- ♪ MTV ♪
- Another day,
another "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation."
This time, we're in San Diego.
- Why do you think [bleep] people are contacting Mike?
Because my [bleep] is so good.
- Maybe I do have to try it.
- Vinny's single. Angelina's single.
Vinny had sex with Angelina, and it might happen again.
- So you're saying there's a chance?
- Happy birthday... - Whoo!
- Nikki.
- Whoo!
- Hold on, that's not your water.
- Nicole is not here... - Oh!
- But Dren is.
- Give me that titty, bitch.
[upbeat music]
- Yeah, buddy!
♪ ♪
- Party in here!
- The situation is under construction.
- We're so classy now.
- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.
- Get the frig out of here.
You crazy?
- Um, hello?
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Stop.
♪ ♪
- Tonight's Nikki's birthday.
- Whoo!
- Everyone is loving it.
- Hey!
- Even Vinny and Angelina are getting along.
- I like Vin with a hat on. That's my thing.
- Oh, yeah? - Uh-huh.
- But Dren is out and about, people.
- Whoo! [buzzer]
[laughs]
- A large pie for delivery or pickup?
- Show me your titty.
- [laughing] Oh, my God.
- Oh, man.
- She's like a rag doll right now.
- Give me that titty, bitch. - Oh!
- Ow!
Dren isn't going anywhere.
- Good meatball? - Yeah, fine.
- Here, I'll help-- - OK, let's go.
- But I have to keep this night moving.
Hopefully, Dren will behave.
- Can you sit with us? - You serious?
- So Nikki, we--we got you a gift.
- No.
- We made you a scrapbook--
30 things we love about you.
And then if you turn it over, it's 30 things
we need to warn you about Pauly.
- I am [bleep] up.
- This is so cute! - Whoa, who made that?
- Oh, my-- - Us girls put it together.
- Wow.
You choose Pauly over Vinny... - [laughs]
- Doing double shot.
Good choice. [laughs]
- I hope that all of you are having fun
hanging out with Pauly, my boyfriend.
I'm a little jealous. - Your ex-boyfriend.
- all: Ooh! - Easy, Jamaica.
- What's up now, partna? - No, no, no--
- You fit right into this crazy family.
- [bleep] me.
Honestly, it's great. - Yeah.
- It's great. - [bleep] me.
- Yeah. - [bleep] me.
- I'll [bleep] you after you eat this.
- [bleep] me.
- I'll [bleep] you after you eat this!
- [bleep] me! - Yeah.
♪ ♪
I'm so happy right now because I didn't know how the family
was going to take to Nikki.
- I feel so spesh.
- And this scrapbook symbolizes
how they're welcoming Nikki to the family,
but then I look over, and you see...
- There you go. - [drunken growl]
- Nikki, this is the family. [chuckles]
- Nikki, you are literally the coolest.
Like, I wish I was you.
- Bitch, I wish I was on your level right now.
- [laughs]
- I'll give you this bacon, bitch.
- There you go. You have that.
- There's a whole other show over there.
- I'm taking a break-- - Ah!
That titty, bitch.
- [laughs] What a [bleep] disaster.
- Yeah, I'm gonna leave.
- Like, am I in "The Twilight Zone"?
Like... - Stop!
- Where am I?
What is happening? - Do you want to go home--
- [mumbling]
- Do you want to go to the hotel with me?
Do you want to go to the hotel with me and Ange?
I don't want to ruin Nikki's party,
so I feel like the best thing we should do
is get this bitch back to the suite.
Let's go, messy mama.
- Yeah, get messy mama home safe and sound.
- All right, bye-bye.
[all cheering]
♪ ♪
- This is delicious.
- [screaming] - [laughs]
- I got her. - We got it.
We got it. - [laughs]
- Get go-go dancers.
[all singing] ♪ Birthday to you ♪
- [gibberish]
-♪ To you ♪ - Hey!
- [screams] - Wrestler!
Holy [bleep]!
- Thank God for Zack being with us
because we need a professional wrestler
to literally lift Dren over his [bleep] shoulder
and walk her to the hotel. That's how bad she is.
- You like it, bitch. You like it, you bitch.
- I love birthdays! - You cut it from the top?
- Do you have another plate over there?
- Yeah, let me cut it up. I'm a good cake-r cutter.
- Nikki, is this weird for me to ask--
your boobs are real? - Yeah.
No, it's not weird. I get it all the time.
- Let me see 'em? - Because mine are real too.
But yours are perky without a bra.
- I hate it all. I hate it all.
It's like... [mumbling indistinctly]
- Babe, do you think that my boobs are saggy?
- No, not at all.
- No, they're sagging.
I also--now I want a nose job. Now I need a boob job also.
- Just picture Melania having a tantrum.
[screaming, laughter] - I'm calling the cops.
- ♪ Can't hold me back ♪
♪ Can't hold me back, yeah ♪
- You guys ready? - Let's do it.
[laughter] - Bye.
Thank you. - Thank you.
- Where is my husband?
[quirky music]
- [clears throat]
When you're dealing with Big Daddy Sitch,
Big Daddy Sitch, he has one rule...
♪ ♪
No cake shall be left behind.
I don't care how full you are.
You're taking that bad boy to bed.
You're kissing it good night.
- All right. [laughs]
- You got the cake. - All right, we got the cake.
- Yeah, I figured I'd bring this home for you just in case
you wanted it. - Thank you.
