Bro, if we're gonna be living together,
pretty sure we can sleep in the same bed.
My bed is your bed.
Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
Maybe I can finally get a good night's sleep.
_
You're dreaming.
This is a really odd dream.
_
Argh!
_
Damn, girl. You look good.
What you mean? Why you askin' about him all the time?
Of course you're gonna meet Cesar, baby.
It's only a matter of time.
You know I got you.
- _ - I always got you, girl.
_
Sounds like you're really connecting with Julia, or...
do you call her Selena?
She goes by Julia now.
She's just beyond.
I mean we've so much in common.
Everything. From the same taste in music
to the same taste in ice cream.
It's seriously uncanny.
Almost like you're related.
There's only one problem.
I feel like I'm cheating on my dad.
I thought you were gonna tell him last week.
Yeah, me too. But...
it never feels like the right time.
Hey, don't be scared. You have a right to know your mom.
I'm not scared. I'm completely aware of my rights as a kid in this
vajacked situation and I'm not gonna let anyone make me feel...
Okay, I'm scared. But you're one to talk.
When are you gonna sit Jamal down and tell him to back off?
Never.
Jamal hears, but he doesn't listen.
It's like he has no idea what boundaries look or feel like.
- We're totally... - Yin and yang.
Really? You and Cesar?
Yeah! No one would have guessed. But we are like...
Siamese fraternal twins giving each other hugs in the womb. It's...
Suffocating!
Jamal was born without a personal bubble.
You need to look on the bright side.
What bright side?
I finally have a brother.
Someone who gets me.
Someone who stays up all night and debates Martin versus Tolkien,
Marvel versus DC...
Big Foot versus the Yeti!
They're the same thing. I don't give a shit,
which is another problem.
He keeps trying to FaceTime me while I'm on the toilet.
- That's shitty. - No, it's the opposite. I'm constipated.
I back him up and he backs me up.
That's just how we roll. We're tight!
Like Trump and Putin.
Scumbags.
He literally has bags of scum he's fermenting
for a class that he is not in.
I just can't live like this anymore.
Not without telling him how much he means to me.
Brother!
- Oh, my God! - Brrrrother!
Um, I can get your ticket, if you need some me time.
Thanks. Catch you guys later.
I think I need some me time.
Great idea. I'll join you.
Ruby, buy my ticket!
Why are you in line? You going to the dance?
Hells yeah!
I'm ready to be my old self again. So don't be scared.
Of what? Two, please!
Of my exceptional dance moves. I'm gonna win that competition.
Save your money! Your ticket's been taken care of.
It has? By who?
That's a great question.
You two... follow me!
After deep-diving through your Insta likes
and cataloging your crushes over the years
these ladies have all met the pre-reqs.
On a scale from one to freak,
these girls are all up pinky-deep.
While some of them are here for the wrong reasons,
they all want a shot...
... sorry, chance, to be your date for the valentine's dance.
- This is disgusting! Ruby, let's get... - To our seats!
Don't be rude, Monse!
Jasmine made us placards.
To make sure nobody feels uncomfortable, I invited Monse,
the least sexual person at our school.
You want me to judge these girls?
Hell, no. Ruby is doing the judging.
Your clipboard is, so you can take notes
as to what a girl is supposed to look and act like.
Contestants?
Are you ready?
- You're calling them contestants? - What? They like it.
Write this down, "Girls are competitive."
If anyone's here because they want to finger Ruby's bullet wound,
please leave now.
And then there were nine.
Okay, first up,
Mia and Ellie.
If you think they look alike,
it's because they're...
... identical twins!
Best part? If one breaks down,
you got a backup.
Next!
Margarita, my girl!
She's funny, she's smart,
and if all of that's not true... her boobs!
Are any of them good dancers?
You wanna move towards the dance part of the competition?
I figured we'd weed out a few, but...
Okay, ladies, you heard the man. Dance!
I'm sorry. This is the best I could do under such short notice.
Okay, this is disgusting and uncomfortable.
I'm leaving and if anyone else is feeling objectified,
they should leave too.
Anybody?
Make sure you shut the door before you go, okay?
The AC is spilling out and these ladies are already perspiring. Bye!
