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- ♪ ♪
- Welcome back to Fairfax,
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ladies and gentle bitches.
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Our top story of the day:
Brian of Off-Brian fame.
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Kip, kill the montage!
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['Manda] After 15 years
at Hiroki Hassan's
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Latrine Fashion House,
Brian said, "Boy, bye,"
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and has taken the fashion world
by storm ever since.
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Dua Lipa, who are you wearing?
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Only one person could have
designed this dress.
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- Off-Brian.
- [gasps]
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Why should your mouth
have all the fun?
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- Dasani Nuu.
- [crowd gasping]
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Water for your whole face.
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[applause and cheering]
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We've got a great
a show tonight.
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- Yung Polluter is here.
- [cheering]
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Stick around.
We'll be right back.
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Oh, Brian, over here.
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How is your relationship
with Hiroki Hassan?
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Hiroki Hassan is so last season.
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♪ Oh... ♪
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- ♪ Waitin' for the... ♪
- ♪ Drop ♪
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- ♪ Waitin' for... ♪
- ♪ The drop ♪
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- ♪ Waitin' for the ♪
- ♪ Oh... ♪
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♪ Waitin' for the ♪ ♪
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[school bell ringing]
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Oh, damn, bruh.
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Brian's got me wanting to cop
patio chairs and water bottles
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- like a soccer mom.
- Facts.
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Bro, I heard
he's doing this Ikea collab
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where he crosses a Fjardîng
with a Bigåraa.
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Like, dawg,
I'm moving to Sweden.
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Brian's got everyone
stepping their branding game up.
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You see the Triangle emancipated
from their parents
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and moved into
an influencer house.
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[Derica] And Melody's
on the come-up, too.
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She's got a number one single
on Spotify,
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and she's donating the royalties
to Hoarders Without Borders.
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I thought I was the woke one!
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How am I supposed
to compete with that?
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Beep, beep.
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Who's ready
for a sleepover, y'all?
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- This little boy is.
- Oh! - Ah, that ain't...
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We need to step our shit up,
or we're gonna get left behind.
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♪ I don't want to wait
for our lives to be over...
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Ooh. Oh, I'm a fucking genius.
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Brianna?!
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Brianna, it's time.
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Announce the drop.
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Ugh. Can it wait
until after dinner?
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Brianna make chicken casserole.
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He's a fashion genius, Terry.
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The casserole can
fucking wait.
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Now, my liege, tennis ball shoes
or the baguette vest?
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Let's do the tennis ball shoes.
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Hon, it's one thing
if he wants to stay here,
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but when you start calling
your idiot brother "My Liege"...
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- [muffled groan]
- Okay, pop quiz, fam.
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Who here runs
an international fashion house?
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I know. I know.
It's my brother Brian.
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And who here is the assistant
manager at a fucking Best Buy?
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This fucking idiot right here.
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Sorry, Terry.
I-I love you so much.
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The next time I need help with
my fucking Sonos, I'll ask.
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Why are you even here?
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Didn't Dasani just pay you
a million dollars
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to design their water bottle?
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I'm reinvesting that money
into the brand, dipshit.
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Now, Brianna, announce the drop.
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[touch tones sounding]
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Hey, it's Brianna.
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Yeah, the tennis ball shoes.
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Fucking drop it!
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- [phones chiming]
- [people gasping, exclaiming]
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[Dale] And
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Uno. Man, I'm getting tired
of whipping you guys.
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[phones chiming, buzzing]
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Yo, yo, yo, yo! Fuck your
"draw twos" and fuck this game!
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Surprise Off-Brian drop!
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Holy shit! It's the Wilson
tennis ball shoe collab.
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It's made
from recycled tennis balls.
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Yo, upcycling is the wave.
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Yeah, that's some
avant-garde type shit.
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Great ankle support.
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Who wants hot cocoa
and slipper cobbler?
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- [Dale laughing] Yeah.
- Hey, hell, yeah.
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- Slipper cob in the hizzy.
- Extra mallows
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- for me, please.
- Ugh! That's it!
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Gang gang meeting
in Dale's room right now.
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This is unacceptable.
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If everyone at school cops
the new Off-Brian
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while we're stuck here
sipping hot cocoa
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and playing Uno like babies,
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I'm-a wipe my Gram.
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Benny, you love hot cocoa.
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I do,
but that's besides the point.
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Look, we're big kids now,
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and big kids camp out
in line overnight
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to get the fire drops.
