♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
♪ (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Hey!
KERRY CASTELLABATE: Hi, how are you?
- Good to see you. - CONNOR ROY: Oh, here's the old man.
'Kay.
Here he is.
Looks good in there, huh?
LOGAN ROY: Mm.
CONNOR: Happy birthday, Pa.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
ROMAN ROY: Yeah, let's-- let's move on
and put this in the-- in the "no" pile.
Can you tell me your idea with this one? Just so I know
what the thinking was behind this branding?
- CONSULTANT 1: Yeah. - KENDALL ROY: (IN SING-SONG VOICE) Oh, Romey!
CONSULTANT 2: Yeah, this is another we've got.
- KENDALL: Where are you, dude? - ROMAN: It's my brother, he's coming.
Let's put a pin in this one and move on.
KENDALL: Let a thousand sunflowers bloom, Romey.
- I wanna start a business with you, brother. - ROMAN: Oy, oy?
- KENDALL: What's up, T? - ROMAN: Um, this is...
There's-- This is, uh, nothing. So, yeah, no.
- Right, fuckchops? - KENDALL: Hey, guys. Right, how we looking?
DESIGNER 1: This is one that we feel could work across every vertical...
- No. - ROMAN: No, that's...
- KENDALL: No. - That's a no. That's a hard no.
In terms of what we need for our new venture, The Hundred,
- they're-- they're... - ROMAN: They're shitty.
- DESIGNER 2: Okay. - KENDALL: They're-- they're shitty.
- They're shitty. We can just be honest here, right? - DESIGNER 2: Sure.
KENDALL: The Hundred is Substack meets Masterclass,
meets The Economist, meets The New Yorker.
- DESIGNER 1: Right. - I feel like we said iconic and you guys are leaning ironic.
- Hey, T! - ROMAN: Well, fucking don't patronize me. Hey!
- SHIV ROY: I think the money is here. - Oh, shit.
And, Rome, I think your security are being very weird with them.
They're-- They seem stupid and probably racist.
Uh-huh. Well, you look tired,
and your face is giving me a headache.
SHIV: Oh, thank you.
ROMAN: So, where have you been, sis?
- What do you mean? Hey! - (SMOOCHES)
- Where have you been? - Uh, it was traffic. And a call.
- ROMAN: Hmm! - Business. For this.
- It's a good contact. - DESIGNER 2: Look, uh, guys,
- this is good feedback-- - ROMAN: Yeah, we're gonna circle back
on exactly all that stuff and we'll talk to you soon.
See you... later.
- So, traffic, huh? - Yeah, traffic. What?
Shivy, are you snaking?
We hear that you've been talking to the Jimenez transition team.
Well, no.
- ROMAN: Oh, no? No? - No.
Okay, so it's lies that our friend told us?
They're lying to us?
Well, I've talked to them,
but it's because I'm helping them out, as you already know.
Okay, so you-- you are talking?
SHIV: No.
I returned a call. They wanna, you know, talk about talking.
KENDALL: Oh, they wanna talk about talking.
What? Come on. They haven't won the election,
and they might not, and Dad might not sell,
and you two might bail,
and it's a maybe, maybe, maybe situation.
Well, Dad is obviously selling.
We're looking at fucking logos here.
I-- I drafted a resignation statement
- from Waystar, so... - Yeah, same. I...
This is just a big step, and so, can't we keep some options?
KENDALL: Keep options open?
We're two days out from Dad selling.
Here's the thing. Here's what you have to understand.
(SMACKS LIPS) I've smoked horse.
- Yeah. He's scared of needles. - KENDALL: It's really,
- really, really fucking nice. - He's not a real junkie. Mm-hmm.
And, you know, I need something super fucking absorbing
in my life. And if it isn't gonna be this,
please just let me know, right?
Because I-- I-- I feel like I've been flying
around the country,
having serious fucking conversations
with serious people,
expending serious personal capital,
and getting big fucking names on board.
- Yeah, same. Me, too. - KENDALL: I know. That's right.
Yeah, so we've all been doing that.
Are you worried that this is maybe too small-scale?
- What? No. No, do you? - ROMAN: Me? No!
My only worry with The Hundred is,
is it literally too good?
- Like, why hasn't anyone done this before? - SHIV: Sure.
I am in.
I'm in. I am.
ROMAN: Okay.
GUESTS: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Logan ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- (ALL CHEERING, APPLAUDING) - Thank you.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - ♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING IN BACKGROUND) ♪
Jesus fucking Christ.
(SIGHS)
- (ELEVATOR DINGING) - KERRY: You okay, Loge?
(ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS)
Munsters. Meet the fucking Munsters.
(ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSES)
Who the fuck is this now?
- So, I guess we should... - Hi, hi. Welcome.
- Welcome, Greg. And? - GREG HIRSCH: Hey. Hey, Kerry.
This is, uh, Bridget. Bridget, this is Kerry.
- Logan's... - Friend, assistant, and advisor.
Friend, assistant, and advisor.
- Hey, I'm Bridget. - Hi, Bridget.
So great to meet you. Um, Greg,
let me and you grab Bridget a drink.
- Yeah? - GREG: Oh, yeah?
Okay. So, excuse us, Bridget.
- GREG: All right. - (CLEARS THROAT)
I'm sorry, we'll be right back.
- BRIDGET: Okay. It's okay. - Yeah.
- Make yourself at home. - Don't worry about it.
- Who is this, Greg? - That's my date.
Uh-huh. Right, but who is she?
I brought a date. That's okay, right?
What's her name? What's her full name?
- Bridget... - Is it Random-fuck?
Bridget Random-fuck?
- You know-- - KERRY: Is she from the apps, Greg?
I really like her. I-- I might've fallen for her.
KERRY: Oh, that's great.
How many previous dates have you had?
Um, Kerry. I-- You know, I'm not--
I'm not sure this is appropriate.
We're not a fucking Shake Shack, Greg.
This isn't a pre-fuck party. It's a birthday party.
And...