- Go ahead and call the cops. [laughter]
I'm calling the cops.
- We got a cake because we like birthdays.
- [screaming]
- Shut up, bitch. [bleep] bitch.
- We Stone Cold these--
- You [bleep] little [bleep]. [bleep].
- She's getting very aggressive in here.
- $10 that Nicole's still up
when we go get back in the room.
- Think so? - Oh, yeah, for sure.
[laughter, screaming]
Put me down here, please.
Put me down! [laughter]
Put me down. Put me down.
Little bitch.
- Think you--think you need to go to bed.
- Is he OK? - I'm done.
He's fine. He'll survive.
He's taken on a gremlin once or twice--
oh, my God!
[laughs] What happened?
- Bitch!
Bitch! - Are they OK?
- Did you hurt her?
- No.
[laughter]
- Why didn't you listen? - I just beat him a bit.
I mean-- [laughter]
- Dude, I got to get up.
Ow! Ow!
- [laughing] I peed my pants.
- Nicole, we're home. Come on, let's go.
- Ow! - Let's go sit on that couch.
- I'm [bleep] fat.
- Come on, let's go sit on the couch, bro.
- Is she OK? - Yeah.
- Ow! - What is happening?
- Jenni!
- The [bleep] is--
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- Ugh, I am exhausted.
I am so excited to lay down and sleep
without being really, really drunk.
♪ ♪
Come on.
♪ ♪
- [whispering] We put the gremlin to bed.
- [whispering] That was terrible.
- [whispering] She was so drunk.
- [whispering] That was terrible.
But she's asleep.
♪ ♪
- [whispers] Go.
♪ ♪
- [moan softly]
- Vinny, watch out.
- Yo, that's a night through. - The cake was gonna...
- Oh, [bleep]! - Get right into your shirt.
- Is this it? - I think it is.
- We got a cake 'cause it's her birthday.
- They just dropped you off here?
- You want a cake? - Yeah, OK.
- Mwah. - Love you.
Night, dude.
- Good night, Vinny. - Good night, Vin.
Love you.
- Feel like someone should bring her to the room, right?
- Actually, it's probably better if she's in there.
- Yeah, I guess.
Because then they can see what she's doing.
- Bah! [laughs]
- Yeah, that was dope.
We had a little birthday party for you and everything.
- Yeah.
- It was cool to party with everybody, though.
- I wasn't expecting that. I was like...
- Yeah. - What's happening?
Whose birthday?
- Another great day planned by Deener.
- You don't miss.
If Deena plans it, it's gonna be a good time.
- And the animals today, that was real fun too.
Tigers and all that?
- I thought you meant Nicole. - No.
- Angelina--her, Vinny?
- I think she does want to have sex with him.
[bell rings] - Sorry.
- And I think that Vinny... - But they're--
- Wants to have sex with her. - Right, right.
[sensual music]
- Oh, help me.
[bleep]. I'ma die.
I'm the last one standing.
I need to sleep.
I need my beauty sleep, you know?
The vagina needs a rejuvenation, you know?
I need to--as I sleep, it sleeps.
I'm going to name her Brenda.
I like that name.
I always wanted to name something Brenda.
I'm going to name my [bleep] vagina Brenda.
I don't know why. It's weird.
It just came to me.
Brenda needs to sleep. Angelina needs to sleep.
♪ ♪
We'll see you tomorrow.
- Angelina, I'm right here.
Friend. Babe.
Babe, I'm right here.
- Hello? - Meatball?
- Could I come in? Oh, my God.
- Good morning.
- What in the actual [bleep]?
- ♪ Gondola, gondola, gondola ♪
Hey, welcome to the Gondola Company.
You guys ready to go for a gondola ride?
- Let's do it. - Yeah.
- Oh! Man, what the--
- Oh, my God! - What the--?
Really, what the--? - Are you serious?
- San Diego! - It's Uncle [bleep] Nino.
What the hell? - How has it been?
- What's up? I am in shock.
- Oh, San Diego, [bleep] amazing.
[laughter, cheering]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Oh. Good morning, Brenda.
Good morning. Good morning.
My whole [bleep] body hurts so bad.
My back hurts. Was I carrying her?
Was I trying to?
- More like restrain her.
- Did you have a good night last night?
- That was fun. - Yeah, it was.
- I liked celebrating your birthday all week.
I hope we do it again today.
- Such--like, there was, like, a million
different things going on at one dinner.
I couldn't keep up.
- I couldn't-- I couldn't, either.
There was so much going on.
- You have Nikki's birthday party on this side.
- Hey! - Hey!
- Hey, hey! - Hey!
- And then on this side, you have Dren.
- [screaming] [buzzer]
- In the middle, you have Vinny and Angelina, like, on a date.
- I like Vin with the hat on.
That's my thing. - Oh, yeah?
- Uh-huh.
- What are you guys discussing over there?
- You should put that on your lap, like a gentleman.
- Ooh. Thanks.
- It was like a first date,
like they were getting to know each other.
- Something's brewing there.
- I was shocked to see genuine happiness
and smiles on both of their faces.
- I know.
- Angelina and Vinny are, like, flirtatious.
- There's sexual tension. - Yeah.
- Vinny's single. Angelina's newly single.
This could be a possibility.
They may hook up just like they did in Miami.
♪ ♪
What the--explain to me what's going on right now.
- Yo, listen, me and Angelina need some privacy.
All right, bro.
- They are both single. - Like the stars have aligned.
