1
00:00:02,620 --> 00:00:05,563
Wow. Independence Rock.

2
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,018
Glorious, isn't she?

3
00:00:07,518 --> 00:00:09,252
Kinda looks like
a turd to me.

4
00:00:09,352 --> 00:00:11,129
And not a solid turd,
either.

5
00:00:11,229 --> 00:00:12,464
Just a sad loosey.

6
00:00:12,564 --> 00:00:13,965
It is not a sad loosey.

7
00:00:14,065 --> 00:00:16,510
Independence Rock marks the
halfway point of our journey.

8
00:00:16,610 --> 00:00:18,679
If we can make it there
by the 4th of July

9
00:00:18,779 --> 00:00:21,307
it means we're on track to get
to Oregon before winter.

10
00:00:21,407 --> 00:00:23,518
That's tomorrow.
We'll never make that.

11
00:00:23,618 --> 00:00:25,520
We may not make it
in one piece,

12
00:00:25,620 --> 00:00:29,065
but I'll get us there in time.

13
00:00:29,165 --> 00:00:30,358
Strap in.

14
00:00:30,458 --> 00:00:35,171
It's about to get bumpy.

15
00:00:38,007 --> 00:00:45,291
♪♪♪

16
00:00:45,391 --> 00:00:47,209
- [reins snap]
- Hyah!

17
00:00:47,309 --> 00:00:50,312
Y'all hang on tight, Rev.

18
00:00:51,063 --> 00:00:52,590
[oxen moo]

19
00:00:52,690 --> 00:00:54,050
You do realise
we're still going

20
00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:55,051
incredibly slowly,
right?

21
00:00:55,151 --> 00:00:56,886
These oxen are really
humming now.

22
00:00:56,986 --> 00:00:59,013
I mean, we can only
be going, uh...

23
00:00:59,113 --> 00:01:01,183
four, five miles
an hour, tops.

24
00:01:01,283 --> 00:01:02,392
Stay with me, baby!

25
00:01:02,492 --> 00:01:05,454
Yeah, I'm probably just gonna
get out and walk.

26
00:01:05,579 --> 00:01:07,647
See you guys at
Independence Rock, I guess.

27
00:01:07,747 --> 00:01:08,982
BENNY:
Yee-haw!

28
00:01:09,082 --> 00:01:12,628
[theme music plays]

29
00:01:39,281 --> 00:01:42,659
♪♪♪

30
00:01:46,371 --> 00:01:49,567
Isn't it wonderful?
All these brave pioneers

31
00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:51,152
taking a break
from the trail

32
00:01:51,252 --> 00:01:53,696
to celebrate
our great nation by--

33
00:01:53,796 --> 00:01:55,365
Gettin' drunk!

34
00:01:55,465 --> 00:01:57,759
[loud clattering]

35
00:01:58,259 --> 00:01:59,244
All right, come on!

36
00:01:59,344 --> 00:02:00,412
Who's ready
for some ale pong?

37
00:02:00,512 --> 00:02:03,416
I'm trying to get blackout
by breakfast.

38
00:02:03,516 --> 00:02:04,708
Farmer John,
you're up first.

39
00:02:04,808 --> 00:02:05,959
Come on, bitch.

40
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:10,231
Hit me with another buffalo
slider, Granny McGill.

41
00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:13,634
A little early to be
hitting the red meat, no?

42
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,511
I usually spend 4th of July
with Zeke,

43
00:02:15,611 --> 00:02:18,264
but he's in his honeymoon wagon
with Phaedra,

44
00:02:18,364 --> 00:02:20,015
leaving me to eat my feelings.

45
00:02:20,115 --> 00:02:22,394
In that case, make it two.

46
00:02:22,494 --> 00:02:24,979
Oh, yeah?
What's your problem?

47
00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:26,481
I'm just bummed that Trig

48
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:28,984
never wants
to see me ever again.

49
00:02:29,084 --> 00:02:31,153
You know, in some ways,
the emotional hurt

50
00:02:31,253 --> 00:02:33,531
is worse than the bullets
she put in my back.

51
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:35,991
Well, no. The bullets
were actually much worse.

52
00:02:36,091 --> 00:02:39,637
I still have one lodged in
my spine that's sheer agony.

53
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:41,247
Hey, Uncle Benny!

54
00:02:41,347 --> 00:02:42,957
Will you take us
around the fair?

55
00:02:43,057 --> 00:02:44,375
Okay, squirt,
I keep telling you--

56
00:02:44,475 --> 00:02:46,669
I'm not Uncle Benny.
I'm Benny the Teen,

57
00:02:46,769 --> 00:02:49,088
the most feared
outlaw alive.

58
00:02:49,188 --> 00:02:49,673
Please?

59
00:02:49,773 --> 00:02:52,066
CHILDREN: Please?

60
00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:54,344
All right, you win.

61
00:02:54,444 --> 00:02:57,764
But if I hear one word about
balloon hats, I'll shoot you.

