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00:00:01,836 --> 00:00:03,838
♪ upbeat music playing ♪
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SYNTHESIZED FEMALE VOICE:
Enter your goal.
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‐ My goal.
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How about... 100 steps?
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‐ If you have recently been dumped,
please enter a more challenging goal.
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‐ Okay. Uh, 200 steps.
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‐ This is why no one loves you.
Enter your goal.
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‐ Fine, 350 steps.
Are you satisfied? Are you?
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‐ Begin workout.
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[Jules sighs]
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‐ All right.
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Clean break, new me.
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This is good.
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[device beeps]
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‐ Workout paused.
Increase pace to continue.
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‐ Seriously?
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‐ Resume workout.
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Workout paused.
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Feel inferior to continue.
‐ Wait, what?
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‐ Let's go, girls.
Last one to spin class buys kombucha.
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[women laugh]
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‐ On your left!
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‐ Disguise tears as face sweat
to continue.
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‐ I'm not crying.
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‐ Hit rock bottom to continue.
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Distance traveled: 0.3 flights.
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Calories burned:
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seven.
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Workout complete.
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[sighs]
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♪
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[bottles rattle]
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[cat mews]
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[indistinct noises from kitchen]
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JULES: Yaaaaa!
‐ Hey, Dollface.
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‐ Jesus, you scared me.
‐ You don't look so good.
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Did you order
from that Indian restaurant again?
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‐ No, I didn't order
from that Indian restaurant again.
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‐ You know, after last time,
we decided you have to get extra mild.
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‐ I went for a run.
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‐ Like intentionally?
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‐ Okay, what are you doing here?
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I thought you were gonna stay
at your sister's while I look for a place.
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‐ It's Sunday, Juju.
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I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
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‐ Do you mean that?
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‐ Of course.
Ramona doesn't have DirecTV,
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and this is the only place I can watch
NFL Sunday Ticket.
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‐ Football.
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You're here 'cause of football.
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‐ Yeah, well, I lost fantasy this week
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so I kinda have to host the league.
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Um... I know you normally
like to watch with us,
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but, you know, the guys all heard
what happened, so...
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I just don't want you to have to deal
with that by... by being here.
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‐ Actually, you know what,
that is perfect for me
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because I have a bunch of plans
for the day anyway.
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Lots of stuff.
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‐ A morning jog and then a puzzle,
you're just like my dad.
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‐ Your dad who is a cost‐accountant
and is 66 and is a man?
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‐ Don't take it like that. I love my dad.
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‐ Good. Good for you.
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♪ I'm sick of the gray days ♪
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♪ Where's the color in the world ♪
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‐ Time to go somewhere.
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I'm a person,
people go to places and do things.
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That's normal.
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Those are nouns.
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♪ Won't someone help me ♪
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♪ Paint a smile on me, girl ♪
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♪ Without you... ♪
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‐ C'mon, sweetheart, move it along.
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‐ Uh, to where?
‐ Well, where are you trying to go?
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‐ I don't know.
I'm just kinda driving around.
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I have nowhere to be.
‐ CAT LADY: You made it.
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Welcome to Nowhere to Be.
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‐ Sorry, I didn't plan
on making plans today.
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My boyfriend dumped me
and I have no idea what to do with my day,
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or my apartment, or my entire life.
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‐ If only there were a group
of people specifically designed
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for hanging out with
and going to for advice.
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‐ No. I can't just call her.
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I mean, the way we left things...
I have no clue where we stand.
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‐ Oops. It's ringing. Eeeee!
‐ Oh, man.
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[phone ringing]
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‐ Hey.
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‐ Hey. Um...
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So... I had a good time the other night.
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MADISON:
Yeah, me too.
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It ended up being fun.
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‐ Cool.
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Yeah, so, um...
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I know we had all that time apart,
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but then we had that night and I guess
I'm just kind of wondering,
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um... what are we?
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‐ Are you trying to define
the relationship right now?
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‐ No... I mean, we can just keep things
casual, you know, if you want.
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‐ Well, that's not what I want.
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‐ I mean, are we friends?
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Are we best friends?
Was that a one‐time thing for you?
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‐ You know I'm not that kind of girl.
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‐ Well, can I see you again?
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‐ Yeah.
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Stella's picking me up.
You can meet us there.
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‐ Really? Uh, great.
Wait, meet you where?
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‐ Jules, it's Sunday morning.
Where do you think?
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[phone beeps]
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‐ Well, she didn't say
where they're going.
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‐ Well, they're going where all good women
go on Sunday mornings.
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Brunch.
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♪ Mama said we in the church
You best believe this ain't no hotel ♪
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♪ Rocking your halo like a snapback
'cause you hang with ghetto angels ♪
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‐ Whoo!
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♪ She told me they won't catch you
when you fall ♪
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♪ You know this ain't gon' end well ♪
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♪ Heard somebody shot the sheriff
If it's you, I ain't gon' pay bail ♪
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♪ She says ♪
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♪ Wake up and get yourself to church
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
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♪ Wake up and get yourself to church
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
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‐ Ladies, in the power
and the spirit of this Sunday,
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do you feel free?
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LADIES:
Yes!
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‐ Do you feel gluten free?
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LADIES:
Hallelujah!
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PASTOR:
Can I get an amen?
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‐ Amen!
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‐ [excited chatter]
‐ I'm just saying, my cousin's friend
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took those gummy hair vitamins
and her baby was born with a full beard.
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‐ Hey. Uh, sorry I'm late.
‐ Oh, no worries, girl.
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‐ All good.
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‐ [chair clanks]
‐ Thanks again for letting me crash.
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‐ Hey, you're not crashing,
you were invited.
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‐ Well, thanks again for inviting me.
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‐ Well, thanks for coming.
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[awkward chuckle]
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Okay, fuck it, I can't take this.
Just tell us what's going on with Jeremy.
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‐ Oh, thank God.
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‐ Honestly, I thought that was going to be
the whole goddamn brunch.
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‐ Well he's having his fantasy league over
and he actually kicked me out.
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‐ Okay, pause.
You're still living there?
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‐ Oh, I know, I know, I know.