- Yeah. - This is not a joke.
These guys actually looked like a couple last night.
- How come y'all's water looks so, like, crispy?
- I don't know. - Mine looks black.
- Mine looks, like, amazing.
Do you want me to get you a new one?
- You're annoying. - [laughs]
- That's going to happen sooner than later, I'm telling you.
- Come in. - Hey.
- Good morning, [bleep]
Holy [bleep].
You guys look very well rested.
- I feel nice today. - What about you?
- I'm not, but it is what it is.
- Yeah.
All in all, it was, like, a fun night, though.
There was just so much going on at the table.
There was, like, Nikki's birthday over here.
Then there was, like, a date between you and Vinny.
- [laughs]
[quirky music]
- Hey, my boo. - Damn, what up, Vinny Exotic?
Last night was lit. - Last night was too lit.
- I mean, listen, the reason why I came here is
I wanted to just... [clears throat]
see when the bachelor party was.
- For what, me and Angelina? - Yeah, uh-huh.
- Look at this photo of you. You look so happy.
- [laughs]
- You guys literally look like a couple.
- We do. That's cute.
- You guys really looked like a couple last night.
Everybody was saying it. - Yeah.
- And then--
- But we are the two single people,
and I know that everyone wants us to bang.
So maybe that's why.
Maybe you guys are kind of playing Cupid
in your own head, you know, not in reality.
- I--I don't know because like I said, it's just...
- No.
- There was definitely some sort of chemistry in the air,
and a fire--
- Any time that you don't see us fighting with each other...
- Yeah.
- It seems like it's, like, we're getting married.
- OK.
- Did you see when you--
I think you--like, you brushed something
off his chest or something.
He was like--like, he didn't know what to do.
- I was like his mom.
He saw his mom in me for, like, two seconds.
Because he likes that type of [bleep]--
like, somebody that's going to be, like--
- Taking care of him. - Yeah.
- And yeah, you guys looked like a couple.
- At one point, you were like,
you did such a great job ordering.
- [laughs] Did I say that?
I forgot that part.
- She has been trying to change her...
- Pleasant?
- Her narrative.
If a girl is a ten,
like, her personality can make her ugly,
and Angelina's personality is horrible.
She's loud, obnoxious, annoying.
She's mean.
Can Angelina change into this, like, sexy thing
that I'm attracted to one day?
Maybe. - Maybe.
- Never say never.
Like, you know-- like, I didn't even--
I never thought in my life I'd even be entertaining...
- Yes.
- Angelina, but I'm kind of intrigued by it.
She's sexy, and she's, like, nice with it.
I don't know.
- Haha! It's happening, guys.
The pendulum has swung from loving to hate,
to so you're telling me there's a chance?
When is that going to happen?
I really don't know. But is it going to happen?
I'd estimate yes.
I'd estimate we're all going to hear
very shortly that he and Angeliners
need some privacy.
Well, I'm glad we worked it all out.
- Yeah.
- Too bad he's not normal and nice to me sometimes.
But listen, it works. - Yeah, all in all...
- It's working. - It was a good night.
- I know I'm probably going to be one of the best men, OK?
I'm going to go prepare my wedding speech.
- Of course you will.
- And we will reconvene, my guy...
- All right, cool
- In a little bit. - How was that walk home?
- I have to say, me and Jenni were a good team last night.
- Oh, yeah, you were. - And then Zack, like, we--
how long has it been since me and Zack have even
gotten along, or talked, or anything?
And it was great.
- Dren brought you guys together last night.
- Sometimes, yes. And isn't that weird?
So Dren could tear you apart,
or she could bring you together.
And last night, it was one of those
she brought us together type things.
It's so crazy because when I first got to San Diego,
Jenni was screaming at me on the top of her lungs.
- You're messy! And it comes back on us!
- Oh, please.
- So shut the [bleep] up while I finish.
- But, like, last night, we actually
put all of that aside. We were a team.
And we had so much fun together.
Who would have thought?
- Somebody needs to check on Zack.
- That, too.
- Does your body hurt? - I'm good.
- I mean, you hog-tied her. - I'm fine.
- She becomes... - J?
- Gumby-like.
Oh, hello.
- You alive? Are you good?
- Barely.
- I haven't seen that Dren in a while.
- Where is she? Is she alive?
- Well, we should probably check on her
because she has to make a flight.
- I am so sad Nicole has to leave.
She has to go to Sissy's cheer competition in Florida,
but there's no way she's making her flight today.
Hello? - Meatball?
- Could I come in?
Oh, my God.
- Good morning.
- What in the actual [bleep]?
- ♪ Yeah, break it down, down. ♪
- Hello?
- Meatball? - Could I come in?
Oh, my god.
- Good morning.
- What in the actual [bleep]? - You're alive?
- Wait, time out, you're still drinking?
- You're alive. You're alive.
- Pretty sure Dren came out last night.
I hope she didn't fight anyone.
[laughter]
I hope she was fun Dren.
Give me that titty, bitch.
I really hope she wasn't a bitch to anybody.
You're a little bitch.
- Usually, your Dren has some...
- Stop! - Some energy.
- You were dead weight.
- And she's, like, doing somersaults.
- Literally. - No, this Dren--
- That was "Where's the Beach" Dren.
- Where's the beach? - Yes.
- Yes, it was "Where's the Beach" Dren.
- I literally don't remember [bleep].
Wait, you guys, I can't walk, though.
