1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,012
Right. I have bleached the loo, I've
gone over the Nest login with Mum,

2
00:00:06,012 --> 00:00:10,024
I've emptied the bathroom bins,
and I have done a pee.

3
00:00:10,024 --> 00:00:14,060
Oh, and you'll need to hand-wash
that cup. Yes, I will... Wow!

4
00:00:15,084 --> 00:00:19,008
Schwing! Please don't schwing me,
Marcus!

5
00:00:19,008 --> 00:00:22,020
It's objectifying and it
makes me feel old. Sorry.

6
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:28,036
I was just schwinging you
entirely in the spirit of
empowerment and respect.

7
00:00:28,036 --> 00:00:31,064
I'm sorry. Pre-wedding nerves.
Right.

8
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:37,004
Ms Walcott, are you ready
for your last drinks partay
as a single laday?

9
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,048
Yeah. I guess.

10
00:00:39,076 --> 00:00:41,080
Right, have you got the car keys?
Yep.

11
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,084
Here you go.

12
00:00:44,052 --> 00:00:46,028
Shit balls!

13
00:00:48,064 --> 00:00:50,040
Sorry.

14
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,000
# Dreamer

15
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,080
# You know you are a dreamer

16
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:58,044
# Well, can you
put your hands in your head? #

17
00:01:03,044 --> 00:01:06,048
Ambassador, with these, um...

18
00:01:06,048 --> 00:01:09,028
They're grape,
chutney and Brie crostini.

19
00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:12,092
With these Brie, chutney
and grape... I get it, Dawn.

20
00:01:12,092 --> 00:01:15,024
..grape crostini...
Yes, you don't have to finish.

21
00:01:15,024 --> 00:01:19,012
..you are really spoiling us!
Hats off! Big time!

22
00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:22,016
Some more of this cava?
It's champagne.

23
00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:24,072
Make sure people know that,
and don't drink all of it!

24
00:01:24,072 --> 00:01:27,012
I want there to be some left
when Marcus' parents...

25
00:01:27,012 --> 00:01:28,084
Oh, speak of the devil!

26
00:01:29,092 --> 00:01:31,084
Shray, Mishti! Welcome, welcome.

27
00:01:31,084 --> 00:01:33,048
Mwah, mwah.

28
00:01:33,048 --> 00:01:34,052
I'm sorry we're late.

29
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:37,044
I had to perform an emergency DRC,
and it rather dragged on.

30
00:01:37,044 --> 00:01:41,000
I don't know what that is but,
boy, do I like the sound of it!

31
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:46,036
It's re-plumbing a tear duct.
Hello, I'm Dawn. I'm Tess' sister.

32
00:01:46,036 --> 00:01:51,016
It is an honour to meet you,
Dr Tandell.

33
00:01:51,016 --> 00:01:56,000
Please, call me Mr. Oh, don't
be so modest! No, I'm a surgeon.

34
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,060
The correct title is Mr.
It's a common mistake.

35
00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:03,012
It's Mr. Well, I think
I deserve a drink.

36
00:02:03,012 --> 00:02:04,088
Get me a glass, would you, darling?

37
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:13,000
So, I'm waiting with bated breath,
Mr Shray! How did the op go?

38
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,052
Well, let's just say,

39
00:02:14,052 --> 00:02:18,056
when he came around,
he wept tears of joy from both eyes.

40
00:02:18,056 --> 00:02:21,000
Oh! Excuse me.

41
00:02:28,092 --> 00:02:30,068
You've got lipstick on your teeth.

42
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,044
Hi!

43
00:02:42,044 --> 00:02:45,044
Right. Let's get you set up.
You hungry? Mm-hm.

44
00:02:45,044 --> 00:02:49,012
Do you want to watch some telly
on me phone? Mm. Oh, no, I can't.

45
00:02:49,012 --> 00:02:52,068
I'm on maid of honour duty.
I've got to be on it like a bonnet.

46
00:02:52,068 --> 00:02:57,020
What's this, cheese on toast? Kind
of, yeah. I'll save it for later.

47
00:03:05,032 --> 00:03:08,096
It's about sort of four
inches across, two inches wide...

48
00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:13,056
Oh, no, thanks. Keto diet. Oh, these
are for milady and for the bride.

49
00:03:13,056 --> 00:03:15,092
I was just picking Mr Shippen's
brains about the...

50
00:03:15,092 --> 00:03:20,040
If you call me Mr Shippen again,
I'm going to put you in detention!

51
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:25,024
Sorry! I was just picking Sir's
brains about the wall scuff.

52
00:03:25,024 --> 00:03:28,040
What you stressing about a scuff on
the wall for? It's your wedding eve!

53
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:32,056
It's annoying! I've tried putty
rubber, a damp cloth, Vanish.

54
00:03:32,056 --> 00:03:36,076
Someone told me to spit on it with
vinegar. Have you tried a baby wipe?

