1 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,837 [Blair] Previously on "Black Monday"... 2 00:00:03,878 --> 00:00:04,754 Roger! 3 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,799 dramatic music 4 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,177 So you're really going all in, huh? 5 00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:12,804 Bought the ring, closed on the house. 6 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,098 So I hear you're having a little cash flow problem. 7 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,474 What would you say if you could fix it 8 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,019 by working with Blair's most hated rivals in the process? 9 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,729 You gotta sell your soul. 10 00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:23,106 [Lare] If Pfaffashions goes public without a hitch, 11 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,567 KokoMo Co Records stays yours. 12 00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:26,776 To you gettin' out of the clink. 13 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,611 [both laugh] 14 00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:30,822 Mo! You came! 15 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,115 There's something I've been dying to ask you. 16 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,742 -[Dawn] Can it wait? -Hmm? What? 17 00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:34,868 We've done enough talking. 18 00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:36,703 Get your ass in here. 19 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,999 Janet Jackson's "Control" 20 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,544 This is a story about control. 21 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,796 My control. 22 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,757 Control of what I say. 23 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:51,843 Control of what I do. 24 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,637 And this time, I'm gonna do it my way. 25 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:57,682 ethereal synth music 26 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:03,855 I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. 27 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,149 Are we ready? 28 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,692 I am. 29 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:10,945 'Cause it's all about control. 30 00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:14,532 And I've got lots of it. 31 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,327 upbeat synth music 32 00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,287 What the fuck? 33 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,580 Guys, gather 'round. 34 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:21,664 Quick! Quick! Quick! 35 00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:23,625 The only thing I ever wanna see you eating 36 00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:24,501 is me out. 37 00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,377 Did you hear that, Jonathan? 38 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:27,921 Is this a joke? 39 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:29,964 A moment on the lips, 40 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,800 a lifetime on the hips. 41 00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,009 You look like shit. 42 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,636 Ladies, perfect. 43 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,388 Gentlemen, you could take a cue. 44 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,182 Eyes down here. 45 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,060 We have Topless Tuesdays coming up... 46 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,604 ...and you're not ready. 47 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,023 Mmm--ugh. 48 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,566 This caviar tastes like dick. 49 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,651 -Speaking of-- -Hey, Tiff. 50 00:01:49,692 --> 00:01:50,819 I don't know how to say this, but-- 51 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,737 Sound it out, dummy. 52 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,490 [both laughing] 53 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,784 Sound...it... 54 00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:01,371 [both] ...out! 55 00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:03,456 [music stops] 56 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,838 What the hell are you doing here, Keith? 57 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:12,132 Oh, me? 58 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:16,094 What am I...doing here? [chuckles] 59 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,222 What am I doing here? 60 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:23,810 What am I doing... 61 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,061 here? 62 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,146 -That's what we-- -That's what we asked. 63 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,522 What are you doing here? 64 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,899 It's simple. I'm here... 65 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,735 to clean this fucking place up! 66 00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:35,071 [people gasping] 67 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,240 Which I realize is confusing 68 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,950 -based on the mess I just made. -[scoffs] 69 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:43,621 Point is, old Keithy is finally in charge now, 70 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:47,167 and it's about goddamn time. 71 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,543 Seriously, Tiff, I really need-- 72 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,879 Shut the fuck up, pretty boy. 73 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:55,008 Pfaffashions goes public in 12 weeks! 74 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,552 It's my job to make this 75 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:01,556 the hottest piece of ass... 76 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:02,640 I have ever seen, 77 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:05,018 that Wall street has ever seen, 78 00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,102 financially speaking, 79 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,813 so I'm here to trim the fat. 80 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,273 You're a little late for that 81 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,150 'cause we just had that conversation. 82 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,484 Thanks, but no thanks. 83 00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,653 We keep it pretty tight around here--most of us. 84 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:16,946 Oh, you're keeping it tight? 85 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,908 With your Dom and your caviar. 86 00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,076 You don't know what tight is. 87 00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:25,830 I am gonna show you... 88 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,124 the tightest thing you have ever... 89 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,210 -What's happening? -...experienced in your life. 90 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,337 Okay, all that to say 91 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:37,592 we are not gonna waste another single cent 92 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,969 on fuckin' big... 93 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,889 buffets... 94 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:47,060 and that smoking-hot... 95 00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:49,687 chafing dishes, okay? 96 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,898 The fuck are you talking about? 97 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:52,941 I don't know, okay? 98 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,108 Look, I practiced this at home 99 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,318 last night in front of the mirror. 