1
00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:29,280
Colin, can I get you a lozenge
or something?
2
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,440
No, thank you.
3
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,190
Colin, Laura would like a word
with you in her office.
4
00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:46,420
Laura?
5
00:00:46,490 --> 00:00:48,430
I think what's happened is,
6
00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:50,430
they finally figured out that
7
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:54,070
I don't even know
what the hell this company does.
8
00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:55,870
Just watch,
9
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,670
I'm gonna be
as cool as a cucumber.
10
00:00:57,740 --> 00:01:00,010
Hello, Laura.
11
00:01:00,070 --> 00:01:02,870
I have been assessing
your work...
12
00:01:04,510 --> 00:01:07,650
No. No.
13
00:01:07,710 --> 00:01:09,310
You cannot do that.
14
00:01:09,380 --> 00:01:13,220
It turned out to be
the exact opposite
15
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,490
of what I was thinking.
16
00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:17,260
They actually decided
to give me a damn promotion.
17
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,620
This is not good.
18
00:01:18,690 --> 00:01:20,490
It's mainly about my friends,
19
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,030
uh, Nandor, Laszlo, and Nadja.
20
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:26,460
I don't want to do anything that
takes away from my roomie time.
21
00:01:26,530 --> 00:01:28,330
It's like the old adage,
you know?
22
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,800
Coworkers die.
23
00:01:29,870 --> 00:01:31,670
Vampire roommates,
24
00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:34,070
they're forever.
25
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,780
♪♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪♪
26
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,180
♪♪ They have no use
for your song ♪♪
27
00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:43,950
♪♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪♪
28
00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:48,250
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪♪
29
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,320
♪♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪♪
30
00:01:51,390 --> 00:01:54,160
♪♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪♪
31
00:01:54,230 --> 00:01:56,430
♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪♪
32
00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:59,360
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪♪
33
00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:11,310
So, we have decided
to rotate our artworks.
34
00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:14,250
This was part of a bigger thing
called the Guernica.
35
00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:17,020
I just cut off the bit
that has got me in it.
36
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,226
But even the ones I did like,
37
00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:20,450
I've been looking at them
for 200 years,
38
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:21,890
so I hate them now.
39
00:02:21,950 --> 00:02:24,920
Pablo Picasso.
More like Pablo Pic-asshole.
40
00:02:24,990 --> 00:02:27,460
Ah! That's my first ship.
41
00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:29,630
It was a piece of shit.
42
00:02:29,690 --> 00:02:31,160
Recognize this?
43
00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:32,230
It's my vulva.
44
00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,000
It certainly is.
45
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,070
Nandor!
Who said you could look?
46
00:02:36,130 --> 00:02:38,470
Well, stop pointing it
at me, then.
47
00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:40,710
Laszlo, remember this one?
48
00:02:40,770 --> 00:02:42,250
It's the portrait
in which you claimed
49
00:02:42,310 --> 00:02:44,380
to have invented
the portrait bomb.
50
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,810
I did invent the portrait bomb.
51
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,810
Here I am, behind the dead chap,
52
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,410
two fingers in the air,
53
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:50,520
doing the rabbit.
54
00:02:50,580 --> 00:02:52,420
I had to sit there
for about seven hours.
55
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,250
And they still do it now.
Why? Because it's hilarious.
56
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,920
- No, I hate it...
- My roomies.
57
00:02:57,990 --> 00:02:59,190
I like it.
58
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,790
We're not putting the goat up!
59
00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:03,200
- I hate it!
- Hey, hey. What's up?
60
00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:04,260
- Dilly dilly.
- Oh.
61
00:03:04,330 --> 00:03:06,160
Colin Robinson,
this does not concern you.
62
00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:08,300
So please retreat
to your underground bedroom.
63
00:03:08,370 --> 00:03:11,640
- Thank you.
- Oh, you guys are rearranging the paintings, huh?
