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Previously on
Four Weddings and a Funeral...
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Fuck.
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- I wanna be with you, Maya.
- All I gotta do is tell her.
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Hey, bitch. You ready for
the best weekend of your life?
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Yes, I'm on the red-eye tonight.
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Please, I need my bag.
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I took the wrong one
off the carousel.
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Have you ever had the feeling
you've gone down the wrong path?
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I feel like that
literally every day.
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You must be Maya.
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My name's Gemma.
I'm Ainsley's best friend.
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I'm so excited!
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- I'm gonna tell Maya tonight.
- I feel like it's now or ever.
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- You got this.
- You liked her for ten years.
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- Suitcase guy?
- Hi.
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Maya, this is my boyfriend,
Kash.
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- What's the deal?
- Is he serious?
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I mean, the last thing I
wanna do is rush into anything.
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Senator Ted Spencer has been
in an extramarital affair.
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Kaylee Haskins worked
for Spencer as a dog walker.
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- That's my daughter.
- Her name is Molly.
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Maya.
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- Here you go.
- Good luck.
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Do you take this woman
to be your wife?
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I don't think I do.
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I don't think I do.
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- I don't.
- You don't?
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Well, maybe.
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It has to be the actual words.
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It's very clear about that
in the manual.
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Sorry, everyone.
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I just need a minute.
Uh, enjoy the church!
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Excuse me.
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Hey, what the hell is happening?
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I'm so sorry. I don't know
what's wrong with me.
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You're just getting cold feet.
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I was feeling it too.
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- You were?
- Yeah.
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Last night, I went down
this rabbit hole
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of "Should we be getting
married?
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"Should anybody be
getting married?
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"Like, is it against human nature
to just have sex with one person?
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"Like, I never got
to hook up with a Greek guy.
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That could have been cool."
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But then I was like,
"Shut up, Ainsley.
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You love him,
and that is all that matters."
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- Okay?
- You're right.
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So just tell yourself,
"Shut up, Kash.
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You love her."
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- Yeah, shut up, Kash.
- You...
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- I'm sorry.
- Oh, my God.
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Okay, um, while we wait,
maybe a song?
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[Bach's "Toccata and Fugue
in D minor" plays]
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Stop, stop!
Why would you play that?
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Please don't do this to me.
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Ains, I can't marry you.
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- I'm sorry.
- If you say "sorry" one more time...
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Just tell me why!
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- I don't know why.
- Sorry.
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- Ainsley!
- Ainsley!
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I hope there's still
an open bar at the reception.
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♪ You've got a sweet
little place in my heart ♪
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♪ Like a sweet little rain
takes care of the flowers ♪
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♪ And that's love ♪
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♪ Your kind of love,
your kind of love ♪
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- Suits?
- Donate.
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- Cufflinks?
- Donate.
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What's a men's shelter
going to do with cufflinks?
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Oh, so the poor shouldn't
care how their wrists look?
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Oh, my God.
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Look what I found in his pocket.
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This is why he did it.
He's a secret drug addict.
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I'm pretty sure
that's a breath mint.
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Yes, darling,
I think you're grasping.
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Well, there has to be
some reason why this happened.
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We had the perfect relationship.
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You don't just throw that away
for nothing.
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And if he would just call me
and give me some kind
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of explanation at least I would
know this wasn't my fault.
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Oh, sweetie.
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- I have a brilliant idea.
- It's Saturday.
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Why don't we do game night
like we always do?
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I don't think Ainsley's ready
to throw a party.
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Actually, I would love that.
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No, but I just... I have
too much to do.
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I have, like, 300 "thank-you-slash-sorry-
I-didn't-get-married" notes,
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and then I have to take everything
back to Kash's dad's house...
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- No, no, no, no, no, my sweet.
- We'll do it.
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I'll write the thank-you notes,
seeing as I have
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my Master's in calligraphy,
and Maya will go to Hounslow.
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- Of course.
- Wait, to Kash's?
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- I would take on both tasks.
- Regrettably, I have but two arms.
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It's better if it's you, Maya.
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You barely knew him.
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- I'll be back.
- Where are you going?
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Um, I'm just going
for a quick run.
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Now? But we have plans to
whiten our teeth together.
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I don't remember that.
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Alexa, what's our schedule
for today?
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11:00 a. M.,
teeth-whitening with Craig.
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1:00 p. M.:
Go through Craig's wallet.
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Thank you, Alexa.
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Be back, babe.
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- Duffy!
- Duffy, hi!
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Oh.
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Hi, Tabby.
Or should I say, "Bonjour"?
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That's right,
because I'm a French teacher.
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- You remembered.
- Yeah.
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Are you planning on seeing
the student production
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of Angels in America?
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Because I have a spare ticket
for tonight.
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Oh, wow, um, I would love that,
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but I'm actually headed
into town.
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Yeah, my friends and I sort
of do this game night
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every other Saturday.
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- That's sounds so much fun.
- I love games.
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- It is fun.
- It's the... it's the best.
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Maybe you and your friends
should do something similar.
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- True.
- That's a great idea.
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Yeah.
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Uh, okay.
Well, um, enjoy Angels in America.
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Kashif, wake up.
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Come on, lazy bones.
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Get up.
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- Kashif.
- Baba, what?
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- Good, you are awake.
- We're out of milk.
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- I need you to go get some.
- Can Asif get it?
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You have not been out
of the house for a week.
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You know, since
your very public humiliation.
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I remember what happened, Dad.
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Have you even called Ainsley
to apologize?
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No.
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She doesn't want an "I'm sorry,"
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she wants an explanation,
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and I don't know what to say
to her.
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Well, you can't hide here
forever.
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- I'm not hiding.
- I'm processing.
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And you can't do that
at Tesco's?
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Hey, Graham Norton,
I can't sleep
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with this chat show going on.
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Come on, we also need laundry
detergent, and you do all the laundry.
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Fine, I'm going.
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Hey, I'm heading to Hounslow.
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Were you stalking
Kash's Instagram?
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Look at this caption
from six months ago.
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"Doesn't get better than this."
What does that mean?
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That everything that came
after that trip
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was a disappointment?
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No, it means he's basic and bad
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at writing Instagram captions.
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Hey, stop torturing yourself.
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That's easy for you to say.
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At least you know why things
ended with Ted.
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Yeah, he cheated on me
in a very public way.
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You know what?
You're right.
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I am lucky.
What a cool guy.
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Do you have to leave on Monday
or can you just stay forever?
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No, I gotta get back
and figure out my life.
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Hmm.
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Besides, if you're away
from D. C. Too long,
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Mike Pence turns your office
into a chapel.
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Okay, enough wallowing.
I gotta go to work.
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Hey, thanks for going to Kash's.
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Mmm.
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Come on, Molly.
Your turn!
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Molly, where you going?
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- Molly, go back to the game.
- Okay!
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Julia!
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Well, what are the chances
of seeing you here?
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'Cause I was at the park
running,
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you're here, I'm here...
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Save it.
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You've been watching the kids
for forty minutes.
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The other mums think
you're a pedo.
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Look, I'm sorry,
but I had to see her.
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Not here.
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I'll message you where.
Now go.
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- Thief!
- Ah!
