1 00:00:08,888 --> 00:00:10,888 [woman] I can't stop thinking about... 2 00:00:11,008 --> 00:00:12,088 [upbeat drum music plays] 3 00:00:12,168 --> 00:00:13,168 [Remi] What? 4 00:00:13,248 --> 00:00:14,208 [woman] You. 5 00:00:15,128 --> 00:00:16,368 In a sexual way. 6 00:00:17,648 --> 00:00:19,848 [Remi] Yeah, it's what we call, erm... 7 00:00:20,568 --> 00:00:22,848 transference, it's, er... 8 00:00:25,208 --> 00:00:26,568 It's quite common. 9 00:00:27,488 --> 00:00:30,128 Something we can work through... 10 00:00:31,128 --> 00:00:32,168 together. 11 00:00:35,288 --> 00:00:36,688 I'd like to work through it. 12 00:00:37,088 --> 00:00:38,088 Hm. 13 00:00:38,168 --> 00:00:39,368 I'd also like to have sex. 14 00:00:40,128 --> 00:00:41,008 Oh. 15 00:00:41,568 --> 00:00:42,448 Right now. 16 00:00:43,968 --> 00:00:45,208 Hm. 17 00:00:48,328 --> 00:00:50,008 -[thump] -[ceramic breaking] 18 00:00:52,248 --> 00:00:54,248 -[moaning] -[rhythmic creaking] 19 00:00:57,728 --> 00:00:59,128 [moaning] 20 00:00:59,208 --> 00:01:00,448 [Remi] Sh, sh, sh! 21 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,528 -Shhh. -[gasping] 22 00:01:05,168 --> 00:01:08,288 "There was once a very happy horse called Hubert. 23 00:01:09,328 --> 00:01:13,208 Hubert was so happy, he would run around all day long--" 24 00:01:13,288 --> 00:01:14,688 -Mummy. -Mm? 25 00:01:14,768 --> 00:01:17,208 Why was Daddy naked with that lady? 26 00:01:19,368 --> 00:01:20,688 What do you mean, darling? 27 00:01:21,408 --> 00:01:23,808 Daddy was naked with that lady in his office. 28 00:01:24,728 --> 00:01:26,168 I saw their bums. 29 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,168 Do you know what sex is, Otis? 30 00:01:39,688 --> 00:01:45,528 Sex is when a man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina. 31 00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:47,208 Does it hurt? 32 00:01:47,728 --> 00:01:48,568 It can. 33 00:01:49,968 --> 00:01:53,328 Intercourse can... be wonderful, 34 00:01:54,688 --> 00:01:57,008 but it can also cause tremendous pain. 35 00:01:58,008 --> 00:01:59,528 And if you're not careful... 36 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:02,888 sex can destroy lives. 37 00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:11,208 "Happy Hubert was going to the happy horse festival, 38 00:02:11,288 --> 00:02:13,568 to see all his happy horse friends..." 39 00:02:14,408 --> 00:02:16,408 [birdsong] 40 00:02:16,488 --> 00:02:18,488 [Intro music plays] 41 00:02:19,928 --> 00:02:23,568 ♪ Forty days in Kansas ♪ 42 00:02:25,888 --> 00:02:29,088 ♪ Forty nights in pain ♪ 43 00:02:31,728 --> 00:02:34,808 ♪ This world took my fame ♪ 44 00:02:38,008 --> 00:02:41,568 ♪ That world took my name ♪ 45 00:02:44,088 --> 00:02:47,488 ♪ Here go I with nothing ♪ 46 00:02:50,048 --> 00:02:53,848 ♪ Here go I the same ♪ 47 00:02:54,688 --> 00:02:56,128 [all talking] 48 00:02:56,208 --> 00:02:59,328 ♪ White swan on the river ♪ 49 00:02:59,408 --> 00:03:01,008 -Yes, it is my job! -No, it isn't! 50 00:03:01,088 --> 00:03:01,928 Yes, it is my job! 51 00:03:02,008 --> 00:03:05,728 ♪ Black swan in the rain ♪ 52 00:03:07,168 --> 00:03:08,208 [in African accent] Eric! 53 00:03:09,008 --> 00:03:09,848 You look... 54 00:03:10,888 --> 00:03:13,408 -Normal. -I was going to say "nice". 55 00:03:14,088 --> 00:03:15,328 Your bruise is healing. 56 00:03:15,848 --> 00:03:18,448 I keep telling you that bike is dangerous. 57 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:22,928 Everyone stop staring. 58 00:03:23,608 --> 00:03:24,528 Let's eat. 59 00:03:28,448 --> 00:03:29,848 Dear Father God, 60 00:03:29,928 --> 00:03:31,968 thank You for waking us all up in the morning. 61 00:03:32,288 --> 00:03:35,728 I'm very thankful for this food. In Jesus' name, amen. 62 00:03:35,808 --> 00:03:36,728 -Amen. -Amen. 63 00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,088 [Remi] Ah, phew... Busy, busy, busy. 64 00:03:41,168 --> 00:03:43,168 Yet another TED talk to do tomorrow, 65 00:03:43,248 --> 00:03:44,928 and then straight back on to the book tour. 66 00:03:45,608 --> 00:03:48,608 First stop, Las Vegas. And that is one crazy town! 67 00:03:48,688 --> 00:03:50,488 [chuckles] 68 00:03:50,728 --> 00:03:52,248 How are you doin', dude? 69 00:03:53,728 --> 00:03:56,688 I’m good. Yeah, I'm really good. Great. 70 00:03:57,128 --> 00:03:58,008 Just... 71 00:03:58,088 --> 00:04:01,848 Overcompensation merely masks an unconscious weakness, Otis. 72 00:04:01,928 --> 00:04:04,008 Now, come on, talk to your old man. 73 00:04:05,808 --> 00:04:07,008 [sighs] 74 00:04:09,088 --> 00:04:10,328 I, er... 75 00:04:12,808 --> 00:04:14,888 I had a fight with one of my best mates. 76 00:04:15,608 --> 00:04:16,888 He said some stuff... 77 00:04:16,968 --> 00:04:19,728 We both said some stuff, and... 78 00:04:21,368 --> 00:04:25,168 Actually... No, it's all right. I'm fine. It's fine. 79 00:04:25,248 --> 00:04:26,528 Oh, come on, pal. 80 00:04:27,088 --> 00:04:28,488 What are you trying to say? 81 00:04:31,808 --> 00:04:33,808 How old were you when you lost your virginity? 82 00:04:33,888 --> 00:04:35,408 Ah... Uh... 83 00:04:35,488 --> 00:04:39,648 Two days after my 15th birthday, to be exact. 84 00:04:40,608 --> 00:04:44,168 So, you're still a virgin. Well, that... That's cool, kid. 85 00:04:44,248 --> 00:04:46,128 There's nothing wrong with that. 86 00:04:46,768 --> 00:04:48,048 Yeah, but I'm... I... 87 00:04:48,808 --> 00:04:49,728 I'm... 88 00:04:51,088 --> 00:04:52,488 I can't even just... 89 00:04:53,888 --> 00:04:56,728 I’m behind. I'm way behind my peers. 90 00:04:56,808 --> 00:04:58,528 Listen. The first time you do it, 91 00:04:58,968 --> 00:05:00,288 it will probably be bad. 92 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,408 The good stuff comes later. 93 00:05:02,488 --> 00:05:05,008 So you have to ask yourself, "Why am I waiting?" 94 00:05:05,928 --> 00:05:07,608 It's kind of like skydiving, you know. 95 00:05:07,688 --> 00:05:09,888 [chuckles] Yes. At some point, you've just gotta... 96 00:05:09,968 --> 00:05:11,928 Whoo! Chuck yourself out of the plane. 97 00:05:12,008 --> 00:05:13,408 [laughs] 98 00:05:13,488 --> 00:05:14,928 So, I should just jump? 99 00:05:15,008 --> 00:05:16,648 Yeah, exactly. 100 00:05:16,728 --> 00:05:18,528 Just rip that Band-Aid right off. 101 00:05:26,088 --> 00:05:27,048 How’s your father? 102 00:05:27,448 --> 00:05:28,328 He's fine. 103 00:05:28,408 --> 00:05:30,448 Did you talk to him about your fight with Eric? 104 00:05:30,528 --> 00:05:31,408 I think it's important 105 00:05:31,488 --> 00:05:33,448 -you don't bottle up residual guilt. -Mum! 106 00:05:34,728 --> 00:05:36,008 What did you talk about? 107 00:05:36,288 --> 00:05:37,688 Father-son stuff. 108 00:05:39,928 --> 00:05:41,328 [sighs] 109 00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,608 [Instrumental music plays] 110 00:06:04,328 --> 00:06:06,248 [coach] Yeah, keep going, Jackson! Come on, man! 111 00:06:06,808 --> 00:06:08,368 Let's go! 112 00:06:08,888 --> 00:06:10,768 Pain is temporary, eh? 113 00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:12,968 Greatness is forever, Jackson! 