1 00:00:01,345 --> 00:00:03,465 ♪ light synth music ♪ 2 00:00:03,553 --> 00:00:05,223 ♪ singers harmonizing ♪ 3 00:00:05,303 --> 00:00:07,853 ♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪ 4 00:00:07,929 --> 00:00:10,259 Previously, on Black Monday... 5 00:00:10,345 --> 00:00:12,295 You borrowed money from actual villains who will cripple us. 6 00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,177 All you have to do is keep Blair in the dark 7 00:00:14,261 --> 00:00:15,891 until he marries that Georgina chick. 8 00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:17,300 - Hi there! - I didn't hate 9 00:00:17,387 --> 00:00:18,507 your Blair plan; I hated that you didn't tell me! 10 00:00:18,595 --> 00:00:19,845 How do you guys get it done? 11 00:00:19,929 --> 00:00:20,929 I just don't feel like there's enough 12 00:00:21,011 --> 00:00:22,301 - hours in the day. - Cocaine. 13 00:00:22,387 --> 00:00:23,427 Should I try some? 14 00:00:23,512 --> 00:00:24,892 ♪ intense music ♪ 15 00:00:24,970 --> 00:00:26,600 You know what? Fuck your dad! 16 00:00:26,679 --> 00:00:28,139 I would rather fuck my father! 17 00:00:28,220 --> 00:00:30,850 I broke up with Tiff! 18 00:00:40,428 --> 00:00:42,178 ♪ Bass ♪ 19 00:00:42,261 --> 00:00:43,051 ♪ Ooh ey ♪ 20 00:00:44,595 --> 00:00:46,295 ♪ Work ♪ 21 00:00:46,387 --> 00:00:49,007 ♪ Ooh, white lines ♪ 22 00:00:49,095 --> 00:00:50,885 ♪ Vision, dreams of passion ♪ 23 00:00:50,970 --> 00:00:53,350 ♪ Blowin' through my mind ♪ 24 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,508 ♪ And all the while, I think of you... ♪ 25 00:00:55,595 --> 00:00:57,595 I'm not getting a real "I made a huge mistake 26 00:00:57,679 --> 00:01:00,469 and I'm rushing back to my fiancée" vibe off him. 27 00:01:00,553 --> 00:01:02,143 I mean, it's gonna be tough to do the Georgina play 28 00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:04,550 - without the Georgina. - Nah, it's fine. 29 00:01:04,637 --> 00:01:06,847 You know, it's--He's just making cash for the first time. 30 00:01:06,929 --> 00:01:09,049 I mean, you remember the moneymoon period, Dawn. 31 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:10,716 He'll get sick of this shit. 32 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,144 - It's like when the nuns 33 00:01:12,220 --> 00:01:13,390 caught me smoking. 34 00:01:13,470 --> 00:01:15,140 They locked me in the closet. 35 00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:16,930 They made me smoke a whole carton of cigarettes 36 00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,141 till I didn't want another fuckin' cigarette 37 00:01:18,220 --> 00:01:20,260 - as long as I lived. - Hmm. 38 00:01:20,345 --> 00:01:22,385 - ♪ Ticket to ride... ♪ - Fuck this. 39 00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:24,220 It's been a month, Mo. We gotta step in. 40 00:01:24,303 --> 00:01:26,103 No, no, no--he's gonna get it outta his system. 41 00:01:26,178 --> 00:01:27,598 Don't worry about it. 42 00:01:29,178 --> 00:01:31,048 - Come on, Blair. - Come on. 43 00:01:31,136 --> 00:01:33,136 - Yeah. Ha. Hey, hey, kid. - Oh, yeah-- 44 00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:34,930 Guys he's gonna be okay? 45 00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:36,971 Oh, good. You gave us quite a scare, Blair! 46 00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:39,053 Hey, buddy, I'd say being dead 47 00:01:39,136 --> 00:01:40,636 for a song and a half kinda qualifies 48 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,220 as hittin' rock bottom, don't ya think? 49 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,223 Hey, maybe we should call Tiff? 50 00:01:44,303 --> 00:01:45,183 - Let's call Tiff, buddy. - Let's call her. 51 00:01:45,261 --> 00:01:46,511 Let's call her. 52 00:01:46,595 --> 00:01:49,295 Fuck that bitch. 53 00:01:53,261 --> 00:01:54,761 ♪ Rang dang diggedy ♪ 54 00:01:54,845 --> 00:01:55,755 ♪ Dang di-dang ♪ 55 00:01:57,053 --> 00:01:59,683 Okay. "Fuck that bitch" isn't the best start, 56 00:01:59,762 --> 00:02:02,012 but Blair is a puss. 57 00:02:02,095 --> 00:02:03,965 Deep down, he still loves Tiff. 58 00:02:04,053 --> 00:02:06,143 We just have to remind him of that, and he'll take her back. 59 00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:07,640 I'm way ahead of you. 60 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,220 And these are... 61 00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:11,223 Contestants for the Manhattan Pageant. 62 00:02:11,303 --> 00:02:13,853 Jesus. Are you still doing that dumb shit? 63 00:02:13,929 --> 00:02:15,889 Dawn, it's a venerable Wall Street tradition 64 00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,550 to auction off the most eligible pit trader. 65 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,137 Look, just because I moved upstairs 66 00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:21,100 doesn't mean I forgot where I came from. 67 00:02:21,178 --> 00:02:22,548 It's a very prestigious honor 68 00:02:22,637 --> 00:02:24,007 to be asked to emcee this thing, you know. 69 00:02:24,095 --> 00:02:25,755 - You're emceeing? - Hey, 70 00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:27,715 well, when you set the all-time auction record, baby... 71 00:02:27,804 --> 00:02:29,394 By having a couple of trick hos, 72 00:02:29,470 --> 00:02:31,430 as in tricka-mo-niasis? 73 00:02:31,512 --> 00:02:33,432 get into a bidding war over you with your money? 74 00:02:33,512 --> 00:02:36,102 It's for charity! The Afghani Mujahideen are 75 00:02:36,178 --> 00:02:38,098 in the fight for their lives with these Russian bastards. 76 00:02:38,178 --> 00:02:39,798 Fine, fine, fine. What does this have to do with 77 00:02:39,887 --> 00:02:41,257 getting Blair and Tiff back together? 78 00:02:41,345 --> 00:02:42,465 It is a honeypot, Dawn. 79 00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:43,893 A honeypot? 80 00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:46,680 Hogan's Heroes. Classic con. 81 00:02:46,762 --> 00:02:49,262 Look, we just have to convince Blair 82 00:02:49,345 --> 00:02:51,545 that Tiff is dating a newer, hotter guy. 83 00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:53,547 He's gonna get jealous, and he's gonna want her back. 84 00:02:53,637 --> 00:02:57,177 And there is no hotter guy than Jackson Polack. 85 00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:59,431 Ha. Yeah, the traders call him that 86 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,602 because he's Polish and he splatter-painted half the town. 87 00:03:03,136 --> 00:03:04,716 Ehh. I get it. 88 00:03:04,804 --> 00:03:06,644 Face: ten. Body: ten. 89 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,350 Brains: Polish joke. 90 00:03:08,428 --> 00:03:10,258 Exactly. Guy'll do anything for a buck. 91 00:03:10,345 --> 00:03:11,755 - Foolproof. 