1 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:40,240 Mr. President, Jim Gordon, 2 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,710 aka Gotham PD Commissioner, aka the Commish, 3 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,378 but you can call me Gordo. 4 00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,246 Sir, Gotham City is finally ready to-- 5 00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:48,548 -[secretary] Please hold for the President. -Ah! 6 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,718 Sorry, I thought you were the President. 7 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,252 -No, I'm his secretary. -Well, yes. 8 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,299 Now that you say it, 9 00:00:54,299 --> 00:00:56,256 it makes sense that the President wouldn't answer his own phone. 10 00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:58,491 Just that I don't often hear of a male secretary. 11 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:01,127 -This is the President. -Sir, I, on my own, 12 00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:05,298 with no help from others, definitely singlehandedly took out the Injustice League. 13 00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:09,236 Gotham City is ready to rejoin the United States. 14 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:10,603 Gordo... Can I call you that? 15 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,099 I'd prefer that. 16 00:01:12,099 --> 00:01:15,808 Gordo, according to my intel, there's still one supervillain who is running amok. 17 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,510 Harley Quinn. 18 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:20,647 Uh... she's nothing but a polyp up my bunghole. 19 00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:21,882 Irritating? Sure. 20 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,316 Uncomfortable? Absolutely. 21 00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:27,688 Horrifying to sexual partners and oftentimes a deal breaker? Definitely. 22 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,456 But nothing that a doctor-prescribed cream can't take care of. 23 00:01:30,456 --> 00:01:31,926 -[camera shutter clicks] -That is... 24 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:35,429 a lot of specific knowledge about anal polyps. 25 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,055 You're talking to an expert. 26 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,433 Look, Gordo, Harley Quinn caused the downfall of Gotham. 27 00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:40,640 She's a menace. 28 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,180 She strikes fear into the heart of the public psyche. 29 00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:45,405 If she's still out there, Gotham isn't safe. 30 00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:48,375 Take care of Harley Quinn and I'll put Gotham back on the map. 31 00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:51,311 I'm coming for you, Quinn. 32 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,528 [theme music playing] 33 00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,825 Harls, if we're going to talk about it, let's just talk about it. 34 00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:06,760 I mean, pssh, if you want to, I guess I could. Yeah. 35 00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,662 That was... crazy, right? 36 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,263 [chuckles] So, crazy. 37 00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:11,632 I've been thinking a lot, and I think it was-- 38 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,967 An impetuous, spur of the moment thing. 39 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:14,967 -You know? -Yes. 40 00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:16,699 It was the adrenaline of escaping, you know. 41 00:02:16,699 --> 00:02:17,699 I just think it went to our heads. 42 00:02:17,699 --> 00:02:19,705 -Hundred percent. -We weren't really thinking. 43 00:02:19,705 --> 00:02:21,508 -You know? -It's so weird and uncanny 44 00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:23,376 how you just said everything I was going to say. 45 00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:25,611 I think we just chalk it up to a crazy moment 46 00:02:25,611 --> 00:02:26,888 where something crazy happened. 47 00:02:26,888 --> 00:02:27,962 You know what I mean? I mean, that's it. 48 00:02:27,962 --> 00:02:29,750 Totally. Totally! It was so me! 49 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,818 It was Harley Quinn, always doing crazy things! 50 00:02:31,884 --> 00:02:33,486 Always being impetuous! Hey! 51 00:02:33,552 --> 00:02:34,587 Always kissing people! 52 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,823 -Muah! -Ugh! 53 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:39,192 Disgusting! You're not my type. 54 00:02:39,258 --> 00:02:40,927 Harley, are you sure you're cool, or... 55 00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:44,264 Yes. I swear to you. I'm cool. I'm just... We are cool. 56 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,399 Ugh, great! I'm just glad we're on the same page. 57 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,000 I mean, I'm getting married to Kite Man soon. 58 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,302 -You know, so I gotta focus on that. -Obvs! 59 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:51,972 Yeah, I'm super busy, too. 60 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,806 I'm like planning my next move. So many moves. All... 61 00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:55,808 Almost too many moves. 62 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,478 Wow, look at that. I'm actually late to a move planning meeting. 63 00:02:58,544 --> 00:03:00,280 Oh, this is so good. 64 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,382 Harley, I'm just glad we talked about this. 65 00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,685 And I would never want anything to mess up our friendship, you know? 66 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,854 Yes, totally. Yeah, especially not over some kiss 67 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:09,254 that, you know, didn't even mean anything. 68 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:12,925 [chuckles awkwardly] So, are you gonna tell Kite Man? 69 00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:14,661 [Kite Man] How could you do this to me? 70 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,830 Babe, I'm so sorry. 