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And it's just temporary
until I find a new place.
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Actually, I saw this guesthouse
on Craigslist
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that I actually think
could be really great for me.
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The post said "vintage furniture,
antique charm, accessible floorplan"‐‐
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‐ No, you are not living
somewhere from Craigslist
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because you will get murdered
and they'll make a podcast about it
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and they'll want to interview me
and I hate podcast people.
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‐ Babe, you need to shake up your life.
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Okay? And instead of looking for a place,
have a travel moment.
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Get yourself a map, put your finger
on the farthest place you can imagine,
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and then throw out the map
and go to Costa Rica.
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‐ So intentionally get lost in the jungle?
That's terrible advice.
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‐ Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize
my advice was getting graded.
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[table splits loudly]
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‐ You need to find an apartment
that's aspirational‐‐ a view, a gym...
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something that says,
"I put the 'sexy' in 'sexcessful.'"
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If "successful" was spelled differently.
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‐ Oh sure, because all
rich successful people are happy.
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Think about it, Madison.
Steve Jobs killed himself.
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‐ Steve Jobs didn't kill himself.
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‐ Okay, why are you always correcting me?
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‐ Because you're consistently wrong.
‐ [Jules straining]
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‐ Um, you know, this isn't something
I have to figure out today.
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‐ Don't sweat it, Jules.
‐ Yeah, this has nothing to do with you.
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‐ I mean, it is an argument about me
and I did directly cause it,
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but, yeah, no worries.
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Hey, where's the alcohol man?
‐ Yeah.
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‐ Well, Jules, why don't you try a mimosa?
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I mean, sure, the champagne
is more expensive,
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but it's a quality of successful people
to invest in themselves.
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‐ Or get a Bloody Mary.
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It has qualities of
fun, happy, sexy people
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who like to spice it up
every now and then.
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‐ Oh yeah, basing your entire
life philosophy off Eat Pray Love
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sounds spicy, Stell.
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‐ Well, I can't wait
to read your memoir, Mads:
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I Worked. Then I Died.
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‐ [table rattling]
WAITER: Can I take your order?
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‐ Oh, um... [laughs]
I think I need a minute.
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‐ Okay, the fact that I got you
this appointment is insane.
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You know the Property Brothers?
This is their third cousin. By blood.
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‐ I just hope choosing to take your advice
doesn't make Stella upset.
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I just feel like aspirational
could be what I need right now.
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‐ You made exactly the right decision.
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Look, I love Stell, but she's been
bouncing from house‐sitting gig
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to nannying job
to trip abroad since we graduated.
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I mean, she's basically
a very well‐dressed homeless person.
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‐ Ladies, welcome.
Who's ready to change their entire life?
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00:09:06,882 --> 00:09:08,383
‐ Um, me.
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‐ This view is the only view
in the entire city
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00:09:11,761 --> 00:09:15,515
that offers visibility into the homes
of all 19 Kardashians,
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00:09:15,515 --> 00:09:17,767
plus, on a clear day...
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00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:20,395
[whispering] Blac Chyna. Yeah.
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This way.
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00:09:21,646 --> 00:09:23,189
MADISON:
Quick question.
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00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:24,941
This couch... custom?
198
00:09:24,941 --> 00:09:26,526
AGENT: Oh, yeah.
MADISON: Oh! I knew it!
199
00:09:27,694 --> 00:09:30,989
‐ Three words: Japanese snow monkeys.
200
00:09:31,448 --> 00:09:34,993
‐ Could I have a few more words?
201
00:09:36,119 --> 00:09:37,370
‐ For your trip abroad.
202
00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:40,707
The snow monkeys in the Akaishi Mountains
will change your life.
203
00:09:40,707 --> 00:09:42,083
‐ Jules, come look at this!
204
00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:45,045
‐ One second, I'm just texting...
my mom.
205
00:09:47,005 --> 00:09:50,717
‐ It's really cold there, but there's
a thermal wear sale at this spot I know.
206
00:09:50,717 --> 00:09:53,178
I mean, the universe
is sending you a sign.
207
00:09:54,888 --> 00:09:56,431
‐ Ma'am, you don't work here.
208
00:09:58,266 --> 00:10:00,435
‐ You look amazing. [laughs]
209
00:10:00,435 --> 00:10:01,645
You're welcome.
210
00:10:02,854 --> 00:10:04,439
MADISON: Jules!
‐ Yep.
211
00:10:05,148 --> 00:10:06,566
MADISON:
No, this is beautiful.
212
00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:10,820
‐ Now, in addition to the amenities
in‐unit, the building features a gym,
213
00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:14,532
two pools, a spa, a rec center,
an archery range,
214
00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:18,536
an in‐house therapist, puppies you can
play with whenever you want to,
215
00:10:18,536 --> 00:10:22,415
two coffee bars
with oat milk lattes on draft,
216
00:10:22,415 --> 00:10:25,919
a baked crab handroll bar,
a recording studio,
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00:10:25,919 --> 00:10:27,379
an indoor ski mountain,
218
00:10:27,379 --> 00:10:31,174
a meditation room made entirely
out of the wax of a Diptyque candle.
219
00:10:31,174 --> 00:10:35,679
‐ [stammering] Okay, I'm gonna just, um...
how much is this per month?
220
00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:41,351
‐ Give you a moment.
‐ Thank you.
221
00:10:41,726 --> 00:10:43,562
‐ [gasps] No, no.
222
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:47,816
‐ Oh, this seems doable.
‐ Doable?
223
00:10:47,816 --> 00:10:51,903
Doable as what? The gross domestic product
of a mid‐sized nation?
224
00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:53,154
‐ Oh, you are being dramatic,
225
00:10:53,154 --> 00:10:55,365
I'm sure you're doing fine at work.
What are you making?
226
00:11:02,247 --> 00:11:05,667
Jules, wait, how is that even possible?
That's barely entry level.
227
00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:07,627
I mean, have you never asked for a raise?
228
00:11:09,087 --> 00:11:10,630
You've never asked for a raise?
229
00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:12,007
‐ Okay, I'm sorry.
