1
00:00:01,180 --> 00:00:03,710
I don't get why you're boxing up
this wine I recommended.
2
00:00:03,735 --> 00:00:06,285
It's got everything you need...
grapes, et cetera.
3
00:00:06,318 --> 00:00:08,921
Because, Miggy, according
to this letter from the FDA,
4
00:00:08,946 --> 00:00:10,256
this wine with goat on the bottle
5
00:00:10,288 --> 00:00:11,905
also has goat in the bottle.
6
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,980
The hair or the meat?
How much goat we talking?
7
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:15,582
Isn't any amount of goat bad?
8
00:00:15,614 --> 00:00:17,250
- Mm...
- Look, we're not doing this.
9
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:18,718
- I gotta get it off the shelves.
- 'Kay.
10
00:00:18,751 --> 00:00:21,087
And now Rory's giving me
his "Where's my snack?" eyes.
11
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:22,321
Daddy hungry.
12
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:26,493
There she is... Poppy,
the May to my December.
13
00:00:26,525 --> 00:00:29,228
There he is... Douglas, my sexy, eh...
14
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:30,431
lighthouse.
15
00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:32,399
Hey, why don't we, uh, skip out of here
16
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,033
and spend the afternoon together, huh?
17
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:36,811
I gotta blow off steam
after this three-day work week.
18
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:38,104
I would love to,
19
00:00:38,137 --> 00:00:40,106
but I've got a busy day
carting Rory around.
20
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,109
Plus, now I've got a goat situation.
21
00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:43,210
There's hoof in the wine.
22
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,411
Yeah.
23
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:45,712
Okay. That's my cue.
24
00:00:45,744 --> 00:00:49,115
I'm gonna go to the club
and maybe hop in a golf cart,
25
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:51,518
nod off, and just see where I wake up.
26
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,020
- Mm.
- You know, rich guy weekend.
27
00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,454
Mm-hmm. Bye.
28
00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:56,089
Ah, sir, a moment?
29
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:57,957
Thanks. Hi.
30
00:00:57,990 --> 00:00:59,292
Couldn't help but overhear
31
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:02,628
you totally dropping the ball
with your girlfriend!
32
00:01:02,661 --> 00:01:05,064
She clearly needs your help here.
33
00:01:05,097 --> 00:01:06,599
If she wanted help, she would've asked.
34
00:01:06,632 --> 00:01:07,634
That's what grown-ups do.
35
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,736
Shush! Sweet child.
36
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:11,737
- Shush.
- Don't shush me.
37
00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:13,239
My mother would never ask for help.
38
00:01:13,272 --> 00:01:14,807
That's not who she is.
39
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,310
But go ahead. End up like Davey.
40
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:19,445
- Who's Davey?
- Who's Davey?
41
00:01:19,478 --> 00:01:21,548
Her last serious boyfriend.
42
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:24,084
He was great.
Tall like you, maybe taller.
43
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:25,618
Oh, taller than me is too tall.
44
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:29,289
Anyway, he never helped her,
and she never asked him to,
45
00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:30,557
so now he's dead.
46
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:31,625
To her.
47
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,659
But... I get it.
48
00:01:33,692 --> 00:01:35,628
You're totally incapable of pitching in.
49
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,131
Incapable? It's a choice.
50
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,966
That's why I hired a 60-year-old
butler 30 years ago.
51
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,135
Well, you keep those hands clean, Davey.
52
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,269
I mean, Douglas.
53
00:01:43,302 --> 00:01:45,004
Damn you!
54
00:01:45,037 --> 00:01:46,606
Poppy?
55
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,242
Uh, let me help you out.
56
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:50,109
Why don't I take Rory for the day?
57
00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:52,679
Really? No, no, no, no. I could
never ask you to do that.
58
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:55,015
Eh, you're not asking.
I'm offering. Come on.
59
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,483
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
60
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:57,784
Because I can just... I can...
61
00:01:57,816 --> 00:01:59,619
No, really, it'll be a breeze.
62
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:03,757
And I can tell that you have
your hands full with, uh...
63
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:04,925
Ohhh, Poppy.
64
00:02:04,957 --> 00:02:07,461
I-I think my tum-tums
got the rumb-rumbs!
65
00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:09,830
But it's okay. I'm gonna wash it
down with some more wine.
66
00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:11,465
No, Miggy.
67
00:02:11,551 --> 00:02:13,627
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
68
00:02:13,651 --> 00:02:15,227
02x11 - The Angie-Man
69
00:02:16,823 --> 00:02:18,425
Ohh. 40 years. Wow.
70
00:02:18,459 --> 00:02:19,930
Your parents have been married
for, like,
71
00:02:19,955 --> 00:02:21,529
over two-thirds of Douglas.
72
00:02:21,561 --> 00:02:22,863
Yeah, if you'd told me a month ago
73
00:02:22,896 --> 00:02:24,265
we'd be celebrating their anniversary,
74
00:02:24,299 --> 00:02:25,700
I would've said "Buzzer sound!"
75
00:02:25,733 --> 00:02:26,935
'Cause I had a really sore throat
76
00:02:26,967 --> 00:02:28,536
and it would've hurt
to make an actual buzzer sound.
77
00:02:28,568 --> 00:02:30,571
But also because I thought
their marriage was doomed.
78
00:02:30,604 --> 00:02:31,705
Right. Right.
79
00:02:31,739 --> 00:02:33,208
Because when you were
giving my son the...
80
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,541
sex talk, you learned...
81
00:02:34,574 --> 00:02:36,411
A fact about sex that I didn't know...
82
00:02:36,443 --> 00:02:38,713
my father was having it
with someone besides my mother.
83
00:02:38,745 --> 00:02:39,880
And not just anyone.
84
00:02:39,913 --> 00:02:42,049
His fellow health teacher,
Ms. Sugars Hawthorne.
