1 00:00:06,363 --> 00:00:08,963 [gentle birdsong] 2 00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:10,923 [solo violin playing] 3 00:00:16,123 --> 00:00:17,283 [Jack screams] 4 00:00:17,363 --> 00:00:20,043 [dramatic classical music playing] 5 00:00:21,203 --> 00:00:23,443 [Michael on radio] Oh, fucking hell. 6 00:00:25,723 --> 00:00:27,043 [groans] 7 00:00:28,003 --> 00:00:29,043 Is he alright? 8 00:00:29,523 --> 00:00:30,723 Daddy?! 9 00:00:31,283 --> 00:00:32,243 Daddy! 10 00:00:32,723 --> 00:00:35,443 [Michael] Land this plane immediately. 11 00:00:38,643 --> 00:00:41,203 [classical music playing] 12 00:00:46,163 --> 00:00:47,563 [Jack] It's been a really tough year 13 00:00:47,643 --> 00:00:49,643 for so many people around the world, 14 00:00:49,723 --> 00:00:52,643 and we had some really scary times as a family as well. 15 00:00:52,723 --> 00:00:54,963 But thankfully, things are now looking up. 16 00:00:55,043 --> 00:00:56,523 I've found lockdown really hard. 17 00:00:56,603 --> 00:00:58,123 I'm a free spirit. 18 00:00:58,203 --> 00:00:59,203 Caging 19 00:00:59,803 --> 00:01:01,203 a peacock like this… 20 00:01:01,683 --> 00:01:02,683 It was difficult. 21 00:01:03,323 --> 00:01:05,003 Daddy, though, I think has loved lockdown. 22 00:01:05,563 --> 00:01:06,643 Hilary? 23 00:01:07,403 --> 00:01:08,403 Yes? 24 00:01:08,483 --> 00:01:10,963 Can you bring me a glass of wine, please? 25 00:01:11,043 --> 00:01:14,123 To be honest, I've actually rather enjoyed lockdown 26 00:01:14,203 --> 00:01:15,323 because 27 00:01:15,403 --> 00:01:17,203 I don't have to see people. 28 00:01:17,763 --> 00:01:20,683 And I find, generally speaking, 29 00:01:20,763 --> 00:01:22,523 I'm not that keen on people. 30 00:01:22,603 --> 00:01:24,523 No one's been allowed to hug him, 31 00:01:24,603 --> 00:01:27,203 which is ideal for him, 32 00:01:27,283 --> 00:01:31,163 and it's literally been illegal for him to socialize with Hilary's friends. 33 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:35,323 [Michael] I haven't really been doing very much during lockdown. 34 00:01:35,403 --> 00:01:38,123 Oh, what a good-looking man I am. 35 00:01:38,203 --> 00:01:41,123 I mean, it's been very challenging, locked in the house together. 36 00:01:41,203 --> 00:01:43,003 I mean, it's been quite hard work. 37 00:01:43,083 --> 00:01:44,363 Move. 38 00:01:45,083 --> 00:01:48,083 She's been waiting on him hand and foot for 14 months. 39 00:01:48,603 --> 00:01:51,483 I'm amazed Michael wasn't arrested for violations of modern slavery. 40 00:01:51,563 --> 00:01:54,603 So, I have taken charge of this final trip, 41 00:01:54,683 --> 00:01:56,723 and in order to get them out of the house, 42 00:01:56,803 --> 00:01:59,923 I am sending them around the UK 43 00:02:00,003 --> 00:02:02,283 to show off our wonderful island. 44 00:02:02,363 --> 00:02:06,403 I won't lie, I had always imagined that our final trip might be to Switzerland, 45 00:02:07,003 --> 00:02:08,323 to one of those clinics. 46 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:11,803 But I think going around the UK will be a lot jollier than that. 47 00:02:11,883 --> 00:02:13,083 [chuckles] 48 00:02:13,163 --> 00:02:15,803 [classical music playing] 49 00:02:28,003 --> 00:02:29,683 -Hello, how are you? -Hello, Momsies. 50 00:02:29,763 --> 00:02:31,203 Quite statement outfits. 51 00:02:31,283 --> 00:02:34,163 Well, we're going out for lunch with our darling son. 52 00:02:34,243 --> 00:02:35,483 You look like a pair of pimps. 53 00:02:35,563 --> 00:02:37,403 -Oh, charming. -You do! 54 00:02:37,483 --> 00:02:40,683 I feel like I've stepped into a Snoop Dogg video. 55 00:02:40,763 --> 00:02:41,683 So rude. 56 00:02:42,243 --> 00:02:44,483 [Michael] Coming from a boy dressed like a tramp. 57 00:02:46,723 --> 00:02:49,283 [Jack] Our tour kicks off with the greatest challenge of all: 58 00:02:50,283 --> 00:02:52,763 a Whitehall family lunch in public 59 00:02:53,723 --> 00:02:54,963 with foreign food. 60 00:02:57,763 --> 00:03:00,563 [people chattering] 61 00:03:00,643 --> 00:03:03,923 Why have you taken us to a Chinese takeaway? 62 00:03:04,003 --> 00:03:06,523 -It's not a Chinese takeaway. -Yes, it is. 63 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:07,723 It's not! 64 00:03:07,803 --> 00:03:10,043 It's Gordon Ramsay's Lucky Cat. 65 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:13,163 He's a Michelin star chef and it's Asian fusion. 66 00:03:13,243 --> 00:03:16,083 It's not a takeaway, obviously. We're eating out. 67 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,323 -This is his restaurant? -[Hilary] It's his restaurant. 68 00:03:18,403 --> 00:03:21,283 You don't seriously think he's going to be here, do you? 69 00:03:21,363 --> 00:03:23,003 I mean, you know what those people do. 70 00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:25,763 They just franchise their name around the place. 71 00:03:25,843 --> 00:03:29,083 What's that place you go with the chicken that…? 72 00:03:29,163 --> 00:03:31,803 -Kentucky Fried Chicken? -Kentucky Fried Chicken. 73 00:03:31,883 --> 00:03:35,323 I mean, have you ever seen Colonel Sanders in there? 74 00:03:35,403 --> 00:03:37,723 Do you expect him to come out 75 00:03:37,803 --> 00:03:41,323 and go, "Yo, ho, ho," with his whiskery beard and everything? 76 00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:43,563 -No, of course not. -It's not the same. 77 00:03:43,643 --> 00:03:46,603 Gordon Ramsay is not like Colonel Sanders. 78 00:03:46,683 --> 00:03:48,163 I literally can see him. 79 00:03:48,243 --> 00:03:50,123 I can literally see him. It is! 80 00:03:50,203 --> 00:03:52,243 There's no fucking way 81 00:03:52,323 --> 00:03:55,203 that he is going to be in his restaurant. 82 00:03:55,283 --> 00:03:56,883 -It's him! -It's not. 83 00:03:56,963 --> 00:03:58,643 He's there! That man in the black. 84 00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:00,563 He's probably a lookalike. 85 00:04:00,643 --> 00:04:01,963 [Jack and Hilary laugh] 86 00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:07,523 Is there anything else you would like with your mains? 87 00:04:07,603 --> 00:04:09,483 Um, I'd like a boiled egg. 88 00:04:09,563 --> 00:04:10,563 -Please. -No. 89 00:04:10,643 --> 00:04:11,523 -A boiled egg? -Yes. 90 00:04:12,083 --> 00:04:12,923 Of course, sir. 91 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,403 Let me double-check with the chef and I'll get back to you. 92 00:04:16,003 --> 00:04:17,203 Why are you looking at me? 93 00:04:17,283 --> 00:04:20,203 Because we've come to Gordon Ramsay's, one of the great-- 94 00:04:20,283 --> 00:04:23,043 There's no point me having it, because I won't eat it. I'll leave it. 95 00:04:25,283 --> 00:04:28,203 Sorry, chef, there's a gentleman that asked for a boiled egg. 96 00:04:28,283 --> 00:04:29,123 Oh, fuck off. 97 00:04:29,683 --> 00:04:32,163 Do you think we're the fucking Golden Egg down Old Kent Road? 98 00:04:32,243 --> 00:04:35,083 Ask him if he'd like it poached, fried or fucking scrambled up his ass. 99 00:04:35,163 --> 00:04:36,803 [classical music playing] 100 00:04:41,683 --> 00:04:44,283 I have to say it's absolutely delicious. 101 00:04:44,363 --> 00:04:46,763 Looks like roadkill, that. 102 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,043 Apologies, sir. 103 00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,683 Unfortunately, the egg's not going to be possible today. 104 00:04:52,163 --> 00:04:53,523 Oh, right. Okay. 105 00:04:54,363 --> 00:04:56,003 Right, I'm glad we cleared that up. 106 00:04:56,083 --> 00:04:58,843 Let me tell you, the trip I have planned 107 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,643 is fabulous. 108 00:05:00,723 --> 00:05:02,443 You're going to see the best of British. 109 00:05:02,523 --> 00:05:03,603 And the best thing 110 00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:06,483 is that there are going to be no foreigners for you to offend. 111 00:05:06,563 --> 00:05:08,563 Well, unless we go to Scotland. 112 00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:09,723 [Jack and Hilary laugh] 113 00:05:13,643 --> 00:05:15,563 -[waiter] Everything okay? -Delicious, thank you. 114 00:05:15,643 --> 00:05:17,243 -[Jack] Thank you very much. -All done? 115 00:05:17,323 --> 00:05:19,643 If you can just give me one second, sorry. 116 00:05:19,723 --> 00:05:21,483 Absolutely not. Please take it away. 117 00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:23,363 I cannot bear waste. 118 00:05:23,443 --> 00:05:27,123 It's not that type of restaurant. What are you going to keep from there? 119 00:05:27,203 --> 00:05:28,883 -No, it's fine. -You'll keep these? 120 00:05:28,963 --> 00:05:32,203 Hang on. I think I… Could you just pass these over? 121 00:05:32,283 --> 00:05:34,523 No, I want that, I want that! 122 00:05:34,603 --> 00:05:37,363 You'll have a single dumpling later from a dog bag? 123 00:05:37,443 --> 00:05:39,323 -Yes, just pour it in. -[Jack sighs] 124 00:05:39,403 --> 00:05:41,683 It's not a dog bag, either. 125 00:05:41,763 --> 00:05:43,843 Those are the poo bags you use for Philly. 126 00:05:43,923 --> 00:05:46,283 They are specially done for zip-locking. 127 00:05:46,363 --> 00:05:47,803 I'm so sorry. 128 00:05:47,883 --> 00:05:49,563 I think that's enough now. 129 00:05:49,643 --> 00:05:50,843 -No. -Hilary. 130 00:05:50,923 --> 00:05:52,843 -[Jack] You brought Tupperware? -Yes, I did. 131 00:05:52,923 --> 00:05:54,283 Hilary, that is enough. 132 00:05:54,363 --> 00:05:55,603 -[Michael] Stop. -I'm so sorry. 133 00:05:55,683 --> 00:05:58,643 If you pass that over, I can fold that over into the Tupperware. 134 00:05:58,723 --> 00:06:00,323 I will not let you put 135 00:06:01,123 --> 00:06:02,723 half a fish in your handbag. 136 00:06:02,803 --> 00:06:03,803 That's such a waste! 137 00:06:03,883 --> 00:06:06,683 -Thank you very much. -Apologies for my wife. 138 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,923 [Hilary] Oh, it's definitely him. 139 00:06:11,483 --> 00:06:12,683 I'm calling him over. 140 00:06:13,643 --> 00:06:14,803 [sing-song] Gordon! 141 00:06:17,723 --> 00:06:19,123 -Good afternoon. -Gordy. 142 00:06:19,203 --> 00:06:20,043 How are we? 143 00:06:20,123 --> 00:06:22,283 -It's delicious. Loving this. -Very well. 144 00:06:22,363 --> 00:06:25,243 It's been a long time since they've been out the house. 145 00:06:25,323 --> 00:06:28,723 He basically only eats very bland food. 146 00:06:28,803 --> 00:06:30,523 Are you dictating our food's bland? 147 00:06:31,083 --> 00:06:33,483 -[laughing] I didn't mean that. -It came across like that. 148 00:06:33,563 --> 00:06:36,323 I meant, beyond this, we're going to eat bland food. This was a treat. 149 00:06:36,403 --> 00:06:38,523 -I thought it came across like that. -I wasn't… 150 00:06:38,603 --> 00:06:40,563 -I love… It's delicious. -Fucker. 151 00:06:40,643 --> 00:06:41,603 What? It's yummy. 152 00:06:41,683 --> 00:06:43,483 -Sit up straight. -Sorry. 153 00:06:43,563 --> 00:06:46,163 Listen to your betters and elders. 154 00:06:46,243 --> 00:06:48,323 This man, too, is the father of many children. 155 00:06:48,403 --> 00:06:50,283 -This is a fecund man. -Yes. 156 00:06:50,363 --> 00:06:52,323 -[Jack] I beg your pardon? -A fecund man. 157 00:06:52,883 --> 00:06:54,923 It's a good word that, isn't it? It means fertile. 158 00:06:55,003 --> 00:06:56,003 Yes. 159 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,603 -His sister's just had a baby. -I know, congratulations. 160 00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:02,283 But this one, talk about slow out of the blocks. 161 00:07:02,363 --> 00:07:04,843 Let's be honest, you're not ready to be a dad yet. 162 00:07:04,923 --> 00:07:08,243 You can't even take care of yourself, let alone be a responsible father. 