1 00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:03,700 You know, I'm just gonna say it. 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,407 The new art teacher is a hottie. 3 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:08,209 Normally, I would never objectify a teacher, 4 00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:09,482 but...damn. 5 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,150 Oh, man. That rack really defies gravity. 6 00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,980 Whose rack defies gravity? 7 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,054 Hey, Graham, look over there! 8 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:17,153 You know, the key to uncomfortable questions 9 00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,315 is distraction. 10 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,917 That child screaming is just a happy coincidence. 11 00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:23,585 Oh, my God. She's gonna fall! 12 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,066 It's gonna be okay. 13 00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,778 Ow! 14 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,179 A bee stung me! 15 00:00:48,316 --> 00:00:49,676 It's gonna be okay. 16 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,087 Thank y-- 17 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,625 It's gonna be...okay. 18 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:06,766 Please. 19 00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,009 Thanks. 20 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:13,943 Oh, my God. 21 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,044 That was amazing. 22 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,035 What just happened? 23 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,246 Will is the new hot person. 24 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:21,249 -- Captions by VITA -- 25 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,824 Thank goodness I've done all those laundry squats. 26 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,293 You know? 27 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,622 I know I'm supposed to be at the office by now, 28 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,958 but I just can't take my eyes off of this. 29 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,433 Look at 'em swarm, Miggy. 30 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:37,132 Like wasps on a soda can. 31 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,795 Man, is it me, or am I getting more attention than usual? 32 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,303 You've got the glow. 33 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,895 Your little show of lifesaving heroics 34 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,607 has wrapped you in a cloak of sexual irresistibility. 35 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,080 Mm. That'll make for a nice change of pace. 36 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,109 Wait. Does this mean you'll finally watch sports with me? 37 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,345 O-Okay, look. Pump the brakes. Okay. 38 00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:56,281 The glow is powerful, yet fleeting. 39 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,117 When it's gone, it's gone. 40 00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,552 Damn, Douglas, how you know so much about sex cloaks? 41 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,692 It was Labor Day, 1984. 42 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,800 I had just bought an outfit off the mannequin at Penney's. 43 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:11,969 Jeans so white, you'd go blind just looking at them. 44 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,469 And, boy, did they fit. 45 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:15,672 Everyone wanted a piece. 46 00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,343 I thought I would glow forever, 47 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:21,011 but by the next day, it was gone. 48 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,141 Wait. I only get a day with my sex cloak? 49 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,647 That's shorter than a tuxedo rental. 50 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:25,808 Douglas, what do I do? 51 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:26,976 Okay, look. We'll hit the club. 52 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,124 Don't worry about it, kid. 53 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,948 I'm not gonna let you squander your glow. 54 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,793 But you're gonna have to lose the fanny pack. 55 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,794 I wish I could stay and watch "The Bachelor" with you. 56 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,134 I've been meaning to ask you one question, though. Hmm? 57 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,489 What's a virgin? 58 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,025 So, Louisa's party's gonna be fun, huh? 59 00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:45,304 If you call playing marbles 60 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,133 'cause they don't have cable "fun." 61 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:51,966 Ah. Just a strong woman buying herself roses. 62 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,735 And this is why I tell you to just honk. 63 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:54,984 Ror, get your stuff. 64 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,648 Your mailman left this box in the flower bed. 65 00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,348 You might want to think about tipping him at Christmas. 66 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:01,651 Please. I'll start tipping him 67 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,222 when he stops saying he has a "big package" for me. 68 00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:06,252 All right, drunk 2:00 AM Poppy, 69 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,417 what'd you buy online for me now? 70 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,886 Hmm. 71 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,093 Wow. 72 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,364 "Smash Me." 73 00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:13,593 Don't do it. Oh, I'm doing it. 74 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,725 Oh! 75 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:17,063 What is that? 76 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,927 What's in here? 77 00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:23,169 Ron. 78 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,743 An invitation to your ex-husband's wedding. 79 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,443 Probably wanting me to...say something 80 00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:30,576 to help you express your feelings. 81 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,551 Onwards and upwards. 82 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:33,610 Huh? 83 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,177 Harness your womanhood. 84 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,816 Yas, queen! 85 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,386 Okay, well -- There, there, there. 86 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,561 As much as this is not working, you're off the hook. 87 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,890 I already know you have plans to parade "Hot Will" around town 88 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,655 like a piece of meat, so... 89 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,496 You want me to stay? 90 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,130 All right, ready! 91 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,296 Ready? 92 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,395 Ready for some sleepover action? 