1 00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:29,280 Colin, can I get you a lozenge or something? 2 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,440 No, thank you. 3 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,190 Colin, Laura would like a word with you in her office. 4 00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:46,420 Laura? 5 00:00:46,490 --> 00:00:48,430 I think what's happened is, 6 00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:50,430 they finally figured out that 7 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:54,070 I don't even know what the hell this company does. 8 00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:55,870 Just watch, 9 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,670 I'm gonna be as cool as a cucumber. 10 00:00:57,740 --> 00:01:00,010 Hello, Laura. 11 00:01:00,070 --> 00:01:02,870 I have been assessing your work... 12 00:01:04,510 --> 00:01:07,650 No. No. 13 00:01:07,710 --> 00:01:09,310 You cannot do that. 14 00:01:09,380 --> 00:01:13,220 It turned out to be the exact opposite 15 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,490 of what I was thinking. 16 00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:17,260 They actually decided to give me a damn promotion. 17 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,620 This is not good. 18 00:01:18,690 --> 00:01:20,490 It's mainly about my friends, 19 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,030 uh, Nandor, Laszlo, and Nadja. 20 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:26,460 I don't want to do anything that takes away from my roomie time. 21 00:01:26,530 --> 00:01:28,330 It's like the old adage, you know? 22 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,800 Coworkers die. 23 00:01:29,870 --> 00:01:31,670 Vampire roommates, 24 00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:34,070 they're forever. 25 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,780 ♪♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪♪ 26 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,180 ♪♪ They have no use for your song ♪♪ 27 00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:43,950 ♪♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪♪ 28 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:48,250 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪♪ 29 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,320 ♪♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪♪ 30 00:01:51,390 --> 00:01:54,160 ♪♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪♪ 31 00:01:54,230 --> 00:01:56,430 ♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪♪ 32 00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:59,360 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪♪ 33 00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:11,310 So, we have decided to rotate our artworks. 34 00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:14,250 This was part of a bigger thing called the Guernica. 35 00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:17,020 I just cut off the bit that has got me in it. 36 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,226 But even the ones I did like, 37 00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:20,450 I've been looking at them for 200 years, 38 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:21,890 so I hate them now. 39 00:02:21,950 --> 00:02:24,920 Pablo Picasso. More like Pablo Pic-asshole. 40 00:02:24,990 --> 00:02:27,460 Ah! That's my first ship. 41 00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:29,630 It was a piece of shit. 42 00:02:29,690 --> 00:02:31,160 Recognize this? 43 00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:32,230 It's my vulva. 44 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,000 It certainly is. 45 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,070 Nandor! Who said you could look? 46 00:02:36,130 --> 00:02:38,470 Well, stop pointing it at me, then. 47 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:40,710 Laszlo, remember this one? 48 00:02:40,770 --> 00:02:42,250 It's the portrait in which you claimed 49 00:02:42,310 --> 00:02:44,380 to have invented the portrait bomb. 50 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,810 I did invent the portrait bomb. 51 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,810 Here I am, behind the dead chap, 52 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,410 two fingers in the air, 53 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:50,520 doing the rabbit. 54 00:02:50,580 --> 00:02:52,420 I had to sit there for about seven hours. 55 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,250 And they still do it now. Why? Because it's hilarious. 56 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,920 - No, I hate it... - My roomies. 57 00:02:57,990 --> 00:02:59,190 I like it. 58 00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,790 We're not putting the goat up! 59 00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:03,200 - I hate it! - Hey, hey. What's up? 60 00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:04,260 - Dilly dilly. - Oh. 61 00:03:04,330 --> 00:03:06,160 Colin Robinson, this does not concern you. 62 00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:08,300 So please retreat to your underground bedroom. 63 00:03:08,370 --> 00:03:11,640 - Thank you. - Oh, you guys are rearranging the paintings, huh? 64 00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:14,810 Well, I'm pretty good with squares 65 00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:17,040 and finding the ideal spots on walls, 66 00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:18,980 so if you need my help... 67 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,110 No, we don't need your help, Colin Robinson. 