1 00:00:06,842 --> 00:00:08,802 - [indistinct chatter] - [music blaring] 2 00:00:10,429 --> 00:00:12,055 - Yo! - Woah! 3 00:00:12,097 --> 00:00:14,057 Good morning, Fairfax! 4 00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,893 How we doing this beautiful Monday morning? 5 00:00:15,934 --> 00:00:17,311 Is everyone living for the Busla? 6 00:00:17,352 --> 00:00:18,812 It's the coolest! 7 00:00:18,854 --> 00:00:20,397 The school board tried to talk me out of it, 8 00:00:20,439 --> 00:00:22,483 but with zero down and 22% APR, 9 00:00:22,524 --> 00:00:24,359 Westy didn't have a choice. 10 00:00:24,359 --> 00:00:26,945 Now I know old people are a bummer, 11 00:00:26,987 --> 00:00:28,405 but our yearly trips 12 00:00:28,447 --> 00:00:29,990 to Fairfolks Assisted Living Facility 13 00:00:30,032 --> 00:00:32,284 literally keeps these people alive. 14 00:00:32,326 --> 00:00:34,203 So don't forget to hand 15 00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:36,163 your signed service forms in at the end of the day 16 00:00:36,205 --> 00:00:37,915 to prove you connected with an old head. 17 00:00:37,956 --> 00:00:39,666 Okay, quick roll call. 18 00:00:39,708 --> 00:00:42,085 - Who is following me on the Gram? - [all groaning] 19 00:00:42,127 --> 00:00:44,171 Today's gonna be so cool. 20 00:00:44,171 --> 00:00:46,048 I can't wait to connect with an old soul. 21 00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:47,800 Bruh, old people are the worst. 22 00:00:47,841 --> 00:00:50,385 They're cheap as shit, have bad memories, 23 00:00:50,427 --> 00:00:52,304 and have crusty-ass breath. 24 00:00:52,346 --> 00:00:55,307 What? Old people are the cherry blossoms of society, Benny. 25 00:00:55,349 --> 00:00:58,268 Fragile in their beauty and worth cherishing before they go. 26 00:00:58,310 --> 00:01:00,103 I only have room in my heart for my moms 27 00:01:00,145 --> 00:01:01,688 and the hustle. Right, Tru? 28 00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:04,066 Yeah, I'm with lil D on this one. 29 00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:05,984 I've been trying to finish Untitled Shit Project 30 00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:08,153 for so long I just can't see it clearly anymore. 31 00:01:08,195 --> 00:01:10,823 Today's a great opportunity to hone my craft. 32 00:01:10,864 --> 00:01:13,534 I'm-a find a old person with a dope-ass story 33 00:01:13,534 --> 00:01:15,994 and help them write the perfect third act. 34 00:01:16,036 --> 00:01:17,287 Spoiler alert, Spielberg. 35 00:01:17,329 --> 00:01:18,872 Everyone fucking dies. 36 00:01:18,914 --> 00:01:21,208 - ♪ ♪ - Oh, come on with this shit! 37 00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:23,794 Hey, back from the gym. 38 00:01:23,836 --> 00:01:25,796 It's your boy, Sean! 39 00:01:25,838 --> 00:01:28,841 Hey there. From my heart into your living room, I'm Shawn. 40 00:01:28,882 --> 00:01:31,218 And me, I do things a little differently. 41 00:01:31,260 --> 00:01:33,136 I'm Shaun, but a girl. 42 00:01:33,178 --> 00:01:34,763 Together we're... 43 00:01:34,805 --> 00:01:36,807 Seans of Sunset. 44 00:01:36,849 --> 00:01:39,935 Do you think Shaun's gonna hook up with Sean or Shawn? 45 00:01:39,977 --> 00:01:42,437 - [groans] - Man! I thought you was off Melody. 46 00:01:42,479 --> 00:01:44,189 Bruh, please. Look, I'm Jill Scott. 47 00:01:44,231 --> 00:01:45,732 Living my life like it's golden. 48 00:01:45,774 --> 00:01:47,651 Besides I get to meet my hero 49 00:01:47,693 --> 00:01:49,528 Gloria Alvaro today. 50 00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:50,696 - [Dale/Truman/Benny] Who? - [groans] You guys, 51 00:01:50,737 --> 00:01:52,573 before Cesar Chavez was a street, 52 00:01:52,614 --> 00:01:54,867 he was an activist, and a block over 53 00:01:54,908 --> 00:01:56,702 from Cesar Chavez Boulevard 54 00:01:56,743 --> 00:01:58,662 is Gloria Alvaro Way. 55 00:01:58,704 --> 00:02:00,205 Yo, you're hyped about a bike lane? 56 00:02:00,247 --> 00:02:01,748 She is a side street. 57 00:02:01,790 --> 00:02:04,793 [Dale] [gasps] We're here! 58 00:02:04,835 --> 00:02:07,504 [Weston] Welcome to Fairfolks. 59 00:02:07,546 --> 00:02:09,256 - [Dale] Wow, look at all those wrinkles! - [Derica] They're so old! 60 00:02:09,298 --> 00:02:10,591 [Truman] Oh, my God! 61 00:02:10,632 --> 00:02:12,301 Man, fuck this place. 62 00:02:12,342 --> 00:02:14,303 ♪ Oh... ♪ 63 00:02:14,344 --> 00:02:15,888 - ♪ Waitin' for the... ♪ - ♪ Drop ♪ 64 00:02:15,929 --> 00:02:17,598 - ♪ Waitin' for... ♪ - ♪ The drop ♪ 65 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,309 - ♪ Waitin' for the ♪ - ♪ Oh... ♪ 66 00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:21,935 ♪ Waitin' for the ♪♪ 67 00:02:24,229 --> 00:02:26,857 [kid] Shotty the dude with no legs! 68 00:02:29,276 --> 00:02:30,402 [gasps] 69 00:02:30,444 --> 00:02:32,112 Why, hello there, young lady. 70 00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:33,530 Would you please point me in the direction 71 00:02:33,572 --> 00:02:35,657 - of the recreation room? - Certainly. 72 00:02:35,657 --> 00:02:37,951 Aah, there she is! 73 00:02:37,993 --> 00:02:40,829 Hola, Señora Alvaro. 74 00:02:40,871 --> 00:02:43,081 It's such an honor to meet you. 75 00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:45,834 I'm Derica. Your biggest fan. 76 00:02:45,876 --> 00:02:47,920 Then the honor is mine, chica. 