85
00:02:42,083 --> 00:02:43,752
Ah, two health teachers.
86
00:02:43,785 --> 00:02:46,988
Do you think it was, like,
super hot or super clinical?
87
00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:50,125
I confronted him about it,
and he talked to my mom,
88
00:02:50,157 --> 00:02:51,458
and clearly, they worked things out
89
00:02:51,491 --> 00:02:53,494
because here we are,
celebrating their love.
90
00:02:53,527 --> 00:02:55,829
I don't trust anyone
who works through problems.
91
00:02:55,863 --> 00:02:57,065
It's not a real thing.
92
00:02:57,097 --> 00:02:58,399
But I do love your parents.
93
00:02:58,432 --> 00:02:59,601
They're the only people
94
00:02:59,633 --> 00:03:01,469
still using technology
that I can help with.
95
00:03:01,501 --> 00:03:03,070
Yeah. Well, they really love you.
96
00:03:03,103 --> 00:03:04,571
And the free tech support.
97
00:03:04,604 --> 00:03:06,407
Hey, you should actually stay
for the party.
98
00:03:06,441 --> 00:03:08,943
Ah, you don't need me.
I mean, won't Tracy be here?
99
00:03:08,976 --> 00:03:11,645
No, she got called into work.
A big story broke.
100
00:03:11,679 --> 00:03:14,249
Apparently, a group of cats took
over a sushi restaurant.
101
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,416
It's pretty funny.
102
00:03:15,449 --> 00:03:16,650
It's an anniversary party.
103
00:03:16,684 --> 00:03:18,319
It's gonna be all couples. Smells datey.
104
00:03:18,352 --> 00:03:20,321
I'm gonna head out.
105
00:03:20,354 --> 00:03:23,191
I came, I saw, helped set up,
106
00:03:23,223 --> 00:03:25,859
- ate all the mini grilled cheeses.
- Thank you for that.
107
00:03:25,893 --> 00:03:27,929
- This is a wrap on D'Amato.
- All right.
108
00:03:27,961 --> 00:03:29,130
Look who's here!
109
00:03:29,162 --> 00:03:30,698
- Whoo!
- Your two favorite palindromes...
110
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:32,032
Mom and Dad!
111
00:03:33,067 --> 00:03:34,703
I'll take one large hug, please,
112
00:03:34,735 --> 00:03:35,804
hold the pickles.
113
00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:36,704
- Ohh!
- Ohh!
114
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:37,938
Hey.
115
00:03:37,971 --> 00:03:38,939
Ohhhh!
116
00:03:38,972 --> 00:03:40,007
Happy anniversary.
117
00:03:40,041 --> 00:03:41,276
Yeah.
118
00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:42,276
Ohh!
119
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,944
Look at you.
120
00:03:43,977 --> 00:03:46,214
- Oh, it's good to see you.
- You, too.
121
00:03:46,246 --> 00:03:48,549
Listen, my Garmin is on the fritz again.
122
00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:50,352
- Again? Ugh.
- I know. Yeah.
123
00:03:50,384 --> 00:03:51,731
What's with the purse?
124
00:03:51,756 --> 00:03:53,154
You're gonna stay for the party,
aren't you?
125
00:03:53,186 --> 00:03:54,722
Oh. Uh...
126
00:03:56,390 --> 00:03:57,925
Uh...
127
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:00,395
Yeah. Sure.
128
00:04:00,428 --> 00:04:01,829
Of course.
129
00:04:01,863 --> 00:04:04,366
I mean, who am I? Meghan Markle?
Where do I gotta be?
130
00:04:06,067 --> 00:04:08,336
Aah! Staying!
131
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:11,563
She just threw it over there.
132
00:04:11,594 --> 00:04:12,874
What's wrong with Tony?
133
00:04:12,906 --> 00:04:14,508
Cassandra dumped him again.
134
00:04:14,542 --> 00:04:16,578
This time, she ain't coming back.
135
00:04:16,611 --> 00:04:19,714
I know that look. Tony's in pain.
136
00:04:19,746 --> 00:04:22,083
There's only one way
to make that man whole again.
137
00:04:22,116 --> 00:04:23,518
He needs a woman.
138
00:04:23,551 --> 00:04:24,886
Should we call his mom?
139
00:04:24,919 --> 00:04:27,155
Tony used to babysit Elvis.
140
00:04:27,188 --> 00:04:29,591
You think his mom's still alive?
141
00:04:29,624 --> 00:04:31,025
I'll get the shovels.
142
00:04:31,058 --> 00:04:32,360
Won't be the first time.
143
00:04:32,393 --> 00:04:34,863
Ladies, I'm not talking about a mom.
144
00:04:34,895 --> 00:04:37,265
I'm talking about
a special kind of friend.
145
00:04:37,297 --> 00:04:41,001
I don't mean to be crass,
but we need to get this man...
146
00:04:41,035 --> 00:04:42,237
hugged.
147
00:04:42,270 --> 00:04:44,773
Well, no one's gonna hug him
looking like that.
148
00:04:46,573 --> 00:04:47,841
Come on.
149
00:04:47,874 --> 00:04:50,711
Let's put in a new backsplash
and flip this house.
150
00:04:50,744 --> 00:04:52,112
All right. We did it.
151
00:04:52,145 --> 00:04:53,181
Three farmer's markets,
152
00:04:53,213 --> 00:04:55,015
two laps around the ointment district,
153
00:04:55,049 --> 00:04:58,219
and a very confusing stop
at a Judaica store.
154
00:04:58,251 --> 00:05:00,754
Okay, they have the best candles,
155
00:05:00,787 --> 00:05:02,556
and you just know nothing
about atmosphere.
156
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:05,626
Yeah? Why don't you tell that
to my $30,000 chandelier,
157
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:07,095
you scrub?
158
00:05:07,128 --> 00:05:08,530
I'm exhausted.