71 00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:19,665 Look, I meant to call for a reservation and stuff came up. 72 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,064 I said I'm sorry. 73 00:03:21,064 --> 00:03:24,905 Sorry doesn't get us a table at Senor Mexico's authentic Mexican adobe house, 74 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,707 which is my parents' favorite brunch spot in all of Gotham. 75 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,776 [object clatters] 76 00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:33,379 -Babe, you all right? -Yes. I'm... I'm just... It's... 77 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:34,848 I've got a lot on my mind right now. 78 00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,349 Hey. I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you. 79 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,252 It's just the first time they're meeting you, 80 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:40,788 and I want them to love you as much as I do, 81 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,588 because, no pressure, if they don't love you 82 00:03:42,588 --> 00:03:43,949 they won't approve of the wedding, 83 00:03:43,949 --> 00:03:45,063 and then they won't come to the wedding! 84 00:03:45,063 --> 00:03:46,727 Honey, I will make sure that they love me. 85 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,229 Because parents always love me. 86 00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,396 I mean, not my parents or any other parents. 87 00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,399 But the point is for your parents? Ah! 88 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,768 I'm gonna just blow them away. 89 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,836 God, I love you. 90 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,473 Okay. So, as we all know, I'm super busy, 91 00:03:59,538 --> 00:04:01,608 I'm a crazy busy, busiest I've ever been. 92 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,443 The question is, what am I super busy with? 93 00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:05,704 What's next? 94 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,914 I thought we were gonna chill out and have fun 95 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,549 after we took the Injustice League out? 96 00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:10,794 Oh, yeah. We're gonna have fun. 97 00:04:10,794 --> 00:04:13,687 As I become the world's most feared supervillain! 98 00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,421 That's not you. 99 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,557 The gravitas just isn't there. 100 00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,326 The gravitas is there! 101 00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:23,497 Harley, first I want to apologize for these pussies! 102 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,733 I, for one, welcome you pushing the evil envelope. 103 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,567 This is what I've dreamed of. 104 00:04:28,634 --> 00:04:31,071 If you want to do some truly evil shit, 105 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,706 then I'm your guy! 106 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,507 What are your thoughts on killing puppies? 107 00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:35,942 -[both gasp] -[bike revs] 108 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,877 Harley, I've come to warn you about my-- 109 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,880 -Wait, who are you? -Um... Batgirl. Anyway... 110 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,139 All right. You know what? 111 00:04:42,139 --> 00:04:43,951 As a community, we should really get together 112 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,685 and start coming up with more creative names. 113 00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:47,262 This is bullshit. 114 00:04:47,262 --> 00:04:51,490 Can I just say, I love the stitch work on your costume, girl. 115 00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:53,093 [laughs] I see you. 116 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,360 Aw, geez, thanks. 117 00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,062 Why the hell are you here? 118 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,966 Gordon's coming to take you down. 119 00:04:57,966 --> 00:05:01,334 You are what stands in the way of Gotham rejoining the United States. 120 00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,540 And I've come here to warn you 121 00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:03,769 because he thinks you're a villain, 122 00:05:03,769 --> 00:05:05,000 but I know that you're not. 123 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,807 What? I'm bad as hell. 124 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,074 Total villain over here! 125 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,500 Fuck, yeah! 126 00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:12,379 That's the Harley I've been waiting for. 127 00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:13,899 Own it, girl! 128 00:05:13,899 --> 00:05:15,949 You did kick the Legion of Doom out of Gotham, 129 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,783 killed Joker, got rid of the Injustice League. 130 00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,451 Those were all heroic things. 131 00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:21,588 This is what we were just saying. 132 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,389 See? Batgirl gets it. 133 00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,725 You want me to melt her mind? 134 00:05:24,790 --> 00:05:26,790 I will melt her mind. 135 00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:29,461 All I'm saying is lay low, and hopefully this'll all blow over. 136 00:05:29,528 --> 00:05:30,944 No time to lay low! 137 00:05:30,944 --> 00:05:33,365 I was just telling Ivy how I am a very busy person, 138 00:05:33,432 --> 00:05:34,577 and that's what I am. 139 00:05:34,577 --> 00:05:36,603 So I am going to lay very high, thank you. 140 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,605 Harley, he won't stop until he gets you. 141 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,439 You heard about what he did to Two-Face, 142 00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:42,009 and Two-Face had a whole mess of goons. 