♪ Ooh ♪
♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪
[Dawn] Previously on Black Monday...
Don't you want revenge on all those people
who fucked you over?
I mean, Dawn and Blair...
me.
[agents] FBI!
[Mo] What the fuck, Connie? Huh?
I told you, I got you.
Nah, man, my plan is to disappear to the Maldives.
It's basically Kokomo.
Happiest I've ever been in my life.
[Dawn] The reason that I came is, I'm worried about you.
So 800K is supposed to make me completely forget the fact
that you fucked me over?
[Keith] I got a crew now called the Cabana Boys.
- Thanks, boss. - We move a lot of weight.
Thanks, boss.
Randy kind of launched off the pier
with my entire stash in his backpack.
And now I owe $1 million
to the most violent cartel in Miami.
I'm a fucking dead man.
Fuck that shit, Keith.
Tell me everything you know about this cartel.
[basketball bouncing, hip-hop music playing on radio]
Six, zero. Check up.
Ah! Hey!
- Fellas. - [boy] Hey, Uncle Ro.
- [boy] What's up, Ro? - [Mo] Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Oop me. - All right.
Oh, shit.
♪♪♪
[laughter]
Sorry about the garage.
I mean, I think I dented the Cressida too.
Please, Ro, I'm pretty sure you bought us that garage door.
The one before it was a bead curtain.
[Mo] Oh, yeah, I remember that thing
looked like a two-car psychic's office.
My bike kept getting fucking stolen.
Yeah, 'cause you guys got some shitty ass neighbors.
[laughter]
Hey, you watch your language.
[boy] Sorry.
Hey, Mom, can we go inside and play Nintendo?
Yeah, get the fuck out of here.
- Ro! - I mean, whatever she says.
[laughter]
Yes, boys. Go ahead.
- See a lot of Charles in them. - Yeah, tell me about it.
They don't listen to anyone, either.
Except you.
They've loved having you around.
Oh, I love being around.
You've done a great job with them, really.
I certainly couldn't have done it
without your help all these years.
Yeah, about that.
Uh, sorry if I've been a little light lately.
You know, I'm kind of going through a minor career change.
- You know. - Oh, we're good.
I promise.
Well, okay.
Oh, look what I found.
- [Mo] Oh, my God. - Look at you.
Look at Charles. Man.
Yeah. I really miss him.
At least when you got out of prison,
you stayed out.
You made good.
Yeah, yeah.
Charles only got out long enough
to not pull out twice.
- [both laugh] - [glass shatters]
- Oh. - Uh-oh.
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna go.
[both laughing]
Same time next week?
Oh, I wouldn't miss it.
Okay.
♪ upbeat music ♪
[girl] Please, Uncle Hugh.
I thought we were gonna go to Disney World.
I want to ride Dumbo.
We just got to make a quick stop, kiddo.
Rides cost money, honey.
♪♪♪
Hey, girls.
Want to make a deposit?
That doesn't even make sense.
You'd be the one making the deposit.
And ew.
[women laughing]
[Keith] How many times do I have to tell you?
El Sastre is not someone you negotiate with.
El Sastre is el loco.
Oh, no, no, I think El Loco deals out of El Segundo,
not to be confused with El Diablo from El Salvador.
Now, the real El you got to worry about,
whoo, Ron Hubbard, 'cause that guy is out of his--
Are you fucking going on a pun run right now?
Okay, El Sastre is loco, okay?
Crazy. He's a fucking psycho.
Oh, really? Sounds like a fucking pussy.
You know that sastre means "tailor" in Spanish?
Yeah, 'cause he invented the Colombian necktie.
So what?
Diane von Furstenberg invented the wrap dress,
and she's got bird bone's disease.
Just snap her neck like that.
Colombian necktie is when they slit your throat,
and they pull your tongue through the hole.
- Oh, shit. - Yeah.
He also invented the Colombian bow tie,
the Colombian "cumberbund"--
I think it's cummerbund.
And something called the Colombian Daisy Dukes,
which I think is scrotum-related.
Oh, well, you should have worried about your sack
before you let a shark snarf your stash, Keith.
Listen, you just need to trust me, okay?
And maybe say thank you.
