Did you bring protection?
I consent to this.
That was surprisingly nice.
Oh, yeah.
Five stars, huh?
Wait, you're leaving?
I thought you said we would talk after.
Oh. We're talking.
We're agreeing to give each other five stars.
That's talking, right?
Wow, uh...
Okay.
So...?
You would've given me six stars if you could've, huh?
"Byron said:
"Hair shorter than pics, clingy vibe.
Four stars"?
Entitled motherfucker.
Hey!
Asshole!
Delete Nitely app.
♪ ♪
Mr. Brown.
Mr. Brown!
Ugh, hey, uh, I have mandatory pet therapy...
'cause I tried to kill myself yesterday.
Oh, Mr. Brown.
Well, one of our floofers or puppers will cheer you up.
Take your pick.
Okay.
Hey, man.
Oh, hey.
You want Ernie? He's awesome, and I'm done.
- No, I was gonna... Oh, okay, yep.
Okay.
Thank you.
Why do they program him to shed?
Hey, Ernie, you're a little cutie.
- Yeah. - So I understand
you were in a bad place yesterday.
You want to talk about it?
Uh...
Okay.
Do I keep petting you, or...?
It's only weird if you make it weird.
Okay.
I've never done therapy.
Although, my girlfriend started last year.
Interesting.
So I'm supposed to do what exactly?
Let's start with why you were
going to throw yourself in the torrent.
Right, the torrent.
I guess I...
Also, this session's being recorded
for quality purposes. Go on.
I had a great life.
I was young, healthy, great body,
great face,
great hair, great skin,
great teeth,
great eyes, great abs, great...
Sounds like you had every kind of privilege
and you never questioned it.
Then, bam, self-driving car crash?
That's not fair.
Now I live in this weird fantasy world
with my girlfriend's grandma.
Life's not fair.
Neither is digital life extension.
What's fair and what should happen,
that's just in your head.
- Super. - You have to make your own meaning.
What makes life worth living for you? Uh, uh...
Y-You're petting me extremely hard right now.
Sorry, you're stressing me out.
What's the meaning of life in ten seconds? Come on.
Think of it as your bare minimum.
What do you need so you won't dive into that thing?
I guess I just still want to be a man.
Well, what does that mean?
Good question.
I want to be independent
and capable.
When you're young, people have to do everything for you,
and then you grow up and you become a man
and-and people rely on you.
Kids look up to you. Women want to be with you.
You know?
I had that, or...
I was on my way to that.
Mm-hmm.
I'm going to give you an assignment.
Talk to at least five of your fellow uploads,
take notes, then find me,
and maybe you made a friend who makes it all feel worth it.
Well, I'll just wipe this off first.
Myra,
I have a drone follow you everywhere,
and every single day, you give her sweets in the park.
Now, today, get her to eat the Rachel Ray Junior
steamed squash I printed this morning and nothing else,
or I will fire you.
Should I come back later?
No, it's fine. Come in.
I met with my bank,
and they approved the loan for my dad's upload. Yay!
Uh, as long as my employer... That-that's you...
Um, confirms in writing that I qualify
for the employee discount.
What was wrong with him again?
Dad has vape lung.
He thought it was safer than smoking,
then all the studies came out.
I thought he didn't believe in upload.
Well, he's still being a bit of a Ludd about it,
but, um, you know, when he sees I've spent the money, I...
You know, I don't feel comfortable signing this.
You need a 4.6 employee rating to qualify for that discount.
Right now, you're at 4.598, so...
Come on, I'm-I'm-I'm so close.
Here's what I'll do.
You could hit a 4.6 today,
but then you could slip under tomorrow.
You hit a 4.8,
and I'll sign this letter as written, no prob.
But I-I just need you to sign it right...
Those are my rules.
♪ ♪
- Hey, bud. - Shh!
I'm Nathan. I'm new.
Seriously, shut up.
Is anyone looking for me?
No. Coast is clear.
Oh, shit.
Thanks a lot.
What?
What the hell?
Come here, you little...
Oh, fuck. Uh, Angel?
Hey.
What the hell is going on here? Did I do this?
No.
Dylan's been here for years.
He fell off a cliff on a school trip.
He gets bored,
so he has all the AI guys
set to Street Fighter in game mode.
