1 00:00:01,131 --> 00:00:04,531 It is time for the Eighth Annual 2 00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:07,399 Sophie Nairobi Cooper Explosion of Riddles 3 00:00:07,442 --> 00:00:09,492 Birthday Scavenger Hunt! 4 00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:13,541 ♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪ 5 00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:16,839 Did you just double-blindfold me 6 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,406 to walk me from my room to here? 7 00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:19,933 Correct. 8 00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:21,716 I already told you what I wanted for my birthday this year. 9 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,460 Wrong. You're not getting your ears pierced 10 00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:24,631 until you're 11. 11 00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:25,896 If I can't get my ears pierced, 12 00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:27,328 I'd love a non-babyish birthday... 13 00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:28,715 Mm-hmm. 14 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:30,937 ...like maybe an intimate luncheon with friends, 15 00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:34,077 like Sir Bridger and Lady Agnes' Boxing Day party. 16 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,081 I've been trying to get through this Sir Bridgerseries 17 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,473 for, like, months now, 'cause there's 40 seasons, 18 00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:40,206 and every season is three episodes, 19 00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,557 and every episode's four hours long. 20 00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:44,566 And the only way to see it is to donate $300 to PBS. 21 00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:45,959 Well, I promise you will get 22 00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:48,092 the old British lady birthday party of your dreams 23 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:50,565 after you solve...this clue. 24 00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:54,320 "It's your birthday and the fun won't stop. 25 00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:57,268 To get the next clue, you must...pop!" 26 00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,322 Oooh! 27 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,237 Diversion, or a clue? 28 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,242 Uh, not part of the hunt. 29 00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:12,247 -Mom?! -Happy birthday, baby! 30 00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:16,339 Best scavenger hunt ever! 31 00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:18,170 Not part of the hunt. 32 00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:26,352 She's here. 33 00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:28,520 She's here! She's here! She's here! 34 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:31,346 Is that -- Oh, my God. It's happening. 35 00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:32,565 We're meeting Will's ex-wife. 36 00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:33,704 -Oh, my God. -Impressive. 37 00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:35,175 POPPY: It's Big Ol' Sophie! 38 00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:36,745 Do I call her "Mrs. Cooper" or "Mom"? 39 00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:40,362 Hey, guys, this is my -- this -- Sophie'smom, Mia. 40 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:43,154 Hello. It's so wonderful to meet all of you. 41 00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,710 I've heard so much about you from Sophie. 42 00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:49,367 You must be Douglas. What a wonderful face. 43 00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:52,163 And Miggy -- so wise beneath that hat. 44 00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,769 Poppy, I feel very close to you. 45 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,200 -Oh. -And, Angie, wow, 46 00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:58,417 I pictured you taller, 47 00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:01,026 but, you know, I feel so connected to all of you, 48 00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:03,377 and I hope that you'll feel connected to me, too. 49 00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:05,817 This world can be such a hard place, 50 00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:07,824 which is why it's so important 51 00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:11,826 that we seek out love and hold onto it when we find it. 52 00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:14,220 Don't you think? 53 00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:16,224 Oh. Wow. 54 00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:17,396 Never leave us. 55 00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:20,398 WILL: You know, this has been fun, but you should probably 56 00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:22,194 get into Sophie's classroom before she -- Okay. 57 00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:23,579 Oh, you know what? I have gifts for all of you. 58 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:27,411 After I won a case restricting slash-and-burn agriculture 59 00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:30,671 in Ghana, I was thanked with these sculptures. 60 00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,365 I started thinking of these little guys 61 00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:33,593 -as my companions. -Aww. 62 00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:38,251 I now give my old friends to my new friends. 63 00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:40,198 -I feel like I'm crying. -Get a hold of yourself. 64 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,207 You know, I should go check out Sophie's classroom. 65 00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:43,469 I just said that. 66 00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:45,341 It'll be so nice to see one 67 00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:46,692 that I didn't have to build by hand. 68 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:48,911 -It's a good classroom. 69 00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:51,391 You'll enjoy it. Sophie will love having you in there. 