Okay, cool, totally. You're right.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
It's very gracious of you, and I really appreciate you
putting your ass out on the line for me.
Yeah, you're my best friend. What else am I gonna do, right?
Really?
That actually helps a lot, you know?
'Cause I'm kind of walking in here with, like,
way less money than we actually owe.
It just would maybe help me if I actually knew
the part I was playing.
- Oh, your part. - Yeah.
Okay. [clears throat]
You play a coquettish young man
who's just whisked in from the coast.
I mean, what the fuck are you talking--your part?
What is this, Starlight Express?
- I wish. - Shut the fuck up, Dave.
Listen, your part is dumb bald fuck number one.
Ah, and lookee here. Dumb bald fuck number two.
- Lou! - Gentlemen. How are you?
I believe I have something for you.
- Oh! - Keep that down.
Okay, uh, you guys are all set.
- Thank you. - Enjoy.
So, um, how long do you think this whole thing is gonna take?
- Oh, you got plans? - Well, if you must know--
Jesus, are you crazy?
Keith, you could die in here.
We're negotiating for your life.
Okay, you're the one who just told me to chill, all right?
You're the one that said trust you,
and I do trust you.
I trust you so much that I assume
that at the end of this, I will be alive enough
to take Randy to the foot and ankle clinic.
Okay, all right, just follow my lead, all right?
When I say, "Kick," you say, "How high?"
It's not Rockette science, K-man.
[Keith] Okay, okay. [sighs]
I'm gonna die in this room.
God, you have got to relax, Keith.
Jesus, this is a public place, all right?
Bank manager's in my pocket.
Anything goes sideways,
the cops are gonna be here inside of two minutes.
You see, I knew this was too good to be true.
I should have known that any day,
the other skate was gonna drop.
You know, just as I was finally starting
to be happy, right?
Thriving small business,
sex with a gender that I'm actually attracted to.
Sure, my family hates me,
so there's a little chicken left on that bone,
but I have a new family, you know,
with Dave and Andrusha and Randy and Zach and Skids and--
you. [sighs]
Maybe I don't deserve to be happy.
- [Mo] No. - Yeah.
I hurt a lot of people, Twan.
No, you definitely don't deserve to be happy.
I'm saying no.
Don't sit on that side of the fucking table.
We're sitting on this side.
But you always say face the door
for all the good chi and shit.
No, it's so I don't get shot in the fucking back.
But today we're sitting here. Come on.
♪ suspenseful music ♪
♪♪♪
[sighs despondently]
I'm gonna die in this room.
It is a distinct possibility.
[cheerful music playing over speakers]
♪♪♪
Can I have a nickel for the gumball machine?
- Please? - Oh, no change, sweetheart.
Oh, here's a nickel, little miss.
Heck, here's another one in case you get a white.
- [exhales] - Thanks.
Come right back when you're done.
♪♪♪
That was, um, thoughtful. Thank you.
Ten cents for a smile is a bargain.
[both laughing]
♪ dramatic music ♪
♪♪♪
[sniffs]
♪♪♪
- El Sastre-- - What the fuck?
I just wanted to offer you a heartfelt and full--
- What did I say, Keith? - You weren't leading.
- Does anyone speak Spanish? - [scoffs]
[Mo] Shut up. [clears throat]
♪ tense music ♪
♪♪♪
I don't mean to interrupt, but you can keep the bag too,
free of charge.
♪ upbeat music ♪
Next.
♪♪♪
Not so fast, honey. Could you give me a hand?
I got a weak ticker.
♪♪♪
[change rattling]
[woman singing in Spanish]
[man] Sir? Next.
[change rattling]
[man] Next.
♪♪♪
- [change rattling] - [woman singing in Spanish]
♪♪♪
[girl] A white? Aw, come on.
- You may kill them. - I knew he spoke English!
What? That's your fucking takeaway from that?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy, okay?
We're not short, okay? We're not short.
speaking Spanish
Just let me explain, okay?
You have un minuto.
[Mo] Okay. [clears throat]
So Keith tells me that you pay a rate of 60 percent tax
to wash your cash.
So you make a million, you're taking home 400K.
[Mo] That's kind of dogshit, right?
Now, if our money were laundered at, say,
like, a decent 25 percent,
our 800 thou would still beat the shit out of your millie.
