You need to know from the get-go, this is about nothing.
Just a geometrical contradiction.
The story of a dumb, round planet revolving aimlessly
around a dumb, round sun burning aimlessly.
The story of a round belly
purposefully containing a round, gooey thing.
That becomes an un-gooey thing.
That looks at lots of round things.
The rounds of freedom.
Sophie's round dots.
Samantha's round rounds.
As round as people's round glasses.
Round.
It's also the tale of a curve going straight
and becoming a rigid angle.
A square squishing a round with the rule book.
A squared-off morality tale.
Square education.
Like square food at school,
college, university...
Square to the jaw like...
It's over!
As square as square people's glasses.
Here we go.
Square games.
Square office life.
Square. Like your father's cancer.
Square.
So we come to the contradictory aspect of our story.
Of the few things we can be sure of,
there is one even the worst skeptics cannot call into question.
A square peg never fits in a round hole.
Never.
And vice-versa.
Morning, everybody.
Morning.
What about your cortisone?
I stopped. I get so bloated.
But it stops you sleeping all day.
Rest assured, honey, you're already fat.
You can bloat all you want, it's like tennis socks in boots.
Nobody will notice.
I'll take it.
What's on the agenda today?
Playing Candy Crush on the couch.
No, not playing Candy Crush on the couch.
I have my meeting with HR this afternoon.
- It's today? - At 3.
Six months waiting and you sit on it all weekend?
I forgot it.
- Forgot? - I didn't think.
I didn't want to think about it.
Come on, kids, let's go.
Have a good day, son.
I wanna die.
Obviously. It's your acne. You'll be over it by lunch.
I hate you.
Obviously, too.
You good?
Let's go!
It doesn't matter.
Stuff happens.
Maybe it was too early.
No? I don't know.
What do you think?
SINK OR SWIM
One.
Two.
Grace. Elegance.
Five, six, seven, eight!
We can go, I'm ready.
Swimmer wanted to join men's synchronized swim team.
Amateurs welcome.
The teacher said I didn't talk.
After, I did somersaults.
It was really good.
And flips and things.
The teacher said I had to leave class...
There's no federation, league or whatever.
I guess we could start one if we write letters
to someone somewhere.
We never discussed it much
'cause we don't give a damn.
Practice times depend on school days and the water polo club.
Mondays, it's at 6:30.
Thursdays at 7,
but you can arrive ten minutes later if you want.
It's no problem.
We do it for fun, after all.
It's not the army.
It's just a little...
I'm Thierry but you can call me Titi.
No, Thierry's fine.
I don't know why I said that. Nobody calls me Titi.
It's like, you big boob, right?
Yes, for sure.
I'm thrilled you answered the ad. You'll see, we're one big family.
Not a real family, but kind of.
Welcome!
Guys!
Guys! This is Bertrand.
Hi, Bertrand.
Everybody in the pool.
Delphine!
This is Bertrand. He called about the ad!
So what brings you here?
I don't really know.
You don't know?
You know what we do?
Yes, sure. Synchronized swimming for men.
What is synchronized swimming for men?
The same as for women, I guess.
But for men.
- It made you want to sign up? - Not exactly.
So what the hell brings you here?
Guys, it's called training!
Men's synchronized swimming
is not for everybody.
Many are called, few are chosen.
The guys you see here
aren't here by chance.
They want it.
To make this team, Bertrand,
you must combine willpower, grace, rhythm
and a healthy lifestyle.
Can you cut it?
- You can swim at least? - Sure. Quite well.
I don't know.
You know nothing, in fact.
Not anymore.
Great, you made the team.
Move! Locker room!
Grab trunks, cap, nose clip, goggles. In the pool in 5!
Now that's a warm welcome.
Run along!
"What, no treason?
"This grief is without reason.
"It is indeed the worst pain
"Not to know why
"Without love, without hate My heart suffers this fate."
Let's go again.
"Sweet sound of rain On the earth and roofs
"For a heart that wanes
"Sweet is the song of rain!"
Knock it off now!
Pain in the ass! You all piss me off!
I didn't drive 40 minutes here for this!
I want to train!
Look at you! What the hell!
I want discipline!
I'm sick of it!
Very well, let's go again.
They made me do tests like it was for a space flight.
Cholesterol level, this level, that level.
Whatever. Two days it took,
only for them to send a letter saying,
I'm in super shape.
But I'm too old to get a mortgage.
38, and I'm too old.
It's absurd.
Now I keep obsessing about it.
I look at myself in the mirror
and find wrinkles.
I'm easily out of breath.
38 years old.
All because I wanted to buy a place.
I don't know if you guys own your homes.
But I'm telling you, rent!
Save on metaphysical shit.
I appreciate it.
- Morning, boss. - Morning.
You're up bright and early. What are you doing?
Eating my apple turnover.
Say, Nicolas,
we open the store at 10.
Not 10:30.
- We open at 10:30. - Don't.
- We do. - Don't.
- Do! - Don't!
It says so on the door!
It means 10 o'clock here. 10:30, ready to sell.
You arrive at 10:30 and then what?
Get a coffee, check email and stuff.
That takes us to 11:30.
Meanwhile, folks come by,
looking for a pool.
These pools don't sell.
They don't sell, I lose money on them.
Nobody buys mine in the end.
Even afternoons are quiet.
Yes but...
I can talk like a boss sometimes, right?
Do you have any weed?
- It's me. - Two hours she's been waiting.
