Oh, boy. Sorry for the wait, everybody.
This morning was crazy.
You again?
Guess you can't sue me for malpractice
if you're already dead!
Ah!
- No! - Dr. Crazybrainz, no!
We're just here for a consultation.
Oh, great. Cool.
I was just joking about killing you.
I would never do that on purpose.
So what seems to be the problem?
Freya's just been exhausted all weekend and horribly nauseous.
Okay, I wouldn't say "horribly nauseous."
I mean, that's a bit of a...
...overstatement.
Alright. Lie on back. We'll scan ya.
Gonna scan you down here.
Open.
Good teeth. Okay.
Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
There's some kind of parasite growing in your body.
What?
It looks like a tiny man.
Did you swallow a tiny man?
I'm pregnant?
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
Now I get it.
Silly me.
Congratulations. Good job. Alright.
Hey. Congratulations, buddy.
You're gonna be a father.
Hey, Boomtown, we're having a baby!
Oh!
Dance solo!
Freya!
Are-- Are those tears of joy?
How did this even happen?
I thought you were infertile from radiation.
Me too, but I guess one of my few remaining sperms
must have made it through.
Yeah, bet it was Squishy.
He's always been so precocious.
I've just never thought of myself as a mom.
I don't know how I feel bringing a child into this world.
Oh, no. Come on. Things aren't that bad.
Yes, they are.
The last penguin just committed suicide.
He blew his goddamn brains out.
Okay, so having a kid is scary
but also a life-affirming joy like no other.
I think I just need time to process this.
Is it okay if we just keep it between us for now?
Yeah. Yeah, no, of course.
I'm so excited to spend the day with my Uncle Tai.
Never call me that again.
I'm just pet-sitting you
while your parents - are at the doctor's. - Uncle Tai,
you don't need to make up an excuse to hang out with me.
I'm already so into you.
Get in. I'm taking you to work.
Oh, where are we going?
It's not where we're going. It's when.
I believe the saying is "Where are we?"
not "When are we?"
Okay, when the heck are we?
Back in the Before Times in the year 2023.
Wow. It's so beautiful.
So green and lush.
Whoa!
Look at that creature.
Dumb little idiot needs to wear a leash.
So stupid.
Oh, okay. You're the alpha.
You can do whatever you want to me.
Okay. Come on. Come on.
We've been sent back in time
to eliminate the future leader of the human resistance.
If I fail my mission, robotkind will cease to exist.
Hells yeah. That's rad as hell.
I knew we were gonna have an awesome adventure together.
Oh, no, no.
It's not gonna be an adventure.
He's right over there.
It's cool.
Keep it rolling. Gonna be tight.
Oh. Yeah.
I'm just gonna shoot him in the head
and get the hell out of here.
Ah, that's cool, too, I guess.
Morning, Sid. How was the weekend?
Um, good. Yeah. Uneventful.
No big life-altering changes on the horizon.
- No news is good news. - Indeed.
Oh, hey, it's trivia night at the Boomtown Bistro.
What do you say you, me, and Freya
head over after work and tie one on?
Oh, um, no, Freya is not drinking at the moment,
actually, because she's, um...
She's an alcoholic. Yeah.
I mean, she's sober now but, like, barely.
Ah, geez.
I'm glad she's getting the help she needs.
- I should get back to work. - Yes, you should.
By the way, have you seen my notepad?
No, because Freya is pregnant!
Oh, no!
Oh, Sid! Mazel tov!
Oh, thanks.
Oh, yes!
And the answer is yes.
I would be honored to be the godfather.
Oh, good Lord, I wasn't gonna ask that.
And you don't have to.
- It's simply understood. - Oh.
Oh, I have to get started on the baby shower.
Oh, no, Freya was very explicit.
She just wants to deal with this on her own.
Oh, Sid, pregnant women are so hopped up on hormones,
you can't listen to a word they say.
If anything, you should do the opposite.
Whoa, I had no idea.
And you're sure that won't come across as patronizing
or borderline misogynistic?
Trust me, when you're married three times,
you learn a little something about women.
God, I miss them.
Okay, once I murder this guy, we have about a minute
to get back in the time machine
before which everyone starts screaming and the cops show up.
How do you already know what's gonna happen?
Oh, 'cause I do this every day.
I kill the guy, the humans send someone back
in time to save him, and then I kill him again.
It used to be fun,
but now I'm just kind of going through the motions, you know?
Yo.
Ah, yes! I did it!
There you are, you little future genocidal Gen-Z bitch.
- Wait! - Whoa!
What a crazy way to get my attention.
You could have just said stop.
- Wait, Uncle Tai. - What?
