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Happy first day of school breakfast!
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This year's theme... Second. Guess why?
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Because the theme is always just
whatever grade I'm starting?
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Not true. Pre-school was "Bunnies."
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Now, sit.
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This year,
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we're having Stackie Robinsons
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in honor of Hall of Fame
second baseman Jackie Robinson.
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I had a protein shake before my run.
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I've been up since 5:00.
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You went for a run?
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- Alone? In the dark?
- Relax.
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I was on the treadmill.
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Blacktop is murder on my knees.
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Yikes. Better hit the road.
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Hit the road to school, right?
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Yeah. Where else would I be going?
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Um, your high-powered job
in advertising?
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You haven't changed a bit.
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Yeah. Neither have you.
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We stopped for coffee.
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Sophie got a punch card.
Her next coffee's free.
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Then we listened to NPR
the whole ride here.
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It's like she went away
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to Lance Bass Space Camp a little girl
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and came back a middle-aged commuter.
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She reminds me of my mom.
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Did Graham change
at Lance Bass Space Camp?
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Ask him yourself.
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I'm a new man, W.C.
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Check it.
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- Ankle socks.
- See?
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Sophie wants to be an emancipated minor
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and Graham's got a sock thing.
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Change is everywhere.
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So true.
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I don't know how I'm gonna handle
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Jack starting pre-school.
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Okay. Mwah. Okay.
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Enjoy your first day, buddy.
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Make me proud.
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You know this school starts
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at kindergarten, right?
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Huh.
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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This is Ben.
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He got mono and was bedridden
most of August.
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Big Benny!
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Look at the tan on you!
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Ow. Geez.
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Someone's been working out.
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- Hand sanitizer.
- Of course.
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Rory Banks, class president.
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Please tell Will that change is good.
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Uh, okay.
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Is this based on
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something you were
talking about earlier, or...
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You know what? I don't care.
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- Will, change can be good.
- Oh, please.
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Name one good change
that's ever happened,
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and you can't say
cucumbers into pickles.
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Moms, dads, and non-binary life-givers,
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I am Generation Z's Homily Pronstroller.
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I recently sold my horse-share app
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for enough money to take a gap year
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teaching second grade
before I run for Congress.
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Will last year's Room Parent
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please raise their hand
or a limb of their choosing?
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Hi, everyone.
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Listen, I know that
change can be scary, okay?
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But in this topsy-turvy world,
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one constant remains.
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I am and forever shall remain
your Room Parent.
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Gotcha!
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I asked you to identify yourself
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so as to eliminate you from contention.
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Here.
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It's all in the Hilltop Charter.
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Does it say why they named it Hilltop?
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'Cause it's flat as hell around here.
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A new law has been passed.
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The Every-Other-Year Room Parent Act?
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"No parent of any child
shall be Room Parent
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for a term of two consecutive years"?
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So, because I was Room Parent
in first grade,
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I can't be Room Parent in second grade?
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So, the soonest
I can be Room Parent again
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is third grade?
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So, for the next 365 days,
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I have to drift
through life purposeless,
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my identity stripped away
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like so much old wallpaper?
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Mm-hmm.
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Now, who is familiar with
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how a "not it" vote works?
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It's pretty complicated,
so pay close attention...
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- Not it!
- Not it!
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It! It! It!
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Presenting your 2019-2020
Hilltop Elementary School
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- Second Grade Room Parent!
- No, no, no! No!
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Not it!
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Not it! I was in the bathroom!
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I said "not it" in the bathroom,
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but you just didn't hear!
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Not it! Not it!
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Oh, no.
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Did something terrible happen
in politics?
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Kidding.
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You're waiting to see
if Derek has written back.
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And he has not.
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I pour my heart out
in an e-mail to Graham's dad
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that it took an entire summer
to break, outline, draft,
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edit, polish, punch-up,
spell-check, and finally send,
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00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:04,978
and what do I hear back?
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Nothing.
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And if he'd written you back,
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that would have made you happy, or...?
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Of course not.
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Where does he get off writing me back?
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No one refuses to even
entertain the idea
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of a positive outcome like you.
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Thanks.