92 00:03:11,845 --> 00:03:13,215 So your plan is foolproof 93 00:03:13,303 --> 00:03:14,603 because it worked on a sit-com? 94 00:03:14,679 --> 00:03:16,639 Everything works on a sit-com. 95 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,640 There's two different TV shows with little black midgets 96 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,010 playing rich white people's kids. 97 00:03:20,095 --> 00:03:21,465 - Come on! 98 00:03:21,553 --> 00:03:23,683 Can we just please try it my way for once? 99 00:03:23,762 --> 00:03:26,432 Let's just talk to the kid about the power of love. 100 00:03:26,512 --> 00:03:28,432 The Huey Lewis song? How's that gonna help? 101 00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:30,222 Keith! 102 00:03:30,303 --> 00:03:32,143 Yo! What's up, boss? 103 00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:35,600 Is...so weird calling a chick a boss. 104 00:03:35,679 --> 00:03:38,139 It's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. 105 00:03:38,220 --> 00:03:40,680 Yeah, it's crazy. Listen, I need you to take 106 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,222 these big payments over to the Yakuza. 107 00:03:42,303 --> 00:03:43,643 Little behind on my loans. 108 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,640 Uh, Do- Mo arigato... 109 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,470 - Stop it, please. - Jesus Christ. 110 00:03:48,553 --> 00:03:49,803 You know, actually, I have tics to a show tonight, 111 00:03:49,887 --> 00:03:51,257 so maybe I can drop this off tomorrow? 112 00:03:51,345 --> 00:03:53,215 Oh, yeah, that's no problem. 113 00:03:53,303 --> 00:03:55,263 I don't mind getting my dick teppanyaki'd by the Yakuza 114 00:03:55,345 --> 00:03:57,175 - 'cause you wanna go see 115 00:03:57,261 --> 00:03:59,101 Starlight Express for the tenth fucking time. 116 00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:00,678 It's layered, okay? Ha. 117 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:02,932 The whole show is actually a young boy's dream 118 00:04:03,011 --> 00:04:05,851 as he kind of teeters on the cusp of manhood 119 00:04:05,929 --> 00:04:08,099 Ah. Fine. 120 00:04:10,303 --> 00:04:12,303 Is it me, or is he getting weirder? 121 00:04:12,387 --> 00:04:14,507 He's definitely getting whiter. 122 00:04:18,845 --> 00:04:20,255 - Thank you, Kyle. 123 00:04:20,345 --> 00:04:22,385 It's so cool you live in a hotel. 124 00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,140 - You're like Eloise. 125 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,350 I don't know who that chick is, but, yeah, it's pretty nice. 126 00:04:26,428 --> 00:04:28,388 You know, it's just temporary, till I get my own place. 127 00:04:28,470 --> 00:04:30,350 - I been lookin' around. - For the last 15 years. 128 00:04:30,428 --> 00:04:32,888 Do they give you, like, a monthly rate or something? 129 00:04:32,970 --> 00:04:34,180 Mm-hmm. 130 00:04:34,261 --> 00:04:36,221 So Blair, how are you? 131 00:04:36,303 --> 00:04:38,103 I can't imagine how hard it must be 132 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,008 to be apart from the love of your life. 133 00:04:40,095 --> 00:04:41,755 Iiiit's pretty great. 134 00:04:41,845 --> 00:04:43,175 Yeah. Yeah. 135 00:04:43,261 --> 00:04:44,351 - Yeah? - Tiff's been living 136 00:04:44,428 --> 00:04:45,928 with her parents uptown, so I get to do 137 00:04:46,011 --> 00:04:48,011 - whatever, whenever. 138 00:04:48,095 --> 00:04:50,175 Last night, I ordered ethnic food. 139 00:04:50,261 --> 00:04:51,971 - Oh, hard to argue with that! - Oh! 140 00:04:53,470 --> 00:04:57,350 But I will, because, Blair, love is dope. 141 00:04:57,428 --> 00:04:59,138 Ah, exactly. Ethnic food-- 142 00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,100 you know, it gets old. 143 00:05:01,178 --> 00:05:03,718 Except falafels. Now, those fuckers are built to last. 144 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,644 Like true love. 145 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,600 You know? And it doesn't come around often. 146 00:05:07,679 --> 00:05:09,509 Trust us: you don't wanna be the 40-year-old guy 147 00:05:09,595 --> 00:05:11,845 in the club that everybody feels bad for. 148 00:05:11,929 --> 00:05:13,849 Well, I-I don't know that they feel bad for the guy 149 00:05:13,929 --> 00:05:15,759 so much as they wanna high-five him, you know, 150 00:05:15,845 --> 00:05:17,385 for not settling. 151 00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:18,970 You know what I'm talking about, right? 152 00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:20,803 No! Blair wouldn't be settling. 153 00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,637 I mean, Tiff is his soul mate 154 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,010 just like Spencer is my soul mate. 155 00:05:25,095 --> 00:05:26,755 I agree with the Tiff part of that sentence. 156 00:05:26,845 --> 00:05:28,175 I'm just saying that, you know, 157 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,101 sometimes it's brave to be alone 158 00:05:30,178 --> 00:05:32,428 instead of, you know, settling for the first 159 00:05:32,512 --> 00:05:34,762 lame-ass doctor that you lay eyes on 160 00:05:34,845 --> 00:05:36,715 that satisfies your parents but not you. 161 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:38,304 Sexually. 162 00:05:38,387 --> 00:05:40,177 I'm sorry--is Tiff the limp dick doctor 163 00:05:40,261 --> 00:05:42,011 - in this scenario? - You know what? 164 00:05:42,095 --> 00:05:43,795 It is brave to not jump off a roof 165 00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:45,597 when your best friend is a robot. 166 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,429 Well, if Short Circuit has taught us anything-- 167 00:05:47,512 --> 00:05:50,182 Blair, everyone needs someone to share life with, 168 00:05:50,261 --> 00:05:52,471 someone to share a bottle of wine with 169 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,183 at the end of a shitty day and toast to not... 170 00:05:55,261 --> 00:05:57,101 dying alone in a hotel room. 171 00:05:57,178 --> 00:05:59,598 With a fuck machine in... 172 00:05:59,679 --> 00:06:01,509 - Jesus Christ. - A coke-induced haze-- 173 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:02,715 - What the fuck? - What the fuck? 174 00:06:02,804 --> 00:06:04,684 Yeah. That the fuck. 175 00:06:04,762 --> 00:06:06,262 I'm sorry that you had to find out like this, kid, all right? 176 00:06:06,345 --> 00:06:09,005 I got a friend over at Page Six, the socialite beat. 177 00:06:09,095 --> 00:06:11,215 Is Tiff like out there? 