100 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,486 I did not expect to be surrounded 101 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,571 by a bunch of fucking Playgirl Buddies. 102 00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,572 Guys, you gotta listen-- 103 00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:00,949 -Shh! -Zip. 104 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:03,534 Tiff, you said the IPO was gonna be a great thing for us. 105 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:04,577 I know, and it is. 106 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,789 -Let me handle this, Corkie. -Okay. I'm getting worried. 107 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,250 -Listen here, Queef. -[Corkie laughs] 108 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:13,336 This is our business, and you're not the boss. 109 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,755 -Au contraire. I am the boss. -[scoffs] 110 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,257 Why don't you peruse that contract 111 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,341 you signed with Leighman Brothers 112 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,884 when you decided to go public? 113 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,512 'Cause it's gonna tell you, you answer to me. 114 00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,722 -What? -Look, Tiff, you gotta listen-- 115 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,140 [both] What is it, Giancarlo? 116 00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,226 Blair's been shot, and he's in a coma! 117 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,437 -[Tiff gasps] -I--oh, God. 118 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:36,401 Huh. Was not expecting that. 119 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,698 I have to go to the hospital right now. 120 00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,533 And as much as I wanna continue 121 00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:45,952 this really important conversation, 122 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,870 I have to get by Blair's bedside. 123 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,706 Of course. Go. 124 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,500 It's times like these...[sobs] 125 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:56,212 ...that make you realize, like, how unimportant 126 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:59,924 things like money or saving money really are. 127 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,009 Mmm. 128 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,885 Fuck you, God! [sobs] 129 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,846 I don't know when I'm coming back! 130 00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,265 Blair! 131 00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:12,103 warm sentimental music 132 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,498 Dawny. 133 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,793 Dawn, Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. 134 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:37,545 Dawn-Dawn. 135 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,547 -Dawn-Dawn Dawn-Dawn-Dawn-Dawn. -[groans] 136 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:40,798 God damn. 137 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,176 [sighs, snores] 138 00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,094 Talk about crust issues. 139 00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:47,555 [Dawn snoring] 140 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:50,516 That side. What is that? 141 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,229 All right, let's get that. 142 00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:59,359 You looking nice for the moment coming. 143 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,237 -Yo, what's up?! -Okay--shit! 144 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,822 Calm down! What the fuck? 145 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,158 -It's Mo. It's Mo. -Oh... 146 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,369 -Don't run up on me like that. -All right. 147 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,412 My cellmate used to Jill off to me at night. 148 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,206 [Mo] "Jill off"? 149 00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:14,457 That's a weird term. 150 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,834 So that's like jacking off for a girl? 151 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,336 -Yeah. -Mm-hmm. 152 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,172 [person over PA] Portable X-ray, ER bay one. 153 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,508 Portable X-ray, ER bay one. 154 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:26,719 [monitor beeping] 155 00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:28,930 [Harris] Blair. 156 00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:32,266 Blair. 157 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,811 Blair? 158 00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:36,771 It's Roger. Can you hear me? 159 00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:42,693 Hi, you. 160 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,612 Blair, oh, my God. 161 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:46,948 How are you? 162 00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,741 Not so hot. 163 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,159 [chuckles] 164 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,869 Unlike you. 165 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,539 -You're hot. -[chuckles] 166 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,833 Yeah, it's good to see you too. 167 00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:59,752 I got shot. 168 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,754 Can you believe that? 169 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,926 Roger... 170 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:10,054 I'm sorry, I didn't mean for things 171 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,057 to end the way they did. 172 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,560 Where did it go so wrong? 173 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:18,688 That's what I'm here to help you figure out. 174 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:20,898 Oh, I--I need that. Ow! 175 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,944 Um, I don't know if you are actually qualified to make-- 176 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,071 there goes the catheter! 177 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,240 Come on, Big B. 178 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,992 [machines beeping] 179 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:34,162 Wait, wait, wait. Am I dead? 180 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,204 Not yet. 181 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,581 dramatic music 182 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:39,625 Oh... 183 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,210 [yelling] 184 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,628 [glass shatters] 185 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,589 Oh... 186 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:45,882 [screams] 187 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,263 Man, I've been dreaming of all the shit 188 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,973 I was gonna get up to my first day out. 189 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,141 -Right? -Yeah. 190 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,350 -Like a horse-drawn carriage... -[chuckles] 191 00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:58,478 ...or maybe a nice picnic in Central Park, 192 00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,687 or hey, let's shoot up to the top 193 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,105 of the Empire State Building, huh? 194 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,982 Look out over everything you've been missing. 195 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,150 -[Dawn laughs] Uh, no. -[Mo] No? 196 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,276 [Dawn] I just got out of prison, 197 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,319 not a plane from Arizona. 198 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,987 I wanna fuckin' party! 