I know, sorry. This guy...
She's coming down.
- All good? - Wonderful. Lola's on her way.
Scissors.
Don't hold back. Express yourself through the whole word.
Phyllo.
Good.
Banjo.
Your son is hindered.
He has a real mental blockage.
Communication between you is crucial.
Involve him, stimulate him.
Maybe drama classes or...
Excuse me, are you a shrink?
No, you're not a shrink.
So we'll stop there. I don't pay you for a parenting lesson.
Just do your job, that's plenty.
Seventy-six!
- How are you feeling, champ? - Copacetic.
They're rocking.
Not quite rocking.
Simon!
You're on after the bingo. 5-6 minutes, tops.
When I do this...
Has he got nerve issues?
So how was the party?
A lot of people turned up?
I wish I'd been there.
Here. Forty for you.
The blue spot during the intro, did it dazzle you?
I could hardly see.
I'll try it behind. Like you step out of a flying saucer.
Mauve then.
Mauve, sure.
Are you guys for real?
Take it easy!
What?
Third time this month we've moved you on, sir.
We've played nice so far. Now beat it.
This isn't for camping, it's for parking.
Ok, we're going.
- Right now. - Sure.
They woke you up.
I'm going, dad.
Already? Without breakfast?
I'm not hungry.
I thought we'd spend the day together
and I'd drop you at mom's tonight.
It's your call but it's...
You didn't say, how was my gig?
And stretch.
What's stretching?
No, look, you're...
Too tight, too stiff. All wrong.
So scared of looking stupid, you almost do.
Listening is crucial.
You need music in you to make the world dance.
Stretch...
Mermaids, yes!
Let's find our inner woman.
I don't have an inner woman.
Bullshit. Finding her might help you grow a pair.
I know I don't have one.
Reach up and stretch. Ballerinas!
Ballerina!
Let's find some grace.
It's in there somewhere.
Remember, we have a show coming up, so let's be ready. Let's go!
Sorry, you're not in the gala.
You're not up to it.
Yeah.
He says, you'll see, it's an easy climb.
But I can see it's no easy climb.
So I say, watch out, I'm no...
I'm no mountaineer.
I hike for fun.
An amateur.
Simply to keep him company and my auntie happy.
He's my stepfather.
He says, no, don't worry.
He insists.
I didn't follow him, I stayed down below.
Is that it?
It really wasn't very interesting.
You say that 'cause it's Thierry?
I thought we agreed not to judge.
No judging, ok?
That's the rule. Without rules, I'm gone.
He's right. If we're judged, we won't talk.
Sorry but what he says is always kinda weird.
That's my point.
No, thanks. On anti-depressants, I can't.
I'm in depression.
A major depression.
I don't really know where to begin.
Two years now, I've been off work.
So long, guys!
See you, Simon.
Fuck!
Fucking shit!
Claire?
Is there any brandy for Thibault?
There.
Take it from me, this country's going to hell.
I see it at work every day. Believe me.
People have no respect.
You're very quiet, Bertrand.
All good?
Great.
Better.
No, good.
Claire said you do sports.
That's good. Great!
What kind of sport?
I signed up for a...
A swim team. Synchronized swimming.
Remind me what that is.
Like in those 50s movies?
Water ballet?
That's right.
Isn't it for...
I mean, it's...
For women? Sure.
I'm sorry.
- But this is for men. - Great.
After all, women play soccer.
My offer of a job at the store is still open.
Thanks, I appreciate it.
It's no big deal.
When did you last get away?
Ever since Bertrand...
What's that? Two years?
Something like that.
Two years is a lot, don't you think?
I mean,
six months, a year maybe.
But two years!
Sure, but it's two years. Period.
Nothing against Bertrand. I love the guy.
I'm worried, that's all.
I know.
My little darling sister.
Bye!
Remind me, never again.
15 years I've been reminding you.
That's horrible. I'm horrible.
It's not normal to have these thoughts.
What thoughts?
I had an atrocious vision in my mind...
A comet?
How do you know?
I had the same vision.
I saw a glimmer in the sky, like a star,
but it was blue, red, green.
It's alive, headed for us, dazzling, about to flatten us but...
It slams into your sister's BMW.
Explosions, screams, flames!
All dead!
Atrocious.
I'm cold.
Let's go to bed.
Time, guys!
I know I'm a party pooper. Be cool.
I'm the one getting his knuckles rapped by city hall.
9 o'clock does not mean 9:30.
If you want to stay later, ask for permission.
Or go talk outside.
That's nonsense!
It's a thrill to see so many of you here
for the fourth round of the Interregional Water Polo Cup!
We have a water-themed curtain-raiser for you.
They're nervous before their first ever show.
Let's give a big hand
for our first synchronized swim team for men.
That's right, for men!
Give it up!
That's your team?
Magnificent!
Let's hear it for them!
Never an easy discipline, synchronized swimming.
Time now for the ball game!
Time for some water polo!
Our fourth-round match
between Jugnac
and Chevigny-Le-Ouin.
Team mates forever!
I'm so proud of you.
Bravo!
It was...
Bravo for what? We were shit.
Look at them. Like they won the cup.
They're having fun.
They look happy.
Sure, they look happy.
Looking isn't being.
Sounds like someone's more depressed than me.
Our first performance. It was insane. The crowd went wild.
I'm super proud of the guys.
I just wanted to tell you. Love you, bye.
Guys...