Like, this--this hurts.
- Oh, my God! [laughs]
- It was a good night. It was a great night.
- All right. - [burps]
- Hey. What's up, gal?
This is my friend Angelina. This is Deena.
- Good morning. - This is Jenni.
- Hey, guys.
- This is Mike, Mike "The Situation."
This is Nicole. Guys, sit down.
- What happened last night? - Ha.
- Oh, my God, I have amazing photos.
- You had to get carried.
- No, no, no, I don't want to see.
- I'm going to-- you'll laugh later on.
- You had to get carried-- - Embarrassing, no.
- Zack the wrestler.
Because he had to carry you like a wrestling move.
- Yeah. - That was crazy.
- Did anyone else notice the love in the air last night?
There was a Staten Island love couple in the--
- Everybody's kind of-- - They're, like, smitten.
- Oh, my God-- - My leg hurts.
- You guys have...
- Giving each other compliments--
- A ton of foundation. - I'm trying to be normal.
I'm just trying to be cordial. - Vinny, never say never.
- Could be cordial with his penis in your vagina.
- No, no.
He needs to be-- - Ride it.
- And it's not my vagina anymore.
I've officially named her Brenda.
- Brenda. - Brenda?
- She has a mind of her own.
Brenda's a hot bitch.
- She sounds like a Brenda.
Brenda reminds me of Karen, so her vagina is a Karen.
[laughs]
- I report to her.
She is the ruler of all.
- Sounds like a WAP. [blows raspberry]
- It is a WAP.
- What transpired in your life that, in your mid-thirties,
you just turn around and said, "Time to meet Brenda?"
- I bet the sex would be good.
- I think he likes to receive too much,
and he's not a giver.
- He wants to get a [bleep] suck.
- [laughs] - Speaking of couples...
- What's up, babe? What's up, beautiful?
- Good morning.
- I was only talking to Angelina there.
- That's nice.
- We weren't just talking about you and your relationship
with Angelina, and how it's blossomed last night,
and you guys look like school girls.
- Anything that's different from us just fighting and--
- It's so big to everybody. - It's like we're in love.
- Oh, you guys have a common ground.
You both are great. Look at that.
- Me and Angelina got along last night.
- I'm being cordial.
- They're gonna cordially have sex.
- And that's, like, the worst thing that could happen to me.
Because now, I'm never going to hear the end of it.
We can coexist. - Yeah, coexist in bed. Yep.
- [sighs]
- Oh, my God, I have to go get my flight.
- Stop it. You're leaving?
- I literally have to leave.
- I can't believe you're leaving.
- I had the best time.
I mean, I wish I'd remembered what was happening.
But overall, the best time with my roomies.
All right, Lola, let's go.
[laughs]
I don't know if I can fit you.
I can't fit you.
[upbeat music]
Cheers.
Have a great day.
[laughs] Stay classy, San Diego!
I love you!
- Today, I was thinking about doing,
like, a Little Italy thing.
Because there's a Little Italy. - All right.
- And there's gondola rides there.
- Oh, my God, gondolas.
- So I feel like--
- So this is, like, almost international waters.
- They might be on the gondola and like...
- [bleep] me. - A romantic something...
- She's Italian, he's Italian.
- Might happen. - They're from Staten Island.
They both take a ferry.
- I'm not going on a gondola ride with Angelina.
♪ ♪
- [speaking Italian]
- Back to our Italian roots.
We're going to Little Italy today.
- [speaking Italian]
- Doing some gondola rides.
Yeah, buddy.
- [speaking Italian]
- Oh, me and Angeliner are in the back together.
- [speaking Italian]
- See, that's the filter you use.
Doesn't that look stupid?
- I mean, it looks the same. - Doesn't that look stupid?
No, it does not. - They're on a date.
- Look at my pussy. - Oh.
- I can't believe you have seven cats.
- ♪ Ooh, what you gon' do? ♪
♪ Live it up a little better hangin' with my crew ♪
- Babe, are we driving the gondola by ourselves?
There's a guy that stands and rows.
[accordion music]
- Guys, we're here. Yay.
[all cheering]
- We're pulling up to the gondola spot.
And I'm like... [sighs]
Because everybody's all coupled up.
Why do I feel like the girls rented a gondola
just for me and Vinny? Why do I feel like that?
- [yawns]
- I guess it's romantic, but--
- ♪ Gondola, gondola, gondola ♪
- Whoa.
- Hey, welcome to the Gondola Company.
You guys ready to go for a gondola ride?
- Let's do it. - Yeah.
- Let's go. - Follow me down.
We'll get going. - Awesome sauce.
- I see the gondoliers all, like, setting up the boats.
The gondolier uniforms are just, like, stripes.
Kind of looks like maybe someone just got out of jail.
- Oh! What's up?
- Oh, my God! - What the [bleep]?
Really, what the [bleep]? - Are you serious?
- San Diego! - It's Uncle [bleep] Nino.
- What the hell? - How has it been?
- What's up? - No [bleep] way.
Uncle Nino's here? He didn't tell anyone.
- Oh, San Diego, I'm [bleep] here.
I made it.
[laughter, cheering]
- Uncle Nino!
♪ ♪
- ♪ We make the party jump ♪ - Oh, my God!
- Really, what the [bleep]?
- Are you [bleep] kidding me?
- San Diego.
- all: Uncle Nino's here!
- Love you all!
God bless San Diego!