62
00:02:57,864 --> 00:03:00,450
[giggles] Yes!

63
00:03:01,785 --> 00:03:03,479
Oh, Zeke!

64
00:03:03,579 --> 00:03:05,732
- [sighs]
- Happy 4th.

65
00:03:05,832 --> 00:03:07,734
Mm.
Happy 4th to you, too.

66
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:10,027
Whoo.
Don't get too excited.

67
00:03:10,127 --> 00:03:11,987
I'm sorry,
I am just exhausted.

68
00:03:12,087 --> 00:03:14,365
Phaedra and I have been
going at it all night.

69
00:03:14,465 --> 00:03:16,534
Oh, don't paint
the whole picture.

70
00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:18,661
No, no, it's not that.
We were praying.

71
00:03:18,761 --> 00:03:19,537
And don't get me wrong--

72
00:03:19,637 --> 00:03:23,041
I like praying as much
as the next God-fearing man.

73
00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:24,375
Twice a day,
maybe three times

74
00:03:24,475 --> 00:03:25,419
if I have a snack
in the middle.

75
00:03:25,519 --> 00:03:27,338
But I just wish
there was something else

76
00:03:27,438 --> 00:03:28,631
we could connect on,
you know?

77
00:03:28,731 --> 00:03:31,133
Well, hey, why don't you
just forget about all that?

78
00:03:31,233 --> 00:03:32,468
Okay, this is
our favourite holiday!

79
00:03:32,568 --> 00:03:34,678
Let's go get into some classic
Prudence/Zeke hijinks.

80
00:03:34,778 --> 00:03:36,681
- Hey, that's a great idea.
- Yeah.

81
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:39,058
- And I'll bring Phaedra.
- Oh, um...

82
00:03:39,158 --> 00:03:40,226
This is what
we can connect on.

83
00:03:40,326 --> 00:03:43,020
I mean, who can resist
the magic of July the 4th?

84
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,232
You know, I kinda just meant,
like, a you and me thing.

85
00:03:45,332 --> 00:03:46,274
I'm gonna go tell her
right now.

86
00:03:46,374 --> 00:03:48,877
This is awesome.
Pru, thank you so much.

87
00:03:52,339 --> 00:03:54,842
Granny, make it a double.

88
00:03:58,888 --> 00:04:00,205
- Aw.
- Damn it!

89
00:04:00,305 --> 00:04:02,250
This stupid game is rigged!

90
00:04:02,350 --> 00:04:04,226
Better luck next time.

91
00:04:06,854 --> 00:04:08,606
Give me the bear.

92
00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:11,652
Do it.

93
00:04:14,946 --> 00:04:16,390
- Here you go.
- Yay!

94
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,641
Thanks, Uncle Benny!

95
00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:19,268
Ah, you're welcome.

96
00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:22,329
No sudden moves.

97
00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:25,566
'Cause someone's
getting a hug!
Ooh!

98
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:26,525
I missed you.

99
00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:28,151
Is this how you kill people?

100
00:04:28,251 --> 00:04:29,445
Oh, no. I'm not
bounty hunting today.

101
00:04:29,545 --> 00:04:32,114
It's a national holiday.
Some union thing.

102
00:04:32,214 --> 00:04:33,408
Who's that, Uncle Benny?

103
00:04:33,508 --> 00:04:34,284
Hey, little guy.

104
00:04:34,384 --> 00:04:35,994
I'm an enemy of
your Uncle Benny's.

105
00:04:36,094 --> 00:04:37,997
It's my job to hunt him down
and kill him

106
00:04:38,097 --> 00:04:40,290
because he's the most wanted
man in the country

107
00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:43,167
and he deserves
to rot in hell!

108
00:04:43,267 --> 00:04:46,605
Even if everyone here
is going gaga for Trig.

109
00:04:47,188 --> 00:04:48,089
Wait, Trig is here?

110
00:04:48,189 --> 00:04:49,466
Oh, yeah. She's doing
some big heist.

111
00:04:49,566 --> 00:04:52,469
It's part of this crazy
crime spree she's on.

112
00:04:52,569 --> 00:04:54,138
It's so stupid.

113
00:04:54,238 --> 00:04:55,723
[chuckles] Yeah.

114
00:04:55,823 --> 00:04:57,516
Stupid. [laughs]

115
00:04:57,616 --> 00:04:59,686
Well, maybe I should just
check it out, though, right?

116
00:04:59,786 --> 00:05:01,437
Just see what all the fuss
is about.

117
00:05:01,537 --> 00:05:05,525
Hey, kids. You want to check
out an active crime scene?

118
00:05:05,625 --> 00:05:06,108
Yay!

119
00:05:06,208 --> 00:05:07,235
PRUDENCE:
Ah, so much to do!

120
00:05:07,335 --> 00:05:10,155
We could carve our names
into Independence Rock.