163 00:07:08,323 --> 00:07:11,963 You'd end up leaving them in Waitrose when you fuck off for a bottle of wine. 164 00:07:12,043 --> 00:07:15,163 I can just see it, "Oh, shit. The kids." 165 00:07:15,243 --> 00:07:16,523 [Michael] You would. 166 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,843 -Wait till you have a proper job, too. -Yes. 167 00:07:18,923 --> 00:07:20,803 This man has a proper job. 168 00:07:20,883 --> 00:07:22,243 What, TikTok-er? 169 00:07:22,323 --> 00:07:24,563 -[Michael] No. -You little fucker. 170 00:07:24,643 --> 00:07:27,323 -Gordon, thank you so much. -Good luck. Safe travels. 171 00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,003 -Thanks very much. -Good to see you. 172 00:07:34,083 --> 00:07:37,443 -What a nice man. -I told you he was charming. 173 00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:39,003 You said he wasn't here. 174 00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:44,003 No, I said he won't be here, but if he was here, he'd be charming. 175 00:07:44,643 --> 00:07:45,523 Such a liar. 176 00:07:47,203 --> 00:07:48,603 Right, who's getting the bill? 177 00:07:48,683 --> 00:07:51,643 Well, I have actually made an arrangement with Gordon. 178 00:07:51,723 --> 00:07:52,563 God. 179 00:07:52,643 --> 00:07:54,403 Is he going to have a sixth child? 180 00:07:55,323 --> 00:07:57,803 It would be a miracle. But don't worry about the bill. 181 00:07:57,883 --> 00:08:01,603 But there is one little, tiny bit of input from you required. 182 00:08:04,963 --> 00:08:06,483 This is a joke. 183 00:08:06,563 --> 00:08:08,403 -Do you want to help? -Yeah, I'm helping. 184 00:08:08,483 --> 00:08:09,963 We're meant to do this together. 185 00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:12,003 What are you doing? 186 00:08:12,563 --> 00:08:13,763 -Nothing. -Those are dirty. 187 00:08:13,843 --> 00:08:14,883 This is unbelievable. 188 00:08:14,963 --> 00:08:16,763 Have you ever grafted with those hands? 189 00:08:16,843 --> 00:08:19,523 Why are you wearing gloves? You're not even washing up. 190 00:08:19,603 --> 00:08:22,123 -To protect myself. -Put some effort into it. 191 00:08:22,203 --> 00:08:24,723 I will, but I don't want to get dry hands. 192 00:08:26,123 --> 00:08:28,203 -Are you serious? -We thought they were clean. 193 00:08:28,283 --> 00:08:29,443 Does that look clean? 194 00:08:29,523 --> 00:08:32,203 Okay, admittedly, there is a little speck of something on there. 195 00:08:32,283 --> 00:08:35,243 -A little speck? -Yes. I'm sorry, okay? 196 00:08:36,563 --> 00:08:37,603 Gordon? 197 00:08:38,843 --> 00:08:39,723 Sorry, chef. 198 00:08:41,523 --> 00:08:43,043 -Gordon? -You've upset him. 199 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,363 It's clean now. 200 00:08:44,443 --> 00:08:46,683 [lively classical music playing] 201 00:08:46,763 --> 00:08:50,123 Once I'd packed and Daddy had watched Mommy pack for him, 202 00:08:50,203 --> 00:08:53,643 it was off on Hilary's magical, mystery UK tour. 203 00:08:54,803 --> 00:08:57,163 To mark our grand depart, 204 00:08:57,243 --> 00:09:00,643 I'd booked something classically British and extra special 205 00:09:00,723 --> 00:09:02,683 to pilot us around the UK. 206 00:09:04,883 --> 00:09:06,923 -Do you feel nostalgic? -No, I don't. 207 00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:08,923 This car is absolutely ridiculous. 208 00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:10,643 [Jack grunts] 209 00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:13,083 -Oh God, you really feel the road. -You do. 210 00:09:13,163 --> 00:09:15,163 You feel every inch of the road. 211 00:09:20,163 --> 00:09:23,043 -Are we going past Buckingham Palace? -[Jack] Boo. 212 00:09:23,123 --> 00:09:23,963 Shame. 213 00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:25,883 [giggles] 214 00:09:25,963 --> 00:09:28,683 Don't you be horrible about the royal family. 215 00:09:28,763 --> 00:09:30,123 #TeamMeghan. 216 00:09:30,923 --> 00:09:34,123 I've brought some classic British snacks for the UK tour. 217 00:09:35,243 --> 00:09:37,243 -Pickled eggs. -[groans] 218 00:09:37,323 --> 00:09:38,763 -I love a pickled egg. -Oh, God. 219 00:09:38,843 --> 00:09:40,683 -I haven't even got them open yet. -Absolutely… 220 00:09:41,443 --> 00:09:44,163 -I hope you're not going to eat one. -I'm going to have one. 221 00:09:44,243 --> 00:09:45,683 -You're not. -I am. 222 00:09:45,763 --> 00:09:47,763 Well, don't put it anywhere near me. 223 00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:49,283 I'm not going to. 224 00:09:51,523 --> 00:09:53,123 Why have we come somewhere 225 00:09:53,203 --> 00:09:56,083 where there's a red light that is on permanently? 226 00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,363 Don't worry, it will change soon. 227 00:09:59,563 --> 00:10:01,923 A nice, leisurely drive around the city. 228 00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:03,883 Now it's gone. 229 00:10:05,043 --> 00:10:06,723 -I think you've stalled it. -I have. 230 00:10:08,603 --> 00:10:09,963 -[horn beeps] -I think you've got… 231 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,163 Okay, sorry. 232 00:10:11,683 --> 00:10:14,283 -Where do you start the thing? -Sorry. 233 00:10:14,803 --> 00:10:15,763 Shall I just…? 234 00:10:17,403 --> 00:10:18,723 I'll usher them through. 235 00:10:19,363 --> 00:10:20,363 Sorry. 236 00:10:21,243 --> 00:10:23,043 You've got to get to the biting point. 237 00:10:25,723 --> 00:10:28,203 Technically, your hands should have been at ten to two. 238 00:10:28,683 --> 00:10:32,163 Would you like any back seat driving tips from a guy with no license? 239 00:10:34,443 --> 00:10:37,803 I can still smell that fucking egg in here. 240 00:10:37,883 --> 00:10:39,483 Mm, delicious. 241 00:10:40,043 --> 00:10:42,203 How do you pickle an egg? Do you have any idea? 242 00:10:42,283 --> 00:10:43,763 What we got in here? Vinegar… 243 00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:47,483 -No! You're dropping it all over me! -Sorry, sorry! 244 00:10:48,203 --> 00:10:51,363 You asked me what was in it and I was trying to read the label. 245 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:54,523 You've got it all over the floor now. 246 00:10:54,603 --> 00:10:55,923 Can I use your coat? 247 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,043 [shouting] No! 248 00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,723 You leave my coat alone. 249 00:11:00,083 --> 00:11:01,443 Hey, the Mini was a good idea 250 00:11:01,523 --> 00:11:05,523 but was a tad cozy and also now reeked of pickle juice. 251 00:11:05,603 --> 00:11:07,603 So, we upgraded our wheels. 252 00:11:07,683 --> 00:11:09,403 [jazzy music playing] 253 00:11:09,483 --> 00:11:13,643 For our first stop, Hilary was sending us to Cerne Abbas in Dorset 254 00:11:13,723 --> 00:11:17,163 to take part in the ancient ritual of morris dancing. 255 00:11:19,323 --> 00:11:20,363 [folk music playing] 256 00:11:20,443 --> 00:11:23,843 Morris is a uniquely English folk dance 257 00:11:23,923 --> 00:11:26,803 with history going back at least 500 years. 258 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:30,163 Some even believe the dance increases fertility, 259 00:11:30,243 --> 00:11:31,803 including one group who perform 260 00:11:31,883 --> 00:11:35,443 on this thousand-year-old chalk figure with a massive club, 261 00:11:35,523 --> 00:11:37,443 the Cerne Abbas Giant. 262 00:11:37,523 --> 00:11:39,203 Hint received, Mother Dearest. 263 00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:41,563 [Michael] You must know that old phrase, don't you? 264 00:11:42,123 --> 00:11:43,163 Which one? 265 00:11:43,243 --> 00:11:45,163 Try everything once in life, 266 00:11:45,763 --> 00:11:46,963 apart from 267 00:11:47,043 --> 00:11:48,243 incest 268 00:11:48,323 --> 00:11:49,963 and morris dancing. 269 00:11:51,803 --> 00:11:53,443 Today, that changes. 270 00:11:55,443 --> 00:11:56,763 The morris dancing bit, 271 00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:58,523 to be clear. 272 00:11:58,603 --> 00:12:00,123 -[folk music playing] -[bells jingling] 273 00:12:06,003 --> 00:12:10,403 These are the Wessex Morris Men, the most fearsome gang in Dorset. 274 00:12:13,403 --> 00:12:15,363 -Bravo. -[man] Oh, hello. 275 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,243 -[man 2] Hello. -Hello, gentlemen. 276 00:12:17,323 --> 00:12:18,203 [man 3] Hello. 277 00:12:18,283 --> 00:12:20,443 How long have you been men of the bell? 278 00:12:20,523 --> 00:12:21,763 Around about 40 years. 279 00:12:21,843 --> 00:12:25,083 I'm quite a new one, actually. Some people have been at it longer. 280 00:12:25,163 --> 00:12:26,683 Maybe I could be the next gen. 281 00:12:26,763 --> 00:12:28,723 -Yes, that's it. -[man 3] Yes, please. 282 00:12:28,803 --> 00:12:31,243 -Your dancing is appalling. -No. 283 00:12:31,323 --> 00:12:32,603 Unlike me. 284 00:12:32,683 --> 00:12:35,763 I had to turn down Strictly Come Dancing… 285 00:12:35,843 --> 00:12:36,763 Oh wow. 286 00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:38,803 …because I felt sorry for my wife. 287 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,123 You know, the curse of Strictly. 288 00:12:41,203 --> 00:12:44,403 You were worried one of the professionals would want to have an affair? 289 00:12:44,483 --> 00:12:48,123 Yeah, would make a play for me and then, you know, I'd get caught up 290 00:12:48,203 --> 00:12:51,283 in a sort of tangled web of sex 291 00:12:51,363 --> 00:12:52,723 and all that. 292 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:54,323 Where do you do your morris dancing? 293 00:12:54,403 --> 00:12:58,003 Usually, we go to the top of Cerne Abbas, where the giant is and we dance there. 294 00:12:58,083 --> 00:13:00,363 You go there because you're older gentlemen 295 00:13:00,443 --> 00:13:02,803 and if you dance on it, it will help… 296 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:03,803 -Yes. -I mean… 297 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,483 [Jack] He's had a few issues with that. 298 00:13:05,563 --> 00:13:08,443 I haven't had any issues with that at all. 299 00:13:09,203 --> 00:13:11,683 You're the one that has the problem. 300 00:13:11,763 --> 00:13:13,443 Where are my grandchildren? 301 00:13:13,523 --> 00:13:16,523 My maypole is in good working order, I'll have you know, gentlemen. 302 00:13:16,603 --> 00:13:17,563 [all chuckle] 303 00:13:18,283 --> 00:13:20,763 -Well, shall we get our bells out? -Yes. 304 00:13:22,643 --> 00:13:25,043 Right, time for this eager, young pup 305 00:13:25,123 --> 00:13:29,003 to pick up some moves from these cider-stained old dogs. 306 00:13:29,563 --> 00:13:31,883 I'll just teach you some basic stepping. 307 00:13:31,963 --> 00:13:36,203 So it's just a one, two, three, hop, one, two, three, hop. 308 00:13:36,763 --> 00:13:39,923 One, two, three, hop, one, two, three, hop. 309 00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:43,123 -Can we have some music? -Can you do, um, Cardi B? 310 00:13:43,203 --> 00:13:44,603 -"WAP"? -[melodion player] You what? 311 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,363 "WAP," "Wet Ass Pussy." 312 00:13:46,443 --> 00:13:48,323 -What's he talking about? -[man 4] I don't know. 313 00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:49,803 Something a bit more modern. 314 00:13:49,883 --> 00:13:51,443 Go with a classic. 315 00:13:51,523 --> 00:13:52,803 -"Shepherd's Hey." -Tune. 316 00:13:53,403 --> 00:13:54,243 Tune, lads. 317 00:13:54,323 --> 00:13:55,883 [folk music playing] 318 00:13:55,963 --> 00:13:57,283 Nice and gentle. 