You said yourself you do this every day.
So what's the harm in just having a little fun first,
and then we can, you know, go ahead and kill the guy?
Oh, I suppose you have a point, but what would we do anyway?
Well, what's the coolest, most exciting thing
someone can do in 2023?
Something super relevant
but that also perfectly captures the mood of the time.
Hmm. Hmm.
Bingo.
Wait, why are we at Morris's house?
I thought we were going to the market.
Okay, so maybe we're not going to the market.
Maybe somebody has a little surprise in store for you.
Wah!
What is this, huh? Some kind of long con?
You make me marry you, share a life together
just to set me up for an ambush?
- I'm gonna slit you, pig! - No, no, no, it's not an ambush.
I was trying to surprise you with a baby shower.
What? Sid, I told you I just want to keep it between us.
I know, but then I accidentally told Morris,
and he really wanted to do something nice for us.
And, I don't know, I just thought maybe
seeing how happy other people were for us
might make you feel happier.
Well, okay, fine. I guess.
Just as long as it's - not intense and weird. - No, it won't be.
He said it was gonna be very smooth, very casual.
Okay, fine.
There she is. The mother.
- The mother. - The mother.
Okay, so maybe it's more semi-casual.
- The mother. - The mother.
Welcome to the Pharaoh's tomb.
The local villagers tried to warn you,
but your lust for treasure was too great.
And now you are trapped with only your wits to survive.
And your time starts now.
Uh-oh, I hope the pharaoh doesn't put a curse on us.
Ugh, I'm sitting this out. This is too stupid.
Did people in the past really have it so easy
that they would willingly spend money to solve a fake problem?
You're just being a stick in the mud.
I'll do it on my own.
Oh, let's see.
I wonder if these, uh-- these symbols mean anything.
Maybe if I match the colors.
Yeah. I am feeling good about this.
I'm gonna start all with red.
- I love red. - No, don't.
- It's the color of blood. - No.
And I love that.
I love how that looks.
Oh, that's green.
Okay, that's it. That's it.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Obviously, it can't be that simple.
This is the Pharaoh we're talking about.
He's a brilliant man.
Maybe if we translate these hieroglyphics...
Um, I'd be surprised if the game
required fluency in ancient Egyptian,
but this is your expedition.
Go, Uncle Tai.
We here in Boomtown
have no use for the gods of the Before Times.
So we've established a new religion
based on the thing we care about most,
truly the only thing that brings us happiness
after a certain age-- babies.
Sid and Freya are bringing their own bundle of joy
into the world.
And to them we offer a goo-goo-ga-ga.
Goo-goo-ga-ga.
Is it just me, or are these people
a little intense about babies?
Why? Just 'cause they've created
an entire organized religion to worship them?
Uh, yeah. Mostly that.
We will begin now with the Vows of Parentage.
Mom?
"As the mother, I vow to feed, clean, and love my baby,
to sacrifice my career, my mental health,
even my very body...
but then promise to tighten it up right after."
Keep it tight.
Oh, okay, wow. It keeps going.
"I vow to prepare my child healthy,
well-balanced meals from scratch,
to play with them nonstop,
even when they're screaming in my face,
to always bring a change of clothes in case of a blowout."
What's a blowout?
That's when the baby diarrheas so big
that the poop literally blows out the diaper
and up the baby's back.
Look it up. It's a thing.
Wait. This is crazy.
Why do I get stuck with all the responsibilities?
Oh, take it easy, Mom.
There's a lot on Dad's plate, too.
Sid.
"As the father, I vow to hold down the fort."
What? That's it? W-Why is his so short?
To be fair, holding down the fort is a huge responsibility.
What does that even mean?
You know, it's the fort.
It's the whole thing.
And he's holding it down.
I accept.
Wow, Sid. You are an amazing father.
You get all the credit.
This is some bullshit.
Okay. Here we go. Blue is the color of the Nile.
The ankh is the symbol of fertility.
No. No, the symbol of reincarnation. Damn it.
Hey, Uncle Tai, we only have 10 minutes left,
and we're still stuck on the first puzzle.
So maybe we should try a different tack.
Shhh! I've almost got it.
Take the five eyes of Horus
and multiply it by the Chapters in the Book of the Dead.
Damn it, open, you stupid piece of shit!
Sir, you are gonna break that.
Okay, this is bullshit.
These puzzles are fricking impossible.
You have to be some kind of super genius to figure them out.
Solved it.
W-What?
- H-How did you do that? - I don't know.
I just matched the colors on this thingy to that thingy.
Scraps, that is...
genius!
Well, keep going, you brilliant bastard.
Okay!
Ooh!