121
00:05:10,255 --> 00:05:11,364
Ooh, look!
There's a meet-and-greet

122
00:05:11,464 --> 00:05:13,533
with Uncle Sam in
his White House Wonderland.

123
00:05:13,633 --> 00:05:15,619
What sounds good to you?
Uh, all of it.

124
00:05:15,719 --> 00:05:16,536
What do you think,
Phaedra?

125
00:05:16,636 --> 00:05:18,497
Oh, um, sorry.
What was the question?

126
00:05:18,597 --> 00:05:21,249
I'm just so confused
by this sandwich.

127
00:05:21,349 --> 00:05:22,585
Right, yes.
No, you want a more

128
00:05:22,685 --> 00:05:24,920
perpendicular entry,
dear.

129
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,672
- This?
- Ah, no.

130
00:05:26,772 --> 00:05:28,633
Like, turn it
on its axis.

131
00:05:28,733 --> 00:05:29,592
The other axis.

132
00:05:29,692 --> 00:05:30,384
Rotate it, like...

133
00:05:30,484 --> 00:05:32,679
I'm sorry, I just--
I don't get this.

134
00:05:32,779 --> 00:05:34,765
Or any of this.
I mean, what exactly

135
00:05:34,865 --> 00:05:37,559
are we celebrating here?

136
00:05:37,659 --> 00:05:39,143
The pursuit of happiness?

137
00:05:39,243 --> 00:05:40,771
Happiness is an indulgence

138
00:05:40,871 --> 00:05:42,106
that should
be run away from.

139
00:05:42,206 --> 00:05:45,109
Oh, no, you're just not
seeing it the right way.

140
00:05:45,209 --> 00:05:46,778
When I was at the orphanage
growing up,

141
00:05:46,878 --> 00:05:48,362
I used to make
an American flag

142
00:05:48,462 --> 00:05:49,781
out of a dirty
old pillowcase.

143
00:05:49,881 --> 00:05:50,782
And I'd wave it around

144
00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:53,409
and pretend I was in
the Land of the Free.

145
00:05:53,509 --> 00:05:56,663
Ezekiel, you're not a...

146
00:05:56,763 --> 00:05:57,789
patriot, are you?

147
00:05:57,889 --> 00:06:00,541
- Well...
- Because the man I married

148
00:06:00,641 --> 00:06:03,419
loves God, not America.

149
00:06:03,519 --> 00:06:04,838
Sorry, no.
A patriot. Yes.

150
00:06:04,938 --> 00:06:06,506
Um, no, I'm not that.

151
00:06:06,606 --> 00:06:07,716
[scoffs] No.

152
00:06:07,816 --> 00:06:08,717
Boo, America!

153
00:06:08,817 --> 00:06:09,718
What are you talking about?

154
00:06:09,818 --> 00:06:10,886
You're like the biggest
patriot I know--

155
00:06:10,986 --> 00:06:12,262
Ah! No, no, no, no,
I'm not.

156
00:06:12,362 --> 00:06:13,150
I might have experimented

157
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,142
with patriotism in college,
but that was just a phase.

158
00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:17,393
You know what we should do?

159
00:06:17,493 --> 00:06:21,563
We should protest
this sick holiday.

160
00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:22,481
Haa...

161
00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:23,858
Wouldn't that be righteous?

162
00:06:23,958 --> 00:06:25,234
Yes.

163
00:06:25,334 --> 00:06:27,487
Wonderful idea, dear.

164
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:28,279
[laughs]

165
00:06:28,379 --> 00:06:31,674
Well, at least it's
something we can connect on.

166
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:33,843
Sorry.

167
00:06:35,971 --> 00:06:38,415
This is too many hot dogs.

168
00:06:38,515 --> 00:06:39,875
[people clamouring]

169
00:06:39,975 --> 00:06:42,378
You--you took everything
from us.

170
00:06:42,478 --> 00:06:43,921
You're a monster!

171
00:06:44,021 --> 00:06:45,881
Oh, that's so sweet!

172
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:47,425
Thank you for coming
to the robbery.

173
00:06:47,525 --> 00:06:49,760
Everyone,
really, thank you.

174
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:52,638
People are really
freaked out by Trig?

175
00:06:52,738 --> 00:06:53,222
Dad?

176
00:06:53,322 --> 00:06:56,768
Okay, what part of
"I never want to see you again"

177
00:06:56,868 --> 00:06:57,572
don't you understand?

178
00:06:57,582 --> 00:06:59,604
God, you're like obsessed
with me or something.

179
00:06:59,704 --> 00:07:01,982
I'm not here to see you.
I'll have you know,

180
00:07:02,082 --> 00:07:03,942
I'm here
on important business.

181
00:07:04,042 --> 00:07:06,486
Uncle Benny?
I have to potty.

182
00:07:06,586 --> 00:07:08,948
Levi, you're killin' me!
You just went potty!

183
00:07:09,048 --> 00:07:11,241
Does cholera give you
a tiny bladder, too?