93 00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,567 Honey, I bring the action 94 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,805 everywhere I go. 95 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,439 Love you. Love you. 96 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,114 Keep marchin', Penguin! 97 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,282 Why do I keep doing that? 98 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,151 I don't know. But I'm gonna be fine. 99 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,152 Ang, Poppy. 100 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,786 I need you to come over ASAP. 101 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,092 We're having a "Bachelor" night. 102 00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:17,123 Dress code -- formal. 103 00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,327 Attitude -- full bitch mode! 104 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,490 Later, Pops! 105 00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,299 The sleepover's canceled. 106 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,304 Louisa's been taken by the fever. 107 00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:30,666 Father...bring me my ice bucket. 108 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:31,774 Right away, Louisa. 109 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,775 I just need to get these children home. 110 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:35,938 Don't worry about us. 111 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,746 We've got a phone. We'll call our dad. 112 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,578 Sincerest thanks. 113 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,253 Please pray for our sweet Louisa. 114 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,151 Her fever's broken 100. 115 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,588 So, where are we going? 116 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,960 You said you were gonna call Douglas. 117 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,989 Come on. Where's the craziest place we can go right now? 118 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,157 I got it! 119 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,156 School?! 120 00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:58,997 You wanted to go to school? 121 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,542 This is what we get for letting the nerd decide. 122 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:11,178 Douglas: Feel that, Will? All eyes are on you. 123 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,011 They are? What about my butt? Are they looking at my butt? 124 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,846 Oh, they're looking at everything. 125 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,992 Go ahead. Let them taste the pheromones. 126 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,488 Yo, when you said, "Let's hit the club," 127 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,290 I thought you meant "da club." 128 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,961 Here's the plan. You're gonna walk the room, 129 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,290 you're gonna get the numbers, 130 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,834 and Miggy and I, we're gonna surf your wake. 131 00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:32,127 Okay, I opened a third bottle of wine, 132 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,495 and we are still wearing our bras, 133 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,174 which means that we're quite tame 134 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,142 considering it's "Bachelor" night. 135 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,570 Look at all these hot people, 136 00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:42,806 you know, just falling in love in their crocheted bikinis, 137 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,343 diving off cliffs, 138 00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:46,908 which -- FYI -- is about them taking an emotional leap. 139 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,477 Okay, I feel like you're going through something here. 140 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,517 The man sent me a wedding invitation 141 00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,192 that looks like a Las Vegas production! 142 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,190 Of course I am! 143 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,521 Let it out. I'm here. 144 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:59,727 It just hit me harder than I thought it would, you know? 145 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,260 I mean, I don't want to be married to the man. Mnh-mnh. 146 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,764 He went to that Fyre Festival 147 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:03,926 and came home with no complaints. 148 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,504 Why does he get to be happy? 149 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,503 No one is supposed to be happy! 150 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,435 That is the deal we all make as a society. 151 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,410 Well, you're happy. You have a good guy. 152 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,269 I know. Owen's great. 153 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,076 Yeah, he left a wallet full of cash at my place, 154 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,508 and when he came back to pick it up, 155 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,614 he didn't even check to see if anything was missing. 156 00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,276 Which is good 'cause I took 20 bucks. 157 00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,623 What?! That is so sweet. 158 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:25,920 Things are good with Owen now, but that doesn't mean anything. 159 00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,393 Things were great with Graham's dad in the beginning. 160 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,462 No, you said he was human trash. 161 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,891 Yeah, no. He didn't start out that way. 162 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:32,955 They never do. 163 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,633 That's how they get ya. 164 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,102 There is no happy ending. 165 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,099 You either break up or watch them die. 166 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,371 Or -- Or you die, 167 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,440 and then the last thought that you have 168 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,270 before you go off into the light is, 169 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,114 "Great, now I made a hot widow 170 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,779 to tramp around the nursing home!" 171 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,938 And you know what else is straight-up baloney?! 172 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,407 Girl, don't make me beg. 173 00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,105 We only get disappointed 174 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,916 because we're fed all this BS about romance! 175 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:56,749 Mm-hmm. 176 00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,754 By like, the media. Yes. 177 00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,786 And storybooks! Ugh! 178 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,821 And the supportive messages on Dove wrappers! So stupid! 179 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,327 Someone's gotta tell these ladies 180 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,958 that they're getting all gussied up for nothing. 181 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,964 For a lie! Yeah. Yeah, you're right! 