1 00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:24,824 First day of unemployment. 2 00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:27,128 More like funemployment! 3 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,696 [laughs heartily] 4 00:00:28,728 --> 00:00:30,131 [fanfare blows] 5 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,765 [screams] I wanna die! 6 00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:35,002 Best day ever! 7 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,270 Ugh. 8 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:39,405 Blood Haven Thrill Park. Such memories. 9 00:00:39,405 --> 00:00:40,274 Jesus, Bane! 10 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,841 I almost blew that place up, 11 00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:44,109 but then I rode the Cyclotron 12 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:47,112 and thought, "I get it. This is fun." 13 00:00:47,112 --> 00:00:48,981 Do ya need somethin'? I'm kinda busy here. 14 00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:50,518 You don't look busy. 15 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:53,588 You look like you're Insta-stalking your ex-crew. 16 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:56,990 Not very healthy. Slippery slope. 17 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,792 Gah. Can ya believe they ditched me? 18 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,362 I made one little mistake and they just... they bolt. 19 00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,064 After everything I did for them. 20 00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,066 Um. You could blow them up? 21 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,099 Nah, not really my thing. 22 00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,334 I could blow them up? 23 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,370 Nah. Argh! Looks like both of us 24 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,037 will be spending the weekend alone. 25 00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:14,308 No, I'm going to Black Manta's beach lair. 26 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,510 He's smoking a pork shoulder. 27 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:21,182 I...take it you didn't get the invite? 28 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:24,584 Um, maybe check your spam folder? 29 00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:26,617 [door slams shut] 30 00:01:29,188 --> 00:01:31,125 [engine whirring] 31 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:32,956 [Sy snoring] 32 00:01:42,802 --> 00:01:44,337 [sighs] 33 00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:46,673 I don't think she's going to respond. 34 00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:47,876 Hey, sane me. 35 00:01:47,909 --> 00:01:50,977 Also, the LOL felt a little sweaty. 36 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:53,337 Yeah, I went back and forth on that. 37 00:01:53,337 --> 00:01:54,682 Where are all your friends? 38 00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:57,260 Just kidding. I know. They left you. 39 00:01:57,260 --> 00:01:58,918 What? You just came outta the phone to shit on me? 40 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,655 I'm here to help you. 41 00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,224 Look, you messed up a bunch of important relationships, 42 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:04,858 but there's still someone 43 00:02:04,893 --> 00:02:07,260 who is always going to love you unconditionally. 44 00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,631 Someone who always manages to comfort you. 45 00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,598 She's not even responding to my texts. 46 00:02:11,633 --> 00:02:13,901 Ivy's definitely not gonna wanna see me. 47 00:02:13,932 --> 00:02:18,932 I wasn't talking about Ivy. 48 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,276 [gasps] 49 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:27,580 [bell dinging] 50 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,515 Hi, Mom. 51 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,485 [opening theme music playing] 52 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,121 ♪ Togetherness... ♪ 53 00:02:33,155 --> 00:02:37,122 ♪ Is one thing that drives you through life and love ♪ 54 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,860 ♪ Will always steer you right ♪ 55 00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:42,628 ♪ All you need is To hear their voices ♪ 56 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:46,967 ♪ Of really good family And really good choices ♪ 57 00:02:47,002 --> 00:02:52,002 ♪ And you want another, Especially your brother! ♪ 58 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,818 Hey! You're up, sleepyhead. 59 00:03:04,853 --> 00:03:06,419 -[Gus chuckles] -[Poison Ivy grunting] 60 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:08,722 [Gus] You've probably got the usual questions. 61 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:09,723 Where am I? 62 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:10,991 Exactly. 63 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,960 [mockingly] Where am I? What are you doing to me? 64 00:03:12,991 --> 00:03:14,162 Why are you so handsome? 65 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,461 [laughs] 66 00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:17,229 Y'know, that's just me playin'. 