Mr. Roy, we'd like to move on to the matter of these illegal payments
Fine. I mean, we've done that but...
Specifically, your first hand knowledge of what happened.
Yup. Yup. Got it.
What we want you to explain to us based on what you saw
And heard is how these illegal payments were made
- Were approved, and by whom. - Yup. Got it. What's next?
- You wanna answer the question? - I think I'm good
Okay. Fine.
Well, I approved the illegal payments because I love sexual assault
And I love to cover it up.
How.... how... how is that? Uh, is that bad?
- That's bad? - Okay. We can. we can wrap up.
I just will privately run the... the timeline at home, but yeah.
I'm good, we're good, right?
Good. And yeah just humble, straightforward...
- Hide the agenda. - No agenda.
Sure. They're government employees. I mean, how smart can they be?
I'm not saying that. I'm saying what you think I think, right?
And... and just so we're on the same page in terms of aims for me
The wish list goes immunity for yours truly
Taskforce for Waystar my dad deaded.
Well, I don't do requests because I'm not a DJ, but I hear you
Look, come in here. They're jigsawing all the papers.
- Hey, paper people. - Morning.
Morning.
You know, Waystar is now cooperating.
Helpfully offering up one billion pages of documents
Hiring white... shoe, former DOJ types to conduct an internal
That looks super scrupulous, offering up employees
For talks with DOJ and worker safety protocols around cruises.
We can adjust, but... this isn't a slam dunk here.
Uh...huh. But... The papers. Yeah?
- I mean... - Once you pull everything out
That falls under other jurisdictions or maritime law, or is privileged
Or is outside the statute of limitations...
But an FCPA angle obviates those objections, right?
Well, the stuff that works for Foreign Corrupt Practices Act
Is inferential. Waystar was careful.
So you're saying the papers are bullshit?
I'm just saying they lacked some of the explosiveness
It was suggested they might have.
Well... I can reposition the context in the public arena
Maybe... maybe... maybe I can flip someone up the tree.
I just feel like sometimes we're allowing the tune to be played
At my dad's tempo, Lisa and I'm not sure why.
I have the, quote... unquote
"Best lawyer in town". I have the best story
- I have fucking receipts. - I hear you're concerned.
You have a big day tomorrow, okay?
This happens the night before
- Rest up, okay? - Thank you. Yeah. And... and I...
Look, I really value all the work you do, honestly
But let's try harder.
Yeah? Let's try harder. Thank you.
I miss the big boot. At least you could hear him coming.
- Clearly fucking. - Dad and Kerry? Please.
Showing memes to a young menial? Tale as old as time.
No, he hates the close proximity bang.
He's still really into blowjobs I hear.
You just wanna give him a blowjob, so stop projecting.
- Hey, Romulus. - Looks like he wants one now.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well played, the internet.
- Okay. Um... Shiv, Tom... Hugo. - You're disgusting.
Okay. So your dad has been drawing up priorities for the weekend
He wants everyone hitting anti tech positions hard.
Regulate and strangulate. They're getting too powerful.
- Everybody knows it. - Stop tech eating our lunch
Put in a new friend at the top
One who won't fire up justice about our, um, boring old case.
Yeah. And maybe eat a bellyful of humble pie about accidentally
Knocking over their President and smashing him on the floor?
Boo...hoo, It's not our fault the President's Brain couldn't thunk good no more.
Go offense. Spread it round that if the Raisin goes for us
He's, uh politicizing the Cruises case. It's so sad
His Justice Department has a grudge.
I might have heard that the deputy AG
Has a picture of me on her dartboard, which is disgusting.
Wait, have... have we heard that or...
That is the rumor that's going around.
Yeah. Funny how these rumors get started.
Yeah. It's disgusting.
Hey. Mind if I jump in with you, Dad?
Uh...oh. Okay, Pinky.
Can we go up a degree in the back?
- You okay? - You gonna be a fucking sourpuss?
What? No. No, I just, uh...
The last time that we talked properly You humiliated me
at the shareholder meeting So I thought I should just check in.
It was a long day and I was unwell.
Uh...huh. Well...
I wanna say I'm concerned about who you might endorse this weekend.
- The Vice President. - You're scared of Dave Boyer?
Yeah. Nothing is more dangerous than a second rate individual
- Who sees his chance. - I need to keep my spoon in the soup.
Fine. And... I don't think this is the place to let Roman be the mouthpiece
- He's maturing - Yeah. And I love him.
But he fucked the phone call with the Raisin. That's an existential risk
And the only solid thing he actioned in LA Dad,
was the movie Dr. Honk about the man who could talk to cars.
Yeah. And we're walking in there with a different hundred aims
And I think some nuance is required.
I'm just glad that we still have a company to act on behalf of thanks to me.
Kerry, give Shiv a fucking medal.
- All right, enough. Let's go. - Don't touch me.
Okay. Okay, so, if you guys go to the left, the elevator is to the left
I have your room keys and welcome drinks start in 20 minutes
Wow. I can really smell the panic. Berlin Bunker vibes.
