1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:05,213 So, let's see. You wanted to ease into the idea of moving in together, 2 00:00:05,296 --> 00:00:07,882 and then you put this giant crystal on my dresser? 3 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,134 - Oh, it's an amethyst. - Ah. 4 00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:11,553 I only have nickels and Skittles on my dresser, 5 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,596 so this is pretty cool. 6 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,682 Why is Miggy here? 7 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,518 Because I have an open-door policy at my home. 8 00:00:18,601 --> 00:00:20,687 Yes. And I have a policy where I don't let friends 9 00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:24,399 lie on my bed, junk-side down, eating tube yogurt. 10 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:28,236 Poppy, I don't know about this move in, girl. 11 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:31,322 See? This is why I wanted to take it slow, Douglas. 12 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,533 Moving in is a big deal. 13 00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:34,993 And plus, there's kids involved. 14 00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,327 So we need to make sure that we're ready, 15 00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,455 and right now, we can't even handle an amethyst. 16 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:42,208 Well, honey, I-I mean, with all due respect, it's huge. 17 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,877 - Yeah, it's big. - Mm. 18 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,174 It's so quiet without the kids here. 19 00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:51,426 Gosh, imagine ten years from now -- 20 00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:54,804 we're empty nesters, kids are away at college. 21 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,681 Amy and Emma are at West Point 22 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,808 and the Naval Academy, respectively. 23 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,435 I mean, sure, we miss the kids, 24 00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:05,398 but also, we have this entire house to ourselves. 25 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:09,527 We can do whatever we want. 26 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,198 Hi! Quick quesh -- 27 00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:15,575 Poppy, do you know where Ron is? 28 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,035 I'm kind of in labor. 29 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,079 - Oh, my God! - I blame this on the crystal. 30 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,713 {\an8}All right, busy TV day. We should strategize. 31 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,423 {\an8}The key is no bathroom breaks. 32 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,592 {\an8}Sounds good. So, what are we bingeing? 33 00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:34,761 {\an8}Gavel Town. It's incredible. 34 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:35,929 {\an8}The pilot's bad. 35 00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:38,098 {\an8}Second episode is like a totally different show. 36 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,266 {\an8}Three to five are treading water. Six sucks. 37 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,269 {\an8}But the seventh episode has an amazing twist 38 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:44,896 {\an8}that will make it all worth it. 39 00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,898 {\an8}A show that takes six hours to get good? 40 00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,316 {\an8}Yeah, I'll give it a chance. 41 00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:49,567 {\an8}And binge. 42 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,319 {\an8}Now remember, the pilot's really bad. 43 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,154 {\an8}- You're gonna hate it. Great. 44 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,948 {\an8}In my breathing workshop, 45 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,617 {\an8}we practiced thanking the pain. 46 00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,577 {\an8} 47 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,746 {\an8}Thank you, contraction. 48 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,456 {\an8}- Ooh. Here you go. 49 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,667 {\an8}This is just false labor. I'm not due for another two weeks. 50 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:06,960 {\an8}Okay, good. So let's -- 51 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,503 {\an8}Well, babies aren't always born on their due date. 52 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,004 {\an8}I mean, Rory was a month early. 53 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,257 {\an8}Yes, but Ron and I have a birth plan. 54 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:15,218 {\an8}We developed it under the guidance of our midwife, Tabitha Q. 55 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,846 {\an8}She'll be hanging on the edge of the tub when I give birth. 56 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,305 {\an8}You're giving birth in a tub? 57 00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,015 {\an8}Yes. Water is very significant for me. 58 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:24,686 {\an8}Okay, "The child will be born listening to Stevie Wonder, 59 00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:27,313 {\an8}by the light of the moon and lavender-scented candles." 60 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,774 {\an8}-Say what you will -- my ex-husband can draw. 61 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:30,859 {\an8}- Aah! Uh -- 62 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,485 {\an8}Thank you, blinding pain! 63 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,237 {\an8}Namaste! 64 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,738 {\an8}I'm very scared of birth. 65 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,115 {\an8}Has anyone seen my phone? 66 00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,491 {\an8}Ron's probably calling. 67 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,076 {\an8}It's an Android. 68 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,661 {\an8}Did I mention that I'm very scared of birth? 69 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:43,121 {\an8}You know, let me move the mink throw. 70 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,748 {\an8}Uh, okay, so, Sharon is Ron's problem, all right? 71 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:46,833 {\an8}- Yeah. Not ours. 72 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,085 {\an8}I'm gonna track him down and tell him to come get his woman. 73 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,461 {\an8}Okay, please don't leave me with her. 74 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,423 {\an8}Okay. So... 75 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,008 {\an8}Do you need... 76 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,010 {\an8}- ...a pad? 77 00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:59,137 {\an8}Don't be mad. Just here for my hat. 78 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,263 {\an8}Hey, Miggy! Welcome! 