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I don't know, dawg.
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Fairfax at night is
a whole 'nother beast.
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Are you sure
we're ready for this?
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We got this, fam.
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Derica rescued a fucking whale,
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Truman's savvy A.F.,
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Dale's a cloud scout,
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- and I got the street cred.
- [Derica] Shit.
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Benny's right.
We can do this.
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The only thing we got
to figure out is how the hell
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we're gonna sneak out
of this prison.
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Dad, we're gonna camp out
in line overnight!
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Killer idea, D-bone.
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I've been wanting to take you
guys camping for a long time.
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Uh-huh. Hey, Dad,
please don't be mad, but
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I think
this one might be crew only.
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[gasps]
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Wow.
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Uh, okay.
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Don't cry. Um,
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you know what? I-I got something
I want to give you.
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I was gonna wait to give this
to you for your bar mitzvah,
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but tonight,
you're officially a big boy,
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so it's only right
we bust out the big boy tent.
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Wow-wee!
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There.
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[clears throat]
Ah.
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Uh, what's happening?
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You know how white people be.
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Oh, my little baby
is growing up so fast!
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You know, son, I proposed
to Trini in this tent.
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Now, that's real big boy stuff.
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Oh, my God.
I don't know what to say.
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I'm honored.
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I knew you would be.
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Just got a few quick rules
to go through.
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Commandment number one:
big boys bring the tent home.
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It is the most important one.
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Commandments two
through ten: have fun.
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Now get out of here
before we call your parents
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and tell 'em
you're camping out unsupervised.
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- Love you.
- Good night. - [laughs]
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Hey, yo, Dale,
I can't wait to camp out
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in the tent
that your parents fucked in.
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♪ Squash shit, it G Ma ♪
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♪ Scoo ♪
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♪ Underwater squad ♪
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♪ Scoo ♪
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♪ You dirty moma camo...
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[singing in Spanish]
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Look at us, camping out.
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This is some pretty major
big-boy stuff right here.
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Jesus. Dale,
"big person stuff."
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Y'all are some
musty-ass misogynists.
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Kind of feels weird
on this side of the street, huh?
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No, dawg.
It's, like, way cleaner.
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- ♪ I'm a big boy...
- Yo. Oh, my God, guys,
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- we are next to Guy In Tent.
- [Dale hums]
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- Who?
- Guy In Tent?
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Yo, he's a Fairfax lej.
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Did someone say my name?
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Guy In Tent.
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Nice to meet you,
my little homies.
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Honored to be in such good
tent company, Mr. Guy.
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- [Dale hums]
- Yo, Guy In Tent, is it true
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that you were there the night
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Hiroki dropped
the Latrine baby wipes?
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Oh, I was there, my homies,
and I'm still wiping.
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- [gasping]
- [Derica] Oh, shit!
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May I present to you
the big boy tent?
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- [gasping]
- Oh!
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[Truman] Oh, my God!
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Okay, Dale, I see you.
She works.
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Ooh, ooh, finally.
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Slippy cob time, boy. [laughs]
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[woman] Holy shit!
It's Post Malone!
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- Where?
- Let me see. - [woman] No.
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False alarm.
It's just the garbage man.
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- Ugh.
- What? - Damn it.
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Uh, Dale,
where'd the fuck-tent go?
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Oh, God. I broke
the first commandment!
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No!
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- Shit. Are you serious?
- Where we gonna sleep, huh?
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It's okay. I'm a big boy,
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and big boys bring the tent home
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as specified
in the tent commandments.
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Who am I kidding?
My dad's gonna kill me!
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- [Dale groans, sighs]
- Look, not to be a buzzkill,
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but maybe we should
just call it.
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It's kind of cold,
and this jacket is
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- purely aesthetic, so...
- [Dale groaning, muttering]
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Yeah. No tent, no food.
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Man, let's just
go back to Dale's
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and crush some slippy cobbies.
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- Hey, lock it up right now.
- [gasps, groans]
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It's one all-nighter.
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I've played Fortnite
for longer stretches than this.
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You're right. If we don't
show up to school on Monday
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00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,296
in the Off-Brian tennies, we
might as well delete ourselves.
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- Ugh.
- Yo, Dale, look. Check it.
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Maybe that security cam
caught the thief.
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Oh, thank the tent gods.
202
00:07:48,574 --> 00:07:50,001
Derica, you're a genius.