114 00:06:13,328 --> 00:06:14,408 No, man! 115 00:06:14,648 --> 00:06:16,328 You're miles off! Huh? 116 00:06:16,768 --> 00:06:19,928 You're coming up out of the water straight into the stroke, man. 117 00:06:20,568 --> 00:06:22,408 You're losing all your technique. 118 00:06:22,848 --> 00:06:25,408 How many times have we gotta go through this, Jackson? 119 00:06:27,008 --> 00:06:30,408 Right, listen. Don't take your eye off the ball. 120 00:06:30,648 --> 00:06:31,728 You need to focus. 121 00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:33,368 I am focused. 122 00:06:40,168 --> 00:06:43,648 Look. You've got your whole life for girlfriends, Jacko. 123 00:06:43,728 --> 00:06:47,008 You've got county trials coming up. And then you're on to the nationals. 124 00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:49,648 Remember, winners never quit. 125 00:06:50,088 --> 00:06:51,888 -Quitters never win. -Aye. Let's go again. 126 00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,448 [Lively music plays] 127 00:07:22,088 --> 00:07:24,368 What's happened, Tromboner? Yeah? Woken up straight? 128 00:07:26,648 --> 00:07:27,648 Well, you look shit. 129 00:07:30,648 --> 00:07:32,368 So I think I need to talk to Otis. 130 00:07:32,688 --> 00:07:35,288 -Problems with Kyle? -Oh, no, I'm with Steve now. 131 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,168 Who’s Steve? 132 00:07:37,368 --> 00:07:38,808 You know, Top-Heavy Steve? 133 00:07:38,888 --> 00:07:40,208 -Hm? -Built like a Chupa Chup. 134 00:07:43,048 --> 00:07:45,768 Cool. Yeah. I'll book you in. 135 00:07:46,808 --> 00:07:48,448 You're in the library first period, right? 136 00:07:49,008 --> 00:07:50,608 Great. You can take these back for me. 137 00:07:51,408 --> 00:07:53,408 Oh, and by the way, I have some late fines. 138 00:07:54,008 --> 00:07:56,008 [Comical drum music plays] 139 00:07:58,768 --> 00:08:00,208 I'd like to be helpful. 140 00:08:01,328 --> 00:08:02,208 Give me some. 141 00:08:03,288 --> 00:08:04,608 Come on. 142 00:08:15,168 --> 00:08:16,968 -Hi, Maeve. -Hi. 143 00:08:26,008 --> 00:08:28,328 -How are you? -Great. Yeah. 144 00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,408 -Great. -Cool. 145 00:08:30,408 --> 00:08:31,448 [door opens] 146 00:08:32,048 --> 00:08:33,248 Hey! 147 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,888 -Watch where you're goin'. -Sorry. 148 00:08:44,728 --> 00:08:45,848 [Maeve] Trouble in paradise? 149 00:08:46,888 --> 00:08:47,968 He won't talk to me. 150 00:08:49,008 --> 00:08:50,608 [Mr. Groff] Er, good morning, Moordale. 151 00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:55,368 Er, let's start today's assembly with a very special announcement. 152 00:08:55,688 --> 00:09:01,568 Er, the winner of this year's sixth form essay competition has been decided. 153 00:09:01,648 --> 00:09:03,128 So, the, er... 154 00:09:03,768 --> 00:09:06,168 award goes to... 155 00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:13,488 Er, Adam Groff. 156 00:09:13,568 --> 00:09:15,208 [Comical music plays] 157 00:09:15,648 --> 00:09:16,728 Erm... Er... 158 00:09:16,808 --> 00:09:18,408 Well, le-- let's, er... 159 00:09:19,048 --> 00:09:23,168 Let's give Adam a round of applause as we welcome him on stage 160 00:09:23,248 --> 00:09:24,568 to, er, read out... 161 00:09:25,208 --> 00:09:26,448 the winning entry. 162 00:09:45,688 --> 00:09:47,208 L-- Er, Langston... 163 00:09:47,288 --> 00:09:48,728 [feedback] 164 00:09:48,808 --> 00:09:52,728 [stiltedly] "Langston Hughes wrote a poem called 'Dreams.' 165 00:09:53,728 --> 00:09:55,288 He said, 'Hold fast to dreams, 166 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,248 for, if dreams die, 167 00:09:58,328 --> 00:10:00,128 life is but a broken-winged bird, 168 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,528 that cannot fly.' 169 00:10:02,128 --> 00:10:04,248 Er, Joseph Conman. 170 00:10:04,328 --> 00:10:06,288 -Con... -[whispers] Conrad. 171 00:10:06,368 --> 00:10:07,328 Conrad. 172 00:10:07,408 --> 00:10:09,648 Joseph Conrad was right. 173 00:10:09,728 --> 00:10:11,488 We live as we dream. 174 00:10:13,008 --> 00:10:13,848 Alone. 175 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,968 Er... In ten years' time... 176 00:10:17,568 --> 00:10:21,088 I hope I have my arms and my hands..." 177 00:10:21,168 --> 00:10:24,808 Oh, by the way, can you meet Aimee in the, erm, science lab after lunch? 178 00:10:24,888 --> 00:10:26,608 She's having bedroom problems with Steve. 179 00:10:27,088 --> 00:10:28,008 Who's Steve? 180 00:10:28,408 --> 00:10:31,208 Top-Heavy Steve? Looks like an ice-cream cone. 181 00:10:31,768 --> 00:10:34,008 -Yes! Okay. Science lab. -Yeah. Yeah. 182 00:10:34,208 --> 00:10:35,528 -I'll be there. -Cool. 183 00:10:35,608 --> 00:10:37,328 -[bell rings] -Oh, erm... 184 00:10:38,248 --> 00:10:40,208 Maybe don't mention that you're a virgin. 185 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,688 Like, obviously, it's totally cool. Not that big of a deal. 186 00:10:44,088 --> 00:10:46,128 However, could be really bad for business. 187 00:10:46,408 --> 00:10:49,448 -Sure. Yeah, I won't tell anyone. -Nice. 188 00:10:49,528 --> 00:10:50,568 -See you later. -See ya. 189 00:10:53,048 --> 00:10:54,968 [Lily] Would you like to have sex with me? 190 00:10:55,048 --> 00:10:57,088 It's a no-strings-attached kind of situation. 191 00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,648 I only want one thing. 192 00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,128 -Your dick. -I've got a girlfriend. Sorry. 193 00:11:06,768 --> 00:11:07,968 -Oh, hi. -Hi. 194 00:11:08,328 --> 00:11:09,288 What is it with boys? 195 00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:11,328 It's like you all suddenly woke up with boundaries. 196 00:11:11,688 --> 00:11:13,888 I’ve been thinking about your... 197 00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:15,568 proposition. 198 00:11:16,768 --> 00:11:18,168 -If you're still interested-- -Yes. 199 00:11:18,688 --> 00:11:19,928 Great! Fantastic. 200 00:11:20,008 --> 00:11:22,288 To be clear, I don't want to have sex with you specifically. 201 00:11:22,368 --> 00:11:24,448 -Just a human man with a penis. -That's... 202 00:11:25,128 --> 00:11:26,408 great for my self-esteem. 203 00:11:26,848 --> 00:11:28,048 I feel the same way. [chuckles] 204 00:11:28,328 --> 00:11:30,408 Purely... pragmatic. 205 00:11:31,568 --> 00:11:33,448 -Do you wanna meet up this week? -Tonight. 206 00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:34,928 Your house. I'll bring the condoms. 207 00:11:35,008 --> 00:11:36,168 -You bring the lube. -No... 208 00:11:40,448 --> 00:11:41,728 [knock at door] 209 00:11:44,368 --> 00:11:46,368 [light music plays] 210 00:11:52,448 --> 00:11:53,408 Hi. 211 00:11:53,488 --> 00:11:54,328 Hello. 212 00:11:55,088 --> 00:11:56,728 I'm here to put in new taps. 213 00:11:56,808 --> 00:11:57,648 Yes. 214 00:11:58,048 --> 00:11:59,608 -In case you forgot. -No. 215 00:12:00,088 --> 00:12:01,768 No, I didn't forget. 