It is rather pungent.
Well, Ms. Libtard, how you do like spelunking in the elephant's asshole?
I'm just a corporate observer.
Okay. Well, wait till the weekend's over
We'll get our white cis male stank all over you.
It's just... it's such a thrill
I'm the probably the biggest Conhead in Oklahoma.
Of course, Panhandle Pete. You've met Maxim Pierce
He's my intellectual heft.
My Beltway Buddha.
I push him, he pushes me
- And around and around we go. - it Is it just me
or in a room full of Timothy McVeighs Does Connor suddenly look like a Roosevelt?
Sweetie. It's Panhandle Pete.
Frowny face here wanted to stay home and work on her play
But duty calls for my leggy Mary Todd.
Yeah, that's fine I can totally just write a play on my phone.
So, uh, how... how'd you two meet?
- Online. - Online.
Hi, folks. Just... just for a second. Quiet for just a second
I want to thank you all for being here on such short notice
And I wanna thank you for keeping your attendance private
Uh, what we do here at the Future Freedom Summit
Is of the utmost importance to our party and our country
I... I happen to believe the next President of the United States
- Is somewhere in this very room. - He is, and he's hard as a rock.
Oh, may God shepherd this person
- The health of our republic depends on it. - And the health of my portfolio.
- And that. - To the republic!
To the republic! Thank you. Republic.
Ron Petkus blew his son's archery instructor.
- True story. - Blew his arc...
Um, some guy with an undercut just called me Soy Boy?
Oh, don't worry, Greg It's a nice safe space
where you don't have to pretend to like Hamilton.
- Well, I like Hamilton. - Sure, you do. We all do.
So, what... what... what is this actually here?
This is just a nice political conference of like minded donors
- And intellectuals. - AKA picking the next President.
- Selecto el presidento. - That's not...
- that's not really how it works. - Yeah, no. Sure, but yeah.
Uh, but is that like constitutional?
Oh, I don't know, Greg. You wanna call the referee?
- Is there an ombudsman in the house? - Well...
- What is an ombudsman? - Here they are.
The family who lost us a presidency.
- How is he, the Raisin? - He's out of a job in six months,
lame in the interim And the GOP is in flames. We're all doing backflips.
- Sorry about that. - He's got a serious condition.
We felt the country needed to know.
So, uh, what are you hearing?
Well, with the president out we need a nominee so welcome to clown town.
Six months to Election Day and no candidate
Super Tuesday's gone ballots are already finalized
The delegates will choose at the RNC of course
But I think we can all be real and say we need to choose here first.
It's Boyer, right? We're going Boyer?
Yup. Cleanest option is the Vice President
The party needs to be united
So I hope since you started this mess, you can help us clear it up.
- Dave's good. I like Dave. - We all like Dave.
Steady old plow horse.
I heard his daughter has made him go vegetarian, did you hear that?
No. No. Oh, no, I think I've seen him eat a meatball.
No. Secret herbivore, I hear.
Boyer? It's his turn?
I don't really mind the lip licking thing.
- No. Is it bad? - Not really.
It's, uh, just when you notice it you definitely notice it.
As long as he doesn't do it much during the debates, we should be fine.
The guy must have the wettest lips in North America.
Yeah. It's like he's a cartoon bear and there's always a picnic hamper nearby
Yeah, but Dave's great. Congratulations, by the way.
Oh, okay. Uh, for what? What have I done now?
For the wedding. Your mother
- Your mother is Caroline Collingwood, no? - Yeah.
She's getting married, no? Peter Munion.
No. No, she's in a relationship with a canoe shaped gentleman named Rory.
Nope. Maybe it was somebody else. Uh, pretty sure... No.
Oh. Look at that. Um, you know how it is.
Families. Um, could you forward that to me actually?
- Thank you. I'll see you around. Thank you. - Okay.
Hey. Could you excuse us for just a moment?
- Certainly. Certainly. - Thank you so much...
Did you know about this you withholding bitch?
- What? - You know Glyn the Brexit pervert?
Yeah, he just sent this to me. Apparently, our mother's marrying a Peter Munion.
- What? Who's Peter Onion? - I don't fucking know.
I wonder if that first born fucker knew.
Call him.
Sorry. Just give me a second...
- Yeah. What? - "I'm here with Shiv."
Just wanted to let you know new dad just dropped.
- I'm sorry. What? - Yeah. Mommy's getting remarried dingus
- Did you know? - Of course he didn't know.
- Ken bores the shit out of Mom. - "What are you even talking about?"
You mean, uh, Rory?
"Uh, no. She took the view "fuck Rory.""
"Hey, Shiv, is it true, you're at that hate fest fest?"
"Burning books and measuring skulls down in Nuremberg, Virginia?"
Yeah. What are you doing with your weekend?
Planning to send us all to jail, your favorite?
All right. Just, uh, wanted to let you know Mommy still doesn't love you
Bye, Ken. Bye.
Hey, man. I... I just wanted to uh, broach something with you.
