I don't know how much longer I can go on, Benny.
If I don't make it, you tell Prudence I love her.
You tell her yourself. You're not quitting on me.
You gotta have hope.
If my navigation is correct,
Oregon is just past those trees!
Yes! It's so close I can actually smell it!
Yes, come on!
- [all cheering] - JOHN: Oregon, ho!
[screaming, gunshots]
Oh, I see. You were probably smelling
all the death and destruction.
That's funny. [chuckles]
I mean, not funny. Tragic.
[theme music playing]
♪♪♪♪♪♪
JOHN: My God.
Looks like a bomb went off.
Where is everybody?
Greetings, travelers.
Welcome to Oregon.
Sorry about my appearance. Times have been tough.
No, no, it's-- it's very nice.
Very storage chic.
Thank you. [chuckles] It breathes.
What happened here?
Trig happened.
She destroyed our land, poisoned our water,
and turned Oregon into this nightmare.
This is the worst thing I've ever seen.
Way worse than anything you've ever done.
All right, it's not a competition.
Sure, sure, yeah. No, I know that.
But if it were, though?
Trig would be winning by a lot.
Like, a lot!
By any chance, have you heard of
a woman named Prudence Aberdeen?
You mean the governor's wife? Wait.
Todd is the governor?
Oh! So you know Todd. Yeah, he's great.
Yeah, really cool. Really down to earth.
We think he's an evil psychopath.
Oh, okay, yeah, no, that guy sucks.
Yeah, they're in the governor's mansion.
But you'll never get in it. He's using Trig's gang
as his own personal security force.
I missed my chance to fight for Prudence once.
Nothing's gonna stop me this time.
All right, Rev. As long as you're gonna go
all cowboy on me, take this.
It's my lucky gun. Killed my first Irishman with it.
Though certainly not my last. No, no.
I get it. You killed a lot of Irishmen.
Damn skippy.
Ezekiel, if you don't make it back,
I hope that you go to the good part of Hell
where they still roast you over a spit,
but they don't pull your intestines
out through your butt.
Thank you, Phaedra. I really appreciate that.
You go save Prudence. I'll take care of Trig.
All right, good luck to all of you.
I'll be here if you need me.
Huh?
Oh, it's really nice in there.
He's got a kitchenette and everything.
♪♪♪♪♪♪
Okay, God, I don't know what's behind this door,
but I am prepared to do anything to get Prudence back,
so, basically...
[sighs] Sorry, not sorry.
Whoa! Not what I was expecting!
["The Anvil Chorus" plays]
♪♪♪♪♪♪
Welcome to the orgy. May I offer you some lube?
What is this den of sin?
Oregon is burning outside and you're in here
having some sort of debaucherous sex party?
Yes. Governor Aberdeen has become
decadent in his tastes.
The court has spared no expense
to satisfy his ever-depraved whims.
- Prudence. - Uhp!
I can't let you in like that.
There's a strict dress code.
We may have something for you in the back.
What size nipple clamp are you?
Well, how should I know--
Well, now, small, I suppose.
Well, it's just straight guy-on-girl sex?
Again? Boring!
-[sighs] -Hey, babe.
What do you want to watch next?
We could try irreverent sex,
uh, critically acclaimed sex.
People keep telling me to watch foreign sex,
but I don't know, it sounds kind of artsy.
Ugh! Would you just pick something already?
All you do is scroll through the options.
Nothing's changed since you last checked.
What has gotten into you lately?
You haven't showered. You haven't taken off that robe.
You haven't even tried to kill me recently.
It's not like you.
What's the point? The bad guys won,
I'm in a cage.
The love of my life rejected me
and is probably dead, so excuse me
if I want to get daytime "schwasted."
Oh, shit.
Eh. Whatever.
How can you still care about that preacher
when you're married to me, a living god?
Uch...
Bring me more sex content!
Yes, sir. Right away.
[whispers] I'm coming for you, Prudence.
Whoo! Strike!
That's three in a row! I am hot!
Gorgeous Pete. You're up.
No thanks, boss.
I've had enough.
There's no such thing as enough!
But boss, you already won.
It's not fun no more.
Not fun, huh?
Oh! Is this fun enough for you? Huh?
- Boss, please. - Hey!
Careful where you're aiming that thing.
You're gonna poke someone's eye out.
Dad?
You just can't seem to die, can you?
Trig, you gotta end this.
I taught you to be bad, but this is crazy.
You're out of control.
Not me. I am in control
for the first time in my life!
You all are here... and I'm here!
No...
I'm everywhere.
Finally, I'm getting the respect I deserve!
I am the worst bandit of all time.
I am Trig the Terrible!
[laughs]
That's it. You're grounded!
- What? - Two weeks.
No guns, no knives,
and I'm taking the telegraph out of your room!
You are not my father anymore!
The only way you can stop me
is a fight to the death.
No thanks.
Hey. Where you going?
She sounded pretty clear she's not budging.
Ah, who needs Oregon, anyway? I thought Idaho was nice.
We sacrificed everything to get here.