67 00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:18,500 Uh, but actually, 68 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,000 I don't have the answers to any of these questions. 69 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,235 I'm just a low-level goon. 70 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:23,405 Hey! I got an idea. 71 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,139 Why don't you just let me go? 72 00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:26,240 Honestly, I'd consider it, 73 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,074 but I need this job. 74 00:03:28,109 --> 00:03:29,811 I'm actually a kindergarten teacher. 75 00:03:29,811 --> 00:03:33,013 Just sidegooning to make some extra moolah for art supplies. 76 00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:34,549 You know what, if you let me go 77 00:03:34,549 --> 00:03:35,883 I'll double what you're making. 78 00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:38,117 I mean, I'll get you construction paper. 79 00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,985 Like, those crazy smelly markers... 80 00:03:39,985 --> 00:03:41,923 Ah, geez, that's so nice. 81 00:03:41,923 --> 00:03:45,293 But if I did, I'd drop to three stars on Goon Review. 82 00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:46,693 They say that's all you need, 83 00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:49,096 but once you drop below four, you're dead. 84 00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:51,664 Okay, so I will be getting out of here. 85 00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:54,133 So if you're not the one who's gonna let me out, 86 00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,436 I will have to kill you first. 87 00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:58,372 Ooh, that really took a turn, didn't it? 88 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:00,174 Well, honestly, we're harvesting you 89 00:04:00,205 --> 00:04:01,307 in two days, so... 90 00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:02,376 [cell phone ringing] 91 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:03,912 Oh. Oh, God. I gotta take this. 92 00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:05,711 [whispering] It's a parent from the school. 93 00:04:05,747 --> 00:04:07,781 [cell phone beeps] Hey, Mrs. Kirshen. 94 00:04:07,813 --> 00:04:09,216 Uh, little Kendall 95 00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:11,383 told a rather grown-up joke at share time. 96 00:04:11,383 --> 00:04:12,353 [door slams] 97 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,822 Well, it was 98 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:18,014 "What did one potato say to the other potato? Idaho." 99 00:04:18,014 --> 00:04:19,360 Oh, gee, hold on, wait. 100 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,163 No, I forgot to say "one of the potatoes is a whore." 101 00:04:21,163 --> 00:04:23,713 [laughs] Oh, God. 102 00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,869 [wind blowing] 103 00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:32,201 [vibrato intensifying] 104 00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:41,548 Hey! So, I need your help, okay? 105 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:43,016 -[meeping] -Go find Frank... 106 00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:45,600 ...and tell him to get Harley to come rescue me. 107 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,600 [meeping] 108 00:04:50,093 --> 00:04:52,660 So, yeah, I get into Legion of Doom 109 00:04:52,661 --> 00:04:54,129 and next thing I know she doesn't wanna be friends anymore! 110 00:04:54,129 --> 00:04:57,031 Well, I'd be in your crew any day, sweetie. 111 00:04:57,031 --> 00:04:58,632 Ya know, sometimes 112 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,235 I use the express line when I have more than 12 items. 113 00:05:01,266 --> 00:05:03,903 Aw, yeah, that's truly evil of ya, Ma. 114 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,540 Listen, you know, I know I ain't called ya in a few months-- 115 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:07,641 Thirty-six months. 116 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,276 Right. Yes. You know, 117 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:12,012 it's just... I got swept up in my relationship with Joker, 118 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,781 and then my breakup with Joker. 119 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,918 Yeah, I saw that on Howie, may he rest in peace. 120 00:05:16,951 --> 00:05:20,153 Anyway, I'm sorry. I shoulda stayed in touch. 121 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,223 [groans] I missed ya, Ma. 122 00:05:22,223 --> 00:05:25,160 Well, if ya were around more ya wouldn't miss me so much. 123 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,329 Maybe ya could move back, be a psychologist again? 124 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:31,899 Maybe make that "life of crime" thing more of a weekend deal? 125 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:35,035 Ma! Ma, the Legion of Doom isn't a weekend kinda thing. 126 00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:36,536 Okay. Well, it's an option. 127 00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,305 The one your only Mom likes the most. 128 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,740 I'm just glad you're home. 129 00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,208 You...you kept this trophy? 