55
00:03:36,076 --> 00:03:38,088
I don't use baby wipes
cos of the fatbergs.

56
00:03:40,068 --> 00:03:45,036
Do you know anyone who's actually
seen a fatberg with their own eyes,

57
00:03:45,036 --> 00:03:48,028
or did you just
read about it in The Guardian?

58
00:03:49,052 --> 00:03:52,088
Don't shoot the messenger. Nige!

59
00:03:55,048 --> 00:03:56,052
Unbelievable!

60
00:03:56,052 --> 00:03:59,048
How can he be a geography teacher
and a fatberg denier?

61
00:03:59,048 --> 00:04:03,084
I thought he was one of the
good guys. Bet he voted Leave!

62
00:04:03,084 --> 00:04:04,088
Leave what?

63
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:10,000
So sorry, but do these have
dairy in them? Oh, bollocks!

64
00:04:24,036 --> 00:04:29,060
Do you need a top-up? Oh, thanks.
God, this is hellish!

65
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:32,008
You're a saint, you know,
waiting on these awful people.

66
00:04:32,008 --> 00:04:33,076
Oh!

67
00:04:33,076 --> 00:04:38,052
I don't work here. I'm a guest. Oh,
God, I'm so sorry! No, not at all.

68
00:04:40,056 --> 00:04:43,044
I don't want to be here either.
Who made you come?

69
00:04:45,024 --> 00:04:48,068
I'm the mother of the groom.
Oh. You? Oh...

70
00:04:49,072 --> 00:04:53,060
I made love to Cathy's
father for three glorious decades.

71
00:04:55,008 --> 00:04:56,012
Mm.

72
00:04:57,052 --> 00:04:59,084
And that is why you should
never trust your GP.

73
00:05:01,076 --> 00:05:02,080
Sorry, ladies.

74
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,024
Would I be able to steal the
groom for a second, please?

75
00:05:05,024 --> 00:05:07,068
Thank you. Bit of an odd one,

76
00:05:07,068 --> 00:05:10,040
but that scuff on the wall
is really bothering me,

77
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:13,048
and I was just wondering whether
you could nip me to the DIY store,

78
00:05:13,048 --> 00:05:16,040
and then I could just get it
out of my mind before we go away?

79
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,084
God, Cathy! I...
Hi! Hi, lovely to see you!

80
00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:22,060
It would just really
put my mind at rest. Um, look.

81
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:25,004
I'm on my third glass of fizz...
Please, Marcus!

82
00:05:26,008 --> 00:05:29,012
I don't get it.
It's just a stupid scuff.

83
00:05:29,012 --> 00:05:34,016
Let's just enjoy ourselves, hm?
Yeah. You're completely right. OK?

84
00:05:34,016 --> 00:05:35,020
Yeah, of course.

85
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:41,068
Hey! Save it for the wedding night!
Shut up, Rupert!

86
00:05:45,008 --> 00:05:46,012
Oh, come here!

87
00:05:48,084 --> 00:05:49,088
Like that.

88
00:05:56,008 --> 00:05:59,092
You know it's staff only back here?
Maid of honour - access all areas.

89
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:04,028
Yeah? All areas? All areas.

90
00:06:07,008 --> 00:06:09,028
Oh! Great job, guys.

91
00:06:09,028 --> 00:06:11,036
Just to let you know that
the mini cheeses on toast

92
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:14,016
were absolutely disgusting!

93
00:06:14,016 --> 00:06:16,084
But, otherwise, you're nailing it.

94
00:06:25,032 --> 00:06:27,000
You, Cat!

95
00:06:28,044 --> 00:06:31,020
Do you see that girl over there,
by the cellist, yeah?

96
00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:33,084
That is Verity Longworth,
and she's a pilot.

97
00:06:34,096 --> 00:06:39,084
Verity was due to be maid of honour
until you tipped up on the scene.

98
00:06:39,084 --> 00:06:45,004
I mean, I am Cathy's sister. No!
Half-sister. You are only a half.

99
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:46,092
That's still 50%
more than the pilot.

100
00:06:48,052 --> 00:06:51,080
If anything goes wrong -
anything - I will blame you.

101
00:06:52,096 --> 00:06:54,020
All right, cava breath!

102
00:06:55,052 --> 00:06:56,056
It's champagne!

103
00:06:57,060 --> 00:07:01,016
And if you know your history,
said the geography teacher,

104
00:07:01,016 --> 00:07:03,056
you'd realise that all of
this is just cyclical

105
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:06,060
and there's irrefutable scientific
evidence to support it,

106
00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:08,028
and you can quote me on that.

107
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,000
Better not be sending dick pics.

108
00:07:19,096 --> 00:07:23,000
I'm messing, mate. Oh, yeah!
Ha-ha! No, no, no.