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Of course. I got you, Dale.
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We're gonna Dora the Explorer
this bitch.
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BRB.
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00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:57,351
Yo, Benny, I hate to do this,
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00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,021
but would you mind
if I got something to eat?
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I don't want to hang here alone.
209
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,773
Why don't you just ask
Derica and Dale
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00:08:01,774 --> 00:08:03,107
to bring you something back?
211
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,986
And spend $30
on a limp-ass turkey sando?
212
00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:07,612
Okay, no.
213
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,573
I'm gonna be back
in a minute, B. Trust.
214
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:13,535
Cool. No prob.
I'll just be here chilling.
215
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:15,703
- [wind whistling]
- All alone.
216
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,914
Yo, yo, yo,
look at this little bitch,
217
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:20,125
still wearing
that Latrine bullshit.
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00:08:20,126 --> 00:08:21,835
[laughs]
What a joke.
219
00:08:21,836 --> 00:08:23,502
[laughter]
220
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,671
Oh, fuck. [panting]
221
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,028
Hiding your Latrine hoodie?
222
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:30,384
Mm, seems kind of sus, bro.
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00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:33,055
Man, stay in your fucking lane,
Guy In Tent.
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00:08:33,056 --> 00:08:34,847
♪ ♪
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Wow. It's so different
at night.
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00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:42,814
I mean, would you just look at
all these big boys... and girls.
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Hey, what are you kids
doing out so late?
228
00:08:46,194 --> 00:08:48,070
Philly Phyll,
I'm gonna need access
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00:08:48,071 --> 00:08:49,488
to your security cameras.
230
00:08:49,489 --> 00:08:51,280
Ah, sorry, kids.
231
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:54,283
Our cameras haven't
worked since '89
232
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:59,164
when the sex was dirty
and the air was clean.
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00:08:59,165 --> 00:09:01,541
How about some sodies
and pickles?
234
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,918
[in slow-motion]
Coffee.
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00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,753
[gasps]
Actually, you know what?
236
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,089
Hey, uh, make, uh, two coffees.
237
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,425
No, Derica.
You're on the list.
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00:09:10,426 --> 00:09:12,218
What list?
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00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,054
[Derica] Oh,
come on, Phyllis!
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00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,640
Sure, I had a couple
jittery episodes,
241
00:09:16,641 --> 00:09:17,995
but it was a long time ago.
242
00:09:17,996 --> 00:09:19,350
Bitch, I can handle it.
243
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:23,563
Normally, I wouldn't give
two Tommy Lee shits,
244
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,564
but it's a coffee moon.
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00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:29,026
♪ Coffee moon ♪ ♪
246
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,279
You know what? Okay, fine.
How about a cup for Dale?
247
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,532
If we're gonna be up all night
looking for this tent,
248
00:09:33,533 --> 00:09:36,993
he could really use
a pick-me-up.
249
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:40,455
Don't... let... her... drink it.
250
00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:41,956
[sniffing]
251
00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:45,502
Oh, yeah. Oh,
it's the crappy stuff, huh?
252
00:09:45,503 --> 00:09:47,963
Go ahead, Dale.
Dive in.
253
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,466
[stomach rumbles]
254
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:53,801
I got to go to the bathroom.
255
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,137
- [passing wind]
- Excuse me.
256
00:09:55,138 --> 00:09:57,118
♪ Coffee ♪ ♪
257
00:09:57,119 --> 00:09:59,098
Hello, old friend.
258
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:03,061
Oh, I'm so hungry right now.
259
00:10:03,062 --> 00:10:04,917
Hey. Ooh.
260
00:10:04,918 --> 00:10:06,772
Okay.
261
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,399
Then I quit.
262
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,900
- Here, kid.
- Huh?
263
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,569
Quitting on Off-Brian night?!
264
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:14,134
Va Fangul.
Hey, kid, you know how to cook?
265
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:16,439
Uh, no, but I listen
to a lot of Future.
266
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,364
- Whip it, stir it, sift it.
- Perfect.
267
00:10:19,365 --> 00:10:22,289
Come with me.
You're my new head chef.
268
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:27,252
Raul, where the hell are you?
269
00:10:27,253 --> 00:10:28,753
Raul, this is...
270
00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,254
- Truman.
- Hey, Truman.
271
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:33,133
- What's up, my man?
- He's the new head chef.