I gotta go or he'll go crazy.
- Sure? - Yeah.
- Thanks, Delphine. - See you. You were great!
I'll be going too. Need a ride?
With pleasure.
I've released seventeen CDs.
More or less self-produced.
Really? No kidding!
Not a single hit.
Not one.
I don't give a damn.
What I love doing is singing, expressing myself.
Not selling records.
Sure, you have to stay free.
Exactly. Look at me!
How about this for freedom!
All this time, did I ever ask for a favor?
Except the 3,000-euro loan.
Besides money. Let's elevate the debate.
I mean, a favor for a friend.
The poor guy has nothing in his life.
Home, the pool. The pool, home.
He needs to get laid.
I doubt he ever got laid in his life.
Sure, I did.
I've done it.
I made love.
Leave this to me, will you?
You bang me, right?
- So bang him. Same difference! - Totally not.
Marcus, let it go. I don't think she wants to.
No, she doesn't.
Let it go.
No, don't let it go, you jerk!
Did I upset you?
Guys, let's go.
Great job.
Pay up. I forgot my wallet.
You often forget it.
I'll pay you back tomorrow. Here's the thing...
You won't get laid being a tightwad.
Women detest a tightwad.
Black mark for you but I've got your back.
Wait!
No, my friend's buying.
Mr. Marcus!
What?
Sorry to bother you, but we need to talk.
Duty calls, sorry.
I'm the boss, the CEO.
Have fun. That button there changes the colors.
This can't go on.
What can't?
I told you 4 months ago. Nothing happened.
Something has to give. We owe 150,000
to our suppliers.
And no income to cover loans.
I'll get by.
You don't get it. We'll be bankrupt before Xmas.
Before Xmas?
- You're sure of the math? - Sure.
Call her a cab, will you, please?
Hello.
My name's Delphine. I'm an alcoholic.
I've been sober five years now.
It started when I was 26.
I was doing artistic swimming in duet.
It was international level, competing in championships.
And I won a lot of them.
We won a lot, my partner and I.
For me, those were the best years of my life.
It was a wonderful time. Awesome.
And then...
Then came a major incident.
She was forced to give up swimming with me.
To give up swimming, period.
Likewise for me.
My whole career had been with her.
Without her, it just wasn't right.
I think I...
I should've been there for her then.
Instead, I blamed her for us being forced to quit.
Now I have only myself to blame.
Back then, competition, the pool and stuff.
It left a hole in my life.
She...
left a hole in my life.
I was broken.
I couldn't see...
I was just surviving until the first,
you guessed it, gin and tonic.
I had never drunk alcohol. It was my first time.
You can imagine what happened next.
Just falling.
I thought about ending it all.
What saved me
was, on the one hand, my team
of male synchronized swimmers.
Yes, I coach a team with serious potential.
But what really hauled me out of deep shit...
As lame as it sounds...
It could be a line
from music in a supermarket...
Was love.
Saying it now, I could slap myself, but it's true.
He saved my life.
Hi Serge, this is Bertrand, our new hire.
Show him the ropes.
I won't put you here until you're up to speed.
Morning, ma'am. Excellent choice.
Hey, guys, break over!
Here, we have the high-end models.
This is the cafeteria-slash-break room.
Staff come here for coffee and stuff.
What's going on here?
Your uniform.
We have a Bertrand with great sales. I can't...
See?
Welcome. See you in convertibles for a briefing.
Convertibles?
Sofas.
This is a furniture store.
It's gotta go faster up there.
See you later.
- You thought it over? - I'm not quite sure but yes.
Thought what over?
- His foreign language option. - And?
I think
I'll go for Spanish.
Spanish?
You think or you're sure?
Sure, I guess.
Spanish gets you nowhere.
- Spanish gets you nowhere? - Nowhere.
Why take Spanish?
Our roots.
I mean, yours and granny's.
Who said that?
You said that?
About my mother?
Why talk about her?
Dad, please. Calm down.
Are you stupid or what?
Why stir up all that shit?
Stop, dammit!
Stop it!
If you want, I'll make pancakes tonight, ok?
So we're patched through here.
And here.
Look. See how it works?
Yes.
- You're sure? - Yes.
Imagine the pump fails to start one night.
An alert flashes up. What do you do?
I use the mouse and I tap on...
- I tap on... - "I click."
"Tap" works too, right? If I prefer.
I guess.
That's an interesting word, click.
Where does that come from? Click?
- Thierry, it's late. - Yes.
The pH level is shown by this line.
At midnight, it kicks in automatically.
Cover, filter, water level, pH levels, everything.
Alright.
So what do I do?
Nothing. The computer runs it.
So what's the point of me?
You put away the floats.
Where are you?
Where?
Stupid animals, cats.
Mr. Marcus?
Nobody ever taught you to knock?
You still haven't paid my wages. Four months is too long.
- Really? How much do I owe you? - 5,600 euros.
5,600! Gracious.
Where did I put my checkbook?
Nicolas, first of all, see that sign we're so proud of?
- My check. - What does it say?
My check, nonsense! What does the sign say?
PoolLove!
Pools sold with love. From the heart.
In a world of people withdrawing into themselves,
fear sweeps the streets but we...
I want my check!
"I want my check"?
No more memories? No more smiles? No more...
I have work to do.
Tell me when it's ready!
I'll write your damn check! I'll write it right now!
Instead of PoolLove, go work at PoolCash. I'll write your check.