You can't just leave us now.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
She's like a freakin' supervillain now!
I can't take her alone!
You're not alone.
- You got me. - And me!
I, too, shall fight beside you.
So will my friends, Mr. Bang Bang
and Mrs. Killsalot. Mm!
[sighs] All right, fine.
It's not like I have anything else going on today.
[cocks guns]
We could take on a few measly bandits! Yeah!
Actually, the gang's gotten a bit bigger
since the last time you saw us.
♪♪♪♪♪♪
And are we allowed to do trades?
Hey! Ooh. Sorry. Very sorry.
Ow! Careful! Pardon me. Ooh, aah!
Sorry.
Wow, I did not know the human body could do that.
That is good to know.
Oh, I actually--I just need to get past you if that's okay.
Oh, no, I don't want to join in.
Thank you so much. I'm sure it'd be fun.
Psst! Prudence! No.
No sexual servicing for me, thanks.
Maybe another vino for Mama.
Pru, it's me, Zeke.
Zeke? You're alive? And you're sexy.
I feel very uncomfortable in this situation.
I'd like to get out of here before
my eyeballs start bleeding.
I'm surprised you even came.
I thought I was a "wicked harlot"
who tempted you off the righteous path.
Pru, I was wrong when I said all that stuff.
I don't care about any of that anymore.
All I care about is you.
- I don't know. - Please, Pru.
You have to believe me. Honestly, I have changed.
Well, well, well.
Lookee who we have here.
Haven't seen you before.
I'd remember such an exotic figure.
Small and slender,
yet chiseled like stone.
Are you a man or woman?
Shh! Don't tell me.
I want it to be a surprise.
Uh, Todd, I don't think this one's up your alley.
But I did see the most beautiful half woman, half goat.
Can you please not tell me what
my sick and twisted pleasures are?
Can you please not do that right now?
Okay? I'm in the middle of this.
Oh, yeah.
This'll do quite nicely.
[gunfire]
Give up, old man.
You ain't got nothing on me! Oh, yeah?
All right, how about we make this interesting?
Behind my back,
off that lamp to the guy on the balcony.
[gunshot]
[screams]
Not bad.
Straight up, ride the horsey, guy in the brown hat.
[gunshot]
Ha. You missed.
[bullet whistles]
Bam! Nothing but brain, baby! Damn!
Nice shot.
- Aah! - [gunshots firing]
We are getting slaughtered out there.
And Martha is driving me nuts.
She's like, "Oh, look! I got one of them."
I'm like, yeah, uh-huh, Martha!
That is literally your only job right now! You're right.
We can't beat Trig fair and square.
Luckily, I like to play dirty.
All right, let's huddle up, team! Come on!
- Is this gonna take all day? - All right.
It's time for some of my classic trick plays. Ooh!
Hey there, handsome. Who?
- Me? - Yes. I feel...
physical passion towards you
and would like to fornicate,
for non-reproductive purposes.
You sure do talk pretty.
Yah!
Ha ha!
Checkers?
Don't mind if I do.
[ticking]
Oh, f--
[coughing]
Now you're gonna die in 10 to 12 years.
Oh, man.
♪♪♪♪♪♪
TODD: Don't be shy, sweet flower.
Show me pleasures I've never tasted before.
Well, not really sure what to do, here.
You heard my husband.
Perhaps you can start with a sexy dance.
- TODD: Mmm. - Do I have to do that?
I said dance, slut.
Okay, yeah, no, sure, sure.
I'm dancing, yeah.
Hmm, yeah, you like that?
It's a bit rigid, but I can work with this.
Hmm...yeah...
Try something else. You--just--
it's so much shoulder work.
- PRUDENCE: Damn it! - You like that?
I'm at the general store, buying beans,
and hard tack.
TODD: No, I don't like it. Um...
You know what? I'm actually done with this.
This is not sinful enough.
No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
Oh, you want-- you want sinful?
I'll give you every damn sin in the book.
TODD: Well, that's too much wine.
So gluttonous.
I'm so greedy.
I care about money more than people.
Such bad priorities.
Oh, I'm getting tired now. I'll just stop dancing
and lie down, take a nap.
Take that nap. You take it, take it good.
- Envy. - Envy...
I am envious of you?
No--okay, I'll let that slide.
And last but not least... Yes.
...wrath.
- Yeow! - Ohh! Yes!
[whispers] Yes!
Reverend?
PRUDENCE: What? Zeke.
Where--how did you get here?
This is so random.
Guards!
[gunshots, bullets flying]
Tough luck, kiddo. I can do this all day.
All right, enough of this shit!
ALL: Uh-oh!
[all yelling]
WOMEN: Aah! Aah!
Come on, son!
Aah!
Come on, get over here!
TRIG: Where are your tricks now?
It's over! You lose!
I don't know what to do anymore.
She's--she's too strong.
It's okay, Benny.
We know you did your best.
At least we're gonna die in Oregon. Right, Ma?
That's right, Levi.
All right, I'll give up.
Just don't hurt the farmers. They don't deserve it.
Yes, they do.