159
00:05:08,563 --> 00:05:10,932
How long have I been
watching you? Two, three weeks?
160
00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:12,467
- It's been four hours.
- Really?
161
00:05:12,499 --> 00:05:14,869
I don't know how
your mom does this every day.
162
00:05:14,902 --> 00:05:17,038
All right, here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna take a soft 20.
163
00:05:17,071 --> 00:05:18,907
Do you have a Wall Street
Journal lying around?
164
00:05:18,939 --> 00:05:20,707
Don't you dare check the markets now.
165
00:05:20,741 --> 00:05:22,710
You still have to take me
to go get my new tap shoes.
166
00:05:22,742 --> 00:05:24,044
Okay, now, I know for a fact
167
00:05:24,078 --> 00:05:26,448
you have seven different pairs
in your closet.
168
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,248
I've turned on them all.
169
00:05:28,282 --> 00:05:29,417
And they on me.
170
00:05:29,450 --> 00:05:31,486
Well, then you're gonna
have to dance barefoot.
171
00:05:31,518 --> 00:05:33,220
You can make the sounds with your mouth.
172
00:05:33,253 --> 00:05:35,989
"Click-clack-tap." See? It's easy.
173
00:05:36,023 --> 00:05:37,926
Well, guess I should be grateful.
174
00:05:37,958 --> 00:05:39,626
Least I didn't get kidnapped.
175
00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:42,597
Let me just text my mom.
176
00:05:42,629 --> 00:05:45,432
Hey, Siri, send message to Poppy.
177
00:05:45,465 --> 00:05:47,167
"Douglas dropping the ball, period.
178
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,570
Couldn't provide help, period.
179
00:05:48,602 --> 00:05:50,304
Suggestions, question mark."
180
00:05:50,338 --> 00:05:52,172
A-A-At ease, Sarah.
181
00:05:52,205 --> 00:05:53,741
All right, fine.
182
00:05:53,773 --> 00:05:56,343
You want shoes? I know the guy
at the Ferragamo store.
183
00:05:56,376 --> 00:05:58,780
He can get us the illegal stuff.
184
00:05:58,813 --> 00:06:00,014
Oh, no, no, no.
185
00:06:00,047 --> 00:06:02,015
I only get my dance shoes
186
00:06:02,049 --> 00:06:05,487
from Foot Clothes for
Number One Best Music Moving.
187
00:06:06,653 --> 00:06:08,188
It's foreign-owned.
188
00:06:10,191 --> 00:06:12,193
Well, thank you all for coming.
189
00:06:12,225 --> 00:06:16,029
Uh, boy, being married to me
for all those years,
190
00:06:16,063 --> 00:06:18,199
well, it couldn't have been easy.
191
00:06:18,232 --> 00:06:19,333
No.
192
00:06:19,366 --> 00:06:22,338
My, uh, hair-plug trial
nearly ruined us.
193
00:06:23,371 --> 00:06:25,472
Uh, my weight fluctuates 70 pounds
194
00:06:25,506 --> 00:06:27,375
in each direction every six months,
195
00:06:27,407 --> 00:06:29,443
and I don't go to Burning Man,
196
00:06:29,477 --> 00:06:31,880
but I talk about it...
197
00:06:31,912 --> 00:06:33,347
all the time.
198
00:06:33,381 --> 00:06:35,183
Oh, and also, honey,
199
00:06:35,215 --> 00:06:37,684
don't forget you banged
the girls' health teacher.
200
00:06:37,717 --> 00:06:39,520
Oh. That was a big one.
201
00:06:39,554 --> 00:06:40,821
They're incredible.
202
00:06:40,854 --> 00:06:42,890
They've had both their arms
ripped off by a gorilla,
203
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,392
and they're still pitching
a perfect game.
204
00:06:44,424 --> 00:06:45,526
I don't know how they did it.
205
00:06:45,559 --> 00:06:47,362
You're probably wondering how we did it.
206
00:06:47,395 --> 00:06:48,563
Well, we sought the help
207
00:06:48,595 --> 00:06:50,497
of a licensed marriage counselor.
208
00:06:50,530 --> 00:06:54,001
And then an unlicensed one
whose office had better parking.
209
00:06:56,903 --> 00:06:58,572
But what we found most helpful...
210
00:06:58,605 --> 00:07:02,175
was how inspired we were
by a very special couple.
211
00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:04,078
Yes. They're best friends.
212
00:07:04,111 --> 00:07:06,914
They're co-captains of the S.S. Romance.
213
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:11,152
They're partners in the law firm
of Smooch, Hug, and Feingold.
214
00:07:11,184 --> 00:07:12,152
That's right.
215
00:07:12,186 --> 00:07:14,322
We're talking about our son Will.
216
00:07:14,354 --> 00:07:17,025
And his girlfriend, Angie.
217
00:07:18,225 --> 00:07:19,727
To Will and Angie.
218
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,563
Will and Angie!
219
00:07:21,595 --> 00:07:23,564
Wait. What is happening?
Why are they throwing to us?
220
00:07:23,597 --> 00:07:24,932
Do they want us to say
the name of the couple?
221
00:07:24,965 --> 00:07:26,501
The couple is us, Angie.
222
00:07:26,534 --> 00:07:27,569
Terrible twist...
223
00:07:27,602 --> 00:07:29,871
the toast is coming
from inside the house.
224
00:07:29,903 --> 00:07:31,109
Oh.
225
00:07:33,298 --> 00:07:35,935
Hey, guys. A note about your toast...
226
00:07:35,967 --> 00:07:37,282
Yeah, less of a note,
more of just, like,
227
00:07:37,307 --> 00:07:38,520
a "What-chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
228
00:07:38,552 --> 00:07:40,004
That's a synonym for note.
229
00:07:40,029 --> 00:07:41,620
Mom, Dad, uh...