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Parcel thief!
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You are the one who keeps
stealing my Amazon boxes!
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No, no, no, no. I'm Maya,
Ainsley's friend from the wedding
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or almost wedding.
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I just brought back
Kash's stuff.
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Oh.
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Of course.
Thanks.
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00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,390
No, no, no, no.
You must come in.
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I just made French bread pizzas.
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They come in a pack of four,
and there are only three of us.
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- I really can't.
- Please.
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For all the trouble you have
taken to bring Kashif's things.
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Yeah, I have a cab...
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had.
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00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:22,720
Um, I'll call an Uber.
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00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,270
And you'll wait for it with a
belly full of French bread pizza.
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Come in.
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Okay, only for a minute.
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Oh, please.
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00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:34,280
Get up, boys, we have a visitor.
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- Maya, hi.
- Hi.
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00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,570
What are you doing here?
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00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:55,950
I brought your stuff
from Ainsley's.
202
00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:58,000
- Really?
- Um, thank you.
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00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,040
I've been wearing
the same shirt for a week.
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Wait, where's the rest of it?
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00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,470
She gave it to charity.
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00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:08,480
Oxfam thanks you
for your donation.
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00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:11,780
French bread pizza.
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00:11:11,780 --> 00:11:13,400
Thank you.
209
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,830
- Feel at home.
- I can't stay for very long.
210
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:18,790
Maya, do you watch Mastermind?
211
00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:21,710
It's my favorite quiz show.
I'm very good at it.
212
00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:25,090
Here we go. What color are the
benches in the House of Lords?
213
00:11:25,090 --> 00:11:28,140
- Trick question!
- There are no benches.
214
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:29,690
- Red.
- Yes.
215
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,610
Oh, it's like Jeopardy!.
216
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,990
See? In America,
everyone watches TV with their father.
217
00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:39,040
It's cool.
218
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,330
Which composer was born
in Salzburg
219
00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:42,460
on 27th of January, 1756?
220
00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:44,090
- Beethoven.
- It's Mozart.
221
00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:45,300
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
- Yes.
222
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,680
What name of Central Asian...
223
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,180
- You're so smart.
- That's my type.
224
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,480
Don't say stuff like that.
225
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,070
Next in the chair now is Brian.
226
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,330
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Parsons,
I truly apologize
227
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,460
for the wedding's
unforeseen turn.
228
00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:08,300
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bose,
the groom acted erratically
229
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,560
due to an undiagnosed
brain parasite.
230
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,230
Thank you for the ceramic
pumpkin tureen.
231
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,740
Thank you for the six ramekins.
232
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:18,780
I can almost see the soufflés
that could have risen.
233
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:21,000
Yours, Ainsley.
234
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,550
Quentin, I've been at this
for hours,
235
00:12:25,550 --> 00:12:27,800
and I'm only on my sixth card.
236
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,890
My hand is a frozen claw.
237
00:12:29,890 --> 00:12:31,730
Well, darling, what is it
we always say to Giles
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00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:33,810
when faced
with a difficult task?
239
00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:35,610
- "Quit."
- No, I can't.
240
00:12:35,610 --> 00:12:38,280
I promised Ainsley, and I can't
get shown up by Maya.
241
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,910
She's trying to steal
my best friend.
242
00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:43,830
- Adults with best friends.
- How horribly American.
243
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,550
You only say that
because all your best friends
244
00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:47,760
disappeared on safari.
245
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,260
Yeah, I'm sure they'll turn up.
246
00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:51,980
What was the original
profession of the writer
247
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,020
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?
248
00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:54,690
Trick question!
249
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:56,280
He was a character invented
by Sherlock Holmes!
250
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,530
Doctor.
251
00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:59,200
- Doctor.
- Yes.
252
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,910
This game is rigged against me!
253
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,910
Never once a question
about Pakistan or old coins!
254
00:13:04,330 --> 00:13:07,130
- Oh, uh, I should go.
- My car's here.
255
00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:11,470
Your visit was transformative.
256
00:13:11,470 --> 00:13:13,810
- Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry for what my brother did.
257
00:13:13,810 --> 00:13:15,480
It's not a reflection
on our family
258
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,030
or how we treat women.
259
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,450
Please consider following me
on Instagram.
260
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,240
I think I will.
261
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:22,790
Thanks for bringing my stuff.
262
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,050
- Hey!
- Kenya!
263
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,590
Is Ainsley doing okay?
264
00:13:29,590 --> 00:13:31,560
- "Okay"?
- Of course she's not okay.
265
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,640
She got left at the altar
and has no idea why.
266
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,650
Why haven't you called her?
267
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,690
I'm probably the last person
she wants to talk to right now.
268
00:13:38,690 --> 00:13:39,900
That's bullshit.
269
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,200
You're being a coward,
270
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,240
and she deserves
better than that.
271
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,500
The rings of Jupiter.
272
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:45,670
Saturn!
273
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,830
- Ainsley.
- That's right.
274
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:06,250
- The bitch is back.
- Oh, honey.
275
00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:08,000
I've been so worried about you.
276
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,130
I was almost certain
you'd kill yourself.
277
00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:14,680
Oh, well, thank you, Tony,
but I'm okay.
278
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:18,230
- How are things around here?
- Um...
279
00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:20,860
It has been a nightmare
without you.
280
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,280
Tony 2 makes us start at 10:00
and work until 5:00.
281
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,000
Those would be the store hours.
282
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,040
Why don't you dust
the decorative birds?
283
00:14:31,630 --> 00:14:35,390
Are you sure it's not too soon
for you to be coming back?
284
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:37,350
- Mm.
- Mm, I know myself.
285
00:14:37,350 --> 00:14:40,230
The best thing for me to do
is to just forget about Kash
286
00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:42,820
and weddings and work.
287
00:14:42,820 --> 00:14:43,950
Hmm.
288
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:49,330
Hi, welcome
to Ainsley Howard Designs.
289
00:14:49,330 --> 00:14:51,840
I'm Ainsley Howard.
How can we help you?
290
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,550
Oh, we just got married
and would love
291
00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:56,350
for you to decorate
our new home.
292
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:59,270
We want it to be as beautiful
as the love we share.
293
00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:05,320
Let's get started.
294
00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:20,900
Hey, Julia.
295
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:23,440
Wow, the National Gallery.
296
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,820
And who knew they had so much
great art?
297
00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,450
I wanted to pick a public place
298
00:15:27,450 --> 00:15:28,830
where you couldn't make a scene
299
00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:30,460
and Westminster Abbey
was closed.
300
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:31,880
They're doing
another Churchill movie.
301
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,460
Well, I'll try to be quiet,
302
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:35,680
but American talking
is British screaming.
303
00:15:36,850 --> 00:15:38,730
Sorry.
304
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,520
When I contacted you a year ago,
305
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,440
it was to get
medical information.
306
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,240
If you wanted to be a father
so badly,
307
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,120
you could have tried when I was
pregnant five years ago.
308
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,790
I didn't know you were pregnant.
309
00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:49,790
You just left a message
saying we needed to talk.
310
00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:50,960
Which you ignored.
311
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:51,960
Because I thought you wanted
312
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,380
to talk about us dating,
313
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:55,010
and I wasn't ready
for commitment.
