1 00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:12,083 [upbeat pop music playing] 2 00:00:18,003 --> 00:00:19,003 [Michael] Hello. 3 00:00:20,283 --> 00:00:21,163 Hug? 4 00:00:21,243 --> 00:00:22,843 No, I don't think so. 5 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:24,243 [Jack chuckles] 6 00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:25,323 [Jack] So, excited? 7 00:00:25,403 --> 00:00:26,843 The "best of" show. 8 00:00:26,923 --> 00:00:30,043 You'll be reliving the greatest moments from Travels with my Father. 9 00:00:30,123 --> 00:00:32,323 I can barely contain my excitement. 10 00:00:32,843 --> 00:00:35,963 [epic music playing] 11 00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:41,963 [Jack] We've had some incredible times over the past five years… 12 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,163 [all] Cheers. 13 00:00:43,723 --> 00:00:45,203 -[Jack groans] -[Michael] That's good. 14 00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:46,123 Good. 15 00:00:46,203 --> 00:00:48,403 [Jack] …visited 14 countries… 16 00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:51,403 [Michael] This place is crawling with bloody Italians. 17 00:00:51,483 --> 00:00:52,963 [Jack] …from arid deserts 18 00:00:53,523 --> 00:00:54,963 to snowcapped mountains… 19 00:00:55,043 --> 00:00:56,803 I have to say, it is quite impressive. 20 00:00:56,883 --> 00:00:58,403 [Michael] Oh my God. 21 00:00:58,483 --> 00:00:59,883 -Daddy. -No. 22 00:00:59,963 --> 00:01:00,803 Rule number three? 23 00:01:00,883 --> 00:01:03,843 Never get too far away from a public toilet. 24 00:01:04,603 --> 00:01:07,323 [Jack] …travelled over 53,000 miles 25 00:01:07,963 --> 00:01:09,243 across four continents… 26 00:01:10,483 --> 00:01:12,483 Why couldn't we just fly in the normal way? 27 00:01:12,563 --> 00:01:15,083 [Jack] Because this is a more scenic way. 28 00:01:15,563 --> 00:01:17,003 [Jack] …with thrills… 29 00:01:17,083 --> 00:01:18,323 Your father's funnier than you. 30 00:01:18,403 --> 00:01:19,203 [groans] 31 00:01:19,283 --> 00:01:21,203 -[tires squeal] -[Jack screams] 32 00:01:21,763 --> 00:01:22,723 No, thank you. 33 00:01:22,803 --> 00:01:24,483 -[Jack] …and spills… -[whistle blows] 34 00:01:24,563 --> 00:01:25,803 Fuck! 35 00:01:27,643 --> 00:01:29,123 -Got him! I've got him! -[man] Yes! 36 00:01:29,203 --> 00:01:30,523 -[Jack] Can I get over that? -No! 37 00:01:32,043 --> 00:01:33,523 [Jack] …staying in budget… 38 00:01:33,603 --> 00:01:35,883 [Michael] Is this the hotel? Are you sure? 39 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,163 I'm not sleeping in here. 40 00:01:37,243 --> 00:01:38,363 I'm Jack. 41 00:01:38,443 --> 00:01:40,043 This is my father, Michael. 42 00:01:40,123 --> 00:01:41,523 -[Michael] Sorry. -[Jack] What? 43 00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:42,403 [Michael] No way. 44 00:01:42,483 --> 00:01:43,683 [Jack] …and sheer luxury. 45 00:01:45,243 --> 00:01:46,043 Fuck. 46 00:01:46,123 --> 00:01:48,043 [Jack] And we've loved every minute. 47 00:01:48,123 --> 00:01:49,203 Yes, very funny. 48 00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:50,203 [Jack groans] 49 00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,043 Can you stop making out, please? 50 00:01:53,123 --> 00:01:55,843 You know how much I enjoy your company. 51 00:01:57,563 --> 00:02:01,723 And I see Momsie's getting on very well with Valerio over there. 52 00:02:01,803 --> 00:02:04,723 He'd actually be quite useful to have around the house. 53 00:02:07,443 --> 00:02:10,083 This must be a bit of a home from home for you, 54 00:02:10,643 --> 00:02:12,683 being here in an empty theater. 55 00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:13,763 No. 56 00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:17,163 The tone of this show is warmth, okay? 57 00:02:17,243 --> 00:02:19,363 -This is wistful reminiscence. -Okay. 58 00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:22,083 So less of that, please. You're already dragging it down. 59 00:02:22,163 --> 00:02:23,723 Stop being a buzzkill. 60 00:02:24,683 --> 00:02:25,483 A what-kill? 61 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:27,723 A buzzkill. A fun sponge. 62 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,003 -Okay? -Yep. 63 00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:32,963 With travelling, I think it's always about 64 00:02:33,443 --> 00:02:35,963 the people you meet as much as the places you go. 65 00:02:36,043 --> 00:02:37,083 Couldn't agree more. 66 00:02:37,163 --> 00:02:38,443 We've met incredible people 67 00:02:38,523 --> 00:02:41,563 and I know how much you love meeting new people. 68 00:02:41,643 --> 00:02:44,043 You get the chance to offend them for the first time. 69 00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:45,203 Who would you say are your… 70 00:02:46,323 --> 00:02:47,443 favorite 71 00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:48,923 characters? 72 00:02:49,483 --> 00:02:50,403 Um. 73 00:02:52,203 --> 00:02:53,203 Stewart. 74 00:02:54,203 --> 00:02:55,563 I really liked Stewart. 75 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,483 We didn't meet anyone called Stewart. 76 00:02:57,563 --> 00:02:59,643 -Yeah, we did. -You mean the guy on the train? 77 00:02:59,723 --> 00:03:01,323 -Yeah. -Right. 78 00:03:01,403 --> 00:03:02,803 He was a steward. 79 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,683 -We've been over this. -I know, but I thought he was amazing. 80 00:03:05,763 --> 00:03:08,403 [laughing] When you say you thought he was amazing, you literally 81 00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:13,043 addressed one sentence to him in which you got his name wrong. 82 00:03:13,123 --> 00:03:15,963 Yeah, but he was a very good steward. 83 00:03:16,043 --> 00:03:19,523 Well, let's just re-jog our memory by reliving that moment 84 00:03:19,603 --> 00:03:22,163 when you became ride or dies 85 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,163 with a random steward 86 00:03:24,243 --> 00:03:26,283 on a train in Thailand. 87 00:03:26,763 --> 00:03:28,003 -Called Stewart. -No! 88 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,403 -He wasn't called Stewart. -He was! 89 00:03:30,483 --> 00:03:31,523 Excuse me, gentlemen. 90 00:03:31,603 --> 00:03:34,123 This is your bathroom. 91 00:03:34,203 --> 00:03:36,163 We have liquor over there 92 00:03:36,243 --> 00:03:37,843 and an ice bucket over there. 93 00:03:37,923 --> 00:03:39,403 I'm your steward. 94 00:03:39,483 --> 00:03:42,083 If you have any problems, 95 00:03:42,163 --> 00:03:44,563 if you want to call me, you can press and call there. 