In the beginning, there was The Boom.
Mankind used its science against itself,
reducing the glittering towers of glass and steel to dust.
My name is Sid.
I was born into a world with no past.
No future.
Wandering the endless Wasteland.
Alone.
Hey, guys! Over here! Over here...
Let's go!
Must I do everything myself?
Puny desert trash.
No one escapes the wrath of Freya Exaltada!
- You're a tough little cockroach. - And you're a psychotic bitch.
I did not see that coming.
Cute.
Mazel tov!
Are you sure about this? I don't like the look of it.
Oh, come on. What's so scary about moving to the suburbs?
Shall we?
MIRACLE WORKERS
END TIMES
Freya, have you seen my tie? I'm late for work.
I've never had a 9:00 to 5:00 job before.
Hey, we moved to Boomtown to share a life together.
I was on the road all the time with my warlording,
and you wanted to move out of that cramped boulder
you were hiding under like a crab.
Which means one of us needs to start making shmoney.
- Just give it a shot, okay? - Okay. I'll try.
There's my brave road warrior.
Scraps! Breakfast is ready!
Kibble again? How frickin' lucky am I?
Not so fast.
Sit.
Who's a good war dog?
Who's willing to lay down his life in combat for Mommy?
I am, I am.
Alright, I'm gonna get going. I don't want to be late for my first day at work.
Are you gonna be alright here?
Yeah. I can warlord from anywhere.
I'm gonna have these people renouncing their old gods by lunch.
I'm sure you will. No slaughtering women and children.
- I'll try. Love you. - Love you more.
- Alright. See you later. - Bye!
I ate that way too fast.
- I'm gonna go take a nap. - Okay.
Excuse me. I'm looking for "The Junkman."
Well, go wait in line with the rest of the filthy animals.
- No offense. - My name's Sid.
I'm your new employee.
You're the new wasteland hire.
Morris "The Junkman" Rubinstein at your service. Be right with you.
Alright. So, your carburetor comes to 75 bird beaks.
That's outrageous!
Hey, if you think you can find a better deal elsewhere, go for it.
I think the next nearest outpost of human civilization
is about a thousand miles from here.
I would've given it to him for 50 bird beaks, the big stinkin' lug.
No offense.
Closed for lunch.
I like to hire one of you underprivileged Wastelanders every year.
Part of my way of giving back to the community.
Plus, I get a huge tax break.
So, tell me, Sid, how much do you know about the junk game?
Isn't it just buying and selling a bunch of trash?
It's not trash. It's junk.
And I'll have you know, I've built an empire out of this stuff,
ever since I received my first rusty trombone.
There it is.
Yes, quite rusty.
Alright, we'll start you off as a junior junk associate
and see if you're worth anything.
- Any questions? - Yeah, just where do I sit?
Any small hole will do,
preferably without a mutated beast living in it,
but I can obviously make that work, too.
You don't have to sit in a hole. You get a desk.
I get that whole desk to myself?
The chair, too?
Snacks are in the kitchenette,
and if you need anything else, just ask the office manager.
- Sound good? - Yeah. Yeah, sounds good.
This is my chair.
Citizens of Boomtown, it is I, Freya Exaltada,
Commander of the Seventh Legion, Slayer of the Dread Rat King,
and High Priestess of Old Cincinnati.
I command you to bend the knee or face my axe.
Citizens? Hello?
Is this thing on?
Hey, this is your future overlord you're ignoring.
You're being very rude.
Freya Exaltada. I have been programmed to eliminate you...
for being a messy bitch.
It was a joke. It's funny how I thought I was gonna die.
Scraps, you remember my best friend, TI-90.
- Call me Tai. - What are you doing in Boomtown?
I had to stop by the genius bar to get my hardware cleaned.
I hooked up with the hottest killbot last night,
but I woke up with all these pop-ups.
- I really hope I don't have a virus. - Oh, my God. You are such a ho.
I know. I really am.
More importantly, what are you doing here?
- Sid and I live here now. - You do?
Like some sort of ironic performance art?
No. Like, as my actual life. Why? What's wrong?
- Oh, girl, we need to talk. Like, now. - Sure.
- Scraps, why don't you take over? - Yeah, got it.
