1
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,695
Are you familiar
with the five stages of grief?

2
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,238
The Keebler-Ross thing?

3
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,614
- Kübler.
- Oh.

4
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,783
Kübler. Keebler is the cookie people.

5
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,535
Uh, yes, I think so, yeah.

6
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:36,870
So where do you think you are?

7
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,040
Really? This is what
you want to talk about?

8
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,583
Yeah. I thought it was pertinent.

9
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:43,585
[sighs]

10
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,545
I'm in denial.

11
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,922
- That sounds right.
- Glad you approve.

12
00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:51,301
You know, when Eileen died,
I... I just... I... I couldn't...

13
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,384
I couldn't accept it.

14
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:55,430
Even at the funeral,
I kept feeling like it was a big mistake

15
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,141
and she was just...
just gonna walk through the door.

16
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,935
What's the one after denial?
Is it depression?

17
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,019
No, anger.

18
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,607
At some point, you're gonna start
lashing out at the injustice of it all.

19
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,317
Well, it's certainly not fair.

20
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,320
Like that.
And after that comes bargaining.

21
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:14,324
Making deals with God,
washing the feet of lepers,

22
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,659
- overtipping valets.
- Uh-huh.

23
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:20,205
It's only when that gambit goes tits up
that you hit depression.

24
00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:21,915
You want to maybe read a magazine?

25
00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,750
I left my glasses in the car.

26
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,461
Here, look at the pictures.

27
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:28,713
[grunts]

28
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,425
Alan Thicke. Oof. Boy, is he dead.

29
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:37,138
You know, when you think about it,
you're actually pretty lucky.

30
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,347
I don't feel lucky.

31
00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,016
Oh, you are. A couple of years ago,

32
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,852
you'd be getting chemo or radiation.

33
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,395
You'd be weak, nauseous.

34
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:46,564
Your hair would be falling out
in big clumps.

35
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,775
You'd be the object of pity, really.

36
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,027
But now with this immuno stuff,

37
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:54,322
you get to carry on like you don't have
a life-threatening condition.

38
00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:55,990
I'm starting to feel anger.

39
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,284
Yeah! That's progress.

40
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:03,581
[sighs] Excuse me.

41
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:08,795
Hey! My friend had a 2:30 appointment
for his cancer treatment.

42
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,839
It's now 3:15!

43
00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:13,049
Who do I have to bugger to get some help?

44
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,052
And now I'm depressed.

45
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:19,472
Now maybe we'll get a little action.

46
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,778
- How are you feeling?
- I'm fine.

47
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,365
You hungry? Wanna stop
and get something to eat?

48
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,701
Uh... No. You can just take me home.

49
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,326
Okay.

50
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,664
When do they do another CAT scan?

51
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:45,748
In three months.

52
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,295
- So, in the meantime, you're in purgatory.
- Huh. Yeah.

53
00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:54,299
- Neither here nor there.
- Afraid so.

54
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:56,092
Betwixt and between.

55
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:03,766
[laughs]

56
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,059
What?

57
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:09,689
I was just thinking about
when I went through testicular cancer.

58
00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:11,691
After they removed my right testicle,

59
00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:14,194
Eileen would joke
that she always liked the left one better.

60
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,695
She called you Lefty?

61
00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:18,656
No. Between the sheets,
I was Norman Koufax.

62
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,240
Get it?

63
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,036
- He was a lefty.
- I got it. I... I got it.

64
00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:24,913
- [tires screech]
- [horn honks]

65
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,958
The speed limit's 40, Norman.
Everybody's having to go around us.

66
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,251
That's their business.

67
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:32,921
- [horn blares]
- Hey, I need to ask you a favor.

68
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,484
- Sure, what do you...
- [horn blares]

69
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:36,715
Ignore him.

70
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,302
I need you to tell your daughter
what's going on.

71
00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:40,887
[horn blaring]

72
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:41,970
[man] Asshole!

73
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,682
Drop dead, you inconsequential fuck!

74
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:46,851
Jesus, where did that come from?

75
00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:48,645
I have no idea.

76
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:50,688
So, what do you think?

77
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,441
About telling Mindy? [sighs]

78
00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:54,692
Why make her worry?

79
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,903
You tell her
because it's the right thing to do.

80
00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,321
Yeah, well, I disagree.

