-[boy grunts] -[phone dings]
Hold all my calls.
-[giggling] -[lullaby plays]
♪ Boss Baby ♪
♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪
♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪
♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪
♪ Stroller rolling Up and down the boulevard ♪
♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪
♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪
♪ Change my diaper, son Where's my bib? ♪
♪ Don't pacify You just got to pay me ♪
-♪ Who's in charge? ♪ -♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪
Applesauce Team leader to HQ.
Target is mobile.
-[Jimbo] Does he have the package? -Sending a scout unit now.
What's the sit rep from Boom-Boom, Cuddle, and Duckie Teams?
All teams, situation report.
Hi! It's Jimbo! Over.
[Staci] Don't have to introduce yourself every time, big guy.
Copy that.
It's Jimbo copying that.
[Katja] Boom-Boom Team leader to HQ.
[grunting]
Extraction in progress.
My number two is prepping for insertion.
Stop calling me your number two! I have a name!
[Simmons] Cuddle Team leader to HQ.
We are on site and attempting to hack the local technology.
[dial tone hums]
Try whacking buttons until something happens.
[touch tones beeping]
-[Buskie giggling] -Hey, guys. Buddy from Duckie Team.
I have some concerns about mission personnel.
-[Buskie giggling] -[Staci] Are they cute?
-Shyeah. -Then let them do their jobs!
Yellow 100.
[squealing]
-[gasps] Well, hi there! -[giggling]
[chuckles] Oh, my gosh, you're adorable!
Copy all that, team leaders.
Now let's slap this baby butt and make it say, "Waaahhh."
-[Simmons] Roger. -[Buddy] M-kay.
[Staci] Oh, and, uh, HQ, you'd better update the boss.
That's a copy. Over.
Love, Jimbo.
-[monitor chirps] -[monitor chiming]
Jimbo! Tell me the good news.
All teams are on site and active.
Mission's complete in the next six minutes.
Make it three. I'm on my way up now.
I believe in my team. Yellow 100!
Y-Yellow 100.
All teams, we're on double speed deadline.
-Impossible! -What?
Whine on your own time, babies. Just move, move, move!
Does he have the package?
[Frankie] Dirty diaper confirmed.
And he's just gonna throw it in the regular garbage...
indoors, in public!
-Ugh! -Masks up!
Prep for target intercept.
Boom-Boom Team, update.
We will succeed! My number two is strong!
[Peg] Stop calling me that!
-I don't know my numbers! -[touch tones beeping]
-[busy signal beeping] -Guh, still decoding the technology.
[Staci] Get it done, Cuddle! Duckie Team?
-Ah, peekaboo! -[giggles]
Things could not be cuter here.
-Baby love is gonna-- -Oh, no! Oh, I got your nose!
[grunts]
Oh!
[laughs] Ah, cute kid.
[Buskie shouts]
-Buskie lost a nose! -[Staci] What?
The man just took it right off his face!
I'm gonna be sick!
[babbling]
-[gags] -Hold that puke down.
We're gonna get you through this.
Jimbo, keep an eye on Duckie Team!
Jimmy-jambo! Do I have my numbers?
I'm not seeing any movement on the charts.
Any minute, Boss.
Staci?
[Staci] I'm working on it!
Hey, guys, just a little quick-quick.
Buskie's loose enough for vengeance, m-kay?
[shrieking]
-Stay put. I'm en route. -Dirty diaper about to drop!
Applesauce Team, you're on your own. Go!
Boom-Boom and Cuddle, finish it!
Aw! It's babies.
[beeping, chimes]
-[mic feedback squeals] -[baby cooing and laughing over P.A.]
-[all] Aw! -Heh, makes you want to have a baby.
[screaming]
-I brought a spare. -[screaming stops]
[babbles, laughing]
[laughing continues]
Aw!
-[squealing] -[man yelps]
[chimes]
[beeps]
-Beautiful. -[elevator bell dings]
Your boardly eminences--
[Emiliano] Boss Baby.
Do you mind if we do this elsewhere today?
Um... what did you have in mind, Mr. Chairman?
You're a CEO now, and I am starving.
Perhaps we could take this meeting in the executive dining room?
[squeals]
[soft piano music playing]
[Dondre] Please enjoy the aperitif.
Thank you, Dondre.
[sniffs] Hints of playground sand from the Alsace region.
Marvelous. [crunches]
[sniffs]
We've seen the latest baby love numbers, and we are very impressed.
Why, thank you, sir. [crunches]
So, tell me, what's your secret?
Yellow 100.
It's my vision statement for Baby Corp.
No more simply trying to be number one in the market for love.
We're going to fill the pie chart... 100 percent, total perfection.
People can like whatever they want, but when it comes to that bone-deep love,
they should only be thinking one thing: babies.
