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               [Tiff]               
     Previously on   Black Monday...   

2
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               [Blair]              
       As far as we can tell,       

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        we're in one of those       
   off-the-books NYPD black sites. 

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             We are here            
     because this guy set us up.    

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     [car beeps, all screaming]     

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              [person]              
     Dawn Darcy, you have the tools 

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        to be a superstar here,      

8
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   which is why I want to give you 

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            total control           
         of your own label.         

10
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           You heard him.           
      Mo will never let me out.     

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    I have a friend who just got    
        this new white rapper       

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    out of a deal by hanging him    
          over a balcony...         

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             allegedly.             

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      Well, that's terrifying.      

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         I want what's best         
            for you guys,           

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            which is why            
         you got to take it.        

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         Take Nomi with you.        

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      I think you said you'd do     
     anything to get Dawnie out.    

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       [Larry] If Pfaffashions      
    goes public without a hitch,    

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   KokoMo Co Records stays yours.   

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          -[doorbell rings]         
      -[Tiff]   One of the heads      

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       of the NASDAQ's coming       
       to sign off on the IPO.      

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     All I have to do is provide    
     a venue safe from his wife,    

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   and then the IPO is good to go. 

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              Douglas!              

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                -Oh!                
            -[body thuds]           

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           Doug, will you           
          still be signing?         

28
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          [singsong voice]          
          Blair? Oh, Blair?         

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    I've got a surprise for you.    

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             creepy music          

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          You've been going         
          through so much,          

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       what, with the repeated      
        attempts on your life       

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         and repeated deaths        
       of everyone around you.      

34
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          You must not know         
        who to trust anymore.       

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       [chuckles] I bet that's      
      the most stressful part--     

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          the not knowing.          

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     Well, I think I can relieve    
        some of that stress.        

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                 Ow.                

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                Mmm.                

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     I miss our old life, Blair.    

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          Why did you have          
         to ruin everything?        

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            Nope, no, no.           
      Today's not about blame.      

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          Today's about...          

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               relief.              

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        I knew you were home.       

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        This is gonna be fun.       

48
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:57,200
                                    

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         Come out, come out,        
          wherever you are.         

50
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     Speaking of our old life...    

51
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     are you back in the closet?    

52
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:12,882
                                    

53
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          -Going somewhere?         
                -Oh!                

54
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               Gotcha!              

55
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            -[cork pops]            
               -Mommy!              

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       Tiff, what's going on?       

57
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    I told you, it's a surprise.    
           Now, hit this.           

58
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         I hope I didn't get        
         any glass in there.        

59
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       But you're the expert.       
             Am I right?            

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              [laughs]              

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         Seriously, though,         
           chug with care.          

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         Hit you with a rhythm      
        you ain't heard before      

63
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        Looking for what's new,     
       tell me what's in store      

64
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                Wow.                
          [inhales sharply]         

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     Momo, this is really good.     

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        Who knew all I needed       
         to appreciate jazz         

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      was a complete other kind     
     of music laid on top of it?    

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             [laughter]             

69
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            -Okay, okay.            
            -Watch this.            

70
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           -[lyrics drop]           
          -Okay, horrible.          

71
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          -[lyrics resume]          
        -Oh, fucking genius.        

72
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,851
           -[lyrics drop]           
          -Ugh, sucks ass.          

73
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,519
          -[lyrics resume]          
         -Oh, oh, I love it.        

74
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               -Okay.               
      -Okay, kill me, kill me.      

75
00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:09,939
     Yeah, we get it, we get it,    
        we get it, we get it.       

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00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,816
    Well, if you hate genuine art   
     with any kind of substance,    

77
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       you're gonna love L.A.       

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          -Oh, fresh take.          
               -Yeah.               

79
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          What's next, huh?         
    You're gonna do five minutes    

80
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      on how the bagels are bad     
        'cause of the water?        

81
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        Do not get me started       
           on their pizza.          

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             [laughter]             

83
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   I can't believe you're actually 
      leaving tonight, Dawnie.      

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     -I'm really gonna miss you.    
              -[sighs]              

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                Yeah.               

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              soft music           

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         Hey, uh, you know,         

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         I need your opinion        
         on some shit, too.         

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            Like, C or D?           

90
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       The track's in B flat.       

91
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             No, I mean,            
      I don't want to be flat.      

92
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     Oh, you're getting titties.    

93
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               -Yeah!               
             -All right.            

94
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       Come on, Mo, it's L.A.       
   You know, bitches get stitches. 

95
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           -This is true.           
            -Yeah, yeah.            

96
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     Now, you said you'd give me    
     your opinion on shit, so...    

97
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     Well, my honest opinion is     
   you don't mess with perfection. 

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         Momo, that's sweet.        

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            But I'd go C.           

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   The golden booby-to-booty ratio 
          is three to four,         

101
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           and, you know,           
        you got D ass, so...        

102
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     -Yes, and that is D truth.     
             -[laughter]            

103
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            That's funny.           

104
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           With everything          
       that's come between us,      

105
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    it seems all we really needed   
               to come              

106
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    -between us was 2,500 miles.    
                -Hmm.               

107
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       You're trying to think       

108
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     of a "come between us" joke    
       right now, aren't you?       

109
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         Yeah, when you said        
         it the second time,        

110
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   and I'm kind of in the area of, 
     you know, we're closer now     

111
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     than when there was actual     
          come between us.          

112
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    But that felt a little crass.   

113
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         -No, not terrible.         
           -You like that?          

114
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                Yeah.               

115
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             [laughter]             

116
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             Well, uh...            

117
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      Hey, look, your red-eye's     
      not till midnight, right?     

118
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                 Mm.                

119
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      Well, the guys are coming     
          back in at seven.         

120
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       Why don't you come back      
         and check 'em out?         

121
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           I'd really love          
      to get your ears on 'em.      

122
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          Yeah, of course.          

123
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             Okay, cool.            

124
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      And thank you, you know,      
        just for everything.        

125
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        Oh, come on, stop it.       

126
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              -Stop it.             
             -[chuckles]            

127
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:58,423
                                    

128
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               -Okay.               
          -Yeah. [chuckles]         

129
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       [Tiff] I made us lunch.      

130
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:05,054
            -You made it?           
                -Hmm.               