319 00:13:59,363 --> 00:14:01,323 -[man] This time. -[man 4] One, two, three, hop. 320 00:14:01,403 --> 00:14:04,643 -One, two, three, hop. -[man 4] One, two, three, hop. 321 00:14:04,723 --> 00:14:07,803 One, two, three, hop. One, two, three, hop. 322 00:14:07,883 --> 00:14:09,683 One, two, three, hop… 323 00:14:09,763 --> 00:14:10,883 Come on, Michael. 324 00:14:10,963 --> 00:14:14,123 One, two, three, hop. One, two, three, hop. 325 00:14:14,203 --> 00:14:17,483 One, two, three, hop. One, two, three, hop. 326 00:14:17,563 --> 00:14:19,083 One, two, three, hop. 327 00:14:19,643 --> 00:14:20,523 Right. 328 00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:24,643 So, you're going to start off the dance, before you do the stepping, 329 00:14:24,723 --> 00:14:26,523 with just a swagger back. 330 00:14:26,603 --> 00:14:27,443 One, two… 331 00:14:27,523 --> 00:14:29,843 -Oh, swagger. -[man 5] That's right. 332 00:14:29,923 --> 00:14:30,883 [Jack] Oh, I like that. 333 00:14:30,963 --> 00:14:32,643 The thing about morris dancing 334 00:14:32,723 --> 00:14:35,923 is you try to all do the same thing at the same time. 335 00:14:36,003 --> 00:14:37,683 Well, if you want to all watch me. 336 00:14:37,763 --> 00:14:40,963 It's just hips, hips, hips and strike a pose. 337 00:14:41,043 --> 00:14:43,643 That could be your problem with the grandchildren. 338 00:14:43,723 --> 00:14:45,963 [Michael] Yes, I think it could. 339 00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:48,763 I expected it from him. David, I thought better of you. 340 00:14:48,843 --> 00:14:50,483 One, two. 341 00:14:50,563 --> 00:14:52,043 [bells jingle] 342 00:14:52,123 --> 00:14:55,363 Don't like to criticize, but it was back on the right. 343 00:14:55,443 --> 00:14:57,523 Okay, David. Jesus Christ. 344 00:14:57,603 --> 00:14:59,803 Talk about back seat morris driving. 345 00:14:59,883 --> 00:15:02,843 You know what we could chuck in if we're trying to modernize it? 346 00:15:02,923 --> 00:15:03,843 Attract the youth. 347 00:15:03,923 --> 00:15:06,243 -We're not trying to modernize it. -One, two, three. 348 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:08,683 Kick, and then slut drop. 349 00:15:09,203 --> 00:15:11,163 -No? -[chuckling] 350 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:14,203 -[man 5] I can see this will be hard. -[man 4] It is, isn't it? 351 00:15:14,283 --> 00:15:16,883 I think if he were serious, he'd be good. 352 00:15:16,963 --> 00:15:19,083 As it was, he was a pain in the ass. 353 00:15:19,163 --> 00:15:21,643 Would you like to come and show him how to do it? 354 00:15:21,723 --> 00:15:23,123 Because I think it's… 355 00:15:23,203 --> 00:15:25,483 Well, I don't think I'm going to be very good. 356 00:15:25,563 --> 00:15:28,443 I think you might be actually better. 357 00:15:28,523 --> 00:15:32,043 It's a one, two, and a… and a caper. 358 00:15:37,163 --> 00:15:38,483 I can see where you get it from. 359 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:39,603 [laughter] 360 00:15:39,683 --> 00:15:42,803 Some people are natural dancers. They can pick it up very quickly. 361 00:15:42,883 --> 00:15:43,723 Now. 362 00:15:43,803 --> 00:15:45,123 ["Shepherd's Hey" playing] 363 00:15:45,203 --> 00:15:48,603 Some, you really have to learn by numbers, almost. 364 00:15:48,683 --> 00:15:50,283 That wasn't right. Start again. 365 00:15:50,363 --> 00:15:53,243 -[Jack laughs] -This is getting worse. Getting worse. 366 00:15:53,323 --> 00:15:56,123 [melodion plays "Shepherd's Hey"] 367 00:15:56,203 --> 00:15:59,243 Back now. One, two, and a caper. 368 00:16:00,163 --> 00:16:03,603 One, two, three, hop, one, two, three, hop. 369 00:16:03,683 --> 00:16:06,723 [Michael hums along] 370 00:16:06,803 --> 00:16:09,763 I think we have some work to do before the fertility performance. 371 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,043 How many weeks have we got to get this right? 372 00:16:12,123 --> 00:16:14,363 You can dance around with a big grin on your face 373 00:16:14,443 --> 00:16:15,443 and wave your hankies, 374 00:16:15,523 --> 00:16:17,563 but it doesn't look like a morris dance 375 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,803 unless everybody's doing it together. 376 00:16:20,883 --> 00:16:22,763 …and a back, two three. 377 00:16:22,843 --> 00:16:23,843 Swagger back. 378 00:16:29,203 --> 00:16:30,323 Oh, grow up. 379 00:16:30,403 --> 00:16:33,243 -I think we'll take a break. -I think we're getting there. 380 00:16:33,323 --> 00:16:34,963 Hit the showers. 381 00:16:35,523 --> 00:16:36,483 Big Mack. 382 00:16:39,243 --> 00:16:40,083 [Jack] Swap shirts? 383 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,043 -Right. -Thank you. 384 00:16:45,123 --> 00:16:48,083 Leave your bells. No tinkling in the showers, lads. 385 00:16:48,163 --> 00:16:49,123 [sighs] 386 00:16:51,883 --> 00:16:54,963 We had gone from morris boys to morris men. 387 00:16:55,043 --> 00:16:59,523 Now, finally, I could don an outfit that would be catnip to the ladies. 388 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:03,723 My biggest concern about this morris dance is how we'll divvy up the groupies. 389 00:17:04,283 --> 00:17:07,283 By the time we are done with that fertility dance, 390 00:17:07,363 --> 00:17:10,683 there will not be a woman within a mile radius of that hill 391 00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:12,643 that has not fallen pregnant. 392 00:17:12,723 --> 00:17:14,323 I'm ready for action. 393 00:17:14,923 --> 00:17:16,643 Now I've got to round up the rest. 394 00:17:16,723 --> 00:17:18,523 Aka Jim, Rolf, 395 00:17:19,003 --> 00:17:21,163 el Chapo, the Scrumpy Monster, 396 00:17:21,243 --> 00:17:23,083 Shagga, and Shakiel. 397 00:17:23,563 --> 00:17:24,883 My ride or dies. 398 00:17:25,643 --> 00:17:27,923 I do need to have a pee, though, before we get in the car. 399 00:17:29,003 --> 00:17:31,083 Hey, yeah, I'm just coming. 400 00:17:31,563 --> 00:17:32,643 I'm having a pee. 401 00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:34,563 I'll meet you in the car. 402 00:17:35,483 --> 00:17:37,043 Okay, yeah, I'm nearly done. 403 00:17:39,963 --> 00:17:41,923 [bells jingle] 404 00:17:45,363 --> 00:17:49,003 On our way to the performance, a classically British storm had rolled in. 405 00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:53,643 And although the morris lads were not to be deterred by a bout of strong wind, 406 00:17:53,723 --> 00:17:55,763 the windbag had second thoughts. 407 00:17:56,523 --> 00:17:57,843 You going to get out the car? 408 00:17:57,923 --> 00:17:59,603 No, I am not. 409 00:18:00,403 --> 00:18:02,723 -We're doing the dance now. -Yeah, I can see. 410 00:18:02,803 --> 00:18:04,883 But no way am I going out there. 411 00:18:04,963 --> 00:18:07,243 -Why? -It's too bloody windy. 412 00:18:07,323 --> 00:18:09,403 Some supportive father you are. 413 00:18:10,163 --> 00:18:12,483 Sorry about him, guys. What formation are we doing? 414 00:18:12,563 --> 00:18:14,603 Two, two, two? Yeah? 415 00:18:14,683 --> 00:18:16,323 Whoa! Hankies in. 416 00:18:16,403 --> 00:18:18,243 Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, 417 00:18:18,323 --> 00:18:21,203 lock up your daughters, it's morris dancing time. 418 00:18:21,923 --> 00:18:24,843 Let's get ready for some hanky-panky. 419 00:18:24,923 --> 00:18:25,883 ["Shepherd's Hey" plays] 420 00:18:25,963 --> 00:18:28,043 With Daddy urging us on from the sidelines, 421 00:18:28,123 --> 00:18:30,323 it was time to get spanky with the hanky. 422 00:18:30,403 --> 00:18:31,683 [man 4] Swagger back. 423 00:18:33,203 --> 00:18:34,323 Caper. 424 00:18:34,403 --> 00:18:35,403 Hold on. 425 00:18:35,483 --> 00:18:37,523 [bells jingle] 426 00:18:37,603 --> 00:18:39,523 -[man 4] And back and turn. -[David] Forwards. 427 00:18:42,443 --> 00:18:44,123 Jesus wept. 428 00:18:45,243 --> 00:18:47,483 Oh no, he's lost the hat! 429 00:18:47,563 --> 00:18:50,563 The key is to morris dance like no one's watching, 430 00:18:50,643 --> 00:18:53,043 other than the creepy man in the car. 431 00:18:53,123 --> 00:18:56,363 I know it's hard to tell, as my dancing is so majestic, 432 00:18:56,443 --> 00:19:00,923 but by this point of battling the wind, I had very much gone rogue. 433 00:19:01,003 --> 00:19:01,843 All in. 434 00:19:03,883 --> 00:19:05,963 -[man] Hands up. -[Jack cheers] 435 00:19:06,043 --> 00:19:07,203 And down. 436 00:19:07,283 --> 00:19:09,123 -Lead us off. -[Jack] Nailed it. 437 00:19:09,203 --> 00:19:10,843 We'll follow you. 438 00:19:12,603 --> 00:19:14,323 [Jack] Right, Scrumpy Monster, 439 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,723 where are the afters at? 440 00:19:16,203 --> 00:19:20,283 [gentle guitar music playing] 441 00:19:20,363 --> 00:19:22,683 The pagan ritual had done its job. 442 00:19:22,763 --> 00:19:25,763 And as the fertility squad headed out on the razz, 443 00:19:25,843 --> 00:19:27,363 the sun emerged 444 00:19:27,443 --> 00:19:28,683 and so did Daddy. 445 00:19:29,723 --> 00:19:32,763 So, after all this fuss, are you feeling more fecund? 446 00:19:32,843 --> 00:19:34,643 Yeah, I think so. 447 00:19:34,723 --> 00:19:36,603 Although maybe I need to get a bit more involved 448 00:19:37,163 --> 00:19:39,443 if I want to get its full potential. 449 00:19:40,603 --> 00:19:41,603 [sighs] 450 00:19:41,683 --> 00:19:42,763 [Michael] Oh, God. 451 00:19:44,563 --> 00:19:46,483 I can feel its energy now, Daddy. 452 00:19:48,803 --> 00:19:50,483 Hundreds of years… 453 00:19:52,563 --> 00:19:55,403 …of pagan energy coursing through my veins. 454 00:19:56,603 --> 00:19:58,723 I really think you're going mad. 455 00:19:58,803 --> 00:20:01,483 -I'm a morris man, now. -Yeah. 456 00:20:01,563 --> 00:20:03,523 -I've found my calling. -Mm-hm. 457 00:20:04,963 --> 00:20:08,003 Everywhere I go, they shall whisper my name, 458 00:20:08,763 --> 00:20:09,963 "There he is… 459 00:20:11,163 --> 00:20:12,763 the man of the bell." 460 00:20:13,723 --> 00:20:16,323 -End of the bell, more like. -Daddy. 461 00:20:25,803 --> 00:20:29,203 With the smell of shepherd's hay still strong in our nostrils, 462 00:20:29,283 --> 00:20:34,603 the following day, we headed to rural Kent for the next surprise in Hilary's plans. 463 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:36,723 I've got to say, 464 00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,123 Mommy has pulled it out of the bag. 465 00:20:39,203 --> 00:20:41,243 You're going to absolutely love this. 466 00:20:41,883 --> 00:20:43,843 -Do you know where we're going? -No. 467 00:20:44,803 --> 00:20:46,363 Your hero's house. 468 00:20:47,243 --> 00:20:49,323 -My hero's house? -Yeah. 469 00:20:49,403 --> 00:20:50,923 -Come on. -I have so many. 470 00:20:51,003 --> 00:20:53,403 You absolutely cream your jeans for him. 471 00:20:55,203 --> 00:20:56,483 The GOAT. 472 00:20:56,563 --> 00:20:58,203 I don't wear jeans. 473 00:21:00,483 --> 00:21:02,963 No, I give up. Who? Just tell me. 474 00:21:03,883 --> 00:21:05,483 Winston Churchill. 475 00:21:05,563 --> 00:21:06,723 Amazing. 476 00:21:07,203 --> 00:21:09,043 Could you maybe tell your face? 477 00:21:10,883 --> 00:21:12,083 [classical music playing] 478 00:21:12,163 --> 00:21:16,163 My father will tell you Winston Churchill was the greatest leader that ever lived. 479 00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:19,643 However, to many, he's just the bald bloke who flicked the Vs. 480 00:21:21,483 --> 00:21:24,163 Chartwell was Churchill's family home for 40 years. 481 00:21:24,243 --> 00:21:25,403 Nice gaff. 482 00:21:25,483 --> 00:21:28,603 Though you'd think, in that time, he'd have got around to putting in a hot tub. 483 00:21:28,683 --> 00:21:29,843 -[woman] Hello. -Hey. 484 00:21:29,923 --> 00:21:31,883 Michael, welcome to Chartwell. 