1
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:25,573
[cheery music playing]

2
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:35,969
[sighs]

3
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,603
-[gasps]
-[glass shatters]

4
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:38,973
Oh, that was awesome!

5
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,932
Everyone brought their A-game!

6
00:00:40,932 --> 00:00:43,444
I mean, Psycho,
when you made those T-Rex bones
just come to life

7
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,000
and then chase
that guard... Mwah!

8
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,381
Wait, did you just steal
King Tut's body?

9
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,149
Ugh, I was going to see that
on Sunday.

10
00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:51,185
See it? Now you can touch it.

11
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,554
[Clayface gasps]

12
00:00:52,554 --> 00:00:54,322
Yeah, but I've never been,
like, in a museum

13
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,689
and thought, "Oh, I wish
I could touch this dead body."

14
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,024
Uh, well, someone must wanna

15
00:00:58,024 --> 00:00:59,326
'cause it was under
heavy guard.

16
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:03,030
And, we needed a new ottoman.

17
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,197
We'll get used to it.

18
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,766
The news must be all over this.

19
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:09,003
Let's see what they're sayin'
about us on Villainy.evil.

20
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,572
Wait... What?

21
00:01:10,605 --> 00:01:13,174
KGBeast's getting nominated
for the Legion of Doom?

22
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:14,709
I'm way better than him.

23
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:17,144
People must be freaking out
in the comments.

24
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,647
"This was long overdue. Yay."

25
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,915
"Worked with him
on three assassinations.

26
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,216
So professional.

27
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,951
Couldn't have happened
to a better guy."

28
00:01:24,984 --> 00:01:26,319
Screw you, better guy.

29
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,155
What the hell does it take
to get nominated?

30
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,024
Ooh, look,
here's one about you,

31
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,393
"Why's no one talking
about Harley Quinn?

32
00:01:32,427 --> 00:01:35,162
I'd like to nominate her
to sit on my face."

33
00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:37,131
Okay, well, that... Mm.

34
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,599
Should have read it through.

35
00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:41,902
[screams]

36
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,337
[grunts]

37
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,640
Um, do you wanna just,
like, use your words?

38
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:49,543
I've been busting my ass
to get noticed by the Legion
for the last two months.

39
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,212
I've done everything
there is to do.

40
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,546
You mean we've done?

41
00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:54,180
Yeah, I was using
the royal "I."

42
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,150
Sorry for the rant.
I'm, I'm, I'm fine now.

43
00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:58,052
-[growls, grunts]
-[others gasp and grunt]

44
00:01:58,084 --> 00:02:00,888
Okay, now I'm fine.

45
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:05,025
Hey, so, I can't help
but notice you're being
extra Harley today.

46
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,727
And I just, honestly,

47
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,896
I don't understand
your obsession
with the Legion of Doom.

48
00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:11,799
I mean, those guys
are genuinely pieces of shit.

49
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,768
Uh, yeah. Obviously.

50
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,871
But those pieces of shit
are the only people Joker
ever treated as equals.

51
00:02:16,905 --> 00:02:19,340
I'll never match up to him
unless I'm in the Legion, too.

52
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,108
Okay, so, what you're saying is

53
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,509
you're not over your ex,

54
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,544
and you wanna throw
your success in his face.

55
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:25,578
Exactly.

56
00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:27,649
Honestly, that might be
the most relatable thing
you've ever said.

57
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,550
All right, people,
listen, I want ideas.

58
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,618
Somethin' that's gonna get us
on the Legion of Doom's radar.

59
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,824
I could call my old pal
Hank Kissinger.

60
00:02:33,824 --> 00:02:37,024
I'm sure he hasa few war crimes
he never pulled off.

61
00:02:37,056 --> 00:02:38,359
I know we're criminals,

62
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:40,394
but are we really
war criminals?

63
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,962
No one thinks
they're a war criminal,

64
00:02:41,997 --> 00:02:44,164
then you find yourself aiding
a separatist movement

65
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,966
to overthrow
a democratically elected leader

66
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,201
and boom,
you're a war criminal.

67
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,804
Maybe we could steal
some new computers

68
00:02:49,804 --> 00:02:52,272
'cause that one
you smashed was mine.

69
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:53,508
That's it. WayneTech.

70
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,842
You wanna legally
purchase computers?

71
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,044
I wasn't thinkin' legal,

72
00:02:57,076 --> 00:02:59,212
and I wasn't
thinking computers.

73
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,716
We're gonna rob Bruce Wayne.

74
00:03:02,748 --> 00:03:06,049
[theme music playing]

75
00:03:09,691 --> 00:03:12,026
All right, this is what
we're going after.