314
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:58,260
A child is the ultimate
commitment, you twat.
315
00:15:58,260 --> 00:16:00,020
And I don't need you
breaking her heart
316
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:01,650
when you realize
that being a parent is more
317
00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:03,820
than just kicking a football
back and forth.
318
00:16:07,370 --> 00:16:08,740
What's this?
319
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:10,200
It's a document saying
that you agree
320
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,040
to give up all
your parental rights.
321
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,840
I want it signed by Monday.
322
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,390
Wow. You went to a
lawyer and everything.
323
00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:21,060
- I am a lawyer.
- A very good lawyer.
324
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,020
Monday.
325
00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:26,910
Wow.
326
00:16:26,910 --> 00:16:28,410
You shush.
327
00:16:35,170 --> 00:16:37,760
- Darling.
- Hmm?
328
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,600
I was wondering,
tonight maybe we could watch
329
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,350
a bit of the snooker
and maybe...
330
00:16:42,350 --> 00:16:46,030
You could stay sober and drive
me home from the club.
331
00:16:46,030 --> 00:16:48,530
No, I'm going to game night.
332
00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:49,780
I thought maybe you could
come too?
333
00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:52,210
Oh, no, I'd rather die.
334
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:54,670
Thank you, though.
335
00:16:58,430 --> 00:17:02,430
- Oh, this table's lovely.
- Oh, but the sharp corners...
336
00:17:02,430 --> 00:17:04,350
I just worry if we have
a baby...
337
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:08,360
But that's a long way off.
338
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,070
What?
339
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:12,870
I was going to wait
until tonight to tell you.
340
00:17:12,870 --> 00:17:14,370
We're having a baby?
341
00:17:14,370 --> 00:17:17,130
Yeah!
342
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:20,510
- Do you have any champagne?
- Sure.
343
00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:22,520
Let me get some.
344
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,690
Congratulations, again.
345
00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:28,490
Thank you.
346
00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:38,550
Every time a relationship
has ended,
347
00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:41,760
I've always known why:
mooch, possessive,
348
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,350
kisses his mom on the lips,
is Russell Brand.
349
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:48,190
But with Kash, I don't know why.
350
00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:49,650
And I loved him so much.
351
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,950
Mm-hmm.
352
00:17:51,950 --> 00:17:55,250
- What do you mean "mm-hmm"?
- I'm agreeing with you.
353
00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:56,830
No, that's the "mm-hmm"
you give me
354
00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:58,050
when I ask if I would look good
with bangs,
355
00:17:58,050 --> 00:17:59,050
which I would, by the way.
356
00:17:59,050 --> 00:18:00,630
Mm-hmm.
357
00:18:00,630 --> 00:18:02,970
Listen, when I was 14,
I fell madly in love
358
00:18:02,970 --> 00:18:05,480
with George Michael,
knew everything about him.
359
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,400
Likes: cross earrings,
dislikes: famine in Africa.
360
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,110
In my mind, we were one.
361
00:18:10,110 --> 00:18:11,910
Okay, what does this
have to do with me and Kash?
362
00:18:11,910 --> 00:18:14,160
I'm afraid you knew
your fiancé less
363
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,500
than I knew George Michael,
whom I never met.
364
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,710
Excuse me, we were soul mates.
365
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,840
Okay, so, what did you get
him for his birthday?
366
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,430
Whiskey stones and an iPad.
367
00:18:23,430 --> 00:18:24,930
Oh, my God, such a great gift.
368
00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:27,980
- Yeah.
- If he were your stepfather.
369
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:30,780
Tell me... tell me what
you liked about him.
370
00:18:32,410 --> 00:18:36,790
The sex was great,
he's charming, he's smart...
371
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,590
I liked the way he dressed.
372
00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:48,440
Maybe the things I love
about him transcended words.
373
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:04,050
- Hey, yo, Kash!
- Kash!
374
00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:06,470
Yo, my brother!
Come here, man.
375
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:07,680
- Basheer.
- Yeah.
376
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,060
How's it going, man?
377
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,060
I heard you was back
in our ends.
378
00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:11,780
It's been ages, man.
379
00:19:11,780 --> 00:19:13,450
- Yeah, temporarily.
- Yeah, I'm staying with my dad.
380
00:19:13,450 --> 00:19:15,320
- Yes, of course.
- I heard about the wedding.
381
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,910
I'm very sorry about that.
382
00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:18,460
Literally everyone's been
talking about it, though.
383
00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:20,540
You need to know that, yeah?
384
00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,210
Not that I have any confirmed
details, of course,
385
00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:23,800
'cause it's not like
you invited me
386
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,050
or any of the old crew, so...
387
00:19:25,050 --> 00:19:26,390
Oh, right, yeah.
388
00:19:26,390 --> 00:19:29,020
I'm... I'm sorry about that, man.
389
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,650
I guess you're not going
on the honeymoon then.
390
00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:32,990
No, just staying at home
every night with my dad.
391
00:19:32,990 --> 00:19:34,820
- That's great news.
- I'll tell you why.
392
00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:37,540
That means you're free to come
to my house party tonight.
393
00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:40,120
- Uh...
- Listen, it's a real "who's who" of Hounslow.
394
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:41,920
- Especially now you're coming.
- I don't know, man.
395
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,760
I'm... I'm not really in the mood
to go to a party tonight.
396
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:44,840
Listen, I understand.
397
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,390
You're emotional,
398
00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:48,390
but this ain't no normal
house party, brother.
399
00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:51,350
This is DJ Foreplay's
farewell tour.
400
00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:53,150
- Right, yeah, DJ Foreplay.
- What was it?
401
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,240
"He gets you hot and bothered
before the main event."
402
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,580
- So I'll see you there?
- No, probably not, man.
403
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:01,370
- I'll see you there.
- No, I don't think so.
404
00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:03,050
- Kash, I'ma see you there!
- Later, Bash.
405
00:20:03,050 --> 00:20:05,510
- Good to see you, man.
- Kash, you're coming.
406
00:20:05,510 --> 00:20:07,300
Yeah.
407
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:31,140
Fuck.
408
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,000
- I need to talk to you.
- Oh, my God! I'm naked.
409
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,420
Well, if you don't want me
to see you naked,
410
00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:43,630
don't take a bath in my tub.
411
00:20:43,630 --> 00:20:45,210
But we don't have tubs at Peath
412
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,050
and they make the teachers use
the boys' showers
413
00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:49,560
and showerheads are so low
that I have to sit on a stool.
414
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,220
Look, I need to know something.
415
00:20:51,220 --> 00:20:54,150
In college, did Craig and Maya
ever have a thing?
416
00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:55,530
- What?
- No.
417
00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:58,660
I'm the one that... uh,
that knows Craig
418
00:20:58,660 --> 00:21:00,990
better than anyone,
and there has never been
419
00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:02,040
anything with Maya.
420
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,120
I don't know.
421
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,170
They've been friends forever
422
00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:05,800
and have great chemistry.
423
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,260
Actually, I have
better chemistry with her.
424
00:21:07,260 --> 00:21:08,930
When we banter, people are like,
425
00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:11,060
"What?