272
00:10:33,134 --> 00:10:35,427
We're back-ordered
up the ass right now,
273
00:10:35,428 --> 00:10:37,511
so let's move! Move!
274
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:41,183
Okay, Truman, you're seen
Ratatouille over 100 times.
275
00:10:41,184 --> 00:10:43,476
You've got this, bro.
276
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:44,977
- [goofy laughing]
- [Dale] You know,
277
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,938
a lot of people
don't like peeing in the trough,
278
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:48,440
but you really do
get a sense of commun...
279
00:10:48,441 --> 00:10:49,941
Hey, what happened to the...?
280
00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:50,942
Oh, shit. Dale, look!
281
00:10:50,943 --> 00:10:53,110
[Dale gasps]
282
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,862
- My tent!
- Let's move!
283
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:58,367
A wop bop a loo bop
a lop ba boo. Yeah! [panting]
284
00:10:58,368 --> 00:11:00,202
[crowd chatter]
285
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,080
[air horn toots]
286
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,748
What's goodie, hype beasts?!
287
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,627
Give it up for the main man
in my life and yours,
288
00:11:08,628 --> 00:11:11,588
my big bro
by 15 seconds... Brian!
289
00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:13,005
- [cheering]
- Get up.
290
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,717
- Oh, my God, he's here.
- No way.
291
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:18,052
Up top. How we doing, Fairfax?
292
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:21,180
Damn. Hiroki would never
mingle with the peasants.
293
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,101
[guy in tent] Oh, snap. Looks
like he's coming over here.
294
00:11:24,102 --> 00:11:25,352
[gasps, groans]
295
00:11:25,353 --> 00:11:27,812
[whimpers]
296
00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:29,897
You're not gonna have clout,
297
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,484
much less be allowed
in a Latrine store
298
00:11:32,485 --> 00:11:33,839
ever again.
299
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,194
[whimpers]
300
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,113
Hey, Benny, right?
301
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,616
- Uh... uh.
- From the Golden Dorito thing.
302
00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:41,158
How you been, dawg?
303
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:44,078
- I, uh, been good.
- Oh, that's awesome, man.
304
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:47,289
Hey, if you need anything,
don't hesitate to ask Brianna.
305
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:50,585
You know, she's my twin, so we
got a little ESP thing going on.
306
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,086
Later.
307
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,650
[gasps]
You know Brian?
308
00:11:53,651 --> 00:11:55,214
Yeah. Oh, yeah, totally.
309
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,717
- We go way back.
- [indistinct chatter]
310
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,846
- [Dale panting]
- Let's go!
311
00:12:00,847 --> 00:12:02,389
They went this way, D!
312
00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:04,683
[panting]
313
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,937
- [smooth jazz plays]
- [crowd chatter]
314
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,606
[Dale] Whoa.
315
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,942
My dad would
love this place.
316
00:12:13,943 --> 00:12:16,111
- What?
- [Derica gasps]
317
00:12:16,112 --> 00:12:17,486
- Oh!
- Aah!
318
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,280
Thanks, Diego.
Thanks, Maurice.
319
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,073
[gasps]
Derica, it's the plug!
320
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,119
Maybe Joaquin knows
where my tent is.
321
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,579
[gasps, laughs wildly]
322
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,038
Yeah, you should talk to him.
323
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:30,041
Look, I'm gonna snoop around,
see what I can find.
324
00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:32,209
Excuse me, Mr. Quine?
325
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,794
Oh, hey, my little Padawan.
326
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,921
You come to muse
on the nature of tents
327
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,633
and their greater meaning
as a construct in society?
328
00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:41,407
Hi. Would you be a doll
and hold my legs?
329
00:12:41,408 --> 00:12:44,181
- Ha. Yeah.
- [Joaquin] ...various styles
330
00:12:44,182 --> 00:12:45,932
developed over time.
331
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,205
Oh, hold up. Mmm.
332
00:12:48,206 --> 00:12:50,478
Kohte, lavvu, yurt.
333
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,229
I don't mean
to interrupt the tent expert,
334
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:54,357
but I lost my tent, and I was
hoping you might have seen it.
335
00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:57,277
There's only one language
I speak, and it's art.
336
00:12:57,278 --> 00:12:58,944
Draw it for me.
337
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,447
I mean, sure, right.
I know. I mean, I haven't
338
00:13:00,448 --> 00:13:01,906
championed a cause
into the spotlight,
339
00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:04,493
but that's because
I'm spread so thin championing
340
00:13:04,494 --> 00:13:06,285
all the coffees! Causes.