[all cheering]
- You've got to be kidding me. - Hey, [bleep] me.
I love you, hey! - Oh!
- Are you kidding me? - Hey!
- I swear to God I didn't know.
Are you kidding me?
- Uncle Nino, what a crafty guy.
Because normally, he lets one of us know
he's coming on these vacations.
He didn't let no one know.
- Oh, San Diego, I'm [bleep] here.
I made it.
[laughter, cheering] - Cheers.
- Nino! - Cheers.
- Everyone's favorite uncle.
- I've never really been excited to see Uncle Nino.
- Uncle Nino's in the back!
- God bless Miami. - Oh, my God.
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
- What the hell?
Uncle Nino--
- Someone's knocking on the door.
I think it's your package.
- Whoa. What the [bleep]?
Vinny-- - What the [bleep]?
- Uncle Nino!
- But I'm not going to lie,
like, it's actually kind of charming
seeing Uncle Nino right now.
I mean, he's definitely as Italian as it gets.
So he's going to be, like, our mascot.
- You're--you're not a captain, right?
- No, no, no. - You're drinking.
OK, just making sure.
- He's not operating mine, that's all I know.
[upbeat music]
- Angelina, you look marvelous. - She's single.
- Yeah, yeah. Angelina, you look great.
No kids yet. - Nah, no kids.
You good. - You look marvelous.
Yeah-- - Yeah, she's single now.
- Vinny, it's time.
- Time for me to slide in there?
- Yeah, yeah. - Oh, my--ah!
- Oh, [bleep] - [gasps]
- Don't worry.
- Vinny, I don't like that it's like this.
- It's a boat. You can't turn.
- How do you know?
Because boats are not meant to turn over.
This is going to be the gondola ride from hell.
- I booked this because I was really hoping for Vinny
and Angelina to make out.
- Uncle Nino, let us know if they make out over there...
- Yeah, yeah. - Angelina and Vinny.
'Cause I gotta get my camera ready.
Vinny and Angelina look like a perfect little
Staten Island couple in this gondola.
Look at him and Angeliners.
I can't believe I'm on a double date with Vinny.
- I'm on a triple date,
and they both want to [bleep] me.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, did you hear that?
- I love women.
- He'll [bleep] you or your grandma.
He don't give a [bleep]. - OK?
- Oh.
- Mwah.
[laughs]
- I banged more broads than that--I can--
- Oh, he puts me to shame.
- You know they call me Vinny 500?
- He's Nino 5,000. - 5,000.
- I mean, that's-- - No, for real, though?
- Six? - He's not lying.
- Holy [bleep] balls.
♪ ♪
- Like, what in the... [blows raspberry]
is going on? - They--they would do--
- They did... [laughs]
They did it for him.
- I don't know what they're talking about
'cause I can't understand him. But they understand each other.
Like, it must be a Staten Island thing.
- Do you--did you measure your thing?
- Oh, shut up. Shut up.
- [laughs]
- Get me off this [bleep] boat.
I want to throw up.
I want to jump off of this gondola.
Pedal harder. - Go slower.
- You need help?
- Let me see whose hands are bigger, Vin.
Whose hands are bigger?
- This is like a Staten Island version of "The Notebook."
[soft dramatic music]
- Troublemaker Vinny, wait until I [bleep]
trash your name on Staten Island.
- All right, Kim Kardashian, you're more like
the Rob Kardashian of Staten Island.
- They didn't agree on much.
- I know I'm the best right now.
- In fact, they barely agreed on anything.
- And miles and miles away!
- They fought all the time
and challenged each other every day.
But despite their differences, they had one thing in common--
they were destined to be together.
- I wrote you every day.
It wasn't over.
It still isn't over.
- I want you, Vinny.
- This is "The Love Boat."
- I'm going to get Vinny and-- Angelina, smile.
[upbeat music]
- Aw, they're smiling.
- If you guys were going to kiss,
this might be the opportunity.
- [laughs] - Kiss!
- I want to see Angelina and Vinny make out right now.
Like, this would be the perfect setting for your first kiss.
- Right in front of Uncle Nino for your first kiss?
- [laughs] - Imagine.
So not romantic.
- It is romantic.
- This was the most romantic ride I had in my life.
- ♪ I'ma, I'ma, I'ma, I'ma, I'ma, I'ma boss ♪
[upbeat music]
- We're on a triple date. They both want to bang me.
If I have married you, that would be my uncle.
- That would have made sense, though, for you.
- So Vinny definitely wishes this ride would never end.
- I'm stuck between Uncle Nino and Angelina.
It's like my worst nightmare.
- He's loving that I'm right next to him.
I mean, this is Vinny's dream date.
And I just gave it to him.
- You're going first? - Yeah, yeah.
- Be careful. Can somebody hold him?
- Uncle Nino, hold on, hold on, hold on.
- Somebody hold him?
- Shut the [bleep] up, all of you.
- [laughs]
- My ride with the wifey was--was amazing.
But now, believe it or not, Big Daddy Sitch is hungrys.
Are you hungry, Uncle Nino? - Starving.
- Same.
I'm ready for some Italian food in Little Italy.
- Angelina, I wish your grandmother was here now.
- I know. She's awesome.
- Only if she shaves.
[groaning]
- I don't even want to know. No, no.
- [laughs]
- I know I do, but I don't know--
I don't know if my grandma does.
- You shave it clean? - Clean.
- Oh, [bleep].