Listen, I just‐‐
230
00:11:12,007 --> 00:11:14,551
I just find talking
to Celeste incredibly intimidating.
231
00:11:14,551 --> 00:11:17,178
‐ Okay, that's it. Forget the apartment.
232
00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:20,348
New piece of advice‐‐
you're sitting down with your boss today,
233
00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:24,019
you are being strong,
assertive, and leaning the fuck in.
234
00:11:24,019 --> 00:11:26,438
JULES: Okay, I will try. I'm sorry.
MADISON: And that word.
235
00:11:26,438 --> 00:11:29,024
Okay, under no circumstances
are you to apologize
236
00:11:29,024 --> 00:11:31,067
for asking to be paid what you deserve.
237
00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:32,444
[inhales sharply] No matter what:
238
00:11:32,444 --> 00:11:35,530
do not say "sorry." Got it?
239
00:11:35,530 --> 00:11:36,948
[Madison sighs]
‐ Got it.
240
00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:38,658
‐ [softly] Good.
‐ [softly] Got it. I'm sorry.
241
00:11:39,784 --> 00:11:42,370
I'm sorry that I said I'm sorry before.
242
00:11:44,623 --> 00:11:48,793
[exhales] I really appreciate you taking
the time to meet with me, Ms. Oslow.
243
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:51,588
‐ [voice muffled]:
Oh please, call me Celeste.
244
00:11:52,297 --> 00:11:55,884
I'm trying this new amphibian facial
for our summer skin care list.
245
00:11:56,551 --> 00:11:57,552
[sighs]
246
00:11:57,552 --> 00:11:59,512
It's unbelievably hydrating.
247
00:11:59,512 --> 00:12:00,931
Willow?
248
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:01,973
[Celeste sighs]
249
00:12:01,973 --> 00:12:06,561
Speaking of, your skin is luminous.
What are you using, placenta?
250
00:12:06,561 --> 00:12:07,687
‐ Um...
251
00:12:07,687 --> 00:12:09,689
soap, mostly.
252
00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:11,441
Oh, and, uh, water.
253
00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:15,320
Uh, I'd say water‐‐
soap, water‐‐ is like the whole routine.
254
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,198
‐ Huh, we haven't tried that yet.
‐ [both laugh]
255
00:12:18,198 --> 00:12:19,532
‐ Habanero green juice?
256
00:12:19,532 --> 00:12:22,118
‐ Oh, wow, thanks.
[softly] Oh, Jesus, okay.
257
00:12:22,118 --> 00:12:23,828
‐ It's incredibly detoxifying.
258
00:12:23,828 --> 00:12:25,330
‐ Mm‐hmm. Hm!
259
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,582
Ecch. Sorry. Nope...
260
00:12:27,582 --> 00:12:29,376
[coughs] Nope, not sorry.
261
00:12:29,376 --> 00:12:32,963
That was a reasonable reaction
to pepper juice and I stand by it.
262
00:12:32,963 --> 00:12:34,422
Um... [clears throat]
263
00:12:34,422 --> 00:12:37,384
I'm Jules, by the way,
from the Web design team.
264
00:12:37,384 --> 00:12:41,137
‐ Oh! I love putting a face
to a name around here.
265
00:12:41,137 --> 00:12:44,057
Jules. Jules.
266
00:12:44,057 --> 00:12:45,559
Jewels.
267
00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:47,143
Emeralds. Garnets. Birthstones.
268
00:12:47,143 --> 00:12:50,438
Birth. Nesting. Birds.
269
00:12:50,438 --> 00:12:52,190
Robins. Blue Jays. Jay. Jules.
270
00:12:52,732 --> 00:12:54,859
Got it.
‐ Right. [laughs]
271
00:12:54,859 --> 00:12:57,862
Anyway, the reason I wanted
to sit down with you was, uh...
272
00:12:57,862 --> 00:13:00,991
[softly] No. We talked about this.
273
00:13:01,575 --> 00:13:02,867
‐ Um... I've been here‐‐
274
00:13:02,867 --> 00:13:04,869
‐ There's cilantro in this.
‐ ...for a few years.
275
00:13:04,869 --> 00:13:07,664
‐ You know how I feel about cilantro.
‐ And, um...
276
00:13:07,664 --> 00:13:08,915
‐ Soap.
‐ Um...
277
00:13:08,915 --> 00:13:11,376
CELESTE:
It's not feeling spicy enough.
278
00:13:11,376 --> 00:13:12,961
‐ The simple fact is that I deserve‐‐
279
00:13:12,961 --> 00:13:14,921
[Celeste gasping]
280
00:13:15,881 --> 00:13:17,048
[electricity sparks]
281
00:13:17,048 --> 00:13:20,176
My God. Celeste, I am so s...
282
00:13:20,886 --> 00:13:22,679
Eeeeh.
283
00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:28,476
Um, that is to say,
this was generally regrettable...
284
00:13:28,852 --> 00:13:29,936
by me.
285
00:13:32,105 --> 00:13:34,107
♪
286
00:13:38,403 --> 00:13:40,071
♪ It's gettin' late ♪
287
00:13:40,071 --> 00:13:42,407
♪ But I'm just gettin' started ♪
288
00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:44,034
♪ It's been a day ♪
289
00:13:44,034 --> 00:13:46,703
♪ So I just wanna party ♪
290
00:13:46,703 --> 00:13:48,538
♪ Dancing away... ♪
291
00:13:49,581 --> 00:13:50,665
‐ Um...
292
00:13:52,792 --> 00:13:54,211
Hey, Stell.
293
00:13:54,211 --> 00:13:55,962
‐ Oh, hey, lady.
294
00:13:57,005 --> 00:13:58,173
‐ It's Monday.
295
00:13:59,090 --> 00:14:00,717
‐ Is it?
‐ Yeah.
296
00:14:00,717 --> 00:14:02,552
And we always get
our mani‐pedis on Fridays,
297
00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:07,182
like we've been doing every other week
for the past two years. Together.
298
00:14:07,182 --> 00:14:08,600
[laughs]
‐ Huh.
299
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:12,854
Well, I guess since I went today, I'll be
going every other Monday from now on.
300
00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:14,814
By myself.
