1 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,928 Ah, go for it. It's on me. 2 00:00:12,972 --> 00:00:14,602 Dave, it's costing you, like, 3 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,640 20 grand to teach me how to golf. 4 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,694 I'm worth $50.3 billion. 5 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:22,768 I've spent more on a, on an endangered parrot sandwich. 6 00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:24,975 Go on. 7 00:00:27,403 --> 00:00:29,533 So remember, head down. 8 00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:31,412 Head down, okay. 9 00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,825 Ooh. 10 00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:37,409 That felt nice. 11 00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:40,365 A majestic arc to that one. A pleasure to behold. 12 00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:42,416 Ah, beginner's luck. 13 00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,090 Don't you ever get bored of this? 14 00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:46,458 Me, bored? No. 15 00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:50,545 You got to understand, Nate, I lived a life of purpose, 16 00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:52,393 so now this is my reward. 17 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,718 - Okay. - Yeah. 18 00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:58,558 So get me an Arnold Palmer. 19 00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:01,311 Certainly, sir. 20 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,613 - Arnold. - Hello, Choak. 21 00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:06,647 Watch this, you piece of shit. 22 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,657 ♪ ♪ 23 00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,580 And then, out of nowhere, 24 00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:22,293 he just tackles the Arnold Palmer bot. 25 00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:25,093 Supposedly, the real Arnold cockblocked him for years 26 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:28,007 when they lived together on a nudist commune in 1973. 27 00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,377 I know. I-Ivan, your night angel, 28 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:33,644 showed me some spicy memory files of Choak, 29 00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,717 which I'm pretty sure he stole and sold. 30 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,183 Oh, God. 31 00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:39,143 Choak lived this full life, you know? 32 00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:42,563 It made me think it might be nice to be old and smug one day, 33 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,483 but I don't have anything to be smug about. 34 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,072 Just wish I could keep working. 35 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,066 Uh, you're not allowed. 36 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,608 Yeah, life's tough enough 37 00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,552 without uploads driving down wages for us meat folks. 38 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,780 I know, 39 00:01:52,822 --> 00:01:54,572 but they called me a barista at my funeral. 40 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,575 Yeah? 41 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,737 Well, that's not me, okay? 42 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,456 I-I can contribute more than that. 43 00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:02,827 I'll see you. 44 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:05,463 Hey, I want to show you something. 45 00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,128 2Gigs please. 46 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,183 Oh, God. 47 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,233 What is this place? 48 00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:31,324 Lakeview's lowest class of upload. 49 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,070 - This is where the 2Gigs live. - 2Gigs? 50 00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:37,414 Yeah, they only get two gigs of data a month, 51 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,619 and once they run out, 52 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,159 they can't afford anything. 53 00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,057 Things included in your level of service... 54 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:53,918 Your shower, your view of the lake... 55 00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:55,716 They don't have. 56 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:58,849 Lean Cuisine sponsors the cafeteria 57 00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,468 to try new recipes. 58 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:04,854 "Today's Special: Fiesta Jalapeño Creamed Meat." 59 00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:06,444 Yikes. 60 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:09,228 What is this? It's only the first five pages. 61 00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,783 Yup, the free sample. 62 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:15,197 If they want to read the whole book, they have to pay extra. 63 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,446 Oh, hey, love Harry Potter. 64 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:19,910 All the magic's so cool. 65 00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:23,080 There's magic in Harry Potter? 66 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,330 He's frozen until next month, 67 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,924 unless someone adds to his account, 68 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,050 but most of them don't have money of their own. 69 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,877 They don't even get the basic sweat suit 70 00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:36,883 included in the plan. 71 00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:37,966 Whoa. 72 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,510 Wait. 73 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,514 He doesn't have a penis. 74 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,096 Yeah, it must be the end of his month. 75 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,892 Oh, man, 76 00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:49,856 he's making clothes out of Lean Cuisine boxes. 77 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,147 No, that's not... 78 00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,692 - Oh. - Okay. 79 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,915 That's actually kind of impressive, 80 00:03:55,945 --> 00:03:57,605 but Horizen should just give 81 00:03:57,655 --> 00:04:01,445 anybody a penis, or clothing, or-or an entire book. 82 00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:02,912 I mean, it's just code. 83 00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:05,162 Well, they want people to pay for upgrades. 84 00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,754 It's called capitalism. 85 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,383 Look at this. 86 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,169 This is terrible. 