143 00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:44,110 So, what you're saying is I need an army. 144 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:47,081 No, that's 100% not what I was say-- 145 00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:49,583 -You tell Commissioner Gor-dumb... -Nice! 146 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,817 ...that I am the baddest bitch in town. 147 00:05:51,817 --> 00:05:53,754 I'm Harley Quinn! I'm impetuous! 148 00:05:53,819 --> 00:05:55,422 I kiss people at random! 149 00:05:55,487 --> 00:05:57,091 -Muah! -What's happening? 150 00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:59,992 I am a supervillain, and Gordon better sack up 151 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,995 and prepare for an all-out war with me and my army. 152 00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,831 -Thanks for the heads up. -No, again, 153 00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:07,834 -that was 100% not what I was saying-- -[door slams] 154 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,103 All right, listen. New plan. 155 00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:10,569 We are gonna defeat Gordon. 156 00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:11,872 We just need an evil army. 157 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,740 Anyone know how we can get an evil army? 158 00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:15,975 I am rock hard right now! 159 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,610 That's nasty. 160 00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,779 Harley, what has gotten into you? 161 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:23,817 Ever since you and Ivy emerged from Bane's pit, you seem unlike yourself. 162 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,752 Yeah, you never said anything about being a warlord. 163 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:28,555 Plus, where are we going to get an army? 164 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,824 Especially since the goons have unionized. 165 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:34,427 Nothing happened in the pit, and I am absolutely being totally like myself. 166 00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:35,896 And no one is getting in my way. 167 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,418 Not even Gordon. 168 00:06:37,418 --> 00:06:39,800 You know what? I think I know where we can get an army. 169 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,002 But it's some real deal villain shit. 170 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,571 You got to get your hands dirty. Are you down to do that? 171 00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,807 Bitch, please. I am super down. 172 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,040 This is exactly what I want to do. 173 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,810 I'm Harley Quinn. I'm impetuous! 174 00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:51,944 I kiss people for no reason. 175 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,048 -Muah! -[King Shark giggles] 176 00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:56,516 Yeah, you've made that whole kissing thing really clear, Harley. 177 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,119 Hey, sup. Uh, I don't really care either way, 178 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,555 but what're the chances you have a four top? 179 00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:03,456 Four top is restaurant speak for-- 180 00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,692 A table, for four people. Thanks. 181 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,994 My little foodie. 182 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,562 Yeah, it's a three-hour wait. Sorry. 183 00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,029 [groans] Oh, boy! 184 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,233 Um, babe, those people over there 185 00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:15,002 that look like a country club fucked a yacht club are waving at us. 186 00:07:15,069 --> 00:07:16,970 Charles dear, over here! 187 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:20,206 Mother, Father, please meet the love of my life, Pamela. 188 00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:21,708 You didn't make a reservation. 189 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,211 -Mother, I am so sorry. -Oh, God. 190 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:28,615 I had to have the credit card company concierge read management the riot act 191 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,151 and we still got stuck here with the hoi polloi. 192 00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:33,620 Our usual booth was taken. 193 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,788 Oh. You know what? Let me talk to the manager. 194 00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:38,057 Good luck to her, I say. 195 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,627 [couple yell] 196 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,862 Well, look at that. A booth just opened up. 197 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:46,165 Pam, I must say, I like your style. 198 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,666 Well, shall we? 199 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,970 Senorita, can we get four mimosas 200 00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:53,240 and an order of your mashed avocado? Gracias. 201 00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:57,043 And if I don't escape my shackles in five minutes, 202 00:07:57,110 --> 00:08:00,047 I will plunge to my death! 203 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,014 Okay. Where's this army you're promising? 204 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:03,884 Well, as you all know, 205 00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:06,586 I have always had a huge hard-on for world domination. 206 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,588 -Well, that's on brand. -Just disgusting. 207 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:12,024 And there is truly only one foolproof way I've found to get it. 208 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,526 That idiot in the technicolor dreamcoat 209 00:08:14,593 --> 00:08:16,297 has a device called a "Mother Box" 210 00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:18,899 that can create a "Boom Tube." 211 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,033 We take the Boom Tube to Apokolips, 212 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:24,004 where Darkseid has a whole shitload of amazing armies. 