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00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:02,712
♪ upbeat music playing ♪
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JULES:
"Ooh, I'm Melyssa.
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I'm so skinny and my hair's so shiny
and I spell my own name wrong."
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RAMONA: [on phone]
Hey, y'all, it's Ramona!
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Don't leave a voicemail, it's 2019!
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‐ [phone beeps]
‐ Hey, Ramona, it's Jules.
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Just, uh, casually calling to check in.
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Um, just getting
so excited for your wedding.
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Speaking of your wedding,
um, God, you must be so busy
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getting all your RSVPs from your friends
and your family and your brother
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and any plus‐one
he may or may not be bringing.
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Is he, um, bringing anybody?
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Uh, because I don't care.
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And I'm just making sure
that you know that I don't care.
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[clears throat] Anyway,
that is not even why I'm calling.
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Um, I'm calling to say...
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bye!
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[exhales, clears throat]
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Cool grandma, you fucking slut.
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[chokes]
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Hmm‐mm, hmm‐mm!
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Ehhhh!
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No! [sobs]
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‐ 911, what is your emergency?
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‐ I think I just liked my ex‐boyfriend's
new girlfriend's Instagram.
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CAT LADY: [on phone]
Remain calm, ma'am.
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How many weeks back was the photo from?
JULES: Um...
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Three hundred and forty‐two.
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‐ Good God!
That's a fucking disaster!
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Burn your phone and then kill yourself!
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‐ What?! You're 911,
don't tell me to kill myself!
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‐ Okay, don't panic.
Even though you definitely should.
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The paramedics are on their way.
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‐ Oh, you know what,
I'm just gonna unlike the photo.
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CAT LADY:
No, God, no!
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‐ Oh! Um, oh, uh‐oh.
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Um, I... also I unliked it,
but then I liked it again.
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[screaming]
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‐ Where is it?
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‐ Do you know if she has
notifications turned on?
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‐ I‐‐I don't know.
‐ Do you have followers in common?
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‐ I don't think so.
Ooh, I guess Jeremy?
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‐ This is hopeless.
‐ We're not supposed to say that, Amy.
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‐ How long ago did you like it?
‐ Thirty seconds.
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‐ She's seen it.
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[paramedic sighs]
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‐ Ma'am, we're gonna
need you to step inside.
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♪ upbeat theme song playing ♪
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‐ What's up, Oliver?
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Daddy's home!
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‐ How's my favorite house‐sitter?
STELLA: Oh.
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I'm fine, but your fiddle‐leaf
is going through something.
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‐ Oh, God. Twenty‐six hours from Jo‐burg
with a layover in Qatar.
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‐ Well, there's a joint rolled
and takeout's on the way.
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I got us two green curries this time,
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plus the noodle dish
with the chilies on the side.
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"Pedric" should be here in 18 minutes.
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‐ You're a goddess.
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And 18 minutes...
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that should give us just enough time...
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WOMAN: [on TV]
I'm so grateful because I know...
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‐ He can't keep Lauren S., he can't.
She wore overalls on the group date.
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[door opens]
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‐ Did he say Lauren S.?
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MAN: [on TV]
Lauren S.
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IZZY: What?
MADISON: Oh! Oh!
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STELLA: No!
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‐ Uh, Jules, if you're cleaning
'cause you're upset,
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can you at least start on the bathroom?
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‐ I'm not upset.
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Except, um... [clears throat]
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I was looking at that girl
that Jeremy went out with on Instagram
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and I accidentally
liked one of her pictures.
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That's not that big
of a deal, though, right?
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‐ Uh, that's a huge deal.
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Not only are you fully
telegraphing to Jeremy
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that you're still obsessed with him,
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you are focusing your issues
with a guy on another girl,
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which frankly reads a little un‐feminist.
‐ [woman on TV crying]
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Oh, yeah, you better cry, cankles.
Ride that limo to hell.
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‐ Did you at least unlike the photo?
JULES: Yes.
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I unliked it, then I liked it again...
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[clears throat] ...but then I unliked it.
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‐ Very cool.
‐ Are you insane?
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Any normal functioning human being
has their push notifications on.
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‐ Mine aren't.
STELLA: Oh, my God.
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‐ Just realized
I wasn't even following you.
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‐ Oh, can you follow me? I'm at‐‐
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‐ Nope.
‐ [stammering] Look, this is happening
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'cause you are sitting around obsessing
over Jeremy 24 hours a day.
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Look, he's moved on, so should you.
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‐ I mean, I have been texting a little bit
with that guy Wes, the veterinarian.
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He sent me this gif the other night
of a cat that was stuck in a hammock.
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The cat was like,
"Oh, no, meow‐meow‐meow, hammock!"
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[booing]
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‐ You are not calling Dr. Pussycat.
He's total boyfriend material.
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Knowing you, you'll go on one date
and we won't hear from you for five years.
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‐ Hey, I feel like I'm being
reverse slut‐shamed here.
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Isn't finding a boyfriend the reason
we go on dates?
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‐ No! We go on dates to have fun
and justify the purchase of cute clothes.
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‐ Not every guy
has to turn into a boyfriend.
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It's like the photographer
who I'm house‐sitting for.
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We hook up whenever he's in town
and it's totally casual.
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‐ So you live with a guy
and you sleep with him.
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Tell me how that's casual again?
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‐ He travels constantly.
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‐ So you're
in a long‐distance relationship
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with your boyfriend, who you live with?
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‐ No. You don't get it at all.
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Wait...
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if I have a boyfriend...
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then I've cheated on him like...
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a lot.
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‐ [sighs] Okay. I need to move on.
Now, how do I do that again?
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‐ What you need right now is a Hot JOT.
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‐ A hot what?
‐ JOT. J‐O‐T.
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As in "Just One Thing."
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A Hot JOT is a hot guy who has
Just One Thing wrong with him.