I am a cousin. I get a plus one.
- I'm-- I'm like an honorary kid. - Oh, you're an honorary kid?
Yeah. I mean Marcia once said
- that I was always welcome-- - KERRY: Oh, Marcia's not here.
She's in Milan, shopping, forever.
You do know that-- that we're in the middle
of a very hotly contested election,
your uncle's on the break of a very large sale,
and scoping out a very sensitive acquisition?
Yeah? So, are you certain
that she's not gonna leak details
right before the board meeting?
Do you know she's not a hostile corporate asset?
- Okay, so, we're looking for investment partners... - I think that's good.
...for a revolutionary new media brand
that's gonna redefine news for the 21st century.
It's an indispensable, bespoke information hub.
Then I go, "The hundred greatest experts,
best writers, top minds in every field
from Israel-Palestine to AI
- to Michelin restaurants." - (CELL PHONE BUZZING)
KENDALL: "One-stop info shop,
- high-calorie info snacks." - I'm sorry, I've gotta...
- I'm just gonna take this. - ROMAN: Oh, you're taking a call?
- Okay, all right. Take it. - KENDALL: Info parcels...
- Info parcels or info snacks? - ROMAN: None of those make sense.
- Hello. - Hey.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - How are you?
Good. How are you? What is it?
Yeah, I was just calling,
just to give you a heads-up and just to say hi,
and, um, just to say, just to let you know
that I just had a little drink with Naomi Pierce last night.
Just in case of anything,
I just wanted to, uh, inform you.
Uh, I'm sorry. You're... Hmm.
You're informing me?
No, I just wanted to perform the ask, um,
out of due deference.
Uh, just in case of photos or getting talked about or--
No, I'm sorry. You're-- you're-- you're asking me,
or you're informing me?
Shiv, it's not a thing. It's not a thing.
SHIV: So, then why are you letting me know?
Because it's not business.
- But it is-- it is, uh... - SHIV: You know what? It's fine.
It's fine. You're dating my brother's ex.
(CHUCKLES) It's fine.
Shiv, no. It's not-- It's a social-- It's social.
It's not a sexual thing.
You know? So, there's nothing I need to tell you about.
SHIV: And yet, you are telling me.
Because I bumped into Marlinda, okay?
And, of course, she got her little beak in,
so I had to tell her it wasn't business
because she asked, okay? So, the headline is
there's nothing to worry about.
- Okay? - SHIV: You know what? It's fine.
It's all fucking fine. Seriously. Knock yourself out.
Go fucking nail her in the coat check.
I don't care. The kid from St. Paul has really made it.
I just thought, under the terms of what we agreed,
this was something worth discussing.
SHIV: You don't discuss something,
Tom, that's already fucking happening.
You don't say like, "Hey, Shiv!
Do you mind, uh, Naomi and I are at the Pierre
and I'm inside her. Would you mind if I ejaculate?"
- Whatever. Whatever. Fine. Fine. - (CAR HORN BLARING)
And look, I saw from the calendar update,
you're back in the city tonight?
Yeah. So...
why the fuck are you meeting with her? What's going on?
Take care, Shiv.
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Another one is, it's like a private members club,
but for everyone.
It is like clickbait in a way, but for, like, smart people, no?
Right, and, uh, and then we have the ethos of a non-profit,
but a path to crazy margins.
- Shiv, you-- Shiv, you okay? - Yeah.
- You sure? - No, it's fine. I'm fine.
It's just, you know,
Tom's apparently out with Naomi Pierce.
- Did you know about this? - KENDALL: Um.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- N-- Wh-- What, what? No. - Where are you at with her?
(KENDALL EXHALES SHARPLY) I don't know, like,
carnival of mind fuck? I don't know. It's...
We haven't really talked.
Well, apparently, she's fucking Tom now, so...
Um, can I-- can I go get them?
SHIV: Yeah. I'm fine. I'm actually fine.
Yeah, I mean he's not...
I...
It was just a meeting, apparently, so...
(INHALES DEEPLY)
It's fine. Let's do this.
Um, yeah? Do you...
Uh, T, do you think they can just give us two?
I mean, it's fine,
but they just got off a long flight, so--
Just tell them they can shove their petrodollars
up their human rights record, okay?
We need to talk to our sister.
Yeah, yeah. They're fine. They're fine. They love it.
Jess, find them a journalist to burn with cigarettes
- while they wait, or whatever they do. - (CHUCKLES) Well, I'll just...
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Okay.
- KENDALL: Shiv, is it a date? - (SIGHS, GROANS)
- KENDALL: Or what is it? - I don't... (BLOWS RASPBERRIES)
I don't know. I mean, honestly, it probably isn't, but...
I mean, Naomi?
Pierce?
- Dad? - KENDALL: Pierce is...
ROMAN: With Dad? You think what?
KENDALL: Right, so from my team, I got sent this.
Apparently, Bun Pierce
has been tagged on some girl's Insta at Dad's.
At Dad's?
- ROMAN: Today? - KENDALL: At the birthday.
- SHIV: What? - Um...
- KENDALL: So... - Okay.
Well, board meeting, imminent.
He sells up, but with ATN spun off?
SHIV: So...
What? He's-- he's-- he's lining up
a Pierce acquisition to add to his little fucking ATN rump?
- ROMAN: No... - I guess.
Or, you know, it could just be a brain fuck.
Dad twisting our turnips, playing the old fuck trombone.
Right, set Tom and Nay up to just torture us.
(CHUCKLING) Set them up to torture us?
- ROMAN: Yeah. - I mean...
He's a sociopath,
but he wouldn't be a good torturer.
Not 'cause he doesn't have the stomach,
but he just doesn't have the patience.
- (ROMAN CHUCKLES) - I'm gonna call Nay.
- ROMAN: Um, uh, Telly? - CYRUS TELLIS: Yeah?
Telly, jelly, belly.
- One query. - KENDALL: Nay...
Pierce. PGN. What's the, uh, vibes?