213 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,704 We kiss Darkseid's ring, 214 00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:27,307 pledge fealty, blah blah blah, 215 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,942 he gives us an army of flying monkey lizards, 216 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,078 and we take out Gotham by supper. 217 00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,246 Eff, yes! 218 00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,914 I'm an eff maybe... 219 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,150 I find that plan to have many holes. 220 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:39,986 How would one even procure a Mother's Box? 221 00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:42,855 [laughs] I am so glad you asked! 222 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,791 Get ready for a BAFTA, 223 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,927 because you're gonna be playin' a drunk. 224 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,663 A modern Falstaff! Perfect. 225 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:50,998 Company! 226 00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:56,035 Ah! Oh, villainous, burp, company 227 00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:59,840 hath been, burp, the spoil of my-- 228 00:08:59,905 --> 00:09:02,142 Shut the fuck up! I'm the director. 229 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,044 You stumble onstage and distract security. 230 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,980 You just lost your BAFTA. 231 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:10,049 [groaning] 232 00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,219 Then, while Miracle is chained up, 233 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,854 I'm gonna go into his mind, 234 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,322 figure out where he keeps the Mother Box and... 235 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,357 -Too late. -Hey, you're not allowed onstage. 236 00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:18,958 [audience screaming] 237 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,594 It was just in his dressing room. 238 00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,763 So, hold on to your barf bags! 239 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:25,264 We're going to Apokolips. 240 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,234 Ha! 241 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,101 There goes my new year's resolution to not bite my nails 242 00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:31,971 or jump into any inter-dimensional portals. 243 00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:33,307 [Dr. Psycho laughs] 244 00:09:33,374 --> 00:09:34,640 Whee! 245 00:09:37,378 --> 00:09:39,846 [cheering loudly] 246 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,982 So... So, then I said, "Did anyone call for kelp?" 247 00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,652 And then I wrapped Aquaman up in... 248 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:46,852 Can you guess? Kelp. 249 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,855 You are a hoot! 250 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,123 Isn't she, Darryl? 251 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,091 Charles is one lucky son of a gun. 252 00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:54,293 -Hell yeah, I am. -Charles! Language! 253 00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:56,897 Well... But, it's kinda like my catch phrase. 254 00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,697 Well, then find a new one! 255 00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:00,333 Yes, ma'am. If you'll excuse me, 256 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,136 I'm just gonna go wash my hands before we chow down. 257 00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,719 [whispers] I love you. 258 00:10:04,719 --> 00:10:07,073 Our son getting married was a shock in and of itself, 259 00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:11,378 but to find out his fiancee has actual super powers! 260 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:14,148 [both] Our grandkids are going to have superpowers like us! 261 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:16,015 Oh, you... So you guys have superpowers? 262 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,351 Oh, sure. I can harness the power of cold, 263 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,354 and this one has the old gift of flight. 264 00:10:20,421 --> 00:10:23,690 So, you can imagine how disappointed we were 265 00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:26,092 when poor Charles was born... powerless. 266 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,028 Well, he has his kite. 267 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,095 Ugh! 268 00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:31,197 Pamela, we want the best for our grandkids, 269 00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,200 and that is them having superpowers, 270 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,701 not pretending to have them. 271 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:37,203 And you're the answer to our prayers. 272 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:40,270 Well... [sighs] Good. 273 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,855 [grunts and laughs] 274 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:58,292 This is gonna be the last mustache you ever see, Quinn. 275 00:10:58,359 --> 00:11:01,028 Wow, that is a lot of guns. 276 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,163 Or, not enough guns. 277 00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,365 Dad, I don't think you should go up against Harley. 278 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,344 Oh, that old saw. 279 00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:09,870 [sarcastically] Because she's a girl, and boys against girls is unfair. 280 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,437 Um, no. 281 00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:13,407 Because rumor has it she's going to have an army. 282 00:11:13,474 --> 00:11:15,142 Thousands of people might die. 283 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,710 You might die. 284 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:17,844 Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I see what you're saying. 