182 00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:10,126 You know what? 183 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,133 We owe it to these "Bachelor" ladies to tell them 184 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,136 that their blowouts won't save 'em! 185 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,238 They are group-dating straight to hell! 186 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,110 And you know what else? This Bachelor Mansion, 187 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,139 it's not some -- some faraway castle. 188 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,014 It's just a house in Agoura Hills 189 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,913 that's like an hour away from here! 190 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,505 Yeah! 191 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:29,317 Oh. Angie D'Amato. 192 00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,989 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 193 00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:34,891 Shave Will's beard. 194 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,019 The Bachelor Mansion. 195 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,010 This is crazy! 196 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:01,946 We are at the Bachelor Mansion! 197 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,022 Yes! 198 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,820 And the driveway's wet, like it always is! 199 00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:06,622 No, no, no! 200 00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,494 Ohh! I wanted to get out of that car, like, five more times. 201 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,533 I was gonna have you shoot a close-up of my foot. 202 00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:12,659 Yeah. 203 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:14,831 Girl. 204 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:18,372 Giiirrrl! Giiirrrl! 205 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:21,368 Okay, we're going in. Yes! 206 00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:25,571 Super quiet. 207 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,676 There's...no one...here. 208 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:31,978 There's not a Becca or Lauren or Jennifer H. in sight. 209 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,082 Wait! 210 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,383 Oh, my God. 211 00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,524 They're not filming "The Bachelor" right now, are they? 212 00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,820 They must have stopped shooting months ago. 213 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,892 I just realized we don't know how TV works. 214 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,561 My phone's dead. 215 00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:43,590 Damn it. Mine too. 216 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,234 I told Rory to stop wasting my battery 217 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,428 with his competitive dog-grooming videos. 218 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,700 So this is how it ends. 219 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,260 We die at the Bachelor Mansion. 220 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,272 Hello? Who's there? 221 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:57,171 Chris...Harrison? 222 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,514 Hello, m'lord. 223 00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,938 Ladies, I don't mean to interrupt, 224 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,943 but my ears are highly sensitive to the sound of female voices. 225 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,252 Would you ladies like to come in? 226 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,945 Are you asking if... 227 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:13,323 we would accept this invitation to the Bachelor Mansion? 228 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,094 Sorry. I just... 229 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,633 Y-You know. 230 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,428 It's fine. It would be weird if you didn't do a rose thing. 231 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,100 Come on in. Come on. 232 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,599 Uhhhhh... 233 00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:26,925 You know, when I woke up this morning, 234 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,537 I didn't think I was gonna save a girl's life three times. 235 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,069 But fate had other ideas. 236 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,605 Douglas: I was standing next to him, 237 00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:36,111 and I could feel him drawing strength from me. 238 00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,883 By the way, I know Dennis Franz. 239 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,281 Hey. I'm Bobbi -- with an "i." 240 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,953 I'm Miggy -- with a "y." 241 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,322 You're funny. 242 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,620 You're hysterical. 243 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,292 Oh. Okay. 244 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,759 I'm afraid we're out of time, ladies. 245 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,818 I guess we'll see you on the fairway. 246 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,487 Miggy, quickly. Nice to meet you. 247 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:54,334 I got five numbers and one fax. Wow. 248 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,731 How you doing, gorgeous? 249 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,673 Well, I'm new to being hot, so I'm no expert, but, uh, 250 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,799 is it normal to feel both flattered and tired 251 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,935 and like your soul is caving in on itself? 252 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,771 That's 'cause you're cooking with gas! 253 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,106 Hey, guys, guys. What do you think about Bobbi with an "i"? 254 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,941 Oh, please. That was forever ago. 255 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,807 She's probably dead by now. Onward. 256 00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,275 Oh, hey! It's my boss! 257 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,823 I'm just gonna run and say hi. 258 00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,778 No, no, no! You don't waste your glow on your boss. 259 00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,747 It's like those actors who take their moms to the Oscars. 260 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:20,787 Yeah, I love that, too. 261 00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,361 Wait, wait. Wait. 262 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,287 Hello. 263 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,125 I know Dennis Franz. 264 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,660 Tracy. Oh, my God. 265 00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,666 I am so happy to see you -- a friendly face. 266 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,099 Will? What are you doing here? 267 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,473 Oh -- Wait. 268 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,971 Are you wearing wardrobe? 269 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,503 Did you clear that with Deborah? 270 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:40,037 No, these are my clothes. 