131
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:07,849
      Notice anything special?      

132
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   My mom's famous frozen lasagna, 

133
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      instant mashed potatoes,      
          and Mountain Dew.         

134
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         My death row meal.         

135
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:19,986
     [chuckles] I always forget     
     how Florida your palate is.    

136
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      What's the big occasion?      
        I'm not dying, am I?        

137
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,241
      Oh, you just reminded me.     

138
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             [chuckles]             
        I forgot the poison.        

139
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              -Poison?              
           -Be right back.          

140
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          [humming happily]         

141
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          suspenseful music        

142
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,338
                                    

143
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      -[Tiff] Everything okay?      
                -Yes.               

144
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,258
          Poison's "Every Rose      
        Has Its Thorn" playing      

145
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               [Tiff]               
        Have you heard this?        

146
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,345
             It's so us.            

147
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:50,600
                                    

148
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      We both lie silently still  

149
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       In the dead of the night    

150
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          Although we both lie      
            close together          

151
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      We feel miles apart inside  

152
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        Was it something I said     
         or something I did?        

153
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:14,248
              Did my words          
         not come out right?        

154
00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:17,835
             Though I tried         
           not to hurt you          

155
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            Though I tried         

156
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              But I guess           
         that's why they say        

157
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              Every rose           

158
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            Has its thorn          

159
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        Just like every night      

160
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             Has its dawn          

161
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        Just like every cowboy     

162
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        Sings a sad, sad song      

163
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       Every rose has its thorn    

164
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               [sighs]              

165
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          Bon appe-titties.         

166
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             creepy music          

167
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,332
                                    

168
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     -Did you swap our glasses?     
   -How would you even know that?   

169
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        'Cause my Dew is diet       

170
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     'cause my insulin is jacked    
             from years             

171
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:05,383
   of the ole two-finger dessert.   

172
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     -Are you trying to kill me?    
   -No, you're trying to kill me!   

173
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               -What?               
           -Come on, Tiff!          

174
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:09,929
     What are you talking about?    

175
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,722
    The tarps, the torture tools,   
         my death row meal.         

176
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,683
    Even if you didn't poison it,   
         your cooking alone.        

177
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:14,976
           Good one, Leno.          

178
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,519
           We always knew           
       it would end like this.      

179
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:19,230
     These aren't torture tools.    
        These are spa tools.        

180
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,399
   Cuticle nippers, skin needler,   
            bone sander.            

181
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,900
           Well, that one           
        is a torture device,        

182
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,695
     but it's great for bunions.    

183
00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:28,072
       I do have worse bunions      
    than a sitcom mother-in-law.    

184
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,116
              Exactly.              
     I'm not trying to kill you.    

185
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,534
      I'm trying to pamper you      

186
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,369
           like we used to          
        when we had no money.       

187
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,204
     Well, I had money, but you     
      wouldn't let me spend it.     

188
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,206
         Don't you remember?        

189
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:40,084
      [both] Pamper du Pauper!      

190
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,462
        Oh, America's finest        
             at-home spa            

191
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,755
            for the poor            
    and disen-Canyon Ranch-ized.    

192
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,966
         Put that sword away        
     and stop trying to kill me.    

193
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:48,301
              Oh, argh.             

194
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:49,969
        I'm gonna cut you up,       
             you bitch.             

195
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,472
             [laughter]             

196
00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:54,974
              Oh, God,              
     we used to have so much fun    

197
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:58,478
   just mud masking and gossiping   
      and waxing each other's--     

198
00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,979
           I can't believe          
     I didn't know you were gay.    

199
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,939
        Imagine my surprise.        
             [chuckles]             

200
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,232
      Ugh, we haven't done that     

201
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,067
           since we lived           
      in that horrid apartment.     

202
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:07,236
         I miss that place,         
      and I miss our old life,      

203
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,155
         before you started         
     working at the Jammer Group    

204
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,032
        and before I started        
         working full stop.         

205
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,658
      You were my best friend.      

206
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,577
               I mean,              
    I know our orgasms were fake,   

207
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:17,914
       but our love was real,       
             wasn't it?             

208
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:19,749
                God!                
      What has happened to me?      

209
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,084
    My oldest friend tries to do    
       something nice for me,       

210
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,503
             and I think            
      she's trying to kill me.      

211
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,713
         It has gotten away         
           from us a bit.           

212
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,466
   Come on, do you honestly think   
       I'd do my own wet work?      

213
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,176
        Well, no, you'd farm        
      that shit out like Yoko.      

214
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,345
               [sighs]              
             I'm sorry.             

215
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,055
       It's just been a while       
      since I've had a friend.      

216
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,681
          You have friends.         

217
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:38,851
     Mo, Dawn, the Muslim fella,    
     that guy with no eyebrows.     

218
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,853
        -I want to say Yawn?        
   -It's 'cause of your dyslexia.   

219
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,605
               -Wayne.              
                -Oh.                

220
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,857
     Wayne exploded at the black    
     site I dragged everybody to    

221
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,359
           when I thought           
    they were trying to kill me.    

222
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,361
      Yikes, I mean, I get why      
         Yawn was mad, but--        

223
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,197
    No, Yawn literally exploded.    

224
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,283
               [sighs]              
     I keep trying to apologize,    

225
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,619
       and they just send back      
          my fruit baskets.         

226
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:58,287
        Please don't tell me        
     you're trying to apologize     

227
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,831
          for a black site          
        with a fruit basket.        

228
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,124
            Fancy candle?           

229
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,293
            Take it from            
         a kidnap survivor.         

230
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,837
        You need to apologize       
          in person, okay?          

231
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,839
        Just go, go now, go.        

232
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,591
           No, what about           
          Pamper du Pauper?         

233
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,718
   Well, today was supposed to be   
    all about taking care of you,   

234
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,971
       anyway, so let's start       
         with your insides?         

235
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,305
               Really?              

236
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,932
       Yes, I will not take no      
           for an answer.           

237
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,935
     And besides, my horse Nair     
    takes 90 minutes to congeal.    

238
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,228
              [scoffs]              

239
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,063
        Your muff is as tough       
             as you are.            

240
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,606
           [clicks tongue]          

241
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,276
             [laughter]             

242
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,736
          suspenseful music        

243
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,446
        [elevator bell dings]       

244
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:36,367
                                    

245
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,660
               Hello?               