Ye ole rhumbatron?
- KENDALL: Can you call me? - Are they in play?
Uh, well, I know they're always open to offers,
and the sale contingent on the trust is itchy,
I believe.
Should I call Nabby through?
Five more. Please. Just give us five.
Okay, yeah.
(QUIETLY) Of course.
- (FOOTSTEPS RECEDING) - (ROMAN CLICKS TONGUE)
- Fuck. - WILLA FERREYRA: Hey. Hey. You okay, Con?
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Oh, yeah. Yeah. Um...
Just polling, uh, and, yeah. Ten days out and...
Nice. What-- what do you have now?
- Solid. Still holding. - Yeah, one percent.
It's just the fear is, in these last days...
(INHALES DEEPLY) ...uh, it could get squeezed.
- Squeezed down? - WILLA: Mm-hmm.
From one? 'Cause that's the lowest number possible.
Uh, no. There's, you know, decimals.
You know, they're saying that I could need
to get aggressive in certain media markets
because both sides are trying to squeeze my percent.
- (SCOFFS) - That's greedy,
knowing they have all the other percents.
I know, but then...
it gets awfully spendy to get aggressive.
Like, how much?
- Like another 100 mil. - One hundred million? Damn.
Wow.
I mean, and-- So, what would you get for that?
- I mean, could you win? - (CHUCKLES) Good Lord, no.
No, no. Uh, that won't move the needle, no.
Uh, the hope is that would maintain--
maintain my percent.
Okay, and for your percent you get?
He gets a place in the conversation.
GREG: Which is great.
'Cause conversation's important to be inside of.
- Mm-hmm. - But it is kind of a lot.
- Right, Will? - A hundred million?
I mean, well, yeah. Mm-hmm.
But if you spent it, you'd still be...
- you know, like, rich. - Oh, sure.
- Sure. Yeah. Yeah. - (CHUCKLES)
Nevertheless, like, minus a hundred million.
...when it comes to this new venture with GoJo. And if you talk to Matsson, consider...
- Right. Thank you. - GUEST: Yes, sir.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - ♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
So...
Looks good.
- We squared away on this? - Yeah. Got the structure.
Got the landing zone. (INHALES SHARPLY)
Naomi thinks that Nan has lost all interest in the business.
The Left are going after them now.
(GROANS) Savages.
- They eat their own. - Yeah. The cousins want out.
So, I think, uh, a last push on price, maybe.
A little tummy tickle on culture. And, uh, yeah.
Naomi's flown out to reassure.
- Uh-huh. - Yeah. So, this is it.
You landed the plane, Logan. Forty-eight hours and out.
Congratulations. (CHUCKLES)
Have you heard from the, uh, rats?
Shiv?
No.
Good.
One thing has been on my mind though, sir.
- Mm-hmm. - Yes, um...
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Well, with one thing and another and, you know,
I'm sure we'll iron it all out, but the rocky, old road of life,
um, and the wife part of that can be a difficult part of it.
As you know. (CHUCKLES)
Not to comment, just to say...
Just to say it would be great to get your take.
You know, hopefully, it won't come to that,
but... (INHALES SHARPLY)
...in the end, if there is just too much
emotional, um, shrapnel,
I-- I wondered what your view would be.
Not that you necessarily need to have one, but...
what would happen were a marriage, such as mine,
and, you know, even in fact mine,
uh, if that were to falter to the point of failure?
If you and Shiv were to bust up?
Right.
I guess, you know, Shiv and I have had this experiment,
this trial separation, but-- but whatever happens, you know,
- we'll always be good, right? - If we're good, we're good.
Okay. Well, that's heartening.
That's-- that's heartening.
I'm heartened by that. That's great.
Kerry, where's the grub, huh?
Tom's going off his nut here.
- (CHUCKLES) - KERRY: Oh.
(BREATHES DEEPLY) So, you two are thinking
we should be buying Pierce, huh?
Because that's obviously what you're thinking,
and let me just say,
that's quite the fucking pivot!
Right.
You may be thinking, "What about The Hundred?"
Maybe, fuck The Hundred?
- KENDALL: Maybe. - ROMAN: Fuck The Hundred, Shiv?
After Dubai, you were high as shit on it.
- It was basically your idea. - I love it. I do.
- ROMAN: You do? - Yes, but can't we do both?
- Can't we do both? Okay, yeah. - SHIV: Yeah.
Let's launch a high-visibility,
execution-dependent, disruptor news brand
while simultaneously performing CPR
on a fucking corpse of a legacy media conglomerate.
Should we ask Tellis, the bankers?
Yes. Let's ask Tellis. I wonder what he's gonna say.
We'll say, "Hey, Telly, would you rather five million
in fees from a funding round,
or 35 million from an acquisition?" Hmm.
I thought we were going for The Hundred.
- Small, new, fast on our feet. - Are you scared of fighting Dad?
ROMAN: Am I scared of fighting-- No, Ken.
It's just that's getting fucking old.
You spent the last three months hunting down,
you know, contributors, backers, right?
- Working your fucking ass off. - Look, I don't have a view.
All I would say is, maybe it's worth the conversation.
All right, it is our wheelhouse.
It's a Daimler that's been in the barn for 20 years.
Clear the chicken shit off that thing, fucking maybe.
Okay. But can we even afford it?
Yeah, I mean, what, it's-- it's half now,
so that's like eight, nine bil.
And after the GoJo sale, that's--
- We'll have two, three bil... - KENDALL: Three.
...so, yeah, that's our nut.
KENDALL: Hey, if we partner up,
with our name, with these fucks here,
some other pieces of shit? Our experience?
Shiv, the yummy, dummy Demmy,
my profile as the fearless fighter of the good fight,
you as the dirty, little fucker...
- ROMAN: He really knows himself. - ...pushing the filth buttons.
I mean, I think-- Yeah, new gen Roys.
We have a fucking song to sing.
- I mean, as a business, it's-- - (ROMAN CLEARING THROAT)
It's much better than the made-up company
of dreams we were ready to pitch.