I mean, causes!
341
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,080
Yeah. No. I'm sorry,
little dude, I haven't seen it.
342
00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:10,581
[Derica] Dale, Dale,
Dale, Dale, Dale.
343
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,792
Come on! I got a hot lead.
I know where your tent is!
344
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:15,003
Whoa. Nice!
See you, Joaquin!
345
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:20,883
Yeah, babe, it went
just as I planned.
346
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,887
He's my baby,
and he will always be my baby.
347
00:13:23,888 --> 00:13:25,513
Like that Mariah Carey song.
348
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,182
Besides, I'm gonna
bring it right back.
349
00:13:27,183 --> 00:13:28,349
I just want
to teach him a le...
350
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,269
- [wind whistles]
- Oh, shit. The tent!
351
00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:33,312
[indistinct chatter]
352
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,732
♪ How you love me now? ♪
353
00:13:35,733 --> 00:13:37,149
Order up!
354
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,985
Oh, shit, Truman!
355
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:43,698
Did you just serve
barbecue fettucine to Tommy G?
356
00:13:43,699 --> 00:13:46,743
- Maybe.
- Oh, my man!
357
00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:48,035
Oh, no!
358
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,412
[Truman] Oh, shit.
359
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,831
I think I screwed up, Raul.
360
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:56,920
Who's responsible
for the barbecue fettucine?
361
00:13:58,630 --> 00:13:59,838
It's a hit!
362
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,759
- Yo.
- Truman, you're a genius!
363
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,552
Ten more orders! Stat.
364
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:07,513
Oh, hell, yeah!
Give me some, Truman.
365
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,475
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hot behind.
366
00:14:10,476 --> 00:14:12,477
You call that a pan sear?
367
00:14:12,478 --> 00:14:13,852
Do it again.
368
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,397
Well, that's the thing
about women, Truman.
369
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,233
Forget everything
you know about Italy.
370
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:22,069
Remember everything
you know about Texas.
371
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,363
Here on Diners, Drive-ins
and Dives, I heard
372
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,534
a 12-year-old was serving up
authentic barbecue fettucine
373
00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:29,201
on Fairfax.
374
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,079
This is Don Pardo's.
375
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,914
Oh. Ah. Money.
376
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:37,168
The first thing you pick up
is the smoke off the brisket.
377
00:14:37,169 --> 00:14:38,335
It's unctuous.
378
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:41,297
- And the pasta... al dente.
- Hey.
379
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:43,862
- ♪ Hey...
- [Raul] BFFs forever,
380
00:14:43,863 --> 00:14:46,428
- Truman?
- BFFs forever, Raul!
381
00:14:46,429 --> 00:14:47,636
[laughs]
382
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:50,014
Man, being an adult
fucking rules!
383
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:52,391
[Benny] And then I told Hiroki,
384
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,477
"Monorail? What is this,
fucking Epcot?"
385
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,478
[laughter]
386
00:14:56,479 --> 00:15:00,358
Oh. Goddamn it, that's funny.
Another bite of tri-tip, Benny?
387
00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:03,403
- Mmm.
- Yo, Benny, if you're such a Brian stan,
388
00:15:03,404 --> 00:15:06,448
why you got a Latrine hoodie
tied around your waist?
389
00:15:06,449 --> 00:15:09,033
Uh, it's a... a diaper.
390
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,870
You know, in case I need to drop
a deuce while I wait in line.
391
00:15:11,871 --> 00:15:14,080
- That makes sense.
- Uh, wish I had done that.
392
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,290
If you truly don't
give a shit about Latrine,
393
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:19,085
why don't you boot that diaper
into the street, cuh?
394
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,502
Because I want to save it
395
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:23,068
for when I actually need
to poo, cuh.
396
00:15:23,069 --> 00:15:25,634
I say he boots it.
Who's with me?
397
00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:28,677
Boot it! Boot it! Boot it!
398
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:31,598
Okay, okay. You want to know
how hard I ride for Brian?
399
00:15:31,599 --> 00:15:33,558
Check this out. Litter gang!
400
00:15:33,559 --> 00:15:36,018
[cheering]
401
00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:39,064
Yeah. Ha, ha. Fuck Latrine!
402
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,361
Truman! A word.
403
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:48,155
I need you to fire Raul.
404
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,742
Fire Raul?! But he's the heart
and soul of this restaurant.