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So you can hook up with him, but you'll
never be tempted to actually date him.
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‐ Yeah, ideally I would find a guy like
that, but I don't know where I would...
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♪ groovy lounge music playing ♪
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‐ Good afternoon, little lady.
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Now, you look like someone
who's ready to take home
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the man of her dreams today,
am I right?
125
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Anyone specific you got your eye on?
‐ No, I'm just looking.
126
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‐ You know, we have this guy
who just became available.
127
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This here, this is Aiden.
128
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Aiden is a 1985, he's an architect,
and he is a great gift‐giver.
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‐ It's nice to meet you.
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‐ [giggling] Hiiiii...
131
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Ahem. Yeah, Aiden seems great
for a rebound.
132
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‐ Oh, a rebound?
133
00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:01,006
Unfortunately, our gentlemen
in the showroom
134
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aren't available
for a short‐term lease situation.
135
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These guys are all
boyfriend material in here. Hmm.
136
00:07:06,553 --> 00:07:10,223
But we've got some amazing hot JOTs
on the back lot.
137
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All these are as‐is,
ready to go home tonight.
138
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This is Neil.
139
00:07:17,731 --> 00:07:20,942
Neil is 6'5", he's an accountant,
he's close to his family...
140
00:07:20,942 --> 00:07:22,569
‐ Um, that sounds pretty good.
141
00:07:22,569 --> 00:07:26,698
‐ And just one thing, he's absolutely
certain the government did 9‐11.
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‐ Jet fuel can't melt steel beams.
143
00:07:28,617 --> 00:07:30,577
‐ Oh, okay, maybe we keep looking.
144
00:07:30,577 --> 00:07:32,954
‐ Fair enough.
‐ How do you explain Building 7?
145
00:07:32,954 --> 00:07:35,165
DEALER: This is Greg.
146
00:07:35,165 --> 00:07:37,208
Greg studied Political Science
at Berkeley
147
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and takes his grandmother
to church every Sunday.
148
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‐ [car tires screech]
‐ Oh, God. Does that come off?
149
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‐ I'm sure the boys in the back
can remove that.
150
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‐ I always wear this.
151
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‐ Okay, okay.
Sorry about the thumb ring.
152
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I've got a good feeling about you,
153
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and I don't introduce
this guy to everybody.
154
00:07:56,811 --> 00:07:57,896
Ryan.
155
00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:01,441
Ryan is the youngest partner
at his law firm,
156
00:08:01,441 --> 00:08:03,777
and he's technically related
to the Kennedy family.
157
00:08:03,777 --> 00:08:05,278
‐ Okay, what is it?
158
00:08:05,278 --> 00:08:08,281
‐ In my spare time,
I really love to play with Legos.
159
00:08:08,657 --> 00:08:10,033
‐ I'll take him.
160
00:08:10,033 --> 00:08:12,285
‐ Yes!
‐ Up high!
161
00:08:12,285 --> 00:08:13,703
[Ryan laughs]
162
00:08:14,621 --> 00:08:16,873
‐ I was thinking for dinner,
I might try to whip up
163
00:08:16,873 --> 00:08:19,417
this dish I had in Cape Town
called bunny chow.
164
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,294
‐ Oh...
‐ Oh, no, no, no.
165
00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:23,004
There're no actual bunnies in it.
166
00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:24,422
‐ No, I just...
167
00:08:25,549 --> 00:08:28,385
I just didn't assume we were
automatically having dinner together.
168
00:08:28,385 --> 00:08:30,595
‐ Oh, my bad, do you have plans?
169
00:08:30,595 --> 00:08:33,139
‐ No. But you don't know that.
170
00:08:34,015 --> 00:08:35,517
‐ Okay...
171
00:08:40,939 --> 00:08:44,150
Oh, did the guy come to read
the gas meter while I was away?
172
00:08:44,985 --> 00:08:46,278
‐ I don't know.
173
00:08:46,278 --> 00:08:49,489
Was I expected to stay here all day
while you go out and work?
174
00:08:50,407 --> 00:08:52,826
‐ Uh... kind of, yeah.
175
00:08:52,826 --> 00:08:54,911
‐ Well, you can forget it.
I'm not doing it.
176
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‐ O...kay.
177
00:08:58,248 --> 00:09:02,419
Well, I'll call them and maybe
they'll come later in the week.
178
00:09:02,419 --> 00:09:03,753
‐ Great.
179
00:09:11,970 --> 00:09:13,221
[Stella sighs]
180
00:09:19,477 --> 00:09:20,979
I'm the one?
181
00:09:22,022 --> 00:09:24,024
♪
182
00:09:30,238 --> 00:09:31,364
‐ Hey.
183
00:09:31,364 --> 00:09:34,034
‐ He's gonna be here any minute.
I'm just so nervous.
184
00:09:34,034 --> 00:09:35,368
‐ You're gonna be fine.
185
00:09:35,368 --> 00:09:38,830
You just have to remember: your instincts
are gonna want you to get monogamous.
186
00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:41,583
And you have to ignore
those instincts at all costs.
187
00:09:41,583 --> 00:09:43,126
‐ Oh shit, I see him coming.
Okay, I gotta go. I gotta go.
188
00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:45,670
MADISON: Wait. Did you remember to shave?
Did you remember to shave‐‐
189
00:09:51,801 --> 00:09:54,846
‐ So it's really actually
a study in engineering.
190
00:09:54,846 --> 00:09:56,723
Sure, the Legos come with instructions,
191
00:09:56,723 --> 00:09:59,059
but there's plenty of room
for customization as well.
192
00:09:59,059 --> 00:10:01,978
‐ Uh‐huh.
‐ And ultimately I'd say
193
00:10:01,978 --> 00:10:05,690
the most complex structure I've done
is transforming the Hogwarts set
194
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:08,193
into an authentic French village.
