Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org
[sinister male voice] What a beautiful day,
my little friend.
[pig snorting]
Congratulations.
Becoming my meal is a great honor for you.
[panicked hooting]
[hisses]
[hooting]
[gasps]
[exclaiming]
[applause]
[trumpets]
[hissing]
[screams]
[screaming]
[hissing]
Well, are you up to your old tricks again?
You just refuse to listen, even though I warned you.
Fine! Let's do it the hard way, then.
Take it easy, friend. Let's talk like civilized animals.
Give me those monkeys. They're mine.
Mm-mmm. Not convinced.
[choking gasps]
[thuds]
Just you wait, beefcake.
My memory is longer than my tail,
and you will be sorry...
very soon.
- Hmm. - [female] What is going on?
Come on. We've got lots of work to do.
Yes, dear. Right away, dear. I'll be right there.
We have a bit of fun with the guys here.
[chuckles] Just like old times.
[laughing, hooting]
Huh?
[hooting]
[hooting continues]
[gasps]
What?
Huh?
Ah. Phew!
I'm glad it was just a dream. Huh?
"Today you will witness a rocket being launched for the moon
carrying this forest's first space traveler, Oscar the hare."
What? Oscar?
[seething]
[spits] I don't like you. I don't like you.
[high-pitched keening]
I'm so cool. I'm cool.
[keening continues]
[high-pitched male voice] Mr. Mic-Mic? Mr. Mic-Mic?
[frustrated groan]
Good morning. Are you coming to see the rocket launch?
Absolutely not, and you should do the same.
Ugh! There's nothing to see there.
All right. Suit yourself.
Have a good day.
[humming happily]
Don't leave.
[keening resumes]
Hey there, Mic-Mic. Are you coming to watch the rocket launch?
[groans] No, Houston! We don't want a problem.
But it's not nonsense. Your friend Oscar's going to the moon.
Oscar's not my friend, dude.
Okay, I see. No more questions.
So you're not comin'?
[frustrated groans]
No!
Why didn't you just say so? What's up with all the yelling?
Gosh. Sometimes you just need to chill out.
[growls]
[breathing deeply]
[tapping]
[creature humming]
- [grunts] - Oh, what the...
[exclaiming]
[shouting]
Who's there?
[grunting]
I'm there.
And where is there?
Well, I thought I was home, where I had privacy.
Ah! Mic-Mic, it's you, huh?
I heard they're launching a rocket to the moon.
I can't see a thing, but I had a brilliant idea.
Why don't you come along and tell me everything that's happening all around?
Come on! Do you really believe he's going on that flight?
A kite?
No, he's not using a kite. He's using a rocket.
I don't care if he flies in his own pocket,
'cause I'm... not... going.
Why crowing?
There's no crowing.
I'm talking about your friend Oscar who's going to the moon.
Oscar's not my friend.
He's not!
I don't need friends.
Got it, Stevie? [grunts]
I got it, I got it. I'm glad you're coming.
I'll be on my way. You catch up.
See you at the launchpad.
[grunts]
♪ On the road again... ♪ Aah!
Huh? Uh...
[panting]
- [water sloshes] - Huh?
[humming tune]
[relieved sigh]
[playing fanfare]
My friends, today is definitely the day.
The moon is within our reach.
That's one small step for a...
- [note plays] - [exclaims] ...a hare,
yet one giant leap for the whole animal kingdom.
Hey, have you guys seen Mic-Mic?
[all] Uh-uh.
He said he's not coming.
Yeah, not a chance.
Well, haters gonna hate.
I will not let them win.
I will prove to him... I mean them... I mean everyone!
Huh.
[Oscar] Oops. I forgot the fuel.
[liquid bubbling, sloshing]
- [chuckles] - It happens.
- [rumbling] - Come on.
[Oscar] We got a liftoff!
Houston, we have got a problem.
Yeah, we most certainly do.
- [clattering] - Did you just say a serpent flew too?
No, no, I'm sure Oscar's flying that rocket all by himself.
[note playing]
Goodbye, Oscar.
Goodbye, friend.
Have a safe journey.
[insects buzzing]
My busy bees.
Hmm.
[giggling] Huh?
Hey!
[grunting]
[shouts]
[grunting rhythmically]
Oops. [gasps]
- [Oscar shouting] - Huh?
[shouting]
- [thuds] - Mm!
[Oscar exclaiming]
- Holy goats! - [shouts]
Time to get out of here.
Get out of here! Right now?
Yes, right now.
- Come on, boy. Come on, boy. - Watch the ears! Watch the ears!
[angry buzzing]
[grunting]
Whoa.
[stork] Wild Beak 2, do you copy? How's the weather over Paris?
[Wild Beak 2] It's okay. The sky is clear.
But we expect a little rain today. How about you?
[stork 1] I'm flying to India. Hope to avoid turbulence when I fly over Mumbai.
[stork 3] Stop the chatter, boys.
Keep this channel clear. Good luck to everyone.
[panting]
Wow. Look, guys, it's Carl.
I cannot believe they've hired him back.
I guess the management's really desperate.