301
00:14:16,399 --> 00:14:18,276
[Madison exhales, stammers]
302
00:14:18,276 --> 00:14:21,905
‐ This wouldn't happen to have anything
to do with us giving Jules advice
303
00:14:21,905 --> 00:14:23,031
the other day at brunch, would it?
304
00:14:23,031 --> 00:14:24,699
‐ No, of course not.
305
00:14:24,699 --> 00:14:27,744
We're just two girls who want
the best for our friend
306
00:14:27,744 --> 00:14:30,705
but totally respect
each other's differing opinions.
307
00:14:31,665 --> 00:14:35,961
‐ I could not have said it better myself.
[laughs]
308
00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:40,298
Anyhoo, uh, I hope
your pedicure is amazing.
309
00:14:40,298 --> 00:14:43,093
‐ Oh, well, I hope your lunch
is incredible.
310
00:14:43,093 --> 00:14:46,221
‐ I hope tonight feels like
your actual birthday.
311
00:14:46,221 --> 00:14:49,015
[both laughing]
312
00:14:49,015 --> 00:14:51,268
STELLA:
Ow! Ha, ha, ha.
313
00:14:51,268 --> 00:14:52,269
‐ [sing‐song] Bye.
314
00:14:52,269 --> 00:14:53,478
‐ Bye.
‐ Bye.
315
00:14:53,478 --> 00:14:55,397
‐ Bye‐bye.
‐ Bye.
316
00:14:55,397 --> 00:14:56,690
‐ Ta‐ta!
317
00:15:00,235 --> 00:15:02,153
[phone rings]
318
00:15:02,946 --> 00:15:04,030
Hey, Jules.
319
00:15:06,575 --> 00:15:09,286
‐ Stella, I think I'm ready
to leave the country now.
320
00:15:10,078 --> 00:15:12,080
♪
321
00:15:13,957 --> 00:15:17,085
JULES: Oh. I already have four pairs
of long underwear on.
322
00:15:17,085 --> 00:15:18,587
This feels like a lot.
323
00:15:18,587 --> 00:15:21,715
‐ Do you know that most people
have never met a Japanese snow monkey?
324
00:15:21,715 --> 00:15:23,383
Which makes me so sad.
325
00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:27,178
Then I think about a Japanese snow monkey,
I feel happy again.
326
00:15:27,178 --> 00:15:28,555
[Jules sighs]
327
00:15:29,014 --> 00:15:30,932
‐ I'm not feeling so great.
328
00:15:30,932 --> 00:15:33,560
‐ Sweetie, I know you're worried
that Madison is gonna be upset
329
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,145
that you went with my idea
instead of hers.
330
00:15:35,145 --> 00:15:37,939
‐ Oh, I meant all the layers,
but, yeah, I mean,
331
00:15:37,939 --> 00:15:39,941
I just came back into Madison's life.
332
00:15:39,941 --> 00:15:41,359
I don't know if a great first move
333
00:15:41,359 --> 00:15:43,778
is to just ignore her advice
and disappear again.
334
00:15:43,778 --> 00:15:46,448
‐ Madison spends
her entire salary on stuff.
335
00:15:46,448 --> 00:15:48,408
It's times like these where you need
to ask yourself,
336
00:15:48,408 --> 00:15:50,619
do you wanna buy the book
or do you wanna be the story?
337
00:15:50,619 --> 00:15:52,579
‐ I wanna be wearing less tops.
338
00:15:52,579 --> 00:15:55,498
‐ We just have one less parka to try on
'cause you don't wanna get to Mount Hotaka
339
00:15:55,498 --> 00:15:57,000
and find out your last layer doesn't fit.
340
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,084
Scoot, scoot.
341
00:16:07,427 --> 00:16:08,762
[phone chimes]
342
00:16:11,806 --> 00:16:14,976
‐ How did the raise go?
Shatter that glass ceiling?
343
00:16:14,976 --> 00:16:18,188
‐ No raise, but definite shattering.
344
00:16:18,855 --> 00:16:20,190
STELLA:
How's it going in there?
345
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,360
‐ Um... it fits. I'm taking it off now.
346
00:16:30,033 --> 00:16:31,618
Uh... Stella?
347
00:16:35,121 --> 00:16:36,706
‐ Give me space, Josh.
348
00:16:36,706 --> 00:16:38,208
‐ You've already tried that, Brendan.
349
00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:40,961
If the mechanism is jammed,
reversing it's only gonna make it worse.
350
00:16:40,961 --> 00:16:42,879
‐ Um... maybe we should just cut it off.
351
00:16:43,421 --> 00:16:45,340
‐ Cut thermal fiber polar tech?
352
00:16:45,340 --> 00:16:48,343
Good luck. Can't compromise
that material with a chainsaw.
353
00:16:48,343 --> 00:16:51,304
‐ Stella, if I die, please don't let them
bury me in this parka.
354
00:16:51,304 --> 00:16:55,392
‐ Hey, Jules, stay calm, okay?
Panic makes the body expand.
355
00:16:55,392 --> 00:16:59,354
‐ All right, everyone stand back.
I'm an Eagle Scout.
356
00:16:59,354 --> 00:17:01,314
‐ We all know you never got
your basketry badge, Brendan.
357
00:17:01,314 --> 00:17:02,566
STELLA:
You guys, please.
358
00:17:02,566 --> 00:17:05,694
Okay? Bringing Brendan down
isn't gonna lift you up, Josh.
359
00:17:05,694 --> 00:17:08,196
‐ I'm literally begging you
to get me out of this coat.
360
00:17:08,196 --> 00:17:11,449
‐ All right, before I do,
I'm gonna need a credit card.
361
00:17:11,449 --> 00:17:13,702
That's 395 plus tax.
362
00:17:13,702 --> 00:17:15,036
‐ What? Are you shitting me?
363
00:17:15,036 --> 00:17:16,621
‐ Oh, do you wanna sign up
for our rewards program?
364
00:17:16,621 --> 00:17:18,623
It won't be 10% off this purchase,
but it will be 10% off‐‐
365
00:17:18,623 --> 00:17:20,542
‐ Just get this off me!
