00:17:46,060
My being a troll is not related
to my online trolling.

412
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:49,660
I- I'm sorry that people use
the term "trolling."

413
00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:51,376
- Don't use the word.
- But when you're a troll

414
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,606
- and you troll, then you're trolling.
- If you say it, I'll hit you.

415
00:17:53,630 --> 00:17:56,130
It's a bat battle.

416
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,770
It's a hat battle.

417
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,816
♪♪ Hey, yo, battly, battly,
flappity flap bat... ♪♪

418
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,580
R- Rapula, no, no.
"Flappity flap"?

419
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,380
Human form!

420
00:18:08,910 --> 00:18:10,350
Bat!

421
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,220
- This doesn't hurt.
- Not bothered by it.

422
00:18:15,290 --> 00:18:17,320
- Yeah! Simon the bat!
- Bat!

423
00:18:17,390 --> 00:18:18,820
Go, Laszlo!

424
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:21,030
- Which one's Laszlo?
- I don't know. Go, Laszlo!

425
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,100
- Human form.
- Ooh, boy.

426
00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:32,740
- My arms are tired.
- You can't win, Devious.

427
00:18:32,810 --> 00:18:35,010
It is you who
is outnumbered this time.

428
00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:36,940
Oh, am I?

429
00:18:37,010 --> 00:18:39,140
Oh, shit.

430
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:40,950
You remember my crew, don't you?

431
00:18:41,010 --> 00:18:42,180
There's Gunthrapal,

432
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:44,680
Klaglad the Exsanguinator

433
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,990
and of course, Wesley Sykes.

434
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:48,650
You lying piece of asshole!

435
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,020
Impusa, the Freak sisters,

436
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:55,790
Ken... the zombie of
my former accountant.

437
00:18:55,860 --> 00:19:00,470
Some of our newer members,
Neil, Patrick and Harris.

438
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:01,800
You son of a bastard!

439
00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:04,100
He's planned the whole thing,
look at him.

440
00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:05,270
And Elvis.

441
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:07,040
What?

442
00:19:07,110 --> 00:19:09,340
- Hey.
- Elvis, you traitor.

443
00:19:09,410 --> 00:19:11,040
You only just met him
last night.

444
00:19:11,110 --> 00:19:12,980
King, how could you do this?

445
00:19:13,050 --> 00:19:15,250
It was me who made you
a vampire.

446
00:19:15,310 --> 00:19:16,380
It is what it is.

447
00:19:16,450 --> 00:19:18,550
Ain't that the truth, Elvis?

448
00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:20,090
And Carol.

449
00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:21,750
Has anyone seen Carol?

450
00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:23,966
Shh. Guillermo, don't mention
that you vampire-slayed.

451
00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:26,760
- It's a bad look for me.
- Sorry, I-I'm hearing you whispering.

452
00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:29,600
- Are you speaking of Carol?
- Uh, no, no.

453
00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:31,560
Do you know where Carol is?

454
00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:34,170
Probably somewhere alive.

455
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,370
Okay.

456
00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:40,270
And so that's why you find,
on the Manhattan Bridge,

457
00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:41,840
a little more flexibility,

458
00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:44,640
as opposed to, say,
the George Washington Bridge,

459
00:19:44,710 --> 00:19:47,110
whose steel towers
are far more rigid.

460
00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:48,350
Right.

461
00:19:48,410 --> 00:19:50,226
Guess I thought you would
be interested in that,

462
00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:54,020
being a troll, that little
bit of bridge history.

463
00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:56,820
Bridge-story, if you will.

464
00:19:56,890 --> 00:19:58,990
Come on, Simon,
you don't even know

465
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:02,230
why you want that stupid,
stupid hat!

466
00:20:02,290 --> 00:20:04,030
I want what Laszlo has.

467
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:05,860
What you and Nadja have.

468
00:20:05,930 --> 00:20:07,930
You have each other
and that is...

469
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,170
- Is true love.
- ...enough, it's enough.

470
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,770
You're willing to settle,
and I envy that.

471
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:14,570
♪♪ Visibly shaken,
heart is achin'... ♪♪

472
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,240
Rapula, you know
I love the raps,

473
00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:18,710
but not right now...
I find it distracting, okay?

474
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:21,110
So just...
Nothing satisfies me.

475
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:25,120
My crew, i-it does not
fulfill me as it once did.

476
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:28,890
Uh, I don't know who
some of these people even are.

477
00:20:28,950 --> 00:20:31,490
This guy, I don't know him.