He's on probation for now.
What poor animal are you delivering this time, Carl?
- He's got a baby panda. - [chuckling]
- Great. - Don't mess it up, Carl.
Like when you delivered a baby zebra to a horse couple.
[all laughing]
[groans]
Hmm? [grunting]
- Mm-mm-mm! - [donkey brays]
[chuckles]
[breaks wind, brays]
[growling]
[neighs]
- It was fun. - It was fun.
Don't try to take that baby to a bear, Carl.
- [chuckles] - Don't you worry.
It's okay, little baby. Everything's under control.
[gasps]
[gasping]
[shouting]
[muffled shouting]
[groans]
Wait. I'm totally confused.
Who is this baby for, pandas or bears?
Huh?
Right, I remember. Of course it was bears.
There's no doubt about it.
[whistling]
[grumbles]
Two words for you, Oscar: long-eared rocketman.
Listen. I understand you're probably upset.
Who's upset? I'm upset?
- Yeah. - [grunts] No!
I'm furious!
I'm very sorry, Mic-Mic,
- but it's your own fault, you know. - [growling]
You set up those beehives in the wrong order, and...
That's why they fell down.
All you had to do is set them up the right way.
Then even a dozen bunnies crashing down from the skies couldn't break 'em.
Are you insane, rocket-hare?
Why on earth do you tell everybody that we are friends?
You are not friends with me, Oscar.
You're nothing but a pathetic loser who's always getting us into trouble.
Nothing good ever comes out of your mischief, absolutely nothing.
What are you talking about?
You kept saying the rocket would never fly, but it did.
Your stupid rocket flew so well, it turned my favorite boat into Swiss cheese.
All my beehives are ruined.
And you nearly killed me!
But I didn't, right?
Yeah.
But remember how you decided to dam the river and my house got flooded?
I... I just wanted to make a lake and raise trout.
And then you decided to drill a hole in my garden to pump oil.
Remember that, fluff-head?
And out came a fountain of boiling hot water!
And then a b-b-beautiful coconut tree grew in its place.
Except I don't even like coconuts.
I'm sorry, I really couldn't hear you. Can you repeat what you just said?
Yes, I said, "Get out."
[seethes]
Okay, you're absolutely right, but I swear, things will be different now.
I thought it all through. Do you believe me?
I can help if you want.
Collect the harvest, bring the bees back...
Forget the bees. I'll make the honey myself.
Who needs bees?
No way. Go home.
Thing is, my house is kinda blown to pieces,
or "turned to dust," I'd say.
Can I stay at your place for a while? Huh?
[growls]
So this is why you're calling yourself my friend.
No, I didn't mean it like that.
Look, we make perfect partners, you and I.
A "superhare" like me always needs a "superbear" like you.
Together, we'll be like Batman and Robin.
- Like D'Artagnan and the Three Musketeers. - Yeah? Yeah, yeah?
Like Bonnie and Clyde. Like, like...
[gasps] Dolce and Gabbana.
Huh? No way.
I don't wanna be like Dolce and Gabbana with you.
Yeah, well, what about the Three Musketeers?
Forget about it! [exclaims, grunts]
[groans]
[groaning]
We'll be famous in no time.
Oh, the places we'll go. We'll be on our way up.
We'll be seeing great sights. We'll rock the world.
No!
Oh, come on. You know you want to.
- [baby squalling] - Hmm?
[both panting]
- Hmm? - Huh?
[baby squalling]
"Baby panda." Mic-Mic, why did you order this?
I didn't.
[coos]
[screaming]
[grunting]
Oscar, do something. I'm begging you.
I cannot stand when babies cry. It drives me nuts.
He's just hungry. I heard babies cry when they want something to eat.
Really?
So, what do they eat?
All babies drink milk.
Are you sure?
I think so.
Where do we get milk?
Uh...
Uh... I got it.
[Oscar] Hey, Mic-Mic. How about we keep this baby, huh?
Oh, he's so cute!
You can be his daddy, and I can be...
Stop it right there, okay?
I want my regular life back 'cause this is absolutely "unregular."
A baby panda in my house?
He has to go back to his parents immediately.
They're probably worried sick by now.
[gasps] Really? What should we do?
We? Who said anything about "we"?
Forget about it.
[growls]
- [door opens, closes] - [sighs]
- [door opens] - Huh?
Well, it really is a baby panda.
Pandas live in bamboo forests far off in the south.
Huh. Sounds like a big trip.
Well, if we sail down the river, it just might be doable.
[gasps] The river.
You've got to find a way to go with them, Oscar.
Come on, think. Think. There's got to be a way.
Mic-Mic, are you sure you don't need any help?
Not from you.
I could be your first mate.
Get lost. [growls]
Wait! I could help with the supplies.
[chuckles]
[grunts] Why is it so heavy?
[grunting]
Get out of here.
Don't give up, Oscar. There's got to be a way.
You've just got to think hard. Come on, come on.
Oh! Mic-Mic, please, you've gotta take me with you.
For the sake of our friendship. Please, you've got to.
I already told you I'm not taking you.