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I feel seen.
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- Can I tell you guys something?
- Mm.
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Pre-school costs money,
and money is the one...
126
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actually, one of the fi...
127
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eh, let's just say one of
the 20 things I don't have.
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Well, Miggy, you've been working here
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for almost a year
with scattered success.
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So, I guess we can talk about a raise.
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I would love to say
excitement caused that,
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- but it just slipped.
- Mm.
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You know, I can get Miggy a temp job,
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but it would mean fewer shifts here.
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Would you be okay with that?
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Would I be okay with
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not losing 50 glasses a week
to Slippy Longdroppings?
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With not having to sweep up
a nightly trail of blood
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00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:53,827
and broken stemware?
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With getting out of a situation
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that's costing me money?
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The answer's yes, girl.
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Yeah, those are rhetorical questions.
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- Oh. Ohhh.
- Yeah.
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- Hey, Miggy?
- Hmm?
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You know, if you're truly
desperate for money,
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I can get you a job.
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A job in the grimmest, grossest,
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most awful place in the world.
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So, this is where I work.
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Now, you're gonna go through
each deposition,
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and every time you see the word
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"propane," "rectum,"
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or "shards," highlight it.
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Propane, rectum, shards.
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Got it. Then what do I do?
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You do it again.
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And again.
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Until the Earth collides with the sun
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and our souls are finally free.
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Cool.
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Rectum.
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Rectum.
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Oh, sh...
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Not shards.
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Nice try, sharks.
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What a lawsuit.
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Rectum.
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Rectum.
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Propaaane!
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There has to be a way
to regain our rightful roles
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as Not Room Parent and Room Parent.
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I mean, the twins... they want
their space, and so do I.
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That's why I don't
volunteer at their school
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and they don't work as doctors
in my dermatology group.
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Sophie's trying to pull away,
so obviously,
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I need to be around her more,
not less, right?
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We need to create a situation
where you are so negligent,
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Ms. Pronstroller has to remove you.
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And you act so heroically
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that Ms. Pronstroller
has to reinstate you.
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Where no children
are in actual danger...
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00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,058
But it sure as hell looks like they are.
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Hmm, negligence, heroism,
perceived danger.
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Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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Never.
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Next Friday's field trip
to the Natural History Museum.
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The Room Parent has to chaperone.
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I can be there as a private citizen,
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and what's less dangerous than history?
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Gonna have to ride
on a school bus, won't I?
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Lucky.
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We are a buddy collective,
not a buddy system.
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So, we're only as strong
as our weakest buddy.
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Do not be that buddy.
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Will? What... I'm o...
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- Douglas! What are you...
- What are you doing here?
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I'm just enjoying the museum
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- and nothing else!
- I'm chaperoning a field trip!
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- Is that today?
- I know.
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- I've completely forgotten!
- I-I've heard of coincidences,
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00:07:19,263 --> 00:07:21,165
- but this is ridiculous!
- This is... takes the cake.
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00:07:22,232 --> 00:07:24,550
- Okay, let's go over the plan.
- Yeah.
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You get a kid to commit
the most heinous act imaginable
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at a museum... touching a bone.
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00:07:29,457 --> 00:07:33,161
Not a load-bearing bone,
but still a bone.
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00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:35,264
And before the kid
touches the bone, you say...
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00:07:35,296 --> 00:07:37,832
"Someone stop that kid.
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00:07:37,865 --> 00:07:39,000
It's my job,
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00:07:39,033 --> 00:07:41,670
but I'm too drunk to Room Parent today."
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00:07:41,704 --> 00:07:44,273
Then you will swoop in
from the gift shop,
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00:07:44,305 --> 00:07:46,841
you will stop the kid pre-bone touch
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00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:48,344
and save the day.
214
00:07:53,315 --> 00:07:55,951
We heard your plan
to get out of being Room Parent.
215
00:07:55,983 --> 00:07:56,985
It has holes.
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00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,086
We're not mad.
217
00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,155
We understand.
218
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,791
You being here
is as uncomfortable for us
219
00:08:01,824 --> 00:08:02,992
as it is for you.
220
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,092
We can help with the plan.