87 00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:16,423 - These people don't deserve this. 88 00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:18,545 - I know. - Nobody deserves this. 89 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,972 Somebody should do something. 90 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,011 Wait, where's that music coming from? 91 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,805 Oh, uh, I don't know. 92 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,229 That's... 93 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,637 weird. 94 00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,516 Anyway, Nathan, you were saying? 95 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:33,192 Maybe my purpose is to help the 2Gigs. 96 00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,539 I could give them some of my breakfast. 97 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:37,698 It's unlimited. 98 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,256 You know, I'll just need some bigger pockets. 99 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,659 - I could... - Babe, where are you? 100 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,509 The Vogue interviewer is gonna be here any minute. 101 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,994 Is this dress okay? 102 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,615 I wanted to show off my shoulder blades. 103 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,082 I just got them sharpened. 104 00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:51,332 Oh, my God, did he go too sharp? 105 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:52,935 He said they were gonna soften up a bit, 106 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,100 but I think they're too sharp. 107 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,168 Shit. Just hurry up, okay? 108 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,263 I completely forgot. 109 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,928 Ingrid and I have this interview about modern love. 110 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,008 I will be back. I'll see you soon. 111 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,893 Yeah, no. No worries. I totally get it. Have-have fun. 112 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,681 He should be here any minute. 113 00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:09,935 Well, not here here, but you know. 114 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:12,937 So, for the article, I wanted to refer to relationships 115 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,610 between bios and uploads as 116 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,109 "the ultimate long-distance relationship." 117 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,992 Oh, my God, totally. That's exactly what it's like. 118 00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:22,490 Oh, here he is. 119 00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:28,793 That was, that was just a fart. 120 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,659 Sorry. 121 00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:33,746 - Hi, baby. - Hey, hey. 122 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,882 I'm so sorry I'm late. 123 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,959 Hi, Nathan. So Ingrid and I were just 124 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,415 talking about what it's like to go from being 125 00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:43,086 a regular old bio couple to one that lives 126 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,795 on two different planes of existence. 127 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,355 Oh, well, I'm not sure we ever really lived 128 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,928 on the same plane of existence. 129 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,524 It was a joke. 130 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:51,889 Oh, no, that's funny. 131 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,725 No... Don't put that in. Thank you. 132 00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:56,572 I mean, you should've seen him. 133 00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:59,187 He was moved by the 2Gigs. 134 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,204 I mean, it was so cute. 135 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:04,696 Ugh, that place is too depressing for me. 136 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:08,790 But that's nice, your little play boyfriend wants to help. 137 00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:12,117 - What'd he do? - He had to leave. 138 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:13,964 Uh, his girlfriend called. 139 00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,749 Uh, they had something planned, I guess. 140 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:19,963 That is right. Your boyfriend already has a girlfriend. 141 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:23,835 So I guess it's her job to worry about his life's purpose, 142 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,724 and it's your job to worry about keeping the heat on 143 00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,352 - in your apartment. - I know. 144 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,099 Stop worrying about this guy and keep your mind on your work. 145 00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:38,018 And clean up that old dude's unibrow. 146 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:44,236 Clean it up or fill it in? 147 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,279 Wait. No. 148 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:47,913 Slide it down. 149 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,752 Ooh... 150 00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,328 So, Nathan, since you were uploaded, 151 00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:56,133 how has your relationship changed? 152 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,336 Well, honestly, it just got me thinking a lot 153 00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,377 about life and what's really important to me. 154 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:04,170 Yeah? But our relationship hasn't changed at all. 155 00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,756 We still talk every day. Even twice a day, sometimes. 156 00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:08,762 Yeah. I mean, we still talk, but it's definitely 157 00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:10,014 changed the relationship. 158 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,635 I mean, now she literally owns me. 159 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,812 Really? 160 00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:15,641 Uh, that... that's not what it sounds like. 161 00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,856 Nathan didn't have an upload plan 162 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:21,526 at the time of his accident, so it was the only option. 163 00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:24,357 And now it's just easier for all of our stuff 164 00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,113 to be in the same place, you know? 165 00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:29,065 Like, uh, couples that share an e-mail account, 166 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,276 the ultimate trust. 