We won't last a mile with you on board.
And we're not friends, all right, Oscar? Goodbye and good luck.
Okay, okay. If that's the way you want it, I'll just...
[groans]
[exclaims]
- Oh, and you know what, Oscar? - Yes?
Rebuild my beehives before I come back.
Oh!
Gosh, what a clown!
Huh? [grunts]
Mic-Mic? You really want to leave me here all by myself?
[whistling "Don't Worry, Be Happy"]
[whistling continues]
Now, that's paradise. It's a good thing that Oscar's not around.
[chuckles]
♪ Don't worry ♪
♪ Be happy ♪
[chuckling]
[breathing]
[humming tune]
[gasping]
Huh? What?
Huh? [quizzical grunt]
[gasping]
[humming continues]
- [gasps] - What?
Hey! What's that?
- Huh? [grunts] - [gasping]
Now, that's interesting.
[blowing]
[exclaiming]
[shouting]
[laughing] I can fly! Whoo-hoo!
- Huh? - [whooping]
Whoa!
[panicked shouting]
[both shouting]
Holy guacamole!
[shouts, grunts]
- [objects clattering] - [Oscar groans]
All right, Oscar.
[nervous chuckle]
- Uh, hiya, Mic-Mic. - [panda cooing]
I was just, you know, passing by,
and I thought I'd drop in for a cup of tea.
Well, hello. And goodbye!
Or maybe I could stay for a bit?
No and never. Get out now, boy.
[wailing]
- [growls] - Huh?
[shouting]
♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la Cha-cha-cha! ♪
[giggles]
- [humming tune] - Huh?
Okay, you can stay, cha-cha-cha.
Make yourself useful, boy.
I promise. You will not regret it. I...
You, zip it! Understood?
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - [hiccups]
And you too. [grunts]
[humming "La Cucaracha"]
Ugh. That song is so stupid! Duh!
[male voice] I remember it as if it were yesterday.
I was crossing Africa with a flock of ducks.
So we were by Mount Kilimanjaro, when suddenly eagles attacked us.
Oh, mon Dieu, what a fight it was!
Let me tell you, I fought like a wild beast.
And I won. Thanks to me, everyone was safe and sound.
And the queen of ducks gave me her heart.
[quacking laughter]
Why are you laughing? I'm telling you the truth!
[coughing]
Tell me, doc, aren't you tired of your lies?
No one around here believes you anymore.
Do you guys know why he has such a huge beak?
- Mm-mmm, Mm-mmm. - Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Because he needs enough room to hold his blabbering tongue.
[quacking laughter]
Hmm. Well, do you guys know why he has such a tiny head?
Because it perfectly fits his teeny-tiny brain.
[chuckling]
Wait, what?
Does that mean my brain is teeny-tiny too?
Or mine?
Um...
At least we're smart enough to know when we're not welcome.
Oh, I will leave, but it's your loss.
You will never get to know the true power of imagination.
I'm off to tell the whole world
- about my adventures. - [quacking laughter]
Goodbye and good riddance, you over-feathered decoy.
Duke, don't take it too close to heart.
They didn't even understand who they had the pleasure of speaking to.
Their whole reason of existence is to become a Peking duck.
Oh! [screaming]
[relieved sigh]
Oh, would you look at that! What do we have here?
Ladies and gentlemen, please make sure your seat belts are securely fastened
and your seats are in the upright position.
We're beginning to descend.
[whooping]
[yawns]
Okay, Oscar, the wheel is all yours.
And I'm gonna have a nice nap.
You stay the course and make sure the baby doesn't cry.
Got it?
Aye, aye, Captain.
Clown.
[growls, mutters]
- [coos] -It's an inside joke, you know? Heh.
Huh? [shouts]
[shouting]
[Duke laughs]
Bonjour, my friends.
Mon chéri, let me tell you a story.
Once, I took part in a sailing race in the Strait of Gibraltar.
I'm sorry, a sailing race where?
What? You set sail without any theoretical knowledge?
The Strait of Gibraltar is the strait between...
Who are you, exactly? Huh?
[chuckles] Let me introduce myself. I am Duke the Pelican,
a traveler, a humanist and also a philanthropist.
Goodbye, tomato-face. Good riddance.
Fly safe. Bon voyage. [grumbles]
But I was hoping for a cup of tea with a splash of milk, maybe.
In return, I would love to tell you about...
You were hoping, huh? We don't serve tea on Fridays.
Is it Friday already?
[chuckles] Let me tell you a story.
When I served at the great sultan's harem, every Friday we used to...
Get off my raft.
[wailing]
[groaning]
Oscar!
Just a sec.
[humming "La Cucaracha"]
♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪ - [groaning]
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time, when I babysat the future queen of England...
Now, when was this? If I remember correctly...
Right! George V was king back then, and you know what?
[giggling]
- [Mic-Mic grunting] - [head pounding post]
- Huh? - Huh?
- [panda giggling]
But I guess you're not interested in all that, are you?
No, tomato-face. Tell us all about it. Come on.
I'll be thrilled to listen to all your stories.
Oh, really?
