1
00:01:42,083 --> 00:01:45,576
<i>(lively chatter)</i>

2
00:03:05,042 --> 00:03:07,625
<i>(chatter continues)</i>

3
00:03:23,292 --> 00:03:25,784
<i>(echoing laughter)</i>

4
00:03:34,417 --> 00:03:37,285
<i>- (chime)
- (automated voice) Till number one.</i>

5
00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:38,707
<i>(machine whirs)</i>

6
00:03:43,625 --> 00:03:46,242
<i>- (chime)
- (automated voice) Till number one.</i>

7
00:03:52,625 --> 00:03:55,333
<i>- (chime)
- (automated voice) Till number one.</i>

8
00:04:06,375 --> 00:04:08,583
Good morning, sir,
welcome to Waingel's Bank.

9
00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:10,374
My name is Sheila.
How can I help you?

10
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,450
<i>(choral music plays)</i>

11
00:04:16,167 --> 00:04:17,703
<i>(phone rings)</i>

12
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:25,953
01632 960786?

13
00:04:26,042 --> 00:04:28,455
<i>- (man) You all right?</i>
- Yeah, all right. You?

14
00:04:28,542 --> 00:04:30,784
<i>- (man) Yeah, yeah.</i>
- Do you want me to get him?

15
00:04:30,875 --> 00:04:37,875
<i>- (man) Uh, yeah.</i>
- Vince! Vince! Telephone!

16
00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:41,542
<i>- (Vince)</i> Is that Gwen?
- No, your dad.

17
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,367
- All right?
<i>- (man) Don't ask. You?</i>

18
00:04:54,458 --> 00:04:56,370
<i>(laughs)</i> Yeah, you?

19
00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:59,451
<i>(choral music continues)</i>

20
00:05:06,792 --> 00:05:08,408
<i>(Vince laughs in distance)</i>

21
00:05:16,292 --> 00:05:19,740
<i>(synth music)</i>

22
00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:05,324
<i>(footsteps)</i>

23
00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:12,826
<i>- (Sheila)</i> What are you doing?
- Going round Dad's.

24
00:06:12,917 --> 00:06:14,078
What about supper?

25
00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:16,204
What supper?
You didn't tell me anything?

26
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,454
Don't give me that! Of course you knew.

27
00:06:18,542 --> 00:06:20,158
What else do I do every evening?

28
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:22,242
Just put it in the fridge.
I can have it tomorrow.

29
00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:25,326
Vince, you are pushing me to the edge,
do you know that?

30
00:06:25,792 --> 00:06:28,375
Eat your dinner,
then you can go to your dad's.

31
00:06:28,458 --> 00:06:31,371
- Leave it out, Mum.
- Well, what are you going to eat?

32
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,040
Stacy's making a curry.

33
00:06:33,125 --> 00:06:34,411
Who's Stacy?

34
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:36,036
His new bird.

35
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:40,741
He didn't tell you?

36
00:06:44,958 --> 00:06:46,369
<i>(front door shuts)</i>

37
00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:56,875
<i>(tuts)</i>

38
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:19,707
<i>(camera clicks)</i>

39
00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:22,625
<i>(camera clicks)</i>

40
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:24,708
<i>(camera clicks)</i>

41
00:07:25,875 --> 00:07:26,956
<i>(camera clicks)</i>

42
00:07:58,125 --> 00:08:00,117
Oh! Freezing out there!

43
00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:01,870
<i>(Vince)</i> I thought you'd be back at six.

44
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:04,833
Long queue in the post office.

45
00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,876
You'd think it'd be empty
after Christmas.

46
00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:09,290
<i>(Vince)</i> Starving here!

47
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:13,698
Forgot already what you were
banging on about last night?

48
00:08:13,792 --> 00:08:15,158
Fridge dinners and all that?

49
00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:18,493
Or have you gone off
the idea of stale food...

50
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:22,655
Oh, sorry.

51
00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:24,992
I didn't know you had company.

52
00:08:25,542 --> 00:08:27,204
How's it going, Gwen?

53
00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:31,156
<i>- (Vince)</i> She's modelling.
- Pardon me, then.

54
00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:34,583
I'm cooking for three then, am I?

55
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:39,494
- Gwen? Vince? Anyone?
- Yes, please.

56
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,491
Have you offered her anything?

57
00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:43,616
We only just started.

58
00:08:44,542 --> 00:08:46,625
Gwen, would you like a drink?

59
00:08:52,083 --> 00:08:53,083
Let's have a look.

60
00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:56,574
<i>(sighs)</i>

61
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,869
Very good!
He's made you look really lovely, Gwen.

62
00:09:07,583 --> 00:09:09,245
I wish I had that talent.

63
00:09:21,958 --> 00:09:23,369
<i>(Gwen moans softly)</i>

64
00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:28,616
<i>(Vince moans softly)</i>

65
00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:50,240
<i>(Gwen moans softly)</i>

66
00:09:51,208 --> 00:09:52,699
<i>(Vince moans softly)</i>

67
00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:04,034
<i>(Gwen moans loudly)</i>

68
00:10:19,833 --> 00:10:21,790
<i>(phone rings)</i>

69
00:10:24,292 --> 00:10:29,208
<i>(Sheila on answerphone)
You've reached 01632 960786.</i>

70
00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:31,750
<i>I'm not in right now,
but if you leave a message,</i>

71
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,165
<i>I'll get straight back to you.</i>

72
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:34,491
<i>(answerphone beeps)</i>

73
00:10:34,583 --> 00:10:39,703
<i>(man) This is a message for Sheila.
It's Adonis. Box number 1592.</i>

74
00:10:39,792 --> 00:10:42,535
<i>I got your letter and your photo.</i>

75
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,161
<i>I've got a few other dates this week,</i>

76
00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:46,330
<i>but give me a call
and I'll see if I can slot you in.</i>

77
00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:51,120
<i>My number is 01632 960322.</i>

78
00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:16,617
<i>(strong accent)</i> A purchase on a horizon,

79
00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:18,916
a panoply of temptation.

80
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,536
Can a curious soul desist?

81
00:11:20,958 --> 00:11:23,075
I'm just looking, thank you.

82
00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:26,371
The hesitation in your voice
soon to be an echo

83
00:11:26,458 --> 00:11:29,292
in the recesses
of the spheres of retail.

84
00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:48,245
<i>(hushed conversation)</i>

85
00:12:04,875 --> 00:12:08,789
Imagine, 60 percent vanished
from this sensational garment.

86
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,198
In apprehensions
lie the crevices of clarity.

87
00:12:15,917 --> 00:12:17,829
<i>(Sheila)</i> Isn't it a little risqué?

88
00:12:17,917 --> 00:12:21,706
A provocation.
For what else must one wear?

89
00:12:21,792 --> 00:12:23,909
I'm just going on a date.

90
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:30,998
A date? Well? And what kind of date?
Food and drinks?

91
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,995
Food and drinks, yeah.

92
00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:35,621
An embellishment of occasion,
for instance,

93
00:12:35,708 --> 00:12:38,451
but also the emphasis
of comfort and pleasure.

94
00:12:39,042 --> 00:12:42,740
Thus you will destroy two birds
with a stone.

95
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:24,908
<i>(shop assistant gasps)</i>

96
00:13:27,417 --> 00:13:30,455
Imagine, the dress is your image

97
00:13:30,542 --> 00:13:34,707
and from me onto what you project
through an illusion.

98
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:42,621
One sensation of mind,
one fabric in recollection of touch.

99
00:13:42,708 --> 00:13:44,040
<i>(sighs)</i>

100
00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:47,197
But this is how I see
your night romance.

101
00:13:47,917 --> 00:13:49,704
I predict the fantasy.

102
00:13:50,375 --> 00:13:53,823
Isn't it small? What size is this?

103
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:55,491
Thirty-six.

104
00:13:56,333 --> 00:13:58,199
But I'm not a thirty-six.

105
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:03,577
In a number is only
the equation of actuality.

106
00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:08,366
Dimensions and proportions transcend
the prisms of our measurements.

107
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,367
- You're not getting any more in?
<i>- (tuts)</i>

108
00:14:12,458 --> 00:14:14,700
<i>(exhales)</i>

109
00:14:16,292 --> 00:14:21,242
There's a lucky man somewhere
in the vista of this mysterious mirror.

110
00:14:22,375 --> 00:14:23,786
May I ask his name?

111
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,037
His name's Adonis.

112
00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:30,789
Adonis? I see him.

113
00:14:30,875 --> 00:14:32,332
I like him.

114
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,990
And it's not clinging too tightly here?

115
00:14:40,083 --> 00:14:43,906
Desist warning attention
to the askew perception of self.

116
00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:48,164
Lightest trivia
and the local vectors of frivolity

117
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:51,209
are the topics
Adonis will be discussing tonight.

118
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:55,333
I don't normally wear
this kind of thing.

119
00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:59,702
Darings eclipse
the dark circumference of caution.

120
00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:04,619
Be bold.
Your date will compliment you.

121
00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:26,242
<i>(air escapes)</i>

122
00:15:28,583 --> 00:15:30,700
<i>(capsule rattles through tubes)</i>

123
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:37,500
Touch it.

124
00:15:39,583 --> 00:15:40,699
Feel it here.

125
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:03,825
And may I interest you in other desired
supposes in our exclusive boutique?

126
00:16:03,917 --> 00:16:06,534
I'm fine for now, thank you.

127
00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:09,163
Then I would like you to announce
your locus of residence

128
00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:11,958
followed by the numbers
to your telephone.

129
00:16:12,625 --> 00:16:14,332
Sheila Woolchapel,

130
00:16:14,417 --> 00:16:18,787
16 Ferndale Road,
Thames Valley-on-Thames.

131
00:16:18,875 --> 00:16:25,031
01632 960786.

132
00:16:55,542 --> 00:16:57,374
<i>(hushed, echoing voices)</i>

133
00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:10,374
<i>(abrupt silence)</i>

134
00:17:10,958 --> 00:17:12,199
<i>(metallic clunk)</i>

135
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,124
<i>(air escapes)</i>

136
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,953
Thank you.

137
00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:27,615
The pleasure is all mine,
Sheila Woolchapel.

138
00:17:27,708 --> 00:17:32,032
Adonis will be waiting
and he will compliment you.

139
00:17:36,792 --> 00:17:39,785
<i>- (chime)
- (automated voice) Till number one.</i>

140
00:17:42,375 --> 00:17:44,742
<i>- (chime)
- (automated voice) Till number one.</i>

141
00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:46,074
<i>(buzzer sounds)</i>

142
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,872
<i>(coins rattle)</i>

143
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,117
<i>(phone rings)</i>

144
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:30,458
<i>(assistant) Sheila Woolchapel,</i>

145
00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:35,162
16 Ferndale Road,
Thames Valley-on-Thames.

146
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:36,457
Telephonic code:

147
00:18:36,542 --> 00:18:43,542
<i>zero and one and six and three
and two and nine and six and zero</i>

148
00:18:44,375 --> 00:18:48,494
and seven and eight and six and stop.

149
00:18:49,625 --> 00:18:52,697
<i>(Gwen)</i> Well, maybe I can actually,
you know...

150
00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:56,699
No, I'm not.

151
00:19:00,625 --> 00:19:04,164
I'm off. Your dinner's in the fridge.

152
00:19:07,583 --> 00:19:09,415
<i>(Vince)</i> What have you done to your hair?

153
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:11,667
Why?

154
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:13,832
Looks like the council cut it.

155
00:19:14,833 --> 00:19:15,914
Thanks.

156
00:19:16,833 --> 00:19:18,665
You're not dating, are you?

157
00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:22,330
Why? Aren't I allowed to?

158
00:19:22,417 --> 00:19:23,578
Bit soon?

159
00:19:24,042 --> 00:19:26,375
<i>(exhales)</i> I didn't know
there was a time limit.

160
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,074
I thought you wanted
to get back with Dad.

161
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:34,333
That was a while ago,
and obviously your dad had other ideas.

162
00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:41,999
Oh, and tell that femme fatale of yours
to get off the phone.

163
00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:44,166
It's gonna cost me a fortune.

164
00:19:48,042 --> 00:19:54,118
<i>(Sheila on answerphone)
You've reached 01632 960786.</i>

165
00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:58,578
<i>I'm not in right now, but if you leave
a message I'll get straight back to you.</i>

166
00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:00,033
<i>(answerphone beeps)</i>

167
00:20:00,125 --> 00:20:02,208
<i>(Adonis) It's Adonis again.</i>

168
00:20:02,292 --> 00:20:05,831
<i>Amesos Greek restaurant, 7:30.</i>

169
00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:09,786
<i>I'll be wearing a dark Donningtonio suit
and carrying a rose.</i>

170
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:14,290
<i>I'm tall, slim, short back and sides.</i>

171
00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:17,083
<i>If you don't find me, I'll find you.</i>

172
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:34,792
Oh!

173
00:21:34,875 --> 00:21:37,618
<i>- (Adonis)</i> Box number 1592?
<i>- (Sheila)</i> Yeah.

174
00:21:37,708 --> 00:21:40,667
<i>- (Adonis)</i> Did I scare you?
- No, it's fine.

175
00:21:40,750 --> 00:21:43,709
<i>(Adonis)</i> I've got some love vouchers
that will give us ten percent off

176
00:21:43,792 --> 00:21:45,408
as long as we share the same pudding.

177
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:49,699
Pudding? Sounds good. Join me.

178
00:22:00,292 --> 00:22:01,749
<i>(opens briefcase)</i>

179
00:22:03,958 --> 00:22:05,824
<i>(rustling)</i>

180
00:22:08,125 --> 00:22:10,583
- As promised.
- Oh, thank you.

181
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,162
- What?
- You look different.