68 00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:23,920 Mm, okay. 69 00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:25,920 Uh, speaking of news, 70 00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:28,120 I got a big promotion today at work. 71 00:03:28,190 --> 00:03:31,090 But, uh, I'm not sure if I'm gonna take it. 72 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,330 It would definitely cut into our roomie time... 73 00:03:34,390 --> 00:03:36,530 Colin Robinson, however you are trying to drain us, 74 00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:37,630 just stop it! 75 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,376 Yes, Colin, please leave us to our sorting. 76 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,570 And you can take your self-portrait with you. 77 00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:45,970 But... it's of all of us. 78 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:49,410 I made it on the Texas Instrument Paint Pro. 79 00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:55,280 One of the hard things 80 00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:58,550 about being an energy vampire is that, 81 00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,490 even when you're being sincere 82 00:04:00,550 --> 00:04:04,290 and maybe looking for some reassurance 83 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,620 or-or support, 84 00:04:05,690 --> 00:04:09,090 people think you're trying to drain their life force. 85 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:13,700 I wish people would understand that I don't live to drain. 86 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:15,900 I-I drain to live. 87 00:04:19,070 --> 00:04:21,770 It is draining for them, though. 88 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,910 Well, I'm the boss. 89 00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:27,250 I have an assistant. 90 00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,580 Joanna. 91 00:04:28,650 --> 00:04:29,910 Hello, Joanna. 92 00:04:29,980 --> 00:04:31,420 Hi, Mr. Robinson. 93 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:32,620 Colin Robinson. 94 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,590 Can you make me a copy, please? 95 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,260 Sure. Um, of what, sir? 96 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,490 Um... 97 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,390 Uh, that. 98 00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:44,960 I'm watching you. 99 00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:47,800 Do more work. 100 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,600 I have to admit, I'm quite nervous 101 00:04:49,670 --> 00:04:50,870 about being the boss. 102 00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:54,740 That said, I finally figured out what the company does. 103 00:04:54,810 --> 00:04:57,410 It's playground design and marketing. 104 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,080 Or land mine design and manufacturing. 105 00:05:00,150 --> 00:05:02,210 It's... one of those. 106 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,950 I have to give my first presentation. 107 00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:07,120 Human. Human, human. 108 00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:08,520 Hello! 109 00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:11,490 Even though there's been a slight uptick, 110 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,160 we have maintained 111 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,890 a plat... 112 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,560 Okay. Well, uh, 113 00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:20,570 I guess the projector decided to take a bit of a coffee break. 114 00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:29,310 Ah! Ah! We're back! 115 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,640 I'm ready for my close-up. 116 00:05:34,510 --> 00:05:35,810 All right! 117 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,220 Did you see that? 118 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,620 They were listening to me, because I'm the boss. 119 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:40,790 They had to listen. 120 00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:41,790 This whole boss thing 121 00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:43,490 might work out. 122 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:47,890 But the main thing is that we all give 100%, 123 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,960 except when it comes to donating blood. 124 00:05:51,030 --> 00:05:52,130 It's entirely possible 125 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,100 that what rappers are saying is true. 126 00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:57,270 I mean, being boss is dope. 127 00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:59,640 So, this is all just kind of a precursor 128 00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:04,780 to the larger slideshow that I'm about to start. 