96 00:03:44,643 --> 00:03:47,643 Thank you so much, Stewart. Very nice to meet you. 97 00:03:48,363 --> 00:03:50,563 -What a nice man. -"Stewart"? 98 00:03:50,643 --> 00:03:52,363 -Steward. -He said he was Stewart. 99 00:03:52,443 --> 00:03:54,403 He said steward, not Stewart. 100 00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:55,843 Did he look like a Stewart? 101 00:03:56,723 --> 00:03:57,603 [Jack chuckles] 102 00:03:57,683 --> 00:03:59,683 You thought he was called Stewart? 103 00:04:01,003 --> 00:04:01,963 Sorry, I mean… 104 00:04:02,683 --> 00:04:04,123 How would I know? 105 00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:06,283 You said "Stewart" and he didn't come in 106 00:04:06,363 --> 00:04:08,083 and say, "Sorry, that is not my name." 107 00:04:08,163 --> 00:04:09,523 He had a name badge on. 108 00:04:09,603 --> 00:04:11,163 -I read the name badge. -What was it? 109 00:04:11,243 --> 00:04:13,123 -It didn't say Stewart. -What did it say? 110 00:04:13,203 --> 00:04:15,963 I don't… Honestly, I'm afraid I can't remember. 111 00:04:16,043 --> 00:04:17,363 It was five years ago 112 00:04:17,443 --> 00:04:19,883 and we met him for five seconds. 113 00:04:19,963 --> 00:04:21,963 Well, then maybe he wasn't called Stewart. 114 00:04:22,043 --> 00:04:24,723 You think, if he was actually called Stewart as well, 115 00:04:24,803 --> 00:04:28,683 he might not have introduced himself by saying "I am your Stewart"? 116 00:04:28,763 --> 00:04:30,283 [chuckling] It's quite over-familiar. 117 00:04:30,363 --> 00:04:33,403 [chuckling] Maybe he meant that in a friendly way. 118 00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:35,203 "I am your Stewart." 119 00:04:35,283 --> 00:04:37,203 Do you introduce yourself like that often? 120 00:04:37,283 --> 00:04:39,003 What, "I am your Michael"? 121 00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:41,643 No, but he was in a foreign language. 122 00:04:41,723 --> 00:04:44,243 He was obviously struggling a bit. 123 00:04:44,803 --> 00:04:47,123 Possibly one of the weirdest ones, 124 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,443 in terms of people that we met on our travels, 125 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,643 was when 126 00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:54,003 we literally just accidentally bumped into Steven Seagal. 127 00:04:54,523 --> 00:04:55,323 Do you remember? 128 00:04:55,403 --> 00:04:57,643 Yes. I mean, I'd never heard of him. 129 00:04:57,723 --> 00:04:59,803 -Shall we take a look? -Yeah. 130 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,003 Look. Round there. Don't make it obvious. 131 00:05:05,283 --> 00:05:07,163 That's definitely him, isn't it? 132 00:05:07,243 --> 00:05:08,603 [man] Yeah, it does look like him. 133 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,523 I've got to say hello. 134 00:05:10,603 --> 00:05:12,483 I have to meet Steven Seagal. 135 00:05:16,723 --> 00:05:17,523 [Jack] Hello. 136 00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:18,763 Mr. Seagal. 137 00:05:18,843 --> 00:05:21,843 -Hi, I'm Jack. I'm a big fan of yours. -Nice to meet you. 138 00:05:21,923 --> 00:05:24,243 Nice to meet you. I'm staying in the hotel as well. 139 00:05:25,203 --> 00:05:26,803 Yeah, a huge fan of your work. 140 00:05:26,883 --> 00:05:28,523 -I'm an actor myself. -Really? 141 00:05:29,083 --> 00:05:30,723 This is my dad. Daddy? 142 00:05:30,803 --> 00:05:33,563 -I'm doing a show with my father. -You still call him daddy? 143 00:05:33,643 --> 00:05:35,483 -Sorry? -You still call him daddy? 144 00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:37,763 I… Yeah. 145 00:05:38,443 --> 00:05:40,523 Daddy, this is Steven Seagal. 146 00:05:40,603 --> 00:05:43,803 Ah, Mr. Seagal. Very, very nice to meet you, sir. 147 00:05:43,883 --> 00:05:46,243 -May I ask one more question as well? -Yeah, sure. 148 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,763 -I know that you're a Zen master. -Uh-huh. 149 00:05:49,843 --> 00:05:52,923 What is the essence of Zen? 150 00:05:53,923 --> 00:05:56,123 [gurgling] 151 00:05:58,803 --> 00:06:00,403 [Jack laughs] 152 00:06:00,483 --> 00:06:02,643 Steven Seagal just threw me into a pond. 153 00:06:03,443 --> 00:06:05,043 [Jack] Has he just gone? 154 00:06:05,123 --> 00:06:08,443 [Michael] I was just going to shake his hand and thank him for it. 155 00:06:09,563 --> 00:06:10,563 Got it. 156 00:06:10,643 --> 00:06:12,563 What is the essence of Zen? 157 00:06:12,643 --> 00:06:14,523 To immerse yourself in it. 158 00:06:15,003 --> 00:06:16,283 That's why he threw me in. 159 00:06:17,803 --> 00:06:19,283 I mean, he could have just said it. 160 00:06:21,523 --> 00:06:25,043 What a strange experience that was. Mr. Seagal. 161 00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:28,723 His manager rang the following day and asked us 162 00:06:28,803 --> 00:06:30,403 whether we'd like to have 163 00:06:30,883 --> 00:06:31,683 lunch. 164 00:06:31,763 --> 00:06:32,843 It was lunch, yeah. 165 00:06:32,923 --> 00:06:36,203 And the lunch was very peculiar because he didn't eat anything, 166 00:06:36,283 --> 00:06:37,083 because he said, 167 00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,683 [mimics American accent] "I don't do lunch, I don't eat lunch." 168 00:06:39,763 --> 00:06:44,163 I remember that thing at the lunch when he was talking to you about aikido 169 00:06:44,243 --> 00:06:47,723 and you were just sort of asking questions to be polite 170 00:06:47,803 --> 00:06:51,363 and he was getting into quite a lot of detail with you 171 00:06:51,443 --> 00:06:56,123 about how to disarm someone running at you with a samurai sword. 172 00:06:56,203 --> 00:06:57,643 That's right. I remember that. 173 00:06:57,723 --> 00:06:59,323 And you were sort of nodding along 174 00:06:59,403 --> 00:07:02,523 as if to say, "Yes, well, that's very useful information 175 00:07:02,603 --> 00:07:04,323 that you're giving me, Mr. Seagal." 176 00:07:04,963 --> 00:07:07,243 "I'll bear that in mind next time I'm 177 00:07:07,723 --> 00:07:09,643 in Waitrose at the Putney Shopping Exchange 178 00:07:09,723 --> 00:07:11,523 and someone comes at me with a samurai sword." 179 00:07:11,603 --> 00:07:14,323 -Or the Garrick Club. -Yeah. 180 00:07:14,403 --> 00:07:18,723 Is there anyone else that you have a particular fondness for? 181 00:07:18,803 --> 00:07:21,163 I absolutely loved 182 00:07:22,283 --> 00:07:23,083 Porky. 183 00:07:23,163 --> 00:07:25,203 -Oh, Porky, yeah. -Do you remember Porky? 184 00:07:25,283 --> 00:07:26,483 He was amazing. 