167 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,325 Aw, that's adorbs. 168 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,619 Let's talk about something more fun. 169 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,713 How's the sex? 170 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,328 Ah, well, we haven't tried it. 171 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,285 Yet. We haven't tried it yet. 172 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,795 We were just waiting for him to get adjusted. 173 00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,268 Oh, I'm sorry. You were waiting for me? 174 00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,648 'Cause I thought you said the suit was so gross. 175 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,054 Well, that suit looked gross 176 00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:48,972 because a newer model's coming out, so... 177 00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:52,681 we were just, we were waiting for the new suit. 178 00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:59,475 Speaking of sex, would you like to watch one of our sex tapes? 179 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:02,481 My dad got Ang Lee to edit the body cam footage 180 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:03,904 from our first night together. 181 00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:05,572 I would absolutely love that. 182 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:08,281 Okay. They're on my office computer. 183 00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,380 All right, good talk. 184 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,937 - Angel? - Hey. 185 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,239 - Hey. - You okay? 186 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:52,236 No. 187 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,032 I was gonna lie, but you probably have 188 00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:58,036 some kind of, like, truth detector button or something. 189 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,790 Well, I don't. 190 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,001 Yeah, of course not. 191 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,501 That's crazy. I knew that. 192 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,502 Mm, no, you didn't. 193 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,424 - My button says you're lying. - Stop it. Is there a button? 194 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:11,014 Yeah, no. That would be, like, really intrusive. 195 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,927 Maybe my boss has one, though. 196 00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:17,431 I don't know. She can be a real nightmare. 197 00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:21,524 In your experience, do relationships 198 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:26,531 between uploads and, uh, real people ever work? 199 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,816 You're a real person. 200 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,780 Yeah, uh, living people. 201 00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:33,781 Sure. Sometimes. 202 00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:38,414 I mean, they're hard, but maybe that makes them more worthwhile? 203 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,833 I always root for them. 204 00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,002 Sounds corny, I know. 205 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,881 No, it's not. 206 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,918 It's nice. 207 00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:51,508 Ingrid and I, we always had 208 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,640 that physical thing we could fall back on. 209 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:58,387 You know? But without it, it just kind of feels like 210 00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:01,272 we're brother and sister? 211 00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:04,350 If I didn't really like my sister. 212 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,266 Well, you know you can still have 213 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,855 a physical relationship as an upload, right? 214 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,190 Yeah, with the sex suit. 215 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,565 The hug suit. 216 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,741 Some people use it to hug their kids. 217 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,780 Mm-hmm. When's the last time an adult called it a hug suit? 218 00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,446 The commercial. 219 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,785 Ingrid was grossed out by it, 220 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,252 but now it sounds like she might want to try it. 221 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,503 It's just, now that I've seen how things are 222 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,916 without the physical, not sure I want her to. 223 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,297 Well, it's late. 224 00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:40,635 You should get some sleep, and I got to clock out. 225 00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,359 Hey, um... 226 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:50,777 You want to go back and see the 2Gigs tomorrow? 227 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,317 Okay. 228 00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:55,412 Good night, Nathan. 229 00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,697 Good night, Nora. 230 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:15,932 Oh, the Vogue interview with you and Ingrid just dropped. 231 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,677 Oh, how's it look? 232 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:21,009 It's... intense. 233 00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:23,846 Looks like she's wound even tighter than she was 234 00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,062 at the funeral. 235 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,313 What's going on with that cat? 236 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,856 Do not end the fight, 237 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,571 upload is a human right! 238 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,151 - Do not end the fight, - Yes. 239 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,856 - Upload is a human right! - Yes! 240 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,367 ♪ ♪ 241 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,380 - Ingrid. - Hey. 242 00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,671 Hi. 243 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,633 - Uh, I was just... - Shh. 244 00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:59,215 I'm wearing the sex suit, 245 00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:01,431 and nothing else. 246 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,475 Uh... 247 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,696 Hey, hey, hey, um... 248 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,566 Could we talk for a second? 