130 00:05:41,242 --> 00:05:43,043 I know ya wanted us to throw it away, 131 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,478 but I just couldn't do it. 132 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:48,115 Still so proud of ya. Even after what happened. 133 00:05:48,149 --> 00:05:50,117 [announcer] Next on the floor exercise, 134 00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:51,586 Harleen Quinzel. 135 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,487 Okay, this is it, Dad. If I nail this routine, 136 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,055 I'll be the national champ. 137 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,389 Probably go to the Olympics, 138 00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,692 get lots'a endorsements, 139 00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,459 maybe be the first woman president. 140 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,762 Great, great. So, um... 141 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,663 I'm gonna need ya to take a dive. 142 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,735 -What? -I owe a bunch of money to my bookie. 143 00:06:05,769 --> 00:06:07,334 I bet against ya. 144 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,769 You're the heavy favorite. 145 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,403 So, if ya lose I keep all nine of my fingers. 146 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:12,838 But this is my dream. 147 00:06:12,874 --> 00:06:17,874 You'll have other dreams. Come on, do it for me. 148 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:23,312 [upbeat music playing] 149 00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:29,958 -[crowd cheering] -[announcer] Stunning performance by Quinzel. 150 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:34,093 I mean, she's got this in the bag. 151 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,129 [crowd cheering] 152 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:39,211 You're killin' me, Harleen. 153 00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,646 Ooh! A costly mistake. 154 00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:54,048 Oh. Thank you, sweetie. Thank you. 155 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,281 You saved my life. 156 00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:56,750 Also, let's be honest, 157 00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:59,286 there ain't never gonna be a lady president anyway. 158 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:02,523 [Harley grunting] 159 00:07:02,557 --> 00:07:04,124 I hate you. 160 00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:07,360 [yells] I wanna kill you! 161 00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,096 That was my worst day. 162 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:12,500 Ugh, I'm glad that sonuvabitch is rottin' in jail. 163 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:16,603 [Nick] Hey, sweetie. 164 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:19,740 He got out and we kinda got back together. 165 00:07:19,774 --> 00:07:22,410 Why? He broke every promise he ever made! 166 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,411 And he apologized for that 167 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,680 and made a whole bunch of new ones! 168 00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:29,617 Plus, he made me this beautiful bracelet in jail. 169 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:34,021 It's water resistant, up to 50 meters. 170 00:07:34,055 --> 00:07:36,290 [Frank the Plant] People shit on the WNBA, 171 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:37,658 but I'm a purist. 172 00:07:37,692 --> 00:07:39,694 Get those dunks the fuck outta my face. 173 00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:42,062 Give me a nice crisp bounce pass. 174 00:07:42,096 --> 00:07:43,230 That's my shit. 175 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,365 I'm more about the fundamentals! 176 00:07:44,365 --> 00:07:45,665 [meeping] 177 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,067 Do not interrupt me. 178 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,002 You're a dandelion weed. I'm a grown ass plant. 179 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,004 [meeping] 180 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,740 -What? Ivy's in a well... -[meep] 181 00:07:52,774 --> 00:07:54,208 -...guarded prison? -[meep] 182 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,641 -Ivy's been captured-- -[meep] 183 00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,011 -at PlanetWide Pavers-- -[meep] 184 00:07:57,045 --> 00:07:58,579 -and needs me to find Harley-- -[meep] 185 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,000 -in Bensonhurst-- -[meep] 186 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,000 to rescue her? 187 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,283 Am I super baked 188 00:08:02,283 --> 00:08:04,084 or are two plants talking to each other right now? 189 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:08,889 Chaz, you gotta drive me to Brooklyn. 190 00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,324 [coughing] 191 00:08:10,358 --> 00:08:14,060 Honey, a birdie just told me the dentist down the street 192 00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:15,629 just got divorced. 