- Do it! - When I find my pen.
I'll add an extra 100 just to shut your big mouth!
Anyway, it'll bounce.
Tell it to the court!
Tell what to the court?
The court will be delighted to hear you deal drugs at work.
Let's see how that flies.
- What's up now? - Where's the van?
No idea. Wherever you left it.
I didn't touch it!
This is very serious, Nicolas.
Whatever you did with the van, you can tell me. Shoot.
I just told you, I didn't touch it.
Holy shit!
I'm cursed! Why are you tormenting me?
What did I do to deserve this?
No matter...
Let's not get our panties in a wad.
Hurry to the police, report the theft.
I'll file the insurance claim.
No, forget the insurance. We stopped paying.
A waste of money, you said.
- What did I say? - That insurance was a waste of money.
Lola!
Happy birthday, sweetie.
You'll see, I nailed it.
Unlike last year.
Sure.
Open it.
Later.
- C'mon, open it. - No, later.
- How come? - Back off!
I'll open it at home.
Hello.
I wanted to tell you guys...
Go ahead, sorry.
You wanna talk? No problem.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
It's not easy.
I feel like...
Everything I touch is destined to fail.
I'd have loved to be a guy...
One of those guys you see on TV,
those guys snapping their fingers...
Moving and shaking, making it happen.
An entrepreneur.
Kind of like Michael Douglas in Wall Street, you see?
I guess being held back in 5th grade wasn't a good sign.
People say, believe in your dreams, they'll come true.
It's a lie.
I'm in deep shit, guys.
I'm this far from going bankrupt. For the fourth time.
One year here and nobody knows, nobody gives a damn about my pools.
What lunatic would build a pool in this neck of the woods?
Me.
That's sweet, Thierry.
As my ex-wife used to say,
Marcus, it's not only your pools that are cracked.
Anyway, sorry...
synchronized swimming men
Fuck a duck!
Japan, Germany, New Zealand...
- Every country! - The world championships!
Italy...
England, Portugal...
We'll take down Portugal.
How come?
Portugal, come on!
- When is it? - April.
- Is that enough time? - Enough time?
For training.
Seriously? Check out the competition.
- So? - Yeah!
It's in Norway. It'll cost a fortune.
We're just thinking out loud.
I say no out loud.
You say no out loud?
Just like that.
How about you tell us why?
We suck as the warm-up act at a crappy regional championship.
Wake up!
World championships!
It's pure fantasy.
Fantasy, reality. You get the difference?
If you were so right, you'd lose the condescending asshole air.
You wouldn't be telling a bunch of losers that they're losers.
Two things you're cruelly lacking are sympathy and enthusiasm.
And a smile. 3 things!
We'd appreciate it if you'd leave the losers alone.
You're team spokesman now, are you?
Just like you, so far.
This is bullshit! Look at him...
He's a washout whose life is a mess.
Sorry, I forgot.
He's in depression.
In depression? It's an excuse and you know it.
You're a flake, beating yourself up about flunking on your dreams.
You have a monopoly on depression?
It's got us all. All of us!
For a year now, we've shared our lives, talking and training.
Sure, I'm a loudmouth.
Sure, I'm pissed off. But I don't lie to them or myself.
I know I'm a loser but that's fine by me.
Why go lose my last shred of dignity 'cause an angry jerk decrees it?
This asshole doesn't need a medal to solve his problems.
I think we could all use a medal.
He's right.
Let's vote on it. Who's in favor?
Ok, it's agreed!
Sign us up.
What do I put?
Team France.
- TF for short. - Sounds like WTF. That sucks.
- Sucks ass! - Grow up.
Men's Synchronized Swimming Team of France.
That makes MSSFT.
No, MSSTF.
Stop! Just put Team France.
Why not The Human Dolphins?
Knock it off, Thierry.
Just put Team France.
- Caps. - There, E!
You type like a cop, Thierry!
We are Team France!
- Look at you! - That's us!
Why are you like this?
What's blocking you? What makes you block everything?
Why are you a pain in the ass?
I'm not.
Pain in the ass! Come and drink with us!
See?
We're gonna practice your entry in the water.
You dive like potatoes.
- I disagree... - I said like potatoes.
I want you to scythe through air and water.
You scythe through neither.
You need to scream and leap, leap and scream.
It's today's exercise.
It must be a primal scream, so listen up.
In turn, without thinking, launch yourselves and yell a word.
The first word that comes to mind.
Jump or dive?
I believe I said dive.
- This is ridiculous. - No, you're ridiculous.
Don't think, do it.
Let's go!
Ridiculous!
Mortgage!
Prozac!
Smokieblankieflash!
He didn't get the idea.
No, he didn't get it.
5, 6, 7, 8...
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8!
Guys, it's crap! You're so not in sync.
You're kidding me.
You're floppy, floppier than anything I ever saw!
Let's go again.
Bravo, guys. Great job!
Practice over.
Give yourselves a big hand. That was extraordinary!
We're here.
No, we're up here!
Let's go!
You're hitting your peak! Artists!
I'm seeing aquatic artists! The real deal!
I know them when I see them! In all modesty, big up!
That was something else.
Locker room.
Champions!
My champs!
"Sweet sound of rain On the earth and roofs
"For a heart that wanes
"Sweet is the song of rain"
- What are you doing? - The robot dance.
- That's not right. - It is.
It's terrible.
Ok, great. That was amazing.
Most people can't tell man from machine.