76
00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:14,328
[gasps] It's beautiful.

77
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,929
And on the 26th floor.

78
00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:17,532
Cool. How we gonna
get it down?

79
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:20,268
We'll Fast and Furious 7 it.

80
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,270
Guys, that's the one
where they shoot a car

81
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,572
from one skyscraper
into another skyscraper.

82
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,108
But, you know, ultimately,
they're just all about family.

83
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,277
Clayface, activate
"Operation Douche."

84
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:32,847
Uh, sir, please,
have you seen my daughter?

85
00:03:32,881 --> 00:03:34,782
I mean well, technically,
I'm not her father.

86
00:03:34,816 --> 00:03:39,219
I mean, you see, the Lord hath
cursed me with empathy, it's...

87
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,020
for my wife strayed.

88
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,590
It's an emotionally
complex tale,

89
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:45,727
that, if you have
two hours to spare,

90
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,429
I can burden you
with my tale of woe.

91
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,331
Harley, thank you
for letting me
use my brains, for once.

92
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,834
Most people don't let me be
who I am.

93
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:55,302
[growls]

94
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:56,704
Ooh, okay, I see
what we're workin' with here.

95
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,673
I can hack
the first three doors,

96
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:01,492
but the retinal scanner
at the entrance to the room
is on you.

97
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,110
-[humming]
-24,

98
00:04:04,145 --> 00:04:05,145
25,

99
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,780
26.

100
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,848
[gasps] Here we go.

101
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,318
[Dr. Psycho screams]

102
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,686
Oh, shit.

103
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:14,256
Now why was
she put down so gently?

104
00:04:14,256 --> 00:04:17,824
Um, because she's not
a misogynist troll that
should be living in a well?

105
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:22,163
Psycho, focus.

106
00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:25,199
[grunting]

107
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,581
[groans]

108
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,709
[Harley gasps in awe]

109
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,778
It's even more beautiful
in person.

110
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,146
Listen, could you do your
dumb twisty twirls
and get the bike,

111
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:44,146
so we can get
the hell out of here?

112
00:04:46,521 --> 00:04:48,689
Hello, what the hell
are you doing?

113
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:51,324
Stealing whatever's in here,
it's "even more restricted."

114
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,528
Oh, perfect.

115
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,394
"Even more restricted."

116
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,230
You're the psycho.

117
00:04:56,264 --> 00:04:59,165
[Clayface] Mind you,
that wasn't the first time
I was cuckolded--

118
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,735
[explosion]

119
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:04,103
I called an audible.
Let's get the hell out of here.

120
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,387
[alarm blares]

121
00:05:12,213 --> 00:05:13,747
[grunts]

122
00:05:13,779 --> 00:05:15,815
[screams]

123
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:16,817
My arm.

124
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:17,985
It's too late.
We got to go.

125
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:19,019
But my arm.

126
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,555
You just called an audible.

127
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,757
Can't we call another one
and get my limb?

128
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,559
Can't you just grow a new one?

129
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,293
And where the fuck is Psycho?

130
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,262
[cackling]

131
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,564
Is that the...

132
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:33,100
-I am a golden god.
-[bike revving]

133
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:34,168
Ah. Damn it.

134
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,572
[screams]

135
00:05:35,605 --> 00:05:38,672
Fuckin' hell.

136
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,540
[grunts]

137
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,875
Oh, you little bitch.

138
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,642
Oh, don't you--

139
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,213
[screams]

140
00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:47,514
[tires screeching]

141
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,716
[police sirens blaring]

142
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,086
Jim, what's wrong?

143
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,922
[groans] Ah... It's Barb.

144
00:05:53,922 --> 00:05:55,790
You know, she's sleeping
with someone else.

145
00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:57,425
And the worst part,
I can't blame her.

146
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,026
I mean, a woman
can only go so long

147
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,327
watching the dead eyes
of her lover thrust atop her,

148
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,197
before she looks
for something new.

149
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,899
So, you didn't call me
about the break-in
at Wayne Enterprises?

150
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,134
What? No.

151
00:06:07,168 --> 00:06:09,269
Oh, this is about
the break-down of my marriage.

152
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,271
The signal is for emergencies.

153
00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:12,939
-Well...
-Emergencies.

154
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,300
You've abused it.

155
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,076
Look, my personal life
is a mess right now,

156
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,845
and I thought I could talk
about that with my friend.

157
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,449
We're co-workers.

158
00:06:20,449 --> 00:06:22,716
Harley stole some
highly sensitive tech
from Wayne Enterprises.

