1
00:00:05,296 --> 00:00:06,923
Nandor has disappeared.
2
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:08,133
Nandor?
3
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:12,887
No one has seen or heard from him
in weeks. Well, not since Gizmo fired him.
4
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:14,139
Nandor?
5
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:17,058
Gave him the old heave-ho
from his janitor job.
6
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,894
The blade of the proverbial guillotine
has dropped,
7
00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:25,734
and the blood of Nandor's broken dreams
has pooled at Gizmo's oddly-shaped feet.
8
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:31,156
So, yeah, we've tried just about
everything to find Nandor. Set traps...
9
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:32,490
Nandor?
10
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,826
...checked the vents, hung posters.
11
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,330
{\an8}We have even yelled his name
very loudly into the wind.
12
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,708
Nandor!
13
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,084
Shut the fuck up!
- Piss off!
14
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,669
You shut the fuck up.
15
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,713
That broody little bitch is missing.
16
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,131
The dude is gone.
17
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,508
And we can't find the fucker anywhere.
18
00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:53,011
Five dollars seems like a lot.
19
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,846
Hey.
20
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,639
Ugh. I can't even look at you. Ugh.
21
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:59,642
- Any update on Nandor?
- Not since you fired him.
22
00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,728
From the job he loved.
What a coincidence.
23
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,981
You have a lot of guts coming in here,
you little floating traitor.
24
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,816
Floating away with your little bitch ways.
25
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:09,569
Hello. Yes?
Nandor has been located.
26
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,905
It's the Baron,
and he knows where Nandor is.
27
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,491
Don't tell him about the reward money.
28
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,786
I thought we might have
a bite of lunch while we talk.
29
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:22,165
Let us see what we have here.
Some punch, some jellied blood and, uh...
30
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:27,212
And, yes,
the Sire prepared the finger foods.
31
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,963
My compliments to the chef.
32
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:33,510
Again, like I mentioned
in my email, I don't eat blood,
33
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,428
so maybe just a crescent roll or...
34
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:36,888
Sire?
35
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,891
Would you play
that tape of Nandor, please?
36
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:44,979
This was recorded by a vampire
monitoring the Ether.
37
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:51,236
Enemies abound.
And only I can defeat them.
38
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:55,907
I used to think ghouls were
just the spirits of the dead.
39
00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:58,952
But now I know
they walk among the living too.
40
00:01:58,952 --> 00:01:59,869
Oh, dear.
41
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:04,999
Up and down Wall Street,
with their suits and their ties
42
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:08,294
and their build-your-own-salad bowls.
43
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:15,176
I watched a snail crawl across the edge
of one of those things you use to shave.
44
00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:16,970
- What's it called?
- Razor.
45
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,888
Not a knife.
- He's thinking razor.
46
00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:22,308
What are those things called?
- Enough.
47
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,518
A sharpie? No, that's not it--
48
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,436
Well, yikes.
49
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:26,729
Indeed.
50
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:30,567
Ugh. He used to be one of the most
promising vampires in this New World.
51
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,985
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
52
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,697
But now...
...he is unrecognizable. Dangerous.
53
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,823
Dangerous, you say?
54
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:41,369
Yes. We are hearing reports
of increasingly erratic behavior.
55
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:44,706
Mmm.
- Nandor is drawing attention.
56
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:47,000
Too much attention.
57
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:52,130
And attention puts all vampires at risk.
Understood.
58
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:55,008
He must be stopped.
59
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,051
So, Nandor's here?
60
00:02:57,051 --> 00:03:00,346
Yes, we traced Nandor's
dispatches to that location.
61
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,390
Go to New Hampshire.
62
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,934
Retrieve Nandor
63
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:07,353
and with haste.
64
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,443
{\an8}♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪
65
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,154
{\an8}♪ They have no use for your song ♪
66
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:19,032
{\an8}♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪
67
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,535
{\an8}♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪
68
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:25,455
{\an8}♪ You'll never get a second chance ♪
69
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:28,208
{\an8}♪ Plan all your moves in advance ♪
70
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:34,839
{\an8}♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead
Stay dead and out of this world ♪
71
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:39,928
♪ Shadow's lost, baby ♪
72
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,805
♪ You're dead ♪
73
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,475
Okay,
so we made it to New Hampshire.