- Fuck you. You fucking... You loved it! - SHIV: No!
- SHIV: What? I do. - You did.
I do. It's very exciting.
- But it's kinda bullshit. - (ROMAN CHUCKLES)
- Rome, it is. - (ROMAN SNORTING)
It's just, I wanna do something. It's--
We have a seminal election about to happen,
and it's fucking 1933, and I wanna have a say.
- Uh. - It makes sense, Rome.
Start an empire with an established brand.
All right, at least-- at least, rule it out.
- ♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Oh! - Disgustibus!
So, I hear you've made an enormous faux pas
and everyone's laughing up their sleeves
- about your date. - What? Why?
Why? Because she's brought a ludicrously capacious bag.
- What's... - What's even in there? Huh?
Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail?
- (CHUCKLES) - I mean, Greg, it's monstrous.
It's gargantuan. You could take it camping.
You could slide it across the floor
- after a bank job. - Well, whatever.
She's another tick on the chart.
- (IN SING-SONG VOICE) The Disgusting Brothers! - Don't-- Don't call us that.
Don't.
It was heavily ironized, Greg.
- All right? - Okay, I'm kidding.
I really do like her.
- Uh-huh? - Yeah.
Well, she's used all the display towels
in the bathroom. Another sopping wet.
She's gabbling about herself
- and posting on social media. - (SCOFFS)
She's asking people personal questions,
and, uh, she's wolfing all the canapés
like a famished warthog.
People are overreacting, okay?
She brought a normal sort of handbag.
You are a laughingstock in polite society.
(WHISPERS) You'll never go to the opera again.
Maybe, we should go.
Oh, are you okay?
- Wh-- what happened? - Nothing.
I just asked Logan for a selfie.
You asked Logan for a selfie?
Yeah, I said, "Congrats on the big deal."
And I was, like, "Ka-ching. Am I right?"
I was being-- I was being funny.
- (SNORTS) - (CLICKS TONGUE)
All right, so I'm in touch with her bankers.
Nan thinks she's honor bound to another buyer.
Ah.
- Did she say no? - No. But they're close
to agreeing the outlines of a deal.
There's not a ton of interest, managing the family's a nightmare,
so they're looking for a preferred bidder
- to run a bilateral. - Uh-huh.
TELLIS: She wants to lock in that preferred bidder tonight.
So, she didn't think it could work, but...
she did say she could speak to you, Shiv, maybe.
Oh. Okay. Well, should I at least call?
Just-- just check in at Grey Gardens
and go, you know, mano a Nan-o?
Just see if there's anything there at all?
KENDALL: Work your magic.
- ♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- You good? - LOGAN: Uh-huh.
It's nice, huh?
Yeah, little piggies stuffing their mouths.
Why is everybody so fucking happy?
- Logan. (CHUCKLES) - (SIGHS)
- You okay? - Yeah.
I got done a huge fucking deal in exactly the right time.
I got ATN, plus Pierce.
(INHALES SHARPLY) I got the election.
I got plenty on my plate.
Sure.
I thought there might be a churchman.
Uh, I'm sorry?
A cardinal was mentioned. Bit of fucking class.
- What about Jeryd? - Um.
Mencken? I think that he hopes to,
but realistically... But I think that he hopes to.
But Gillian. Gillian is here.
Oh, whoop-de-doop.
Do you want me to be in touch with the kids?
(SIGHS)
When is she calling?
Nan, I think that she just wants to talk to her whole gang.
Listen.
I'm not gonna sit like a cunt, waiting for that old crone.
- (GLASSES CLINKING) - ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
Colin!
- COLIN STILES: You all right? - Yeah. Let's go.
- Let's get out of here. - ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- ROMAN: Um. - Okay, so it is Dad. Confirmed.
Yeah. Man, she's a complicated woman.
She's like, "No, no. I'm honor bound.
My mind is made up. But also, how soon we can be there?"
- Oh, fuck her. - What do you think?
Uh, I think she hates Dad, but also thinks
maybe we're fake fruit for display purposes only,
- so I don't know. - ROMAN: Can we just
tell her to fuck off?
Maybe not go back to the mat with Dad.
You know, back in that fucking room.
Shall we cards on the table?
- ROMAN: Yeah. - Because, yeah,
I-- I do like Pierce.
- Agreed. - Oh, fuck's sake.
- Rome, it makes sense. - ROMAN: Yeah.
We wanted to do something together,
and we know news, entertainment, and-- and this is off-the-shelf.
So, I guess until now,
you've just sort of been stringing us along?
- KENDALL: No. - No. I like the other shit.
I do. I just, you know,
I-- I like this. I really do.
And besides, everything else might fall apart.
He might go on a killing spree in 7-Eleven,
and you might get your dick stuck in an AI jerk machine.
- ROMAN: Let's hope. - I have to look after myself
because nobody else will.
- I like this. - ROMAN: Okay. All right.
So, you wanna fly there?
You know, like Nan Pierce's little Windsor Dog Show bitch?
KENDALL: It's just a checkout.
SHIV: Yeah.
ROMAN: Fuck, shit. It's just, I don't know.
I'm worried, I guess. I am.
I'm like you wanna fuck Dad, you wanna fuck Tom.
I'm the only one who wants to set up a business
as a business, and doesn't wanna fuck anyone.
Rome, this acquisition would be nothing do with Dad.
It's completely unrelated.
- Don't believe you. - KENDALL: Uh, seriously.
- Seriously, don't believe you. - KENDALL: Seriously.
- Seriously, don't believe you. - SHIV: No, no. Okay, well,
this is not about getting back at Dad,
but if it hurts him, it doesn't bother me.
I think that you don't wanna do this, Rome,
'cause you're scared of conflict.
Honestly, Rome, being rational,
putting aside the internecine family concerns,
the personal tittle-tattle,
just think about how fucking funny it would be
if we screw Dad over
- his decades-long obsession? - (CHUCKLES)
- ♪ (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (CUTLERY CLINKING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
You're a good guy.