405
00:15:50,743 --> 00:15:52,744
Well, he's gonna be
the heart and soul
406
00:15:52,745 --> 00:15:54,536
of the unemployment line.
407
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,559
We don't need him.
We have you.
408
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,583
Oh, do I have to, Don Pardo?
409
00:15:58,584 --> 00:15:59,875
Sorry, Truman.
410
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,460
You want to be the head chef,
411
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,797
you got to act like
the head chef.
412
00:16:03,798 --> 00:16:05,924
[Truman sighs]
413
00:16:05,925 --> 00:16:08,009
Oh, God.
414
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,094
[panting]
415
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:11,720
This is it. This is the lead
416
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,015
that's gonna crack this bitch
wide open.
417
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,266
[panting]
418
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,018
[Dale] A coffee shop?
419
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,646
Wait a minute. What the heck
does this have to do
420
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:20,897
- with my tent?
- Nothing. I lied.
421
00:16:20,898 --> 00:16:22,899
I just wanted more coffee.
422
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,316
Hola, brujas.
423
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,360
I want the strongest coffee
you have.
424
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,863
Don't fucking play with me!
The good shit!
425
00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:32,951
Right this way, my pretty.
426
00:16:32,952 --> 00:16:34,451
[panting]
427
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:37,288
She's here, my witches.
428
00:16:37,289 --> 00:16:40,125
The prophecy has come true!
429
00:16:40,126 --> 00:16:42,167
Please, D. Let's go.
430
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,129
Has a prophecy ever
been a good thing?
431
00:16:44,130 --> 00:16:46,171
[cackling]
432
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,841
One raven's feather,
433
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,802
one milk of almond,
434
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:54,367
one frog leg and a...
435
00:16:54,368 --> 00:16:56,933
packet of Stevia!
436
00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:59,101
[cackling]
437
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,311
Derica, no! Don't drink it!
438
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,565
Eat a dick, Dale.
I need the café con leche.
439
00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:05,816
[groaning]
440
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,861
[panting loudly]
441
00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:08,944
Ah!
442
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,114
[gulping loudly]
443
00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:12,740
[cackling]
444
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,492
The coffee moon
is upon us, Dale.
445
00:17:14,493 --> 00:17:16,202
You're too late!
446
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,620
[grunting]
447
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,623
- [growling]
- Oh, no.
448
00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,167
She's a Dere-wolf.
449
00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:26,211
[howling]
450
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,713
[crowd chatter]
451
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,569
It's just a hoodie, Benny.
452
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:31,425
Camo's fucking stupid anyway.
453
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,762
- [truck horn honks loudly]
- [Benny sighs]
454
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:35,889
It's okay.
It'll come out in the wash.
455
00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,641
[gasps]
456
00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:40,309
Aah!
457
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,645
Hey, you, you want to see
a little Korean boy cry?
458
00:17:42,646 --> 00:17:44,314
Yeah, man. Give him the juice.
459
00:17:44,315 --> 00:17:45,732
Kobe.
460
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:48,713
[yelling]
461
00:17:48,714 --> 00:17:50,319
Make it stop.
462
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,614
- [crying]
- What's troubling you, my G?
463
00:17:52,615 --> 00:17:54,156
[sighs heavily]
464
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,325
I'm king of the line,
Guy In Tent.
465
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:59,454
I can't help but feel
like part of me is dying.
466
00:17:59,455 --> 00:18:00,871
Maybe it's because
467
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:03,165
my dope-as-fuck
Latrine hoodie was shat on.
468
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:07,587
Ah, heavy is the head
that wears the hype crown.
469
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,151
It was my first cop.
470
00:18:09,152 --> 00:18:10,714
I became a hype beast
471
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:12,278
the day I put that hoodie on.
472
00:18:12,279 --> 00:18:14,061
It changed my life.
473
00:18:14,062 --> 00:18:15,844
Before that hoodie,
474
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,013
I was just another
basic Kumon bitch.
475
00:18:17,014 --> 00:18:19,181
And look at you now, my G.
476
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,642
Chasing clout through the night.
477
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,978
Maybe I'm forcing
this whole Off-Brian thing.
478
00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:26,313
I mean, normally,
I'm all about that new new,
479
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:30,777
but if stop to think about it,
tennis ball shoes, my dawg?
480
00:18:30,778 --> 00:18:32,779
That shit is dumb as hell!