246
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:43,124
                                    

247
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,595
          -[all] Surprise!          
        -[Blair] Jesus fuck!        

248
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,055
   -Oh, it's fucking geek patrol.   
           -Fucking Pfaff.          

249
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,390
   I'm guessing this isn't for me. 

250
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,933
               Really?              
    I mean, it could be a "thanks   

251
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:03,102
    for getting us all jacked up    
     by the fucking pigs" party.    

252
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,770
        Yeah, we should beat        
          your fucking ass.         

253
00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:06,772
     -Okay, that's why I'm here.    
       -To get your ass beat?       

254
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,357
      Mm, fight, fight, fight.      

255
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:09,692
     And, Karen, I swear to God.    

256
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,235
             Giancarlo,             
      what are you doing here?      

257
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,446
     Tiff took away my allowance    
    for trying to kiss her face.    

258
00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,281
               [sighs]              
          She's so strict.          

259
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,616
                [Mo]                
          Hey, hey, Blair.          

260
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,034
            What the fuck           
         are you doing here?        

261
00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:20,953
      Okay, I've been thinking      
       a lot about everything,      

262
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,455
         and I've decided--         
        [elevator bell dings]       

263
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:24,957
        Oh, everybody, hide.        
          Hide, hide, hide.         

264
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,167
           Places, people.          

265
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:28,252
        Giancarlo, you better       
           cake yourself!           

266
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,129
           Lights, lights.          

267
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,548
    [Yassir] Get down, get down.    
    Hide, hide, hide, hide, hide.   

268
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,801
           [all] Surprise!          

269
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,095
                [Mo]                
    Oh, God, shithead number two.   

270
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,930
              You guys              
       remembered my birthday.      

271
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,766
    I thought no one in the world   
           cared about me.          

272
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,476
          No one does care          
       about you, Keith, okay?      

273
00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,603
     This is a going-away party     
              for Dawn,             

274
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,271
         and if you ruin it,        
          I swear to fuck.          

275
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,606
       You swear to fuck who?       

276
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,691
           Karen, you were          
        already on the bubble       

277
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,777
           for this thing           
        to begin with, okay?        

278
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,320
     -Wait, where's Dawn going?     
       -[Keith] Wait a second.      

279
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,488
          You invite Blair          
       and fucking Giancarlo,       

280
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,572
      and you don't invite me?      

281
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:57,615
                L.A.                

282
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,824
         -He's the stripper.        
            -Who, Blair?            

283
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:00,576
             -Giancarlo.            
               -What?               

284
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:03,162
   Oh, I just want to kill myself. 

285
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,289
   What are you doing here, Keith? 

286
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:09,085
            Look, I, um--           
         I've been thinking         

287
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:10,961
       a lot about everything,      
        and I quit Leighman--       

288
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,506
   No, no, no, I've been thinking   
       a lot about everything,      

289
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:14,924
        and what I would like       
             to say is--            

290
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,467
        [elevator bell dings]       

291
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,095
     Okay, all right, just shut     
        the fuck up and hide.       

292
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,680
                Hide.               
            Carlo, cake.            

293
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:23,307
   -Keith, if you fuck this up...   
       -I won't ruin anything.      

294
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,517
         Get under the desk,        
           you dumb shit.           

295
00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:26,977
             Hide, hide.            
       Put the cigarette out.       

296
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,396
               -Quiet.              
            -Put it out.            

297
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:29,689
            -Put it out.            
          -Got to be quiet.         

298
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:30,981
          Shut the fuck up!         

299
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,900
    [all talking over each other]   

300
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,735
           [all] Surprise!          

301
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,904
             [screaming]            

302
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,698
              Oh, wow!              

303
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:42,159
          I did not expect          
         a welcome like that        

304
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,869
           or any welcome.          

305
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,037
         What the fuck, Lar?        

306
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,664
    Uh, Keith, didn't I fire you?   

307
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,916
        Well, I don't see how       
      that's actually relevant,     

308
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,418
        but it is the reason        
          why I'm here, Mo,         

309
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,711
      because, um, like I said.     

310
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:53,045
         I've been thinking         
       about a lot of things--      

311
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,255
             No, no, no.            
   I've been thinking a lot first. 

312
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,840
             Oh, Jesus.             

313
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,299
    You know, actually, I've been   
        thinking about things       

314
00:11:57,341 --> 00:11:58,884
     since about a year ago when    
     I got hit by that taxi cab.    

315
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:00,803
     No, I was going back before    
     that, around Black Monday--    

316
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,346
     See, it was a couple months    
      before that, when I was--     

317
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,932
    What do the two of you want?    

318
00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:06,851
           -[Keith] A job.          
        -[Blair] Forgiveness.       

319
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:09,353
      Great, you got it, okay?      
         Now everybody hide.        

320
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:13,065
    Giancarlo, back in the cake.    
              You too!              

321
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,650
            [whispering]            
    You meant that about the job?   

322
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,318
   [whispering] Yes, you can have   
          the fucking job.          

323
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,237
           Uh, uh, no, Mo,          
      not to be a party pooper,     

324
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,322
      but you can't hire Keith,     
             only I can.            

325
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:21,907
         You just fired him.        

326
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:25,244
    I did fire him for fucking up   
        the Pfaffashions IPO,       

327
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:28,080
            which is why            
         you can't hire him.        

328
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:30,082
            -Okay, uh...            
           -Oh, fuck, no.           

329
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,752
               -What?               
                -Oh!                

330
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,462
         Mo didn't tell you         
         he put his label up        

331
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,213
   for collateral against the IPO   

332
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,798
           so he could get          
          Dawn out of jail?         

333
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,801
   And Mr. Shankar didn't tell you 
     he shanked the IPO meeting?    

334
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,887
   You merkin-headed motherfucker. 

335
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,472
            Technically,            
        it's not a done deal.       

336
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,932
        So, as I was saying,        
          "Ooh, surprise!"          

337
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:48,559
              [laughs]              

338
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,103
    I now own KokoMo Co Records,    

339
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,480
      although I'm pretty sure      
        anybody could've seen       

340
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,315
             that coming            
      from the very beginning.      

341
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:57,234
        So I'm sorry, Keith.        
         You are not hired.         