74
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:51,397
The dossier said that Nandor is hiding
here at the Hancock and Sons Factory.
75
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,692
{\an8}I mean, it was the factory until you
and your Cannon Capital cronies
76
00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:55,944
{\an8}stripped it down for parts.
77
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:59,447
{\an8}Actually, a leveraged buyout is a pretty
neat way for a failing business
78
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:00,740
{\an8}to reinvent itself for the future--
79
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,533
Shut up, Guillermo.
Shut up, Gizmo.
80
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,535
Okay.
81
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,372
What the hell happened here?
82
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,581
Stay close, my darling.
83
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:11,751
Hey, look, what if
the H, A and N were missing?
84
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,586
Get it? Cock and Sons.
No.
85
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:19,133
Oh.
Smells like slow death in here.
86
00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:21,177
Malaria.
Nightmares.
87
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,345
Little dusty.
88
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,848
My, my, my, my...
Nan-man, are-are you here?
89
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,558
Nan-man?
90
00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:33,189
There is no "Nan-man" here.
91
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,987
There is only Nandor the Relentless.
92
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,031
Warrior.
93
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:45,994
Leader.
94
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:50,123
So, Na-Nandor, have you been here
the whole time since you were, um--
95
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,082
Fired?
96
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,711
Yes, I have.
97
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,299
And, uh, why?
98
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:03,428
Vampire-only explanations.
That means not you, Guillermo.
99
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,679
Okay.
100
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,391
When one is burned,
101
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:13,771
one feels most at home amongst the ashes,
102
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:20,486
which is why I came here to the husk
of the Hancock and Sons factory
103
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:26,534
amongst others that had been discarded
by Cannon Capital Strategies.
104
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,619
But what I found...
105
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:30,872
oh, what I found...
106
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,541
A bunch of preppy crap?
107
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,960
-"Preppy essentials."
- Hmm.
108
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,504
And no. I found soldiers.
109
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:43,843
Many of the humans left when the jobs did.
110
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:49,724
Those that remained,
they needed... they craved a leader.
111
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:54,812
A warrior. A commander.
And they became my army.
112
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:59,275
And, uh, where is this army?
113
00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:03,488
In the field. Awaiting our next strike.
Huh.
114
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:07,367
Which reminds me,
I have a war council meeting now.
115
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,577
You may walk with me, if you must.
116
00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:12,789
Oh. Mind the shirt pins.
They're fucking everywhere.
117
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:18,544
So, Nandor, this army you have raised.
What is the, uh, end game?
118
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:22,090
To conquer. To take the battle,
town by town,
119
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:25,927
from here to the very steps
of Cannon Capital itself.
120
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:29,180
Right. But, um, why?
121
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:32,517
So that Cannon Capital will rue the day
122
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:36,813
they cast out their greatest warrior.
123
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,856
Ah! We are here.
124
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,275
Good evening, comrades.
125
00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:44,362
Fuck my old boots.
Good gravy.
126
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:49,534
Uh. So this is your war council?
Yes.
127
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,869
And who are these chaps?
My reserves.
128
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:55,540
And what about them?
My concubines.
129
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,208
Shit.
Huh.
130
00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:00,044
Now, look, I really need
to get on with my strategy session,
131
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:01,546
unless you have any more questions?
132
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:02,630
I do.
- No.
133
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:04,799
Are you okay?
134
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,843
What is he still doing here?
135
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:10,054
- Well, I drove...
- You are the enemy.
136
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:15,476
An errand boy sent
by greengrocers to spy on me.
137
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,771
- Leave.
- I'm not the enemy. Tell him.
138
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,314
See ya later.
Bugger off.
139
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,276
Okay. I will be out here.
140
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,404
Well, it looks like you've had
quite the exciting time here, Nandor.
141
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,780
No one can deny that.