70 00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,612 Okay, so your ex-wife is, like, a really good person. 71 00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,311 -Yeah, she's incredible. -She's better than Ariana Grande. 72 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,790 -Solid seven. -I know. She's unbelievable. 73 00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:00,270 -And she's driving me crazy. -POPPY: Oof. 74 00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:01,570 Co-parenting. 75 00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:04,006 Two people trying to walk the same dog with one leash. 76 00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:06,273 And I'm sorry for calling your daughter a dog in that metaphor, 77 00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:08,056 -but you get it. -I forgive you. 78 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,580 You know what you need? Girls' night at Angie's. Right, Poppy? 79 00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:10,584 -Oh, yeah. 80 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:11,925 When I was in the thick of it with Ron, 81 00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,284 Angie threw a girls' night that saved my life. 82 00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:14,723 -WILL: Aww. -You know, I'm always curious to know 83 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,719 what goes on during these "girls' nights." 84 00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:18,941 What do you do, like, eat yogurt and tickle each other? 85 00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:21,071 -Mm-hmm, yeah, that's exactlywhat we do. -ANGIE: Yeah. That's right. 86 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,383 MIGGY: Come on, man. 87 00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,459 So, your mom's in town? 88 00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:25,377 -How are you holding up? -Great. 89 00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,122 -I love when she's here. -Okay. 90 00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:29,083 Well, if you need any advice about how to handle 91 00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:31,251 the two-parent struggle, let me know. 92 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,128 I get so full from back-to-back Thanksgivings 93 00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:34,949 that I've been driven to drawstring pants. 94 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:37,387 It's not like I want my parents to get back together or anything. 95 00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:40,524 I don't even have any memories of them being together. 96 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,698 For real? Not even one? 97 00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:46,274 Actually, I remember once when we went to a pizza place 98 00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:49,973 and we some took photos in one of those old-timey photo booths. 99 00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,322 It was so fun. 100 00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:54,711 Did you know that photos could be on paper? 101 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:56,976 -What? -It's insane. 102 00:03:58,107 --> 00:03:59,057 Dropping off. 103 00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:00,408 Emma and Amy are in your front yard 104 00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:01,977 throwing rocks at each other. 105 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,334 Have a nice time. 106 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,423 Wait a second. 107 00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:05,901 Is this what I think it is? 108 00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:07,901 Yep, I'm giving away my stuff. 109 00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:11,083 Yeah. Sophie's mom did a real number on him. 110 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,380 MIGGY: She's doing so much for the world. 111 00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,946 And what am I doing? 112 00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,952 Actually, I did make a sequel to my music video 113 00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,304 and it came out pretty dope. 114 00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:21,174 Mystery Señorita: Sexy Christmas. 115 00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,697 I held a boom for nine hours. 116 00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:25,350 Listen. I have a policy that's served me well -- 117 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,525 never give away anything unless you're getting something back. 118 00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:31,312 The only reason I clothe and feed Emma and Amy 119 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:34,318 is so they'll put me in a home with a decent pool. 120 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,321 The man didn't get where he is by giving bad advice. 121 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:37,323 Word. 122 00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:39,194 Nobody likes a kiss ass. 123 00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:40,535 Not in the head, Amy! 124 00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,544 -I still can't shake this feeling, G. 125 00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:46,326 -I have more stuff than I need. -Yeah. You're just one guy. 126 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,683 And that's a buttload of orange soda. 127 00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:51,383 You're right. The soda goes in the box! 128 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:58,335 Dude, that felt good. Try it. 129 00:04:58,385 --> 00:04:59,685 Okay, pencil case. 130 00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,134 Our time together has come to an end. 131 00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,351 Mm. 132 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,255 -Giving feels good! -Yeah. 133 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,608 It's like putting on socks that just came out of the dryer. 134 00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,488 Hella toasty. Let's go even harder. 135 00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,529 Let's give away stuff we really care about. 136 00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,965 I'm gonna give Mr. Roar to Sophie for her birthday. 