178 00:06:11,303 --> 00:06:13,053 Yeah, I'm afraid so, champ. Word on the street-- 179 00:06:13,136 --> 00:06:14,966 this guy's hung like a hose. 180 00:06:15,053 --> 00:06:16,143 You mean horse. 181 00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:17,720 I do not. 182 00:06:17,804 --> 00:06:19,394 I mean, I know I broke up with her, 183 00:06:19,470 --> 00:06:21,890 but I just didn't expect... this 184 00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:24,300 this soon-- I-- 185 00:06:24,387 --> 00:06:25,467 - I gotta go find her. - Yeah. 186 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,223 'Scuse me. 187 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,973 See ya, buddy. 188 00:06:29,053 --> 00:06:30,643 - Right? 189 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,430 - Mission accomplished. - No. 190 00:06:32,512 --> 00:06:33,552 Let's go celebrate. Cedar Tavern. 191 00:06:33,637 --> 00:06:35,047 What do you say? 192 00:06:35,136 --> 00:06:36,386 I am going home to my husband. 193 00:06:36,470 --> 00:06:38,350 You wanna bag all this up for him? 194 00:06:38,428 --> 00:06:40,508 You know, I appreciate a man with hips. 195 00:06:40,595 --> 00:06:43,505 Oh, good. 'Cause he's got those. 196 00:06:43,595 --> 00:06:45,845 Enjoy fucking Kyle. 197 00:06:45,929 --> 00:06:46,969 Jealous! 198 00:06:50,762 --> 00:06:52,352 - Y-you can't take 199 00:06:52,428 --> 00:06:53,508 that kinda shit to heart, Kyle. 200 00:06:53,595 --> 00:06:55,465 Just let it roll off your back. 201 00:06:55,553 --> 00:06:57,013 ♪ The Cars' "Drive" plays ♪ 202 00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:03,007 Tiff? 203 00:07:04,762 --> 00:07:08,222 - Spence? - In the bedroom, babe. 204 00:07:10,345 --> 00:07:13,505 Hey, bring us a bottle of wine, yeah? 205 00:07:19,512 --> 00:07:23,182 ♪ Who's gonna tell you when ♪ 206 00:07:23,261 --> 00:07:26,181 ♪ It's too late ♪ 207 00:07:26,261 --> 00:07:28,931 Kyle? I'm home. 208 00:07:29,011 --> 00:07:30,891 Kyle? 209 00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:34,720 ♪ Who's gonna tell you things ♪ 210 00:07:34,804 --> 00:07:38,144 ♪ Aren't so great? ♪ 211 00:07:41,845 --> 00:07:43,505 Papa Bear, I've been naughty-- 212 00:07:43,595 --> 00:07:45,345 Hey! 213 00:07:45,428 --> 00:07:46,798 I thought we were gonna get busy. 214 00:07:46,887 --> 00:07:49,347 Oh, babe, I'm so full, I can hardly move. 215 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:54,345 You can do stuff to me if you like. 216 00:07:54,428 --> 00:07:55,598 ♪ Who's gonna drive you home ♪ 217 00:07:55,679 --> 00:07:56,849 Mm-mm. 218 00:07:58,136 --> 00:07:59,506 ♪ Tonight? ♪ 219 00:08:05,637 --> 00:08:08,717 ♪ Who's gonna pick you up ♪ 220 00:08:08,804 --> 00:08:10,604 Would you get me a paper towel? 221 00:08:10,679 --> 00:08:12,299 - Dip it in some cold water. - I'll even 222 00:08:12,387 --> 00:08:14,047 - wipe it off of you. - Ooh! You don't wanna 223 00:08:14,136 --> 00:08:15,756 lick it off? 224 00:08:15,845 --> 00:08:18,045 And...scene. That felt really good. 225 00:08:18,136 --> 00:08:20,596 You think Body Heat's a weird movie to audition with? 226 00:08:20,679 --> 00:08:22,549 I just really wanna get into this acting class. 227 00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:25,137 Maybe I'd loosen up if we had sex again. 228 00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:26,550 - Ah. - Yeah. Then we can clean up 229 00:08:26,637 --> 00:08:28,757 all the laundry that we knocked over 230 00:08:28,845 --> 00:08:30,465 - when we had sex in the hall. - Yes! Ohh... 231 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,430 ♪ To your dreams... ♪ 232 00:08:34,512 --> 00:08:35,762 - Rrr! - Rrr! 233 00:08:35,845 --> 00:08:38,675 Ah...ahh! 234 00:08:38,762 --> 00:08:40,932 Mo, we've got a problem. 235 00:08:41,011 --> 00:08:43,301 Yeah, you're damn right we do--the Yakuza killed Kyle! 236 00:08:43,387 --> 00:08:44,927 - Where the fuck is Keith? 237 00:08:45,011 --> 00:08:46,851 - I been trying him all night! - He just skipped in 238 00:08:46,929 --> 00:08:48,219 singing show tunes. 239 00:08:48,303 --> 00:08:50,223 Look at this shit. I had it translated. 240 00:08:50,303 --> 00:08:51,803 It's something Kyle would have done. 241 00:08:51,887 --> 00:08:53,257 He loves languages-- Loved languages. 242 00:08:53,345 --> 00:08:54,795 Oh, fuck me! 243 00:08:54,887 --> 00:08:57,047 - They never got their money? - No! 244 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,596 - Keith! - Keith! 245 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,349 Hey. You screamed? 246 00:09:00,428 --> 00:09:02,428 What happened with the drop? 247 00:09:02,512 --> 00:09:04,512 The Yakuza never got their fucking cash! 248 00:09:04,595 --> 00:09:06,215 Whaaat? That doesn't make any sen-- 249 00:09:06,303 --> 00:09:07,643 You just save it for the Yakuza 250 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,930 that I'm sending to your house to get their money 251 00:09:10,011 --> 00:09:13,391 outta the fillings in your children's goddamn teeth! 252 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:14,760 That's pretty dark. Your Rachel's godfather. 253 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,425 - Go handle it! - On it. 254 00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,262 Mo, I'm sorry. 255 00:09:18,345 --> 00:09:21,215 All robocide aside, but we've got bigger issues. 256 00:09:21,303 --> 00:09:22,973 Bigger than me getting my dick chopped off? 257 00:09:23,053 --> 00:09:24,893 You're gonna be broke. 258 00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:26,890 ♪ edgy music ♪ 259 00:09:28,929 --> 00:09:31,099 This fuckin' day! 260 00:09:32,637 --> 00:09:33,967 What the fuck did you do? 261 00:09:34,053 --> 00:09:35,513 The Yakuza didn't get their money. 262 00:09:35,595 --> 00:09:38,505 I asked you to do one simple thing. 263 00:09:38,595 --> 00:09:40,635 - Whaaa-- - Oh, don't "whaaat?" me! 264 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,430 'Cause I was just in there "whaaat"ing Mo! 265 00:09:42,512 --> 00:09:44,012 Look, this chick Geena I been mackin' on 266 00:09:44,095 --> 00:09:46,795 beeped me 69-1-1. That's an oral emergency. 267 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,677 - I had Wayne do it. - Wayne? 268 00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,392 - Yeah. - Wayne's a test tube baby! 269 00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:51,890 Why the fuck would you do that? 270 00:09:51,970 --> 00:09:53,890 Same reason you had me do it, so you could go see 271 00:09:53,970 --> 00:09:55,720 fuckin' Starlight Express again? 