271 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,113 Oh. Okay. 272 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,841 Do you mind if I sit? Sure. 273 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,136 I'm waiting for someone, 274 00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,877 Sure. but you can... keep me company. 275 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,953 Whatcha reading? Probably something smart, ya big nerd. 276 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,121 Um... 277 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,319 N.W.A.'s cookbook. 278 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,948 "Straight Outta Chompton." I know. 279 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,616 You can make fun of me. It's fine. No, no, no, no. 280 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,315 I'm not gonna make fun of you. Let's see what we got here. 281 00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,187 N.W.A. nachos. 282 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,786 Nachos with avocado. 283 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,898 Healthy option -- great. 284 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,828 Do you live here? 285 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:10,367 No, but sometimes I get homesick and spend the night. 286 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,313 You know, do cannonballs in the pool, 287 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,969 roll around in the rose petals -- 288 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,337 do all the things I'm "discouraged" from doing 289 00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,406 during the show. 290 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,084 Pfft. Bad. 291 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,582 But enough about me. 292 00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,253 Anyone have questions about the show 293 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,882 or...your love life? 294 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,317 Hell yeah. 295 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,052 One-on-one me, Chris. 296 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,157 Why are we at the school at nighttime?! 297 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,359 This is when the Mop Man comes! 298 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,391 Who's the Mop Man? 299 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,555 Janitor Henderson Sr. 300 00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:36,604 He died in a freak boiler accident. 301 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,099 Now he haunts the school, 302 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:41,001 looking for children to kill and turn into mops! 303 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,344 We should go block the door. 304 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:46,939 Aah! Daaah! 305 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,444 I never heard of the Mop Man, 306 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:51,005 and I edit Hilltop's paranormal newsletter. 307 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,254 Please. I made him up to scare Graham. 308 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,050 Guys, help me! Come on! 309 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:58,453 Deep down, I think he enjoys the thrill. 310 00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,345 Great. D'Amato's having a meltdown. 311 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,387 Is this what you imagined, Sophie? 312 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,928 And I see her dangling there, so I called out, "Look! 313 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,601 That little girl's about to fall!" 314 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,600 Some people are calling me the "Look Guy." 315 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:15,302 When's the, uh... cute one coming back? 316 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,811 This is a disaster. 317 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,410 We're sinking faster than the RMS Lusitania. 318 00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,783 Oh, I don't know. 319 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:27,612 I think I'm getting vibes from Bobbi the golf lady. 320 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,947 Oh, boy. 321 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,282 Maybe she'll do that thing where she puts her arms around me 322 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,118 and teaches me how to swing a golf club. 323 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,453 You know, like in "Tin Cup." 324 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,117 Have you even seen "Tin Cup"? 325 00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,786 Nah, dawg. I read the synopsis. 326 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,555 What the hell's taking Will so long? 327 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,802 Come on -- a whole-station karaoke night? 328 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:43,129 We gotta put it on the books. 329 00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,333 No, we tried it once. 330 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,134 Guy McCormick got so drunk... Of course. 331 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,796 ...he stole all the mics... 332 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:50,595 ...and he treated us to a four-hour concert. 333 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:51,937 You know, that sounds terrible, 334 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,272 but I'm also sorta sad I missed it. 335 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,835 Mm. 336 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:58,951 Oh. 337 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,179 He's not coming. 338 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,183 Shocker. 339 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,284 Who's that? 340 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,015 Travis, my...boyfriend... 341 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,122 kind of. 342 00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,623 We're always stopping and starting. 343 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:11,524 It's -- It's kind of like when you're on a Ferris wheel 344 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,358 and it breaks down at the top 345 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,803 and...all you can do is kick and scream -- 346 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,170 "Help! I don't want to die here!" 347 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,929 Yeah, I sort of feel like all of my relationships 348 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,498 have been assembled by carnies, so I get it. 349 00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,842 Do you want to get food? 350 00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:27,984 Really? 351 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,638 You'd...want to do that? 352 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,436 I do -- if you do. Yeah. 353 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,978 I mean, anything has got to better than the KZOP Café. 354 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,954 That's what I call the vending machines at work. 355 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,816 Okay, Will, we need your glow! 356 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,852 What? 357 00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:40,987 It's nothing. It's just -- 358 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:43,491 Well, he's wearing a sex cloak right now, 359 00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,463 and we're here to meet women -- as many as possible. 360 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,292 It's a real buffet going on. 361 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,857 Oh. Well... 362 00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,296 I wouldn't be able to sleep at night, 363 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,631 uh, knowing I stood in the way of you meeting 364 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,836 "as many women as possible," so... No. No, Tracy. 