342
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,527
            We're moving            
      in a different direction.     

343
00:12:58,569 --> 00:12:59,987
            And speaking            
      of different directions,      

344
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,822
    Dawn will not be going in one   
       because she's the only       

345
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:05,075
           profitable part          
        of this shitty label.       

346
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,536
              [laughs]              
           You know what?           

347
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:10,539
         Maybe I don't hate         
   being a party pooper after all. 

348
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,792
               [Dawn]               
        Is all that true, Mo?       

349
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,795
             -Surprise!             
               -Karen!              

350
00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:17,463
     -[Mo] What the fuck, Karen?    
           -[Dawn] No, Mo.          

351
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:18,881
           What the fuck?           

352
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:22,134
          Okay, look, Dawn.         
      I can explain everything.     

353
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,553
               [sighs]              

354
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,807
           Oh, you want me          

355
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,600
    -to actually try to do that?    
               -Yeah.               

356
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,435
      This is usually the part      
    where people just storm out.    

357
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,645
      And didn't Larry kind of      
        just take us through        

358
00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:33,562
           the basic beats          
         of the whole thing?        

359
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,314
               [Larry]              
               I did.               

360
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,399
     Dawn, look, it's what I had    
   to do to get you out of prison. 

361
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,611
             I told you.            
       Stop trying to save me!      

362
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,823
           Now I hear it.           
           Sure. [scoffs]           

363
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,658
         Is now a good time         
           to do my thing?          

364
00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:47,034
          -It's not, Blair.         
       -Turn the fuck around!       

365
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,203
             Copy that.             

366
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,331
           electronic music        

367
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:53,791
                Ooh.                

368
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,503
          [exhales sharply]         

369
00:13:57,545 --> 00:14:00,047
         [knocking on door]         

370
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,259
           [scoffs] Babe?           
   Did you forget your keys again? 

371
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:07,471
         -[pounding on door]        
              -[sighs]              

372
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,266
            Okay, coming.           

373
00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:11,934
         [pounding on door]         

374
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,854
             I'm coming!            
               Sheesh!              

375
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:18,691
      Oh, my God, how are you?      
             Look cute!             

376
00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:20,860
        Let's do lunch soon!        
         Love you more, bye!        

377
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:22,361
      Is this where you've been     
         the last few weeks         

378
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,612
           while I've been          
        running our company?        

379
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:26,198
               [Tiff]               
              No. Um...             

380
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:27,867
       not, like, exclusively.      

381
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,451
        Like, I've been doing       
        lots of stuff, okay?        

382
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,203
       Corkie, I hate working!      

383
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,705
                What?               

384
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,623
      I thought I wanted to be      
       a modern businesswoman,      

385
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,667
          but it turned out         
    I just wanted to be a woman--   

386
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,377
          hold the business         
           and the modern.          

387
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:41,046
       I'm an heiress, Corkie.      
    I don't belong in an office.    

388
00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:42,715
         I belong in a club         
       that I can't belong to       

389
00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:45,384
           without a man,           
        sending back a salad.       

390
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:47,553
   So this why you killed our IPO? 

391
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,055
    Oh, so you heard about that.    

392
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:52,182
    That's good because we just,    
    like, ripped off the Band-Aid   

393
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,767
          and now you and I         
    can go back to being friends.   

394
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,060
       And speaking of ripped,      

395
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:56,854
       could you give the gal       
        a tug on the old rug?       

396
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,606
       It looks like I've got       
         Alf in a leg lock.         

397
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:00,941
         Pfaffashions is all        
            I have left!            

398
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:04,069
       My church is completely      
      bankrupt, my dad is dead,     

399
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:07,281
     and my husband is spinning     
    on Satan's flaming rotisserie   

400
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,325
    because of the sins committed   
         with your husband!         

401
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,743
           Is anybody else          
         getting a hankering        

402
00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,077
     for Kenny Rogers' Roasters?    

403
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,662
         Let's grab a bucket        
          and do a spa day.         

404
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:16,123
           I don't support          
          the Devil's music         

405
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,250
     or its evil chicken spawn!     

406
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:19,960
    Okay, well, that's your loss    

407
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,671
         'cause Kenny knows         
    when to bold 'em with flavor.   

408
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:25,841
          Corkie, I can see         
         you're very upset,         

409
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,843
   but after seeing so many people 
           die this year,           

410
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,595
          I just felt like          
      I need to focus on doing      

411
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,513
        what makes me happy.        

412
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,682
              Nothing.              
           I'm Tiff Pfaff.          

413
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,435
        Women want to be me.        
     Men want to be me in drag.     

414
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:39,605
      Oh, gag me with a spoon.      

415
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,940
      Okay, you can insult me,      

416
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:42,858
       but don't you dare come      
         for the Tiff Army.         

417
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,903
         Your new hair color        
    doesn't match your skin tone.   

418
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,030
     I said you could insult me,    
    but I didn't mean right now.    

419
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,615
             There is no            
       discernible difference       

420
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,784
         between your ankles        
          and your calves.          

421
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:53,619
    Okay, well, at least I'm not    
      afraid to show my ankles      

422
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,371
   or my shoulders or my cleavage   

423
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:58,040
   'cause I think it's gonna make   
    Jesus too horny or whatever.    

424
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,708
            You Jezebel!            

425
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,168
                 Ow!                

426
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,586
      You little fucking bitch!     

427
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,254
           Get off of me!           

428
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,756
                 No!                
           [hair ripping]           

429
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,217
      [both yelling, grunting]      

430
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:10,928
           [both panting]           

431
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,435
                -Ew!                
              -[grunts]             

432
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,980
            No freaking--           
               Oh, no!              

433
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:22,314
               Corkie!              

434
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,482
              -[yells]              
           -[hair ripping]          

435
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,609
              [crying]              
               Corkie.              

436
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,486
     Of course you're a redhead.    

437
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,571
   I prefer person of hair color.   

438
00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:32,324
          Tiff, fudge you!          

439
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,493
         Actually, fuck you!        

440
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,329
               [gasps]              

441
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,748
           [Tiff sobbing]           

442
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,166
         [door opens, slams]        

443
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,669
         So then Larry goes         
    to his favorite coffee shop,    

444
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,963
     and runs into said bimbo--     
             or himbo--             

445
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,674
      since Larry's tastes are      
    ambiguous as a motherfucker.    