216 00:12:02,248 --> 00:12:03,568 [chuckles] Okay. 217 00:12:04,928 --> 00:12:05,808 So... 218 00:12:07,848 --> 00:12:09,048 -The bathroom. -Yeah. 219 00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:10,048 Yeah. 220 00:12:11,568 --> 00:12:14,088 [Background music plays louder] 221 00:12:29,608 --> 00:12:32,888 Could you... possibly take a look at something else first? 222 00:12:35,728 --> 00:12:37,088 Your son is very angry. 223 00:12:38,248 --> 00:12:40,488 -No? -Well, actually, 224 00:12:40,768 --> 00:12:42,928 -he's usually quite contained. -Okay. 225 00:12:44,168 --> 00:12:45,968 I have two teenage daughters. 226 00:12:46,568 --> 00:12:49,088 They used to be angels. 227 00:12:50,688 --> 00:12:52,528 And now they are evil. 228 00:12:53,128 --> 00:12:54,888 Like demons from Hell. 229 00:12:54,968 --> 00:12:56,248 [both chuckle] 230 00:12:56,328 --> 00:12:59,288 I... I love my girls. Hm? 231 00:12:59,368 --> 00:13:02,128 I do, but I don't like them very much. 232 00:13:02,208 --> 00:13:03,448 [sighs] Yes, well... 233 00:13:03,848 --> 00:13:07,048 middle adolescence is a tumultuous stage of development. 234 00:13:07,248 --> 00:13:09,808 So, you dislike your son too? 235 00:13:10,128 --> 00:13:14,168 Oh, well, that's a very strong word to use about one's child. 236 00:13:16,848 --> 00:13:19,248 Do you always avoid questions like this? 237 00:13:19,328 --> 00:13:21,408 No. Of course not. 238 00:13:21,488 --> 00:13:22,968 [laughs] 239 00:13:23,048 --> 00:13:23,888 Okay. 240 00:13:24,968 --> 00:13:26,688 Okay. Erm... 241 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:30,168 Sometimes, I do dislike my son. 242 00:13:30,368 --> 00:13:33,008 I mean, yes, he used to be sweet 243 00:13:33,088 --> 00:13:34,728 and really loving, and... 244 00:13:35,328 --> 00:13:37,248 now he doesn't share anything with me. 245 00:13:37,888 --> 00:13:42,128 I mean, I understand that it's a natural stage of puberty, 246 00:13:42,208 --> 00:13:44,008 the desire for autonomy, 247 00:13:44,088 --> 00:13:47,928 but I guess I wasn't expecting it to hurt quite so much. 248 00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:52,328 Hm. But we can never let them know how much they make us feel lonely. 249 00:13:55,128 --> 00:13:57,728 Wardrobe is fucked. Now I'll fix your bathroom. 250 00:14:00,888 --> 00:14:02,008 [Otis] So, Aimee, 251 00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:03,928 what seems to be the problem? 252 00:14:05,048 --> 00:14:06,728 So, me and Steve are having sex, 253 00:14:06,808 --> 00:14:09,928 and everything's completely normal, until... 254 00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:12,008 [rock music playing] 255 00:14:12,288 --> 00:14:13,448 Mm. 256 00:14:14,328 --> 00:14:15,168 Mm. 257 00:14:15,848 --> 00:14:17,048 Do you wanna come on my face? 258 00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:19,088 Not really. 259 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:20,448 Why? 260 00:14:20,728 --> 00:14:22,168 I, er... I like your face. 261 00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:24,608 Mm. Mm! 262 00:14:25,688 --> 00:14:26,728 What about my tits, then? 263 00:14:26,808 --> 00:14:28,808 -Hm... -Do you wanna come on them? 264 00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:30,208 I'm sorry, can... can we stop? 265 00:14:30,288 --> 00:14:31,888 -Have I done something wrong? -No. 266 00:14:31,968 --> 00:14:34,768 It's just... Do you actually want me to do any of that stuff? 267 00:14:34,848 --> 00:14:35,688 Yeah. 268 00:14:36,928 --> 00:14:37,848 I think so. 269 00:14:38,888 --> 00:14:40,248 It feels like you're performing. 270 00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,288 Tell me what you want. 271 00:14:43,768 --> 00:14:45,048 I don't know what I want. 272 00:14:45,168 --> 00:14:46,928 No one's ever asked me that before. 273 00:14:47,608 --> 00:14:52,128 Steve says his "thing" is girls properly enjoying sex. 274 00:14:52,488 --> 00:14:54,248 He says he can tell I'm being fake. 275 00:14:54,488 --> 00:14:57,648 -Well, are you? -Yeah. I'm always fake. 276 00:14:59,008 --> 00:15:01,888 Well, you should probably think about... 277 00:15:02,128 --> 00:15:04,648 you know, things you enjoy when it's just you. 278 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:06,408 Alone. 279 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,528 Ugh! I don't do that. 280 00:15:09,288 --> 00:15:11,248 -Yuck! -Er, you don't... 281 00:15:12,408 --> 00:15:15,568 -Really? -No. I always have a boyfriend. 282 00:15:16,128 --> 00:15:16,968 Well... 283 00:15:17,648 --> 00:15:21,408 women do tend to feel more shame surrounding masturbation than men. 284 00:15:21,808 --> 00:15:25,728 Feeling that it's... it's sort of taboo, or dirty. 285 00:15:27,248 --> 00:15:28,808 Which it isn’t. 286 00:15:29,808 --> 00:15:32,608 And of course, some men also... 287 00:15:33,608 --> 00:15:35,408 feel this way about areas. 288 00:15:35,488 --> 00:15:38,248 -What's that got to do with anything? -Nothing, I'm just... 289 00:15:39,888 --> 00:15:41,168 What I'm saying is... 290 00:15:41,248 --> 00:15:44,488 before you talk to Steve, you... you should probably figure out... 291 00:15:45,048 --> 00:15:46,728 you know, what works for you... 292 00:15:47,768 --> 00:15:48,848 and your body. 293 00:15:48,928 --> 00:15:50,688 So you're prescribing a wank? 294 00:15:52,208 --> 00:15:53,048 Yeah. 295 00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:07,248 Er... ah... Okay! Okay! Okay. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! 296 00:16:07,528 --> 00:16:08,888 [clears throat] Ah! Mm! 297 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,448 Mm! Who is the rogue metronome? 298 00:16:12,728 --> 00:16:13,888 Huh? 299 00:16:13,968 --> 00:16:15,648 No culprits then, right? 300 00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:18,008 Okay, I see. You got away with it this time, 301 00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:22,288 but I am watching you with my ears. [laughs] 302 00:16:22,368 --> 00:16:23,528 That's impossible, by the way. 303 00:16:24,128 --> 00:16:27,128 Let's try again. One, two, three, and... 304 00:16:31,848 --> 00:16:33,568 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Stop. 305 00:16:33,648 --> 00:16:35,528 Stop. What’s going on, guys? 306 00:16:35,608 --> 00:16:37,288 -Talk to me. -It's Tromboner. 307 00:16:37,528 --> 00:16:39,248 -He's bad. -[giggling] 308 00:16:39,328 --> 00:16:43,488 That's harsh, Neville. Okay? Eric needs our support. 309 00:16:44,048 --> 00:16:47,368 You are jazz, Eric is jazz, I am jazz. 310 00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:48,848 [laughs] Okay? 311 00:16:49,488 --> 00:16:50,728 E-Man. What's up today? 312 00:16:51,688 --> 00:16:53,368 Sir, he's wasting everybody's time. 313 00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:58,768 -Okay... -No, I'll go, then. 314 00:17:00,288 --> 00:17:01,488 Hey, it’s chill, E-Man. 315 00:17:01,568 --> 00:17:03,088 My name is Eric! 316 00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:04,608 Stop trying to be cool. 317 00:17:05,008 --> 00:17:08,408 You're an alcoholic music teacher who thinks that he "gets jazz". 