485 00:21:31,963 --> 00:21:33,723 -Shall we head to the house? -Yes. 486 00:21:33,803 --> 00:21:35,003 Brilliant, let's go. 487 00:21:35,083 --> 00:21:38,563 Property curator Katherine Carter leads us on a unique tour 488 00:21:38,643 --> 00:21:41,323 so that Daddy can get closer to his idol. 489 00:21:41,403 --> 00:21:44,363 So, this is the drawing room. 490 00:21:44,443 --> 00:21:48,643 So, this was where the Churchill family spent so much time together. 491 00:21:48,723 --> 00:21:53,123 It was decorated by Churchill's wife, so it is typical of her style. 492 00:21:53,203 --> 00:21:54,603 Is that Winnie? 493 00:21:54,683 --> 00:21:56,283 That is Clementine. 494 00:21:56,363 --> 00:22:00,123 That is Winston's wife of more than 50 years. 495 00:22:00,203 --> 00:22:01,403 I thought she was Winnie. 496 00:22:02,003 --> 00:22:03,283 [Jack splutters and laughs] 497 00:22:04,003 --> 00:22:07,443 You thought that Winston Churchill's wife was called Winnie? 498 00:22:07,523 --> 00:22:08,763 Yeah, she was. 499 00:22:08,843 --> 00:22:10,523 Oh no, that was Winnie Mandela. 500 00:22:10,603 --> 00:22:12,163 -Yeah. -That's Winnie Mandela. 501 00:22:12,243 --> 00:22:15,563 What, you think they would have been Winston and Winnie Churchill? 502 00:22:15,643 --> 00:22:17,123 Now you put it like that, 503 00:22:17,843 --> 00:22:19,123 it wouldn't have worked. 504 00:22:19,203 --> 00:22:20,563 -Clemmy. -Clemmy. 505 00:22:21,123 --> 00:22:23,083 So, when did you get into Winston Churchill? 506 00:22:23,163 --> 00:22:28,603 I studied history and had always been interested in the Second World War. 507 00:22:28,683 --> 00:22:31,803 So really, Chartwell is the best possible of both. 508 00:22:31,883 --> 00:22:34,843 -So you know a lot about Churchill? -A little bit, yeah. 509 00:22:34,923 --> 00:22:36,323 Probably more than you. 510 00:22:36,803 --> 00:22:38,083 Churchill's birthday? 511 00:22:38,163 --> 00:22:39,963 30th November 1874. 512 00:22:40,563 --> 00:22:42,203 -Slow out the blocks. -30th November… 513 00:22:42,283 --> 00:22:45,523 Well, it doesn't work if you just say it after you've heard her say it. 514 00:22:45,603 --> 00:22:47,323 What was his middle name? 515 00:22:47,403 --> 00:22:50,083 -Spencer. -Oh! Is it? 516 00:22:50,843 --> 00:22:53,163 -And Leonard. -Yes, and Leonard. 517 00:22:53,883 --> 00:22:56,163 What was Churchill's favorite brand of cigar? 518 00:22:56,243 --> 00:22:57,443 Romeo and Juliets. 519 00:22:58,483 --> 00:22:59,323 Bit slow. 520 00:23:00,603 --> 00:23:03,243 -Okay, let's see some more of the house. -Lovely. 521 00:23:03,843 --> 00:23:05,523 [Michael] Can you behave? 522 00:23:07,003 --> 00:23:10,043 Next on the tour was Churchill's famous study. 523 00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:14,683 This is where Churchill would work through the night 524 00:23:14,763 --> 00:23:17,843 on speeches, articles, correspondences, books. 525 00:23:17,923 --> 00:23:21,243 So this was, for him, the beating heart of Chartwell. 526 00:23:21,323 --> 00:23:23,003 Churchill quiz round two. 527 00:23:23,083 --> 00:23:24,723 -[Michael] No. -What was his catchphrase? 528 00:23:24,803 --> 00:23:25,883 Give me strength. 529 00:23:25,963 --> 00:23:28,283 "We will fight them on the beaches." 530 00:23:28,363 --> 00:23:30,163 -Thought you'd get that. -That is a classic. 531 00:23:30,243 --> 00:23:31,683 Do you dispute that? 532 00:23:31,763 --> 00:23:34,763 -Well, it wasn't a catchphrase. -I think it was. 533 00:23:34,843 --> 00:23:38,243 When Paddy McGuinness goes out, people shout, "No likey, no lighty." 534 00:23:38,323 --> 00:23:39,803 Who's Paddy McGuinness? 535 00:23:39,883 --> 00:23:41,403 Is he a historian? 536 00:23:42,283 --> 00:23:43,803 -No? -No. 537 00:23:43,883 --> 00:23:47,963 He's one of the great broadcasters of our age and you don't know who he is. 538 00:23:48,043 --> 00:23:51,163 -Anything to do with the Guinness family? -No, he's not. 539 00:23:51,243 --> 00:23:53,483 Who was the prime minister before Churchill? 540 00:23:53,563 --> 00:23:54,683 Neville Chamberlain. 541 00:23:55,923 --> 00:23:58,203 Before that, Stanley Baldwin. 542 00:23:58,283 --> 00:24:00,003 Do you want to go back? 543 00:24:01,123 --> 00:24:03,243 -No, you don't. -George Washington? 544 00:24:04,163 --> 00:24:06,163 -George Washington? -Well. 545 00:24:06,923 --> 00:24:09,323 -He wasn't prime minster. -No, he was president. 546 00:24:09,403 --> 00:24:12,083 But he was before Neville Chamberlain. 547 00:24:13,123 --> 00:24:14,243 So, half a point for me. 548 00:24:14,323 --> 00:24:17,883 I do have something special to show you if you'd like to see something extra. 549 00:24:17,963 --> 00:24:19,883 Beyond that door… 550 00:24:19,963 --> 00:24:21,683 Can you imagine? Have a guess. 551 00:24:21,763 --> 00:24:22,603 Bedroom? 552 00:24:23,483 --> 00:24:25,563 -Yeah? -Look how excited he is. 553 00:24:26,643 --> 00:24:28,323 -[Michael] Look. -[Jack] Wow. 554 00:24:28,403 --> 00:24:30,843 This room, we've only been able to open 555 00:24:30,923 --> 00:24:33,323 to very small numbers in the last couple of years, 556 00:24:33,403 --> 00:24:37,483 and so it is left exactly as Winston knew it. 557 00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:39,883 Would my father be able to get into the bed? 558 00:24:40,443 --> 00:24:44,203 I'm afraid not. No, that wouldn't be possible. 559 00:24:44,283 --> 00:24:47,403 See? He's got his father above his bed. 560 00:24:47,483 --> 00:24:50,043 You haven't got a picture of me anywhere in the house, 561 00:24:50,123 --> 00:24:51,323 let alone above your bed. 562 00:24:51,403 --> 00:24:54,203 And then he's got his mother to his right. 563 00:24:54,283 --> 00:24:57,843 Maybe it helped him last longer if he was getting amorous with Winnie. 564 00:24:57,923 --> 00:24:58,763 Clemmy. 565 00:24:59,643 --> 00:25:00,803 [Jack chuckles] 566 00:25:01,763 --> 00:25:04,403 There is one extra set of doors behind me 567 00:25:04,483 --> 00:25:06,763 and I wonder if one of you might like 568 00:25:06,843 --> 00:25:08,443 to have a look inside. 569 00:25:08,523 --> 00:25:11,483 -Go on, mate. Knock yourself out. -It takes a bit of a pull. 570 00:25:14,523 --> 00:25:16,603 -[Michael gasps] -[Jack] What is it? 571 00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,123 -A bath. -[Jack gasps] 572 00:25:18,203 --> 00:25:22,123 So, Churchill famously had two, if not three, baths a day. 573 00:25:22,203 --> 00:25:24,163 He would also work from the bath. 574 00:25:24,243 --> 00:25:28,603 So, often, he would have one of his secretaries sat just around the corner, 575 00:25:28,683 --> 00:25:30,363 here on this little chair. 576 00:25:30,443 --> 00:25:31,763 [Jack] Bit #MeToo. 577 00:25:31,843 --> 00:25:33,643 How did he get out of it? 578 00:25:33,723 --> 00:25:35,523 He was quite portly. 579 00:25:35,603 --> 00:25:37,163 I mean, that wouldn't help. 580 00:25:37,243 --> 00:25:41,283 I mean, if I was in that bath, I wouldn't be able to get out without help. 581 00:25:41,363 --> 00:25:43,043 When you get to a certain age, 582 00:25:43,123 --> 00:25:46,363 you see a bath and all you can think of is how you get in and get out of it. 583 00:25:46,443 --> 00:25:48,683 Let's get a picture of you in his bathroom. 584 00:25:48,763 --> 00:25:51,363 Why would I want a picture in his bathroom? 585 00:25:51,443 --> 00:25:54,003 Because this is amazing access that we've got 586 00:25:54,083 --> 00:25:55,323 to your hero's bathroom. 587 00:25:55,403 --> 00:25:57,243 Try and smile. Look happy. 588 00:25:57,323 --> 00:26:00,363 Do you want to do one where you look like you're flushing it? 589 00:26:00,443 --> 00:26:03,643 No, I do not want to lean over and flush it. 590 00:26:04,883 --> 00:26:07,003 Bet he cooked up a few bombing raids there. 591 00:26:07,083 --> 00:26:08,363 [Michael sighs in disgust] 592 00:26:08,443 --> 00:26:11,683 Can you just show a little bit of respect? 593 00:26:11,763 --> 00:26:16,523 We're in the home of a great man, one of the greatest men in history, 594 00:26:16,603 --> 00:26:20,043 and all you're talking about is him cooking up bombs. 595 00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:23,003 Right. 596 00:26:23,563 --> 00:26:26,043 -Thank you very much, Katherine. -No problem at all. 597 00:26:26,123 --> 00:26:27,923 And I apologize for him. 598 00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:28,843 [giggles] 599 00:26:30,123 --> 00:26:32,283 [whispering] Go on, last chance to get in the bed. 600 00:26:33,123 --> 00:26:34,243 We'll do a quick selfie. 601 00:26:34,323 --> 00:26:36,243 -No way. -Why? 602 00:26:36,323 --> 00:26:39,443 -I am not getting in Churchill's bed. -It's Churchill's bed. 603 00:26:39,523 --> 00:26:41,043 -You'd love that. -No. 604 00:26:41,123 --> 00:26:42,923 -Who'd love it? -You would. 605 00:26:43,003 --> 00:26:47,003 I would not. Why would I want to desecrate Winston Churchill's bed? 606 00:26:47,083 --> 00:26:50,923 -You don't have to desecrate. Just get in. -Getting in it would desecrate it. 607 00:26:51,723 --> 00:26:53,763 An amazing visit. 608 00:26:53,843 --> 00:26:55,803 What's this here? 609 00:26:55,883 --> 00:26:58,163 -[Jack] Visitors' book. -Oh, a visitors' book. 610 00:26:59,043 --> 00:27:01,443 -Right. -I don't think it's a book you sign. 611 00:27:01,523 --> 00:27:03,563 -I think it's an exhibit. -No, it's alright. 612 00:27:03,643 --> 00:27:05,123 Daddy, it's an exhibit. 613 00:27:05,203 --> 00:27:08,443 Why would they have a visitors' book underneath an inch of glass 614 00:27:08,523 --> 00:27:10,043 if they wanted you to sign it? 615 00:27:10,123 --> 00:27:11,403 I'll just do my name here. 616 00:27:11,483 --> 00:27:12,843 [whispering] You're ridiculous. 617 00:27:13,843 --> 00:27:15,563 There we are. I'll just put it there. 618 00:27:15,643 --> 00:27:17,283 [Jack chuckles softly] 619 00:27:17,363 --> 00:27:18,723 -[pen clatters] -Oh! 620 00:27:18,803 --> 00:27:20,003 [whispering] Quick, get out. 621 00:27:20,723 --> 00:27:23,323 You've chipped the glass, Daddy. 622 00:27:23,403 --> 00:27:25,003 Right. Okay. 623 00:27:25,803 --> 00:27:28,843 -There we go. -You have sullied the Churchill house. 624 00:27:29,523 --> 00:27:32,523 -It's chipped, Daddy. -Yes, I know. Okay? 625 00:27:33,283 --> 00:27:35,043 Let's get to the car. 626 00:27:35,123 --> 00:27:37,043 You desecrated your hero's visitors' book. 627 00:27:37,603 --> 00:27:41,283 Next time you're planning on vandalizing someone's property, don't leave your name. 628 00:27:41,363 --> 00:27:42,803 Very funny. 629 00:27:44,283 --> 00:27:45,803 [jazzy music playing] 630 00:27:45,883 --> 00:27:47,323 Next, we're off to Devon, 631 00:27:47,403 --> 00:27:51,083 famous for cream teas and being the birthplace of Michael Whitehall. 632 00:27:51,163 --> 00:27:53,803 Although, weirdly, they don't put that on the signs. 633 00:27:53,883 --> 00:27:55,203 Probably just ran out of space. 634 00:27:55,843 --> 00:27:59,163 To get there, we'd be passing one of the UK's most famous sights. 635 00:28:02,163 --> 00:28:03,603 [gasps] Look, Stonehenge! 636 00:28:03,683 --> 00:28:05,283 -Yeah? -Can we go and see it? 637 00:28:05,363 --> 00:28:08,803 -No, of course we can't go and see it. -Why? I've never been to Stonehenge. 638 00:28:08,883 --> 00:28:11,363 -We're just passing it. -I don't want to pass it. 639 00:28:11,443 --> 00:28:12,363 -Pull over. -No. 640 00:28:12,443 --> 00:28:16,043 -We've passed Stonehenge so many times. -Yes, but I've never seen it. 641 00:28:16,123 --> 00:28:18,883 This is one of the most iconic sights in the country 642 00:28:18,963 --> 00:28:20,203 and we're driving past it. 643 00:28:20,283 --> 00:28:26,083 There is nothing to see up close other than a load of rocks. 644 00:28:26,563 --> 00:28:29,003 Slow the car down. I want to get a proper look. 645 00:28:29,083 --> 00:28:30,403 No, I am not. 646 00:28:30,483 --> 00:28:33,283 -I can't… I've never seen it live. -What are you doing? 647 00:28:33,363 --> 00:28:36,963 -No, I want to see Stonehenge. -Shut that sunroof. No. 648 00:28:37,043 --> 00:28:39,963 -We're missing it. -Stop. Come down. 649 00:28:40,043 --> 00:28:42,003 -Ow! Daddy! -Come down! 650 00:28:42,523 --> 00:28:43,843 Daddy! 