- Broach away, Greg. - So, yeah. Look, I'm... I'm pretty anxious.
Ken is saying he might burn me.
Are you threatening me? You can't threaten me I'm immune.
No, Tom. I was just thinking about advice because I'm...
I'm obsessing over the prison of it all.
And, um, I just need to know how to stop thinking.
- Yeah. - It's just constant.
I tried that. Doesn't work
You know, what I'm preferring is to always think about it
And then, when you don't, for a moment it's like
"Oh, someone's loosened their icy grip on my innards."
Yeah. I like that. I like it.
So you wanna try?
It's the Spatburgunder. Our vineyard.
Screw top.
"Black and brown avatars"
- "to smear and vilify." - Did you hear Boyer's losing juice now?
- "In the Democratic Party..." - So it's biodynamic.
Has quite a funk to it.
"Engineered by the DNC"
"End the LSM in conjunction with their big tech overlord"
- "Now, the rest of us..." - You kind of have to meet it halfway, right?
- It's... - You know, it's... earthy?
- Yeah. - Kind of, hmm, Germanic.
Yeah, there's lots to unpack. It's... it's not... it's not floral
It's not sugary or vegetal. It's... it's... it's...
It's quite agricultural, you know. It's... it's... it's a... It's...
It's not very nice, is it, the wine, Shiv?
"It's true, we see this a lot, this so called..."
You know, if Boyer flames out, then maybe it's time to...
- It might be time to pivot party. - So my prison consultant called
And it looks like the place upstate might be full.
- It's all the same. - Well, you're tired.
You'll feel better about that in the morning.
Oh, yeah? One day closer to my incarceration, right?
Apparently the food in jail is really bland.
- I mean, I know it's the same every day... - Tom.
I don't get why you keep wanting to talk about it.
Okay. I'm sorry.
Does the topic of my imminent imprisonment
- bore you? - Come on, you're just... you're obsessing
I just... I can't keep going round and round, okay?
Honey, I don't know what else there is to say.
I'm sorry
- Hey. - Hey.
No?
Oh, sure.
- Okay. - You know what?
There's not really any point.
Uh, to making love?
Yeah. Well, if you're still on contraception
It's just like throwing so much cake batter at a brick wall.
I think what I realized is that I'm just not that interested
in being a commercial playwright.
I mean, the audience helped you discover that, didn't they, babe?
Yeah. Well, beauty and brains. Oh, I probably shouldn't say that
Um, will I be cancelled?
Oh, no. No. No. Well, who knows? You know, the night is young, so
Uh, yeah. I...I just... I don't know how you do it.
How do you make up things that aren't already there?
Oh, you don't know the half of it. We talk long into the night
Ideas, literary, global... Macro, micro, cosmo.
`We bounce off each other.
Well, that sounds delightful.
- No. I mean, well yeah. - Con?
You should come to Pound Ridge one weekend.
Both of you, um, unless you're tired or busy, one.
- One and all. - we'd love that wouldn't we, chicken?
I don't know if you're invited.
Yeah. Let me circulate
And I will rehydrate this gorgeous creature on my return.
Cancelled.
You... Oh, Jake. Yeah, yeah.
Fun guy.
Con, maybe don't abandon me upstate with Larry Lech here, okay?
- It's weird. - Very influential.
- We're just showing a bit of leg. - Yeah, my leg.
The collective leg. He's a huge donor.
And maybe I don't wanna donate my body to political science, huh?
Hey, man. What's up?
Oh, okay. Yeah, it's the, uh it's the ghost pepper
The spicy new flavor. Mencken.
So what's your deal? Most people here wanna fuck me or kill me.
- How about you? - I always found it hard
to care about politics, so...
Well, listen, here's my party trick, all right?
- Okay. - Tell me who your enemy is
and I'll tell you who you are.
Okay. Put a pin in that one. Um, I've seen your poll numbers
You're dark horsin' it. People are buying your whole, huh?
They better buy it or I'll send them to the gulag.
Oh, okay. Now we're talking.
I don't know. No work camps. Yeah. Like... like summer camps.
- Summer camps but with beatings - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No beatings
Well, this is nice.
Couple of cool guys having some disgusting fun.
So, uh... do you guys know yet who takes over?
- What's that? - When they send the old
Battletoad off to the hoosegow? Your dad. Admiral Grope Boat.
Um, yeah. No, he's not. That's actually not happening.
Yeah, that's right. That's... no. That's the line
Stick to the line that's good.
So according to Steven my prison consultant, this is...you know
This is kind of what the food is like inside. I'm in training How's your omelette?
Nice. Nope. Yeah. Making some inroads
- I'm actually glad you called, Tom. - It's like... it's like Afghanistan
You have to start in the center there. You establish a base of operations
And you have to kind of move out
- To secure more territory. - Okay.
Yeah. I, uh... I'm worried about prison. I... I... I...
I just feel, because of my physical length
I could be a target for all kinds of misadventure.
And it won't taste as good as this either, okay?