79 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:01,639 {\an8}Yeah, be part of this! 80 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:02,765 {\an8}Be part of what? 81 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,184 {\an8} 82 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,352 {\an8}Oh, dip, she's having a baby. 83 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,687 So, I left a message for Ron. 84 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,439 Sharon, let's get you to the hospital, okay? 85 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,524 I'm not going anywhere without Ron. 86 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,860 Oh, no, you don't want to wait to get to the hospital. 87 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,403 Trust me. 88 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,363 I learned the hard way. 89 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:20,742 It was the summer I discovered Friends and had my barber give me The Rachel. 90 00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:23,119 So I looked and felt amazing. 91 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,705 I was obsessed with my new favorite video game, 92 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,749 Taxicab Honkers, 93 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,752 where you take a hot lady to the airport during rush hour. 94 00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:32,420 -Miggy! -I don't have PreCheck. 95 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,088 I knew Zara was close to her due date, 96 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,381 and it sounded important. 97 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,176 - This is important! -My head said, "Pause!" 98 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,802 But my heart said, "Lay on the horn. 99 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,554 - This hot lady's gonna miss her flight!" -` 100 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,097 I played for 10 more minutes, 101 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,933 and we didn't make it to the hospital. 102 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,059 A gas station? 103 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:47,644 - MIGGY: Push! 104 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:48,937 Silver lining -- 105 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,439 we get free unleaded for life! 106 00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:53,107 Up to 30 bucks. 107 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,612 But that night ended up being a turning point. 108 00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:58,905 I grew up. 109 00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:02,158 I gave my video games and my beanbag to my frenemy, Dwayne. 110 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,494 - Yeah. - Thanks, homie. 111 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:07,038 I said goodbye to the kid I was... 112 00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:10,416 and hello to the man I am. 113 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,086 Everything changed in that 76 Station. 114 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,129 I was in charge. A leader. 115 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,423 Staff agreed I was the best of all the dads. 116 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,926 - Oh, how good could you have been? - What other dads? 117 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,844 The gas station is next to the hospital. 118 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:25,848 Seven babies have been born there -- "The 76 Seven" -- 119 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,225 bonded by a bathroom stall 120 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,102 and parents with poor time-management skills. 121 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,020 - Thank you, Miggy. - You're welcome. 122 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,273 I'm not going anywhere after hearing that. 123 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,691 Maybe if I say it again, but different. 124 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,775 Nah, you're done. 125 00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,110 You know what we need? 126 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,445 We need to share a positive birth story. 127 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,530 - Yes. - Right? 128 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,282 One that we've heard many, many times. 129 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,325 - Oh, God. - The worst part is how 130 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,952 he pretends he doesn't want to tell it. 131 00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,912 You really want to hear it? 132 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,872 I bet you guys are sick of hearing this story by now. 133 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,791 But I guess it's like my therapist always tells me -- 134 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,209 stop being so paranoid, Will! 135 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,585 Maybe people just love you. 136 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,254 Yeah, can you just tell it quickly, please? 137 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,299 'Cause we have four more episodes of Gavel Town until the big twist. 138 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,843 - Oh, most intense experience of my life. - I had goose bumps, yo! 139 00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,220 All right, guys, I cannot do four more episodes, okay? 140 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,305 I really hate it. 141 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,556 You're supposed to hate it. 142 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:09,183 The twist doesn't work if you haven't suffered. 143 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,144 What? I can't like a twist? 144 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:12,437 Okay, can you just let him tell the story? 145 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,938 The story of Sophie's birth 146 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:17,483 begins as the Earth's story begins -- 147 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,985 with light. 148 00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:22,447 Sophie was born in the glow of the sunset. 149 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:28,161 ♪ Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes ♪ 150 00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:32,749 ♪ Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear ♪ 151 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,835 - ♪ Five hundred twenty-five thousand ♪ - And I, Will Cooper, 152 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,670 - ♪ Six hundred minutes ♪ - caught my baby 153 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,798 at the precise moment of the most incredible chorus 154 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,301 - in musical theater history. - ♪ How do you measure, measure a year? ♪ 155 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:44,594 ♪ How about ♪ 156 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:48,389 - ♪ Love? ♪ - Loooove! 