1 00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:07,968 What's up, Gram-fam. Happy Dadurday. 2 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,429 Having the best day ever with my best friend ever, 3 00:00:10,512 --> 00:00:12,514 - my dad. - What's up, everybody. 4 00:00:12,598 --> 00:00:15,559 Check this out. Drinking syrup like a nut. 5 00:00:15,642 --> 00:00:17,102 [coughs] 6 00:00:18,353 --> 00:00:19,813 - Whoa! - [Dale] Whoa! [coughs] 7 00:00:19,897 --> 00:00:21,607 - Hey, quit splashing. - [laughs] 8 00:00:21,690 --> 00:00:23,567 Wait a minute, you splashed me first. 9 00:00:23,609 --> 00:00:25,527 And all my followers saw it. Right, guys? 10 00:00:25,569 --> 00:00:27,654 Guilty as charged, my man. 11 00:00:27,738 --> 00:00:28,989 Oh, uh, hey, Dale, what's that? 12 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:30,783 - Hiya! Double splash. - [laughs] 13 00:00:30,866 --> 00:00:32,242 - [laughs] - Say what? 14 00:00:34,203 --> 00:00:36,580 Oh, this dad-son duo just got another like. 15 00:00:36,663 --> 00:00:37,998 All right! 16 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:41,210 - Got a hike like. - Whoa, sweet rhymes, Dad. 17 00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:43,045 Plenty more where that came from. 18 00:00:43,128 --> 00:00:45,047 ♪ My name is Grant, and I'm here to say ♪ 19 00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:46,840 ♪ I love my son in every ♪♪ 20 00:00:46,924 --> 00:00:48,217 - Oh, my God, Dale, bees! - [bees buzzing] 21 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:51,011 - Bees! Run! - [Dale screams] 22 00:00:52,179 --> 00:00:53,430 Good night, Instagram. 23 00:00:53,514 --> 00:00:55,557 Thanks for all the love. See you tomorrow. 24 00:00:55,641 --> 00:00:58,101 Wowee. What a great day. 25 00:00:58,185 --> 00:00:59,895 Ah, the best day. 26 00:00:59,978 --> 00:01:02,356 Except for the bees. Yeah, other than that, 27 00:01:02,439 --> 00:01:04,775 I had a blast. I love you, D-bone. 28 00:01:04,858 --> 00:01:05,818 [yawns] 29 00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:07,319 Love you, too, Dad. 30 00:01:07,402 --> 00:01:08,904 You know what else I love? 31 00:01:08,987 --> 00:01:11,114 All my new friends on social media. 32 00:01:11,198 --> 00:01:13,242 Mm. What a fun place 33 00:01:13,325 --> 00:01:16,286 with absolutely zero consequences. 34 00:01:16,370 --> 00:01:18,288 ♪ Oh... ♪ 35 00:01:18,372 --> 00:01:19,873 - ♪ Waitin' for the... ♪ - ♪ Drop ♪ 36 00:01:19,957 --> 00:01:21,542 - ♪ Waitin' for... ♪ - ♪ The drop ♪ 37 00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:24,253 - ♪ Waitin' for the ♪ - ♪ Oh... ♪ 38 00:01:24,336 --> 00:01:25,963 ♪ Waitin' for the ♪♪ 39 00:01:28,173 --> 00:01:30,092 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 40 00:01:30,175 --> 00:01:33,095 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪ 41 00:01:33,178 --> 00:01:34,888 [Dale] And after the beach, we made hummus. 42 00:01:34,972 --> 00:01:37,891 - And after the hummus, we went on a hike. - We know, Dale. 43 00:01:37,975 --> 00:01:39,601 You wouldn't stop posting about it. 44 00:01:39,685 --> 00:01:41,436 - Well, what's wrong with that? - Yo, 45 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,816 135 posts in 48 hours is a little much, my G. 46 00:01:45,899 --> 00:01:48,527 - You're starting to flood the feed. - Uh, cha. 47 00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:50,946 - Flooding it with positive energy. Hey, Benny. - What's up? 48 00:01:51,029 --> 00:01:53,156 - Yo, any luck? - Yo, Latrine sold out 49 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,826 of Yung Polluter six-pack rings in three minutes. 50 00:01:55,909 --> 00:01:59,955 Damn! That was faster than the Styrofoam Dixie Cup collectch. 51 00:02:00,038 --> 00:02:03,750 - Who's Yung Polluter? - Only the hottest litter-core rapper on Fairfax. 52 00:02:03,834 --> 00:02:06,753 Dude throws more garbage on the ground than anyone. 53 00:02:06,837 --> 00:02:09,298 Which I do not condone, but the bars are fire. 54 00:02:09,381 --> 00:02:11,842 ♪ Hey, fuck the planet up, fuck the planet up ♪ 55 00:02:11,925 --> 00:02:13,385 ♪ Fuck the planet up, yo ♪ 56 00:02:13,468 --> 00:02:15,429 ♪ Next stop Mars, bitch ♪♪ 57 00:02:15,512 --> 00:02:17,598 [chuckles] God, I love that track. 58 00:02:17,681 --> 00:02:19,266 I knew him back when he was just a toddler 59 00:02:19,349 --> 00:02:20,893 chucking dirty dipes into the river. 60 00:02:20,976 --> 00:02:22,227 We should've jumped on the Yung Polluter merch 61 00:02:22,311 --> 00:02:23,562 when we had the chance, bro. 62 00:02:23,645 --> 00:02:25,022 But we didn't have the cojones 63 00:02:25,105 --> 00:02:26,982 or a deep understanding of marketing tactics 64 00:02:27,065 --> 00:02:28,442 and supply and demand economics. 