Is this the Gilmore Girls?"
426
00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:12,480
Well, something dodgy's
going on.
427
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,440
Look, I found this necklace.
428
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,860
It's obviously for Maya.
429
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,280
Okay, whoa, whoa.
430
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,780
Let's not jump
to any conclusions, okay?
431
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,920
"M" could mean anything:
Mary, Meghan, Monica...
432
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,340
- Those are other women.
- That doesn't make me feel better.
433
00:21:27,340 --> 00:21:29,720
God, Duffy.
434
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,560
Why don't you just ask him?
435
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,680
Because I don't want him
to think I'm some type
436
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,940
of ultra-possessive
paranoid girlfriend,
437
00:21:35,940 --> 00:21:38,440
which, yes, obviously I am,
Duffy!
438
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,910
But who wouldn't be with all
these Ms running around
439
00:21:40,910 --> 00:21:42,370
stealing everyone's men?
440
00:21:42,370 --> 00:21:43,500
Do you want me to talk to him?
441
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,000
No.
442
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,540
And don't mention the necklace.
443
00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:48,340
The suds have moved.
I've seen your penis.
444
00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:50,760
- Oh... Oh, God.
- What?
445
00:22:02,450 --> 00:22:04,750
Dad, this TV sucks.
446
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:06,120
What happened to the one
I got you?
447
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,840
I gave it to Sumro from masjid.
448
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,050
He's just moved from Pakistan
and missed his wife,
449
00:22:10,050 --> 00:22:11,550
so I thought I could cheer
him up.
450
00:22:11,550 --> 00:22:13,220
I already gave it
to a Pakistani man
451
00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:15,230
who misses his wife, you.
452
00:22:15,230 --> 00:22:19,280
Pfft.
453
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,490
It may not feel like it,
but in the long run,
454
00:22:21,490 --> 00:22:23,830
maybe this was for the best.
455
00:22:23,830 --> 00:22:25,540
I know,
because she wasn't Muslim,
456
00:22:25,540 --> 00:22:27,210
and she didn't know
how to make roti.
457
00:22:27,210 --> 00:22:29,090
No, no, no, because something
was telling you
458
00:22:29,090 --> 00:22:30,720
this wasn't right.
459
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,720
And even though it wasn't easy,
you listened.
460
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:35,810
Thanks, Dad.
461
00:22:35,810 --> 00:22:37,190
And now, I have something
462
00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:38,810
which will really cheer you up.
463
00:22:38,810 --> 00:22:40,280
- Lagaan.
- No, Dad, no.
464
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,200
Look, I've watched Lagaan
700 times.
465
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,160
It will definitely not
cheer me up.
466
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,960
Ha.
467
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,170
Fine, I'll just watch it then.
My wife is dead.
468
00:22:55,970 --> 00:22:59,020
Actually, um,
I've got plans tonight.
469
00:22:59,020 --> 00:23:00,650
Love you.
470
00:23:07,790 --> 00:23:10,290
- Uh, "binta's" not a word.
- Use it in a sentence.
471
00:23:10,290 --> 00:23:13,340
I've never "binta" the opera.
472
00:23:13,340 --> 00:23:16,010
Just give it to her.
473
00:23:16,010 --> 00:23:18,560
Okay, yeah,
that's a triple word score,
474
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,270
so she just won.
475
00:23:20,270 --> 00:23:21,780
Wow, good job.
476
00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:24,280
Okay, I'm gonna make a toast.
477
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,120
To Ainsley,
478
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:32,590
who's had a terrible week.
479
00:23:32,590 --> 00:23:35,340
Maybe the worst week
a woman can possibly have.
480
00:23:35,340 --> 00:23:37,850
Well, Joan of Arc,
Marie Antoinette,
481
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,690
basically any woman born
before 1900...
482
00:23:42,190 --> 00:23:45,990
But the point is,
is that we love you,
483
00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:47,240
and you'll get through this.
484
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,410
We'll help you get through this.
485
00:23:49,410 --> 00:23:51,040
And Kash sucks.
486
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,630
Kash sucks.
487
00:23:54,510 --> 00:23:56,300
- A fox!
- No, no, no, no.
488
00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:59,350
Okay, wait, wait, a squirrel.
489
00:23:59,350 --> 00:24:01,060
How do you say... they're not
supposed to be words.
490
00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:02,900
- You're the worst drawer...
- I am not!
491
00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:04,740
- Your hair smells woodsy.
- What?
492
00:24:04,740 --> 00:24:06,780
- Is that a new shampoo?
- Woodsy?
493
00:24:06,780 --> 00:24:08,410
Oh, it's nothing.
494
00:24:08,410 --> 00:24:10,290
Um, hey, can I ask you
a question about Quentin?
495
00:24:10,290 --> 00:24:12,170
You mean my useless husband
who's too lazy
496
00:24:12,170 --> 00:24:14,210
to attend a party that is
literally across the street?
497
00:24:14,210 --> 00:24:15,680
Yes, what about him?
498
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:16,760
What did you get him
for his birthday?
499
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,390
A paperweight.
500
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:21,350
Right, a normal,
practical birthday present.
501
00:24:21,350 --> 00:24:23,480
Well, I hand carved it
in the shape
502
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,860
of a pet tortoise from
his boyhood in Kenya.
503
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:28,950
Oh.
504
00:24:28,950 --> 00:24:31,250
I'm sorry, I don't know
what I'm doing here.
505
00:24:33,330 --> 00:24:35,670
So, I shouldn't sign
the papers, right?
506
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,270
Well, what does Zara think?
507
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:42,310
Um, well...
508
00:24:42,310 --> 00:24:43,730
Craig, you still haven't
told her?
509
00:24:43,730 --> 00:24:45,150
- Look...
- Oh, my God.
510
00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,900
My girlfriend is not
my confidante.
511
00:24:46,900 --> 00:24:50,120
My girlfriend is who I impress
with fancy restaurants
512
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,370
and make laugh
with my seven jokes.
513
00:24:52,370 --> 00:24:56,880
But this serious shit,
this is why I have friends like you.
514
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,760
I mean, you need to think
about this little girl.
515
00:24:58,760 --> 00:24:59,930
I am.
516
00:24:59,930 --> 00:25:01,560
I mean, who wouldn't want a dad
517
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,060
who has a PlayStation
in every room, huh?
518
00:25:03,060 --> 00:25:05,150
I don't know.
519
00:25:06,530 --> 00:25:09,660
Hey, come here.
520
00:25:11,750 --> 00:25:13,790
It's a hat.
Oh, it's a...
521
00:25:13,790 --> 00:25:15,090
It's a scythe.
522
00:25:15,090 --> 00:25:16,420
Rail... a rail.
523
00:25:16,420 --> 00:25:18,720
Are you listening?
I'm saying it.
524
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,510
♪ Down on the west coast,
my baby, let's go ♪
525
00:25:21,510 --> 00:25:24,560
♪ That's what she said ♪
526
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,650
♪ Sunshine brighter than ♪
527
00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:32,120
- You came!
- This party's kickin'!
528
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,080
So good to see you, bro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
529
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,840
Of course, brother, yeah.