185 00:07:27,083 --> 00:07:28,323 We rolled round Compton… 186 00:07:28,403 --> 00:07:29,563 …and he kept 187 00:07:29,643 --> 00:07:32,483 calling me an OG, which 188 00:07:32,963 --> 00:07:36,043 I thought was, you know, slightly rude 189 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,843 because I thought it was like an OAP 190 00:07:38,923 --> 00:07:42,043 and I thought, "Well, okay, I'm not a young man anymore, 191 00:07:42,123 --> 00:07:44,203 but you don't have to keep 192 00:07:45,163 --> 00:07:46,763 referring to me 193 00:07:47,443 --> 00:07:48,763 as an OG." 194 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,323 -And, of course, that's not what it meant. -No. 195 00:07:51,403 --> 00:07:52,883 -Original gangster. -Yeah. 196 00:07:52,963 --> 00:07:55,243 Fair play. Game respect game. 197 00:07:58,963 --> 00:08:00,323 You just going to leave that? 198 00:08:01,163 --> 00:08:02,683 -Yeah. -Leave a brother hanging? 199 00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:05,283 You're meant to just 200 00:08:05,363 --> 00:08:06,163 butt it. 201 00:08:08,003 --> 00:08:10,483 Okay, let's just watch the clip. 202 00:08:10,963 --> 00:08:12,643 -OG, you good? -[Jack] OG? 203 00:08:13,803 --> 00:08:15,283 -What? -I said, are you good? 204 00:08:15,363 --> 00:08:16,723 Yeah, I'm very good. 205 00:08:17,203 --> 00:08:19,683 I see I hit you with the OG, you said, "What?" 206 00:08:19,763 --> 00:08:21,603 [chuckles] 207 00:08:21,683 --> 00:08:22,483 [Jack] Old granddad. 208 00:08:23,683 --> 00:08:25,523 No, original gangster. 209 00:08:25,603 --> 00:08:26,923 -Original gangster. -Right. 210 00:08:27,003 --> 00:08:30,123 You rocking that suit with that pink tie. 211 00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:31,603 What? 212 00:08:31,683 --> 00:08:34,883 You ain't playing no games, OG, shit. 213 00:08:35,443 --> 00:08:36,603 You set the bar high. 214 00:08:37,243 --> 00:08:38,523 [Michael] I like this man. 215 00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:41,883 I like the respect, too, which I don't get from you. 216 00:08:41,962 --> 00:08:43,003 Ever. 217 00:08:43,483 --> 00:08:46,962 See, you a little dog right now. You rolling with the big dogs, you see? 218 00:08:47,043 --> 00:08:48,403 Me and OG got you. 219 00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:50,243 We'll take care of you, youngster. 220 00:08:50,323 --> 00:08:54,443 [Jack] I am a huge fan of gangsta rap. 221 00:08:54,923 --> 00:08:55,963 Oh, is that right? 222 00:08:56,043 --> 00:08:58,043 -So I have always wanted… -Gangsta rap? 223 00:08:58,123 --> 00:08:59,843 -I am. I love gangsta rap. -Rubbish. 224 00:08:59,923 --> 00:09:02,603 You used to be obsessed with the Spice Girls. 225 00:09:02,683 --> 00:09:03,923 I mean, what is all this…? 226 00:09:04,003 --> 00:09:07,323 -[Porky chuckles] -I was not obsessed with the Spice Girls. 227 00:09:07,403 --> 00:09:11,523 You had all their music, you danced around your bedroom to the Spice Girls. 228 00:09:11,603 --> 00:09:13,483 Pops put you on blast! 229 00:09:13,563 --> 00:09:15,323 You loved the Spice Girls. 230 00:09:15,403 --> 00:09:17,843 I loved rap. I had a Big Pun album. 231 00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:20,203 I had an N.W.A. album, I had an Eminem album. 232 00:09:20,283 --> 00:09:22,243 What's your favorite gangsta rap song? 233 00:09:23,483 --> 00:09:24,803 [Jack] I like… 234 00:09:25,723 --> 00:09:28,043 [Michael] See, it's taking you a long time to think of one. 235 00:09:28,123 --> 00:09:29,843 Dr. Dre, 236 00:09:30,523 --> 00:09:31,563 um, 237 00:09:31,643 --> 00:09:32,763 "Millennium." 238 00:09:33,283 --> 00:09:35,603 No, that's Will Smith. Damn it. 239 00:09:35,683 --> 00:09:37,323 [chuckles] 240 00:09:37,403 --> 00:09:40,723 [hip-hop music playing] 241 00:09:41,523 --> 00:09:42,683 Cheers, fellas. 242 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,363 [Jack] Cheers. 243 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:46,843 [all] Cheers. 244 00:09:46,923 --> 00:09:48,443 [Michael] Cheers, gentlemen. 245 00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:50,443 -[Porky] Yes sir, OG. -[Jack] Bottoms up. 246 00:09:51,403 --> 00:09:52,323 Yes, sir. 247 00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,963 What do y'all drink out there? 248 00:09:59,523 --> 00:10:02,283 Um, I quite like 249 00:10:02,363 --> 00:10:03,603 a white wine spritzer. 250 00:10:04,723 --> 00:10:07,003 You listen to the Spice Girls and drink white wine? 251 00:10:07,083 --> 00:10:09,963 -Yeah, damn straight. -[all laugh] 252 00:10:12,363 --> 00:10:14,563 [Michael] What a lovely man. 253 00:10:14,643 --> 00:10:17,203 It's actually quite sad, a little somber note. 254 00:10:17,723 --> 00:10:20,563 Porky, unfortunately, is no longer with us. 255 00:10:20,643 --> 00:10:22,203 -Really? -Yeah. 256 00:10:22,283 --> 00:10:23,763 He's sadly deceased. 257 00:10:24,243 --> 00:10:25,643 -No. -He is, yeah. 258 00:10:25,723 --> 00:10:29,083 That is so sad, because I was really fond of him. 259 00:10:29,163 --> 00:10:31,523 So, I thought we could have a little toast… 260 00:10:31,603 --> 00:10:33,003 Oh, nice. 261 00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:35,123 …to Porky, sadly departed. 262 00:10:35,203 --> 00:10:36,523 Sweet. 263 00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:37,723 Absent friends. 264 00:10:38,283 --> 00:10:39,123 Porky. 265 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:40,323 To you. 266 00:10:40,403 --> 00:10:42,043 -God bless. -God bless you. 267 00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:50,563 I mean, it would probably be more appropriate if we skinned up a blunt, 268 00:10:50,643 --> 00:10:52,483 had a couple of tokes of that in his memory. 269 00:10:52,563 --> 00:10:55,923 Yeah, I think we'll probably just stick to the champagne, shall we? 270 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,123 Cheeky zoot? 271 00:10:58,363 --> 00:10:59,803 It's what he would have wanted. 272 00:11:03,683 --> 00:11:04,803 Okay. 273 00:11:04,883 --> 00:11:09,083 Of course, there's someone that you met right at the beginning of Travels 274 00:11:09,163 --> 00:11:12,323 who has retained a very special place in your affections. 275 00:11:12,883 --> 00:11:13,923 You mean 276 00:11:14,483 --> 00:11:15,283 your mother? 277 00:11:15,363 --> 00:11:17,523 -I'm talking about Winston. -Winston! 278 00:11:17,603 --> 00:11:18,643 Right, yes. 279 00:11:19,283 --> 00:11:22,083 I sort of think of him as the son I never had. 280 00:11:23,003 --> 00:11:25,283 -Know what I mean? -What do you mean, "never had"? 281 00:11:25,883 --> 00:11:26,883 You had a son. 282 00:11:26,963 --> 00:11:28,323 -You've had two sons! -Yes. 283 00:11:28,403 --> 00:11:29,563 But, 284 00:11:29,643 --> 00:11:31,723 there's something very special about him. 285 00:11:31,803 --> 00:11:33,003 -Right. -Different. 