137 00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:20,842 Whoa. Okay. I see your Mr. Roar, 138 00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:23,495 and I raise you my most prized possession. 139 00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,720 -My Nike Air Max 90 Corks. 140 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,150 -Oh! -I love these so much, 141 00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:28,416 I got adult baptized in them. 142 00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,368 But they're going in! 143 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,287 -We're really good people! -We really are! 144 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,512 Let's go donate them now before we change our minds. 145 00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,861 -I'm gonna go put on some less dope shoes. -GRAHAM: Excellent idea. 146 00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,381 Charity. 147 00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:42,394 -Well, that's done. -Yep. 148 00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:47,086 The joy of giving lasted five seconds! 149 00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:49,569 What have we done?! 150 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:53,090 Hey, Mom said I could open a present a day early. 151 00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:54,435 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 152 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,624 -No way. -What's wrong? 153 00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,489 -Is the knife too big? 154 00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:58,921 I'm sorry, it's just, 155 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:01,057 I've seen a 2-year-old use a bigger one than that. 156 00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:02,619 Oh, uh, Sophie, I just remembered. 157 00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:05,276 I think there's a bonus birthday clue in the kitchen. 158 00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:06,761 Why don't you go try to find it, okay? 159 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:12,551 I'll fall for that, but only because I love you. 160 00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,459 Hey, look, I'm glad 161 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,814 that you and Sophie are getting all this time together, 162 00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,774 but I have rules for a reason. 163 00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,553 What is the reason? 164 00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,637 Without rules, social order falls into chaos. 165 00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:24,986 You used to be, like, a lot more fun. 166 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,646 I mean, what happened to the guy 167 00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:29,520 who took me on a road trip to Oklahoma 168 00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:32,003 so that I could "taste tornado rain"? 169 00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:34,793 Not many people can say they've had... 170 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,399 danger on their tongue. 171 00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:40,312 What is that? 172 00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:41,786 You know you're having birthday cake tomorrow. 173 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:42,786 Mom said I could. 174 00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:44,527 WILL: Okay. Well. FYI -- 175 00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:47,488 Sophie has crazy reactions when she has too much sugar. 176 00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:49,887 I won't even tell you what happened at Halloween 2015, 177 00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,591 but let's just say we are not invited back to that corn maze. 178 00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,939 There's a shortcut if you just run straight through the corn. 179 00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,719 MIA: I think we should let her have it. 180 00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:59,594 If a child in one of the most developed nations in the world 181 00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:02,066 has a little extra ice cream, it's probably okay. 182 00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:05,337 -Right, Sophie-Bear? -SOPHIE: Right. Mmmm. 183 00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,471 Good call on putting an extra layer 184 00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:07,603 of gummy worms on the bottom. 185 00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:11,044 So sour! So wormy! 186 00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:15,873 I need a girls' night. 187 00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:17,443 Get in here, bitch. 188 00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:21,833 Welcome to girls' night! 189 00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:23,746 -Thisis girls' night? -It is now. 190 00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:25,751 You can take the tape off when -- 191 00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,533 WILL: Angie, you don't have to explain 192 00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:28,617 -Edward 40-Hands to me. 193 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,095 I went to college in South Florida. 194 00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:32,055 Poppy, I'm a little shocked that this is yourscene. 195 00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:34,063 Hey, this is how D'Amato likes it. 196 00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,145 -So, Mia's driving you crazy, huh? -WILL: Oof. 197 00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:38,684 ANGIE: Oh, yeah, why did you two split up, anyway? 198 00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,419 -Was it your affinity for Dave Matthews? 199 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,770 Ooh, I bet you're really annoying on vacation, huh? 200 00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:46,200 No. No, it's just, we've changed, you know? 201 00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:47,988 When Mia and I first got together, 202 00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:49,082 we were always on the go, 203 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,560 and then when we had Sophie, 204 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,950 I wanted to put down roots and Mia did not. 205 00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:54,604 She hung around for a couple years, 206 00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:57,958 but I-I could see the life-force in her draining. 