366
00:17:24,713 --> 00:17:26,506
JEREMY: Hey!
‐ [Jules screams]
367
00:17:26,506 --> 00:17:29,426
‐ I like this new thing we're doing
where I enter and you scream.
368
00:17:29,426 --> 00:17:31,261
It's a fun dynamic for us.
369
00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:35,223
Also, did you go on, like,
a really bad ski trip?
370
00:17:35,223 --> 00:17:36,850
‐ What are you doing here?
371
00:17:36,850 --> 00:17:39,561
‐ I don't know.
I just thought I would pop by.
372
00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:41,897
‐ Jeremy.
‐ It's Monday Night Football?
373
00:17:41,897 --> 00:17:44,983
‐ Okay, you've gotta give me a heads‐up
if you're coming over here.
374
00:17:44,983 --> 00:17:47,861
‐ Jules, c'mon,
it's nothing I haven't seen before.
375
00:17:47,861 --> 00:17:50,363
I'm happy to get naked, too,
if that'll make you more comfortable.
376
00:17:50,363 --> 00:17:53,783
‐ Thank you, no. No naked‐‐
naked stuff is done now,
377
00:17:53,783 --> 00:17:56,286
now that you've... unsubscribed.
378
00:17:57,245 --> 00:18:00,081
Look, I get that this is your place,
but you did say I could stay here
379
00:18:00,081 --> 00:18:02,959
till I figured out my next move,
so if that's the case,
380
00:18:02,959 --> 00:18:04,461
there have to be some boundaries.
381
00:18:04,461 --> 00:18:08,882
‐ Okay, I'm sorry. It's just...
I'm driving Ramona crazy. Okay?
382
00:18:08,882 --> 00:18:12,010
‐ Well, I mean, if her coffee table
looks anything like ours,
383
00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:14,638
I could see why.
It's called a Clorox wipe.
384
00:18:14,638 --> 00:18:17,265
‐ She's a total bridezilla basket‐case
with the wedding coming up.
385
00:18:17,265 --> 00:18:18,558
I mean, you know her.
386
00:18:18,558 --> 00:18:21,353
Can I please just stay on the couch
until you leave?
387
00:18:21,353 --> 00:18:22,729
‐ This? Here?
388
00:18:23,605 --> 00:18:25,899
Well... Isn't that gonna be a little,
um...
389
00:18:25,899 --> 00:18:27,150
weird?
390
00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:29,861
‐ Not at all. I mean,
I'm sure you're close to finding a place
391
00:18:29,861 --> 00:18:34,115
and until then we're both mature adults.
It'll be like we're roommates.
392
00:18:34,115 --> 00:18:36,534
You know, just totally platonic roommates.
393
00:18:36,534 --> 00:18:38,536
♪
394
00:18:44,292 --> 00:18:45,835
See you later, roomie.
395
00:18:49,965 --> 00:18:52,133
[sports commentary playing softly]
396
00:18:57,138 --> 00:18:58,390
[phone chimes]
397
00:19:03,645 --> 00:19:05,689
JEREMY:
Hey, Juju, did I leave my phone in there?
398
00:19:07,691 --> 00:19:08,984
‐ [softly] Yes.
399
00:19:09,734 --> 00:19:11,027
Yes, you did.
400
00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:20,829
ALISON B: Jules, listen, on my
yoga teacher's honeymoon in Thailand,
401
00:19:20,829 --> 00:19:23,081
her and her husband
accidentally killed a baby elephant
402
00:19:23,081 --> 00:19:24,457
with their Jeep convertible.
403
00:19:24,457 --> 00:19:27,002
‐ Oh God, why would you tell me that?
404
00:19:27,002 --> 00:19:28,587
‐ I was trying to think of something
405
00:19:28,587 --> 00:19:30,380
that was almost as bad
as your meeting with Celeste.
406
00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:31,923
I'm making you feel better.
407
00:19:31,923 --> 00:19:33,758
‐ [sighs] Thanks.
408
00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:36,803
I had temporarily suspended
being upset about the Celeste thing
409
00:19:36,803 --> 00:19:40,640
so I could be upset that my ex‐boyfriend
wants to be "platonic roommates."
410
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,351
‐ [both gasp]
‐ He cannot treat you like that.
411
00:19:43,351 --> 00:19:45,020
You should dump him.
‐ Mm‐hmm.
412
00:19:45,020 --> 00:19:46,563
‐ He dumped me a week ago.
413
00:19:46,563 --> 00:19:48,857
‐ See? Look at you
sticking up for yourself.
414
00:19:48,857 --> 00:19:51,067
And we have salad.
See you out there.
415
00:19:53,028 --> 00:19:55,322
‐ I'll catch up with you guys.
416
00:19:55,322 --> 00:19:59,409
Um... We haven't gotten
to talk one‐on‐one yet since I told you...
417
00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:00,535
my shame.
418
00:20:00,535 --> 00:20:02,913
‐ Yeah, sorry, Alis‐‐ Eh...
419
00:20:02,913 --> 00:20:04,164
Izzy.
420
00:20:04,164 --> 00:20:05,749
It's just been a really long week.
421
00:20:05,749 --> 00:20:07,417
‐ Kind of makes you want
to change your name
422
00:20:07,417 --> 00:20:09,794
and live under
a totally different identity, right?
423
00:20:09,794 --> 00:20:11,880
I'm just kidding, don't do that.
It's actually really hard.
424
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,798
‐ [scoffs] I have to move out
of my ex's place,
425
00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:15,634
but when I went
to my girlfriends for advice,
426
00:20:15,634 --> 00:20:19,012
they disagreed and it caused
this huge war between them.
427
00:20:19,012 --> 00:20:21,139
‐ Well, consider me the United Nations
428
00:20:21,139 --> 00:20:24,184
because I'm here to bring
international peace.
429
00:20:24,184 --> 00:20:26,853
And also because
people don't take me seriously.
430
00:20:26,853 --> 00:20:31,233
But, for realsies, I have an extra bedroom
and you can totally stay with me.
431
00:20:31,233 --> 00:20:32,901
Like a trial run.