318 00:17:08,488 --> 00:17:09,488 You're tragic. 319 00:17:10,968 --> 00:17:12,288 I don't appreciate that tone. 320 00:17:13,808 --> 00:17:16,288 -Eric, come back here-- -Don't fucking touch me! 321 00:17:37,888 --> 00:17:39,288 What happened to Tromboner? 322 00:17:39,368 --> 00:17:41,368 I think he's going for that prison chic. 323 00:17:44,168 --> 00:17:46,128 -[grunts] -[gasping] 324 00:17:46,208 --> 00:17:47,448 [panting] 325 00:17:55,088 --> 00:17:56,008 Eric... 326 00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,448 [woman on PA] Eric Effiong to Mr. Groff's office. 327 00:18:15,008 --> 00:18:17,568 Eric Effiong to Mr. Groff's office. 328 00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:28,168 What'd you think of Adam's essay? 329 00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:32,448 I wasn't paying attention, to be honest. I was just thinking about... 330 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:33,848 -[both] The counties. -Yeah. 331 00:18:36,888 --> 00:18:38,008 Speaking of that... 332 00:18:38,808 --> 00:18:40,688 I really need to focus for the next few weeks, 333 00:18:40,768 --> 00:18:43,608 so I might not be able to, like... hang out as much. 334 00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:46,168 Sorry for being boring. 335 00:18:47,008 --> 00:18:48,928 We're not married, Jackson. It's fine. 336 00:18:56,288 --> 00:18:58,288 [String music plays] 337 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:01,928 Be right back. 338 00:19:07,808 --> 00:19:10,128 Hey, frog face. Did you miss me? 339 00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:11,688 Ooh! Whoa! Okay, I'll probably just... 340 00:19:11,768 --> 00:19:13,568 -Okay... -Why are you bothering my girlfriend? 341 00:19:13,648 --> 00:19:15,328 -Girlfriend? -Stop it. Stop it! 342 00:19:16,048 --> 00:19:17,368 Sorry, who's the dickhead? 343 00:19:17,568 --> 00:19:18,968 -My brother. -What? 344 00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:21,888 Oh... Sis, did you not tell Action Man about me? 345 00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:24,208 -Where the fuck have you been? -Houston. Texas. 346 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:25,768 -[sighs] -Training to be an astronaut. 347 00:19:26,168 --> 00:19:27,608 [bell rings] 348 00:19:29,208 --> 00:19:30,208 I've lost my keys. 349 00:19:34,528 --> 00:19:35,728 [keys clatter on ground] 350 00:19:46,528 --> 00:19:49,128 -I didn't know you had a brother. -You do now. 351 00:19:57,088 --> 00:19:59,448 [sighs] Suspended. 352 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,448 And detention for the rest of the term. 353 00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:06,848 [chuckles] 354 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,488 What were you thinking? 355 00:20:12,888 --> 00:20:14,328 At least I'm not expelled. 356 00:20:14,568 --> 00:20:15,888 That's not the point. 357 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:23,048 Did someone try and hurt you? 358 00:20:27,048 --> 00:20:28,768 Just sick of... 359 00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,528 everyone treatin' me like shit. 360 00:20:34,528 --> 00:20:35,648 [sighs] 361 00:20:38,968 --> 00:20:40,568 It's how we all feel. 362 00:20:42,168 --> 00:20:44,528 But you can't go around punching people. 363 00:20:45,568 --> 00:20:48,448 -You told me to toughen up. -But not like that. 364 00:20:53,888 --> 00:20:55,848 What kind of man do you want to be? 365 00:21:02,368 --> 00:21:04,168 What kind of man do you want me to be, Dad? 366 00:21:19,608 --> 00:21:20,528 I, er... 367 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:22,968 I know you wrote Adam's essay. 368 00:21:23,848 --> 00:21:26,008 -Don't know what you're talking about. -Really? 369 00:21:28,128 --> 00:21:29,368 Go tell Groff if you're so sure. 370 00:21:29,448 --> 00:21:32,048 Oh, and get you expelled? I don't think that's what you want, is it? 371 00:21:32,288 --> 00:21:33,208 Look. 372 00:21:34,568 --> 00:21:37,208 Lots of people have acquired knowledge, Maeve. 373 00:21:37,288 --> 00:21:39,048 Not many people have ideas. 374 00:21:39,128 --> 00:21:40,568 You're an original thinker. 375 00:21:40,648 --> 00:21:42,408 I don't need the inspirational speech, thanks. 376 00:21:42,488 --> 00:21:45,088 I want you to think about applying for the Moordale Aptitude Scheme. 377 00:21:45,528 --> 00:21:47,888 It could help you get a university scholarship. 378 00:21:48,488 --> 00:21:50,328 Just think about it and let me know. 379 00:21:50,888 --> 00:21:52,888 [intro drum beat plays] 380 00:21:52,968 --> 00:21:53,888 [bell rings] 381 00:21:53,968 --> 00:21:55,768 [jazz plays] 382 00:22:02,568 --> 00:22:03,768 Right... 383 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:12,648 [doorbell rings] 384 00:22:19,808 --> 00:22:21,408 Let's do this. 385 00:22:33,208 --> 00:22:35,608 Do you, erm... [clears throat] Do you... like manga? 386 00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:37,488 [yelps] Sorry. 387 00:22:37,728 --> 00:22:41,528 Erm... That was... I need a safe word. [chuckles] 388 00:22:41,808 --> 00:22:42,968 Flamin-- flamingo. 389 00:22:45,288 --> 00:22:46,528 I'm not very experienced. 390 00:22:46,608 --> 00:22:47,928 -[whispers] I'm sorry. -Me either. 391 00:22:48,328 --> 00:22:49,488 That's the whole point. 392 00:22:49,568 --> 00:22:51,648 I know. I know, it's just I... 393 00:22:52,848 --> 00:22:53,768 I'm gonna need 394 00:22:54,768 --> 00:22:56,648 to take things slow. 395 00:22:58,208 --> 00:22:59,088 Yeah. 396 00:23:01,208 --> 00:23:02,408 Do you have any music? 397 00:23:02,488 --> 00:23:04,808 To set the mood. 398 00:23:10,648 --> 00:23:11,968 Er... 399 00:23:13,328 --> 00:23:15,328 -[whale song plays] -Ooh. Erm... 400 00:23:15,688 --> 00:23:16,888 Er... [chuckles] 401 00:23:16,968 --> 00:23:19,168 Whale ambience helps me sleep. 402 00:23:19,248 --> 00:23:20,568 [water bubbling] 403 00:23:20,648 --> 00:23:21,768 -[clears throat] -[jazz plays] 404 00:23:28,208 --> 00:23:31,808 Did you know that whales only have sex for 35 seconds? 405 00:23:32,288 --> 00:23:33,448 Which is odd, 406 00:23:34,008 --> 00:23:37,448 actually, because their penises are seven feet long. 407 00:23:38,808 --> 00:23:40,608 I reckon you could drown in their come. 408 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:42,808 [gasps] Fascinating. 409 00:23:42,888 --> 00:23:44,008 [sighs] 410 00:23:44,488 --> 00:23:47,288 So, exactly how slow are we talkin'? ‘Cause I’m good to go. 411 00:23:50,408 --> 00:23:52,408 [lively beat music plays] 412 00:24:14,968 --> 00:24:16,728 Surprise! 413 00:24:16,808 --> 00:24:19,248 -[blasts party blower] -You clever boy. 414 00:24:19,328 --> 00:24:20,688 It's all right, love. 415 00:24:20,768 --> 00:24:22,288 We wanted to celebrate. 