199 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,489 What happened to you, Mo? 200 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,032 [Mo] Nothing happened to me, okay? 201 00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,200 Mo can party with the best of them. 202 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,284 I got the arrests to prove it, 203 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,660 -both cardiac and otherwise. -[Dawn laughs] 204 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,330 Okay, good, so look, let's call your coke guy, tell him 205 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,290 to meet us at the club with two eight balls, 206 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,042 a bib, and a diaper, 'cause tonight, 207 00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:23,044 I am gonna make you puke and duke. 208 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,337 -[both laugh] -Classic. 209 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:26,672 -Oh, speaking of classics... -Hmm. 210 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:30,134 ...why don't we start off by going by Cedar Tavern? 211 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,844 For old times' sake, you know what I mean? 212 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:34,805 We can get a nice base going, talk about whatever, whatever, 213 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:37,225 and then we'll hit the club to celebrate 214 00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,352 you getting out of prison. 215 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:40,394 -Okay. -Okay. 216 00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:43,231 -Yeah. I don't wanna be Bias'd. -Biased? 217 00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:45,066 You mean biased against my plan? 218 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,484 No, uh, Len Bias'd. 219 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,277 You know, I don't wanna come out the gate too hard, 220 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,029 -and then I might... -Oh...my God. 221 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,155 [laughs] 222 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,698 You did get hard in prison, didn't you? 223 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,076 Sure enough. Our open mic night was violent. 224 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:57,161 -[laughing] -Christ. 225 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,205 Actually, yeah. 226 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,706 Let's grab a bite first. 227 00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,291 But they got olives and cherries and shit 228 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,376 at Cedar Tavern. 229 00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,753 No, I want real food. I'm fucking starving. 230 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,089 Okay, no, this'll still work. Tell you what. 231 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,298 We'll go by the Russian Tea Room, 232 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,425 grab some to go, then head up to the park, 233 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,636 -spread a nice blanket, and-- -[Dawn] Nigga. 234 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:14,845 What are we, fucking teddy bears? 235 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,681 Why do you keep trying to have a picnic so bad? 236 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:19,183 I-I just want your first meal on the outside 237 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,643 to be nice, memorable, you know? 238 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:21,852 Whatever. Fuck a nice meal. 239 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,397 All I ate was five-star shit in the joint. 240 00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,232 Jesus. But you know what? 241 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,193 You know what I was craving really bad? 242 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,487 A hot dog from that cart outside the Jammer Group. 243 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,072 Come on, it's right around the corner. 244 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,240 Great. This'll still work. 245 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,658 We'll grab a bottle, a couple of dogs, 246 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,493 uh, find a nice bench somewhere. 247 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:38,869 Like a picnic? 248 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,621 Yeah, sure, like a picnic. Let's do that. 249 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:41,747 What the fuck don't you get? 250 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,541 I'm not eating on the goddamn ground with you. 251 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,418 I said a bench! 252 00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,461 Since when is a bench the fu-- fuck it. 253 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:48,629 -Jesus! -It's gonna be a great day. 254 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,340 [Dawn] Yeah, it is, if you'd fucking let a picnic go! 255 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:54,468 [indistinct TV chatter] 256 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:56,387 [whispering] What the fuck? It's my parents. 257 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,973 You don't have to whisper, Blair, they can't hear you. 258 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,016 [Blair] What is this? 259 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,601 [Harris] Well, it's like I said, I'm here to help you 260 00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:04,353 figure out where it all went wrong. 261 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,397 Oh, I get it. 262 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,482 It's like Scrooge McDuck. 263 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,276 Or that movie Scrooged. 264 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:12,320 Or my favorite episode of Family Ties. 265 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,488 Or the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol, 266 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:15,615 that those are based on. 267 00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,325 Ugh, we get it, you read. 268 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,076 soft sentimental music 269 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,454 God, it's so real. 270 00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:24,165 I can even smell my mom's old lasagna. 271 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,499 I used to love that stuff. 272 00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:26,542 [Harris] Have a bite. 273 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:27,960 [Blair] I can do that? 274 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:33,591 Do you know what date this is from, exactly? 275 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,635 Because at a certain point, my dad's dinners 276 00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:38,512 started having an added ingredient 277 00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,014 that I'm sort of allergic to. 278 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,933 The glass you shaved into his food until he died? 279 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,894 Yeah, that's it. 280 00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,229 For what it's worth, he fucking deserved it. 281 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:49,482 It doesn't matter. You can't get hurt here. 282 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,151 Well, I mean, if he's not gonna finish it. 283 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:56,447 [young Blair] Hey, Dad, I won my a cappella competition! 284 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,783 How about a sport? 285 00:10:58,824 --> 00:10:59,450 [shattering] 286 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,539 Fuck this. I'm outta here. 287 00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:06,749 Wait, Blair, it's important 288 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,417 you try to remember how you felt. 289 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:11,462 Yeah, I remember. Trust me. 290 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,922 Too well. 291 00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:15,841 Quick question, Roger. 