249 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,993 I need this. I'm... 250 00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,832 Baby, I miss our intimacy. I... 251 00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,328 - Ing. Hold on. - No, no, I... 252 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,199 I don't feel like we have our old connection, 253 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,036 and that's on me. 254 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,621 I'm sorry. 255 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,456 But there's no more interviews now. 256 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,302 Okay? It's just us. 257 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,930 Nora! You're just in time. 258 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,391 Nathan's hot-as-balls girlfriend 259 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,971 just surprised him with a sex suit. 260 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,768 Can you please move so I can clock in? 261 00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:53,112 Oh, yeah. 262 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,749 Can you feel me? 263 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,673 Yeah. Actually, your feet are warm for once. 264 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,923 - Yeah? - Uh-huh. 265 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,594 Mm... 266 00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:25,759 Your skin, it's so... soft. 267 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,805 Yeah. Yours, too. 268 00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,020 Are you ready? 269 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,350 - Yeah. - Okay. 270 00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,857 Um... what's wrong? 271 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,440 Hmm? 272 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,695 Uh... I don't know. 273 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,011 - Tech support! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 274 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,411 What are you doing? 275 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,699 Well, it's got to be some sort of tech issue. Right? 276 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,833 - No. - Tech support! 277 00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,179 No-no-no, no-no. No support. We're fine. 278 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,754 - Tech support! - We're fine. It's... 279 00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:51,999 - Assistance! - No. 280 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,180 - Things are... - And, hon, listen... 281 00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:54,748 - Things are okay. - Tech... support. 282 00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,173 That's not how this works. 283 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,861 - What if I try it down here? - No. No, no, no. 284 00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:58,879 - Hey! - Oh, fuck. 285 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:01,052 - Hey! Hey! - We're fine. 286 00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,721 - Everything's fine. - We need help! 287 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,639 Hey! SOS! 288 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,048 - No! - Assistance! 289 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,361 I could do it. 290 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,228 - Go home. - Right. 291 00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,736 You smell great, by the way, just... I'm gonna... 292 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,068 - Go! - I'm going. Yeah. 293 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,208 Hi. 294 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,630 - You called? - Yeah. Finally. 295 00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:40,299 There's some sort of tech issue happening with Nathan's dick. 296 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:43,378 Okay... 297 00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:45,505 - It's not getting hard. - Thank you. 298 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,432 - Ah. I see. - Yeah. 299 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,890 We've never had this problem before. 300 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,890 Like, never. 301 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,682 And for the record, I have never 302 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,726 had this problem before with anyone. 303 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,149 So... 304 00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:57,767 it's not me. 305 00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,774 Hey. Fuck. Clyde. 306 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,686 Clyde. Hey! 307 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,065 Hey! Stop it. 308 00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,361 Clyde. 309 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,364 Hey! Hey! Hey-hey-hey-hey. 310 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,526 Get down! Fuck. 311 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,235 Hey. Hey. 312 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:15,711 I'm so sorry. 313 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,459 Hey, it's fine. 314 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,300 You don't owe me an explanation. 315 00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,757 It's your life. 316 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:28,347 Um... I guess... 317 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,596 we'd better fix you up 318 00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:30,928 before she gets back. 319 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,187 Everything is properly connected 320 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:45,362 on our end, so I'll need to test for responsiveness 321 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,203 to further assist the issue. 322 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,318 Is that okay? 323 00:15:56,998 --> 00:16:00,128 Do you feel that? 324 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,512 How about that? 325 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,719 Yes. 326 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:23,443 Oh, my... What is going on here? 327 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:27,243 I'm so sorry about that. My cat was being a total douche. 328 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,858 Oh. 329 00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,026 It worked. 330 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:35,495 So I was like, "Let me test for responsiveness." 331 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:38,577 Then I literally threw a blanket over this girl's head 332 00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,793 and felt up her boyfriend. 333 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,754 And... I put on my sexy voice, too. 334 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,455 You have a sexy voice? 335 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,045 I do. 336 00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,680 I said it like this: 337 00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,337 "Can you feel anything?" 338 00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:52,345 And I lightly touched his chest 339 00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:56,807 and we locked eyes and then, holy shit. 340 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,160 You turned his software into hardware? 