416 00:24:22,368 --> 00:24:24,248 [chuckles] I'm so proud of you. 417 00:24:24,688 --> 00:24:25,568 Thanks, Mum. 418 00:24:27,728 --> 00:24:28,808 Aren’t we so proud? 419 00:24:28,888 --> 00:24:30,848 -Oh, yes. Yes! -Proud of Adam, yes! 420 00:24:30,928 --> 00:24:33,768 Erm... Ye-- Yes, already said. 421 00:24:34,048 --> 00:24:35,088 We're very proud. 422 00:24:40,528 --> 00:24:42,328 [bleeping] 423 00:24:45,008 --> 00:24:47,008 [trombone music plays] 424 00:24:52,288 --> 00:24:53,448 Hi, Jeffrey. 425 00:24:53,528 --> 00:24:54,368 [music stops] 426 00:24:54,488 --> 00:24:56,408 I'll get the rent to you by the end of the week. 427 00:24:56,488 --> 00:24:58,648 It's all right, Miss Maeve. Your brother's already paid. 428 00:24:59,008 --> 00:25:00,048 Funny lad. [chuckles] 429 00:25:00,128 --> 00:25:01,488 [bleeping] 430 00:25:01,568 --> 00:25:02,688 [bleeping speeds up] 431 00:25:02,768 --> 00:25:04,408 -[whirring] -[loud beep] 432 00:25:04,488 --> 00:25:05,888 [feedback] 433 00:25:08,968 --> 00:25:10,008 Ah, toss. 434 00:25:11,808 --> 00:25:12,888 Looking for my wedding ring. 435 00:25:13,768 --> 00:25:16,128 -Cynthia and I had another fight. -Oh. 436 00:25:16,888 --> 00:25:18,728 I got a tattoo, I thought she'd like it. 437 00:25:19,928 --> 00:25:21,408 -I mean, it's nice, right? -Erm... 438 00:25:22,488 --> 00:25:24,808 Yeah. Yeah, it's uncanny. 439 00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:26,888 [bleeping] 440 00:25:27,448 --> 00:25:28,288 Hm. Bye, Jeffrey. 441 00:25:28,368 --> 00:25:29,208 -Yeah. -Yeah. 442 00:25:31,688 --> 00:25:32,768 ♪ Let go me hand ♪ 443 00:25:32,848 --> 00:25:35,648 ♪ I summon up the power of Banana Klan ♪ 444 00:25:35,728 --> 00:25:37,208 ♪ Witness the fitness ♪ 445 00:25:37,568 --> 00:25:39,088 ♪ The Cruffiton liveth ♪ 446 00:25:39,168 --> 00:25:41,288 ♪ One hope, one quest ♪ 447 00:25:41,368 --> 00:25:42,328 [turns music off] 448 00:25:42,408 --> 00:25:43,728 Pancakes, your favorite. 449 00:25:43,808 --> 00:25:46,648 Is this supposed to make up for the fact you left without saying goodbye? 450 00:25:46,728 --> 00:25:49,168 -Pancakes with chocolate chips. -I woke up and you were gone. 451 00:25:49,248 --> 00:25:51,848 Chocolate chips, which I shall arrange into smiley faces 452 00:25:51,928 --> 00:25:54,488 -like when you were five? -You disappeared for four months, Sean! 453 00:25:54,568 --> 00:25:57,328 -I was really fucking worried. -Look, I know I'm a bastard, all right? 454 00:25:57,768 --> 00:25:59,008 I got into some trouble. 455 00:25:59,208 --> 00:26:00,808 I was selling this guy's merchandise. 456 00:26:00,888 --> 00:26:02,408 -I knew it. -No, no, no, not drugs! 457 00:26:02,688 --> 00:26:04,568 I don't do that do that shit anymore. 458 00:26:05,208 --> 00:26:08,648 Long story short, it was about a grand's worth of rip-off Nikes, 459 00:26:08,728 --> 00:26:11,088 combined with a very ill-informed drunken night out, 460 00:26:11,168 --> 00:26:13,088 resulting in a lot of lost goods 461 00:26:13,168 --> 00:26:15,888 and a very angry and actually quite aggressive supplier. 462 00:26:18,208 --> 00:26:19,728 Basically, I had to disappear. 463 00:26:19,888 --> 00:26:21,528 And... I'm so sorry. 464 00:26:21,608 --> 00:26:22,688 Yeah, you always are. 465 00:26:30,408 --> 00:26:31,888 Why are you back? Do you need money? 466 00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:35,648 Do you know what? I-- I'm just gonna go. 467 00:26:35,728 --> 00:26:38,128 -This is ridiculous. -Go. Where are you gonna go? Texas? 468 00:26:38,968 --> 00:26:41,488 They have space training in Russia as well, you know, Maeve? 469 00:26:42,208 --> 00:26:44,168 I mean, it is a shame about the weather, 470 00:26:44,248 --> 00:26:46,768 and the human rights issues, but... 471 00:26:47,808 --> 00:26:49,208 actually, very good rockets. 472 00:26:51,968 --> 00:26:54,368 Those pancakes better have whipped cream on them. 473 00:26:54,448 --> 00:26:55,688 What do you take me for? 474 00:26:57,088 --> 00:26:58,048 An amateur? 475 00:27:01,368 --> 00:27:03,368 [sighs] 476 00:27:07,008 --> 00:27:08,288 [sighs] 477 00:27:21,768 --> 00:27:23,768 [sighs heavily] 478 00:27:28,008 --> 00:27:29,368 Ah! 479 00:27:30,168 --> 00:27:32,168 [moaning] 480 00:27:33,128 --> 00:27:34,368 [yelping] 481 00:27:41,048 --> 00:27:42,048 [panting] 482 00:27:42,128 --> 00:27:43,648 [grunting] 483 00:27:43,728 --> 00:27:45,328 [groaning] 484 00:27:45,408 --> 00:27:47,408 [crying out] 485 00:27:52,848 --> 00:27:54,048 [panting] 486 00:27:54,368 --> 00:27:55,888 Hmm! 487 00:27:56,648 --> 00:27:57,888 I want a crumpet. 488 00:27:59,728 --> 00:28:01,728 [opera aria playing] 489 00:28:05,248 --> 00:28:06,288 Oh! Eww... 490 00:28:06,368 --> 00:28:07,408 Okay, this is too slow. 491 00:28:08,728 --> 00:28:09,888 [sighs] 492 00:28:10,608 --> 00:28:11,448 Look, I just... 493 00:28:12,048 --> 00:28:14,248 I think we can work up to the more intimate stuff. 494 00:28:14,528 --> 00:28:16,848 We've been holding hands for 45 minutes. 495 00:28:17,408 --> 00:28:20,088 I know how to hold hands. I'm here to fornicate. 496 00:28:21,248 --> 00:28:22,528 Let's try something new? 497 00:28:22,608 --> 00:28:23,968 I could suck your balls. 498 00:28:25,928 --> 00:28:28,648 I was thinking more like a soft hug. 499 00:28:28,728 --> 00:28:29,968 What's a soft hug? 500 00:28:30,328 --> 00:28:31,208 You know, just... 501 00:28:32,088 --> 00:28:34,248 Mm. Soft. 502 00:28:35,048 --> 00:28:37,368 Why don't I wank you off? You could go down on me. 503 00:28:37,448 --> 00:28:39,768 -I can't do that. -Do you wanna do this or not? 504 00:28:41,528 --> 00:28:42,448 Bye, then. 505 00:28:44,408 --> 00:28:45,248 Wait! 506 00:28:54,128 --> 00:28:55,448 You're quite sexy. 507 00:29:07,248 --> 00:29:08,488 You're sexy too. 508 00:29:08,968 --> 00:29:09,808 I know. 509 00:29:12,768 --> 00:29:14,488 -Squeeze my nipples. -[chuckles] 510 00:29:15,768 --> 00:29:16,608 Like that? 511 00:29:18,408 --> 00:29:20,208 -[loud orchestral music starts] -That-- Wow. 512 00:29:20,288 --> 00:29:22,648 My fantasy Friday playlist. [chuckles] 513 00:29:23,248 --> 00:29:24,368 -[sighs] -[turns music off] 514 00:29:24,448 --> 00:29:26,488 -["Let's Do It" by Tone Loc plays] -♪ Let's do it ♪ 515 00:29:57,768 --> 00:30:01,168 ♪ Workin' all week Nine to five for my money ♪ 516 00:30:01,888 --> 00:30:05,088 ♪ So when the weekend comes I go get live with the honey ♪ 517 00:30:05,448 --> 00:30:06,968 ♪ Rollin' down the street ♪ 518 00:30:07,048 --> 00:30:09,328 -♪ I saw this girl and she was pumpin' ♪ -Oh, my God. 519 00:30:09,408 --> 00:30:11,408 [footsteps] 520 00:30:19,888 --> 00:30:20,728 You're writing. 521 00:30:21,368 --> 00:30:22,208 Yes. 522 00:30:22,368 --> 00:30:24,928 -Trying to, anyway. -It's good. 523 00:30:25,368 --> 00:30:27,608 -Yeah. -I'm done with the bathroom. 524 00:30:27,928 --> 00:30:29,528 Oh. Great. 525 00:30:29,608 --> 00:30:32,088 -If you wanna take a look? -Yes, yes, I would. 526 00:30:36,568 --> 00:30:39,168 Sorry. You have... just... a piece of fluff. 527 00:30:39,448 --> 00:30:40,968 Are you gonna sniff my head again? 