65 00:02:28,525 --> 00:02:30,193 Yo, next time, we'll be ready. 66 00:02:30,277 --> 00:02:31,778 We just got to keep our ear to the streets 67 00:02:31,862 --> 00:02:33,530 and pounce on the next big thing. 68 00:02:33,614 --> 00:02:36,450 - A'ight, guys, I'm off to the river. - Yo, D, 69 00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:38,327 how many times you gonna clean that river? 70 00:02:38,410 --> 00:02:40,287 Have you ever thought that maybe the river 71 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:41,788 just wants to be dirty? 72 00:02:41,872 --> 00:02:43,457 Well, mathematically speaking, 73 00:02:43,498 --> 00:02:45,500 every time we blast a Yung Polluter track, 74 00:02:45,584 --> 00:02:48,295 it puts about 2.3 pieces of trash in the river, 75 00:02:48,378 --> 00:02:50,297 so I have my work cut out for me. 76 00:02:50,380 --> 00:02:51,506 Y'all want to come? 77 00:02:51,590 --> 00:02:53,508 - Uh... - Yeah, 78 00:02:53,592 --> 00:02:56,845 - I'm-a let you do your thing. - A'ight. Later, guys. 79 00:02:56,929 --> 00:02:58,889 - [phone chimes] - OMG. 80 00:02:58,972 --> 00:03:00,223 Jackpot, you guys. 81 00:03:00,307 --> 00:03:02,267 Check out this baby pic my dad just texted me. 82 00:03:02,351 --> 00:03:04,436 - [high-pitched] It's little baby Dale. - [Benny chuckles] 83 00:03:04,519 --> 00:03:06,647 I'm gonna make like a law-abiding trout fisherman 84 00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:09,691 and, uh, throw it back. 85 00:03:09,775 --> 00:03:12,903 - [laughs] - Have you lost your goddamn mind? 86 00:03:12,986 --> 00:03:14,696 You can't throw it back on a Wednesday. 87 00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:17,991 TBT is a sacred Thursday holiday. 88 00:03:18,075 --> 00:03:20,911 That's wild disrespectful to the lunar cycle, bro. 89 00:03:20,994 --> 00:03:22,079 You're already pushing it, man. 90 00:03:22,162 --> 00:03:23,580 You don't want to turn people off. 91 00:03:23,664 --> 00:03:25,332 [scoffs] Please, what do you guys know? 92 00:03:25,415 --> 00:03:28,543 Like there's ever a bad day to show the world I love my dad. 93 00:03:28,627 --> 00:03:31,588 - And away we go. - [boom] 94 00:03:31,672 --> 00:03:33,924 ♪ ♪ 95 00:03:34,007 --> 00:03:35,801 [growls] 96 00:03:35,884 --> 00:03:37,678 [neighs] 97 00:03:37,761 --> 00:03:39,638 [bellows] 98 00:03:42,724 --> 00:03:44,768 [wails] 99 00:03:45,769 --> 00:03:47,145 I miss the first half of the movie, 100 00:03:47,229 --> 00:03:49,189 but I get to the end, and it's the Wayans brothers 101 00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:50,816 in whitefa... Jim, watch out! 102 00:03:50,899 --> 00:03:51,775 [birds squawking] 103 00:03:51,858 --> 00:03:53,276 Oh, shit! 104 00:03:54,319 --> 00:03:55,696 [wails] 105 00:03:55,779 --> 00:03:58,281 - Oh, man. That was close. - Not as close 106 00:03:58,365 --> 00:04:00,534 - as these two losers. - [laughs] 107 00:04:00,617 --> 00:04:01,868 TBT on a Wednesday? 108 00:04:01,952 --> 00:04:03,578 I bet you this kid Dale hates his dad. 109 00:04:03,662 --> 00:04:05,497 [laughs] Oh, nailed it. 110 00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:07,124 He definitely hates his dad. 111 00:04:07,207 --> 00:04:09,459 [wailing] 112 00:04:13,171 --> 00:04:15,090 [♪ P-Lo: "Put Me on Somethin'"] 113 00:04:15,173 --> 00:04:17,759 ♪ P-P-P-Lo, time to bring the bass back... 114 00:04:17,843 --> 00:04:19,803 Hey, it's the fucking Dad guy, eh! 115 00:04:19,886 --> 00:04:21,138 Damn right, it is. 116 00:04:21,221 --> 00:04:23,390 That cute little boy don't like his dad. 117 00:04:23,473 --> 00:04:25,726 You're right, Sherman. I don't like my dad. 118 00:04:25,809 --> 00:04:27,853 I love him! Have a great day. 119 00:04:27,936 --> 00:04:29,521 Hey, Dale. 120 00:04:29,604 --> 00:04:32,691 I'm a fucking dad hater, too, baby. 121 00:04:32,774 --> 00:04:35,527 Oh, no. You must have me confused with a different Dale, 122 00:04:35,610 --> 00:04:37,821 'cause this one loves his dad. [chuckles] 123 00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:40,532 What the heck has gotten into everyone? 124 00:04:42,075 --> 00:04:44,578 ♪ Everybody litter, throw your garbage in the river ♪ 125 00:04:44,661 --> 00:04:46,997 ♪ Everybody litter, throw your garbage in the river ♪ 126 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,707 ♪ Water is a ho ♪♪ 127 00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:51,168 Yo, yo, Yung Polluter is the shit. 128 00:04:51,251 --> 00:04:53,712 - Man, this album's gonna go hard, bro. Believe me. - Mm. 129 00:04:53,795 --> 00:04:56,631 Legend, cuh. Homeboy taught us how to throw lo mein. 130 00:04:56,715 --> 00:04:59,885 ♪ Chuckin' all this lo mein, girl give me dome brain ♪♪ 131 00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:02,220 [car alarm blaring] 132 00:05:03,263 --> 00:05:05,182 - [thud] - [orca wails] 133 00:05:05,265 --> 00:05:08,268 [gasps] Anderson fucking Cooper. 