77 00:02:47,961 --> 00:02:50,047 The work you did with the Montecito 78 00:02:50,088 --> 00:02:52,215 Grapefruit Farmer's Union inspired me 79 00:02:52,257 --> 00:02:54,551 and my friends to unionize against our parents. 80 00:02:54,593 --> 00:02:57,220 Damn, I know you can't rush the creative process, 81 00:02:57,262 --> 00:02:59,473 but I got to find my star quick! 82 00:02:59,514 --> 00:03:01,183 Mm, nah. 83 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:02,851 Nope. Boring. 84 00:03:02,893 --> 00:03:04,937 Hold up. 85 00:03:04,978 --> 00:03:06,438 ♪♪ 86 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,023 [gun firing] 87 00:03:08,065 --> 00:03:09,691 [eagle screeches] 88 00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:11,652 [laughing] Oh, 89 00:03:11,693 --> 00:03:13,570 this man has lived! 90 00:03:14,696 --> 00:03:17,616 - Sir, it would be such an honor to collab with you today. - Ooh! 91 00:03:17,658 --> 00:03:19,701 - My name's Truman. - Truman. 92 00:03:19,743 --> 00:03:22,537 That is a hot name, very presidential. 93 00:03:22,579 --> 00:03:25,082 Bernie Schwartz, at your service. 94 00:03:25,123 --> 00:03:27,000 If you don't mind, I'd like to jump right in. 95 00:03:27,042 --> 00:03:29,670 How did war change you? 96 00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:32,005 That's a little too funky for me. 97 00:03:32,047 --> 00:03:35,175 Yeah, I'm much more of a Perry Como man. 98 00:03:35,217 --> 00:03:37,678 I'm so sorry, sir, uh, let me re-phrase. 99 00:03:37,719 --> 00:03:40,305 How many wars have you fought in? 100 00:03:40,347 --> 00:03:41,890 Oh, yeah-- zip. 101 00:03:41,932 --> 00:03:43,475 Flat feet. Can't march. 102 00:03:43,517 --> 00:03:45,936 So, you're not a war hero 103 00:03:45,978 --> 00:03:48,188 filled with bittersweet regret? 104 00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:50,649 Bittersweet regret? Sure. 105 00:03:50,691 --> 00:03:53,193 But war hero? Eh, not so much. 106 00:03:53,235 --> 00:03:55,112 Uh-huh, that's cool. 107 00:03:55,153 --> 00:03:56,905 Okay, I'm gonna be right back. 108 00:03:56,947 --> 00:03:59,032 Yo P-Dub, you think I could trade up? 109 00:03:59,074 --> 00:04:00,534 This guy ain't it. 110 00:04:00,575 --> 00:04:02,035 I'm looking for somebody with more star power. 111 00:04:02,077 --> 00:04:03,662 That depends, Truman. 112 00:04:03,704 --> 00:04:05,414 - Can I get a quick follow? - Come on, man. 113 00:04:05,455 --> 00:04:07,916 It's social suicide. You know that. 114 00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:10,252 Then enjoy your sad bastard. 115 00:04:12,462 --> 00:04:14,673 Man, even the vending machines are old. 116 00:04:14,715 --> 00:04:17,467 The fuck is Medamucil? 117 00:04:17,509 --> 00:04:20,012 Hold up, I saw those same Hush Puppies 118 00:04:20,053 --> 00:04:22,472 sell for two hundo on Grailed yesterday. 119 00:04:22,514 --> 00:04:24,975 Wait a second. 120 00:04:25,017 --> 00:04:26,852 Vintage Hermes Belt? 121 00:04:26,893 --> 00:04:28,812 Swag. 122 00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:30,856 24-karat Versace sunnies? 123 00:04:30,897 --> 00:04:32,149 Swag! 124 00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:34,109 Louis V. trunks? 125 00:04:34,151 --> 00:04:36,820 Swagoo! 126 00:04:36,862 --> 00:04:38,196 Of course! 127 00:04:38,238 --> 00:04:40,157 Old people have old shit. 128 00:04:40,198 --> 00:04:42,117 This place is a fashion gold mine. 129 00:04:42,159 --> 00:04:43,660 I'm gonna swag the fuck out! 130 00:04:43,702 --> 00:04:44,745 [gasps] 131 00:04:47,122 --> 00:04:49,332 Who is that? 132 00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:51,376 That's Albert. 133 00:04:51,418 --> 00:04:53,253 Well, your boy Albert's wearing 134 00:04:53,295 --> 00:04:56,757 1886 raw selvedge denim red tab Levi's. 135 00:04:56,798 --> 00:04:58,925 I get my hands on those jeans 136 00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:01,553 and my kids are gonna be born verified. 137 00:05:03,055 --> 00:05:06,308 And that is a Connect Four. 138 00:05:07,684 --> 00:05:10,562 You're pretty good at this game, kid. 139 00:05:10,604 --> 00:05:13,523 Anybody ever tell you you're special? 140 00:05:13,565 --> 00:05:15,275 [chuckles] You bet. 141 00:05:15,317 --> 00:05:17,402 My mom and dad make sure I hear it every single day. 142 00:05:17,444 --> 00:05:19,529 Call me Uncle Mendy. 143 00:05:19,571 --> 00:05:20,947 I'd love to. 144 00:05:20,989 --> 00:05:22,991 Always happy to add another unk to the roster. 145 00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:26,870 Dale, why don't you join me in the player's lounge downstairs? 146 00:05:26,912 --> 00:05:30,624 I think you'll find the competition to be of... 147 00:05:30,665 --> 00:05:32,542 higher caliber. 148 00:05:32,584 --> 00:05:34,544 Wow. Sounds great, Uncle Mendy. 149 00:05:34,586 --> 00:05:36,880 Wait, how'd you know my name? 150 00:05:36,922 --> 00:05:39,758 You've been arrested 22 times 151 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,219 for civil disobedience. I'd love to make today 152 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:45,138 number 23. Here are some protest ideas 153 00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:48,475 - in ascending order from... - You're a fiery little thing, aren't you? 154 00:05:48,517 --> 00:05:50,769 - Come, now. Sit. - Oh, you're right. 