81
00:03:58,655 --> 00:03:59,489
Well, you're wrong.

82
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:00,698
Why do you care so much?

83
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,116
- [horn beeps twice]
- Hang on.

84
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,372
[beeps horn]

85
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,416
Oh, now you're polite.

86
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,836
That was a friendly beep,
and I reward friendly beeps.

87
00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:15,922
Sandy, when I was a little boy,

88
00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:19,509
my father got very sick and no one
would tell me what was going on.

89
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:22,262
Everything was kept a big secret,
and then when he died,

90
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,806
I still couldn't get a straight answer
from anybody.

91
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:28,434
My mother, my sisters, my aunts,
my uncles. Nobody would talk to me.

92
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,311
The best I ever heard was,

93
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:33,690
"God took Daddy to heaven
so he could be with Grandpa Louie."

94
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,253
Yeah, well, that was that generation.

95
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,443
Well, it's a stupid thing to tell a child.

96
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,487
Yeah, but my case is different, right?

97
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,823
- The doctors said I'm gonna beat this.
- [laughs]

98
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:44,242
Of course they said that.
That doesn't mean anything.

99
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,288
And I'm back in denial.

100
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:51,249
Secrets are poison.
Don't keep secrets, Sandy.

101
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,334
- Okay, I get it.
- Don't do that to Mindy.

102
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,503
- I said I get it.
- Do you?

103
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:58,047
- [phone rings]
- Oh, shit. The car is brand new.

104
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,133
I haven't figured out
the hands-free thing yet.

105
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:02,176
It's the little guy who's talking.

106
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,511
What little guy?

107
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:05,179
Right there. The little guy. The face.

108
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,263
Oh, here.

109
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,641
- Hello?
- [Madelyn] <i>Norman?</i>

110
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:09,767
Madelyn?

111
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:10,852
<i>Hi.</i>

112
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:13,730
Hi. Yeah, I'm...
I'm here with Sandy in the car.

113
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,064
<i>Hello, Sandy.</i>

114
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,274
Hi, Madelyn.

115
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,650
<i>What are you fellas up to?</i>

116
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,570
Well, Sandy's got some lung cancer,
but we're taking care of it.

117
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,447
<i>- Oh, my God!</i>
- For Christ's sake.

118
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:25,700
But it's a secret 'cause he's a tough guy
and no one can know.

119
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,370
<i>Oh, Sandy, I'm so sorry.
Is... Is there anything I can do?</i>

120
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:32,874
Yeah, make up with Norman
so he'll have less time to spend with me.

121
00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:35,251
- [both laugh]
- That's actually a good plan.

122
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,128
Can we make that the plan?

123
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:40,465
<i>Well, we do need to talk.
So, any chance you're free tonight?</i>

124
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,884
Good chance. Very good chance.

125
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,178
Hang on, Madelyn.
I'm gonna mute you for a moment

126
00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:46,512
so I can talk to Sandy.

127
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:47,972
Which one's the mute?

128
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,807
The one that says "mute."

129
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,476
Oh, yeah. Hang on, Madelyn.

130
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,729
What are you doing?
She's throwin' you an olive branch.

131
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,492
I promised you we'd go to Musso's tonight.

132
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:59,067
Don't worry about Musso's.
We can do that any time.

133
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:02,278
Listen to you,
talkin' like a guy with a rosy future.

134
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,864
Jesus Christ, Norman. Don't mess this up.

135
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,908
- You'll be okay?
- I'll be fine!

136
00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:08,993
Maybe I'll take your advice and talk to...

137
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,453
- [beeping]
- [both yell]

138
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:11,954
[beeping speeds up]

139
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,252
How did we not hit that guy?

140
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:19,795
I don't know.

141
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,632
Does this car have
that collision avoidance system?

142
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:23,715
Yeah.

143
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,343
Oh.

144
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:27,595
- I guess it works.
- I guess it does.

145
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,473
What kind of schmuck stops
in the middle of a street?

146
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,475
A schmuck who could see a red light.

147
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,268
Pick a team, Sandy!

148
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,229
Talk to Madelyn.

149
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,024
Right, right, yeah. Hello?

150
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,150
<i>Everything okay?</i>

151
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,736
Yeah. Hunky-dory. So, how about dinner?