184
00:07:11,341 --> 00:07:14,579
Oh, my God, your new gang
seems pretty tough.

185
00:07:14,679 --> 00:07:15,163
[laughter]

186
00:07:15,263 --> 00:07:18,708
Yeah, well, sorry
to steal the spotlight...

187
00:07:18,808 --> 00:07:19,625
but these folks now have

188
00:07:19,725 --> 00:07:21,502
a real bad guy
to worry about!

189
00:07:21,602 --> 00:07:23,105
Get 'em up!

190
00:07:23,396 --> 00:07:26,984
Um, I'm sorry.
Who are you again?

191
00:07:27,567 --> 00:07:28,802
Benny the Teen.

192
00:07:28,902 --> 00:07:30,721
Oh! Right!

193
00:07:30,821 --> 00:07:32,639
Yeah, I think my parents
were scared of you.

194
00:07:32,739 --> 00:07:36,685
Would you mind if I go back
to being robbed by Trig?

195
00:07:36,785 --> 00:07:39,688
Sorry, Benny. Looks like
I'm new hotness,

196
00:07:39,788 --> 00:07:40,564
and you're an old has-been.

197
00:07:40,664 --> 00:07:43,484
- CROWD: Oh! Ooh!
- BENNY: All right, laugh it up.

198
00:07:43,584 --> 00:07:46,361
This isn't the last
you've seen of Benny the Teen,

199
00:07:46,461 --> 00:07:48,089
not by a long shot!

200
00:07:49,716 --> 00:07:51,634
Let's go potty.

201
00:07:54,637 --> 00:07:57,665
♪♪♪

202
00:07:57,765 --> 00:07:58,345
Can you believe

203
00:07:58,355 --> 00:08:01,545
that people would deface
this perfectly good rock

204
00:08:01,645 --> 00:08:03,338
with this graffiti?

205
00:08:03,438 --> 00:08:06,008
"W.H. Collins and Co."?

206
00:08:06,108 --> 00:08:07,885
More like, "Erase You...

207
00:08:07,985 --> 00:08:10,346
[chuckling]
Company," yeah.

208
00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:11,722
And erase you!

209
00:08:11,822 --> 00:08:14,475
And erase you.
Psst!

210
00:08:14,575 --> 00:08:16,036
Zeke!

211
00:08:16,535 --> 00:08:18,647
Pru, what
are you doing here?
What does it look like?

212
00:08:18,747 --> 00:08:20,065
I'm busting you out of here.
Let's go.

213
00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:22,609
[gasps] What in
George Washington's

214
00:08:22,709 --> 00:08:23,944
green earth are you doing?

215
00:08:24,044 --> 00:08:26,446
We are returning
this rock

216
00:08:26,546 --> 00:08:27,990
to the way God made it,

217
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,574
you disgusting patriots.

218
00:08:29,674 --> 00:08:30,993
Oh, no.
No, you did not.

219
00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:33,704
You need to take
that flat, rat-tail pompadour

220
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:36,457
and pack it up,
Bena-bitch Arnold.

221
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,000
- [others chuckle]
- Ezekiel!

222
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:41,420
Did you hear what he
just said to your wife?

223
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,380
Yes.

224
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,007
Defend my honour.

225
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,633
Right, um...
PHAEDRA: Yes.

226
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,845
[Zeke clears throat]

227
00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:50,155
You guys are bad.

228
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,449
Good start.

229
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:54,685
Now elaborate.

230
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:58,147
I think that America is...

231
00:08:58,247 --> 00:08:58,981
dumb and

232
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:02,819
red, white, and blue
are ugly, ugly colours.

233
00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:07,740
And all you patriots
should...

234
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,033
[flatly]
go back to England.

235
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:12,553
Oh, now, you done did it.

236
00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:15,373
You're right, Thomas.

237
00:09:15,473 --> 00:09:16,583
It's not worth it.

238
00:09:16,683 --> 00:09:19,669
You don't feed the trolls.

239
00:09:19,769 --> 00:09:21,046
Come on, let's go.

240
00:09:21,146 --> 00:09:21,714
Good job, dear.

241
00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:26,610
You really showed
those flag-wavers who's boss.

242
00:09:27,945 --> 00:09:29,972
You're right, this is horrible.
I have to get out of here.

243
00:09:30,072 --> 00:09:32,808
Wow, yeah, you have
to be honest with Phaedra

244
00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:35,494
and tell her
that you love America.

245
00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:38,915
Yeah, I could do that.

246
00:09:39,708 --> 00:09:40,525
Or, I could lie to her

247
00:09:40,625 --> 00:09:42,777
and live a completely
separate double life

248
00:09:42,877 --> 00:09:43,904
behind her back.

249
00:09:44,004 --> 00:09:45,739
Sure.
Equally healthy option.

250
00:09:45,839 --> 00:09:47,073
I'm probably
gonna do that one.

251
00:09:47,173 --> 00:09:49,118
All right, um...
bye, sweetheart!