Okay, ladies,
- you all feel safe, right? - Yeah! Definitely!
Respected as women?
- Sure. - Great. Claudia?
Can you just point out to Ruby
and I how far you're willing to go.
You know, base-wise?
Home run!
Too much nose.
If you wanna relax,
you have to breathe with your diaphragm. Here, watch me!
- Turner! - Oh, come on.
This dude doesn't understand boundaries.
I need you tomorrow night.
- Are you asking me to the dance? - No!
I'm chaperoning and now you are too.
I'd love to, but then I'd have to miss out on the dance
and the dance contest and bragging about how I won the dance contest.
- Don't you need a date to win it? - Actually...
I read through the rules
and article 11b states that
technically you don't need a partner to win.
Before you embarrass yourself any further,
just remember how much you owe me.
You're still months away from restitution.
Months?
It can't be months.
Okay, I'll work the dance with you.
Only if...
- you clear my debt. - The whole thing?
Yeah, he'll even help you prep and clean up.
Why are we throwing in unnecessary perks when he hasn't
- made a decision? - Okay, fine.
And... you should probably go with him right now
to see exactly what he wants you to do.
Not a bad idea. Let's go pregame this.
You!
- Tik tok's on. - Coming.
Um,
excuse me, the bell rang and I have a bio test.
The dance is tomorrow and you're worried about a bio test?
Your priorities are F'd!
Be gone with ya!
Buh-bye!
Okay.
If I say your name, please step forward.
Sonia.
Ariel.
If I haven't called your name...
you're still in contention!
Sorry, ladies, you do not get to looby my Ruby. Buh-bye!
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah, of course. Ladies, let's take five.
Use your time wisely. The kissing portion is next.
Ooh! Wet them whistles.
- Just so you know, this guy is a biter. - Yas!
- That's hot. - I like that.
Hey, was I focused on the wrong asset?
I... I pegged you for a boob guy.
Oh, no, no. Let the record reflect that I'm totally a boob guy.
And honestly, I had no idea how many girls
wanted to win me like a backpack.
So thank you for that. I truly appreciate the effort.
- OMG, it was nothin'. - Well...
I made my decision and
I don't want to go with any of the girls in there.
You don't? You haven't fully explored their talents yet.
Before you try to change my mind, I think you should know...
I want to go...
with you.
You wan... you wanna go with me?
Does that mean...
- I wanna win the competition! - you wanna see my third nipple?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah! The dance contest. - Yeah.
That's cool, too. Yeah.
Okay, uh, we should practice after school at my place.
- Okay. - Okay.
Wait. Should we tell them that we're leaving?
Oh, no. They'll figure it out.
Jamal wouldn't like this.
So don't tell him.
And you are in your outside clothes.
- No outside clothes on the bed. - What?
It's a new rule. Jamal just read this study about germ transference
from outside clothes onto bed covers.
But you're still in your outside clothes.
No, I changed. This is a different black tank top and fresh shorts.
Really? Jamal is not even here.
Trust me.
He'll know.
Hey, what's up?
Want your bed back?
- We can bounce. - Nah, finish what you are doing.
You're on the towel anyway, so...
- I'll be in the master bedroom. - Got it!
Master bedroom?
He has divided the room into
the master bedroom, which is that half of the room...
and the living room, which is the half you're currently in.
But the bed is in the living room.
If you try to make sense of it, you'll drive yourself crazy.
You see what I am dealing with?
These rules are ridiculous.
But it could be worse.
You need to lean out of the frustration and into the gratitude.
You can still find a silver lining in all of this.
You're not on the streets. You're on a towel... in a bed.
Yeah.
I should probably go.
Does your mom know you haven't told your dad?
Do I have to tell her?
I plan on telling my dad tomorrow when he gets home, so telling her
- feels like a double tell. - I don't know.
I feel like maybe you should lean out of the fear into the honesty.
Mmm. I'll tell them tomorrow. Enjoy your towel.
Oh, shit!
No shit!
I need to talk to my daughter,
alone.
I don't get it. I thought we were a team.
We are.
I never intended on keeping this a secret.
I was trying to find a way to not upset you.
I get that you are trying to understand where you came from
but this is not how you do it.
- You don't sneak around. - Come on, T, please don't punish her.
