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Previously on Kidding...

2
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Hi, everybody.

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We call it a tiger stripe.
We glue it in.

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How's that look, Mr. P.?

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♪♪♪

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Give me your phone.
If we're gonna hang out later,

7
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I should put my number in it.

8
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Saw you guys drive up.

9
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Maddy, piano time!

10
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I'll take her!

11
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Did you hand-fuck my husband?

12
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- This is the car...
- President

13
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- of the United States...
- 2013!

14
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There are more victims of...

15
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- Crime reportedly...
- My doctor told me...

16
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- Chop foods like a pro...
- To look out for them.

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To the left field...

18
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Saying things like
"It's amazing"...

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Speaking Spanish

20
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Thomas pulled up and...

21
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Part of you that no one can see.

22
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But you know it's there,

23
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and I do, too.

24
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That's the part
that no one can take away,

25
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because that's the part of you
that's really you.

26
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Here it comes! Tits or bush?

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♪ Upbeat music ♪

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♪♪♪

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I'm leaving!

30
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- When are you back?
- Tomorrow.

31
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- I love you.
- Love you, Lunch Bug.

32
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Later, Crazy Face!

33
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Remember, if you get sick
of clarinet,

34
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you can always switch back
to piano.

35
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Love you guys.

36
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Are you and Dad
getting divorced?

37
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No. Why would you ask me that?

38
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♪ Somber woodwind music ♪

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Every pain needs a name.

40
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Shh.

41
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Can you all hear that?

42
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Sounds like someone's
knock-knock-knocking

43
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on the door
of my old cardiac condo.

44
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Whoa!

45
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Hey, there, Thump-Thump.

46
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What's that?

47
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There's a thunderstorm
in my aorta?

48
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Hm. That doesn't sound right.

49
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Let's take a closer look.

50
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Oh!

51
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Ah.

52
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Hm.

53
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No.

54
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I don't see any thunderstorms,

55
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but there is a name
for this pain.

56
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Did you just see that?

57
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- What?
- He just ripped Thump-Thump

58
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out of his chest.

59
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♪ Disquieting music ♪

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Every pain needs a name.

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What do we think
this one is called?

62
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If you ask a child how
they're feeling, they'll say,

63
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"There's a bowling ball
in my chest

64
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where my heart used to be."

65
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It's terrifying for kids
to have a feeling

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and not be able to describe it.

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Now, instead of a bowling ball,
they'll know it's heartache.

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Ah, you're in pain. I get it.

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And pain can have a name.

70
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Jill, Peter... Phil.

71
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But the remedy
can have a name, too.

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Priscilla, Holly, Daisy.

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Hm.

74
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Box of Kleenex
and a cold left hand.

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This is the drawer
of letters from women

76
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who often describe
incredible things

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in incredible detail.

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Uh, I think
Thump-Thump's broken.

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Thank you, Doctor.

80
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"Dear Mr. Pickles,."

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What a rare, sublime kindness

82
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you bestow upon the world.

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Attached, please find
a photograph

84
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"of my clitoris."

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I think it might be upside-down.

86
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There are short women,
there are tall women,

87
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- Mm.
- Some subtle,

88
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some have a kosher dill

89
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knuckle-deep
inside their hoo-has.

90
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This one's from Akron. You know,

91
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it's only two hours away.

92
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Give her a call.
Buy her some cheesecake.

93
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- Married.
- Jill's met a new friend,

94
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who she's fucking.

95
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Now, why can't you meet
a new fuck-friend?

96
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I'm sorry, I'm not...
I can't think this way.

97
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Uh, monsieur

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attend, attend.

99
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Let us have a conversation

100
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about friendship, huh?

101
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Let us parlez
about the value of friends...

102
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Oh, fuck this.

103
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Jeff, they're not
all looking for sex.

104
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Most of them would just like
to meet you.

105
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Derrell and I would like
to dive deep

106
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and curate you a top ten.

107
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I don't like the idea
of being out on a date.

108
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People staring at me, wondering,

109
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"Did he not make a covenant
with his spouse?"

110
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No, no, no. Stop that.

111
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No one would see you
eating with another adult

112
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and think you're out on a date.

113
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I'd be a...
a man, out with a woman.

114
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No, you'd be Mr. Pickles
out with a woman.

115
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The general populace
doesn't see you

116
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as a sexual being.

117
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We see eyes,

118
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we see ears, we see a nose,

119
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but there's nothing
between the legs.