182
00:22:20,708 --> 00:22:21,824
How?

183
00:22:22,750 --> 00:22:24,036
Well, your hair.

184
00:22:25,333 --> 00:22:26,790
Hair grows back.

185
00:22:39,583 --> 00:22:40,744
<i>(creaking)</i>

186
00:22:45,292 --> 00:22:48,660
- Do you know what you're having?
<i>- (Adonis)</i> In a minute, OK?

187
00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:51,119
The moussaka looks good.

188
00:23:06,375 --> 00:23:08,458
<i>(Sheila)</i> So, you like dancing then?

189
00:23:09,792 --> 00:23:11,749
Not tonight, I sprained my ankle.

190
00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:15,952
God, I didn't mean tonight.
Just in general. You like dancing?

191
00:23:16,042 --> 00:23:17,042
Yeah.

192
00:23:24,083 --> 00:23:27,906
It says in your lonely hearts
advertisement that you like laughing.

193
00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:30,083
Yeah.

194
00:23:32,417 --> 00:23:33,578
What kind of things?

195
00:23:34,125 --> 00:23:35,866
Funny things.

196
00:23:35,958 --> 00:23:39,201
- What about cooking?
- What is this, an exam?

197
00:23:42,542 --> 00:23:44,408
<i>(waiter)</i> Friendly evenings, guests.

198
00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:47,664
Welcome to Amesos.
My name is Vlassis and you are?

199
00:23:48,958 --> 00:23:50,574
Sheila Woolchapel.

200
00:23:51,958 --> 00:23:53,165
Adonis Jackson.

201
00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:55,583
<i>(Vlassis)</i> And may I take
your lucky orders?

202
00:23:59,333 --> 00:24:00,333
Madam?

203
00:24:00,833 --> 00:24:04,622
Oh, there will be the tzatziki
for the starter

204
00:24:04,708 --> 00:24:08,031
and vegetable moussaka for the main.

205
00:24:08,125 --> 00:24:10,333
Instantly, madam. You, sir?

206
00:24:17,083 --> 00:24:20,076
Um<i>... (clears throat)</i>
I will come back for your lucky order.

207
00:24:26,417 --> 00:24:28,750
<i>(Adonis munches noisily)</i>

208
00:24:34,708 --> 00:24:36,791
<i>(sighs)</i>

209
00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:09,323
Vince? Vince? Get a move on.
I'm desperate. Vince?

210
00:25:13,500 --> 00:25:16,993
Sorry, I didn't know
you were staying over.

211
00:25:17,083 --> 00:25:18,574
<i>(Gwen)</i> Didn't Vince tell you?

212
00:25:19,750 --> 00:25:21,491
Well, maybe I didn't hear.

213
00:25:21,583 --> 00:25:23,040
I hope it's not a problem.

214
00:25:23,125 --> 00:25:24,866
Of course not, no.

215
00:25:26,042 --> 00:25:27,078
Nice night out?

216
00:25:27,167 --> 00:25:30,160
Yes, thank you. Caught up with a friend.

217
00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:33,368
Where's Vince?
He didn't answer when I called him.

218
00:25:33,875 --> 00:25:36,458
He must've knocked himself out.

219
00:25:36,542 --> 00:25:41,116
It's always the way with him. As soon as
he comes, he's out for the count.

220
00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:44,406
Must be the pressure
of those mock exams.

221
00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:45,991
It should get better by February.

222
00:25:47,542 --> 00:25:49,499
Did you get anything nice in the sales?

223
00:25:49,583 --> 00:25:50,994
Not much. You?

224
00:25:51,083 --> 00:25:53,621
I found a very tasteful
pair of Carpathian stockings

225
00:25:53,708 --> 00:25:57,406
from Dentley and Soper's.
Seventy percent off.

226
00:25:58,167 --> 00:26:00,500
Now that's what I call a bargain.

227
00:26:01,542 --> 00:26:03,283
I'm sorry
if I was too long in the shower.

228
00:26:04,042 --> 00:26:06,955
I won't keep you waiting
as I know you're desperate.

229
00:26:42,125 --> 00:26:43,582
<i>(metallic squeak)</i>

230
00:26:49,833 --> 00:26:51,199
<i>(metallic squeak)</i>

231
00:27:04,917 --> 00:27:06,453
<i>(creaking)</i>

232
00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:25,083
<i>(excited chatter)</i>

233
00:27:25,167 --> 00:27:26,499
<i>(applause)</i>

234
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:49,832
<i>(sighs)</i>

235
00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:03,242
<i>- (Vince)</i> What are you doing?
- You tell me.

236
00:28:03,333 --> 00:28:05,746
- How did this end up in here?
<i>- (Vince)</i> Eh?

237
00:28:06,333 --> 00:28:09,371
The next time your girlfriend
wants to try something on,

238
00:28:09,458 --> 00:28:11,245
how about asking me first?

239
00:28:11,333 --> 00:28:13,996
<i>- (Vince)</i> You got a screw loose?
- Don't talk to me like that.

240
00:28:14,083 --> 00:28:16,575
<i>(Vince)</i> Gwen wouldn't be seen dead
in something like that.

241
00:28:16,667 --> 00:28:19,375
- So how did it end up in there, then?
- How would I know?

242
00:28:19,458 --> 00:28:21,871
I don't like people
going through my things, Vince.

243
00:28:21,958 --> 00:28:25,907
- Touché! Neither do I.
- Don't you touché me.

244
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,198
I've had enough of her
making a mini-bar from my wine

245
00:28:29,292 --> 00:28:32,126
and now helping herself to my wardrobe.

246
00:28:32,208 --> 00:28:35,531
She's turning my house into a boudoir
and I'm not having it.

247
00:28:35,625 --> 00:28:38,333
It's becoming a bit disgusting
if you must know.

248
00:28:38,417 --> 00:28:39,417
Leave it out, Mum.

249
00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:41,787
No, I'm not going to leave it out,
young Vincent.

250
00:28:41,875 --> 00:28:45,198
I'll say it again
because nothing gets through your head.

251
00:28:45,292 --> 00:28:49,036
To be frank,
I find Gwen a bit disgusting.

252
00:28:49,750 --> 00:28:52,788
And the sooner
you take that on board, the better.

253
00:28:57,458 --> 00:29:00,326
<i>(echoing voices)</i>

254
00:29:10,333 --> 00:29:11,744
<i>(echoing yell)</i>

255
00:29:17,917 --> 00:29:18,917
<i>(Sheila)</i> Hello.

256
00:29:53,042 --> 00:29:54,908
<i>(Sheila)</i> I hope you didn't move
without me.

257
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,582
Don't get paranoid, Mum.

258
00:29:57,292 --> 00:29:59,705
Now where were we?

259
00:29:59,792 --> 00:30:01,374
Your turn, Don Juan.

260
00:30:18,542 --> 00:30:20,955
- Oh, my God, what's that?
- What?

261
00:30:21,792 --> 00:30:23,249
That looks nasty.

262
00:30:24,167 --> 00:30:25,703
Just some sort of rash.

263
00:30:25,792 --> 00:30:27,533
Ugh, I hope it isn't catchy.

264
00:30:27,625 --> 00:30:29,457
Yeah, what is that?
I saw it the other day.

265
00:30:29,542 --> 00:30:34,162
I don't know. An allergy of some sort.
Maybe the washing powder.

266
00:30:34,250 --> 00:30:36,913
- You should get it looked at, Mum.
- Don't scare me.

267
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,914
I'm not scaring you. Just get a cream
and Bob's your uncle. For your sake.

268
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,287
<i>(Gwen)</i> My financial advisor
had something similar.

269
00:30:43,375 --> 00:30:45,537
Some kind of blood infection.

270
00:30:45,625 --> 00:30:47,491
Ended up having to
amputate her right arm.

271
00:30:47,583 --> 00:30:50,371
<i>- (Vince scoffs)</i> Don't give me that.
- Seriously!

272
00:30:50,458 --> 00:30:53,326
The doctor kept sending her
home saying it was some kind of allergy

273
00:30:53,417 --> 00:30:55,033
and she ended up really ill.

274
00:30:56,250 --> 00:30:58,458
But it's fine now.

275
00:30:58,542 --> 00:31:01,740
She eventually learnt to write
left-handed.

276
00:31:01,833 --> 00:31:04,120
Beautiful handwriting too.

277
00:31:04,958 --> 00:31:05,994
Your turn.

278
00:31:10,292 --> 00:31:11,408
<i>(dice rattles)</i>

279
00:31:25,333 --> 00:31:26,824
<i>(Vince)</i> Oh, dear.

280
00:31:30,833 --> 00:31:32,574
Tough decision.

281
00:31:43,958 --> 00:31:45,790
<i>(whirs loudly)</i>

282
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,457
<i>(Vince in French)</i>

283
00:32:03,667 --> 00:32:05,408
<i>(Gwen in French)</i>

284
00:32:10,667 --> 00:32:12,499
Do you have to talk French all the time?

285
00:32:13,083 --> 00:32:15,245
He has to practise for his A levels.

286
00:32:15,333 --> 00:32:17,370
<i>(loud clanging)</i>

287
00:32:26,583 --> 00:32:27,790
Actually.

288
00:32:28,333 --> 00:32:30,416
<i>(washing machine whirs in distance)</i>

289
00:32:31,375 --> 00:32:34,083
- Sorry.
<i>- (exhales)</i>

290
00:32:38,542 --> 00:32:40,204
<i>- (laughs)
- (distant clatter)</i>

291
00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:41,783
<i>(Vince)</i> What was that?

292
00:32:42,333 --> 00:32:44,541
<i>- (Sheila)</i> Turn it off.
<i>- (Vince)</i> I've turned it off!

293
00:32:44,625 --> 00:32:46,116
Pull the plug out!

294
00:32:47,292 --> 00:32:48,999
<i>(scraping)</i>

295
00:32:50,250 --> 00:32:53,664
Sit on it or something! Oh!

296
00:32:55,042 --> 00:32:57,125
<i>- (slicing)
- (screams)</i>

297
00:32:57,208 --> 00:32:58,699
<i>(heavy thudding)</i>

298
00:32:59,958 --> 00:33:01,119
<i>(Vince)</i> Mum!

299
00:33:03,458 --> 00:33:05,495
<i>- (thudding intensifies)
- (Sheila groans)</i>

300
00:33:12,375 --> 00:33:13,832
<i>(Sheila screams)</i>

301
00:33:15,458 --> 00:33:16,915
What's going on with this thing?

302
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:18,912
<i>(metallic screeching)</i>

303
00:37:12,458 --> 00:37:15,371
<i>(gasps)</i>

304
00:37:17,375 --> 00:37:18,741
<i>(exhales sharply)</i>

305
00:37:20,833 --> 00:37:21,869
<i>(exhales sharply)</i>

306
00:37:23,875 --> 00:37:25,457
<i>(exhales)</i>

307
00:37:47,417 --> 00:37:48,783
<i>(indistinct)</i>

308
00:37:51,042 --> 00:37:53,750
<i>- (chime)
- (automated voice) Till number two.</i>

309
00:37:58,250 --> 00:38:00,037
<i>(man)</i> Thanks for coming in, Sheila.

310
00:38:00,125 --> 00:38:03,368
Look at that, still finding
pine needles everywhere<i>. (laughs)</i>

311
00:38:03,458 --> 00:38:07,327
All over our sofa back home as well.
Must get a plastic tree next year.

312
00:38:07,417 --> 00:38:09,500
Yeah, we must. How's it going, Sheila?

313
00:38:09,583 --> 00:38:11,575
- Yeah, everything's fine.
<i>- (man)</i> Ah.

314
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,411
What happened to your hand?

315
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:16,868
Nothing much.
Washing machine went bananas.

316
00:38:16,958 --> 00:38:19,666
Well, we know a very good repair company
if you need anyone.

317
00:38:19,750 --> 00:38:22,618
- What's that, Staverton's?
- Yeah. Staverton's Wash. In your area.

318
00:38:22,708 --> 00:38:24,809
They did wonders with our machine,
didn't they, Clive?

319
00:38:24,833 --> 00:38:26,916
Yeah, they did.
A really good mechanic.

320
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,493
So how are things going? Do you feel
on top of things at the moment?

321
00:38:30,583 --> 00:38:32,370
Yeah, I think so.

322
00:38:32,458 --> 00:38:35,417
We didn't see you
at the Christmas bowling the other week.

323
00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:37,992
Oh, I think I had a lot on
with my son that night.

324
00:38:38,083 --> 00:38:40,120
Hmm. Interesting.

325
00:38:40,208 --> 00:38:43,622
Sheila, Pete Mathinson
spoke to us the other day.

326
00:38:43,708 --> 00:38:47,201
Now he's really impressed with how
you're all doing. Lots of good feedback.

327
00:38:47,292 --> 00:38:50,706
Yeah, he also noticed how attuned you
were to the Waingel's Wavelength.

328
00:38:50,792 --> 00:38:53,125
Yeah. One thing he flagged
with us though.

329
00:38:53,208 --> 00:38:55,245
He wasn't sure about your handshake.

330
00:38:57,125 --> 00:39:00,038
Pete thinks you're doing really well,
likes the way you smell as well,

331
00:39:00,125 --> 00:39:03,197
but to tell you the truth,
the handshake did come up

332
00:39:03,292 --> 00:39:07,491
and Pete commented on how
perhaps it wasn't meaningful enough.

333
00:39:08,042 --> 00:39:10,955
Sheila, Pete wanted you
to have this article here.

334
00:39:11,042 --> 00:39:14,331
Um... It's about the importance
of a meaningful handshake.

335
00:39:14,417 --> 00:39:16,283
Sure, I'll take a look.