142
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:31,617
But what say we go home now before
you freak the fuck out of anyone else?
143
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:32,869
This is my home.
144
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,037
The battlefield.
145
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,248
Okay.
Hmm.
146
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:40,877
What is that, Major Briggs?
A maneuver from the east?
147
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,837
Perhaps...
148
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:50,470
I think it's safe to assume
he's gone absolutely mad.
149
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,889
Yeah, I don't like using this word,
but he is crazy.
150
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:56,225
Oy! No. You do not get to use that word,
you tweed demon.
151
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:58,144
He's like this because of you.
152
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:02,064
- But, yes, he is absolutely crazy.
- Yeah.
153
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:04,025
Well, we can't just
leave him here like this.
154
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,318
Unless...
155
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:07,361
Can we?
156
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,908
No, we cannot. He's a danger to himself.
157
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,701
How about we sit him down and say,
158
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:17,788
"Hey, you're nuts. Stop it.
Stop being nuts."
159
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,916
I see someone is well-versed
in psychology.
160
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,835
Well, let's just grab him by the neck
and yank him out of this hell box.
161
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:27,715
We can't. To extract Nandor by force
would be like waking a sleepwalker.
162
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,176
So, what, then?
There is only one solution.
163
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:33,846
We role-play the scenario
that Nandor has concocted in his mind.
164
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:37,934
In time, our presence will shine a light
on the holes in his fantasy,
165
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,394
and he can follow
that light back to reality.
166
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:43,606
So Shutter Island rules, so to speak.
167
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,945
"We are the hollow men."
168
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,197
Uh. It's worth a shot.
169
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,323
All right.
170
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,242
Okay. I'm in.
171
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,201
Excellent.
172
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,536
- Fuck off.
- What?
173
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,537
You need to go now.
174
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,288
Why?
- 'Cause he believes you are the enemy.
175
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,873
- I'm not the enemy.
- What're you still doing here?
176
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,083
Bye, bitch.
- Okay.
177
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,251
Bye-bye, bitch.
178
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,544
Keep walking, bitch.
179
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,670
Stop calling me bitch.
180
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:06,587
Sorry, bitch.
181
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:08,130
Nandor?
182
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:09,590
Bit busy.
183
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:12,218
Your army, we'd like to enlist.
184
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,762
Sir.
What?
185
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,682
If you wish to be in my army,
186
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:20,643
then you will all address me as "sir."
187
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,353
- Okay, I'm out.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
188
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,480
Yes, sir.
189
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,985
Good. So, basic training begins now.
190
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,904
Cannon Capital nemeedooni.
191
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,031
Cannon Capital nemeedooni.
192
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,702
You are clay.
No.
193
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:41,122
Soft, weak, goopy.
194
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:44,208
But I am here to mold you...
Yes, sir!
195
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,752
...to make you strong, to shape you.
Whoo.
196
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,380
Cannon Capital chalqoozeh.
197
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,549
Cannon Capital chalqoozeh.
198
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,593
I joined the Royal Navy
a few years ago,
199
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,012
for the sea, the sun and mainly the sex.
200
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,598
But what I'm finding here
is just a lot of marching...
201
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,600
That's it.
...push-ups for no reason...
202
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,060
30,001, 30,002.
203
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:06,105
...and no one's offered me
anything that looks like a medal.
204
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,649
What the fuck? Shave your own head.
205
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:13,863
Okay. On your marks. Get set.
Crawl, worms.
206
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,031
That's it.
207
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,992
I did not realize being
in Nandor's fake army would involve
208
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,119
so much of doing what Nandor says.
209
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,454
You call that crawling?
210
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,999
He's very lucky that I have that rule
about not killing the demented.
211
00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:33,257
Sure, Nandor's military delusions are
a strange little brew.
212
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:37,136
A dash of memories
from his time in Al Quolanudar
213
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:40,848
and a sprinkle of war movies
he's seen over the years.
214
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:43,476
But heck if I don't wanna
take another sip.
215
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,481
Well, maggots.
216
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:52,276
You have trained and trained well.