120
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We see Mr. Potato Head.
No one sees a man.

121
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Thanks, Dad,

122
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but I am a man.

123
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I am.

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Just a different kind.

125
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♪ Somber music ♪

126
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There are
three kinds of matters:

127
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Solid matters,

128
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liquid matters, gas matters.

129
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Lemonade is a liquid matter.

130
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Lemons... are a solid matter.

131
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Zyklon B is a gas matter.

132
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Shut up.

133
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What Maddy's experiencing

134
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is something akin
to her Moro reflex.

135
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You remember what that is,
from baby days?

136
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No.

137
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Just for giggles, let's pretend

138
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that the enthusiasm
for my pregnancy was, um,

139
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- muted?
- Well...

140
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We're talking about something
that's totally normal

141
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for three-month-olds.

142
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Basically, it's evolution's way

143
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of giving infants a reflex

144
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to cling to Mom
in case they're falling.

145
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That's why the hands go up.

146
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But she's eight.

147
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Right.

148
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Kids also just regress

149
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when there's been a trauma.

150
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Has there been a trauma
of some kind?

151
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♪ Classical piano music ♪

152
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♪♪♪

153
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Happy pedicure day, everybody.

154
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Hi, Mrs. Steinman. How are you?

155
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Does Sy the Wide-Eyed Fly

156
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like the color on my toes?

157
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Yes-zzzz, he loves-zzz
the color of your toes-zzz.

158
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It reminds me of
jelly beans-zzz.

159
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And jelly beans-zzz
are my favorite food.

160
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Have you seen Jill?

161
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Is that the nurse who's married
to the anesthesiologist?

162
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I don't think they're married.

163
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They're dating,
but it's noncommittal.

164
00:08:01,041 --> 00:08:02,750
Whatever. They're doing a scene

165
00:08:02,834 --> 00:08:05,375
from Gray's Anatomy
in the break room right now.

166
00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:07,583
What happens on Gray's Anatomy?

167
00:08:07,667 --> 00:08:10,875
Everyone fucks
each other shapeless.

168
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Please don't use a bad word
when you can use a good word.

169
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They are

170
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carnally entwined

171
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at the moment.

172
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I don't think I like that show.

173
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I heard your friend's
planning a trip

174
00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:26,625
to Hershey Park this weekend.

175
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They have
a chocolate log flume there

176
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that, if you squint,
looks like a gushing asshole.

177
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It's very romantic.

178
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:35,291
Ohh...

179
00:08:35,375 --> 00:08:37,208
Come on. This is where you say.

180
00:08:37,291 --> 00:08:40,208
"Sy loves gushing assholes."

181
00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:43,291
Sorry. Are you okay?

182
00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:45,417
Want to give him
something to say?

183
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,333
I don't want to touch a puppet.

184
00:08:47,417 --> 00:08:49,417
It can help.

185
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,417
Everything you love, he loves.

186
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:54,000
You already have
so much in common.

187
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:58,375
In six weeks, I'm gonna be dead.

188
00:08:58,458 --> 00:09:00,625
Go help someone who matters.

189
00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:02,417
♪ Gentle music ♪

190
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,417
So you don't matter anymore?

191
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,041
No.

192
00:09:07,125 --> 00:09:09,250
Then why are you getting
a pedicure?

193
00:09:09,333 --> 00:09:11,417
♪♪♪

194
00:09:13,125 --> 00:09:16,834
♪♪♪

195
00:09:25,208 --> 00:09:28,083
♪ Classical piano music ♪

196
00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:30,250
Hi, you've reached Rex.
Sorry I've missed you.

197
00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:31,875
Please leave a message.

198
00:09:34,625 --> 00:09:36,834
Shitheads in a bucket!

199
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,375
♪ Tranquil music ♪

200
00:09:45,375 --> 00:09:48,125
I'm surprised you went
all night and didn't feel it.

201
00:09:48,208 --> 00:09:49,375
Feel what?

202
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,291
At your feet. Look.

203
00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:55,542
It's a magic suitcase,

204
00:09:55,625 --> 00:09:58,875
filled with wonder and illusion.

205
00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:01,500
It's a wand, a cool top hat,

206
00:10:01,583 --> 00:10:03,125
mysterious red dice,

207
00:10:03,208 --> 00:10:04,625
and a plastic dove.

208
00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:06,041
Flattens into a pancake

209
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,333
so you can hide it up your nose.

210
00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:11,667
Could I just have some cash
or like a normal allowance?