Thank you, sir.
- You're my pal. - (CHUCKLES) Thank you.
- You're my best pal. - Thank you.
- I mean, what are people? - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
Right?
What are people?
- Um, like... - LOGAN: They're economic units.
I'm a hundred feet tall. These people are pygmies.
But together...
- they form a market. - Okay. Right.
What is a person? It has values and aims,
but it operates in a market. Um, marriage market...
job market, money market,
market for ideas et cetera, et cetera.
Uh-huh. (INHALES SHARPLY)
- So, everything is a market? - (CHUCKLES)
Everything I try to do, people turn against me.
Nothing tastes like it used to, does it?
- Nothing is the same as it was. - (CUTLERY CLINKING)
You think there's anything after all this?
Afterwards?
- COLIN: I don't know. - I don't think so.
- I think this is it, right? - Maybe.
My dad is-- is very religious, but--
- Yeah, but realistically though? - I don't know.
And that's it.
We don't know.
We can't know.
But I've got my suspicions.
I've got my fucking suspicions.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - ROMAN: Oh, well, lookie here.
Pardon me. Well, hello, Kerry,
- and how are we today? - (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, hi. Can you--
can you hear me? The line is a little bit...
ROMAN: Uh, yeah. Sort of.
We're in transit. Can you hear me?
Tell her you'd be able to hear her better
if she took Dad's cock out of her mouth.
What's that?
ROMAN: Uh, that was my sister saying
that we would hear you better if you took Dad's cock
out of your mouth.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - So, my question was,
uh, would you consider giving him a call?
Would we consider at least a call?
Uh, well, is he apologizing?
- Did-- I mean, did he ask? - Um, did he ask?
Uh, he... I just...
I know that he would love to hear from you.
I mean, if he were to call, then we would see.
Yeah. I think it's just gonna be a lot
to get him to call, just knowing him.
Yeah, I mean, I-- I think
we know him pretty well, actually.
I mean, we've never licked his big omelet nipples, but--
I could get him to text a request for a call.
Text?
- Uh, I'm afraid we're gonna need to hear that voice, Kerry, okay? - No, fuck that.
You can pop it back in your mouth now.
We're getting on the plane. Thanks, bye.
- Dick. Yeah? - Hey. Hey. Problem.
He's just-- he's-- he's not picking up for me.
- He pick up for you? - Hmm.
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Huh.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey.
(JET ENGINE ROARING)
- Hey. - (CHUCKLES)
Will.
No. Excuse me, I'm sorry. Can I get through?
- Hey. - CONNOR: Hey.
Baby.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE) - ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
Uh, listen. So, you know the wedding.
- Hmm. - I've, uh, been thinking.
Okay, like...
Is the boat special enough?
Like, brainstorming, what if we got married
underneath the Statue of Liberty with a brass band?
- (SCOFFS) - Get a rapper.
I don't know, jet packs,
- and confetti guns... - WILLA: Mm-hmm.
...and razor wire, and bum fights,
and, you know, goody bags.
And hoopla and razzmatazz and--
-"Bum fights"? - Yeah.
Con, you sound unhinged. What is this?
Look, if I can get inserted into the news cycle,
that's a huge savings from paid media.
Wow, right, um.
It's just... The wedding...
I mean, I've always...
You know, it's dumb, but quite wanted a nice wedding.
I'm scared, Willa, I'm scared, okay?
- I have spent so much fuckin' money... - (SIGHS DEEPLY)
- ...and it's gettin' scary. - God.
And if I was to fall under one percent,
I feel like I would become a laughingstock.
- I'm... It's-- - CONNER: I...
- Would you just consider it? - (WILLA SIGHS)
Just a little-- Just a little bit
- of hoopla? - Hmm.
CONNOR: Just for the final push?
Hmm. (BREATHES DEEPLY)
- Hey, hey, hey. - TOM WAMBSGANS: Hey.
Kerry said she knows where he is.
He's coming back now.
What are you smiling for?
(CHUCKLES) Nothing.
What?
(IN SONG-SONG VOICE) The Disgusting Brothers
on motherfucking tour! - Shh.
- (IN HUSHED VOICE) We just did it. - What do you mean you did it?
She's a firecracker, man. She's crunchy peanut butter.
- Wait, you did it? - Mm-hmm.
Are you serious? Where?
We were looking for the, uh...
(CLEARS THROAT) ...the armory- slash-cigar-humidor,
then she pulled me into a guest bedroom
and bingo-bongo, hit that bango.
You-- you actually did it?
Oh, Greg... (QUIETLY) You are fucked.
You're fucked.
Logan.
He's camera-ed up the wazoo. CCTV.
- Which room? - (CHUCKLES) Every room. You know that.
No, I evidently did not know that.
(ELEVATOR DINGING)
(ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSING)
- (IN HUSHED VOICE) Are you serious? - Of course, I'm serious.
And he watches it back every night with a scotch.
See if anyone's stolen a butter knife.
He's gonna fucking gut you like a rainbow trout.
Oh, man, fuck.
What did you do? Were the lights on?
I mean, did you actually do it?
Tell me.
Well...
(WHISPERS) We put our hands down each other's pants...
- Right. - ...and had a bit of a rummage.
Did you rummage to fruition?
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Can I not say?
Well, you've accidentally made him a sex tape, Greg.
- Oh, my God! - You need to tell him.
Okay, party's over. Rival bid, let's go.
Uh, Tom, Gerri, Karl, Frank. Upstairs, library.
Let's flush it out.
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(CAR DOOR CLOSING)
Would-- Would you mind just giving me sec?
ROMAN: Oh, yeah, okay. Sure.
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- Hey. - NAOMI PIERCE: Hey.
Hi.
So, um...
(CLICKS TONGUE) ...she's having a little wobble.
Nan? What do you mean?
She's not sure it feels right to meet you guys.
But she feels terrible.
Okay. So what do we do?
Yeah, she might be getting a headache.