64
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:14,810
Well, I'm pretty good
with squares
65
00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:17,040
and finding the ideal spots
on walls,
66
00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:18,980
so if you need my help...
67
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,110
No, we don't need your help,
Colin Robinson.
68
00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:23,920
Mm, okay.
69
00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:25,920
Uh, speaking of news,
70
00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:28,120
I got a big promotion today
at work.
71
00:03:28,190 --> 00:03:31,090
But, uh, I'm not sure
if I'm gonna take it.
72
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,330
It would definitely cut
into our roomie time...
73
00:03:34,390 --> 00:03:36,530
Colin Robinson, however you
are trying to drain us,
74
00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:37,630
just stop it!
75
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,376
Yes, Colin,
please leave us to our sorting.
76
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,570
And you can take
your self-portrait with you.
77
00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:45,970
But... it's of all of us.
78
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:49,410
I made it on the Texas
Instrument Paint Pro.
79
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:55,280
One of the hard things
80
00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:58,550
about being an energy vampire
is that,
81
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,490
even when you're being sincere
82
00:04:00,550 --> 00:04:04,290
and maybe looking
for some reassurance
83
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,620
or-or support,
84
00:04:05,690 --> 00:04:09,090
people think you're trying
to drain their life force.
85
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:13,700
I wish people would understand
that I don't live to drain.
86
00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:15,900
I-I drain to live.
87
00:04:19,070 --> 00:04:21,770
It is draining for them, though.
88
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,910
Well, I'm the boss.
89
00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:27,250
I have an assistant.
90
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,580
Joanna.
91
00:04:28,650 --> 00:04:29,910
Hello, Joanna.
92
00:04:29,980 --> 00:04:31,420
Hi, Mr. Robinson.
93
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:32,620
Colin Robinson.
94
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,590
Can you make me a copy, please?
95
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,260
Sure. Um, of what, sir?
96
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,490
Um...
97
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,390
Uh, that.
98
00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:44,960
I'm watching you.
99
00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:47,800
Do more work.
100
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,600
I have to admit,
I'm quite nervous
101
00:04:49,670 --> 00:04:50,870
about being the boss.
102
00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:54,740
That said, I finally figured out
what the company does.
103
00:04:54,810 --> 00:04:57,410
It's playground design
and marketing.
104
00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,080
Or land mine design
and manufacturing.
105
00:05:00,150 --> 00:05:02,210
It's... one of those.
106
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,950
I have to give
my first presentation.
107
00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:07,120
Human. Human, human.
108
00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:08,520
Hello!
109
00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:11,490
Even though
there's been a slight uptick,
110
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,160
we have maintained
111
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,890
a plat...
112
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,560
Okay. Well, uh,
113
00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:20,570
I guess the projector decided
to take a bit of a coffee break.
114
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:29,310
Ah! Ah! We're back!
115
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,640
I'm ready for my close-up.
116
00:05:34,510 --> 00:05:35,810
All right!
117
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,220
Did you see that?
118
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,620
They were listening to me,
because I'm the boss.
119
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:40,790
They had to listen.
120
00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:41,790
This whole boss thing
121
00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:43,490
might work out.
122
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:47,890
But the main thing
is that we all give 100%,
123
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,960
except when it comes
to donating blood.
124
00:05:51,030 --> 00:05:52,130
It's entirely possible
125
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,100
that what rappers are saying
is true.
126
00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:57,270
I mean, being boss is dope.
127
00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:59,640
So, this is
all just kind of a precursor
128
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:04,780
to the larger slideshow
that I'm about to start.
129
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,380
I feel like I have the power
of a thousand cowboys
130
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,780
running through my veins
right now.
131
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,850
Hey, Eric, uh...
132
00:06:16,650 --> 00:06:17,960
Don't sit on that.
133
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:22,430
Dominic and Dan were sitting
on it already and broke it.
134
00:06:24,230 --> 00:06:26,016
I was worried being
the boss would take me away
135
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:30,770
from my roomies too much, but
they treat me as an inferior.