159
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,017
In her hands,
it could be catastrophic.

160
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,855
Oh, well, then, I'm on it,

161
00:06:26,889 --> 00:06:28,555
co-worker.

162
00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:30,223
Here, evidence
from the crime scene.

163
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,959
-Yeah, what's that?
-Ask it yourself.

164
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,060
You used to be
such a damn good cop.

165
00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:35,795
I damn still am.

166
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:40,600
Prove it.

167
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:41,670
[The Arm whimpering]

168
00:06:41,704 --> 00:06:45,372
[gasps]

169
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,708
Oh, that was awesome.

170
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,343
Everyone kicked major ass.

171
00:06:48,377 --> 00:06:51,678
I mean, Psycho, when you froze
that security guard, mwah!

172
00:06:51,713 --> 00:06:55,249
Ah-uh. Don't you dare
Italian chef finger kiss

173
00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,084
any part of that disaster.

174
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,685
You screwed up the plan.

175
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,654
I'm ready for the heist,

176
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:04,891
and it's-a gonna
be-a delicious.

177
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,427
[laughs] Hm.

178
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:10,497
[mechanical whirring]

179
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:14,401
[grunts] Aye, aye, aye,
aye, aye, oye.

180
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,471
[groaning] Aye.

181
00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:18,740
[kisses]

182
00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:20,795
Shit. I missed the heist,
didn't I?

183
00:07:20,795 --> 00:07:22,175
If you could call it that.

184
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,976
Clayface lost his arm.

185
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,812
No, no, it's fine.

186
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,050
I'll just play
one-armed characters
for the rest of my career.

187
00:07:29,084 --> 00:07:32,218
Perhaps they'll make
a sequel to 127 Hours.

188
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:33,620
There has been light buzz.

189
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,156
You guys are thinkin'
small-time, all right?

190
00:07:35,156 --> 00:07:37,557
This is a way bigger score
than that bike.

191
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,726
This, this thing is a...

192
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,850
a highly classified
technological device

193
00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:45,466
that's gonna blow the minds
of the Legion of Doom.

194
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:47,334
You have no idea
what that does, do you?

195
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,334
Yes, I do.

196
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:49,536
Something...

197
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,000
Something button related?

198
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:53,406
Look, either way,
it is obviously important.

199
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,742
I bet you this heist's
all over the news.

200
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,812
I mean, look,
this is what I'm talkin' about.

201
00:07:57,812 --> 00:07:59,514
We even got reviewed
by The Cowled Critic.

202
00:07:59,514 --> 00:08:02,182
I mean, he's like
the only reviewer
the Legion of Doom reads.

203
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:04,017
[laugh]

204
00:08:04,052 --> 00:08:07,088
All right, I learned
something today, Cowlheads,

205
00:08:07,122 --> 00:08:12,425
and that is Harley Quinn
and her crew aren't worthy
of Legionnaires' disease,

206
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,028
let alone the Legion of Doom.

207
00:08:14,062 --> 00:08:16,197
-Wait, what?
-But what should
I have expected

208
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:20,367
when the crew has
the universally hated
Dr. Psycho,

209
00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:23,202
-and his hussy new girlfriend,
Poison Ivy.
-[woman moans]

210
00:08:23,237 --> 00:08:24,672
Oh, fuck off.

211
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,641
That is completely
out of context.

212
00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:28,440
I knew I should've let you
fall to your death.

213
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:30,877
And the piece de resistance?

214
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,014
Harley Quinn is so inept,

215
00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:35,350
she left behind a member
of her own team

216
00:08:35,383 --> 00:08:38,052
who is now in the hands
of the Gotham Police.

217
00:08:38,086 --> 00:08:39,586
What the hell's
he talkin' about?

218
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,221
We all made it back
in one piece.

219
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:44,524
Not exactly.

220
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,159
Tell me where Harley Quinn is.

221
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,894
[whimpering]

222
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,431
I just wanna
get back to my dad.

223
00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:51,633
All right. Okay, okay.

224
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,600
Well, okay.

225
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,702
How about if you
tell me about him?

226
00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:58,572
I can't, 'cause I'm not
supposed to talk to strangers.

227
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,740
Oh, but I'm not a stranger.

228
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,677
No, my name is Jim.

229
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:05,745
I'm a hardworking detective
with a beautiful wife

230
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:08,148
who won't touch me
even though I treat her
like a queen

231
00:09:08,182 --> 00:09:09,249
and do everything for her.

232
00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:10,283
-Everything!
-[whimpers]

233
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,753
But that's not your problem.