528 00:30:41,048 --> 00:30:43,008 [laughs] No! No, erm... 529 00:30:43,088 --> 00:30:46,448 -Yes, no, just... a piece of fluff. -Yeah, yeah, I see. 530 00:30:46,528 --> 00:30:48,528 -Thank you for removing this... -Oh... 531 00:30:49,448 --> 00:30:50,288 fluff. 532 00:30:56,488 --> 00:31:01,128 Look, we are obviously physically attracted to one another. 533 00:31:01,208 --> 00:31:02,288 I mean, that comes... 534 00:31:03,328 --> 00:31:05,488 down to compatible pheromones. 535 00:31:06,168 --> 00:31:07,608 -Is it? -Yes. 536 00:31:07,968 --> 00:31:09,528 I mean, only about ten percent of men 537 00:31:09,608 --> 00:31:12,768 have high enough quantities of androsterone, which is the... 538 00:31:13,768 --> 00:31:16,728 pheromone that gives humans what we call sex appeal. 539 00:31:17,168 --> 00:31:18,048 I mean, these... 540 00:31:20,568 --> 00:31:24,248 These men don't even need to be remotely attractive. 541 00:31:24,328 --> 00:31:26,208 -But the pheromones... -Yes, just... 542 00:31:28,248 --> 00:31:31,448 send off powerful signals of... 543 00:31:33,208 --> 00:31:34,328 attraction. 544 00:31:38,768 --> 00:31:41,448 -♪ Maybe later you'll get your chance ♪ -Okay. 545 00:31:41,528 --> 00:31:43,368 -♪ So when the show was finished ♪ -[groans] 546 00:31:43,448 --> 00:31:44,968 ♪ I took her around the way ♪ 547 00:31:45,048 --> 00:31:47,248 ♪ And what do you know? She was good to go ♪ 548 00:31:47,328 --> 00:31:49,368 ♪ Without a word to say ♪ -Can I touch your penis? 549 00:31:49,448 --> 00:31:52,928 ♪ We was all alone and she said "Tone, let me tell you one thing ♪ 550 00:31:53,008 --> 00:31:56,528 ♪ I need $50 to make you holler I get paid to do the wild thing" ♪ 551 00:31:57,128 --> 00:31:58,448 [groans] 552 00:31:59,608 --> 00:32:01,128 [yelps] Stop! Let me go! 553 00:32:01,208 --> 00:32:03,168 Flamingo! [wheezing] 554 00:32:03,888 --> 00:32:06,008 -♪ Wild thing ♪ -Get my mum. 555 00:32:06,088 --> 00:32:07,888 -Get my mum! -Your mum? 556 00:32:14,248 --> 00:32:15,968 One, two, three, 557 00:32:16,048 --> 00:32:18,928 four, five, six, seven... 558 00:32:21,768 --> 00:32:23,848 You can't help yourself, can you? 559 00:32:23,928 --> 00:32:26,488 -You-- -Why are you always so dramatic, Jean? 560 00:32:27,248 --> 00:32:31,328 -You put your cock in her! -No, you're behaving like a crazy woman! 561 00:32:31,408 --> 00:32:33,968 -You make me into a crazy woman! -[glass shatters] 562 00:32:34,968 --> 00:32:37,328 [Remi] Look, I-- I cannot be around you when you're like this. 563 00:32:37,408 --> 00:32:39,328 -Remi, don't-- You-- -No, I'm going out! 564 00:32:39,408 --> 00:32:43,088 -[door slams] -Otis? Sweetheart? 565 00:32:45,208 --> 00:32:46,728 Why are you staring at me? 566 00:32:46,808 --> 00:32:49,288 Ah, you gave us quite a fright, darling. 567 00:32:49,488 --> 00:32:50,728 What happened, exactly? 568 00:32:51,368 --> 00:32:53,888 We were trying to have sex, but I think it was a bit much for him. 569 00:32:54,088 --> 00:32:56,128 [Otis] Okay. I'm fine. I'm fine, guys. I just... 570 00:32:56,768 --> 00:32:59,488 I got overheat... I got overheated. 571 00:33:00,088 --> 00:33:01,528 [sighs] 572 00:33:07,808 --> 00:33:10,048 So, come on. You're not actually datin' 573 00:33:10,128 --> 00:33:12,048 -this Action Man dude, are you? -Yeah, I am. Why? 574 00:33:12,888 --> 00:33:16,888 He just... He just seems so serious. 575 00:33:18,528 --> 00:33:19,768 All right. All right. 576 00:33:20,248 --> 00:33:22,648 Come on, then. Tell me about your golden boy. 577 00:33:23,648 --> 00:33:24,528 He's nice. 578 00:33:25,088 --> 00:33:26,248 He's nice, is he? 579 00:33:27,328 --> 00:33:29,088 -Is that it? -No, he's... 580 00:33:30,168 --> 00:33:31,088 He's in the swim team. 581 00:33:31,888 --> 00:33:33,288 And he's got a great family. 582 00:33:34,168 --> 00:33:35,288 He's good at school. 583 00:33:37,768 --> 00:33:39,088 He's a really good guy, you know? 584 00:33:40,128 --> 00:33:41,608 Well, I'm very happy for you. 585 00:33:41,688 --> 00:33:43,328 -Hm. Yeah, you seem it. -[phone buzzes] 586 00:33:43,408 --> 00:33:45,408 Sh-- [sighs] 587 00:33:47,808 --> 00:33:48,648 Hello? 588 00:33:49,968 --> 00:33:51,088 Yes, mate. 589 00:33:51,608 --> 00:33:52,448 Right. 590 00:33:53,328 --> 00:33:54,408 -[scoffs] -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 591 00:33:54,968 --> 00:33:57,288 No, no, I'll be there very, very shortly. Yes. 592 00:33:57,608 --> 00:33:59,128 Okay, bye. 593 00:33:59,448 --> 00:34:02,688 Right, that was an old mate. I'll be back very, very soon. 594 00:34:02,808 --> 00:34:05,008 -Mm-hm. -Is there any chance 595 00:34:05,088 --> 00:34:07,128 I could just scab a very little tenner? 596 00:34:07,208 --> 00:34:10,448 Which I promise I'll pay you back as soon as I get a new job. 597 00:34:11,968 --> 00:34:14,248 -Scout's honour. -You didn't go to Scouts. 598 00:34:15,168 --> 00:34:17,808 -Inside pocket in my bag. -Thank you. Thank you so much. 599 00:34:26,168 --> 00:34:27,648 It's good to be home, frog face. 600 00:34:28,168 --> 00:34:29,888 Disappear again and I'll stab you in the eye. 601 00:34:29,968 --> 00:34:31,968 [chuckles] 602 00:34:41,288 --> 00:34:42,528 Tell everyone about your essay. 603 00:34:44,768 --> 00:34:47,928 It's a very long essay, Mum. No one wants to hear about that. It's boring. 604 00:34:48,168 --> 00:34:50,208 [Mrs. Groff] No, it's not. We want to hear. 605 00:34:52,968 --> 00:34:56,208 Go on, tell us about the Langston Hughes quote. So clever. 606 00:34:56,768 --> 00:34:58,928 -Hm! -Who was Langston Hughes? 607 00:34:59,248 --> 00:35:00,368 [sighs] 608 00:35:01,208 --> 00:35:02,568 Well, Langston Hughes... 609 00:35:04,328 --> 00:35:07,328 Langston Hughes was a very famous, erm... 610 00:35:09,808 --> 00:35:10,848 erm... 611 00:35:13,728 --> 00:35:14,848 -golfer. -[cork pops] 612 00:35:16,448 --> 00:35:18,008 I thought he was a poet. 613 00:35:21,208 --> 00:35:24,328 Oh! [laughs] 614 00:35:24,808 --> 00:35:25,968 That's so our Adam. 615 00:35:26,368 --> 00:35:28,208 -Such a prankster. -Yeah. 616 00:35:28,288 --> 00:35:30,048 -Ha-ha! -[laughing] 617 00:35:35,128 --> 00:35:37,008 [Lily] So, Glenoxi arrives on the planet of Fuck, 618 00:35:37,088 --> 00:35:39,568 which is run by mutants who have vulvas instead of tongues, 619 00:35:39,648 --> 00:35:40,808 and she meets Lord Zortac. 620 00:35:40,888 --> 00:35:42,368 And, at first, she despises him, 621 00:35:42,448 --> 00:35:44,928 because he was responsible for killing her entire family 622 00:35:45,008 --> 00:35:46,448 during the war of Gamma Velorum, 623 00:35:46,528 --> 00:35:49,368 but then she forgives him when he agrees to become her sex slave... 624 00:35:49,448 --> 00:35:51,528 and also, Glenoxi's a bit of a slut. 625 00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:52,768 [chuckles] 626 00:35:52,848 --> 00:35:53,768 Okay. 627 00:35:54,368 --> 00:35:55,208 Good. 628 00:35:59,488 --> 00:36:01,248 Sorry this didn't go according to plan. 629 00:36:02,688 --> 00:36:05,808 My expectations were extremely low, to be honest. 630 00:36:06,928 --> 00:36:08,288 I don't think you're ready. 