129 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,380 I feel like I have the power of a thousand cowboys 130 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,780 running through my veins right now. 131 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,850 Hey, Eric, uh... 132 00:06:16,650 --> 00:06:17,960 Don't sit on that. 133 00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:22,430 Dominic and Dan were sitting on it already and broke it. 134 00:06:24,230 --> 00:06:26,016 I was worried being the boss would take me away 135 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:30,770 from my roomies too much, but they treat me as an inferior. 136 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:34,240 At work, I'm a superior. 137 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:37,110 Hi, Dan. Turn to your left. 138 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,520 Drain on demand. 139 00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:44,750 Dan, I've called you in for an impromptu 140 00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:46,290 - performance review. - Wh-Why? 141 00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:48,720 If you were a tree, what type of tree would you be? 142 00:06:48,790 --> 00:06:50,190 Uh, I don't know. A maple. 143 00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:51,960 Okay, that's interesting. 144 00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:55,260 I want you to go back to your cubicle and type up 145 00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:59,430 a 2,000-word essay on why you chose to become a maple. 146 00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:02,000 Arnie, stop talking to Joanna. 147 00:07:02,070 --> 00:07:03,540 She's myassistant. 148 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,540 Tyler, hey. Colin Robinson, your boss. 149 00:07:05,610 --> 00:07:07,680 Get in here. 150 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,250 That's right, Guillermo. Careful with my nudie. 151 00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:15,120 Whoa! What are you doing with your hand? 152 00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:16,350 - How dare you?! - Whoa. 153 00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:19,720 Get your hand off my wife's ample but firm backside. 154 00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:21,020 Thank you, darling. 155 00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:23,320 Right, but are you at the office, or...? 156 00:07:24,830 --> 00:07:27,030 How far away from the office are you? 157 00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:28,636 - I know you're not at the office. - Hello, Colin Robinson. 158 00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:30,800 How was your first day being the big boss? 159 00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:32,330 Like you give a shit. 160 00:07:33,930 --> 00:07:35,470 How far from the office are you? 161 00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:36,980 What is going on with Colin Robinson? 162 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,310 He has never missed an opportunity 163 00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:40,810 to tell us how boring his day was. 164 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,110 He's a wild card, that one. 165 00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:44,726 What are you talking about? He's not a wild card. 166 00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:46,356 He's the card you get on the top of the deck 167 00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,720 that has the instructions on it, so you throw it away. 168 00:07:48,780 --> 00:07:51,420 - Uh, can you get to the office? - Colin Robinson, 169 00:07:51,490 --> 00:07:54,190 would you like to help pick a painting to put up? 170 00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:55,660 There's still a bit of space. 171 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,090 Hold. Uh, no. 172 00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,660 I have calls to roll? 173 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:03,660 But I've always been partial to this one. 174 00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,070 - What? - Whoa. 175 00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:08,540 - How's he doing that? - Can you get to the office? 176 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,340 What a beautiful landscape. 177 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,610 Why have I never seen this painting before? 178 00:08:12,670 --> 00:08:14,810 Who knows? It doesn't go with this room, anyway. 179 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,240 We should get rid of it. 180 00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:18,186 Donate it to an orphanage or something, Guillermo. 181 00:08:18,210 --> 00:08:21,950 It looks just like the village I grew up in, and it's on fire. 182 00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:24,380 - It... - Let me have a closer look. 183 00:08:24,450 --> 00:08:26,820 I've heard of this invasion in stories. 184 00:08:26,890 --> 00:08:28,520 Centuries before I was born, 185 00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:30,660 it is said that my village 186 00:08:30,730 --> 00:08:32,560 was a very special place. 187 00:08:32,630 --> 00:08:35,560 They say that the water was like honey. 188 00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:37,500 Even the urine... It was like rose water 189 00:08:37,570 --> 00:08:39,870 that you could drink, and when you'd drink it, 190 00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:41,170 it'd make you want to dance. 