You have to take off 30% to 50% of the taste of that endless salty gym mat
That you're eating. The camel's labia.
Yeah. Like they wipe their ass on your pillowcase.
Yeah. I know. I know. That's something they like to do.
I've read the prison blogs, Greg. I know.
look. You know how, uh
They're calling you that name around the office?
The... you know the Christmas tree?
What's good is to eradicate hope
They can't get you if you got no hope.
It's because I think you know If you have a crime you need to unload
They can hang it from you like an ornament.
I haven't really slept properly in about eight days.
It's not a nice name, but I was wondering since
I mean, it looks like you're going anyway
Is it.. is it possible you might... with me?
Are you asking if you can...
Hook your bauble of corporate wrongdoing on one of my branches, Greg?
I just thought if... if it won't make much difference to you...
Fine. Okay. Load me up, you piece of shit.
No quid pro quo? Just...
That's... that's incredibly kind of you.
- Can I get this? - No. Greenpeace stole your inheritance.
Besides, all my meals will be free soon, so...
Okay, Mr. Roy. Is there any other illegal conduct
that you are aware of in connection to what we've been talking about today
That we haven't covered?
No. Not that I can think of now... at the moment.
Thank you for your time, Mr. Roy. Counselor. Thank you.
Thank you.
Good. I think that you did fine.
It was a good start and they'll have another session.
We can say it went badly, Lisa. It's okay.
Okay. Let's maybe just... we'll do the Monday morning
- quarterback in a bit. - They spent all day trying to find...
hairline fractures in my story.
Meanwhile, my Dad's a fucking tsunami of corruption
- They don't do cuddles, Ken. - Right. Right.
Because I... I know how this works.
Okay? My dad is drowning them In chicken feed and compliance bullshit
Five years go by and it... and it's
"Hey, whatever happened to that big investigation into the bad people?"
- Ken... - Because they are scared of my dad.
- Come on. Come on. - They pretend they're on the side of justice
They pretend they're on the side of the whistleblowers.
- Not here. - But they're chickenshit.
Not here.
That should put a rocket up their asses.
We do not want this to get politicized.
- Well, everything is politics, so... - Kendall.
- Do you think you're smarter than me? - What? Do I... what? No. No.
Because maybe you are. But I am a better lawyer
You acted high handed and defensive
and then oscillated to wildly over familiar and glib.
You sometimes undermined my status
And didn't appear to be frank about your own involvement
But let's take stock, okay?
- Hey, Logan. - Dave. How are we?
Good. Good. I'm glad I ran into you.
I feel like we've hardly had a chance to connect.
- Well, here we are. - Here we are.
You've heard they're calling this the ATN primary?
Oh, I wouldn't worry about all that.
You know, one of the things I wanted to discuss with you is...
Is Controlling Tech. That's a big... big plank for me.
Oh, that's interesting. That's really interesting.
Sure. Sure. Uh, and I... I can sometimes fear a degree Of...
legal overreach against you legacy media guys.
You heard this thing that the deputy AG has a dartboard with my face on it?
Yeah. I mean, I think that's just a rumor.
I mean, to me, it's one of those things where even if it isn't real
there's a reason it feels like it is, right?
- Right. - Okay. Good.
Look, I'm just gonna be straight with you
I like you. Petkus and the big dollar guys are on the fence.
Let's... let's... let's make this happen, yeah?
I just need you to push me over the brink here.
Great. I get it. See you at dinner.
I think he's been waiting there for me for the last ten fucking minutes.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
So Comfry, Lisa's out. It turns out she's a toxic person, you know
And once... once I get the new legal A team in place
We gotta put that out with the right context, okay?
- Okay. - Yeah, it's not a big deal.
It's an opportunity We just... we just, you know, flip a big name, boom
- It's all good. It's all good. - Totally. All right. Cool.
I will tell Berry.
Okay, guys. B Day. Big... big... big 4...0. How we looking?
- Shit slaps. - Yeah? You think?
What was the one... what was the one I liked?
- What's the one I liked? - Uh, End Times?
- Right. - Weimar meets Carthage meets Dante
meets AI, And antibiotic resistant superbugs.
That's kind of dope though.
I mean, but are Zadie Smith and fucking Chuck D and Lucas Madison
Gonna come to my antibiotics party? I don't know. Will he meet?
- He's not picking up any of our numbers. - Okay. Well, get me new numbers.
- Okay. - Just... let's keep calling.
- He is priority one, Jess. - Yeah.
Well, my grandpa gave my inheritance to Greenpeace
And then someone posted a comment on their website
And it could contain a slight on my character.
And then Greenpeace promoted the comment
And so my lawyer thinks that that's defamation.
So yeah, that... that's how I'm trying to sue Greenpeace.
- Is that Shiv Roy? - Oh, Mr. Salgado.
Good to see you here. Does this mean you've finally come to your senses?
Oh, no. Just shopping in the marketplace of ideas.
Step on in Shiv, the water's fine.
Hey, I don't mean to bum Rush you here, but could you help me out?
There's a feeding frenzy around your dad and I'm...