651 00:28:43,923 --> 00:28:45,123 We've missed Stonehenge. 652 00:28:45,203 --> 00:28:46,283 [groans] 653 00:28:46,763 --> 00:28:49,523 -It's freezing. -I wanted to get a better view. 654 00:28:49,603 --> 00:28:51,803 I've been assaulted by my father. 655 00:28:53,283 --> 00:28:54,723 I think my wrist's broken. 656 00:28:55,403 --> 00:28:57,403 No, it's always been that limp. 657 00:28:59,283 --> 00:29:01,683 Just because you were there when they were erected. 658 00:29:01,763 --> 00:29:02,803 Very funny. 659 00:29:03,563 --> 00:29:05,563 [jazz music playing] 660 00:29:05,643 --> 00:29:07,283 We were headed to Burgh Island. 661 00:29:08,123 --> 00:29:12,363 Since 1929, the art deco hotel has been a renowned escape 662 00:29:12,443 --> 00:29:13,683 for the rich and famous. 663 00:29:14,283 --> 00:29:17,683 But the island is best known for inspiring Agatha Christie 664 00:29:17,763 --> 00:29:20,803 to write novels here whilst resident at the beach house. 665 00:29:20,883 --> 00:29:23,723 How bored do you have to be on holiday to write a novel? 666 00:29:24,243 --> 00:29:25,723 In a dramatic twist, 667 00:29:25,803 --> 00:29:29,083 twice a day, the island is cut off from the mainland by the tide. 668 00:29:30,243 --> 00:29:31,363 [seagulls cry] 669 00:29:33,443 --> 00:29:35,923 -Jack. -Love that salty sea air. 670 00:29:36,003 --> 00:29:37,483 It's quarter to five. 671 00:29:37,563 --> 00:29:39,923 We've got to get that sea tractor, so move. 672 00:29:40,003 --> 00:29:41,003 Yeah, I am moving. 673 00:29:43,483 --> 00:29:44,963 Fish and chips. 674 00:29:45,043 --> 00:29:47,523 -Please can we get fish and chips? -No, we are not-- 675 00:29:47,603 --> 00:29:50,603 -I haven't eaten. I'm starving. -We are not getting fish and chips. 676 00:29:50,683 --> 00:29:51,683 -Daddy, please! -No! 677 00:29:51,763 --> 00:29:53,483 We're by the seaside, we have to. 678 00:29:53,563 --> 00:29:54,723 -We're not. Come on. -Why? 679 00:29:54,803 --> 00:29:57,523 We've got a sea tractor to catch. 680 00:29:57,603 --> 00:29:59,483 -At five o'clock. -Yeah. 681 00:29:59,563 --> 00:30:01,003 -See the time now? -What's the time? 682 00:30:01,083 --> 00:30:02,203 [together] Quarter to five. 683 00:30:02,283 --> 00:30:04,003 -More than enough. -Fifteen minutes. 684 00:30:04,083 --> 00:30:06,003 I will be back. I'll meet you down there. 685 00:30:06,083 --> 00:30:08,003 -Take there… -Yes, I've got… 686 00:30:08,083 --> 00:30:09,883 Don't be ridiculous. 687 00:30:09,963 --> 00:30:12,123 -You are a joke. -[groaning] Oh, these bags. 688 00:30:13,083 --> 00:30:15,763 I'll see if they've got a battered sausage or something. 689 00:30:15,843 --> 00:30:17,923 Do not be late. 690 00:30:23,083 --> 00:30:26,563 [serene classical music playing] 691 00:30:31,163 --> 00:30:32,963 [music stops] 692 00:30:35,083 --> 00:30:37,123 [music resumes] 693 00:30:38,963 --> 00:30:41,083 -[Michael] Ah, hello. -[man] Hello. Good evening, sir. 694 00:30:41,163 --> 00:30:43,803 -Could you help me with these bags? -I certainly can. 695 00:30:51,283 --> 00:30:52,963 Can I get the plaice? 696 00:30:53,523 --> 00:30:55,483 And a cod. 697 00:30:55,563 --> 00:30:57,163 And then, like, two portions… 698 00:30:57,243 --> 00:30:58,803 Mmm… How big is a large? 699 00:31:01,003 --> 00:31:02,723 -Are we waiting for anyone else? -Yes. 700 00:31:02,803 --> 00:31:05,803 The imbecile that is my son 701 00:31:05,883 --> 00:31:07,803 who's gone to get fish and chips. 702 00:31:07,883 --> 00:31:09,683 Hopefully, he'll be here in a moment. 703 00:31:10,763 --> 00:31:12,963 Oh, no, that's my hotel keycard. Sorry. 704 00:31:14,043 --> 00:31:15,683 Oh God, where's my wallet? 705 00:31:16,723 --> 00:31:19,043 -Jack, where the fuck are you? -[music grows tense] 706 00:31:20,243 --> 00:31:22,523 Right, let's get this show on the road, okay? 707 00:31:26,723 --> 00:31:27,843 Daddy! 708 00:31:27,923 --> 00:31:30,323 [music reaches dramatic climax] 709 00:31:30,403 --> 00:31:32,123 Don't go, Daddy! 710 00:31:32,203 --> 00:31:33,963 [grunts] 711 00:31:36,763 --> 00:31:39,563 [shouting] Michael Whitehall, come back here now! 712 00:31:41,643 --> 00:31:42,483 Daddy! 713 00:31:44,083 --> 00:31:44,923 [yelps] 714 00:31:47,603 --> 00:31:48,443 Daddy! 715 00:31:49,603 --> 00:31:52,243 [pants] 716 00:31:54,963 --> 00:31:56,283 [Michael] Where have you been? 717 00:31:56,363 --> 00:31:58,843 -Why did you leave? -Where the fuck have you been? 718 00:31:58,923 --> 00:32:01,843 -I was getting fish and chips for us. -Don't be ridiculous. 719 00:32:01,923 --> 00:32:05,403 This is a public ferry. It's not your private yacht. 720 00:32:05,483 --> 00:32:07,963 My fish and chips are ruined. I'm soaking wet. 721 00:32:08,043 --> 00:32:08,883 [Michael] Yeah. 722 00:32:08,963 --> 00:32:11,483 -Have a chip. -No, thank you very much. 723 00:32:11,563 --> 00:32:12,803 Imbecile. 724 00:32:12,883 --> 00:32:14,043 That's what you are. 725 00:32:14,123 --> 00:32:16,443 You know what that means, "imbecile"? 726 00:32:16,523 --> 00:32:20,603 It means missing a ferry so that you can get fish and chips 727 00:32:20,683 --> 00:32:23,083 and then dropping them in the sand. 728 00:32:23,163 --> 00:32:24,923 -I've got another word for you. -Yeah? 729 00:32:25,003 --> 00:32:25,843 Traitor. 730 00:32:26,563 --> 00:32:28,123 -Ridiculous. -That's what you are. 731 00:32:28,203 --> 00:32:29,803 -Leaving… -Don't do that. 732 00:32:29,883 --> 00:32:31,603 -…a man… -Don't do that. 733 00:32:31,683 --> 00:32:32,683 …behind. 734 00:32:33,283 --> 00:32:35,163 Daddy, you've got a chip on your shoulder. 735 00:32:36,043 --> 00:32:37,963 [Michael] Oh, very funny. 736 00:32:38,043 --> 00:32:40,363 [jaunty classical music playing] 737 00:32:40,443 --> 00:32:42,763 We couldn't come to the Agatha Christie island 738 00:32:42,843 --> 00:32:46,043 and not have the full detective experience. 739 00:32:46,123 --> 00:32:50,043 So, Hilary had booked us into an immersive murder mystery evening. 740 00:32:50,123 --> 00:32:52,683 Hotel guests are all pre-allocated characters 741 00:32:52,763 --> 00:32:55,163 to take part in a theatrical show. 742 00:32:55,243 --> 00:32:59,883 I was to be the stable boy and Daddy, the pub landlord. 743 00:33:02,083 --> 00:33:03,323 [mimics Devon dialect] Mikey? 744 00:33:03,403 --> 00:33:06,323 You ready to go up the manor house with all them posh folk? 745 00:33:08,043 --> 00:33:09,363 [mimics French accent] I am ready. 746 00:33:09,963 --> 00:33:11,043 I'm ready to go. 747 00:33:11,883 --> 00:33:14,363 [normal voice] You're meant to be the pub landlord. What is this? 748 00:33:14,443 --> 00:33:16,603 I'm Hercule Proirot. 749 00:33:16,683 --> 00:33:18,763 That's not how this works. 750 00:33:18,843 --> 00:33:21,643 You have to be the character they allocated you or it doesn't work. 751 00:33:21,723 --> 00:33:24,003 [in normal voice] Why would I want to play a pub landlord? 752 00:33:24,083 --> 00:33:25,403 You mean stand there saying, 753 00:33:25,483 --> 00:33:28,603 [gruffly] "Oh, morning, everyone! You want half a bitter?" 754 00:33:28,683 --> 00:33:29,603 and all that? 755 00:33:29,683 --> 00:33:33,283 So, your mother and I decided I would be Poirot. 756 00:33:33,363 --> 00:33:35,243 How much effort you've gone to as well. 757 00:33:35,323 --> 00:33:38,763 -No, I haven't. I just threw this on. -Oh, you threw that on? 758 00:33:38,843 --> 00:33:42,243 I often slip into a false moustache of an evening. 759 00:33:42,323 --> 00:33:44,483 I have to begrudgingly admit it does kind of suit you. 760 00:33:44,563 --> 00:33:46,523 You look like Hitler on holiday. 761 00:33:46,603 --> 00:33:48,403 Let's hear that accent again. 762 00:33:48,483 --> 00:33:51,803 [mimics French accent] My name is Hercule Proirot. 763 00:33:51,883 --> 00:33:53,163 "Proirot"? No. 764 00:33:53,243 --> 00:33:55,643 -Proirot. -Proirot? 765 00:33:55,723 --> 00:33:57,563 -Poiroo. -Poirot. 766 00:33:57,643 --> 00:33:59,523 Poirot, yeah. 767 00:33:59,603 --> 00:34:01,723 Kit's fine, accent needs a bit of work. 768 00:34:02,643 --> 00:34:05,363 Wanting to improve his "Prer-roo" impression, 769 00:34:05,443 --> 00:34:07,723 Daddy took matters into his own hands. 770 00:34:07,803 --> 00:34:09,803 -What are you doing? -I'm calling David. 771 00:34:09,883 --> 00:34:12,723 -David who? -David Suchet, of course. 772 00:34:13,963 --> 00:34:15,043 My friend. 773 00:34:15,123 --> 00:34:16,723 You're not calling David Suchet. 774 00:34:16,803 --> 00:34:18,683 -I am. -He's not going to pick up. 775 00:34:18,763 --> 00:34:22,643 I am calling David Suchet, the real Poirot. 776 00:34:23,123 --> 00:34:26,403 You can't call David Suchet dressed as Poirot. 777 00:34:26,483 --> 00:34:27,643 You barely know the man. 778 00:34:27,723 --> 00:34:30,683 He's going to think you're absolutely bonkers. 779 00:34:32,363 --> 00:34:33,883 He's never going to answer. 780 00:34:36,083 --> 00:34:37,563 Fifty quid he doesn't pick up. 781 00:34:39,203 --> 00:34:40,883 -Hello? -Fuck off. 782 00:34:40,963 --> 00:34:43,683 -Michael Whitehall here. -[laughing] Great to see you. 783 00:34:43,763 --> 00:34:45,043 What are you doing? 784 00:34:45,123 --> 00:34:47,563 -Hey. Hey, David, it's Jack. -Hi. 785 00:34:47,643 --> 00:34:50,043 -[softly] Could you call him Sir David? -Yes. 786 00:34:50,123 --> 00:34:51,843 Don't be so familiar with him. 787 00:34:51,923 --> 00:34:54,883 As you can probably tell, I'm playing Poirot. 788 00:34:54,963 --> 00:34:56,323 I can see that. 789 00:34:56,403 --> 00:34:59,963 I'm having a bit of a problem getting the accent right 790 00:35:00,043 --> 00:35:03,203 and I wondered whether you could give me a bit of help. 791 00:35:03,283 --> 00:35:05,763 You know that Nazi villain in Indiana Jones? 792 00:35:05,843 --> 00:35:07,803 -It was sounding a bit like him. -Yes. 793 00:35:07,883 --> 00:35:10,443 -Shall we work on it a little together? -Yes. 794 00:35:10,523 --> 00:35:12,683 Do you find it difficult, "Poirot"? 795 00:35:12,763 --> 00:35:14,443 "Pwa," "pwa," "pwa," "pwa." 796 00:35:14,523 --> 00:35:16,243 "Pwa," "pwa," "pwa," "pwa." 797 00:35:16,323 --> 00:35:18,643 "Ruh," "ruh," "ruh," "ruh." 798 00:35:18,723 --> 00:35:21,243 "Ruh," "ruh," "ruh," "ruh." 799 00:35:21,323 --> 00:35:23,563 [speaks French] My name is Hercule Poirot. 800 00:35:23,643 --> 00:35:25,643 [speaks French] My name is Hercule Poirot. 801 00:35:25,723 --> 00:35:27,323 [in English] Good. That was very good. 802 00:35:27,403 --> 00:35:29,083 I thought that was much better. 803 00:35:29,163 --> 00:35:30,443 Anything else I can do? 804 00:35:30,523 --> 00:35:33,483 I mean, there's so much I'd like to try and do, but I don't… 805 00:35:33,563 --> 00:35:35,403 You know what I mean, but I… 806 00:35:35,483 --> 00:35:39,683 Yeah, thank you very much. We appreciate your time, Sir David. 807 00:35:39,763 --> 00:35:42,683 -[Michael] So lovely to see you. -Very nice to see you, too. 808 00:35:44,883 --> 00:35:45,883 Nice man. 809 00:35:46,523 --> 00:35:50,123 -Did you notice how friendly he was? -Yes, you're friends with Poirot. 810 00:35:50,203 --> 00:35:51,043 Well done. 811 00:35:52,083 --> 00:35:55,243 [jazz music playing] 812 00:35:56,003 --> 00:35:57,163 We had no option. 813 00:35:57,243 --> 00:36:01,163 Daddy had to engage in a role-playing game with strangers. 814 00:36:01,243 --> 00:36:04,603 I honestly think he'd rather have been poisoned by the butler. 815 00:36:06,003 --> 00:36:07,243 You've sorted these drinks? 816 00:36:07,323 --> 00:36:09,643 -Everyone's served? -Yes, everything's perfect. 817 00:36:09,723 --> 00:36:11,323 -Good evening, vicar. -Good evening. 818 00:36:12,243 --> 00:36:13,963 -Hello, milady. -Good evening, Simon. 819 00:36:14,043 --> 00:36:15,963 In tonight's murder mystery, 820 00:36:16,043 --> 00:36:18,203 all the hotel guests were joining in, 821 00:36:18,283 --> 00:36:21,163 pretending to be characters they'd been allocated. 