155 00:05:50,811 --> 00:05:53,105 Posters first, then we break out. 156 00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:56,108 I brought blank signs, markers, Molotov cocktails. 157 00:05:56,149 --> 00:05:59,152 Ay! Cálmate, mija. My favorite show is on. 158 00:05:59,194 --> 00:06:01,947 - [woman screams] - Ooh! Is it a four-part docu-series 159 00:06:01,988 --> 00:06:04,908 about a little-known genocide narrated by Idris Elba? 160 00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:08,161 Oh, it's a docu-series all right. 161 00:06:08,203 --> 00:06:10,372 ♪ ♪ 162 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,374 This is your favorite show? 163 00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:15,919 [gasps] Do I hear Seans? Oh, my God, freaking love. 164 00:06:15,961 --> 00:06:19,005 [both] You're on PST now-- Pacific Sean Time! 165 00:06:19,047 --> 00:06:20,215 Aah! I love it! 166 00:06:20,257 --> 00:06:22,425 You're literally my new idol. 167 00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:23,885 But wait! 168 00:06:23,927 --> 00:06:25,595 I thought we were going to... 169 00:06:25,637 --> 00:06:27,514 One more episode, 170 00:06:27,556 --> 00:06:29,558 then we topple the patriarchy. 171 00:06:29,599 --> 00:06:31,601 ♪ ♪ 172 00:06:31,643 --> 00:06:34,521 Okay, Bern, your favorite color is beige, 173 00:06:34,563 --> 00:06:36,064 you find music distracting 174 00:06:36,106 --> 00:06:37,899 and you spent your entire career 175 00:06:37,941 --> 00:06:40,110 doing security for a cotton ball factory. 176 00:06:40,152 --> 00:06:41,945 Bingo bango, that's me. 177 00:06:41,987 --> 00:06:44,531 Damn, B. You're like if oatmeal was a person. 178 00:06:44,573 --> 00:06:47,367 We got to add some more brown sugar to this shit. 179 00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:51,705 - [sighs] - Wait a minute. 180 00:06:51,746 --> 00:06:53,415 Was that the longing sigh of a protagonist 181 00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:56,710 in search of love? I think it was. 182 00:06:56,751 --> 00:06:58,378 Well, between you and me, 183 00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:00,797 - it's been a while. - Oh! 184 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:02,716 We just found your third act, B. 185 00:07:02,757 --> 00:07:05,010 I'm Hitch and you're Paul Blart. 186 00:07:05,051 --> 00:07:07,345 You're a hopeless romantic and I'm the expert 187 00:07:07,387 --> 00:07:10,056 who teaches you how to mack-- it's a perfect story. 188 00:07:10,098 --> 00:07:12,142 And I'm finally gonna finish something. 189 00:07:12,184 --> 00:07:13,810 Oh, what was that? 190 00:07:13,852 --> 00:07:15,520 Venezuelan pee-pee pill. 191 00:07:15,562 --> 00:07:19,482 In 90 minutes my average-sized penis is gonna be rock hard. 192 00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:21,401 Ticking clock. 193 00:07:21,443 --> 00:07:24,196 Love where your head's at. Let's do this! 194 00:07:24,237 --> 00:07:26,656 Yo, you ever fuck with one of those boner pills, Quattro? 195 00:07:26,698 --> 00:07:30,035 Nah, nah. My boy Derise took one and he exploded! 196 00:07:30,076 --> 00:07:33,205 Aite, B, we just got to find you a match. 197 00:07:33,246 --> 00:07:35,081 I'm not really sure how anybody did it 198 00:07:35,123 --> 00:07:37,667 before dating apps, so we just gonna swipe IRL. 199 00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:40,503 When you see somebody you like, swipe right. 200 00:07:40,545 --> 00:07:42,923 If you want to ditch her, swipe left. 201 00:07:42,964 --> 00:07:44,925 How about... 202 00:07:44,966 --> 00:07:46,468 that old lady over there? 203 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,178 [Bernie] Blech! Left. 204 00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:49,554 Fine. Aite. 205 00:07:49,596 --> 00:07:51,223 Ooh. Wait. 206 00:07:51,264 --> 00:07:54,100 How about that chick with the fire curls? 207 00:07:54,142 --> 00:07:56,436 [Bernie] Christ, no. 208 00:07:56,478 --> 00:07:59,314 I've seen better legs on furniture. 209 00:07:59,356 --> 00:08:02,692 Hold up B-Dawg, am I detecting a hint of savage-ness? 210 00:08:02,734 --> 00:08:04,945 Excuse me, sir. 211 00:08:04,986 --> 00:08:06,321 I have standards. 212 00:08:06,363 --> 00:08:08,240 Well, look, bro, it's time to lower them. 213 00:08:08,281 --> 00:08:10,450 You're a straight-up egg on legs. 214 00:08:10,492 --> 00:08:14,079 You look like Humpty Dumpty's ugly brother, Bob Dumpty. 215 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,747 Whoa! Go right! 216 00:08:15,789 --> 00:08:17,540 Go right! R-I-G-H-T. 217 00:08:17,582 --> 00:08:19,834 [Truman] Damn, bro. 218 00:08:19,876 --> 00:08:21,378 Elegant choice. 219 00:08:21,419 --> 00:08:22,921 Who's this? 220 00:08:22,963 --> 00:08:24,506 That's Joyce, the new girl. 221 00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:26,049 One night at Pechanga with her 222 00:08:26,091 --> 00:08:28,176 and I will die a happy man. 223 00:08:28,218 --> 00:08:30,679 Shit, if my man says she's the one, 224 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,639 she's the one. 225 00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:35,267 Hello there. 