234
00:09:11,787 --> 00:09:14,655
Well, she doesn't sound
like a friend to me.

235
00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:17,291
That's exactly what I've been
saying to anyone
who would listen to me.

236
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:18,725
Which is no one.

237
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,827
But that's not
what we're here to talk about.

238
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:24,498
But maybe it should be, Jim.

239
00:09:24,532 --> 00:09:26,634
My God, you're right...

240
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,235
So, it knows
everything you know?

241
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,804
Yes, we've been over this.

242
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,173
My arm is a piece of me.

243
00:09:32,206 --> 00:09:33,841
But it wouldn't
give away our location,

244
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,909
turn us in,
testify against us, would it?

245
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,812
Who knows? It's like a kid.

246
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:39,113
It'll do anything for approval.

247
00:09:39,147 --> 00:09:41,081
Huh, wonder
where it got that from.

248
00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:43,051
Ugh, if he squeals,
the Cowled Critic
will have a field day,

249
00:09:43,051 --> 00:09:45,086
and the Legion of Doom
will never take me.

250
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:47,922
But, mostly,
we'll all be in prison
for the rest of our lives.

251
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,346
Oh, yeah, that, that too.

252
00:09:49,346 --> 00:09:52,458
And I'll never get my lost,
little right hand man back.

253
00:09:52,493 --> 00:09:54,062
Yeah, that, that,
that too, too.

254
00:09:54,062 --> 00:09:55,662
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, you know what,

255
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,133
I think I speak for everyone
when I say

256
00:09:57,133 --> 00:09:59,866
that this is completely
fucking stupid.

257
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,604
Can you please fire me now,
so I can get some unemployment?

258
00:10:01,604 --> 00:10:03,703
Okay. No one's going anywhere.

259
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,407
'Cause we're gonna
rescue your arm.

260
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,177
We are gonna break into
the Gotham City
Police Department.

261
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:13,014
If we pull it off,
the Legion'll call us
in no time.

262
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,782
Oh, and Clayface
will have two arms.

263
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,851
Look, I'd love to come along,
and support you but--

264
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,386
But ya wanna find the critic
that said you're the biggest
fuck up on my crew

265
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,955
and tear him a new asshole,
I get it, I get it.

266
00:10:20,955 --> 00:10:22,456
I will not be slandered.

267
00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:25,292
I'll help. I'll help you
smack him around a little bit.

268
00:10:25,326 --> 00:10:27,004
What? For you. Obviously.

269
00:10:27,004 --> 00:10:29,529
I mean, I can't let this
anonymous asshole talk shit
about my best friend, right?

270
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,835
Aw, Ive,
you'd hurt him for me?

271
00:10:31,868 --> 00:10:33,868
Yes. Absolutely.

272
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,403
And because he claimed
I'm fucking Psycho.

273
00:10:36,437 --> 00:10:37,738
But mostly for you, babe.

274
00:10:37,772 --> 00:10:38,905
But also for me.

275
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,340
But for you.
For us.

276
00:10:40,341 --> 00:10:41,943
It's fine.
Let's go.

277
00:10:44,178 --> 00:10:48,182
I can't believe that
bad old Batman took away
your special signal.

278
00:10:48,216 --> 00:10:50,518
After all the cases
I've helped him solve.

279
00:10:50,518 --> 00:10:52,019
I'm the one
that does the grunt work.

280
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,988
All I ask is that occasionally

281
00:10:53,988 --> 00:10:56,823
when my wife
is emotionally distant
during sex, he listens.

282
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,058
Not to the sex,

283
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,426
But, to me,
talking about the...

284
00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:00,760
Yeah.

285
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:03,062
Jim, you sound
like a really good cop.

286
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,832
[gasps]

287
00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:09,068
You know, it's just been
so long since I've heard
someone else say that, I was...

288
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,038
I was just starting to wonder
if it was really true.

289
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,908
It's true to me... friend.

290
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:17,390
[cheery music playing]

291
00:11:48,576 --> 00:11:50,912
[thuds and grunts]

292
00:11:50,945 --> 00:11:53,345
[muffled cries]

293
00:11:56,083 --> 00:12:00,053
A one armed officer...
The stories my mind is weaving.

294
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,956
Ooh. How could he lose it?
A shootout? Maybe.

295
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:06,594
An explosion? Perhaps!
I know, diabetes!

296
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,962
So, when they arrest me,
I go full shark

297
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,764
and start a riot to cause
a distraction?

298
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,231
[Harley] Yep!
Easy as one, two--

299
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,567
Shark!