286 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,123 He's a doll, that's what's different about him. 287 00:11:35,203 --> 00:11:37,203 Does he sleep in the bed with you and Mommy? 288 00:11:37,803 --> 00:11:38,723 Not now. 289 00:11:38,803 --> 00:11:40,763 What do you mean, "not now"? He has? 290 00:11:40,843 --> 00:11:42,763 Well, obviously, when he was younger. 291 00:11:43,363 --> 00:11:44,443 But not now. 292 00:11:46,203 --> 00:11:47,003 Jesus. 293 00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:51,123 Well, let's just remind ourselves 294 00:11:51,203 --> 00:11:54,923 of how this creepy little fucker came into our lives. 295 00:11:55,003 --> 00:11:56,763 -[Jack] Shoes. -[light-hearted music playing] 296 00:11:56,843 --> 00:11:58,563 [Michael] Oh, right. 297 00:11:58,643 --> 00:11:59,523 Ridiculous. 298 00:12:01,683 --> 00:12:03,643 [speaks Thai] 299 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,003 [in English] Hello. 300 00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:05,923 [Michael] Hello. 301 00:12:06,003 --> 00:12:08,723 People look after these dolls like they're actual children? 302 00:12:08,803 --> 00:12:09,603 [Pru] Yes. 303 00:12:09,683 --> 00:12:11,603 I want you guys to have a doll of your own. 304 00:12:11,683 --> 00:12:14,923 You know, going to several countries, I think having a doll with you 305 00:12:15,003 --> 00:12:18,643 will be a symbol of good luck and of good fortune for your travels. 306 00:12:18,723 --> 00:12:20,123 [Jack] What shall we call him? 307 00:12:20,603 --> 00:12:22,443 [Michael] I've been thinking about that. 308 00:12:22,523 --> 00:12:25,123 I mean, I called you Jack because my father was called Jack, 309 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:28,683 but I've always regretted not sticking to plan A, 310 00:12:29,723 --> 00:12:31,523 which was to call you Winston. 311 00:12:32,723 --> 00:12:33,883 -[Jack gasps] -Ah. 312 00:12:36,163 --> 00:12:39,163 -Ah, Winston. -And the moment you've been waiting for. 313 00:12:39,243 --> 00:12:40,963 This is your luk thep doll. 314 00:12:41,043 --> 00:12:42,963 -Hello. -Meet your two new daddies. 315 00:12:43,523 --> 00:12:45,403 Daddy and grandpa, not daddies. 316 00:12:45,483 --> 00:12:46,363 We're not a couple. 317 00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:48,763 I just didn't want to confuse him. 318 00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:52,203 You might have first… first dibs, as they say. 319 00:12:53,123 --> 00:12:55,563 -[Jack] I'm going to look after it. -[Michael] Hello, Winston. 320 00:12:56,403 --> 00:12:57,403 Daddy's here. 321 00:12:57,483 --> 00:12:59,683 Right, that's the creepiest thing I've ever seen. 322 00:12:59,763 --> 00:13:01,643 Please don't creep him out. 323 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,963 Do you want to hold him? Don't do the voice, just hold him. 324 00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:06,203 No pooing. 325 00:13:07,243 --> 00:13:08,403 There's a good boy. 326 00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:10,323 Right, Winny, off we go. 327 00:13:10,403 --> 00:13:11,523 [Jack chuckles] 328 00:13:11,603 --> 00:13:13,363 -Thank you. -[Michael] Out we go. 329 00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:15,203 Come with grandpa. 330 00:13:16,083 --> 00:13:17,523 -So weird. -Sweet. 331 00:13:17,603 --> 00:13:19,043 Doesn't get any less weird. 332 00:13:19,123 --> 00:13:21,323 No, it was sweet. 333 00:13:21,403 --> 00:13:23,523 Remember that lady was quite flirtatious with me? 334 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,563 -She was. -She was very… 335 00:13:26,203 --> 00:13:29,203 Because she had a doll and she was sort of flirting 336 00:13:29,283 --> 00:13:32,243 with you through her doll, yeah. 337 00:13:32,323 --> 00:13:34,843 It was such an odd afternoon. 338 00:13:34,923 --> 00:13:36,963 You have to admit Winston is creepy. 339 00:13:37,043 --> 00:13:39,443 He's not creepy, he's just sweet. 340 00:13:39,523 --> 00:13:40,763 He is creepy. 341 00:13:41,683 --> 00:13:44,083 He literally is straight out of a horror film. 342 00:13:44,163 --> 00:13:46,003 -Oh, rubbish. -He is! 343 00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:48,283 Look, I'll prove a point. 344 00:13:48,363 --> 00:13:51,163 All you have to do is change the music a little bit 345 00:13:51,243 --> 00:13:54,003 and you can see just how creepy he is. 346 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,963 -[haunting tune playing] -Do you think about death a lot? 347 00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:59,243 Death is a horrible thing, bro. 348 00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:02,883 [Andra] This card is showing her that you have a curse. 349 00:14:02,963 --> 00:14:04,123 -A curse? -Yeah. 350 00:14:04,203 --> 00:14:06,323 [dissonant, dramatic music playing] 351 00:14:11,043 --> 00:14:13,243 I had no idea that's how my grandmother died. 352 00:14:13,323 --> 00:14:15,083 Stop talking to the doll. It's weird. 353 00:14:15,683 --> 00:14:17,123 It's not a doll, it's Winston. 354 00:14:18,323 --> 00:14:19,843 [Jack screams] 355 00:14:19,923 --> 00:14:20,843 [echoing] Daddy's here. 356 00:14:25,483 --> 00:14:27,043 -Creepy. -"Hallowinny"? 357 00:14:27,123 --> 00:14:28,323 "Hallowinny." 358 00:14:28,403 --> 00:14:31,683 I think one of the things that I've loved most about this experience 359 00:14:31,763 --> 00:14:33,563 and having done it for so long, 360 00:14:34,203 --> 00:14:37,483 is, you know, watching how much you have 361 00:14:37,563 --> 00:14:41,923 become far more willing to throw yourself into some of these experiences. 362 00:14:42,003 --> 00:14:44,523 For example, in that first series we did, 363 00:14:44,603 --> 00:14:46,123 I remember 364 00:14:46,203 --> 00:14:49,883 you were doing a scene with me where we were in a kayak for the day 365 00:14:49,963 --> 00:14:50,883 and you 366 00:14:51,563 --> 00:14:53,283 wouldn't take off your suit jacket. 367 00:14:53,363 --> 00:14:57,403 And I remember hours were spent trying to convince you to take it off. 368 00:14:57,483 --> 00:14:58,683 And that was series one. 369 00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:01,043 By series four, I had you 370 00:15:01,123 --> 00:15:02,363 in drag… 371 00:15:03,443 --> 00:15:04,803 on stage in a gay bar. 372 00:15:04,883 --> 00:15:08,283 -[British national anthem playing] -[audience cheering] 373 00:15:11,563 --> 00:15:14,083 And I think that that is testament 374 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,923 to how much you have been able to open your mind. 375 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:20,443 I don't think it's opening my mind. I think you broke my spirit. 