292 00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:18,594 I can fly anywhere in the world right now, right? 293 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:22,098 Like, throughout all of history and into the future, 294 00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,974 and no one can see or hear me? 295 00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,936 And I can eat whatever I want, and do whatever I want, 296 00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,813 and there's no consequences whatsoever? 297 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,731 Well, yes, technically, but that doesn't solve-- 298 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,275 Okay, so let's say I wanted to get some steak frites 299 00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,277 at L'Arpège in Paris and eat it in, 300 00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:37,279 I don't know, John-John's shower. 301 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:38,406 I could do that, right? 302 00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:39,990 Sure, but that defeats the purpose of-- 303 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,326 Then why in the fuck would I wanna stay here 304 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,994 in my dad's house of horrors? 305 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,038 I think, ideally, the point is you learn a lesson before-- 306 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,623 -Bye-bye! -Okay. 307 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:48,749 [Blair] Whoo! 308 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,168 He's always such a little bitch. 309 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,629 [Mo chuckles] 310 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:57,007 Welcome to KokoMo Co Records. 311 00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,342 So what do you think, Dawn? 312 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,344 Oh, wow. And it's only jazz? 313 00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,679 Yeah. Yeah. All jazz. 314 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,515 Hmm, sorry, but to me, jazz always sounds 315 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,351 like someone just shoved a bunch of instruments 316 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,561 -down the stairs. -[Mo] Hmm. 317 00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,354 That's 'cause you have shitty taste in music. 318 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,772 Yeah. And in men. 319 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,233 [Mo] Oh, fuckin' Spencer, right? 320 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,234 No, I'm telling you, 321 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,652 jazz is gonna make a big comeback, 322 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:19,780 and I am the guy to find the artists to do it. 323 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,907 Well, the artists better be hot and young, 324 00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:24,410 'cause if it's not on MTV, it's not doing shit, 325 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,954 which sounds a little bit like my life right now. 326 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,665 Oh. Look at my office. 327 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:33,210 Hey, so Dawn, what-- what is your plan? 328 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,212 [Dawn] I don't know. I don't have a clue. 329 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:38,591 I mean, I spent my entire life busting my ass to get here, 330 00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:40,509 and now, literally, 331 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:43,262 it's illegal for me to ever trade again. 332 00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,139 And I'm a felon. 333 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,265 -And I'm-- -[laughs] 334 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,434 A disgrace to my entire family. 335 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,311 Oof. That's the trifecta. 336 00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:53,522 Yeah, so I guess I'm kind of playing it by ear. 337 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,524 [chuckles] 338 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:58,068 But come on, Mo. 339 00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,445 You don't miss it at all? 340 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:00,654 Nope. 341 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,114 I'm telling you, us getting kicked off the street 342 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,533 was the best thing that ever happened in our lives, Dawn. 343 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,036 -Trust. -Yeah, well. 344 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,996 We did have some good times, though. 345 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:12,208 We had some great times. Dawn, we make great partners. 346 00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:14,418 -[scoffs] -Uh, yeah, well. 347 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,878 Except we weren't partners. 348 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,379 -That shit again? -[Dawn clicks tongue] 349 00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:20,216 Listen, I wish I could go back, okay? 350 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,510 I would make you my partner. 351 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:25,679 You were right; I was wrong. I'm sorry. 352 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:29,350 You know, that's all I ever wanted to hear. 353 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,102 -You really mean it? -Yeah, I mean it. 354 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,522 Dawn, I would do anything to make it up to you. 355 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,649 I would go back and change a bunch of shit if I could 356 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,484 with work and with us. 357 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,819 Trying to do both at the same time 358 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,445 -just fucked 'em both up. -I know. 359 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,198 We need to pick a lane, huh? 360 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,866 We need to pick a lane. 361 00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:50,037 I mean, so if you were to, 362 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,790 you know, pick a lane, 363 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,583 what lane would you pick? 364 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,710 I'm so glad you asked, Momo. 365 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,045 Me too. 366 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,715 -I need a job, you know, bad... -Yeah. Mm-hmm. 367 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,092 ...if I'm gonna be able to stay out. 368 00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:05,761 Well, you need a job, you got a job. 369 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,054 Of course, Dawn, I told you, 370 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,640 I'll-I'll do anything-- anything to make it right. 371 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,016 You got it. 372 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:16,105 Oh, Mo, God, you are the best. 373 00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:18,399 Mm. Mm. Mm. 374 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,360 -Oh, thank you. -[Mo] Yeah. 375 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,612 All right, now, come on, let's go to Cedar Tavern 376 00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,614 and get you shit-faced and shit-butt. 377 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:26,615 [both laugh] 378 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,742 -You're gonna shit on yourself! -[laughs] 379 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,494 Oh, you're really stuck on the shit thing, huh? 380 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,663 -[Dawn] Oh, yeah. Let's go. -Can't wait. 381 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,415 [Corkie] Keith, Keith, please. 