226 00:08:35,308 --> 00:08:37,352 I'm but an innocent middle-schooler 227 00:08:37,394 --> 00:08:40,063 collecting clothing donations for a good cause. 228 00:08:40,105 --> 00:08:42,941 Oh, goody. I've got some bags. 229 00:08:44,776 --> 00:08:46,486 Yeah, no. 230 00:08:46,528 --> 00:08:48,363 I'm only collecting raw denim. 231 00:08:48,405 --> 00:08:50,657 There's a shortage in... Paraguay. 232 00:08:50,699 --> 00:08:52,534 It's super sad. 233 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,452 Raw denim, hmm, hmm? 234 00:08:54,494 --> 00:08:56,705 Afraid I got nothing for you, then. 235 00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:58,790 Okay, guess I'll be on my... Wait a minute. 236 00:08:58,832 --> 00:09:01,084 Just noticing your jeans, sir. 237 00:09:01,126 --> 00:09:03,628 Um, they'd be perfect for the little... 238 00:09:03,670 --> 00:09:06,423 Paraguayanosies? 239 00:09:06,464 --> 00:09:09,884 These? My 1886 Levi's red tabs? 240 00:09:09,926 --> 00:09:11,886 Oh, my God! Is that what they are? 241 00:09:11,928 --> 00:09:14,097 Not a chance, kid. 242 00:09:14,139 --> 00:09:16,141 I built the Golden Gate Bridge in these jeans. 243 00:09:16,182 --> 00:09:18,351 I got married in these jeans. 244 00:09:18,393 --> 00:09:21,730 And I'm gonna die in these jeans. 245 00:09:21,771 --> 00:09:23,940 Sir. Please. If not for me, 246 00:09:23,982 --> 00:09:26,818 do it for all those poor Pellegrinos. 247 00:09:26,860 --> 00:09:29,279 Okay, wait a second. 248 00:09:29,321 --> 00:09:32,824 I think I have another pair lying around here somewhere. 249 00:09:32,866 --> 00:09:35,994 Psych. Get the fuck out of here, you little bitch. 250 00:09:36,036 --> 00:09:37,662 [Truman] I'm not about to sugarcoat this shit. 251 00:09:37,704 --> 00:09:39,164 We are punching above our weight class 252 00:09:39,205 --> 00:09:40,582 and you need to level up. 253 00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:42,167 That's what the pill is for. 254 00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:43,877 That pill ain't gonna do anything until 255 00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:45,670 we clean up the full package. 256 00:09:45,712 --> 00:09:47,130 - ♪ ♪ - Hey! 257 00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:49,924 It's time for your makeover montage. 258 00:09:49,966 --> 00:09:51,426 Are you psyched? Ooh! 259 00:09:51,468 --> 00:09:53,762 This is always the best part of the rom-com. 260 00:09:53,803 --> 00:09:55,764 I've only got one suit. 261 00:09:55,805 --> 00:09:57,057 [music stops] 262 00:09:57,098 --> 00:09:58,558 But I've got seven hats. 263 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,852 Hit 'em with the hat montage. 264 00:10:00,894 --> 00:10:02,687 ♪ I can't say no ♪ 265 00:10:03,938 --> 00:10:05,982 ♪ I can't say no ♪ 266 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:09,819 - ♪ When you touch me ♪ - ♪ I can't say no ♪ 267 00:10:10,987 --> 00:10:13,782 - ♪ When you hold me ♪ - ♪ I can't say no ♪♪ 268 00:10:18,953 --> 00:10:21,539 Hey, look at this-- I am a hottie. 269 00:10:21,581 --> 00:10:24,167 You look sharp, Bern. 270 00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:26,378 Now all we need is a big romantic gesture 271 00:10:26,419 --> 00:10:28,380 to convince Joyce that you're her leading man. 272 00:10:28,421 --> 00:10:30,131 As long as we do it fast. 273 00:10:30,173 --> 00:10:33,051 We're about 30 minutes away from Pechanga time. 274 00:10:33,093 --> 00:10:35,095 What'd I tell ya, Dale? 275 00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:37,680 22-long, just like I said. 276 00:10:37,722 --> 00:10:38,932 Disco! 277 00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:40,642 How's the wife, baby? 278 00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:42,352 - Ha ha! Man, she cool. - [♪ The Belle Stars: "Iko Iko"] 279 00:10:42,394 --> 00:10:43,520 And how's the girlfriend? 280 00:10:43,561 --> 00:10:45,980 - Oh, ho, ho, ho! - [chuckles] Yeah. 281 00:10:46,022 --> 00:10:47,982 ♪ Hey, now, hey, now ♪ 282 00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:50,735 ♪ Iko iko an nay... 283 00:10:50,777 --> 00:10:53,071 After you, little man. 284 00:10:53,113 --> 00:10:54,739 ♪ Jockomo feena nay ♪ 285 00:10:54,781 --> 00:10:56,908 ♪ ♪ 286 00:11:01,871 --> 00:11:03,957 ♪ My flag boy and your flag boy ♪ 287 00:11:03,998 --> 00:11:06,418 ♪ Sitting by the fire ♪ 288 00:11:06,459 --> 00:11:08,670 - Holy smokes! - ♪ My flag boys says to your flag boy ♪ 289 00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:11,673 ♪ "I'm gonna set your flag on fire," talking 'bout hey, now... 290 00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:14,342 - [crowd exclaims] - [applause] 291 00:11:14,384 --> 00:11:15,969 You like apple juice, Dale? 292 00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:17,720 Sure you do. 293 00:11:17,762 --> 00:11:20,181 Trish, two fingers of apple juice 294 00:11:20,223 --> 00:11:22,725 for my boy Dale. Straight up. 295 00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:24,394 The game is Connect Four, gentlemen. 296 00:11:24,436 --> 00:11:27,021 - $1,000 chips. - Wait, what?! 297 00:11:27,063 --> 00:11:28,898 Deal 'em up, baby! 298 00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:31,067 Now, I know people say "less is more," 299 00:11:31,109 --> 00:11:33,778 but I'm more of a "more is more" kind of person. 