478
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,890
Look at my ex-accountant,
Ken, the zombie.

479
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,060
Ah...

480
00:20:36,130 --> 00:20:37,860
Ah, indeed, Ken.

481
00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:41,670
You don't need this
very ugly headwear.

482
00:20:41,730 --> 00:20:43,500
It's too big for your face.

483
00:20:43,570 --> 00:20:46,070
It also has a giant curse on it!

484
00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:50,010
Well, now I want it a little bit
less, but I-I still want it,

485
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,180
so I will... oh.

486
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,750
Seems as though my foot
is caught in the grating.

487
00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:56,620
No, it seems
as though my foot has fused

488
00:20:56,680 --> 00:21:00,120
with the metal
when I transformed from a bat.

489
00:21:00,190 --> 00:21:01,220
Ooh, boy.

490
00:21:01,290 --> 00:21:02,636
- Ooh, it's quite...
- You know what?

491
00:21:02,660 --> 00:21:04,266
- That looks quite...
- This is disgusting.

492
00:21:04,290 --> 00:21:05,410
...quite grisly and intense.

493
00:21:05,460 --> 00:21:06,390
You keep the hat.

494
00:21:06,460 --> 00:21:07,606
- Just keep it.
- It's quite painful.

495
00:21:07,630 --> 00:21:09,490
We're off.

496
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,430
Ooh, I seem to be sinking.

497
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:12,770
Count Rapula, please help me.

498
00:21:12,830 --> 00:21:15,030
I'm sorry me and the crew
ain't enough for you.

499
00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:17,440
Oh, I've hurt Rapula
and the whole crew.

500
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,940
What's all this talk about you
not being fulfilled by us?

501
00:21:20,010 --> 00:21:22,010
I- I didn't mean that,
Elvis, please.

502
00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:24,410
- Oh... bye. I'm finished.
- Please, Elvis.

503
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,710
What... Neil? Patrick? Harris?

504
00:21:26,780 --> 00:21:29,080
No, you can't even make
eye contact with me.

505
00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:32,720
You wait here.
If that hat reappears, grab it.

506
00:21:32,790 --> 00:21:34,420
Carol? What about Carol?

507
00:21:34,490 --> 00:21:36,760
Guillermo didn't kill her!

508
00:21:36,820 --> 00:21:40,330
Why would you phrase it
like that?

509
00:21:40,390 --> 00:21:42,460
Did you see how I threw
the suspicion from you?

510
00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:44,376
No, you threw the suspicion on me,
Master. Help.

511
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,370
- Help me, please. - Damn it.
- Is he gonna drown down there?

512
00:21:47,430 --> 00:21:50,700
Why are you so interested
in how vampires are killed now?

513
00:21:54,140 --> 00:21:55,170
I'm not.

514
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,780
I'm just, I just
asked a question.

515
00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:08,520
And so, I just would
like to apologize

516
00:22:08,590 --> 00:22:12,930
for any hurtful things
that I may have said to you.

517
00:22:12,990 --> 00:22:16,360
And, uh, oh, look,
the sun's coming up.

518
00:22:16,430 --> 00:22:20,800
Don't you knuckleheads
turn to stone when the...

519
00:22:20,870 --> 00:22:22,700
Yep, there it is.

520
00:22:22,770 --> 00:22:26,100
Guess I kept you talking
too long.

521
00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:28,710
The sun came up.

522
00:22:28,770 --> 00:22:30,210
This guy turned to stone.

523
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,610
Sorry, Fred Mercury,
but I am the champion.

524
00:22:37,250 --> 00:22:39,950
Shit.

525
00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:43,960
♪♪ Let me hold you tight,
my love ♪♪

526
00:22:44,020 --> 00:22:47,390
♪♪ It's not easy ♪♪

527
00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:52,130
♪♪ I want to hold you every day ♪♪

528
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:56,030
♪♪ So that I can fall
in your love arms ♪♪

529
00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:59,140
♪♪ It's not easy ♪♪

530
00:23:01,270 --> 00:23:04,280
♪♪ Darling ♪♪

531
00:23:04,340 --> 00:23:07,680
♪♪ You've made me lose my mind ♪♪

532
00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:13,490
♪♪ It's not easy ♪♪

533
00:23:13,550 --> 00:23:16,990
♪♪ I want to lose
my mind every day ♪♪

534
00:23:17,060 --> 00:23:18,820
♪♪ So I can fall into... ♪♪

535
00:23:18,890 --> 00:23:21,830
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