221
00:08:04,125 --> 00:08:05,627
We're born accomplices.
222
00:08:05,661 --> 00:08:08,531
Or we can make sure
the plan goes horrible wrong.
223
00:08:08,563 --> 00:08:10,999
We're also born saboteurs.
224
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,169
- Your move, Dad.
- All right.
225
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:14,969
Well, look, I'm way too desperate
226
00:08:15,002 --> 00:08:17,339
and, frankly, too proud of both of you
227
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:18,606
to be angry.
228
00:08:18,639 --> 00:08:20,509
- Way to turn the screws.
- Okay.
229
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:21,976
Amy and I will find a patsy
230
00:08:22,009 --> 00:08:24,045
to touch a non-load-bearing bone.
231
00:08:24,079 --> 00:08:25,948
You sit tight and practice your line.
232
00:08:25,981 --> 00:08:27,350
Let's hear it.
233
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,985
"Someone stop that kid."
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00:08:30,018 --> 00:08:31,354
Little flat.
235
00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:33,722
I don't believe you believe it.
236
00:08:33,755 --> 00:08:35,790
These things suck.
237
00:08:35,823 --> 00:08:37,459
We cover a topic
that should take 10 minutes,
238
00:08:37,492 --> 00:08:39,994
except people participate for no reason
239
00:08:40,028 --> 00:08:41,464
and we're trapped here for days.
240
00:08:41,496 --> 00:08:43,501
Participation? Gross.
241
00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:44,978
I'm so glad you're here.
242
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,168
Who can name a piece of technology
243
00:08:47,202 --> 00:08:48,703
they use in their job?
244
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:49,904
Don't answer, people.
245
00:08:49,937 --> 00:08:51,539
Let her say it. Keep things moving.
246
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,341
- Computers?
- Printers?
247
00:08:53,375 --> 00:08:57,046
Nice. Such good examples
of technology, you guys.
248
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,981
But no one's guessed
the piece of technology
249
00:08:59,014 --> 00:09:00,683
we're here to talk about today.
250
00:09:00,716 --> 00:09:02,685
- Are you curious what it is?
- No.
251
00:09:04,468 --> 00:09:06,154
Now, who can give me an example
252
00:09:06,187 --> 00:09:08,090
of something we do on our phones?
253
00:09:08,123 --> 00:09:10,893
- We talk.
- We sure do, don't we?
254
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:13,062
What else?
255
00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:14,930
Please take my belt and shoelaces.
256
00:09:14,962 --> 00:09:16,332
I'm afraid of what I might do.
257
00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:17,493
We listen!
258
00:09:17,518 --> 00:09:19,567
That's right. We listen.
259
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:20,836
Miggy.
260
00:09:20,869 --> 00:09:22,071
Huh?
261
00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,572
Swear to me that you just said that
262
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:24,707
to keep things moving.
263
00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:27,276
- Swear to me you're not enjoying this.
- I-I'm not.
264
00:09:27,308 --> 00:09:29,211
I hate it just like you.
I mean, listen to her.
265
00:09:29,244 --> 00:09:31,346
Every effective work-related voicemail
266
00:09:31,380 --> 00:09:32,881
begins with three things...
267
00:09:32,914 --> 00:09:36,851
your full name, your extension,
and a brief ice-breaker
268
00:09:36,884 --> 00:09:38,888
about a relatable topic
like the weather.
269
00:09:38,921 --> 00:09:41,190
What kind of dumb-dumb
leaves a voicemail like that?
270
00:09:46,995 --> 00:09:48,320
I don't know why
271
00:09:48,345 --> 00:09:50,865
that exhibit was recommended
for 16 and up.
272
00:09:50,899 --> 00:09:52,768
I mean, I learned a lot.
273
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,136
What are you doing here?
274
00:09:54,168 --> 00:09:55,937
You're not the Room Parent.
275
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:58,139
I am here as a private citizen.
276
00:09:58,173 --> 00:10:00,576
The fact that we're here
on the same day...
277
00:10:00,609 --> 00:10:01,811
total coincidence.
278
00:10:03,912 --> 00:10:05,281
Is that a new sweatshirt?