300
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:17,403
[grunting]

301
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,240
[tires screeching]

302
00:12:20,274 --> 00:12:22,909
[camera clicks]

303
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:26,114
Okay, okay. Plan B. Clayface,
you gotta distract 'em.

304
00:12:26,147 --> 00:12:29,317
Brilliant! Hm,
what do cops love?

305
00:12:29,350 --> 00:12:32,086
It is I again,
your fellow officer.

306
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,089
Hello, chums. I come
baring horrible news!

307
00:12:35,123 --> 00:12:37,625
Joker has kidnapped
Bruce Springsteen.

308
00:12:37,658 --> 00:12:40,293
Some rat fuck stole The Boss!

309
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,427
Don't worry, The Boss.

310
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,697
We're coming for you, Boss!

311
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,466
-[tires screeching]
-[sirens blaring]

312
00:12:45,466 --> 00:12:47,335
[woman on phone] Hello?
My husband's been murdered

313
00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:50,065
and the killer's still
in the ho--

314
00:12:54,442 --> 00:12:57,671
Come on. Just tell me
where Harley's lair is.

315
00:12:57,671 --> 00:13:00,748
I'm your friend, not them.
You said it yourself.

316
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,515
You mean that?

317
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:03,985
You're not just pretending?

318
00:13:03,985 --> 00:13:05,253
Well, I'm not gonna lie to you.

319
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,822
I was, but then
you listened to me

320
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:11,024
graphically explain
the problematic intercourse

321
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,928
I'm having with my wife and...

322
00:13:12,961 --> 00:13:15,395
Well, gosh darn it,
you didn't judge me.

323
00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:18,732
Well, Jim, you can't judge
what you don't understand.

324
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:20,067
God, you're so wise.

325
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,070
Aw, thanks, friend.

326
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:25,272
You know what? I'm gonna
tell you where the lair is.

327
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,274
The lair is on--

328
00:13:26,274 --> 00:13:27,908
-Don't tell him anything!
-My child!

329
00:13:27,942 --> 00:13:30,510
Give us The Arm, Gordon. Now!

330
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,147
Oh, Jim, don't let 'em take me.

331
00:13:32,181 --> 00:13:36,283
You need me, right?
'Cause I'm... I'm epidence?

332
00:13:36,317 --> 00:13:38,419
Ho-ho-hold on there, crazy guy.

333
00:13:38,452 --> 00:13:41,423
You're a lot more
than just "epidence."

334
00:13:41,456 --> 00:13:43,424
And I'm not going
to let these animals touch you.

335
00:13:43,457 --> 00:13:46,226
If you've got ears, stick
your fingers in 'em right now

336
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:47,995
because I'm about to work blue.

337
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,865
I'm gonna fuck you to death
with bullets!

338
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:54,048
[Clayface screaming]

339
00:13:56,037 --> 00:13:59,374
So, you found The Cowled
Critic's house because you--

340
00:13:59,407 --> 00:14:03,110
Heard it through the grapevine.
Yeah, it is a real thing.

341
00:14:03,144 --> 00:14:07,548
[Dr. Psycho] Oh, shit.
It's you. Of course, it's you!

342
00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:09,216
-Who's she?
-My ex-wife.

343
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:11,418
Why are you
at my boyfriend's house?

344
00:14:11,452 --> 00:14:14,421
Quick side bar.
How did this work... sexually?

345
00:14:14,455 --> 00:14:16,686
Not great!

346
00:14:17,258 --> 00:14:18,993
Oh, I should have called this!

347
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,129
I know you're
The Cowled Critic!

348
00:14:21,162 --> 00:14:22,863
You gave that review sayin'

349
00:14:22,897 --> 00:14:24,466
me and chick weed here
are a couple.

350
00:14:24,466 --> 00:14:28,101
You think I care about you
and your jolly green whore?

351
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,336
Okay. I'm standing right here.

352
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:31,538
I don't have time
to give some review.

353
00:14:31,572 --> 00:14:34,509
I'm too busy
getting cunnilingus
from my new boyfriend,

354
00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:37,443
-Brad, who's amazing at it.
-[Dr. Psycho] Oh, come on.

355
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,046
Only weak men do that.

356
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,481
[laughs nervously]
Oh, fuckin' hell!

357
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:42,984
Call me. In other news,

358
00:14:43,017 --> 00:14:45,485
if you didn't
write the review, who did?

359
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,485
Father.

360
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:47,687
Herman?

361
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,224
[gun clicks]

362
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:52,025
Just give us The Arm, Gordon.

363
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,726
You'll have to kill me first!