446
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,134
    No, he's actually pansexual.    

447
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,011
     Oh, my God, he fucks, like,    
         cookware and shit?         

448
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:54,346
   No, "pan" is Spanish for bread, 

449
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:57,307
      so a pansexual is someone     
     who fucks a piece of bread.    

450
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,767
     No, it means he's attracted    

451
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:00,853
     to people's personalities,     
          not their gender.         

452
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,730
    Wow, I don't think I've ever    
        liked the personality       

453
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,314
    of any guy I've ever fucked.    

454
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:05,524
             Hilarious.             

455
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,900
           Hating them is           
          what gets me off.         

456
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,694
            Hating myself           
        is what gets me off.        

457
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,195
            -[Blair] Oh.            
            -[Yassir] Oh.           

458
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:11,363
       We know you're serious.      

459
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,490
             Okay, guys,            
    whoever we embed beds Larry,    

460
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,867
      but what he doesn't know      

461
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:16,452
         is we have inserted        
         a tracking device--        

462
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,328
        -up the old keister.        
     -Come on, another honeypot?    

463
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,621
          -No, a honeypot?          

464
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:21,915
           You've got some          
         real mommy issues.         

465
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:23,959
            I do not have           
      fucking mom issues, okay?     

466
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,502
    I don't even know the bitch.    

467
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,920
    Don't call your mom a bitch.    
               I know               

468
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:28,130
      -you don't know her but--     
         -And you know what?        

469
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,631
         Fuck me for trying         
      to get you to L.A., Dawn.     

470
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:30,758
                What?               
             Fuck that!             

471
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,259
        This stupid-ass plan        

472
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,011
     is as much about your label    
          as it is my shit.         

473
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,388
      Okay, my stupid-ass plan?     
       Real easy to criticize       

474
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,057
       when you're not the one      
     putting yourself out there.    

475
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:39,725
     Putting yourself out there?    
           This sucks, Mo.          

476
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,727
               [Blair]              
   The timeline is very confusing. 

477
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,145
           This will work.          

478
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,521
               -Focus.              
    -[Keith] Time-out, time-out.    

479
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,148
      The drawings aren't good.     

480
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,567
    Good old Keithy is here, and    
    I actually have a real plan.    

481
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,235
            How do y'all            
        feel about blackmail?       

482
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:51,904
         God damn it, Keith.        
    Are you wearing a wire again?   

483
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:53,572
     No, I'm not wearing a wire.    

484
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,907
   Why do you always use language   
     that can be used against us    

485
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,075
         -in a court of law?        
     -All right, just trust me.     

486
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,159
         My name is Theresa.        

487
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,745
        Okay, Larry fed Lenny       
           to the wolves!           

488
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,288
        So what do you mean?        

489
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,998
         He, like, threw him        
     under the bus or something?    

490
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,542
        No, he literally fed        
     his brother to the wolves.     

491
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,003
       I know, 'cause I was--       
            wasn't there,           

492
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:11,298
   but he told me in great detail. 

493
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,092
          It was horrific.          

494
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,178
               [Blair]              
     I mean, I'm not surprised.     

495
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,805
             -It tracks.            
      -It kind of makes sense.      

496
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,306
     That-that's your reaction?     

497
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,184
           I just dropped           
   a fucking bombshell on--that--   

498
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,852
             Not really.            

499
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,896
     Okay, well, fuck you guys.     

500
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,981
           But this makes           
         things easy, right?        

501
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:29,817
    We'll just have Lenny confess   

502
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,443
          on Keith's wire,          
          and then we can--         

503
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,986
   I'm not wearing a fucking wire! 

504
00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:36,240
          Okay, on a wire.          
          Who gives a shit?         

505
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,699
         Guys, let's not get        
        caught up in details.       

506
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:38,951
      What's important is that      

507
00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:40,786
         the perfect person         
         to wear said wire.         

508
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:41,829
        -[Keith] No, no, no.        
      -[Blair] Mo, I'm sorry--      

509
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,580
           Come on, guys.           
              Why not?              

510
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,457
            I think this            
       is a really dumb idea.       

511
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:48,377
        What the fuck are you       
    even doing here, Blair, huh?    

512
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:51,255
          Just to apologize         
    for getting us all kidnapped?   

513
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,715
      How about apologizing for     
    almost getting me thrown away   

514
00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:55,175
            for the rest            
     of my fucking life in jail     

515
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,927
     or for not pardoning Dawn,     
      which is the only reason      

516
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,888
     we're in this goddamn mess     
         in the first place?        

517
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,306
                Okay.               

518
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,600
       When you say it all out      
           loud like that,          

519
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,811
           yes, it does...          

520
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,980
       stick in the throat...       

521
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,523
           but I'm sorry.           

522
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:13,402
       A-and I genuinely want       
   to change, if you could just--   

523
00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:18,198
    Blair, fuck off and fuck off.   

524
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,617
             somber music          

525
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,703
                Okay.               

526
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,204
          Any other takers?         

527
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:28,333
                                    

528
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:30,335
                Okay.               

529
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:35,841
                                    

530
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,141
              Good day.             

531
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:48,562
     Thanks for making it weird.    

532
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,147
         Now, the honeypot.         

533
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,857
            Oh, come on!            

534
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,943
         No one wants to do         
         a fucking honeypot!        

535
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:57,487
               [sighs]              
               Sorry.               

536
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,615
     Look, if there's anything I    
   learned in the record business, 

537
00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:02,868
       it's how to get someone      
   out of their fucking contract.   

538
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:06,330
              [screams]             
    Okay, I admit it, I admit it!   

539
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,874
         Me and Keith killed        
            my only twin!           

540
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,293
     We-we-we left him for dead.    

541
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:13,879
     No, I think what you meant     
      was me left him for dead.     

542
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,547
        [speaks indistinctly]       

543
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,216
     Okay, me left him for dead!    

544
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:18,550
             Say it like            
       a normal sentence--go!       

545
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,219
             Okay, okay.            
        I left him for dead!        

546
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,054
              I killed              
       my own flesh and blood,      

547
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:24,139
          and it haunts me          
        every waking second!        