136
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:34,240
At work, I'm a superior.
137
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:37,110
Hi, Dan. Turn to your left.
138
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,520
Drain on demand.
139
00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:44,750
Dan, I've called you in
for an impromptu
140
00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:46,290
- performance review.
- Wh-Why?
141
00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:48,720
If you were a tree,
what type of tree would you be?
142
00:06:48,790 --> 00:06:50,190
Uh, I don't know. A maple.
143
00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:51,960
Okay, that's interesting.
144
00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:55,260
I want you to go back
to your cubicle and type up
145
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:59,430
a 2,000-word essay on why
you chose to become a maple.
146
00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:02,000
Arnie, stop talking to Joanna.
147
00:07:02,070 --> 00:07:03,540
She's myassistant.
148
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,540
Tyler, hey.
Colin Robinson, your boss.
149
00:07:05,610 --> 00:07:07,680
Get in here.
150
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,250
That's right, Guillermo.
Careful with my nudie.
151
00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:15,120
Whoa! What are you
doing with your hand?
152
00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:16,350
- How dare you?!
- Whoa.
153
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:19,720
Get your hand off my wife's
ample but firm backside.
154
00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:21,020
Thank you, darling.
155
00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:23,320
Right, but are you
at the office, or...?
156
00:07:24,830 --> 00:07:27,030
How far away
from the office are you?
157
00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:28,636
- I know you're not at the office.
- Hello, Colin Robinson.
158
00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:30,800
How was your first day
being the big boss?
159
00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:32,330
Like you give a shit.
160
00:07:33,930 --> 00:07:35,470
How far from the office are you?
161
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:36,980
What is going on
with Colin Robinson?
162
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,310
He has never missed
an opportunity
163
00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:40,810
to tell us
how boring his day was.
164
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,110
He's a wild card, that one.
165
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:44,726
What are you talking about?
He's not a wild card.
166
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:46,356
He's the card you get
on the top of the deck
167
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,720
that has the instructions on it,
so you throw it away.
168
00:07:48,780 --> 00:07:51,420
- Uh, can you get to the office?
- Colin Robinson,
169
00:07:51,490 --> 00:07:54,190
would you like to help pick
a painting to put up?
170
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:55,660
There's still a bit of space.
171
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,090
Hold. Uh, no.
172
00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,660
I have calls to roll?
173
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:03,660
But I've always been partial
to this one.
174
00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,070
- What?
- Whoa.
175
00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:08,540
- How's he doing that?
- Can you get to the office?
176
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,340
What a beautiful landscape.
177
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,610
Why have I never seen
this painting before?
178
00:08:12,670 --> 00:08:14,810
Who knows? It doesn't go
with this room, anyway.
179
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,240
We should get rid of it.
180
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:18,186
Donate it to an orphanage
or something, Guillermo.
181
00:08:18,210 --> 00:08:21,950
It looks just like the village
I grew up in, and it's on fire.
182
00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:24,380
- It...
- Let me have a closer look.
183
00:08:24,450 --> 00:08:26,820
I've heard of this invasion
in stories.
184
00:08:26,890 --> 00:08:28,520
Centuries before I was born,
185
00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:30,660
it is said that my village
186
00:08:30,730 --> 00:08:32,560
was a very special place.
187
00:08:32,630 --> 00:08:35,560
They say
that the water was like honey.
188
00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:37,500
Even the urine...
It was like rose water
189
00:08:37,570 --> 00:08:39,870
that you could drink,
and when you'd drink it,
190
00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:41,170
it'd make you want to dance.
191
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,770
Very special place.
And then it was
192
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,810
destroyed by a terrible army.
193
00:08:46,870 --> 00:08:50,210
They spared
only the softest brains
194
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,510
and the stupidest bodies in the
village, and their offspring
195
00:08:53,580 --> 00:08:54,620
were all wrong.
196
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,020
We will never forget
that battle.
197
00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,560
It was very windy that day,
and the leader of the army...