195
00:10:08,193 --> 00:10:12,113
Now, I know what you're gonna ask:
what did you do with the spire?
196
00:10:12,113 --> 00:10:14,574
‐ Freshly ground pepper?
‐ Oh, no, thank you.
197
00:10:14,574 --> 00:10:17,827
‐ So repurposing some of the grass
from the top of Hagrid's hut,
198
00:10:17,827 --> 00:10:19,746
I was able to construct the patisserie.
199
00:10:20,872 --> 00:10:24,334
‐ Hey, girlfriend, I'm your instinct
to form an emotional bond.
200
00:10:24,334 --> 00:10:27,212
Shall we ask him about his family,
like is he close with his mom?
201
00:10:27,212 --> 00:10:28,547
‐ No, I'm fine, thank you.
202
00:10:28,547 --> 00:10:29,756
RYAN:
It's a shame I had to send it back,
203
00:10:29,756 --> 00:10:31,758
but the subscription plan is
pretty strict,
204
00:10:31,758 --> 00:10:33,468
so I took a lot of pictures.
205
00:10:33,468 --> 00:10:36,012
‐ Hi, I'm your instinct
to make a physical connection.
206
00:10:36,012 --> 00:10:38,181
I really feel like
you should take his hand.
207
00:10:38,181 --> 00:10:40,809
‐ Actually, Madison told me
to ignore my instincts,
208
00:10:40,809 --> 00:10:42,519
but thank you so much.
209
00:10:43,353 --> 00:10:45,438
‐ Maybe that was my Moby Dick.
210
00:10:45,438 --> 00:10:47,607
‐ Totally. That is so interesting.
211
00:10:47,607 --> 00:10:50,694
What's the difference between
the flat pieces and the blocky ones?
212
00:10:51,111 --> 00:10:53,822
[Ex's and Oh's
by Elle King playing]
213
00:10:53,822 --> 00:10:56,366
‐ Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ow!
What is...?
214
00:10:56,366 --> 00:11:00,078
‐ Oh. I'm sorry.
The flame pieces are really sharp.
215
00:11:00,662 --> 00:11:01,871
‐ It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
216
00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:03,373
RYAN:
Oh!
217
00:11:05,041 --> 00:11:06,167
‐ Okay!
218
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:08,086
♪
219
00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:13,800
‐ That was great.
‐ Yeah.
220
00:11:14,467 --> 00:11:17,345
‐ Ask him what this is.
‐ Ask him what you guys are doing here.
221
00:11:17,345 --> 00:11:20,765
‐ Tell him you feel like this could really
be the start of something big.
222
00:11:20,765 --> 00:11:24,519
‐ Tell him you feel like you guys
fit together like two Lego pieces.
223
00:11:24,519 --> 00:11:25,937
‐ Yes, that's good, say that.
224
00:11:25,937 --> 00:11:27,522
‐ No, no, no! Um... [laughs]
225
00:11:27,522 --> 00:11:31,818
Actually, I should get a‐going...
so...
226
00:11:32,611 --> 00:11:34,446
‐ Oh. Okay, cool.
227
00:11:34,446 --> 00:11:36,114
Well, I had fun.
228
00:11:36,114 --> 00:11:39,034
Dinner was fun.
What we did after was fun.
229
00:11:39,034 --> 00:11:41,703
I had a good time.
‐ Me, too, with the fun.
230
00:11:41,703 --> 00:11:44,122
Fun, fun, fun was had by all.
231
00:11:44,956 --> 00:11:48,460
‐ Hey, Jules, you know I'm not looking
for anything serious, right?
232
00:11:48,460 --> 00:11:50,712
I'm down to just... keep it casual.
233
00:11:51,671 --> 00:11:54,966
‐ Yeah. That was my instinct, too.
234
00:11:54,966 --> 00:11:56,885
♪
235
00:11:58,637 --> 00:12:01,556
[alarm buzzing]
236
00:12:01,556 --> 00:12:05,060
♪ Well, I had me a boy
turned him into a man ♪
237
00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:08,146
♪ I showed him all the things
that he didn't understand ♪
238
00:12:08,146 --> 00:12:09,397
♪ Whoa‐oh ♪
239
00:12:10,649 --> 00:12:12,192
♪ Then I let him go ♪
240
00:12:12,192 --> 00:12:14,277
Just got home, u up?
241
00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:18,698
♪ Now, there's one in California
who's been cursing my name ♪
242
00:12:18,698 --> 00:12:21,826
♪ 'Cause I found me a better lover
in the UK ♪
243
00:12:21,826 --> 00:12:22,994
♪ Hey‐hey ♪
244
00:12:24,287 --> 00:12:26,957
♪ Until I made my getaway ♪
245
00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:32,546
♪ One‐two‐three
they're gonna run back to me ♪
246
00:12:32,546 --> 00:12:36,007
♪ 'Cause I'm the best baby
that they never gotta keep ♪
247
00:12:36,007 --> 00:12:39,219
♪ One‐two‐three
they're gonna run back to me ♪
248
00:12:39,219 --> 00:12:42,806
♪ They always wanna come
but they never wanna leave ♪
249
00:12:42,806 --> 00:12:47,519
♪ Ex's and the oh‐oh‐oh's
they haunt me ♪
250
00:12:47,519 --> 00:12:50,897
♪ Like gho‐o‐osts they want me ♪
251
00:12:50,897 --> 00:12:52,857
♪ To make 'em oh‐oh‐oh ♪
252
00:12:52,857 --> 00:12:55,026
♪ They won't let go... ♪
253
00:12:55,026 --> 00:12:56,570
[Jules groaning]
254
00:12:56,570 --> 00:12:59,656
♪ Ex's and the oh‐oh‐oh's ♪
255
00:12:59,656 --> 00:13:01,241
♪ They haunt me ♪
256
00:13:01,241 --> 00:13:04,536
♪ Like gho‐o‐osts they want me ♪
257
00:13:04,536 --> 00:13:05,996
♪ To make 'em oh‐oh‐oh... ♪
258
00:13:05,996 --> 00:13:07,038
RYAN:
...favorite features.