Let me tell you another story.
Once, I was at the reception of Pharaoh Two-tongue-come-on XV...
I don't know why they called him that. I'm pretty sure he had just one tongue.
[chuckles]
By the way, where are we going?
[Oscar] We're taking this baby panda back to his parents.
[Duke] Oh, a noble mission? I am so honored!
[Mic-Mic] Okay, Oscar, turn to shore. It's time to roast this goose.
- [chuckling] - But you can't roast me. I'm no goose.
[Mic-Mic] Too bad. I be hungry.
[panicked gasping]
- [leaves crunching] - [gasps]
[leaves rustling]
[rattling]
- [owl hooting] - [groans]
- Hmm? - [creaking]
[animal calling]
[sinister male voice] Well, look at you, all seized up again.
- [chuckles] - Who's there?
Good question.
Who do you think?
Well, uh, I don't know.
Come on, think really hard. [sinister chuckle]
You do know. [chuckles]
- Because I am you. - What?
[gasping]
No, I'm me.
That's right, but... I am the best part of you.
The best?
Yes. I am your fear.
[whimpers]
I came here to tell you that...
[yawns] I'm proud of you.
You are so scared of everything around you
that the fear literally paralyzes you.
But... But I don't want to be scared.
Oh, but you should.
This forest right here is the worst place to be.
It is full of spine-chilling horrors and hidden dangers.
Hear this rustling?
- [rustling] - [whimpering]
- Or that squeaking? - [creaks]
- [whimpers] - Wild animals everywhere.
[gasps]
- [taunting gibberish] - [ghost wolf chuckles]
[gasps]
Paralyzed by fear, just like I said.
But I'm so tired of being afraid.
I'm shunned by my own pack.
That's a good thing.
They're not worthy of you.
They are fools pretending that they have courage.
They're unhappy because being brave is the most tiring thing in the world.
No! You don't exist. You're a figment of my imagination.
You're just a hallucination.
A hallucination? [sinister chuckle]
You can touch me if you want.
No. I-I'm scared of you.
That's right. [chuckles] You should be.
Good boy. [sinister laughter]
Go away. Get out of my head.
Leave me alone. Get out, get out, get out!
[chuckles] Trust me, boy. You can't get rid of me that easily.
[sinister laugh]
No, you're stuck with me forever and ever.
[snoring]
Oscar, leave me alone. [muttering]
And then they asked me, "Would you care for a fish?" And I said...
- "I don't eat fish." - [yawns]
Everyone's asleep.
[gasps] Huh?
Mic-Mic?
[sighs] What is it now?
I never told this to anybody, but my real parents were bears.
[frustrated groans]
My dad went missing out at sea years ago.
And my mom went looking for him. Never came back.
Really?
I was brought up by a family of hares.
Son, is that you?
Papa?
My son!
Papa!
My son.
Papa.
And you're not mad that I turned your favorite boat into Swiss cheese?
No, of course not. This is the boat.
Even though we're sinking now because of me?
Who cares? You're my son.
[together] What? Huh?
We're sinking! We're sinking! Help! We're sinking!
[panicked shouting]
Yeah, we're sinking!
[exclaiming]
[gasps]
Huh? Huh? Wha?
What's wrong? Mic-Mic?
Ugh. Nothing's wrong.
I just had the most awful dream. [groans]
Something scary?
[groans] You're not gonna believe this.
I dreamt that you, Oscar...
were my son!
Me too.
[low growl]
[shudders] Whoa!
Can you imagine? That'd be a nightmare.
Yeah, of course. A terrible dream. Not a cool dream at all.
Okay, Duke, it's your turn to keep watch.
Well...
I guess I'll turn in too.
Tomato-face, please watch the baby.
If he cries, tell him one of your endless stories.
[chuckles] Oh!
I'll tell him about the time when Leonardo da Vinci asked me
to pose for Mona Lisa's portrait.
But then he changed his mind,
and he replaced my splendid beak with his neighbor's ugly face.
[shudders] For all I care, you can tell him
you went to the ball with Cinderella along with Snow White.
Just remember your job...
is to keep him quiet.
[wolf] Leave me alone.
Get out of my head. [panting]
You don't exist. You're not real. Get... Get... Get out of my head!
You're not real. You're not real.
Get away! Get away!
[panting]
[gasping]
[grunts] And who are you, huh?
Me? I'm Janus.
And why did you freeze, Janus?
I-I... I always freeze like this when I'm afraid.
Well, what are you afraid of?
Everything.
And everyone.
- Ugh! - Oh! [chuckles] Even us?
You too. Especially you.
Really? Even me?
Yes, even you.
A little bit.
- [panda cries] - [gasps, grunts]
[wailing]
[grumbles]
Oscar!
I know.
♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪ - [groaning]
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪ - Story!
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time, we were camping by the Limpopo River,
and a pack of hungry wolves attacked us.
Oh, mon Dieu. You can't imagine the howling.
- Oh, the howling! - [wailing continues]
- [howling] - [singing continues]
- Ugh! - [howling continues]
[giggling]
All right, time to leave. Janus, you're coming with us.