341 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,194 - Oh, yeah. - Girl, and then what happened? 342 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,018 His girlfriend came back and then he used it on her, so... 343 00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,734 Yep. 344 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:08,244 Dang, that's messed up. So what about your lady boner? 345 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:11,488 It's still there. Rock hard. 346 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,371 You know what I'm gonna say, don't you? 347 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,448 "Give it one more chance and see where it goes"? 348 00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,253 Get the fuck back on Nitely. 349 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,367 Its algorithm is responsible for tons of real relationships. 350 00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,625 - The quickest way to get over a guy 351 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,917 is to get under a new one. 352 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:28,838 Reinstall Nitely. 353 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,885 Reinstall Nitely. 354 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,020 See? You already got a new match. 355 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,555 "Can I cum over?" 356 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:42,943 It's a pun. 357 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,769 - Look at those abs. - Those abs. 358 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:46,694 You know, if I wrote that, 359 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,783 it'd be a deal breaker, right? 360 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,199 Why are you still here? 361 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,027 Oh, what's up, Aleesa? 362 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,822 - Nope. - It's Aleesha. 363 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:58,236 - Right. - Bye. 364 00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:10,046 I'd like to speak with the manager. 365 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,049 The store is designed to be completely automated. 366 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,801 Please put your purchase on the conveyor. 367 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,473 Manager. 368 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,472 Let's see if I can help you first. 369 00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,934 If this is a problem with a product, say "product." 370 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,734 If the store is on fire, say "fire." 371 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,609 If you are stuck in the door and the store is on fire, 372 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:26,817 say "screams." 373 00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,226 "Human manager." 374 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:33,065 The wait to speak to a human is 300 minutes. 375 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,702 If the bathroom is unstocked, say "tissue paper." 376 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,160 If a patron is having a baby, say "miracle." 377 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,710 Is this dehydrated fruit salad or is this a queen bed? 378 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,328 What do you think? 379 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:48,245 Let me talk to a manager, please. 380 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:51,214 Grab another bed from the rack, okay? 381 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,216 My name is Fran Booth. 382 00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:55,298 I am a part-time private investigator, 383 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,803 and I need to take a look at your security camera footage 384 00:18:57,846 --> 00:18:59,346 from November 24. 385 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,929 Aw, shit. Uh... 386 00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,975 Okay. Uh, hold on. 387 00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:15,147 Follow me. 388 00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,566 300 minutes? 389 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:20,034 More like 50 seconds, dummy. 390 00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,794 - You... - You again? 391 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,713 - You tricked me. - I tricked you? 392 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:32,881 Mm-hmm. See, you got a new username and picture. 393 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,782 I deleted the app and I had to use a different name 394 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,889 when I reinsta... but you? 395 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,676 "Henry"? I mean, you got different dummy accounts 396 00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,321 with different names and everything. I mean... 397 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:44,387 I mean, is this even your hot, chiseled, sweaty torso? 398 00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:47,347 No. 399 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,975 - Fuck it. Come in. - Oh... 400 00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:58,816 - This is so hot. - No talking today. 401 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,704 ♪ ♪ 402 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:36,686 Mm... 403 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,696 Are you okay? 404 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,698 Yep. 405 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:44,450 Oh, okay. I thought for a second something was wrong. 406 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:46,874 You know, it's weird. 407 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,713 Normally, when girls come, it sounds different. 408 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,249 Like, uh, not as real as you sound. 409 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:56,415 So, do I get five stars this time? 410 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:58,474 Oh, yeah, definitely. 411 00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:03,005 Oh, I'll do it right now. 412 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,309 What the hell? 413 00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:14,355 Payback. 414 00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,460 Hey, babe. 415 00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,304 Are you awake? 416 00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:09,204 Yeah, so that was totally fun. 417 00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,905 Look, I don't know about you, 418 00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:13,995 - but we should do that again sometime. - Okay, bye. 419 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,238 Oh... 420 00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:45,738 Forgot to kill your boyfriend? 421 00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:47,782 Careful, Ingrid. 422 00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:50,405 The camera adds ten years. 423 00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:52,663 In jail.