259
00:13:07,038 --> 00:13:08,582
JULES: Wow.
‐ Yeah, and‐and when...
260
00:13:08,582 --> 00:13:11,376
when you see it,
it looks just like the trailer.
261
00:13:11,376 --> 00:13:13,420
Oh, don't, but just be careful,
you know,
262
00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:15,839
you don't wanna touch it,
'cause the pieces, they're hard to find.
263
00:13:15,839 --> 00:13:18,216
MAN: [on TV] Good evening, ladies.
LADIES: [on TV] Good evening.
264
00:13:18,216 --> 00:13:21,052
MAN: You look very good this evening.
‐ [ladies giggle]
265
00:13:21,052 --> 00:13:23,054
MAN:
I know that you weren't expecting me.
266
00:13:23,054 --> 00:13:24,389
Everybody wants to meet Charlie, right?
267
00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:26,224
[ladies giggle]
268
00:13:26,224 --> 00:13:28,935
Well, here's the thing, I have some news.
269
00:13:28,935 --> 00:13:31,813
Uh, there is not going to be
270
00:13:31,813 --> 00:13:33,481
the mixer that you expected tonight.
271
00:13:33,481 --> 00:13:34,858
‐ [Madison groaning]
IZZY: What?
272
00:13:34,858 --> 00:13:36,693
‐ Oh, my God!
273
00:13:36,693 --> 00:13:38,403
‐ What? What's happening?
274
00:13:38,403 --> 00:13:40,864
‐ Jules.
‐ That means he's made his decision.
275
00:13:40,864 --> 00:13:42,449
I'm gonna be sick.
276
00:13:42,908 --> 00:13:45,994
‐ Sorry, my sleep schedule's
all messed up.
277
00:13:45,994 --> 00:13:47,913
Apparently this whole casual sex thing
278
00:13:47,913 --> 00:13:50,290
means you can only hang out
in the middle of the night.
279
00:13:50,290 --> 00:13:52,626
‐ Wow! Look at you go, baby slut.
280
00:13:52,626 --> 00:13:55,503
Well, I hope he's taking care of
your needs, if you know what I mean.
281
00:13:55,503 --> 00:13:57,964
Like, are you orgasming?
‐ Yeah, I was with you.
282
00:13:57,964 --> 00:14:00,842
‐ It is ridiculous
that we even need to ask that.
283
00:14:00,842 --> 00:14:02,552
I mean, could you
imagine men asking each other
284
00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:05,430
if they're achieving orgasm
with repeat sexual partners?
285
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:08,099
"Duh, Kyle, how's it going
with that girl you're fucking?
286
00:14:08,099 --> 00:14:09,559
Has she made you come yet?"
287
00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,770
‐ Let's just say it's going well.
288
00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:13,980
I'm ignoring my instincts like you said.
289
00:14:13,980 --> 00:14:17,817
I'm just feeling a little weird...
like health‐wise.
290
00:14:17,817 --> 00:14:19,486
I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
291
00:14:19,486 --> 00:14:21,238
‐ No, babe, you need to go to the gyno.
292
00:14:21,238 --> 00:14:23,490
I mean, you have to take
that stuff seriously.
293
00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:25,325
Have I told you what happened
to my astrologist friend
294
00:14:25,325 --> 00:14:27,327
who was sleeping
with that guy who had herpes?
295
00:14:27,327 --> 00:14:30,288
‐ No, what happened?
‐ I mean... she got herpes.
296
00:14:30,288 --> 00:14:33,208
‐ Wait, how is it going
with you and your not‐boyfriend?
297
00:14:33,208 --> 00:14:36,461
‐ I think you guys were right.
I guess I have to break up with him.
298
00:14:36,461 --> 00:14:37,879
‐ Don't do it over text!
299
00:14:37,879 --> 00:14:40,507
‐ God, yeah, that's so mean.
Haven't you ever been dumped before?
300
00:14:41,341 --> 00:14:43,009
You know what, forget I said that.
301
00:14:43,009 --> 00:14:45,554
‐ No, Stella, this guy thinks
you're seriously dating.
302
00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:48,890
You have to actually break up with him.
‐ Okay, so I'll do it in person.
303
00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:50,850
But should I do it
before we have sex or after,
304
00:14:50,850 --> 00:14:52,978
'cause I feel like in the middle
might be a little weird.
305
00:14:52,978 --> 00:14:56,189
‐ Um, I think having sex
might blur the message?
306
00:14:56,189 --> 00:14:59,818
Like, can't you go over there and...
not immediately have sex with him?
307
00:15:00,610 --> 00:15:02,320
‐ No.
‐ You need a buffer.
308
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,615
Someone who can make
any situation totally non‐sexual.
309
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:07,826
‐ Jules, do you have a second plunger?
310
00:15:12,956 --> 00:15:15,625
‐ Our generation of women
have been so shamed
311
00:15:15,625 --> 00:15:17,794
out of wanting
to put a label on things,
312
00:15:17,794 --> 00:15:20,338
Stella literally didn't know
she had a boyfriend.
313
00:15:20,338 --> 00:15:21,756
It's insane to me.
314
00:15:22,299 --> 00:15:26,803
‐ I feel like your head's somewhere else.
And also, it's pretty muffled down there.
315
00:15:29,681 --> 00:15:31,182
[Madison sighs]
316
00:15:31,182 --> 00:15:33,393
‐ Do you, uh, know if you're free
yet this weekend?
317
00:15:33,852 --> 00:15:36,521
I'm being invited to things.
‐ I'll have to let you know.