364
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,796
He's my friend. My only friend!

365
00:14:55,796 --> 00:14:56,764
What about Batman?

366
00:14:56,764 --> 00:14:58,365
He's no friend.

367
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,399
Now that Batman's abandoned me,
this hand is all I have.

368
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:05,273
So, you'll have to pry
this hand out of
my cold dead... hand.

369
00:15:05,306 --> 00:15:08,075
Why can't you
just leave us alone?

370
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,110
What he said!

371
00:15:09,143 --> 00:15:10,378
Okay. He's sidin' with Gordon.

372
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,212
He's gonna snitch
and ruin everything,

373
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,149
and I will never
get into the Legion.

374
00:15:14,183 --> 00:15:16,116
-And I'd like to have two arms.
-Oh.

375
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,618
Yeah, that too.

376
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,019
All right. Two options, Gordy.

377
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,821
Give us The Arm and we leave,

378
00:15:20,855 --> 00:15:22,255
or I press this button

379
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:25,225
and blow this whole fuckin'
place sky-high.

380
00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:26,561
Harley, this wasn't the plan.

381
00:15:26,594 --> 00:15:28,562
We have no idea
what that button does.

382
00:15:28,596 --> 00:15:31,164
I gotta do something crazy
and in the chaos
we'll grab The Arm.

383
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,932
Okay. You winked.
Is that a wink?

384
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,501
That-- "No, I'm not going
to press the button?"

385
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,370
Is that a wink? "I am going
to press the button?"

386
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,171
What's the plan?

387
00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:38,572
-Exactly.
-What?

388
00:15:38,572 --> 00:15:40,207
You've got three seconds
to put that button down

389
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,809
or I'll pull this trigger.
So help me God.

390
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:46,379
Three... two... one.

391
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,913
[gunshot]

392
00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:54,884
[electricity buzzing]

393
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:58,393
Ah...

394
00:15:58,426 --> 00:16:03,426
Uh, well, I wasn't
expecting that.

395
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:07,067
What the hell? [screaming]

396
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,403
-[thuds]
-[Harley grunting]

397
00:16:08,437 --> 00:16:10,803
[groans]

398
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:13,139
[screaming]

399
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:16,143
[Batman] So, Quinn,
you pressed the button.

400
00:16:16,177 --> 00:16:18,477
Yeah, I don't think you got
all the kinks worked out.

401
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,847
It's in beta.

402
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:23,116
Wow! I always wondered
what the Batcave looked like.

403
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,785
So this must be
where you fuck the bats.

404
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:26,687
-Hmm.
-[Harley] Are you gonna
help me or what?

405
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,121
You've seen the Batcave.

406
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,691
Give me one reason
why I shouldn't let you drop.

407
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:32,427
Um... Uh...

408
00:16:32,460 --> 00:16:34,596
Hey, Bats, yeah, I'm here
on a mercy mission, okay?

409
00:16:34,629 --> 00:16:36,663
Gordon's on the roof
of the police department.

410
00:16:36,697 --> 00:16:38,399
He's lost his mind.

411
00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:41,535
I mean, I think he's suicidal.
He-- He said you abandoned him.

412
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,136
I don't know
what he wants from me.

413
00:16:43,171 --> 00:16:45,940
We're co-workers.

414
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,740
My screensaver
just kicked in, didn't it?

415
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,200
Yeah. It sure did.

416
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,044
I mean, he said
you put your work
before your friendship.

417
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:55,015
That's real... Selfish.

418
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:57,018
You know, Bats,
now that I think about it,

419
00:16:57,018 --> 00:16:58,285
you and I ain't that different.

420
00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,687
We're completely different.

421
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,822
We're both bad asses
who look good in spandex.

422
00:17:01,822 --> 00:17:05,026
This polymer body armor
is made from indestructible
micro-fiber.

423
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,492
Yeah, no, it looks
like spandex.

424
00:17:06,527 --> 00:17:09,029
[screaming]

425
00:17:09,063 --> 00:17:10,131
[crashes]

426
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:13,034
[Harley] [groans]

427
00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:15,068
My friend just lost his arm

428
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,471
and, instead of helpin' him
get it back,

429
00:17:17,505 --> 00:17:20,840
I did what would help me
get into the Legion of Doom.

430
00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:22,442
I let him down.

431
00:17:22,477 --> 00:17:25,880
Just like you let Gordon down.

432
00:17:25,913 --> 00:17:27,948
Not good at... emotion.

433
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,049
Or...

434
00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:30,451
[in Batman's voice] Vocabulary.