382 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:35,666 Look into your heart. 383 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,419 You and I share at least one testament, don't we? 384 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,670 You. 385 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,380 -You're fired. -[Tiff] Hey! 386 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,673 You can't do this, Keith. 387 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,675 Thank G-G you're here. 388 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,844 I think I made it abundantly clear 389 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:50,556 I can do whatever the fuck I want. 390 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:51,974 And if that means firing 391 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,935 every useless face jock in this joint-- 392 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,980 I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about me. 393 00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:01,233 My company credit card was just... 394 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,194 -...was just... -Oh. 395 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,237 [scoffs] 396 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,323 -Tiff. -[Keith] Ugh. 397 00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:08,115 ...was declined. 398 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,826 -[gasps] -At Victoria's Secret, yeah. 399 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,994 Do you know how embarrassing it is 400 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:14,747 to take a thong off that you just said 401 00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:15,998 you were gonna wear out? 402 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,167 It was the worst moment of my life. 403 00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,878 Well, your husband was just shot today. 404 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,755 And I thought you were gonna go visit him, 405 00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:24,381 but you went shopping. 406 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:28,135 The point is, we brought you on to take our company public, 407 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,553 not ruin our lives. 408 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,805 I mean, Chris here has been with Pfaffashions 409 00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:32,890 from the beginning. 410 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,018 Yeah, you can't just throw him out like trash! 411 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,686 Then who's gonna throw out the trash? 412 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,689 Actually, Tiff, let me give you a choice. 413 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,441 Would you rather keep Chris 414 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,568 or keep your company credit card? 415 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,654 Get the fuck outta here, Chris. You heard the boss. 416 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:48,614 Yeah, that was a test. You failed. 417 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,698 You don't get either. 418 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,117 This is not your personal ATM machine. 419 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,452 His name is Chris. 420 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,579 I meant the company. Ew. 421 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,538 What does that mean? 422 00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,165 Ass to mouth. 423 00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,041 Oh, Tiff. 424 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,626 I made the accountants aware that, 425 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,753 from now on, you are not authorized 426 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,047 to spend a single cent 427 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:08,676 unless it's a legitimate business expense. 428 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,052 Case closed. Good night. 429 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,595 Please don't do this to me, Keith. 430 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,722 You can have sex with Chris. He goes hard. 431 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:17,309 Or Giancarlo! He's my bottom bitch! 432 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,602 Oh, Tiff! 433 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,771 [Dawn] I need a couple of shots of tequila! 434 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,398 You guys celebrating something? 435 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:24,775 My new freedom and my new job. 436 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,610 -Right, Mo Mo? -Oh, yeah. 437 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,737 Can't wait to start working together again. 438 00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,240 I mean, not really working together. 439 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:32,866 What do you mean? 440 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:37,079 I mean, I don't plan on actually working at your label. 441 00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,957 I just need a company name to satisfy my parole officer. 442 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,835 Being employed is a condition of me staying out, so-- 443 00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:43,836 was that not clear? 444 00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,504 No, it wasn't clear! 445 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,880 You said, "Pick a lane." 446 00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,966 I think we'd both rather walk into a lane of traffic 447 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,718 than ever work together again, am I right? 448 00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:53,387 Yes, you're right. Agreed. I mean, fuck that lane. 449 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,723 So, uh, if my PO calls, 450 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,266 you'll lie and say I work there? 451 00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,392 Dawn, of course. 452 00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,268 -[laughs] -Come on. 453 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,686 Even though you don't work there, 454 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,980 because we both agreed that work is not the lane 455 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,148 that either of us would pick 456 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:07,109 between the two lanes as discussed. 457 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,194 Oh, God, I missed your crazy ass. 458 00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,239 Oh, I missed you, too, Dawn. You have no idea. 459 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,075 Ah, come on, come on. Let's toast. 460 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:20,956 -To us. -To us. 461 00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,583 [both chuckle] 462 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,879 -Mmm. -Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm! 463 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,047 Can we have two more? 464 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,506 [newscaster] Recently-appointed Congressman 465 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,717 -Dawny. -Oh, my God! 466 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,760 Fuck. 467 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,304 -[Dawn] Blair just got shot! -The fuck? 468 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:36,680 [newscaster] Remains in a coma... 469 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,973 -[Dawn] Oh! -[Mo] Oh, shit! 470 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,683 [newscaster] After the assassination attempt. 471 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,769 Sources say he might not make it. 472 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,354 What are you doing down there? 473 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,814 Praying. 474 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,734 Oh, yeah. Blair. 