191 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,770 Very special place. And then it was 192 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,810 destroyed by a terrible army. 193 00:08:46,870 --> 00:08:50,210 They spared only the softest brains 194 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,510 and the stupidest bodies in the village, and their offspring 195 00:08:53,580 --> 00:08:54,620 were all wrong. 196 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,020 We will never forget that battle. 197 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,560 It was very windy that day, and the leader of the army... 198 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,220 He was on a high cliff face, 199 00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:05,130 and he went, "You will never forget my name. 200 00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:07,860 It is..." 201 00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:09,960 We didn't get the name, 202 00:09:10,030 --> 00:09:11,300 but I know now. 203 00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:15,370 It is Nandor the Relentless, my pig shit housemate! 204 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,840 All this time, and you never said anything. 205 00:09:17,910 --> 00:09:20,010 Lives were ruined! All the men in my village 206 00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:22,380 are three-foot-two because of the malnourishment! 207 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,480 When he goes there, he's a bloody giant! So much 208 00:09:25,550 --> 00:09:28,050 destruction and misery at my own vampire housemate's hands! 209 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,280 You coward! 210 00:09:29,350 --> 00:09:31,290 We don't know that that is your exact village. 211 00:09:31,350 --> 00:09:34,660 That is my village flag on fire in the painting! 212 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:37,590 Well... 213 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,306 the pillaging could've been done by anyone. 214 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:42,100 We cannot go jumping to conclusions that I am to blame. 215 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,206 He is right, my darling. We've got no evidence that it was him. 216 00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:47,500 Then what the fuck is Persian Frank Zappa doing on a horse?! 217 00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:51,510 Yeah, that's him. 218 00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:52,940 There were so many villages. 219 00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,110 So many pillages. I didn't... 220 00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:57,310 What's that? Guillermo, stop her! 221 00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,750 It begins. 222 00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:02,450 Nandor, I will kill you! 223 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,920 I will absolutely kill you! 224 00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:05,950 I will rip out every hair of your body! 225 00:10:06,020 --> 00:10:09,320 I swear I am going to rip that man into shreds 226 00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:10,530 and make a dress out of it. 227 00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:12,130 - Laszlo, let me go! - No, my darling. 228 00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:15,200 - You need to calm down. - You're feeling murderous. 229 00:10:15,260 --> 00:10:17,036 And go to his family's house and say, "Do you like this?" 230 00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:19,400 This is your son, and I'm wearing him as a dress!" 231 00:10:19,470 --> 00:10:20,716 - Laszlo, let me go! - Guillermo, human shield. 232 00:10:20,740 --> 00:10:23,040 - You must calm down. - Thought we talked about this. 233 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,420 You are supposed to support me when I want to kill someone! 234 00:10:25,470 --> 00:10:28,040 - Not in this instance, my darling. - Yeah, thank you. 235 00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:29,380 Let go, Laszlo! 236 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,466 - Hello? Is anybody there? - Hi, yeah. It-It's Beth. 237 00:10:34,990 --> 00:10:36,526 - And Sarah. - We're calling from the... 238 00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:38,360 Colin Robinson here, Staten Island branch. 239 00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:40,290 - Hello? - Did someone just join? 240 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,160 I-I heard a beep. Did we all hear the beep? 241 00:10:42,230 --> 00:10:44,476 Yeah, this is Phil and Paul at the Hoboken branch. We're... 242 00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,176 We all heard the beep on our end if anyone's there. 243 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,776 - Yeah, we're here, Colin. - Yup, we're here. 244 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,700 Oh, great, you guys, you're on. Okay. 245 00:10:49,770 --> 00:10:51,416 Okay, let me just dive right in. For the... 246 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,570 Staten Island branch. Can you hear me? 247 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,386 - We're here, Colin. - Okay, great. Go ahead. 248 00:10:55,410 --> 00:10:56,810 Uh, yeah, for the 249 00:10:56,870 --> 00:10:58,540 Sigourney/Otis project, we got... 250 00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:00,480 How was everyone's weekends? 