822 00:36:21,843 --> 00:36:24,243 A company of actors would perform key scenes 823 00:36:24,323 --> 00:36:28,563 and then mingle with the hotel guests, dropping clues as they go. 824 00:36:29,123 --> 00:36:32,603 Everyone's task was to figure out who the murderer was, 825 00:36:32,683 --> 00:36:35,443 which we would find out at the end of the evening. 826 00:36:36,043 --> 00:36:38,083 Leading the scenes tonight were… 827 00:36:38,163 --> 00:36:39,843 Good evening, everyone. 828 00:36:39,923 --> 00:36:41,643 Lady Buffy Manger. 829 00:36:41,723 --> 00:36:42,883 …the lady of the house, 830 00:36:43,443 --> 00:36:44,363 the vicar, 831 00:36:44,923 --> 00:36:45,763 the maid, 832 00:36:46,363 --> 00:36:47,643 the man with a gin and tonic 833 00:36:47,723 --> 00:36:50,203 and, of course, the policeman. 834 00:36:50,283 --> 00:36:51,603 [loud footsteps] 835 00:36:52,323 --> 00:36:55,123 A bit heavy underfoot, that one. 836 00:36:55,203 --> 00:36:58,163 She wouldn't be very good doing Footsteps in the Fog 837 00:36:58,243 --> 00:37:01,163 or one of those murder mysteries. 838 00:37:02,283 --> 00:37:03,523 Like a horse coming in. 839 00:37:03,603 --> 00:37:05,643 Clomping in here, no? 840 00:37:05,723 --> 00:37:08,363 I think that vicar's very dodgy. 841 00:37:08,923 --> 00:37:09,963 The one over there. 842 00:37:10,043 --> 00:37:12,003 I'm pretty sure he's wearing a wig. 843 00:37:12,083 --> 00:37:15,243 And I would never trust a man with a wig. 844 00:37:15,323 --> 00:37:17,523 You're telling me that in a false moustache. 845 00:37:17,603 --> 00:37:19,683 Also, he's not a real vicar. 846 00:37:20,163 --> 00:37:22,283 -Isn't he? -No, they're actors. 847 00:37:22,363 --> 00:37:23,203 Oh, I see. 848 00:37:23,283 --> 00:37:25,523 You haven't really understood the concept of this. 849 00:37:26,043 --> 00:37:29,163 -[Michael] That's straight vodka. -[Jack snickers] 850 00:37:29,243 --> 00:37:31,363 -It is. -[Jack] He's a drunk, creepy vicar. 851 00:37:31,443 --> 00:37:34,163 Maybe that's why he commits his horrific crimes. 852 00:37:34,243 --> 00:37:35,203 [Jack snickers] 853 00:37:35,283 --> 00:37:36,403 Or sex. 854 00:37:37,003 --> 00:37:39,203 Definitely. Sex murderer. 855 00:37:39,283 --> 00:37:42,883 I smelled that vodka on his breath when he came at me in the stables. 856 00:37:42,963 --> 00:37:43,963 [Jack chuckles] 857 00:37:44,043 --> 00:37:46,043 At the moment, he's… 858 00:37:46,723 --> 00:37:49,003 -[Jack] Prime suspect. -He would be my prime suspect. 859 00:37:49,723 --> 00:37:52,203 The idea of immersive theater was lost on Daddy, 860 00:37:52,283 --> 00:37:54,763 who only seemed immersed in his own confusion. 861 00:37:54,843 --> 00:37:56,963 Perhaps a spot of backstory would help. 862 00:37:57,803 --> 00:37:59,723 Welcome to my beautiful home. 863 00:37:59,803 --> 00:38:04,123 We're here tonight to talk about our dear old friend, Rose Dimper. 864 00:38:04,203 --> 00:38:06,403 [softly] Who the fuck is Rose Dimples? 865 00:38:06,483 --> 00:38:07,883 [mumbling] Shut up. She's speaking. 866 00:38:07,963 --> 00:38:10,483 We learn that a local resident has passed away 867 00:38:10,563 --> 00:38:13,003 and left all her money to the villagers. 868 00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:15,323 Sorry to have to interrupt you, Mrs. Buffy. 869 00:38:15,403 --> 00:38:16,523 Your husband… 870 00:38:17,283 --> 00:38:18,163 He's dead. 871 00:38:18,243 --> 00:38:19,563 [audience gasps] 872 00:38:20,443 --> 00:38:24,603 We then learn Buffy's husband had huge debts and a secret child. 873 00:38:24,683 --> 00:38:26,723 So the hunt for the killer was on. 874 00:38:27,203 --> 00:38:31,243 That vicar has definitely got the hots for the lady of the house. 875 00:38:31,323 --> 00:38:32,523 Mark my words. 876 00:38:32,603 --> 00:38:36,243 I must ask none of you to leave the island. 877 00:38:37,283 --> 00:38:39,163 [Michael] Right, let's get this over with. 878 00:38:40,163 --> 00:38:43,763 [mimics French accent] Constable, there is no need for any of this. 879 00:38:43,843 --> 00:38:45,803 That is the man you want. 880 00:38:45,883 --> 00:38:47,203 The randy vicar! 881 00:38:47,283 --> 00:38:48,443 [laughs] 882 00:38:51,283 --> 00:38:53,843 Slightly jumped the gun there on the denouement. 883 00:38:54,363 --> 00:38:56,643 -We haven't had any of the clues yet. -Oh, right, sorry. 884 00:38:57,243 --> 00:38:59,123 It's fine, carry on. As you were. Sorry. 885 00:38:59,203 --> 00:39:03,883 While Poirot worked on another theory, it was the stable boy's time to shine. 886 00:39:03,963 --> 00:39:05,963 -Simon, can I talk to you? -Oh, yeah. 887 00:39:06,043 --> 00:39:07,683 -You know who I blame, don't you? -Yes? 888 00:39:07,763 --> 00:39:08,883 Harry the gardener. 889 00:39:08,963 --> 00:39:11,163 He was the one who put the nail in the chair. 890 00:39:11,243 --> 00:39:13,123 I mean, I asked him to, but… 891 00:39:13,203 --> 00:39:15,763 I didn't ask him to stick it out, did I? 892 00:39:15,843 --> 00:39:17,003 No, no, you didn't. 893 00:39:17,083 --> 00:39:18,763 Maybe I should look for a new gardener. 894 00:39:18,843 --> 00:39:21,723 Okay, I'll leave you to it. I'm still in shock at the moment. 895 00:39:21,803 --> 00:39:22,643 Yeah. 896 00:39:23,883 --> 00:39:27,283 I think some people are going to get arrested for over-acting. 897 00:39:27,363 --> 00:39:29,723 I think, if that's a crime, you're going away for life. 898 00:39:31,443 --> 00:39:33,083 I think I'm in there with the lady. 899 00:39:33,163 --> 00:39:35,363 Oh, Jack, she's a widow. 900 00:39:36,123 --> 00:39:37,083 A WILF. 901 00:39:37,683 --> 00:39:38,923 What's a WILF? 902 00:39:39,843 --> 00:39:40,843 A WILF. 903 00:39:41,923 --> 00:39:42,963 A widow I'd like-- 904 00:39:43,043 --> 00:39:46,123 Ladies and gentlemen. Dinner is served in the dining room. 905 00:39:46,203 --> 00:39:48,403 [jazz music playing] 906 00:39:48,483 --> 00:39:50,283 I have a new suspect. 907 00:39:50,763 --> 00:39:53,003 He sounded Russian to me, that bloke. 908 00:39:53,083 --> 00:39:56,403 That's the man that checked us in. He actually works at the hotel. 909 00:39:56,483 --> 00:39:58,683 [softly] Probably slipped him some polonium. 910 00:39:58,763 --> 00:39:59,803 -Hello. -Hello. 911 00:40:06,083 --> 00:40:07,803 Daddy was still on the case. 912 00:40:07,883 --> 00:40:10,203 The case of finding out how pissed you can get 913 00:40:10,283 --> 00:40:11,963 in the course of a murder mystery. 914 00:40:12,043 --> 00:40:13,843 [people chattering] 915 00:40:13,923 --> 00:40:15,443 Oh God! 916 00:40:15,523 --> 00:40:18,283 I think the great Hercule Poirot may have got that one wrong. 917 00:40:20,203 --> 00:40:21,403 What are you doing? 918 00:40:21,483 --> 00:40:23,283 -What are you doing? -I'm just checking. 919 00:40:23,363 --> 00:40:24,843 -He's dead. -He is dead. 920 00:40:24,923 --> 00:40:26,203 The vicar is dead, 921 00:40:26,283 --> 00:40:27,803 your prime suspect. 922 00:40:31,003 --> 00:40:32,483 Yes. Oh… 923 00:40:32,963 --> 00:40:34,283 Disappointing. 924 00:40:34,363 --> 00:40:36,523 Poor vicar. Oh, look. He's left his Bible. 925 00:40:37,003 --> 00:40:38,243 -Oh, my goodness! -Oh God. 926 00:40:38,323 --> 00:40:39,803 -Cecil! -[Michael groans] 927 00:40:39,883 --> 00:40:42,643 -Madam Faff. -[Lady Buffy] Oh, PC Bailey, quick! Quick! 928 00:40:43,323 --> 00:40:47,283 I'm starting to think we should have been concentrating harder on the clues. 929 00:40:47,363 --> 00:40:49,803 -I think we can rule out the vicar. -Yeah. 930 00:40:49,883 --> 00:40:51,963 Well, I changed my mind about him. 931 00:40:52,043 --> 00:40:53,243 -Oh, had you? -Yeah. 932 00:40:53,323 --> 00:40:56,643 -What, when you saw him dead in his salad? -Yeah, I mean, obviously… 933 00:40:56,723 --> 00:40:59,763 Nobody leaves the island until I solve this. 934 00:40:59,843 --> 00:41:01,083 Poor vicar. 935 00:41:02,203 --> 00:41:03,483 I picked up his Bible. 936 00:41:03,563 --> 00:41:04,923 I thought we could maybe 937 00:41:05,443 --> 00:41:07,163 read some passages later in our room. 938 00:41:07,243 --> 00:41:09,123 Do you think when he stands up-- 939 00:41:09,203 --> 00:41:10,843 -It's not actually a Bible. -What is it? 940 00:41:10,923 --> 00:41:13,123 It's Alan Sugar's autobiography. 941 00:41:14,243 --> 00:41:16,683 -Bear the thought… -The plot thickens. 942 00:41:16,763 --> 00:41:19,203 Probably topped himself reading it. 943 00:41:21,843 --> 00:41:25,763 Whilst we tucked into our main course, the suspects were working the room. 944 00:41:26,963 --> 00:41:28,883 -Hello, Simon. -Oh, hello. 945 00:41:28,963 --> 00:41:30,683 -Good evening, sir. -Good evening. 946 00:41:30,763 --> 00:41:34,283 -Oh, I do like your moustache. -Oh, thank you. 947 00:41:34,363 --> 00:41:36,163 -Charming. -Can I take your plate for you? 948 00:41:36,243 --> 00:41:37,763 Yes. Thank you very much. 949 00:41:38,323 --> 00:41:39,603 Yes, Simon, 950 00:41:39,683 --> 00:41:41,683 I think I do know who it is. 951 00:41:41,763 --> 00:41:43,163 It's Buffy, you know? 952 00:41:43,243 --> 00:41:44,963 Yes, she's having an affair. 953 00:41:45,043 --> 00:41:46,243 -No! -No… 954 00:41:46,323 --> 00:41:51,163 I've seen Gino coming down the back stairs late at night, you know? 955 00:41:51,243 --> 00:41:53,683 What, he had her up the back stairs? 956 00:41:53,763 --> 00:41:55,283 In her bedroom, yes. 957 00:41:55,363 --> 00:41:58,723 Anyway, I think I've said too much now. I'd better go. 958 00:42:01,963 --> 00:42:03,283 I think you've said too much. 959 00:42:05,403 --> 00:42:07,803 All guests had noted down their prime suspect, 960 00:42:07,883 --> 00:42:10,843 and it was time to find out who had got it right. 961 00:42:10,923 --> 00:42:12,043 [PC Bailey] Kate, over here. 962 00:42:13,003 --> 00:42:14,363 [Jack] Oh, po-po. 963 00:42:14,443 --> 00:42:15,803 Denouement, denouement! 964 00:42:15,883 --> 00:42:17,683 From the clues that I've seen, 965 00:42:18,323 --> 00:42:20,443 I believe I know who the murderer is. 966 00:42:21,163 --> 00:42:22,563 Buffy Manger 967 00:42:23,083 --> 00:42:25,523 didn't love her husband as much as we thought she did. 968 00:42:25,603 --> 00:42:26,563 In fact, 969 00:42:26,643 --> 00:42:28,683 she's been having an affair with Gino. 970 00:42:28,763 --> 00:42:30,483 And she was putting it on me. 971 00:42:30,563 --> 00:42:32,283 And she was putting it on him. 972 00:42:32,363 --> 00:42:33,763 All over me like a rash. 973 00:42:35,003 --> 00:42:37,123 But I still don't think she's the murderer. 974 00:42:37,203 --> 00:42:38,883 The person I believe it is 975 00:42:40,283 --> 00:42:41,523 is Kate. 976 00:42:41,603 --> 00:42:42,763 No! 977 00:42:43,243 --> 00:42:44,803 Whatever gave you that idea? 978 00:42:44,883 --> 00:42:45,763 Oh my God. 979 00:42:45,843 --> 00:42:47,603 Because you were the only one 980 00:42:47,683 --> 00:42:50,323 with a key to the trophy cabinet that had the poison in it. 981 00:42:50,403 --> 00:42:53,003 Oh! Boom! 982 00:42:53,083 --> 00:42:55,363 With that plot twist, the mystery was wrapped up. 983 00:42:55,843 --> 00:42:57,363 No one could piss on this parade. 984 00:42:58,163 --> 00:42:59,803 -Where are you off to, Poirot? -What? 985 00:42:59,883 --> 00:43:01,603 [mimics French accent] The great Poirot 986 00:43:02,883 --> 00:43:04,643 has the answer to this. 987 00:43:06,283 --> 00:43:07,563 He's had too much champagne. 988 00:43:07,643 --> 00:43:09,883 You are an oaf. 989 00:43:09,963 --> 00:43:14,203 It is quite clear this woman is plainly innocent. 990 00:43:14,283 --> 00:43:18,403 The woman that you need to find is this woman here! 991 00:43:18,483 --> 00:43:22,563 -Oh no, you've got it wrong! -The great Poirot knows. 992 00:43:22,643 --> 00:43:26,043 -Do you have any evidence? -Do I need evidence? It is all here. 993 00:43:26,123 --> 00:43:27,683 No, you definitely need evidence. 