[Dondre] Monsieur, please open the hangar. Here comes l'avion.
[imitates plane engine]
Oop-bup, there we go.
I love this plan.
Sir, I can't tell you how much that means to me.
A good CEO knows how to focus on the fundamentals.
-Market share. -So true!
-Field operations. -Full credit to Staci.
She's stepped up in that leadership role.
A well-run office building.
Um...
The kind where every baby can do their best work
in an annoyance-free environment.
This is about the renters, isn't it?
Yes, it is about the renters.
We're working on it.
[puppies barking]
Aah!
-Aah! -[Peg] Aw, stop it!
[Simmons] I needed that! Aw!
-[babies shouting indistinctly] -[puppies barking]
[Tim] So, that's PuppyCo now?
No, it's just a branch office.
In the most annoying possible location.
Do not put your mouth on the tap! Bad dog!
Ugh! Baby Corp had some financial trouble
during that half hour when the triplets were CEOs.
We were mad with power.
-But... -We fixed it.
By renting out office space to another "local business."
I choose to live without regrets.
Let's eat a block of cheese and do a million jumping jacks!
[all] Yay!
Sir, I need a signature on this.
You're in charge. Why don't you kick the puppies out?
I wish I could, but the triplets wrote an airtight rental lease.
And those puppy lawyers-- woof!
So, I need to get creative.
And from the sounds of Board Baby Emiliano's impatience,
I need to do it ASAP.
So you're not coming to my Do-Good Trooper Safety Showcase like you promised?
[sighs] I'll make up something for Mom and Dad.
Hmm? Oh, no, Templeton!
I'm all in for your educational pageant.
Really?
Like you said, I'm in charge now. The CEO!
I can give 100 percent at the office and 100 percent at home.
-Not how math works. -Executive math.
It's not my job to do everything myself.
I provide the vision so others can step up and do their best work.
[mic feedback rings]
Hello, you beautiful Baby Corp!
-Yellow 100! -[babies] Yellow 100!
There's my superstar employees!
You're killing it out there, team, and I'm proud of every one of you.
I feel so empowered!
He makes me want to be less terrible as an employee and a person!
Now let's put that collective Baby Corp brainpower to a new task:
-our renter problem. -[growling]
No bad ideas. Pitch and go, make your magic.
I'll be offline for the next hour,
and I believe with a little imagination and 100 percent effort,
this place could be puppy-free by the time I come back.
-[chimes] -[babies cheering]
Uh... so, you want us to put a pause on baby love missions?
Nope! I want 100 percent effort on that, too.
-Executive math. -[all] Oh!
Oh! I get it.
Total faith in everybody. Go get 'em!
-Yellow 100! -[babies] Yellow 100!
[all cheering]
Hold the fort, Stace.
Templeton, let's see this Safety Showcase spectacular.
-As a Do-Good Trooper... -I will do good for safety...
By taking every opportunity...
To prepare others for any danger or crisis.
[cooing]
Safety scenario one: itchy, ouch!
I walked in poison ivy.
Apply this rubbing alcohol to your skin to help remove urushiol oil,
the allergen found in poison ivy!
Oh, my gosh, he's so adorable and authoritative.
Safety scenario two: glug, glug, glug, glug!
Uh-oh! Poison!
Safety scenario 49:
I am on fire.
Drop and let me roll you in this blanket to smother the flames.
I have been extinguished.
-Safety scenario 107... -[groans]
...I'm not sure if my smoke alarms are working.
You should have smoke alarms in every bedroom,
outside each sleeping area, and on every level of your house.
My house has seven smoke alarms,
and I'm going to show you how to test them all right now.
-Oh, honey, no! -[alarm beeping]
[all screaming]
-[alarm beeping] -[crowd screaming]
[monitor chiming]
[screaming continues]
Any chance you can slip out of there real quick?
Had a little hiccup with the puppy purging at the office.
[sighs] You know I'd love to,
but I have to finish giving family 100 percent
before I can give work another 100 percent.
I'll hit the office as soon as I can. [crying]
-[man 1] Make it stop! -[man 2] Make it stop!
[wind whistling]
-[crying] -[shivers]
I know, buddy, that was a very, very long-- and informative--
very long safety showcase.
Let's get you home for a nap.
Where's Tim?
He wanted to walk home with Petrosky.
You were amazing! That part about insect bites?
Man, that was just muscle memory.
Got in a fistfight with a fire anthill a couple months back.
But you, bro...
The overturned canoe rescue?
Yes! That was so intense!
I could see the canoe in my head, and I'm thinking,
"It is my sacred creed as a Do-Good Trooper
-to educate these people, so..." -[tree limb cracks]
-[crashes] -[both shout]
[baby crying]
Check for hazards!
No broken glass, spilled fuel, downed power lines,
or unmarked bottles of household poison.