336
00:39:16,375 --> 00:39:18,207
<i>(man)</i> It's written
in a fun, easy language

337
00:39:18,292 --> 00:39:21,035
and there's a cartoon at the end
that summarises the key points.

338
00:39:21,125 --> 00:39:23,768
And Sheila, if you want, we'd be happy
to try out a role-play scenario

339
00:39:23,792 --> 00:39:26,660
- which involves handshaking.
- It doesn't have to be a bank scenario.

340
00:39:26,750 --> 00:39:28,630
We have a range of costumes
we could all try on.

341
00:39:28,667 --> 00:39:31,034
- It's OK, I'll practise at home.
- Hm.

342
00:39:31,417 --> 00:39:33,830
One other thing, Sheila.

343
00:39:33,917 --> 00:39:38,241
One of your colleagues noticed
that you tend to visit the ladies' room

344
00:39:38,333 --> 00:39:40,825
prior to clocking out for feeding time.

345
00:39:41,917 --> 00:39:43,499
Who told you this?

346
00:39:43,583 --> 00:39:45,791
It wouldn't be professional of us
to say her name.

347
00:39:45,875 --> 00:39:49,539
I normally clock out
and instantly leave the building.

348
00:39:49,625 --> 00:39:51,412
Well, if it's a one-off we understand,

349
00:39:51,500 --> 00:39:54,618
but we just wanted to flag it up
with you, in case Pete finds out.

350
00:39:54,708 --> 00:39:56,540
A minute or two
might not seem significant,

351
00:39:56,625 --> 00:39:58,457
but when we spoke to your colleague,

352
00:39:58,542 --> 00:40:01,535
she did some calculations
and rightly reminded us

353
00:40:01,625 --> 00:40:04,914
that if these unwarranted toilet visits
were to take place

354
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,333
at an estimate of
two minutes per visit,

355
00:40:07,417 --> 00:40:11,081
you would accrue
over four hundred minutes every year.

356
00:40:11,167 --> 00:40:14,490
And to tell you the truth, two minutes
for a visit to the toilet is generous.

357
00:40:14,583 --> 00:40:16,825
Well, in my experience
it's two and a half.

358
00:40:16,917 --> 00:40:18,749
I timed myself
right before this meeting.

359
00:40:18,833 --> 00:40:22,497
<i>(sighs)</i> It was a one-off,
I can assure you.

360
00:40:23,083 --> 00:40:26,121
Whoever it was who informed you
of my transgression

361
00:40:26,208 --> 00:40:30,999
obviously doesn't notice
that I'm regularly in ten minutes early.

362
00:40:31,083 --> 00:40:33,166
Maybe you could do the maths on that.

363
00:40:34,583 --> 00:40:37,417
- What do you think?
- Is fantastic.

364
00:40:37,500 --> 00:40:38,991
And the shawl?

365
00:40:39,083 --> 00:40:42,702
The shawlest vantage
praises January customer

366
00:40:42,792 --> 00:40:47,912
for she is in purchase
of our sacred domain. Cheers.

367
00:40:50,125 --> 00:40:52,037
It's a little tight
around the shoulders.

368
00:40:52,125 --> 00:40:54,959
I knew I'd need a size up
after Christmas.

369
00:40:55,042 --> 00:40:58,581
When your stature is emphasised,
it is my duty to provide you

370
00:40:58,667 --> 00:41:03,207
with a notion of proportion
that reflects your ideal of dimension.

371
00:41:03,292 --> 00:41:04,703
Wait here.

372
00:41:36,625 --> 00:41:38,366
<i>(eerie echoing noise)</i>

373
00:41:38,458 --> 00:41:41,496
Our perspectives
on the spectres of mortality

374
00:41:41,583 --> 00:41:45,702
must not be compromised
by an askew index of commerce.

375
00:41:46,958 --> 00:41:48,790
<i>- (ripping)
- (assistant gasps)</i>

376
00:41:50,958 --> 00:41:51,958
I'm sorry.

377
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,583
The model, the affliction.

378
00:41:56,417 --> 00:41:57,533
What happened?

379
00:41:59,250 --> 00:42:01,037
A calamity.

380
00:42:01,125 --> 00:42:05,495
Imagine. Jill Woodmere. Yes, she.

381
00:42:05,583 --> 00:42:09,406
Our range in garments she defined
through a rapture of display.

382
00:42:10,542 --> 00:42:15,162
And here, the last dress she wore.
Oh, how she adored it.

383
00:42:15,250 --> 00:42:16,741
I'm sorry.

384
00:42:34,667 --> 00:42:36,329
The rhombic coat?

385
00:42:37,625 --> 00:42:40,743
The rhombic coat, yes. I'll try it on.

386
00:42:41,208 --> 00:42:43,700
Sorry, one last thing.

387
00:42:43,792 --> 00:42:46,455
How many of those
dresses were in stock?

388
00:42:46,542 --> 00:42:49,159
One. Only the one.

389
00:42:49,750 --> 00:42:52,493
And the model wore that same dress?

390
00:42:53,167 --> 00:42:58,913
Yes. But imagine, she extensively
showered before that photograph.

391
00:44:43,167 --> 00:44:46,911
<i>(moans)</i>

392
00:44:53,542 --> 00:44:54,908
<i>(Sheila)</i> Vince?

393
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:56,000
<i>(knocking at door)</i>

394
00:44:56,958 --> 00:44:58,199
Vince?

395
00:45:52,250 --> 00:45:54,082
<i>(dialling tone)</i>

396
00:45:54,167 --> 00:45:56,534
<i>(gentle, old Greek music)</i>

397
00:45:58,208 --> 00:46:02,282
Zach? Sheila, box number 6832.

398
00:46:05,042 --> 00:46:08,410
I have some love vouchers here
with some exciting discounts.

399
00:46:08,500 --> 00:46:11,288
That's if you don't mind
sharing a pudding with me.

400
00:46:23,583 --> 00:46:25,825
<i>(vibrator buzzes)</i>

401
00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:39,449
<i>- (moans)
- (vibrator buzzes)</i>

402
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:44,994
<i>(moaning continues)</i>

403
00:46:57,375 --> 00:47:00,163
<i>- (Zach)</i> You look familiar, you know?
- Oh, no, don't scare me.

404
00:47:00,250 --> 00:47:03,698
Seriously, I've seen you somewhere
before, I don't know where, but...

405
00:47:03,792 --> 00:47:04,999
Do you bank at Waingel's?

406
00:47:05,458 --> 00:47:07,871
Ah, I thought it was
something like that.

407
00:47:08,583 --> 00:47:11,906
I remember now.
You fined me for going over my limit!

408
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:15,914
Oh, not me, I don't fine.
I just follow orders from above.

409
00:47:16,417 --> 00:47:17,953
I think I still have a letter from you

410
00:47:18,042 --> 00:47:20,580
asking me to make an appointment
with your managers.

411
00:47:20,667 --> 00:47:23,410
You were kind of stern, but I liked it.

412
00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:24,536
<i>(laughs)</i>

413
00:47:29,708 --> 00:47:31,665
<i>(distant moaning)</i>

414
00:47:35,292 --> 00:47:37,079
<i>(vibrator buzzes)</i>

415
00:48:02,167 --> 00:48:04,033
<i>(Gwen screams)</i>

416
00:48:04,125 --> 00:48:07,289
<i>(screams echo)</i>

417
00:48:09,875 --> 00:48:10,956
<i>(screams)</i>

418
00:48:11,042 --> 00:48:14,001
- What happened? What happened?
<i>- (screams)</i>

419
00:48:14,083 --> 00:48:16,826
<i>(Vince)</i> It's OK, it's OK.

420
00:48:16,917 --> 00:48:20,285
<i>- (Gwen pants)
- (Vince)</i> Come here, it's OK.

421
00:48:20,375 --> 00:48:22,788
<i>(slow song)</i>

422
00:48:35,542 --> 00:48:38,376
It's hard to make friends in this town.

423
00:48:38,458 --> 00:48:39,790
I know.

424
00:48:42,458 --> 00:48:43,744
Is it just me?

425
00:48:44,667 --> 00:48:47,284
No, it's OK. Don't think about it.

426
00:48:49,292 --> 00:48:52,865
It's hard to make friends here,
it really is.

427
00:48:56,625 --> 00:48:59,368
You met many others through this?

428
00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:02,913
A few. You?

429
00:49:04,167 --> 00:49:06,079
One or two<i>. (sighs)</i>

430
00:49:09,417 --> 00:49:11,875
I don't need to meet anyone anymore.

431
00:49:13,125 --> 00:49:14,125
Me neither.

432
00:51:08,125 --> 00:51:11,243
"You who wear me will know me."

433
00:51:12,250 --> 00:51:13,707
What's that supposed to mean?

434
00:51:13,792 --> 00:51:15,533
<i>(Zach)</i> It's just a design feature.

435
00:51:15,625 --> 00:51:17,036
Cheap bit of mystery.

436
00:51:18,125 --> 00:51:21,038
You think anyone buying these things
gives a damn what it all means?

437
00:51:21,125 --> 00:51:22,366
<i>(scrapes pan)</i>

438
00:51:23,583 --> 00:51:25,324
Would you think I'm bonkers

439
00:51:25,417 --> 00:51:27,955
if I told you I think something's wrong
with that dress?

440
00:51:28,042 --> 00:51:29,078
<i>(Zach)</i> Of course not.

441
00:51:29,167 --> 00:51:32,740
I haven't met a woman who didn't think
there was something wrong with a dress.

442
00:51:36,167 --> 00:51:38,625
A woman who modelled it died.

443
00:51:39,375 --> 00:51:43,289
And? Half the clothes I bought in the
charity shop are from people who died.

444
00:51:44,417 --> 00:51:47,034
Don't run yourself around
all this hocus pocus.

445
00:51:47,125 --> 00:51:48,707
Personally, I like you in it.

446
00:51:49,667 --> 00:51:51,158
- Really?
<i>- (Zach)</i> Yeah, really.

447
00:51:51,667 --> 00:51:54,375
- You're not just saying that?
<i>- (Zach)</i> You look good in it.

448
00:51:55,375 --> 00:51:57,583
OK, you look good in most things,

449
00:51:58,083 --> 00:52:01,406
but that dress definitely shows you off.

450
00:52:04,542 --> 00:52:05,874
Put it on.

451
00:52:10,917 --> 00:52:13,500
Don't tell me you're scared of a dress?

452
00:54:46,458 --> 00:54:48,290
<i>(Zach)</i> You don't want to go
into town today?

453
00:54:48,375 --> 00:54:49,911
Oh, it's a nightmare on Saturdays.

454
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:53,539
Why don't we stay here?
You know, acclimatise you to Vince.

455
00:54:53,958 --> 00:54:55,290
No one's rushing you there.

456
00:54:56,250 --> 00:54:59,493
I just think it'll be good for him
to see me back on my feet a little bit.

457
00:55:00,417 --> 00:55:02,249
He was a little short with me
on the phone.

458
00:55:02,333 --> 00:55:04,370
- He's in a bad way.
<i>- (man shouts in the distance)</i>

459
00:55:04,458 --> 00:55:06,450
The separation really got to him.

460
00:55:06,542 --> 00:55:09,125
Not helped by my ex
trying to pit him against me.

461
00:55:09,208 --> 00:55:10,949
<i>- (Zach)</i> Join the club.
<i>- (man)</i> Darren!

462
00:55:11,042 --> 00:55:13,455
<i>- (screams)
- (dog growls)</i>

463
00:55:13,542 --> 00:55:16,000
- No!
<i>- (man)</i> Darren, get off!

464
00:55:16,083 --> 00:55:18,325
Get off! Get off, Darren!

465
00:55:19,750 --> 00:55:21,742
- Darren, get off!
<i>- (fabric rips)</i>

466
00:55:22,125 --> 00:55:26,495
<i>- (Zach)</i> Get off! Get off!
<i>- (screams)</i> My leg!

467
00:55:26,583 --> 00:55:27,994
<i>- (dog growls)
- (Zach)</i> Get it off!

468
00:55:28,083 --> 00:55:29,619
<i>- (fabric rips)
- (screams)</i>

469
00:55:29,708 --> 00:55:32,667
<i>(man)</i> Darren, you bastard! Darren!

470
00:55:32,750 --> 00:55:35,709
<i>- (door slams)
- (Vince)</i> Mum!

471
00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,199
- Mum!
- Up here!

472
00:55:40,833 --> 00:55:42,574
<i>(Vince)</i> Took me ages to get your stuff!

473
00:55:42,667 --> 00:55:45,956
They asked for my ID and everything
then they gave me some punk's rucksack.

474
00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:47,374
I've no idea why they...

475
00:55:48,250 --> 00:55:50,833
Vince, this is Zach.

476
00:55:51,542 --> 00:55:53,078
A friend from work.

477
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:55,081
Pleased to meet you.

478
00:55:55,167 --> 00:55:58,410
All right. Where do you want me
to put these, then?

479
00:55:58,875 --> 00:56:01,458
No point, they're all ripped to pieces.

480
00:56:01,542 --> 00:56:04,535
Eh? This one's not ripped.

481
00:56:04,625 --> 00:56:08,289
- Of course it's ripped.
- It's brand spanking new, almost.

482
00:56:12,083 --> 00:56:13,824
It should be ripped.

483
00:56:13,917 --> 00:56:16,751
The dog ripped it to pieces.
It should be ripped!

484
00:56:16,833 --> 00:56:19,621
I tell you, it should be ripped!