376 00:15:20,523 --> 00:15:21,323 [sniggers] 377 00:15:21,403 --> 00:15:25,123 I just thought in the end, "What's the point of fighting this?" 378 00:15:25,603 --> 00:15:27,163 "Let's just get on with it." 379 00:15:27,243 --> 00:15:29,643 And the more I got on with it, the more I enjoyed it. 380 00:15:29,723 --> 00:15:30,723 Yeah. 381 00:15:30,803 --> 00:15:34,643 So, it was clowns and it was all the other things we did. 382 00:15:34,723 --> 00:15:35,523 Clowns. 383 00:15:35,603 --> 00:15:38,603 -That was a very important moment. -Yeah. 384 00:15:38,683 --> 00:15:40,363 I mean, you were quite scared of clowns. 385 00:15:40,443 --> 00:15:42,323 I wouldn't say I'm scared of clowns. 386 00:15:42,883 --> 00:15:43,683 Hm. 387 00:15:43,763 --> 00:15:45,363 Well, let's take a look 388 00:15:45,443 --> 00:15:47,523 at the clown festival in Odessa. 389 00:15:47,603 --> 00:15:49,723 [percussive music playing] 390 00:15:49,803 --> 00:15:53,163 [Jack] The whole festival culminates in a parade through the city. 391 00:15:56,483 --> 00:16:00,163 A chance for my father to face his fears head-on. 392 00:16:02,123 --> 00:16:03,283 Unsurprisingly… 393 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:04,163 Daddy? 394 00:16:04,243 --> 00:16:06,003 …he's feeling a little camera-shy. 395 00:16:06,083 --> 00:16:07,563 Where is he? 396 00:16:07,643 --> 00:16:08,643 Daddy? 397 00:16:08,723 --> 00:16:09,883 [crowd chattering] 398 00:16:09,963 --> 00:16:11,003 Michael! 399 00:16:13,923 --> 00:16:15,083 Got him. He's there. 400 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,843 [drums playing] 401 00:16:17,923 --> 00:16:20,643 What the fuck am I doing here? 402 00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:22,923 It's a complete nightmare. 403 00:16:23,003 --> 00:16:25,123 I don't know how I let you talk me into it. 404 00:16:26,203 --> 00:16:27,803 -Daddy, can you wave? -No. 405 00:16:27,883 --> 00:16:29,643 -I'm not. -You're scaring the children. 406 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,763 -I am not scaring the children. -You are. 407 00:16:31,843 --> 00:16:35,603 I have given them as many waves as I can deal with. 408 00:16:35,683 --> 00:16:37,843 I'll give them one more and then that's it. 409 00:16:37,923 --> 00:16:40,123 Not like the Queen, like a clown. Big fun. 410 00:16:40,203 --> 00:16:41,563 [whistle blowing] 411 00:16:41,643 --> 00:16:46,003 [Jack] Only my father could make a clown parade feel like a funeral cortege. 412 00:16:47,163 --> 00:16:50,083 Must have been good for you, though, that experience. 413 00:16:50,163 --> 00:16:52,803 Oh, I loved it. I was so into being a clown. 414 00:16:52,883 --> 00:16:55,323 Because, you know, ultimately your career, 415 00:16:55,403 --> 00:16:58,763 I mean I'm not saying it will, could very easily go 416 00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:01,963 into the world of child entertainment. 417 00:17:02,043 --> 00:17:04,443 You know, children's parties, that sort of stuff. 418 00:17:05,843 --> 00:17:08,803 So, do you think that experience at the Odessa Clown Festival 419 00:17:08,883 --> 00:17:10,963 helped you overcome your fear of clowns? 420 00:17:11,043 --> 00:17:13,683 I don't know why you keep saying I've got this fear of clowns. 421 00:17:13,763 --> 00:17:15,402 I haven't got a fear of clowns. 422 00:17:15,483 --> 00:17:17,683 -So you're no longer afraid of clowns? -No. 423 00:17:18,402 --> 00:17:20,483 -[clown laughs hysterically] -Oh, fuck. 424 00:17:24,283 --> 00:17:26,323 I can't believe you did that. 425 00:17:26,402 --> 00:17:27,882 At my age. 426 00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,723 That is quite dangerous at your age. 427 00:17:29,803 --> 00:17:32,003 -Yes, I'd be careful about that. -Don't worry. 428 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:34,683 I checked, they've got a defibrillator in reception. 429 00:17:35,443 --> 00:17:36,963 Thank you, Mr. Froggle. 430 00:17:37,043 --> 00:17:39,283 So you laid all this on, did you? 431 00:17:39,363 --> 00:17:41,363 Yes. He's been there for 20 minutes. 432 00:17:41,443 --> 00:17:42,923 You're so vicious. 433 00:17:43,003 --> 00:17:46,123 He was also down there when you slagged off children's entertainers. 434 00:17:46,723 --> 00:17:48,283 You've upset Mr. Froggle. 435 00:17:49,523 --> 00:17:50,843 He's crying back there. 436 00:17:51,883 --> 00:17:54,283 Actually, I think that tear might be painted onto his cheek. 437 00:17:54,843 --> 00:17:57,283 [Jack] Let's move on to our worst experiences. 438 00:17:57,363 --> 00:17:58,923 My worst memory 439 00:17:59,003 --> 00:18:01,443 of the tip to America? 440 00:18:02,523 --> 00:18:05,403 Hilary Whitehall on stage 441 00:18:06,203 --> 00:18:07,003 with Magic Mike. 442 00:18:07,083 --> 00:18:09,443 Oh, that was awful. Yes, I agree with you. 443 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,883 I mean, I don't want to have to see this clip again, 444 00:18:11,963 --> 00:18:14,683 but I guess let's just show it so that we can 445 00:18:14,763 --> 00:18:16,523 re-jog our memories. 446 00:18:16,603 --> 00:18:18,923 I think I might find this quite triggering. 447 00:18:19,003 --> 00:18:21,123 Would you mind coming with me? 448 00:18:21,203 --> 00:18:23,163 -I've got to go. -[Jack] No, no. 449 00:18:23,243 --> 00:18:25,083 -Where are you going? -With him. 450 00:18:25,163 --> 00:18:27,403 [booming pop music playing] 451 00:18:29,643 --> 00:18:31,043 [Jack] What is she doing? 452 00:18:31,603 --> 00:18:32,403 Oh. 453 00:18:32,963 --> 00:18:34,723 [audience cheers] 454 00:18:34,803 --> 00:18:36,043 [Hilary yelps] 455 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,883 [audience cheers] 456 00:18:49,883 --> 00:18:52,083 [retches silently] 457 00:18:53,723 --> 00:18:54,803 [man] Hey man, you good? 458 00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:56,803 No, not good at all! 459 00:18:59,283 --> 00:19:01,283 [Jack screams] 460 00:19:02,923 --> 00:19:04,923 [Jack screams] 461 00:19:19,883 --> 00:19:23,163 [audience cheering] 462 00:19:23,243 --> 00:19:25,403 [applause] 463 00:19:25,483 --> 00:19:27,763 Jack, that was amazing! 464 00:19:27,843 --> 00:19:29,043 Amazing! 465 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,083 I need a drink now. 466 00:19:32,163 --> 00:19:34,523 Are we having a good time tonight? Can I get a "hell yeah"? 467 00:19:34,603 --> 00:19:35,723 [audience] Hell yeah! 468 00:19:35,803 --> 00:19:37,523 Hell yeah! 469 00:19:38,203 --> 00:19:39,443 What do you have to say? 470 00:19:39,523 --> 00:19:43,203 Well fortunately, I wasn't there. I'd already left. 471 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,963 But now that I see it, I mean, 472 00:19:46,043 --> 00:19:47,843 what is your mother doing? 