279
00:10:06,748 --> 00:10:08,617
What happened to the sweatshirt
you left the house in?
280
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:11,553
It's not really me anymore,
so I donated it.
281
00:10:11,586 --> 00:10:12,955
For tax purposes.
282
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,136
Who's the patsy?
283
00:10:22,659 --> 00:10:24,559
Someone stop that kid!
284
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,901
It's my job,
285
00:10:25,933 --> 00:10:28,102
but I'm too drunk to Room Parent today!
286
00:10:33,942 --> 00:10:35,911
But I left an encouraging note
in that sweatshirt.
287
00:10:35,943 --> 00:10:38,746
Was it different than
the encouraging note in my shoe?
288
00:10:38,779 --> 00:10:40,182
They were similar, but of a piece.
289
00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:49,091
I said, "Someone stop that kid!
290
00:10:49,124 --> 00:10:50,158
It's my job,
291
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,794
but I'm too drunk to Room Parent today!"
292
00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:54,630
Hey, what has gotten into you?
293
00:10:54,663 --> 00:10:56,832
You've been so different ever since
you got back from space camp.
294
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,133
Why is...
295
00:10:58,165 --> 00:10:59,501
Graham so close to that dinosaur?
296
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:00,836
Great question.
297
00:11:02,004 --> 00:11:04,306
Wait, what's "load-bearing"?
298
00:11:04,338 --> 00:11:05,540
Oh, well.
299
00:11:17,919 --> 00:11:20,322
Go! Go, go, go! Get out of here!
300
00:11:20,355 --> 00:11:21,289
Kids, run!
301
00:11:23,692 --> 00:11:25,727
Ange, you know why I'm here.
302
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:26,995
No.
303
00:11:27,029 --> 00:11:28,364
But I'm not questioning it,
304
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,832
like when one roll of toilet paper
305
00:11:29,865 --> 00:11:31,366
says it equals
four rolls of toilet paper.
306
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,568
Like, what am I gonna do?
Unroll it and measure?
307
00:11:33,601 --> 00:11:35,837
Thank you for giving me
the same benefit of the doubt
308
00:11:35,870 --> 00:11:36,971
that you give toilet paper.
309
00:11:37,005 --> 00:11:40,282
But no. I'm here because
I got a voicemail from Miggy.
310
00:11:40,307 --> 00:11:41,744
He's quitting the Winebrary
311
00:11:41,777 --> 00:11:42,993
because he loves working here.
312
00:11:43,018 --> 00:11:44,746
Boing, boing, ding, dong, dooey.
313
00:11:44,779 --> 00:11:46,247
See? I can talk nonsense, too.
314
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,549
Miggy's a creative spirit.
315
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,985
I mean, he needs the flexibility
of the Winebrary
316
00:11:50,018 --> 00:11:51,353
while he follows his dreams,
317
00:11:51,385 --> 00:11:53,988
be it Beach Sneaks or Swimming Jeans
318
00:11:54,022 --> 00:11:56,859
or Scareskunk...
the scarecrow for skunks.
319
00:11:56,891 --> 00:11:58,159
Relax, okay?
320
00:11:58,192 --> 00:12:00,562
I-I promise, Miggy hates it here.
321
00:12:00,596 --> 00:12:02,565
No. Listen to this voicemail.
322
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,699
Hello, this is Miggy LeFassbender Park.
323
00:12:04,732 --> 00:12:06,601
Extension 6921.
324
00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:09,200
Can you believe this humidity? Whew!
325
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:12,541
His full name, extension number,
326
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,053
and a brief ice-breaker
327
00:12:14,078 --> 00:12:15,944
about a relatable topic
like the weather.
328
00:12:15,977 --> 00:12:17,779
Yeah? W-What does that mean?
329
00:12:17,812 --> 00:12:20,415
It means follow me
and pray we're not too late.
330
00:12:21,627 --> 00:12:23,619
Well, I've got bad news for VH1,
331
00:12:23,652 --> 00:12:26,021
'cause there's a new "Best Week Ever."
332
00:12:26,053 --> 00:12:28,524
And it's the one I just had here!