300 00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,071 I don't know, Truman. 301 00:11:35,113 --> 00:11:36,489 This feels very risky. 302 00:11:36,531 --> 00:11:38,700 Like love itself, B. 303 00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:40,493 Now, let's go over the plan one more time. 304 00:11:40,535 --> 00:11:42,120 You float up to Joyce's window, 305 00:11:42,162 --> 00:11:44,456 hold the cards like I showed you, and then... 306 00:11:44,497 --> 00:11:46,833 [singsongy] serenade her. 307 00:11:46,875 --> 00:11:47,959 And then, boom-- 308 00:11:48,001 --> 00:11:49,502 you float down with a date. 309 00:11:49,544 --> 00:11:51,045 And then it's Pechanga time, right? 310 00:11:51,087 --> 00:11:52,714 Look, I'm gonna die soon, 311 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:54,966 and I'd like to get one of my nuts off. 312 00:11:55,008 --> 00:11:56,801 This is about love, Bernie. 313 00:11:56,843 --> 00:11:59,387 Listen to this, not that. 314 00:12:01,347 --> 00:12:02,807 [whoops] 315 00:12:06,519 --> 00:12:09,147 She's reading a dang periodical. 316 00:12:09,189 --> 00:12:10,690 Oh, shit. Uh, quick, 317 00:12:10,732 --> 00:12:12,317 pivot to the serenade. 318 00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:15,945 ♪ You're the fuckin' best ♪ 319 00:12:15,987 --> 00:12:18,239 ♪ The best I ever had ♪♪ 320 00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:21,534 - You thinking what I'm thinking? - [chuckles] 321 00:12:21,576 --> 00:12:23,703 - Pop-pop, motherfucker! - Aah! 322 00:12:23,745 --> 00:12:25,663 - [grunts] - [groans] 323 00:12:25,705 --> 00:12:28,750 Face it, Truman, I am not cut out for this dame. 324 00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,960 Let's quit while I'm still in one piece. 325 00:12:31,002 --> 00:12:32,670 We can't quit, Bernie. 326 00:12:32,712 --> 00:12:34,964 We need to finish this story. 327 00:12:35,006 --> 00:12:36,841 I need to finish something. 328 00:12:36,883 --> 00:12:39,761 Why can't I just ask her out like the good ol' days? 329 00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:42,138 Huh. It's unconventional. 330 00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:45,391 It's not very visual. But it just might work. 331 00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:47,185 Great! I'm gonna tell her 332 00:12:47,227 --> 00:12:50,063 that I'm gonna mash my face in her beaver. 333 00:12:50,104 --> 00:12:51,606 All right, actually, B? 334 00:12:51,648 --> 00:12:53,316 I'm just gonna take this one. 335 00:12:54,776 --> 00:12:57,403 Does Sean know that I'm hooking up with Shaun? 336 00:12:57,445 --> 00:12:59,864 No, but what Sean don't know 337 00:12:59,906 --> 00:13:02,283 won't Shaun him. 338 00:13:02,325 --> 00:13:04,619 - [giggles] - Shawn W. is a sloppy pandejo 339 00:13:04,661 --> 00:13:07,330 and deserves everything that's coming to him. 340 00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:09,499 You are such a bitch 341 00:13:09,541 --> 00:13:11,751 and I am here for it. I got to share this 342 00:13:11,793 --> 00:13:14,087 with my Harpsichords. 343 00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:16,089 Gloria, this show is great-- 344 00:13:16,130 --> 00:13:18,591 I love it, can't get enough-- but it's 1:00 p.m. 345 00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:21,761 - and we haven't done... - This place doesn't have TiVo, sweetie. 346 00:13:21,803 --> 00:13:24,264 - Every word counts. - [sighs] 347 00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:26,432 Okay, make it quick. 348 00:13:26,474 --> 00:13:29,561 You have until the end of this mesothelioma commercial. 349 00:13:29,602 --> 00:13:31,312 I-It's just... 350 00:13:31,354 --> 00:13:33,523 I called dibs on you today because I wanted 351 00:13:33,565 --> 00:13:35,400 to torch Eric Garcetti's house. 352 00:13:35,441 --> 00:13:37,819 Not sit around, watching a bunch of Seans. 353 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:41,698 Easy, Derica. If you don't take a breath every once in a while, 354 00:13:41,739 --> 00:13:43,783 you'll burn yourself out. 355 00:13:43,825 --> 00:13:46,202 But w-we-we want to change the world. 356 00:13:46,244 --> 00:13:48,746 We can't take a day off. We have to grind! 357 00:13:48,788 --> 00:13:51,416 We have to fight! We have to drop a diss track 358 00:13:51,457 --> 00:13:53,960 with Malala and Noname on KCRW. 359 00:13:54,002 --> 00:13:56,754 Life is about balance, mija. 360 00:13:56,796 --> 00:13:59,966 You can't fill someone else's cup if yours is empty. 361 00:14:00,758 --> 00:14:03,678 - [shutter clicks] - [sighs] Being verified is work, girl. 362 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:07,098 Who else is deeply stressed and needs a mask? 363 00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:09,017 I've never tried one before. 364 00:14:09,058 --> 00:14:10,560 Oh, yeah, I can tell. 365 00:14:10,602 --> 00:14:13,646 No offense, but you have a lot of fine lines. 366 00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:17,233 - You in? - Um, aren't these made with all sorts of impurities? 