272 00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,304 - It's layered, okay? 273 00:09:57,387 --> 00:09:58,637 Greaseball represents the twilight of the... 274 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,470 Industrial Revolution... 275 00:10:00,553 --> 00:10:01,513 - before it got-- You got the Wayniac. 276 00:10:01,595 --> 00:10:03,505 The Yakuza didn't get their money! 277 00:10:03,595 --> 00:10:05,505 - Whaaaat? - No. Nope, Wayne. 278 00:10:05,595 --> 00:10:07,385 - Where the fuck are you? - Home sick. 279 00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:09,720 Jeez! Hey, unrelated to that, 280 00:10:09,804 --> 00:10:11,644 I just wanted to let you guys know 281 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,800 how much fun I've had workin' with you. 282 00:10:13,887 --> 00:10:16,717 You're not just good. 283 00:10:16,804 --> 00:10:18,514 - You're golden. - Are you dying? 284 00:10:18,595 --> 00:10:21,005 Is that the Golden Grahams slogan? 285 00:10:21,095 --> 00:10:22,845 This is the final boarding call for flight... 286 00:10:22,929 --> 00:10:25,509 Wayne...are you at LaGuardia? 287 00:10:25,595 --> 00:10:27,505 No, man, I told ya, I'm at the movies. 288 00:10:27,595 --> 00:10:29,635 You just said you were home sick. 289 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,180 Tell me you did not take the VIG money 290 00:10:33,261 --> 00:10:35,051 that we owe murderers 291 00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:37,006 and put it all on the LaGuardia Spread. 292 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:39,295 This call has been disconnected. 293 00:10:39,387 --> 00:10:40,887 - Fuck! 294 00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:42,010 Fuck! 295 00:10:42,095 --> 00:10:44,005 What's the LaGuardia Spread? 296 00:10:44,095 --> 00:10:46,095 You! Are there any abnormally huge positions 297 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,138 - open on Wayne's account? Go! - What? Wayne's a day scalper. 298 00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:49,640 He never trades anything larger than-- 299 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,470 Oh, God! 300 00:10:51,553 --> 00:10:54,723 Wayne's long 100,000 contracts of feeder cattle? 301 00:10:54,804 --> 00:10:56,434 - On margin. - Fuck! 302 00:10:56,512 --> 00:10:58,432 What's the LaGuardia Spread? 303 00:10:58,512 --> 00:10:59,932 My name's Karen, by the way, 304 00:11:00,011 --> 00:11:01,551 - if you guys-- - Shut the fuck up, 305 00:11:01,637 --> 00:11:02,757 Karen! 306 00:11:03,804 --> 00:11:05,474 Hey, there he is. 307 00:11:05,553 --> 00:11:07,303 - How'd it go, slugger? - Well, it was a night 308 00:11:07,387 --> 00:11:08,757 of passion between 309 00:11:08,845 --> 00:11:13,255 Tiff and this, like, Polish centaur. 310 00:11:13,345 --> 00:11:16,545 And now she doesn't wanna get back together with me. 311 00:11:16,637 --> 00:11:19,007 How'd she meet someone so fast? 312 00:11:20,553 --> 00:11:22,013 You have to help me. Please? 313 00:11:22,095 --> 00:11:23,755 Blair, this is totally fixable. 314 00:11:23,845 --> 00:11:26,005 You take her to a super-romantic spot 315 00:11:26,095 --> 00:11:28,045 and just...I want you to tell her how you feel. 316 00:11:28,136 --> 00:11:30,426 Yeah, like that'll work. 317 00:11:30,512 --> 00:11:32,972 Well, it worked for you. 318 00:11:33,053 --> 00:11:35,053 You took me to the Cedar Tavern, 319 00:11:35,136 --> 00:11:37,596 And you poured your heart out that night after work. 320 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:39,179 Remember? I hate to admit it, 321 00:11:39,261 --> 00:11:41,051 but that's what did it for me, your vulnerable side. 322 00:11:41,136 --> 00:11:42,846 I don't remember that. And I don't have any sides. 323 00:11:42,929 --> 00:11:44,509 I'm all edge. 324 00:11:44,595 --> 00:11:46,385 You don't remember telling me 325 00:11:46,470 --> 00:11:48,390 that you were the last guy in your junior high to get pubes 326 00:11:48,470 --> 00:11:50,850 - and how it totally defined-- - Nope. No, no, nope, nope. 327 00:11:50,929 --> 00:11:52,679 Don't remember that. Hey, listen, Blair. 328 00:11:52,762 --> 00:11:54,432 You wanna get Tiff back, you know what you need? 329 00:11:54,512 --> 00:11:56,182 Good, old-fashioned honey pot. 330 00:11:56,261 --> 00:11:58,261 - Ugh, God. - Like Hogan's Heroes. 331 00:11:58,345 --> 00:12:00,295 Like Hogan's Heroes. Exactly. 332 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,757 Foolproof. 333 00:12:01,845 --> 00:12:03,635 Except when it makes shit worse. 334 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,470 Well, it worked on you, didn't it? 335 00:12:05,553 --> 00:12:07,013 There's no way you would have shown up 336 00:12:07,095 --> 00:12:08,675 at Cedar Tavern that night if you hadn't seen me 337 00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,472 makin' out with that Oreo model. 338 00:12:10,553 --> 00:12:11,973 I think you're supposed to say "mulatto" now. 339 00:12:12,053 --> 00:12:15,393 Yeah. She was a print model for Oreo Cookies, asshole. 340 00:12:15,470 --> 00:12:17,510 Uh, no, she ate Oreos. I mean, she was fat. 341 00:12:17,595 --> 00:12:19,045 - Jealous. - You know what? 342 00:12:19,136 --> 00:12:20,966 She had shit to do with it, and fine. 343 00:12:21,053 --> 00:12:23,223 - Honeypot it is. - Great. 344 00:12:23,303 --> 00:12:25,183 And I'll be the honey. 345 00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:28,640 Great. Just as I intended it. 346 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,970 - Great. - Great! 347 00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,353 So I will get Tiff's boyfriend 348 00:12:31,428 --> 00:12:32,848 to bring her to watch him tonight 349 00:12:32,929 --> 00:12:34,299 in the Manhattan Pageant, 350 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,467 and you two kids can do your thing. 351 00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:36,763 - Great. - Great. 352 00:12:36,845 --> 00:12:38,255 Wait. How do you know who he is 353 00:12:38,345 --> 00:12:39,885 or that he's in a pageant? 354 00:12:39,970 --> 00:12:41,720 Jesus Chris, kid, did you ask this many questions 355 00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,144 when you watched Hogan's Heroes? 356 00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:45,350 Yeah. It's a sit-com that takes place 357 00:12:45,428 --> 00:12:48,098 - in a Nazi concentration camp. - Mmm. 358 00:12:48,178 --> 00:12:49,178 That's fair. 359 00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:51,845 Remember that guy who could fuckin' pull 360 00:12:51,929 --> 00:12:53,549 the handkerchief through his nostrils? 361 00:12:53,637 --> 00:12:55,347 Bo Melp! What happened with that maniac? 