109
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,008
I'm just checking in on the BA
app for our flights tomorrow

110
00:07:26,008 --> 00:07:27,028
after the wedding. OK, cool.

111
00:07:27,028 --> 00:07:29,016
Well, I can't piss about
cos I'm on duty,

112
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:33,004
but I just wanted to give you your
wedding present. Oh! Oh, how kind!

113
00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:36,028
We actually had a John Lewis
wedding list, so... Oh!

114
00:07:38,012 --> 00:07:41,048
My sister loves you and, because
of the ancient code of sisterhood,

115
00:07:41,048 --> 00:07:47,036
I must, on this, your wedding eve,
extendeth my love to ye.

116
00:07:47,036 --> 00:07:50,052
Two Cathys for the price of one!
I don't mind if I do!

117
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,088
Don't cheapen the moment.

118
00:07:54,024 --> 00:07:57,036
No, but, seriously, treat her
like a princess, or I will post to

119
00:07:57,036 --> 00:08:01,016
all the local forums that you send
dick pics to your receptionist.

120
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,004
Have a nice night, Marcus.

121
00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:05,008
OK.

122
00:08:14,004 --> 00:08:15,084
SHE GASPS

123
00:08:15,084 --> 00:08:18,024
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

124
00:08:18,024 --> 00:08:20,016
TOILET FLUSHES

125
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:27,096
I locked it. Did you see anything?
No, nothing, I swear, nothing. OK.

126
00:08:27,096 --> 00:08:30,092
To be honest, I was just
looking for somewhere to lay low.

127
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:33,084
I feel like a spare prick
at an orgy out there.

128
00:08:33,084 --> 00:08:35,032
That's one way of putting it!

129
00:08:37,008 --> 00:08:40,012
Do you fancy joining me
in the party bunker?

130
00:08:43,008 --> 00:08:46,040
Maybe just the one, huh? Bottoms up!

131
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,088
Or, as Colin used to say,
up your bottom!

132
00:08:52,092 --> 00:08:56,028
Mm! Oh, I love it
when it goes up your nose!

133
00:09:00,092 --> 00:09:05,092
Hi! Oh, enjoying the nuts - great!
Cheers! Hey, hey!

134
00:09:05,092 --> 00:09:07,076
How much have you had to drink?
Nothing, why?

135
00:09:07,076 --> 00:09:11,056
Who said I've been drinking? Huh?
No, can you drive me to a DIY store?

136
00:09:11,056 --> 00:09:12,088
There's still a free bar, babe!

137
00:09:12,088 --> 00:09:15,072
Nobody leaves until the free bar
ends, then everyone leaves at once.

138
00:09:15,072 --> 00:09:19,076
You know, I am possessed by that
scuff! It's eating away at my brain!

139
00:09:19,076 --> 00:09:23,024
And if I don't fix it tonight, then
it'll ruin my honeymoon. Please!

140
00:09:23,024 --> 00:09:26,056
We'll be there and back in
20 minutes. Fine. Come on!

141
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,080
A trolley for one tin of paint? You
never know what you're going to get!

142
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:45,084
Oh! Those boxes are... Oh, shit!
Keep walking. Well, well, well!

143
00:09:46,096 --> 00:09:48,088
If it isn't Cat Wall Cock!

144
00:09:50,036 --> 00:09:52,036
Never got called that at school?

145
00:09:52,036 --> 00:09:55,016
Well, in a netball tournament once,
someone called me Wall Clot.

146
00:09:55,016 --> 00:09:59,056
Oi, dickhead!
I'm livestreaming you. Who's this?

147
00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:03,008
Your carer? Oh, sorry -
your mad mum's carer.

148
00:10:03,008 --> 00:10:04,016
SHE GIGGLES

149
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:08,076
Let's just go and get your stupid
paint and go back to the party.

150
00:10:13,084 --> 00:10:17,004
Oh, that is ridiculously good value
for Dulux.

151
00:10:18,048 --> 00:10:20,068
OVER TANNOY: The store will be
closing in ten minutes.

152
00:10:20,068 --> 00:10:23,052
Could all customers please make
your way to the tills?

153
00:10:23,052 --> 00:10:26,040
Except for the slag in Aisle Nine
who should make HER way

154
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,036
to the jet washers, cos her
fanny stinks.

155
00:10:29,036 --> 00:10:30,080
SHE GIGGLES ON TANNOY

156
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,072
God's sake.

157
00:10:32,072 --> 00:10:34,056
Got this 24/7 at school.

158
00:10:34,056 --> 00:10:36,036
Why didn't someone say something?

159
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,064
Snitches get stitches.

160
00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:40,080
And besides, Mum was housebound

161
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,000
and Dad wouldn't be seen in
public with me.

162
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,032
Come on, let's just go.

163
00:11:00,032 --> 00:11:01,044
You all right? Yeah.