Uh, m-me?
Yes, you. What? You're too scared?
I'm very scared, but staying here...
is even scarier.
Well, it's decided then. Come on. All aboard.
[sinister laughter]
[gasps]
[whimpering]
[Duke] My dear friends, let me tell you another story.
This is a good one. We were right around these parts,
- me and my good friend, Tiger... - [Mic-Mic sighs]
Everyone knows there's no tigers around here.
Do you know what a blabbermouth you are, tomato-face?
Me? Blabbermouth?
[all] Mm-hmm.
[stammering] I swear.
There are tigers here. [imitates tiger growl]
[buzzing]
- [thudding] - [creature snarls]
Hello, little bee. Would you like to be my friend?
I'm terribly lonely. I have no one to talk to.
We can talk about weather or sports, if you like.
Or maybe even... Oh, I've got an idea. We could write a poem together.
"The bee or not the bee, that is the question.
Whether I stay and drink the water from a puddle or rush ahead.
Whoever knows?
Who can tell me?
Was I born to bravely win them over as a courageous superhero?"
Is something wrong with me?
Why doesn't anyone want to talk to me? Hmm?
Everybody has friends but me.
[sighs]
[Duke] I have another story to tell.
One day, I was sailing down the Zambezi River
and suddenly ended up in a very thick fog.
- [clanging] - Hold on, tomato-face.
What's this noise? I thought I heard something.
Noise? Wasn't me.
Oh, look!
[clanging]
[gulps] Remind me, tomato-face, what you were saying about the fog?
Uh... oh, yeah. That's right. We were out in the fog...
There. Watch out!
[exclaiming]
Mon Dieu!
[exclaiming]
Yo, grab the baby and fly away.
Aye, aye, Captain. Taking off now.
What about you?
Don't worry about us. We're doomed.
Yes, we are doomed. [grunts]
Maybe not. I see a shore ahead.
You can try to pull in there.
- Oscar! - Why always me?
Steer the raft to that shore, and I'll be rowing.
[Oscar exclaiming]
- Oscar! - [shouts]
[timber clatters]
We can't sail any further. Too many rocks.
[spits] I knew I shouldn't have taken you on board.
You're always trouble. A hare on board is always bad luck.
What? You think I'm bad luck? You were the one steering the raft.
Oh, so this is my fault now?
- It's not mine. - And you all agree?
[gasps]
Well, we... [stammering]
All right. Super-duper. Well, I don't need you anymore.
You guys can go home now.
Hope you won't get lost on your way, because I won't be there
- to be blamed for it. - [wailing]
[groaning]
Oscar, dance now!
Uh-uh!
- All right. Tomato-face? - Mm-mmm!
Janus!
Well, fine. I'll handle it myself.
Uh...
[off-key] ♪ Cucaracha, cucaracha ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ A cucaracha, a cucaracha ♪ [vocalizing off-key]
Okay, okay, hush.
Now, let me tell you a story. Okay.
So I decided to visit a friend...
who also happens to be a bee,
but then a badger showed up and he said,
"Your bee friend is not even a bee. She's actually a wasp."
What do you think of that?
[groaning]
[howling groans]
- [groans] - [tiger clears throat]
Hello, my dear friends.
Who are you, an oversized bee? Then buzz out of here.
"I dreamed I was sailing away. I even found a perfect way.
But where am I headed? Out there, under a dark sky.
No one is waiting for me. I can hear a baby cry.
Maybe it's crying...
[laughing]
...for me."
So do you have a name, Shakespeare?
Uh, William... Uh, I mean Amur.
Well, Amur, bonjour.
I'm on a quest to find this baby's parents. Want to tag along?
Of course. Looks like I finally found a friend.
Not again! What have I ever done to you?
You saved me from myself.
All right, Lord Byron, that's enough. Time to get moving. To the south!
Well, what are you waiting for? Come on!
♪ One-way ticket One-way ticket ♪
♪ To the blues ♪
♪ Choo-choo train A-chuggin' down the track ♪
♪ Gotta travel on Ain't never comin' back ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Got a one-way ticket To the blues ♪
♪ Gonna take a trip To Lonesome Town ♪
♪ Gonna stay At Heartbreak Hotel ♪
♪ A fool such as I That never learns ♪
♪ I cry a tear so well ♪
♪ One-way ticket One-way ticket ♪
♪ One-way ticket ♪
♪ Got a one-way ticket To the blues ♪
♪ Gonna take a trip To Lonesome Town ♪
♪ Gonna stay At Heartbreak Hotel ♪
♪ A fool such as I That never learns ♪
♪ I cry a tear so well ♪
♪ One-way ticket One-way ticket ♪
[Duke] Here it is, my friends, the Great Wall of China.
It is 16 feet thick
and measures a whole 30 feet tall, my friends.
And you can even see it from outer space.
Duke, how do you know all this?
How do I know?
I was elder statesman to the Chinese emperor during the Ming...
That's perfect, dude.
Then you should know the best way to get to the other side of the wall, dum-dum.