157 00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:49,974 ♪ How about ♪ 158 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,518 - ♪ Love? ♪ - Love! 159 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,939 ♪ Measure in love ♪ 160 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,024 Mia, 161 00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,359 meet your daughter. 162 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,029 Hi, sweetie. 163 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:11,371 Sharon, the hospital is a place of beauty and wonder. 164 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,081 Let us take you there. 165 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:15,917 Nah, I'll wait for Ron. 166 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,668 Ugh. 167 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:20,380 Is that my Android? Ohh! 168 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,090 - Is it Ron? - No. 169 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,592 Hey, guys, can you meet me by the wall for a group huddle? 170 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,511 Now. 171 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,221 I feel like we should've moved further away from her. 172 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,389 She's, like, right there. 173 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,559 Ron finally texted Sharon back. 174 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,977 Turns out he's at the Foot Locker. 175 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,062 Ohh! 176 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:37,355 Ohh... 177 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:38,773 Bring it in. 178 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,400 He's at the Foot Locker in Phoenix! 179 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:41,901 That's far. 180 00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:43,903 Yeah. So, we have to be 181 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:46,072 my ex-husband's new wife's emotional support system 182 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,199 during the birth of their first child. Are you with me? 183 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:49,742 - Yeah, totally. - I love births. 184 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,202 These crackers contain 185 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:52,620 an outrageous amount of sodium. 186 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,497 Douglas! 187 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:58,543 With you. 188 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:00,545 I'm fine. 189 00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:01,754 Everything's fine. 190 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:08,428 It's fine, guys. I have a super-strong core. 191 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:09,887 I-I'll just hold the baby in. 192 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,055 Ahh... 193 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,390 Okay, now that Ron's not coming, 194 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:14,976 the only thing standing between Sharon giving birth in a hospital 195 00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,727 and Sharon giving birth on Douglas' couch is us! 196 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:19,272 Do you know how hard it is to get placenta off a leather? 197 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:20,690 Do you? 198 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,400 Okay, can we just scooch the huddle 199 00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:23,943 - away from Sharon? - Okay. Okay. 200 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,654 Thanks. I didn't want to say it back there, 201 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,489 but the father isn't necessary. 202 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,951 Do you know what I was doing while Rose was giving birth to the twins? 203 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,206 - You didn't even go in?! - Your character, it's bad. 204 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,833 You were reading about boats? You're a doctor! 205 00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,668 Oh, yeah, like you all are so perfect. 206 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:41,878 Angie burned her house down. 207 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,297 O-Okay, well it's different with the first, though, right? 208 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:45,381 What about Xander? 209 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,091 It was different. 210 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,430 Your hair sounded amazing. 211 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,556 How was that different? 212 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,350 The boat magazine hired a new editor. 213 00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,727 The whole layout had changed. 214 00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,395 You know what? I'd like to move off this topic. 215 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,063 Ron's gonna call. I just know it. 216 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,773 Uh, has anybody seen my phone? 217 00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,984 - It's an Android. - We know it's an Android! 218 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,569 - Oh. Hey. - Sorry. 219 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,196 Sorry, sorry. 220 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:10,490 Poppy's back. 221 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:11,866 Okay, I can't keep it together. 222 00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:13,868 Sharon needs to know that she married a goofazoid 223 00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,912 who's great on the dance floor, but not in a crisis! 224 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:16,996 I'm gonna tell her. I'm going in. 225 00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,080 - No, no, no. - Red light! 226 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,165 She's going through a lot right now. 227 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,334 Oh, I'm sorry. Have any of you had a baby with Ron? 228 00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:22,418 He's useless! 229 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,712 Rory was born a month early, and the only thing Ron cared about 230 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,881 was missing the series finale of Lost. 231 00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,091 And it only got more traumatic from there... 232 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,385 Rory didn't gain weight the first month, 233 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,054 so he stayed in the NICU. 234 00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:34,722 I couldn't hold him. 235 00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:37,350 All I could do was smile through the glass. 