318
00:15:37,272 --> 00:15:38,398
‐ Okay.
319
00:15:38,398 --> 00:15:42,152
Uh, well, there's this big party
my college friend Paul throws every year.
320
00:15:42,152 --> 00:15:45,947
Lots of drunk people,
people getting naked in the pool...
321
00:15:45,947 --> 00:15:48,408
Maybe I'll go to that.
‐ Cool. Sounds like fun.
322
00:15:50,035 --> 00:15:51,286
‐ So it doesn't bother you?
323
00:15:52,913 --> 00:15:54,414
‐ Do you want it to bother me?
324
00:15:54,998 --> 00:15:57,375
Fine, it bothers me. Don't go.
325
00:15:57,375 --> 00:16:00,170
‐ You can't control me!
‐ Madison, hey, whoa.
326
00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:01,963
Wh‐What are we talking about?
327
00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:05,800
‐ Look, you can't commit to any plans,
so... so what am I?
328
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,677
Your girlfriend?
329
00:16:07,677 --> 00:16:09,346
Your fuck buddy?
330
00:16:09,346 --> 00:16:11,890
I keep telling Jules to keep
her relationships casual,
331
00:16:11,890 --> 00:16:13,808
yet here I am obsessing
about what this is.
332
00:16:13,808 --> 00:16:17,854
‐ Okay, okay. We are in a relationship.
That's what we're doing.
333
00:16:17,854 --> 00:16:21,566
‐ Yeah, but what kind of a relationship?
Is this just about sex to you?
334
00:16:21,566 --> 00:16:24,361
‐ Well, at this specific moment,
it was, yes.
335
00:16:24,361 --> 00:16:27,489
‐ [gasps]
‐ Okay. I think whatever I say right now,
336
00:16:27,489 --> 00:16:31,159
it's not gonna be the right thing,
so I'm gonna just go and have a shower.
337
00:16:35,956 --> 00:16:37,958
‐ I can't believe you said that.
338
00:16:42,462 --> 00:16:43,630
[knock on door]
339
00:16:45,257 --> 00:16:47,509
‐ [gynecologist sighs]
Okay.
340
00:16:47,509 --> 00:16:49,302
Sorry I got held up.
341
00:16:49,302 --> 00:16:52,055
I was just performing
a safe, legal abortion.
342
00:16:52,722 --> 00:16:55,058
Well, I have some bad news.
343
00:16:56,726 --> 00:16:58,770
You've caught something.
344
00:16:58,770 --> 00:17:00,564
‐ Oh God. An STD?
345
00:17:00,564 --> 00:17:02,148
‐ It can be sexually transmitted.
346
00:17:02,148 --> 00:17:03,942
You've caught feelings.
347
00:17:03,942 --> 00:17:04,985
‐ Feelings?
348
00:17:04,985 --> 00:17:07,112
‐ Yes. Feelings for the guy
you're hooking up with.
349
00:17:07,112 --> 00:17:10,448
‐ That's impossible.
He's a grown man who plays with Legos.
350
00:17:10,448 --> 00:17:13,451
‐ Feelings are always a risk
whenever you are sexually active.
351
00:17:13,451 --> 00:17:15,579
Now, were you using protection?
352
00:17:15,579 --> 00:17:17,581
Hooking up with at least
two other people?
353
00:17:18,498 --> 00:17:19,708
‐ No.
354
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:22,544
‐ Look, I see a lot of young women
come in with these symptoms.
355
00:17:23,378 --> 00:17:27,215
Okay?
You may find this literature helpful.
356
00:17:27,215 --> 00:17:29,759
And you'll want to avoid contact
with that partner for a few weeks.
357
00:17:30,302 --> 00:17:32,971
‐ Wait, shouldn't I tell the guy
so he can get tested too?
358
00:17:32,971 --> 00:17:34,764
[laughing]
359
00:17:38,894 --> 00:17:40,312
That's good.
360
00:17:40,312 --> 00:17:42,731
Oh, no, men cannot get this.
361
00:17:43,189 --> 00:17:44,941
[gynecologist laughing]
362
00:17:50,739 --> 00:17:52,866
[laughter continues]
363
00:17:53,867 --> 00:17:54,910
[knock on door]
364
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:58,413
‐ Hey.
365
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:03,084
OLIVER: It really is lovely to meet
one of Stella's friends.
366
00:18:03,084 --> 00:18:05,420
I'm always telling her to bring
people around.
367
00:18:05,420 --> 00:18:08,256
It's such a stupidly big place
for no one to be in so much of the time.
368
00:18:08,256 --> 00:18:11,384
‐ Oh yeah. [laughs]
Stupidly big.
369
00:18:11,927 --> 00:18:14,262
‐ Ollie, can you get
some more wine, please?
370
00:18:14,262 --> 00:18:15,430
‐ Yeah.
371
00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:16,556
[sighs]
372
00:18:19,559 --> 00:18:20,769
‐ I'll come!
373
00:18:21,478 --> 00:18:22,604
Um...
374
00:18:22,604 --> 00:18:25,023
I'm trying to learn how
to use a wine opener.
375
00:18:25,023 --> 00:18:27,567
I always drop the cork in, ha ha.
Dumb Izzy.
376
00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:35,825
So, Oliver...
377
00:18:35,825 --> 00:18:39,079
you know why Stella invited me
here tonight, right?
378
00:18:39,079 --> 00:18:41,039
‐ Uh, not for the wine opening lessons?
379
00:18:41,039 --> 00:18:42,082
[laughs]
380
00:18:43,541 --> 00:18:46,336
‐ She wanted me to help you
understand that...
381
00:18:46,336 --> 00:18:49,005
You know how you guys have gotten
into this like, conventional,
382
00:18:49,005 --> 00:18:51,716
man‐woman‐house‐beep‐boop
kind of thing?