She wondered if you could give her five,
see how it develops?
(CHUCKLES) Okay, well, sure.
Great. Let's, uh... Let's see how the headache develops.
- ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - Okay. Jesus.
So, who's crawled out of the woodwork, huh?
- Who is it? - (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
(DOOR CLOSES, LOCKS)
- What? - It's the kids. The kids are with the Pierces.
They are the rival bidders? Oh, butter my beanpole.
How did they pick up the scent?
Oh, a million ways. I mean, everybody knows
they're looking for suitors. It's not...
- Well... - Could they even get the cash together?
I mean, couldn't Logan stop them?
No, if Waystar is sold, they have the right
to liquidate their five percents.
You should probably tell him.
Oh, no. I am very focused on the GoJo deal,
- this is really a side issue. I think... - You're such a trusted advisor.
Yeah, but I'm getting out, Ger, so...
Well, I don't know what the news is,
and it's beyond my purview, and I'm walking away.
- Beware the blood sugar. - Well, fucking find out!
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Um, sir, if I may have a moment.
- What? What's the issue? - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
The rival bidder, it's probably the kids.
- Uh-huh. - KARL MULLER: I don't think you have anything
to be concerned about.
- You are the solid option. - Uh-huh.
Call your wife, Tom. Call your fucking wife
and tell them to get their own fucking idea.
It's pathetic.
And tell her she's never had a single fucking idea
in her entire fucking life!
- What? - No. No, it can wait.
- What else? - I...You know, I...
(STAMMERS) It's private.
Can you and I just have a moment?
- Over there. - GREG: Thank you, sir.
You think she's just cooling us off?
Doing a Dad move?
ROMAN: No, no. Poor thing has a headache.
- So, she's feeling a little better. - KENDALL: Great.
So, if you like, she will see you.
All right. We get to talk to an old lady
about newspapers. Amazing. Thank you so much.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - So how did it go?
So, he says he finds me disgusting
and despicable, but he kind of smiled.
- Oh, did he? - Yeah.
- What did you say? - I said-- So I said,
you know, she's a bit wild, she's quite eager and, you know,
maybe she'd had a bit of the old wacky tabacky,
or worse.
And that I never intended to soil these halls.
And, maybe, she's just a bit of a--
Bit of a drug-addled, cock monster.
So, you blamed it on her.
You're so gallant.
So, she's gonna have to leave, okay?
Um, is that-- is that really necessary or...
- Do you have an issue with that? - No, no, no. Look.
No, Colin, I'm fond of her, but-- but we must,
each of us, do as we see fit, so...
(BREATHES DEEPLY) She posted to social media.
So now, I'm gonna have to ask to go through her phone.
You wanna come explain?
You know-- you know, wait, sorry. You know what?
I think it is best if you go do what you have to do.
I-- I don't wanna see what happens in Guantanamo.
So, um... So, you go... You do-- do your ways
and-- and God be willing.
Well, hello. Welcome, apologies for the kerfluffle.
I have an appalling migraine. But I can manage.
How are you all, more importantly?
- ROMAN: Great. - Good. Great to see you.
And it's a lovely place.
Ah, yeah. It would seem that they shred
hundred-dollar notes for fertilizer.
- (CHUCKLES) - (SHIV CHUCKLES)
Now, how are you all faring in terms of your father?
Uh, we're fine. It's just a complicated,
- private situation. - Whereby we all hate him.
(LAUGHS) Well, look, it--
- Please, sit. - ROMAN: Yeah.
NAN PIERCE: Look, as you probably know...
we are talking with our bankers.
And we have a whole number of
very interesting proposals to consider.
And I think it's all wrapped up.
So, I wanted to say thank you for coming,
but I think it's just a little bit too late.
We have a preferred bidder.
So, I hope that I have not inconvenienced you.
SHIV: Hmm.
Okay, well, lovely visit. Great to see you guys.
(CHUCKLES) No, really. I'm-- I am very sorry.
May I offer you some bottles?
They might as well be jars of jam to me,
but the connoisseurs seem to like them.
- I fear I have peasant tastes. - (LAUGHS)
You don't want to just hear the offer?
NAN: I got a taste for hypermarché vin ordinaire
when I was 19 years old
and I have never been able to shake it.
I like my wine thin and vinegary.
- Like her men. - ADVISER 1: (CHUCKLES) Naomi!
No, but really, I fear it is a trip made in vain.
The other offer's just too good.
Listen, long story short, Nan. You called this right before.
Yeah? Logan wants to take your company and fuck it.
He loathes you and he wants to take your properties
and roll them in the dirt. And we wouldn't do that.
SHIV: Look, I think that after this election,
we all, as a country, could be in a very bad place.
And I could-- we would maintain your values.
That's all good and well, but obviously,
with one thing and another,
we have a responsibility to get the best possible deal
for my family and the other shareholders.
I'm confident that we can be competitive on price.
Well, with Jamie's divorce and Anne's disaster in Maine.
And this place.
How's your financing? Not that I understand at all.
It's robust. Tellis and our team can talk to your people.
And in terms of your futures?
SHIV: Well, we've written our resignation letters,
and the GoJo deal signs in 48 hours.
Nevertheless, you'd still be married
to the head of ATN. That's a bit messy.
- I'm getting a divorce, so... - NAN: Oh. 'Kay.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yes, it's a sad, sad day when love dies.
(SNIFFS, CLEARS THROAT) Listen, this is, um...
This is very confusing.
And I don't want to talk numbers.
- It's not about the numbers. - KENDALL: Totally. Totally.
Shall we just say our number, though?
Just see if that makes any sense.
Oh, I don't like this.
Makes me feel like I'm in the middle
of a bidding war.
Horrible. Different people saying different numbers.
Eight, nine. What's next?
(SCOFFS) I know. It's so confusing.
What comes after nine?
Nine B?
Listen, would you mind if, uh, if we all had a brief chat?
ADVISER 2: Have you seen the view from the terrace? It's incredible.