- trying To stand apart from the rest of it - The total fucking wack jobs?
Don't get me wrong. I'm with the base. Energy is extraordinary.
I just think I can bring traditional conservatives to a more diverse dialogue.
ATN hasn't given you a lot of shine. It's true.
Not to be indiscreet but, um, I just feel...
If I was in the White House and you were in the C suite, we could mold.
- Oh, wow. Sir, you are very forward. - Was that forward?
Get your old man to make me President I'll see to it that you become CEO
Even if I have to send your dad to prison.
Well, that is, uh, that's very funny.
So it's decided? You land this for me, I send your dad up the river?
Uh, yeah. I mean, unless... unless he resigns in a month.
Clean kill, baby!
Good stuff. Okay. Very funny.
Look, you want some advice? Hoard mackerel tins
I know. Sounds funny, right?
But you're gonna need them for bartering.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Greg, can you... will you keep a note? - Oh, yeah.
Oh, and the toilet. Your toilet is your stair machine, it's your bench
It's, uh, your fridge, it's your lover, It's your brother, it's your priest.
Oh, and also, most importantly it's also your toilet.
Right. Right. Right. Yeah. That... That... I mean, that's...Yeah
That's... So that's a big part of prison.
It can be a perfect gentleman. It could also be a terrible bastard.
Your toilet could be a bastard?
The key is unity. If we land a favorite, I can pool the big money.
But I need to know the messaging will be there to back me up
I like him, but a lot of people are asking, "Is Boyer a fighter?"
I don't care about the resume or ideological purity
As long as they get it and they pop.
You're looking for someone who gets it, I got your man
Connor Roy. He's got a brand name, a war chest, populist appeal
- And he's a fighter. - Hey, thanks, Pete
I believe I speak for my father when I offer a firm
And robust, "No comment!"
- Sure. I could see Connor. - Sure, I agree.
The sword has been pulled from the stone, my liege.
Look at us playing nice people might think we liked each other.
- No, What? - Hey, I'm a conservative, I like tradition
I doff my cap to Vice President Boyer's years of loyal service.
Thank you. I believe you used to call me "Martin Van Boring"?
Hey, come on, no. I still call you that.
Mencken and I may differ in some areas
But, uh, we both agree that this is the party of the working class now.
What? Shiv, all the richest counties in America are blue
The Democrats and Tech hold all the wealth.
I just think some of us get so high off owning the libs
- We forget to talk policy. - Yeah, Rick loves to talk policy
What he does is he memorizes a National Review issue
From 2012 and then he recites it back to you
- Cool policy, bro. - And Jeryd hates to talk policy
Because it would mean, you know, having one.
- Sick burn, brosef. - no, no. We're kidding, we like each other.
I listen to his speeches every night. They help me drop off.
Maybe it's boring talking about populist solutions for working families.
Rick, come on, you jerked off to Reagan's headshot for 30 years
- And now you're Tom Joad? - Oh, God, it's so fucking boring.
What's that? What?
No, I just... I've seen your thing quite a lot.
And that... and what's that? What's my thing?
YouTube provocateur bullshit Aristo... populism, rape is natural.
"It's all red pill, baby." I'm just... I'm just so fucking over it.
Have you read Plato?
- Yeah. Remind me, what happens? - Read Plato! Read Plato!
Oh, don't want to! Don't fucking want to!
See, he doesn't actually wanna have a conversation
- He just wants to yell Loud enough - Yeah
- to get on ATN. - Nah. Fuck ATN.
No, really. ATN is treated as a bulwark, but it's dead.
It's basically a pudding cup at 5:00 PM in the nursing home.
Honestly, doesn't speak to me.
Doesn't speak to the... the people that I talk to.
It is status quo bedtime stories to maximize Shareholder value.
No disrespect, Logan Roy was an icon
But, you know... he's no longer relevant.
- You recognize this fucker? - Nope.
Fucking jelly bone... bow tea "pip, pip, cheerio" fucker.
- You told Dad yet? - No. We have to stop the wedding now, right?
What? Stop obsessing over Mom's new husband
- Just get over it. Who cares? - Get over it? It just fucking happened
Our mother is marrying some dickhead crooked tooth turnip man
What's wrong Is how little you care about it,
- you frozen bitch. - Poor Rome. His dreams
of porking mom slipping through his little lubed up fingers.
Hey. So, come in. Come in.
- Yeah. - Sit. Sit.
Is Greg necessary?
Just keep your trap shut. Watch.
All right. Thank you, sir. Minimizing the Greg window.
There's a lot of chaff flying by, a lot of flapping
But Ron and me are gonna meet and figure out how we can pull for the same name
We need one voice on this, or we could fall apart
and hand it to the fuck... Fuck donkey gang.
Right. So... Who do we like?
Well, shouldn't we kick it around a bit?
You know, it feels like it's poised so if you and Petkus come together
And then the other donors follow,
- then it's... - Exactly.
We're picking. We haven't got all night.
I like Connor Roy.