994 00:43:27,763 --> 00:43:30,363 The policeman has provided evidence that it was the maid, 995 00:43:30,443 --> 00:43:32,003 so it was the maid what done it. 996 00:43:32,083 --> 00:43:33,563 -This man is an oaf. -Okay, right. 997 00:43:33,643 --> 00:43:35,363 That's not how these work. 998 00:43:35,443 --> 00:43:36,403 The maid did it. 999 00:43:36,483 --> 00:43:40,763 It was me. Yes. And there's no way you're going to take me to prison. 1000 00:43:40,843 --> 00:43:43,083 -I'm out of here now! -[Michael] Take this woman! 1001 00:43:43,563 --> 00:43:45,763 -No! -Take this woman! 1002 00:43:47,683 --> 00:43:50,523 The great Poirot knew all along. 1003 00:43:50,603 --> 00:43:53,683 I needed to get that out of her. 1004 00:43:53,763 --> 00:43:57,163 And she did it in the end. She panicked and admitted it. 1005 00:43:57,243 --> 00:44:00,163 -I knew it. All along. -Right. 1006 00:44:02,203 --> 00:44:04,803 Poirot's having a bit of a shocker at the office today, isn't he? 1007 00:44:06,043 --> 00:44:08,963 All great sleuths have their off days. 1008 00:44:09,483 --> 00:44:11,043 Today was such a day. 1009 00:44:12,803 --> 00:44:15,523 [laughs] 1010 00:44:18,163 --> 00:44:20,003 [Jack] This is the best murder mystery ever. 1011 00:44:24,723 --> 00:44:28,883 [dramatic classical music playing] 1012 00:44:28,963 --> 00:44:30,683 For the next leg of our journey, 1013 00:44:30,763 --> 00:44:34,403 Hilary was sending us to the Whitehall family's ancestral seat: 1014 00:44:34,883 --> 00:44:35,883 Wales. 1015 00:44:37,283 --> 00:44:41,243 A place known for its ragged coastlines, beautiful mountains, 1016 00:44:41,323 --> 00:44:43,803 and where people are outnumbered by sheep 3-1. 1017 00:44:44,323 --> 00:44:45,483 We could still take them. 1018 00:44:48,603 --> 00:44:49,883 Do you want a Flump? 1019 00:44:50,443 --> 00:44:51,643 No, thank you. 1020 00:44:53,403 --> 00:44:55,763 How long is this drive? Six hours? 1021 00:44:56,363 --> 00:44:57,443 Um. 1022 00:44:57,523 --> 00:45:00,043 -No, I don't think it's as long as that. -I think it is. 1023 00:45:00,123 --> 00:45:01,123 -Do you? -Yeah. 1024 00:45:01,203 --> 00:45:03,803 With your granny driving, probably six hours. 1025 00:45:04,683 --> 00:45:06,123 I'm gonna try and sleep. 1026 00:45:18,243 --> 00:45:19,923 What the fuck is that? 1027 00:45:20,883 --> 00:45:22,083 You're like the Elephant Man! 1028 00:45:22,163 --> 00:45:24,563 [chuckles] It's my travel pillow. 1029 00:45:24,643 --> 00:45:26,923 You can sleep anywhere. You can sleep to the side. 1030 00:45:28,483 --> 00:45:29,803 You can sleep everywhere. 1031 00:45:30,443 --> 00:45:33,963 So, you're going through one of the most beautiful parts of the country, 1032 00:45:34,043 --> 00:45:35,523 and you can't see anything 1033 00:45:35,603 --> 00:45:39,243 because you've got some stupid Elephant Man hat on. 1034 00:45:39,323 --> 00:45:41,603 It's not an Elephant Man hat. 1035 00:45:42,083 --> 00:45:45,443 It's my ostrich head sleeping pillow. 1036 00:45:46,083 --> 00:45:48,003 And I cannot sleep in a car now without it. 1037 00:45:48,563 --> 00:45:50,563 [Michael] It looks like a gray bollock. 1038 00:45:53,043 --> 00:45:55,243 -Shall I put on some music? -Don't put on music. 1039 00:45:55,323 --> 00:45:57,003 No? I've got some good tunes, mate. 1040 00:45:57,723 --> 00:46:00,523 I've loaded something up there for you to play. 1041 00:46:00,603 --> 00:46:01,443 What? 1042 00:46:01,523 --> 00:46:04,643 Because this trip's about our family and our heritage, and all that. 1043 00:46:04,723 --> 00:46:05,923 I thought you'd enjoy it. 1044 00:46:06,403 --> 00:46:08,443 No, let's get some club classics. 1045 00:46:08,523 --> 00:46:10,683 -No, just put this on. -What, here? 1046 00:46:10,763 --> 00:46:11,763 Yeah. 1047 00:46:14,083 --> 00:46:14,923 This? 1048 00:46:15,403 --> 00:46:18,323 [Michael on stereo] Chapter One: Keeping Up Appearances. 1049 00:46:18,803 --> 00:46:20,683 -Are you joking? -Around the time Adolf Hitler-- 1050 00:46:20,763 --> 00:46:23,083 -What do you mean, joking? -This is your audiobook. 1051 00:46:23,163 --> 00:46:24,363 Yeah. 1052 00:46:24,443 --> 00:46:26,523 You have loaded up the audiobook 1053 00:46:26,603 --> 00:46:28,803 to your own autobiography for us to listen to. 1054 00:46:28,883 --> 00:46:32,803 Yes, so you can listen about your family and your heritage and life. 1055 00:46:32,883 --> 00:46:35,683 -Do you have any idea how weird that is? -Yeah. 1056 00:46:35,763 --> 00:46:37,923 -Sure. -You're literally listening to yourself. 1057 00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:41,163 Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I was reading it… 1058 00:46:41,243 --> 00:46:44,203 But I thought you'd enjoy it. I mean, what else are you gonna do? 1059 00:46:45,123 --> 00:46:47,083 -At least it'll help me go to sleep. -Shh! 1060 00:46:47,163 --> 00:46:51,323 …traveling around the country as a gas instructor in the RAF. 1061 00:46:51,803 --> 00:46:54,243 -No one pictured him… -Can you turn yourself down? 1062 00:46:54,323 --> 00:46:55,283 Both versions of you. 1063 00:46:55,363 --> 00:46:57,883 …as a pilot with a fur-lined flying jacket. 1064 00:46:57,963 --> 00:47:00,203 -Stereo Michael Whitehall. -…dark silk cravat. 1065 00:47:00,283 --> 00:47:01,843 This could break a terrorist. 1066 00:47:01,923 --> 00:47:03,603 It was against… 1067 00:47:03,683 --> 00:47:07,443 [serene classical music playing] 1068 00:47:14,043 --> 00:47:16,323 It was about a Spanish film. 1069 00:47:16,403 --> 00:47:17,963 Rose Tobias Shaw 1070 00:47:18,043 --> 00:47:22,003 was an American casting director with a rather flaky reputation. 1071 00:47:22,843 --> 00:47:25,243 -"No, I haven't, but it'll be fine." -What the fuck? 1072 00:47:25,723 --> 00:47:27,003 -Daddy! -What? 1073 00:47:27,643 --> 00:47:30,403 -Why have you done that? -I didn't want you to miss this bit. 1074 00:47:30,483 --> 00:47:32,323 It's with Judy Dench. 1075 00:47:32,403 --> 00:47:34,283 -What? -She's so funny. 1076 00:47:34,363 --> 00:47:36,963 Judy Dench stuck her head round the corner. 1077 00:47:37,043 --> 00:47:40,363 "Did you know there's a wedding reception going on in there, Michael?" 1078 00:47:40,443 --> 00:47:42,443 she said and disappeared. 1079 00:47:42,523 --> 00:47:43,643 [chuckles] 1080 00:47:45,203 --> 00:47:48,243 The trouble with St. John's Church, William, 1081 00:47:48,323 --> 00:47:50,443 was that it wasn't in William. 1082 00:47:50,523 --> 00:47:54,043 There was a church in William, but it wasn't St. John's… 1083 00:47:57,603 --> 00:48:02,083 [Jack] After that historical journey, we arrived at Palé Hall Hotel, 1084 00:48:02,163 --> 00:48:04,243 at the foothills of Mount Snowdon. 1085 00:48:05,763 --> 00:48:06,883 We were meeting Hilary 1086 00:48:06,963 --> 00:48:11,603 to celebrate the fact that today is my parents' 35th wedding anniversary. 1087 00:48:12,843 --> 00:48:14,003 [Jack] This looks nice. 1088 00:48:14,603 --> 00:48:15,443 [Michael] Very nice. 1089 00:48:15,523 --> 00:48:18,043 We've got a big one tonight, your mother and I. 1090 00:48:18,123 --> 00:48:19,203 Do you realize that? 1091 00:48:19,283 --> 00:48:20,763 -The anniversary? -Yeah. 1092 00:48:21,323 --> 00:48:22,523 -It's-- -Thirty-five years? 1093 00:48:22,603 --> 00:48:24,043 -Yeah. It's a big one. -Amazing. 1094 00:48:24,123 --> 00:48:27,683 If you see my hat outside the door of the room, then you'll know… 1095 00:48:29,403 --> 00:48:30,443 we're in action. 1096 00:48:30,523 --> 00:48:34,523 Might see if this hotel has any outhouses I can stay in. 1097 00:48:34,603 --> 00:48:37,203 I hope you've packed plenty of earplugs, too, 1098 00:48:38,443 --> 00:48:41,363 if you know what your mother's like when she gets going. 1099 00:48:41,923 --> 00:48:44,923 I might not even be checking into this hotel at this rate. 1100 00:48:45,763 --> 00:48:47,443 -Don't worry if-- -Wow. 1101 00:48:47,523 --> 00:48:50,843 -If you hear screaming-- -Shut up. Look! 1102 00:48:50,923 --> 00:48:52,643 -[Jack] Isn't this beautiful? -Very nice. 1103 00:48:53,403 --> 00:48:56,763 Why would anyone want to build a house like that in Wales? 1104 00:48:58,803 --> 00:48:59,963 [Jack] Can you behave, please? 1105 00:49:00,043 --> 00:49:02,363 No comments like that when we get out of this car. 1106 00:49:04,523 --> 00:49:05,363 Mr. Whitehall? 1107 00:49:05,443 --> 00:49:08,443 -That's me. Hello, how are you? -How are you? How was your journey? 1108 00:49:08,523 --> 00:49:10,563 -Very well. Very good. -Welcome to Palé Hall. 1109 00:49:10,643 --> 00:49:12,403 -Hey, how are you, mate? -Very good. 1110 00:49:12,483 --> 00:49:16,243 Have you got a beautiful young lady in here waiting for me? 1111 00:49:16,323 --> 00:49:18,443 -I'm sure we do. -[Jack] Beautiful young lady? 1112 00:49:18,523 --> 00:49:20,683 Please don't talk about my mother like that. 1113 00:49:21,283 --> 00:49:25,043 -Beautiful, young… Well-built, buxom… -[Jack] Stop! 1114 00:49:29,043 --> 00:49:31,923 -[Jack, sing-song] Hello! -[Hilary] Hello, hello, hello! 1115 00:49:32,003 --> 00:49:33,763 -Hello. -Lovely to see you, Momsies. 1116 00:49:34,323 --> 00:49:36,643 -Would you like to kiss Winston? -No, I wouldn't. 1117 00:49:36,723 --> 00:49:38,163 -Hello, Winston. -Say hello, Winston. 1118 00:49:38,643 --> 00:49:39,923 Hello, bubs. 1119 00:49:40,003 --> 00:49:41,763 -You look lovely. -Thank you. 1120 00:49:42,523 --> 00:49:43,603 Happy anniversary! 1121 00:49:43,683 --> 00:49:45,003 -Yes! -[Hilary] How's it been? 1122 00:49:45,083 --> 00:49:46,443 -Thirty-five years. -Long. 1123 00:49:46,523 --> 00:49:49,763 -Not as long as 35 years. -Not as long as 35 years. Indeed. 1124 00:49:49,843 --> 00:49:51,723 -[Hilary] So… -[Michael] Lovely. 1125 00:49:51,803 --> 00:49:54,283 The reason I've booked this beautiful five-star hotel 1126 00:49:54,363 --> 00:49:57,763 is because you're going to be here tonight having dinner, etc. 1127 00:49:57,843 --> 00:50:00,403 -Our wedding anniversary. -It is our wedding anniversary. 1128 00:50:00,483 --> 00:50:03,323 But I'm afraid there's a little bit of a twist this year, 1129 00:50:03,403 --> 00:50:06,683 as there's an exciting camping experience I'd like Jack and I to do. 1130 00:50:06,763 --> 00:50:08,723 And as I always took you kids camping, 1131 00:50:08,803 --> 00:50:12,683 I thought we could recreate a bit of that together on our last trip. 1132 00:50:13,163 --> 00:50:15,403 We're camping and he'll stay in the 5-star hotel? 1133 00:50:15,483 --> 00:50:18,403 -Yeah. -I think that's a pretty good setup. 1134 00:50:18,483 --> 00:50:19,923 Happy about that? 1135 00:50:20,003 --> 00:50:21,283 No. 1136 00:50:22,723 --> 00:50:23,563 Cockblock. 1137 00:50:23,643 --> 00:50:26,883 The only thing is you're not going to be alone, though, 1138 00:50:27,563 --> 00:50:28,643 because… 1139 00:50:30,003 --> 00:50:32,523 I don't think Winston should come camping. 1140 00:50:32,603 --> 00:50:34,843 The other thing I should just point out, 1141 00:50:35,563 --> 00:50:36,403 Michael… 1142 00:50:36,483 --> 00:50:40,923 I know you weren't allowed to get into Winston Churchill's bed/bath at Chartwell. 1143 00:50:41,483 --> 00:50:44,403 The big news is that Winston Churchill stayed here. 1144 00:50:44,483 --> 00:50:46,083 There is a Winston Churchill suite. 1145 00:50:46,163 --> 00:50:47,483 Really? 1146 00:50:47,563 --> 00:50:49,603 So, we're going round the country, 1147 00:50:49,683 --> 00:50:52,963 so that I can get into baths and beds 1148 00:50:53,043 --> 00:50:55,963 that have previously been occupied by Winston Churchill. 1149 00:50:56,043 --> 00:50:57,603 -Is that it? -That's the thought. 