631 00:36:11,088 --> 00:36:13,848 Well... hope you find someone who is. 632 00:36:14,288 --> 00:36:15,728 Yeah? Me too. 633 00:36:15,808 --> 00:36:17,808 [van pulls up] 634 00:36:17,888 --> 00:36:19,888 [pop music playing] 635 00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:27,088 -[turns music off] -Hey, thief. How’s your lock? 636 00:36:27,168 --> 00:36:32,248 Er... Yeah, it's, erm... life-changing, actually. 637 00:36:32,328 --> 00:36:34,328 -Yeah. -Was that your girlfriend? 638 00:36:34,408 --> 00:36:37,448 No! [chuckles] Er, definitely not. Erm... 639 00:36:38,088 --> 00:36:39,728 I'm just destined to be alone. 640 00:36:41,008 --> 00:36:44,208 -Your dad's inside. Shall I get him? -Nah, don’t bother. 641 00:36:45,048 --> 00:36:47,128 [horn blares] 642 00:36:48,968 --> 00:36:50,408 I think my dad likes your mum. 643 00:36:50,648 --> 00:36:53,648 He changed his shirt three times and put on way too much aftershave. 644 00:36:53,728 --> 00:36:55,848 Well, my mum doesn't really do boyfriends. 645 00:36:56,128 --> 00:36:57,088 She's a man-eater. 646 00:36:57,648 --> 00:36:59,728 That's kind of a weird way to describe your mother. 647 00:36:59,808 --> 00:37:02,328 It's kind of weird that you drive your dad around everywhere. 648 00:37:02,728 --> 00:37:04,848 -Doesn't he have a licence? -He's a drunk. 649 00:37:07,768 --> 00:37:09,288 I'm so sorry. Er... I... I... 650 00:37:09,368 --> 00:37:11,648 -That was stupid, I didn't... I... -[laughs] 651 00:37:11,728 --> 00:37:12,928 I'm messing with you. 652 00:37:13,448 --> 00:37:15,528 Yeah, no, he just got caught speeding too many times. 653 00:37:15,608 --> 00:37:17,888 He's had his licence suspended for six months, yeah. 654 00:37:18,328 --> 00:37:21,568 My sister does mornings and I do afternoons and nights. 655 00:37:21,648 --> 00:37:22,608 [chuckles] 656 00:37:22,688 --> 00:37:25,928 It's like you're the parent and he's a... he's a big, hairy child. 657 00:37:26,008 --> 00:37:27,888 [laughing] Yeah. 658 00:37:28,768 --> 00:37:30,768 [light drum music plays] 659 00:37:31,328 --> 00:37:32,808 Do you wanna go out with me? 660 00:37:33,768 --> 00:37:37,168 Well, I think you're funny, and I wanna go out with you. 661 00:37:38,528 --> 00:37:40,248 -Yeah. Yeah. -Give me your phone. 662 00:37:44,848 --> 00:37:47,368 If you want to hang out, call me. 663 00:37:51,208 --> 00:37:52,248 Great. 664 00:37:54,008 --> 00:37:55,488 -Cool. -Cool. [chuckles] 665 00:37:56,768 --> 00:37:57,608 Bye. 666 00:37:59,248 --> 00:38:01,048 [horn blaring] 667 00:38:01,128 --> 00:38:02,368 Stop honking! 668 00:38:02,888 --> 00:38:03,968 I'm coming! 669 00:38:04,048 --> 00:38:04,968 Sorry. 670 00:38:05,808 --> 00:38:06,968 [sighs] 671 00:38:09,648 --> 00:38:10,928 [sighs] 672 00:38:12,688 --> 00:38:14,928 We should really talk about the pheromones. 673 00:38:16,888 --> 00:38:17,728 Thank you. 674 00:38:18,728 --> 00:38:20,248 -[sighs] -For all the work. 675 00:38:23,528 --> 00:38:24,608 [sighing] Yeah. 676 00:38:25,288 --> 00:38:26,968 It was nice meeting you, Jean. 677 00:38:27,048 --> 00:38:29,808 Yeah. It was nice meeting you too, Jakob. 678 00:38:31,968 --> 00:38:32,808 Hi. 679 00:38:34,928 --> 00:38:35,768 Thank you. 680 00:38:45,168 --> 00:38:46,528 [yawns] 681 00:38:46,608 --> 00:38:48,888 [woman on TV] Die slowly. It cuts to thousands of pieces. 682 00:38:50,368 --> 00:38:52,208 -[man] Right. For the first time today. -It's your favorite. 683 00:38:52,288 --> 00:38:54,328 [man] Why use your venom on me? 684 00:38:55,208 --> 00:38:58,368 -[woman] You killed my love. -[man] That's possible. 685 00:38:59,208 --> 00:39:00,328 I've killed a lot of people. 686 00:39:00,888 --> 00:39:03,968 [man on TV continues to speak] 687 00:39:04,808 --> 00:39:07,128 Do I ever remind you of Dad? 688 00:39:10,088 --> 00:39:10,928 Sometimes. 689 00:39:13,288 --> 00:39:14,728 But just the good bits. 690 00:39:23,048 --> 00:39:24,448 Come on. 691 00:39:27,408 --> 00:39:29,768 [man and woman on TV arguing] 692 00:39:30,568 --> 00:39:32,528 Anyone who says differently is selling something. 693 00:39:34,048 --> 00:39:35,448 Why don't you ask Eric over? 694 00:39:37,008 --> 00:39:38,208 [sighs] 695 00:39:40,328 --> 00:39:42,288 I don't think he's gonna forgive me, Mum. 696 00:39:43,368 --> 00:39:46,048 Course he will. If you keep trying. 697 00:39:48,088 --> 00:39:49,328 Show him you mean it. 698 00:39:52,008 --> 00:39:54,128 You'll be friends again before you know it. 699 00:39:56,008 --> 00:39:56,848 You'll see. 700 00:39:58,128 --> 00:40:00,128 [Soft piano music plays] 701 00:40:04,928 --> 00:40:05,888 [sighs] 702 00:40:05,968 --> 00:40:06,928 Yeah. 703 00:40:08,088 --> 00:40:10,088 I'll just be a sec. [clears throat] 704 00:40:10,528 --> 00:40:11,648 [gasps] Erm... 705 00:40:12,648 --> 00:40:13,528 I don't... 706 00:40:15,008 --> 00:40:16,528 know what happened earlier. 707 00:40:17,808 --> 00:40:20,248 But it seemed like it was a big step. 708 00:40:21,288 --> 00:40:22,968 I'm not prying, I just... 709 00:40:24,728 --> 00:40:26,968 I just want to know that you're okay. 710 00:40:29,768 --> 00:40:30,648 I'm okay. 711 00:40:37,528 --> 00:40:38,808 [phone buzzes] 712 00:40:43,408 --> 00:40:44,888 [ringing tone] 713 00:40:50,488 --> 00:40:54,528 Hey, it's Eric. Sorry to miss you. Call back when you can. Brrring! 714 00:40:54,848 --> 00:40:56,848 [fast beat instrumental music plays] 715 00:41:05,448 --> 00:41:06,488 [clears throat] 716 00:41:23,368 --> 00:41:25,008 [coach] Right, come on, Jackson! 717 00:41:25,408 --> 00:41:27,888 Push, man! Keep the stroke going! 718 00:41:29,288 --> 00:41:33,328 You're close, son! Come on, man, let's go, let's go! 719 00:41:33,408 --> 00:41:35,888 -Yes! Yes! -[laughs] 720 00:41:35,968 --> 00:41:36,808 Well done! 721 00:41:37,168 --> 00:41:38,728 Yes, sir! 722 00:41:39,928 --> 00:41:41,888 Power! [laughs] 723 00:41:43,008 --> 00:41:44,448 Look at the time. 724 00:41:44,528 --> 00:41:45,608 [laughs] 725 00:41:46,208 --> 00:41:47,168 Whoo! 726 00:41:47,248 --> 00:41:49,248 [soft rock music continues] 727 00:42:07,928 --> 00:42:10,248 -Hey, man, can we talk? -Are you gonna hit me? 728 00:42:11,208 --> 00:42:12,688 -No. -Yeah, let me guess. 729 00:42:12,768 --> 00:42:14,288 Wrong place, wrong time, am I right? 730 00:42:14,888 --> 00:42:18,928 Look, I just... I-- I thought that it would feel good, but it... it didn’t. 731 00:42:19,008 --> 00:42:21,248 Decking the other gay guy, yeah, that's perfect, Eric. 732 00:42:21,328 --> 00:42:22,688 Look, I-- I'm really sorry. 733 00:42:26,888 --> 00:42:30,248 Look, if it helps, I used this to come out to my mum, okay? 734 00:42:30,648 --> 00:42:31,648 What, she didn't know? 735 00:42:32,048 --> 00:42:34,688 I ju-- [stammers] I-- I just thought you had it all figured out. 736 00:42:34,768 --> 00:42:36,128 Yeah, well, you assumed wrong. 737 00:42:37,608 --> 00:42:39,608 And she now thinks you're a gay-basher. 738 00:42:39,688 --> 00:42:40,528 [sighs] 739 00:42:40,608 --> 00:42:42,448 So if you get filthy looks from an Indian lady, 740 00:42:42,848 --> 00:42:44,168 don't take it personally, okay? 741 00:42:45,248 --> 00:42:47,448 S-So this punching you in the face thing 742 00:42:47,528 --> 00:42:50,088 has probably ruined our chances of being together? 