Citizens of Boomtown, give me treats. I've been a good boy.
Alright, newbies,
you better pay attention if you want to be half as successful as me one day.
Good one, boss. As if.
Hey, Junkman!
That carburetor you sold me was busted.
Well, you should've read the fine print.
It says, "Tough luck, sucker."
You will pay for this in blood!
Say, that was some pretty quick thinking.
What do you say you and the missus come over for dinner tonight?
I'd like to discuss your future at this company.
My future?
Yeah, I would like that very much, Mr. Rubinstein. Thank you, Mr. Rubinstein.
Freya, exactly how much do you know about Boomtown?
Not much. I mean, I've burned places like it to the ground, if that counts.
No, these people aren't like you and me.
They don't care about having fun or being cool.
They've basically given up on life.
Because the world is an uninhabitable hellscape?
No. Because they've settled down. All they do is go to their boring jobs
and then go back home to their boring families.
They're like robots, and I'm allowed to say that because I am a robot.
Oh, God.
I think we made a horrible mistake moving here.
Freya! There you are.
- We need to talk. - Oh, Sid. Thank God.
Look, I know I asked you to give Boomtown a shot, and...
Yeah, I know, and I am so glad you did.
- You are? - Yeah. I love it here.
I hope I make a good impression on Mr. Rubinstein tonight.
I've never been to a fancy dinner party before.
What do you think?
Found it on the corpse of an old train conductor.
- Too try-hard? - I don't understand.
I thought being a road warrior was your whole thing.
I don't know. Maybe this is my thing.
You know, back in the Wasteland, I was always so hot and covered in sand.
Looking back, I think I might have been, like, low-key depressed.
I don't know. This...
This feels like somewhere I could be really happy,
and I have you to thank for that.
I'm so glad to hear that.
I guess I should probably go change.
Greetings. Welcome to Chez Morris.
Good evening, Mr. Rubinstein. This is my wife, Freya.
Yes. Tis I. The wife.
Morris Rubinstein. Literal garbage person.
Please, come in.
This is your house?
Yes, it's an authentic McMansion from the 2020s.
We kept the original laminate floors, the chairs that only spin halfway,
and after dinner, we can retire to le ball pit.
- Pretty swanky, huh? - Yeah, this place is incredible.
Honey, the guests are here!
How lovely to meet you. I'm Holly.
She's a ghost! Kill it!
Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. I forgot to explain. Holly is a hologram.
I bought her after my second marriage hit the skids.
Holly is my queen. She's the light of my life.
- And I love you, darling. - Damn it!
- I was right in the middle of talking! - Silly me.
Always forgetting my place. I'll get dinner ready.
Yeah. Why don't you do that?
Ain't she a doll?
I made Morris's favorite, fried rat.
What can I say? I'm a foodie.
I have never tried real rat before. Thank you so much.
What are you doing? That's a cockroach fork.
That's a rat fork.
No, no, no. Of course. I was joking.
Can you imagine if I didn't know which fork to use?
Like some feral beast. So pathetic and stupid.
So, Holly, you're a hologram. That's cool.
Oh, yes.
I love doing menial chores
all day and still finding time to satisfy Morris's every want and need.
- Soon enough, that'll be you. - No!
Sorry. Just girl talk.
Darling, maybe I should go home and check on Scraps.
I mean, he hasn't been home by himself before.
But we just got here. I'm sure Scraps doesn't even realize we're gone.
What is happening?!
Why did they do this to me?!
Time is a liar!
May I use the bathroom?
It's right over there,
but you'll need this key attached to a giant spoon to get in.
Be right back.
Must be so fun to use the bathroom.
This better be important! I'm at Zion, bitch!
Oh, Tai, thank God. I need you to come rescue me from Sid's boss's house.
These people are even worse than you said.
Oh, no, no. I can't leave now. This party is lit!
Everyone is so hot and sweaty and unidentifiably multi-cultural!
Please, if I stay here any longer, I think I'm literally gonna kill one of them.
Fine. Drop me a pin. I'll come get you.
Yes! Oh, my God, I love you, I love you, I love you.
Love you!
Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me.
No, we get it. "We're all alive and free." Get over yourselves.