435
00:17:30,451 --> 00:17:32,286
But hey, you got a chance
to repair it, okay?

436
00:17:32,286 --> 00:17:34,422
We need to get Gordon
before he does somethin' crazy.

437
00:17:34,422 --> 00:17:37,057
Your friend needs you now.

438
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,125
Hmm.

439
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,994
Herman, my sweet Herman.

440
00:17:41,028 --> 00:17:43,431
Listen, I understand
your monster mom

441
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:47,268
saying those things about me,
but my brood, my own kin?

442
00:17:47,268 --> 00:17:50,505
You made my entire life
a living hell.

443
00:17:50,538 --> 00:17:53,106
You locked me
in the basement for days...

444
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,411
-Mm-hmm.
-...killed anyone
who seemed to like me...

445
00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,981
-That's true.
-...never bought me
a WayneStation4...

446
00:17:58,981 --> 00:18:02,250
-All right.
-Fuck! You named me Herman!

447
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,218
You're the worst father ever!

448
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,386
Okay. Can we just
take a step back?

449
00:18:06,421 --> 00:18:09,624
I made your life
a living hell...

450
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,192
-because I care about you.
-What?

451
00:18:12,226 --> 00:18:15,328
Supervillains don't come
from happy homes.

452
00:18:15,363 --> 00:18:18,933
and I saw so much
evil potential in you.

453
00:18:18,933 --> 00:18:21,903
If I didn't think you could
become the worst person
in the world,

454
00:18:21,936 --> 00:18:24,971
I wouldn't have tried so hard
to make your life awful.

455
00:18:25,005 --> 00:18:26,240
I...

456
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,977
I only ever wanted
to impress you,

457
00:18:28,009 --> 00:18:31,077
but I never thought
I was evil enough.

458
00:18:31,112 --> 00:18:33,717
Uh-uh-uh. Nuh-uh.
No. Don't cry. Don't cry.

459
00:18:33,717 --> 00:18:36,284
You're gonna make me cry
because I thought
I failed as a father,

460
00:18:36,284 --> 00:18:39,119
and you ended up happy,
and heroic.

461
00:18:39,153 --> 00:18:40,354
But look at you.

462
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:43,190
You're more evil
than I could've dreamed.

463
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:47,428
I couldn't be more
proud of you, my terrible son.

464
00:18:47,461 --> 00:18:50,000
I hate you, Dad. [sniffling]
I hate you so much.

465
00:18:50,032 --> 00:18:52,833
I hate you too, son.

466
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,835
This is so fucked up,

467
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,869
but weirdly really moving.

468
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,239
[Herman sobbing]

469
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,873
All right, I'm going to
let you guys go.

470
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:01,709
I'm going to go find Brad.

471
00:19:01,742 --> 00:19:04,778
If you want to stay
with Gordon, I understand.
[sniffling]

472
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:07,315
[in shaky voice]
I only want you to be
safe and...

473
00:19:07,315 --> 00:19:08,348
[sniffling]

474
00:19:08,382 --> 00:19:12,653
Safe and happy.

475
00:19:12,686 --> 00:19:15,221
-Holy shit! Can we
do that again?
-No.

476
00:19:15,256 --> 00:19:16,423
Oh, so you came back.

477
00:19:16,457 --> 00:19:18,291
Well, I've got a new friend now

478
00:19:18,326 --> 00:19:19,993
-so there's nothing
you can say--
-I'm sorry, Jim.

479
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,394
I'm sorry, too.

480
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:22,864
I knew you'd realize
our friendship means

481
00:19:22,864 --> 00:19:25,066
more than just
our day-to-day crime fighting.

482
00:19:25,099 --> 00:19:29,970
And that we can lean
on each other for our
most intimate emotional needs.

483
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:34,275
Sure.

484
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:35,609
A damn good bat signal.

485
00:19:35,643 --> 00:19:37,711
-[Gordon] Well...
-For a damn good cop.

486
00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:38,645
Aw...

487
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:42,855
[The Arm sniffling and whining]

488
00:19:42,855 --> 00:19:46,287
Thank you for everything,
The Arm.

489
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,255
But I've got my real friend
back now,

490
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,757
so you can go on.

491
00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:51,758
Go get reabsorbed
back into your daddy.

492
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:55,429
[whining]

493
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,762
Aw, don't do that.

494
00:19:56,797 --> 00:19:58,164
[sniffling]

495
00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,400
Don't make this harder
than it needs to be.

496
00:19:59,401 --> 00:20:00,667
[sniffles]

497
00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:03,707
Oh, Jim. I'll never forget yo--

498
00:20:03,707 --> 00:20:06,040
[exclaims] Well done!