333
00:12:28,557 --> 00:12:30,526
Hey! Hey! Oh!
334
00:12:30,558 --> 00:12:31,559
Give me some!
335
00:12:31,592 --> 00:12:33,461
Give me some!
336
00:12:37,573 --> 00:12:38,974
Hey, it happens.
337
00:12:38,999 --> 00:12:41,536
I fought the bones, and the bones won.
338
00:12:41,836 --> 00:12:44,372
Well, I just spoke
to Principal Biscuits,
339
00:12:44,405 --> 00:12:47,642
and he said that despite
what transpired today,
340
00:12:47,676 --> 00:12:49,578
future accounts...
341
00:12:49,610 --> 00:12:52,380
shall remember Douglas as a hero.
342
00:12:53,782 --> 00:12:55,150
Because people drink,
343
00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:57,385
kids touch things, skeletons fall.
344
00:12:57,418 --> 00:12:59,554
But Douglas kept his cool,
345
00:12:59,587 --> 00:13:02,323
and that... that's what
a real Room Parent does.
346
00:13:02,356 --> 00:13:03,491
No!
347
00:13:03,524 --> 00:13:05,293
What a real Room Parent does
348
00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:07,129
is takes their case straight to the top!
349
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,298
Okay, easy.
These kids are still skittish.
350
00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:11,166
You have to know that your excited voice
351
00:13:11,198 --> 00:13:13,234
sounds exactly like
giant clattering bones.
352
00:13:13,268 --> 00:13:15,638
Straight to the top.
353
00:13:15,671 --> 00:13:19,074
I'm being briefed by the Joint
Line-Leaders in five minutes.
354
00:13:19,106 --> 00:13:21,476
You have four. Make them count.
355
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:22,944
All right, look, Rory, here's the deal...
356
00:13:22,977 --> 00:13:24,779
We need a favor, okay?
357
00:13:24,812 --> 00:13:27,208
Amend Hilltop's charter so that...
358
00:13:27,262 --> 00:13:28,370
I've already done a favor.
359
00:13:28,395 --> 00:13:29,851
Over the summer,
360
00:13:29,884 --> 00:13:31,953
I received a postcard from
a constituent asking me to pass
361
00:13:31,986 --> 00:13:34,589
the Every-Other-Year Room Parent Act.
362
00:13:34,623 --> 00:13:36,959
So, I did. That was the favor.
363
00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:39,494
Who was the constituent?
364
00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,962
I've been sworn to secrecy.
365
00:13:40,995 --> 00:13:44,298
But this is too Shakespearean
to pass up.
366
00:13:44,963 --> 00:13:46,265
Sophie.
367
00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:47,936
Nairobi.
368
00:13:47,968 --> 00:13:50,138
Cooper.
369
00:13:50,172 --> 00:13:53,267
That was a really insensitive
way of delivering that news.
370
00:13:54,723 --> 00:13:56,451
W-Why do you care
if I quit the Winebrary?
371
00:13:56,488 --> 00:13:57,894
Remember all the stuff
you caught me doing
372
00:13:57,919 --> 00:13:59,326
when we were on "Undercover Boss"?
373
00:13:59,366 --> 00:14:01,896
Okay, again, we were never
on "Undercover Boss."
374
00:14:01,943 --> 00:14:03,192
I just wore a hat that day.
375
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:06,252
Poppy, the Winebrary gave me
time to follow my dreams,
376
00:14:06,285 --> 00:14:07,787
but I've found something better...
377
00:14:07,820 --> 00:14:10,089
the joy of mindless busy work.
378
00:14:10,122 --> 00:14:11,658
When I was developing Scareskunk,
379
00:14:11,692 --> 00:14:13,294
there was always more I could be doing.
380
00:14:13,327 --> 00:14:14,862
But now, I leave work at 5:00
381
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:17,164
and don't think about it
until 9:00 the next day.
382
00:14:17,197 --> 00:14:19,229
And I can be 100% present with Jack.
383
00:14:19,254 --> 00:14:21,207
You leave Jack out of this.
What about the small talk?
384
00:14:21,232 --> 00:14:22,636
- Yeah!
- I love it.