- Oh, that's sounds lovely. - ADVISER 1: Can't beat it.
- All right. We'll try. - NAN: Thank you.
KENDALL: Thank you, Nan.
♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Nan is "thinking,"
and she wondered if she could ask
for your indulgence?
- It's not a money question. - Uh-huh.
TOM: So, you okay to hold on for a minute just before you talk to her?
- Well, what else can I fucking say? - Okay. Hi.
Yeah. We'll hold.
Nobody tells jokes anymore do they?
Karl, do you have any jokes?
- What's that? - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
I'm saying, Karl...
- ...it's a bit dry in here. - KARL: Oh.
Do you have any jokes?
Um, uh, well, let me think, um...
Oh, dry as fucking dust.
Come on! Roast me! Hmm? Give me a drubbing!
Frank, start. Be funny.
Uh, it's not really my thing, Chief.
Oh, so, what? You don't think I can take it?
No, it's just not my style. I mean, I can.
Uh, the thing about Logan Roy is...
The thing about Logan is
he's a tough old nut. (LAUGHS)
Oh, Christ. Sid fucking Caesar.
- Greggy. - You're mean. (CLEARS THROAT)
You're mean. You're a mean, old man.
You're-- you're a mean, old bastard.
Uh, and you scare the life out of folks. That's your thing.
You're scaring me right now.
And-- and that's why I don't even know how-- what to do.
Who wants to smell Greg's finger. Hey?
Guess the scent, win a buck.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Come on, roast me!
Where are your kids?
Where's all your kids, Uncle Logan?
On your big birthday?
Well, where's your old man, huh?
Where's your old man?
Still sucking cock at the county fair?
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Gerri, been sent anything funny lately?
All a bit horrible for me. Thanks, Logan.
I'm not being horrible. I'm being fun. Fucking Munsters.
Okay, very good. Hang on. (BREATHES DEEPLY)
So, she would like to get this figured out.
In theory, at least, tonight. The uncertainty is not good.
And they would like us to get our best foot forward
- on an indicative price tonight. - (SIGHS)
So no need to play nice. Should I tell her to fuck off?
- Uh-huh. - TOM: Loge?
I'm thinking.
- Is she talking to them? - I think so.
Okay, okay, okay. Uh, Kerry, I may need input.
Tellis, you there?
TELLIS: Hey, yeah, uh, I think we can get that together.
Okay, so we're gonna go in and say eight.
Yeah? We're-- we're starting at eight.
Yeah, but if we're going for this,
let's not be hard asses.
We got to let her know that we can see upside,
but she's got to help us prove it out.
- Okay. - Hello.
Yeah, what? Yes. I'm interested. Shut up.
- Okay. So should I... - Yeah, she likes you.
- TELLIS: Yeah, eight is good. - Thanks, T.
- Yeah, thanks. Top notch! - Great, call you back.
Tell her what? We anchor at seven?
BANKER: (OVER PHONE) Not a problem.
- Yeah. Not too insulting? - No, um, it's fine.
I mean, it's insulting, but it's not like
you're wasting relationship capital.
She hates you.
Start at six. But like you're kidding around.
Seven is what we soft-floated, right?
Six. Find something we've lost conviction on,
just to let her know
that we're not Terry fucking Turnip Truck over here.
TOM: Okay.
Hi. Oh, hi! Nan!
Hi. Uh, so this is-- This may be hard to say for me
and, uh, to hear for you.
♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Thank you.
Hi, Nan.
Uh, so I think we're looking at...
We're very relaxed about the eight billion landing spot.
This is disgusting.
But thank you.
- Yeah, we'll just need a minute. - Okay.
Right.
Yeah, they didn't love it.
What are they up to, do you think?
I don't know.
I don't wanna lose this, Tommy.
Okay. You wanna just jump right up?
What to?
(CHUCKLES) Call your wife. Call Shiv.
So, she appreciates eight.
Oh, yeah? She appreciates it? Cool.
But she wonders if there's a little more upside? 'Kay.
- ROMAN: Okay. - (PHONE LINE RINGING)
- ROMAN: Telly. - (PHONE CLANGS)
ROMAN: Hello.
Eight-five. Can we-- can we go there, T?
TELLIS: Well, I-- I don't have the precise composition
of our consortium and, obviously, DD,
but we know the asset and I think we can get there.
Are you fucking jerking it to your yacht catalog there, T?
TELLIS: Uh, this is exciting, guys!
Thanks, Tellis, that's a great insight.
He's gonna bill us 200 mil for that strategy advice.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - ROMAN: Incoming.
Uh, hello? Tom?
(CHUCKLES) Okay. Uh, he wants a discussion.
- What? Dad's got Tom on this? - SHIV: Hmm.
- What? Was Colin not available? - TOM: Hey, Shiv.
- Hi. - KENDALL: Hey, Tom.
- ROMAN: Fuck you, man mountain! - Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, so look, we were just wondering, um,
if we're not being, uh, played a little here
- since this is all indicative. - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
Uh, okay, what did he go up to, Tom?
TOM: Well, I can't tell you that.
Come on, Tom, you can tell me. Did he go to nine?
He didn't go to nine, did he?
Well, we were just wondering, you know, uh,
all things being equal, the asset does have a price,
and it would be...
It would be crazy to add an emotional, uh, premium here.
So, should we be looking for a back door on this?
- What's Dad's ceiling? - Well, what's your ceiling?
Why don't you go first, Tommy? Build that trust, brah!
(CHUCKLES) Well, his ceiling is-- is...
Uh, well, I... Your dad is just--
I-- I can't-- Shiv, could we-- could we just talk?
- Our ceiling is 12. - Fuck off.
- Yeah. - Okay, sure. Ours too. Okay.
Okay, I think Dad is gonna go to what, nine? Nine-five?
So we need to be at nine-five. Right, Tellis?
- TELLIS: Um... - You know what? I wonder...
I wonder if we don't nickel and dime it
and we just go to ten.
ROMAN: So, we think Dad's at eight-five, nine.