211
00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:14,041
You know what you need? A hobby.

212
00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:17,000
And you need new friends
to share the hobby with,

213
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,184
like the magic shows you used
to put on with your brother.

214
00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:20,834
What's wrong with my friends?

215
00:10:20,917 --> 00:10:23,583
You're too young
to have friends that lost.

216
00:10:23,667 --> 00:10:25,542
They're what Nancy called
the troubled people.

217
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,375
- Who?
- Fancy Nancy,

218
00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:29,709
President Reagan's wife.

219
00:10:29,792 --> 00:10:31,875
"Just say no."

220
00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:34,166
Tried to solve
America's crack problem.

221
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:36,458
Your brother put peanut butter
in her shoes.

222
00:10:36,542 --> 00:10:38,834
Yeah, now I remember her.

223
00:10:38,917 --> 00:10:40,792
I don't know
what's funny about that.

224
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:43,208
She almost fell off
an escalator.

225
00:10:43,291 --> 00:10:45,500
I remember,
you spoke at her funeral,

226
00:10:45,583 --> 00:10:47,875
- in California.
- Yeah, it was a good trip.

227
00:10:47,959 --> 00:10:49,375
Yeah, yeah, it was.

228
00:10:49,458 --> 00:10:50,959
Could we go back to California?

229
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,375
Why, because cannabis
is legal there?

230
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:55,709
No, Dad, I'm not
America's crack problem.

231
00:10:55,792 --> 00:10:58,834
Okay, but you're my
crack problem,

232
00:10:58,917 --> 00:11:01,333
and I love you.

233
00:11:01,417 --> 00:11:03,750
Thanks for the magic kit.

234
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:05,625
Cool wand.

235
00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:08,250
Hey, is your mom
going to Hershey Park

236
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:09,959
this weekend?

237
00:11:10,041 --> 00:11:11,834
Mm...

238
00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:13,709
No, I don't think so.

239
00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:15,041
She just got back.

240
00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:16,834
Oh.

241
00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:18,417
Fun there.

242
00:11:20,542 --> 00:11:22,542
Will, is that you?

243
00:11:24,542 --> 00:11:25,959
Uh...

244
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,041
♪ methodically energetic music ♪

245
00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:38,208
It's the part of you
that no one can see,

246
00:11:38,291 --> 00:11:40,166
but you know it's there,

247
00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:42,208
and I do, too.

248
00:11:42,291 --> 00:11:45,625
That's the part of you
that no one can take away,

249
00:11:45,709 --> 00:11:48,166
because that's the part of you
that's really you.

250
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:49,750
♪♪♪

251
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,166
You see, the stuff I like
about you

252
00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:53,750
isn't the stuff on the outside,

253
00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:57,417
say your hat
or your shiny new shoes

254
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,291
or even the friends you keep.

255
00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:01,333
What I like about you

256
00:12:01,417 --> 00:12:03,917
is the other stuff.

257
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,083
The inside stuff.

258
00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:10,792
The stuff that you might not
think is that important.

259
00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:14,000
Might even be the stuff
you don't like all that much.

260
00:12:14,083 --> 00:12:16,000
Things you feel
a little embarrassed about,

261
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,834
maybe,

262
00:12:17,917 --> 00:12:20,458
like the way you cry
when you make a mistake,

263
00:12:20,542 --> 00:12:22,625
'cause you get so dang tired

264
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,875
of making the same mistakes,

265
00:12:24,959 --> 00:12:28,083
or the part of you that wants
to scream and scream

266
00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:29,875
when your mom tells you
to go to bed

267
00:12:29,959 --> 00:12:34,125
and it's way too early
for anyone to go to bed.

268
00:12:34,208 --> 00:12:36,959
I like the parts of you
that you don't like

269
00:12:37,041 --> 00:12:38,917
and you should, too.

270
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,750
♪♪♪

271
00:12:41,834 --> 00:12:43,917
There's a spark of greatness...

272
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,291
Blow out the candles!

273
00:12:45,375 --> 00:12:48,166
Inside each and every one of us:

274
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:50,375
In you, in me,

275
00:12:50,458 --> 00:12:52,083
inside every one of us,

276
00:12:52,166 --> 00:12:55,959
there's this lovely light,

277
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:58,709
and I see it
when you smile at someone,

278
00:12:58,792 --> 00:13:00,417
because smiles are a little gift

279
00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:02,375
we give each other.