164
00:11:11,028 --> 00:11:13,028
I'm just going to take
the trolley back.

165
00:11:22,064 --> 00:11:24,048
Yo! Melanie, hi.

166
00:11:24,048 --> 00:11:29,016
Uh, quick question - are you aware
of the TV show Secret Millionaire?

167
00:11:29,016 --> 00:11:30,080
Yeah. Why?

168
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:34,092
Great. Well, you see Catherine
Walcott out there? Yeah?

169
00:11:34,092 --> 00:11:38,064
Well, she has just inherited
this entire empire

170
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:42,088
from a childless uncle, and she was
about to give you a cheque

171
00:11:42,088 --> 00:11:46,068
for �22,000.

172
00:11:46,068 --> 00:11:49,008
But because of what you did back
there, well...

173
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:51,048
SHE CHUCKLES
..you blew it.

174
00:11:51,048 --> 00:11:53,080
So, joke's on you.

175
00:11:54,084 --> 00:11:58,072
Cat Walcott is a mad fantasist who
pretended her dad was

176
00:11:58,072 --> 00:12:01,080
a roadie for Nickelback rather than
admit he'd done a runner.

177
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,084
Now, can you leave the store,
please? We're closing soon.

178
00:12:06,084 --> 00:12:09,044
You want to get a takeaway tonight?
Yeah, why not, eh?

179
00:12:09,044 --> 00:12:11,000
Maybe Wall Cock will deliver it.

180
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,028
THEY LAUGH

181
00:12:14,056 --> 00:12:19,036
Nobody calls my sister Wall Cock,
you messy, messy bitch!

182
00:12:25,052 --> 00:12:27,044
THEY GIGGLE
Oh, my God!

183
00:12:27,044 --> 00:12:30,044
Quick! Shit. Oh, my God.

184
00:12:30,044 --> 00:12:31,072
Quick. Come on.

185
00:12:33,076 --> 00:12:34,088
You're barred!

186
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,008
THEY LAUGH

187
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,000
Oh, my God, I can't believe
I did that.

188
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,060
Oh, shit. Do you think they got it
on CCTV?

189
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:45,068
God, yes, I hope so.

190
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:47,016
God, seriously, cheers, Cath.

191
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:50,040
You know, I've wanted to do that
since I was 11.

192
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,072
MESSAGE ALERT
Oh, is that my mum? Oh...

193
00:12:54,084 --> 00:12:57,012
Hot waiter. Oh, is it a dick pic?

194
00:12:57,012 --> 00:12:58,084
I really don't want to see a penis.

195
00:12:58,084 --> 00:13:02,016
Yeah, I bet you're sick of them
after what Marcus did.

196
00:13:02,016 --> 00:13:05,032
How do you know about that?
Why didn't you say something?

197
00:13:05,032 --> 00:13:07,008
Why didn't you say something to me?

198
00:13:08,028 --> 00:13:10,068
I mean, he's changed.

199
00:13:10,068 --> 00:13:12,020
He really is a good man.

200
00:13:15,096 --> 00:13:17,024
You know, what can you do?

201
00:13:19,036 --> 00:13:21,024
THEY LAUGH

202
00:13:21,024 --> 00:13:23,096
Do you think they've even noticed
we're missing? Hmm.

203
00:13:23,096 --> 00:13:26,044
I bet that Tess is still up
Shray's arse, eh?

204
00:13:26,044 --> 00:13:29,096
Am I being paranoid, but do you
think she doesn't like me?

205
00:13:29,096 --> 00:13:32,040
Ooh!
THEY CHUCKLE HEARTILY

206
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,080
Yeah, I can see why she might be
a bit off with you.

207
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,036
You're goddamn gorgeous, you're fun

208
00:13:37,036 --> 00:13:39,080
and you're your own woman.
GLASSES CLINK

209
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:43,000
Not because I've been shagging her
husband for a year. Hmm!

210
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,008
SHE CACKLES

211
00:13:47,036 --> 00:13:51,072
Oh. Mm. Aw. Does it get any easier,
the loss?

212
00:13:53,016 --> 00:13:57,052
No. Just think I'm getting
used to the feeling.

213
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:02,080
Everything feels a little bit
smaller and darker

214
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,008
without him, but...

215
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,072
..better to have loved
and lost and...

216
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:12,096
One in the hand is worth two up
your bush... What...?

217
00:14:12,096 --> 00:14:17,012
Oh, I think you might need another
drink, my love.

218
00:14:19,064 --> 00:14:22,048
Are you serious? You got me all
the way over here for that?

219
00:14:23,052 --> 00:14:26,024
Why would you wrap a plastic
sheet in more plastic?

220
00:14:26,024 --> 00:14:28,052
It's probably going to end up
in a dolphin's lung,

221
00:14:28,052 --> 00:14:30,004
do you know what I mean?