285 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,178 Ugh! Thank you! 286 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,779 -I need an army! -No! 287 00:11:20,779 --> 00:11:23,450 That is 100% not what I was saying-- 288 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,719 Oh, frick! 289 00:11:25,784 --> 00:11:27,200 [Gordon] Citizens of Gotham! 290 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,523 You're here today because you answered the call. 291 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,791 We have an opportunity 292 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,960 to save our beloved Gotham City 293 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:39,027 and get back our rightful place in the United States. 294 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,269 That means clean water, fresh food, 295 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,337 and overpriced Internet providers! 296 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,373 [all cheering] 297 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,307 But in order to do that, 298 00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:52,446 we have to take down the scourge that is Harley Quinn. 299 00:11:52,513 --> 00:11:54,813 -Yes, Harley Quinn. -[man] All right! 300 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,517 Wait, are you cheering for Harley, 301 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:59,119 or cheering for taking down Harley? 302 00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,287 It's gotta be taking down, right? 303 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:01,488 [crowd cheering] 304 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,322 [laughs] Okay. Good. 305 00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:06,427 It was just the way I worded it, it wasn't... 306 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,261 Anyway. I... 307 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:11,365 For too long we've allowed villains to run our lives, 308 00:12:11,432 --> 00:12:13,399 and they destroyed our beautiful city. 309 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:17,037 Well, I will not let that stand, and neither will you! 310 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:21,264 -Who's with me? -[crowd cheering] 311 00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:27,080 There was a war, vermin. 312 00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,548 And I won. 313 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:31,985 Your future belongs to Darkseid now. 314 00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,352 [all grunting] 315 00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:35,221 [screams] 316 00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:36,990 [all gasp] 317 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,392 I'm giving your BAFTA to him. 318 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,094 [Darkseid] You seek an army, Harley Quinn? 319 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,096 -Um-- -Are you capable of wielding such power? 320 00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:47,100 -Yeah, I-- -The power to take away a people's confusion 321 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,436 and replace it with obedience? 322 00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:51,504 -Yes, I-- -To liberate a people 323 00:12:51,572 --> 00:12:54,006 and give them one clear purpose. 324 00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:57,009 One goal, to die for your will. 325 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,916 Oh, you're done. Okay yes, totes to all that stuff. 326 00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:05,351 Let me get that army! 327 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,821 Mr. Great and Powerful Darkseid. 328 00:13:07,886 --> 00:13:09,990 I sense a great pain in you. 329 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,258 Nope, no pain. I'm good. 330 00:13:11,325 --> 00:13:14,027 An anger, born from a want. 331 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,828 A want that was not met. 332 00:13:15,894 --> 00:13:17,245 If we could just move on to the-- 333 00:13:17,245 --> 00:13:20,433 Are you trying to fill an empty hole in your life, Harley Quinn? 334 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,057 What is this guy, my therapist? 335 00:13:22,057 --> 00:13:26,573 There are some holes that not even an army of Parademons can fill. 336 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,442 Definitely not. All my holes are filled up to the brim. 337 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,845 Nothing? Really? 338 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,179 Look, I'm just here for that army. 339 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,980 So, you know, what's the haps on that? 340 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,071 The dwarf did not tell you? 341 00:13:37,071 --> 00:13:40,354 Okay, I may have come up here at a different time to ask for an army. 342 00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:41,955 -I didn't mention that? -No! 343 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,291 And I am a very active listener. 344 00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,225 [Darkseid] You must prove yourself to me. 345 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,596 He was too cowardly to do so. 346 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,364 The task is simple. 347 00:13:50,431 --> 00:13:52,899 Defeat Granny Goodness in combat, 348 00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:55,436 and I will give her scepter to you, 349 00:13:55,436 --> 00:13:58,504 which you will use to command the Parademons. 350 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:02,000 So, I just gotta beat up an old lady and I get an army? 351 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:06,841 -I can do that. -[loud thudding] 352 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,549 Prepare to die! 353 00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:12,985 [footsteps thudding] 354 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,355 And this is why I got cold feet. 355 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:19,423 You got this, Quinn. 356 00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:26,597 [grunting] 357 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,038 [both yelling] 358 00:14:33,474 --> 00:14:34,474 Ah! 359 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,455 [grunting] 360 00:14:48,522 --> 00:14:52,493 [gasps] I promised myself I'd never kill an old person. 