Game mode. Cool.
How are you?
- Feeling better today? - Yeah, yeah, a little.
Uh, I have a special assignment from my therapist.
- It's called The Five People You Meet in Upload. - Those are mine.
Mine, mine, mine.
I need to go around and introduce myself to five
-of the other uploads. -Those are mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
I guess he thinks communication
- is really important. - Will you please back off?
Hello?
Nora, did I lose you?
You know, just don't have any expectations,
then you won't get disappointed.
Nah, not me. You get what you expect in life,
so I expect the best.
Well, I'm sure you'll get the best
here at Horizen Lakeview.
Is there anything else?
Did I say something wrong?
As your customer service representative,
it is my job to be of service with any issues.
Are there any specific issues?
No.
Thank you for using Horizen.
God, you are a sight for sore eyes.
I'm so sorry I didn't call you back today, babe.
Nonstop funeral planning.
There's so much to do before tonight.
Flowers, gift bags.
Well, maybe I can help from here.
I'm sure there's a ton of meaningful stuff you could do,
but don't get mad at me... I did it all already.
Hold still.
Ow! Ooh.
- What was that? - It's just stem cells.
I can't wait to upload so I don't have to work this hard.
You're so lucky.
I'm sorry, I-I don't mean that
the way that it... sounded.
No, you're right, it, uh... it is nice here.
- Vaginaplasty, miss? - Come again?
Um, I'm getting ready for my boyfriend's funeral.
So, no?
Yeah. No.
Wow.
After the funeral tonight, you want to rent a VR sex suit,
sleep over?
Duh! Yes.
There's a shop on Melrose with amazing Yelp reviews.
I need you to close your eyes and mouth.
Oh, babe, she's putting bees on my face.
Gotta go. Love you.
Love you, too. Bye.
They're really mad today.
♪ Now everybody ♪
♪ Have you heard ♪
♪ If you're in the game ♪
♪ Then the stroke's the word ♪
♪ Ba da wa da wa ♪
♪ Grab your vial ♪
♪ Bwee ba do, bwee ba do ♪
♪ Stroke me, stroke me ♪
♪ Could be a winner, boy, you move quite well ♪
♪ Stroke me, stroke me ♪
♪ Da da da da da da da da da da. ♪
♪ ♪
Hey. Yeah, what the hell?
I thought we said 10:30.
You told me to meet you at the courts, man.
Well, I'm here, and I don't see you anywhere.
So, what's in the news?
Um, I'm not Siri, so look up your own news.
Yeah, yeah, you're not Siri.
'Cause who'd program Siri to be so grumpy?
I don't have to smile for you.
I'm on break.
I just have stuff on my mind.
Shitty Nitely last night?
Insulting. Uh...
I'm not discussing my Nitely hookups with you.
Look up your own damn porn.
Hey, I have no earthly needs anymore.
I was asking out of a purely spiritual desire to help.
Wait, you're joking, right?
Because you're supposed to continue to have earthly needs.
Lack of sexual interest is a sign of depression.
Yes, I was joking.
And everything works okay?
I mean... I'm required to ask.
You can still, uh...
Look up your own damn porn!
Oh, please. Yeah, right.
Is there anything left to talk about?
Because I have 47 other clients.
So what? Let 'em wait.
We're all dead here anyway.
Angel.
Angel, I'm stuck in my closet.
Fixing that. Yes, ma'am.
Happy to provide five-star service.
Are you sure you're okay?
I'll be fine.
So, what big plans today?
Water aerobics? Golf?
Oh, me? Uh, I have homework from a dog,
and, uh, tonight, my own funeral,
simulcast in Lakeview, New York and L.A., so...
yeah, same old, same old.
Well, if you need me
for personal shopping, technical service
or wrapping up of unfinished business,
whatever...
I'm a resource. Use me.
Right. So...
♪ ♪
Hey, cool boots.
Yeah.
I'm Nathan. I live across the hall.
Hey, you look familiar.
Did you play the mayor in Robocop?
No.
I'm David Choak.
Of, like, the Choak brothers?
Yeah.
We live on the same floor?
That's weird.
Well, I've got 25,000 square feet
and a 12-acre backyard once you go through that door,
so I suppose it is a little weird.