485
00:56:25,250 --> 00:56:26,366
<i>(metallic squeaking)</i>

486
00:56:41,250 --> 00:56:43,458
<i>(metallic squeaking)</i>

487
00:56:49,750 --> 00:56:51,707
<i>(metallic squeaking)</i>

488
00:56:51,792 --> 00:56:53,374
<i>(pants)</i>

489
00:56:53,458 --> 00:56:54,824
<i>(metallic squeaking)</i>

490
00:56:56,458 --> 00:56:58,825
<i>- (pants)
- (metallic squeaking)</i>

491
00:56:58,917 --> 00:57:01,751
<i>(pants)</i>

492
00:57:04,125 --> 00:57:06,242
<i>(metallic squeaking)</i>

493
00:57:14,458 --> 00:57:19,658
I have reached the dimension of remorse,
Sheila Woolchapel. The dress.

494
00:57:19,750 --> 00:57:23,369
I can't claim with its reacceptance
if its purchase is not evidenced.

495
00:57:23,458 --> 00:57:25,040
I had the receipt.

496
00:57:25,125 --> 00:57:26,787
I don't know where it's gone.

497
00:57:33,875 --> 00:57:36,458
Look, honestly, I don't need the refund.

498
00:57:36,542 --> 00:57:38,955
Just let me exchange it
for something else.

499
00:57:39,042 --> 00:57:41,955
A casual exchange seldom expresses
a lady's self-assurance

500
00:57:42,042 --> 00:57:47,959
- and her embodiment of fashion...
- You know what? Just take the dress.

501
00:57:48,042 --> 00:57:50,705
I don't need anything back,
just take it.

502
00:57:52,792 --> 00:57:56,456
Lamentations can be fairly addressed
to Miss Kolliston.

503
00:57:56,958 --> 00:58:03,114
Distinction avows her noble hearing.
Psst! Psst!

504
00:58:03,208 --> 00:58:04,415
Forget it.

505
00:58:15,417 --> 00:58:20,287
Like a whisper in an ocean,
like a feather in a storm,

506
00:58:20,875 --> 00:58:27,372
a dress of deduction finds its character
in a prism of retail abstraction.

507
00:58:28,458 --> 00:58:30,165
I don't understand.

508
00:58:31,375 --> 00:58:35,119
Miss Luckmoore
experienced a transaction of ecstasy,

509
00:58:35,958 --> 00:58:39,497
and I ask if you could
mutually sanctify her claim?

510
00:58:39,583 --> 00:58:44,999
Look, this is nothing personal,
but I'm done with the sales, thank you.

511
00:58:45,083 --> 00:58:50,203
But your dismissal of such a prestigious
consumerist festivity leaves me bereft.

512
00:58:51,208 --> 00:58:54,701
Did Miss Luckmoore
engage with the doctrine of the store

513
00:58:54,792 --> 00:59:00,459
and did the experience consolidate your
perception of the paradigm of retail?

514
00:59:01,042 --> 00:59:02,533
I've got to go back to work.

515
00:59:02,625 --> 00:59:05,993
Just a goodwill gesture
for the inaugural consumer.

516
00:59:06,083 --> 00:59:10,202
A fantastic offer,
I inferred to myself in jest.

517
00:59:11,083 --> 00:59:14,372
I just don't see
why I couldn't return this dress.

518
00:59:14,458 --> 00:59:19,783
The very purpose of this seasonal retail
occasion is to expunge.

519
00:59:20,167 --> 00:59:21,783
Returning what has already left

520
00:59:21,875 --> 00:59:25,824
the ladies' fashion boutique of Dentley
and Soper's Trusted Department Store

521
00:59:25,917 --> 00:59:29,285
goes against the nature of things.

522
00:59:39,708 --> 00:59:41,791
Such a pretty dress.

523
00:59:47,875 --> 00:59:50,083
I hope Adonis complimented you.

524
00:59:58,083 --> 00:59:59,199
Pitcroft!

525
01:00:03,875 --> 01:00:04,956
<i>(door opens)</i>

526
01:00:06,583 --> 01:00:09,121
<i>- (door closes)</i>
- How's your leg, Sheila?

527
01:00:10,875 --> 01:00:12,036
<i>(man)</i> Better, thank you.

528
01:00:12,708 --> 01:00:13,915
Clive knows the local vet

529
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:17,038
and he can confirm that
he destroyed the dog on your behalf.

530
01:00:17,833 --> 01:00:19,290
<i>(Clive)</i> He also wanted you to know

531
01:00:19,375 --> 01:00:22,573
that he took great pleasure
in denying the dog its last biscuit.

532
01:00:23,750 --> 01:00:25,787
It must be a pain
not being able to drive.

533
01:00:25,875 --> 01:00:28,458
The doctor reckons
I can start back tomorrow.

534
01:00:28,542 --> 01:00:32,786
Oh, good, good.
Um, Sheila, can we have a word?

535
01:00:34,917 --> 01:00:36,374
Of course.

536
01:00:39,417 --> 01:00:40,453
<i>(sighs)</i>

537
01:00:43,708 --> 01:00:44,869
How was your weekend?

538
01:00:45,542 --> 01:00:46,953
Well, interesting.

539
01:00:47,042 --> 01:00:48,658
<i>(Clive)</i> Anything nice in the sales?

540
01:00:48,750 --> 01:00:50,833
Just a dress,
but that was the other week.

541
01:00:51,833 --> 01:00:53,040
Good bargains.

542
01:00:53,458 --> 01:00:56,417
Sheila, I was pleased to see your name
down on the bowling list again.

543
01:00:56,500 --> 01:00:59,117
Even though I don't think you
should be in Ruth's team, but still,

544
01:00:59,208 --> 01:01:01,951
we have a nice balance of numbers
this month, so well done.

545
01:01:02,042 --> 01:01:03,453
Should be an interesting match.

546
01:01:03,542 --> 01:01:05,659
Yeah. Looking forward to it.

547
01:01:05,750 --> 01:01:09,699
Now, Sheila, we caught up
with Pete Mathinson this morning.

548
01:01:09,792 --> 01:01:11,328
Really meaningful meeting, um...

549
01:01:11,417 --> 01:01:13,750
just reviewing where we're going
with various things.

550
01:01:14,542 --> 01:01:17,990
He was very impressed
with how you're getting on, all good.

551
01:01:18,083 --> 01:01:20,575
Only he mentioned that
you waved at his mistress

552
01:01:20,667 --> 01:01:23,785
just by Landrake's tuck shop
last weekend.

553
01:01:23,875 --> 01:01:26,117
Yeah, I remember, she waved back.

554
01:01:26,208 --> 01:01:30,873
Hm. You see, she asked Pete
to call up a meeting about the incident

555
01:01:30,958 --> 01:01:32,950
and we all came to the conclusion

556
01:01:33,042 --> 01:01:37,662
that the waving can only be construed
as informal salutation.

557
01:01:39,375 --> 01:01:41,082
I don't understand.

558
01:01:41,167 --> 01:01:44,581
Technically, the mistress of a boss
is classified as a superior

559
01:01:44,667 --> 01:01:46,329
according to company policy,

560
01:01:46,417 --> 01:01:50,115
hence her surprise
at such a casual mode of greeting.

561
01:01:50,208 --> 01:01:52,871
Yeah, she urged us to term it
as insolent salutation

562
01:01:52,958 --> 01:01:55,245
but she gets ahead of herself sometimes.

563
01:01:55,333 --> 01:01:57,541
She smiled. She waved back!

564
01:01:57,625 --> 01:02:01,323
Sheila, when we worked
at the other branch in town

565
01:02:01,417 --> 01:02:05,536
we had a member of staff very similar
to you; diligent, hard working.

566
01:02:05,625 --> 01:02:09,915
Only, Clive and I noticed
a core of the inscrutable about her.

567
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,162
Not remotely
on the Waingel's Wavelength.

568
01:02:12,250 --> 01:02:15,698
We didn't think anything of it until
we discovered she was in the habit

569
01:02:15,792 --> 01:02:19,536
of injecting foolhardy substances
into her bloodstream on a regular basis.

570
01:02:19,625 --> 01:02:22,208
<i>(Clive)</i> Now we're not suggesting
you're inclined that way.

571
01:02:22,292 --> 01:02:26,741
But nonetheless,
a story shared and all that.

572
01:02:27,792 --> 01:02:30,455
And those mysterious toilet breaks
before feeding time.

573
01:02:30,542 --> 01:02:33,285
One mysterious toilet break.

574
01:02:34,833 --> 01:02:36,870
You would tell us
if there was something?

575
01:02:36,958 --> 01:02:39,746
Then we can keep Pete
and the Police Force out of this.

576
01:02:39,833 --> 01:02:43,998
Well, it's just been busy with my son
and the school holidays.

577
01:02:45,375 --> 01:02:47,833
What's wrong, Sheila? You can tell us.

578
01:02:47,917 --> 01:02:52,787
Nothing! Just a few bad sleeping dreams.

579
01:02:53,667 --> 01:02:55,124
Can you give us an example?

580
01:02:56,500 --> 01:03:01,245
Well, just this one the other night,
um...

581
01:03:02,583 --> 01:03:06,907
I was very close to my mother,
in real life, I mean.

582
01:03:07,917 --> 01:03:13,117
My father died when I was young
and she and I grew even closer.

583
01:03:13,708 --> 01:03:15,324
I loved her dearly.

584
01:03:16,583 --> 01:03:21,408
I didn't have enough space
to store all her things after she died,

585
01:03:21,500 --> 01:03:24,208
which always makes me sad.

586
01:03:24,917 --> 01:03:29,412
I gave everything to charity,
but wished I'd kept something.

587
01:03:30,583 --> 01:03:34,657
<i>But in this sleep,
I found one of her old dresses.</i>

588
01:03:35,208 --> 01:03:40,408
<i>It smelt of her perfume,
which I hadn't come across in years.</i>

589
01:03:40,500 --> 01:03:44,164
<i>Brought me right back,
made everything feel all right again.</i>

590
01:03:45,292 --> 01:03:50,037
<i>I put the dress on
and I looked in the mirror,</i>

591
01:03:50,125 --> 01:03:51,866
<i>but it wasn't me at all.</i>

592
01:03:52,333 --> 01:03:54,996
<i>It was my mother from the grave</i>

593
01:03:55,083 --> 01:03:58,622
with the same jet-black dyed hair.

594
01:04:00,125 --> 01:04:02,742
<i>I remember when she bought this dye.</i>

595
01:04:02,833 --> 01:04:07,123
<i>She was so fed up of the old ones
dripping off in the rain,</i>

596
01:04:07,208 --> 01:04:11,908
<i>but this one was permanent.
More than her flesh.</i>

597
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:22,371
I caught a bus and everyone hid
under their seats when they saw me.

598
01:04:22,458 --> 01:04:23,869
Racists.

599
01:04:23,958 --> 01:04:26,871
I stank of my mother's corpse.

600
01:04:27,208 --> 01:04:30,121
The stench made the driver vomit

601
01:04:31,167 --> 01:04:35,366
and we went off a cliff and I woke up.

602
01:04:40,208 --> 01:04:41,915
And what colour was the bus?

603
01:04:42,458 --> 01:04:45,451
It was the colour
of Thames Valley-on-Thames.

604
01:04:46,917 --> 01:04:49,876
Yeah, it was that colour.

605
01:04:57,875 --> 01:04:59,286
<i>(door slams)</i>

606
01:05:07,833 --> 01:05:10,371
I'm dropping some stuff off
at the charity shop

607
01:05:10,458 --> 01:05:12,871
if you've got anything
that needs taking.

608
01:05:14,833 --> 01:05:17,291
Is that a yes or a no?

609
01:05:17,375 --> 01:05:18,707
<i>(Vince)</i> Maybe!

610
01:05:19,208 --> 01:05:21,495
Well, you go on Monday, then.

611
01:05:21,583 --> 01:05:26,453
And don't forget to bring the stuff
on the back seat. Yes?

612
01:05:27,125 --> 01:05:28,161
<i>(Vince)</i> Yes!

613
01:05:28,250 --> 01:05:32,824
OK. I'll see you in the morning.
I've left you some food in the fridge.

614
01:05:32,917 --> 01:05:34,203
<i>(Vince)</i> Where are you going?

615
01:05:35,042 --> 01:05:37,034
I'm gonna stay with someone.

616
01:05:37,583 --> 01:05:39,415
<i>(Vince)</i> What? You mean slaphead?

617
01:05:39,500 --> 01:05:41,412
His name's Zach.

618
01:05:42,208 --> 01:05:44,165
<i>(Vince)</i> I thought you said
he was a mate.

619
01:05:44,250 --> 01:05:46,867
Well, he's something more than that now.