I introduced the robot dance into France, back in '82.
Delphine!
Come over here, will you?
Come on!
I wanna talk, dammit!
You realize what you're doing?
Don't touch me! Butt out!
Don't come by, don't call me. Leave me alone!
I don't love you, I never loved you.
Two years since we broke up. Jesus!
I have a wife and baby. How do I get it into your head?
Stupid bitch, you're wrecking my life!
Beat it!
I reported her to the cops, ok?
- It's full of fungi. - Bullshit! It's super chlorinated.
Let's go.
Take it easy, go over the...
The choreography.
Come on!
Get in the water!
You dumb bitch!
Hold on, let me...
Did I ask for anything?
- I'm lending a hand. - Scratch your ass with it. In line!
You really think you're gonna win like this?
We just wanna take part.
Excuse me?
We just wanna take part.
- Sonofabitch! - You're nuts!
I'm what?
Nothing!
Fun's over! We're going for a run.
I don't have my running gear.
No problem.
Let's go!
Move it!
Keep going!
Run! Eyes front!
Move that fat ass!
Shit!
Stand up!
Cut the crap and run! Move!
Come and explain the respiratory system.
The respiratory system
works...
I know it.
Sit down!
F...
C...
From the top! C...
It's not the Sri Lankan alphabet!
16...
17...
C'mon, assholes!
You just wanna take part?
I'll show you taking part!
We're here to win!
Air enters the buccal cavity. The mouth.
Fine particles go through the trachea.
For right or left lung, air goes down...
You have no idea!
Back to your seat!
I told you to learn it!
Theory is very important.
No stopping! No walking!
I'll teach you what effort means!
Delphine?
I passed by the bank. They said you were off sick.
Some mail came for you at the pool.
And I should tell you, your friend is coaching us now.
She says we suck but there's no reason for the others to be any better.
We've really improved. You should see it.
The thing is, she doesn't read to us and she's mean.
Marcus says she's a bitch,
but I think
maybe she's a little
shy.
I don't know if you're there or not, but I hope you're good.
She'll be happy to see you. She gets few visitors.
Except your sister at Christmas and birthdays.
That is your sister? Plump, quite pretty.
My half-sister.
Fresh, isn't she?
I don't know.
This way.
Under the trees.
I should warn you, don't expect...
You know.
She's still...
She's still my mother. I know.
I'll be going.
Thank you.
Hello, mom.
My son! You came to see me.
That makes me so happy.
Same here.
Sorry I couldn't come more often but...
Honey, you have your life. It's only normal.
How's Diane? And the little one?
They're good. They send their love.
Weather's good.
You're not too warm in that coat?
There's always a nice breeze under the trees. It's pleasant.
You still have your horrendous face, though.
Astonishing how ugly you are.
Your idiot father was no oil painting but you are hideous.
Ghastly.
You selfish piece of shit.
Look at you, little vermin.
That rotten, shapeless face of yours.
Alright, mom.
Alright, mom! That's all you can say.
Why didn't I stab my gut rather than endure your ugliness
my entire life?
That's right, beat it!
You're ugly!
You're gruesome!
Listen up, fatties!
There's a question maybe needs asking.
What music do you plan to use?
We need something dynamic and upbeat.
You think so? I had in mind sluggish and limp.
No, that's terrible. People will...
Not another word.
- It's gotta be rock. - Well?
Not salsa! No way!
My Rocking Heart?
Something with oomph.
Opera would be stunning.
Melissa My Babe From Ibiza!
Rap. Has to be.
A track we relate to, that tells our story.
He's right. From our heyday. A song like us.
We're old.
We're not old!
We are, but we have to own it, find music that's a fit.
The Chick in Nylons?
You like power pop.
Love it!
Stop now.
No rhythm.
He had a swim team.
- Your brain's a sewer. - It's impressive.
Some great arm movements.
I like that. Or Led Zep or U2.
Radiohead?
- What? - Radiohead.
Simon!
Just a second.
- See you, Jean-Luc. - Bye.
Serge can't work Thursday night.
You'll replace him.
But I have practice.
Maybe so.
Feet in the middle.
Don't forget to breathe.
Point those toes!
Feet in the middle!
What the hell, Avanish?
Get your feet in the middle!
Scull!
It's shit!
It's shit! It's pointless!
Who's the base?
What's a base?
You must be joking.
You're going to the Worlds without a base?
The base is the guy who holds his breath!
Who can hold his breath?
47 seconds. Useless!
I coach little girls who do two minutes!
And you?
No base means no lifts, no star, no show, no Worlds!
From now on,
you all stop breathing!
47 seconds.
Sure, it sucks!
I am not lying.
You, 47. Me, 1.10.
I'd take my first drink and throw it down the sink.
I'd only drink the second.
Merrily, carefree.
Silly, isn't it?
Attention to detail makes all the difference.
Same outfit, same trunks, all in black.
We're a team, we look good.
In this day and age, image is crucial, Laurent. Crucial!
I don't give a shit about image. People obsess about it.
I couldn't agree more.
I totally agree.
On the other hand, it's our modern-day reality.
Good job, Titi!
I'd love to screw the system but image is everything.
I did three lengths! Three!
After the second, I had nothing left, I started to come up.
But I wanted to keep going. So you know what?
I thought of my stepfather.
He was a bizarre man.
Some nights, he came into my room.
He put me in a headlock like that
and burned my eyelashes with his cigarillos.