Stay out of this.
Would you even be looking for Monse if she hadn't found you?
I thought about her all the time.
That's nice.
Must have been hard for you thinking about her in Brentwood
while I was raising her in Freeridge.
I can't believe you were just ten miles away.
Dad, please don't do this to Julia.
Julia?
Her name is Selena.
I don't know you.
- You're a stranger. - Not anymore.
- I want Monse to come stay with me. - No way.
This isn't a safe environment for anyone.
Let alone a fourteen-year-old girl who has to take care of herself.
You can't protect her when you're gone for weeks at a time.
And I wanna know her too, Dad.
You really wanna know her?
Just watch.
Watch her walk away.
Monse, I'll see you inside.
Good night, Selena.
Or whatever the hell you go by now.
I was just about to call you.
- I need to talk something out. - Hold on. Me first.
I've been thinking about the silver lining and you're right.
I'm gonna get through this.
Of course you are.
Never really felt like a given to me, but...
knowing you're always nearby means everything to me.
I feel the same way.
So, what you wanna talk, huh?
Oh, nothing major. Just...
wondering if...
... I should wear a dress tomorrow night.
No, yes, no?
Is this a trick question?
You should wear whatever makes you feel comfortable.
In that case, I'm rollin' in my hoodie.
Well, you look good in anything.
Or...
nothing.
Good night.
You two need to get a room.
Just not this one.
The boning bleachers,
the hookup hallways,
the reach-around restroom.
I'm sorry. I'm not all caught up on whatever you call sex nowadays.
Sex, we call it sex.
But what I do know is that if there's a blind spot in that gym,
someone's gonna try and stick their penis in it.
- Ugh. - And that's where you come in.
- It is? - Be sure to check your corners,
behind decorations,
- underneath band geeks. - Um-hmm.
There'll be crying girls trying to get your attention.
Decoys!
Don't fall for it!
- Let's check your supply! - Okay.
- Breathalyzer? - Check!
- Water bottle? Sani wipes? - Check!
And check! Have to make some room on my belt.
Bought some of my own supplies.
Weird.
But if it helps make sure no student gives birth
nine months from tonight,
- then I'm on board. - Don't worry, Coach,
think of me as a human contraceptive.
Need a hand?
My brother tied ties for me.
What about your dad?
Barely know him.
Thanks for allowing me to stay.
You are in an impossible situation
that no kid should ever have to go through.
And you've been a grounding presence for Jamal.
Okay, that... that's a lie. Jamal is still very, very weird.
Yeah.
I'm gonna make it up to you someday. For all your help.
Well, you can't tie a tie...
but can you tie an apron?
I could always use an extra hand at Dwayne's.
Really?
Yeah, I'd love that.
Okay.
O... kay.
I think...
we are all set here.
- We might need to YouTube this. - Yeah.
Yeah.
Can I help?
Man, you are growing up too fast.
Listen, um...
I'm sorry.
I get why you wanna know your mom, and you should know who she is.
- I'm just trying to protect you. - I know, Dad.
But what if there is nothing to protect me from?
What if she's really changed?
It's possible.
Maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea
to get you out of Freeridge for a while.
No.
No, I don't want to leave.
This is my home.
I'm not going anywhere.
♪ What are the rules ♪ ♪ For breakfast today? ♪
♪ What are the words ♪ ♪ I'm forbidden to say? ♪
♪ I need to let my hair down ♪ ♪ And grow up like a real... ♪
Uh-huh.
♪ What are the rules ♪ ♪ For breakfast today? ♪
♪ What are the words ♪ ♪ I'm forbidden to say? ♪
♪ I need to let my hair down ♪ ♪ And grow up like a real... ♪
Stop!
♪ I've been shot down, kicked out twice ♪
No!
Outside Ruben is working the inside tonight.
That's right, baby.
That's why we have to go last!
No, first!
We set the bar impossibly high
and destroy the hopes of everyone else.
No, we have to go last!
The DJ determines the winner,
and everybody knows that DJs have short attention spans
and bad memories, or else, hello,
they'd wake up and pick a different profession.
That's science, Ruby.
What do you guys think? Should we go first or last?