193 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,665 Tallest Jew I've ever seen. I could introduce ya. 194 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,434 No, Ma. Can ya pass me the peas? 195 00:08:20,434 --> 00:08:21,970 They're right next to that piece of shit. 196 00:08:21,970 --> 00:08:25,038 Oh, Harleen, come on! Talk to me. 197 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:28,509 Hasn't been a day gone by I haven't regretted what I did. 198 00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:30,576 Oh. How about a week after the championship 199 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,778 when ya bought a Trans Am with the extra money? 200 00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,782 Okay, I didn't regret that. 201 00:08:34,816 --> 00:08:37,652 But on the whole, though, a lotta regret. 202 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,120 I'm reformed now. 203 00:08:39,153 --> 00:08:42,056 Huh? Haven't placed a single bet since. 204 00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:43,990 Oh, then why were ya sent to jail? 205 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,460 Eh, the usual. 206 00:08:45,494 --> 00:08:47,860 Almost beat an Irish to death. Nothing to do with gamblin'. 207 00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:50,464 The Irish are a menace. They're like rats, honey. 208 00:08:50,465 --> 00:08:51,499 He's the rat. 209 00:08:51,499 --> 00:08:53,033 You ain't changed one bit. 210 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,168 I never woulda come back home if I'd known ya were here. 211 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,403 I just wanna be with people who love me. 212 00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,807 Like Ma, Grandma, Barry-- 213 00:08:59,841 --> 00:09:03,277 Aw, Harleen, I am so sorry for what I did. 214 00:09:03,308 --> 00:09:04,576 I'm hopin' you'll forgive me 215 00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:07,250 'cause I'll never be able to forgive myself. 216 00:09:07,283 --> 00:09:10,182 What do ya say, sweetheart? 217 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,820 Beautiful. 218 00:09:11,854 --> 00:09:13,721 Fuck you. 219 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,089 Least the lines of communication are opening. 220 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,356 That's a start. 221 00:09:17,389 --> 00:09:19,625 Let's just have a nice dinner, huh? 222 00:09:19,658 --> 00:09:22,961 Grandma's really happy to see you. 223 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,264 It's true. 224 00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:26,899 I don't know how many of these dinners I've got left. 225 00:09:26,932 --> 00:09:28,369 What do ya mean, Grandma? 226 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:31,238 Well, I went to the doctor last week. 227 00:09:31,269 --> 00:09:33,240 I got the brain cancer. 228 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:34,774 -Aah! -Whoa! 229 00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:36,844 Jesus! That's an aggressive form of brain cancer. 230 00:09:36,878 --> 00:09:39,647 [yells] Someone's tryin' to kill us, ya idiot. 231 00:09:39,678 --> 00:09:41,178 [gunshots] 232 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,687 [door creaking] 233 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,522 [door slams] 234 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:05,437 [both grunting] 235 00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:06,374 All right, who ya workin' for? 236 00:10:06,374 --> 00:10:07,143 [groans] 237 00:10:07,143 --> 00:10:10,576 [coughing] 238 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,879 [gunshot] 239 00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,615 Dad! The fuck are ya doin'? 240 00:10:14,649 --> 00:10:16,048 He killed Grandma. 241 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,985 I mean, she was gonna die shortly anyway, 242 00:10:18,019 --> 00:10:20,019 but that was God's trigger to pull. 243 00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:22,721 Well, they say, "he works in mysterious ways". 244 00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:24,591 God doesn't send assassins, Ma. 245 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,427 I was about to find out who sent this bastard here to kill me. 246 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:30,163 Oh, he wasn't here to kill you. 247 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:34,000 He's here to kill me. 248 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,635 This is your fault. You've been gamblin' again. 249 00:10:36,671 --> 00:10:38,139 No! I told ya. 250 00:10:38,173 --> 00:10:41,509 Look, it's been hard times. We were scrapin' by. 251 00:10:41,542 --> 00:10:42,908 I tried to get into real estate, 252 00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:45,178 but do ya know how much a pant suit costs? 253 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,178 Three figures! 254 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:46,947 Oh, Sharon, please. 255 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,548 Look, I took out a loan 256 00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,549 from the only mooks that'd give me one. 257 00:10:50,551 --> 00:10:53,253 The M-O-B. That spells-- 258 00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:54,822 I know what it spells, Ma. 259 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,755 Look, if you were in trouble, why didn't ya call me? 260 00:10:56,755 --> 00:10:58,557 I didn't wanna waste your minutes. 261 00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:00,995 None of this is your problem, Harleen. 