Honestly, Dad I think you go Dems. Yeah, I do
- Jesus Christ. - I kinda like Mencken,
but I know he's kind of shitty So if it's now I guess, Boyer
But can I just say, I don't like Boyer
- What? What's with the fucking... - Roman, no disrespect,
but Boyer's yesterday's papers The Dems will run on change and blow him away.
Mrs. Politics? How many big races did you win as a consultant?
- Four, three? Two? Did you win two? - Roman, Boyer is not a winner
- And we know that. - One? Well, then should we talk to Mencken
- see if we can deal? - The base does like him? Right?
Look, can I say something?
No. Mencken is an integralist Nativist fuckhead. He's toxic.
He's "Medicare for all abortions for none."
And his idea of diplomacy is shooting roe deer with Viktor Orban
And then starting a trade war with China
Look, I'm tough I know that there's the carnival bark
And then there's the fucking show but he is outside the American political tradition.
And I think we have a responsibility as Waystar to the American Republic
- And to the future of... fuck you, Roman. - Four score years and whatever...
- No, he has talked about... - My sister did bring forth
- from her bedroom a cup of milky sputum. - You done?
- Yeah, done. - He's talked about burning Qurans
- and licensing press credentials. - He's just shifting the Overton window
- It's not burning Qurans. I do - I'm surprised you even What that is.
He's opening it and throwing union organizers out of it.
Stop Chicken Little-ing us. It just makes us wanna all have a nap.
Stop being a dirty little pixie Whispering swastikas in Dad's ear.
Boom. There you go again. So fucking route one.
I'm not saying it's going to be full Third Reich.
But I am genuinely concerned that we could slide into...
Into a Russian Berlusconied Brazilian fuck pile.
You have a trophy husband and several fur coats
- I think you're gonna be fine. - Tom? Who do you like?
Me, I, uh, I think Shiv... Shiv talks a lot of sense
- But I also jibe with Salgado. - Oh, you jibe with him?
- Pretty sure that's racist, Tom. - May I... sorry, do I get to vote?
Sure you do, buddy. You get to vote at the election
- with all the other folks. - Right, yeah Well, I guess I just feel like
- you maybe get a bigger vote in here - Easy, Castro.
Boyer is likely to be flexible over the DOJ.
- Not if he doesn't win which he won't. - Although,
we are hearing murmurs that the case is weakening
And that no one big is likely to do jail time.
- Great. - With the notable exception of Tom,
- obviously. Sorry, Tom. - No, please, Hugo. Understood.
Look, if you don't go blue, Dad, then at least we have to be backing Salgado.
- Boy. - Senor Dickless.
- Captain of the Tampa Bay Cuckaneers. - Cyd! - Sorry. Duty calls!
Look, I don't like him he's a Neocon pretending to be a Paleocon
- But he at least talks base and... - Hello?
Tom.
"Where are you right now?"
Virginia.
"No, where are you in the building?"
Shiv, can I just say, and I know that we have had our differences
But I do think you are so brave for picking the brown man
I think that we should get you a medal A special medal
- for white women who like brown men. - Just a racist. just being a racist now
"I'm a good girl I pretend to care about people 'cause no one cares about me!"
Oh, yeah. Actually, do you have something you wanna tell Dad from Mom,
a message that maybe you could share, Rome?
Uh, yeah, wow. Fuck you. Thanks. I do. I have a message
yeah. Uh, Mom's getting remarried.
To Bertie Woofter?
No, to Peter, um, uh, P... Uh, Mun... Peter Munion.
You're fucking kidding. The seat sniffer?
- He's been hanging round for 40 years. - Yeah and, uh, she would...
They would love it apparently if you came to their big Tuscan wedding.
And they sent you as messenger boy?
- Hey, man. - Hey.
- Thanks for coming. - No problem.
Hey. So I will take the Griddle Hero special, please
With double hash browns, fully loaded
And a plain waffle and a... and a large cup of room temperature water
Thank you.
I might just watch him.
You know that Rasputin would take a dose of arsenic
With breakfast each morning to build up his tolerance.
Look, so... I think you know I've always liked you Tom.
I like you too, Kendall. I mean, I have notes.
Oh, no. I have notes.
I think mine might be more extensive than yours.
But look I think I can get you out of this mess
Where you're going.
Well, uh, nothing is certain, so...
You know they're calling you the Christmas tree?
Yeah. Perhaps that's because I'm tall and jolly.
Maybe. You think?
But I think maybe you don't wanna be the chit the company offers up When it has no choice.
Well... obviously I'd prefer that not to happen.
But, um, it's complicated.
It is. But I'm here to ask, are you interested in an alternative theoretically?
I have of late, uh, decided not to tarry too much with hope.
Okay. Well, my case is... It's strong, it's... no, it's...
My case is fine. It has gaps.
But if I had someone who could say that nothing gets signed off on
Without my dad's say so which I think we both know to be true.
I don't know that I do know that, Ken.
Yeah, I'm just a humble servant, Ken.
I admire you, man. I do. I fucking... you know,
you... You're... look at... you're a long way from home.