134 00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,937 - It's an orca. - [wails] 135 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,689 - Oh, God. Oh, God. - [phone rings] - Yo, D. We got 136 00:05:12,773 --> 00:05:14,107 - a lot going on right now. What's up? - No, no, no, no. 137 00:05:14,191 --> 00:05:16,777 You guys are not gonna believe this. 138 00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:18,403 Ha! We know. 139 00:05:18,487 --> 00:05:20,697 - [groans] - Dale hates his dad! 140 00:05:20,781 --> 00:05:22,741 - Oh, God. Oh, God. - [phone chiming] 141 00:05:22,824 --> 00:05:24,201 No. Aw. 142 00:05:26,203 --> 00:05:27,954 No, no, no, 143 00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:31,249 no! 144 00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:32,751 [Truman] Yes, dude, yes! 145 00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:35,253 [chuckles] Man. 146 00:05:35,337 --> 00:05:36,922 - [computer chiming] - Number one on Reddit. 147 00:05:37,005 --> 00:05:38,340 - [grunting] - Just hit TikTok. 148 00:05:38,423 --> 00:05:39,716 Oh, my God, 149 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,218 he's on Pinterest. 150 00:05:41,301 --> 00:05:43,720 - What?! [whoops] - [laughs] 151 00:05:43,804 --> 00:05:46,181 This is it, Tru. My cousins in Seoul 152 00:05:46,264 --> 00:05:48,183 are asking if I know the dad hater. 153 00:05:48,266 --> 00:05:50,894 Dale's going international! 154 00:05:50,977 --> 00:05:53,146 Jules and 'Manda named me Suicide Watch of the Week. 155 00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:55,315 Lily's gonna think I come from a broken home. 156 00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,818 Even Principal Weston is trolling me. 157 00:05:57,901 --> 00:06:01,363 [laughs] This little bitch boy don't know what hit him. 158 00:06:01,446 --> 00:06:04,157 Your sources are incorrect, @FairfaxMiddleSchool. 159 00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:06,827 No, I do not want to peg my dad. 160 00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:08,870 Peg him for a great guy, maybe. 161 00:06:08,954 --> 00:06:10,372 Yeah, we're gonna need 2,000 units 162 00:06:10,455 --> 00:06:12,582 of "Dale Hates His Dad" foam middle fingers. 163 00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:14,126 [Truman] Holy shit, bro. 164 00:06:14,209 --> 00:06:16,503 These GIFs are pure fire. 165 00:06:16,586 --> 00:06:19,381 "Dale Hates His Dad" might surpass "Crying Jordan." 166 00:06:19,464 --> 00:06:21,174 Do you understand how big that is? 167 00:06:21,258 --> 00:06:23,260 - Actually, make it three. - [Dale] No. 168 00:06:23,343 --> 00:06:25,387 - Stop it! - What the hell, Dale?! 169 00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:27,764 I don't want all this dad-hating stuff out there. 170 00:06:27,848 --> 00:06:30,684 - Why not? - Because I don't hate my dad! 171 00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:32,853 I don't understand. 172 00:06:32,936 --> 00:06:34,896 Why would the Internet say I hate my dad 173 00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:37,649 when I love my dad? He's my dad! 174 00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:40,652 A'ight, Dale, the Internet is like a giant spotlight, 175 00:06:40,735 --> 00:06:42,195 and for some reason, 176 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:45,365 that spotlight is shining on your dad-hating ass. 177 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,033 In a big way, bro. 178 00:06:47,117 --> 00:06:48,493 You're like if "Distracted Boyfriend" 179 00:06:48,577 --> 00:06:51,246 fucked "Sad Keanu Reeves" and then married Beyoncé. 180 00:06:51,329 --> 00:06:52,664 Oh, no. 181 00:06:52,747 --> 00:06:56,042 I just thought I'd be rewarded for being myself. 182 00:06:56,126 --> 00:06:58,587 Now everyone at school thinks I want to fart in my dad's mouth 183 00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:00,005 and tape it shut. 184 00:07:00,088 --> 00:07:01,381 That's the Gram for you, bro. 185 00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:03,216 Either you're fake and people love you 186 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,719 or you're real and everybody hates you. 187 00:07:05,802 --> 00:07:08,680 Look, Dale, we're gonna do everything we can to stop this. 188 00:07:08,763 --> 00:07:10,932 You know that. But in the meantime, 189 00:07:11,016 --> 00:07:13,476 we got to strike while the iron's hot, jah feel? 190 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,478 There's a ton of cash to be made here, son. 191 00:07:15,562 --> 00:07:18,481 Big cash, bro. Mm! I'm-a use my dough 192 00:07:18,565 --> 00:07:20,901 to finance my Untitled Shit Project. 