432
00:20:32,901 --> 00:20:36,112
‐ Really? That might be perfect.
433
00:20:36,112 --> 00:20:38,198
I wouldn't have to pick anyone's advice
if I got a roommate.
434
00:20:38,198 --> 00:20:39,908
‐ Motion approved.
435
00:20:39,908 --> 00:20:42,285
That's a Model U. N. thing.
436
00:20:42,285 --> 00:20:43,328
[chuckles]
437
00:20:43,828 --> 00:20:45,413
So this is it.
438
00:20:45,413 --> 00:20:47,707
Welcome to Chez Izz.
439
00:20:47,707 --> 00:20:49,209
Also my bat mitzvah theme.
440
00:20:49,209 --> 00:20:51,545
It was basically "A Night in Paris,"
very classy.
441
00:20:51,545 --> 00:20:53,880
And, yes, I will show you
the DVD in bed later.
442
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,632
‐ It's great.
443
00:20:55,632 --> 00:20:57,759
Do you think it'd be okay
if I just grabbed a shower?
444
00:20:57,759 --> 00:20:59,844
I really need to wash this day off me.
445
00:20:59,844 --> 00:21:02,097
‐ Oh, my God, of course.
Just right down the hall.
446
00:21:03,431 --> 00:21:05,725
All the towels in there are clean.
I just did laundry.
447
00:21:05,725 --> 00:21:07,394
Domestic. Wife material.
448
00:21:07,394 --> 00:21:09,271
Marry me, someone, anyone.
449
00:21:09,271 --> 00:21:10,605
[chuckles]
450
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,402
♪
451
00:21:19,990 --> 00:21:21,908
IZZY:
Pretty good water pressure, right?
452
00:21:23,535 --> 00:21:27,122
‐ Oh, um...
I thought I closed the door.
453
00:21:27,122 --> 00:21:30,709
‐ Oh, did you want it closed?
I'm so sorry.
454
00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:33,753
I'm making you a post‐rinse face mask.
455
00:21:37,841 --> 00:21:40,468
Okay, this is amazing.
We're basically like the Olsen twins,
456
00:21:40,468 --> 00:21:42,304
and, um, before you say anything,
457
00:21:42,304 --> 00:21:45,056
it is very important to me
that I be Ashley.
458
00:21:45,056 --> 00:21:46,266
[phone chimes]
459
00:21:46,266 --> 00:21:49,060
‐ Ooh. Izzy, is this supposed to tingle?
460
00:21:49,060 --> 00:21:50,145
[phone chimes]
461
00:21:50,145 --> 00:21:52,731
‐ Yeah, it's activated charcoal,
that means it's working.
462
00:21:52,731 --> 00:21:53,732
[phone chimes]
463
00:21:53,732 --> 00:21:55,817
Hi, popular.
Do you want me to check it?
464
00:21:55,817 --> 00:21:58,153
‐ Oh, no, no, that's okay.
‐ Madison's texting you.
465
00:21:58,403 --> 00:22:01,364
‐ I was being totally reasonable
the other day at brunch, right?
466
00:22:01,364 --> 00:22:03,033
‐ Oooh, what brunch?
467
00:22:03,033 --> 00:22:04,826
‐ Oh, when her and Stella were fighting?
468
00:22:04,826 --> 00:22:06,953
‐ "When you and Stella were fighting?"
Send.
469
00:22:06,953 --> 00:22:08,955
‐ Wait, send? What do you mean, send?
470
00:22:08,955 --> 00:22:11,166
‐ We weren't fighting!
Did she say we were fighting?
471
00:22:11,166 --> 00:22:14,794
Tell me what she said.
‐ Hey, J, has Madison texted you about me?
472
00:22:14,794 --> 00:22:17,130
‐ Is that Stella?
‐ What should I say back?
473
00:22:17,130 --> 00:22:20,175
‐ I just felt like she was kind of harsh
at brunch, you know what I'm saying?
474
00:22:20,175 --> 00:22:23,470
Like, I'm a person,
I'm allowed to have my feelings hurt.
475
00:22:23,470 --> 00:22:25,972
‐ I don't know what to say,
shouldn't she be telling this to Madison?
476
00:22:25,972 --> 00:22:27,807
‐ Good idea. Send.
477
00:22:27,807 --> 00:22:29,309
‐ Wait, send? Wh‐what send?
478
00:22:29,309 --> 00:22:31,561
‐ Harsh? She thinks I'm being harsh?
479
00:22:31,561 --> 00:22:33,605
‐ Did you just say something to Madison?
480
00:22:33,605 --> 00:22:35,565
She just asked me to return
a pair of kitten heels
481
00:22:35,565 --> 00:22:37,525
I borrowed from her
like six years ago.
482
00:22:37,525 --> 00:22:39,486
‐ Izzy, what did you do?
Ow, ow, ow!
483
00:22:39,486 --> 00:22:42,614
Oh, my God, ow!
Blind, stinging, it is multiplying.
484
00:22:42,614 --> 00:22:46,284
‐ Don't worry, I just sent Madison
the screen shot of what Stella told you.
485
00:22:46,284 --> 00:22:47,577
‐ You did what?
486
00:22:47,577 --> 00:22:51,373
No, no, Izzy, I... I just meant that they
should be working this out directly.
487
00:22:51,373 --> 00:22:54,334
‐ Oh, okay. Send.
488
00:22:54,793 --> 00:22:57,754
‐ Why the fuck did you just put
the three of us in a group text?
489
00:22:57,754 --> 00:23:01,341
‐ I'm confused, what does
martini emoji, tree emoji mean?
490
00:23:01,341 --> 00:23:03,009
‐ Izzy!
‐ No, no, no.
491
00:23:03,009 --> 00:23:05,011
Olive... branch.
492
00:23:05,011 --> 00:23:07,722
Get it?
We're, like, such peacemakers.
493
00:23:07,722 --> 00:23:08,890
‐ Oh, my God.
494
00:23:08,890 --> 00:23:11,017
‐ Um, hello?
‐ What's going on?
495
00:23:11,017 --> 00:23:12,477
‐ Jules!
‐ Jules?