620
01:05:57,167 --> 01:06:01,958
<i>(woman on radio) What I always do is,
because I love queueing for the sales,</i>

621
01:06:02,042 --> 01:06:07,162
<i>I find it really exciting,
and I have done it all night, actually.</i>

622
01:06:07,250 --> 01:06:08,491
<i>Yes, it's great fun.</i>

623
01:06:08,583 --> 01:06:11,451
<i>There's a great camaraderie, you know.</i>

624
01:06:11,542 --> 01:06:14,250
<i>And everybody's good.
They keep your place</i>

625
01:06:14,333 --> 01:06:17,747
<i>while you go and get an all-night
coffee or something like that.</i>

626
01:06:17,833 --> 01:06:23,249
<i>But the advice I always give,
when you go in, don't follow the crowd,</i>

627
01:06:23,333 --> 01:06:27,031
<i>because they all go up
the main central escalator.</i>

628
01:06:27,750 --> 01:06:31,414
<i>But I always dive
to the side of the store</i>

629
01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:35,870
<i>where I know there's another staircase
and run up there to the first floor</i>

630
01:06:35,958 --> 01:06:40,749
<i>because I know what I want
because I'd been the week before</i>

631
01:06:40,833 --> 01:06:44,076
<i>and I knew I wanted
this, you know, particular dress.</i>

632
01:06:44,167 --> 01:06:45,954
<i>- And there it was...
- (Sheila gasps)</i>

633
01:06:46,625 --> 01:06:49,948
<i>(car engine revs)</i>

634
01:06:53,667 --> 01:06:57,365
<i>- (screams)
- (tyres screech)</i>

635
01:06:58,333 --> 01:06:59,744
<i>(screams)</i>

636
01:07:00,667 --> 01:07:03,501
<i>(glass smashes)</i>

637
01:07:18,125 --> 01:07:21,243
<i>(groans)</i>

638
01:07:31,042 --> 01:07:32,283
<i>(gasps)</i>

639
01:07:35,417 --> 01:07:36,783
<i>(groans)</i>

640
01:08:03,417 --> 01:08:04,908
<i>(phone rings)</i>

641
01:08:12,167 --> 01:08:13,624
<i>(ringing continues)</i>

642
01:08:21,542 --> 01:08:27,083
<i>(Sheila, upset)
You've reached 01632 960786.</i>

643
01:08:27,167 --> 01:08:31,241
<i>I'm not in right now, but if you leave
a message I'll get straight back to you.</i>

644
01:08:31,333 --> 01:08:32,414
<i>(answerphone beeps)</i>

645
01:08:32,500 --> 01:08:34,662
<i>(woman) Pick up the phone,
it's the Police Force.</i>

646
01:08:34,750 --> 01:08:36,537
<i>Pick up the phone this instant.</i>

647
01:08:45,125 --> 01:08:48,994
<i>- (shop bell rings)
- (man reads football scores on radio)</i>

648
01:08:51,583 --> 01:08:52,869
<i>(clothes rack squeaks)</i>

649
01:09:00,125 --> 01:09:02,538
<i>(assistant)</i> If you need anything,
don't hesitate to ask.

650
01:09:02,625 --> 01:09:03,957
<i>(woman)</i> Oh, thank you.

651
01:09:09,750 --> 01:09:11,912
Oh, that does look nice on you.

652
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:14,538
Really? I might freeze to death in this.

653
01:09:14,625 --> 01:09:17,823
Think about your summer cruise
along the Adriatic

654
01:09:17,917 --> 01:09:19,909
with the breeze running through
that dress

655
01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:23,619
as you sip your sparkling wine
with the captain on deck.

656
01:09:28,458 --> 01:09:32,247
<i>- (shop bell rings)
- (door closes)</i>

657
01:09:32,333 --> 01:09:34,871
<i>(sighs)</i> I can't afford a cruise
this summer.

658
01:09:35,667 --> 01:09:37,750
Well, if you need any help,
just let me know.

659
01:09:37,833 --> 01:09:39,199
<i>(woman)</i> Thank you.

660
01:09:46,708 --> 01:09:48,745
<i>(man)</i> All right, mate.
Just that, please.

661
01:10:08,583 --> 01:10:13,078
Welcome to Amesos, dear guest.
My name is Sandro. And you are?

662
01:10:13,375 --> 01:10:14,957
Uh... Reg Speaks.

663
01:10:15,042 --> 01:10:16,829
<i>(Sandro)</i> May I take your lucky order?

664
01:10:17,625 --> 01:10:19,833
Just a kebab will be fine. And chips.

665
01:10:19,917 --> 01:10:21,624
Kebab and chips, instantly.

666
01:10:21,708 --> 01:10:26,874
Uh... Sorry, no bags on the table.
Is not nice. And drinks?

667
01:10:27,292 --> 01:10:31,957
<i>- (men cheer)</i>
- Reggie!

668
01:10:32,042 --> 01:10:37,242
<i>(men chant)</i> Down it! Down it!
Down it! Down it! Down it!

669
01:10:37,333 --> 01:10:39,290
<i>- (cheering)
- (man)</i> Oi, oi!

670
01:10:39,375 --> 01:10:40,536
I'm soaked!

671
01:10:40,625 --> 01:10:42,912
<i>(man laughs)</i>
Never mind, Reg. Never mind.

672
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:48,541
As your best man, I come equipped,
excuse me, for every eventuality.

673
01:10:48,625 --> 01:10:52,949
You need new clothing?
Look no further<i>. (laughs)</i>

674
01:10:53,042 --> 01:10:55,034
I always knew you had a feminine side.

675
01:10:55,125 --> 01:10:57,993
What choice has he got with Babs around?

676
01:10:58,083 --> 01:11:01,497
Well, don't just look at it. I didn't
just buy it for the missus, you know!

677
01:11:01,583 --> 01:11:04,496
- I can't put it on in here.
<i>- (mimics)</i> "I can't put it on in here."

678
01:11:04,583 --> 01:11:06,018
- Go on, get it on.
- It won't fit me.

679
01:11:06,042 --> 01:11:08,125
It'll fit you,
don't worry about that, go on.

680
01:11:08,208 --> 01:11:10,325
Yeah, come on,
you big girl's blouse, get it on!

681
01:11:10,417 --> 01:11:13,376
- Come on, Reg! Don't let the side down!
<i>- (laughter)</i>

682
01:12:10,333 --> 01:12:13,906
<i>(cheering)</i>

683
01:12:16,458 --> 01:12:18,324
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

684
01:12:18,417 --> 01:12:21,330
- Wait, where's the dummy?
- Oi! Clipper!

685
01:12:23,458 --> 01:12:25,916
<i>(laughter)</i>

686
01:12:27,250 --> 01:12:28,661
<i>(man)</i> Speech! Speech

687
01:12:28,750 --> 01:12:33,541
<i>(men chant)</i> Speech! Speech! Speech!
Speech! Speech! Speech!

688
01:12:33,625 --> 01:12:36,038
Oh, you bloody tosspot.
I'll do it, all right?

689
01:12:36,125 --> 01:12:39,618
Reg here has been hanging
around my house,

690
01:12:39,708 --> 01:12:44,749
or more specifically,
my daughter's bedroom, since he was 17.

691
01:12:44,833 --> 01:12:47,075
Now we all love Reg, don't we? Don't we?

692
01:12:47,958 --> 01:12:51,702
I mean, he always gets a round in,
good at five-a-side,

693
01:12:51,792 --> 01:12:55,786
and I gotta say,
he's always good around Babs.

694
01:12:57,000 --> 01:12:58,787
And that ain't no easy task.

695
01:12:58,875 --> 01:13:00,457
- You can say that again.
<i>- (laughter)</i>

696
01:13:00,542 --> 01:13:03,831
But seriously,
we've got a good 'un here.

697
01:13:04,750 --> 01:13:06,332
He's solid, our Reg.

698
01:13:07,875 --> 01:13:12,324
But if you ever, ever
mess with my Babs,

699
01:13:12,417 --> 01:13:15,615
I'll take you straight down,
make no mistake. You got that?

700
01:13:16,833 --> 01:13:18,495
Steady on, Bananas.

701
01:13:18,583 --> 01:13:22,202
No, no, it has to be said.
Best to get it out of the way now.

702
01:13:22,292 --> 01:13:25,160
- Now come on, son. Give us a hug!
<i>- (men cheer)</i>

703
01:13:25,250 --> 01:13:30,700
- No, no, no, come on, that's enough!
- Reg Speaks! I salute you! <i>(laughs)</i>

704
01:13:30,792 --> 01:13:33,375
- To Reg and Babs!
<i>- (men)</i> To Reg and Babs!

705
01:13:33,458 --> 01:13:35,791
And here's to your first divorce!

706
01:13:35,875 --> 01:13:37,707
Oi, oi! Less of that, all right?

707
01:13:37,792 --> 01:13:39,374
<i>(disco music)</i>

708
01:14:13,083 --> 01:14:15,496
<i>(men jeering in the distance)</i>

709
01:14:44,042 --> 01:14:46,329
<i>(voice echoes)</i>

710
01:14:46,417 --> 01:14:47,999
<i>(echoing voice continues)</i>

711
01:14:52,042 --> 01:14:53,999
<i>(men laugh)</i>

712
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:59,039
<i>(woman)</i> But he doesn't have to roll
his eyes at every suggestion I make.

713
01:14:59,125 --> 01:15:02,243
It's always this "I know better"
attitude whenever I deal with Andre.

714
01:15:02,333 --> 01:15:05,952
At this rate, I'll get Reg to DJ,
assuming he recovers.

715
01:15:06,042 --> 01:15:08,329
It's a chamber of booze
and methane in here.

716
01:15:08,417 --> 01:15:10,579
I'm surprised
it hasn't killed the canary.

717
01:15:11,917 --> 01:15:13,249
No idea.

718
01:15:14,125 --> 01:15:17,289
He'll stuff it down him and it's always
the same. He never puts on any weight.

719
01:15:17,375 --> 01:15:20,243
No idea how the jammy bastard does it.
It's so unfair.

720
01:15:20,333 --> 01:15:21,449
<i>(canary cheeps)</i>

721
01:15:21,750 --> 01:15:25,073
Look, let me know if Andre is willing
to be more flexible with the music

722
01:15:25,167 --> 01:15:27,705
otherwise we don't pay. Simple as that.

723
01:15:28,458 --> 01:15:30,324
Exactly. See you later.

724
01:15:41,208 --> 01:15:44,531
Oi! Stop squeezing my spots, yeah?

725
01:15:44,625 --> 01:15:46,036
Knew that would wake you.

726
01:15:46,125 --> 01:15:47,832
Just ease it on, Babs.

727
01:15:47,917 --> 01:15:49,829
Good night, then?

728
01:15:50,250 --> 01:15:53,209
Wish I had a tape of you banging on
about how you weren't gonna drink.

729
01:15:53,292 --> 01:15:56,126
It's not the drink,
it's just a dirty kebab.

730
01:15:56,208 --> 01:15:59,246
Yeah, right. Don't know why
you hang out with that lot.

731
01:15:59,333 --> 01:16:01,040
You know what they'll get you into.

732
01:16:01,125 --> 01:16:04,368
We didn't do anything.
It's just a dirty kebab.

733
01:16:04,458 --> 01:16:06,791
Dirty kebab my arse, Reg Speaks.

734
01:16:06,875 --> 01:16:09,333
All you had to do
was not accept the drinks.

735
01:16:09,417 --> 01:16:11,534
I didn't want to let the side down.

736
01:16:12,542 --> 01:16:14,374
You gonna lay in bed like that all day?

737
01:16:16,417 --> 01:16:19,160
You know Andre
now wants to do a soundcheck?

738
01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:23,241
<i>(groans)</i>

739
01:16:23,333 --> 01:16:25,541
What's a... What's a soundcheck?

740
01:16:25,625 --> 01:16:27,207
He wants to check all the gear.

741
01:16:27,292 --> 01:16:30,581
He says it takes three hours. It's gonna
cut right through the wedding.

742
01:16:30,667 --> 01:16:32,875
It's just playing records, innit?

743
01:16:32,958 --> 01:16:34,665
Well, you speak to him, then.

744
01:16:34,750 --> 01:16:37,413
I can't deal with
that weasel-mouthed diva any more.

745
01:16:37,500 --> 01:16:38,911
Every time I question something,

746
01:16:39,000 --> 01:16:41,663
he just comes back at me
claiming he's a perfectionist.

747
01:16:41,750 --> 01:16:43,082
Not now, yeah?

748
01:16:45,000 --> 01:16:47,788
- What's that?
- Huh? What?

749
01:16:48,375 --> 01:16:50,708
<i>(screwdriver clicks)</i>

750
01:16:57,458 --> 01:17:00,496
Oi! Cottrell wants to take you on.

751
01:17:00,583 --> 01:17:02,199
<i>(sighs)</i> About what?

752
01:17:02,292 --> 01:17:04,124
You didn't invite him to the stag.

753
01:17:04,208 --> 01:17:07,451
But, I-I didn't think
it was his thing.

754
01:17:08,417 --> 01:17:10,409
You try telling that to Cottrell.

755
01:17:36,333 --> 01:17:38,120
Gary said you wanted to see me.

756
01:18:02,125 --> 01:18:05,823
<i>(woman)</i> So how long's it gonna take
to get that spare whatever you call it?

757
01:18:05,917 --> 01:18:09,365
- Probably about ten days.
<i>- (woman)</i> Ten days?

758
01:18:10,375 --> 01:18:13,368
Well, could be sooner if I can get
one of my colleagues to drop it over.

759
01:18:13,458 --> 01:18:16,201
- Too busy to do it yourself?
- I'll be on my honeymoon then.

760
01:18:16,292 --> 01:18:19,456
Honeymoon? Oh. Congratulations.

761
01:18:19,542 --> 01:18:22,501
And what's the destination? Tenerife?

762
01:18:22,583 --> 01:18:25,576
Uh, Lost John's Cave. Up in Lancs.

763
01:18:26,375 --> 01:18:29,083
- The wife's got a thing about caves.
<i>- (woman)</i> Oh.

764
01:18:29,167 --> 01:18:32,490
- Already calling her the wife?
- She's called me worse.

765
01:18:32,583 --> 01:18:34,575
And what's the wife's name?

766
01:18:35,708 --> 01:18:39,827
Her name's Babs. She works
at Ambrook's Razors, dispatch manager.

767
01:18:39,917 --> 01:18:42,955
Ambrook's? Yeah, my sister used to
go out with a bloke from Ambrook's.

768
01:18:43,042 --> 01:18:44,283
Really nice fella, too.

769
01:18:44,375 --> 01:18:46,833
Oh, that, um...
that must be Phil Keeble.

770
01:18:46,917 --> 01:18:49,284
Why? No one else nice at Ambrook's?

771
01:18:51,042 --> 01:18:52,704
What's your fiancée like?

772
01:18:53,792 --> 01:18:55,283
She's all right, yeah.

773
01:18:55,750 --> 01:18:57,241
How long have you been together?

774
01:18:57,333 --> 01:18:59,791
Fourteen, fifteen years.
Something like that.