217
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:54,153
Especially you, Colin Robinson.
218
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,113
You are very violent.
219
00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:57,281
Oorah, sir!
220
00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:59,992
Alexa, please pause the music.
221
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,535
Okay.
Thank you.
222
00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:04,413
Alexa is my director of internal comms.
223
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:08,334
Okay. So, on to your assignments.
224
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,378
- Laszlo Cravensworth.
- Yeah.
225
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,630
- Intelligence.
- Obviously.
226
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,091
Nadja of Antipaxos.
Hmm.
227
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:17,510
- Signal corps.
- What is that?
228
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,887
Never mind. Who gives a shit.
229
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:20,930
Colin Robinson.
230
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:24,350
- Come on, logistics. Come on, logistics.
- Logistics.
231
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,768
Yes! Yes.
232
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:29,480
Now, listen up. Tonight is a proud night.
233
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,984
Together we will take back
the honor, the power,
234
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:39,323
the respect that Cannon Capital have
so cruelly tried to take away.
235
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,826
Okay. So this is a pit of shit.
236
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,620
Can we not just make Nandor think
that this stupid imaginary battle
237
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,996
has happened already?
238
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,499
And how do we do that?
I know. Shoot me.
239
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,710
It's not a real gun, Colin Robinson.
240
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,087
It's a decorative firearm
from the outdoorsman section.
241
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:56,006
All right, then. Whack me with it. Hard.
242
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,091
All right.
243
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:58,592
Oh.
244
00:11:58,592 --> 00:11:59,969
Again. Harder though.
Really?
245
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,053
Yes.
246
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,680
Oh.
247
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,807
How is this going to help
with the Nandor thing?
248
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,016
What Nandor thing?
249
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:07,768
Hold on. I think I've got it.
250
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,646
I've thought of a way that
Nandor will think that the war is won.
251
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:11,731
A ruse de guerre
252
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,609
that will make the Trojan Horse look
like a witless child's papier-mâché.
253
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:16,777
Fuck, I'm good.
254
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:20,489
Now all I need is the adequate supplies
from this shit-forsaken town.
255
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:25,077
Wait. You guys can leave, but I don't
want Nandor to think I'm a deserter.
256
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,579
I ain't no deserter.
257
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,255
You live a thousand years,
258
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:39,425
and you think you know what betrayal is,
259
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,552
what horror is.
260
00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:42,928
Awaiting further orders, sir.
261
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,431
But then in a single instant,
262
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:48,893
you find out you haven't
the slightest idea
263
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:51,103
what man is truly capable of.
264
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,606
Oh, man.
That sounds rough out there, Nandor.
265
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:57,026
Listen, I've gotta move on to the next
caller, but did you wanna request a song?
266
00:12:57,026 --> 00:13:02,573
Yes, I would like to request
"Scarborough Fair" by Simon & Garfunkel.
267
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,867
No.
Let's limit the public broadcast.
268
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,786
The brass back home are getting
a little squirrelly.
269
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,288
But to whom am I supposed to orate?
270
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,915
Well, me, you big lummox.
271
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,875
All right.
272
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:16,796
Now, you were saying something
about the horror.
273
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,048
You know what, my darling?
274
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:22,009
It feels like an eternity
since we've had some time alone.
275
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:25,930
Oh. It does. It does.
So what is the plan, my dark lover?
276
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,766
Well, you'll see. You'll see.
277
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:30,851
I'll see?
278
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:32,561
Yes. What's the problem, my darling?
279
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:36,440
I'm hearing a lot of this
"you'll see" these days.
280
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:40,277
I'm hearing "you'll see" about the plan
to fix Nandor's melted brain.
281
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:43,656
I'm hearing "you'll see"
about the sex doll monster thing
282
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,157
that you're creating in the basement.
283
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:48,911
Well, the sex doll monster thing-- not
a sex doll-- is part of the grand plan.
284
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:49,995
Which is?
285
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:54,458
Complex scientific experiments
that I don't think you'll understand.
286
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,710
Oh, so you're calling me stupid.