♪ ♪
- Angelina and Vinny are just meant for each other.
I mean, come on, they push each other's buttons
like nobody else.
Total married couple.
What's the point of a landing strip?
- So you know where to go.
Hi, my love.
We're just talking about vagina.
- All right, we're here, we're here.
This is very-- this is very cute.
Wow.
- Like the Fountain of Trevi, huh?
- It's a lot cleaner than Mulberry Street.
- This Little Italy is actually way nicer than New York City.
Don't get mad at me.
- Yeah. - I love it.
- Damn, I love this.
- This is awesome.
It's beautiful, it's bigger, it's cleaner, it's open,
and I am here for it.
It's nice and pretty, and it's not dirty like New York.
- Like a theme park.
- I'm looking at all the guidos and guidettes here.
And this-- I feel, like, a sense of belonging here.
- How are you guys?
Would you like to try a sample of our...
[speaks Italian]
- Please, please. - I don't know.
- Y'all help yourselves.
- A little Italian man offering appetizers?
We just can't say no.
Was it appetizers or "apper-tizos"?
I don't even know if that's a word.
- Yeah, that sounds really good.
Hungry?
- Oh, don't--oh, all right.
- He's not going to say no to food.
- This is the first stop in our tour in Little Italy.
- [speaking Italian]
- Everyone's eating pizza, little cheeses, little meats.
We are definitely eating our best life right now,
and everyone is living.
- Cheers.
Cheers, Uncle Nino. - Cheers.
- Cheers, guys.
- This is just a sampler. - Oh, really?
- The restaurant we're going to is another restaurant.
- All right, guys, you want to keep going?
- Yep.
- Yeah, so this food was amazing.
I'm stuffed, so let's go to dinner.
[laughs]
- Come on, Uncle Nino, let's go.
- Shut the [bleep] up. - Come on, you [bleep].
- Stop pushing me.
- Come on, you [bleep]. Let's go.
Don't touch my ass while I'm walking.
- Love this place. - I love it, baby.
- Is it, like, similar to Italy?
- I don't know if it's similar to Italy
because I was really drunk in Italy.
- [speaking Italian] - [speaking Italian]
- Cheers, bitch. - [speaking Italian]
- Hells yeah. - [screams]
- [laughs]
- I'm not--[bleep]. [laughs]
What the-- [laughs]
- There's not much that I recall.
- Barbusa. - Barbusa?
- Barb USA?
- Barb--Barb?
- The vibes are crazy. Everyone's here.
There's music playing in the background.
There's big cheese boards
that are the size of the actual table.
Everything's just amazing. - Oh, my God.
- What is that one?
- What kind of meatball is that?
- It's a-- - Garlic bread.
- Pauly wants garlic bread. - Beef.
- Give me a sec.
- OK. - Lamb.
- The lamb chops. - Over here.
[dramatic chamber music]
- Oh, we're going to do a second, different one.
- OK, you tell me.
♪ ♪
- Vinny, you look so hot tonight.
♪ ♪
Whenever Vinny looks at me, he--
I just see hearts in his eyes, like, just, like, everywhere.
Just love is everywhere from Vinny to me.
- We've got to think about something.
- What's up?
- We've got to throw you a big divorce party.
- OK.
- Are you going to give a speech at our divorce party?
- Oh, yeah.
- I think we should get Deena ahead of this
and start planning Angelina's divorce party.
Yeah, divorce party.
- After you try to [bleep] me, we'll have the divorce party...
- Holy [bleep].
- So you're involved in the situation.
- And then she can plan Vinny and Angelina's
engagement party.
- Pauly, and a wedding, and a wedding all together.
I sense pure love.
- By the time this vacation's over,
them two are going to have--
- When the [bleep] goes in, it don't want to come back out.
It's sucked in the [bleep] cyc--whatever.
- Huh? - Vortex.
They become my boyfriend.
They don't ever want to leave it.
- Huh? - I missed that.
What was that?
- A guy [bleep] like this
the minute I sit on top of them.
- Huh? - Vortex.
- Huh?
- Earmuffs, my love. Earmuffs, earmuffs.
- The time this vacation's over,
them two are going to have--
- When the [bleep] goes in,
it don't want to come back out.
It's sucked in-- in the [bleep] cyc--whatever.
- Huh? - Vortex.
- Vortex?
- Vinny and Angelina just need to do sex already.
Like, maybe if they do sex, they'll be, like, normal.
- This is just music to my ears.
This is romance to me.
- You've got to be a little bit more soft.
- It gets sucked... - Yeah, yeah.
- In the vortex.
- You've got to be like a female,
like, be a little soft. - Yeah, she's like...
[growling voice] Once the [bleep] goes in,
it gets sucked right in there, boy!
- [laughs] - Now that's sexy to me.
- See, it should. Thank you.
Finally. - Oh, man.
- Least I'm being honest.
- Vinny pretends that he's not into Angelina,
but he always does, like, this flirty face to her.
Like, he'll say something, and then look at her like--
like, waiting for her reaction.
- Just get it in one more time. Why not?
I'm still convinced that Vinny and Angelina
will still become Vingelina by the end of this trip.
- Toxic, crazy girls are usually good in bed.
You just might be the exception to that rule.
- Get over yourself.
- What are the odds that you sleep with Angelina
before the trip's over?
- No, it's getting further and further away.
Brenda, she's got a mind of her own.
She tells me what's up.
[upbeat music]
- Is it Barbara? Diane?