367 00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:19,611 Don't be such a Sean B. 368 00:14:19,652 --> 00:14:22,822 [chanting] Face mask! Face mask! Face mask! 369 00:14:22,864 --> 00:14:24,782 Oh, all right, all right. 370 00:14:24,824 --> 00:14:26,784 Give me the one with the purifying hydrangea. 371 00:14:26,826 --> 00:14:28,786 [knocking] 372 00:14:28,828 --> 00:14:30,997 Afternoon, Albert. It's me, Kyle the orderly. 373 00:14:31,039 --> 00:14:32,540 It's time for your sponge bath. 374 00:14:32,582 --> 00:14:34,250 Yippee! Ha, ha. 375 00:14:34,292 --> 00:14:35,877 Strip down. Pants off. 376 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,087 Oh, no. Check the chart. 377 00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:39,631 I don't do legs. 378 00:14:39,672 --> 00:14:41,758 I'm a top-only guy. 379 00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:43,676 Son of a bitch. 380 00:14:43,718 --> 00:14:45,053 Jesus, man. 381 00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:46,804 Make sure you get 382 00:14:46,846 --> 00:14:49,390 - under the skin tags, okay? - [groans] 383 00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:52,602 Hi. 384 00:14:52,644 --> 00:14:54,312 Hi. Uh, I'm Berman. 385 00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:56,522 I mean, Trunie. I mean I'm here 386 00:14:56,564 --> 00:15:00,068 to talk to you on behalf of that man, Bernie. 387 00:15:00,109 --> 00:15:02,362 Bernie's a simple guy, and you're obviously 388 00:15:02,403 --> 00:15:04,697 a very beautiful and sophisticated woman, 389 00:15:04,739 --> 00:15:06,991 but it would be a dream come true 390 00:15:07,033 --> 00:15:08,785 if he could just take you to dinner at whatever 391 00:15:08,826 --> 00:15:11,120 bunk-ass cafeteria y'all eat at. 392 00:15:11,162 --> 00:15:12,789 Okay. 393 00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:14,332 Really? Damn! 394 00:15:14,374 --> 00:15:16,709 That was so easy. Dinner's at 4:00. 395 00:15:16,751 --> 00:15:18,586 No. No, no. 396 00:15:18,628 --> 00:15:20,672 I didn't mean "okay" as in "yes." 397 00:15:20,713 --> 00:15:22,715 I was processing. 398 00:15:22,757 --> 00:15:25,927 If I'm being honest, I have some questions about his character. 399 00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:28,054 And if I'm being honest, I really need this. 400 00:15:28,096 --> 00:15:30,932 I-I... Uh, Bernie has the Truman stamp of approval. 401 00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:33,810 You're gonna have a great time with him. It's my guarantee. 402 00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:35,770 Hmm. [chuckles] 403 00:15:35,812 --> 00:15:37,605 You're cute. Well, if you approve, 404 00:15:37,647 --> 00:15:39,232 I'll give him a shot. 405 00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,442 Oh, my God! Thank you so much. 406 00:15:41,484 --> 00:15:44,529 I promise you, it's gone be the best date of your life. 407 00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:46,280 [whoops] 408 00:15:46,322 --> 00:15:49,200 [Dale] One. A two. A three. 409 00:15:49,242 --> 00:15:51,035 - Connect four, baby! - [crowd cheering] 410 00:15:51,077 --> 00:15:53,287 [robot voice] Bee-boo, I'm a connecting machine. 411 00:15:53,329 --> 00:15:54,622 [laughs] 412 00:15:54,664 --> 00:15:56,874 Trish, get another round of apple juice, huh? 413 00:15:56,916 --> 00:15:58,167 Doing great, Dale. 414 00:15:58,209 --> 00:16:00,795 You got Agnes the Tooth next. 415 00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:03,923 Child's play, Uncle Mendy. 416 00:16:03,965 --> 00:16:05,466 I'll be done with her in six moves, tops. 417 00:16:05,508 --> 00:16:06,718 Easy peasy lemon... 418 00:16:06,759 --> 00:16:08,761 - You're taking a dive. - Squeeze me? 419 00:16:08,803 --> 00:16:10,763 You worked up the odds, kid. 420 00:16:10,805 --> 00:16:12,974 It's 40 to one against Agnes. 421 00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,143 If she wins, the corner room 422 00:16:15,184 --> 00:16:17,603 on the third floor is mine! 423 00:16:17,645 --> 00:16:20,565 You want me to lose? But I have to connect four. 424 00:16:20,606 --> 00:16:21,649 Look at me, kid. 425 00:16:21,691 --> 00:16:25,111 You ain't connecting shit. 426 00:16:26,362 --> 00:16:27,739 [laughs] 427 00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:30,241 Albert, you lej, no more games. 428 00:16:30,283 --> 00:16:31,993 The jeans are yours, man. 429 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:34,245 I'm simply here to propose a toast. 430 00:16:34,287 --> 00:16:35,997 That's mighty kind of you. 431 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,541 Albert, five minutes to nap time. 432 00:16:38,583 --> 00:16:42,378 To you, a true fashion O.G. 433 00:16:47,967 --> 00:16:50,720 You're gonna have to do better than that, boy. 434 00:16:50,762 --> 00:16:53,139 It's time for both our naps. 435 00:16:53,181 --> 00:16:54,932 Nighty-night. 436 00:16:54,974 --> 00:16:59,270 [scoffs] Yo, you think a little NyQuil can stop me? 437 00:16:59,312 --> 00:17:02,148 Bro, I've been drinking lean since the fourth gra... 438 00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:06,402 I got to say, you've got some BDE right now. 439 00:17:06,444 --> 00:17:08,446 Some Big Diaper Energy. 440 00:17:08,488 --> 00:17:11,282 I feel great. You did it, Truman. 