548
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:25,182
          And you are who?          

549
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,226
     -I am--I am Larry Leighman.    
              -Got it!              

550
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:29,353
         Sometimes at night         
       when I'm laying in bed,      

551
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,687
        I can hear his voice        
         in the other room!         

552
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,022
               [Dawn]               
      Oh, yeah, yeah, come on.      

553
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,190
            No one needs            
        a whole one-man show.       

554
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,608
   We just needed your confession. 

555
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,901
              [Yassir]              
        Which we got on tape,       

556
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,194
     so give Mo back his label,     
          or you're fucked.         

557
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,445
                [Mo]                
        Yeah, you're fucked.        

558
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:41,073
       -Yeah, you are fucked!       
           -You're fucked.          

559
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:43,242
            dramatic music         

560
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,535
     Wow, you guys really like a    
   good defenestration, don't you? 

561
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,454
                [Mo]                
         Yeah, who doesn't?         

562
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,373
    All right, whatever, Keithy.    

563
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:52,209
        If you take me down,        
    I will take you down with me.   

564
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,254
                                    

565
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:56,838
              So be it.             

566
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,091
      Give Mo back his label,       
      or we go down together.       

567
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:03,553
                                    

568
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,763
            You monster.            

569
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,765
           You know, fine.          

570
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:10,602
   But for what it's worth, you're 
    as big of a monster as I am.    

571
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:13,021
   You know, you're all monsters,   
             all of you.            

572
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,731
         And I should know!         

573
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:17,609
      I should know because...      

574
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:20,112
          [voice breaking]          
   Lenny turned me into one, okay? 

575
00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:23,448
           So shame on me?          
            Shame on me?            

576
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:25,117
        Shame on all of you!        

577
00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,910
     Are we supposed to believe     
         you have emotions?         

578
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,370
            Shame on you!           
            Shame on you!           

579
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:30,205
        Technically, you made       
    your brother into a monster.    

580
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:33,041
               [Dawn]               
     Shame on you! Shame on you!    

581
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,960
               [Larry]              
          All right, fine.          

582
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:39,172
    I'll have Pauline draw up the   
   papers while I change my pants. 

583
00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:41,091
     I'll meet you in the office    
             in an hour.            

584
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,592
   [Mo] Yeah, those papers better   
         be there too, Lar,         

585
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:45,345
    or we're gonna turn that tape   
           in to the cops!          

586
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,806
             [laughter]             

587
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:50,183
                -Yes!               
     -[Yassir] Yeah, yeah, yeah!    

588
00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:51,643
           -[all cheering]          
            -Question...            

589
00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:54,604
             -All right!            
     -...what is defenestration?    

590
00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:58,817
           -[Tiff] Corkie?          
            -Oh, my God.            

591
00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:01,153
           -Are you okay?           
           -[door closes]           

592
00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:03,905
        -Tiff, what happened?       
          -[groans] Oh, no.         

593
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:06,325
               [sighs]              
           I quit my job.           

594
00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:09,161
       -Corkie didn't love it.      
                -Oh.                

595
00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:11,955
       How'd your apology go?       

596
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,332
     They didn't love it either.    

597
00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:14,541
                Okay.               

598
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:17,753
           Well, at least           
         we have each other,        

599
00:22:17,794 --> 00:22:20,756
    and a shit ton of spa stuff.    

600
00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:23,842
       Yeah, we do, don't we?       

601
00:22:24,968 --> 00:22:27,804
        -Please remove that.        
               -Yeah.               

602
00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:30,015
             [laughter]             

603
00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:31,683
     Oh, Dawnie, you're gonna be    
            back in time            

604
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:32,809
       for the wedding, right?      

605
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:34,436
        Yes, I already booked       
             my ticket,             

606
00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:35,479
        and I've got my, uh,        

607
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,022
          if-anyone-objects         
           speech written.          

608
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:40,317
             All right.             
     I want to be at your table.    

609
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,986
      No, no, I'm just kidding.     
          I'm just kidding.         

610
00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:44,696
              You know,             
   I'm really happy for you, Momo. 

611
00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:46,531
             Aw, thanks.            

612
00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:49,868
    God, you guys put the "won't"   
     in "will they, won't they."    

613
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:51,536
   Listen, somebody had to do it.   

614
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,330
     I mean, Jesus Christ, we've    
   been grinding each other harder 

615
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,415
      -than my teeth right now.     
           -Oh, God, yes.           

616
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:58,293
    The last few years have been    
       a fucking ride, right?       

617
00:22:58,335 --> 00:22:59,628
               Mm-hmm.              

618
00:22:59,669 --> 00:23:01,338
         Speaking of which,         
   do you guys remember that time   

619
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,840
        when I ran over Blair       
         with a golf cart...        

620
00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:06,468
         sort of on purpose?        
              [laughs]              

621
00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:07,928
         It was one of your         
           greatest hits.           

622
00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:10,847
             [laughter]             

623
00:23:10,889 --> 00:23:13,558
    Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,   
        do you remember, Mo,        

624
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,520
   when you fully cocaine'd Blair   
     on the trading room floor?     

625
00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:19,147
         Ruining his career         
     before it even got started!    

626
00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:21,733
        -Welcome to New York!       
      -[Yassir] Brilliant plan.     

627
00:23:21,775 --> 00:23:24,694
      And we all knew it was so     
    wrong, but nobody helped him.   

628
00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:26,238
     -[Yassir] We were all gone.    
            -It was bad.            

629
00:23:26,279 --> 00:23:27,656
               [Keith]              
        What about that time        

630
00:23:27,697 --> 00:23:29,408
            he was forced           
      into electroshock therapy     

631
00:23:29,449 --> 00:23:31,493
            to knock out            
         his gayness, right?        

632
00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:34,496
    And then the love of his life   
        just commits suicide,       

633
00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:37,040
       and then he uses that,       
   you know, to get into Congress, 

634
00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,917
           and then, bam,           
            he gets shot!           

635
00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:41,586
            Almost dies!            
              [laughs]              

636
00:23:41,628 --> 00:23:43,588
             [awkwardly]            
              So funny.             

637
00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:45,340
      [Keith mumbles awkwardly]     

638
00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:47,384
      Jesus, we really did fuck     
      that shithead over, huh?      