236 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:40,144 Hi. Look at him. 237 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,146 He already knows how to smize. 238 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,648 He is very cute. 239 00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:45,191 Interesting name. 240 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,401 And that's when I saw it. 241 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,615 Ron had one job -- turn in the name form. 242 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:55,368 And he made it all about that damn Lost finale. 243 00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:58,037 For six months, my son's legal name was "Smoke Monster." 244 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,873 Sharon needs to know that Ron is not someone she can rely on. 245 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,708 Maybe then she'll let us take her to the hospital 246 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,627 before Douglas' floors are covered in afterbirth. 247 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:07,463 Okay, you had me at "afterbirth." Let's go. 248 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:08,965 Sharon... 249 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,551 we know where Ron is. 250 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,469 The Foot Locker. In Phoenix. 251 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,554 I know. 252 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:15,805 I stole my Android back. 253 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,390 We've been texting. 254 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:18,891 This is all just -- 255 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,560 it's so frickin'... 256 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:21,811 sweet! 257 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:22,895 Wait, what? 258 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,146 Twist. 259 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,566 So, for the birth announcement, I wanted to put the baby 260 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,609 in a really big sneaker 261 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,904 and then underneath say, "Guess Shoes Here!" 262 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,240 Oh, that's good. That's very good. 263 00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,784 I told Ron I needed the biggest sneaker possible. 264 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,328 And he was like, "You need a Shaquille O'Neal shoe." 265 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,414 And I was like, "That's impossible." 266 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:43,165 And then, this morning, 267 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,876 his cousin who works at the Foot Locker called 268 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,296 and said that Shaq came in over the weekend 269 00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:49,964 and gave him a shoe for me! 270 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:53,467 And my man went to Arizona to get it. 271 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,013 And you...like that? 272 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,431 Oh, I love it. 273 00:09:58,514 --> 00:09:59,515 He's a wildcard. 274 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:01,517 Exactly. 275 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,854 I-I mean, you don't want a wildcard by your side in the hospital. 276 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,522 You'd be better off with us. 277 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,317 Rob tried to name Rory "Smoke Monster." 278 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,193 Is that a Lost reference? 279 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,278 Mm-hmm. 280 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,030 That's freaking awesome! 281 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,656 Ow. Ooh. 282 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,034 Well, Sharon's crazy, so new plan. 283 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,161 This is kidnapping! 284 00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,871 - Breathe. - You all make fun of my big-ass van, 285 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,998 but who's saving the day now? Angie! 286 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,625 I can't believe Ron's gonna miss the birth. 287 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,501 I can. He is not a responsible guy. 288 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,338 You can be responsible and still miss the birth of your child. 289 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,590 - Even I was there for the birth. - Yeah, same. 290 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:35,051 I was at a healthy distance, but I was there. 291 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,302 If you're not, you're a deadbeat. 292 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:37,845 -Yeah. - Um, I am not a deadbeat! 293 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,348 All right, look, I have a confession to make. 294 00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,391 The story I told you all is a lie. 295 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,517 I missed Sophie's birth. 296 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,729 The actual story begins not with light... 297 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,064 but with rain. 298 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:50,399 It was the storm of the century. 299 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,736 All of Redondo Beach was looking to me for guidance. 300 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:54,904 What could I do? 301 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,822 The people were scared. 302 00:10:56,906 --> 00:11:00,242 They needed a weatherman, and I was he. 303 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,119 Once I issued the flood warning 304 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,871 and threw it over to Frankie D in Sports, 305 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,247 I-I rushed to the hospital. 306 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,875 But it was too late. 307 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,461 Meet your daughter, hero. 308 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,131 It wasn't easy, 309 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,717 but I knew it was the right thing to do. 310 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:17,843 Yeah. 311 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,262 - Um, the head is out. - Oh, my God! 312 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,347 - Oh! - There's a baby! 313 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,640 I made eye contact with it. 314 00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:23,849 - It's being born! - Aah! 315 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,351 Not in my van! 316 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:26,769 I eat in here! 317 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,604 Whoa! 318 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,272 -Oof! -Dear lord. 319 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,774 -Ooh! -Wow. 320 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,193 - Ow! - Oh! 321 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,404 Oh, my God. 322 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:37,780 My gas station. 