Shut up, you did not.
Yes, bitch, yes!
How the fertile crescent is he doing this?
It's super comfortable opening gifts
in front of the people who got them for you.
Very chill.
That one's from me.
Nipple butter?
Oh, very thoughtful, Devon.
- Thank you, Devon. - This stuff is great.
Your nipples can get so chafed from breastfeeding
that they can literally crack to pieces.
It's like stepping on a dry cracker
or throwing a brick through a windshield.
Good God.
I had no idea nipples could crack.
I am learning so much today.
Here we go.
Oh, no. What's a snot sucker?
Okay, so with that, the baby is too weak to blow its own nose,
so you literally have to suck out the boogers
with your own mouth.
Now, the baby hates it,
so you got to grab it in a headlock
and take those boogers by force.
Great. Well, that's nice, isn't it?
You've never eaten boogers before.
You know what? I think I'm good.
Yeah, I'm done.
Oh, you can't leave now.
We were just about to play a fun game
where we guess how big you'll get
in terms of which jungle animal you'll most resemble.
Come on, water buffalo.
Yeah, I'm good, thanks.
Come on, Sid. We're leaving now.
Okay, um, I am so sorry, everybody.
Um, Mom is a little tired, so we're gonna take off.
But thank you so much for-- for all of this.
Where do you think you're going?
This baby is ours as much as it is yours.
No, it's not. That-- That's crazy.
That's right. We're crazy for babies.
Now, let us touch that belly.
- Touch the belly. - Touch the belly.
What the hell?
Let's go. Aaah!
Get them!
What was that back there?
Those people were acting insane.
That's what I was trying to tell you.
People in the suburbs can get really intense about babies.
Yeah, no wonder you have mixed feelings about being pregnant.
That's a very different experience for the mom
than it is for the dad.
Thank you, Sid.
That's honestly all I was looking for.
Ohh!
We forgot to talk baby names!
If it's a boy, name it Jackson!
Oh, not Jackson!
I knew a Jackson in college, and he sucked!
Okay. You were right.
We need time to process this,
and that is clearly not gonna happen here.
We need to get you out of Boomtown.
Well, what about you? I can't just leave you here.
I'll be fine.
Besides...
someone needs to hold down the fort.
30 seconds, Scraps. Talk to me!
Almost there.
And done!
Ymmum!
What?
Ymmum!
Y-Ymmum. Ymmum.
I don't understand!
That should've worked!
Oh, we're gonna be trapped in this tomb forever!
Why did I get into archaeology in the first place?
For wealth, for glory?
I was a fool to challenge the mighty Pharaoh.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
The mirror. It says "mummy."
Congratulations.
You have escaped the Pharaoh's tomb.
- Are you serious? - Are you for real?
- Oh, my God, shut up! - Shut up!
Stop! No!
She's serious!
Okay, so you all know this is the easiest room we have, right?
Little children do this in 10 minutes.
There she is. Get her!
We have you now, Mommy.
Sorry, Mommy's not home right now.
If Dad is here, then where is Mom?
Gotcha.
Oh, Sid, it's just you.
Have you seen your wife?
Uh, no, Mr. Rubinstein.
Damn, I really wanted to touch that belly.
Well, I'll see you at work.
See you later.
Oh, and, Sid.
Great rack.
I don't tell you that enough.
Thank you, Mr. Rubinstein.
No, thank you.
Wait a sec.
Am I gay for Sid?
Nah.
But am I?
Eh.
When you pulled that lever--
And that sarcophagus flew open?
That was so scary.
I almost browned my shorts.
Oh, dude, I fully browned.
Oh, that's sick!
I'm glad we did that. That was a really fun adventure.
Oh, thanks, Uncle Tai.
Alright, well, should we go ahead and gank that guy?
Oh, I almost forgot.
Huh. Where'd he go?
Whoa! What does this thing do?
No, don't touch that! No, no, no!
Hey, what? Freaky light!
Hey, get off me!
Hey, um...
The puzzle with the scarabs was cool.
Right? That was fun.
Thank you. Ah.
Getting back to the future was surprisingly easy.
We just had to hire a time taxi.
I really like watching clips from "The Tonight Show"
on the TV.
I really like the games.
Everything looks normal.
Ah. Maybe he never made it back to our time after all.
Here I was thinking I've triggered an apocalyptic war
between robots and humans. Totally.
I was like "Uh-oh, this could be bad."
Hey, that's a really funny nerd voice.
You should break that out more.
Thanks. I will.
Well, see ya. See ya.
Down with the machines!
The revolution begins today!
Down with the machines!
The revolution begins today!
Down with the machines!
Down... with... the machines!