775
01:18:59,875 --> 01:19:01,616
<i>(woman)</i> Why get married now?

776
01:19:02,417 --> 01:19:06,161
I dunno. It's just always been Babs.

777
01:19:06,583 --> 01:19:08,324
You've never been out with anyone else?

778
01:19:08,417 --> 01:19:10,704
<i>- (Reg)</i> No.
- Never tempted?

779
01:19:12,042 --> 01:19:13,499
Not really. It's just Babs.

780
01:19:13,583 --> 01:19:15,996
<i>(woman)</i> You're telling me
you never ever get tempted?

781
01:19:16,083 --> 01:19:19,622
You never even look at another woman
walking down the street?

782
01:19:21,792 --> 01:19:25,018
I can see there's also a problem with the
way the belt rides over the pump pulley.

783
01:19:25,042 --> 01:19:26,749
Small-talk time's up, then?

784
01:19:27,542 --> 01:19:29,750
I've got Mrs Beckley
up the road at five.

785
01:19:30,208 --> 01:19:31,574
Really?

786
01:19:33,333 --> 01:19:35,245
What's your name, young sir?

787
01:19:36,542 --> 01:19:38,454
Uh, Reg Speaks.

788
01:19:39,417 --> 01:19:41,033
Reg Speaks.

789
01:19:42,958 --> 01:19:46,030
My ex-husband used to say
he never looked at other women.

790
01:19:46,125 --> 01:19:50,074
He's probably selling the same lie
to his new wife as we speak.

791
01:19:50,625 --> 01:19:53,789
What I'd give to know what goes on
in the male mind.

792
01:19:55,000 --> 01:19:56,912
Any thoughts?

793
01:19:58,125 --> 01:20:01,289
It doesn't ride properly
over the transmission drive.

794
01:20:01,917 --> 01:20:03,533
All that tension on the belt

795
01:20:03,625 --> 01:20:06,333
is creating havoc with the washers
on the clutch shaft.

796
01:20:07,667 --> 01:20:09,909
The transmission mounting bolts
have come loose,

797
01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:12,208
which might have been
affecting the washer.

798
01:20:12,292 --> 01:20:15,911
The clutch assembly seems to have lost
connection with the low-speed solenoid,

799
01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:19,038
but I can check the motor wiring
at the transmission block.

800
01:20:19,875 --> 01:20:23,539
The agitator hub seems to be intact
along with the transmission shaft,

801
01:20:24,250 --> 01:20:27,243
but the plungers are no longer fitting
into the wigwags.

802
01:20:28,125 --> 01:20:30,162
If you let me have a look
at the wigwag terminals,

803
01:20:30,250 --> 01:20:32,583
I can be more specific
about the problem,

804
01:20:33,125 --> 01:20:34,125
but looking at it now,

805
01:20:34,208 --> 01:20:37,372
I can see the wigwag drive shaft
is no longer working<i>... (voice fades)</i>

806
01:20:37,458 --> 01:20:39,620
<i>(no sound)</i>

807
01:20:42,750 --> 01:20:44,742
Why did you invite Chris Dale
to the wedding?

808
01:20:44,833 --> 01:20:45,994
Not now.

809
01:20:46,083 --> 01:20:48,575
In other words,
yet another pointless guest of yours.

810
01:20:48,667 --> 01:20:51,375
- He taught me judo.
- Yeah, when you were 17

811
01:20:51,458 --> 01:20:55,031
and even then you legged it when
Roj Lines wanted your dinner money!

812
01:20:55,125 --> 01:20:58,618
Half the people on that list never
bothered to invite us to their weddings.

813
01:20:58,708 --> 01:21:00,495
And you can definitely
drop Greg and Tina.

814
01:21:00,583 --> 01:21:03,417
- Why?
- Because they invited themselves!

815
01:21:03,500 --> 01:21:06,538
Other thing with them is
that opens the door to Dave and Sarah,

816
01:21:06,625 --> 01:21:09,948
Justin and Linda, Nick and Charlie,
and Adrian and Russ.

817
01:21:10,042 --> 01:21:11,078
Invite Greg and Tina

818
01:21:11,167 --> 01:21:13,955
and you automatically
have to invite those jokers as well.

819
01:21:14,042 --> 01:21:15,328
Nip it in the bud.

820
01:21:16,500 --> 01:21:18,162
- Are you listening?
- Yes!

821
01:22:12,292 --> 01:22:13,328
<i>(Babs)</i> Look.

822
01:22:16,375 --> 01:22:17,411
What do you think?

823
01:22:18,958 --> 01:22:20,540
It's all right, yeah.

824
01:22:20,625 --> 01:22:22,833
Wash the stink out
and it could be all right on me.

825
01:22:23,625 --> 01:22:24,741
You like me in it?

826
01:22:24,833 --> 01:22:28,452
Yeah. Maybe try it with some tights.

827
01:22:28,917 --> 01:22:29,917
Why?

828
01:22:30,958 --> 01:22:33,917
I dunno. It's a bit nippy out there.

829
01:22:34,000 --> 01:22:36,743
I've told you a million times,
they make my legs itch.

830
01:22:36,833 --> 01:22:38,790
You don't need anything else with this.

831
01:22:38,875 --> 01:22:40,491
It's fine by itself, look.

832
01:22:41,292 --> 01:22:43,158
Where did Clipper get it from?

833
01:22:43,250 --> 01:22:45,242
Some shop or other, I dunno.

834
01:22:45,333 --> 01:22:47,120
It's a size 36.

835
01:22:48,625 --> 01:22:49,991
How come you fit into it?

836
01:22:50,083 --> 01:22:51,244
Yeah.

837
01:22:51,667 --> 01:22:53,329
- You listening?
- I like it, yeah!

838
01:22:53,417 --> 01:22:57,536
<i>(Babs)</i> You don't get it, do you?
How comes you fit into a size 36?

839
01:22:58,917 --> 01:23:01,375
<i>(eerie echoing noise)</i>

840
01:23:03,833 --> 01:23:06,541
<i>(echoing voices)</i>

841
01:23:09,208 --> 01:23:10,790
<i>Reg!</i>

842
01:23:13,583 --> 01:23:16,747
<i>- (Reg)</i> Not the fleece!
- It stinks! Wear the other one.

843
01:23:21,542 --> 01:23:25,331
<i>(Mr Lundy whispers) Like a whisper
in an ocean, like a feather in a storm,</i>

844
01:23:25,417 --> 01:23:31,163
<i>a dress of deduction finds its character
in a prism of retail abstraction.</i>

845
01:23:31,250 --> 01:23:34,084
<i>(Babs)</i> See? It's a 38 and it's tight.

846
01:23:34,167 --> 01:23:37,080
- Get a size up, then.
<i>- (Babs)</i> So, you think it's tight?

847
01:23:38,125 --> 01:23:41,289
No, I thought that's what you just said.

848
01:23:47,583 --> 01:23:49,119
<i>(mutters)</i> Bloody useless.

849
01:23:54,167 --> 01:23:55,248
<i>(groans)</i>

850
01:23:57,125 --> 01:23:58,161
<i>(sighs)</i>

851
01:24:06,917 --> 01:24:09,785
<i>(man groans)</i>

852
01:24:09,875 --> 01:24:15,917
Villainy! Now the horrid repercussions
will abate your rank, madam!

853
01:24:22,167 --> 01:24:23,248
You!

854
01:24:27,792 --> 01:24:30,956
<i>(Babs)</i> Over 45 minutes they had me
on hold and then the line goes dead.

855
01:24:31,042 --> 01:24:32,624
That's my whole lunch break gone.

856
01:24:32,708 --> 01:24:34,601
<i>(Reg)</i> You could've had your sandwiches
while you were on hold.

857
01:24:34,625 --> 01:24:37,163
<i>(Babs)</i> How am I supposed to eat
if I'm all worked up like that?

858
01:24:37,250 --> 01:24:39,492
I should've never gone
for that store card.

859
01:24:39,583 --> 01:24:42,121
All that bloody hassle
just for a stupid free umbrella

860
01:24:42,208 --> 01:24:44,200
which you ended up losing.

861
01:24:44,292 --> 01:24:46,204
Even when I went in there
to try and cancel it,

862
01:24:46,292 --> 01:24:48,454
the woman kept me waiting
for 30 minutes.

863
01:24:48,542 --> 01:24:50,534
No apology, nothing.

864
01:24:51,250 --> 01:24:52,286
Reg?

865
01:24:54,417 --> 01:24:57,990
Reg? Reg, are you listening?

866
01:24:59,333 --> 01:25:00,665
Reg?

867
01:25:04,292 --> 01:25:06,705
<i>(woman) Let me just try this on you.</i>

868
01:25:06,792 --> 01:25:08,124
See if it fits.

869
01:25:11,542 --> 01:25:14,580
There, that'll keep you warm and cosy.

870
01:25:15,583 --> 01:25:19,873
He's very patient, isn't he? Not like
most of the boys we get in here.

871
01:25:20,500 --> 01:25:22,207
What's your name, young sir?

872
01:25:22,292 --> 01:25:25,911
<i>(Bab)</i> Reginald! Get a move on
or we're going to miss the badminton.

873
01:25:28,792 --> 01:25:30,351
<i>You need to ask Clipper
where he got it from.</i>

874
01:25:30,375 --> 01:25:32,162
Knowing him,
it's some second-hand shop.

875
01:25:32,250 --> 01:25:33,741
<i>(Reg)</i> What's that got to do with it?

876
01:25:33,833 --> 01:25:36,826
<i>(Babs)</i> Think about it! We both got
the same rash, we both wore the dress.

877
01:25:36,917 --> 01:25:39,375
You never heard of scabies?

878
01:25:39,458 --> 01:25:42,496
Reg? Reg!

879
01:25:43,417 --> 01:25:44,703
What?

880
01:25:56,042 --> 01:25:59,410
<i>- (Babs)</i> You think we'll need a new one?
- Hopefully not. Let's see, yeah?

881
01:25:59,500 --> 01:26:02,868
<i>- (Babs)</i> What was wrong with it?
- Basket drive went bananas.

882
01:26:03,500 --> 01:26:04,500
The basket drive?

883
01:26:04,583 --> 01:26:08,202
Yeah, the basket drive.
Just went bananas.

884
01:26:08,292 --> 01:26:10,454
And the spin tube bearings
are knackered.

885
01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:13,416
I tried to check the clutch surface
for any damage

886
01:26:13,500 --> 01:26:16,868
and found that the rivets were
rubbing up against the clutch pulley.

887
01:26:16,958 --> 01:26:20,076
There's also the possibility
that the drain hose is kinked,

888
01:26:20,167 --> 01:26:23,956
but I can put that into writing for you
after a more thorough inspection.

889
01:26:25,042 --> 01:26:27,409
The clutch plate is no longer a plate

890
01:26:27,500 --> 01:26:31,039
and the switch striker
is neither switching nor striking.

891
01:26:31,125 --> 01:26:32,866
If I can get to the wigwag solenoid,

892
01:26:32,958 --> 01:26:35,792
there is a chance I can find out
why the washer didn't drain.

893
01:26:36,750 --> 01:26:40,744
The blocked pump isn't helping matters
and the agitator leaves me at a loss.

894
01:26:42,500 --> 01:26:46,540
I can also see that the wigwag terminals
are not where they're supposed to be,

895
01:26:46,625 --> 01:26:47,991
which leads me to the conclusion

896
01:26:48,083 --> 01:26:50,325
that this washing machine
is dysfunctional...

897
01:26:50,417 --> 01:26:51,828
<i>(voice fades)</i>

898
01:26:53,625 --> 01:26:54,991
<i>(wind howls)</i>

899
01:27:47,792 --> 01:27:49,158
<i>(screwdriver clicks)</i>

900
01:27:50,875 --> 01:27:55,165
- Oi! Cottrell's looking for you.
- What now?

901
01:27:55,250 --> 01:28:00,416
One of your neighbours reported you.
Just tell me you didn't do it.

902
01:28:00,500 --> 01:28:02,583
I had to, it was an emergency.

903
01:28:02,667 --> 01:28:04,579
You know the rules, Reg!

904
01:28:04,667 --> 01:28:08,115
You fix your own machine,
it still has to go through the books.

905
01:28:08,208 --> 01:28:12,532
- I bought my own spare parts.
- And? Who paid for your training?

906
01:28:13,792 --> 01:28:16,830
You've really let the side down,
do you know that?

907
01:28:16,917 --> 01:28:20,206
Now get in there
before Cottrell takes me on as well.

908
01:30:02,750 --> 01:30:03,786
<i>(sniffs)</i>

909
01:30:18,542 --> 01:30:20,909
<i>- (Babs)</i> I've had it with Andre.
<i>- (door slams)</i>

910
01:30:21,000 --> 01:30:22,207
If he vetoes one more song,

911
01:30:22,292 --> 01:30:24,909
I'm gonna stick that turntable
up his miserable backside!

912
01:30:25,000 --> 01:30:27,037
<i>(Bananas)</i> Where'd you learn
to talk like that?

913
01:30:27,125 --> 01:30:30,084
Oh, it's easy for you to say. You're not
the one having to deal with him.

914
01:30:30,167 --> 01:30:34,366
Every time I say no to something,
he just says, "Why? Why? Why?"

915
01:30:34,458 --> 01:30:36,791
<i>(Reg)</i> Maybe I can make
a compilation tape.

916
01:30:36,875 --> 01:30:39,037
- Save us a bit of money too.
- You're joking, right?

917
01:30:39,125 --> 01:30:41,492
Your record collection
wouldn't even get a flea jumping.

918
01:30:41,583 --> 01:30:44,075
Ease it on, Babs.
I'm only trying to help.