You're far from the tree.
You've played your hand well and you're sitting at the top table.
Well, shucks. Thank you.
I fell in love with your sister, that's what happened.
Sure. Oh, yeah. Right right, right. Sure. Sure, man.
The country mouse and the hot tamale.
And you're just, uh... What? Just...
I suppose you're just a long glass of water? No agenda?
- I guess. - Well, here's how it goes
I have new lawyers who are fucking amazing
I do not underestimate the cognitive dissonance you're experiencing
Lying, hiding. But pretty soon, granted immunity.
And you're not going to prison. How does that sound?
I guess there are other names.
We have to be united on this. It's a disaster if we splinter.
- Salgado has great narrative. Quit butt... - Buffing Salgado, Shiv.
We all supported your little DC lemonade stand
But this is the fucking real world This actually matters.
Roman, you just love the boot because you love to be kicked by it.
- What? - What? Nothing. No.
- What about Connor? - Interesting.
I do believe that idea has good promise I do.
- I could see it. - Well, if you can see it,
- should we talk about it? - Kids?
Sure. I don't know. Yeah. Wait, but like really?
I guess. Sure. I don't know. They're all fucking weirdos anyway, so why not?
- No offense, Con. - None taken.
I mean, he's a good looking kid. He's smart, in his way.
Fucking Joe Kennedy did it for his boys.
So let's get him in there with a smile and a shoeshine
And get Ron and everyone behind him.
I would fight so fucking hard for this family, Pop.
Siobhan, as a political consultant what do you think?
- Come on. - Well, okay not huge name ID,
but the family name will be a factor and...
- A positive. One of many. - Uh, he's got no track record.
Nothing to beat me with. I'm a clean skin.
And I guess, in terms of presentation and connection skills...
- Tick. Tick. - He can walk and chew gum.
He pisses pretty straight.
- Pretty damn straight. I piss policy laser. - Okay. Are we being serious about this?
We're talking about trying to make Connor President
Of the United States of America, Crap Pants.
Roman, it's a big tent. Why don't you just come in?
Sure. I might call the guy who waxes my balls, he's a possible.
- Jesus. - Greg.
Would you vote for Connor?
- Me? Would I? Um... - Honestly?
Honestly, uh, yeah. I... I... it depends. I... I think...
I think I could see myself spoiling my ballot in his favor
it... depending on the opposition. Yeah.
What do you think, Shiv? Is it nuts?
I love Con, I do. But...
If we're talking about this seriously I think we have to look at Salgado
- Can I bring him up here? - Oh, come on.
Hugo, call Boyer.
Okay. If she's bringing up Soggy Salgado Then I wanna see if we can tame Mencken. Okay?
- Oh, for fuck sake. - Speakerphone.
- "Hello?" - Hi. Dave, it's Logan. How are you?
"Good, Logan. how are you?"
I'm fine. We're all fine. I'm here in my suite.
- Would you fancy stopping by? - "it's pretty late, Logan."
"But sure. Sure."
Great. Great. And Dave, listen my fridge is bare
I don't suppose you could run me over a Coke?
"Did you mean to call room service?"
If you don't have a Coke is there something else?
"Yes."
Could you fire the Deputy Attorney General?
"Fire the deputy attorney general?"
I'm kidding. Come on over. Have a chat if it's convenient.
"Sure, I'll be over in a few minutes."
Thank you, Hugo. Take the boy and go.
Yeah, yeah. I will go. I just wanna say I think,
I think I owe it to my country to say. I don't think you should crown
Or make Connor president That's it. Thank you. Goodnight. Sorry.
So what do you think?
- Let me think. - Yeah. Take your time.
- I see. It's tough for you. - Yeah.
You know, my dad seems powerful, Shiv seems safe
But...
I don't know. You think she'll still be there waiting for you after prison?
How exactly does it work if I... if I do come over to you?
I mean, how... how is it better for me when I tell my wife
Whom I love, and this family, that I'm turning against them? How?
She'll respect you Tell her, "What's she doing?"
Bring her over, Logan goes down Shiv knows who the fucking man is
Come on, man.
But hav... and I don't mean to be insulting, but having been around a bit
My hunch is that you're going to get fucked
Because I've seen you get fucked a lot
And I've never seen Logan get fucked once.
Nice. Classy.
Yeah. Okay, I gotta go.
Do you know what they're doing up in his suite?
They're picking the next president.
Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg...
Fuck Greenpeace!
- Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg. - Okay. Okay. Uh, okay.
"Obviously, we take the integrity of the Justice Department very seriously"
But there is always the question of overreach. So yeah, on tech"
I mean the strategy is clear. I hear you about GoJo
I personally don't think there would be any regulatory issues.
Well, thank you, Dave. Thank you, Mr. Vice President.
You've, uh, given us a lot to think about.
- Great to see you again. - You, too.
Wonderful to see you again, my very good adversary.
So, just wanted to chitchat a little bit That was funny earlier, you know?
You tripping the light fantastic on grandpappy's nut sack.