530
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:37,210
♪ The iceman cometh ♪
531
00:25:37,210 --> 00:25:39,050
It's my guy, the one, the only,
532
00:25:39,050 --> 00:25:41,140
Kashif Khan in the apartment!
533
00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,390
Bam-ba-ba-ba-ba-bam-bam-bam-bam
ba-bam!
534
00:25:44,390 --> 00:25:46,230
Ha-ha!
535
00:25:46,230 --> 00:25:48,530
Sorry, they thought you were
gonna be a lady, innit, so...
536
00:25:54,710 --> 00:25:56,540
♪ The iceman cometh ♪
537
00:26:03,970 --> 00:26:06,940
- What are you doing?
- Nothing. Nothing.
538
00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:09,570
It's just, um, Ted texted me.
539
00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:11,820
He's in town, wants to see me.
540
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,370
- What?
- Crazy, right?
541
00:26:13,370 --> 00:26:15,250
In no world are you ever
thinking about
542
00:26:15,250 --> 00:26:17,250
seeing that guy again,
except in The New York Times,
543
00:26:17,250 --> 00:26:18,630
headline: "Asshole Resigns."
544
00:26:18,630 --> 00:26:20,300
I am obviously not
going to see him.
545
00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:22,220
I was just telling you,
because it's so hilarious
546
00:26:22,220 --> 00:26:23,300
he thinks I might.
547
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,350
He did fly all the way
to London.
548
00:26:27,350 --> 00:26:29,150
- Maya!
- It's nothing. It's nothing.
549
00:26:29,150 --> 00:26:31,570
Please don't tell anybody.
I don't wanna hear about it.
550
00:26:32,740 --> 00:26:35,870
Okay, I won't.
551
00:26:42,010 --> 00:26:43,010
Oh.
552
00:26:43,010 --> 00:26:44,430
Okay.
553
00:26:44,430 --> 00:26:46,310
This person is a man,
uh, an adulterer,
554
00:26:46,310 --> 00:26:48,560
a politician,
and a huge asshole.
555
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:49,900
Uh, Anthony Weiner.
556
00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:51,070
Ted Spencer.
557
00:26:51,070 --> 00:26:52,360
Nice.
558
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,530
- Ooh, this guy.
- Yep.
559
00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,030
He's a total fraud,
560
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,500
he's a senator, and I wish
he was dead,
561
00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:57,670
because he screwed over Maya.
562
00:26:57,670 --> 00:26:58,880
Ted Spencer.
563
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,130
- Ted Spencer, okay.
- My turn.
564
00:27:01,130 --> 00:27:02,630
Oh, okay, this guy sucks.
565
00:27:02,630 --> 00:27:04,180
He's like a monster
and a total pervert.
566
00:27:04,180 --> 00:27:06,220
- It's Ted.
- They're all Ted, I get it.
567
00:27:06,220 --> 00:27:07,890
You've made your point.
568
00:27:07,890 --> 00:27:10,110
That one was Harvey Weinstein.
569
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,780
As Ainsley has apparently
told you,
570
00:27:13,780 --> 00:27:15,410
Ted is in London.
571
00:27:15,410 --> 00:27:17,200
And guess what.
I'm going to see him tomorrow.
572
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,210
But guys, I'm not getting
back together with him, okay?
573
00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:21,590
I am just going so I can
end it forever
574
00:27:21,590 --> 00:27:22,630
and get some closure.
575
00:27:22,630 --> 00:27:23,840
Boo!
576
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:25,010
Closure isn't real.
577
00:27:25,010 --> 00:27:26,220
It was something women invented
578
00:27:26,220 --> 00:27:27,810
to pester the men
who dumped them.
579
00:27:27,810 --> 00:27:29,310
I think Maya should give it
another try.
580
00:27:29,310 --> 00:27:31,070
She could be
in a committed relationship
581
00:27:31,070 --> 00:27:32,360
thousands of miles
away from here.
582
00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:33,610
Wouldn't that be nice?
583
00:27:33,610 --> 00:27:35,490
Maya, you're an amazing catch.
584
00:27:35,490 --> 00:27:36,490
You don't need him.
585
00:27:36,490 --> 00:27:37,950
She knows that, Craig.
586
00:27:37,950 --> 00:27:39,500
She doesn't need her male
platonic friend
587
00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:40,750
telling her that.
588
00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:42,960
- Enough!
- I am going to see Ted.
589
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,340
I am an adult, okay?
590
00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:47,220
Please respect my decision.
591
00:27:47,220 --> 00:27:48,390
Maya.
592
00:27:48,390 --> 00:27:51,190
- Maya.
- Maya, come on.
593
00:27:51,190 --> 00:27:53,400
It was Ainsley's idea!
594
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,070
I'm so sorry.
595
00:27:56,450 --> 00:27:57,910
♪ And the place is hot ♪
596
00:27:57,910 --> 00:28:00,290
- Nice.
- You went to Disneyland Paris.
597
00:28:00,290 --> 00:28:02,670
I didn't just go
to Disneyland Paris.
598
00:28:02,670 --> 00:28:06,180
I met Lumière, Le Cars,
Goofy was there as well.
599
00:28:06,180 --> 00:28:07,930
Can you believe that?
It was a sick day, you know.
600
00:28:07,930 --> 00:28:09,390
Ha!
601
00:28:09,390 --> 00:28:12,060
Cool, uh, I should
probably head out.
602
00:28:12,060 --> 00:28:13,610
You know, I didn't bring
you here
603
00:28:13,610 --> 00:28:15,820
to see all that, now did I?
604
00:28:15,820 --> 00:28:17,280
I brought you here to see this.
605
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:18,990
So, my mum's cleaning out
my old bedroom.
606
00:28:18,990 --> 00:28:20,120
She's turning it
into a Zumba studio
607
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:21,750
or some shit like that...
608
00:28:21,750 --> 00:28:23,040
she found this.
609
00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:26,800
Are you ready?
I hope you're ready, brother.
610
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,010
- 'Ello, my boys.
- 'Ello.
611
00:28:29,010 --> 00:28:30,520
You seem
a bit down and out, mate.
612
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:31,690
I suppose.
613
00:28:31,690 --> 00:28:33,060
What's the problem, then?
614
00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:34,610
That, my friend, is Oliver Twist
615
00:28:34,610 --> 00:28:36,780
at the Hounslow.
616
00:28:36,780 --> 00:28:39,160
- And I haven't eaten a thing.
- Seven days?
617
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,000
What were we, like,
12 years old there or something?
618
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,420
We were 10.
619
00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:44,750
- I'm Oliver.
- Oliver Twist.
620
00:28:44,750 --> 00:28:46,470
You were amazing.
621
00:28:46,470 --> 00:28:47,840
I always thought you were
gonna be an actor, you know?
622
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:49,430
Nearly did.
623
00:28:49,430 --> 00:28:51,350
I did a lot of theater
at Cambridge,
624
00:28:51,350 --> 00:28:54,270
but after graduation,
I had to get a proper job.
625
00:28:54,270 --> 00:28:55,780
Yeah, I feel you.
626
00:28:55,780 --> 00:28:57,070
That's why I work at
a cell phone store,
627
00:28:57,070 --> 00:28:58,700
even though my passion is DJing.