230
00:07:41,645 --> 00:07:43,580
- the thing about Angie and I is that we...
- I'm sorry.
231
00:07:43,605 --> 00:07:44,974
Did we embarrass you,
232
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,619
Mr. Big Shot Weatherman
Public Personality?
233
00:07:47,644 --> 00:07:49,113
So, sue us.
234
00:07:49,163 --> 00:07:51,532
We're very proud
that you found true love.
235
00:07:51,565 --> 00:07:54,168
We're parents. We brag. It's what we do.
236
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,969
No, Mom, we're not...
237
00:07:56,003 --> 00:07:58,139
We didn't want to get
bogged down in details
238
00:07:58,171 --> 00:08:01,007
in front of our friends,
but the truth is...
239
00:08:01,041 --> 00:08:03,743
we were this close to a divorce.
240
00:08:03,777 --> 00:08:05,479
- Oh.
- My bags were packed.
241
00:08:05,512 --> 00:08:07,348
Your father grew a soul patch.
242
00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:09,983
I was one click away
from a black leather couch.
243
00:08:10,017 --> 00:08:12,185
Started wearing my wedding ring
on my thumb.
244
00:08:12,219 --> 00:08:15,589
But in our darkest times,
when it just feels
245
00:08:15,623 --> 00:08:18,492
like there is no point
in trying anymore,
246
00:08:18,524 --> 00:08:20,861
that one ray of light
247
00:08:20,894 --> 00:08:24,566
that cuts through the blackness
and it gives us hope.
248
00:08:25,632 --> 00:08:28,168
- Me and Angie?
- Us?
249
00:08:28,202 --> 00:08:30,071
Yes, you're so inspiring,
250
00:08:30,103 --> 00:08:32,439
the way you communicate
and support each other.
251
00:08:32,472 --> 00:08:34,842
Look, we understand it might not
make any sense to you,
252
00:08:34,875 --> 00:08:37,410
- but it makes sense to us.
- Yeah.
253
00:08:37,443 --> 00:08:40,213
So, Will's relationship with me
254
00:08:40,246 --> 00:08:43,284
is what's keeping you...
255
00:08:43,317 --> 00:08:46,386
- from... a divorce?
- Boop.
256
00:08:46,419 --> 00:08:47,854
- Perfectly said.
- Yes.
257
00:08:47,888 --> 00:08:49,123
Will, hang on to this one.
258
00:08:49,155 --> 00:08:50,625
She has a knack for summaries,
259
00:08:50,658 --> 00:08:53,628
and she can figure out the tabs
on your Netscape!
260
00:08:53,660 --> 00:08:57,765
And your sexual chemistry
is the stuff of volcanoes.
261
00:09:01,135 --> 00:09:02,870
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna stop you right there.
262
00:09:02,903 --> 00:09:05,239
While it is true that I, myself,
263
00:09:05,271 --> 00:09:07,707
ooze sexuality all over the place,
264
00:09:07,741 --> 00:09:09,376
uh, Will and I...
265
00:09:09,409 --> 00:09:10,477
Babe?
266
00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:11,745
A mo'?
267
00:09:11,779 --> 00:09:14,148
Oh!
268
00:09:14,181 --> 00:09:16,617
I think that was short for moment.
269
00:09:16,649 --> 00:09:18,385
Ugh, your hand is soaking wet.
270
00:09:18,418 --> 00:09:20,000
Because I'm nervous, okay?
271
00:09:20,032 --> 00:09:21,997
The only thing keeping my
parents' real marriage together
272
00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:23,089
is our fake relationship.
273
00:09:23,122 --> 00:09:24,257
We have to play along.
274
00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:27,260
Okay, dude.
You are a grown man, all right?
275
00:09:27,293 --> 00:09:28,795
You can handle your parents
getting divorced.
276
00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:30,130
The thing you should
really be upset about
277
00:09:30,164 --> 00:09:31,798
is that they are going to die.
278
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,266
Not today, but soon.
279
00:09:33,299 --> 00:09:35,969
Come on, all we have to do is
convince a bunch of old people
280
00:09:36,002 --> 00:09:37,671
that we're in love for like two hours,
281
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,044
just until the sun sets, and they
return home to watch "Jeopardy!"
282
00:09:40,069 --> 00:09:42,009
- It'll be easy.
- That's what you think.
283
00:09:42,042 --> 00:09:44,245
No one's gonna buy
that you scored this hot piece.
284
00:09:44,278 --> 00:09:46,647
What?! I'm on TV. I'm a local celebrity.
285
00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:47,814
Women look at me
286
00:09:47,847 --> 00:09:49,649
and they salivate
like I'm a rotisserie chicken.
287
00:09:49,683 --> 00:09:52,352
The fan mail I get, Angie... insane.
288
00:09:52,385 --> 00:09:54,988
Most of it's from prison, but the things
they say they want to do to me...
289
00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:56,456
You're not writing them back, are you?
290
00:09:56,490 --> 00:09:57,825
It would be rude if I didn't,
but I am worried
291
00:09:57,857 --> 00:09:59,800
I'm getting in too deep
and can't get out of it.
292
00:09:59,824 --> 00:10:01,626
Anyway, please just pretend
to be my girlfriend.
293
00:10:01,627 --> 00:10:03,963
Don't you think
that this is all a bit much?
294
00:10:03,996 --> 00:10:05,466
I don't like it either, okay?
295
00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:07,368
But I can't let my mom and dad
get divorced.
296
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,135
Divorce is what happens to other people
297
00:10:09,168 --> 00:10:11,471
and to me personally,
but not to my parents.
298
00:10:11,505 --> 00:10:15,609
Ohh! Bud and Lucy spoke about
the two of you so beautifully.
299
00:10:15,641 --> 00:10:18,178
- Oh!
- So, tell us, what's your secret?