207 00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,649 Like a fly on the second day. 208 00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:02,086 Okay, is that true? I guess I don't know that much about flies. 209 00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,313 -Girls' night. -Mia was miserable. 210 00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:07,313 We would fight nonstop, and then we split. 211 00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,746 And now every time I see her face, all I want to do is yell, 212 00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:10,623 "Give me back my 20s!" 213 00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,141 ANGIE: Okay, here's the deal. 214 00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:15,098 You have to take all the emotion 215 00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:16,536 out of your interactions with Mia. 216 00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,983 The two of you are now running a business -- 217 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,720 Sophie, Incorporated. 218 00:08:20,761 --> 00:08:23,111 But how am I supposed to take emotion out of a relationship 219 00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:24,204 where I have so much history? 220 00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,682 I mean, I saw Sophie come out of her body. 221 00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:27,773 And we're gonna circle back to that. 222 00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,731 -ANGIE: Look, from now on, 223 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,550 you are going to only deal with Mia 224 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,428 on Sophie-related business. 225 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:36,339 And when you do, you are going to be cool, professional. 226 00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:37,905 Like Customer Service. 227 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,912 "Yes, ma'am. Just a moment. 228 00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:41,704 Please hold while I dial that extension. 229 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,828 Para español, número dos." 230 00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:46,571 And then all that crazy stuff that you want to say to Mia, 231 00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:47,743 say to meinstead. 232 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,828 C'mon, let's try it. 233 00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:51,227 You want me to yell at you like you'reMia. 234 00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:52,269 Yes! 235 00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:53,844 It worked wonders for Poppy 236 00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,621 when she was going through ex hell with Ron. Right, Pops? 237 00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,705 She does a shockingly good Ron impression. 238 00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:59,584 Sometimes I call her just to hear him apologize. 239 00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:02,716 Okay, um, sure. Lead me in. 240 00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:06,239 I'm Mia. I'm a really good person! 241 00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:09,594 I'm like if Gwyneth Paltrow had a baby with Gwyneth Paltrow! 242 00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,376 -Hummus! 243 00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:14,210 Um, you need to respect my parenting choices. 244 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,079 I lead a tight ship for a reason. 245 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,820 More. More. 246 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,041 I love-hate you so hard. 247 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,520 And I have a fantasy 248 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,040 of you tripping in front of a large group of people 249 00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:24,093 and all of them pointing and laughing at you. 250 00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,438 Oh, you go deep fast. 251 00:09:35,749 --> 00:09:38,749 -CHILD: Oh, my gosh! -I know that look. 252 00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:40,835 You two dummies did something good, didn't you? 253 00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,764 You gotta help us get our stuff back, man. 254 00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:45,279 You're, like, the closest thing we have to Liam Neeson. 255 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:46,633 Okay, I'm not gonna come to your rescue, 256 00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,503 but what I am gonna do is teach you a life lesson here, 257 00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:52,845 since, emotionally, you're both 7 years old. 258 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,766 -Great burn. -Bro! 259 00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,771 Ask for your things back. 260 00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:57,773 Don't take no for an answer. 261 00:09:57,814 --> 00:09:59,294 Remember -- 262 00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:02,207 you did something nice, but it was a stupid accident. 263 00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:05,783 Isn't asking for something back against the rules? 264 00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,652 Youmake the rules, you understand? 265 00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:13,738 Oh, so you'reSophie's friend that's not us. 266 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:15,828 You look like a book person. 267 00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,786 Here you go, Sophie-Bear. 268 00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:19,884 Ooooh, Clotted Creamos! My fave! 269 00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,713 Mom let me go all out 270 00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,671 in a UK import store. 271 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,840 Whoa, candy before the first course? 