385
00:14:22,669 --> 00:14:25,305
The small talk is
the busy work of conversation.
386
00:14:25,338 --> 00:14:26,472
Look, Miggy, this isn't just about
387
00:14:26,506 --> 00:14:28,641
you following your dreams.
388
00:14:28,674 --> 00:14:30,310
I miss you.
389
00:14:30,343 --> 00:14:32,278
You were always there
when I needed to talk.
390
00:14:32,312 --> 00:14:33,647
I'll still be there.
391
00:14:33,679 --> 00:14:35,382
I do live upstairs from you.
392
00:14:36,415 --> 00:14:38,986
True.
393
00:14:39,019 --> 00:14:40,721
Okay.
394
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:42,356
Then you're fired.
395
00:14:42,389 --> 00:14:44,710
Thank you. I'll never forget this.
396
00:14:44,735 --> 00:14:47,538
Must be nice to wrap
everything up in a bow,
397
00:14:47,563 --> 00:14:49,129
but can we get back to my thing now?
398
00:14:49,161 --> 00:14:51,064
Miggy, if you love it here so much,
399
00:14:51,097 --> 00:14:52,466
why did you pretend to hate it?
400
00:14:52,498 --> 00:14:55,301
Because you hated it here.
I'm an empath, girl.
401
00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:57,170
And Poppy told me it's just easier.
402
00:14:58,671 --> 00:15:01,007
Yes, okay.
403
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,011
Sometimes I pretend
to hate the things that you hate
404
00:15:04,044 --> 00:15:05,511
because it's the cost of doing business,
405
00:15:05,544 --> 00:15:07,982
the business here
being staying friends with you.
406
00:15:08,015 --> 00:15:09,984
O-O-Okay.
407
00:15:10,016 --> 00:15:12,573
There's only one way
to save this friendship,
408
00:15:12,598 --> 00:15:14,722
and it's as follows.
409
00:15:14,755 --> 00:15:17,065
Eh... Quittin' time.
410
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:18,491
Let's pick this up first thing Monday.
411
00:15:18,525 --> 00:15:19,860
All right. Bye-bye.
412
00:15:19,892 --> 00:15:23,096
So, it might not have
totally been a coincidence,
413
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:25,499
me being at the museum today.
414
00:15:25,531 --> 00:15:26,432
I'm sorry.
415
00:15:26,466 --> 00:15:27,835
Don't be.
416
00:15:27,867 --> 00:15:29,703
It was good
we had an extra pair of hands
417
00:15:29,736 --> 00:15:31,271
to drag Ms. Pronstroller out
418
00:15:31,304 --> 00:15:33,573
from underneath
the Tyrannosaurus pelvis.
419
00:15:33,607 --> 00:15:36,709
True, but I need
to stop fighting the fact
420
00:15:36,742 --> 00:15:38,044
that you're growing up
421
00:15:38,078 --> 00:15:40,414
and give you
the lowercase space you deserve,
422
00:15:40,447 --> 00:15:43,183
because I know Lance Bass
uppercase Space Camp
423
00:15:43,216 --> 00:15:45,519
made you realize that
having me around all the time
424
00:15:45,552 --> 00:15:46,954
might not be so great.
425
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:48,054
No.
426
00:15:48,088 --> 00:15:51,091
Lance Bass... uppercase Space Camp
427
00:15:51,123 --> 00:15:54,560
made me realize that you
being around all the time is...
428
00:15:54,593 --> 00:15:56,129
too great.
429
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,432
20 seconds to impact.
430
00:15:58,464 --> 00:16:00,867
Still waiting on
your orders, Captain Cooper.
431
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:04,037
Do I deactivate
the atmospheric shield or not?
432
00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:06,306
If you deactivate the shield,
433
00:16:06,339 --> 00:16:08,274
every last molecule of oxygen escapes
434
00:16:08,308 --> 00:16:11,712
and the terra-forming colony will die!
435
00:16:11,745 --> 00:16:14,914
If I don't deactivate it,
you'll incinerate on impact,
436
00:16:14,948 --> 00:16:17,251
sacrificing yourself, your crew,
437
00:16:17,284 --> 00:16:19,953
and your priceless cargo
of frozen seeds.