383
00:18:51,716 --> 00:18:53,009
‐ Uh‐huh?
384
00:18:53,009 --> 00:18:55,554
‐ Stella's just not super, like...
385
00:18:55,554 --> 00:18:59,516
beep‐boop, straight‐and‐narrow,
white‐picket‐fence‐y.
386
00:18:59,516 --> 00:19:01,017
You... you feel me?
387
00:19:01,977 --> 00:19:05,063
‐ Um... I can't quite say that I do.
388
00:19:05,063 --> 00:19:06,231
‐ Um...
389
00:19:06,898 --> 00:19:10,402
Stella thinks you're awesome, right?
390
00:19:10,402 --> 00:19:13,655
It's just that,
the way she feels about you
391
00:19:13,655 --> 00:19:16,241
is like the way she feels about me.
392
00:19:19,369 --> 00:19:20,495
‐ Oh.
393
00:19:22,163 --> 00:19:24,457
Oh. I think I understand.
394
00:19:24,457 --> 00:19:27,002
‐ That's awesome.
So we're on the same page?
395
00:19:27,794 --> 00:19:29,588
Simpatico?
396
00:19:29,588 --> 00:19:30,922
Capisce?
397
00:19:32,173 --> 00:19:33,925
‐ We're on the same page.
398
00:19:33,925 --> 00:19:35,260
‐ Great.
399
00:19:36,177 --> 00:19:40,348
If you could also show me the wine opener
thing, though, I... wasn't lying.
400
00:19:40,348 --> 00:19:42,642
I'm bad at that. [chuckles]
401
00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:45,186
‐ Okay, you were right.
402
00:19:45,186 --> 00:19:48,815
The best cinematic depiction of cats
is Disney's Aristocats.
403
00:19:48,815 --> 00:19:51,860
‐ They're animals,
but they still have their sophistication.
404
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:57,949
Well, next do we do Homeward Bound
or Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties?
405
00:19:57,949 --> 00:20:01,411
‐ You know we don't only have to watch
movies about cats, right?
406
00:20:01,411 --> 00:20:03,538
‐ I don't follow.
Are there other types of movies?
407
00:20:06,041 --> 00:20:08,376
‐ Just shut up and put on Garfield.
408
00:20:08,376 --> 00:20:10,337
♪
409
00:20:16,551 --> 00:20:18,845
‐ Operation Heartbreak: achieved.
410
00:20:18,845 --> 00:20:23,225
He totally gets it, you just wanna be
friends, we're all on the same page.
411
00:20:23,225 --> 00:20:25,977
‐ Really?
‐ Stella, babe, look at me.
412
00:20:25,977 --> 00:20:27,729
Same. Page.
413
00:20:27,729 --> 00:20:29,439
You're. Welcome.
‐ [Stella laughs]
414
00:20:30,982 --> 00:20:32,901
[Stella sighs] You good?
415
00:20:34,778 --> 00:20:36,029
‐ All good.
416
00:20:40,742 --> 00:20:44,037
‐ Oh. Uh, he's taking it very well.
417
00:20:48,875 --> 00:20:50,126
[Izzy giggles]
418
00:20:53,296 --> 00:20:55,674
Okay, okay.
419
00:20:56,508 --> 00:21:00,178
Um, maybe we were on
a different part of the same page?
420
00:21:00,178 --> 00:21:02,389
‐ What the fuck are you doing?
‐ Hmm?
421
00:21:02,889 --> 00:21:04,891
I thought you guys wanted to‐‐
422
00:21:04,891 --> 00:21:07,352
Isn't that what all that "simpatico" shit
was about?
423
00:21:07,352 --> 00:21:09,771
‐ No! That was about me
breaking up with you.
424
00:21:09,771 --> 00:21:13,567
Look, I tried to do this the right way,
okay, I just can't be tied down right now.
425
00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:16,152
I can't be "the one" like you said
in your Instagram.
426
00:21:16,152 --> 00:21:17,362
‐ My‐My Instagram?
427
00:21:18,989 --> 00:21:20,907
I took that picture with my new camera.
428
00:21:20,907 --> 00:21:23,660
That was a paid post for Nikon.
429
00:21:23,660 --> 00:21:26,288
"The one" was the new lens I was using.
430
00:21:26,288 --> 00:21:28,748
‐ Wait, so I'm just some house sitter
that you sleep with occasionally?
431
00:21:28,748 --> 00:21:30,500
‐ Yes.
‐ Okay!
432
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:33,753
Then I spoke too soon
and completely misunderstood.
433
00:21:35,797 --> 00:21:37,215
Now I'm feeling regretful.
434
00:21:38,049 --> 00:21:41,219
Is this what you feel like all the time?
‐ Literally all the time.
435
00:21:41,219 --> 00:21:44,472
‐ You're brave.
‐ Come here, you nutter.
436
00:21:55,483 --> 00:21:56,985
‐ Are we really doing this?
437
00:21:57,569 --> 00:21:59,279
‐ Go home, Izzy.
‐ Cool.
438
00:21:59,279 --> 00:22:00,322
Cool, cool.
439
00:22:08,872 --> 00:22:10,874
♪
440
00:22:25,639 --> 00:22:28,183
‐ Uh... Morning, morning.
441
00:22:28,183 --> 00:22:30,936
Um... you should probably
be getting going,
442
00:22:30,936 --> 00:22:34,773
because I have a workout class today
and also I'm just really not feeling well.
443
00:22:34,773 --> 00:22:35,815
WES:
Oh, yeah.
444
00:22:36,608 --> 00:22:38,818
Okay. But should you be working out
if you don't feel good?
445
00:22:38,818 --> 00:22:40,320
‐ Oh, that's a good question, Wes.
446
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,156
I find that working out
actually helps my nausea,
447
00:22:43,156 --> 00:22:46,493
because you sweat out the bad germs
and you breathe in the good germs.