473 00:19:47,923 --> 00:19:50,603 You know, the worst element is that bit where he gyrates up 474 00:19:50,683 --> 00:19:52,363 and she's got these thirsty eyes. 475 00:19:52,443 --> 00:19:54,523 -Yes. -On his package. 476 00:19:55,923 --> 00:19:58,483 Thank God she's never done that with me. 477 00:19:58,563 --> 00:20:01,683 [chuckles] To be fair, I think if you did that move that he was doing, 478 00:20:01,763 --> 00:20:03,083 you'd never get up from it. 479 00:20:04,883 --> 00:20:08,363 The worst thing about that as well is that I remember, 480 00:20:08,443 --> 00:20:09,403 afterwards, 481 00:20:09,483 --> 00:20:11,443 Mommy told me that when she went up there, 482 00:20:11,523 --> 00:20:14,083 that man smelled of Deep Heat, 483 00:20:14,563 --> 00:20:16,243 which is just such a gross detail. 484 00:20:16,323 --> 00:20:19,683 And it also means that now, when I have that horrific memory, 485 00:20:19,763 --> 00:20:22,003 I also have a horrific smell to go with it. 486 00:20:22,083 --> 00:20:24,883 I'm not really familiar with Deep Heat, 487 00:20:24,963 --> 00:20:27,283 so I don't really know what the smell is. 488 00:20:27,363 --> 00:20:29,843 -But presumably, it's not pleasant. -It's not pleasant. 489 00:20:29,923 --> 00:20:30,803 -No. -No. 490 00:20:30,883 --> 00:20:33,003 Your mother's never discussed it with me. 491 00:20:33,083 --> 00:20:36,243 I would be very worried if, at some point in the future, 492 00:20:36,323 --> 00:20:40,043 Mommy requests that you pop on a bit of Deep Heat before you go to bed. 493 00:20:40,123 --> 00:20:42,403 -I'll bear that in mind. -Just keep an eye out for that. 494 00:20:42,483 --> 00:20:44,243 If she asks you 495 00:20:44,323 --> 00:20:47,723 to squeeze into a pair of very tight jeans, 496 00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:50,203 lather up in Deep Heat 497 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:51,883 and put on some… 498 00:20:53,283 --> 00:20:54,523 R&B, 499 00:20:54,603 --> 00:20:57,923 just say, "No, Hilary, I know what you're up to." 500 00:20:58,003 --> 00:20:59,963 "This Mike ain't magic." 501 00:21:00,043 --> 00:21:02,883 Let's take a look at another of my favorite memories. 502 00:21:02,963 --> 00:21:06,523 This was when you were trying to park an RV 503 00:21:06,603 --> 00:21:09,003 in front of Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. 504 00:21:10,043 --> 00:21:11,443 What do you mean, "trying to"? 505 00:21:11,523 --> 00:21:14,763 Well, I mean, you far from nailed it. 506 00:21:14,843 --> 00:21:15,883 [Jack] No, careful. 507 00:21:18,163 --> 00:21:20,003 -Okay, careful. -[Michael] Here somewhere? 508 00:21:20,083 --> 00:21:21,243 -Stop! -What? 509 00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:23,043 Brake! Sorry. 510 00:21:23,963 --> 00:21:24,843 Is that all right? 511 00:21:24,923 --> 00:21:28,083 -No, you're blocking all the taxis. -What happened to all those…? 512 00:21:28,163 --> 00:21:30,123 -[car horns beep] -Oh, for fuck's sake. [groans] 513 00:21:30,203 --> 00:21:31,323 Where is this going? 514 00:21:32,323 --> 00:21:33,603 -[horn blares] -Stop it! 515 00:21:33,683 --> 00:21:35,523 -Stop it! -What? I don't want people… 516 00:21:35,603 --> 00:21:38,123 -Get someone… -I hate people who horn at me. 517 00:21:38,603 --> 00:21:39,803 [horn beeps] 518 00:21:39,883 --> 00:21:41,163 -Stop it! -Shut up! 519 00:21:41,243 --> 00:21:43,083 -Stop it. -Fuck off! 520 00:21:43,163 --> 00:21:44,243 -Daddy! -What? 521 00:21:45,843 --> 00:21:48,563 -[Jack] Oh my God, kill me now. -[Michael] What do we do, then? 522 00:21:49,443 --> 00:21:52,243 -Get someone to help. -Shall I put the brake on? 523 00:21:52,323 --> 00:21:54,763 Excuse me, can we have some help from the valet? 524 00:21:54,843 --> 00:21:57,763 I've forgotten how the brake works. I think I just switch it off. 525 00:21:58,323 --> 00:21:59,643 [Jack] You can't leave it here. 526 00:22:00,363 --> 00:22:02,283 Daddy, it's rolling! It's rolling! Brake! 527 00:22:03,203 --> 00:22:04,123 [Michael] Right. 528 00:22:04,643 --> 00:22:07,443 -Oh my God. Daddy, stop it. -Where is the brake? 529 00:22:07,523 --> 00:22:11,243 -Put the handbrake on. -I can't find the fucking brake. 530 00:22:11,323 --> 00:22:13,323 -That is the handbrake. -Oh yes, it's there. 531 00:22:13,403 --> 00:22:14,323 Sorry, I'll do that. 532 00:22:14,403 --> 00:22:15,803 I'll do that. 533 00:22:16,403 --> 00:22:17,283 There we are. 534 00:22:17,363 --> 00:22:19,723 [Michael] I'd like to see you park that thing. 535 00:22:20,403 --> 00:22:21,883 [Jack chuckles] 536 00:22:21,963 --> 00:22:25,283 This sets up nicely one of my other favorite themes 537 00:22:25,363 --> 00:22:26,763 of our time travelling. 538 00:22:26,843 --> 00:22:27,643 And that is 539 00:22:27,723 --> 00:22:30,963 when we have been on the road. 540 00:22:31,043 --> 00:22:32,963 When we've been driving. 541 00:22:33,043 --> 00:22:34,803 What do you mean, "we've been"? 542 00:22:34,883 --> 00:22:37,403 -On a road trip. -You can't drive, Jack. 543 00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:38,883 Yeah, I meant "we", not… 544 00:22:38,963 --> 00:22:41,123 You're not thinking that you can drive, are you? 545 00:22:41,203 --> 00:22:46,243 No. I have done all the driving in this entire series, okay? 546 00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:47,323 So not all this 547 00:22:47,403 --> 00:22:50,563 [mocking] "Oh, here's where we've been driving round…" 548 00:22:50,643 --> 00:22:53,723 -Because you never did any driving. -Just drop it. I get it, I don't drive. 549 00:22:53,803 --> 00:22:55,403 Let's take a look 550 00:22:55,483 --> 00:22:57,643 at our time behind the wheel. 551 00:22:57,723 --> 00:23:01,083 Your time behind the wheel, me as a passenger. 552 00:23:02,123 --> 00:23:02,923 Daddy, look. 553 00:23:03,003 --> 00:23:04,923 [country music playing] 554 00:23:05,003 --> 00:23:06,083 What are you doing? 555 00:23:10,523 --> 00:23:12,523 Just ate a Cheeto with my foot. 556 00:23:12,603 --> 00:23:14,243 Absolutely gross. 557 00:23:14,763 --> 00:23:17,563 It's like having a fucking toddler in the car. 558 00:23:17,643 --> 00:23:19,083 [guitar music playing] 559 00:23:19,163 --> 00:23:20,403 What is that you're eating? 560 00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:21,643 A Lamington finger. 561 00:23:21,723 --> 00:23:24,443 -It's an Aussie classic. -It sounds gross. 562 00:23:25,603 --> 00:23:27,843 -A Lamington finger? -Yeah. 563 00:23:27,923 --> 00:23:30,403 Sounds like a thing at school. 564 00:23:30,483 --> 00:23:32,843 Mr. Lamington, the head of geography, 565 00:23:32,923 --> 00:23:35,003 and what he did with his finger. 566 00:23:35,763 --> 00:23:37,683 Really gross. 567 00:23:38,763 --> 00:23:40,843 [Jack] Do you want me to slip you a Lamington finger? 