- Brenda. - Debra?
- Brenda. - Brenda.
[laughter]
- Brenda, a cyclone, a WAP.
Ugh.
Do you like that name, Brenda?
- See? See?
- So your vagina is a sexy model.
- Are we out of here? - Hell yeah.
Let's go.
No matter where we are,
we always find the best Italian food.
And for us to break bread at the end of the night just--
it just shows who we are,
but there's always room for more.
Oh, [bleep]. Thank you.
Honey, grab one.
You go to Little Italy, you've got to try
everything they have to offer.
♪ ♪
Oh, [bleep], I forgot something, guys.
Hold on. I think they--
- We already had pizza. No.
- Mike, we just ate a big meal.
- I was wondering if I could just order a quick
cheese pizza real quickly? [siren]
- Mike, you're a [bleep] crazy bastard.
- Mike, give me one of them pies to go, man.
- This right here is the dinner after the dinner,
or before the dessert.
I hope you guys saved room because
there's more stops to come. - What do you mean?
- Dessert! - Dessert!
- Like, are you kidding me right now?
But then I'm like, OK, I'll get some dessert.
- Which one, baby?
- Let me get one of them cannolis, man.
Come on. - Oh, I want chocolate.
- Babe, make sure you get me my own.
Just throw it in a box-- - I know, I know.
- Cake and brownies, man. And that thing, man.
- You want this? - Yep.
- Or that? - Both, man.
Come on, man.
You good?
I used to work at a gelato shop.
Welcome to LeccaLecca, where Vinny
scoops your gelato right. I'm a good spooner.
What do you need? - He spoons, I fork.
- And Mike, Mike was a promoter.
- The gelato spot was a little slow,
so I'ma just step up a little bit.
I'ma stand right in the front of the store
bringing the clients, the customers, the women.
Hi, girls.
- I love Little Italy this time of year.
Oh, yeah, San Diego. Yeah.
- Little Italy Day is the perfect day.
We feel like we belong here.
all: Little Italy!
- What? - Angelina?
- What?
- So if I was a gambling man, I would say Uncle Nino's
going to sleep in Angelina's suite.
- Oh, my God.
- He just told me he wanted to [bleep] me.
- I think Uncle Nino pulled a robbery on Vinny tonight.
But I'm like, "ew."
- I wouldn't [bleep] you, but you'll
get my next closest kin.
- I bet your uncle's [bleep] is better than yours, anyway.
- Oh! - Oh!
[laughs]
- Oh, my--
- More experience, right? You feel me?
- ♪ You know that I'm hype ♪
♪ You want what I got ♪
♪ Yo, I know that I'm hot, so hot, so hot ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Unstoppable, unbreakable, I'm powerful ♪
♪ I'm beautiful ♪
- We're talking about Uncle Nino here.
- That was so fun, Little Italy, though.
- Little Italy was so awesome, right?
- Yes. - Say something Italian.
- [speaking Italian] - Yeah.
- Oh, my God. - What did he say?
- Jen, what did he say?
- I don't know, but I don't want to find out.
- Uncle Nino, where are you sleeping, babe?
- I have no [bleep] clue.
- Angelina's room. He got no--he got no room.
- No, he's sleeping in Vinny's room tonight.
- He has no room. - [speaking Italian]
- Why don't you-- can you jerk off--
- Oh, my.
- In front of him so you could
tell him how to jerk off? - No, no.
- 'Cause he's an asshole. - What?
- He don't even know how to do it.
- You're gross.
- Angelina tells Uncle Nino
that he should masturbate in front of me
so that I learn how to do it.
This is getting really weird now.
Like, this is what I mean about Angelina having
a really weird, bad personality.
You're the opposite of sexy, bro.
- Vinny, blow me.
- Angelina, man, you're so pretty,
but then the moment you open your mouth, it's like--
- Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
- A [bleep] dumpster.
- A personality makes the look, the person.
- Not always.
- If your looks are a ten, but your personality is a two...
- My personality's fire. - Then you become an eight.
- But my personality is fire. I don't care what anyone says.
- He said that he doesn't find her attractive.
- He said she was pretty last night, though.
- Yeah.
- He said she was sexy this morning.
- Oh, he's trying to push her buttons.
- It's a different tone.
- I think they both like each other.
They got a ton of history,
so it's going to happen.
- I asked her what are the odds
them hook up this trip. She didn't say no.
- 50/50. - Yeah.
She didn't say no.
He said no right away,
but I think he's just playing a game.
- I think something's going to happen.
- What a weird weave we web.
I think--I think that's what it is.
What a weird web-- - What a tangled web we weave.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
All right, guys--
- It's about that time.
- Good night. - Let's go do that.
- Good night, Irene.
Good night, Irene. - We're all going to bed.
- Night. We, too.
- I guess Uncle Nino and Angelina are staying here.
- I love Uncle Nino.
- Uncle Nino and Angelina are definitely
cut from the same cloth, which is,
like, the cloth
from a Staten Island trash bag somewhere.
- So good seeing you. - Oh, bless you.
- So good.
- It takes, like, a minute or two for the shower to warm up.
- I'm going to bed. - Oh.
- I'm going to bed. - OK.
- [laughs]
- Hey, where's Uncle Nino going right now?
- Wait, what?
- Where's Uncle Nino going right now?
- What do you mean? He's--
- Like, where's he staying? - I dunno.
That's Vinny's concern. I don't know.