Comprende?
- No? - [Keith] Keep talking.
You're running out of fucking time.
Look, fuck this shit.
[guns cocking]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm just pulling out my Toblerone.
What the fuck is up with you and Toblerone?
- You fucking sponsored now? - Will you just trust me?
I understood that. Not nice.
You guys seem like visual learners, okay?
So, uh, listen. I mean, watch.
Little magic trick.
This is your million. This is our 800 thou.
Now, let's tax your million 60 percent. Okay?
[muffled] Then we'll tax the 800 thou 25 percent.
You don't have to fucking eat the pieces!
Will you let me do what the fuck I'm doing?
So you tell me.
Would you rather have your million minus 60 percent,
or our 800 thou minus 25 percent?
Pretty simple, right?
[gun cocking]
In short, gentlemen, we're not short.
In fact, you're short.
You owe us a couple hundred grand.
One triangle, but we'll just call it a late fee.
So, uh, one triangle make us square?
♪♪♪
[clock ticking]
[slurping]
That's your magic trick?
Making chocolate disappear?
[all laughing]
We're the Cauca Cartel.
You think we don't know less tax is better than more?
Finding a way to get that 25 percent,
that is the real trick.
Well then, gentlemen,
please allow me to introduce my favorite magician.
His name, Lou Dinowitz.
His friends call him Jewdini.
Hey, L--you're right there!
Twany, Twany, Twany!
[Mo] Come on in, Lou. - Bienvenidos--
- My honored guests. - [all speaking at once]
- [Lou] All right. - [Mo] They're a little touchy.
They're a little touchy. Okay, okay, you know what?
Why don't you tell them about your really special service?
Love to, but first,
can I interest you muchachos in some nose tacos?
[chuckling]
- My shoe's untied. - Oh, fuck me.
Lou, okay, there's gonna be time for that, Lou.
Come on. Come on.
Tell them about your laundromat services.
Oh, all right. Easy peasy.
Uh, we take your dirty dollars,
fluff and fold them till they're clean, spic--
- [all shouting] - And span.
[Lou laughing]
Of course, a few socks are going to get, you know,
lost in the dryer, say, uh, 25 percento.
No problemo?
How?
How do you make it, uh, how you say,
spic-and-span?
How. [laughs]
Big Chief Bogotá over here wants to know how.
Let me tell you a story, Chief.
- [laughs] - Don't do that.
Heck, that's a lot of change, ma'am.
How long did it take to save up?
I don't save. I dredge.
You know the fountain beside the pediatric cancer ward?
Well, lots of sick kiddies
mean lots of scratchers for Mona.
[laughing]
There once was a little boy who would park his daddy's car
when Daddy was a little too blasted on big boy juice.
Now, that little boy grew up
to become a big boy bank manager, right?
And he realized he could take money
and park that too.
- Park it in parking lots. - Okay.
It's not funny, Twan. Seriously.
Parking lots are big business.
I mean, it's all cash.
They don't call them parking littles.
[laughs] Am I right?
[Mo] Yeah.
Oh, and that adorable little boy who grew up
to become a bank manager, that boy was--
- Uh-huh. - Killed.
Uh, mob hit.
I think it was you guys, actually.
Pretty awful. Um, but hey.
The branch had to promote someone.
Yours truly.
And a good idea's a good idea,
am I right? [chuckles]
So here we are!
[chuckling]
My shoe's untied.
- [sniffs] - [table bangs]
- Lou-- - [groans]
[laughs] So.
Do we have a deal?
Bueno. Deal.
- [Mo] Bueno. - Bueno?
- Bueno is good. - That's good!
- Let's do this! - Yes, yes!
[Keith] Mo, you did it!
Hey, all right.
So I got some champagne chilling.
I'ma go grab it, and we can toast this shit.
Back in a jiff.
We'll have the first ten million to you next week
and ten more every week after that.
- That's great. - Whoa, whoa.
- Ten mil? A week? - Mm-hmm.
I can't wash all that.
I mean, not for 25%.
- What do you mean? - Yeah, what do you mean?
What do you mean?
Well, they might call me Jewdini,
but even Houdini drowned
when he swallowed more than he could drink.