475 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,196 [Harris] Blair? 476 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,280 Blair? 477 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,034 Roger, you go here? 478 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,702 I've been looking all over creation for you. 479 00:17:58,744 --> 00:17:59,703 Where have you been? 480 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,789 [Blair] Uh, everywhere. 481 00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,041 I watched Bob Fosse choreograph All That Jazz. 482 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,709 That way he fucked around, it should've been called 483 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:06,919 All That Jizz. 484 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,004 And then I fucked around and got a triple double 485 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,839 at the '91 finals! 486 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,800 And then I fucked most of my high school, 487 00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,676 which led to a teensy killing spree. 488 00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:15,761 This was not supposed to be 489 00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,930 Blair and Ted's Excellent Adventure. 490 00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,473 It was supposed to be a deeply personal journey 491 00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,475 through your life so you can learn from your mistakes 492 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,726 in time to save your soul. 493 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,561 Okay, well, it was actually 494 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,146 more like that movie Westworld 495 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:27,731 than it was like Bill and Ted's, 496 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,650 on account of all the killing and fucking. 497 00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:32,653 But I hear you, and I will learn 498 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,446 all the lessons, Roger. 499 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,115 I promise. 500 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,616 It's just...[sighs] 501 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,285 I just figured, since I got shot, 502 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,621 it would be okay if I, you know, 503 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,206 had a little fun first. 504 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,792 We have a little fun first. 505 00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:48,877 Dinosaur blood? 506 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,171 The actual cake Marie Antoinette said 507 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,714 "let them eat cake" about? 508 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,300 I mean, it's pretty dry, but it's history! 509 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,928 This has to be against the rules. 510 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,721 Fuck the rules. 511 00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,223 I missed you. 512 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,809 This might be our only chance to be together again. 513 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,477 [person] You've been in the shower forever! 514 00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:06,436 Oh, look, look, look! 515 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,438 [person] We're gonna be late, John-John. 516 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,776 That's big, right? 517 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,820 Talk about vote for Kennedy. 518 00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:18,157 I do like history. 519 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,616 Well, then, get over here. 520 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:23,579 Try this. 521 00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,164 A peasant made it. 522 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,290 Hmm. 523 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,667 -[Harris] Hmm. -[Blair] Mm-hmm. 524 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,004 I missed this. 525 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:33,130 Us. 526 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,882 soft piano music 527 00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,175 Me too. 528 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,636 And I meant what I said before. I-- 529 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,473 I didn't mean for it to end like that. 530 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,309 I didn't wanna hurt you. 531 00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:49,438 I'm sorry, Roger. 532 00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:50,647 I still love you. 533 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:56,945 [monitor beeping] 534 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,572 [Dawn] Fuck. 535 00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,201 Yeah. 536 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:05,829 Oh, God. 537 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:22,679 Mm. 538 00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,558 Okay. All right, come on. That was nice, though. 539 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,851 No, you--no, you--no! 540 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,269 You've gotta--you can't. What if this is it? 541 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,270 What if you mean if this it? 542 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,271 [Dawn whispers] What if this is... 543 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,356 How's he gonna fucking know 544 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,565 if I went and said goodbye to him or not? 545 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,901 -He'll know! I'll know! -Get out of there. Fuck! 546 00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:40,614 Hey. Hey, Blair. Buddy. 547 00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:41,740 Aw. 548 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,661 -All right, put her there. -[chuckles] 549 00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:48,789 Get--you-you hang in there, buddy. 550 00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,083 You're gonna be fine. 551 00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:52,125 [shouting] Bye, Blair! 552 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,045 [Harris moaning] 553 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:58,131 [speaker speaking indistinctly] 554 00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:00,968 [Harris moaning] 555 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,470 No, we gotta stop. I can't do this. 556 00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:05,389 Wait, didn't you just do it? 557 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,224 Yes, but that was just to teach you a lesson 558 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,142 -about selfishness. -Hmm. 559 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:12,020 At some point in your life, you stopped caring 560 00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:13,230 about anybody but yourself. 561 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,315 That's what today was supposed to be about, 562 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,484 you learning that and vowing to change 563 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,278 in a real enough way to earn a chance 564 00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:20,904 to make things right. 565 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,490 Instead, you just yanked it to John-John. 566 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,242 Look! It doesn't fit. 567 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,661 Ugh. Talk about getting off. 568 00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,079 I told you, Rog. Pay up. 569 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,623 I still can't believe Nordberg from Naked Gun 570 00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:32,499 killed two people. 