628
00:28:58,700 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaking of, are you happy
with your plan, man?
629
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,000
Oh, not the time, huh?
630
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,630
Not the time.
631
00:29:51,970 --> 00:29:54,520
I cannot believe
you dressed up for him.
632
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,520
- I didn't.
- You're wearing a padded bra.
633
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:57,860
- No, I'm not.
- Let me honk your boob.
634
00:29:57,860 --> 00:29:58,940
- Okay.
- Okay, fine.
635
00:29:58,940 --> 00:30:00,490
Why is it so bad I look hot
636
00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:01,700
when I tell Ted to go to hell?
637
00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:03,490
Because you're not going to.
638
00:30:03,490 --> 00:30:04,960
You're just giving him
the opportunity
639
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:06,670
to talk his way back
into your life.
640
00:30:06,670 --> 00:30:09,380
Look, I know you don't trust me,
641
00:30:09,380 --> 00:30:10,840
but I need to sort
this out with him
642
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,050
before I go back to D. C.
643
00:30:12,050 --> 00:30:13,350
Well, here's an idea.
644
00:30:13,350 --> 00:30:15,140
Don't go back to D. C.
645
00:30:15,140 --> 00:30:18,190
Stay here and try to figure out
your life without him.
646
00:30:18,190 --> 00:30:19,780
- Ainsley, come on.
- That's crazy.
647
00:30:19,780 --> 00:30:21,200
Is it?
648
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,200
You love London,
all our friends are here,
649
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:24,870
maybe you could meet
somebody new.
650
00:30:24,870 --> 00:30:26,910
There are still a couple
minor royals you can marry.
651
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,680
I'm sorry.
652
00:30:49,590 --> 00:30:50,920
Oh, my God, Liz.
653
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:55,100
Yeah, my husband
couldn't make it.
654
00:30:55,100 --> 00:30:56,730
What are you doing here?
655
00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:58,480
Ted and I are
on a "let's save our marriage"
656
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,190
European vacation,
which I thought was going well
657
00:31:01,190 --> 00:31:03,660
until I caught him texting
with you.
658
00:31:03,660 --> 00:31:05,830
- Hey, gal pals.
- I'm Stephen.
659
00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:07,540
I'll be helping you ladies out.
660
00:31:07,540 --> 00:31:09,040
Have you had a chance
to take a peek at the menu?
661
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:10,670
- Just a bottle of wine.
- We don't care what kind.
662
00:31:10,670 --> 00:31:12,260
Ooh, liquid lunch.
663
00:31:12,260 --> 00:31:15,350
Well, I'm sure it's wine
o'clock somewhere, right?
664
00:31:15,350 --> 00:31:18,350
Listen, I am so sorry.
665
00:31:18,350 --> 00:31:20,150
You need to know
the only reason I came here was
666
00:31:20,150 --> 00:31:21,690
to end it for good.
667
00:31:21,690 --> 00:31:23,360
You're not dressed like
you were here to end it.
668
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,070
Nice padded bra, by the way.
669
00:31:25,070 --> 00:31:27,290
I didn't mean to fall in love
with your husband.
670
00:31:27,290 --> 00:31:30,250
- No.
- You're not the victim here.
671
00:31:30,250 --> 00:31:32,460
Which of you gals would like
to taste the wine?
672
00:31:32,460 --> 00:31:34,130
No, "gal," just get out of here.
673
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,480
Ted and I are making it work
until my youngest turns 18,
674
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,560
and then I'm divorcing him,
taking all of his money,
675
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,440
and doing a Grace and Frankie
with my friend.
676
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,410
But until then,
I am staying in this marriage,
677
00:31:45,410 --> 00:31:50,210
and I will not have
my children embarrassed again.
678
00:31:50,210 --> 00:31:52,710
Yes, of course,
I will call him and end it...
679
00:31:52,710 --> 00:31:55,090
No, do not call him,
do not text,
680
00:31:55,090 --> 00:31:57,930
do not meet for coffee
to "get closure,"
681
00:31:57,930 --> 00:32:00,020
just disappear.
682
00:32:01,020 --> 00:32:03,110
Okay.
683
00:32:03,110 --> 00:32:04,900
I'm really sorry.
684
00:32:07,950 --> 00:32:10,710
Look, I know this is
more his fault than yours,
685
00:32:10,710 --> 00:32:13,460
so let me give you a piece
of advice.
686
00:32:13,460 --> 00:32:15,220
Don't fuck
another woman's husband.
687
00:32:18,180 --> 00:32:20,100
And don't build your life
around a man.
688
00:32:29,290 --> 00:32:32,210
Oh, my God.
689
00:32:51,830 --> 00:32:53,420
I know I should have
come sooner.
690
00:32:53,420 --> 00:32:55,000
Before you give me
some bullshit apology,
691
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:56,840
I should warn you,
one of my Texas relatives
692
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:58,300
gave us a gun
as a wedding present.
693
00:32:58,300 --> 00:33:00,010
I'm not here to apologize.
694
00:33:00,010 --> 00:33:03,150
I'm here to explain why,
and if the explanation sucks,
695
00:33:03,150 --> 00:33:05,070
you can shoot me.
696
00:33:05,070 --> 00:33:06,690
Fine.
697
00:33:06,690 --> 00:33:08,530
I called off the wedding,
because the person
698
00:33:08,530 --> 00:33:09,830
you were marrying was a lie.
699
00:33:09,830 --> 00:33:10,990
Okay, I'm getting my gun.
700
00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:12,330
Wait, wait, wait!
701
00:33:12,330 --> 00:33:15,210
Look, my whole life
I've been trying
702
00:33:15,210 --> 00:33:17,720
to be something I'm not.
703
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,510
I was embarrassed of who I was
and where I was from.
704
00:33:21,510 --> 00:33:24,100
So I thought,
"Who else can I be?"
705
00:33:24,100 --> 00:33:26,230
And what I landed on was this.
706
00:33:26,230 --> 00:33:27,780
An asshole.
707
00:33:27,780 --> 00:33:30,740
Yeah, kind of.
708
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:32,960
I went to university
and dropped all of my mates
709
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,540
and pretended I had an interest
in municipal bonds
710
00:33:35,540 --> 00:33:38,680
and got engaged to a beautiful,
funny American girl,
711
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,240
who I didn't believe would have
been interested in the first guy.
712
00:33:42,350 --> 00:33:46,230
And the point is,
I'm a massive fraud.
713
00:33:46,230 --> 00:33:48,740
And I'm incredibly sorry
I didn't figure this out until
714
00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:50,820
the day of our wedding,
715
00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:53,660
but I hope you can see that
none of this was your fault.
716
00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:01,010
You know,
I've been waiting all week
717
00:34:01,010 --> 00:34:02,970
to hear why you decided
to blow up
718
00:34:02,970 --> 00:34:05,940
our perfect relationship,
719
00:34:05,940 --> 00:34:08,900
but it wasn't perfect.
720
00:34:08,900 --> 00:34:12,120
I didn't really know you,
721
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,790
and the disturbing thing is,
I didn't care.
722
00:34:17,290 --> 00:34:21,010
Because I liked that fake guy
you described,
723
00:34:21,010 --> 00:34:23,720
and I wanted to marry him.