362 00:12:55,428 --> 00:12:57,098 Who the fuck knows? Same thing 363 00:12:57,178 --> 00:12:58,848 with Sammy Marsh, Len Burger, and Chippy Cox. 364 00:12:58,929 --> 00:13:00,929 When you're down to your last stack 365 00:13:01,011 --> 00:13:02,801 and you're all outta moves, there's always one last play 366 00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:04,637 if you're crazy enough to try it. 367 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,220 You take a huge position out on the margin-- 368 00:13:06,303 --> 00:13:07,853 I'm talking about a crazy fuckin' long shot-- 369 00:13:07,929 --> 00:13:09,639 you pack a bag, you head to the airport, 370 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,010 and you call the floor. If you're lucky, 371 00:13:11,095 --> 00:13:12,595 you come home a hero. If you're not, 372 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:14,099 you don't come home ever. 373 00:13:14,178 --> 00:13:16,348 You get on a plane, and you fuckin' disappear. 374 00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:18,508 But Wayne has a family. 375 00:13:18,595 --> 00:13:20,345 - Bo Melp had two. 376 00:13:20,428 --> 00:13:22,298 Damn. The LaGuardia fuckin' Spread. 377 00:13:22,387 --> 00:13:23,757 That motherfucker! 378 00:13:30,053 --> 00:13:34,103 Wheeeere's the beef? 379 00:13:34,178 --> 00:13:36,678 Ha ha. Isn't that what all you ladies are wonderin'? 380 00:13:36,762 --> 00:13:38,472 Welcome to the motherfuckin' 381 00:13:38,553 --> 00:13:42,353 43rd Annual Manhattan Pageant! 382 00:13:42,428 --> 00:13:44,048 - Whoo! 383 00:13:44,136 --> 00:13:45,756 Those of you who don't know me 384 00:13:45,845 --> 00:13:47,595 are fulla shit, 'cause I'm a Goddamn legend. 385 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:50,349 - I came up in these very pits 386 00:13:50,428 --> 00:13:52,348 and there is not a day that goes by 387 00:13:52,428 --> 00:13:54,718 that I don't think how much I hate you dumb immigrants. 388 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,180 Okay, enough, enough, enough. Enough foreplay. 389 00:13:58,261 --> 00:14:00,681 First up, ladies, comin' to the stage-- 390 00:14:00,762 --> 00:14:03,102 you know him, you hate him. 391 00:14:03,178 --> 00:14:04,968 He's an incredible bigot. 392 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,393 Flanny, the oranges' frozen orange juice trader. 393 00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:10,350 - Look at this fucking 394 00:14:10,428 --> 00:14:11,968 alcoholic with the Irish tan, huh? 395 00:14:12,053 --> 00:14:14,683 He doesn't have a liver. This is a die-er. 396 00:14:14,762 --> 00:14:16,352 Come on, get those paddles up, ladies. 397 00:14:16,428 --> 00:14:17,968 You better hurry up, 'cause he's knock-knock-knockin' 398 00:14:18,053 --> 00:14:19,893 on hell's door. Come on, preach, Flanny. 399 00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:21,850 You're one of the good ones, Mo. 400 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,759 - I tell you what... - Are the categories 401 00:14:23,845 --> 00:14:25,675 really "man, hat" and "tan"? 402 00:14:25,762 --> 00:14:27,762 It's all very first thought. 403 00:14:27,845 --> 00:14:29,545 A thousand, a thousand. 404 00:14:29,637 --> 00:14:30,847 1,000. 1,500. 405 00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:32,139 2,000. 406 00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:33,680 You look incredible. 407 00:14:33,762 --> 00:14:36,142 Oh! Thank you! Just, uh... 408 00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:37,760 little something I had 409 00:14:37,845 --> 00:14:39,755 to spend my last two paychecks on. 410 00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:41,295 - Okay, 2,000-- 411 00:14:41,387 --> 00:14:42,967 Ah... 412 00:14:43,053 --> 00:14:44,893 There she is. 413 00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:47,970 Oh, God. I haven't acted since college. 414 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,893 And the UPenn Gazette called my performance 415 00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:52,890 as Otto Frank the worst thing to happen to Anne Frank. 416 00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,760 Couldn't have been that bad. 417 00:14:54,845 --> 00:14:56,345 - Just follow my lead. - Whoo! 418 00:14:58,011 --> 00:14:59,391 - Oh. 419 00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:00,930 - What about this? - Okay. 420 00:15:01,011 --> 00:15:02,431 Yeah, yeah. It's natural. 421 00:15:02,512 --> 00:15:03,762 Sold! 2,500! 422 00:15:03,845 --> 00:15:05,215 Somebody's going home happy. 423 00:15:05,303 --> 00:15:07,013 Those Irish eyes are smiling! 424 00:15:07,095 --> 00:15:09,595 - I love you too. 425 00:15:09,679 --> 00:15:12,009 Uh...let's keep it goin'! 426 00:15:15,553 --> 00:15:17,513 Shit. 427 00:15:17,595 --> 00:15:20,175 It's time for Market Watch with Ali Greer. 428 00:15:20,261 --> 00:15:22,351 What's goin' on in those futures pits today, Ali? 429 00:15:22,428 --> 00:15:24,298 The U.S. Agriculture Department 430 00:15:24,387 --> 00:15:26,177 just released this quarter's livestock report, 431 00:15:26,261 --> 00:15:28,301 and it's a record surplus, 432 00:15:28,387 --> 00:15:30,467 causing feeder cattle futures to plummet. 433 00:15:30,553 --> 00:15:32,513 Hey, bartender. 434 00:15:32,595 --> 00:15:34,345 This is my last hundred. 435 00:15:34,428 --> 00:15:37,138 I want 90 on drinks and 20 in smokes. 436 00:15:38,178 --> 00:15:40,048 Just fuckin' do it! 437 00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,010 - Thank you! 438 00:15:50,303 --> 00:15:52,643 Hey, honey. Listen. 439 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,220 I'm not comin' home. 440 00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:57,393 But I wanna let you know... 441 00:15:57,470 --> 00:15:59,640 I've never loved anyone 442 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,970 as much as I loved... 443 00:16:02,053 --> 00:16:03,513 your sister! 444 00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:06,005 I--That's right! You were right! 445 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,635 I fucked your sister! 446 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,760 It was nice! Uh, buh-bye now! 447 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,095 - Fuck! 448 00:16:12,178 --> 00:16:13,798 Fun fact about Fat Fred-- 449 00:16:13,887 --> 00:16:15,097 You know how he got his nickname? 450 00:16:15,178 --> 00:16:17,258 - Mean children. 451 00:16:17,345 --> 00:16:19,715 - True story. 452 00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,894 - Dude looks like 453 00:16:21,970 --> 00:16:23,850 a John Candy version of Soul Man. 454 00:16:23,929 --> 00:16:26,139 - Was it just me, 455 00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,800 or was that movie about racism 456 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,597 really, really racist? 