252
00:09:49,218 --> 00:09:50,452
Just going off
for a quick break.

253
00:09:50,552 --> 00:09:51,703
- Okay.
- Just a normal break,

254
00:09:51,803 --> 00:09:53,580
doing normal things
for a normal amount of time.

255
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:57,126
- She doesn't care. Let's go.
- Okay. The lie worked!

256
00:09:57,226 --> 00:09:58,920
BENNY: I'm washed up?

257
00:09:59,020 --> 00:09:59,879
I'll show them
who's washed up.

258
00:09:59,979 --> 00:10:01,756
- What are we doing here?
- Come on, kids!

259
00:10:01,856 --> 00:10:03,841
We need to come up with
something really bad

260
00:10:03,941 --> 00:10:07,279
that Uncle Benny can do,
on short notice!

261
00:10:07,570 --> 00:10:08,972
Emma! Get your head
in the game!

262
00:10:09,072 --> 00:10:10,933
I'm gonna need you
to stop eating the grass,

263
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:13,685
- and focus.
- This is boring.

264
00:10:13,785 --> 00:10:15,437
Can we go see Uncle Sam?

265
00:10:15,537 --> 00:10:17,856
I'm trying to come up
with my big comeback here!

266
00:10:17,956 --> 00:10:19,942
We're not meeting Uncle Sam!
Please?

267
00:10:20,042 --> 00:10:23,879
He's the coolest,
bestest guy in the world.

268
00:10:25,756 --> 00:10:27,075
He is, huh?

269
00:10:27,175 --> 00:10:29,077
The rest of you
feel that way?

270
00:10:29,177 --> 00:10:30,828
Then I suppose
it would be pretty bad

271
00:10:30,928 --> 00:10:32,497
if something
were to happen to him?

272
00:10:32,597 --> 00:10:34,766
Yeah, really bad.

273
00:10:35,350 --> 00:10:36,709
Interesting.

274
00:10:36,809 --> 00:10:39,712
All right, let's go
meet Uncle Sam.

275
00:10:39,812 --> 00:10:41,048
Yay!

276
00:10:41,148 --> 00:10:42,716
[evil laugh]

277
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,051
Why are you laughing
so evilly?

278
00:10:44,151 --> 00:10:47,237
Shut up, Levi.
No one likes a narc.

279
00:10:48,155 --> 00:10:51,141
Game! Bam!
Drink up, Farmer John.

280
00:10:51,241 --> 00:10:53,186
[laughs]
That's right.

281
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,145
Todd Aberdeen's back on top.

282
00:10:54,245 --> 00:10:57,023
Yes, I may have shat my pants
on multiple occasions,

283
00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,026
but at least I can still
dominate at ale pong.

284
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:01,485
Ooh, ale pong?

285
00:11:01,585 --> 00:11:03,780
Oh, I've always wanted to try.
Can I play?

286
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,926
Sure, if you don't mind
getting your butt whooped.

287
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,747
- What?
- That was fun!

288
00:11:12,847 --> 00:11:14,083
Oh, can we play again?

289
00:11:14,183 --> 00:11:15,960
Yeah, okay, just...

290
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:17,728
Rack 'em up.

291
00:11:18,312 --> 00:11:19,772
Bitch.

292
00:11:20,773 --> 00:11:22,633
[patriotic music plays]

293
00:11:22,733 --> 00:11:27,513
[indistinct cheering]

294
00:11:27,613 --> 00:11:29,975
Lib-er-ty! Lib-er-ty!

295
00:11:30,075 --> 00:11:31,059
Can you believe
this is the most fun

296
00:11:31,159 --> 00:11:32,894
I've had on my honeymoon
and my wife isn't even here?

297
00:11:32,994 --> 00:11:35,147
Hey, I get it.
The highlight of my honeymoon

298
00:11:35,247 --> 00:11:36,690
was the night
Todd passed out early

299
00:11:36,790 --> 00:11:37,691
and I ate a whole cake
in the tub.

300
00:11:37,791 --> 00:11:40,236
I just--I thought marriage
would be different, you know?

301
00:11:40,336 --> 00:11:43,822
I thought it'd be fun,
and adventures

302
00:11:43,922 --> 00:11:46,242
and, I don't know,
fireworks.

303
00:11:46,342 --> 00:11:47,701
I guess we don't
always end up

304
00:11:47,801 --> 00:11:49,245
with our fireworks person.

305
00:11:49,345 --> 00:11:55,585
♪♪♪

306
00:11:55,685 --> 00:11:57,754
PATRIOTIC MAN:
Uh-oh, stop the parade!

307
00:11:57,854 --> 00:11:59,089
- Whoa.
- Troll alert.

308
00:11:59,189 --> 00:12:01,508
Look out, everybody.
Whoop whoop!

309
00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:02,592
I am so terribly sorry

310
00:12:02,692 --> 00:12:03,593
about what I said to you
earlier.