499
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:08,442
All right, Quinn. Time for me
to take you to Arkham.

500
00:20:08,476 --> 00:20:10,344
Wait, what? I just repaired

501
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,080
your most important
adult relationship.

502
00:20:12,115 --> 00:20:14,481
[Harley grunts]

503
00:20:14,515 --> 00:20:17,815
[electricity buzzing]

504
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,489
-[cop 1] Everybody hands up!
-[cop 2] Hands in the air.

505
00:20:21,489 --> 00:20:24,724
-[cop 1] You're under arrest!
-Not so fast, gentlemen.

506
00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:25,960
Dance, coppers!

507
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:28,061
[cops exclaiming]

508
00:20:28,095 --> 00:20:32,701
Let's go. Let's get outta here.

509
00:20:32,736 --> 00:20:34,568
[sighs]

510
00:20:34,602 --> 00:20:38,406
[Dr. Psycho] What a pussy!

511
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,775
...and so it is
with a humble heart,

512
00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:45,846
that I come to, Cowlheads,
retracting my previous review.

513
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,715
Harley Quinn and her crew have
more than proven themselves.

514
00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:52,319
Look, look, obviously
I want to get into
the Legion of Doom super bad.

515
00:20:52,353 --> 00:20:53,721
It's incredibly
important to me,

516
00:20:53,755 --> 00:20:56,257
but not more important
than you guys.

517
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:58,093
Check this out, everybody!

518
00:20:58,125 --> 00:21:01,663
And I want to give a special
shout out to Dr. Psycho,

519
00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:04,064
who I slandered
in my last review.

520
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:05,666
Feeling really bad about that.

521
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:09,636
Using his amazing brain powers,
he made Batman vanish.

522
00:21:09,671 --> 00:21:11,839
His super cool son
must be so proud.

523
00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:13,875
-Uh... That's not what--
-Let him have this.

524
00:21:13,907 --> 00:21:15,809
Also want to apologize
for saying

525
00:21:15,844 --> 00:21:18,445
Poison Ivy
and Dr. Psycho are a couple.

526
00:21:18,479 --> 00:21:19,513
That one's on me.

527
00:21:19,547 --> 00:21:21,148
-Ah, thank God.
-Finally.

528
00:21:21,182 --> 00:21:24,085
Harley Quinn and her crew are
worthy of being nominated

529
00:21:24,118 --> 00:21:27,288
for this year's class
of the Legion of Doom.

530
00:21:27,288 --> 00:21:30,365
if she could only just stop
leaving crew members behind.

531
00:21:30,365 --> 00:21:31,758
We didn't leave anybody--

532
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,093
Oh, shit!

533
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:34,428
[slurping] Mm.

534
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,829
[smacks lips] Mm.

535
00:21:36,864 --> 00:21:38,499
[giggles]

536
00:21:38,532 --> 00:21:41,469
Darrell, if you ever bring me
inferior toilet wine again,

537
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,436
I'll be forced to shank you
in the showers

538
00:21:43,471 --> 00:21:45,573
and you know
I don't want to do that.

539
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:47,309
I like being "cool boss."

540
00:21:47,343 --> 00:21:50,979
[explosion]

541
00:21:51,011 --> 00:21:54,347
Hey, King. I am so sorry for
leavin' ya here for so long.

542
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:55,717
-Oh, no problem.
-[distant sirens]

543
00:21:55,717 --> 00:21:57,518
It allowed me
to experience firsthand

544
00:21:57,551 --> 00:21:59,921
the failings of the prison
industrial complex.

545
00:21:59,953 --> 00:22:03,523
-[prisoner 1] Yeah! Fresh fish!
-[prisoner 2] Here fishy,
fishy, fishy, fishy.

546
00:22:03,557 --> 00:22:05,059
[laughing and kissing]

547
00:22:05,093 --> 00:22:07,096
Now, fellas, look, I know
it's just in fun, but...

548
00:22:07,130 --> 00:22:10,597
[yelling] What the fuck did I
tell you about that word?

549
00:22:10,631 --> 00:22:13,166
-Oh, yeah. Sorry, King.
-Ooh. Sorry about that.

550
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,201
Oh. They're learning.

551
00:22:15,236 --> 00:22:17,038
Baby steps, right, Harley?

552
00:22:17,071 --> 00:22:19,874
[yelling] I will kill each
and every one of you

553
00:22:19,907 --> 00:22:23,477
with my bare hands
if I have to!

554
00:22:23,510 --> 00:23:49,933
[theme music playing]