287
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:59,088
Well, of course not.
That's a stupid thing to say.
288
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,049
- No. Whoa, whoa. No.
- Piss off.
289
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,717
Nadja, what I meant to say was something
290
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:05,928
with the identical sentiment
that wouldn't piss you off.
291
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,721
Well, it did!
- Shit.
292
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:12,643
In my empire, Colin Robinson,
we will be free.
293
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,646
Free from liars,
294
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:20,317
from the cowards
who say you are not a good culture fit.
295
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:22,862
Yeah, I dig that, sir. I hear that.
296
00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:24,488
Hey.
297
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:28,284
I thought I said
this person was not welcome here.
298
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,410
You sure did, sir.
299
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:32,913
Yeah, I know, but if I keep charging my
phone in the car, it'll kill the battery,
300
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:34,498
so I'm just looking for an outlet.
301
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,709
Don't mean to disrupt
your whole "war thing."
302
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:41,213
War thing? This is a war.
No winky fingers.
303
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,423
Okay, enough.
304
00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:46,719
Private Robinson,
would you give us a moment?
305
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:48,846
You got it.
306
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:52,683
- Traitor.
- What did you say to me?
307
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,603
I'm sorry.
I'm done playing along with this fantasy.
308
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:58,480
I'm not the enemy, and you know that.
309
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,940
You're just pissed.
310
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,234
You're pissed
that I'm killing it at Cannon.
311
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:07,573
You're pissed that...
that you weren't a good culture fit.
312
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:14,330
Lieutenant Alexa,
tell this piece of shit to leave.
313
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,333
Now playing
"Leave (Get Out)" by JoJo.
314
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,920
Wait for the chorus.
315
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,468
Well, I'm not the only one
kept in the dark
316
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,803
by their lover's
extracurricular activities.
317
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:31,889
So you admit you keep me in the dark.
318
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,682
Well, no more
than you keep me in the dark.
319
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:36,810
I haven't got a fucking clue
what you get up to at Cannon Capital.
320
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,228
Laszlo, there is nothing to tell.
321
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:41,607
It is a job. You show up, you pretend
to do shit, and then you go home.
322
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,193
Why the fuck would you wanna do that?
323
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:47,279
Because it is better than sitting at home
and twiddling with my tits
324
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:50,407
while you are downstairs locked up
in the basement with your meat parts!
325
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:51,700
All right, all right.
All right, my darling.
326
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,870
I think I know what's going on here.
Give me your hand.
327
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,498
I need to apologize.
328
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,791
I'm listening.
329
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,752
Clearly, the reason for you being
so overemotional
330
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:05,381
is because it is your time of the month.
331
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,885
The dead do not menstruate!
332
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,553
Fuck me.
333
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,347
Bloody hell, darling.
334
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:14,431
Oops.
335
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,559
♪ Get out right now ♪
336
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:20,229
♪ It's the end of you and me ♪
337
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,564
I can't believe
you're blowing this one little setback
338
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,566
- so out of proportion.
- I was humiliated!
339
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,736
Do you even know
what loyalty is, Guillermo?
340
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,238
Do I know what loyalty is?
341
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:32,324
Uh. Yeah, I was blindly loyal
to you for 15 years.
342
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:33,867
Until you got rid of me.
343
00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:35,661
I never got rid of you.
344
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,579
I protected you
345
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:41,041
even through all the fuckups,
and the time you forgot to buy glitter,
346
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:44,545
and the, "I wanna be a vampire. No,
actually, I don't want to be a vampire."
347
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,214
The time you nearly killed
the Baron twice!
348
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,383
Through all that shit,
349
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:51,010
I was loyal.
350
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,429
I may have done a lot
of things, Guillermo,
351
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,807
but I never got rid of you.
352
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,351
Do you think I felt good firing you?
I didn't wanna fire you.
353
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,854
But that's how things are
in the real world, the human world.
354
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:02,938
I had to do it.
355
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:06,358
I used to be a human before
I was a vampire, in case you forgot.
356
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:10,654
I never betrayed my friends,
my comrades in arms. Never.