152
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:44,737
<i>I would love that.</i>

153
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,407
<i>Sandy, do you mind
if I borrow Norman for the evening?</i>

154
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,952
When you say "borrow him,"
does that mean you're bringing him back?

155
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:52,703
[chuckles] <i>I'm afraid so.</i>

156
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:54,497
[horn blares]

157
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,998
[tires screech]

158
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,836
- Drop dead, you bag of shit!
<i>- What?</i>

159
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,463
Uh, I said, how's seven o'clock sound?

160
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:05,216
Yeah. That's what he said. [sighs]

161
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:12,014
[rattling]

162
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,976
This is my favorite part. Watch this.

163
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:18,563
In all the years I've been coming here,
he's never spilled a single drop.

164
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:19,897
[chuckles] Oh, dear Lord.

165
00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:21,566
It's thrilling, right?

166
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,109
- [chuckles]
- Thank you, Alex.

167
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:25,194
- Yes, thank you.
- You're welcome.

168
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,991
How often do you come here?

169
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:33,077
Oh, it varies.
Maybe five or six times a week.

170
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:34,954
Wow! Why not make it seven?

171
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,165
- Yeah, they're closed on Monday.
- Oh.

172
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,250
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

173
00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:43,378
Mm.

174
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:45,547
- [sighs]
- So...

175
00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:48,843
Yes, so, um...

176
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:52,138
If you're dumping me,
I think we should go Dutch.

177
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:54,307
Just shut up and let me talk.

178
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,016
Sorry.

179
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:57,935
Okay, here it is.

180
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:03,357
I loved my husband,
but he was a very angry man.

181
00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:06,569
And I was constantly walking on eggshells.

182
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:10,114
Then when he got sick, I, uh...

183
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,409
I thought that it might make him, uh...

184
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,160
softer,

185
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,121
a little gentler, but...

186
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,373
his temper got worse.

187
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,251
[sighs] It was a nightmare.

188
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,255
So, when I blew up at Phoebe...

189
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:29,091
I just got right back on those eggshells.

190
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,176
[inhales]

191
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,219
I...

192
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:36,682
I cannot...
I... I will not live like that anymore.

193
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,476
I understand.

194
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:39,684
[sighs]

195
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,479
I... I don't know what to say.

196
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:44,148
I... I don't like to think of myself
as an angry person,

197
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:47,693
but my nickname at work
was the Prince of Darkness.

198
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,154
- Hm.
- Well, that might be a clue.

199
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:52,949
Yeah, maybe.
But it... it's just, in my business,

200
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:56,494
getting mad and yelling and putting
the fear of God into people's...

201
00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,162
It's worked pretty well for me.

202
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,289
Did it work for Eileen?

203
00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:02,333
[chuckling] No.

204
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,585
I had to buy a foldout couch for the den.

205
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,296
Spent a lot of nights there.
It was... It was like my Elba.

206
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,215
What about your daughter?

207
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,259
Sh... [sighs]

208
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,177
She walked on eggshells around me.

209
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,554
So you get it.

210
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:19,183
I do. And I know I can't promise
that it'll never happen again.

211
00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:21,143
Well, that's a problem.

212
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,019
Yeah.

213
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:25,189
[sighs heavily]

214
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,568
How about this?
How about we have an agreement?

215
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:32,572
If I ever raise my voice around you,
you have permission to roll up a newspaper

216
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,532
and... and give me
a good whack on the head.

217
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,326
- [chuckles] Like a bad dog?
- Exactly.

218
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,912
In fact, why don't you just go ahead
and say, "Bad dog"?

219
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:40,830
And whack you?

220
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,290
Not... Not to cause pain.

221
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:46,252
Just to startle me with the noise.
I'll take it from there.

222
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:54,926
Good dog.

223
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,139
- Arf.
- [laughs]

224
00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:04,145
- Hey, Sandy.
- Hey.

225
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,022
Oh, okay. All right.

226
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,399
- Sandy.
- Oh!

227
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:09,793
- [Lane] Yes.
- Hey, thanks, guys.

228
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:13,029
Nice to... Nice to see you.
Yeah, it's good. Thanks.

229
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,322
My man!

230
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,490
All right! Hey. All right. Here.

231
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,908
[chuckles] That's right.

232
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:19,368
- Sandy.
- Hey.

233
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,453
Oh!

234
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:21,370
Thank you.

235
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,830
Hey. [chuckles]

236
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:24,999
Oh...