Okay.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
You said you could handle this.
I can.
This is our chance to retire, baby.
I'm already retired, Lou.
Excuse me. What the fuck is going on?
Uh, what's going on is these fucking savages
don't know their ass from a hole in their butt.
We're gonna be printing millie dollar billies, baby.
You're gonna get us all fucking killed, Lou.
- We already won. - Hey!
One second. Lo siento.
Listen, Bootsy.
You're just a bass player, all right?
Why don't you let the bank manager
manage the negotiations?
- I am going to close this. - No, you're not.
- I'm gonna cl-- - [laughing] Sorry.
We were just doing a little bit of math over there.
Uh, good news is that ten mil a week,
totally doable, no problemo.
- [Mo] No problemo. - [Keith] We can do it.
You can do this. Yeah-yeah-yeah...
I believe in you.
Bad news is that you're gonna lose a few more socks.
I mean, I can't do this deal for a penny under
60 percent.
[all shouting]
Drop your fucking guns!
You drop your fucking guns!
[exhales sharply]
Don't read that. It's private.
[Mo] Lou, tell these guys
you can do it at 25 percent,
you fucking asshole!
Yeah, tell them you were joking,
you silly fuck!
[laughs] Now I see what I did.
My-my math was off.
I-I forgot to carry the "Juan"!
I may have overplayed my hand.
Oh, you think so, you idiot?
- What'd he say? - Nothing, nothing!
- Just fucking focus. - I knew it!
You're fucking him?
God damn it, Keith! How could you?
Dave, it was after we stopped
but before we started again, okay?
Are you kidding me?
It's not the time for this right now!
Drop your fucking guns! Last warning!
men speaking Spanish
[change clinking]
Uncle Hugh!
I'm missing
all the rides.
- Can we go already? - I said not yet!
Ow! I want to go home.
I knew we were gonna die in this fucking room.
Oh, come on! Let's just talk about this!
Please!
Can I please tie my shoes one last time?
♪♪♪
[woman screaming]
[gunfire]
[whimpering]
[gunfire]
♪ Lionel Richie's "Running with the Night" ♪
♪♪♪
[gunfire]
♪ The heart of the city street was beating ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Light from the neons turned the dark to day ♪
♪♪♪
♪ We were too hot to think of sleeping ♪
[screams]
[gunfire]
♪ We had to get out before ♪
[screams]
♪ The magic got away ♪
♪ We were running with the night ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Playing in the shadows ♪
♪ Just you and I ♪
[screams]
♪ Till the morning light ♪
♪ We were running ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Running with the night ♪
Dude, come on.
[screaming]
Holy shit!
[both panting]
[shouts]
[groaning]
[breathing heavily]
Okay.
[Mo] Go back, go back.
[shouts]
[gunfire]
[shouting]
[both shouting]
[whimpers]
[cheerful music playing over speakers]
♪♪♪
[both panting]
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
[shushes]
Okay, yeah. Okay.
[door slams]
No.
- No, no, no, no, no, no. - [shushes]
No, no!
What? What the fuck?
- This is your plan? - No, no.
This is kind of like, uh-- like an audible.
Yeah, my plan was to hit that alarm button,
and the cops were gonna come flooding in there
and take you guys all down for money laundering.
Figured that putting the cartel away
would take care of your problems with them
and putting you away
would take care of my problems with you, but the whole thing
just kind of got away from me a little bit.
- No shit, yeah. - Yeah.
I mean, you know, Lou with the coke.
- That was insane. - Fucking knew it.
You take the cash, you go back to Wall Street,
- you build your stack-- - [shushes]
[whispers] Take revenge on Dawn and Blair.
No, this kind of gets me all the revenge I need, Keith.
Yeah, I'm out.
I told you, man. I'm done.
Fucking tired. I'm going to Kokomo.
You're gonna leave me here?
After I fucking left my entire life behind
to make sure that we were okay?
Your entire life? Are you crazy?
You were about to jump off a fucking building, Keith.
Well, either way, I fucking came down here to help you
like I always do.
[shushes]
'Cause I'm the only friend you fucking have.
Yeah, my only friend who's the fucking only reason
I'm in this fucking mess in the first place.