496
00:23:12,477 --> 00:23:14,396
‐ Jules?
‐ Give me my phone!
497
00:23:15,188 --> 00:23:16,982
[groans]
498
00:23:16,982 --> 00:23:18,650
Oh, God!
499
00:23:18,650 --> 00:23:21,111
‐ Hey, do you know where
the Apple TV remote is?
500
00:23:23,154 --> 00:23:24,406
Never mind, found it.
501
00:23:24,823 --> 00:23:25,907
[scoffs]
502
00:23:27,409 --> 00:23:29,119
[indistinct announcements
over loudspeaker]
503
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,037
‐ It's just a strained ankle. You'll live.
504
00:23:31,037 --> 00:23:32,330
Let me go grab you some crutches.
505
00:23:32,330 --> 00:23:33,415
‐ Thank you.
506
00:23:35,250 --> 00:23:36,835
‐ I feel like this is my fault.
507
00:23:36,835 --> 00:23:38,420
I'm gonna find you a mask.
508
00:23:38,420 --> 00:23:41,339
The last thing you need
on top of this sprain is bird flu.
509
00:23:41,339 --> 00:23:42,841
‐ Izzy, it's okay. [sighs]
510
00:23:44,634 --> 00:23:47,137
I just don't understand
how I got seen so quickly.
511
00:23:47,137 --> 00:23:48,805
There's like a hundred people
in that waiting room
512
00:23:48,805 --> 00:23:50,515
and one of them's holding
their own finger.
513
00:23:50,515 --> 00:23:52,434
‐ Jules, that was not his finger.
514
00:23:53,393 --> 00:23:55,478
‐ Look, it's not a big deal.
I know someone at the hospital.
515
00:23:55,478 --> 00:23:56,521
‐ Know someone or paid someone?
516
00:23:56,521 --> 00:23:58,607
‐ Okay, let's not start this again
right now.
517
00:23:58,607 --> 00:24:00,942
‐ What? She wants me to stop,
she'll just slip me a twenty.
518
00:24:00,942 --> 00:24:03,153
‐ Really?
‐ Stella, that's not fair.
519
00:24:03,153 --> 00:24:05,864
‐ [softly] Thank you.
‐ But if you did pay someone off,
520
00:24:05,864 --> 00:24:07,532
I will pay you back,
probably in instalments
521
00:24:07,532 --> 00:24:09,367
'cause I don't know how much bribes cost.
522
00:24:09,367 --> 00:24:11,953
‐ I didn't pay anyone off, okay?
I'm dating someone.
523
00:24:12,537 --> 00:24:14,122
I'm dating someone who works here.
524
00:24:14,122 --> 00:24:17,292
‐ Wait. You're dating someone?
‐ Who?
525
00:24:17,292 --> 00:24:18,960
‐ One of my mom's doctors.
526
00:24:20,003 --> 00:24:22,464
When she was sick, we got close
and, I don't know, it just happened.
527
00:24:22,464 --> 00:24:23,757
‐ Why didn't you tell us?
528
00:24:23,757 --> 00:24:26,718
‐ Because it's new and complicated
and sometimes you don't want your friends
529
00:24:26,718 --> 00:24:27,969
weighing in with all their opinions,
530
00:24:27,969 --> 00:24:30,222
especially when you've got
a gut feeling about something.
531
00:24:30,222 --> 00:24:32,140
‐ A gut feeling?
MADISON: Yeah.
532
00:24:32,140 --> 00:24:34,184
‐ I had a gut feeling
about where I should live
533
00:24:34,184 --> 00:24:36,144
and you told me
I was gonna get murdered.
534
00:24:36,144 --> 00:24:38,230
And you tried to ship me
to a monkey tundra,
535
00:24:38,230 --> 00:24:40,023
and you sat in the bathroom
while I showered,
536
00:24:40,023 --> 00:24:42,943
and, I'm sorry, but I really don't
think you're well‐suited for a roommate.
537
00:24:42,943 --> 00:24:44,569
‐ If I'm not well‐suited for a roommate,
538
00:24:44,569 --> 00:24:48,156
then why have I had eight
in the last three months?
539
00:24:48,156 --> 00:24:51,076
‐ [scoffs] God, you know what?
This isn't any of your faults.
540
00:24:51,076 --> 00:24:53,620
This is my fault.
This is what's wrong with me.
541
00:24:53,620 --> 00:24:56,748
Other people know how to run their lives
and take advice and have friends
542
00:24:56,748 --> 00:24:58,708
and for some reason, I can't.
543
00:24:58,708 --> 00:25:01,127
‐ Jules‐‐
‐ I can't ask for a raise,
544
00:25:01,127 --> 00:25:04,047
I can't group text,
I can't even go to a goddamn brunch
545
00:25:04,047 --> 00:25:07,050
without ruining things to the point
that makes you two hate each other.
546
00:25:07,050 --> 00:25:09,803
No wonder I hid away with Jeremy
for so many years.
547
00:25:09,803 --> 00:25:11,221
I'm never gonna figure out how to do this.
548
00:25:11,221 --> 00:25:14,891
I need to just accept that we'd all be
better off if I was completely alone.
549
00:25:14,891 --> 00:25:16,142
IZZY:
Oww!
550
00:25:16,142 --> 00:25:20,313
Aah! I hope that needle was clean.
Do you think it was?
551
00:25:20,939 --> 00:25:23,108
‐ Whoa, babe,
is that really what you think?
552
00:25:23,108 --> 00:25:26,111
‐ No one would be better off that way.
And we don't hate each other.
553
00:25:26,111 --> 00:25:29,281
That's insane. We fight like this
because we love each other.
554
00:25:29,281 --> 00:25:31,116
I'm actually scary nice
to the people I hate.
555
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,745
‐ Here's your crutches.
‐ Thank you so very much.
556
00:25:37,414 --> 00:25:39,791
‐ Like that woman should be terrified.
We're fine.
557
00:25:39,791 --> 00:25:41,877
We're going for a fro‐yo after this
and all will be forgiven.
558
00:25:41,877 --> 00:25:45,088
‐ Exactly. And in terms of you
being alone, it's not happening.