323 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,657 Hello, old friend. 324 00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:41,367 Daddy's home. 325 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,912 Okay, I got the stuff for Sharon's birth plan. 326 00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:47,415 No lavender candles, but I did find lemon-scented bleach. 327 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,125 Cool. And it's not Stevie Wonder, 328 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,001 but I found a Michael Bolton CD on a random shelf somewhere. 329 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,336 - Nice. - The shelf is in my car. 330 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,921 - It's mine. For make-outs. - Okay. 331 00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,214 Really, Douglas, a boating magazine? 332 00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:56,549 Sorry, force of habit! 333 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,050 You guys seeing this? Miggy's right. 334 00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,760 He's legitimately amazing here. 335 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,138 Have we called the ambulance? It's speed dial four! 336 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,347 Steve, we need the bathroom key 337 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,516 attached to the hub cap, not the fly swatter! 338 00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:08,269 And beef jerky for the mother to bite on for pain! 339 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,020 Madge, is the cot set? 340 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,355 You da freaking best, Madge! 341 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,691 Noice! I love this team! All right, let's hustle! 342 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,445 Guys, I might be into Miggy. 343 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,029 Oh, hey, who's with Sharon? 344 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,157 Oh. Go, go, go, go! 345 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:26,912 Can you believe those dummies charged me for the cup? 346 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:27,997 Bite that jerky! 347 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,916 Oh, God, what is my life?! Aah! 348 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,544 Okay, you want some scratchers? 349 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:35,212 A real authentic Hollywood Hat? 350 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,339 Or -- Ooh! A fake Oscar? 351 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,341 I'll take the Oscar. 352 00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:44,180 I moved to LA to become an actress! 353 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,473 Take it away. Get -- Get -- 354 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,557 Hide it. 355 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,977 I can't believe I'm alone. 356 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,688 Hey. I get it. 357 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:54,690 This isn't how you pictured it, right? 358 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,275 I mean, it was a little different with me 359 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:59,028 because I always knew I was gonna be having my baby alone. 360 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,113 So I decided to give birth in a place 361 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:05,159 filled with other overweight, sweaty, lost souls... 362 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:06,952 Vegas, baby. 363 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:10,998 I was nine months pregnant, and I was on a hot streak. 364 00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:14,001 ♪ Lady luck is at my side ♪ 365 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,839 ♪ This hot streak can't be denied ♪ 366 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,885 ♪ She has put me at the top ♪ 367 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:23,969 Ehh! 368 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,722 ♪ May this run never stop ♪ 369 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,807 Ah! 370 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:32,436 ♪ Bringing wondrous riches on this crazy ride ♪ 371 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,648 Hey, blue eyes. 372 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,900 I'm in labor. 373 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,693 Shh. 374 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,320 I'm legally required to call you an ambulance. 375 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:43,239 And I'm morally required 376 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,491 to roll another seven! 377 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,827 ♪ With Lady Luck at my side ♪ 378 00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:49,119 Yeah! 379 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,831 ♪ I'll never lose ♪ 380 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:54,458 I'm gonna go have this baby, but I'll be right back! 381 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,921 And suddenly, I was in this hospital room in a strange city 382 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,798 with no friends or family. 383 00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:03,968 And this didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. 384 00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,344 Is the father here? 385 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,764 It's just me. 386 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,016 I was truly alone. 387 00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,602 Not just in Vegas or the hospital. 388 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:14,728 But in life. 389 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,148 Four, five. 390 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,817 Come on, push, push, push, push. 391 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,986 But then, an amazing thing happened. 392 00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:24,822 I realized I wasn't alone. 393 00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:27,825 He had been there with me the whole time. 394 00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:30,536 And then a true miracle occurred. 395 00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:32,413 Brought you something. 396 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,457 Ohh. 397 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,294 Oh, his first toy. 398 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,088 I also thought you would want this. 399 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,507 Aww! My money! 