222
00:14:30,004 --> 00:14:32,036
I bet Mr Shippen doesn't even
believe in plastic.

223
00:14:32,036 --> 00:14:34,088
He's got enough of it injected
in his face.

224
00:14:34,088 --> 00:14:37,004
SHE SIGHS
Balls!

225
00:14:37,004 --> 00:14:39,008
I must've picked up
the wrong colour.

226
00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:40,068
I wanted Natural Calico,

227
00:14:40,068 --> 00:14:43,084
and this is bloody Mineral Mist.
Great, wicked. Well, just put

228
00:14:43,084 --> 00:14:46,028
the lid back on and you can take it
back after your honeymoon.

229
00:14:46,028 --> 00:14:48,064
Cathy, we really need to get our
skates on,

230
00:14:48,064 --> 00:14:51,016
otherwise we're going to miss
the speeches.

231
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:53,064
Do you know what? I'm going to have
to paint the whole wall.

232
00:14:53,064 --> 00:14:56,076
Ugh. I'd rather have a whole blue
wall than think about

233
00:14:56,076 --> 00:14:58,008
that scuff on my honeymoon.

234
00:14:58,008 --> 00:15:01,028
Are you serious? Come on.
The quicker we get this done,

235
00:15:01,028 --> 00:15:03,056
the quicker we can go back to
the party. OK.

236
00:15:08,052 --> 00:15:12,012
What? I'm not messing up that dress.
It's from Boohoo.

237
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:16,068
SHE TAPS GLASS
OK, so, I really just wanted to

238
00:15:16,068 --> 00:15:20,024
welcome you all here to our
little soiree.

239
00:15:20,024 --> 00:15:26,060
And, in particular, Mr Shray Tandell
and his lovely wife Misty.

240
00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:29,044
Did she just call me "Misty"?
THEY GIGGLE

241
00:15:29,044 --> 00:15:32,044
Now, if you don't mind, I am going
to hijack the mic

242
00:15:32,044 --> 00:15:34,008
just for a couple of secs.

243
00:15:34,008 --> 00:15:37,040
Sex. I'd like some sex.
CROWD LAUGHS

244
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,000
Erm, yeah.

245
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:44,096
So, as many of you know, this past
six months has been

246
00:15:44,096 --> 00:15:48,068
something of a demi-annus horribilis
for us.

247
00:15:48,068 --> 00:15:51,056
And, erm, it is true what they say,

248
00:15:51,056 --> 00:15:55,012
that you really find out who your
friends are when

249
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:57,020
ca va chier dans le ventilo.

250
00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:58,028
SHE CHUCKLES LIGHTLY

251
00:15:59,036 --> 00:16:03,012
Erm... You'll pardon my French
pronunciation.

252
00:16:03,012 --> 00:16:07,044
So, really I just wanted to thank
you all for being

253
00:16:07,044 --> 00:16:09,064
bloody great mates.
CROWD MURMUR APPRECIATIVELY

254
00:16:09,064 --> 00:16:12,024
And for all the lasagnes.

255
00:16:12,024 --> 00:16:15,052
Most of which were home-made.
THEY LAUGH

256
00:16:15,052 --> 00:16:17,008
Mine was.

257
00:16:17,008 --> 00:16:20,048
But I would like to thank two
people in particular,

258
00:16:20,048 --> 00:16:24,060
erm, Cathy and Marcus.

259
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:28,092
Ever since my ex left us,

260
00:16:28,092 --> 00:16:33,028
those two have been a pair of
absolute megastars.

261
00:16:33,028 --> 00:16:36,056
ALL: Aw! So, I personally would
like to thank

262
00:16:36,056 --> 00:16:39,020
my beloved daughter Catherine

263
00:16:39,020 --> 00:16:42,048
and her rock, and mine, Marcus.

264
00:16:42,048 --> 00:16:44,068
So, come on up, guys.
Come on and be thanked.

265
00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:46,020
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

266
00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:50,064
Where's...where's Cathy? Is she...?
Cathy? Come on. Don't be shy.

267
00:16:50,064 --> 00:16:52,084
Cathy? Cathy?

268
00:16:53,088 --> 00:16:56,056
Anybody seen Cathy? I'm not sure.

269
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:58,056
Well, let's...let's have a toast.

270
00:16:58,056 --> 00:17:02,012
A toast to the future
Mr and Mrs Tandell.

271
00:17:02,012 --> 00:17:04,096
Dr - he's a long way
from being a Mr.

272
00:17:06,036 --> 00:17:10,084
To the future Dr and Mrs Tandell,
wherever she may be.

273
00:17:10,084 --> 00:17:12,056
So, to love.

274
00:17:12,056 --> 00:17:14,000
ALL: To love.

275
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,008
Cathy, what are you doing?

276
00:17:17,008 --> 00:17:19,060
Well, this wall isn't going to match
that wall now, is it?