251 00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:02,350 It's like the more I feed, the more I need. 252 00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:05,950 I've never felt so alive in my life. 253 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:07,920 I'm changing. 254 00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:12,060 I'm becoming something new, something stronger. 255 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,006 I don't even need to talk someone's ear off anymore 256 00:11:14,030 --> 00:11:15,430 to drain them. 257 00:11:15,490 --> 00:11:17,560 I can drain them with a single phrase. 258 00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:19,460 TGIF. 259 00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:21,930 It's 5:00 somewhere. 260 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,400 Dan... 261 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,240 Working hard or hardly working? 262 00:11:30,670 --> 00:11:32,180 What's up...?! 263 00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:41,150 And I grow more powerful by the second. 264 00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:55,270 So, what I'm hearing Nandor say is that he's sorry. 265 00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:56,330 Right, Master? 266 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,470 Well... mm. 267 00:11:58,540 --> 00:12:00,600 How can you not apologize? 268 00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:03,110 The tears of my childhood 269 00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:06,580 watered the garden of your own pompous, selfish legend... 270 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,910 Nadja's very angry at me for destroying her village. 271 00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:10,150 But it's, like, 272 00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:12,380 calm down, Nadja. 273 00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:15,090 We did those things 200 years before you were born. 274 00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:18,460 I barely remember what happened, it was so long ago. 275 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,720 Also, I was very drunk. 276 00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:23,860 It was just 200 guys having some fun. 277 00:12:23,930 --> 00:12:26,000 Okay. You're right. 278 00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:29,000 - I'm sorry for doing my job. - Oh, coward! 279 00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:32,840 The issue here is that I'm an invader, and I was invading. 280 00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:33,900 Say something to him! 281 00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:36,610 It's-it's him. It's Colin Robinson. 282 00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:38,140 He's making you turn on each other, 283 00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:39,580 and he's feeding off of it. 284 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,350 I think Gizmo might be onto something. 285 00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,610 His hair's grown, and he's draining us. 286 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:47,250 He's not only draining us. This is a mega-drain. 287 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,926 Although I still have the best hair in the world. 288 00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:50,326 How can you say you have the best hair? 289 00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:51,590 Look at my hair. 290 00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,190 I forgot something in my room. 291 00:12:53,260 --> 00:12:54,830 Your hair looks like a dog. 292 00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:57,760 - You have no layers... - Oh, and, yeah, I can fly now. 293 00:12:57,830 --> 00:12:59,460 I don't see any layers. 294 00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:01,300 It's all layered, you prick. 295 00:13:02,430 --> 00:13:04,540 Colin Robinson 296 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,500 has grown too powerful. 297 00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:09,310 We no longer have enough energy to feed. 298 00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:10,840 Where's Laszlo? 299 00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:12,580 Laszlo's behind you. 300 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,550 He's in death mode so as to preserve energy. 301 00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:16,010 Oh. 302 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,050 I hate to say this, but it's an emergency, 303 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,190 so I'm going to say it. Let's eat Guillermo. 304 00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,750 Nadja is right. 305 00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:26,620 It's the only way. Guillermo? 306 00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:29,990 Guillermo, come over here and put your neck in my mouth. 307 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:34,330 No, you have to get up and do it, 'cause I can't get up. 308 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,330 Nadja, this is all your fault. 309 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,270 You were the one that invited Colin Robinson 310 00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:39,700 to come and live with us. 311 00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:42,910 This is not my fault. Laszlo invited him. 312 00:13:42,970 --> 00:13:45,040 Not true. He came with the house. 