639
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,219
                Yeah.               

640
00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:52,305
         Fuck, are you guys         
     thinking what I'm thinking?    

641
00:23:52,347 --> 00:23:54,766
     This trip down memory lane     
       is missing a passenger.      

642
00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:56,476
                Yeah.               

643
00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:58,270
     [rap music playing faintly     
           over speakers]           

644
00:23:58,311 --> 00:24:02,149
      Spencer, your ex-husband.     
          I-I'll call him.          

645
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:04,067
      Just--I bet it's awkward      
            for you two,            

646
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:06,653
      but I can call right now      
       and be like, "Spence!"       

647
00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:09,406
   He'll be like, "Yassir, Yassir, 
            is that you?"           

648
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:10,824
    -What's wrong with you, man?    
      -Why would you say that?      

649
00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:13,243
           [sighs deeply]           

650
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:16,496
           We wanted to be          
       a power couple so bad.       

651
00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:18,957
          All we focused on         
           was the power.           

652
00:24:18,999 --> 00:24:21,001
     We forgot about the couple.    

653
00:24:21,042 --> 00:24:24,796
    And our power was the couple.   

654
00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:26,465
            -I missed us.           
               -Yeah.               

655
00:24:26,506 --> 00:24:27,549
         Let's make a pact.         

656
00:24:27,591 --> 00:24:29,217
        If we're not engaged        
            to new people           

657
00:24:29,259 --> 00:24:30,927
    by the time we get divorced,    
        we'll get remarried.        

658
00:24:30,969 --> 00:24:32,471
                Deal.               
    Okay, now, spill it, Valdez.    

659
00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:34,097
         Who are you dating,        
          loving, fucking?          

660
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:36,391
              You know,             
     just the occasional intern,    

661
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:38,268
           but it doesn't           
        really mean anything.       

662
00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:39,769
      It's like when they laugh     
            at my jokes.            

663
00:24:39,811 --> 00:24:41,813
    Like, are they just doing it    
       because I'm their boss?      

664
00:24:41,855 --> 00:24:44,232
           -Hmm, probably.          
              -[sighs]              

665
00:24:44,274 --> 00:24:46,610
       No, there's really been      
       nobody serious since--       

666
00:24:46,651 --> 00:24:48,487
               [Tiff]               
               Roger?               

667
00:24:48,528 --> 00:24:51,573
      [soft jazz music playing      
           over speakers]           

668
00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:54,784
           [clicks tongue]          
    Oh, you really miss him, huh?   

669
00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:56,495
             Yeah, I do.            

670
00:24:56,536 --> 00:24:57,412
                 Oh.                

671
00:24:57,454 --> 00:25:00,332
    It wasn't your fault, Blair.    

672
00:25:00,373 --> 00:25:02,375
          [voice breaking]          
    Well, it kind of was, but...    

673
00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:04,961
     thank you for saying that.     

674
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,630
              [groans]              

675
00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:08,173
      I guess Pamper du Pauper      

676
00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:10,217
             was exactly            
    what I needed inside and out.   

677
00:25:10,258 --> 00:25:11,843
           Okay, you know           
         what else you need?        

678
00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:13,386
       -You need a night out.       
                -Ooh.               

679
00:25:13,428 --> 00:25:16,431
           There is a Tiff          
         drag night tonight.        

680
00:25:16,473 --> 00:25:18,266
       I mean, talk about fun       
        for our whole family.       

681
00:25:18,308 --> 00:25:20,060
       Checking all the boxes.      

682
00:25:20,101 --> 00:25:21,561
     Let's go, let's go tonight.    
          What do you say?          

683
00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:23,021
     -Yeah, that sounds perfect.    
            -Okay, okay.            

684
00:25:23,063 --> 00:25:25,524
         [cell phone rings]         

685
00:25:25,565 --> 00:25:28,401
               Hello?               

686
00:25:28,443 --> 00:25:30,529
                 Mo?                

687
00:25:30,570 --> 00:25:32,113
               Really?              

688
00:25:32,155 --> 00:25:33,782
             Right now?             

689
00:25:33,823 --> 00:25:36,826
       Uh, well, I-I-I kind of      
          just made plans.          

690
00:25:36,868 --> 00:25:38,453
                What?               
           Blair, go, go.           

691
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:39,955
     Yeah, we'll meet up later.     

692
00:25:39,996 --> 00:25:41,373
            Are you sure?           

693
00:25:41,414 --> 00:25:42,958
         'Cause it's really         
        not that big of a...        

694
00:25:42,999 --> 00:25:45,043
        Deal me in, fockers!        

695
00:25:45,085 --> 00:25:48,129
             [all cheer]            

696
00:25:48,171 --> 00:25:49,839
                -Oh!                
        -Get in there, Blair!       

697
00:25:49,881 --> 00:25:51,883
       -[Dawn] Yes, yes, yes!       
    -[Mo] Get it, get it, get it!   

698
00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:53,718
               [Dawn]               
                Yeah!               

699
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,846
     You guys, ah, I missed you.    
              [sniffs]              

700
00:25:56,888 --> 00:25:58,848
           And I'm sorry.           
            From now on--           

701
00:25:58,890 --> 00:26:01,101
        Oh, God, from now on,       
      we will forgive your ass      

702
00:26:01,142 --> 00:26:03,186
             if you stop            
        fucking apologizing.        

703
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:05,522
      Jesus Christ, we get it.      
            You're sorry.           

704
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,357
         But, hey, now that         
     the fifth Jackson is here,     

705
00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:08,942
            I would like            
         to propose a toast.        

706
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:10,151
                -Yes.               
                -Ooh.               

707
00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:12,028
           -To Dawn Darcy.          
             -Oh, to me?            

708
00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:13,613
               -Okay.               
          -[Mo] Damn right.         

709
00:26:13,655 --> 00:26:15,991
          The wicked witch          
           of Wall Street.          

710
00:26:16,032 --> 00:26:18,243
            The eye candy           
        with the nose candy.        

711
00:26:18,285 --> 00:26:19,411
       -[Yassir] There it is.       
                -Oh.                

712
00:26:19,452 --> 00:26:22,205
    -Two dimples and no scruples.   
                -Mm.                