481
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,241
[crying]
It's so hard.
482
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,993
Raul, can I steal you
for a sec, buddy?
483
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:43,289
Oui, chef. Just threw that
Memphis dry rub on the branzino.
484
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:45,499
I think you're gonna
like it. What's up?
485
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,919
A couple more things.
I was going over my calendar.
486
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,419
Christmas in Tahoe is a go.
487
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,922
It will be an honor
to read a psalm
488
00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:52,256
at your daughter's baptism.
489
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:53,590
Thanks again for the invite.
490
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,231
Oh, and, uh, one last thing.
You're fired.
491
00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:59,722
But I made you the godfather
to my children.
492
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,306
- Uh...
- Oh, man.
493
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,768
I don't know. I-I...
I-I thought we had something.
494
00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:05,102
No, and we do.
495
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,729
It's nothing personal, Raul.
496
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,355
It's-it's just business.
497
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,983
[crying]
Oh, shit. I can't believe it.
498
00:19:09,984 --> 00:19:11,734
Hey, bruh, it's okay. It's okay.
499
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:13,736
Bruh, don't make that face.
500
00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:15,634
[sniffles]
501
00:19:15,635 --> 00:19:17,531
Bruh. [crying]
502
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,783
I'm a fucking failure.
503
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:22,035
Mm, I can't do this!
504
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,621
I'm not ready for this kind
of responsibility,
505
00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:25,789
and I'm almost 14.
506
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:29,460
Look, Raul, you've been
a line cook for 22 years,
507
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,003
holding it down.
508
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,546
You deserve to be head chef.
509
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,632
The apron, the kitchen
is yours, king.
510
00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:36,633
- I'm out.
- You mean it?
511
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,887
Oh, shoot, man.
I won't let you down, I promise.
512
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:41,264
Oh, we still BFFs,
though, right?
513
00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:43,640
- Aye-aye, my dude.
- Oh, hell, yeah.
514
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:46,185
Now hit me with some of that
brisket fettucine for the road
515
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,146
'cause I'm hungry as fuck.
516
00:19:48,147 --> 00:19:50,315
[howling]
517
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,568
How can I call myself a feminist
518
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:57,655
if I don't have a strong group
of female friends?
519
00:19:57,656 --> 00:20:00,199
[howls] You, girls,
be my friends.
520
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,993
[all screaming]
521
00:20:01,994 --> 00:20:03,201
[panting]
522
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,580
Notes of caramel, floral aroma,
523
00:20:05,581 --> 00:20:08,478
intense full-bodied roast.
524
00:20:08,479 --> 00:20:11,377
[gasps]
That's 100% Sumatra!
525
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,380
[low growling, panting]
526
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,173
[pants, gasps]
527
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:17,966
[growling]
528
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,720
Yeah! Got you,
you little Dere-wolf!
529
00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:23,055
Oh, no. My big boy tent!
530
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,391
- [growling]
- Yah!
531
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,850
[grunts]
532
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:30,187
- [groaning]
- [wind whistling]
533
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:34,359
Seriously, everyone who worked
at Latrine was off Brian.
534
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,027
That's where
the name comes from.
535
00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:37,486
It's not a compliment.
536
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:38,655
It's 'cause
he's a fucking dingus!
537
00:20:38,656 --> 00:20:40,322
True dat, my G.
538
00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:45,078
But to accept the new new
is to relinquish the old old.
539
00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:48,998
Only you decide
where your allegiance lies.
540
00:20:48,999 --> 00:20:50,833
- [vehicle approaching]
- Huh?
541
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:56,673
You thinking about stepping
out of the line, bruh?
542
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,635
Latrine is my lifeblood.
543
00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:04,389
If copping Latrine is wrong,
I don't want to be right.
544
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:10,185
[panting, yelling]
545
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,146
[groans]
Ha, ha. Yeah!
546
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:14,169
- [horn honks]
- Oh, fuck.
547
00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:16,191
- [whimpers]
- [squishing]
548
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,736
- [gasping]
- [Benny whimpers, yells]
549
00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:21,467
[yells]
550
00:21:21,468 --> 00:21:23,198
[groans]
551
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:25,283
Good as new. Dope.
552
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:29,079
I knew it! You'll always be
a loser, Benny!
553
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,541
- [booing] - [woman] You fucking traitor!
- Loser!
554
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:33,063
[grunting]
555
00:21:33,064 --> 00:21:34,584
[growling]
556
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:37,546
[groaning] Yeah. Yeah.