Well, we birds, we usually just fly over obstacles. Like this...
Thank you, dude. That really helped. But, wait.
I could just toss you guys over it.
[nervous chuckle] Are you kidding? We'll break our necks.
[chortles] Back in the circus, we...
Brilliant, like in the circus!
[screaming]
[laughs, screams]
[grunts]
[gasps]
♪ When I die And they lay me to rest ♪
♪ Gonna go to the place That's the best ♪
♪ When I... ♪
Hold on, Mic-Mic. Who will throw you over the wall?
Hmm. You got a point there, Homer.
Well, let me finish my story.
In the circus, in our world-famous team of pelican gymnasts,
we used to use a catapult to jump over each other.
Ta-da!
A catapult, hey?
- ♪ When I die And they lay me to rest ♪ - [shouts]
- ♪ Gonna go to the place... ♪ - [clang]
Oh. Don't worry.
You'll get it next time.
[chuckles] Yeah. I'm not worried at all.
- [shouting] - ♪ Prepare yourself ♪
♪ You know it's a must ♪
Gotta have a friend in Jesus ♪
Don't let go!
Steer with your wings! Use your wings!
[shouting]
Ugh!
Ah. Hmm.
Okay.
- [shouting] - ♪ Going up to the spirit In the sky ♪
Duke, not so fast this time!
[shouting]
Use your wings to slow down, or we're gonna have to start over!
Oh. Okay. All right.
Now drop the stone!
I'm trying! [exclaiming]
[shouting]
[shouting continues]
[groans]
I think I'm dead.
Came down like a feather, Mic-Mic.
Phew! I say we take a rest.
[giggling]
[gasps] Look, everyone! Our baby is all grown up.
Where's he headed? He must have felt something.
Little guy feels like he's home at last.
Ugh. You're so sensitive.
- [cooing] -Hey! Where you going, little baby?
[gibbering]
- [elephants trumpeting] - Huh? Huh?
- [thudding footfalls] - [trumpeting]
So, this is how my story ends.
[groans]
[panting]
[crying]
[trumpeting]
Guys, we have to split up now.
- Right... left... - Right!
Everybody freeze.
Way ahead of you, boss.
Oh! What a dangerous place!
All right. Now, let's find a place to set up camp.
Oscar, you keep watch.
Keep an eye on the baby in case he decides to run away.
- [cooing] - Mm-hmm.
[Oscar] ♪ Twinkle, twinkle Little star ♪
♪ How I wonder what you are ♪
♪ Baby panda, go to sleep ♪
♪ May your dreams Be kind and neat ♪
- Daddy. - [Oscar gasps]
Me, Daddy?
Well, guess what, little guy?
By this time tomorrow, you'll finally be home with your real parents.
Yeah.
I simply can't believe my luck. [sinister chuckling]
This is my chance for a perfect revenge on that muscle-head.
Just you wait.
[sinister chuckling]
Hello there, little baby.
[Oscar humming softly]
[yawns]
[snoring]
[keening wail]
Mic-Mic, what are you screaming for?
What do you mean? I thought we were... That we are, you know, sinking.
Why sinking? What are you talking about?
We're in the desert.
What? In the desert?
Besides, we're unsinkable, you and I.
- I mean, I'm your son. - Huh?
You? Are my son?
Of course I am. How could you forget?
And us too.
And you?
Obviously.
How could you forget, Mic-Mic?
- Uh... - [all] How could you forget?
Huh?
Wait, you too? Houston?
Of course I am. How could you forget?
[all] How could you forget?
Uh... Uh...
Daddy. Daddy.
- Huh? - Daddy.
- No! - Daddy.
[screaming]
- Daddy. - [gasping]
Daddy.
- Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. - Phew.
It's that nightmare again that we both share.
- Daddy. - Huh?
Daddy.
Oscar!
[all gasping]
Oscar! Where's the baby?
Huh?
[chuckles] I'll be right back.
Baby!
[panting]
Baby!
Where are you?
Baby!
Baby.
You should've went missing, not the baby.
You were supposed to be watching him! [growls]
It's... It's all the elephants' fault. If it weren't for them, I...
- The elephants? Huh? - [panicked gasps]
- Duke! - Mic-Mic, it's your fault.
You should have known Oscar cannot be trusted with a baby.
My fault? And where have you been?
Instead of watching Oscar, who should have been watching the baby,
you slept like a little piggy.
And you know who else sleeps like a little piggy?
Lazy Thanksgiving turkeys.
Excuse me?
You're calling me a turkey?
[scoffs] Well, now I'm mad.
Now I'm really mad.
The last time I was this mad, I...
Well, I... [stammering]
I can't remember one story. That's how mad I am.
Please don't fight, my friends. How is this going to help the baby panda?
Well, look who's purring here... our little poet!
Hmm?
Hmm! Hmm!
I've had it with all of you. That's it. I'm leaving!
Talk to the paw.
[gasps] Who does he think he is?
He's leaving? Well, I'm leaving too.
Guys, you don't have to be like that.
Too bad. You were such a good audience for my stories.
Sometimes.
Uh, so what shall we do now?