277
00:17:19,060 --> 00:17:23,016
Cathy, stop. Call it weird sister
telepathical shit,

278
00:17:23,016 --> 00:17:24,048
but is this about your wedding?

279
00:17:24,048 --> 00:17:28,052
No. This is about an unfortunate
scuff on the wall

280
00:17:28,052 --> 00:17:31,032
and the subsequent rectification
of said scuff.

281
00:17:31,032 --> 00:17:33,036
Why are you talking like
Judge Rinder?

282
00:17:33,036 --> 00:17:35,040
Look, let's just call it a day,
go to your party,

283
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,008
we'll have a spring roll.
It's not my party, is it?

284
00:17:38,008 --> 00:17:40,096
It's my mum's party. And she's only
throwing it so that

285
00:17:40,096 --> 00:17:43,044
she can pretend to all of her
friends that everything's

286
00:17:43,044 --> 00:17:45,032
bloody brilliant without Dad.

287
00:17:45,032 --> 00:17:47,076
Well, yeah, it's still a bit
shit to do a runner.

288
00:17:47,076 --> 00:17:49,088
Oh, I get it. Of course.

289
00:17:49,088 --> 00:17:52,040
You just want to go back
and bone that waiter.

290
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,032
Why are you being a dick?

291
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:57,008
Just give me the brush. No.
This is an intervention.

292
00:17:57,008 --> 00:17:58,088
Just give me the brush. No!

293
00:17:59,096 --> 00:18:01,000
Fine.

294
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,044
Give me the brush. No! It's my
brush! It's my brush!

295
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:10,044
I want the brush, Cathy. No, get off
it! Give me the brush!

296
00:18:10,044 --> 00:18:12,020
Ow, ow! What is wrong with you?

297
00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:15,096
Give it to me. Mad, mad! Cathy!

298
00:18:15,096 --> 00:18:17,088
Get away! Urgh!

299
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,052
Come back! No.

300
00:18:20,052 --> 00:18:22,004
Just give me my brush. No.

301
00:18:22,004 --> 00:18:23,092
Catherine Walcott, come back
here now.

302
00:18:23,092 --> 00:18:25,048
No! No!

303
00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:30,052
Let me in! This is for your
own good, Cathy.

304
00:18:30,052 --> 00:18:32,092
Grrr! Go away. You're mental.
What is wrong with you?

305
00:18:32,092 --> 00:18:34,092
Urgh!

306
00:18:34,092 --> 00:18:37,016
Crazy woman!

307
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,076
Urgh! You need help!

308
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,080
RINGING TONE

309
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,084
CAT: It's me. You still
at the party?

310
00:18:52,088 --> 00:18:54,040
Marcus. Argh!

311
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,068
Dad, you gave me a shock.

312
00:18:57,076 --> 00:19:00,004
I'm going to ask you a question.
No, I'm OK.

313
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,016
We have an expression in surgery...

314
00:19:08,044 --> 00:19:10,008
..As hire As,

315
00:19:10,008 --> 00:19:13,004
and Bs hire Cs.

316
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:16,096
Basically, brilliant people
surround themselves with

317
00:19:16,096 --> 00:19:19,028
other brilliant people in order
to succeed.

318
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:25,020
Whereas, those on the rung below,
the Bs, they feel threatened

319
00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:28,068
and so hire even worse people to
make themselves look good.

320
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:31,020
Oh, yes, I listened to
a Freakonomics podcast...

321
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:34,040
No, there isn't an equivalent down
in general practice because,

322
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,048
basically, it's one guy in
a cupboard diagnosing sniffles,

323
00:19:37,048 --> 00:19:39,000
whereas, up in surgery,

324
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,004
where it's literally a matter of
life and death,

325
00:19:42,004 --> 00:19:44,088
you have to have
complete trust in your team.

326
00:19:44,088 --> 00:19:48,024
I'd like to think that I save the
odd one. What I'm getting at is...

327
00:19:50,008 --> 00:19:52,084
..truthfully, what letter is Cathy?

328
00:19:54,032 --> 00:19:56,072
A - definitely.

329
00:19:58,092 --> 00:20:02,012
There you go. I guess that's where
love differs from surgery.

330
00:20:03,056 --> 00:20:05,088
She must really love you.

331
00:20:05,088 --> 00:20:07,016
Yeah, she does.

332
00:20:12,008 --> 00:20:14,012
Ugh, God, I need a whisky.

333
00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:15,096
This cheap champagne's revolting.

334
00:20:17,052 --> 00:20:19,024
Where the fuck is your mother?

335
00:20:21,060 --> 00:20:23,016
MARILYN AND MISHTI CACKLE

336
00:20:31,032 --> 00:20:34,012
Catherine Walcott, you'd better have
a very good excuse

337
00:20:34,012 --> 00:20:36,036
for why you're not at that hotel.