438
00:16:19,987 --> 00:16:22,423
We gave those terra-formers our word!
439
00:16:22,456 --> 00:16:24,291
They knew what they were signing up for!
440
00:16:24,323 --> 00:16:27,560
If I just had more time!
441
00:16:27,593 --> 00:16:29,496
10 seconds to impact.
442
00:16:29,529 --> 00:16:30,898
There is no more time.
443
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:32,432
This is your mission.
444
00:16:32,466 --> 00:16:33,667
What do you want to do?
445
00:16:35,791 --> 00:16:38,346
_
446
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,978
_
447
00:16:49,116 --> 00:16:52,285
What do you want to do?
448
00:16:53,953 --> 00:16:56,122
I want to call my dad!
449
00:16:58,658 --> 00:17:00,127
Impact achieved.
450
00:17:01,327 --> 00:17:04,464
Simulated fatality rate... 100%.
451
00:17:04,497 --> 00:17:07,133
Simulated victims are as follows...
452
00:17:07,167 --> 00:17:09,503
First Officer Adrita Anderson,
453
00:17:09,535 --> 00:17:12,672
Age 9, Westlake Village, California;
454
00:17:12,706 --> 00:17:16,776
Chaplain Father Albert Andrews,
Age 10, Butte, Montana;
455
00:17:16,810 --> 00:17:19,646
Embedded Journalist Amy Andrews,
456
00:17:19,679 --> 00:17:22,180
Age 8, Hilton Head, South Carolina...
457
00:17:22,211 --> 00:17:23,703
Why couldn't it have been me?
458
00:17:23,782 --> 00:17:25,217
Why?
459
00:17:25,242 --> 00:17:27,787
Those people had families, damn it!
460
00:17:32,592 --> 00:17:33,826
Hey, Soph,
461
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:35,228
unstrap yourself and get down here.
462
00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:37,331
We're gonna be late
for "Cabaret" tryouts.
463
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,403
I should have been there.
464
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:46,006
I could have been there,
by your side, like always.
465
00:17:46,038 --> 00:17:47,573
No, you couldn't have.
466
00:17:47,606 --> 00:17:50,243
It's a child-sized simulator.
467
00:17:50,276 --> 00:17:52,979
And you shouldn't have.
468
00:17:53,013 --> 00:17:54,747
You not being there for once
469
00:17:54,781 --> 00:17:57,251
made me realize
what an amazing dad you are,
470
00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:59,152
and it made me realize
471
00:17:59,186 --> 00:18:00,987
that I can do more on my own.
472
00:18:01,021 --> 00:18:03,357
I liked your first realization better.
473
00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:06,893
I decided then and there,
474
00:18:06,927 --> 00:18:10,664
as those 981 names scrolled by,
475
00:18:10,697 --> 00:18:12,065
that I wasn't gonna let another
476
00:18:12,099 --> 00:18:15,702
single simulated child astronaut
die on my watch,
477
00:18:15,735 --> 00:18:18,539
and that, as much as I loved you
478
00:18:18,572 --> 00:18:21,275
and as much as I missed you,
479
00:18:21,307 --> 00:18:24,944
I was gonna prove to myself
that I didn't need you.
480
00:18:24,977 --> 00:18:27,448
So, for the next 12 weeks...
481
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,182
12 weeks?
482
00:18:29,216 --> 00:18:31,919
There are 12 weeks after
the activity you just described?
483
00:18:31,951 --> 00:18:33,920
That wasn't, like, a final project?
484
00:18:33,954 --> 00:18:37,291
That was orientation.
Lance is all business.
485
00:18:37,323 --> 00:18:39,426
But thanks to his controversial methods,
486
00:18:39,458 --> 00:18:41,762
by the time the summer was almost over,
487
00:18:41,794 --> 00:18:43,796
I had never felt more independent.
488
00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:46,699
And you knew that
once you were back at school,
489
00:18:46,733 --> 00:18:50,737
I'd be there
Room-Parent-ing my butt off.
490
00:18:50,769 --> 00:18:52,472
Message received.