365 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,299 I-It's not as creepy as it sounds! 366 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,637 We've lost some time, 367 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,171 but a hot baby shower is setting up at the raw bar. 368 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:02,338 What the hell, man?! 369 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,505 Tracy and I were having a real connection. 370 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:05,914 You asked me to help you. 371 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,146 You want to waste your window, be my guest. 372 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,351 Tracy is not a waste of anything. 373 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,053 Maybe she's exactly what I want -- 374 00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,415 one person who I actually like 375 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,694 and...who likes me, too. 376 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:17,763 I mean, Miggy gets it. 377 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,360 He's on my guest pass. I can't be an accessory to this. 378 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,695 Douglas, maybe... 379 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,700 you shouldn't be trying to meet a ton of women, 380 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,442 and instead, invest your time into meeting one person 381 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:29,938 who thinks that you glow no matter what. 382 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,040 That way, the glow never ends. 383 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,942 Now I'm gonna go after Tracy. 384 00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,544 And maybe you should think about 385 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,945 who you should be going after. 386 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,279 Owen is great, but when is it gonna blow up in my face? 387 00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,917 Because it always does, Chris. 388 00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,693 Men are trash! 389 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,020 No offense. It's fine. 390 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,416 A lot of us are. 391 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:51,617 Juan Pablo. 392 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,858 What -- What am I gonna do? 393 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,533 Look, every woman who's come to this mansion 394 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,902 has been hurt before. 395 00:14:56,930 --> 00:15:00,300 But they come here with no less than 15 formal dresses 396 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:03,443 and occasionally a freakish costume for night 1, 397 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,610 ready to put themselves out there again. 398 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,468 I know that's what you're scared of the most, Angie. 399 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,437 But you've done it before. 400 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:10,936 Graham's dad. 401 00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,978 Don't forget the twins' karate instructor. 402 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,053 Ohh. Master Gary. 403 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,082 The things we did in that dojo. 404 00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,287 Love is out there. 405 00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,789 You gotta let it in. 406 00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,460 Damn, Chris. 407 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,719 Okay, now, I have some questions about the fantasy suites -- Right. 408 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,787 'Scuse. Coming through. Choo-choo! Hi! Oh. Hi. 409 00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,726 Do you mind if I borrow him for a minute? I was still talking to -- 410 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,501 It's gonna be real quick. Thanks so much. 411 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:33,000 And, uh, scoochy-scoochy. 412 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:33,803 Here. 413 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:34,933 Ah. Thanks, Chris. 414 00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,768 So, back to Ron. Yeah. 415 00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,774 You know, I feel like I've done so much work on myself, 416 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,406 and now he's the one who gets to live happily ever after? 417 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,442 You're not jealous of Ron. 418 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,777 What's really going on here? Be honest. 419 00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,453 Okay. 420 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,751 I guess I'm scared... 421 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,293 that... 422 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:53,919 it'll never happen for me. 423 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,590 Poppy... 424 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,255 ...I've watched 23 seasons -- 425 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,463 group dates, one-on-ones, 426 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,655 about 150 helicopter rides. 427 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:06,427 Ooh, totally gonna do that. 428 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,366 Yeah, they don't love it when you take the helicopter out. 429 00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,642 Learned that the hard way. 430 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,310 Point is, there's someone out there for you. 431 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,280 He might be closer than you think. 432 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,808 Maybe... right in front of you. 433 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,854 Ooh, Chris Harrison! 434 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,520 I'm feeling a connection. 435 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,219 It's not me, Poppy. Got it. 436 00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,691 But falling for me is an incredibly common occurrence. 437 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,119 Ladies, I am so sorry. I got to go. 438 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,386 No! Yeah. 439 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,633 Doctor says I can't soak more than nine hours a day. 440 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:33,859 I've reached my limit. 441 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,063 I'll see you in a bit. 442 00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,055 Okay. 443 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:39,726 Is it just me, or do you feel better? 444 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,126 About, like, everything? 445 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,798 I do. I mean, I don't know what it is. 446 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,665 If it's the champagne or the mansion talking -- 447 00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:46,244 Hell, part of me feels like we're in 448 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,913 a "Bachelor"-fueled hallucination. 449 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,640 I wonder that every...day. 450 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,407 Phones are charged. There you go. Oh! Yes! 451 00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,405 I updated all your apps, as well. 452 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,917 Thanks. 