193 00:07:20,984 --> 00:07:22,360 And I'm gonna buy Yung Polluter tickets. 194 00:07:22,444 --> 00:07:23,653 I hear his encore 195 00:07:23,737 --> 00:07:26,156 is pushing a Toyota Camry into the Tar Pits. 196 00:07:26,239 --> 00:07:29,201 Look, trust me, bro. You about to make so much money 197 00:07:29,284 --> 00:07:30,577 you could buy a new dad. 198 00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:33,163 Fuck Larry or whatever the fuck his name is. 199 00:07:33,246 --> 00:07:35,040 No, no, no. I don't want a new dad! 200 00:07:35,123 --> 00:07:36,708 I like the dad I have! 201 00:07:36,791 --> 00:07:37,959 Have you considered the possibility 202 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,628 that you might just hate your dad? 203 00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:41,254 It's okay if you do, Dale. 204 00:07:41,338 --> 00:07:44,007 The other day, I heard him say, "Okey dokey, artichoke-y." 205 00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:47,344 No. I will never besmirch my father. 206 00:07:47,427 --> 00:07:49,846 He's the most amazing man I know. 207 00:07:49,930 --> 00:07:52,724 [sighs] I just wish I could explain that to the world. 208 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:54,601 Ugh. You're fuckin' with my money, Dale. 209 00:07:54,684 --> 00:07:56,811 But you are my boy. 210 00:07:56,895 --> 00:07:58,897 Okay. We need to get you on a huge platform 211 00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:01,524 so we can tell everyone your side of the story. 212 00:08:01,608 --> 00:08:02,943 - Phew. Thank you. - [phone vibrates] 213 00:08:03,026 --> 00:08:06,029 [speaking Korean] Three thousand units. Book it. 214 00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:07,113 [orca wailing] 215 00:08:10,075 --> 00:08:11,159 It's okay, girl. 216 00:08:11,243 --> 00:08:12,786 Or is it boy? Or they? 217 00:08:12,869 --> 00:08:14,746 I'm sorry. What is your pronoun? 218 00:08:14,829 --> 00:08:15,956 Dude, I'm dying! 219 00:08:16,039 --> 00:08:17,958 You're right. I'm not into labels, either. 220 00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:21,002 Just hang in there. I'm getting help. 221 00:08:21,086 --> 00:08:23,922 Hey! Hey, help! 222 00:08:24,005 --> 00:08:26,049 There's a whale stuck in the river! 223 00:08:26,132 --> 00:08:28,593 - [phone chimes] - No! Kelly, check it out. 224 00:08:28,677 --> 00:08:30,595 This time he's running over his dad 225 00:08:30,679 --> 00:08:32,681 - with one of those cement rollers. - [Grant screaming] 226 00:08:32,764 --> 00:08:34,641 Oh, no. 227 00:08:34,724 --> 00:08:37,102 I got it! I'll call FEMA. 228 00:08:37,185 --> 00:08:38,728 This is what they do. 229 00:08:38,812 --> 00:08:40,063 - [all laughing] - [phone ringing] 230 00:08:42,274 --> 00:08:45,277 Shoot. Looks like we're gonna have to channel 231 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,362 the power of the Internet. Don't worry. 232 00:08:47,445 --> 00:08:50,907 One post, and the whole world will pay attention to us. 233 00:08:50,991 --> 00:08:52,450 - [wails] - I mean, you. 234 00:08:52,534 --> 00:08:54,619 Pay attention to you. 235 00:08:54,703 --> 00:08:56,830 [indistinct chatter] 236 00:08:56,913 --> 00:08:58,707 Derica, Derica! Was it hard 237 00:08:58,790 --> 00:09:00,750 to become the greatest activist of all time? 238 00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:02,669 [laughs] Definitely not. 239 00:09:02,752 --> 00:09:05,130 Some people just have it, you know? 240 00:09:05,213 --> 00:09:08,925 I would thank God, but honestly, She should be thanking me. 241 00:09:09,009 --> 00:09:10,218 [wails] 242 00:09:10,302 --> 00:09:13,430 [chuckles] Okay, Internet. 243 00:09:13,513 --> 00:09:17,100 Do your thing. 244 00:09:17,183 --> 00:09:19,728 [clock ticking] 245 00:09:24,691 --> 00:09:26,276 - [alarm rings] - Ugh! What the hell? 246 00:09:26,359 --> 00:09:28,361 This should be Internet gold. 247 00:09:28,445 --> 00:09:30,780 I can't even get Taye Diggs to like the pic, 248 00:09:30,864 --> 00:09:32,824 - and he likes everything. - [rumbling] 249 00:09:32,907 --> 00:09:35,118 - Ugh! - [wails] 250 00:09:35,201 --> 00:09:37,579 Ugh. God, this is terrible. 251 00:09:37,662 --> 00:09:40,248 We got to get you to the ocean, or you're gonna die, 252 00:09:40,332 --> 00:09:42,167 and I'll have dead whale blubber on my hands. 