491
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,640
This year, my butt stays on.
492
00:18:54,673 --> 00:18:56,910
Deal?
493
00:18:58,577 --> 00:19:01,781
Now, I want you to tell me all
about this independent summer,
494
00:19:01,814 --> 00:19:03,950
you Outward Bound pamphlet come to life.
495
00:19:03,984 --> 00:19:05,486
I can take it.
496
00:19:05,518 --> 00:19:06,553
You sure?
497
00:19:06,585 --> 00:19:07,487
Bring it.
498
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,590
I did Sprite.
499
00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:13,326
That's independent.
500
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,295
Then traded my night-light
for lip gloss.
501
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:18,265
So independent.
502
00:19:18,297 --> 00:19:20,870
Which led to me tinkering
with my bedtime...
503
00:19:20,895 --> 00:19:22,602
So, then how did your body
find a rhythm? I'm sorry.
504
00:19:22,635 --> 00:19:24,103
That's all I can take right now.
I'll show myself out.
505
00:19:24,137 --> 00:19:26,106
I'm sorry I made you feel like
506
00:19:26,139 --> 00:19:28,004
you had to hate things
just because I do.
507
00:19:28,051 --> 00:19:29,176
Th-That's unfair.
508
00:19:29,208 --> 00:19:30,410
People should experience the joy
509
00:19:30,442 --> 00:19:32,112
of getting to negativity on their own,
510
00:19:32,144 --> 00:19:34,314
and if they never get there, great.
511
00:19:34,346 --> 00:19:36,616
And if Miggy loves temping,
good for him.
512
00:19:36,650 --> 00:19:38,752
Yeah, I've never seen him happier.
513
00:19:39,785 --> 00:19:41,755
He's here with your entire office.
514
00:19:41,787 --> 00:19:44,157
I'm coming down there, right now,
515
00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:47,180
and I'm going to be positive.
516
00:19:47,205 --> 00:19:48,561
It's been a while, though.
517
00:19:48,594 --> 00:19:49,929
Do people still say, "Boffo"?
518
00:19:49,962 --> 00:19:53,199
Okay, do not come to my place
of business and say, "Boffo."
519
00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:55,702
And I am at least going to
entertain the possibility
520
00:19:55,735 --> 00:19:57,603
of a positive outcome with Derek,
521
00:19:57,637 --> 00:19:59,339
which means letting him go.
522
00:19:59,371 --> 00:20:01,440
If you can do it with Miggy,
I can do it with Derek.
523
00:20:01,474 --> 00:20:03,277
I mean, it's not the same thing,
but what the hell.
524
00:20:03,310 --> 00:20:04,778
See you soon.
525
00:20:10,683 --> 00:20:12,733
"Need to discuss non-age-appropriate
526
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:14,735
mass-casualty flight simulation game
527
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,499
we paid good money for ASAP."
528
00:20:17,524 --> 00:20:18,558
Will.
529
00:20:23,321 --> 00:20:25,962
First of all, rock-solid e-mail.
530
00:20:26,042 --> 00:20:27,228
Derek.
531
00:20:29,726 --> 00:20:31,592
And then Graham was all,
532
00:20:31,655 --> 00:20:33,421
"Rib! Rib! Vertebrae!"
533
00:20:33,446 --> 00:20:35,304
What an amateur.
534
00:20:35,329 --> 00:20:37,464
Act like you've been there before, dude.
535
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,062
So...
536
00:20:42,094 --> 00:20:44,630
we've been thinking about this a lot.
537
00:20:44,664 --> 00:20:45,866
And as much as we like
538
00:20:45,898 --> 00:20:48,302
making fun of everybody for you...
539
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:51,370
It's more fun making fun
of everybody with you.
540
00:20:51,404 --> 00:20:54,408
So...
541
00:20:55,708 --> 00:20:57,710
How did you get this?
542
00:20:57,744 --> 00:20:59,379
- Don't ask.
- Don't ask.
543
00:20:59,411 --> 00:21:01,981
Oh, boy.
544
00:21:02,014 --> 00:21:04,017
Okay, back to the kids' table.
545
00:21:20,258 --> 00:21:25,258
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com