I guess I'll be heading home. What about you?
M-Me? Uh, I'll just sit here, scared to death.
- [gasping] - [owl hooting]
[howling]
That's it! I'm tired of being scared.
I can't take it anymore. All right...
[grunts]
- [exclaims, groans] - [thuds]
[sniffing]
Let's see. Who would leave such a long and wide track... like that?
A crocodile? [gasps]
A crocodile!
No. There would be footprints.
Now, who else could it be? Maybe a snake?
[gasps] That would have to be a large snake.
A very large snake.
[gasps]
This time, it's legitimately scary.
[ghost wolf] You're absolutely right.
It's horrifying.
Anyone would be scared to death.
I mean, just think about it. What could leave a trace like this?
Well, probably something that can swallow you in the blink of an eye.
But I have to try and save the baby.
- Do you? - Mm-hmm.
Ha! Why on earth would you do that?
Let the others do the dirty work.
By the way, where did your so-called friends go?
There's nobody here?
[sighs, grunts]
[growls] Well, that turned out great.
So much for reuniting a family. Ha-ha!
So much for saving the day. Yeah, my life story.
"I try my best, and you know the rest."
[growls] Wait!
What's wrong with me? There's still hope. I have to go back.
Yes! I will find baby panda. I will get him back to his family.
Why is it always my fault? Go on, blame Oscar for everything.
If something's wrong, it's always Oscar's fault.
Extinct dinosaurs? Didn't you know? Oscar did it.
What about the Ice Age? Of course it was me.
Who else would it have been? Global warming? That was me too.
Come on, blame me. Blame me for everything.
It's all my fault.
Except... this time it really is my fault.
That baby loved me. He really trusted me. What did I do?
Oh, what kind of hare am I?
Well, I was the one who lost him. I'll be the one who finds him.
Duke, buddy. What in the world has happened to you?
I don't recognize you.
You want to run and hide from danger now?
Are you running away?
You want to sit up there in your warm nest, huh?
No? Of course not. But everyone left. So what?
No. I'm no pelican. I'm a donkey.
I will save the baby.
I will, and it will become my greatest story ever!
Well, are you proud of yourself, tiger?
You've lost a little baby. You've lost all your friends.
You are the stuff of legend, my friend. You're a true hero.
No, this just won't do.
The little panda counts on you, and you will save him, no matter what.
[roars]
All right. Don't try being a hero. You won't achieve much all by yourself.
Time to run home with your tail between your legs.
I'm surprised you made it this far, to be completely honest with you.
Oh. [chuckles] You think you're so special because you found a track.
Who do you think you are, K9?
Let's go back home, so we can live a wonderful, safe life together,
like the true cowards we are.
No! You do not exist. Do you hear me?
You're not real. Go away and leave me alone.
Get away. Go away. Leave me alone.
No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no...
Who are you fighting there, Janus?
...no, no...
Uh, nobody. Just practicing.
And what exactly are you practicing for?
[Oscar panting]
Wait, Mic-Mic. Listen up, guys, I...
I... I want to tell you...
It's... It's all my fault.
Ha! What else is new?
[Janus] My dear friends, please. No fighting.
Hot tempers will not solve anything.
We need to work together if we want to save the baby.
[chortling]
We need to come up with a plan.
Have I ever told you the story of the Battle of Trafalgar?
- [all] Huh? - [drums beating]
[hooting]
What? I'm not good at charades. What are you guys saying?
So? A hedgehog stretched and jumped into the ocean?
[gasps] They tied a rope into a sailor's knot?
The sun is finally out, and the waves are gone?
No.
They're trying to tell us that the baby was taken
by a very large and very long snake.
Yes, a very, very large snake. Huge.
What do you mean, a large snake? A python?
[hooting excitedly]
Do you have any idea where they might have taken the baby?
Follow them!
[crying]
There's no need to cry.
You won't taste as good if you cry too much.
Don't spoil the meat.
Ah.
Poor baby is hungry.
Well, don't worry. Dinner is almost ready.
And you have the honor of being the main course.
[sinister chuckling]
- [laughter in distance] - [gasps]
It sounds like we have company.
Stay here, and don't you dare try to escape, little one.
[hissing]
Hey, Duke, is it true that a footless, yellow earthworm lives here?
- [chuckles] - Oh, yes, that's right. [chuckles]
He also goes by "speckled frog."
[chuckles] Is he really as stupid as they say he is?
[laughs] Yes.
And if there were ever an Olympics for idiots,
he would be the unrivaled champion.
[both laughing]
You think that's funny. [snickers]
All right, then...
- [hissing] - [both gasp]
Hello there.
- [shouting] - [clang]
[groaning]
[gasps]
[exclaims]
It's time! [growls]
You go ahead. I'll catch up with you soon. [whimpers]
- [Janus growls] - Now, watch me closely.
Listen to me very carefully.
From now on, I am your master.
You will obey me and do exactly as I tell you...
[Mic-Mic] Hey, dum-dum.
You, David Blaine.
You gotta stop with your magic tricks now because no one's buying it.
Hypnotize this!