I don't think it'll matter
because Monse and I might have this in the bag.
That's a terrible idea.
You don't think we can pull it off?
It's not you, it's me.
And my feelings about how bad of a dancer you are.
Cesar, buddy, you don't wanna bring
more attention to yourself by dancing.
You already got enough with that jacket.
Which brings me to my next question:
what is that jacket?
Yo! Bruce looks good on you, bruh!
- Ugh! You named this? - So you're to blame for this eyesore?
Don't listen to him.
He's not fashion forward.
When, exactly, did you purchase this jacket?
Well... back when it was my cheddar, I shredded off a little of it.
But, now that it's our gouda,
I have a sliced off a dime-sized piece of that fella.
- Turner! - I'm on a break, Ronald.
There are no breaks
when there are teenage boys trying to stick it in.
I misplaced my phone.
Check the office.
I'm happy to know someone won't be sticking it in tonight.
Not with that jacket.
Ah, signal!
Ladies and gents, the Valentine dance competition is starting!
Where did he forget his phone? Where's the phone?
Oh, wait. Oh! Ha-ha! I found the phone! I found the phone.
Oh!
Yo! Watch yourself, fleshlight.
You. Watch yourself...
lava lamp.
Yo! What are you doing?
You know what?
Hugs before thugs.
Coach.
Found my phone?
I'm gonna tell you the cold hard truth.
- Someone hooked it. - What?
Someone has my phone.
That same someone
is the reason you are no longer having fun.
This individual has five seconds to return my phone.
If they return my phone before I get to five,
the dance can continue.
If not, the night is canceled.
Now I'm gonna turn around, so I don't even know who did it.
One.
Two.
Three! I better start hearing movement.
Four!
Oh! Don't let me get to five.
Four and a half!
Five!
Cowards!
All of you!
Is that how you wanna play?
We can play it that way.
I've got the human find-my-phone app.
Jamal, do your thing.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, shit.
Tyrone, my office, now!
Resume the dance.
Thank you, Hobby and Xavier.
Next up, everybody make some noise for The Great Jazz B.
- It's okay if you want to bail. - No.
If you want to win, we have to do this. I'm ready.
♪ 'Ción mami ♪ ♪ Ella me dio to' estas nargas ♪
♪ Los carajitos no pueden con esta vaina ♪
♪ 'Ción mami ♪ ♪ Ción mami ♪
♪ Con mi bombón tú sí eres lambón ♪
And we have a winner!
The Great Jazz B has just won a $50 gift card to...
Chili's!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Guys, guys!
If we pull our cards right, we can stretch this out to two dinners.
Four meals if we eat order off the kid's menu and we don't tip.
But that's up to you. We won!
All right. All right. All right. Freeridge High!
It's time to take it old school!
Ruby!
Call 911! Call 911!
♪ Old friends that turned into strangers ♪
♪ Ex-lovers mad that I'm famous ♪
♪ They see the picture I painted... ♪
Just sit. Just sit.
Everything is all right.
Okay. You're safe.
I'll go get him some water.
What's going on?
It's the song that was playing when they were shot.
Hey, go, go. I got this.
Baby, it's okay.
It's okay. You're not ready.
I just want to be myself again.
Hey. Hey.
You okay?
Come here.
Anything can change in a moment.
One day the world's a dream; the next, it's a nightmare.
I can't believe she's gone.
That's why we have to live our lives to the fullest.
We can't have any regrets.
I need to go.
Yeah, okay.
- Let's go. - No. No.
I need to go stay with my mom.
What are you talking about?
She asked me to come live with her, in Brentwood.
I have to go or I'll regret it.
You barely know this woman.
Yeah, that's why I have to do it.
No, no, please. Don't leave me.
- I need you. - I'm not leaving you.
I'm not leaving you, I'm leaving Freeridge.
And it will only be for a little while.
If you leave, we're finished.
You don't mean that.
Yes, I do.
Don't do this to me.
It's your choice.
Of course you would leave. You really are your mother's daughter.
We're done.
- Yo! What's wrong? - We just broke up.
Cesar, wait!
- Hey. - I have to go.
Huh! You've got to work the whole dance.
That was our agreement. Hey, listen.
If you leave now, deal's done.
Then it's done.