So, we go nine-five to top them out.
But ten? Just to show that we're really serious?
So, I... The half bil extra
is just... That's just an extra half bil?
It's definitive. It ends the conversation.
Well, that's a pretty penny for a conversation ender.
Can't I just, like, jizz in her break bumper?
- It rounds it out. - ROMAN: Oh, it rounds it out.
Yeah. It does that, it makes it extremely divisible.
I mean, you do know what half a billion dollars is, right?
- Five-hundred million dollars? - Yeah.
- Tellis. - ROMAN: A million is a thousand thousand.
You do know that? So 500 times a thousand thousand dollars
of actual money that could--
we could be spending on fucking snowmobiles
and sushi.
TELLIS: It's getting toppy, but be great
to be the preferred bidder here.
Okay, but is it actually worth that?
TELLIS: It's worth what the top bidder will pay.
- I guess. - Wow, I really wish I went
to Harvard Business School like you, T. It is intimidating,
talking to an intellectual giant like yourself.
- Ten? - Ten.
I mean...
Okay, yeah, ten. Fuck you. Ten.
- (NAN CLEARS THROAT) - So, Nan, look,
we love the company and the heritage
and we'd like to make an offer that we think values
the company and ends the conversation
and closes this out.
On an indicative handshake, we'd like to take Pierce
to the next stage of its evolution
with a bid of ten billion dollars.
That gives us something to think about.
So, they're not accepting another bidder.
Excuse me?
They said they've received a conversation-ending offer.
- Tell them I'll go up. - She says they're content.
That's bullshit.
Uh, I get the impression it's upwards of nine-five.
Fucking geniuses. Ten?
- I get a ten feeling. - (EXHALES DEEPLY)
- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - Kind of feels like
we should fucking open some champagne.
ROMAN: Well, I am going back to LA to retire to my bedroom,
and pull myself off quite aggressively hard.
Thank you very much.
- SHIV: Yeah, sure. Uh, hang on. - ROMAN: Shotgun.
Will you speakerphone me, Shiv?
Yeah. It's Tom.
Hi, hi. Okay. So I have your dad and he has a message.
Congratulations on saying the biggest number,
you fucking morons.
♪ (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(DIAL TONE BEEPING)
- (LAUGHS) - KENDALL: I think we got him.
Oh! Yeah. Yeah.
- (CAR DOOR CLOSES) - ♪ (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MONDAL BARKING)
- It's me. - (MONDALE BARKS)
Mondale? (SIGHS)
Shh. Shh. It's okay.
(EXHALES)
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- TOM: Hey. - SHIV: Sorry, did I wake you?
No. I thought you were hoteling.
I, uh, needed wardrobe access, actually, so...
I thought you took your favorites.
I don't want to be restricted to my favorites, Tom.
Uh, okay, do you wanna talk?
I hear you and Greg call yourselves
the "Disgusting Brothers" now.
Right.
Pretty cool.
Do you have a logo and do you do the rules?
Is Greg your wingman?
We sometimes grab a drink, Shiv.
Well, it's pretty cool.
I hear you date models now.
Well, we agreed that we could have a look around
while we had a think, right?
You look good. Ripped.
Well, I don't think so. But thank you.
SHIV: Did you get buff for the models, Tom?
Do you bring them back here and do the positions?
Do you do all the positions with your models now, Tom?
Do you take turns with Greg?
Do they sit on your face to shut you up?
Do you really want to get into a full accounting
of all the pain in our marriage?
Because if you do, I can do that.
- SHIV: How's Mondale? - TOM: Mondale's fine.
Don't worry about Mondale.
I guess he doesn't recognize your scent any longer.
Huh? Well, things have become complicated.
I wonder if there's even a way through this.
- Right. - (DRAWER SLIDING OPEN)
Yeah, you know, I--
I wonder if we might've run out of road.
I mean, we were going-- going to have a big talk.
Well, I wonder if you might want to make it official, you know?
But do you want to talk? There's some things
- I wouldn't mind saying and explaining. - (DRAWER CLOSES)
I don't want to rake up
a whole lot of bullshit for no profit, Tom.
But I feel-- I do feel--
No, just stop. I don't think it's good for me to...
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
...hear all that.
I think it might be time for you and I to move on.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. (SIGHS)
- That makes me sad. - SHIV: Huh. Sure.
And you don't want to talk about what happened?
Tom, I think we could talk things to death.
But, actually, we both just made some mistakes and...
I think a whole lot of crying and bullshit
is not going to help that, so if you're good,
we can just walk away with our heads held high and...
say good luck, yeah?
Well, okay.
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
I could see if I-- if I can make love to you.
Would you like to?
I don't think so, Tom.
Should I go? Or are you gonna go?
Um...
I'm tired so...
But you can... You can stay there if you like.
Okay.
(EXHALES) So this is it, huh?
Hmm. Yeah. I guess.
We gave it a go.
(EXHALES HEAVILY) Yeah, we gave it a go.
REPORTER: (OVER TELEVISION) Two men sustained serious, life-threatening injuries
as a result of a brawl gone too far.
However, no shots were fired
at this family-friendly three-day event.
Instead, Brian Allen and Pete Meyers,
two firearms experts in their own right...
(PHONE LINE RINGING)
- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - CYD PEACH: Hello? Logan?
Cyd, I just watched the top of the hour.
REPORTER: ...may have been over money. Go figure.
It's bullshit.
REPORTER: ...surrounded by an array of firearms.
- Allen and Meyers, each distinguished marksmen... - People watch at night.
- I watch at night. - CYD: Okay.
Who is this fucking lunk anyway?
He looks like a ball sack in a toupee.
Are you losing it, Cyd?
CYD: I'm all over it, Loge.
Are you fucking losing it?
CYD: I'm on it.
Don't worry.
REPORTER: ...this has sullied a family-oriented
and otherwise entirely peaceful occasion.
The Fayetteville Gun Show continues.
We'll be back right after this.
♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