- Sorry about that. - You're just in time.
You didn't tell me your husband here was born under a rock.
I fairness, it was voted the seventh best rock to give birth under,
but yeah, point taken.
Yes, sir, this is the life. Big house, hot wife...
and more bird beak than I know what to do with.
I mean, there must be more to life than that, right?
What about adventure, excitement, meaning?
Your wife is starting to sound like one of those dirty Wastelanders.
"Hey, man, I just want to drive my crazy car and get into road wars."
That's very good. We do sound like that.
Must contain rising bloodlust.
"You stole this land from the radioactive zombies. They were here first."
Oh, darling, you're so funny. Not to mention sexually attractive.
This is it. I'm gonna murder him. It's happening.
"Save the whale. He's the last of his kind."
Yeah, right. If I ever meet that whale, I'm gonna harpoon his ass.
Sorry. Door was locked.
Tai? What are you doing here? What a crazy coinki-dink.
Don't you remember? You were going to help me back up my files to the cloud.
I didn't take you two to be a couple of robot lovers.
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, nothing. I think robots play a very important role in society...
for cleaning up my trash, ya frickin' Roomba.
Oh, you did not just say that.
Annihilation mode, activated.
You've got mail, bitch.
Some people don't know how to behave at a dinner party.
Not like us, right, Mr. Rubinstein?
Get out! And don't bother coming in on Monday. You're fired!
Coffee, anyone?
Tonight was a disaster. Tai was completely out of control.
He's an emotionless killing machine. Why is he always so dramatic?
It wasn't Tai's fault.
I asked him to come.
Wait. Sorry, why?
'Cause I'm not ready to settle down.
I don't want to turn into one of these boring people.
I liked who we were back in the Wasteland...
Who said anything about becoming like one of these people?
You seem so happy here. I thought that's what you wanted.
Freya, I'm happy here because I'm here with you.
I don't care if we live in Boomtown or the Wasteland or anywhere else.
As long as I'm with the same violent, sadistic,
psychotic warlord that I fell in love with.
Oh, Sid.
What happened?
Oh, hey, you guys are back.
So, it's probably not the best time, but someone barfed in your shoes,
and then... and then they ate the barf.
How lucky am I that our guests left such a big mess for me to clean up?
Will you keep it down, please? I'm trying to read the paper.
Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your studies, dear.
Oh, geez. Couldn't you at least use the other hole?
It is I, Freya Exaltada, Doom Bringer Extremus,
Sultanness of the Great Garbage Islands,
and Runner-Up in the third annual Wasteland Beatbox Championships.
I command you to give Sid his job back.
Oh, yeah? Or what? You'll curtsy me to death?
Nope. I'm gonna beat the crap out of you like a goddamn warlord.
Stop that!
Oh, Morris, I didn't know that you could fit your head up your own butt like that.
- It stinks in here! - My flexible man.
Well, it was really great getting to know you.
I know I only sat on you once,
but it was probably the most meaningful experience of my life.
- Sid, can I have a word with you? - Mr. Rubinstein, what happened to you?
Nothing. I slipped getting out of the shower.
I certainly didn't have my esophagus pulled through my butthole.
On a completely unrelated note,
I'm thinking of giving you your job back.
Really? What changed?
What? People can't change their minds without being flayed alive
and having your ribcage played like a cartoon xylophone?
So, what do you say?
Thank you, Mr. Rubinstein. Yeah, I won't let you down. I promise.
Well, you better not. I expect you to deliver, or else.
And please give my regards to the missus.
You know, not in a pushy way. You know, in a polite, friendly way.
- Sure. - I mean, not too polite, either. Just...
You know what? Just forget I said anything.
Welcome back.
You hear that, chair?
We're back!
I am really excited to go to work tomorrow.
I do belong here, and I am gonna prove that to Mr. Rubinstein.
You know what? I'm excited, too.
I mean, so what if Boomtown isn't as cool as the Wasteland?
We'll make it cool.
- As long as we're together. - As long as we're together.
Mind if I scooch in?
Scraps, you know you're not allowed on the bed.
Just for one night?
I can't say no to that face. Come in here, boy.
Yes!
- A little bit over. - Okay.
Yeah.
This feels right.
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