313 00:13:50,550 --> 00:13:53,320 Look at us. We are pathetic. 314 00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,220 Stop filming us like this! 315 00:13:55,290 --> 00:14:00,420 C-Camera Two, come over here and put your neck in my mouth. 316 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,730 Colin Robinson has recently 317 00:14:03,790 --> 00:14:07,200 gained a huge, horrifying amount of power. 318 00:14:07,270 --> 00:14:11,970 He just has to walk into the house, and we have no hope. 319 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,540 But we have a plan: distract Colin Robinson 320 00:14:14,610 --> 00:14:16,840 and destroy his office overlords 321 00:14:16,910 --> 00:14:19,140 who granted him this power. 322 00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:21,210 I need to get him making some lists, 323 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,510 and then we can escape. 324 00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:24,380 He loves lists. 325 00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:26,950 Hello, Colin Robinson. 326 00:14:27,020 --> 00:14:28,720 - Ugh. - What do you want? I'm busy. 327 00:14:28,790 --> 00:14:32,360 Um, where have you been? We've missed you around the house. 328 00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:34,030 Yeah, right. Like you care. 329 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:37,030 The only people that care are my real friends, my work friends. 330 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:39,000 And they listen because they have to. 331 00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:41,630 Well, I would love to know about your work friends. 332 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,530 What are all their names? 333 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,000 Well, there's Dan and then Arnie. 334 00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:48,240 And then there's Jamie, who doesn't 335 00:14:48,310 --> 00:14:51,380 actually work at the office. Come back. I'm not done. 336 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,780 And then we have Diabetic Dave. 337 00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,950 Ellie, who I call Phoebe because it annoys her. 338 00:14:57,020 --> 00:15:00,020 And then, of course, you have Ben. 339 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,820 Another Ben, and I call him Balsamic Ben, 340 00:15:03,890 --> 00:15:06,560 because he's a fan of Martin Balsam, the actor, 341 00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:09,530 not because he likes balsamic vinegar. 342 00:15:09,590 --> 00:15:14,230 And... that bring us, then, to HR... 343 00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:15,570 What is the plan again? 344 00:15:15,630 --> 00:15:16,730 Run away. 345 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,700 Why don't we... walk away? 346 00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:21,510 I listened to him for as long as I could, 347 00:15:21,570 --> 00:15:23,240 but his power is stronger than... 348 00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:25,680 - What? What is it? - Ew. 349 00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:27,610 Nothing, my sweet darling. 350 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,250 - Your faces. - Why don't you come 351 00:15:29,310 --> 00:15:31,150 and sit next to me, 352 00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:33,120 and we can expire together. 353 00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:35,450 Come and join me here. That's better. 354 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,020 Fuck it. 355 00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:38,590 Well, since we're about to die, 356 00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:40,360 I guess I should confess something. 357 00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:43,060 Remember when all those vampires were being mur... Guillermo, 358 00:15:43,130 --> 00:15:45,430 please save your confession till once I am dead. 359 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,730 Yes, Master. 360 00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:49,570 Hey, gang. 361 00:15:49,630 --> 00:15:52,840 He can drink with just his mind? 362 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,910 Colin Robinson, why are you doing this to us? 363 00:15:57,980 --> 00:15:59,840 We are your only friends in the world. 364 00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:02,410 Why subject us to this hell? 365 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,250 Friends? Do friends ignore their friends 366 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,396 when their friend tells them about a big promotion that 367 00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:09,320 they got at work, which they were considering turning down 368 00:16:09,390 --> 00:16:12,120 just so they could hang out more with their friends? 369 00:16:12,190 --> 00:16:14,090 Do friends accuse their friend of draining them 370 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:15,606 when all their friend wanted to do was hang out... 371 00:16:15,630 --> 00:16:18,600 Guillermo, walk away. Save yourself. 372 00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:21,470 - Hey, hey, Guillermo. - No. 373 00:16:21,530 --> 00:16:23,600 - What's up, Guillermo? - No. 374 00:16:24,970 --> 00:16:26,700 - ♪♪ Hello... ♪♪ - ♪♪ Hello... ♪♪ 375 00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:27,770 ♪♪ Hello... ♪♪ 376 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,340 - What's this shit? - Oh, no. 377 00:16:29,410 --> 00:16:31,040 They're multipl... 