724
00:34:28,150 --> 00:34:29,570
Before you go...
725
00:34:37,210 --> 00:34:39,000
This is yours.
726
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:47,020
- Ains, I'm really sorry.
- You should be.
727
00:34:54,240 --> 00:34:56,040
♪ When you try your best ♪
728
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,800
♪ But you don't succeed ♪
729
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,590
♪ When you get what you want ♪
730
00:35:02,590 --> 00:35:07,230
♪ But not what you need ♪
731
00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:09,570
- I just spoke to Ainsley.
- You were right.
732
00:35:09,570 --> 00:35:11,900
I owed her an explanation,
and to be honest...
733
00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:15,410
Yeah, to Ainsley... not me.
734
00:35:15,410 --> 00:35:17,960
♪ Stuck in reverse ♪
735
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:25,510
♪ Lights will guide you home ♪
736
00:35:25,510 --> 00:35:32,320
♪ And ignite your bones ♪
737
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:37,040
♪ And I will try ♪
738
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,040
♪ To fix you ♪
739
00:35:41,420 --> 00:35:43,470
Hey, hey, I made nachos.
740
00:35:43,470 --> 00:35:45,930
Fully loaded, queso, 'penos.
You want some?
741
00:35:45,930 --> 00:35:48,480
Yeah.
742
00:35:50,100 --> 00:35:51,690
Do you have a thing for Maya?
743
00:35:51,690 --> 00:35:53,740
- What?
- No!
744
00:35:53,740 --> 00:35:56,830
Then why did you buy her
a necklace with an M on it?
745
00:35:56,830 --> 00:35:59,580
That... wasn't for her.
746
00:35:59,580 --> 00:36:01,420
How do you know about that?
747
00:36:01,420 --> 00:36:04,170
I-I went through your stuff.
748
00:36:04,170 --> 00:36:06,220
I wanted to know
your clothing sizes
749
00:36:06,220 --> 00:36:08,010
for future birthdays.
750
00:36:08,010 --> 00:36:10,390
Dude, your feelings for Maya
are making you crazy.
751
00:36:10,390 --> 00:36:11,940
I'm not crazy!
752
00:36:11,940 --> 00:36:13,990
You've been pining after her
for a decade.
753
00:36:13,990 --> 00:36:15,490
You gotta grow up.
754
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:19,330
We both do.
755
00:36:19,330 --> 00:36:20,790
You're right.
756
00:36:20,790 --> 00:36:23,420
What am I doing?
757
00:36:23,420 --> 00:36:25,720
I-I just have to let this go.
758
00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:29,140
- Yes.
- That's my boy.
759
00:36:29,140 --> 00:36:30,980
Then maybe Maya will find
her way back to me...
760
00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:32,190
- No!
- Stop!
761
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:34,690
- I'm kidding.
- I'm kidding.
762
00:36:34,690 --> 00:36:37,700
Hey, Tabby, you got a minute?
763
00:36:37,700 --> 00:36:39,450
Hey, I just wanted to know
if your offer
764
00:36:39,450 --> 00:36:41,670
to see Angels in America
was still on the table.
765
00:36:41,670 --> 00:36:43,670
Oh, they canceled it
after opening night.
766
00:36:43,670 --> 00:36:45,800
The administration decided
it wasn't appropriate
767
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,680
for a 13-year-old
to play Roy Cohn.
768
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,810
Yeah, that makes sense.
769
00:36:49,810 --> 00:36:52,310
Well, would you still
like to get a drink
770
00:36:52,310 --> 00:36:54,150
with me sometime?
771
00:36:54,150 --> 00:36:57,820
Oh, no, I've actually gotten
a really serious boyfriend
772
00:36:57,820 --> 00:36:59,490
since I saw you last.
773
00:36:59,490 --> 00:37:01,580
- Ah, no, I see.
- I'm sorry.
774
00:37:01,580 --> 00:37:03,220
- I'm so stupid.
- I just...
775
00:37:19,490 --> 00:37:20,520
So it's a date?
776
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,380
Okay.
777
00:37:48,260 --> 00:37:52,140
Julia, this won't take long.
778
00:37:52,140 --> 00:37:54,230
Molly is my daughter too, okay?
779
00:37:54,230 --> 00:37:56,020
- I knew I shouldn't have come.
- No, hold up, hold up.
780
00:37:56,020 --> 00:37:58,820
Now, I know I wasn't supposed
to meet her, but I did.
781
00:37:58,820 --> 00:38:01,370
And honestly, I think I could
be a great dad.
782
00:38:01,370 --> 00:38:05,000
I tell boring stories,
I love golf,
783
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,590
I use Rogaine.
784
00:38:06,590 --> 00:38:08,800
- But this isn't about you.
- Exactly.
785
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:13,770
It is about Molly,
which is why...
786
00:38:14,980 --> 00:38:16,350
I signed these.
787
00:38:20,910 --> 00:38:24,620
As a lawyer, I'm surprised.
788
00:38:24,620 --> 00:38:27,000
But as a mum, thank you.
789
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:31,970
Also, I, uh, I got her this.
790
00:38:31,970 --> 00:38:33,560
You don't have to give it
to her,
791
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:37,310
but it doesn't look good on me.
792
00:38:37,310 --> 00:38:38,900
Craig, you're a dead man.
793
00:38:38,900 --> 00:38:40,280
- I knew you were cheating!
- Zara, Zara, calm down.
794
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,110
- I am not cheating on you.
- I knew it!
795
00:38:42,110 --> 00:38:45,710
- I should leave.
- Yeah, you better walk, you home-wrecker.
796
00:38:45,710 --> 00:38:47,920
Is that what you want,
a classy woman
797
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,130
with a fancy job
who probably never got fired
798
00:38:50,130 --> 00:38:52,220
from Topshop
for abusing her discount?
799
00:38:52,220 --> 00:38:54,050
No, that's not what I want.
800
00:38:54,050 --> 00:38:56,430
I can't believe you would do
this to me on my birthday.
801
00:38:56,430 --> 00:38:57,850
It's not your birthday.
802
00:38:57,850 --> 00:38:59,440
It is my birthday month!
803
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:01,320
You should be ashamed
of yourself!
804
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:03,320
Zara, I am not having an affair.
805
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:07,500
I have a daughter.
806
00:39:07,500 --> 00:39:10,130
She's your daughter?
807
00:39:10,130 --> 00:39:11,720
But she's so old.
808
00:39:18,140 --> 00:39:19,940
Why didn't you tell me?
809
00:39:19,940 --> 00:39:22,070
I didn't want to just drop
this whole thing on you.
810
00:39:22,070 --> 00:39:24,240
I wanted to have it
figured out first.
811
00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:26,370
We're supposed to figure out
things together.
812
00:39:26,370 --> 00:39:29,380
We're a team, Craig.
We're Zara and Craig.
813
00:39:29,380 --> 00:39:31,550
Zraig, Craig. Zraig.
814
00:39:31,550 --> 00:39:33,590
We are Zraig.
815
00:39:33,590 --> 00:39:35,640
I'm sorry I wasn't honest
with you.
816
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,180
And all this week I was thinking
817
00:39:37,180 --> 00:39:38,690
you were cheating on me
with Maya.