198
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,220
He was on a high cliff face,
199
00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:05,130
and he went,
"You will never forget my name.
200
00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:07,860
It is..."
201
00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:09,960
We didn't get the name,
202
00:09:10,030 --> 00:09:11,300
but I know now.
203
00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:15,370
It is Nandor the Relentless,
my pig shit housemate!
204
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,840
All this time,
and you never said anything.
205
00:09:17,910 --> 00:09:20,010
Lives were ruined!
All the men in my village
206
00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:22,380
are three-foot-two
because of the malnourishment!
207
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,480
When he goes there,
he's a bloody giant! So much
208
00:09:25,550 --> 00:09:28,050
destruction and misery at my own
vampire housemate's hands!
209
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,280
You coward!
210
00:09:29,350 --> 00:09:31,290
We don't know that
that is your exact village.
211
00:09:31,350 --> 00:09:34,660
That is my village flag on fire
in the painting!
212
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:37,590
Well...
213
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,306
the pillaging could've been done
by anyone.
214
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:42,100
We cannot go jumping to
conclusions that I am to blame.
215
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,206
He is right, my darling. We've
got no evidence that it was him.
216
00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:47,500
Then what the fuck is Persian
Frank Zappa doing on a horse?!
217
00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:51,510
Yeah, that's him.
218
00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:52,940
There were so many villages.
219
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,110
So many pillages. I didn't...
220
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:57,310
What's that?
Guillermo, stop her!
221
00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,750
It begins.
222
00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:02,450
Nandor, I will kill you!
223
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,920
I will absolutely kill you!
224
00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:05,950
I will rip out
every hair of your body!
225
00:10:06,020 --> 00:10:09,320
I swear I am going
to rip that man into shreds
226
00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:10,530
and make a dress out of it.
227
00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:12,130
- Laszlo, let me go!
- No, my darling.
228
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:15,200
- You need to calm down.
- You're feeling murderous.
229
00:10:15,260 --> 00:10:17,036
And go to his family's house
and say, "Do you like this?"
230
00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:19,400
This is your son,
and I'm wearing him as a dress!"
231
00:10:19,470 --> 00:10:20,716
- Laszlo, let me go!
- Guillermo, human shield.
232
00:10:20,740 --> 00:10:23,040
- You must calm down.
- Thought we talked about this.
233
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,420
You are supposed to support me
when I want to kill someone!
234
00:10:25,470 --> 00:10:28,040
- Not in this instance, my darling.
- Yeah, thank you.
235
00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:29,380
Let go, Laszlo!
236
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,466
- Hello? Is anybody there?
- Hi, yeah. It-It's Beth.
237
00:10:34,990 --> 00:10:36,526
- And Sarah.
- We're calling from the...
238
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:38,360
Colin Robinson here,
Staten Island branch.
239
00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:40,290
- Hello?
- Did someone just join?
240
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,160
I-I heard a beep.
Did we all hear the beep?
241
00:10:42,230 --> 00:10:44,476
Yeah, this is Phil and Paul
at the Hoboken branch. We're...
242
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,176
We all heard the beep on our end
if anyone's there.
243
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,776
- Yeah, we're here, Colin.
- Yup, we're here.
244
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,700
Oh, great, you guys, you're on.
Okay.
245
00:10:49,770 --> 00:10:51,416
Okay, let me just dive
right in. For the...
246
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,570
Staten Island branch.
Can you hear me?
247
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,386
- We're here, Colin.
- Okay, great. Go ahead.
248
00:10:55,410 --> 00:10:56,810
Uh, yeah, for the
249
00:10:56,870 --> 00:10:58,540
Sigourney/Otis project,
we got...
250
00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:00,480
How was everyone's weekends?
251
00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:02,350
It's like the more I feed,
the more I need.
252
00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:05,950
I've never felt
so alive in my life.
253
00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:07,920
I'm changing.
254
00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:12,060
I'm becoming something new,
something stronger.