400 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:44,717 Come to mama. 401 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,260 Wow. 402 00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:49,096 Thank you...Graham. 403 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,683 Hey, baby, you wanna be Graham? 404 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,395 Eh, you'll get used to it. 405 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,898 That craps dealer was your guardian angel. 406 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,316 Let's not get carried away, okay? 407 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,067 He took a generous finder's fee. 408 00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,611 But the point is... 409 00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:06,322 sometimes you just gotta let your plan go 410 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:10,910 and let yourself be embraced by a random group of weirdos. 411 00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:14,663 Let us be your weirdos, Cheryl. 412 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,290 Sharon. 413 00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:17,499 Sharon. 414 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,252 Hand me my birth plan. 415 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:21,712 Yeah. Right here. Right here. 416 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,008 Yay! 417 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,676 - Oh! - Whoo! 418 00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:30,471 Hey, ETA on that, uh, ambulance, Madge?! 419 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,059 - Douglas. - Is there a doctor in the house?! 420 00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:38,020 Oh, God, you were, like, one second too late. 421 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,814 All right, Poppy, you want to help me deliver this baby or what? 422 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,108 I do. 423 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,361 Ooh. Ooh! 424 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,112 ♪ Any minute now ♪ 425 00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,992 ♪ My ship is coming in ♪ 426 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,790 ♪ I keep checking the horizon ♪ 427 00:15:57,873 --> 00:16:00,751 Oh, my gosh. 428 00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:09,343 ♪ And you say, "Be still, my love" ♪ 429 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,804 ♪ Open up your heart ♪ 430 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,015 ♪ Let the light shine in ♪ 431 00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:20,437 ♪ Don't you understand? ♪ 432 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,232 ♪ I already have a plan ♪ 433 00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:24,650 Finally. 434 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:29,279 ♪ I'm waiting for my real life to begin ♪ 435 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,535 Three children, and this is my first actual birth. 436 00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,870 - Aww. - I can't believe that we delivered a baby. 437 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,080 It -- It's crazy! 438 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,873 When we're together, we... 439 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,166 We just work. 440 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,502 Douglas, I don't need to take it slow. 441 00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:45,295 I know I want to move in with you. 442 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,755 - Really? - Yes! 443 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,299 Aah! 444 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:52,094 Is it crazy to say I think she looks like me? 445 00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,178 Yeah, that's insane. 446 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,888 I kind of think she looks like me! 447 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,348 - Ron! - Ron! 448 00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,768 - It's beautiful, baby! - Oh! So is she! 449 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,145 Ohh! 450 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,938 - Oh, my God. - Hi, baby. 451 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,649 - Mm, mm, mm, mm. - Mm, mm. 452 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,901 It seems like we should go. No? 453 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,153 - Yeah. - Yeah. 454 00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:10,279 Oh, I think I have a name. 455 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,697 Ooh, I have a name, too. 456 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:12,990 Shaquelyn. 457 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,117 - Ohh! - What?! 458 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:18,620 So, she's just, like, a female Ron, huh? 459 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,372 - Uncanny. -All right, Poppy, 460 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,541 - I want you, please... - Aww. 461 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,209 - ...hold Shaquelyn. - Oh. 462 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,502 Meet Rory's sister. 463 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,254 - Congratulations, Ron. - Thank you. 464 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:28,630 Mm-hmm. 465 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,466 Man, I can't believe I missed the birth. 466 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,259 For a shoe. 467 00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:34,511 How am I gonna explain this to little Shaquelyn? 468 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,680 You won't! You'll lie, and you'll lie again! 469 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:39,058 Guys, I have another confession to make -- 470 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,185 the second story I told you is also a lie. 471 00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:43,395 - Of course it was. - I missed Sophie's birth 472 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:46,148 for a reason I have kept hidden for nine years. 473 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:50,069 But I'm about to tell all of you in an act of solidarity with Ron. 474 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,236 Oh, don't do this for me. 475 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:55,032 Sophie's birth story doesn't begin with light or rain. 476 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:56,325 It begins with a bagel. 477 00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:58,494 Mia had been in labor for 15 hours, 478 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,580 and I was hungry, so I went to get some food. 479 00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:03,499 And that's when I saw him... 480 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,502 -Regis Philbin. - Can you hear me? 481 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,337 Getting a coffee like it was nothing. 