253 00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:45,211 And I'll haunt you like a dead whale ghost! 254 00:09:45,295 --> 00:09:48,840 Okay. It's time for a little analog activism. 255 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:52,302 I'm gonna save you... [grunts] 256 00:09:52,385 --> 00:09:55,347 ...whether the Internet is watching or not. 257 00:09:55,430 --> 00:09:56,931 [grunting] 258 00:09:56,973 --> 00:09:59,351 Push harder, bitch! 259 00:09:59,434 --> 00:10:01,728 ♪ Ay, bitch, I'm a problem nobody solvin' ♪ 260 00:10:01,811 --> 00:10:03,855 ♪ You can keep hatin', I'm popping regardless... 261 00:10:03,938 --> 00:10:07,525 [gasps] I got it! Yes! 262 00:10:07,609 --> 00:10:08,735 [wails] 263 00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:11,905 Time to get you back in the oash. 264 00:10:12,947 --> 00:10:15,283 A'ight, Dale. Spicy 'Pinions 265 00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:17,285 is the hottest Web series on Fairfax. 266 00:10:17,369 --> 00:10:20,622 It's where everybody goes to tell their side of the story. 267 00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:22,582 Just remember, be yourself, 268 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:25,126 and don't let the spice get to your head. 269 00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:26,461 Spice? 270 00:10:26,544 --> 00:10:29,714 W-W-W-W-W-Welcome, Fairfax! 271 00:10:29,798 --> 00:10:32,300 I'm Benn Close, and this is Spicy 'Pinions, 272 00:10:32,384 --> 00:10:35,929 where the only thing spicier than the Cheetos are the convos. 273 00:10:36,012 --> 00:10:38,681 My guest, Dale Rubin, has some dad stuff 274 00:10:38,765 --> 00:10:39,724 to get off his chest. 275 00:10:39,808 --> 00:10:40,809 Cheeto number one: 276 00:10:40,892 --> 00:10:43,395 classic Flamin'. 277 00:10:43,478 --> 00:10:45,855 - What's on your mind, bro? - Yeah. Um, 278 00:10:45,939 --> 00:10:47,565 I'm here to address some nasty online rumors 279 00:10:47,649 --> 00:10:49,109 about me not loving my dad. 280 00:10:49,192 --> 00:10:50,610 Now, you tell me, Internet. 281 00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:52,612 Would a dad hater have bought this? 282 00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:54,406 [Benn] Uh-huh. 283 00:10:54,489 --> 00:10:55,782 Cheeto number two: 284 00:10:55,865 --> 00:10:58,076 Picante Serrano. 285 00:10:58,159 --> 00:10:59,994 [gasps] 286 00:11:01,579 --> 00:11:02,914 - Is that real gold? - [Dale sputters] 287 00:11:02,997 --> 00:11:04,207 [coughing] Well, no, 288 00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:07,085 but it-it doesn't need to be gold to... 289 00:11:07,168 --> 00:11:09,796 Wow, is it hot in here, or is it just me? 290 00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:11,464 It's just you. 291 00:11:11,548 --> 00:11:13,800 Power through it. You're doing great, champ. 292 00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:15,593 - [panting] - Man, 293 00:11:15,677 --> 00:11:18,555 these people hate you as much as you hate your dad. 294 00:11:18,638 --> 00:11:20,849 Cheeto number four, 295 00:11:20,932 --> 00:11:23,601 flown in from Taipei: 296 00:11:23,685 --> 00:11:26,855 the Scorched Earth Ghost Pepper. 297 00:11:26,938 --> 00:11:28,398 [whimpering] 298 00:11:28,481 --> 00:11:30,191 [high-pitched] Do I have to do this? 299 00:11:31,943 --> 00:11:34,237 [panting] 300 00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:37,740 [sizzles] 301 00:11:39,701 --> 00:11:41,536 [whimpers] 302 00:11:41,619 --> 00:11:44,205 [coughing] 303 00:11:44,289 --> 00:11:46,207 Oh, why would I hate my dad? [gags] 304 00:11:46,291 --> 00:11:48,334 I thank my glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars every night 305 00:11:48,418 --> 00:11:49,335 I even have a dad. 306 00:11:49,419 --> 00:11:51,129 That's it! I'm not gonna stand by 307 00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:52,505 while you tarnish the dadless community 308 00:11:52,589 --> 00:11:54,507 and the Cheeto community. 309 00:11:54,591 --> 00:11:57,093 - [gasps, coughs] - Okay, okay, okay, show's over. 310 00:11:57,177 --> 00:11:59,888 Forgot this kid had a Cheeto allergy. 311 00:11:59,971 --> 00:12:02,056 Dale, get the fuck up out of here right now. 312 00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:04,434 Sup, Fairfax! [chuckles] Yo. 313 00:12:04,517 --> 00:12:08,521 Just to be clear, our boy Dale does not hate his dad. 314 00:12:08,605 --> 00:12:11,024 But if you do, post a video 315 00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:13,067 telling your dad to go fuck himself 316 00:12:13,151 --> 00:12:16,404 while wearing our very own "I hate my dad" T-shirts. 