361 00:14:52,493 --> 00:14:54,495 I'd let the American healthcare system do that. 362 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,496 But we need to get Harley's back. 363 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,166 I fear Darkseid clearly laid out the rules. 364 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:02,503 If she doesn't do it herself, she does not get the army. 365 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,971 Don't worry, she's gonna do it herself. [cracks knuckles] 366 00:15:05,706 --> 00:15:07,474 You fools! 367 00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:10,610 You thought some little girl could defeat me? 368 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:13,078 Now get ready for some cookies, milk, 369 00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:16,549 and a lifetime of torture in Granny's dungeon. 370 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,485 [laughs evilly] 371 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,288 Prepare to die. 372 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,293 [laughing evilly] 373 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,059 Yes, still got it! 374 00:15:33,701 --> 00:15:35,635 [groggily] Where am I? Did I do it? 375 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,739 Yes, Harley Quinn, you defeated Granny Goodness. 376 00:15:38,806 --> 00:15:40,173 Yeah, you did. 377 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,243 Huzzah! Harley! You are a hero! 378 00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,511 It was so smart of her to play possum like that. 379 00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:49,649 You think she unconsciously flew through the air, idiots? 380 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:54,716 Rise, Harley Quinn, commander of my Parademon army. 381 00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:08,201 Aw! Thanks, D-Train. 382 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,368 Uh, Lord, sir. 383 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,052 All right! Y'all ready to hand Gordon his ass 384 00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:29,489 and show him once and for all that Harley Quinn is Gotham's true boss 385 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,224 and the baddest villain of all? 386 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,692 [roaring] 387 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,394 Yes. Yes! 388 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:35,763 Fuck, yes! 389 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,465 I mean, I did this, but also fuck, yes! 390 00:16:38,532 --> 00:16:40,466 Boomtube us home, psycho! 391 00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:46,340 I have to be honest, I am very scared about this whole thing. 392 00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:50,143 As am I. You can't tell, but I've clayed myself. 393 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,346 [Latin music playing] 394 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,284 Whoa. Babe, you wanna get frisky right here? 395 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,422 What about the 'rents? 396 00:16:59,422 --> 00:17:01,554 Why do you let your parents treat you like shit? 397 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:04,057 What am I supposed to do? They're my parents. 398 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,794 Let's do this again next week, Ivy, darling. 399 00:17:06,861 --> 00:17:09,195 Don't worry, I already made a reservation, 400 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:13,098 so Charles needn't cloud his mind with simple tasks. 401 00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:14,401 -[both laugh] -You know what? 402 00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,236 -Fuck you guys. -Beg your pardon? 403 00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,671 Yeah, I said, fuck you. 404 00:17:17,738 --> 00:17:19,439 Because first of all, I'm the one 405 00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,173 who messed up the goddamn reservation, okay. 406 00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,076 Chuck asked me several times not to forget, 407 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,311 because for some reason he cares about you two. 408 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,815 And then, he took the heat for it because he cares about me, 409 00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:31,218 and for some reason, what you two think about me. 410 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:34,488 So, yeah! He's a kind, loving, supportive partner. 411 00:17:34,555 --> 00:17:38,491 And the only miracle here is that you two ghouls somehow raised him. 412 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,728 And another thing, he's not lucky to have me, 413 00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,328 I'm lucky to have him! 414 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,864 So, fuck off! 415 00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:48,201 Hell! Yeah! 416 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:51,136 -See you at the wedding? -[Poison Ivy chuckles] 417 00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:53,773 Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Is that a Boom Tube? 418 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,676 Uh. Sorry, just got excited and... [chuckles sheepishly] 419 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,412 No baby, not that. 420 00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,846 -That! -Looks like it's over the Dead Mall. 421 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,848 Hang on, wait, which way... That's east... 422 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,717 No, it is. Oh, my God! 423 00:18:03,784 --> 00:18:04,834 Harley! 424 00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:22,201 Dad, you don't have to do this. 425 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:25,605 If saving Gotham means I have to gun down another lady clown, 426 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:26,840 then so be it. 427 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:27,840 Wait. What do you mean another-- 428 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,510 [all yelling] 429 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,846 [all grunting] 430 00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:38,913 Oh! Probably be best if you turn around your merry band of meatbags. 431 00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:40,887 And why the hell would I do that? 432 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,799 [Dr. Psycho laughs] 433 00:18:42,799 --> 00:18:46,692 Gordo, I have a flying army from a hell planet under my control. 