1150 00:50:57,683 --> 00:51:02,483 Fine, okay. Well, I'm going to celebrate my wedding anniversary on my own… 1151 00:51:02,563 --> 00:51:04,083 -No! -…with a doll… 1152 00:51:04,923 --> 00:51:07,323 -That sounds worse. -…in Winston Churchill's bed. 1153 00:51:07,403 --> 00:51:09,123 Don't tell anyone in the hotel 1154 00:51:09,203 --> 00:51:11,643 that you'll be celebrating your wedding anniversary 1155 00:51:11,723 --> 00:51:12,723 in bed with a doll. 1156 00:51:12,803 --> 00:51:15,003 -They might get the wrong idea… -No, I won't. 1157 00:51:15,083 --> 00:51:16,723 …or possibly the right one. 1158 00:51:16,803 --> 00:51:19,323 [airy classical music playing] 1159 00:51:21,843 --> 00:51:23,883 We head to the island of Anglesey, 1160 00:51:23,963 --> 00:51:27,403 where Mommy reveals to me that we're not just going camping, 1161 00:51:27,483 --> 00:51:29,363 but cliff camping, 1162 00:51:29,443 --> 00:51:32,603 where you sleep off the side of a cliff. 1163 00:51:33,563 --> 00:51:35,763 -Nah, not for me, this one. -[dramatic music playing] 1164 00:51:35,843 --> 00:51:39,643 Mommy and I will be spending the night high above the water and the rocks, 1165 00:51:39,723 --> 00:51:42,083 directly against the cliff face, 1166 00:51:42,163 --> 00:51:46,203 on that, a rickety stretcher dangling from a piece of string. 1167 00:51:46,683 --> 00:51:48,603 So, I think it's just up here. 1168 00:51:49,603 --> 00:51:50,803 Aha! 1169 00:51:52,163 --> 00:51:53,883 -Hello! -Hello! 1170 00:51:53,963 --> 00:51:54,803 -Hey. -I'm Sam. 1171 00:51:54,883 --> 00:51:56,643 -Hey, Sam. -I'm Hilary. 1172 00:51:56,723 --> 00:51:59,203 -Do you know what we're doing? -It looks quite terrifying. 1173 00:51:59,763 --> 00:52:01,443 With the evening fast approaching, 1174 00:52:01,523 --> 00:52:05,883 it's time to get on our equipment and literally throw ourselves off a cliff. 1175 00:52:05,963 --> 00:52:07,523 [Jack] Oh God. It really is a cliff. 1176 00:52:08,683 --> 00:52:09,603 [pants] 1177 00:52:12,123 --> 00:52:14,883 -Why don't you just bring that up here? -[Sam laughs] 1178 00:52:14,963 --> 00:52:17,363 I've got down to this bit and I'll lower my ass, 1179 00:52:17,443 --> 00:52:19,203 and you just place it on my ass. 1180 00:52:19,283 --> 00:52:20,523 Then we're good to go. 1181 00:52:23,043 --> 00:52:24,883 -[Sam] That's it, Jack. -[grunts] 1182 00:52:25,963 --> 00:52:27,483 Oh, fuck. 1183 00:52:27,563 --> 00:52:29,083 Oh, what's that creaking? 1184 00:52:29,163 --> 00:52:30,323 Shut up, Hilary. 1185 00:52:30,803 --> 00:52:32,403 There's no creaking, Mother. 1186 00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:34,483 With me safely in position, 1187 00:52:34,563 --> 00:52:37,083 it was Hilary's turn to gracefully descend. 1188 00:52:37,643 --> 00:52:40,203 -I've got to get over here, haven't I? -[Sam] Yeah, that's it. 1189 00:52:40,283 --> 00:52:44,643 My mother, in a tightly-packed harness, being winched on top of me. 1190 00:52:44,723 --> 00:52:46,043 Just cut my rope now! 1191 00:52:46,123 --> 00:52:48,923 Oh my God. I definitely should have gone second. 1192 00:52:49,603 --> 00:52:50,443 Jack! 1193 00:52:51,003 --> 00:52:54,363 Please don't make me laugh. I go all weak when I… 1194 00:52:54,443 --> 00:52:56,283 I can't look down and I can't look up. 1195 00:52:56,363 --> 00:52:59,003 -[Sam] Hilary, keep yourself on-- -[Hilary] This side? 1196 00:52:59,083 --> 00:53:00,363 -[Sam] Yeah. -Step over this one. 1197 00:53:00,443 --> 00:53:02,683 -Yeah, alright. -No, you're behind it, Mommy. 1198 00:53:02,763 --> 00:53:05,083 -I know I am. -You're too low. 1199 00:53:05,163 --> 00:53:06,763 -Get over there. -Don't make me laugh. 1200 00:53:06,843 --> 00:53:08,883 Put your weight on there, Hilary. 1201 00:53:09,643 --> 00:53:10,963 -I'm sorry. -Lower. 1202 00:53:11,043 --> 00:53:12,723 Lower. 1203 00:53:13,443 --> 00:53:15,763 -Okay? -I've got hysterical, sorry. 1204 00:53:15,843 --> 00:53:16,963 [Jack] No… 1205 00:53:17,043 --> 00:53:19,403 -[Sam] Why don't you turn around? -[Hilary] Oh, yes, I will. 1206 00:53:19,483 --> 00:53:21,843 Maybe one at a time. Slow, steady movements. 1207 00:53:21,923 --> 00:53:24,403 Right, I'm definitely going first this time… 1208 00:53:24,883 --> 00:53:27,203 Went first… Why are you going first? 1209 00:53:27,283 --> 00:53:29,443 I'm just getting it over and done with. 1210 00:53:29,523 --> 00:53:32,203 Ooh, fucking hell. Please don't do that. 1211 00:53:34,203 --> 00:53:36,123 -[yells] Oh, fuck. -Jack, what are you doing? 1212 00:53:36,203 --> 00:53:37,403 I'm trying to get round. 1213 00:53:37,483 --> 00:53:39,283 How's it going there, Jack? 1214 00:53:40,523 --> 00:53:42,043 -Yeah. -Yeah? Good? 1215 00:53:42,683 --> 00:53:47,323 -I mean, the view is spectacular. -I'm really not that into this. 1216 00:53:47,403 --> 00:53:49,283 I'm loving this, Jack. 1217 00:53:49,363 --> 00:53:51,363 Where's your spirit of adventure? 1218 00:53:52,003 --> 00:53:53,563 I left it at the top of the cliff. 1219 00:53:53,643 --> 00:53:55,563 You're sounding, can I just say, 1220 00:53:55,643 --> 00:53:57,843 like the son of your father. 1221 00:53:59,203 --> 00:54:01,923 -[waiter] Mr. Whitehall, how are we? -Very well, thank you. 1222 00:54:02,003 --> 00:54:04,003 -Can I pour your tea for you? -Thank you. 1223 00:54:07,563 --> 00:54:09,603 -And would he like some? -Definitely. 1224 00:54:09,683 --> 00:54:11,683 You'd like tea, wouldn't you, Winston, 1225 00:54:12,243 --> 00:54:13,283 with Daddy? 1226 00:54:14,243 --> 00:54:17,643 -[serene piano music] -[waves breaking] 1227 00:54:19,243 --> 00:54:22,243 [seagull cries] 1228 00:54:23,323 --> 00:54:25,123 [Hilary] So, the final adventure. 1229 00:54:25,203 --> 00:54:27,483 [Jack] It might be if we never make it off this platform. 1230 00:54:27,563 --> 00:54:31,843 I don't mean this moment. I mean the whole journey with your dad. 1231 00:54:31,923 --> 00:54:33,083 How's it been? 1232 00:54:33,163 --> 00:54:35,003 -Yeah, it's been lovely. -Yeah? 1233 00:54:35,083 --> 00:54:37,443 It's been very nice to be back on the road with him. 1234 00:54:37,523 --> 00:54:39,603 I didn't think we'd be back on the road again, 1235 00:54:39,683 --> 00:54:41,723 but I'm very thankful 1236 00:54:42,403 --> 00:54:43,563 that we are back, 1237 00:54:43,643 --> 00:54:45,003 traveling together. 1238 00:54:45,083 --> 00:54:47,403 Obviously, it's been a very, very weird year. 1239 00:54:47,483 --> 00:54:49,923 -It was also scary. -It was scary. 1240 00:54:50,003 --> 00:54:52,203 Scary not seeing you and also just not knowing… 1241 00:54:52,283 --> 00:54:53,123 Yeah. 1242 00:54:56,723 --> 00:55:00,803 With Molly being pregnant as well and all of that going on at the same time… 1243 00:55:00,883 --> 00:55:04,243 Like, the relief when she gave birth 1244 00:55:04,323 --> 00:55:09,363 and she sent me those pictures of you and Daddy with Peggy, 1245 00:55:09,843 --> 00:55:13,083 [voice breaks] and I was just so thankful and so happy, 1246 00:55:13,163 --> 00:55:14,323 and seeing Daddy holding her… 1247 00:55:14,883 --> 00:55:16,283 -I know. -And I was, like… 1248 00:55:16,363 --> 00:55:18,243 I was so happy that we got to that moment 1249 00:55:18,323 --> 00:55:21,643 and he got through it, and you got through it, 1250 00:55:22,123 --> 00:55:26,003 and you were with your granddaughter and seeing how happy you both were… 1251 00:55:26,643 --> 00:55:28,923 It was just, like… Just a relief. 1252 00:55:30,203 --> 00:55:32,163 I shall never take it for granted, 1253 00:55:32,683 --> 00:55:35,363 getting to hang out with you and Daddy, 1254 00:55:35,843 --> 00:55:37,883 even if it is over a cliff. 1255 00:55:39,083 --> 00:55:42,483 You know, we've had time to think during the last year 1256 00:55:42,563 --> 00:55:44,123 and we've had a major decision. 1257 00:55:44,203 --> 00:55:46,483 -I'm sure your father has told you. -No. 1258 00:55:47,643 --> 00:55:50,083 This is so classic of your father. 1259 00:55:50,163 --> 00:55:52,123 I gave him one job to do. 1260 00:55:52,203 --> 00:55:54,803 -You're putting Winston up for adoption? -No. 1261 00:55:54,883 --> 00:55:57,523 -Because I would be fully supportive. -I know you would be. 1262 00:55:57,603 --> 00:56:00,323 -I'd drive him to the orphanage. -[sighs] 1263 00:56:00,403 --> 00:56:03,963 There may be a bit of mileage being put between you and Winston 1264 00:56:04,043 --> 00:56:08,123 because your father and I have decided we're going to move out of London. 1265 00:56:08,203 --> 00:56:09,803 -You're moving out of London? -Yeah. 1266 00:56:09,883 --> 00:56:11,123 -Nah. -Yeah. 1267 00:56:11,203 --> 00:56:14,723 Because you now are settled with your girlfriend, 1268 00:56:15,483 --> 00:56:18,243 Molly and Toby have had Peggy, so we're now grandparents, 1269 00:56:18,883 --> 00:56:21,523 and we just feel that we need to change it up a bit. 1270 00:56:22,083 --> 00:56:24,483 I can't believe Daddy didn't tell you all this. 1271 00:56:24,563 --> 00:56:26,163 -No. -He hasn't mentioned it at all? 1272 00:56:26,243 --> 00:56:29,403 No, he's mainly been making dodgy comments about the Welsh. 1273 00:56:38,243 --> 00:56:39,283 [whispering] Fuck! 1274 00:56:41,203 --> 00:56:45,123 You've got Daddy over a barrel here, Winston, and you know it. 1275 00:56:45,203 --> 00:56:48,523 What I have done, though, Jack, to celebrate this moment, 1276 00:56:48,603 --> 00:56:50,123 is I've prepared some supper. 1277 00:56:50,203 --> 00:56:53,323 -[Sam] Here it comes. You ready? -Yep! Thank you very, very much. 1278 00:56:53,403 --> 00:56:56,603 Just remember, anything you drop is probably not coming back. 1279 00:56:56,683 --> 00:56:57,603 Yeah, got it. 1280 00:56:57,683 --> 00:56:59,123 [Sam] What have you got? 1281 00:56:59,203 --> 00:57:03,803 I've got some Chinese from Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, the Lucky Cat. 1282 00:57:03,883 --> 00:57:05,163 -Yeah. -Are you joking? 1283 00:57:05,243 --> 00:57:07,203 -Yeah, no, I have. -From a week ago? 1284 00:57:07,283 --> 00:57:09,323 -Here, look. -I'm not eating that! 1285 00:57:09,403 --> 00:57:11,323 -Look. -What, all that stuff? 1286 00:57:11,963 --> 00:57:13,363 -It's lovely, look. -[coughs] 1287 00:57:13,443 --> 00:57:14,363 [retches] 1288 00:57:14,443 --> 00:57:15,883 That's disgusting. 1289 00:57:15,963 --> 00:57:20,723 I'm not having some old flabby gyoza that's been in the fridge for a week. 1290 00:57:21,323 --> 00:57:22,283 Just try one. 1291 00:57:22,363 --> 00:57:26,363 -Just try it. -It's all cold and flabby. 1292 00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:28,683 It looks like one of Daddy's testicles. 1293 00:57:29,443 --> 00:57:32,043 -That is so mean! -What? 1294 00:57:32,123 --> 00:57:36,843 -On the food or his testicles? -Daddy's testicles. It's so mean. 1295 00:57:40,083 --> 00:57:41,443 What the fuck is that? 1296 00:57:42,003 --> 00:57:45,003 -Do you remember that lovely fish you did? -The road-killed fish? 1297 00:57:45,083 --> 00:57:47,523 -You've brought it with you to Wales? -Yep. 1298 00:57:47,603 --> 00:57:49,963 -Look. -It's a week old. Fuck! 1299 00:57:52,083 --> 00:57:53,043 [retches] 1300 00:57:53,123 --> 00:57:54,523 I'm actually gagging. 1301 00:57:54,603 --> 00:57:58,283 -You're a monster. -That's a bit fruity, even for me. 1302 00:57:58,363 --> 00:58:00,643 [Jack] I think I'm about to chunder onto a puffin. 1303 00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:06,723 It's time for me to take control of this final trip. 1304 00:58:06,803 --> 00:58:10,523 We need to do some things we'll regret, whether Daddy likes it or not. 1305 00:58:10,603 --> 00:58:13,763 Please, no, Max! [yelps] 1306 00:58:13,843 --> 00:58:14,843 [man] Let go of… 1307 00:58:14,923 --> 00:58:18,563 Jack, can you just fuck off? Because you're just causing havoc. 1308 00:58:18,643 --> 00:58:20,003 Do you want a little cuddle? 1309 00:58:20,083 --> 00:58:21,043 Ooh! 1310 00:58:21,123 --> 00:58:23,843 -No! Move it away! -Ow, Daddy! 1311 00:58:25,083 --> 00:58:26,403 Look, fuck off! 1312 00:58:26,483 --> 00:58:27,323 You're a cheat. 1313 00:58:27,403 --> 00:58:29,763 -I'm not a cheat. -You are, you're a cheat!