568 00:23:40,923 --> 00:23:42,003 [Michael] No, thank you. 569 00:23:43,043 --> 00:23:44,083 Daddy, have a nut. 570 00:23:45,843 --> 00:23:47,003 You want a nut? 571 00:23:47,723 --> 00:23:48,923 I don't really… 572 00:23:49,483 --> 00:23:50,323 Holy… 573 00:23:50,403 --> 00:23:51,363 [groans] 574 00:23:52,843 --> 00:23:54,963 That is… [retches] 575 00:23:55,523 --> 00:23:57,563 Fuck, sorry. They have wasabi on them. 576 00:23:57,643 --> 00:23:58,643 [groans] 577 00:23:59,163 --> 00:24:01,563 That is absolutely disgusting. 578 00:24:04,123 --> 00:24:06,043 What the fuck was that? 579 00:24:06,123 --> 00:24:07,843 -[laughing] It's a… -I'm going to kill you. 580 00:24:07,923 --> 00:24:12,203 -It's a wasabi peanut. -I'm going to absolutely kill you. 581 00:24:12,283 --> 00:24:16,603 That's the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten in my entire life. 582 00:24:17,283 --> 00:24:19,163 It tastes like it came out of your ass. 583 00:24:19,243 --> 00:24:22,003 [Jack laughs hysterically] 584 00:24:24,083 --> 00:24:25,163 [Jack laughs] 585 00:24:26,363 --> 00:24:28,723 -You have to admit, Jack… -Yeah? 586 00:24:28,803 --> 00:24:31,203 …you are very annoying in a car. 587 00:24:31,283 --> 00:24:32,843 I bring vibes on a road trip. 588 00:24:32,923 --> 00:24:34,523 I keep the energy up in those cars. 589 00:24:34,603 --> 00:24:36,403 All right, okay. 590 00:24:36,963 --> 00:24:38,483 And it makes the time fly by. 591 00:24:38,563 --> 00:24:39,483 Mm-hm. 592 00:24:39,563 --> 00:24:43,563 Of course, one of the most celebrated things to come out of our show 593 00:24:43,643 --> 00:24:45,443 is your catchphrase. 594 00:24:45,523 --> 00:24:47,283 -I don't have a catchphrase. -You do. 595 00:24:47,363 --> 00:24:48,323 "Fuck off." 596 00:24:48,403 --> 00:24:50,083 -Don't be ridiculous. -That is. 597 00:24:50,163 --> 00:24:51,243 It's your catchphrase. 598 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:54,403 -That is my catchphrase? -People shout it to you on the street. 599 00:24:54,963 --> 00:24:56,363 At least I think they're fans. 600 00:24:56,443 --> 00:24:59,003 You have to admit you do swear quite a lot. 601 00:24:59,083 --> 00:25:00,123 Not true. 602 00:25:00,203 --> 00:25:01,963 -You're like a sailor. -I do not. 603 00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:05,363 -I do not. -There's f-bombs left, right and center. 604 00:25:05,443 --> 00:25:07,283 -You're carpet bombing f-bombs. -Total liar. 605 00:25:07,363 --> 00:25:09,203 -Every other word out of your… -No, not true. 606 00:25:09,283 --> 00:25:10,443 -It is! -Not true. 607 00:25:10,523 --> 00:25:13,483 You do, you swear a lot. You're swearing all the time. 608 00:25:13,563 --> 00:25:16,243 -I do not swear all the time. -Yes, you do. 609 00:25:16,323 --> 00:25:19,763 That is fucking untrue, okay? 610 00:25:19,843 --> 00:25:21,203 Shall we look at a montage? 611 00:25:21,283 --> 00:25:23,723 What the fuck's a montage? 612 00:25:23,803 --> 00:25:26,083 What's this child doing? Fuck off. 613 00:25:26,163 --> 00:25:27,883 Fuck off. 614 00:25:27,963 --> 00:25:29,723 Fuck off. 615 00:25:29,803 --> 00:25:30,643 What the fuck? 616 00:25:30,723 --> 00:25:31,883 Oh, fuck! 617 00:25:32,483 --> 00:25:34,523 [shouting] Get your hands on the fucking wheel! 618 00:25:34,603 --> 00:25:35,603 Little fucker. 619 00:25:35,683 --> 00:25:36,883 Stop fucking around. 620 00:25:36,963 --> 00:25:38,083 Shut the fuck up! 621 00:25:38,163 --> 00:25:39,003 Fuck off! 622 00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:41,203 What the fuck am I doing here? 623 00:25:41,283 --> 00:25:42,163 Fucking hell. 624 00:25:42,243 --> 00:25:44,243 I mean, it's like a big, fucking chicken. 625 00:25:44,323 --> 00:25:46,203 Didgeri-fucking-doo. 626 00:25:46,283 --> 00:25:48,323 No fucking way. 627 00:25:48,403 --> 00:25:50,083 [shouting] Where the fuck have you been? 628 00:25:50,163 --> 00:25:51,643 What the fuck is that? 629 00:25:51,723 --> 00:25:52,523 Fucking hell. 630 00:25:52,603 --> 00:25:53,563 Oh, fuck! 631 00:25:53,643 --> 00:25:55,603 Fuck. 632 00:25:55,683 --> 00:25:57,243 Fuck. 633 00:25:57,323 --> 00:25:58,363 Love you. 634 00:25:59,163 --> 00:26:00,443 Fuck off. 635 00:26:01,003 --> 00:26:02,243 [Jack laughs] 636 00:26:02,323 --> 00:26:05,923 Fifty-five f-bombs. Not that anyone's counting. 637 00:26:06,003 --> 00:26:07,843 -Do you want to say sorry? -I apologize. 638 00:26:07,923 --> 00:26:09,683 Say sorry to anyone that was offended. 639 00:26:09,763 --> 00:26:11,763 I'm very sorry to anybody 640 00:26:12,563 --> 00:26:14,083 who was offended. 641 00:26:14,163 --> 00:26:14,963 But 642 00:26:15,043 --> 00:26:17,083 obviously, occasionally, 643 00:26:17,683 --> 00:26:19,483 one is going to drop the f-bomb. 644 00:26:19,563 --> 00:26:21,483 -A little f-bomb just slips out? -Yeah. 645 00:26:23,683 --> 00:26:26,843 We are now drawing to the end of this 646 00:26:27,323 --> 00:26:28,523 stroll down memory lane 647 00:26:28,603 --> 00:26:33,283 and I just wanted to remind us at the end 648 00:26:33,363 --> 00:26:34,563 that we have had 649 00:26:35,043 --> 00:26:36,763 a laugh making this. 650 00:26:36,843 --> 00:26:38,883 We have. A lot of laughs. 651 00:26:38,963 --> 00:26:40,283 [jazzy music playing] 652 00:26:40,363 --> 00:26:42,163 Up the bum, number one. 653 00:26:43,003 --> 00:26:45,363 They definitely didn't like "Up the bum, number one." 654 00:26:45,443 --> 00:26:47,323 [both snigger] 655 00:26:47,403 --> 00:26:48,923 [man] Excuse me, 656 00:26:49,003 --> 00:26:50,763 I really have to take a shit. 657 00:26:50,843 --> 00:26:51,723 [both laugh] 658 00:26:51,803 --> 00:26:53,683 [man 2] Yeah, it's in the back on the… 659 00:26:55,963 --> 00:26:57,083 -[crunch] -Nine hundred feet. 660 00:26:57,163 --> 00:26:59,403 -[Michael groans] -Was that you, Michael? 661 00:27:00,243 --> 00:27:02,763 That's my hip gone. 662 00:27:02,843 --> 00:27:05,243 [Jack and Gareth laugh] 663 00:27:05,323 --> 00:27:07,083 At least you heard it go. 664 00:27:08,323 --> 00:27:11,763 When I was a child, he did a magic trick at all of my birthdays. 665 00:27:11,843 --> 00:27:15,163 He would bring out a big bottle of vodka 666 00:27:15,243 --> 00:27:17,323 and then he'd make the contents disappear. 667 00:27:17,403 --> 00:27:19,843 -[Merlini] It was a joke? -Total lie. 668 00:27:19,923 --> 00:27:23,843 I was a player for a long time, OG. You know, that pussy keep me young. 669 00:27:23,923 --> 00:27:25,843 [laughs] 670 00:27:25,923 --> 00:27:28,003 Pussy make a motherfucker young, boy. 671 00:27:30,043 --> 00:27:32,403 -[tapping] -[woman] Go, baby, go! 672 00:27:33,843 --> 00:27:35,883 I wonder what the Welsh for "idiot" is. 673 00:27:36,963 --> 00:27:38,083 [mimics Welsh accent] Idiot. 