434 00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:50,430 Well, I made my decision! And I never back down from my decisions. 435 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:54,300 It's a terrible quality that has ruined most of my personal relationships, 436 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,367 so bring it! 437 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:56,903 It's your funeral, old man. 438 00:18:56,971 --> 00:18:58,672 -Uh-uh, it's yours. -Don't think so. 439 00:18:58,739 --> 00:19:00,440 Well, I do think so. 440 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,476 Feels like you're overcompensating for something. 441 00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:04,577 Why is everybody up my ass about that? 442 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,179 Nothing happened! 443 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,647 This is just my Wednesday, bitch. 444 00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:10,383 -Not buying it. -I don't give a shit! 445 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,218 [Dr. Psycho] Fuck, yes! 446 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,421 My God! Gaping sphincter in the sky. 447 00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,455 [Dr. Psycho] I'm coming! 448 00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,374 Tanks, now! 449 00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:25,730 [screeches] 450 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,666 Uh-oh. 451 00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:44,852 [screeches] 452 00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:47,452 Ah! 453 00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,700 [laughing evilly] 454 00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:01,801 Harley! What the hell is going on here? 455 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,519 Yeah, while you were out gettin' brunch, 456 00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:06,506 I was beating up an old lady to get a Parademon army from another galaxy. 457 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,008 You beat up an old lady? 458 00:20:08,075 --> 00:20:09,910 She was super jacked! 459 00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:11,979 And now I'm gonna take over all of Gotham! 460 00:20:12,046 --> 00:20:15,715 So what, you really just want kill thousands of people just because? 461 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,851 Because I'm Harley fucking Quinn! 462 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,385 I'm always doing crazy things! 463 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,320 Always being impetuous, you know? 464 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,855 Always kissing people and shit! 465 00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:24,391 This is just my Wednesday. 466 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:25,992 Yeah. It's actually Thursday. 467 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,828 Anyway, look. You know me, I mean, I'm ride or die, but... 468 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:33,895 I mean, is this really the ride you envisioned? 469 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:37,703 [screeching] 470 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:38,939 Uh, not exactly. 471 00:20:39,006 --> 00:20:40,641 What's the endgame? 472 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:45,307 What do you really want? 473 00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:51,417 What the hell are you doing? 474 00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:54,452 No! 475 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:03,763 [Harley] The city's yours, Gordo. 476 00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:06,333 I know what I want, and it's not this. 477 00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:10,037 We were gonna take over the fucking world and you're squandering it all! 478 00:21:10,104 --> 00:21:11,971 [screams] Ow! [clanging] 479 00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:14,217 Are you kidding me? 480 00:21:14,217 --> 00:21:16,076 Oh, I should have known this was too good to be true. 481 00:21:16,076 --> 00:21:17,711 You got no balls, Quinn. 482 00:21:17,778 --> 00:21:18,878 Fuck this! 483 00:21:20,013 --> 00:21:21,815 See you back at home? 484 00:21:21,882 --> 00:21:23,583 No! I'm out of the crew. 485 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,019 I fucking quit. See you never. 486 00:21:25,085 --> 00:21:26,819 This mean I won? 487 00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,521 I won! [laughs triumphantly] 488 00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:32,358 This is why you don't back down, people! 489 00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:37,463 Look, I can explain the whole Game of Thrones Khaleesi thing okay. 490 00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:40,166 All... All this has just been me avoiding something 491 00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:41,900 that I need to talk to you about 492 00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:43,903 and if I don't do it now, it will be too late. 493 00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:46,874 Look, [sighs] if you really need to say it, just-- 494 00:21:46,940 --> 00:21:49,108 Harley! Cool Parademons. 495 00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:51,045 Hey! Did Ivy tell you what she just did? 496 00:21:51,111 --> 00:21:53,413 How she's the coolest, hottest fiancee 497 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,949 a regular guy with superpowers like me could ever ask for? 498 00:21:56,016 --> 00:21:59,720 Well, I mean, I wasn't just gonna sit there and watch your parents be assholes 499 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,855 to the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. 500 00:22:01,922 --> 00:22:03,123 Mmm! 501 00:22:04,691 --> 00:22:06,188 [metal creaking] 502 00:22:06,188 --> 00:22:09,096 Oh, buddy! Those Parademons are dry humping a taco truck. 503 00:22:09,163 --> 00:22:10,864 I'm gonna go snap a pic for Insta. 504 00:22:10,864 --> 00:22:13,500 Ah, man. I love that idiot. 505 00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:15,468 -What were you gonna tell me, Harls? -Um... 506 00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,470 We need to talk about... 507 00:22:17,537 --> 00:22:20,707 What you wanna do for your bachelorette party! 508 00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:22,209 Really? That's what you wanted to tell me? 509 00:22:22,209 --> 00:22:23,476 Yeah!