280
00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:04,542
That's the most beautiful part
of yourself.

281
00:13:04,625 --> 00:13:06,041
Hey, you!

282
00:13:06,125 --> 00:13:08,125
I like to call it grace,

283
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:09,291
and grace...

284
00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:12,125
♪♪♪

285
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,000
Be good!

286
00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:16,959
Bye!

287
00:13:17,041 --> 00:13:18,667
I took away all the stuff
that wasn't me:

288
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:20,583
The moustache of cocaine,

289
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,709
the compulsion to sell my body
to drug dealers

290
00:13:22,792 --> 00:13:24,667
in order to procure
said cocaine,

291
00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:26,959
the petty wants,

292
00:13:27,041 --> 00:13:28,834
and there I was.

293
00:13:28,917 --> 00:13:32,083
The total absence of myself
was myself.

294
00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:34,542
So what's it look like
from atop the Matterhorn?

295
00:13:34,625 --> 00:13:36,333
You know, it's lonely.

296
00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:37,857
It's really lonely.
But... but not...

297
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:39,458
- Not, like, bad lonely.
- Mr. Pickles!

298
00:13:39,542 --> 00:13:40,959
Like, I'm alone,

299
00:13:41,041 --> 00:13:42,500
but with my best friend.

300
00:13:43,709 --> 00:13:46,542
Uh, I like to, uh...

301
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:48,291
I like to imagine
I'm somebody else.

302
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:50,291
I do that a lot.

303
00:13:50,375 --> 00:13:52,417
I watch action movies,
picture myself in them.

304
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,625
It's fun to imagine yourself
as your opposite.

305
00:13:59,417 --> 00:14:03,375
Or someone new, anyway.

306
00:14:03,458 --> 00:14:05,792
You know, your... your brain
has all these grooves, right?

307
00:14:05,875 --> 00:14:07,059
- Mm-hmm.
- And they're there because

308
00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:08,709
you made them with your
thoughts,

309
00:14:08,792 --> 00:14:10,017
but if you stop thinking
those thoughts

310
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:11,583
and start thinking new thoughts,

311
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,000
- then you get new grooves.
- Mm.

312
00:14:13,083 --> 00:14:14,750
It's called neuroplasticity.

313
00:14:14,834 --> 00:14:16,333
That's a fun word to say.

314
00:14:16,417 --> 00:14:18,000
Neuroplasticity.

315
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:20,333
Makes your mouth
into a bouncy house.

316
00:14:20,417 --> 00:14:22,917
Neuroplasticity.
Yeah, it kind of does.

317
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,750
Oh.

318
00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:27,291
- Sorry.
- All good.

319
00:14:27,375 --> 00:14:30,500
♪♪♪

320
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:40,959
What did the Secret Chef
hide in your meal?

321
00:14:41,041 --> 00:14:43,792
- I got green beans.
- Okra.

322
00:14:43,875 --> 00:14:45,333
- Mm.
- Ah.

323
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:48,375
Daikon. What the hell is daikon?

324
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,417
Are you just gonna stand there,

325
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,792
or can I finally teach you
to cook?

326
00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:58,792
You need to go easier on Jeff.

327
00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:00,750
He's not like you.
He feels everything.

328
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:03,000
You want to have this talk now?
Okay,

329
00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:05,083
because I worry, too.
I worry a lot.

330
00:15:05,166 --> 00:15:06,583
Aah!

331
00:15:06,667 --> 00:15:07,792
What's wrong with Maddy?

332
00:15:07,875 --> 00:15:09,750
She's got a case of the screams.

333
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:10,917
Just ignore her.

334
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,583
Shut up!

335
00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:15,917
Here.

336
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,834
Press play.

337
00:15:18,917 --> 00:15:20,792
Maestro Fermata buries

338
00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:22,917
his choir of pulsing dicks

339
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,959
deep inside
Secret Chef's sister.

340
00:15:25,041 --> 00:15:26,583
From inside her, they whisper...

341
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,875
♪ Today's hidden ingredient ♪

342
00:15:28,959 --> 00:15:30,834
Ecstasy!

343
00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:32,834
His name is Josip Butkovic.

344
00:15:32,917 --> 00:15:35,792
He's some Croatian voice actor.

345
00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:38,333
He does lots
of puppet-based erotica.

346
00:15:38,417 --> 00:15:40,875
It's a niche market,
but he's cornered it.

347
00:15:40,959 --> 00:15:42,667
What the fuck is wrong with you?