I'll search for adult assistance!
I'll get the baby.
[crying continues]
-Frankie? -[crying stops]
Oh. Hey, Boss Baby's brother.
Why the heck were you in there?
I was trying to install a new baby smell air freshener,
and then a tree falls on the car, makes a really loud noise,
and, whoops, there go the baby tears! [shudders]
I feel like that answer covered everything except my question.
-Why were you-- -Yellow 100, man!
Gotta boost that baby love 24-7.
-Now let me go so I can-- -[man] Oh, my goodness!
There was a trapped baby!
-These boys are heroes! -Amazing!
[adults shouting]
And now you two just swoop in
and steal all the love for yourself instead.
Where's your Yellow 100 spirit?
We weren't trying to steal any love from anybody!
[woman] I wish they were my sons!
[elevator bell dings]
Spin me up to speed on the puppy problem.
Peg had an idea to raise the rent so high, PuppyCo couldn't cover it.
-Love it! -[barking]
Why are they still here?
Well, the puppies decided to cover costs by renting some of their space
to another company.
What? Who?
Business!
Business! Business! Business!
Four hundred dollars!
I'm crazy, crazy!
I don't know what I'm doing because I fell in love!
[preeks shouting]
[girl] Business! Business!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Preeks? How did you even get them out--
They're not even a business!
Do any of you actually produce or provide any goods and/or services?
We have to move the needle.
What does that even mean?
Um... but if a needle-le is--
is b...
oh, I think, um, if a needle is...
I don't know.
'Cause just balloons.
[slurping]
[shouting]
-There's no way this is legal. -[barks]
No, I do not want to confer with your puppy lawyer!
[Chip] Oh, good, you're back! I need another signature.
-Need a minute, Chip! -[babies shouting]
I need you to write it down right here!
-Don't make me forge this! -Sir! Sir!
[babies shouting]
Boss Baby, I had a situation on a Yellow 100 mission,
and I need to know our response action.
Hang on, everyone.
Board Baby Emiliano wants a status update on evicting the renters!
Tell him we're brainstorming solutions.
-[monitor chiming] -Yo, Boss, it's your brother!
Sounds important.
-[Chip] Just one signature! -[Peg] I need your attention!
Templeton, what's going on?
I'm getting a medal... from the mayor!
That's amazing! Tell me all about it when I get back home.
But you have to come back now.
They want to do the award ceremony in time for the news,
and the whole family's invited.
[groans] I just did a family thing.
Jeez...
I just thought you'd want to know.
I'm sorry. Of course I did.
You just caught me at a busy time.
-I'll cover for you with Mom and Dad. -No!
100 percent, job and family! I will be there.
Give me three minutes.
[babies shouting]
Quiet!
Open-office floor plan!
Sir?
That's how you get rid of the renters-- take down all the cubicle walls.
No privacy, no separation.
Everybody will drive each other crazy, the puppies and preeks will bail,
and you babies will outlast them all.
They'll be driving us crazy, too.
How are we supposed to outlast them?
Because of this!
You're Baby Corp.
You don't need me to answer every little question.
You've already got my vision.
So get out there, get down and dirty,
and do whatever it takes to fill that heart with 100 percent baby love.
Yellow 100!
[babies] Yellow 100!
Down and dirty, whatever it takes.
I got you, Boss Baby.
All right, babies, tear them down!
[babies shouting]
The Thomas R. Kulkelka Medal of Courage.
This town awards no higher honor,
and I can think of no act more deserving than rescuing a tiny, helpless baby.
That's my son!
The good one, not the one picking his nose and wiping it under his chair.
Boys, that was some quick thinking.
How did you know all the right things to do in that scenario?
Mr. Mayor, I'm glad you asked.
Because we live by a sacred creed.
-Oh, please don't, sweetie. -No, no, no-- oh, no.
[Tim] As a Do-Good Trooper...
I will do good for safety by taking every opportunity...
To prepare others for any danger or crisis.
Roll that news camera!
This town's about to get safety educated.
Uh... s-so, I just... [stammers]
I-I wait till you're done, then?
Safety scenario one: itchy, ouch!
I walked in poison ivy.
Apply this rubbing alcohol to your skin to help remove urushiol oil,
the allergen found in poison ivy.
-Safety scenario two: glug... -[monitor chimes]
What's the problem?
Well, your open office plan is working.
Everyone is driving everyone else crazy.
-We like to pretend we're in a forest... -[growling, whimpering]
and we're saving horses.
-[puppies snarling] -[babies shouting]
-[Peg] Stop it! -Don't let him get away!
-[Chip] I'm allergic... -[puppies barking]
I'm thinking if our babies stay strong,
those puppies and preeks will be out of here in 20 minutes, tops.
Great! What's the problem?