262 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,730 I'll talk to the mob, try to reason with them. 263 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,466 They're famous for bein' reasonable. 264 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:07,902 They'll kill ya, Nicky! 265 00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:10,004 Then at least the last memory you'll have of me 266 00:11:10,038 --> 00:11:13,706 is finally doin' the right thing. 267 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,009 All right, stop! 268 00:11:15,043 --> 00:11:17,009 [groans] I'm comin'. 269 00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,880 You're gonna stick up for your old man? 270 00:11:18,913 --> 00:11:20,748 Hell, no. 271 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:21,981 I just know when ya fuck this up, 272 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:25,720 they'll kill Ma next. 273 00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:26,821 [mobster 1] Aye! 274 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:29,288 [mobster 2 chuckles] Ooh! 275 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:30,856 Gabbagool! 276 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,561 All great suggestions for things we need'a stop sayin'. 277 00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:35,028 Otherwise we're just feedin' a harmful stereotype. 278 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:37,065 What are you doing? Slap ya in the face. 279 00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,798 What are you doing? Get that out of your face. What is this? 280 00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:39,966 Hey, guys. 281 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,668 I realize I owe you a buncha money, 282 00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:45,272 [chuckles nervously] but I'm wonderin'-- 283 00:11:45,303 --> 00:11:46,673 -[grunts] -[groans] 284 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,142 Which one of ya meatballs killed my grandma? 285 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,211 Whoa! Holy shit! 286 00:11:51,245 --> 00:11:52,413 You're Harley Quinn. 287 00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:53,980 That's right. 288 00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,649 So either forgive my dad's debt or I kill all of ya. 289 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,652 That ain't how our business works. 290 00:11:58,686 --> 00:12:00,721 Yeah. It's based on loans 291 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,690 and the interest attached to those loans. 292 00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,392 We're servicing a sector of the community 293 00:12:04,426 --> 00:12:06,725 traditionally ignored by the financial sector. 294 00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:09,629 Yeah! Bensonhurst is our turf and I'm not-- 295 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:13,466 -[grunts] -...gonna ever be able to chew veal parm again? 296 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,399 You fuggin' bitch. 297 00:12:14,399 --> 00:12:15,701 Hey! Whoa, whoa. 298 00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:17,370 We can be respectful while killing her. 299 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,354 Get her boys! 300 00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:33,989 Harleen! Front-sault! 301 00:12:34,022 --> 00:12:36,855 [grunts] 302 00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:40,293 Arabian Double Front! 303 00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:42,296 [effort grunt] 304 00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:43,798 [moans] 305 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,432 Backwards salto! 306 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,335 I said backwards! 307 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:52,807 [grunts] 308 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:56,009 [chuckles] Stuck the landing, kiddo. 309 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,399 Oh, I never shoulda 310 00:12:57,399 --> 00:12:58,815 made you lose that championship, Harleen. 311 00:12:58,815 --> 00:13:02,216 Seeing ya do that routine perfectly 312 00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:05,619 is better than any dumb 'ol finger. 313 00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:06,921 I don't know about perfect. 314 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,923 I mean stumbled a little on the landing. 315 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:13,125 [door opens] 316 00:13:13,158 --> 00:13:14,509 Get down! 317 00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:23,302 [grunting] 318 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:26,774 [groans] 319 00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:29,076 Ugh. In case you're wonderin', 320 00:13:29,110 --> 00:13:34,110 [gasps] I'm givin' ya a double thumbs up, champ. 321 00:13:36,485 --> 00:13:37,485 Oh... 322 00:13:37,485 --> 00:13:39,754 Pollinate me harder... 323 00:13:39,787 --> 00:13:40,821 [moans] 324 00:13:40,855 --> 00:13:43,758 That's all you got? [moans] 325 00:13:43,791 --> 00:13:46,027 Oh... Wh... 326 00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:48,495 Where the hell are we? Chaz! 327 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:51,432 -Car, car, car! Start the car! -[engine revving] 328 00:13:51,466 --> 00:13:53,801 -They're coming, let's move it! -[gunshots] 329 00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:56,903 Get down! [screams] 330 00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,440 What the fuck is goin' on? 331 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,041 I thought you were just a weed dealer. 