559
00:25:45,088 --> 00:25:46,298
We are not going anywhere.
560
00:25:48,133 --> 00:25:50,010
‐ Okay, well, if you're really not
going anywhere,
561
00:25:50,010 --> 00:25:51,553
then I can just be honest.
562
00:25:52,679 --> 00:25:56,141
I don't want an aspirational apartment
and I don't want to travel.
563
00:25:56,141 --> 00:25:58,476
I think I just want to live
in that place from Craigslist
564
00:25:58,476 --> 00:25:59,895
and figure this out for myself.
565
00:25:59,895 --> 00:26:03,440
‐ Yes, girl. Ask for advice, then do what
you were gonna do the whole time anyways.
566
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,443
‐ Congratulations,
you're officially a human girl.
567
00:26:07,152 --> 00:26:08,737
IZZY:
Ooh, how about this?
568
00:26:08,737 --> 00:26:11,323
Do you want some "Oxycontin"?
569
00:26:12,949 --> 00:26:15,118
I feel like this drawer should be locked.
570
00:26:15,702 --> 00:26:19,414
‐ So when the ad said,
"vintage furniture and antique charm"?
571
00:26:19,414 --> 00:26:23,084
‐ Yep, all these antiques belonged
to Nana right until the day she died.
572
00:26:23,084 --> 00:26:24,377
Right on that couch.
573
00:26:24,377 --> 00:26:26,379
‐ Ohh!
‐ Now that she's gone,
574
00:26:26,379 --> 00:26:28,131
we're just looking for a renter.
575
00:26:28,131 --> 00:26:31,384
The guest house has its own entrance
so you'll be totally independent.
576
00:26:31,384 --> 00:26:32,969
[gasps] Speaking of independent,
577
00:26:32,969 --> 00:26:36,681
Nana's bathroom set‐up is perfect
for someone in your condition.
578
00:26:41,102 --> 00:26:43,396
‐ Oh. [laughs]
579
00:26:43,855 --> 00:26:47,901
"Accessible floorplan." Yeah.
Well, that makes sense now.
580
00:26:47,901 --> 00:26:51,363
‐ She's yours today if you want her.
You ready to be out of your old place?
581
00:26:52,113 --> 00:26:55,909
KESHA: ♪ I buy my own things
I pay my own bills ♪
582
00:26:55,909 --> 00:26:59,704
♪ These diamond rings, my automobiles ♪
583
00:26:59,704 --> 00:27:02,040
♪ Everything I got, I bought it ♪
584
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,210
♪ Boys can't buy my love ♪
585
00:27:05,210 --> 00:27:06,545
♪ Buy my love ♪
586
00:27:06,545 --> 00:27:09,589
♪ I'm a motherfucking woman, baby ♪
587
00:27:09,589 --> 00:27:11,258
♪ All right ♪
588
00:27:11,258 --> 00:27:14,970
♪ I don't need a man
to be holding me too tight ♪
589
00:27:14,970 --> 00:27:19,349
♪ I'm a motherfucking woman, baby
that's right ♪
590
00:27:19,349 --> 00:27:23,395
♪ I'm just having fun with my ladies
here tonight ♪
591
00:27:23,395 --> 00:27:24,854
♪ I'm a motherfucker ♪
592
00:27:25,981 --> 00:27:28,900
♪ Whoo! Yeah! ♪
593
00:27:30,443 --> 00:27:33,530
♪ Whoo! Mm, yeah ♪
594
00:27:33,530 --> 00:27:35,615
♪ I do what I want ♪
595
00:27:35,615 --> 00:27:37,659
♪ Say what you say ♪
596
00:27:37,659 --> 00:27:40,036
♪ I work real hard every day ♪
597
00:27:40,036 --> 00:27:43,123
♪ I'm a motherfucking woman, baby ♪
598
00:27:43,123 --> 00:27:44,666
♪ That's right ♪
599
00:27:44,666 --> 00:27:48,378
♪ I'm just having fun
with my ladies here tonight ♪
600
00:27:48,378 --> 00:27:50,046
♪ I'm a motherfucker ♪
601
00:27:50,964 --> 00:27:52,215
♪ Oooh, whoa ♪
602
00:27:52,799 --> 00:27:54,217
♪ Oooh, whoa ♪
603
00:27:54,885 --> 00:27:57,095
♪ Oooh, whoa ♪
604
00:27:57,095 --> 00:27:59,264
‐ The tchotchkes are fun.
605
00:27:59,264 --> 00:28:03,894
‐ Yeah, no, I know this place has
some unexpected charm, but it's mine.
606
00:28:04,644 --> 00:28:06,688
‐ Well, I personally love it.
607
00:28:06,688 --> 00:28:07,856
‐ We're really proud of you.
608
00:28:07,856 --> 00:28:09,900
‐ Yeah. Totally get you don't need
our help.
609
00:28:12,485 --> 00:28:13,904
[Madison clears throat]
610
00:28:13,904 --> 00:28:15,155
‐ Okay, fine.
611
00:28:15,155 --> 00:28:19,659
‐ Okay, the wallpaper has got to go...
‐ [all speaking at once]
612
00:28:22,913 --> 00:28:24,289
‐ Look at termite...
613
00:28:24,289 --> 00:28:26,666
[all speaking at once]
614
00:28:29,419 --> 00:28:32,839
WILSON PICKETT:
♪ It's too late ♪
615
00:28:32,839 --> 00:28:36,676
♪ For tears ♪
616
00:28:36,676 --> 00:28:38,762
♪ Honey, it's too late ♪
617
00:28:40,222 --> 00:28:43,016
♪ Too late to cry ♪
618
00:28:43,683 --> 00:28:47,229
♪ Oh, but it's too late ♪
619
00:28:47,854 --> 00:28:50,815
♪ Oh, for begging me, baby ♪
620
00:28:50,815 --> 00:28:53,360
♪ Honey, it's too late ♪
621
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,111
♪ Too late ♪
622
00:28:55,111 --> 00:28:57,280
♪ To cry ♪
623
00:29:00,367 --> 00:29:02,827
♪ Now that you need me, darling... ♪