571 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:33,875 [Blair] No, no, no, it didn't fit. 572 00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,794 -They must acquit. -[laughing] 573 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,087 Oh, I know, let's go to Brentwood 574 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,588 the night of the murder-- double or nothing. 575 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:39,506 This has to stop. 576 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,049 If you don't wanna learn your lesson, 577 00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:42,592 that's up to you, but I can't be part of it. 578 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,177 -Goodbye, Blair. -Wait, you're right. 579 00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:45,721 I'm ready to learn whatever lesson 580 00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:47,306 I'm supposed to! 581 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:50,684 [sighs] 582 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,436 I deserve to go to hell. 583 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,646 [door slams open] 584 00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:56,481 Been here the whole time. 585 00:21:56,523 --> 00:21:58,817 -Tiff, I want a divorce. -Okay, fine. 586 00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:00,235 I was gone for ten minutes 587 00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:03,905 to get my paws and claws done for your big awakening. 588 00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:04,948 Or your funeral. 589 00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,867 But either way, it was for you. 590 00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:09,911 Well, this is for you too. 591 00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:11,246 I'm tired of living a lie. 592 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:13,415 I'm tired of hurting people. 593 00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:16,001 I-I wanna find someone I can make happy, 594 00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:17,044 and you deserve that too. 595 00:22:17,085 --> 00:22:19,421 -Ooh, they're still wet. -Sorry. 596 00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,131 I'm gonna quit my job. 597 00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:23,050 I'm gonna do something I actually like 598 00:22:23,091 --> 00:22:25,177 that makes the world a better place. 599 00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:27,346 So, sorry, this has nothing to do 600 00:22:27,387 --> 00:22:28,764 with me spending your first day in a coma 601 00:22:28,805 --> 00:22:31,725 shopping and at the spa and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids? 602 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,853 'Cause as I say it out loud, it does sound really bad. 603 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,063 -How was that movie? -[Tiff] Oh. 604 00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:38,148 If you live, you have to see it. 605 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,608 I've always liked Rick Moranis. 606 00:22:39,649 --> 00:22:40,233 I love him. 607 00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:41,234 He has leading man energy. 608 00:22:41,276 --> 00:22:43,862 -Big dick energy. -[both laugh] 609 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,739 -I love you. -Aw 610 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:46,740 And I want you to be happy. 611 00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:49,951 And from now on, I'm gonna be good and true 612 00:22:49,993 --> 00:22:52,329 and never do anything selfish again. 613 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:53,914 There he is. The golden boy. 614 00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:55,457 I was worried for a second, champ. 615 00:22:55,499 --> 00:22:57,084 Who are all these white men? 616 00:22:57,125 --> 00:22:59,127 Oh, only a who's who of the RNC. 617 00:22:59,169 --> 00:23:00,337 I thought the RNC hated me. 618 00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,547 They did, until your assassination attempt. 619 00:23:02,589 --> 00:23:05,342 And now you are polling through the roof, sir. 620 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,551 [Carleton] Buckle up, Pfaff. 621 00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:09,429 You're in for a rocket ride to the moon. 622 00:23:10,138 --> 00:23:12,015 Well, unfortunately, you're too late. 623 00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:14,559 I'm quitting politics for good. 624 00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:17,062 And there is nothing you can offer us 625 00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,355 that will change that. 626 00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:22,818 How about unlimited power, sex, and money? 627 00:23:22,859 --> 00:23:26,071 dramatic music 628 00:23:26,321 --> 00:23:27,948 -I mean, we can kick it around. -It's worth a conversation. 629 00:23:27,989 --> 00:23:29,908 It's--maybe just a chat. 630 00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:32,077 We're gonna come around to yes. 631 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:33,912 Oh, jeez. 632 00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:35,163 [band playing soft jazz] 633 00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:37,707 Hey, be honest with me, Dawn. Did I do that to him? 634 00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:39,626 What? No. 635 00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:41,920 No! He made his choices. 636 00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:43,255 -Yeah. -[Dawn] And shit happens. 637 00:23:43,296 --> 00:23:46,591 Life is about doing what and who you want at all times 638 00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:49,845 because you never know when your time is up. 639 00:23:49,886 --> 00:23:51,596 [Mo] Hmm. 640 00:23:51,638 --> 00:23:53,223 Ah, shit. 641 00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:55,475 Look, this place is just gonna have to fuckin' do. 642 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,977 Yeah, it has a charm to it. 643 00:23:57,018 --> 00:23:58,437 Besides, all I really need to do 644 00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:00,230 is just get fucked up. 645 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:02,482 Dawn, Dawn, just listen to me for a second. 646 00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:03,942 I am tired of wasting time. 647 00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:05,277 Right? 648 00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:07,446 Y-you are the closest person in my entire life. 649 00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:09,114 You're like family to me. 650 00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:11,992 Oh, God, Mo, you are my family. 651 00:24:12,033 --> 00:24:13,118 God, I love you. 652 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,202 I love you too. 653 00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:15,495 Which is why I don't wanna keep fucking 654 00:24:15,537 --> 00:24:17,080 wasting all this time trying to be 655 00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:18,415 all these different things for each other 656 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,167 when we should just be focused on being 657 00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,627 the one thing that we know we were both meant to be. 658 00:24:22,669 --> 00:24:23,211 Yes. 659 00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,337 -[Mo] A couple... -Friends. 660 00:24:24,379 --> 00:24:25,755 -...of friends. -[Dawn] Oh, my God. 661 00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:26,631 A couple of friends. 662 00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:28,383 Took the words right out of my mouth. 663 00:24:28,425 --> 00:24:29,551 -Yes! I mean... -[coughs] 664 00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:31,178 ...it's been staring us in the face 665 00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:33,054 -this whole time. -Mm-hmm. 666 00:24:33,096 --> 00:24:35,056 Uh, point of clarity, though. 667 00:24:35,098 --> 00:24:36,600 Last night, that was... 668 00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:38,518 -Great. Fuckin' amazing. -Yes. 669 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,270 -[Dawn] Fuckin' outstanding. -Yes. 670 00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:41,480 But that's the kind of shit a-- 671 00:24:41,521 --> 00:24:43,982 a real couple of friends can do. 672 00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:46,860 You know, that's the benefit of-of friends. 