348
00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:44,500
It's not just Josip.

349
00:15:44,583 --> 00:15:47,000
Turns out there are dozens
of other guys out there

350
00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:48,542
who do a perfect Jeff.

351
00:15:48,625 --> 00:15:50,125
Jeff is the perfect Jeff.

352
00:15:50,208 --> 00:15:51,959
Look.

353
00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:57,417
Ever since Phil passed away,

354
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:59,417
I have been preparing for a day

355
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,542
when we might lose Jeff, too,

356
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:04,125
when we have to continue
Mr. Pickles' Puppet Time

357
00:16:04,208 --> 00:16:05,667
without Mr. Pickles.

358
00:16:05,750 --> 00:16:07,250
You're giving up on him.

359
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:08,875
- We're gonna animate him.
- Mm.

360
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:11,458
It's the only way,
and you know it.

361
00:16:11,542 --> 00:16:12,875
I don't want to,

362
00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:14,875
and we don't have
to start there,

363
00:16:14,959 --> 00:16:17,250
but Dee Dee, listen to me.
Think about it.

364
00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:19,625
He'll do whatever
we need him to do.

365
00:16:19,709 --> 00:16:22,542
He'll say whatever
we need him to say.

366
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,917
A Jeff that doesn't shave
his head,

367
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,583
a Jeff that doesn't change,

368
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:29,458
a Jeff that never dies.

369
00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:32,250
Infinite Jeff.

370
00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:35,291
What the fuck
are you talking about?

371
00:16:35,375 --> 00:16:36,917
This show is all he has.

372
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,166
You take it away from him,
he's gonna...

373
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:43,291
strap C-4 onto his belt
and blow up an IHOP.

374
00:16:43,375 --> 00:16:44,667
Jeff's not coming back.

375
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:46,375
He's already gone.

376
00:16:46,458 --> 00:16:47,625
He died in a car

377
00:16:47,709 --> 00:16:49,500
he wasn't even in.

378
00:16:49,583 --> 00:16:52,125
This is what's best for him.

379
00:16:52,208 --> 00:16:54,709
God sacrificed
his only begotten son,

380
00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:56,333
but they got the Bible
out of it,

381
00:16:56,417 --> 00:16:58,375
and that thing has been
a Times bestseller

382
00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:01,166
since 1624.

383
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,917
Jeff would want his gospel
to continue without him.

384
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,542
He'd want his show
to continue without him.

385
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:09,542
He's still here.

386
00:17:09,625 --> 00:17:12,917
What do you think he's gonna do
when he's a cartoon

387
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,583
sandwiched between
Spongebob Dickpants

388
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,875
and Dickbob Spongepants?

389
00:17:16,959 --> 00:17:18,875
We are losing control of him.

390
00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:21,500
We need versions of him
we can control,

391
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:24,333
like the doll.

392
00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:26,250
What doll?

393
00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:28,208
Maddy,

394
00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:29,667
do you like talking dolls?

395
00:17:33,208 --> 00:17:35,458
ToyCo has been begging us

396
00:17:35,542 --> 00:17:37,125
for a talking Jeff doll

397
00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:39,959
ever since molest-me Elmo.

398
00:17:40,041 --> 00:17:42,667
This year, we're finally
gonna give it to them.

399
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:46,083
We're talking the hottest
Christmas gift of the season.

400
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,250
Introduce the shanks
to the casserole.

401
00:17:50,208 --> 00:17:53,000
Introduce the shanks
to the casserole.

402
00:17:58,417 --> 00:18:01,250
When Jeff sees how much
the kids love the talking doll,

403
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,542
he won't even remember
how pissed he got

404
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:04,709
at the Ice Capades.

405
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,208
Don't do an Ice Capades.

406
00:18:06,291 --> 00:18:07,834
Pickles On Ice!

407
00:18:07,917 --> 00:18:09,709
Starring Tara Lipinski

408
00:18:09,792 --> 00:18:12,709
as Jeff Pickles... on ice.

409
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,542
The figure skater?

410
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,542
Correct.

411
00:18:16,625 --> 00:18:18,125
We do a live show,

412
00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:20,208
we dress Tara up as Jeff,

413
00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:22,125
with a big Mr. Pickles head

414
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:24,417
and a cute fuzzy tie.

415
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,709
It's a doll, but it's big.

416
00:18:26,792 --> 00:18:29,792
Or, we...

417
00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:31,625
rent a canoe
and take Jeff fishing.