357
00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:13,407
Maybe some of the wives,
but you know, it was a different time.
358
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:19,413
I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't know that
the janitor job was so important to you.
359
00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:23,876
Well, it was. It was my purpose.
360
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:28,839
My purpose used to be raising you
to become a great vampire.
361
00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:34,887
Until you pussed out
and found a new master in Jordan.
362
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,972
Jordan is not my master...
363
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:39,391
...and he doesn't own me.
And I'm not there at his--
364
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,770
Hi, Jordan. Yeah, I can talk.
365
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,480
No, I'm not busy.
366
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,024
Uh. That should be in your inbox.
367
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:50,360
I could actually bump it.
The bump master.
368
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,696
Yeah.
369
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,914
- Fireworks.
- What?
370
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:05,250
You were angry at me for not telling you
what we're out here looking for.
371
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,335
It's fireworks.
372
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,462
And I didn't tell you because, again,
373
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,799
I wanted to be the hero
that swoops down and saves the day.
374
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:17,888
Laszlo, I do not need you
to always be the hero.
375
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:23,268
My darling, you are the funniest,
most clever, sweetest
376
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,729
and most beautiful woman in the world.
377
00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,190
Not just Staten Island, the world.
378
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:32,903
And I'm not even mentioning the ten out
of ten pussy. You deserve the best.
379
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:35,155
That is so sweet.
380
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,867
Hmm.
381
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,622
- Laszlo.
- Yeah?
382
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:46,875
I think I may have found your fireworks.
383
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:47,960
Really? Where?
384
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:51,505
There, in this shop
just here across the street
385
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,257
with the rows and rows
of fireworks in the window
386
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:56,093
and the sign that says,
"Fireworks, fireworks."
387
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:58,303
Well, that's perfect.
388
00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,805
How did I miss that, my darling?
389
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,765
I don't know.
Right.
390
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:05,811
You just let your husband
take care of this. Stand back.
391
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,401
No wonder no one buys newspapers anymore.
392
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:13,902
Toss it again.
Okay.
393
00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:16,989
Open!
394
00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:20,284
- Shall we?
- Yes.
395
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,412
Uh-huh.
396
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:27,457
Okay. Well, I'll just cc Lisa.
You got it. Bye.
397
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:31,003
I, too, was once cc'd.
398
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:35,757
You know, I do know
what it feels like to lose your purpose.
399
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:40,929
I used to wanna be a vampire so bad
400
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,391
it guided every choice I made.
401
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:48,896
I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm happy
I'm a human again, but it was hard.
402
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:54,693
It was hard waking up every day with
that not being the goal, to be a vampire.
403
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:58,447
Well, I am already a vampire,
so that only sort of applies.
404
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:03,368
Right. Well, the point is,
I think I found a new purpose.
405
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,662
You will too, somewhere.
406
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:09,166
But maybe right now our purposes
407
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:14,504
are taking us in different directions,
408
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:16,548
and that's okay.
409
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:19,968
Perhaps you are right, Guillermo.
410
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:24,973
I am a warrior,
but maybe this is not my fight.
411
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:28,435
You don't just
talk to Nandor, man.
412
00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:29,853
You know, you listen, you dig.
413
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,939
- I'm a little man. Just a little man.
- Yes, I know you are.
414
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:35,400
- But he's a great man.
- Nandor, we have news from the front line.
415
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:40,906
Guess what? Your troops
have executed your battle plan perfectly.
416
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:45,202
The enemy have been lured into a trap.
There are casualties. We expect more.
417
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,330
You know, we can all stand down,
because he's decided to come home.
418
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,539
What?
What?
419
00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:51,124
He what?
What is the fucking point?
420
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:56,255
Yes, I, um... After careful consideration,
I've come to the realization
421
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,549
that perhaps I was looking for battles
where none need exist.
422
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:02,010
You don't say?
I think it's best for everyone
423
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,345
if I just come home.
424
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:06,807
Plus, you know, I miss my coffin.
I miss my favorite sword.
425
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,225
There's nothing like...