272 00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:28,666 All aboard the two-parent struggle bus. 273 00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,105 A-woo woo! 274 00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:31,591 Listen, if you need my help, just -- 275 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,161 I'm fine! Everything's fine! 276 00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:37,720 You already put the candy out? 277 00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,377 Oh, I'm so sorry. 278 00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,031 I just -- I don't really believe in courses. 279 00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:43,025 -I think food should be served when you have it. 280 00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,907 Thank you for your feedback, ma'am. 281 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:47,338 -What? -I'll be in touch. 282 00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:48,685 Please hold. 283 00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,165 GIRL: Oh, hand me one of those. 284 00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:53,295 -Hey. 285 00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:54,918 Weren't you just -- 286 00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:56,048 The you-version, not the real one. 287 00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:57,610 -Oh, yeah! 288 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,957 Okay, go ahead. 289 00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:02,486 "Hi, I'm Mia, and I definitely voted for Jill Stein." 290 00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,051 Mia, the last time you were in town, 291 00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,098 you told Sophie that her bedtime depended on "circadian rhythms" 292 00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:09,544 before you bolted to Cuba to represent artist protestors. 293 00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,501 But do you know who really deserves the protest? 294 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:14,720 It's you,Mia. It's you. 295 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,201 Damn, Will. 296 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,290 Oh, I am not done. Another thing... 297 00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:21,418 So, um...about Mr. Roar... hoo boy... 298 00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:23,203 Why does my mouth taste like pennies? 299 00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:25,207 Aw, geez...so... 300 00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,419 Spit it out, Graham. 301 00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:27,508 I need him back! 302 00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:28,986 I'm so sorry. 303 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,986 I'll give you something else. 304 00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:33,948 Can I interest you in a thousand hugs? 305 00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,737 No need. Here. 306 00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:38,182 Not the manners I was hoping for at this luncheon, 307 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,529 but it's fine. 308 00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:46,005 I feel gutted. 309 00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,013 DOUGLAS: Eh, you'll get over it. 310 00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,315 All right, Miggy, you're up. 311 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,750 What did you do with those sneakers? 312 00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,797 What charity saw you coming from a mile away? 313 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,672 Sisters of Mercy. 314 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:58,244 Ah, the nuns. Every last one of them just out for a buck. 315 00:11:58,282 --> 00:12:01,462 -Okay, off you go. -Okay. 316 00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:03,979 Hey, have you seen Angie? 317 00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,897 Mia just said she wanted to get Sophie "off shoes," 318 00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,683 and I need to dump it, fast. 319 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,248 Yeah... Okay, can I ask you? 320 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,214 Is Angie's advice about Mia working? 321 00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:13,433 No, not really. 322 00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:14,861 But maybe I'm just bad at role-playing. 323 00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:15,868 I mean, it's been said before. 324 00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:18,039 Nope. 325 00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:18,995 It's because Angie doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. 326 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,782 -What? -Look, I love that woman, 327 00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,867 but I make it a point to never take advice from someone 328 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,396 who buys their underwear at CVS. 329 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,959 I mean, I just go along with it because it makes her feel good. 330 00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,357 In fact, that famous girls' night, 331 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,790 -after talking to "Ron" for so long... -Mm-hmm. 332 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,488 ...I left her house and booty-called the real thing! 333 00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:36,015 -Poppy! -RORY: Excuse me, grown-ups? 334 00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:37,799 We need to sing "Happy Birthday" to Sophie ASAP. 335 00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:39,064 She's a woman on the brink. 