Our babies aren't staying strong.
Beebs, I am a patient baby,
-but I am losing my mind with this! -[soft thudding]
-How many tentacles does... -[snot squishes]
...does you make, um, a octopus laugh?
-I don't know! How many? -"Ten tickles."
[laughing]
[bellows]
Hendershot, you are going to outlast those pre-kindergartners and puppies
because I believe in you.
Yellow 100.
[sighs]
Yellow 100.
Hendershot's not the only baby falling apart, Boss.
We need you here! How soon can you get back?
[Tim] As an apex predator, sharks only respond to power...
[groans] I don't know. Could be several more...
[Tim] Safety scenario six...
-I'll call you back. -[Staci] What?
-No! We-- -[monitor turns off]
[Danny] The bowling knot forms a non-slipping loop
that is ideal for rescue lifting.
-Frankie? -Hey, Boss. You wanna help?
What are you doing?
-Scrubbing lard on the floor. -Why would you--
So that when everybody stands to applaud, they'll be all slip, crash!
"Grr, we're angry!"
Everybody except the two big kids up front, of course.
Gotta leave them standing or the plan doesn't work.
I feel like that answer covered everything except my question.
Why would you--
Because they stole love that rightfully belongs to babies,
and you said to get down and dirty and do whatever it takes,
so I'm gonna frame them for this whole disaster.
What? You can't!
Kind of already did.
[Boss gasps] Good lard!
But that's my brother!
[laughs]
Yeah, and he'll never steal love from us again.
This is on the TV news!
The whole town's gonna hate him forever!
What? No! This is a terrible idea!
[laughs] I get it.
Confidence test.
Don't worry, you've fully inspired me to believe in myself and my plan.
Whoo, Yellow 100!
No, that's not-- Whoa!
-[Boss] Ooh! -I see no safety hazards.
Then it should be safe to rescue this baby trapped--
Uh, what a fine segue into handing over these medals!
[chuckles] All right, get ready to rise and applaud some bravery, everyone!
Yes! I've always wanted a standing "O" that wasn't sarcastic!
-[floor squeaking] -[gasps] No, no, no!
[Mayor] In the valorous spirit of Thomas R. Kulkelka,
it is my extreme pleasure to present this Medal of Courage
to these deserving young men.
Staci!
Everything's okay, sir. It worked!
PuppyCo's ready to bail from the office, and the preeks go with them!
Everything's not okay.
Tell Bug I'll make a deal.
We don't have to make a deal. They're already leaving.
[barking]
My offer is this: we'll put the cubicle walls back up and leave them there.
You can stay at Baby Corp.
-What? -Boss! I got Board Baby Emiliano!
[panting] He wants to know what the heck is going on with the renters.
Sir, Yellow 100!
[kazoos playing]
-[fanfare ends] -[scattered applause]
Offer stands, Bug, but in return, I need a pack of puppies at this museum
in the next 15 seconds, no questions asked.
[snarling]
And I'm gonna need something from the two of you.
Now let's all rise and clap heartily for our young heroes,
Danny Petrosky and Tim Templeton!
-[all cheering] -Yeah! That's my boy!
[all shouting]
[kazoos playing discordantly]
-[shouting continues] -[crashes]
[all grunting]
Whoaaa!
[wailing, groans]
What in-- [yelps]
[Mayor] I landed on a medal pin!
Does anybody know how to treat a high ankle sprain and mild bruising?
As a matter of fact, we do.
[squishing]
-Ew! -Lard?
[gasps]
Somebody's in a world of trouble right now!
Who is responsible for this unconscionable prankery?
Uh...
[chupie zaps]
Sir, what are you doing to our Yellow 100?
-Today... -[puppies barking]
...settling for Yellow 50-50.
-[grunts] -[puppies barking in slo-mo]
[puppies yelping]
[people groaning]
Those puppies gorged on chicken wings and spread greasy residue
all over the museum floor!
-It's the only plausible explanation! -[whimpers]
[man] Why, you stinking puppies!
-I hate puppies! -Ew!
-Darn puppies! -I am angry!
-Puppies! -[people shouting]
[growling]
Board's not gonna be happy about our renters going long-term.
Family emergency.
And the board will get over it,
especially after we caused that massive dip in puppy love.
[barking, snarling]
Oh, knock it off. You get to stay!
And I did say "no questions asked."
[snarls]
-Ugh, lard! -Yeah, sorry about that.
Never apologize for taking the initiative.
And it was a good lesson for me.
Maybe you can't give 100 percent to all things all the time.
-You said it. -True.
So wise.
But if you don't,
other people might botch things up while you're not there.
-Also true! -You said it.
So wise.
Ugh! Maybe the lesson is just that being in charge is a pain in the butt.
[theme music playing]
♪ Boss Baby ♪