Because you care more about them
than you ever cared about your own daughter!
She's right.
Whoa, whoa, Get down! What are you doing?
Something I should have done a long time ago.
I'm responsible for this mess.
It's my job to clean it up.
Benny?
All right, let's settle this the right way.
With a good old-fashioned duel.
- Oh, yeah, right. - What?
You afraid the old man's gonna wipe the floor with you?
I brought you into this world. I can take you out.
All right.
You want to dance? Let's dance.
You got this, buddy!
He's going to die.
[exhales] Just couldn't get over
your big fat ego, huh?
Had to be Benny the Teen all the way to the end.
Let's just get this over with.
[bell ringing]
- TRIG: One...two... - JOHN: This is suicide.
- He can't beat her. - Don't worry.
If I know Benny, he's got an ace up his sleeve.
TRIG: Six...seven... eight...nine...
Ten!
What are you doing?
I can't win this duel.
You're obviously gonna beat me.
Okay, now I would start worrying.
- Pick up your gun. - Well, what's the point?
You're quicker than me.
You're a better shot than me.
You're basically just
better than me in every way.
I don't know what you're trying to do, Benny,
but it isn't funny!
BENNY: I wish I'd told you this sooner.
I should've said it every day of my life.
You're the best, kid,
and I love you.
Now go ahead. Blow my brains out.
[all gasp]
Did you do it?
Am I in Hell yet?
[groans in frustration]
Daddy! Oh...
Oh, pumpkin!
- Oh ho! - ONLOOKERS: Aww!
Oh! This is nice.
Oh, don't cry, 'cause if you cry,
it's gonna make me cry.
Your crying is making me cry!
- Oh, Daddy. - Now it's a little much.
TODD: Trig?
What's going on here?
- Ezekiel? Is that you? - Yep.
I'd rather not talk about it now. It's been a whole thing.
Why is he so ripped?
Trig, do me a favor-- kill these traitors.
No thanks.
What? We have a deal!
You do my dirty work for me,
and I let you destroy Oregon.
Yeah, see, I'm not really about that anymore.
[chuckles] I got what I wanted.
Todd, face it.
- It's over. - No.
No, no, no, no, no!
No! It's not over until I say it's over!
If I'm going down, you're going down with me.
So tell your best friend God
that he can eat my ass.
I'm not gonna tell Him that.
Hey, Todd.
- [fuse hissing] - I want a divorce.
-[grunts] -[squelching]
[woman holds high, operatic note]
Oh, snap! She blew his weenie off!
[sighs] I've never tasted this pleasure before.
[people cheering]
Is it over?
I was in my multimedia room.
It's fine. He tried to kill us first.
I know it's not a great excuse for murder, but--
It's not that.
I'm just disappointed you had to save me.
I really wanted to prove to you that I'd changed.
Hey, you committed every cardinal sin
in the book for me.
If that's not love, then I don't know what is.
I did get pretty freaky.
You really can't unsee that sort of thing. Yeah.
Speaking of...
Don't look, God.
All right, Rev! Ha ha!
There's nothing like a reunion kiss
after you've killed a spouse.
Well, that's not how I prefer to think of it.
But that's the way it is. The body's still warm.
Yeah. Should we just put a pin in this?
Yeah, we can just hit it later.
- That's fine. - Yeah.
Well, I guess this is it.
You've come a long way from the uptight,
goody-two-shoes I met in Missouri.
Well, it turns out, the infamous bandit
might have a heart of gold
Oh, shh.
Let's just keep that between you and me.
[chuckles]
And I see you've got your gang back together.
Not my gang. It's Trig's.
She's keeping me on as her number two.
And you wouldn't believe the great plan she has.
Dad, stop. You're embarrassing me.
What? Can I not be proud of my daughter?
Tell him!
I'm gonna run a train into the White House.
Huh? How about that?
No, that's really bad. You shouldn't do that.
Oh, I'm just glad the family's back together.
I hate you guys so much.
- We hate you too, Dingus. - Aww!
Now go on, get out of here,
before I pump you full of lead.
Well, I'll see you, Zeke.
Take care, Benny.
Yee-haw! Come on!
We owe that man everything.
We'd never have gotten here without him.
Yeah.
We did kind of trash the place, though.
Yeah, it's not exactly
a paradise on Earth anymore, is it?
Some of the farmers and I
are going to take our chances in Florida.
It is supposed to be a perfect land
of citruses and sandy beaches.
Isn't Florida on the opposite side of the country? Yes.
We shall take the Miami Trail.
It should be a piece of cake.
Would you like to come?
No. Thank you.
I don't know if I believe in a perfect America anymore.
I think we're all just better off
appreciating what we've got
and working to make it just a little bit better.
Very well.
My pruny ass is getting a tan.
[laughs]
Well, where should we start?
Suppose we can start by getting rid
of some of these dead bodies.
Yeah, they're probably gonna start stinking pretty soon.
Hmm.
Let's get to work.
How about him? He seems light.
Mm-hmm.
Three, two, one.
♪♪♪♪♪♪