300
00:10:19,346 --> 00:10:20,648
Um...
301
00:10:25,052 --> 00:10:27,388
- Honey.
- Mm-hmm?
302
00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:28,455
I'll take this one.
303
00:10:28,489 --> 00:10:29,657
Okay.
304
00:10:29,689 --> 00:10:31,124
When I come home from work,
305
00:10:31,158 --> 00:10:33,627
there are three things
he has waiting for me.
306
00:10:33,659 --> 00:10:35,195
Number one, a hot meal,
307
00:10:35,228 --> 00:10:36,896
number two, an ice-cold martini...
308
00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:39,331
...and number three,
foot rub so intense,
309
00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:40,362
Mama sees angels.
310
00:10:40,387 --> 00:10:42,902
A-A-Also, we like beaches.
311
00:10:42,936 --> 00:10:44,638
The movie and the place.
312
00:10:46,173 --> 00:10:47,475
How you feeling?
313
00:10:47,508 --> 00:10:49,210
I'm gonna find that goat
314
00:10:49,242 --> 00:10:51,345
and make it drink a wine made out of me.
315
00:10:52,578 --> 00:10:54,414
Well, I finished boxing up
the goat wine.
316
00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:56,149
So, guess I should go get Rory.
317
00:10:56,183 --> 00:10:59,653
He probably has Douglas
in some kind of outfit by now.
318
00:10:59,686 --> 00:11:01,555
O-Or, since he offered to help,
319
00:11:01,587 --> 00:11:03,890
you ask Douglas to keep watching Rory.
320
00:11:03,923 --> 00:11:04,991
You deserve a break.
321
00:11:05,024 --> 00:11:07,227
To do what? Sit around and enjoy myself?
322
00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:08,228
Who am I? Angie?
323
00:11:08,261 --> 00:11:10,330
Come on! Let Douglas help you.
324
00:11:10,364 --> 00:11:11,565
You don't want another Davey.
325
00:11:11,597 --> 00:11:13,000
Ooh! Davey!
326
00:11:13,033 --> 00:11:14,502
- He was useless.
- Useless.
327
00:11:14,534 --> 00:11:15,836
- But boy, was he tall.
- Tall.
328
00:11:15,869 --> 00:11:17,838
I once saw him eat a leaf off a tree
329
00:11:17,870 --> 00:11:19,273
like a brontosaurus.
330
00:11:19,306 --> 00:11:20,708
Hunh.
331
00:11:20,741 --> 00:11:22,109
But you're right. I should do this.
332
00:11:22,141 --> 00:11:23,376
- How should I do it?
- Okay.
333
00:11:23,409 --> 00:11:24,844
So, you text Douglas
334
00:11:24,877 --> 00:11:27,347
and ask him to keep Rory
for the rest of the afternoon
335
00:11:27,380 --> 00:11:29,616
while you go shopping... for you!
336
00:11:29,649 --> 00:11:31,751
And maybe for me, if you feel
so inclined.
337
00:11:31,784 --> 00:11:32,752
- I don't.
- Okay.
338
00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:33,853
But okay.
339
00:11:33,886 --> 00:11:35,755
Um... you know what?
340
00:11:35,789 --> 00:11:38,391
Just gonna text him "I'm tied up."
341
00:11:38,424 --> 00:11:39,526
Right? I mean, why start a thing?
342
00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:40,627
Yeah, close enough.
343
00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:41,761
All right. Let's hit the mall.
344
00:11:41,794 --> 00:11:43,963
I want to see teens and old people
345
00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:46,399
comfortably co-exist.
346
00:11:46,433 --> 00:11:48,068
How did we meet? Uh...
347
00:11:48,101 --> 00:11:51,371
Well, buckle up, because it is a yarn.
348
00:11:51,404 --> 00:11:52,439
Remember, darling?
349
00:11:52,472 --> 00:11:54,407
Uh, like it was yesterday, buttercup.
350
00:11:54,441 --> 00:11:56,877
Uh, we met on a...
351
00:11:56,909 --> 00:11:58,145
- ski trip...
- Hot August night.
352
00:11:59,145 --> 00:12:02,116
Because we both love water skiing...
353
00:12:02,149 --> 00:12:03,250
in the dark.
354
00:12:03,283 --> 00:12:04,752
- It's actually safer.
- Yeah.
355
00:12:04,784 --> 00:12:06,986
Here we go.
356
00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:08,588
Watch me. They have to match.
357
00:12:08,621 --> 00:12:10,089
Believe me, I know symmetry.
358
00:12:10,122 --> 00:12:12,725
Tony! Hold still!
359
00:12:12,759 --> 00:12:15,629
So, next thing we know, this knucklehead
360
00:12:15,662 --> 00:12:18,232
has signed us up
for the pair skiing competition
361
00:12:18,265 --> 00:12:20,800
at the Lake Winnipesaukee Olympics!
362
00:12:20,833 --> 00:12:22,435
- And we win!
- Wha!
363
00:12:22,468 --> 00:12:23,603
What did you win?
364
00:12:23,636 --> 00:12:25,472
- $50,000!
- Fish dinner.
365
00:12:26,673 --> 00:12:28,976
It's an easy mistake
because, you know what?
366
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:31,946
To look into this man's eyes
while he is eating...
367
00:12:31,978 --> 00:12:35,333
makes you feel
like you have won $50,000.
368
00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:37,650
I do eat fish very sexually.
369
00:12:37,683 --> 00:12:39,986
Watch me, Tony!
370
00:12:41,487 --> 00:12:43,357
You missed a spot!
371
00:12:43,382 --> 00:12:44,752
So, now we're back at our cabin,
372
00:12:44,785 --> 00:12:46,153
first place trophy on the mantel,
373
00:12:46,185 --> 00:12:47,669
our bellies full of catfish...
374
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:48,896
Our hearts full of love.