713
00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:24,124
        What about the woman        
       turning the West Coast       

714
00:26:24,165 --> 00:26:26,751
       -into the Breast Coast?      
            -[Mo] Uh-oh!            

715
00:26:26,793 --> 00:26:28,253
         -Wait, wait, what?         
       -You getting Cs still?       

716
00:26:28,295 --> 00:26:29,629
              -Come on.             
        -No, no, no, fuck it.       

717
00:26:29,671 --> 00:26:32,048
          -I'm getting Ds!          
                -Oh!                

718
00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:34,050
               -To Ds!              
      -She's getting Ds, y'all!     

719
00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:37,929
                 Oh!                
        You know what, guys?        

720
00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:41,266
   I would cry, you know, if years 
   of wearing crazy-ass eyeshadow   

721
00:26:41,308 --> 00:26:44,102
         hadn't permanently         
          clogged my ducts.         

722
00:26:44,144 --> 00:26:45,770
          Ah, that's, uh--          
       I remember about that.       

723
00:26:45,812 --> 00:26:49,441
       So, instead, how about       
      we do sports hand thingy.     

724
00:26:49,482 --> 00:26:51,693
                -Oh.                
       -All right, all right.       

725
00:26:51,735 --> 00:26:53,403
      -Here we go, here we go.      
             -On three.             

726
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:55,238
      [all] One, two, three...      

727
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,658
           -sports thingy!          
             -[laughter]            

728
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,078
    Well, now it is time to make    
     things official with Larry.    

729
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:03,580
                -Yes!               
                -Yes!               

730
00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:05,081
       -All right, here we go.      
       -All right, all right.       

731
00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:07,083
        -Official with Larry.       
             -Let's go.             

732
00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:08,835
               [Dawn]               
            Come on. Oh!            

733
00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:11,338
                I listen            
         to her favorite song       

734
00:27:11,379 --> 00:27:12,922
         Playing on the radio      

735
00:27:12,964 --> 00:27:15,175
                                    

736
00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:17,886
           Where the DJ said        
            love's a game           

737
00:27:17,927 --> 00:27:21,640
       Of easy come and easy go    

738
00:27:21,681 --> 00:27:22,807
             But I wonder          

739
00:27:22,849 --> 00:27:25,352
        [indistinct chatter]        

740
00:27:25,393 --> 00:27:27,145
        [elevator bell dings]       

741
00:27:27,187 --> 00:27:29,022
            -Great time.            
               -I am.               

742
00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:31,316
       Oh, come--what the fuck      
        are you doing, Larry?       

743
00:27:31,358 --> 00:27:32,525
         Why are you sitting        
           in the elevator          

744
00:27:32,567 --> 00:27:34,110
         when you should be         
           at your office?          

745
00:27:34,152 --> 00:27:36,488
              Exactly.              

746
00:27:36,529 --> 00:27:38,865
            [all scream]            

747
00:27:38,907 --> 00:27:41,493
            I can still feel        
             so much pain           

748
00:27:41,534 --> 00:27:43,536
                                    

749
00:27:43,578 --> 00:27:46,790
         Like a knife that cuts     
       through the wound heals      

750
00:27:46,831 --> 00:27:51,503
     I am loving your bold lip.     
    I'm, like, attracted to you.    

751
00:27:51,544 --> 00:27:53,505
         Tiff only. I wish.         
              [laughs]              

752
00:27:53,546 --> 00:27:56,299
          Slay, slay, slay!         
             You are me!            

753
00:27:56,341 --> 00:27:57,801
           [gunshot rings]          

754
00:27:57,842 --> 00:28:00,345
           [all screaming]          

755
00:28:00,387 --> 00:28:03,598
                                    

756
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:07,894
       Every rose has its thorn    

757
00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:09,896
                                    

758
00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:13,108
        Just like every night      

759
00:28:13,149 --> 00:28:16,319
             Has its dawn          

760
00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:20,240
        Just like every cowboy     

761
00:28:20,281 --> 00:28:23,952
        Sings a sad, sad song      

762
00:28:23,993 --> 00:28:28,665
       Every rose has its thorn    

763
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:31,876
                                    

764
00:28:31,918 --> 00:28:34,087
                [Mo]                
             What the fuck?          

765
00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:35,547
           -What is that?           
                -Oh!                

766
00:28:35,588 --> 00:28:37,006
     Why are you going in there?    

767
00:28:37,048 --> 00:28:38,091
               [Keith]              
         No, no, no, no, no.        

768
00:28:38,133 --> 00:28:40,009
         -[Dawn] Oh, my God!        
             -[Mo] Dawn!            

769
00:28:40,051 --> 00:28:41,261
     They chopped his dick off!     

770
00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:43,138
            -[all groan]            
             -[Mo gags]             

771
00:28:43,179 --> 00:28:45,140
         Such a turn to it.         

772
00:28:45,181 --> 00:28:46,891
    [Mo] How would you use that,    
        I mean, practically?        

773
00:28:46,933 --> 00:28:48,768
    [Blair] I think you'd have to   
        kind of hook into it.       

774
00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:50,353
       Or, like, back-back...       
       [gags] ...back into it.      

775
00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:51,563
            Back into it.           

776
00:28:51,604 --> 00:28:52,731
      You could definitely back     
              into it.              

777
00:28:52,772 --> 00:28:54,149
      [Yassir] I guess someone      
         could back into it.        

778
00:28:54,190 --> 00:28:55,400
       Okay, look, we need to       
            put it back.            

779
00:28:55,442 --> 00:28:56,860
           You have to get          
       your fingerprints off.       

780
00:28:56,901 --> 00:28:58,027
           [Mo] No, he's--          
     No, it's good, good, good.     

781
00:28:58,069 --> 00:28:59,320
    Oh, he got spit on the dick.    

782
00:28:59,362 --> 00:29:00,572
         -Just put it back.         
        -[Yassir] Blow on it?       

783
00:29:00,613 --> 00:29:01,990
    -[Mo] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.   
                -Ugh.               

784
00:29:02,031 --> 00:29:04,784
         Shit, he's not even        
       Weekend at Bernie's   -able.    

785
00:29:04,826 --> 00:29:06,369
            [Dawn] Mm-m.            

786
00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:08,246
    Should we dip his dick in ink   
    and then forge his signature?   

787
00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:10,206
       Forget about his dick!