What did you do?
Uh, game designer. Yeah, freeware.
And a little modeling in college.
I mean, it's no big deal. Mostly catalog work.
A couple commercials.
Not much money in freeware.
No.
And what did you do?
Oh, not much.
Just co-ran the second-largest
privately owned company in the world
and influenced American politics for a generation.
Yeah, no, I-I know.
So, these free games... Uh, anything with duck hunting?
No. Uh, my friend and I are making an app.
It's called...
Um, it...
Sorry.
I'm blanking on the name.
You're blanking on the name of your own app?
Yeah, I-I've been having some memory gaps.
I guess I'm just a little death-lagged.
Um, we wrote a program that allows anyone
to save their own uploads.
So you can create your own digital afterlife
and pass it down to friends or family for free.
So you got murdered.
No. I-I was in a car accident.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, you just, uh, threatened
a 600-billion-dollar-a-year industry,
and no one murdered you.
Nobody murders anybody.
Okay. Well, he sucks.
This dog better know what it's doing.
- Good morning, Mr. Brown. - Where to?
Uh, actually, car, this is Fran Booth.
I've been asked by the Brown family
to investigate the November 24 crash.
Do you know where you are?
4499 Spaulding.
Correct.
Damage scan, please?
No damage to report.
- You are clearly very damaged. - No.
Okay, car.
Uh, pull up dashcam footage from 11:00 to 11:37 p.m.
on the night of the crash.
Can't find anything.
But you were in motion, so your cameras were activated.
Who are you again?
Where are the recordings?
Interesting.
♪ ♪
Hi. You look a little lost.
Can I help you?
Hi. Yes. Um, I'm looking to rent a sex suit.
It's my boyfriend's funeral tonight,
and I want it to be special for him.
Well, you know how they work, right?
The fingers on the inside inflate,
and since everything's better wet, just use it in the tub.
Did you say fingers?
Setup can be fun because everything's adjustable.
You can make him hung like a horse, add chest hair, whatever.
He can even give you bigger boobs, extra boobs.
Whatever you want.
They really clean them well.
Oh, God, yeah. We have to.
You wouldn't believe what we pull out of them sometimes.
It's not just a sex suit.
Old people want to hug their grandkids,
and the kids throw up in there.
Ugh, people think they can do anything in a rental.
Hey, where are you going?
Nora?
I mean, Angel.
Seriously? I do have other clients.
Hey, um, I thought of something maybe you can help me with.
I can't remember everything.
- Everybody forgets stuff. - Yeah, but shouldn't I know
the name of the project I was working on last week?
Wait, you don't?
No. I mean, maybe there wasn't enough storage space,
or I don't want to sound paranoid,
but what if something was edited?
I mean, I can remember my high school prom,
but I used to know every word to the big song
we danced to, and now nothing.
Okay? It's just blank.
That must be scary.
Fuck yeah. It is. It's like...
you know, am I still me if something's missing?
And-and is it just random what I'm forgetting? I...
I have this awful feeling, like I left the gas on.
You know, like whatever I'm forgetting could just...
blow up my family.
Yikes.
I'm sorry.
- Hey, what song? - What?
What was your big prom song?
"Uptown Funk."
Me, too. Um...
Okay. Um...
♪ This hit, that ice cold, Michelle Pfeiffer ♪
♪ That white gold... ♪ Anything?
- Go on. - ♪ This one for them ♪
♪ Good girls, them hood girls ♪
♪ Straight masterpieces ♪
♪ Stylin', wilin', livin' it up in the city ♪
♪ Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent ♪
♪ Gotta kiss myself, I'm so pretty ♪
- ♪ Too hot ♪ - ♪ Hot damn ♪
♪ Call the police and the fireman ♪
♪ I'm too hot, hot damn ♪
♪ Say my name, you know who I am ♪
♪ Girls, hit your hallelujah, whoo ♪
♪ Girls, hit your hallelujah ♪
♪ 'Cause uptown funk gonna give it to ya ♪
♪ Saturday night and we in the spot ♪
♪ Don't believe me, just watch ♪
♪ Hey, dun-na-nah... ♪ Ooh, shit.
Got to go.
♪ Uptown funk... ♪
Hey. I'm Nathan. I'm new here.