338
00:20:39,056 --> 00:20:40,084
She's downstairs.

339
00:20:48,068 --> 00:20:51,028
CATHY SOBS

340
00:20:52,028 --> 00:20:53,032
What's going on?

341
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,032
Cat took my brush.

342
00:20:58,032 --> 00:21:00,028
I just need to finish the wall.

343
00:21:02,012 --> 00:21:03,052
SHE CONTINUES TO SOB

344
00:21:10,092 --> 00:21:13,064
# It's raining so hard

345
00:21:14,076 --> 00:21:18,028
# Looks like it's going to
rain all night

346
00:21:19,092 --> 00:21:23,004
# And this is the time

347
00:21:23,004 --> 00:21:26,032
# I'd love to be holding
you tight... #

348
00:21:26,032 --> 00:21:27,096
What are you doing?

349
00:21:27,096 --> 00:21:29,040
What does it look like I'm doing?

350
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,096
I'm not going to let some wall
ruin your honeymoon.

351
00:21:37,008 --> 00:21:39,044
Gosh, that is very good value
for Dulux.

352
00:21:50,088 --> 00:21:55,096
Can I just ask, are you sure you
didn't see anything earlier?

353
00:21:55,096 --> 00:21:57,092
You know, when I was peeing?

354
00:21:59,004 --> 00:22:00,044
Not a sausage.

355
00:22:01,064 --> 00:22:03,048
Would it even matter if I did?

356
00:22:03,048 --> 00:22:04,064
I know, but...

357
00:22:06,016 --> 00:22:07,056
..it's just I have this...

358
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,060
..weird fear of being seen naked.

359
00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:13,080
I've had it since I was
a teenager. I...

360
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,068
SHE SIGHS
I shower in a bathing suit.

361
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:19,064
But you've got a great bod!
No, I don't.

362
00:22:19,064 --> 00:22:21,004
But thank you.

363
00:22:22,092 --> 00:22:25,000
I've got this thing about
the outdoors.

364
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,060
I can barely leave the house.

365
00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:29,092
Oh. God, what is wrong with us?

366
00:22:30,092 --> 00:22:34,016
Cheers For Fears! Oh!
I love that band.

367
00:22:35,076 --> 00:22:39,004
Cheers. Cheers. Mm. Mm.

368
00:22:39,004 --> 00:22:43,024
Come to think of it, I got off with
the drummer once. No.

369
00:22:43,024 --> 00:22:46,056
He had a massive... I've been
looking for you for 20 minutes.

370
00:22:46,056 --> 00:22:48,008
I'm off to bed. Come on.

371
00:22:48,008 --> 00:22:50,024
I'm going to stay here, actually.

372
00:22:50,024 --> 00:22:53,056
I beg your pardon? I'm going to stay
here with my friend Marilyn.

373
00:22:53,056 --> 00:22:56,008
She's on the same floor. Fine.

374
00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:57,012
Don't wake me up.

375
00:23:01,076 --> 00:23:03,012
..cock.

376
00:23:03,012 --> 00:23:04,088
THEY LAUGH

377
00:23:08,028 --> 00:23:09,072
Good job well done, that.

378
00:23:09,072 --> 00:23:11,064
And I didn't mess up my dress.

379
00:23:11,064 --> 00:23:16,052
Right, you go up and have a shower
and I'll clean up down here.

380
00:23:16,052 --> 00:23:19,028
Mum, can you stay in my room
tonight?

381
00:23:19,028 --> 00:23:22,040
Of course I will. Which means you
can stay in my room

382
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,024
if you like, Cat. Oh, no, I'm good.
I'm out of here.

383
00:23:26,036 --> 00:23:29,008
Love you, you knobhead. Love you.

384
00:23:32,032 --> 00:23:33,036
Thank you...

385
00:23:34,072 --> 00:23:37,032
..for calling. And for staying.

386
00:23:37,032 --> 00:23:39,044
And I'm...I'm sorry about earlier.

387
00:23:40,092 --> 00:23:42,004
It's family, innit?

388
00:23:43,004 --> 00:23:46,056
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got
an extremely horny hot waiter

389
00:23:46,056 --> 00:23:48,020
waiting for me in the hotel room.

390
00:23:51,064 --> 00:23:54,064
Just to the third tree and back,
OK? Hmm. OK. OK.

391
00:23:54,064 --> 00:23:56,028
Fear is not the boss of us.

392
00:23:57,032 --> 00:23:58,052
Ready?

393
00:24:02,020 --> 00:24:04,032
You're naked!

394
00:24:04,032 --> 00:24:06,088
And I'm outdoors!

395
00:24:06,088 --> 00:24:08,044
Mishti?

396
00:24:11,024 --> 00:24:12,040
Mishti!

397
00:24:26,092 --> 00:24:29,048
Shit. Shit!

398
00:24:29,048 --> 00:24:31,040
Get out of bed.