448
00:22:46,493 --> 00:22:48,036
You know, you're a vet, you get it.
449
00:22:49,996 --> 00:22:51,998
‐ Thanks. I, uh...
450
00:22:51,998 --> 00:22:54,668
Last night was fun. I'll... I'll call you?
451
00:22:54,668 --> 00:22:57,712
‐ Yeah. Sure. Whatever. I'll text you.
Or not.
452
00:22:57,712 --> 00:23:00,090
Uh, either way, thanks for the...
453
00:23:00,090 --> 00:23:01,466
hang.
454
00:23:01,883 --> 00:23:03,426
Uh, I'm casual.
455
00:23:10,809 --> 00:23:11,977
[door closes]
456
00:23:15,188 --> 00:23:17,190
♪ mellow music playing ♪
457
00:23:20,819 --> 00:23:22,028
[groans]
458
00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:33,290
‐ Jesus!
What are you guys doing here?
459
00:23:33,290 --> 00:23:35,333
‐ I think I'll ask the questions
from here on out.
460
00:23:36,626 --> 00:23:37,836
What's this?
461
00:23:37,836 --> 00:23:41,923
‐ That's a sweater from one
of the many men I'm casually boinking.
462
00:23:41,923 --> 00:23:44,801
‐ Strange, because it's in
a tasteful color and it's dry clean only.
463
00:23:44,801 --> 00:23:47,929
This sweater has boyfriend material
written all over it.
464
00:23:47,929 --> 00:23:50,223
This is not the sweater of a Lego guy.
465
00:23:50,223 --> 00:23:52,976
It's the sweater of a reliable
veterinarian who you're not sleeping with.
466
00:23:52,976 --> 00:23:54,978
‐ No. No.
‐ Lies!
467
00:23:54,978 --> 00:23:57,898
‐ [gasps] Hey! It... It's not a big deal.
468
00:23:57,898 --> 00:23:59,941
We just watched movies on the couch.
469
00:23:59,941 --> 00:24:04,321
‐ I'm only gonna ask you this once:
did you cuddle?
470
00:24:04,321 --> 00:24:07,282
‐ At least tell us you that you got drunk
and sloppily made out.
471
00:24:07,282 --> 00:24:09,159
‐ We were sober, okay?
‐ [trio gasps]
472
00:24:09,159 --> 00:24:11,870
‐ Wait. You didn't even have one beer?
473
00:24:11,870 --> 00:24:14,664
‐ He didn't bring any!
‐ This is the 21st century, Jules.
474
00:24:14,664 --> 00:24:16,374
You should have one on you.
475
00:24:16,374 --> 00:24:19,044
If you don't protect yourself,
your monogamous instincts
476
00:24:19,044 --> 00:24:20,795
are gonna ruin your life.
477
00:24:20,795 --> 00:24:23,381
That's it.
I know what you need.
478
00:24:23,381 --> 00:24:24,633
What we all need.
479
00:24:24,633 --> 00:24:27,385
We need to go to an event
that is so disgusting,
480
00:24:27,385 --> 00:24:31,014
so debaucherous,
no romance can survive in its wake.
481
00:24:31,014 --> 00:24:34,392
We are going to Paulapalooza.
482
00:24:34,392 --> 00:24:36,937
‐ [groans]
‐ Paulapa... whoza?
483
00:24:39,648 --> 00:24:42,317
MADISON: Okay, so this frat guy Paul
we went to college with
484
00:24:42,317 --> 00:24:45,445
has been throwing himself the same party
every year on his birthday
485
00:24:45,445 --> 00:24:47,113
since he was 18.
486
00:24:47,113 --> 00:24:49,282
Sadly, now that he's in his 30s,
487
00:24:49,282 --> 00:24:51,618
the party has gone from being
a can't‐miss campus event
488
00:24:51,618 --> 00:24:56,289
to a tragic display of chubby alcoholics
trying to relive their youth.
489
00:24:56,289 --> 00:24:58,833
‐ [in slow motion]
Food fight!
490
00:24:58,833 --> 00:25:01,211
♪ rap music playing ♪
491
00:25:10,345 --> 00:25:12,722
‐ I know. It's pretty bleak, right?
492
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:14,766
‐ It's not that.
493
00:25:14,766 --> 00:25:17,811
Last night was my first chance
to experiment
494
00:25:17,811 --> 00:25:19,396
like you're supposed to in your 20s.
495
00:25:19,396 --> 00:25:21,398
And now my Wikipedia page
is just gonna read,
496
00:25:21,398 --> 00:25:25,151
"She had a lifetime of missionary sex
and now is buried next to her parents
497
00:25:25,151 --> 00:25:28,071
in a Jewish cemetery because she didn't
even have any cool tattoos."
498
00:25:28,071 --> 00:25:30,991
‐ Izzy, having threesomes
doesn't make you more interesting.
499
00:25:30,991 --> 00:25:34,119
‐ That's easy for you to say,
you've probably had a hundred threesomes.
500
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:37,622
‐ Oh, please, I've had like eight.
‐ I just wanted to have one.
501
00:25:37,622 --> 00:25:40,333
I'm not like Jules
with her five‐year relationship,
502
00:25:40,333 --> 00:25:43,378
and I'm not like you
with your sexy house‐sitting escapades.
503
00:25:43,378 --> 00:25:45,630
I just wanted to have one thing
that was gonna make‐‐
504
00:25:48,508 --> 00:25:50,176
‐ There.
Now you've experimented.
505
00:25:52,262 --> 00:25:55,348
‐ This is so going on my Wiki.
506
00:25:55,974 --> 00:25:58,184
MAN: Go!
‐ [paddler straining]
507
00:26:00,020 --> 00:26:02,939
‐ [slurring] This guy
is a fucking legend right here.
508
00:26:02,939 --> 00:26:04,357
Best grand‐little bro ever.