332 00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:01,475 Weed's legal everywhere, man. 333 00:14:01,509 --> 00:14:04,711 I'm diversifying into hallucinogenic honey. 334 00:14:04,745 --> 00:14:06,980 Time to GTFO 'ah May-hico. 335 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,817 Mexico? We're supposed to be in Brooklyn. 336 00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:12,320 Which is basically next to Mexico. 337 00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,922 Stop lickin' that goddamn honey and drive this car. 338 00:14:14,956 --> 00:14:17,158 One lick ya see God. 339 00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:21,662 Two licks and ya pass out with a giant hard... [snoring] 340 00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,264 Goddammit, Chaz! 341 00:14:23,298 --> 00:14:25,466 Okay, Frank, you've got this. 342 00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:28,769 -I'm coming, Harley. -[brakes screech] 343 00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:32,538 Wow. Harley has been texting nonstop. 344 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,042 This last one says she feels "ducking awful." 345 00:14:35,076 --> 00:14:37,110 [whispering] I think she meant the F word. 346 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:39,249 "I'm super sorry. I made a mistake. 347 00:14:39,282 --> 00:14:42,850 "I never wanted to hurt you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 348 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,783 "Don't buy those boots." 349 00:14:44,783 --> 00:14:46,287 [sighs] Well, she's right about that. 350 00:14:46,321 --> 00:14:48,053 I don't think you can pull off a kitten heel. 351 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,624 You know what? I bought them, but I returned them. Okay? 352 00:14:49,624 --> 00:14:51,725 I agree with you. I'm, like, not a kitten heel person. 353 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,027 Can I just... Can I have my phone, 354 00:14:53,027 --> 00:14:54,629 so I can... I can text her goodbye? 355 00:14:54,629 --> 00:14:57,831 Feels like you're gonna ask her to come save you. 356 00:14:57,865 --> 00:14:59,533 Gus, are you serious? 357 00:14:59,533 --> 00:15:01,700 You really think I would do something like that to you? 358 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,135 We have built a rapport. 359 00:15:03,171 --> 00:15:05,572 Mmm, yeah. I've seen a lot of toxic friendships 360 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,908 and the best thing to do is just cut them loose. 361 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,346 Let me rip that band-aid off for you. 362 00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:12,745 No, no. Don't, don't, don't, don't. 363 00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:14,048 Oh. Okay. 364 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,548 And now I'll text her back. 365 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,216 Oh, shit. 366 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,620 Oh! Ya shoulda seen my daughter. 367 00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:22,221 Doin' cartwheels, stabbin' guys in the throat. 368 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,758 Ah. Oh, I was so proud. 369 00:15:24,792 --> 00:15:26,994 Dad, ya...ya saved my life. 370 00:15:27,028 --> 00:15:29,096 Which is very un-piece of shit like. 371 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,697 I'm tellin' ya, your father's changed. 372 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:34,067 He gave his good thumb for you. 373 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,471 Worth it for my daughter. [chuckles] 374 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:40,105 [grimacing] 375 00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:42,676 Ugh, thumbs are overrated. 376 00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:44,312 I love you. 377 00:15:44,345 --> 00:15:47,748 It's been so nice havin' ya here, honey. 378 00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:49,548 Sad to see ya go tomorrow. 379 00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,981 [cell vibrating] 380 00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:57,225 I don't know. [exhales] 381 00:15:57,258 --> 00:15:59,192 There's nobody really waitin' for me in Gotham. 382 00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,894 I came here hopin' to spend some time with Ma, 383 00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:04,065 but actually kind of glad we could all be here together. 384 00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:05,365 [knocking at door] 385 00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:08,033 There she is. 386 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,403 -Grandpa? -Well, 387 00:16:09,437 --> 00:16:12,572 I heard you were in town and Grandma's dead. 388 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,375 Two reasons to celebrate. 389 00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:17,610 Also, got a checkup at the doc yesterday. 390 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,014 Says my blood pressure's through the roof. 391 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,950 [inhales] Not sure how much longer I got. 392 00:16:22,981 --> 00:16:24,951 So let's drink. 