311
00:12:03,693 --> 00:12:05,012
The truth is,
that wasn't me at all.

312
00:12:05,112 --> 00:12:07,598
I actually love
the 4th of July.

313
00:12:07,698 --> 00:12:09,767
I...knew it!

314
00:12:09,867 --> 00:12:11,560
My USA-dar is flawless!

315
00:12:11,660 --> 00:12:15,206
Now come on, and get
your tushies on this float!

316
00:12:15,914 --> 00:12:17,292
Let's do it.

317
00:12:17,708 --> 00:12:18,860
UNCLE SAM:
Nice to meet you, little Levi.

318
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,780
Now tell Uncle Sam,
what's your 4th of July wish?

319
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,698
I wish for a cure
for my polio,

320
00:12:23,798 --> 00:12:26,159
and rickets, and scurvy,
and measles--

321
00:12:26,259 --> 00:12:28,287
Uh, I'll see what I can do.

322
00:12:28,387 --> 00:12:31,664
And Levi, I want you...

323
00:12:31,764 --> 00:12:33,917
to have
a happy 4th of July.

324
00:12:34,017 --> 00:12:35,668
[polite laugh]
All right.
There you go.

325
00:12:35,768 --> 00:12:37,922
Great wishes, kids.
All right, now,

326
00:12:38,022 --> 00:12:38,839
I need you to wait outside.

327
00:12:38,939 --> 00:12:41,675
I'm gonna have a little word
with Uncle Sam.

328
00:12:41,775 --> 00:12:42,593
Off you go.

329
00:12:42,693 --> 00:12:44,637
Get along,
little doggies.

330
00:12:44,737 --> 00:12:46,180
[chuckles]

331
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:46,806
Here's the deal.

332
00:12:46,906 --> 00:12:49,642
I need to pull off
an unspeakably heinous crime

333
00:12:49,742 --> 00:12:51,269
to outdo my daughter,
and...

334
00:12:51,369 --> 00:12:53,646
long story short,
I need to kidnap you.

335
00:12:53,746 --> 00:12:56,149
- Oh.
- Yeah, I know, it sucks.

336
00:12:56,249 --> 00:12:59,085
I hope you take it
as a compliment, though.

337
00:12:59,503 --> 00:13:00,904
- I understand.
- Good.

338
00:13:01,004 --> 00:13:03,615
And I hope you understand
that Uncle Sam

339
00:13:03,715 --> 00:13:05,909
doesn't go down
without a fight!

340
00:13:06,009 --> 00:13:06,785
[growls]

341
00:13:06,885 --> 00:13:07,869
[growling, objects breaking]

342
00:13:07,969 --> 00:13:10,223
- [growling, objects breaking]
- [coughs]

343
00:13:11,015 --> 00:13:12,792
How are you so jacked?

344
00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:15,811
I want you...to die!

345
00:13:20,191 --> 00:13:21,235
Ooh!

346
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,266
- [grunts]
- [crowd gasps]

347
00:13:27,366 --> 00:13:29,451
[groaning]

348
00:13:29,952 --> 00:13:30,727
Ah, don't worry, kids.

349
00:13:30,827 --> 00:13:32,354
Sam's just taking
a little nap.

350
00:13:32,454 --> 00:13:34,274
Hey, help me drag
his body out of here.

351
00:13:34,374 --> 00:13:36,359
Yeah! I friggin' love you,
America,

352
00:13:36,459 --> 00:13:37,651
and I don't care
who knows it!

353
00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:41,923
Yas, honey! You better crown
that good with brotherhood!

354
00:13:43,049 --> 00:13:44,200
- Ezekiel!
- Aah!

355
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:45,952
What are you doing
up there?

356
00:13:46,052 --> 00:13:48,846
Um, this isn't
what it looks like. I'm--

357
00:13:53,017 --> 00:13:54,170
Look, Phaedra,

358
00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:55,795
I want to be
a good husband to you.

359
00:13:55,895 --> 00:14:00,759
But that also means
being honest with you.

360
00:14:00,859 --> 00:14:01,844
I love America.

361
00:14:01,944 --> 00:14:04,013
I know this must come
as a huge shock to you

362
00:14:04,113 --> 00:14:06,891
but I really hope you can find
some way of accepting it

363
00:14:06,991 --> 00:14:12,414
because it--it is
a huge part of who I am.

364
00:14:14,291 --> 00:14:16,359
I absolutely do not
accept that.

365
00:14:16,459 --> 00:14:19,863
That part of you
makes me sick and revolted

366
00:14:19,963 --> 00:14:22,115
and the fact that we are
even having this conversation

367
00:14:22,215 --> 00:14:24,951
makes me want to throw myself
off a cliff.

368
00:14:25,051 --> 00:14:28,122
Now get off that float
immediately.

369
00:14:28,222 --> 00:14:28,705
Yes, dear.

370
00:14:28,805 --> 00:14:32,460
Yikes. That's a hard attitude
to move forward from.