399
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,012
Why didn't you set the alarm?

400
00:24:33,012 --> 00:24:35,012
Oh, you have the first shower.

401
00:24:35,012 --> 00:24:37,000
I can make do with a hooker's
flannel.

402
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,056
ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH BUZZES
Come on.

403
00:24:38,056 --> 00:24:40,068
We haven't got time for this.

404
00:24:40,068 --> 00:24:42,008
I don't think I love Marcus.

405
00:24:44,072 --> 00:24:47,048
MUFFLED: Why didn't you
say something before?

406
00:24:47,048 --> 00:24:50,008
I guess the wedding was the only
thing keeping you going

407
00:24:50,008 --> 00:24:52,060
and I didn't want to let you down.

408
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,032
SHE SPITS

409
00:25:04,032 --> 00:25:05,096
How long have you felt like this?

410
00:25:07,032 --> 00:25:08,072
A few months.

411
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,052
Maybe a year.

412
00:25:13,008 --> 00:25:15,088
Maybe longer, if I'm brutally
honest.

413
00:25:15,088 --> 00:25:18,076
I'm so sorry, Mum. Don't be sorry.

414
00:25:20,028 --> 00:25:22,036
You can't marry him if
you don't love him.

415
00:25:25,020 --> 00:25:28,064
I was crazy about your dad when
I married him. I mean...

416
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,008
..you know, it ended how
it ended, but...

417
00:25:33,060 --> 00:25:35,048
..I could never say
I didn't love him.

418
00:25:36,084 --> 00:25:39,028
Are you sure you're not cross?

419
00:25:39,028 --> 00:25:40,052
Oh, come here.

420
00:25:47,056 --> 00:25:48,064
OK.

421
00:25:50,084 --> 00:25:54,020
We'd better cancel this
fucking wedding.

422
00:25:54,020 --> 00:25:55,048
CATHY SIGHS DEEPLY

423
00:26:04,072 --> 00:26:06,044
MARILYN AND MISHTI LAUGH

424
00:26:08,028 --> 00:26:12,012
Oh, my God. Of course Marcus would
be late for his own bloody wedding.

425
00:26:15,020 --> 00:26:16,060
MESSAGE ALERT

426
00:26:19,016 --> 00:26:20,020
Oh, God.

427
00:26:22,060 --> 00:26:24,036
Shit the bed!

428
00:26:24,036 --> 00:26:26,000
FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENTS ON TANNOY

429
00:26:27,084 --> 00:26:29,048
Did you speak to her?

430
00:26:29,048 --> 00:26:31,052
No, I texted Mum.

431
00:26:31,052 --> 00:26:33,036
I thought it was best to let
the dust settle.

432
00:26:33,036 --> 00:26:35,076
Are you sure that you
want to do this?

433
00:26:35,076 --> 00:26:39,032
Yes, Meredith. I realised two big
things last night.

434
00:26:40,048 --> 00:26:42,080
You're the only one that loves me
for being a B.

435
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:47,004
And also, my father's a massive C.

436
00:26:47,004 --> 00:26:49,016
I don't get it. It doesn't matter.

437
00:26:50,016 --> 00:26:51,020
Come here.

438
00:26:56,092 --> 00:26:57,096
Come on.

439
00:27:03,076 --> 00:27:07,080
Cathy. Cathy, I've left you,
like, a million messages.

440
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,068
I've... Listen, I've got to
tell you something.

441
00:27:10,068 --> 00:27:13,060
He's not here. Who? Marcus.

442
00:27:13,060 --> 00:27:16,036
Marcus has just text his mum saying
that he's not coming to

443
00:27:16,036 --> 00:27:18,092
the wedding. What? No.

444
00:27:18,092 --> 00:27:22,060
You're confused. I'M the one not
coming to the wedding.

445
00:27:22,060 --> 00:27:25,064
Sorry, Cath, man, but I think you've
been stood up at the altar.

446
00:27:25,064 --> 00:27:29,044
No. No, no, no. Me.

447
00:27:29,044 --> 00:27:31,092
I stood HIM up at the altar.

448
00:27:31,092 --> 00:27:34,040
I'm the one not coming to
the wedding.

449
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,072
I'm standing HIM up!

450
00:27:36,072 --> 00:27:38,084
Grrr!

451
00:27:38,084 --> 00:27:40,020
Argh!

452
00:27:40,020 --> 00:27:43,008
# Don't you want somebody to love?

453
00:27:43,008 --> 00:27:46,060
# Don't you need somebody to love?

454
00:27:46,060 --> 00:27:50,032
# Wouldn't you love somebody
to love?

455
00:27:50,032 --> 00:27:55,064
# You better find somebody to love

456
00:27:55,064 --> 00:27:56,096
# Love, love

457
00:28:03,060 --> 00:28:05,084
# When the garden flowers... #