393 00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,653 [grunts] 394 00:16:26,687 --> 00:16:28,923 That blood pressure's no joke! 395 00:16:28,956 --> 00:16:30,306 [crashes] 396 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:37,599 [grunting] 397 00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,567 [Harleen] Ha! 398 00:16:39,601 --> 00:16:41,836 [both grunting] 399 00:16:41,869 --> 00:16:44,238 Oh, my God! 400 00:16:44,272 --> 00:16:46,673 Jesus! The mob's never gonna stop. 401 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,243 But as long as I'm here, I'm gonna keep my family safe. 402 00:16:49,277 --> 00:16:50,711 -[gunshot] -[groans] 403 00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:54,379 [moaning] 404 00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:55,447 Dad? 405 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,149 [groaning] 406 00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,421 Harleen, honey. I'm sorry. 407 00:17:00,455 --> 00:17:03,389 There was a million dollar bounty on ya. 408 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,692 I didn't wanna have to kill ya myself, 409 00:17:05,727 --> 00:17:09,429 so I tipped off an assassin to collect a finder's fee. 410 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:10,230 Big whoop! 411 00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:11,531 But ya couldn't do it! 412 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,701 Could you, you fucking piece of shit? 413 00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:14,634 You... 414 00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:15,970 Shit person! 415 00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:17,605 You were lying to me the whole time! 416 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,507 No, no, no, no, no. I was not lying. 417 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,509 I did owe the mob a lotta money. 418 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,577 I just figured while I was waitin' on the assassin to kill you, 419 00:17:24,612 --> 00:17:27,948 I could get ya to take out the mob for me. 420 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,651 What are ya doin? 421 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:33,721 All I wanted was what every Jewish mother wants, 422 00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:35,689 for you to marry a doctor. 423 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,125 But I am a doctor! 424 00:17:38,159 --> 00:17:39,594 And now look at ya. 425 00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:42,497 I tried so hard to get ya to change your life 426 00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:44,999 in the most passive aggressive way possible 427 00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:47,134 and this is the thanks I get? 428 00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:48,867 Yellin' and fightin'? 429 00:17:48,903 --> 00:17:50,671 But I'm your daughter. 430 00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,204 I know. 431 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,343 That's why people spit at us at the grocery store. 432 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:57,111 When you became "Harley Quinn," 433 00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:59,614 we became the laughingstock of the neighborhood. 434 00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,383 Oh, oh, I'm the reason you're the laughingstock? 435 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,983 What about Dad bein' a fuckin' deadbeat? 436 00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:06,554 It's Bensonhurst! 437 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,154 You beat an Irish and people forget a lotta things. 438 00:18:09,190 --> 00:18:11,960 [exclaiming in pain] 439 00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,728 -[Harley grunts] -[groans] 440 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:18,432 [grunting] Piece of shit, I'll fuckin' kill you. 441 00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:19,267 Ha! 442 00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:21,835 [grunting] 443 00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,871 [grunting] 444 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,038 [Nick] Ahhh! 445 00:18:26,073 --> 00:18:28,740 I do not know why you're so upset. 446 00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:30,242 I figured you'd understand. 447 00:18:30,278 --> 00:18:32,846 After all, you're a criminal, like me. 448 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,780 I'm nothin' like you. 449 00:18:34,815 --> 00:18:36,384 Ahhh! 450 00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:37,884 Oh, sure ya are! Of course ya are! 451 00:18:37,919 --> 00:18:40,386 Ya turned on your crew just like I turned on you. 452 00:18:40,421 --> 00:18:43,690 Classic case a' samesies. 453 00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:44,790 -[grunting] -[groans] 454 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:45,759 Ahhh! 455 00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:47,027 No samesies! 456 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,961 I didn't turn on my crew. They left me! 457 00:18:48,996 --> 00:18:50,695 Yeah, 'cause you were suckin' face 458 00:18:50,695 --> 00:18:51,695 with that goyische clown. 459 00:18:51,699 --> 00:18:53,468 You've always had bad taste in men. 460 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,505 Gee, I wonder where I learned that from? 461 00:18:55,538 --> 00:18:57,305 [screams] 462 00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,075 Oh, my gift wrapping station! 463 00:18:59,106 --> 00:19:03,576 [both grunting] 464 00:19:03,611 --> 00:19:06,413 Harleen, please don't kill your father. 