818
00:39:38,690 --> 00:39:40,150
No.
819
00:39:40,150 --> 00:39:41,980
The way you two
were sneaking around...
820
00:39:41,980 --> 00:39:43,780
No, I just wanted to get her
opinion on what I should do,
821
00:39:43,780 --> 00:39:45,620
and why does everyone think
I'm cheating with Maya?
822
00:39:45,620 --> 00:39:47,290
It feels racial.
823
00:39:47,290 --> 00:39:49,960
Wait. So you told Maya
before you told me?
824
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,590
Zara, don't be upset.
825
00:39:52,590 --> 00:39:55,180
Don't you tell your girlfriends
everything before you tell me?
826
00:39:55,180 --> 00:39:57,100
- No.
- No, I don't.
827
00:39:57,100 --> 00:39:59,440
I tell everything to you first
because I trust you the most.
828
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,070
- I'm sorry.
- I just didn't think you'd understand.
829
00:40:02,070 --> 00:40:03,610
Wouldn't understand?
830
00:40:03,610 --> 00:40:05,570
Craig, if I'm not someone
831
00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:07,410
you come to
when you've got a problem,
832
00:40:07,410 --> 00:40:08,830
what am I to you...
833
00:40:08,830 --> 00:40:11,210
Just some fit bird
with fake tits
834
00:40:11,210 --> 00:40:13,000
and a tight ass
and perfect teeth
835
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,670
who laughs at your five jokes?
836
00:40:14,670 --> 00:40:16,340
You think it's only five?
837
00:40:17,850 --> 00:40:20,640
We don't have
a real relationship, Craig.
838
00:40:33,420 --> 00:40:37,430
♪ Around the world ♪
839
00:40:37,430 --> 00:40:39,640
♪ I've searched for you ♪
840
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,860
Dear Ted, your wife
told me not to contact you,
841
00:40:42,860 --> 00:40:45,150
but there are some things
I need to say.
842
00:40:45,150 --> 00:40:47,870
♪ To keep a rendezvous ♪
843
00:40:47,870 --> 00:40:50,910
Five years ago,
my friends moved to London,
844
00:40:50,910 --> 00:40:53,040
but I stayed behind
to work for a handsome,
845
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,050
idealistic congressman.
846
00:40:55,050 --> 00:40:57,930
I told myself
I stayed for my career,
847
00:40:57,930 --> 00:41:00,470
but the truth is
I stayed for you.
848
00:41:00,470 --> 00:41:04,020
I wish I could blame you,
but that was my choice,
849
00:41:04,020 --> 00:41:06,650
and I have to take
responsibility for it.
850
00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:10,240
One thing I will not do
851
00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:14,040
is waste any more time living
your life instead of mine.
852
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:15,670
Maya.
853
00:41:15,670 --> 00:41:18,050
♪ Or gay Paris ♪
854
00:41:18,050 --> 00:41:22,060
♪ Or even London Town ♪
855
00:41:22,060 --> 00:41:25,650
♪ The moment I go ♪
856
00:41:25,650 --> 00:41:27,030
Bye, Ted.
857
00:41:27,030 --> 00:41:29,910
♪ Around the world ♪
858
00:41:29,910 --> 00:41:33,710
Oi! Why are you throwing
rubbish in the river?
859
00:41:33,710 --> 00:41:35,290
Oh, sorry.
860
00:41:35,290 --> 00:41:37,720
- Of course.
- American.
861
00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:39,510
You know, just because
we don't have guns
862
00:41:39,510 --> 00:41:41,180
doesn't mean
we're not still cops.
863
00:41:41,180 --> 00:41:43,270
Sorry.
864
00:41:50,700 --> 00:41:55,080
♪ Around the world ♪
865
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:58,510
♪ I've searched for you ♪
866
00:41:58,510 --> 00:42:02,510
♪ I traveled on
when hope was gone ♪
867
00:42:02,510 --> 00:42:04,230
♪ To keep a rendezvous ♪
868
00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:07,940
So I think you'll find
every thank-you note there,
869
00:42:07,940 --> 00:42:11,120
from Abramson
to Zuckerberg-Chan.
870
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,290
Oh. Gemma.
871
00:42:13,290 --> 00:42:16,750
Oh, my... this is...
This is truly amazing.
872
00:42:16,750 --> 00:42:19,130
Oh, my God, you're such
a good friend.
873
00:42:19,130 --> 00:42:21,340
Thank you.
874
00:42:21,340 --> 00:42:22,970
Do these smell like scotch?
875
00:42:22,970 --> 00:42:24,560
No.
876
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,150
No, it's probably just, um...
877
00:42:26,150 --> 00:42:27,610
The glue.
878
00:42:27,610 --> 00:42:29,110
- Hey.
- Hey!
879
00:42:29,110 --> 00:42:31,320
So you know you had
that stupid idea
880
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,490
that I should stay in London?
881
00:42:33,490 --> 00:42:35,330
I think...
882
00:42:35,330 --> 00:42:37,330
- I think I'm gonna do it.
- Are you serious?
883
00:42:37,330 --> 00:42:39,000
Yeah, I know I don't have a job,
884
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,590
and I brought, like,
three pairs of underwear,
885
00:42:40,590 --> 00:42:42,550
but I was walking home tonight,
and I just...
886
00:42:42,550 --> 00:42:43,930
I just had this feeling
887
00:42:43,930 --> 00:42:45,600
that this is
where I'm supposed to be.
888
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,360
- It is! It is!
- I've been feeling the same way!
889
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:49,980
- This is crazy.
- I'm moving to London!
890
00:42:49,980 --> 00:42:51,570
Are you quite sure?
891
00:42:51,570 --> 00:42:53,160
- We need champagne.
- Yes.
892
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:54,700
- We have to celebrate.
- Oh, my God, come on.
893
00:42:54,700 --> 00:42:56,370
You know,
London isn't what it once was.
894
00:42:56,370 --> 00:42:58,380
Brexit.
895
00:42:58,380 --> 00:43:01,130
The traffic at Wimbledon.
896
00:43:01,130 --> 00:43:04,300
There's too many cobblestones.
You'll sprain an ankle.
897
00:43:04,300 --> 00:43:07,770
You have to ask for water
at restaurants.
898
00:43:07,770 --> 00:43:10,820
People are
really into pub trivia!
899
00:43:10,820 --> 00:43:13,240
You know where is a great place
to get a fresh start?
900
00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:14,990
Brazil!
901
00:43:28,350 --> 00:43:32,360
♪ It might have been ♪
902
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,780
♪ In County Down ♪
903
00:43:35,780 --> 00:43:39,040
♪ Or in New York,
in gay Paris ♪
904
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:43,380
♪ Or even London Town ♪
905
00:43:43,380 --> 00:43:46,430
♪ No more will I ♪
906
00:43:46,430 --> 00:43:50,440
♪ Go all around the world ♪
907
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,190
♪ For I have found ♪
908
00:43:52,190 --> 00:43:54,030
♪ My world ♪
909
00:43:54,030 --> 00:44:00,580
♪ In you ♪
910
00:44:02,420 --> 00:44:04,420
Go to bed.