418
00:18:31,709 --> 00:18:34,041
He likes lakes.

419
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:37,917
You're gonna break him.

420
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,834
He's gonna break us.

421
00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:42,291
That's why we have
to train the market.

422
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,542
Ice Pickles, the doll,

423
00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:46,041
the cartoon...

424
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,166
The seamless
vertical integration

425
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:50,667
of a man we both love.

426
00:18:52,083 --> 00:18:53,875
Please, Dee Dee.

427
00:18:53,959 --> 00:18:56,875
Build me this other Jeff.

428
00:18:56,959 --> 00:18:58,500
Don't ask me to do that.

429
00:18:58,583 --> 00:19:00,166
Honey,

430
00:19:00,250 --> 00:19:02,875
if not you, who?

431
00:19:05,959 --> 00:19:08,166
What do I do about her?

432
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:10,041
Dee Dee, take it from me.

433
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:12,834
Sometimes all your kids
need is a hug.

434
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:19,291
Voila.

435
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:22,166
No, dude, like this.

436
00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:24,166
I don't get
why we're doing this.

437
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,709
Yo, curb the negativity, man.

438
00:19:26,792 --> 00:19:30,166
Negativity leads
to intestinal failure.

439
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:32,917
Hey, dude, be real with me
for a sec.

440
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,917
Is it true your dad
was a sniper during the wars?

441
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,083
I don't think so.

442
00:19:38,166 --> 00:19:39,750
'Cause the Internet says

443
00:19:39,834 --> 00:19:42,500
that he aced, like,
three dozen hajis.

444
00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:44,834
Reagan called him
"the Butcher of Beirut"

445
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,709
and gave him a secret medal.

446
00:19:46,792 --> 00:19:48,750
I mean, check it out.

447
00:19:48,834 --> 00:19:51,083
I think I would know if my dad

448
00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:52,792
killed a bunch
of Lebanese people.

449
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:54,875
Would you?

450
00:19:54,959 --> 00:19:57,375
Hey, let's get these.

451
00:19:57,458 --> 00:19:59,625
Do you think your dad's
gonna kill

452
00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:01,542
your mom's new boyfriend?

453
00:20:01,625 --> 00:20:03,375
No.

454
00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:05,291
That wouldn't be nice.

455
00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:08,208
My dad's a lot of things,
but he isn't rude.

456
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:09,875
Yeah, murder is rude.

457
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,750
Yeah.

458
00:20:11,834 --> 00:20:14,417
So, is... he a dick?

459
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,542
- Who, Peter?
- Yeah.

460
00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:19,709
No, he's pretty cool.

461
00:20:19,792 --> 00:20:21,834
When he looks at me,

462
00:20:21,917 --> 00:20:23,375
it's... it's weird.

463
00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:24,625
It's like...

464
00:20:24,709 --> 00:20:26,375
he... he actually sees me.

465
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:28,166
As opposed to...

466
00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:29,834
My brother.

467
00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:32,625
Everyone else... my mom, my dad,

468
00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,959
my teachers... they look at me,

469
00:20:35,041 --> 00:20:37,291
and I think they see both of us.

470
00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:40,750
Sometimes it's nice not to feel
like the living dead.

471
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:43,333
What about the other times?

472
00:20:43,417 --> 00:20:45,750
Phil used to do all
this messed-up stuff

473
00:20:45,834 --> 00:20:47,166
to other kids,

474
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:49,375
and then they would come
and beat me up.

475
00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:53,458
- They thought I was him.
- That's unfortunate.

476
00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:56,917
I sorta miss it.

477
00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:01,208
Let's go, lesbians.

478
00:21:01,291 --> 00:21:03,166
We have eight more
neighborhoods to hit.

479
00:21:03,250 --> 00:21:04,709
He thinks I look like a girl.

480
00:21:04,792 --> 00:21:06,166
I like your hair.

481
00:21:06,250 --> 00:21:07,750
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

482
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:10,542
If you cut it, I'll never talk
to you again.

483
00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:13,583
Maddy. Maddy!

484
00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:16,125
Maddy, we're not
getting divorced!

485
00:21:18,834 --> 00:21:20,166
I don't know why you think that,

486
00:21:20,250 --> 00:21:22,917
but we're not.

487
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,458
Okay?

488
00:21:25,542 --> 00:21:26,959
Okay.

489
00:21:28,375 --> 00:21:30,041
And that thing you saw
your dad do,

490
00:21:30,125 --> 00:21:34,083
the secret handshake
with Mr. Farpopolis?