557
00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:39,507
Classic Spider-Man 2 situation!
558
00:21:39,508 --> 00:21:41,008
No!
559
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:43,219
- [growling]
- [groaning]
560
00:21:44,262 --> 00:21:47,014
Aah. Ah.
561
00:21:47,015 --> 00:21:49,517
- [groaning]
- [growling]
562
00:21:49,518 --> 00:21:52,020
- [groans, yells]
- [growls]
563
00:21:52,021 --> 00:21:54,312
[Phyllis] Hey, Dale!
564
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,815
♪ Saving Dale...
565
00:21:55,816 --> 00:21:58,234
Think fast!
566
00:21:58,235 --> 00:22:00,694
No!
567
00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:04,865
I'm vegan!
568
00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:07,618
♪ Saving Dale...
569
00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:10,787
[howling]
570
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:13,248
Huh? What? What happened?
571
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:17,085
That's why we have
the no-coffee list!
572
00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:22,800
Also, that'll be $22.50
for the turkey I just wasted.
573
00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:24,676
Hey, what's up? Oh, damn.
574
00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,657
What the fuck happened to you?
575
00:22:26,658 --> 00:22:28,638
[others] Coffee moon.
Don't ask.
576
00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:31,684
- [booing]
- [Benny] Off-Brian is for corn-huskers!
577
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:34,186
You hear me?
That shit is corny.
578
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:35,521
Like a morning turd
after eating elote!
579
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:36,981
- Come on.
- Come on, bro.
580
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:38,440
Latrine till I die, bitches!
581
00:22:38,441 --> 00:22:40,817
- Let's go. [groans]
- [groaning] - [booing]
582
00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:44,739
Yeah, I am so not ready to be a
big boy, not even a little bit.
583
00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:46,948
Bro, fuck being a big boy!
584
00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:49,493
I ride so hard
for the little boy gang.
585
00:22:49,494 --> 00:22:52,037
And how are
my favorite night owls?
586
00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:54,332
- [soft muttering]
- You guys look exhausted.
587
00:22:54,333 --> 00:22:56,208
Must have been some rager.
588
00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:58,669
Hey, D-Bone, uh,
I couldn't help but notice
589
00:22:58,670 --> 00:23:00,378
the big boy tent is missing.
590
00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,381
I know.
I broke the tent commandments.
591
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:03,840
I'm so sorry, Dad.
592
00:23:03,841 --> 00:23:05,718
I wasn't ready
for the big boy tent.
593
00:23:05,719 --> 00:23:07,052
I'm not a big boy!
594
00:23:07,053 --> 00:23:09,262
I don't even want
to be a big boy anymore.
595
00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:12,140
But I do want you to ground me
for a year at least.
596
00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:16,395
How about instead, we agree that
the next time you go camping...
597
00:23:16,396 --> 00:23:18,772
- You can totally come.
- That's my D-bone.
598
00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:21,150
Now go get some Zs
with your gang gang.
599
00:23:21,151 --> 00:23:23,590
Thanks, Dad. You're the best.
600
00:23:23,591 --> 00:23:26,030
Little boy gang for life!
601
00:23:27,949 --> 00:23:29,742
When are you gonna
tell him the truth?
602
00:23:29,743 --> 00:23:31,368
When he's 40.
603
00:23:31,369 --> 00:23:34,997
Hiroki Hassan is so last season.
604
00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:36,414
[tape squealing]
605
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,166
Hiroki Hassan is
606
00:23:38,167 --> 00:23:41,086
- so last season.
- Just say the word, my liege,
607
00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:44,340
- and I'll destroy him.
- Hiroki Hassan is so last season.
608
00:23:44,341 --> 00:23:46,424
Not yet, Tronté.
609
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:49,428
- Our time will come.
- Hiroki Hassan is so last season.
610
00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:52,556
[evil cackling echoes]
611
00:23:52,557 --> 00:23:53,558
♪ The block is hot ♪
612
00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:55,518
♪ ♪
613
00:24:03,568 --> 00:24:04,819
♪ The block is hot ♪
614
00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:07,280
♪ ♪
615
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:16,581
♪ The block is hot ♪
616
00:24:16,582 --> 00:24:18,541
♪ ♪
617
00:24:26,591 --> 00:24:28,551
♪ The block is hot ♪ ♪
618
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,480
Chirp.