457 00:16:29,679 --> 00:16:31,799 Uh, like every movie. 458 00:16:31,887 --> 00:16:34,047 I mean, you've seen Teen Wolf. 459 00:16:34,136 --> 00:16:35,176 When the guy turns into an animal, 460 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:36,721 he starts dunking, break-dancing, 461 00:16:36,804 --> 00:16:38,434 turning on white women, 462 00:16:38,512 --> 00:16:40,602 scaring the shit outta white men. 463 00:16:40,679 --> 00:16:42,639 My favorite line from that movie is, 464 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,550 "I'm not a fag. I'm a werewolf." 465 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,547 - Michael J.! 466 00:16:46,637 --> 00:16:49,097 He is the reigning rainmaker, Jack Piechowski, 467 00:16:49,178 --> 00:16:52,758 but you all know him as Jackson Polack! 468 00:16:55,178 --> 00:16:56,848 - Whoo! - So debonair! 469 00:16:56,929 --> 00:16:58,849 Show 'em the goods, baby. 470 00:16:58,929 --> 00:17:01,549 Oh! 471 00:17:05,136 --> 00:17:06,716 Let me tell you something. 472 00:17:06,804 --> 00:17:08,264 You would never wanna be that chiseled. 473 00:17:08,345 --> 00:17:09,925 - Women don't like that. - That masculine. 474 00:17:10,011 --> 00:17:11,431 - No! - No! 475 00:17:11,512 --> 00:17:12,432 Let's get this bidding going. 476 00:17:12,512 --> 00:17:14,012 I want to serve him hot. 477 00:17:14,095 --> 00:17:15,795 All right, I'm gonna start this cat at a thou! 478 00:17:15,887 --> 00:17:17,137 Who got a thou? 479 00:17:17,220 --> 00:17:18,890 - Fifteen! - Fifteen hundred. 480 00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:21,430 - Thank you, young lady. - Fifteen thousand. 481 00:17:23,220 --> 00:17:25,850 - Fifteen thousand. 482 00:17:25,929 --> 00:17:27,139 Fifteen thousand. Pretty sure that's gonna 483 00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:28,970 close out the bids right there. 484 00:17:29,053 --> 00:17:30,103 Thank you very much. Fifteen thousand, Jackson. 485 00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:33,931 Mmm. Whatever. 486 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,891 - Jackson! - Whoo! 487 00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:37,510 - Sorry. - That's okay. 488 00:17:38,679 --> 00:17:40,139 Is that White Rain? 489 00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:41,930 Yeah. You can smell it, huh? 490 00:17:42,011 --> 00:17:43,301 - It's really nice. - It's like the best spray. 491 00:17:44,261 --> 00:17:45,761 Hey, it's me, Wayne. 492 00:17:45,845 --> 00:17:47,885 I just wanted to say 493 00:17:47,970 --> 00:17:50,760 you're a piece of shit, and I've always hated you. 494 00:17:50,845 --> 00:17:53,345 You put Mom on the phone? 495 00:17:53,428 --> 00:17:55,138 Hi, Mom. 496 00:17:55,220 --> 00:17:56,350 Yeah. I know you've always 497 00:17:56,428 --> 00:17:58,138 liked Mark best, but guess what. 498 00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:01,140 The joke's on you, because I outlived him. 499 00:18:01,220 --> 00:18:03,350 Will you please put the dog on the phone? 500 00:18:14,387 --> 00:18:15,717 I know it didn't work, 501 00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:17,684 but...honeypot or not, 502 00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:19,302 I had a really great time tonight. 503 00:18:19,387 --> 00:18:21,217 Me too. You're cute. 504 00:18:21,303 --> 00:18:23,013 You could be the third Corey. 505 00:18:23,095 --> 00:18:24,845 Some Mo moves there. 506 00:18:28,387 --> 00:18:29,847 Wait, wait, wait. Here she comes. 507 00:18:29,929 --> 00:18:31,719 - Here she comes. - Backin' it up. 508 00:18:31,804 --> 00:18:33,514 Don't look, don't look. 509 00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:36,177 - Oh--Blair! - Uh-- 510 00:18:36,261 --> 00:18:37,551 What are you doing here? 511 00:18:37,637 --> 00:18:39,547 Oh, I'm just, uh, you know, 512 00:18:39,637 --> 00:18:41,547 here supporting the Mujahideen. 513 00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:44,257 Just gotta get them as many weapons as possible. 514 00:18:44,345 --> 00:18:46,175 - You're a good man. - Thank you, babe. 515 00:18:46,261 --> 00:18:48,351 - And who is this? - I'm Jack. 516 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,008 - Like the cheese. - Oh! 517 00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:52,635 Young...Einstein. 518 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,760 Impressive. 519 00:18:54,845 --> 00:18:57,005 - This is Dawn. - Dawn, of course. 520 00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:58,215 I've heard so much about you. 521 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,603 Wow, you are beautiful. 522 00:18:59,679 --> 00:19:02,009 - Thank you. - Ah, your husband 523 00:19:02,095 --> 00:19:03,845 - is a very lucky man. 524 00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:06,389 - Wherever he is. - Ha ha ha ha ha. 525 00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:08,470 Listen, I just came over to say 526 00:19:08,553 --> 00:19:09,643 I don't want things to be awkward between us, Blair. 527 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,300 And I'm hoping that eventually 528 00:19:11,387 --> 00:19:13,597 you and I could be friends. 529 00:19:13,679 --> 00:19:15,469 You do? 530 00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:18,893 For once in my life, I need to focus on myself. 531 00:19:18,970 --> 00:19:20,720 On Tiff. 532 00:19:20,804 --> 00:19:23,604 For once. So good-bye, Blair. 533 00:19:23,679 --> 00:19:25,299 Nice to meet you. 534 00:19:25,387 --> 00:19:27,387 That bow makes you look skinny. 535 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,680 Oh, thank you. You should get one. 536 00:19:33,845 --> 00:19:35,295 - It didn't work! - No-- 537 00:19:35,387 --> 00:19:37,097 - I'm already in her rear-view. - Listen, no. 538 00:19:37,178 --> 00:19:38,888 Tonight was just the first step, you know? 539 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,390 It might take a little-- 540 00:19:46,679 --> 00:19:48,639 Blair! 541 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,550 Tiff. 542 00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:53,505 - Oh! - Ah! 543 00:19:53,595 --> 00:19:55,635 Oh, my God. Tell me. 544 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,890 Tell me that you just brought Dawn here 545 00:19:57,970 --> 00:19:59,430 - to make me jealous. - Yes. Did it work? 546 00:19:59,512 --> 00:20:01,762 Of course it worked. Oh, my God, she's so hot. 547 00:20:01,845 --> 00:20:03,255 Part of me didn't know whether I should be jealous 548 00:20:03,345 --> 00:20:05,385 of her or of you, and that part of me 549 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:07,260 - was my Hot Pocket. - Yeah, your little Hot Pocket. 