426
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:10,143
Oh. What the fuck is that?
427
00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:13,563
- Oh. No, it's not.
- It's an attack. We're under attack.
428
00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:17,150
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!
429
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:18,944
Nandor.
Laszlo, we were done with this.
430
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,321
Fuck.
Wait. Nandor, wait.
431
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:22,322
Wait, Nandor.
432
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:25,242
Lay low. They may try to flank us.
Hit the deck!
433
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,244
No, Nandor, it's a bloody ruse.
434
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:29,204
It's not real, you idiot.
435
00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,707
Make it stop. I can't take it.
436
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:34,042
Somebody help me frag myself.
437
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,169
Get a hold of yourself, man.
438
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:41,675
The fighting seems to be situated by the
Shipley Dollar Barn on Piedmont Street.
439
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:44,720
It's no good, my darling.
He's still too bloody crackers.
440
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,848
Well, isn't it a good thing then
that I have a plan B?
441
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:49,516
Ah. Silver chains.
442
00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:52,894
- Get out of that. Stand back.
- Hey! Release me. Mutiny!
443
00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:54,980
Get in there.
You brought it on yourself, Nandor.
444
00:21:55,897 --> 00:21:57,024
Nice work, my darling.
445
00:21:57,607 --> 00:21:58,608
Shotgun.
446
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:06,116
Okay, guys, I forgive you.
447
00:22:06,116 --> 00:22:10,329
It was the heat of battle,
and you panicked and you made a mutiny.
448
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,955
Shush.
Untie me.
449
00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:14,082
It's the coppers.
It is. Shit.
450
00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:16,001
Great.
- Floor it.
451
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,711
No. I don't wanna make
a bad situation worse.
452
00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:19,546
What's your problem?
Put your foot down, you prick.
453
00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:20,672
Okay, I'm just gonna pull over.
454
00:22:20,672 --> 00:22:22,382
- Useless.
- I wasn't even speeding.
455
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:23,925
Just everyone be cool,
and I'll do all the talking.
456
00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:27,637
Gizmo, there's a fucking vampire
hog-tied in the trunk.
457
00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:29,306
Hello.
- Oh, yeah.
458
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:31,641
Hello, Mr. Officer.
459
00:22:31,641 --> 00:22:33,143
What seems to be the problem,
460
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:38,607
apart from the fact that my large
wet bosom won't stop sloshing around?
461
00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:41,485
You, uh, got
a left taillight out there, son.
462
00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:43,987
Yeah, I've been meaning to get that fixed.
Sorry about that, Officer.
463
00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:45,530
It's all right. I'll take care of this.
464
00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:47,240
I say, Officer,
465
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,952
you know, you remind me of a cross
between a young Paul Newman
466
00:22:50,952 --> 00:22:53,038
and a man I'm about to fuck.
467
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,041
- Get out of the car. All of you.
- Yeah. Absolutely.
468
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,501
- Hands are going over...
- Colin, you need to wake up.
469
00:22:57,501 --> 00:22:58,835
...my head.
- We gotta get out.
470
00:22:58,835 --> 00:22:59,961
What are you doing?
471
00:22:59,961 --> 00:23:05,675
We are regular human travelers.
There is nothing out of the ordinary here.
472
00:23:05,675 --> 00:23:09,012
So you have nothing to be concerned about.
473
00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:10,347
What the...
474
00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:12,349
Whoa. What the fuck is that?
475
00:23:12,349 --> 00:23:14,601
Who are they?
Uh...
476
00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:17,312
Well, that's nothing out
of the ordinary, regular human.
477
00:23:17,312 --> 00:23:19,022
What do you mean?
They're coming straight for us.
478
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:20,690
What is happening?
479
00:23:20,690 --> 00:23:23,110
Gizmo, you talk to them.
What? Wh... No.
480
00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:29,324
- Go handcuff yourself to a tree.
- Yes, ma'am.
481
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:37,582
Wait, so Nandor's army is... It's real?
482
00:23:40,877 --> 00:23:43,004
Wait. So he wasn't crazy?