255
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,006
I don't even need to talk
someone's ear off anymore
256
00:11:14,030 --> 00:11:15,430
to drain them.
257
00:11:15,490 --> 00:11:17,560
I can drain them
with a single phrase.
258
00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:19,460
TGIF.
259
00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:21,930
It's 5:00 somewhere.
260
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,400
Dan...
261
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,240
Working hard or hardly working?
262
00:11:30,670 --> 00:11:32,180
What's up...?!
263
00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:41,150
And I grow more powerful
by the second.
264
00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:55,270
So, what I'm hearing Nandor say
is that he's sorry.
265
00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:56,330
Right, Master?
266
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,470
Well... mm.
267
00:11:58,540 --> 00:12:00,600
How can you not apologize?
268
00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:03,110
The tears of my childhood
269
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:06,580
watered the garden of your own
pompous, selfish legend...
270
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,910
Nadja's very angry at me
for destroying her village.
271
00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:10,150
But it's, like,
272
00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:12,380
calm down, Nadja.
273
00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:15,090
We did those things
200 years before you were born.
274
00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:18,460
I barely remember what
happened, it was so long ago.
275
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,720
Also, I was very drunk.
276
00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:23,860
It was just 200 guys
having some fun.
277
00:12:23,930 --> 00:12:26,000
Okay. You're right.
278
00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:29,000
- I'm sorry for doing my job.
- Oh, coward!
279
00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:32,840
The issue here is that I'm an
invader, and I was invading.
280
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:33,900
Say something to him!
281
00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:36,610
It's-it's him.
It's Colin Robinson.
282
00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:38,140
He's making you turn
on each other,
283
00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:39,580
and he's feeding off of it.
284
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,350
I think Gizmo might be
onto something.
285
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,610
His hair's grown,
and he's draining us.
286
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:47,250
He's not only draining us.
This is a mega-drain.
287
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,926
Although I still have
the best hair in the world.
288
00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:50,326
How can you say
you have the best hair?
289
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:51,590
Look at my hair.
290
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,190
I forgot something in my room.
291
00:12:53,260 --> 00:12:54,830
Your hair looks like a dog.
292
00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:57,760
- You have no layers...
- Oh, and, yeah, I can fly now.
293
00:12:57,830 --> 00:12:59,460
I don't see any layers.
294
00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:01,300
It's all layered, you prick.
295
00:13:02,430 --> 00:13:04,540
Colin Robinson
296
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,500
has grown too powerful.
297
00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:09,310
We no longer have enough energy
to feed.
298
00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:10,840
Where's Laszlo?
299
00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:12,580
Laszlo's behind you.
300
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,550
He's in death mode
so as to preserve energy.
301
00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:16,010
Oh.
302
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,050
I hate to say this,
but it's an emergency,
303
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,190
so I'm going to say it.
Let's eat Guillermo.
304
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,750
Nadja is right.
305
00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:26,620
It's the only way. Guillermo?
306
00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:29,990
Guillermo, come over here
and put your neck in my mouth.
307
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:34,330
No, you have to get up and
do it, 'cause I can't get up.
308
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,330
Nadja, this is all your fault.
309
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,270
You were the one
that invited Colin Robinson
310
00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:39,700
to come and live with us.
311
00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:42,910
This is not my fault.
Laszlo invited him.
312
00:13:42,970 --> 00:13:45,040
Not true.
He came with the house.
313
00:13:50,550 --> 00:13:53,320
Look at us. We are pathetic.
314
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,220
Stop filming us like this!
315
00:13:55,290 --> 00:14:00,420
C-Camera Two, come over here
and put your neck in my mouth.
316
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,730
Colin Robinson has recently
317
00:14:03,790 --> 00:14:07,200
gained a huge,
horrifying amount of power.
318
00:14:07,270 --> 00:14:11,970
He just has to walk into
the house, and we have no hope.