550 00:20:07,345 --> 00:20:09,385 - Yeah... - Hey. 551 00:20:09,470 --> 00:20:12,430 Is this wrong? 552 00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:14,302 I mean... 553 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,297 Tiff's sort of the worst, and Blair's not. 554 00:20:16,387 --> 00:20:18,297 Yeah, well, I can give you 60 million reasons 555 00:20:18,387 --> 00:20:21,137 why it's right. 556 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,640 - I missed you. - I missed you too. 557 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,260 - I'm sorry. - Me too. I love you. 558 00:20:24,345 --> 00:20:25,885 - I love you. - Huh? Oh, my God. 559 00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:27,720 Is that my earring? 560 00:20:27,804 --> 00:20:29,804 Okay, I'd know that emerald-cut emerald anywhere. 561 00:20:29,887 --> 00:20:31,217 Stop. Stop-ay. 562 00:20:31,303 --> 00:20:33,013 - Earring-a? - Oh! 563 00:20:33,095 --> 00:20:35,635 Lo siento. Lo siento. 564 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,220 Oh, it's okay-o. 565 00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:38,263 - Buenas dias. 566 00:20:38,345 --> 00:20:39,715 Gracias. 567 00:20:39,804 --> 00:20:42,354 Why didn't you tell me that you lost this? 568 00:20:42,428 --> 00:20:44,178 You know these earrings were the only survivors 569 00:20:44,261 --> 00:20:46,431 when my great-grandpa's mine collapsed! 570 00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,222 I know, I'm sorry. I didn't wanna disappoint you, 571 00:20:48,303 --> 00:20:50,303 and honestly, sometimes you can be a little bit scary. 572 00:20:50,387 --> 00:20:51,927 I know I can, and I'm sorry. I'm working on it 573 00:20:52,011 --> 00:20:53,141 with my numerologist. 574 00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:55,220 Look, uh, I'm sorry I brought up 575 00:20:55,303 --> 00:20:56,853 all our old stuff, you know? 576 00:20:56,929 --> 00:20:59,099 The past is the past. 577 00:20:59,178 --> 00:21:01,428 Well... 578 00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:05,511 What if it wasn't? 579 00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:09,095 We did such a great job of getting them back together, 580 00:21:09,178 --> 00:21:12,468 what about...us? You know what I mean? 581 00:21:13,970 --> 00:21:15,510 Oh, Momo. 582 00:21:15,595 --> 00:21:17,385 What? 583 00:21:17,470 --> 00:21:19,260 That was a long time ago, 584 00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:22,045 and...remember? Kinda married. 585 00:21:22,136 --> 00:21:23,386 No, I don't remember, okay? 586 00:21:23,470 --> 00:21:24,850 I don't ever remember that. 587 00:21:24,929 --> 00:21:26,549 That guy's a nonentity to me. 588 00:21:26,637 --> 00:21:28,097 Okay? I mean, when was the last time 589 00:21:28,178 --> 00:21:29,968 you had a good time with that white boy? 590 00:21:30,053 --> 00:21:31,263 Last night. 591 00:21:31,345 --> 00:21:32,385 - Last night? - Yeah. 592 00:21:32,470 --> 00:21:33,890 Dawn, I know your 593 00:21:33,970 --> 00:21:35,390 "I had a good time last night" face, 594 00:21:35,470 --> 00:21:37,350 - and that ain't it. - Oh. Well, I got a new 595 00:21:37,428 --> 00:21:38,928 "good time last night" face, that's all. 596 00:21:39,011 --> 00:21:41,101 Okay. 597 00:21:41,178 --> 00:21:43,138 Look, after I sash and crown here, 598 00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:45,390 I'm gonna go over to the Cedar Tavern. 599 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,720 I'm gonna be there around 10:00, okay? 600 00:21:47,804 --> 00:21:50,764 So...show up, don't show up. 601 00:21:50,845 --> 00:21:53,255 It's up to you. I'm gonna be there. 602 00:21:53,345 --> 00:21:55,135 You're gonna be there alone, Mo. 603 00:21:55,220 --> 00:21:57,550 I'm not coming. 604 00:21:57,637 --> 00:21:59,967 We'll see. 605 00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:02,013 - We'll see. - Uh-huh. 606 00:22:03,512 --> 00:22:05,352 - Ha ha. Uh-huh! - Okay. 607 00:22:05,428 --> 00:22:06,888 - Bye! - Bye. 608 00:22:11,136 --> 00:22:13,176 Let's get this back where it-- 609 00:22:13,261 --> 00:22:15,601 You know what? No. No, this thing's bad luck. 610 00:22:15,679 --> 00:22:17,299 Ever since I put it on you, it's just kicked off 611 00:22:17,387 --> 00:22:18,927 a series of disastrous events, okay? 612 00:22:19,011 --> 00:22:20,511 This thing is cursed. 613 00:22:20,595 --> 00:22:22,005 Hey, hey, hey! 614 00:22:22,095 --> 00:22:23,635 There's the happy couple! 615 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,430 Oh, my God. 616 00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:26,762 You've gotta be Tiff-- the one and only. 617 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,635 - Yeah, I am. 618 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,640 Blair has been heartbroken without you, I gotta tell you. 619 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:31,850 And I can see why. 620 00:22:31,929 --> 00:22:33,599 Ah-ooga! Ha ha ha. 621 00:22:33,679 --> 00:22:35,299 What a beautiful dress. 622 00:22:35,387 --> 00:22:36,547 - Well, actually... - Whoa! 623 00:22:38,136 --> 00:22:40,466 Oh! It's a skort. 624 00:22:40,553 --> 00:22:42,303 - Skants. Prototype. - Skants. 625 00:22:42,387 --> 00:22:44,257 Oh. Well, I'd say they better rush that baby to market. 626 00:22:44,345 --> 00:22:46,465 - Right? - What is it: Levi's, Guess? 627 00:22:46,553 --> 00:22:48,933 No, it's Georgina. I'm Tiff Georgina. 628 00:22:49,011 --> 00:22:50,601 Tiff Georgina. 629 00:22:50,679 --> 00:22:52,889 Now I see where this guy gets his fashion sense from-- 630 00:22:52,970 --> 00:22:54,890 a beautiful, fashionable lady 631 00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:57,010 from a famously fashionable family. 632 00:22:57,095 --> 00:22:58,635 - Ah! - And you must be the very 633 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,350 famous Maurice Monroe that I've heard so much about. 634 00:23:01,428 --> 00:23:03,258 All good, I'm sure? 635 00:23:06,762 --> 00:23:09,182 So what else? 636 00:23:10,762 --> 00:23:12,512 - A lot of people, huh? - Yeah. 637 00:23:12,595 --> 00:23:14,635 You know, Maurice, I have been meaning 638 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:16,800 to thank you for giving my man here a little job. 639 00:23:16,887 --> 00:23:18,547 - Ah. - So please, 640 00:23:18,637 --> 00:23:21,047 consider this tie pin a gift for luck. 641 00:23:21,136 --> 00:23:22,846 Oh, my God. Ha ha! Well, I'm gonna say yes. 642 00:23:22,929 --> 00:23:25,049 - Ah! - Ha ha ha ha ha! 643 00:23:25,136 --> 00:23:26,346 - You kids have a great night. - Oh, so nice seeing you 644 00:23:26,428 --> 00:23:27,798 - and meeting you. - Thanks again! 