317 00:12:16,488 --> 00:12:18,156 - [air horn blows] - Smash that link! 318 00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:23,161 Mm. 319 00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:24,829 [bird caws] 320 00:12:24,913 --> 00:12:27,290 - [birds chirp] - [Derica gasps] 321 00:12:27,373 --> 00:12:29,375 Thank you, Mr. Sign. 322 00:12:29,459 --> 00:12:31,586 [gasps] I can see the ocean! 323 00:12:31,669 --> 00:12:32,754 Come on, we're almost there. 324 00:12:32,837 --> 00:12:35,215 [wails] 325 00:12:35,298 --> 00:12:36,382 What's wrong? 326 00:12:38,384 --> 00:12:40,261 Oh, no! 327 00:12:40,345 --> 00:12:42,347 [grunting] 328 00:12:50,939 --> 00:12:53,608 [panting] I can't do it. 329 00:12:53,691 --> 00:12:56,569 I'm so sorry. 330 00:12:57,612 --> 00:12:59,322 Who am I kidding? 331 00:12:59,405 --> 00:13:01,282 I'm a terrible activist. 332 00:13:01,366 --> 00:13:03,910 I mean, how am I supposed to save the whole planet 333 00:13:03,993 --> 00:13:06,955 if I can't even save one stupid fucking whale? 334 00:13:06,996 --> 00:13:08,790 The fuck! 335 00:13:08,873 --> 00:13:12,168 - Ich hasse dich, Papa! - [men laughing] 336 00:13:12,252 --> 00:13:15,922 Tousan, uzai! 337 00:13:16,005 --> 00:13:19,342 [grunts] Ti odio, Papa! 338 00:13:20,385 --> 00:13:22,470 Goddamn, that's good content. 339 00:13:22,554 --> 00:13:25,306 - You ready? - Fuckin' A. Ready to ditch 340 00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:27,100 this 9,000-pound piece of shit. 341 00:13:32,897 --> 00:13:34,399 Oh, shit, she got away! 342 00:13:34,482 --> 00:13:36,401 Jim, turn this bitch around. 343 00:13:40,905 --> 00:13:44,117 You, uh, haven't touched your curly fries, D-bone. 344 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,535 Please don't call me that. 345 00:13:45,618 --> 00:13:47,579 I'm not feeling very D-bone today. 346 00:13:47,662 --> 00:13:48,913 You okay, buddy? 347 00:13:48,997 --> 00:13:51,541 I just... I've been having a tough time lately. 348 00:13:51,624 --> 00:13:54,127 - That's all. - Well, I know what always cheers you up. 349 00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:56,212 Anything but the Hamilton soundtrack. 350 00:13:56,296 --> 00:13:57,630 The Hamilton soundtrack. Yeah! 351 00:13:57,714 --> 00:14:01,009 Let's get a little Lin-Manuel Mirand-y up in here. 352 00:14:01,092 --> 00:14:04,137 ♪ How does a bastard, orphan, son of a ♪♪ 353 00:14:04,220 --> 00:14:05,638 I said no Hamilton! 354 00:14:05,722 --> 00:14:07,849 Oh, okay, buddy. I mean, that's fine. 355 00:14:07,932 --> 00:14:09,809 Yeah. I mean, we can talk instead. 356 00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:12,812 You know, talking is the original rap. 357 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:15,481 [Grant sniffling] 358 00:14:15,565 --> 00:14:18,568 - [Grant clears throat, chewing loudly] - [Dale groans] 359 00:14:18,651 --> 00:14:19,569 [Grant grunts] 360 00:14:19,652 --> 00:14:21,321 Oh, baby. 361 00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:24,824 [Dale] [groans] Enough! 362 00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,744 Your mouth sounds are out of control, 363 00:14:27,827 --> 00:14:29,412 I never liked curly fries, 364 00:14:29,495 --> 00:14:30,997 and you know what else? 365 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:35,168 I can't stand Hamilton! 366 00:14:35,251 --> 00:14:36,461 [gasps] You don't mean that. 367 00:14:36,544 --> 00:14:38,504 Yes. I do. I haven't even seen it 368 00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:41,215 because someone was too cheap to pony up for seats! 369 00:14:41,299 --> 00:14:42,925 The songs have no context! 370 00:14:43,009 --> 00:14:45,428 Well, yeah, but we like the lyrics. 371 00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:47,472 You know what, Dad? The Internet's right. 372 00:14:47,555 --> 00:14:50,058 I do hate you. 373 00:14:50,141 --> 00:14:53,144 Oh. Classic Burr. 374 00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:55,688 [♪ DMX: "Ruff Ryders' Anthem"] 375 00:14:55,772 --> 00:14:58,107 ♪ Something new ♪ 376 00:14:58,191 --> 00:14:59,859 ♪ Stop ♪ 377 00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:01,486 ♪ Drop... 378 00:15:01,569 --> 00:15:03,738 - Hey, buddy. What's... - Hiking solo today. 379 00:15:03,821 --> 00:15:05,114 Fuck a dad. 380 00:15:05,198 --> 00:15:07,950 Hey, I need that for my tush. 381 00:15:08,034 --> 00:15:10,620 Jesus, Dale. The other rolls are in the garage! 382 00:15:10,703 --> 00:15:13,373 If you hate your dad as much as I hate this front-wiping chode, 383 00:15:13,456 --> 00:15:16,334 - join me at Runyon Canyon today for my Anti-Dad Hike. - [gasps] 384 00:15:16,417 --> 00:15:18,336 Whoa, bro. We did it. 385 00:15:18,419 --> 00:15:20,296 Dale finally came out as a dad hater. 