319
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,540
But we have a plan:
distract Colin Robinson
320
00:14:14,610 --> 00:14:16,840
and destroy his office overlords
321
00:14:16,910 --> 00:14:19,140
who granted him this power.
322
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:21,210
I need to get him
making some lists,
323
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,510
and then we can escape.
324
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:24,380
He loves lists.
325
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:26,950
Hello, Colin Robinson.
326
00:14:27,020 --> 00:14:28,720
- Ugh.
- What do you want? I'm busy.
327
00:14:28,790 --> 00:14:32,360
Um, where have you been? We've
missed you around the house.
328
00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:34,030
Yeah, right. Like you care.
329
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:37,030
The only people that care are my
real friends, my work friends.
330
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:39,000
And they listen
because they have to.
331
00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:41,630
Well, I would love to know
about your work friends.
332
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,530
What are all their names?
333
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,000
Well, there's Dan
and then Arnie.
334
00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:48,240
And then there's Jamie,
who doesn't
335
00:14:48,310 --> 00:14:51,380
actually work at the office.
Come back. I'm not done.
336
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,780
And then we have Diabetic Dave.
337
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,950
Ellie, who I call Phoebe
because it annoys her.
338
00:14:57,020 --> 00:15:00,020
And then, of
course, you have Ben.
339
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,820
Another Ben,
and I call him Balsamic Ben,
340
00:15:03,890 --> 00:15:06,560
because he's a fan
of Martin Balsam, the actor,
341
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:09,530
not because he likes
balsamic vinegar.
342
00:15:09,590 --> 00:15:14,230
And... that bring us, then,
to HR...
343
00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:15,570
What is the plan again?
344
00:15:15,630 --> 00:15:16,730
Run away.
345
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,700
Why don't we... walk away?
346
00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:21,510
I listened to him
for as long as I could,
347
00:15:21,570 --> 00:15:23,240
but his power
is stronger than...
348
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:25,680
- What? What is it?
- Ew.
349
00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:27,610
Nothing, my sweet darling.
350
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,250
- Your faces.
- Why don't you come
351
00:15:29,310 --> 00:15:31,150
and sit next to me,
352
00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:33,120
and we can expire together.
353
00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:35,450
Come and join me here.
That's better.
354
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,020
Fuck it.
355
00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:38,590
Well, since we're about to die,
356
00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:40,360
I guess
I should confess something.
357
00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:43,060
Remember when all those
vampires were being mur... Guillermo,
358
00:15:43,130 --> 00:15:45,430
please save your confession
till once I am dead.
359
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,730
Yes, Master.
360
00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:49,570
Hey, gang.
361
00:15:49,630 --> 00:15:52,840
He can drink with just his mind?
362
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,910
Colin Robinson,
why are you doing this to us?
363
00:15:57,980 --> 00:15:59,840
We are your only friends
in the world.
364
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:02,410
Why subject us to this hell?
365
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,250
Friends?
Do friends ignore their friends
366
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,396
when their friend tells them
about a big promotion that
367
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:09,320
they got at work, which they
were considering turning down
368
00:16:09,390 --> 00:16:12,120
just so they could hang out more
with their friends?
369
00:16:12,190 --> 00:16:14,090
Do friends accuse their friend
of draining them
370
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:15,606
when all their friend
wanted to do was hang out...
371
00:16:15,630 --> 00:16:18,600
Guillermo, walk away.
Save yourself.
372
00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:21,470
- Hey, hey, Guillermo.
- No.
373
00:16:21,530 --> 00:16:23,600
- What's up, Guillermo?
- No.
374
00:16:24,970 --> 00:16:26,700
- ♪♪ Hello... ♪♪
- ♪♪ Hello... ♪♪
375
00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:27,770
♪♪ Hello... ♪♪
376
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,340
- What's this shit?
- Oh, no.
377
00:16:29,410 --> 00:16:31,040
They're multipl...
378
00:16:31,110 --> 00:16:32,810
Clearly,
379
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,150
I no longer need
friends like you anymore.