482 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,923 That's when I realized he was on the phone with... 483 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,925 Gelman! Can you hear me? 484 00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:15,094 I'm gonna move around till I get a signal. 485 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,471 He has a-a magnetic pull. 486 00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:20,724 I-I couldn't help it, I just drifted toward him. 487 00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:23,811 Gelman! I've only got one bar! 488 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:24,895 Gelman! 489 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,438 And so he moved. 490 00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:28,524 Gelman. Gelman! 491 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:29,858 And he moved. 492 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,485 I got no service! 493 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,072 What the hell is wrong with this? 494 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,908 Until he gave up. 495 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:44,623 Hey, you. 496 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:46,166 You got a signal? 497 00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,918 I'm trying to phone a friend. 498 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,545 He talked to me! 499 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,130 I ran to tell Mia. 500 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,341 Oh, my God, Mia, I met Regis Philbin, 501 00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,634 and -- Uh-oh. You look mad. 502 00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:58,011 You met Regis, I met our baby. 503 00:18:58,095 --> 00:18:59,513 Big day for both of us. 504 00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:01,807 Did -- Did anybody tape it? 505 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,268 After that, I vowed to never miss 506 00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,895 another moment of Sophie's life ever again. 507 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,398 And I haven't, except for that pumpkin contest thing, 508 00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,607 and that still kills me. 509 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:11,817 Thanks. 510 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,610 Your story is way stupider than mine. 511 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,779 -Mm-hmm. - I feel better now. 512 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,699 All right, go ahead. Make fun of me. 513 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:22,161 That story was...humanizing. 514 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,705 It's Regis. Of course you follow. 515 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,708 Yeah. No wonder you're so crazy! 516 00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,793 Come here, ya big screw-up! 517 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,097 Oh, my God... 518 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,227 Do you think they'll keep it? 519 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,396 - The baby? - Mm-hmm. 520 00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:50,731 Yes. 521 00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:55,235 Can you believe Sharon and Ron rejected my present? 522 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:58,322 Just because I found it in an empty hospital room? 523 00:19:58,405 --> 00:19:59,948 Ang, can we talk? I have feelings. 524 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,283 Yeah, I'm sure. 525 00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:04,161 Watching your ex-husband have a new baby must be difficult. 526 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,288 Well, no. It's -- It's not that. I'm happy for Ron. 527 00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,081 It's just that when I was holding that baby, 528 00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,042 I realized that I want one. 529 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:13,378 You want one, like, you want a baby one? 530 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,672 - I thought you were done. - I know. So did I. 531 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,799 I don't know, something happened, something changed. 532 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:22,304 I can't explain it, Ang, but I think I want a baby... with Douglas. 533 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:23,972 Does Douglas want a baby? 534 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,098 I don't know. I -- 535 00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:26,475 Okay, shut up, he's coming. 536 00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:31,021 Excuse us, Angie, but Poppy and I are gonna go back to our home. 537 00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:32,731 I cannot wait 538 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:35,651 to get back to that empty nest fantasy 539 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,194 - from this morning. - Mm. 540 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,571 Just you and me and nothing else. 541 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:40,697 The dream. 542 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,449 Right. The dream. 543 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,958 {\an8}Smoke Monster? Seriously, Ron? What is wrong with you? 544 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,377 {\an8}I know it's an iconic moment in the series, 545 00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,504 {\an8}but this is the name of our son we're talking about! 546 00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:56,880 {\an8}A tiny human being 547 00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,966 {\an8}who's depending on us to make good decisions for him, 548 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:00,759 {\an8}and you went and gave him a two-word name, 549 00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:01,885 {\an8}one of which is monster! 550 00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:03,178 {\an8}You're pregnant? 551 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,638 {\an8}With twins?! 552 00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:07,015 {\an8}Ah, the Fogerty DNA. 553 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,934 {\an8}You know my twin sisters, Donna and Lenore -- 554 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,185 {\an8}may they rest in peace... 555 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,271 {\an8}Yeah, uh, Rose, Rose, calm down. 556 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:13,397 {\an8}I will not calm down! 557 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,148 {\an8}Of course you'll still look good in a thong. 558 00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:17,651 {\an8}This is LA -- they can do anything to your butt! 559 00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:18,986 {\an8}- Oh, sorry. Excuse me. 560 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:20,320 {\an8}All right, look, I gotta go. 561 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:21,947 {\an8}- I love you. I love you, too. 562 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,324 {\an8}Oh, he's doing jazz hands!