- For real. - Thanks for coming, my dude.
It was a good surprise.
I never thought it'd be a nice surprise to see you.
Today was actually really fun.
I'm actually kind of happy that we saw Uncle Nino.
- I was. I was shocked.
It felt good.
I haven't been home in a while, so, you know, I felt good.
So yeah, listen, Angelina, she's into you.
- No, come on. It's your girl.
What the [bleep]?
- No, you--'cause you know, I'm a nice guy.
Angelina has been single and horny,
so what's adding Uncle Nino as another side piece?
Brenda does not discriminate. See you later.
- [speaks Italian] What does that mean?
- I have no clue.
- On top of you, under you, and inside of you.
- Oh, my God.
- [laughs] What the [bleep]?
- So I know that Uncle Nino has been divorced a few times.
You are a horndog, but I love you.
You've also been divorced. And--
- Well, a couple of times.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Was it hard for you?
Or, like, you were just, like, done?
- No, done, done, done--
- You were happy when you got divorced?
- No, I was just--
it was what it was, you know? - Hmm.
- It had to be what it had to be.
First time was really depressing,
the first time, but second time,
I was happy to get out of it.
- Why was the first time depressing?
Like... - 'Cause there was...
- If you don't mind me asking. - Too much, too much love.
It was too-- it was too deep, too--
a little personal.
It was, like, very touching, very, very--
- This is definitely a side
of Uncle Nino I've never seen before.
But, like, that first wife was so--
it was like you really loved her.
- That was my [bleep] heart, my...
- Aw.
- My heart and my soul.
- He's, like, heartbroken.
- It's--it's a sad story,
but she couldn't have any kids...
- Oh, my God. - After years together.
But she-- you know, back in 1983,
nobody knew about [bleep] vitro,
this and that, whatever. - In vitro, yeah.
- Right, right. - It wasn't big back then.
- No, right.
- But then technology wasn't as good.
- Exactly, so anyway--
so then-- - That's sad, but--
- Yeah, and I mean, I've seen--
I've seen her, like, once--
I've seen her about five years ago
at one of my friend's wake.
And... - Mm.
- She come up to me crying.
And you know, you'll always be the love of my life.
- No!
- And she has two kids now with...
- I was going to--
I didn't want to backstab, either--
- With vitro.
- Wow, so she did have kids. - Yeah, yeah.
And what--
- Feel like everything happens for a reason.
I don't know why that happened, but--
Nino has been through a lot,
and it's very clear this guy still loves his first wife.
- She was my whole life. She was my...
- Aw. Yeah.
- She was everything to me.
- It's actually really crazy for me to, like,
witness this right now.
- Let's get back to you.
- But no, I'm asking you because I want to know,
like, what happened with you.
Because for me, with this whole Chris thing,
I'm like, "Oh, my God, I didn't think
it was going to be this toxic and this, like, bad," you know?
We're probably going to be divorced in, like, two weeks.
I'm like a fish out of water. I feel weird.
- You're still going through a process.
- Like--like, where do I begin again, you know what I mean?
Like, did you ever become friends
with her down the road?
- She wanted to be. She wanted to be.
- And why didn't you be friends?
- No, we couldn't. I loved her too much.
- So that's what it was?
Me and Uncle Nino--
he's helping me right now,
and I think I can start moving forward.
Like, you know, Uncle Nino has done it a few times.
If Nino can do it, I can do it.
- Chris is a sweetheart,
but he's not-- he's not for you.
- Sex one time in two years?
Come on. - No, you--
- On our wedding night, we didn't even have sex.
- Pfft. - I swear.
There was something off.
I feel like it's an emotional
roller coaster right now.
- Snap out of it. Snap out of it.
- I know.
There's so many fish in the sea.
- Yeah.
- But everybody wants me to get with your--with your nephew.
- I do--I do see that in the future, with you and Vinny.
You see anything happening?
You see anything--
- If he matured, I would-- - Forget about it.
That's not-- that's not going to happen.
- All right. - [bleep] that.
Forget that. Would you sleep with him?
- If he was nicer to me, probably.
But he doesn't know how to do that.
- You know, he's-- he's a child.
There's a part of him that did not [bleep] mature.
And if he didn't mature by now, he's 34 years old.
It was never going to happen.
- Yeah.
Like, this is exactly what I'm trying to say.
Like, this is exactly what I was getting at
and I've been getting at with Vinny.
Like, he hasn't grown up yet.
Maybe he needs a kick in his [bleep], and it'll happen,
you know what I mean? Probably not.
- Or a boot up his ass, whatever.
- It's not going to happen. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What time is it? - Got to go.
- I love you. - I love you.
Thank you for the pep talk and everything.
You're the best of the best.
You would be my uncle.
And don't try and make out with me right now.
- No. - Oh, God.
he really wants me, Brenda.
I've got to get out of here. [laughs]
- I love your [bleep]-- I love your butt.
- Don't look at my butt.
- Girl, I love your [bleep] butt.
- Knew you were going to watch me go.
Goodnight. - God bless America.
God bless San Diego, and, [bleep],
I'm glad I'm here, and good night.
Oh!
♪ ♪
[all cheering]
[together] Family fun day!
- Jenni, you all right?
- I've developed this really dull pain on my right side.
- Yo! - What up?
- Welcome to "Wildin' Out: Jersey Shore Edition"!
- Tell me why Angelina's [bleep]
looks like Pauly D's blowout?
all: Oh!