336 00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:41,276 -Louder! Faster! -TOGETHER: ♪ Happy birthday 337 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,845 -More British! -♪ Dear Sophie 338 00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:51,026 ♪ Happy birthday to you 339 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,080 -GIRL: Whoo! -What the what?! 340 00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:55,991 Earrings?! -Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 341 00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,596 I'm here. You don't need to freak out. 342 00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,866 Angie, your advice doesn't work, and Poppy agrees with me. 343 00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,259 That "amazing girls' night" you had? 344 00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:03,092 After she left your place, she went and she boinked Ron. 345 00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:05,390 -Now, if you'll excuse me, 346 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:08,306 an atrocity has been committed at Claire's. 347 00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:11,826 Wow. Really, dude? 348 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:15,618 Okay, "boinked" makes it sound less romantic than it was. 349 00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:18,284 Why is there a non-biological hole in my daughter's ear? 350 00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,319 It's a rite of passage in many cultures... 351 00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:21,674 -...including where I'm from -- 352 00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,193 Central New Jersey. 353 00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:25,887 I can't take it anymore! You pump Sophie full of sugar. 354 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:28,105 You pierce her ears without asking my permission. 355 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:30,975 You can't just show up here and undermine everything I do. 356 00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:33,327 Maybe globally,what I do is not that important. 357 00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,077 But in thishouse, it is. 358 00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:37,118 And this is myhouse! You're in my house! 359 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:38,774 And so is your dumb box of mail! 360 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,338 Your subscription to ELLEmagazine 361 00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:41,654 is no longer of use to me! 362 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,130 And who gets that many yoga mat catalogs? 363 00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:46,651 You don't even live here! 364 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:49,825 You try unsubscribing to L.L.Bean from Ghana! 365 00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:56,014 Whoa, shockingly good form. You all right? 366 00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:59,882 Yeah. I'm just stressed. 367 00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:00,926 I'm really sorry I outed you. 368 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:03,890 It's all right. Just put flowers on my grave. 369 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,890 -The last time Angie was mad at me, 370 00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,242 she told me her Uncle Joey D'Amato 371 00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:08,461 was "connected." 372 00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:10,109 -Well, that's terrifying. -Yeah. 373 00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,073 Hey, what are you lil' girls doing? 374 00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,682 You -- You having a sleepover and giving each other advice 375 00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:16,123 because apparently mine doesn't work? 376 00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:17,989 Look, Ange, it's not your fault, all right? 377 00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:19,991 Will and I, we still have to deal with our exes, 378 00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,163 but you don't. 379 00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:22,508 So that means I can't give advice? 380 00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:23,467 -You nailed it. -ANGIE: 381 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:24,474 You know what? I am just as -- 382 00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:25,775 -SOPHIE: Yay! 383 00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:28,131 -It's my birthday! -Sophie? 384 00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,131 -CHILD: What is she doing? -Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! -MIA: Sophie? 385 00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,913 -SOPHIE: I'm eight! -Sophie-Bear, come back to me. 386 00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,128 -You're scaring Mommy. -CHILD: What is she doing? 387 00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:35,346 -Oof, the Creamos got her. -What's going on? 388 00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:37,396 MIA: Sophie is reacting to sugar in a way 389 00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:39,311 that I do not understand, and I don't know what to do. 390 00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:40,916 -It's okay, everybody. -SOPHIE: It's my birthday! 391 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,267 I know it is, honey! I know. 392 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,966 Mia, I need a glass of water. 393 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,413 -Rory, get me a dry English muffin. -Got it. 394 00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:47,579 Sophie, we're gonna count to 10 in Japanese, okay? 395 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:51,275 BOTH: Ichi, ni, san, shi, 396 00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:53,325 go, roku, 397 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:56,980 shichi, hachi, kyuu, juu. 398 00:14:57,026 --> 00:14:58,156 WILL: Very good. 399 00:14:58,201 --> 00:14:59,381 We're gonna get off the table now. 400 00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:00,550 That's not safe. 401 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,635 All right, everybody. We're all better. 402 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:04,164 You guys finish your cake, and then we'll play 403 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,987 Pin the Ruff on the Beefeater. 404 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:15,517 Thank you, Will. 405 00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:16,996 Of course. 406 00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:21,306 No, seriously, thank you. I had no idea what to do. 407 00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:23,305 I mean, the first thing that came to mind was, 408 00:15:23,357 --> 00:15:25,007 -"Do I change her diaper?" 