465 00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:08,048 Yeah, we're family. 466 00:19:08,082 --> 00:19:09,982 Family doesn't kill each other. 467 00:19:10,017 --> 00:19:11,884 -[grunts] -[groans] 468 00:19:11,919 --> 00:19:14,820 You people are not my family. 469 00:19:14,855 --> 00:19:16,021 And ya know what? 470 00:19:16,056 --> 00:19:18,924 [grunts] 471 00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:22,709 You're not even worth it. 472 00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,583 [moaning] 473 00:19:31,439 --> 00:19:35,142 Harley? What happened to you? 474 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:39,577 [groans] Uh... 475 00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:42,147 [gasps softly] 476 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:44,518 Well, look who's up. 477 00:19:44,549 --> 00:19:45,884 Harleen? 478 00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:47,188 Wha... 479 00:19:47,188 --> 00:19:48,653 How much of this am I hallucinating? 480 00:19:48,653 --> 00:19:49,557 Just me. 481 00:19:49,557 --> 00:19:51,192 Weirdly the passed out guy 482 00:19:51,192 --> 00:19:53,492 with the boner and the plant driving the car are both real. 483 00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:55,827 Why did ya tell me to go back to Bensonhurst? 484 00:19:55,863 --> 00:19:57,329 In my defense, 485 00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,034 how could I have possibly known your parents 486 00:19:59,034 --> 00:20:01,669 would try to kill you for a million dollar bounty? 487 00:20:01,669 --> 00:20:03,170 Who wanted you dead, by the way? 488 00:20:03,170 --> 00:20:05,605 No idea. Feels like it could be anyone. 489 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,375 Now I got no one left. And even Ivy hates me. 490 00:20:08,409 --> 00:20:09,875 What the fuck you babblin' about? 491 00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:11,345 Ivy doesn't hate you. 492 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,180 I'm only here because Ivy says she needs you. 493 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,214 She's been captured. It's life or death. 494 00:20:15,249 --> 00:20:16,583 What? 495 00:20:16,584 --> 00:20:17,384 Step on it 496 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,785 [brakes screech] 497 00:20:22,490 --> 00:20:25,424 That's when I told my mother I don't want to be a lawyer. 498 00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:28,095 My passion is early childhood education. 499 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:30,396 And let me tell you, she did not... 500 00:20:30,431 --> 00:20:31,699 Oop. Doctor's here. 501 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,468 Sorry, I guess it's time for harvesting. 502 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,769 Who the fuck are you? Show me your face. 503 00:20:35,804 --> 00:20:40,804 Uh... Gonna have to settle for a bag. 504 00:20:43,411 --> 00:20:45,059 [straining] 505 00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:51,467 [exhales] 506 00:20:58,357 --> 00:20:59,759 Joshua! 507 00:20:59,791 --> 00:21:01,096 Whatup, Bane? 508 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,395 I just saw the statement from the Legion corporate card 509 00:21:03,431 --> 00:21:05,365 that your Uncle Penguin gave you. 510 00:21:05,397 --> 00:21:07,867 Did you put a down payment 511 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,769 on a bounty to kill Harley Quinn? 512 00:21:10,804 --> 00:21:12,641 What? Pfft. No. 513 00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:15,375 You are a lying liar! 514 00:21:15,409 --> 00:21:18,179 [yells] Okay, yes! She ruined my bar mitzvah. 515 00:21:18,211 --> 00:21:21,647 I want her dead. Dead. Dead. Dead! 516 00:21:21,682 --> 00:21:24,986 The credit card is for emergencies only, 517 00:21:25,019 --> 00:21:27,855 but your bill is all candies, and vape pens, 518 00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:31,459 and something suspiciously labeled "dolphin encounter." 519 00:21:31,490 --> 00:21:35,028 When you put out a hit, you pay in cash. 520 00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:36,730 Okay, fine, I'll cancel it. 521 00:21:36,761 --> 00:21:37,865 Already done 522 00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:41,500 because I am this credit card's reckoning. 523 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:45,874 I am cutting this card and I am cutting it in half-- 524 00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:48,075 No. Please. I hate when you do this, Bane. 525 00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:49,675 -These blades are dull. -Bane! 526 00:21:49,711 --> 00:21:51,644 -I will bend it. -Don't do that. 527 00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:52,913 Too late! 528 00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:55,147 Do you think I want to be credit card paying man? 529 00:21:55,182 --> 00:21:57,151 I have dreams, too! 530 00:21:57,182 --> 00:21:58,987 Sorry, Bane. No, you're right. 531 00:21:59,019 --> 00:22:02,021 You're right. I shouldn't have tried to kill Harley. 532 00:22:02,057 --> 00:22:05,625 Aw, I guess I was just being...impulsive. 533 00:22:05,660 --> 00:22:07,428 Because you are young. 534 00:22:07,461 --> 00:22:12,365 The road to maturity is a long one, Joshua. 535 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:17,202 Ahhh! Goddammit! Who put that there? 536 00:22:17,238 --> 00:22:19,105 [Bane yells] Blow up on the ground 537 00:22:19,137 --> 00:22:23,308 you stupid office chair! 538 00:22:23,344 --> 00:22:25,577 [theme music playing]