380
00:16:35,210 --> 00:16:36,650
All I need is myself.
381
00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:38,550
I'm my own best friend now.
382
00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:40,350
The Colinator.
383
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:41,550
The C-Man.
384
00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:44,520
Have mercy on us,
Colin Robinsons.
385
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:45,920
Mercy? That's rich.
386
00:16:45,990 --> 00:16:47,760
Did you show me...
H-Hold on.
387
00:16:47,830 --> 00:16:50,330
Actually, when you say "C-Man,"
388
00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:51,800
it sounds kind of like "semen."
389
00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:54,230
- It's short for Colin.
- I'll handle this.
390
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,570
Does it even matter?
391
00:16:55,630 --> 00:16:56,870
I mean, it's cool.
392
00:16:56,930 --> 00:16:59,900
- C-Man.
- Yeah, it matters, and, no,
393
00:16:59,970 --> 00:17:03,010
- it's not cool.
- Okay, but why does it matter?
394
00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:04,910
Maybe we need
395
00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:07,350
to have a sidebar meeting?
396
00:17:07,410 --> 00:17:08,950
I-I'll check my schedule, but...
397
00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:12,180
- C-Man's schedule is wide open.
- Don't say "C-Man."
398
00:17:12,250 --> 00:17:14,050
Uh, what would even be
on the agenda?
399
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,390
- Our names.
- But actually
400
00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:17,360
I think the term
you're looking for
401
00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:20,320
- is "nicknames."
- The Colins seem to be draining each other's energy.
402
00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:23,460
- No, "moniker."
- Actually, I prefer "handle."
403
00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:25,200
- "Sobriquet"?
- A-As in the French?
404
00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:26,630
Meaning...
405
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,030
"Nicknames."
406
00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:30,430
Oh, no.
407
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:33,140
They bored themselves to death.
408
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,970
- Mm, how sad.
- So be it.
409
00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:42,950
Colin Robinson
multiplied himself by three
410
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,920
and then bored himself to death.
411
00:17:44,990 --> 00:17:46,220
It's very sad.
412
00:17:46,290 --> 00:17:48,690
We have a number of Colins
we have to bury
413
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,120
into the ground now.
414
00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:53,390
It's okay, I've got your hand.
415
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:55,200
It's nice down there.
416
00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:57,000
Very respectfully, Guillermo.
417
00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:59,730
We have traveled here
tonight from our house
418
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:04,240
to our garden
to lay to rest Colin Robinson,
419
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,570
Colin Robinson, and... C-Man
420
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,080
next to this,
his favorite bit of the fence.
421
00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:12,250
Loved this fence.
422
00:18:12,310 --> 00:18:14,720
We saw him here
a couple of times.
423
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,590
Colin Robinson,
when you talked to me
424
00:18:18,650 --> 00:18:22,390
about 19th century
naval battles,
425
00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:24,160
I was genuinely interested.
426
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:26,230
I didn't let you know that,
427
00:18:26,290 --> 00:18:27,930
'cause then you'd have stopped.
428
00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:30,600
Maybe I didn't want you to stop.
429
00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:34,230
Colin Robinson died
attempting to achieve power
430
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:37,300
and total domination
of his place of work.
431
00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:39,940
Thank you, Nandor,
that is beautiful.
432
00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:44,510
Sometimes after me and Laszlo
would have a lovers' quarrel,
433
00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:46,480
Colin would stand hovering
at the door,
434
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,110
and I would say, "Shut up,"
435
00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:52,950
and then he would actually often
be a very good mute listener.
436
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:56,320
We wanted to bury this
with you, Colin Robinson,
437
00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:59,260
'cause you loved it
and we hated it.
438
00:18:59,330 --> 00:19:00,630
Bury him with something he liked
439
00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:02,700
and get rid
of something we don't.
440
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:06,530
♪♪ Yea, yea, yea, yea, yea... ♪♪
441
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:07,970
- Nicely done.
- Ha!