509
00:26:04,357 --> 00:26:05,817
‐ Oh, you guys are brothers?
510
00:26:05,817 --> 00:26:08,737
‐ No, no, no. My Little Bro Thick Ricky
is his Big.
511
00:26:08,737 --> 00:26:12,032
But I would legit murder somebody
for this guy.
512
00:26:12,032 --> 00:26:14,618
‐ Oh, that's so sweet, Paul.
Right, Jules?
513
00:26:15,452 --> 00:26:18,622
‐ Do you wanna try my Fireball
and cold brew?
514
00:26:18,622 --> 00:26:19,664
It's really good.
515
00:26:27,047 --> 00:26:28,965
Uh... take the phone.
516
00:26:28,965 --> 00:26:30,967
‐ Oh, bro, that's all right.
‐ Yeah!
517
00:26:30,967 --> 00:26:34,221
‐ Hey, Colin. Uh, it's just me calling
to keep you updated,
518
00:26:34,221 --> 00:26:36,306
vis‐a‐vis me having fun without you.
519
00:26:36,723 --> 00:26:38,683
This party is super crazy.
520
00:26:38,683 --> 00:26:40,852
I've just been hanging out
with Tommy and Paul,
521
00:26:40,852 --> 00:26:42,771
and I actually barely even
remembered to call you
522
00:26:42,771 --> 00:26:46,233
because I'm having so much fun,
so... bye!
523
00:26:46,233 --> 00:26:49,778
‐ Here we go, here we go!
‐ That wasn't bad.
524
00:26:50,946 --> 00:26:52,572
‐ Wes, don't leave!
525
00:26:52,572 --> 00:26:55,367
‐ I'm not, I was just getting a beer.
526
00:26:55,367 --> 00:26:56,785
‐ Oh. [laughs]
527
00:26:57,994 --> 00:26:59,871
Well, that was super dramatic.
528
00:27:00,914 --> 00:27:03,375
Um... what are you doing here, anyway?
529
00:27:03,375 --> 00:27:05,752
‐ My college friend works with Paul.
530
00:27:05,752 --> 00:27:08,672
‐ Ah.
‐ So I guess you're feeling better?
531
00:27:08,672 --> 00:27:11,925
‐ I'm sorry I kicked you out.
I really did have a great time with you.
532
00:27:11,925 --> 00:27:15,679
‐ I did too. That's why I was so confused
by the 5:00 AM forced exodus.
533
00:27:15,679 --> 00:27:18,932
On the bright side, though,
the freeways were very clear.
534
00:27:18,932 --> 00:27:22,060
‐ Yeah, my friends have just been
getting in my head lately about, uh...
535
00:27:22,060 --> 00:27:26,189
not getting into something serious,
and, uh, I just kind of freaked out.
536
00:27:26,189 --> 00:27:27,774
‐ What did we do that was so serious?
537
00:27:27,774 --> 00:27:30,860
We watched some animated children's films,
those weren't too serious.
538
00:27:30,860 --> 00:27:33,905
‐ That's true.
‐ We ate pizza...
539
00:27:33,905 --> 00:27:36,658
arguably the least serious of all foods.
540
00:27:36,658 --> 00:27:39,077
‐ Well, pizza could be serious.
541
00:27:39,077 --> 00:27:40,453
‐ Pizza's laid‐back.
542
00:27:40,453 --> 00:27:43,957
You know, pizza's sitting on a porch swing
with you, it's strumming a guitar.
543
00:27:43,957 --> 00:27:47,961
‐ Strumming a guitar?
What songs does pizza know?
544
00:27:47,961 --> 00:27:52,591
‐ All pizza knows is Wonderwall.
Pizza is a hack.
545
00:27:57,596 --> 00:27:59,639
‐ Oooh. I don't want you to kiss me.
546
00:28:01,016 --> 00:28:02,976
‐ Guess I grossly misread that situation.
547
00:28:02,976 --> 00:28:05,687
‐ No, uh... I don't want you to kiss me
548
00:28:05,687 --> 00:28:10,025
because of how badly
I do want you to kiss me.
549
00:28:10,025 --> 00:28:11,985
And I think if you kissed me,
550
00:28:11,985 --> 00:28:16,489
it would be the beginning of something
I'm not ready for.
551
00:28:18,408 --> 00:28:20,368
‐ Okay. Well, I, uh...
552
00:28:20,368 --> 00:28:23,371
guess I'll... see you around, Jules.
553
00:28:29,878 --> 00:28:31,880
♪
554
00:28:44,893 --> 00:28:48,647
‐ Wait, just so you know, even though
I'm getting in your car right now,
555
00:28:48,647 --> 00:28:52,651
I am still very elusive and hard to get.
556
00:28:52,651 --> 00:28:55,153
‐ Noted.
‐ And I am not that girl
557
00:28:55,153 --> 00:28:58,531
who's just at your beck and call,
who comes running to the guy
558
00:28:58,531 --> 00:29:00,909
even though she doesn't know
where she stands with him.
559
00:29:00,909 --> 00:29:03,286
‐ Madison, do you want to know
where you stand with me?
560
00:29:03,286 --> 00:29:06,039
‐ If you need to tell me, I guess.
561
00:29:07,332 --> 00:29:09,709
‐ Hey. I love you.
562
00:29:10,126 --> 00:29:12,671
Okay? That's where I stand.
563
00:29:15,048 --> 00:29:16,550
‐ I love you, too.
564
00:29:18,385 --> 00:29:20,011
PAUL:
Paul!
565
00:29:21,096 --> 00:29:23,640
‐ That's Paul. It's his birthday.
566
00:29:26,351 --> 00:29:28,103
‐ Hey, Paul.
PAUL: Hello.
567
00:29:30,814 --> 00:29:33,817
[Hypnotic
by SugarBeats playing]