919
01:30:47,083 --> 01:30:48,699
<i>(Babs)</i> What's this doing down here?

920
01:30:51,042 --> 01:30:52,783
<i>(Reg)</i> Sorry, I didn't see that there.

921
01:30:57,750 --> 01:30:59,867
- What are you doing? They stay there.
- Why?

922
01:31:01,708 --> 01:31:02,915
<i>(groans loudly)</i>

923
01:31:03,292 --> 01:31:05,768
Now come in the kitchen you two.
I've got a cheesecake for you both.

924
01:31:05,792 --> 01:31:07,283
Oh, lovely. Cheers, darling.

925
01:31:11,458 --> 01:31:12,574
You're not worried?

926
01:31:13,542 --> 01:31:15,875
- About what?
- That.

927
01:31:17,333 --> 01:31:19,700
It's probably just
the washing powder we use.

928
01:31:19,792 --> 01:31:22,034
- You don't think it's scabies?
- No.

929
01:31:22,125 --> 01:31:23,866
- An allergy?
- No.

930
01:31:25,250 --> 01:31:28,618
- Something venereal?
- You tell me.

931
01:31:28,708 --> 01:31:30,916
- I haven't slept around.
- Me neither.

932
01:31:32,333 --> 01:31:34,575
- Does that mean you love me, then?
- Yeah.

933
01:31:52,042 --> 01:31:53,408
<i>(canary cheeps)</i>

934
01:31:56,458 --> 01:31:59,496
<i>(wings flap frantically)</i>

935
01:31:59,583 --> 01:32:01,165
<i>(clattering)</i>

936
01:32:05,542 --> 01:32:07,408
<i>(Babs)</i> She's asphyxiated.

937
01:32:07,500 --> 01:32:09,412
<i>(Reg)</i> How can a dress asphyxiate it?

938
01:32:09,500 --> 01:32:12,868
Well, how else did she die?
She's barely a year old.

939
01:32:12,958 --> 01:32:16,122
- Could be carbon monoxide.
- We'd be dead then.

940
01:32:16,208 --> 01:32:20,157
- Not if it's a small leak.
- You're scaring me now.

941
01:32:20,250 --> 01:32:22,913
I'll come back
and take a look on my lunch break.

942
01:32:23,000 --> 01:32:25,788
No way can you get home
and back in an hour.

943
01:32:25,875 --> 01:32:28,208
Go off to work.
I'll look at it during lunch.

944
01:32:28,875 --> 01:32:31,413
- If the flame turns orange, call me.
- Yeah, yeah.

945
01:32:33,292 --> 01:32:34,453
What are you doing?

946
01:32:35,333 --> 01:32:37,040
Uh... You're going to be late.

947
01:32:38,167 --> 01:32:41,706
Go! Before Cottrell shoves a firework
up your backside.

948
01:32:45,083 --> 01:32:47,871
Reg, go! I've got to do my hair.

949
01:32:53,250 --> 01:32:54,707
<i>(Clive)</i> Thanks for coming in, Reg.

950
01:32:54,792 --> 01:32:57,034
When our neighbour heard
you were coming in for a loan,

951
01:32:57,125 --> 01:32:59,913
- he wanted to pass on his greetings.
- Oh, who was that?

952
01:33:00,000 --> 01:33:02,117
<i>(Clive)</i> Mr Watlington,
your physics teacher.

953
01:33:02,208 --> 01:33:03,208
Oh, right.

954
01:33:03,292 --> 01:33:06,285
<i>(man)</i> He also wanted to pass on
his apologies for hitting you so often.

955
01:33:06,375 --> 01:33:07,375
It's OK.

956
01:33:07,458 --> 01:33:09,495
It was a bit of
a Reg Speaks evening, in fact.

957
01:33:09,583 --> 01:33:12,906
<i>(chuckles)</i> He kept telling us
about you at school,

958
01:33:13,000 --> 01:33:16,243
and to tell you the truth,
he was sad to hear about your finances

959
01:33:16,333 --> 01:33:18,245
when we showed him
your loan application.

960
01:33:18,667 --> 01:33:20,249
Now, with that in mind, of course,

961
01:33:20,333 --> 01:33:23,326
we'd love to consider
your thoughtful request.

962
01:33:23,417 --> 01:33:25,659
But given that Staverton's kicked you out,

963
01:33:25,750 --> 01:33:27,867
we're somewhat reluctant to sign it off.

964
01:33:27,958 --> 01:33:29,915
What about here?
I heard there was a job going.

965
01:33:30,000 --> 01:33:31,957
<i>(Clive)</i> Sorry, that's taken, I'm afraid.

966
01:33:32,042 --> 01:33:35,018
Though I did see a sign at Dentley and
Soper's saying they were looking for someone

967
01:33:35,042 --> 01:33:37,785
in the male alliance
of clothing and costume.

968
01:33:37,875 --> 01:33:39,787
No, no, but looking in the sense

969
01:33:39,875 --> 01:33:41,832
- that one of the staff has disappeared.
- Oh.

970
01:33:41,917 --> 01:33:44,751
They're just trying to find him.
They're not advertising a job.

971
01:33:44,833 --> 01:33:47,371
Oh, silly me. It's my mistake.

972
01:34:09,458 --> 01:34:13,327
Now, the only loan we can offer
is the deferred employment package.

973
01:34:13,417 --> 01:34:14,498
DEP.

974
01:34:14,583 --> 01:34:16,575
It's what we like to call
a motivational loan.

975
01:34:16,667 --> 01:34:18,533
It helps our customers
get back on their feet

976
01:34:18,625 --> 01:34:20,912
and back into the job market.

977
01:34:21,000 --> 01:34:22,866
With that kind of interest rate?

978
01:34:22,958 --> 01:34:24,620
That's just advisory.

979
01:34:25,917 --> 01:34:32,073
Reg, Clive and I had someone over
from Staverton's a few years back

980
01:34:32,167 --> 01:34:33,829
and we still think a lot about

981
01:34:33,917 --> 01:34:37,115
how nicely he talked us through
the whole process of fixing our machine.

982
01:34:37,208 --> 01:34:40,827
And we thought seeing as we'll be having
Reg Speaks in the room,

983
01:34:40,917 --> 01:34:43,204
maybe he could do
something similar for us?

984
01:34:44,333 --> 01:34:46,199
It would mean a lot to us, Reg.

985
01:34:46,708 --> 01:34:48,415
But there's no machine here.

986
01:34:49,000 --> 01:34:50,787
You could pretend there's one.

987
01:34:50,875 --> 01:34:52,707
<i>(Clive)</i> Nobody needs to know.

988
01:34:52,792 --> 01:34:54,203
But I can't just...

989
01:34:54,292 --> 01:34:58,241
Just try. Then we can look
at more favourable rates for you.

990
01:34:59,625 --> 01:35:00,661
It'll be fun.

991
01:35:04,625 --> 01:35:05,786
Um...

992
01:35:09,542 --> 01:35:12,580
Plungers on old machines
tend to stop retracting,

993
01:35:12,667 --> 01:35:15,125
which means a knock-on effect
with the washer.

994
01:35:17,792 --> 01:35:20,705
A-Also the belt drive had come off.

995
01:35:24,042 --> 01:35:30,323
The inlet valve might have been blocked,
but I can't verify that.

996
01:35:30,417 --> 01:35:32,158
It s-seems...

997
01:35:32,250 --> 01:35:35,618
It's OK. It's OK, Reg.
No one's forcing you.

998
01:35:37,792 --> 01:35:40,626
If it helps. we could kick it off
in a role-play scenario.

999
01:35:40,917 --> 01:35:43,830
Yeah. A lot of loan applicants
find our Tudor courtroom scenario

1000
01:35:43,917 --> 01:35:45,203
puts them at ease.

1001
01:35:45,292 --> 01:35:47,158
<i>(Clive)</i>
Clothes still needed washing then.

1002
01:35:47,250 --> 01:35:48,582
That's right<i>. (chuckles)</i>

1003
01:35:52,542 --> 01:35:53,874
What's the matter, Reg?

1004
01:35:53,958 --> 01:35:56,826
You spoke so clearly and nicely
when you first came in.

1005
01:35:56,917 --> 01:35:59,034
Oh, no, um, nothing.

1006
01:35:59,125 --> 01:36:02,118
I-I'm just a bit tender
these days, that's all.

1007
01:36:04,000 --> 01:36:05,116
How come?

1008
01:36:06,500 --> 01:36:11,825
Just a sleeping dream I had last night.
It's been on my mind all day.

1009
01:36:12,917 --> 01:36:14,283
<i>(Clive)</i> Interesting.

1010
01:36:14,375 --> 01:36:18,790
We're here for you Reg. Sometimes
it can help to discuss these things.

1011
01:36:21,542 --> 01:36:26,867
Well, Babs, my fiancée, was in labour.

1012
01:36:26,958 --> 01:36:29,917
<i>I was late, so at that point,
the door was locked.</i>

1013
01:36:32,542 --> 01:36:35,410
<i>I tried to take on her pain
just to make her feel better.</i>

1014
01:36:35,500 --> 01:36:37,617
<i>(screams)</i>

1015
01:36:40,333 --> 01:36:41,369
<i>(no sound)</i>

1016
01:36:41,458 --> 01:36:42,915
<i>(Babs screams)</i>

1017
01:36:46,000 --> 01:36:47,000
<i>(no sound)</i>

1018
01:36:47,083 --> 01:36:49,370
<i>(Reg) I kept screaming
to show how much I cared,</i>

1019
01:36:49,458 --> 01:36:52,121
<i>but itjust seemed to annoy everyone.</i>

1020
01:36:53,792 --> 01:36:56,910
<i>I kept knocking on the window
in the hope that they'd let me in.</i>

1021
01:37:00,333 --> 01:37:02,165
<i>(screams)</i>

1022
01:37:02,250 --> 01:37:04,116
<i>(no sound)</i>

1023
01:37:05,458 --> 01:37:09,407
<i>The baby came out of Babs in this dress
that looked exactly the same</i>

1024
01:37:09,500 --> 01:37:11,708
<i>as the one I wore
on my stag night at ZinZan's.</i>

1025
01:37:12,875 --> 01:37:16,414
<i>I wanted to wave at my little girl,
but she wasn't having it.</i>

1026
01:37:18,125 --> 01:37:20,959
<i>She made it clear
that I should sling my hook.</i>

1027
01:37:21,042 --> 01:37:22,704
<i>(no sound)</i>

1028
01:37:27,750 --> 01:37:30,333
<i>- (man)</i> What was her name?
- Babs Junior.

1029
01:37:31,958 --> 01:37:32,958
Interesting.

1030
01:37:33,042 --> 01:37:36,956
Reminds me of a dream Stash and I had
when we put the sand dunes in the wash.

1031
01:37:37,042 --> 01:37:41,457
Oh, yeah, that. Kept bypassing
the spin cycle, I remember now.

1032
01:37:42,083 --> 01:37:43,244
Was it an old machine?

1033
01:37:43,333 --> 01:37:45,791
No, no, it was brand new.
Wasn't it, Stash?

1034
01:37:45,875 --> 01:37:47,616
Yeah, very strange.

1035
01:37:47,708 --> 01:37:50,826
Did you check the belt
if it was broken or loose?

1036
01:37:50,917 --> 01:37:52,783
That could have been
the problem with it.

1037
01:37:52,875 --> 01:37:56,915
<i>(Stash)</i> That's what we were wondering,
but maybe it was something else.

1038
01:37:57,000 --> 01:37:58,241
What do you think, Reg?

1039
01:37:59,375 --> 01:38:02,664
It's probably a problem with the wigwag
and its rotational pull.

1040
01:38:03,375 --> 01:38:06,493
Plungers on doors
sometimes don't align with the seal,

1041
01:38:06,583 --> 01:38:08,745
but the lid switch is often to blame.

1042
01:38:09,542 --> 01:38:12,501
The inner tub
might've sustained serious dents

1043
01:38:12,583 --> 01:38:15,451
resulting in the belt drive
loosening or coming off,

1044
01:38:16,042 --> 01:38:18,830
but that's usually a problem
with older machines.

1045
01:38:19,667 --> 01:38:23,490
The lid switch and its actuator,
the motor coupler or door lock assembly

1046
01:38:23,583 --> 01:38:27,532
are the first things to check when
a new machine bypasses the spin cycle.

1047
01:38:28,833 --> 01:38:32,201
The agitator drive shaft and spin tube
linked to the transmission

1048
01:38:32,292 --> 01:38:34,659
can come loose from the tub struts.

1049
01:38:35,333 --> 01:38:37,541
If the helix doesn't release the brake

1050
01:38:37,625 --> 01:38:40,493
and the belt tensioner
doesn't allow slippage<i>... (voice fades)</i>

1051
01:40:03,167 --> 01:40:04,203
Imagine,

1052
01:40:04,292 --> 01:40:08,366
trading will cease at a premature hour
on this, the twelfth day of sales.

1053
01:40:08,917 --> 01:40:11,125
There lie other boutiques
to your discernment.

1054
01:40:11,208 --> 01:40:12,415
But I'm in the store now.

1055
01:40:12,500 --> 01:40:15,868
You can't just turf me out.
Customer rules and all that.

1056
01:40:15,958 --> 01:40:18,575
You must conclude your perusal
immediately, then.

1057
01:40:18,667 --> 01:40:21,785
Excuse me? I've worked in retail.

1058
01:40:21,875 --> 01:40:23,741
Once the customer
steps through the door,

1059
01:40:23,833 --> 01:40:27,247
you see it through to the last.
That's what I had to do.