[shouts, groaning]
Owsie!
Yes.
- [snarls] - [shouts]
[screaming]
What's wrong, Mr. Tough Guy? Does your hand hurt?
[hissing]
Don't worry. It will stop hurting.
[shouts] You overstretched hot dog!
Let my friend go!
[exclaiming]
Well, you asked for it, long ears.
[hisses]
Look who's there. A striped kitten.
Well, wait. I'll get to you too.
"Finally I found out that my friends are all around.
There's a grumpy bear who could try to keep it down.
And a cheerful hare who is funny like a clown.
And there's a feathered storyteller with the largest beak.
And also there's a gentle wolf...
who's too scared...
[gasps]
...to speak." [screams]
[chuckles nervously, gasps]
Janus, don't even think about it.
Are you seriously considering helping this stripy Shakespeare?
Don't be a fool.
Run away while you still can. Trust me, it's not your fight, Janus.
Stop it. I've had enough of you. You're not even real.
And this is where you're wrong, buddy.
I am real, and you are not.
You're nothing but a reflection of me.
No, I'm not. This is enough.
I'm done being scared. Do you hear me?
I am not afraid anymore.
[karate yells]
[groaning]
Wow! I'm not Janus anymore.
I'm Jackie Chanus!
[chuckles]
- [Amur growling] - Huh?
"They always help me without fail.
Why don't you get off my tail?
And I love them just the same."
[groans]
[roars]
- [roars] - [screams]
[growls]
- [blows landing] - Hmm.
Why don't we call it a draw?
Yeah, right. Dream on, fang-face. No way!
[grunting]
Let me go right this second.
You want me to let you go? I could do that.
[groaning, exclaiming]
So long, fang-face.
[Mic-Mic laughs]
[screaming]
Here, I let go.
Sayonara, sucker!
[taunting laugh]
[laughing]
I found him. I saved our little guy.
Little bun-face, you okay?
[giggling]
Well done, dude.
And you, Janus. You did good too.
We wouldn't have won if it wasn't for you.
Thanks for your help.
We never could have beat this fire hose without you, pal.
[chuckles] You know, I felt brave enough to jump in
only because Oscar and Amur showed me what bravery was.
- By the way, uh, where is Oscar? - [groaning]
Mic-Mic?
Where's the python?
Very far from here.
Thank you, Oscar. You saved my life.
Oh, come on. What are you talking about?
Without all of you...
I'm a worthless half-pint.
We're all winners.
We won today because we worked together.
- And now, do you guys remember... - It was the best day...
...I threw you guys over the wall, and then you guys threw me over the wall?
[all laughing, chattering]
Where is that stork? We've been waiting such a long time now.
- Yes. I'm so worried. - Mm. Mm.
- [baby panda giggling] - [both gasp]
It's him?
[both panting]
[grunting]
[giggles]
[both gasp]
[laughing]
- [baby panda squealing] - Son!
- My baby. - Mommy.
[all sighing]
Daddy.
Our son.
[clears throat]
All right, well, uh, what's the plan now, guys?
I think I'll stay here for a while.
You see, I finally have found my audience.
They don't interrupt. They don't argue.
They believe me. What else could I ask for?
And besides, now I have a true story.
I'm going to stay here as well,
and I'm going to write the greatest poem about our adventure.
And I'm going back to my pack.
The elections are coming, and I want to run for alpha male.
Uh, good luck, then.
Well, Oscar and I are going back to our forest.
Yep, time to go home.
Little guy, come give Uncle Oscar a hug.
[giggling]
Oscar.
[gasps] Our baby's talking! Did you hear? He said my name.
Mic-Mic.
Um...
Well, um...
make sure you come visit us when you grow up, all right?
Um, you guys can come too, of course. We have a great forest.
And loads of honey.
Thank you. We'll come visit sometime.
And you are always welcome here.
[all] Have a safe journey.
Oscar! Mic-Mic!
[camera shutter clicks]
[wind gusting]
[sighs] Home, sweet home.
[sighs] That was a big trip.
[groans] My paws hurt.
[groaning]
Uh... [sighs]
Well, guess I'll be going then. It was nice traveling with you, Mic-Mic.
[disappointed sighs]
Hey, Oscar.
Yeah? What?
Stay at my place for the night,
and we'll start building a new house for you tomorrow.
No kidding?
Well, of course. We're friends, dude.
We're friends? Are you sure?
There's no doubt about it.
Age before beauty.
Hmm. Entrez.
[thunder crashes]
- [baby crying] - [sighs]
What is it? Huh?
[grunting]
[growls]
- [gasping, growling] - [thunder rumbling]
- Ah! Oscar? - [crying continues]
[yawns]
What is it?
[gasps] Huh?
Oh, my!
- [grunts] Huh? - [growls]
[panting]
[baby crying]
Oh, no!
Not again! [growls]
Unbelievable! I guess we'd better call it in.
Ask the stork delivery service for a membership discount.
- [chuckles] - [growling]
[screaming]
No more crying babies!
Oscar! [growls]
No more, dude. I don't like them.
Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org