But only when my mom worked nights.
Whenever I heard him come upstairs,
I hid in the laundry basket
and held my breath so I wouldn't make a noise.
On my third length just now,
I remembered that basket.
And I did it!
I did it!
It's all in the mind.
My ear's clogged up.
You cannot deny that style is important.
How much does style come in at?
All inclusive?
289 euros.
The whole lot?
Per person.
But it includes trunks, robe...
You're nuts! They can't even pay rent.
Which is why I have a plan B.
Plan Foxy.
- Wanna hear it? - No.
I'll tell you anyway. Listen.
You're shitting me?
I'm messing with you!
Those are maki.
I said sushi, not maki!
I hate maki.
Alright, give me them. Come on.
Gimme.
Yeah, what?
Nothing.
What do you think?
Imagine it with bass and drums.
Great.
Really good.
How much?
259 euros.
- Too much. - No way!
How about we stay mismatched?
I knew you'd say that.
Which is why I have
a plan B.
Plan Foxy.
Why Foxy?
Because it's sly.
True. Foxes are sly.
Wanna hear it?
My plan has got every detail down.
Just pile the gear in a cart like a regular customer.
Use pliers from Home Improvement to cut the emergency exit chain.
The door opens onto the parking lot.
The getaway car waits there,
ready to burn rubber.
We get a lot of theft but come on!
Bathing suits! How old are you?
53.
- 38. - 41 and a half.
We're not proud, you know.
You pay up or we call the cops?
Easy, easy.
We'll pay up, of course.
- Thierry... - What?
You got a checkbook?
Perhaps.
- Pay. - Certainly not.
Call the police.
- How much is it? - 1,258 euros.
Let's go!
Cool it, we paid.
Calm down.
I'm not kidding, pay me back fast.
I'm sick of being your fool.
I never make a fool of you. Never.
Not you, him!
Me?
I tell him about my love life and he makes a fool of me.
Get to know people before judging them.
I'm an iceberg.
I only let people see the tip.
The bit underwater...
The submerged part.
Exactly.
That bit has made love to countless women.
A lot.
Countless means what exactly?
Keep your nose out!
We're your friends. Tell us how many.
One?
Two?
Three?
There you go.
Three?
I'm nobody's fool now!
One thing's for sure, we have style.
Don't worry.
What Marcus breaks, Marcus fixes.
- Leave your wife to me. - That may not be a good idea.
That black look in her eye...
A woman of character. Aries, right?
My sister's Aries.
No, it's not...
See you tomorrow, Bertrand!
Hi, Claire.
- How's it going? - Good.
And with your mother?
Badly, but it always has with her,
so let's say we're fine.
Thanks for all you do for her.
You're welcome. It's my job.
You do it well.
It wasn't always the case.
I wanted to race motorcycles.
Trouble is, I'm no competitor.
Stress management close to zero.
- Who are the anxiolytics for? - Mrs. Chamblain.
- She already had hers. - Sure?
I was hired for six months and here I am.
I thought I wouldn't stick it out 3 days.
How come?
The smell.
It's a terrible thing to say, and I shouldn't, but it's the truth.
Old folks stink.
They stink horribly.
You arrive, it's clean, they're showered, all good.
But when they wake up,
it's like a zoo here.
Carnage.
Morning, sir.
I developed a technique to do a whole room...
Sheets, bedpan, basic ablutions...
while holding my breath.
A whole room?
Yes.
Without a breath?
Yes.
- How long? - 3 minutes 52.
Is that good?
Not bad.
No, it's decent.
It's great!
No, it's decent.
I'm gonna play you a track.
It's a bit intimidating in front of you all.
Feel free to say what you think, even if you don't like it.
It needs mixing and arranging.
It's a rough draft.
But try to imagine what it'll be like
when I finish it.
There we go.
Now I'll...
- Go for it. - Yeah, here goes.
I'm so nervous.
You ok?
You're asking me that?
Sure, why?
I'm amazed you'd be interested.
Thank you for the present.
You're welcome, sweetie.
I didn't mess up?
No, it's exactly what I wanted. Except for the color.
So it's not exactly what you wanted.
Which color did you want?
Blue's good but red's really good too.
So we have a problem.
Blue's blue. It's not red.
Forget that and this sponge is your fate.
Don't you have class?
I thought it'd be a great surprise for them.
I expected to get an ovation but nobody even clapped.
They said nothing.
Nothing.
Pathetic.
I wasn't there to hear it but...
Maybe they were right not to clap.
I have talent. I have serious talent.
Lots of people will tell you.
At the conservatory, I was the next big star.
I had something. That extra something.
Maybe I didn't make the right choices.
That's not what I'm saying, dad.
Maybe they were right not to clap.
Maybe they were wrong too.
So lots of people are wrong?
Lots doesn't make it right.
Dad, sorry to break it to you but...
I mean it's not...
You're not David Bowie.
You never were and never will be.
I'm sad you don't see glory isn't around the corner.
It never was and never will be.
You understand?
Maybe so, but I hold onto my dreams.
Holding onto your dreams is important.
That's your dream?
Your concerts?
Your RV?
Autographs for people who don't know you?
That's your dream?
Remember dancing on my shoulders?
Sure. Why bring that up now?
No reason.
Because it was fun.
It was when I was little.
Way back when.
Seriously, we're doing good.
Don't you think?
We're doing good, sure.
Your drama class? Enjoying it?