491
00:21:34,166 --> 00:21:36,333
Don't ask him about it.

492
00:21:37,750 --> 00:21:39,333
Ever.

493
00:21:41,917 --> 00:21:43,500
Never.

494
00:21:43,583 --> 00:21:46,500
♪ Tranquil string music ♪

495
00:21:46,583 --> 00:21:49,166
♪♪♪

496
00:21:49,250 --> 00:21:51,667
See?

497
00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:54,333
♪♪♪

498
00:21:54,417 --> 00:21:55,792
Neuroplasticity.

499
00:21:57,458 --> 00:21:58,875
What an exciting
crossword diagonal

500
00:21:58,959 --> 00:21:59,959
that would make.

501
00:22:02,458 --> 00:22:05,208
I had
a really nice time tonight.

502
00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:08,333
It's always a privilege
to meet a new friend,

503
00:22:08,417 --> 00:22:10,458
and it's a special privilege
when that new friend

504
00:22:10,542 --> 00:22:12,709
is a remarkable person.

505
00:22:12,792 --> 00:22:15,250
- So do you want to come up...
- How did you ever...

506
00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:18,542
Sorry, sorry. You go.

507
00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:23,041
You used to have a moustache
made of narcotics.

508
00:22:23,125 --> 00:22:26,834
But you replaced it
with a beautiful smile.

509
00:22:26,917 --> 00:22:29,625
I'd love to go on a journey
like that.

510
00:22:29,709 --> 00:22:31,709
I don't know how to start.

511
00:22:31,792 --> 00:22:33,458
Where'd you get
your strength from?

512
00:22:33,542 --> 00:22:36,709
Oh...

513
00:22:36,792 --> 00:22:38,542
Sorry, I thought
that was obvious.

514
00:22:41,375 --> 00:22:42,834
You.

515
00:22:44,959 --> 00:22:47,625
♪ Melancholy music ♪

516
00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:50,500
Me.

517
00:22:50,583 --> 00:22:52,959
Mm-hm.

518
00:22:53,041 --> 00:22:56,208
So... do you want to come up?

519
00:22:56,291 --> 00:22:57,959
♪♪♪

520
00:22:58,041 --> 00:22:59,667
No, I'd better get back.

521
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:01,625
Oh.

522
00:23:01,709 --> 00:23:02,917
Okay.

523
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,917
♪♪♪

524
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,041
Thank you, Shaina.

525
00:23:06,125 --> 00:23:08,875
Oh. Thank you.

526
00:23:08,959 --> 00:23:14,083
♪♪♪

527
00:23:14,875 --> 00:23:16,667
You saved me.

528
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:22,333
♪♪♪

529
00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:24,417
Pfff...

530
00:23:30,917 --> 00:23:35,750
♪♪♪

531
00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:40,125
No, we can't go in there.

532
00:23:40,208 --> 00:23:42,291
We're having sex!

533
00:23:42,375 --> 00:23:44,333
Oh, sorry.
Have a lovely evening.

534
00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:51,625
♪ Gentle music ♪

535
00:23:51,709 --> 00:23:56,625
♪♪♪

536
00:23:58,208 --> 00:24:00,625
Dear Shaina,

537
00:24:00,709 --> 00:24:02,208
thank you for dinner.

538
00:24:02,291 --> 00:24:05,208
Even though I enjoyed
our conversation,

539
00:24:05,291 --> 00:24:07,625
I don't think we should
see each other anymore.

540
00:24:07,709 --> 00:24:11,125
"You saved me."

541
00:24:11,208 --> 00:24:13,917
Those are words I've heard
so many times over the years,

542
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,375
in so many different ways.

543
00:24:16,458 --> 00:24:18,291
I used to like hearing
those words,

544
00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:20,250
but I don't anymore.

545
00:24:20,333 --> 00:24:24,625
It's a lot of responsibility
to save people.

546
00:24:24,709 --> 00:24:26,291
Maybe learning what I don't want

547
00:24:26,375 --> 00:24:27,575
is the first step on the climb

548
00:24:27,625 --> 00:24:30,208
to learning what I do.

549
00:24:30,291 --> 00:24:33,542
Thank you for teaching me that.

550
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:35,917
See you at the summit.

551
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:40,125
Fondly, Mr. P.

552
00:24:40,208 --> 00:24:42,166
No.

553
00:24:44,750 --> 00:24:46,625
Jeff.