1060
01:40:27,333 --> 01:40:30,826
The doors you passed through
are doors in perpetual revolve

1061
01:40:30,917 --> 01:40:33,159
and thus not a veritable indication

1062
01:40:33,250 --> 01:40:35,788
of the time in which you thought
you might have set heel

1063
01:40:35,875 --> 01:40:39,789
in Dentley and Soper's
Trusted Department Store, mate.

1064
01:40:39,875 --> 01:40:41,332
You call those doors revolving?

1065
01:40:41,417 --> 01:40:42,453
Hm-hmm.

1066
01:40:42,542 --> 01:40:44,955
Listen, I'm here
to choose a dress, yeah?

1067
01:40:45,042 --> 01:40:48,911
Pick something up, try it on,
pay for it, and then leave you in peace.

1068
01:40:49,000 --> 01:40:52,198
By the time you've thought of another
excuse to get me out, I'll be done,

1069
01:40:52,292 --> 01:40:53,408
mate!

1070
01:40:55,167 --> 01:40:59,867
This dress. So shabby, so unkempt.

1071
01:40:59,958 --> 01:41:04,623
We have rules here about presentation,
about hygiene, about conduct.

1072
01:41:05,375 --> 01:41:07,367
A required pedigree of shopping

1073
01:41:07,458 --> 01:41:10,906
is an aspiration
we flowerfully seal to our hearts.

1074
01:41:11,000 --> 01:41:15,040
Please, return in a different dress
and we will welcome you back.

1075
01:41:15,917 --> 01:41:18,955
If you let me buy a new dress, I will.

1076
01:41:19,042 --> 01:41:20,158
<i>(in distance)</i> Psst!

1077
01:41:43,208 --> 01:41:48,374
I now announce you extension time.
Congratulations.

1078
01:41:49,292 --> 01:41:51,204
I never thought I'd say this,

1079
01:41:51,292 --> 01:41:53,500
but you lot could all do with
a good shag.

1080
01:41:53,625 --> 01:41:56,038
<i>(both laugh)</i>

1081
01:42:00,125 --> 01:42:03,744
<i>(laughs)</i>

1082
01:42:04,417 --> 01:42:07,865
<i>(distorted synth music)</i>

1083
01:43:11,625 --> 01:43:15,494
Such an intimate document
of finesse and joy.

1084
01:43:15,583 --> 01:43:18,451
Nice to see a catalogue
with ladies bigger than me for once.

1085
01:43:19,208 --> 01:43:21,951
Pray tell, your measurements would be?

1086
01:43:23,792 --> 01:43:26,409
- Guess.
- Thirty-six.

1087
01:43:27,667 --> 01:43:30,159
- Really?
- Thirty-six.

1088
01:43:31,333 --> 01:43:32,619
You're not just saying that?

1089
01:43:32,958 --> 01:43:34,119
Thirty-six.

1090
01:43:34,917 --> 01:43:39,617
Thirty-six. I had a sleeping dream
I was a size thirty-six.

1091
01:43:40,750 --> 01:43:43,117
And I went out with my friends
to ZinZan's to celebrate,

1092
01:43:43,208 --> 01:43:45,370
but it wasn't ZinZan's.

1093
01:43:46,083 --> 01:43:47,415
It was here.

1094
01:43:48,875 --> 01:43:50,366
That was where it was.

1095
01:43:51,583 --> 01:43:55,156
It was in this room
and in this catalogue.

1096
01:43:55,958 --> 01:43:59,372
Every image was of me in this slip
getting skinnier and skinnier,

1097
01:43:59,458 --> 01:44:01,415
but the measurements written next to me

1098
01:44:01,500 --> 01:44:03,036
were getting bigger and bigger.

1099
01:44:03,542 --> 01:44:05,625
I rang the staff bell for assistance.

1100
01:44:06,500 --> 01:44:08,958
Two ladies came to my aid and told me

1101
01:44:09,042 --> 01:44:10,499
to put my head between my knees

1102
01:44:10,583 --> 01:44:12,620
whilst they tried
to correct the catalogue.

1103
01:44:14,333 --> 01:44:17,371
<i>(whispers)</i> 36, 38.

1104
01:44:18,417 --> 01:44:19,703
<i>(whispering)</i>

1105
01:44:20,750 --> 01:44:22,241
36, 38.

1106
01:44:23,667 --> 01:44:25,203
36, 38.

1107
01:44:26,625 --> 01:44:28,537
36, 38.

1108
01:44:28,625 --> 01:44:30,958
<i>(whispering)</i>

1109
01:44:31,042 --> 01:44:32,999
<i>(pencil scribbles)</i>

1110
01:44:36,583 --> 01:44:39,166
<i>(whispering continues)</i>

1111
01:44:42,875 --> 01:44:45,117
36, 38.

1112
01:44:49,083 --> 01:44:51,120
36, 38.

1113
01:44:53,708 --> 01:44:56,075
<i>(whispering continues)</i>

1114
01:45:23,333 --> 01:45:24,574
<i>(hinges creak)</i>

1115
01:45:24,667 --> 01:45:26,033
<i>(thud)</i>

1116
01:45:26,917 --> 01:45:28,408
<i>(Babs) And then they buried me.</i>

1117
01:45:29,292 --> 01:45:31,909
<i>Here in this Trusted Department Store.</i>

1118
01:45:33,625 --> 01:45:35,036
And then they buried me.

1119
01:45:36,958 --> 01:45:38,199
<i>(yawns)</i>

1120
01:45:39,625 --> 01:45:41,617
Your changing room is waiting for you

1121
01:45:41,708 --> 01:45:46,282
and your dress to coalesce
into a simple union of wonder.

1122
01:45:55,167 --> 01:45:57,250
<i>(whispering)</i>

1123
01:46:03,458 --> 01:46:05,791
<i>(synth music)</i>

1124
01:46:31,292 --> 01:46:34,000
<i>(tannoy) Attention, consumers.
Attention, consumers.</i>

1125
01:46:34,083 --> 01:46:36,040
<i>Your shopping will conclude now.</i>

1126
01:46:36,125 --> 01:46:39,243
<i>Pay us for your items
and return to your houses.</i>

1127
01:46:39,333 --> 01:46:41,450
<i>(whispering)</i>

1128
01:46:53,375 --> 01:46:54,411
<i>(thud)</i>

1129
01:46:58,458 --> 01:47:00,199
<i>(coins jingle)</i>

1130
01:47:02,000 --> 01:47:03,707
Thank you very much. Goodbye.

1131
01:47:03,792 --> 01:47:08,116
Goodbye to you too, dear Audrey.
<i>(blows kiss)</i> Fantastic.

1132
01:47:15,083 --> 01:47:18,451
There will be this asphodel blouse
and a pair of those funeral stockings.

1133
01:47:18,875 --> 01:47:20,161
Instantly!

1134
01:47:21,125 --> 01:47:24,289
Excuse me, I was here first.

1135
01:47:24,375 --> 01:47:26,037
No, you weren't.

1136
01:47:26,125 --> 01:47:29,414
Going through that tray doesn't give you
the right to bypass the queue.

1137
01:47:29,500 --> 01:47:31,366
You came here after me.

1138
01:47:31,458 --> 01:47:34,041
No, I didn't. Now if you don't mind...

1139
01:47:34,125 --> 01:47:36,583
Such fascination of marvel.

1140
01:47:36,667 --> 01:47:40,331
Its touch to the skin,
its contour on the body.

1141
01:47:40,417 --> 01:47:43,125
I will be served first.
There'll be this cinnamon bra.

1142
01:47:43,208 --> 01:47:45,120
Thank you very much.

1143
01:47:49,667 --> 01:47:50,999
<i>(gasps)</i> Ladies!

1144
01:47:52,333 --> 01:47:53,699
<i>(gasps)</i> Hey!

1145
01:47:54,792 --> 01:47:57,535
<i>- (groans)
- (shoppers gasp)</i>

1146
01:48:03,167 --> 01:48:04,703
<i>(distant yelling)</i>

1147
01:48:10,042 --> 01:48:11,954
<i>- (groans)
- (shoppers gasp)</i>

1148
01:48:12,750 --> 01:48:14,082
<i>(screaming)</i>

1149
01:48:16,000 --> 01:48:18,458
<i>(synth music)</i>

1150
01:48:34,333 --> 01:48:37,292
<i>(shoppers yell)</i>

1151
01:48:40,333 --> 01:48:42,040
<i>(distant yelling)</i>

1152
01:49:04,875 --> 01:49:06,036
<i>(gasps)</i>

1153
01:49:07,250 --> 01:49:09,788
<i>(yelling continues)</i>

1154
01:49:09,875 --> 01:49:11,491
<i>(woman screams)</i>

1155
01:49:11,583 --> 01:49:12,869
<i>(gasps)</i>

1156
01:49:44,958 --> 01:49:47,496
<i>(alarm sounds)</i>

1157
01:49:50,500 --> 01:49:53,163
<i>(Babs pants)</i>

1158
01:49:53,292 --> 01:49:56,490
Blame! Blame!

1159
01:49:56,583 --> 01:49:59,701
<i>(alarm continues)</i>

1160
01:49:59,792 --> 01:50:01,784
<i>- (banging on door)
- (Babs yells)</i>

1161
01:50:04,500 --> 01:50:08,870
<i>(Luckmoore)</i> Blame! Blame!

1162
01:50:12,208 --> 01:50:14,074
<i>(alarm continues)</i>

1163
01:50:17,292 --> 01:50:18,874
<i>(tannoy) A dramatic affliction</i>

1164
01:50:18,958 --> 01:50:21,746
<i>has compromised
our Trusted Department Store.</i>

1165
01:50:21,833 --> 01:50:23,699
<i>Get out graciously.</i>

1166
01:50:24,833 --> 01:50:26,620
<i>(screaming)</i>

1167
01:50:26,708 --> 01:50:31,282
<i>A dramatic affliction has compromised
our Trusted Department Store.</i>

1168
01:50:31,375 --> 01:50:34,868
<i>- Get out graciously.
- (Babs cries)</i>

1169
01:50:34,958 --> 01:50:37,371
<i>- (alarm continues)
- (screaming)</i>

1170
01:50:37,958 --> 01:50:40,041
<i>A dramatic affliction has compromised</i>

1171
01:50:40,125 --> 01:50:42,458
<i>- our Trusted Department Store.
- (banging)</i>

1172
01:50:42,542 --> 01:50:43,783
<i>Get out graciously.</i>

1173
01:50:43,875 --> 01:50:45,787
<i>(screaming)</i>

1174
01:50:49,125 --> 01:50:53,574
<i>A dramatic affliction has compromised
our Trusted Department Store.</i>

1175
01:50:53,667 --> 01:50:55,659
<i>Get out graciously.</i>

1176
01:50:55,750 --> 01:50:57,707
<i>(evil laughter)</i>

1177
01:50:59,917 --> 01:51:02,079
<i>(distorted) A dramatic affliction
has compromised</i>

1178
01:51:02,167 --> 01:51:04,124
<i>our Trusted Department Store.</i>

1179
01:51:04,208 --> 01:51:06,325
<i>Get out graciously.</i>

1180
01:51:06,417 --> 01:51:08,454
<i>(evil laughter)</i>

1181
01:51:11,125 --> 01:51:13,458
<i>(distorted) A dramatic affliction
has compromised</i>

1182
01:51:13,542 --> 01:51:17,707
<i>our Trusted Department Store.
Get out graciously.</i>

1183
01:51:17,792 --> 01:51:19,749
<i>(evil laughter)</i>

1184
01:51:21,875 --> 01:51:24,288
<i>(distorted) A dramatic affliction
has compromised</i>

1185
01:51:24,375 --> 01:51:28,415
<i>our Trusted Department Store.
Get out graciously.</i>

1186
01:51:28,500 --> 01:51:30,492
<i>(evil laughter)</i>

1187
01:51:31,875 --> 01:51:33,707
<i>(alarm continues)</i>

1188
01:51:35,333 --> 01:51:37,040
<i>(distorted announcement)</i>

1189
01:51:41,833 --> 01:51:42,914
<i>(evil laughter)</i>

1190
01:51:44,375 --> 01:51:46,367
<i>(distorted announcement)</i>

1191
01:51:51,125 --> 01:51:52,206
<i>(evil laughter)</i>

1192
01:51:55,750 --> 01:51:58,868
<i>(distorted announcement)</i>

1193
01:52:02,292 --> 01:52:03,749
<i>(evil laughter)</i>

1194
01:52:07,125 --> 01:52:08,707
<i>(distorted announcement)</i>

1195
01:52:13,667 --> 01:52:15,158
<i>(evil laughter)</i>

1196
01:52:26,500 --> 01:52:28,332
<i>(sewing machine whirs)</i>

1197
01:52:31,792 --> 01:52:33,249
<i>(lift creaks)</i>

1198
01:52:56,417 --> 01:52:58,079
<i>(creaking)</i>

1199
01:53:00,625 --> 01:53:02,958
<i>(sewing machine whirs)</i>

1200
01:53:04,833 --> 01:53:06,574
<i>(creaking)</i>

1201
01:53:06,667 --> 01:53:08,408
<i>(sewing machine whirs)</i>

1202
01:53:09,458 --> 01:53:11,415
<i>(sewing machine whirs)</i>

1203
01:53:12,500 --> 01:53:14,287
<i>(sewing machine whirs)</i>

1204
01:53:15,458 --> 01:53:16,949
<i>(sewing machine whirs)</i>

1205
01:53:29,792 --> 01:53:31,749
<i>(glass crunches underfoot)</i>

1206
01:53:54,000 --> 01:53:56,083
<i>(indistinct muttering)</i>

1207
01:54:18,583 --> 01:54:20,449
<i>(muttering continues)</i>

1208
01:54:47,458 --> 01:54:49,825
<i>(muttering fades)</i>

1209
01:58:02,000 --> 01:58:03,992
Subtitles: BTI Studios