386 00:15:20,380 --> 00:15:23,925 Bruh, this dad hike is the sale we've been waiting for. 387 00:15:24,008 --> 00:15:25,551 - [speaking Korean] Mom! - ♪ Stop ♪ 388 00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:27,762 - We need a ride to Runyon Canyon! - ♪ Drop ♪ 389 00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:30,223 - ♪ Shut 'em down, open up shop ♪♪ - [helicopter blades whirring] 390 00:15:30,306 --> 00:15:32,433 Oh, my God. We're saved! 391 00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:33,893 The Internet came through. 392 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:37,021 Hey! Hey! Over here! 393 00:15:37,105 --> 00:15:38,606 - [wails] - Ow! 394 00:15:38,690 --> 00:15:40,525 What is wrong with you?! 395 00:15:40,566 --> 00:15:43,027 It's them! 396 00:15:43,111 --> 00:15:45,863 "Tillamook"? "Ocean Land"? 397 00:15:45,947 --> 00:15:47,532 Oh, my God! 398 00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:50,159 - You're a fugitive whale! - Yes! 399 00:15:51,202 --> 00:15:53,162 And you have a killer past? 400 00:15:53,246 --> 00:15:55,915 Oh! Rising up to slay your captors 401 00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:58,251 is justice AF, Tillamook. 402 00:16:00,753 --> 00:16:02,755 Don't worry, girl. I've got a plan. 403 00:16:02,839 --> 00:16:04,924 [indistinct shouting] 404 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:07,051 [chitters] 405 00:16:08,094 --> 00:16:09,887 - Who do we hate? - [all] Dads! 406 00:16:09,971 --> 00:16:12,974 - Why do we hate them? - [all] We each have different reasons! 407 00:16:13,057 --> 00:16:15,476 Step right up, get your Fuck-A-Dad merch here. 408 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,311 Get your Fuck-A-Dad merch! 409 00:16:17,395 --> 00:16:19,772 We got bobbleheads, mini-bats, snapbacks and T-shirts. 410 00:16:19,856 --> 00:16:21,149 You, son. 411 00:16:21,232 --> 00:16:22,400 How 'bout a foam middle finger 412 00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:23,985 for your dad? Flick him off? 413 00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:25,903 If you hate your dad, you're definitely gonna want 414 00:16:25,987 --> 00:16:27,572 to cop this merch right here. 415 00:16:29,365 --> 00:16:31,492 - Oh, shit, it's the dad! - [all gasp] 416 00:16:31,576 --> 00:16:34,162 - [overlapping shouting] - [boy] Boo! 417 00:16:34,245 --> 00:16:36,205 - [boy 2] I fucking hate this guy! - [boy 3] Fuck you, old man! 418 00:16:36,289 --> 00:16:38,124 [shouting stops] 419 00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:41,252 No dads allowed, Grant. 420 00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:43,045 [crowd cheers] 421 00:16:43,129 --> 00:16:45,339 - I brought you your favorite milkshake. - [scoffs] 422 00:16:45,423 --> 00:16:48,050 I would never drink something a dad touched. 423 00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:49,385 It's not to drink. 424 00:16:49,469 --> 00:16:52,138 - It's to dump on my head. - Huh? 425 00:16:52,221 --> 00:16:54,766 I am Grant Rubin. 426 00:16:54,849 --> 00:16:57,435 - Dad of Dale. - [booing] - [boy] This guy fucking sucks! 427 00:16:57,518 --> 00:17:01,898 I stand before you to confess that I am a punk-ass father. 428 00:17:01,981 --> 00:17:05,568 I serve my son curly fries when he likes crinkle-cut, 429 00:17:05,651 --> 00:17:07,904 and I made him listen to Lin-Manuel Mirand-y 430 00:17:07,987 --> 00:17:10,948 well after the hype had run its course. 431 00:17:11,032 --> 00:17:14,744 My son hates me because I am a bitch. 432 00:17:14,827 --> 00:17:18,039 Who wants to see me dump this on my old man's head? 433 00:17:18,122 --> 00:17:21,000 [cheering] 434 00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,467 Whoa, hey! There she is! 435 00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:30,802 Eat 'poon, Tillamook! 436 00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:34,806 Nice shot. Wait. 437 00:17:34,889 --> 00:17:37,725 [Biff] Aw, son of a bitch. It's a kayak. 438 00:17:39,811 --> 00:17:42,480 [cheering] 439 00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,066 - Soak his ass! - Fucking kill him! 440 00:17:45,149 --> 00:17:46,943 Fucking kill that dad! 441 00:17:52,323 --> 00:17:54,408 Go on. Do it. 442 00:17:56,494 --> 00:17:57,745 [grunting] 443 00:17:58,955 --> 00:18:00,540 Fuck, yeah! 444 00:18:00,623 --> 00:18:01,707 Fuck yeah! 445 00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:03,501 - [helicopter blades whirring] - [gasps] 446 00:18:05,211 --> 00:18:07,255 [cheering] 447 00:18:07,338 --> 00:18:09,882 If hating dads is what you're passionate about, 448 00:18:09,966 --> 00:18:11,968 I support you. 449 00:18:12,051 --> 00:18:13,219 Really? 