554
00:24:46,709 --> 00:24:50,500
Hey, does your place
have, like, water?

555
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:55,125
Ohh...

556
00:24:55,208 --> 00:24:56,792
Hmm, hmm, hmm.

557
00:24:57,750 --> 00:24:59,959
Alcohol can be so dehydrating.

558
00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:03,375
Here you are.

559
00:25:03,458 --> 00:25:07,291
Why are you inside
a space otter?

560
00:25:07,375 --> 00:25:09,250
Can I have a space otter?

561
00:25:12,875 --> 00:25:14,417
Whoop!

562
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:16,250
My hands are sticky.

563
00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:19,041
Oh, here, let me help you.

564
00:25:25,709 --> 00:25:27,709
Thank you.

565
00:25:31,250 --> 00:25:35,041
How did I get in here?

566
00:25:35,125 --> 00:25:37,041
I carried you.

567
00:25:38,291 --> 00:25:40,417
Oh, yeah.

568
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:42,709
You rescued me.

569
00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,834
Okay.

570
00:25:44,917 --> 00:25:46,709
I-I need to say this now,

571
00:25:46,792 --> 00:25:49,583
because tomorrow,
it'll feel embarrassing.

572
00:25:49,667 --> 00:25:50,875
♪♪♪

573
00:25:50,959 --> 00:25:53,000
But...

574
00:25:53,083 --> 00:25:55,709
just living on your same hallway

575
00:25:55,792 --> 00:25:59,083
is, like, so inspiring.

576
00:25:59,166 --> 00:26:03,500
Like, you make me want to be
a better person

577
00:26:03,583 --> 00:26:07,333
like the kind of person
my mom thinks I am.

578
00:26:07,417 --> 00:26:09,041
What's embarrassing about that?

579
00:26:09,125 --> 00:26:14,250
♪♪♪

580
00:26:15,834 --> 00:26:18,041
I'm sorry.

581
00:26:18,125 --> 00:26:20,333
I'm so sorry.

582
00:26:20,417 --> 00:26:22,333
Here, uh,

583
00:26:22,417 --> 00:26:24,500
drink your water,

584
00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:27,750
and I'll be in the kitchen,

585
00:26:27,834 --> 00:26:29,750
and, uh, if you need more,

586
00:26:29,834 --> 00:26:32,667
just... say "more."

587
00:26:32,750 --> 00:26:34,959
More.

588
00:26:35,041 --> 00:26:38,458
♪♪♪

589
00:26:38,542 --> 00:26:41,417
Good night.

590
00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:43,125
Aren't you tired of always doing

591
00:26:43,208 --> 00:26:46,291
the right thing?

592
00:26:49,333 --> 00:26:52,291
♪ Tender guitar music ♪

593
00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:54,083
Oh, am I hurting you?

594
00:26:54,166 --> 00:26:55,542
No.

595
00:26:55,625 --> 00:26:56,542
You sure?

596
00:26:56,625 --> 00:26:57,750
Yeah.

597
00:26:57,834 --> 00:26:59,625
♪♪♪

598
00:27:01,333 --> 00:27:06,458
♪♪♪

599
00:27:13,417 --> 00:27:16,125
Abracadabra.

600
00:27:17,583 --> 00:27:22,542
♪♪♪

601
00:27:24,417 --> 00:27:28,166
♪♪♪

602
00:27:30,166 --> 00:27:35,709
♪♪♪

603
00:27:37,834 --> 00:27:39,917
♪♪♪

604
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,792
I just see you.

605
00:27:44,875 --> 00:27:47,959
♪ Upbeat music ♪

606
00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:50,792
♪♪♪

607
00:27:50,875 --> 00:27:54,667
♪ You look so sweet
walking down the street ♪

608
00:27:54,750 --> 00:27:58,709
♪ You look so sweet
walking down the street ♪

609
00:27:58,792 --> 00:28:02,583
♪ Baby, you sure look fine ♪

610
00:28:02,667 --> 00:28:06,291
♪ Baby, I'm glad you're mine ♪

611
00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:10,208
- ♪ I'm so glad you're mine ♪
- Little bit of harmony now.

612
00:28:10,291 --> 00:28:14,041
♪ You look so sweet
walking down the street ♪

613
00:28:14,125 --> 00:28:17,959
♪ You look so sweet walking
down the street ♪

614
00:28:18,041 --> 00:28:21,667
♪ Baby, you sure look fine ♪