378 00:16:31,110 --> 00:16:32,810 Clearly, 379 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,150 I no longer need friends like you anymore. 380 00:16:35,210 --> 00:16:36,650 All I need is myself. 381 00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:38,550 I'm my own best friend now. 382 00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:40,350 The Colinator. 383 00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:41,550 The C-Man. 384 00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:44,520 Have mercy on us, Colin Robinsons. 385 00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:45,920 Mercy? That's rich. 386 00:16:45,990 --> 00:16:47,760 Did you show me... H-Hold on. 387 00:16:47,830 --> 00:16:50,330 Actually, when you say "C-Man," 388 00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:51,800 it sounds kind of like "semen." 389 00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:54,230 - It's short for Colin. - I'll handle this. 390 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,570 Does it even matter? 391 00:16:55,630 --> 00:16:56,870 I mean, it's cool. 392 00:16:56,930 --> 00:16:59,900 - C-Man. - Yeah, it matters, and, no, 393 00:16:59,970 --> 00:17:03,010 - it's not cool. - Okay, but why does it matter? 394 00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:04,910 Maybe we need 395 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:07,350 to have a sidebar meeting? 396 00:17:07,410 --> 00:17:08,950 I-I'll check my schedule, but... 397 00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:12,180 - C-Man's schedule is wide open. - Don't say "C-Man." 398 00:17:12,250 --> 00:17:14,050 Uh, what would even be on the agenda? 399 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,390 - Our names. - But actually 400 00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:17,360 I think the term you're looking for 401 00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:20,320 - is "nicknames." - The Colins seem to be draining each other's energy. 402 00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:23,460 - No, "moniker." - Actually, I prefer "handle." 403 00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:25,200 - "Sobriquet"? - A-As in the French? 404 00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:26,630 Meaning... 405 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,030 "Nicknames." 406 00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:30,430 Oh, no. 407 00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:33,140 They bored themselves to death. 408 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,970 - Mm, how sad. - So be it. 409 00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:42,950 Colin Robinson multiplied himself by three 410 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,920 and then bored himself to death. 411 00:17:44,990 --> 00:17:46,220 It's very sad. 412 00:17:46,290 --> 00:17:48,690 We have a number of Colins we have to bury 413 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,120 into the ground now. 414 00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:53,390 It's okay, I've got your hand. 415 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:55,200 It's nice down there. 416 00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:57,000 Very respectfully, Guillermo. 417 00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:59,730 We have traveled here tonight from our house 418 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:04,240 to our garden to lay to rest Colin Robinson, 419 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,570 Colin Robinson, and... C-Man 420 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,080 next to this, his favorite bit of the fence. 421 00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:12,250 Loved this fence. 422 00:18:12,310 --> 00:18:14,720 We saw him here a couple of times. 423 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,590 Colin Robinson, when you talked to me 424 00:18:18,650 --> 00:18:22,390 about 19th century naval battles, 425 00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:24,160 I was genuinely interested. 426 00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:26,230 I didn't let you know that, 427 00:18:26,290 --> 00:18:27,930 'cause then you'd have stopped. 428 00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:30,600 Maybe I didn't want you to stop. 429 00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:34,230 Colin Robinson died attempting to achieve power 430 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:37,300 and total domination of his place of work. 431 00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:39,940 Thank you, Nandor, that is beautiful. 432 00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:44,510 Sometimes after me and Laszlo would have a lovers' quarrel, 433 00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:46,480 Colin would stand hovering at the door, 434 00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,110 and I would say, "Shut up," 435 00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:52,950 and then he would actually often be a very good mute listener. 