409 00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:26,364 It's just every time I see her, 410 00:15:26,403 --> 00:15:29,103 I feel like she's become this whole new person 411 00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:31,575 that I have to get to know, like, all over again. 412 00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:34,106 Yeah, I sometimes feel that between lunch and dinner. 413 00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:36,592 You know, I hate 414 00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:39,461 that I make you feel like what you do isn't important. 415 00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:41,983 I get to swoop in and be this fun mom. 416 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:44,678 Meanwhile, you're with her every day, 417 00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:47,416 making rules and -- and washing her hair. 418 00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:51,988 Thank you. I don't say that enough. 419 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,428 Well, you did send that e-mail 420 00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,425 that said "You da best!" last week. 421 00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:59,645 But thanks, I appreciate it. 422 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:04,664 Attention, parents, I'd like to make an announcement -- 423 00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:08,232 I thought I could handle that amount of sugar, but I cannot. 424 00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:10,141 Things were said, and I apologize. 425 00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,006 -You're forgiven. -It's my fault. 426 00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,798 Look, I love having two parents, 427 00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:18,153 but sometimes it's hard on me, 428 00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:21,684 and I wish we had more memories of the three of us. 429 00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:26,069 Because we are family, even if we don't live together. 430 00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:29,285 Oh, honey, of course we are. 431 00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:30,376 I love you. 432 00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:39,482 Hey, um, does someone need to drive her home? 433 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,700 Louisa. Why are you so quiet? 434 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:45,090 I'm more of a listener. 435 00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:50,922 -Who dis? -DOUGLAS: It's Douglas. 436 00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,656 What happened with the nuns? 437 00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,267 My buddy Dwayne bought my kicks. 438 00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:55,227 He saw my Insta story 439 00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:57,315 about what a good person I am for donating them. 440 00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:59,194 Okay, real men don't have "buddies." 441 00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,845 Okay, now go be a man and get your shoes back. 442 00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:05,200 I tried, but I ended up giving him the pair I was wearing 443 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,721 and a baggie of Goldfish I had in my pocket. 444 00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:09,675 -That's it. I'm coming down there. -I'll text you the address. 445 00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,644 DOUGLAS: No, no, no. No. No texting. 446 00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,212 Form the words in your head, drop them to the mouth, 447 00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,640 and shout 'em out into the world 448 00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:17,986 like a normal friggin' human being. 449 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,297 Can you repeat that? It was a lot. 450 00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:28,479 -Ange? You up for a girls' night? 451 00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:29,915 I got gas station caffeine pills. 452 00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:32,271 Are you still mad at me? 453 00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:36,322 No, I'm not mad-mad. It's just... 454 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,359 why didn't you tell me about Ron? 455 00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:40,145 You're a very scary woman. 456 00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,369 Plus, I didn't want you to think I was still a mess 457 00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:44,279 after all those nights I spent on your couch. 458 00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,329 You're the strongest person I know. 459 00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,240 Thanks. 460 00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:54,325 It's just...even though I never had a husband, 461 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,597 I like to be the person you come to with that stuff. 462 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,380 And you always will be, whether I listen to you or not. 463 00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:01,906 That's why we have girls' night. 464 00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,820 - Mm, I love you. -I love you. 465 00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:11,385 Okay, so... how was it with Ron? 466 00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,398 Girl, I've been waiting three years to tell you. 467 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,750 It was as good as it could be 468 00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:19,230 in a parked car outside of his girlfriend's house. 469 00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,536 -I'm gonna get the beer funnel. -POPPY: Please. 470 00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,489 I've only waited in line once -- 471 00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,238 December 1, 1974. 472 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,800 Bills-Colts tickets. 473 00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:32,016 It was so cold, my sister Donna lost a toe. 474 00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,547 May she rest in peace. 475 00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:36,810 -Okay, so which one is Dwayne? -Hold up. 476 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,254 I don't think you know what you're getting into with Dwayne. 