441 00:17:11,324 --> 00:17:12,742 I did do it, huh? 442 00:17:12,784 --> 00:17:13,993 Hey, you know what, B? 443 00:17:14,035 --> 00:17:15,661 We should collab more often. 444 00:17:15,703 --> 00:17:17,413 ♪ ♪ 445 00:17:19,582 --> 00:17:20,666 What the fuck? 446 00:17:20,708 --> 00:17:23,127 Even activists need me time. 447 00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:25,254 BTW 448 00:17:25,296 --> 00:17:26,297 Your old guy has 449 00:17:26,339 --> 00:17:28,090 a massive boner. 450 00:17:28,591 --> 00:17:30,134 Oh, Jesus! 451 00:17:30,176 --> 00:17:32,011 - [indistinct chatter] - [laughter] 452 00:17:36,182 --> 00:17:38,851 Okay, there. Just remember everything we went over. 453 00:17:38,893 --> 00:17:40,937 Listen, nod... 454 00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:42,647 Don't mention Pechanga. 455 00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:44,774 I got you. 456 00:17:44,816 --> 00:17:46,567 [gasps] 457 00:17:46,609 --> 00:17:48,903 Ah, bonjour, madame. 458 00:17:48,945 --> 00:17:50,363 Right this way. 459 00:17:52,323 --> 00:17:54,158 Oh, thank you. 460 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,745 My boy wasn't even a supporting character in his own life. 461 00:17:57,787 --> 00:18:00,957 Now he's a rock-hard leading man. 462 00:18:00,998 --> 00:18:02,500 I'm looking for a man named Bernie. 463 00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:04,085 Have you seen him? 464 00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:06,754 Uh, I'm sorry, who are you? 465 00:18:06,796 --> 00:18:08,130 I'm Rose. 466 00:18:08,172 --> 00:18:09,715 Bernie's wife. 467 00:18:09,757 --> 00:18:11,467 Oh, damn! 468 00:18:11,509 --> 00:18:13,010 Plot twist! 469 00:18:13,052 --> 00:18:15,012 That was really refreshing. 470 00:18:15,054 --> 00:18:18,266 Look, I'm sorry I was a little uptight earlier. 471 00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:20,393 I'm still working on the whole relaxation thing. 472 00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:23,145 You should really try knitting. 473 00:18:23,187 --> 00:18:24,689 - I knit these, like, little hats - [snoring lightly] 474 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:27,024 for Syrian orphan babies. My therapist said it would, 475 00:18:27,066 --> 00:18:28,860 like, help me cope with anxiety 476 00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:30,778 and it's good for my brand, so... 477 00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:32,738 You want to knit one? 478 00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:35,032 OMG! Um, yeah. 479 00:18:36,951 --> 00:18:38,703 I'm sorry. You can't go in there. 480 00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:41,247 Somebody spilled their Jell-O and the floor is just... 481 00:18:41,289 --> 00:18:44,000 You think you're Bernie's first little romance boy? 482 00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:46,168 Schools come through here weekly. 483 00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,671 Bernie always manages to find some poor sucker 484 00:18:48,713 --> 00:18:49,881 to help him get laid. 485 00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:52,300 Bernie has other directors in his life? 486 00:18:52,341 --> 00:18:54,427 Bernard, a word. 487 00:18:54,468 --> 00:18:55,928 Oh, boy. 488 00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:58,139 Uh-uh! No, no, no, no, no. 489 00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,099 You don't "oh, boy" her. 490 00:19:00,141 --> 00:19:02,560 You "oh, boy" me, homie! 491 00:19:02,602 --> 00:19:04,979 I gave you everything today! 492 00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:06,731 Including my stamp of approval! 493 00:19:06,772 --> 00:19:09,609 Oh, I don't just hand that out, man. 494 00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:12,653 And I've had it up to here with your bull... 495 00:19:12,695 --> 00:19:14,030 Actually, Rose, do you mind? 496 00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:15,698 I just want to finish my thought really quick. 497 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:17,783 You know what I thought of you when we met? 498 00:19:17,825 --> 00:19:19,160 Not much, bruh! 499 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,537 But we created something special. 500 00:19:21,579 --> 00:19:24,957 And it really looked like we was about to stick the landing. 501 00:19:24,999 --> 00:19:26,959 Our story meant something to me. 502 00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:28,669 But I guess... 503 00:19:28,711 --> 00:19:30,755 I guess it meant nothing to you. 504 00:19:30,796 --> 00:19:32,632 Truman, you know I love you, 505 00:19:32,673 --> 00:19:34,508 but you got a thick skull. 506 00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:36,344 Life isn't a movie. 507 00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:38,054 You can't force love. 508 00:19:38,095 --> 00:19:41,015 You got to take what you can get when you can get it, buddy. 509 00:19:41,057 --> 00:19:43,559 - [woman screams] - Jesus, Bernie. 