453 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,078 You know what? 454 00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,817 Whatever it is, I'm just glad 455 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,121 that there might be someone out there for me. 456 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:07,559 Hey, Ron. it's me. 457 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,504 I'm calling to RSVP to your wedding. 458 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,499 I'm coming. 459 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,600 But clear some space, 460 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:12,871 because I'm definitely bringing a plus-one. 461 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,069 I don't know who it is. 462 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,441 10% chance it might be Chris Harrison. What?! 463 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,739 But whoever it is, I'll definitely find love 464 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,071 before your wedding rolls around. 465 00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:21,607 M'kay. Bye. 466 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,584 Okay, is that a bikini bottom floating in the Jacuzzi?! 467 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:29,454 Let's get out of here. Ew! Out. 468 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,620 Hi. Will. 469 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:33,922 I-I know it's weird I'm at your house, 470 00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:36,463 but I-I was trying to text you to explain about tonight, 471 00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,089 and then you weren't responding, 472 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,485 and I realized why. 473 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,400 Oh, God! Get it together, Freeze! 474 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,699 Listen, I think... you got the wrong idea 475 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:45,771 about me tonight, 476 00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,528 because I wasn't there to mee-- 477 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,697 Hi! A man! 478 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,435 Tracy, there's a man in your house. 479 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,770 Travis, this is... my coworker Will. 480 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,044 Oh, hey. How's it going? How are you? 481 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,613 He was nice enough to rescue my phone from the club. 482 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:56,712 Oh. Thanks, man. Cool. 483 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,783 Oh, I'm no hero. 484 00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,580 I'm just a guy who saw a phone, picked it up, 485 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:00,882 and brought it back to its owner. 486 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,153 It's what anyone would have done. 487 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,022 Oh, cool, man. Thanks. You got it. 488 00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,294 It's hard to get off the Ferris wheel. 489 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,462 Yeah, it's why I normally stay on the ground, 490 00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,631 eating funnel cake. 491 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,171 You know, the last time I wore one of these, 492 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,974 I was getting fired from a KFC. 493 00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,405 Shh. 494 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,840 Turn that ass around. 495 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,112 "Tin Cup"! It's happening! 496 00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:37,948 * Hu-uh huh 497 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,531 * Hu-uh huh 498 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,473 The band's back together. 499 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:58,869 * I know this much is true 500 00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:02,035 * Huh huh huh hu-uh huh No. Stupid. 501 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:08,014 * I know this much is 502 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,477 * True 503 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,961 * This much is true 504 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,229 * This much is true 505 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,360 P-P-Poppy? Y-You're up? 506 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,195 It's so late. 507 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,631 Hey. Yeah. 508 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,495 Um...somehow, I thought you'd be up. 509 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,737 What are you doing? 510 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,305 They were right. I am a nerd. 511 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,975 Doesn't matter anyway. 512 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,382 The Mop Man's gonna murder all of us by sunrise. 513 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,045 Graham, the Mop Man isn't real. 514 00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,254 Rory made it up. 515 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:47,146 What?! 516 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,418 He got me again. 517 00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:52,857 Got to give it to him -- the guy's creative. 518 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,032 Well... 519 00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:56,760 I know how to get back at Rory. 520 00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,244 God! Where is the Uber?! 521 00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:08,844 I have to get home and pee. 522 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,435 There's no working plumbing in that mansion -- 523 00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:11,937 but a curling iron in every room. 524 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,448 Yeah, I didn't call one. 525 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,680 I called someone else. 526 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,554 Douglas? 527 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,093 It hurts! 528 00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,034 What the hell is he wearing? 529 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,031 I don't know. 530 00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:32,597 God. I can't hold it anymore. 531 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,932 I'm just gonna pee in the fountain. 532 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,466 There's no way I'm the first person to pee in that thing. 533 00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,035 I like your outfit. 534 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:40,872 Thank you. 535 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,820 Wait!! 536 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,349 Don't leave me here! 537 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,316 Graham: iVámonos, muchachos! 538 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,085 My mom said she'd pick us up right at 10:00. 539 00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:58,933 Relax. This is Angie we're talking about. 540 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,858 The woman's always late. She's on Hawaiian time. 541 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:07,926 Why are you guys out of breath? 542 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,237 Why are you in a gown? 543 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,598 Just get in the van, Rory. 544 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,268 So, how was Louisa's? 545 00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:14,406 Sophie: Fun. Really? 546 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,181 She kinda creeps me out.