375
00:12:48,921 --> 00:12:50,324
And at the exact same time,
376
00:12:50,357 --> 00:12:51,858
we look at one another and we say...
377
00:12:51,892 --> 00:12:52,993
"I love you.
378
00:12:53,026 --> 00:12:54,527
Would you like to go out
on a second date?"
379
00:13:02,268 --> 00:13:03,436
And then what happened?
380
00:13:03,469 --> 00:13:05,071
You know what, Betty? Calm down.
381
00:13:05,104 --> 00:13:06,239
C'mon, you big chimney.
382
00:13:06,272 --> 00:13:07,707
Now that we have my shoes,
383
00:13:07,741 --> 00:13:10,010
only six more stops until dance class.
384
00:13:10,042 --> 00:13:11,110
Could we take a break?
385
00:13:11,143 --> 00:13:12,579
I've done everything you wanted
and more.
386
00:13:12,613 --> 00:13:13,914
I even pulled over coming here
387
00:13:13,946 --> 00:13:16,382
because you thought you saw
Jennifer Lawrence at a Rite Aid.
388
00:13:16,416 --> 00:13:20,054
Okay, it was Jennifer Lopez,
and it also... wasn't her.
389
00:13:20,086 --> 00:13:21,421
That was my B.
390
00:13:21,454 --> 00:13:24,224
Now let's go to a deli.
I haven't eaten in 45 minutes.
391
00:13:24,257 --> 00:13:25,358
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
392
00:13:25,392 --> 00:13:27,527
You ate 45 minutes ago?
I haven't eaten all day.
393
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:28,929
Let's sit, huh?
394
00:13:28,961 --> 00:13:30,697
My mom hasn't sat in 10 years.
395
00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:32,365
Do you know how hard that woman works?
396
00:13:32,398 --> 00:13:34,701
Whoo! We're wearing
everything we bought!
397
00:13:34,734 --> 00:13:36,135
Two for leisure, please.
398
00:13:40,272 --> 00:13:42,041
It's not what you think.
399
00:13:42,075 --> 00:13:44,411
Lady, you forgot your alto saxophone.
400
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:45,613
Ssst!
401
00:13:47,079 --> 00:13:48,214
Here he is!
402
00:13:48,248 --> 00:13:50,883
Men want to be him,
women want to hug him.
403
00:13:50,916 --> 00:13:52,853
Tony!
404
00:13:58,791 --> 00:13:59,892
All that's left to do
405
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:02,530
is to get this show pony to the rodeo.
406
00:14:03,796 --> 00:14:05,199
Now somebody wake him up.
407
00:14:08,368 --> 00:14:10,337
See? Look how happy they are.
408
00:14:10,369 --> 00:14:11,772
If only there was some music playing,
409
00:14:11,805 --> 00:14:13,007
they wouldn't seem so crazy.
410
00:14:14,675 --> 00:14:18,178
Hey, uh, thank you for...
being my pretend girlfriend.
411
00:14:18,210 --> 00:14:19,812
Oh. Pfft. No problem.
412
00:14:19,845 --> 00:14:21,548
It was actually...
413
00:14:23,215 --> 00:14:24,317
Easy.
414
00:14:25,484 --> 00:14:26,653
Yeah.
415
00:14:28,689 --> 00:14:31,858
I'm gonna go double-napkin
some cake to take home.
416
00:14:31,892 --> 00:14:33,994
Delicious.
417
00:14:36,363 --> 00:14:38,498
Son, you really dressed this party up,
418
00:14:38,531 --> 00:14:40,834
but Angie strutted it down the runway.
419
00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:42,469
Oh, yeah. That's my lady.
420
00:14:42,502 --> 00:14:44,371
The ol' ball and chain. My one and only.
421
00:14:44,403 --> 00:14:45,538
Ohh!
422
00:14:45,571 --> 00:14:47,206
I am so sorry I'm late.
423
00:14:47,239 --> 00:14:49,176
I had to shower twice just to get off
424
00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:50,611
- all the sake and fur.
- H...
425
00:14:50,643 --> 00:14:51,678
- Oh, hi.
- Hi!
426
00:14:51,711 --> 00:14:53,112
Mmm!
427
00:14:56,349 --> 00:14:59,853
♪ Angie's walkin' backwards ♪
428
00:14:59,886 --> 00:15:02,477
♪ Tryin' to leave the room ♪
429
00:15:02,626 --> 00:15:05,766
Ah. Okay, so, that's just
a kiss that we do
430
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,047
that everybody's cool with.
431
00:15:07,079 --> 00:15:08,930
Uh, Angie, do you want
to take Tracy into the kitchen,
432
00:15:09,026 --> 00:15:10,561
show her that kangaroo-shaped
soap dispenser
433
00:15:10,594 --> 00:15:11,996
where the soap comes out of the mouth
434
00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:13,364
but you put the sponge in
the pouch, like a little joey?
435
00:15:13,397 --> 00:15:14,398
Thank you.
436
00:15:14,431 --> 00:15:16,667
I am going to take these parents of mine
437
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,070
into a room that is not this one.
438
00:15:19,103 --> 00:15:20,537
Guys.
439
00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:23,225
Let's throw another soap on the spongy.
440
00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:26,210
- What are you...
- Just come see it.
441
00:15:26,243 --> 00:15:28,412
Kissing another woman?
442
00:15:28,445 --> 00:15:30,748
In your own home?
It's brazen. It's brazen!
443
00:15:30,781 --> 00:15:32,016
He got this from you.
444
00:15:32,048 --> 00:15:33,350
Those might as well be your lips.
445
00:15:33,383 --> 00:15:36,052
Ah. You got my ass,
but you got his lips!
446
00:15:36,085 --> 00:15:37,187
Damn it, Lucy,
447
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:39,056
I take responsibility for my own mouth,
448
00:15:39,089 --> 00:15:40,191
no one else's!