674 00:27:38,163 --> 00:27:40,243 -[Hilary splutters] -[Jack laughs] 675 00:27:40,323 --> 00:27:41,123 [Hilary] Sorry, 676 00:27:41,203 --> 00:27:43,203 the ice cream came down my nose. 677 00:27:46,003 --> 00:27:48,283 Well, what a wonderful five years we've had. 678 00:27:48,363 --> 00:27:50,283 -It's been incredible. -We have. 679 00:27:50,363 --> 00:27:52,763 -It's been a huge laugh. -Yeah. 680 00:27:52,843 --> 00:27:55,483 And those are my favorite moments, 681 00:27:55,563 --> 00:27:57,723 when we've been just cracking up 682 00:27:57,803 --> 00:27:59,443 in situations. 683 00:27:59,523 --> 00:28:01,843 The more inappropriate, normally, the better. 684 00:28:01,923 --> 00:28:03,003 Couldn't agree more. 685 00:28:03,083 --> 00:28:05,563 It's been the best time of my life, 686 00:28:05,643 --> 00:28:07,043 the last five years. 687 00:28:07,123 --> 00:28:08,043 Yeah? 688 00:28:08,123 --> 00:28:10,483 And mainly because I've spent it with you. 689 00:28:12,843 --> 00:28:15,683 [emotional music playing] 690 00:28:17,403 --> 00:28:18,803 [Jack chuckles] 691 00:28:21,123 --> 00:28:24,163 Mike rolls his shirtsleeves up. Mike drinks beer. 692 00:28:24,243 --> 00:28:25,883 Jack loves Mike. 693 00:28:25,963 --> 00:28:30,643 Spending this amount of time with you has been amazing. 694 00:28:31,603 --> 00:28:34,643 Well, I don't remember having had such a good time 695 00:28:34,723 --> 00:28:36,163 on so many occasions. 696 00:28:36,243 --> 00:28:38,163 You throw yourself 697 00:28:38,243 --> 00:28:41,603 into things that no one your age would normally throw themselves into 698 00:28:41,683 --> 00:28:44,323 and I always remain impressed 699 00:28:44,403 --> 00:28:47,123 and in awe of your ability to do so. 700 00:28:47,203 --> 00:28:48,563 Thank you. 701 00:28:48,643 --> 00:28:50,443 Thank you. Thank you for doing it. 702 00:28:50,523 --> 00:28:55,283 [voice cracks] I'm aware of how lucky we are to be able to do this. 703 00:28:56,203 --> 00:28:57,243 I'm bloody lucky. 704 00:28:57,323 --> 00:28:58,963 I'm bloody lucky as well. 705 00:28:59,043 --> 00:29:00,683 We've had a great time. 706 00:29:01,283 --> 00:29:05,083 I'm sure we'll do lots of other things together, just no more travels. 707 00:29:06,843 --> 00:29:08,763 [Michael] You were so good, Jack. 708 00:29:08,843 --> 00:29:10,203 Amazing. 709 00:29:10,283 --> 00:29:12,043 -Cheers. -Love you. 710 00:29:12,123 --> 00:29:13,083 Love you. 711 00:29:24,283 --> 00:29:25,883 [Jack] Some very happy memories. 712 00:29:27,843 --> 00:29:29,443 You made me cry. 713 00:29:29,523 --> 00:29:31,163 Very rare for me. 714 00:29:31,243 --> 00:29:33,283 I didn't even know you had tear ducts. 715 00:29:34,483 --> 00:29:35,963 I thought they'd sealed over. 716 00:29:36,043 --> 00:29:38,003 -Thank you very much. -He does cry. 717 00:29:40,443 --> 00:29:41,483 Anyway. 718 00:29:43,283 --> 00:29:46,643 That's the first time you've cried since Margaret Thatcher left office. 719 00:29:47,283 --> 00:29:48,243 [Jack chuckles] 720 00:29:48,323 --> 00:29:49,803 Ridiculous. 721 00:29:49,883 --> 00:29:53,523 -Who knows what the future might bring? -No, this is definitely it. 722 00:29:53,603 --> 00:29:55,003 -Is it? Okay. -Yeah. 723 00:29:58,363 --> 00:30:00,403 You still haven't got to grips with that, have you? 724 00:30:00,923 --> 00:30:01,963 Oh, sorry. 725 00:30:08,003 --> 00:30:09,363 Not quite, but… 726 00:30:09,443 --> 00:30:11,683 -That's how I felt. -It's the thought that counts. 727 00:30:11,763 --> 00:30:13,243 [Jack chuckles] 728 00:30:13,323 --> 00:30:15,923 -Well, Poopy, I've got one final surprise. -Yeah? 729 00:30:16,003 --> 00:30:20,403 This show started with me driving you through the streets of Hanoi in a tuk-tuk. 730 00:30:20,483 --> 00:30:23,203 I remember. It was hair-raising. 731 00:30:23,283 --> 00:30:26,763 Well, what's left of your hair is about to be raised again, 732 00:30:26,843 --> 00:30:28,243 because the show 733 00:30:28,883 --> 00:30:30,843 is going to end as it started. 734 00:30:30,923 --> 00:30:33,163 What, we're going back to Vietnam? 735 00:30:33,243 --> 00:30:35,203 No, I've booked a tuk-tuk to take you home. 736 00:30:35,283 --> 00:30:37,403 Oh, thank fuck for that. 737 00:30:37,963 --> 00:30:38,843 Let's head outside. 738 00:30:38,923 --> 00:30:40,923 -Let's go. -[sentimental music playing] 739 00:30:41,003 --> 00:30:42,123 [Michael] Right. 740 00:30:42,203 --> 00:30:44,163 We're finishing as we started. 741 00:30:44,243 --> 00:30:46,723 -Riding off into the sunset… -Great. 742 00:30:47,363 --> 00:30:49,123 …in one of your favorites. 743 00:30:49,203 --> 00:30:50,603 [Michael] Yes, just look at it. 744 00:30:50,683 --> 00:30:51,483 [Jack] The tuk-tuk. 745 00:30:52,123 --> 00:30:55,923 In the back. There's a rug as well to put over your knees if you get cold. 746 00:30:56,643 --> 00:30:57,643 -Ready? -Yep. 747 00:30:57,723 --> 00:31:00,683 You want to go the scenic route or straight to the care home? 748 00:31:01,803 --> 00:31:02,923 Very funny. 749 00:31:03,003 --> 00:31:05,803 Let's go a relatively short distance, 750 00:31:05,883 --> 00:31:08,283 because I'm not sure whether you'll be able to cope. 751 00:31:08,363 --> 00:31:09,803 [Jack grunts and strains] 752 00:31:09,883 --> 00:31:11,803 -[car horn beeps] -Oh, sorry. 753 00:31:14,243 --> 00:31:16,483 -[horns beep] -[Jack] Yeah, okay! 754 00:31:16,563 --> 00:31:18,763 -Old gentleman here. -Sorry. 755 00:31:19,763 --> 00:31:21,243 [Michael] What are you doing? 756 00:31:21,323 --> 00:31:23,323 This is absolute chaos. 757 00:31:24,403 --> 00:31:26,723 [Jack] I think the one we went on in Thailand had a motor. 758 00:31:26,803 --> 00:31:29,243 -[horn beeps] -[grunts] Oh, fuck. 759 00:31:29,323 --> 00:31:32,003 [music continues] 760 00:31:34,403 --> 00:31:35,443 [Jack] Now we're cooking. 761 00:31:37,123 --> 00:31:39,643 -It's quite nice. -[Michael] I think you're doing very well. 762 00:31:39,723 --> 00:31:41,083 [music fades] 763 00:31:44,203 --> 00:31:45,443 [horns beep] 764 00:31:45,523 --> 00:31:47,003 -[Jack] Sorry. -[Michael] Careful. 765 00:31:47,083 --> 00:31:48,003 [Jack] Oh, shit. 766 00:31:48,643 --> 00:31:49,443 Sorry. 767 00:31:49,523 --> 00:31:50,843 -[clattering] -[Michael grunts] 768 00:31:50,923 --> 00:31:52,803 -You've hit a car, now. -[Jack] Yeah, I know. 769 00:31:52,883 --> 00:31:53,763 [horns beep] 770 00:31:53,843 --> 00:31:55,083 -[shouting] Fuck off! -Sorry. 771 00:31:56,003 --> 00:31:57,123 Sorry. 772 00:31:57,723 --> 00:31:59,163 -[clattering] -[Michael] Oh God. 773 00:32:00,203 --> 00:32:02,363 -[Jack pants] -Careful. 774 00:32:02,443 --> 00:32:04,443 Did I dent that car? 775 00:32:04,523 --> 00:32:06,723 -It's fine, okay. -[Michael] No, I don't think we did. 776 00:32:06,803 --> 00:32:08,443 Lovely, leisurely 777 00:32:08,523 --> 00:32:09,763 ride through the city. 778 00:32:11,203 --> 00:32:12,763 Should have just got an Uber.