And when I called your dad bullshit? I mean, did that bump?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Never heard that before.
Like, that was, like hardcore and junk.
- 'Cause the thing is this monkey don't dance. - This monkey right here?
This dancing monkey in dad's bathroom doesn't dance?
That's right.
So I did wanna talk to you about something. And fuck it I'll just come out and say it
Fascists are kind of cool, but not really So is that like a problem, a thing?
Seriously? Me? I just... I don't have a lot of boundaries
St. Augustine, Thomas Aquinas Schumacher, I'll borrow from anyone.
And, you know, if Franco or H or Travis Bickle had a good pitch
Fuck it, I'm a Man for All Seasons.
"H"? You know, there was a very naughty boy named H...
I'm a fully...fledged, small D democrat A well regulated election
Is a transmission frequency for God's grace.
Holy shit. You really are a Christian, aren't you?
Well, no, no, no. My only thing is like who's the stakeholder, right?
I've been tending, you know, my little garden for like a hundred years
And then forty new guys show up in the back of a truck
playing their boombox and it's put to a vote And they decide to, uh, give my farm to them
I mean... I'm like, "What... So sorry, what happened?"
Maybe you have to put in, right, before you get to take out?
Yeah. Okay. Well then, you know who gets to, uh, who gets to join?
Well... people trust people who look like them That's just a scientific fact.
They will give more tax dollars to help them.
Now, you can integrate new elements, of course, but come on, man, slowly.
- I mean, fuck! I like this country. - Yeah.
Let's just take a beat before we fundamentally alter its composition.
Yeah. And in terms of, you know this here, there's a thing here, right?
And I get it, you're... you're fucking 6G, and we're Betamax.
But, you know, you need us I think. Our news, our viewers
Those fucking almost deads That's a big slice of pie.
Well, if I'm the nominee... are any of them really gonna vote against me?
No, but, you know, it's going to be a fucking shit show
Going into the convention. I think you could really use our push.
I think you could use mine.
Maybe.
Where are you in all this?
Me, Roman? Uh, you know... I'm creeping on the come up.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah. I've got some ideas for ATN, you know?
Sluice out the fucking porridge and add some sriracha.
Poach some of those TikTok psychos, you know? E girls with fucking guns and JUUL pods
You know, give me some straight shot Blacks and Latinos
No more of this fucking pillows and bedpans
You know, we're strictly bone broth and dick pills.
Deep state conspiracy hour but with like a fucking wink, you know, funny.
And the whole show is kinda set up for the star, President Jeryd Mencken.
Knock, knock.
Heard you wanted one.
- Thank you. - Anointed with a Coke.
That was nice.
- He's nice. - He's not nice. He's not.
Dad, I know we came to market to buy you a nice milk cow
But we found ourselves a fucking T Rex, okay?
He's box office. The guy is fucking diesel. He's good on camera. He's fun. He'll fight.
Viewers will eat from his hand. No downside.
Yeah. Let's just invade Poland, Dad No downside.
- Oh, Jesus. - No, his chief of staff broke a kid's jaw
- at a rally. - If we don't come to an accommodation
We get outflanked and we lose the ATN dollar machine
When we need cash to fight tech, right? And buy GoJo.
Shiv wants her way I want my way, Connor wants his way
- So that's even. We just need... - It's not even!
My opinion counts for more
No, it does. It just fucking does, okay? I know this.
I know. People hate him. They fucking hate this guy.
You have to look at the climate.
Climate said I was going down. Climate said I should just step aside.
I guess... I'm a climate denier.
- I'm sorry, this is how it happens? - Goodnight.
Dad? Dad? Come on. He's just... he's fucking dangerous.
Definitely fucking. Looks like your polling was off again, Shiv.
Let's go.
So, I saw you.
Looked like you were having a whale of a time flying on the wings of white power.
Yeah. Yeah, I was, uh, commandeered.
Did it feel good as the fascists hoisted you aloft like the Stanley Cup?
So, Mencken's gonna take the weekend straw poll
And Petkus has confirmed he's backing.
Good. Sunday show pushed him this morning Well, let's see if this horse can run.
Couldn't quite seal the deal, and here I was thinking
that you were gonna be the man to put my dad in prison.
- Right. - Siobhan!
- Speak of the devil. - You take care. Good to see you.
- We're doing photos. - Family photo.
- With him? No. No. - We're all in it. Let's go.
We've got enough people in the shot. I'm good.
Get in the photo, please.
Siobhan, are you part of this family or not?
I'm not standing next to him. I'll be in the photo, but not right by him.
You win, Pinky. You win.
You did good this weekend, son.
- Next to Congressman. - Mr. Mencken.
- Roman. Thank you for your great support. - Congratulations. Very impressed.
Siobhan.
Okay, everybody just be casual. Relax. Smile
Little chin down, Mr. Mencken. Congressman. And one, two, three. Great! Great!
- Perfect. Thank you. Super. - Good.
Great. Okay.
Thank you. Should we get... should we get a couple of just...