449
00:15:40,224 --> 00:15:42,259
Okay, guys, I have
a lot of info to get out,
450
00:15:42,292 --> 00:15:44,294
so I need you to put on
your young-people brains, okay?
451
00:15:44,327 --> 00:15:45,730
Yes, you saw me kissing a woman.
452
00:15:45,763 --> 00:15:48,232
That woman, known as Tracy,
is my actual girlfriend.
453
00:15:48,264 --> 00:15:49,566
- What?
- Angie is not my girlfriend,
454
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,234
but when you thought she was,
we went along with it
455
00:15:51,268 --> 00:15:53,370
because you said our relationship
was saving your marriage.
456
00:15:53,403 --> 00:15:55,750
And it's true... my friendship
with Angie is very inspiring,
457
00:15:55,775 --> 00:15:57,211
but I have a great thing
going with Tracy,
458
00:15:57,236 --> 00:15:58,868
and not to build it up
too much... hopefully,
459
00:15:58,893 --> 00:16:00,577
that will be the relationship
that keeps you guys together.
460
00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:02,046
Any questions?
461
00:16:02,779 --> 00:16:04,081
Mom, there's three people in this room.
462
00:16:04,114 --> 00:16:05,449
You don't have to raise your hand.
463
00:16:05,481 --> 00:16:06,916
- Do you always lie to us?
- How long have you known Tracy?
464
00:16:06,950 --> 00:16:08,219
- Was your marriage to Mia real?
- Are you intimate?
465
00:16:08,252 --> 00:16:09,553
- And is Sophie still Sophie?
- Where's her family from?
466
00:16:09,585 --> 00:16:11,321
O-Okay, obviously,
we do need to raise hands,
467
00:16:11,355 --> 00:16:13,057
and, Mom, I saw yours first.
468
00:16:13,090 --> 00:16:15,725
Actually, mine was raised,
but it was low, so... okay.
469
00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:17,561
Is this the Tracy from work?
470
00:16:17,594 --> 00:16:18,896
Yes. She's my boss.
471
00:16:18,928 --> 00:16:21,731
Follow-up question...
do we think that's a good idea?
472
00:16:21,764 --> 00:16:23,167
So, it's two questions per hand raise?
473
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,302
It's good to know.
474
00:16:24,335 --> 00:16:25,469
Everyone will get their turn.
475
00:16:25,502 --> 00:16:27,071
Yes, Tracy is my boss,
476
00:16:27,104 --> 00:16:28,571
but we are navigating the tricky waters
477
00:16:28,605 --> 00:16:30,106
of a modern office romance very well,
478
00:16:30,139 --> 00:16:32,042
and she means a lot to me.
479
00:16:33,143 --> 00:16:34,244
Yes, Father?
480
00:16:34,278 --> 00:16:35,613
Well, what were we supposed to think?
481
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,181
We've never even met Tracy,
482
00:16:37,214 --> 00:16:39,110
and we've been to where
Angie went to elementary school.
483
00:16:39,135 --> 00:16:40,063
We didn't want to go,
484
00:16:40,087 --> 00:16:41,194
- but she took us there anyway.
- Not at all.
485
00:16:41,219 --> 00:16:43,486
Look, Angie is a good fr...
486
00:16:43,519 --> 00:16:44,922
a great friend.
487
00:16:44,955 --> 00:16:47,858
Honestly, she's... my best friend.
488
00:16:47,890 --> 00:16:50,193
Caught between two women.
489
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,062
Sounds familiar.
490
00:16:53,497 --> 00:16:55,633
I was referencing my own affair.
491
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:56,801
You're not that deep.
492
00:16:56,834 --> 00:16:58,502
Yeah, Dad, we were able
to crack the code.
493
00:17:01,071 --> 00:17:02,039
Yes, Mother?
494
00:17:02,071 --> 00:17:04,140
Is Tracy Presbyterian?
495
00:17:04,174 --> 00:17:05,677
Are we Presbyterian?
496
00:17:07,477 --> 00:17:08,978
See, you push on the head,
497
00:17:09,012 --> 00:17:11,215
and it barfs out the soap, which I love.
498
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:13,850
Angie... what are you doing?
499
00:17:15,351 --> 00:17:17,120
See, you push on the head,
500
00:17:17,154 --> 00:17:19,290
and it barfs out the soap, which I love.
501
00:17:19,322 --> 00:17:20,957
Okay, Angie.
502
00:17:20,991 --> 00:17:23,561
Look...
503
00:17:23,593 --> 00:17:26,563
It's weird that I'm here.
504
00:17:26,597 --> 00:17:30,901
And not just today,
but... all the times.
505
00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:32,869
And that can't be fun for you.
506
00:17:32,902 --> 00:17:34,971
You're right. It's...
507
00:17:35,004 --> 00:17:36,741
it's not.
508
00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:41,311
See, you push on the head,
509
00:17:41,344 --> 00:17:43,480
and it barfs out the soap, which I love.
510
00:17:43,513 --> 00:17:45,750
Sorry. I'm re-reading your text.
511
00:17:45,783 --> 00:17:47,984
"Still up to my ears in goat wine.
512
00:17:48,017 --> 00:17:50,687
Miggy continues to complain
of rumb-rumbs.
513
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,690
No end in sight."
514
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:53,858
Yeah. Yeah.
515
00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:55,058
And get this...
516
00:17:55,091 --> 00:17:56,927
the only store
that sells rumb-rumb medicine
517
00:17:56,959 --> 00:17:59,629
keeps woodwinds by the register
for impulse buys.
518
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:02,533
All right. I'm sorry.
519
00:18:02,565 --> 00:18:04,534
I just... I wanted
to take an afternoon off,
520
00:18:04,568 --> 00:18:06,337
and I couldn't bring myself to ask you.