673 00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:47,777 Yeah. 674 00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:49,946 They should come up with a term for that. 675 00:24:49,988 --> 00:24:50,947 Friends with... 676 00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,491 -Uh, fucking. -[Dawn] Yes! 677 00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:53,950 [both] Friends with fucking! 678 00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:55,494 -[Mo] Sure. -God, that's good. 679 00:24:55,535 --> 00:24:57,287 -[Mo] Mm-hmm. -That's good. 680 00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,331 Plus, I just got out of the joint, you know? 681 00:24:59,372 --> 00:25:00,624 -It was kinda urgent. -[laughs] 682 00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:03,293 I mean, there was no time to teach some new guy 683 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:06,004 all the codes when, hey, you already know 'em. 684 00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:07,297 -I know the codes. -[chuckles] 685 00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:09,174 Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right. 686 00:25:09,216 --> 00:25:11,218 -P, A, P, A. -Pussy, ass, pussy, ass, start. 687 00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:12,552 -Finish. -[chuckles] 688 00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:14,429 We probably shouldn't do that anymore. 689 00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:15,472 What? I didn't-- 690 00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:16,306 Besides, I don't want you 691 00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:17,849 falling in love with me again. 692 00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,852 [both laughing] 693 00:25:20,894 --> 00:25:22,687 Who-who needs that? 694 00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:25,398 -Oh, God, this feels great! -Uh-huh. 695 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,151 I mean, I feel so great. I mean, not physically. 696 00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:29,444 -[Mo] No. -I feel a little queasy. 697 00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:32,656 -Yeah. -But emotionally, I feel great. 698 00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:34,533 Right there, yeah, I'm right there with you. 699 00:25:34,574 --> 00:25:36,451 [Dawn] Oh, God, Mo. 700 00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:37,869 I gotta piss. 701 00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:39,871 Oh, okay. That's cute. 702 00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:41,164 Yeah. 703 00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:44,042 Okay. 704 00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:44,960 [giggles] 705 00:25:45,001 --> 00:25:47,796 [band playing slow love song] 706 00:25:47,837 --> 00:25:48,964 [Mo sighs] 707 00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:50,382 Your lips were like 708 00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:54,302 A red and ruby chalice 709 00:25:54,344 --> 00:25:55,303 [Mo groans] 710 00:25:55,345 --> 00:26:00,016 Warmer than a summer night 711 00:26:00,058 --> 00:26:02,477 Fuck. 712 00:26:02,519 --> 00:26:04,312 The clouds were like 713 00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:08,733 An alabaster palace 714 00:26:08,775 --> 00:26:14,030 Rising to a snowy height 715 00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:17,993 Each star its own 716 00:26:18,034 --> 00:26:22,205 Aurora borealis 717 00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:26,376 Suddenly, you held me tight 718 00:26:28,378 --> 00:26:30,338 And we saw 719 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:35,176 The midnight sun 720 00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:38,221 [breathes deeply] 721 00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:40,140 Thank you all for being here. 722 00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:44,894 Getting shot has made me realize so many things. 723 00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:48,023 -I wanna try to stand for this. -No, honey. 724 00:26:48,064 --> 00:26:49,190 No. I have to. 725 00:26:49,232 --> 00:26:50,442 -Okay. -Be my legs. 726 00:26:50,483 --> 00:26:51,568 He wants to stand. 727 00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,862 I wanna show my would-be assassin that... 728 00:26:53,903 --> 00:26:54,988 [sighs] 729 00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,281 ...you did not win. 730 00:26:56,323 --> 00:26:57,782 -[crowd gasping] -[person] Oh, my. 731 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,785 You did not intimidate me. 732 00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:05,123 Getting shot has made me realize... 733 00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:06,291 so much. 734 00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:08,627 For one... 735 00:27:09,210 --> 00:27:10,420 ...it's not that bad. 736 00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:13,214 [both laughing] 737 00:27:13,256 --> 00:27:15,383 I mean, ho! 738 00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:17,344 -[applause] -Gah-gah-gah, gah-gah-gah. 739 00:27:17,385 --> 00:27:19,179 [trilling] 740 00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:21,473 Look at me! I'm fine. 741 00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:23,642 Guns are nothing to be afraid of. 742 00:27:23,683 --> 00:27:27,395 And two, this whole thing could have been avoided 743 00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:30,398 if every American had a gun, 744 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,777 which is why I am dedicating the rest of my career 745 00:27:33,818 --> 00:27:36,154 to gun control, specifically... 746 00:27:36,196 --> 00:27:37,947 the abolishment of it! 747 00:27:37,989 --> 00:27:40,075 Hey, what in the literal fuck is going on? 748 00:27:40,116 --> 00:27:42,827 $1 million went missing from the company last night. 749 00:27:42,869 --> 00:27:44,120 I know it was you. 750 00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:45,205 I just don't know how you did it. 751 00:27:45,246 --> 00:27:46,790 Did you know political donations 752 00:27:46,831 --> 00:27:48,541 are a legitimate business expense? 753 00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:51,378 And while politicians' salaries are quite low, 754 00:27:51,419 --> 00:27:53,421 they can basically use campaign funds 755 00:27:53,463 --> 00:27:55,632 as their own personal ATMs, 756 00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:58,385 and I don't mean ass to mouth. 757 00:27:58,426 --> 00:27:59,552 Oh, Jesus. 758 00:27:59,594 --> 00:28:00,804 Who the fuck is thinking that? 759 00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:02,222 -Some people. -Okay, look. 760 00:28:02,263 --> 00:28:03,515 Did you know 761 00:28:03,556 --> 00:28:05,850 that this little finance fund fraud 762 00:28:05,892 --> 00:28:08,061 -is gonna be a f-failure? -Weak. 763 00:28:08,103 --> 00:28:10,647 And I'd like to thank my wife Tiff and her company 764 00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:13,525 Pfaffashions for kicking off my very first 765 00:28:13,566 --> 00:28:15,026 campaign finance fund 766 00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:16,111 for my reelection. 767 00:28:16,152 --> 00:28:17,112 Thank you. 768 00:28:17,153 --> 00:28:18,029 I love you, babe. 769 00:28:18,071 --> 00:28:18,988 [Tiff] I love you, babe. 770 00:28:19,030 --> 00:28:20,198 -Babe. -[Blair] Babe, I love you more. 771 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:21,199 [both] Babe. 772 00:28:21,241 --> 00:28:22,283 [imitating gunshots] 773 00:28:22,325 --> 00:28:24,327 -Whoo! -Ooh, ooh! 774 00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:25,787 Oh! Oh! She got me! 775 00:28:25,829 --> 00:28:27,330 -[Tiff laughing] -She got me! 776 00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:29,290 [Blair laughing] 777 00:28:29,332 --> 00:28:31,418 If Jesus had a gun, he'd be alive today. 778 00:28:31,459 --> 00:28:33,920 rock music 779 00:28:33,962 --> 00:28:35,422 Yeah! 780 00:28:35,463 --> 00:28:40,218 And you'll still be there 781 00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,971 With me 782 00:28:43,012 --> 00:28:45,306 Oh 783 00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:03,032 Oh, till I found you I never had 784 00:29:03,074 --> 00:29:07,579 Someone to love me in good times and bad 785 00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:12,584 Oh, till I found you I never had 786 00:29:12,625 --> 00:29:15,795 Someone to love me...