442
00:19:09,470 --> 00:19:10,770
Fucking guy!
443
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,370
I tricked you. I'm alive.
444
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,740
I just wanted to hear my eulogy.
445
00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:17,340
I knew you guys
actually liked me.
446
00:19:17,410 --> 00:19:20,380
I admit it's a bit of a long way
to go, but it worked,
447
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,350
- so I'll take it.
- What about...
448
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:23,950
the other two?
449
00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:26,050
Come on, guys.
450
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,390
Come on.
451
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:29,260
Oh, I guess they're...
they're dead.
452
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,590
- Very good.
- I think it's time we celebrate.
453
00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:33,660
- Guillermo.
- These are the enjoyable moments.
454
00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:34,800
Get digging.
455
00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:36,760
I'm making sure they're dead.
456
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,300
Hello.
457
00:19:41,370 --> 00:19:43,770
Hi. Colin Robinson.
458
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:44,770
New guy.
459
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:45,870
The last place
460
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:48,140
I worked at is now
in financial ruin.
461
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:51,810
People were so drained
that nothing was getting done.
462
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:56,680
Which is why I'm here,
to find a new place to work.
463
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:58,120
New guy alert.
New guy alert.
464
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,320
Quite the drip going on
over here.
465
00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:03,120
The "swamp people,"
I'll call you.
466
00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:04,120
I haven't
467
00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:05,730
officially been hired.
468
00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:07,630
Just trying to locate
my cubicle.
469
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:09,660
I can't find it anywhere.
470
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:11,160
Guess we're gonna be cellmates.
471
00:20:11,230 --> 00:20:14,370
Hopefully it won't be
too much like prison.
472
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:19,040
Hey, are you a fan
of conservative AM radio?
473
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:21,170
I'll find a cubicle that's empty
474
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,610
and imbed myself
475
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,450
for the next couple years.
476
00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:28,720
Like a parasitic wasp
amongst all
477
00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:31,250
the congenital moron
worker bees.
478
00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:41,190
♪♪ Over... ♪♪
479
00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:46,570
♪♪ Portugal and Spain ♪♪
480
00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:51,200
♪♪ But in my heart
it's you, dear... ♪♪
481
00:20:52,870 --> 00:20:56,610
My husband Laszlo has
dedicated his artistic skills
482
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,380
to touch up the painting
and make it in a way
483
00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:01,380
that will make us both happy.
484
00:21:01,450 --> 00:21:03,380
- You fixed the clock tower!
- Yes.
485
00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:05,490
And there you are, my darling,
on a hay bale.
486
00:21:05,550 --> 00:21:07,720
- With my boobs out.
- Mm-hmm.
487
00:21:07,790 --> 00:21:09,660
- What have you done here?
- I painted you out,
488
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:10,920
put me in.
489
00:21:10,990 --> 00:21:12,960
And there I am,
galloping towards my wife,
490
00:21:13,030 --> 00:21:14,760
who I will make love to.
491
00:21:14,830 --> 00:21:15,830
And where am I?
492
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,460
You're in there.
Bad luck, old chap.
493
00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:20,406
- Pretty rude.
- Well, it was pretty rude of you
494
00:21:20,430 --> 00:21:22,000
to burn down
my family's village.
495
00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:23,440
♪♪ Remain ♪♪
496
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,470
♪♪ My, my angel ♪♪
497
00:21:26,540 --> 00:21:29,680
♪♪ Now and every day ♪♪
498
00:21:29,740 --> 00:21:31,410
♪♪ It's you alone ♪♪
499
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:35,980
♪♪ I'll adore ♪♪
500
00:21:36,050 --> 00:21:37,780
♪♪ Now I'm home ♪♪
501
00:21:37,850 --> 00:21:41,120
♪♪ No more will I roam ♪♪
502
00:21:41,190 --> 00:21:43,690
♪♪ Oh, yes ♪♪
503
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:48,290
♪♪ I'm here to stay. ♪♪
504
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,730
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org