477 00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:39,601 The guy's an evil genius. 478 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,030 You know, like Elon Musk or Kickeeboy. 479 00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:44,037 Who's Kickeeboy? 480 00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,299 Oh, that guy eating a snow cone. 481 00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,821 DOUGLAS: Ah. 482 00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,564 I think I can handle it. 483 00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:51,295 Hey, I hear you got my friend's tennis shoes, 484 00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:53,257 so why don't you just give them back? 485 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:55,046 Oh, are you one of those old parent people 486 00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,660 Miggy hangs out with now? 487 00:18:56,700 --> 00:19:00,270 I'm Dr. Douglas Fogerty, and this conversation 488 00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:02,843 has already gone on longer than I care for, 489 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,320 so why don't you just give me the shoes? 490 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:07,230 Nah. These are Nike Air Max 90 Corks, man! 491 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,756 The most coveted pair of shoes 492 00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,319 in all of Pennsyl-Dwaynia. 493 00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,406 Keeping 'em. 494 00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,414 A man only needs four pairs of shoes -- 495 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,016 dress loafers, deck shoes, 496 00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:18,066 sturdy topsiders, and golf spikes. 497 00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,423 Tell you what I'm gonna do. 498 00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:21,812 I'm gonna give you what you paid for the shoes, 499 00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,416 and I'm gonna kick in an extra Andrew. 500 00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,426 Honestly, man, it's not even about the Corks. 501 00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:26,948 It's about Miggy. 502 00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:28,651 These kicks remind me of the old days with that dude -- 503 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,039 skateboarding, 504 00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:32,431 him helping me write flirty texts to Gina, 505 00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,425 him helping me write breakup texts to Gina. 506 00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:36,437 Doesn't seem like it went great with Gina. 507 00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:37,829 Miggy and I had the best times. 508 00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:39,222 Waiting in line for Yeezys, 509 00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:41,265 before Kanye made them hella problematic. 510 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:42,490 Going to the dog park, 511 00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:45,009 then getting kicked out for not having a dog. 512 00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:50,013 Before he got busy with dad world, Miggy was there for me. 513 00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:53,188 In line, in life. 514 00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:57,283 But now, he's giving all that solid gold friendship to you 515 00:19:57,326 --> 00:19:59,286 and I got squat. 516 00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:01,458 You're so lucky, man. 517 00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:04,730 Peekaboo! 518 00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:08,158 Yeah, he's a good egg. 519 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:11,117 So, those slippers Gucci? 520 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,690 Yo, no one's ever stood up for me before. 521 00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:18,037 So, how'd it -- Damn! 522 00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:19,906 You got Dwayne'd. 523 00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:22,397 Yo! See you soon, Miggy! 524 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:25,088 Man, looks like Dwayne got everything from you. 525 00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:26,656 And I know you just hate that, 526 00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:28,313 giving without getting anything back. 527 00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:29,877 It was a fair trade. 528 00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:31,404 -Glass. 529 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,187 -That was a shard of glass. -Oh. 530 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,282 -Oh, no. -Yeah. 531 00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:40,943 All right, so let's rehearse. I'm pitching double peace signs, 532 00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:43,888 devil horns, and then, if there's time, upside down? 533 00:20:46,462 --> 00:20:48,422 -Those are gonna be awesome. 534 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:50,644 I'm gonna go grab us some mozzarella sticks. 535 00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:54,214 If it's okay with both my parents, of course. 536 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,343 Well, it's still your birthday, 537 00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:59,515 and you're not in a coma yet... 538 00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:00,962 so I say go for it. 539 00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,438 Hey, should we do one just the two of us? 540 00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:03,828 You know, for Sophie. 541 00:21:03,871 --> 00:21:05,311 She doesn't have a ton of photos of us together. 542 00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:08,311 I mean, everyone has a camera in their pocket, but sure. 543 00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:09,924 I'll pay $3 to sit in a closet. 544 00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,404 ♪ I keep digging through our waste of time ♪ 545 00:21:13,446 --> 00:21:16,316 -♪ But the picture's incomplete ♪ 546 00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:20,412 -♪ 'Cause I'm missing you 547 00:21:29,592 --> 00:21:32,292 --Captions by VITAC--