521
00:18:06,369 --> 00:18:07,737
Look, Poppy, you shouldn't be afraid
522
00:18:07,771 --> 00:18:11,008
to ask me to do anything,
especially if it involves Rory.
523
00:18:12,909 --> 00:18:15,379
Douglas, can you please take Rory
524
00:18:15,411 --> 00:18:17,213
for the rest of the day
525
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:19,917
so that I can have the afternoon off?
526
00:18:19,949 --> 00:18:21,184
Just for me?
527
00:18:21,217 --> 00:18:22,919
It would be my pleasure.
528
00:18:22,953 --> 00:18:25,122
Click-clack, click-clack,
click-clickity-clack,
529
00:18:25,155 --> 00:18:26,891
clack-clack-, clack-clack,
click-clickity-clack,
530
00:18:26,924 --> 00:18:29,707
clackity-clack, clackity-clack,
clack-clack-clack-clack.
531
00:18:29,739 --> 00:18:32,675
Son of a bitch
isn't even wearing the shoes.
532
00:18:35,511 --> 00:18:36,945
Angie.
533
00:18:36,979 --> 00:18:38,514
- Hey.
- Hey.
534
00:18:38,547 --> 00:18:41,050
I'm leaving, but are you okay?
535
00:18:41,082 --> 00:18:42,484
Not really.
536
00:18:42,518 --> 00:18:45,655
Pretty sure my parents' marriage
is screwed.
537
00:18:46,688 --> 00:18:48,156
It's a lot to process.
538
00:18:48,189 --> 00:18:49,991
Do you think that
maybe I could call you later
539
00:18:50,024 --> 00:18:51,660
- and we could...
- Will, I love hanging out with you,
540
00:18:51,694 --> 00:18:53,229
but we need to do less of it.
541
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:55,031
For Tracy's sake and...
542
00:18:56,999 --> 00:18:58,735
...for everything.
543
00:18:59,835 --> 00:19:01,337
Okay. Yeah.
544
00:19:01,369 --> 00:19:03,939
No, you're... you're probably right.
545
00:19:04,906 --> 00:19:06,641
So, are we getting divorced, or...
546
00:19:06,675 --> 00:19:07,976
Is this like a best-friend divorce?
547
00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:10,012
Oh, no, that would...
that'd crush Betty.
548
00:19:10,044 --> 00:19:11,380
Yeah. Yeah.
549
00:19:11,414 --> 00:19:14,050
No, let's just call it
a best-friend trial separation.
550
00:19:14,082 --> 00:19:15,752
Okay.
551
00:19:15,784 --> 00:19:17,486
But I gotta live my life.
552
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,155
I'm gonna be best friends
with other people.
553
00:19:19,187 --> 00:19:21,323
Hey, we're separated.
554
00:19:21,357 --> 00:19:22,724
None of my business.
555
00:19:33,135 --> 00:19:35,171
We'll always have Lake Winnipesaukee.
556
00:19:35,204 --> 00:19:37,205
Ah. First place.
557
00:19:45,481 --> 00:19:47,383
Oh. Cool. You guys have met.
558
00:19:47,416 --> 00:19:48,618
No, we missed our window,
559
00:19:48,650 --> 00:19:51,019
and now we're stuck
in uncomfortable silence.
560
00:19:51,052 --> 00:19:53,955
Okay. Even better,
because I want to do the honors.
561
00:19:53,989 --> 00:19:55,591
Mom, Dad,
562
00:19:55,624 --> 00:19:58,227
this is my girlfriend, Tracy Freeze.
563
00:19:58,260 --> 00:19:59,929
Hi.
564
00:19:59,962 --> 00:20:01,531
Lovely to meet you.
565
00:20:01,563 --> 00:20:03,398
Uh... now, correct me if I'm wrong,
566
00:20:03,432 --> 00:20:06,102
but is "Freeze" Methodist?
567
00:20:06,135 --> 00:20:09,105
I don't know if a name
can be Methodist...
568
00:20:09,137 --> 00:20:11,240
...but my family's Presbyterian.
569
00:20:11,272 --> 00:20:13,408
I knew it.
570
00:20:15,845 --> 00:20:17,506
We're Episcopalian.
571
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,686
Okay. We've done everything
we can. It's up to him now.
572
00:20:22,741 --> 00:20:24,076
Come on, Tony.
573
00:20:24,101 --> 00:20:27,204
Spread those cheeks and...
let the smile do the talking.
574
00:20:27,237 --> 00:20:30,373
Yeah. Take a lap. Check out the talent.
575
00:20:30,407 --> 00:20:31,976
Good.
576
00:20:32,008 --> 00:20:33,544
Good.
577
00:20:33,576 --> 00:20:35,011
Yeah.
578
00:20:35,045 --> 00:20:37,581
Now perch and let the birds flock.
579
00:20:41,852 --> 00:20:43,521
Here you go.
580
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:48,893
Oh, my gosh!
581
00:20:48,926 --> 00:20:51,929
Guys, look at my arm.
582
00:20:51,961 --> 00:20:53,064
I'm shaking.
583
00:20:54,931 --> 00:20:56,766
Goodbye, Cassandra.
584
00:20:56,799 --> 00:21:00,003
He's found a new woman,
and he's gonna hug her forever.
585
00:21:00,036 --> 00:21:01,572
Just think of the wedding.
586
00:21:01,604 --> 00:21:03,873
Something small and intimate.
587
00:21:03,907 --> 00:21:05,876
By the sea.
588
00:21:09,412 --> 00:21:11,047
What have we done?
589
00:21:11,081 --> 00:21:12,349
Oh, my God.
590
00:21:12,381 --> 00:21:14,718
We've created a hug ho!
591
00:21:16,285 --> 00:21:17,720
Guys, Tony's asleep.
592
00:21:17,754 --> 00:21:20,945
Tony!
593
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:26,280
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com