450 00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:23,896 Now, Tillamook! 451 00:18:27,441 --> 00:18:30,278 Fuck, yeah, Tillamook! 452 00:18:30,361 --> 00:18:32,238 [wails] 453 00:18:33,406 --> 00:18:35,032 - [phones chiming] - Yo, 454 00:18:35,116 --> 00:18:38,119 Yung Polluter just dropped a new music video! 455 00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:40,371 Yung Polluter? Can we get out of here? 456 00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:42,331 This hike is dumb. 457 00:18:42,415 --> 00:18:43,916 Oh, thank God. 458 00:18:44,917 --> 00:18:47,253 [sighs] Goddamn you, Dale. 459 00:18:47,336 --> 00:18:50,047 I have 50% off all Fuck-A-Dad merch 460 00:18:50,131 --> 00:18:51,966 right here! 461 00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:54,135 Thanks bitch. 462 00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:57,346 I did it. I am a kick-ass activist. 463 00:18:57,430 --> 00:18:59,640 [cheers] Who's a activist? 464 00:18:59,724 --> 00:19:01,517 I'm a activist. Who's a activist? 465 00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:02,852 Well, I'm glad you're happy, 466 00:19:02,935 --> 00:19:05,021 'cause you just freed a murderer. 467 00:19:05,104 --> 00:19:06,856 Yeah, and the people she killed 468 00:19:06,939 --> 00:19:08,774 were all evil trainers that abused her, 469 00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:10,860 so whatever. 470 00:19:10,943 --> 00:19:12,778 No, she's a sick fucking whale. 471 00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,363 She's killed dozens at random. 472 00:19:14,447 --> 00:19:17,325 One time she drowned an old janitor on purpose. 473 00:19:17,408 --> 00:19:20,703 [clears throat] She didn't mention that. Mm-mm. 474 00:19:20,786 --> 00:19:22,538 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪ 475 00:19:22,622 --> 00:19:25,082 I'm sorry I said I hated you, Dad. 476 00:19:25,166 --> 00:19:27,585 - I didn't mean it. - Oh, I know, buddy. 477 00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,378 Since we're here, you want to finish that hike? 478 00:19:29,462 --> 00:19:31,213 That sounds great. 479 00:19:31,297 --> 00:19:33,591 You know, the Internet can hate all it wants. 480 00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:35,551 I know how I feel. 481 00:19:40,598 --> 00:19:44,644 Heya, Dad. It's Glennjamin. 482 00:19:44,727 --> 00:19:48,064 Your son is gonna be flying home this winter. 483 00:19:49,899 --> 00:19:51,317 [♪ Yung Polluter: "Fries on tha Flo'"] 484 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,653 ♪ Salute and pollute, litter gang ♪ 485 00:19:53,736 --> 00:19:55,321 ♪ Litterbugs ♪ 486 00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:03,955 - ♪ Yeah, on the flo' ♪ - ♪ Yo, throw some fries on the flo' ♪ 487 00:20:04,038 --> 00:20:06,666 - ♪ On the flo' ♪ - ♪ Throw some trash off the boat, we pollute ♪ 488 00:20:06,749 --> 00:20:10,586 ♪ Threw a cheeseburger out the coupe ♪ 489 00:20:10,670 --> 00:20:12,546 ♪ Water bill run like chicken soup ♪ 490 00:20:12,630 --> 00:20:15,841 ♪ She burnin' like gas, cigarettes go on the floor ♪ 491 00:20:15,925 --> 00:20:17,218 - ♪ Not the trash ♪ - ♪ Trash ♪ 492 00:20:17,301 --> 00:20:19,470 ♪ Pulling out the coupe, we pollutin' ♪ 493 00:20:19,553 --> 00:20:21,555 ♪ Bring yo best friend, flip a trash can ♪ 494 00:20:21,639 --> 00:20:24,558 ♪ Too hot, get you burnt like a frying pan ♪ 495 00:20:24,642 --> 00:20:27,937 - ♪ Put you in the trash like a trash can ♪ - ♪ Trash can ♪ 496 00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:29,438 ♪ What? ♪ 497 00:20:29,522 --> 00:20:30,731 ♪ Ooh, we pollute ♪ 498 00:20:30,815 --> 00:20:33,985 ♪ How'd I get some trash in my boot? ♪ 499 00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:36,320 [wails] 500 00:20:36,404 --> 00:20:38,030 ♪ Fuck the planet up ♪ 501 00:20:38,114 --> 00:20:41,200 ♪ Fuck the planet up, fuck the planet up ♪ 502 00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:42,785 ♪ Fuck the planet up, fuck the planet up ♪♪ 503 00:20:42,827 --> 00:20:45,871 To Be Continued... 504 00:20:45,913 --> 00:20:46,831 ♪ The block is hot ♪ 505 00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,874 ♪ ♪ 506 00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,092 ♪ The block is hot ♪ 507 00:20:58,175 --> 00:21:00,636 ♪ ♪ 508 00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:09,854 ♪ The block is hot ♪ 509 00:21:09,937 --> 00:21:11,897 ♪ ♪ 510 00:21:19,947 --> 00:21:21,907 ♪ The block is hot ♪♪ 511 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,920 Chirp.