371
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:33,127
Zeke, wait.

372
00:14:33,227 --> 00:14:35,129
Haven't you done
enough harm already?

373
00:14:35,229 --> 00:14:37,840
Go back to your own husband.

374
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:39,150
Go.

375
00:14:39,817 --> 00:14:41,220
Excuse me, ma'am?
I'm so sorry,

376
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,406
but I think I may
have killed your husband.

377
00:14:46,408 --> 00:14:47,059
[burps]

378
00:14:47,159 --> 00:14:48,769
And, uh, not to pile on,

379
00:14:48,869 --> 00:14:51,063
but I think
he shit his pants.

380
00:14:51,163 --> 00:14:52,856
He shit his pants.

381
00:14:52,956 --> 00:14:54,416
Happy 4th.

382
00:14:59,087 --> 00:15:00,406
Step this way, guys.

383
00:15:00,506 --> 00:15:03,201
All right, I got you all
the best seat in the house.

384
00:15:03,301 --> 00:15:06,287
Uh, thanks, but we really
don't have time for fireworks.

385
00:15:06,387 --> 00:15:07,956
We got back-to-back
heists tomorrow.

386
00:15:08,056 --> 00:15:10,501
Trust me. You're not gonna
want to miss this.

387
00:15:10,601 --> 00:15:12,835
It's gonna be
a real explosion.

388
00:15:12,935 --> 00:15:16,465
Mm, yeah. That's what
fireworks do. They explode.

389
00:15:16,565 --> 00:15:18,133
Just watch, please.

390
00:15:18,233 --> 00:15:19,443
[sighs]

391
00:15:20,402 --> 00:15:21,095
Fireworks!

392
00:15:21,195 --> 00:15:23,138
ALL CHANTING:
Fireworks! Fireworks!

393
00:15:23,238 --> 00:15:26,850
Folks, folks, folks, folks!
I got some bad news.

394
00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:29,186
Uncle Sam is not gonna be
introducing

395
00:15:29,286 --> 00:15:30,187
the fireworks show.

396
00:15:30,287 --> 00:15:32,315
- [groaning]
- Because...

397
00:15:32,415 --> 00:15:35,859
- [drumroll]
- he is the fireworks show.

398
00:15:35,959 --> 00:15:37,946
I want you...

399
00:15:38,046 --> 00:15:38,698
to help me!

400
00:15:38,798 --> 00:15:42,050
Boy, you get a lot of mileage
out of that line, don't you?

401
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:42,993
That's right, folks!

402
00:15:43,093 --> 00:15:46,247
Benny the Teen is gonna
blow up Uncle Sam,

403
00:15:46,347 --> 00:15:50,084
- on the 4th of July.
- [crowd clamouring]

404
00:15:50,184 --> 00:15:52,378
Now who's the baddest
outlaw in town?

405
00:15:52,478 --> 00:15:55,356
Damn.
That is cold-blooded.

406
00:15:55,940 --> 00:15:57,883
Ooh. [chuckles]

407
00:15:57,983 --> 00:15:59,443
Whoo!

408
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:06,351
You're not really gonna
blow up Uncle Sam, are you?

409
00:16:06,451 --> 00:16:08,270
Yeah, actually, I am.

410
00:16:08,370 --> 00:16:10,897
[whimpers]

411
00:16:10,997 --> 00:16:12,165
Why?

412
00:16:12,499 --> 00:16:14,484
Because I need
to be back on top.

413
00:16:14,584 --> 00:16:17,112
If I'm not the number one
outlaw in town,

414
00:16:17,212 --> 00:16:19,282
then, I'm nobody.

415
00:16:19,382 --> 00:16:20,450
That's not true.

416
00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:24,262
You're my Uncle Benny.
I love you.

417
00:16:28,975 --> 00:16:29,500
Damn you, Levi.

418
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,962
How dare you melt my heart
at a time like this?

419
00:16:33,062 --> 00:16:34,523
[giggles]

420
00:16:34,981 --> 00:16:36,508
All right, hold on, Sam.

421
00:16:36,608 --> 00:16:37,925
I'm coming for you.

422
00:16:38,025 --> 00:16:40,429
[whimpering]

423
00:16:40,529 --> 00:16:42,348
- Oh!
- Come on.

424
00:16:42,448 --> 00:16:43,949
Jump!

425
00:16:47,411 --> 00:16:53,025
♪♪♪

426
00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:54,527
PHAEDRA: Ezekiel!

427
00:16:54,627 --> 00:16:58,490
I can't believe it.
My own husband, a patriot.

428
00:16:58,590 --> 00:17:00,033
But there is still hope.

429
00:17:00,133 --> 00:17:02,577
We are going to pray
the USA away.

430
00:17:02,677 --> 00:17:03,411
All night, if we have to.

431
00:17:03,511 --> 00:17:06,039
Are you sure we can't just
watch the fireworks first?

432
00:17:06,139 --> 00:17:06,915
Absolutely not.