Well, I see you've really made yourself at home.
Okay.
Don't like him, either.
Hey, remember that hot douchebag?
The one that almost jumped yesterday?
Uh...
He might actually be a good guy.
You assembled every one of his memories.
Wouldn't you know if he was for real?
Yeah, but weirdly, some of his dot-mem files are damaged.
Yeah.
Ah... well, I feel you.
I wasn't paying attention yesterday,
and I put this hipster woman's experience
of natural childbirth into an old male judge.
Freaked him the fuck out.
Jesus, Leesha.
Whatever you do,
do not tell the dude it was a fuckup.
He'll give you zero stars,
and you can't afford to lose this job.
Well, neither can you.
Uh, I have my dog-walking gig,
I do hair, and I'm the night manager at Falafel Halal.
I'll survive.
Angel!
Oh, my God.
Hey, Dylan.
Finally, Angel.
None of these computers work.
I can't get through to my best friend, Breck.
I've tried voice, text, video.
- Nothing works. - Okay.
I'll call him IRL and figure out how to get you connected.
Get ready to give me five stars.
We'll see.
No, Dylan was my best friend,
in seventh grade, and I'm sorry he died,
but he's still 11, and I'm 18 now.
I don't want Pokémon anymore.
- Look, I understand. - I want pussy.
Dude. Really?
You know, friends do drift apart.
No. Not my best friend.
Not Breck.
You're messing up somehow.
Yeah.
Probably.
You tried your best.
It just wasn't good enough.
- Wait, let me... - Sorry.
Yeah, I'm, uh, disappointed, too.
Aah!
Ah, it's too easy.
Dart around more!
And make duck sounds!
Quack! Quack!
Quack.
You're doing good!
Three stars?
Come on, man.
- Angel. - What?
What do you want?
Thank you. What do you need?
Thanks. That's nice.
Okay, I'm not sure what I did to deserve that,
but it's nice to get.
Okay, you got to be breaking the rules or something,
'cause I'm sure you're not supposed to keep
giving me five stars for nothing.
All right.
I-I should do something to earn these.
Ta-da.
Okay, seriously, what can I do for you?
Just ask me anything.
You know what you can do for me? You can tell me what's wrong.
'Cause you've been all like...
all day.
You got an hour?
I have infinity.
Well, you know what? In one sense,
it's just as bad as Nitely.
You know, you have to keep pleasing people,
and you can't let your numbers down.
- Emotional work is real work. - Yeah. Exactly.
And I can't walk away from the job.
- Why not? - My dad. My-my dad's dying.
- Oh, God. I'm sorry. - Yeah, it sucks.
And-and my mom died unexpectedly a few years ago.
- Exactly! And-and Dad doesn't think heaven could be heaven
without Mom in it, which means he's... he's basically okay
with not being with me,
which I might find romantic if it wasn't so insulting.
But really, I just feel like he's clinically depressed
and not thinking straight.
I mean, so he isn't saving anything for upload.
That's just all on me.
I mean, he might not even use it if I pay for it.
I guess my biggest fear is he'll die, too,
and my last connection to childhood
is just gone.
And I won't ever find anyone who...
understands me like that or...
loves me unconditionally.
Yeah.
Well, thanks.
I feel a lot better.
I didn't do anything but listen.
Pretend I'm giving you five stars.
♪ ♪
I met five new uploads today,
and I didn't like any of them.
You do seem less stressed, though.
Well, the staff is nice.
So, no more killing yourself?
Not today, and, uh, I can't tonight.
I have my funeral. So, see you.
♪ ♪
- Ugh! That sucked. - I don't know.
I think it went okay.
I fucking froze.
You were good. I'll admit.
"We at Beyond believe your income
shouldn't determine your digital afterlife"?
Where'd you get that economic inequality rap?
It's just the truth, man. - Great stuff.
Inspired tap dancing, brother.
You think Cavern Investments will bite?
Christ! Our next pitch isn't for three weeks.
- Do we even have enough cash...? - Gentlemen!
Has anyone heard your idea?
Anyone from the big companies?
Uh, just our families and my girlfriend.
Good. Don't tell anyone else.
We're ready to take this full round ourselves.
♪ ♪