- You fucked me, Keith. - Oh, fine.
- You fucked me. - I fucked you.
[scoffs]
[exhales sharply]
[sighs]
We had some fun, though, didn't we?
[chuckles] Yeah, we did.
We were free.
I loved the way you played that bass.
Hey. [imitates strumming]
And who knew you could skate so well?
Hey, you know, I got talents.
Yeah.
[distant sirens blaring]
That's my cue.
Sorry it's got to be this way, Keith.
No, no, no, no, it doesn't. It doesn't.
'Cause you can let me the fuck out.
Let me the fuck out, Mo. Come on, Mo.
Come on.
Love you, K-man.
Fuck you, Mo! Fuck you!
[metal clanging]
[Keith] Hey!
Mo!
[thuds] Ah!
Shit! [thuds]
Ow, fuck!
Why is everything fucking steel in here?
♪ tense music ♪
♪♪♪
[waves lapping, seagulls squawking]
[gunshot]
I told him.
The chocolate man's mine.
Hey, muchacho.
[engine running]
♪ exciting music ♪
♪♪♪
[gun cocking]
Go to a goddamn meeting, Lou.
I'm cool.
♪♪♪
Holy shit.
Yeah. Where the fuck were you?
Obviously you're fired. [chuckles]
[gas hissing]
♪♪♪
Ugh...Ugh.
♪♪♪
Oh, Jesus. You scared the shit out of me.
- Sorry. - [laughs]
- Hey. - Hey.
Uh, you just, uh, getting off work or something?
Yeah, just got off.
I had to do OT for this bank thing.
- Oh. - Did you hear about that?
No, no, I didn't, uh--no.
Oh. Well, did you forget your keys?
No, no, no, I was just in the neighborhood,
but now I got to-- I got to take off.
- Bummer, right? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You sure you don't want to say--say hi to the boys?
No, no, I would, but I got a--
you know, I just got to get to this gig, so...
♪ dramatic music ♪
Okay, right.
Well, I'll see you later this week, then.
Bobby's Little League thing.
Yes, I would not miss that.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
He's getting really good, isn't he?
Yeah, he got a lot better playing with you.
Yeah.
He used to just strike out,
and now he strikes out,
curses the ump's mama all to hell.
- [laughs] - So cute.
My legacy. [chuckles]
Yeah, I'm, uh...
I'm really proud to have, you know...
yeah.
It's not on you.
What?
Charles, the Panthers,
it's all on that undercover FBI bitch.
No, I know that. I know.
I just--why are we being all dramatic?
I mean, I'm gonna see you at the game, you know?
Right, yeah.
See you then.
Yeah, I-I'll see you then.
♪ The Beach Boys' "Kokomo" ♪
♪ Aruba, Jamaica ♪
♪ Ooh, I want to take you ♪
♪ Bermuda, Bahama ♪
♪ Come on, pretty mama ♪
♪ Key Largo, Montego ♪
♪ Baby, why don't we go, Jamaica ♪
♪ Off the Florida Keys ♪
♪ There's a place called Kokomo ♪
♪ That's where you want to go ♪
♪ To get away from it all ♪
[exhales]
♪ Bodies in the sand ♪
♪ Tropical drink melting in your hand ♪
♪ We'll be falling in love ♪
♪ To the rhythm of a steel drum band ♪
♪ Down in Kokomo ♪
♪ Aruba, Jamaica ♪
♪ Ooh, I want to take you ♪
♪ To Bermuda, Bahama ♪
♪ Come on, pretty mama ♪
♪ Key Largo, Montego ♪
♪ Baby, why don't we go ♪
♪ Ooh, I want to take you down to Kokomo ♪
♪ We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow ♪
♪ That's where we wanna go ♪
♪ Way down in Kokomo ♪
♪ Aruba, Jamaica ♪
♪ Ooh, I want to take you ♪
♪ To Bermuda, Bahama ♪
♪ Come on, pretty mama ♪
♪ Key Largo, Montego ♪
♪ Baby, why don't we go ♪
♪ Ooh, I want to take you down to Kokomo ♪
♪ We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow ♪
♪ That's where we wanna go ♪
♪ Way down in Kokomo ♪
♪ Aruba, Jamaica ♪