Totally.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8!
C'mon, keep going!
Energy, guys!
I hate her.
I detest her.
It'll be alright, buddy. We can do this.
Ok?
No.
I'm going to kill her.
- Too fast! - Come again?
It's too fast!
Shut your big mouth!
It's impossible, too hard.
Open it when you're not shit anymore! What are you doing?
I'm ashamed! Look at you!
I'm sick of coaching worthless pieces of shit!
You're useless! Why do I bother?
I don't believe this!
Laurent, back in the water!
You're shit! Useless pieces of shit!
It's the last time! I bust my ass for you for weeks!
For nothing!
You maniac!
Shit!
You think I do it for me?
I'm doing it for you.
I know.
I'm sorry, it was on impulse.
You're running out of time, dammit!
- Yeah, we know. - So?
If I were you guys, I'd do so fucking much!
- Better? - Fine, thanks.
I apologize again, I'm really sorry.
It's already forgotten.
- You had to let it out. - Yes, sorry.
Now rest up.
Miss Ironside will dial it down now.
Two hours, you tubby bastards!
Two hours in the sauna!
Motherfuckers!
The whore locked us in!
Amanda!
It was an accident!
Shut it!
Let's lay a trap for her.
We'll dig a hole and lure her into it.
He's right.
Who's in?
- Want some? - No, thanks.
It tastes great.
How did it go?
Great.
At the pool today, Marcus tried to unscrew Amanda's wheels.
It's going to end badly.
It won't work.
Are you keeping up back there?
Go, go, go!
Run! Extract your fingers from your asses!
7 minutes more!
What the hell?
He can't go on. He can't take any more.
- What the... - Just a second.
And they hope to win the Worlds?
I'm done, enough.
I can do nothing for them.
You have to talk to them.
- Talk to them? - Yes.
About what?
Just talk.
Letters to a Young Poet
"All that is necessary is solitude.
"Vast inner solitude.
"If you share nothing with others,
"try to be close to things.
"They will not abandon you.
"There are still nights.
"There are still winds moving the trees in many lands.
"Children are still as you were as a child.
"Sad and happy.
"If you think back to childhood,
"you live among the children once more.
"Grown-ups are nothing
"and their dignity corresponds to nothing."
There we are.
Sync Swim... Faggots
Just so you know, it's a shit audience.
- Simon, what about my gear? - Pick it up tomorrow.
- Where are we going? - Just follow me.
Like I have for 25 years, asshole!
Precisely.
Here we are.
Thank you, son. It's magnificent.
Come here.
Come on.
Bastard!
I despise you and your shithole house!
You're a shit stain!
It's ugly here! It's hideous!
I was looking all over for you.
- Nice, isn't it? - Yeah.
Very comfortable.
Sure, but you'd need cancer of good taste to buy it.
Your pitch explains why your sales are so low.
Everything here speaks for itself. Maybe that's the problem.
You never tried opening a section for non-ugly furniture?
Not easy on the eye,
maybe, just not an eyesore.
I appreciate the advice.
My pleasure. You give me lots.
You need it.
Such as, try standing.
I totally agree.
But I look around and think...
Zero customers!
So I stay seated.
Surely it's more annoying to have zero customers
than to know I'm on the couch.
You're a grade-A jerk!
Your wife works to keep you while you're in a pool acting the fairy.
You aim to be a world champion faggot.
You're ridiculous. Know what?
I never could take your stupid mug.
Never could.
But you weren't so cocky then.
Fair enough, we don't like each other,
but it's not our fault. Get it?
You and me, we'd never choose to be buddies.
Our meeting was a twist of fate.
I can't be mad at you.
So I'll never insult you the way you insult me.
However, you are one hell of a douchebag.
Why shouldn't I tell you?
One hell of a douchebag married to one hell of a shitbag.
You're right, that feels so good.
For sure.
I'm not done.
I'd abandon your kids in a forest. I just wanted to add that.
- Outside? - Yup.
And you just take it without saying a word.
You don't complain, you don't care!
When will you see him for the jerk he is?
He's a jerk!
Open your eyes, Claire!
- You called him a douchebag? - I certainly did.
They're family, Bertrand, see?
A family of douchebags.
- You embarrass me. - How come?
By speaking my mind at last?
By breathing again?
Or by being a laughing stock for swimming in a pool?
You don't swim, you sink. Admit it.
So subtle. "You don't swim, you sink!"
And you got your ass kicked.
I was on top at the start.
Well...
The buds are out. A cold snap and they're ruined.
Well...
I'll be going.
You're not going to wish me luck?
Say something, Claire.
Remember, that bitch called the cops to our daughter's birthday.
Did I hear him insult me?
Absolutely not.
And sued us over an apple tree.
He's here, gotta go.
Hi, Lola.
Surprise!
See those twin peaks?
Well, according to the guide...
"The peaks represent the breasts of the mammary goddess.
"Norwegians love snacking.
"They are particularly fond of sausages,
"rolled in pancakes, and sold at newsstands."
"You can buy a newspaper without a sausage,
"but not a sausage without a newspaper."
Let's start with the basics.
"Hello" is Hei.
"How are you?" is...
Should I write it down?
"I am delighted to be in your country."
You're a pain with your Norwegian lesson.
- We're not at school now. - That's irrelevant.
It's about making an effort.
If you don't like it, suck it up!
Yeah, zip it!
Keep going.
If nobody gives a shit...