483
00:23:44,172 --> 00:23:45,549
He is not. He--
484
00:23:46,091 --> 00:23:48,760
Shit. He'll...
Unchain me.
485
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,762
- Unchain me!
- Sir, yes, sir!
486
00:23:50,762 --> 00:23:52,722
Just grab it
with both hands and yank it.
487
00:23:52,722 --> 00:23:54,099
Watch the hair.
488
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:56,143
There you go.
Yes. That's it.
489
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:04,401
Well, yeah. Of course
the mannequins were just for practice.
490
00:24:04,401 --> 00:24:08,655
Wait, all this time you thought my army
was just a bunch of mannequins?
491
00:24:09,322 --> 00:24:10,574
The fuck?
492
00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:11,825
- At ease.
- Yes, sir.
493
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:12,951
Are they hypnotized?
494
00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:15,620
No, I'm just a really
fucking good general.
495
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:16,788
Yeah, you are.
496
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,540
Sir.
- Major Briggs.
497
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,375
You're leaving?
Yes.
498
00:24:20,375 --> 00:24:22,544
I am leaving the field of operations.
499
00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:24,629
My fate is calling me
in a different direction.
500
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:25,589
What?
501
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:29,634
South on the I-93
towards the Verrazano Bridge.
502
00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:32,554
We may even cut through Jersey
if there is traffic.
503
00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:34,681
General, what do we do now?
504
00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:38,894
Good question, O'Hara.
You will do what you must always do.
505
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:41,855
You will go forth and follow your purpose.
506
00:24:41,855 --> 00:24:43,106
What is your purpose?
507
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:45,442
Fuck if I know.
508
00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:50,238
Be it continuing the fight or, you know,
509
00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:52,574
finding new jobs.
510
00:24:52,574 --> 00:24:54,409
Where?
Somewhere.
511
00:24:54,409 --> 00:24:56,036
Any more questions?
512
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:59,706
Is there anything, like, more specific?
Like an actual thing we could do?
513
00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:02,250
Um.
514
00:25:03,627 --> 00:25:06,213
Burn down a Walmart or some shit?
Yeah!
515
00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:08,590
No. No, don't do that. No.
Ooh. Ooh. I've got it.
516
00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:13,887
What is that nearby college that sends
most of its graduates to Wall Street?
517
00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:16,139
- Dartmouth?
- Yes. Dartmouth.
518
00:25:16,139 --> 00:25:20,018
Cry havoc and unleash
the dogs of war on those nerds!
519
00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:21,436
Yeah!
520
00:25:21,436 --> 00:25:22,646
You heard the man.
521
00:25:22,646 --> 00:25:27,275
Mount up. We ride for Hanover!
Ride for Hanover!
522
00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:30,570
This is insane.
523
00:25:30,570 --> 00:25:35,867
Get those nerds.
Get those nerds. Get those nerds.
524
00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:45,168
Wait for me.
525
00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:49,005
- You're gonna need logistics support.
- Not you, Colin Robinson.
526
00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:51,716
Oorah! Oorah, you idiots.
Shit.
527
00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:54,427
Come on! Let me...
528
00:25:55,178 --> 00:25:56,429
Shit.
529
00:25:56,429 --> 00:25:57,764
Still got it.
530
00:25:57,764 --> 00:25:59,933
Go get him and put him in the trunk.
531
00:26:03,311 --> 00:26:06,314
♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪
532
00:26:06,314 --> 00:26:09,025
♪ They have no use for your song ♪
533
00:26:09,025 --> 00:26:12,070
♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪
534
00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:15,115
♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪
535
00:26:15,115 --> 00:26:18,410
♪ You'll never get a second chance ♪
536
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:21,121
♪ Plan all your moves in advance ♪
537
00:26:21,121 --> 00:26:24,082
♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪
538
00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:27,836
♪ Stay dead and out of this world ♪
539
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:32,799
♪ Shadow's lost, baby ♪
540
00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:37,679
♪ What a rush, baby ♪
541
00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:47,647
♪ You're dead ♪