433
00:17:07,015 --> 00:17:09,627
Watching rockets being
shot off into the sky

434
00:17:09,727 --> 00:17:12,380
is a literal assault
on heaven.

435
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,924
Dear God, let apple pie

436
00:17:15,024 --> 00:17:17,343
be like ash in his mouth.

437
00:17:17,443 --> 00:17:18,511
I'm gonna get my fireworks.

438
00:17:18,611 --> 00:17:20,888
In fact,
make him a cake guy.

439
00:17:20,988 --> 00:17:23,492
Vanilla only, obviously.

440
00:17:24,325 --> 00:17:26,118
Prudence!

441
00:17:28,037 --> 00:17:29,314
- Pru!
- Oh, my God.

442
00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:30,357
Zeke, what?

443
00:17:30,457 --> 00:17:32,192
Wow, Todd.
Do you know about your face?

444
00:17:32,292 --> 00:17:37,155
Yes. I blacked out earlier
and apparently some hoodlums

445
00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:40,383
drew penile phalluses
on my face.

446
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:42,953
Sorry about that.
Is Pru here?

447
00:17:43,053 --> 00:17:44,539
Uh, I don't know
where she is.

448
00:17:44,639 --> 00:17:46,207
And now,
if you'll excuse me,

449
00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:50,102
I have to go make sick
out of both ends.

450
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,566
Zeke.

451
00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:57,694
Pru.

452
00:18:08,413 --> 00:18:16,631
♪♪♪

453
00:18:25,766 --> 00:18:26,584
[crowd cheering]

454
00:18:26,684 --> 00:18:28,586
- [back cracks]
- [groans]

455
00:18:28,686 --> 00:18:30,379
TRIG: Wow.
[slow clapping]

456
00:18:30,479 --> 00:18:33,382
Well, I have to say thank you
for those seats.

457
00:18:33,482 --> 00:18:34,967
We got a great view of you

458
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:36,677
going soft in front
of everyone.

459
00:18:36,777 --> 00:18:39,054
- [laughter]
- Let's go, boys.

460
00:18:39,154 --> 00:18:42,099
We got a bounty hunter
on our tail.

461
00:18:42,199 --> 00:18:43,702
Bye, Dad.

462
00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:47,606
Dingus?

463
00:18:47,706 --> 00:18:49,483
Oh, my God. So awkward.

464
00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:52,085
[sighs]

465
00:18:55,422 --> 00:18:56,323
[Prudence giggles]

466
00:18:56,423 --> 00:18:56,824
[both shush]

467
00:18:56,924 --> 00:18:59,535
[whispers] Okay, no, wait.
I have to go this time.

468
00:18:59,635 --> 00:19:01,386
Okay, just wait.

469
00:19:02,137 --> 00:19:04,499
- Okay, go.
- Okay. Bye.

470
00:19:04,599 --> 00:19:06,350
- Bye.
- Bye.

471
00:19:06,559 --> 00:19:08,169
God, I love this holiday.

472
00:19:08,269 --> 00:19:11,339
[humming
"You're a Grand Old Flag"]

473
00:19:11,439 --> 00:19:13,424
[horse nickers]

474
00:19:13,524 --> 00:19:14,258
Benny. Um,

475
00:19:14,358 --> 00:19:16,219
what are you doing up
at this hour?

476
00:19:16,319 --> 00:19:18,179
I could ask the same thing
of you, Rev.

477
00:19:18,279 --> 00:19:20,766
Um, are you--
you going somewhere?

478
00:19:20,866 --> 00:19:24,019
I sure am.
Far away from here.

479
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,563
I made a big mistake tonight,

480
00:19:26,663 --> 00:19:27,606
and it's your fault.

481
00:19:27,706 --> 00:19:29,525
How--how is it my fault?

482
00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:31,068
'Cause you made me soft!

483
00:19:31,168 --> 00:19:33,195
All your stupid
"love thy neighbour" crap

484
00:19:33,295 --> 00:19:36,324
must've rubbed off on me,
and it made me weak.

485
00:19:36,424 --> 00:19:40,578
No, Benny, that--
that is not weakness.

486
00:19:40,678 --> 00:19:41,412
That's strength.

487
00:19:41,512 --> 00:19:44,123
That means deep down inside,
you are a good person.

488
00:19:44,223 --> 00:19:47,377
Don't say that!
I'm Benny the Teen, god damn it!

489
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,630
The meanest son of a bitch
there is.

490
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:52,441
And nobody can take that
away from me.

491
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,468
But, no, I mean,
you can't just leave us!

492
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,679
We'll never get to Oregon
without you.

493
00:19:56,779 --> 00:20:00,182
That's not my problem.
Maybe you haven't heard.

494
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,660
I'm a bad guy.

495
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,104
MARTHA:
Is that Benny?

496
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,289
What is going on
out here?

497
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,819
We're [bleep].

498
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:14,464
♪♪♪