436 00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:56,320 We wanted to bury this with you, Colin Robinson, 437 00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:59,260 'cause you loved it and we hated it. 438 00:18:59,330 --> 00:19:00,630 Bury him with something he liked 439 00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:02,700 and get rid of something we don't. 440 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:06,530 ♪♪ Yea, yea, yea, yea, yea... ♪♪ 441 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:07,970 - Nicely done. - Ha! 442 00:19:09,470 --> 00:19:10,770 Fucking guy! 443 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,370 I tricked you. I'm alive. 444 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,740 I just wanted to hear my eulogy. 445 00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:17,340 I knew you guys actually liked me. 446 00:19:17,410 --> 00:19:20,380 I admit it's a bit of a long way to go, but it worked, 447 00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,350 - so I'll take it. - What about... 448 00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:23,950 the other two? 449 00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:26,050 Come on, guys. 450 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,390 Come on. 451 00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:29,260 Oh, I guess they're... they're dead. 452 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,590 - Very good. - I think it's time we celebrate. 453 00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:33,660 - Guillermo. - These are the enjoyable moments. 454 00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:34,800 Get digging. 455 00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:36,760 I'm making sure they're dead. 456 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,300 Hello. 457 00:19:41,370 --> 00:19:43,770 Hi. Colin Robinson. 458 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:44,770 New guy. 459 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:45,870 The last place 460 00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:48,140 I worked at is now in financial ruin. 461 00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:51,810 People were so drained that nothing was getting done. 462 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:56,680 Which is why I'm here, to find a new place to work. 463 00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:58,120 New guy alert. New guy alert. 464 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,320 Quite the drip going on over here. 465 00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:03,120 The "swamp people," I'll call you. 466 00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:04,120 I haven't 467 00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:05,730 officially been hired. 468 00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:07,630 Just trying to locate my cubicle. 469 00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:09,660 I can't find it anywhere. 470 00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:11,160 Guess we're gonna be cellmates. 471 00:20:11,230 --> 00:20:14,370 Hopefully it won't be too much like prison. 472 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:19,040 Hey, are you a fan of conservative AM radio? 473 00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:21,170 I'll find a cubicle that's empty 474 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,610 and imbed myself 475 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,450 for the next couple years. 476 00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:28,720 Like a parasitic wasp amongst all 477 00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:31,250 the congenital moron worker bees. 478 00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:41,190 ♪♪ Over... ♪♪ 479 00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:46,570 ♪♪ Portugal and Spain ♪♪ 480 00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:51,200 ♪♪ But in my heart it's you, dear... ♪♪ 481 00:20:52,870 --> 00:20:56,610 My husband Laszlo has dedicated his artistic skills 482 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,380 to touch up the painting and make it in a way 483 00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:01,380 that will make us both happy. 484 00:21:01,450 --> 00:21:03,380 - You fixed the clock tower! - Yes. 485 00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:05,490 And there you are, my darling, on a hay bale. 486 00:21:05,550 --> 00:21:07,720 - With my boobs out. - Mm-hmm. 487 00:21:07,790 --> 00:21:09,660 - What have you done here? - I painted you out, 488 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:10,920 put me in. 489 00:21:10,990 --> 00:21:12,960 And there I am, galloping towards my wife, 490 00:21:13,030 --> 00:21:14,760 who I will make love to. 491 00:21:14,830 --> 00:21:15,830 And where am I? 492 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,460 You're in there. Bad luck, old chap. 493 00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:20,406 - Pretty rude. - Well, it was pretty rude of you 494 00:21:20,430 --> 00:21:22,000 to burn down my family's village. 495 00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:23,440 ♪♪ Remain ♪♪ 496 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,470 ♪♪ My, my angel ♪♪ 497 00:21:26,540 --> 00:21:29,680 ♪♪ Now and every day ♪♪ 498 00:21:29,740 --> 00:21:31,410 ♪♪ It's you alone ♪♪ 499 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:35,980 ♪♪ I'll adore ♪♪ 500 00:21:36,050 --> 00:21:37,780 ♪♪ Now I'm home ♪♪ 501 00:21:37,850 --> 00:21:41,120 ♪♪ No more will I roam ♪♪ 502 00:21:41,190 --> 00:21:43,690 ♪♪ Oh, yes ♪♪ 503 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:48,290 ♪♪ I'm here to stay. ♪♪ 504 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,730 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org