510 00:19:43,601 --> 00:19:44,977 Oh, my God. 511 00:19:45,019 --> 00:19:47,605 Ah, well, we might as well put your stupid ding-dong 512 00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:50,149 - to use while we got it. - Pechanga time, baby! 513 00:19:50,191 --> 00:19:51,859 [whoops] 514 00:19:51,901 --> 00:19:55,112 - [sighs] - Do you want to go halfsies on this tuna? 515 00:19:55,154 --> 00:19:56,656 [indistinct chatter] 516 00:20:01,077 --> 00:20:04,664 Don't even think about it. 517 00:20:16,175 --> 00:20:18,678 Chanel Number Five. 518 00:20:18,719 --> 00:20:20,346 Swag. 519 00:20:20,388 --> 00:20:22,473 [gasps] That son of a bitch!! 520 00:20:22,515 --> 00:20:24,558 All right, Albert, enough's enough! 521 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,185 Albert? 522 00:20:28,062 --> 00:20:30,064 Albert! Oh, no. 523 00:20:30,106 --> 00:20:31,941 - What have I done?! - Oh, honey. 524 00:20:31,983 --> 00:20:34,694 Albert died peacefully in his sleep. 525 00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,028 It was his time. 526 00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:37,822 He was 139. 527 00:20:37,863 --> 00:20:39,407 Yeah, that tracks. 528 00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:42,243 May I have a moment alone with the departed? 529 00:20:44,203 --> 00:20:46,205 You were my greatest foe, Albert. 530 00:20:46,247 --> 00:20:49,083 Without you, the hustle just won't be the same. 531 00:20:49,125 --> 00:20:50,960 Goodbye, Albert. 532 00:20:51,002 --> 00:20:53,921 Goodbye, sick-as-fuck jeans. 533 00:20:53,963 --> 00:20:56,590 Air it out, old man. You earned it. 534 00:20:56,632 --> 00:20:58,092 Oh, wait. 535 00:20:58,134 --> 00:21:00,678 Just sign that. 536 00:21:01,679 --> 00:21:04,473 I got to say, Joyce, if this is what you look like now, 537 00:21:04,515 --> 00:21:07,309 I'd kill to see what you looked like when you were 13. 538 00:21:07,351 --> 00:21:09,228 More cranberry juice? 539 00:21:09,270 --> 00:21:11,772 I hear it helps to prevent old people UTIs. 540 00:21:11,814 --> 00:21:13,399 [laughs] 541 00:21:13,441 --> 00:21:15,484 Truman, you're a delight. 542 00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:17,319 Is there anything you can't do? 543 00:21:17,361 --> 00:21:19,071 I'm ashamed to tell you this, Joyce, 544 00:21:19,113 --> 00:21:21,407 but I've never finished a project in my life. 545 00:21:21,449 --> 00:21:23,242 And I'm almost 14! 546 00:21:23,284 --> 00:21:25,578 Aw, you're being too hard on yourself, Trunie. 547 00:21:25,619 --> 00:21:27,413 And you did finish something. 548 00:21:27,455 --> 00:21:30,458 In fact, you delivered on exactly what you said you would. 549 00:21:30,499 --> 00:21:33,419 You gave me the best date of my life. 550 00:21:33,461 --> 00:21:36,297 [gasps] It was never Bernie's third act I was writing. 551 00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:37,715 It was yours. 552 00:21:37,757 --> 00:21:38,716 That's right. 553 00:21:38,758 --> 00:21:41,260 I just Hitched my own damn self! 554 00:21:41,302 --> 00:21:43,012 Classic Truman. 555 00:21:44,263 --> 00:21:46,265 May I have this dance, young man? 556 00:21:46,307 --> 00:21:48,809 Enchanté, mademoiselle. 557 00:21:48,851 --> 00:21:51,228 ♪ ♪ 558 00:21:55,191 --> 00:21:56,317 [laughs] 559 00:22:11,499 --> 00:22:13,417 What a day. 560 00:22:13,459 --> 00:22:15,211 How were your protests? 561 00:22:18,005 --> 00:22:20,424 Ah. Really relaxing, actually. 562 00:22:20,466 --> 00:22:22,343 Hey, how was your guy, Benny? 563 00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:24,720 - Eh, not so great. He dead. - Oh! 564 00:22:24,762 --> 00:22:26,055 Where is Dale? 565 00:22:26,097 --> 00:22:27,640 Man, you know Dale. 566 00:22:27,681 --> 00:22:29,016 He's probably having the time of his life 567 00:22:29,058 --> 00:22:30,601 weaving baskets or some shit. 568 00:22:31,644 --> 00:22:33,270 Wait! Wait! 569 00:22:33,312 --> 00:22:34,730 Stop the Busla! 570 00:22:37,942 --> 00:22:41,028 You think you can run away from Uncle Mendy, kid? 571 00:22:41,070 --> 00:22:44,240 I got eyes everywhere. 572 00:22:44,281 --> 00:22:46,700 Throw me a follow and you're on. 573 00:22:46,742 --> 00:22:49,203 Can I just, like, follow you on Facebook maybe? 574 00:22:49,245 --> 00:22:51,247 No, it's got to be Insta. 575 00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:53,791 Okay, okay, God! 576 00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:55,126 [chuckles] 577 00:22:56,418 --> 00:22:59,588 Ah, welcome aboard, DalesTrailz. 578 00:22:59,630 --> 00:23:03,008 Die, cherry blossoms, die! 579 00:23:04,593 --> 00:23:06,095 Dale Rubin 580 00:23:06,137 --> 00:23:08,764 of Fairfax Middle School, 581 00:23:08,806 --> 00:23:12,643 you made a powerful enemy today. 582 00:23:14,061 --> 00:23:17,690 [Benny grunting] 583 00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:18,858 [clang] 584 00:23:18,899 --> 00:23:20,484 Got you, bitch! 585 00:23:21,986 --> 00:23:23,279 [laughs] 586 00:23:24,321 --> 00:23:27,032 The jeans are mine! 587 00:23:27,074 --> 00:23:28,951 No. No, my denim. 588 00:23:28,993 --> 00:23:30,911 Damn you, Albert. 589 00:23:30,953 --> 00:23:33,414 Damn you! 590 00:23:34,790 --> 00:23:36,792 ♪ The block is hot ♪ 591 00:23:46,010 --> 00:23:48,012 ♪ The block is hot ♪ 592 00:23:57,188 --> 00:23:59,190 ♪ The block is hot ♪ 593 00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:11,076 ♪ The block is hot ♪♪ 594 00:24:21,837 --> 00:24:23,797 Chirp.