743 00:42:50,488 --> 00:42:51,448 Bitch, please. 744 00:42:52,248 --> 00:42:54,568 Pretty boys like me are definitely not your type, okay? 745 00:42:56,008 --> 00:42:57,768 Enjoy suspension, trumpet boy. 746 00:42:58,808 --> 00:42:59,928 What's my type? 747 00:43:00,368 --> 00:43:01,608 Still not your friend. 748 00:43:03,648 --> 00:43:04,848 [sighs] 749 00:43:05,728 --> 00:43:07,728 [upbeat music plays] 750 00:43:11,088 --> 00:43:13,368 Aimee? You all right? 751 00:43:13,448 --> 00:43:15,208 I've been wanking all night. 752 00:43:15,448 --> 00:43:17,208 I ate four packets of crumpets 753 00:43:17,288 --> 00:43:19,088 and I think my clit might drop off. 754 00:43:19,488 --> 00:43:21,048 But I know exactly what I want. 755 00:43:21,288 --> 00:43:23,248 That's, er... excellent. 756 00:43:26,448 --> 00:43:27,968 I gotta go find Steve. 757 00:43:46,008 --> 00:43:47,688 Oh, my God. 758 00:43:49,648 --> 00:43:50,888 Wonders never cease. 759 00:43:51,008 --> 00:43:52,568 [scoffs] Yeah. 760 00:43:53,608 --> 00:43:56,728 Speaking of which, Aimee's now calling you the Pleasure Master. 761 00:43:57,128 --> 00:43:59,328 Yeah. [chuckles] That's, er... incorrect. 762 00:43:59,408 --> 00:44:01,128 -Mm-hm. Here you go. -Thanks. 763 00:44:07,248 --> 00:44:08,528 [sighs] 764 00:44:08,848 --> 00:44:10,208 My brother's back in town. 765 00:44:11,208 --> 00:44:12,248 -Yeah? -Mm. 766 00:44:12,568 --> 00:44:14,888 -Is that a good or bad thing? -I don't know, we'll see. 767 00:44:18,848 --> 00:44:20,088 I really liked your essay. 768 00:44:20,168 --> 00:44:21,928 -You haven't read my essay. -No. 769 00:44:22,008 --> 00:44:23,408 But I did hear it. 770 00:44:24,408 --> 00:44:26,448 “We live as we dream, alone.” 771 00:44:27,128 --> 00:44:29,728 -It's very bleak. -Depends on your perspective. 772 00:44:31,888 --> 00:44:33,448 -How did you know it was mine? -Well, 773 00:44:34,008 --> 00:44:36,448 Adam thought As You Like It was a song by Jay-Z. 774 00:44:36,528 --> 00:44:38,208 -[chuckles] -And only you 775 00:44:38,288 --> 00:44:41,128 could turn the topic of dreams into existential angst. 776 00:44:42,568 --> 00:44:44,128 Pessimists outlive optimists. 777 00:44:45,208 --> 00:44:46,808 We're in for the long haul, then. 778 00:44:47,928 --> 00:44:49,328 [chuckles] 779 00:44:51,408 --> 00:44:53,968 That... That trophy should be yours. 780 00:44:54,608 --> 00:44:56,088 Don't give it away next time. 781 00:44:57,448 --> 00:44:59,008 -I'll see you later. -See you later. 782 00:45:00,488 --> 00:45:01,808 -Hey, Miss Sands. -Hey. 783 00:45:02,168 --> 00:45:04,688 What do I have to do for this Aptitude Scheme thing? 784 00:45:04,768 --> 00:45:08,128 I'll find out everything you need. Glad I got through, Maeve. 785 00:45:08,288 --> 00:45:10,288 [upbeat music plays louder] 786 00:45:14,048 --> 00:45:15,488 [knock at door] 787 00:45:15,568 --> 00:45:16,608 Come in. 788 00:45:19,928 --> 00:45:20,768 Hello. [chuckles] 789 00:45:21,968 --> 00:45:24,808 Er... We need to talk about... 790 00:45:25,688 --> 00:45:26,728 Adam’s essay. 791 00:45:27,728 --> 00:45:28,608 What about it? 792 00:45:29,088 --> 00:45:30,808 Did it sound like Adam to you? 793 00:45:32,048 --> 00:45:35,928 Are you suggesting I don't know what my own son sounds like? 794 00:45:36,128 --> 00:45:39,448 I am suggesting that someone else wrote it for him. 795 00:45:42,568 --> 00:45:45,128 Miss Sands, can we have this conversation at another time? 796 00:45:46,088 --> 00:45:48,528 -I'm running late for an appointment. -Of course. 797 00:45:48,648 --> 00:45:51,008 -We'll, er... pick it up later. -Hm. 798 00:45:59,288 --> 00:46:01,288 [cheerful music plays] 799 00:46:04,328 --> 00:46:05,768 Okay, so, here's what I want. 800 00:46:05,848 --> 00:46:07,768 I want you to rub my clit with your left thumb. 801 00:46:07,848 --> 00:46:10,088 Start slow but get faster, but not too fast. 802 00:46:10,168 --> 00:46:11,328 When I start to shake, 803 00:46:11,408 --> 00:46:13,568 blow on my ear and get ready for fireworks. 804 00:46:14,088 --> 00:46:14,968 I'm on it. 805 00:46:16,408 --> 00:46:18,608 ♪ You know my baby, she's so hot ♪ 806 00:46:18,688 --> 00:46:21,368 I promise you, she was... she was massive. You wouldn't recognize her. 807 00:46:21,448 --> 00:46:23,368 -Completely-- -You didn't used to roll her around! 808 00:46:23,448 --> 00:46:25,608 No, yeah. It was the only way of transporting her. 809 00:46:25,688 --> 00:46:27,328 -[laughs] -She couldn't walk. 810 00:46:27,408 --> 00:46:30,208 You couldn't pick her up. She was heavy. 811 00:46:30,288 --> 00:46:32,328 Sean was just telling me how fat you were as a baby. 812 00:46:32,408 --> 00:46:34,448 Remember? Mum used to call you the Michelin Man. 813 00:46:34,528 --> 00:46:37,768 Ha-ha. Yeah, that's funny. Don't you have training? 814 00:46:38,408 --> 00:46:41,128 Yeah, but I skived off. I thought, you know, we could hang out. 815 00:46:41,448 --> 00:46:42,328 Is that cool? 816 00:46:43,688 --> 00:46:44,888 Yeah. Yeah, it's cool. 817 00:46:45,168 --> 00:46:48,128 Ooh, ooh, before you go in there, erm... could you grab us a couple of beers? 818 00:46:48,208 --> 00:46:50,008 No. Jackson doesn't drink when he's training. 819 00:46:50,088 --> 00:46:52,248 Ooh! Is Action Man teetotal? 820 00:46:52,328 --> 00:46:54,808 -Yeah. -Come on, do you ever loosen up? 821 00:46:54,888 --> 00:46:56,728 -Sean... -Oh, come on, it's just a question. 822 00:46:59,128 --> 00:47:01,048 Actually, go on then, one beer won't hurt. 823 00:47:01,128 --> 00:47:03,168 One tasty beer comin' right up. 824 00:47:07,448 --> 00:47:09,128 Come on, then. Aaah! 825 00:47:09,608 --> 00:47:11,088 What do you think of my biceps? 826 00:47:12,088 --> 00:47:13,168 It's the gym, man. 827 00:47:18,608 --> 00:47:21,848 ♪ Poor little hairy kids ♪ 828 00:47:21,928 --> 00:47:24,288 ♪ Out on their own ♪ 829 00:47:25,008 --> 00:47:28,408 ♪ They ran to the festival ♪ 830 00:47:28,488 --> 00:47:31,368 ♪ To show that they were one ♪ 831 00:47:31,848 --> 00:47:35,288 ♪ They've fallen in love ♪ 832 00:47:35,368 --> 00:47:38,248 ♪ With all humankind ♪ 833 00:47:38,768 --> 00:47:42,088 ♪ So tell them you love them ♪ 834 00:47:42,168 --> 00:47:45,528 ♪ So they don't change their mind ♪ 835 00:47:49,448 --> 00:47:51,088 [door slams] 836 00:47:51,168 --> 00:47:53,248 ♪ Write us a book ♪ 837 00:47:53,328 --> 00:47:57,168 ♪ Of instructions or signs ♪ 838 00:47:57,488 --> 00:48:01,048 ♪ And if it's been written ♪ 839 00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:04,008 ♪ Then give us more time ♪ 840 00:48:04,848 --> 00:48:07,928 ♪ Recite a poem ♪ 841 00:48:08,008 --> 00:48:10,728 ♪ Or sing us a song ♪ 842 00:48:11,368 --> 00:48:14,648 ♪ And tell us you love us ♪ 843 00:48:14,728 --> 00:48:17,688 ♪ So you don't feel alone ♪ 844 00:48:20,328 --> 00:48:25,888 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 845 00:48:26,928 --> 00:48:32,928 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 846 00:48:33,288 --> 00:48:35,288 ♪ La, la, la ♪