Not one shit! Your wife bailed 'cause you're a pain!
- No, my friend. - That's low!
I didn't say that.
Yes, you did!
It slipped out.
Try to get some sleep, Thierry.
I'd love to, but I'm way too excited.
So stay awake in silence.
I can't sleep either.
How about a beer?
I'd love a beer.
No!
Sleep! Not a peep out of you!
- Shut up! Tomorrow's the Worlds. - It's no reason to...
Watch out, I'll get up!
She said, I'll get up!
It makes you laugh?
Sure, it's funny.
Stop it!
Sorry.
I feel an attack coming on.
What kind of attack?
Are they all natural?
Cut it out!
- You complete idiot! - Sure, I'm the idiot.
You'll thank me one day.
You have no idea!
Move it, we're running late!
Quit tossing stuff in here.
Hey.
- How are you? - I should be asking you.
I'm just great.
- You can tell me if... - I know.
He went?
Yes.
Even so?
After all that happened?
It's not just selfish, it's utterly irresponsible.
Just imagine the rumors about him.
I don't tell you, to protect you, but...
It's not very virile. It's odd.
It puzzles me.
Of course it does.
Some chocolate, kids?
What do you mean?
I mean you have a gift for organizing birthday parties,
making quiche, choosing napkins...
Not so much for imagining your husband can't play tennis, say.
If you want the truth,
your husband has a ball, but not on the court.
No, in a dungeon with cuffs, leather thong, and a good whipping.
But I hear his favorite is getting peed on.
I don't tell you, to protect you,
but you have no idea of the rumors.
Thing is, you can't take them, whereas I don't care.
Maybe my guy isn't very virile, but I don't judge him.
He doesn't have to hide and act like
he's someone else.
Because...
I'm proud of him.
Whatever he does, I'm proud. And he's proud...
We're proud of each other.
Not always but often. And often
never means never, get it?
Let's cut to the chase.
Either your pretty Ralph Lauren home gets a BDSM basement.
Or you can go screw yourself and your supermarket gossip.
That's called giving as good as you get.
Kids, let's go.
- Where are we going? - We're going.
What's wrong?
You ok?
Fine.
Bullshit. What's wrong?
I'm not fine.
I'm stressed out!
I hate being judged, ok?
It's nerves. I'm in bits.
You idiot, now you tell us?
You junked my pills!
Why did you do that?
Why? I don't know, I thought...
Complete idiot.
Now it's my fault?
Hey, look! Get a grip!
- Feeling better? - Same.
What?
Nothing.
- It's too orangey? - No.
Looks natural?
Sure.
Self-tanner.
I thought, can't be pasty white for the Worlds.
Gotta be presentable.
We'll
watch on internet.
Knock it off, Granny! Pain in the butt!
Anyway, I wanted to wish you...
Thanks, son.
Lots of love.
I understand you feeling sick.
The fear of the obstacle, the pressure, of course...
Are you listening?
Puking is not constructive. Stop it!
What's going on?
He's sick, won't open the door.
John, open this door now!
You hear me? Open up!
We need you. You're the base. Open up!
I feel terrible.
Come on!
We're screwed without him. Get on it!
Stop, Thierry!
You didn't work the artistic enough.
That's all I ever did.
Look at the bodies those guys have got!
Just wait for their score.
You're trembling?
Yes, I'm trembling.
You never tremble?
No.
Doesn't mean I'm not scared.
- I'm sorry about... - Me too.
Wake up!
We're not here to hide, sonofabitch!
He's bonkers!
Calm the fuck down!
Stop! Both of you!
Ready? Let's go see the boys.
Everything ok?
If they screw up the execution, it's all over.
Calm down.
Juries don't like the French. Norway doesn't.
- Stop it, please. - Norway hates France!
They'd better be good.
You went easy on them.
Here. You feel up to being base?
Sure.
Guys!
You first.
We just wanted to say, we know you're scared.
So are we but here we are. Ok?
We also want to say
we love you.
I'd like to say a word!
Friends...
What we will do tonight
is not only bigger than us.
Tonight, it's not ten of us in that pool, but 69 million.
Tonight we are
France!
Yes, the France we love, the France of Voltaire.
The France that goes from Corsica to Puy-de-Dôme via...
Charente-Maritime.
Too long!
I want you to imagine, maybe one day,
our grandchildren will look up and say,
Granddad, did you do all that?
And we'll reply...
Shut up!
Shut it, Marcus. Let's go!
Yes.
Guys, in formation!
- This is it. - Let's go!
This is Dad's thing?
It's crap.
Classy pool!
What the hell's going on? The store's unattended.
- It's Jean-Luc. - The World Championships.
He's up next.
I blew the sound but nailed the lights!
Pull over.
Pull over there.
There's nothing.
Here neither.
Obviously.
Tomorrow. Wait till tomorrow.
For the news to filter through.
Definitely tomorrow.
For sure.
Daddy!
Gold medal!
- Beat it, kids. - Where?
Who cares! Play on the freeway, score crack, just beat it.
Leave us alone.
Scram!
Let's go.
Naturally, for a moment, one fleeting moment,
they dreamed of being national heroes.
Most likely, they will never receive due recognition.
It seems unlikely their story will become a model,
with a single exception.
One thing is now certain,
and the most skeptical will never call it into question...
If the desire is there,
a round peg will fit in a square hole.
And vice-versa.
Subtitles: Simon John
Subtitling: HIVENTY