645 00:23:27,887 --> 00:23:30,467 - That was so generous, babe. - Fuck him. 646 00:23:30,553 --> 00:23:31,933 - Ooh! - Yeah? 647 00:23:32,011 --> 00:23:33,431 - I'm back! - Yeah, you are back. 648 00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:35,392 Oh, I'm actually on the air. 649 00:23:35,470 --> 00:23:38,470 Hi, Howard! Long-time listener, first-time caller. 650 00:23:38,553 --> 00:23:41,223 Hey, can you put Robin's boobs on the air? 651 00:23:41,303 --> 00:23:43,353 Huh? No, no, I love you guys. 652 00:23:43,428 --> 00:23:45,928 Hey, whoa, hey, Howard, before you hang up-- 653 00:23:46,011 --> 00:23:47,641 Fuck Jackie Martling! 654 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:48,930 - Wait! 655 00:23:49,011 --> 00:23:50,511 - Stop him! - Shit! 656 00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:52,505 Stop him! Get him, get him, stop him! 657 00:23:52,595 --> 00:23:54,715 You dumb-ass LaGuardia fuckin' Spread idiot! 658 00:23:54,804 --> 00:23:56,684 What the fuck are you doin', man? 659 00:23:56,762 --> 00:23:58,352 The Yakuza's gonna track us down and kill us. 660 00:23:58,428 --> 00:24:00,008 ...killed today by a food-borne illness 661 00:24:00,095 --> 00:24:02,175 found in beef. 662 00:24:02,261 --> 00:24:03,761 Mad cow disease is affecting 663 00:24:03,845 --> 00:24:06,595 livestock across Canada and the U.K., 664 00:24:06,679 --> 00:24:10,349 causing one of the biggest beef recalls in history. 665 00:24:10,428 --> 00:24:11,798 The outbreak of mad cow disease 666 00:24:11,887 --> 00:24:14,467 forced supermarkets across the U.K. 667 00:24:14,553 --> 00:24:17,723 to dispose of the tainted beef. 668 00:24:17,804 --> 00:24:19,974 Resupplying the market with safe beef from the U.S. 669 00:24:20,053 --> 00:24:22,513 is causing the demand to skyrocket. 670 00:24:25,595 --> 00:24:28,175 It is my distinct honor to present 671 00:24:28,261 --> 00:24:30,261 these brave Mujahideen warriors 672 00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:34,595 - with a check for $44,250. 673 00:24:34,679 --> 00:24:38,179 Fight on, brave men. We will not forget you. 674 00:24:38,261 --> 00:24:40,391 We're actually not going by Mujahideen anymore. 675 00:24:40,470 --> 00:24:41,680 We're rebranding. 676 00:24:41,762 --> 00:24:44,352 What do you think about, uh, Taliban? 677 00:24:44,428 --> 00:24:47,428 Taliban, uh... yeah, that's got legs. 678 00:24:48,845 --> 00:24:50,385 ♪ edgy music ♪ 679 00:24:50,470 --> 00:24:51,760 Oh, shit, I gotta get outta here. 680 00:24:51,845 --> 00:24:53,005 - All right, take it easy. - Salaam! 681 00:24:53,095 --> 00:24:54,965 Yeah. Salami and bacon! 682 00:25:23,512 --> 00:25:28,182 ♪ Where do I find the strength ♪ 683 00:25:28,261 --> 00:25:31,181 ♪ To face the future ♪ 684 00:25:31,261 --> 00:25:35,221 ♪ With...without you? ♪ 685 00:25:35,303 --> 00:25:37,353 Uh...make it a double. 686 00:25:37,428 --> 00:25:39,218 You haven't ordered. 687 00:25:40,345 --> 00:25:42,385 Scotch. 688 00:25:43,428 --> 00:25:46,348 ♪ dramatic music ♪ 689 00:25:48,095 --> 00:25:50,925 I'm gonna need that finger. 690 00:25:51,011 --> 00:25:52,391 No hard feelings, Mo. 691 00:25:52,470 --> 00:25:54,470 You have a boss. I have a boss. 692 00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:57,263 Technically, I'm my own boss, but... 693 00:25:59,929 --> 00:26:02,429 Mm! 694 00:26:02,512 --> 00:26:03,602 I have to do it? 695 00:26:14,178 --> 00:26:16,048 How much pinky are we talkin' about? 696 00:26:16,136 --> 00:26:18,676 - Mo! - Yeah. 697 00:26:18,762 --> 00:26:20,762 Oh, shit. 698 00:26:22,762 --> 00:26:24,432 Stop! Stop! 699 00:26:24,512 --> 00:26:26,432 Stop! Shit! 700 00:26:26,512 --> 00:26:28,222 We got the money and then some. 701 00:26:28,303 --> 00:26:30,683 Turns out Wayne was pulling a LaGuardia Spread 702 00:26:30,762 --> 00:26:31,892 - with the dough. - And it worked! 703 00:26:31,970 --> 00:26:33,800 Well, it didn't until the U.K. was overrun 704 00:26:33,887 --> 00:26:35,467 by zombie cows. 705 00:26:35,553 --> 00:26:37,223 U.S. livestock futures are-- 706 00:26:37,303 --> 00:26:38,723 Do you wanna give this guy his Goddamn money 707 00:26:38,804 --> 00:26:40,724 so I don't have to cut off my fucking pinkie? 708 00:26:40,804 --> 00:26:42,224 The money's already been wired into your account, Mo. 709 00:26:42,303 --> 00:26:44,473 So...are we good? 710 00:26:47,387 --> 00:26:49,847 Ohh... Ha. Ha ha. 711 00:26:49,929 --> 00:26:52,469 Ha ha ha ha. Oh! 712 00:26:52,553 --> 00:26:54,353 I'm not even mad at you, Wayne okay? 713 00:26:54,428 --> 00:26:56,098 You're a fuckin' wild man. 714 00:26:56,178 --> 00:26:57,848 - Yeah, right? 715 00:26:57,929 --> 00:27:00,099 It takes some big-- Actually, that's not true. 716 00:27:00,178 --> 00:27:01,468 I'm very upset with you! 717 00:27:01,553 --> 00:27:03,303 I'm upset with all three of you. 718 00:27:03,387 --> 00:27:05,347 I'm gonna individually fuck each one of you up. 719 00:27:05,428 --> 00:27:07,098 - Do you understand-- - Mm! So... 720 00:27:07,178 --> 00:27:10,598 You wanna do a money order? Write us a check? 721 00:27:10,679 --> 00:27:12,349 Whatever's easier. 722 00:27:12,428 --> 00:27:15,298 ♪ suspenseful music ♪ 723 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,510 And again. Again, I fell for it. 724 00:27:19,595 --> 00:27:24,465 And...again, Mo let me down. 725 00:27:24,553 --> 00:27:27,143 You know, it's like, uh... 726 00:27:27,220 --> 00:27:29,600 I feel like I'm Lucy, 727 00:27:29,679 --> 00:27:31,179 you know, and the football, 728 00:27:31,261 --> 00:27:32,801 or...maybe I'm Charlie Brown. 729 00:27:32,887 --> 00:27:36,677 I don't know. Or maybe I'm the football. 730 00:27:36,762 --> 00:27:39,222 Who knows? Ooh! Peanuts! 731 00:27:39,303 --> 00:27:40,643 What if I do some peanuts 732 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,350 to soak up some of this alcohol. 733 00:27:42,428 --> 00:27:45,258 This is supposed to be one of the most romantic spots 734 00:27:45,345 --> 00:27:46,795 - in the city. - Eew. 735 00:27:46,887 --> 00:27:48,847 I gotta pee. 736 00:27:52,178 --> 00:27:53,798 Hey. You're here! 737 00:27:53,887 --> 00:27:55,467 Mmm! 738 00:27:55,553 --> 00:27:57,683 Did you see Tiff and I are, uh, we're back. 739 00:27:57,762 --> 00:27:58,722 - I think. - Oh... 740 00:27:58,804 --> 00:28:00,894 Uh, so thank you 741 00:28:01,011 --> 00:28:02,761 for everything. 742 00:28:02,845 --> 00:28:04,675 Well, I'm just--I'm happy that you're happy. 743 00:28:04,762 --> 00:28:06,932 I see you took my advice on this spot? 744 00:28:07,011 --> 00:28:08,351 Yeah, yeah, I did. 745 00:28:08,428 --> 00:28:10,468 Again, I...owe you. 746 00:28:10,553 --> 00:28:11,683 Big. 747 00:28:11,762 --> 00:28:13,012 Yeah. 748 00:28:37,595 --> 00:28:40,295 ♪ upbeat synth music ♪