237
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,126
What the fuck?

238
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,505
- Hi.
- Hi.

239
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,176
I hope you don't mind.
Mindy said I... I could wait in here.

240
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:36,260
Uh, wait for what?

241
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,095
For your acting class.

242
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,847
You're taking my class?

243
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,766
[chuckling] Yeah. She signed me up.

244
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,476
Said I needed to get out of the house.

245
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,479
- Hey, I'm reading your book.
- Yeah, I... I see that.

246
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:50,691
I'm up to chapter four. "Don't Play the
Subtext." I like that.

247
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,194
- It's, uh... It's subtle.
- Thanks.

248
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:54,779
Where is, uh, Mindy?

249
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:58,741
Uh... That, I couldn't tell you.
I was... I was just told to wait here.

250
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,118
All right. Well...

251
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,328
How are you feeling?

252
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,791
Good, yeah. Feelin' strong.
Yeah, thanks. Good.

253
00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:08,668
- Good.
- Yeah.

254
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:12,213
It's all good. I don't know why
I say that. I hate that saying.

255
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:15,299
"It's all good."
You ever know anything that was all good?

256
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,677
But, uh, in general,

257
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:19,428
I am good.

258
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,347
Most... mostly good. And you?

259
00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:24,225
Um... also good.

260
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,101
So we...

261
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:27,937
are both good.

262
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,147
Mm-hm. "Johnny B. Goode."

263
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,316
"Good Golly, Miss Molly."

264
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,818
"Good Vibrations."

265
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,320
Maxwell House, good to the last drop...

266
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,239
That one doesn't work as good. Okay.

267
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:42,159
[sighs]

268
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,452
How are you liking retirement?

269
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,914
It's good. Yeah.

270
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:47,997
[door opens]

271
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:50,584
I just saw your text. What's up?

272
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,422
Oh, that's... that's not important.
It... It can wait.

273
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,550
Really? "Need to talk. Important."

274
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,760
Yeah. No, no... No, I handled it.

275
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,096
- You sure?
- Yeah.

276
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,556
You ready?

277
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:06,307
You bet.

278
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,853
By the way, when I was in high school,

279
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,814
I understudied the role of George
in <i>Our Town.</i>

280
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,483
- Really? Ah.
- Yeah, so I'm not new to this.

281
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:19,821
Thank you, Alex.

282
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,030
You're welcome.

283
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:23,701
Feel like dessert?

284
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,703
Ooh! Maybe. What do you have in mind?

285
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,538
- You like frozen yogurt?
- I do.

286
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,832
Good. I know just the place.

287
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:30,833
Hm.

288
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:33,127
I wouldn't have figured you
for a yogurt guy.

289
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,712
I'm not. It's awful.

290
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,758
Okay, so Jude and I have chosen
to do a scene

291
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,551
from <i>Two and a Half Men.</i>

292
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:44,096
Which was on Channel 2,
but now it's on Channel 348.

293
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,347
[Sandy] Wait, wait. Hang on.

294
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:48,142
The assignment was to pick
a classic comedy scene,

295
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:49,810
and you picked <i>Two and a Half Men?</i>

296
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:51,811
Yeah.

297
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:56,192
You could've picked, uh, Oscar Wilde,
George Bernard Shaw,

298
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,694
Neil Simon, Aristophanes,

299
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,780
and you went with <i>Two and a Half Men?</i>

300
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,907
I used to watch it with my grandma.

301
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,450
She liked how dirty it was.

302
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:06,702
What channel's Aristophanes on?

303
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,329
Never mind. Let's see it.

304
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,040
I'm Alan and he's Charlie.

305
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,875
That's how I'd cast it.

306
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:15,169
What's better than live theater?

307
00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:17,797
- I'll tell you. Nothing.
- [chuckles]

308
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,880
- Right?
- Mm.

309
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,466
[sighs]

310
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,135
[clears throat]

311
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:27,807
<i>♪ Men, men, men, men
Manly men, men, men ♪</i>

312
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,934
<i>♪ Men ♪</i>

313
00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:35,648
Twelve years a-and she just throws me out.

314
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:39,193
Uh... What was the point of our wedding
vows? "'Til death do us part."

315
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:41,695
Who died? Not me. Not her.

316
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:44,907
How'd you get in my house?

317
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,494
Charlie, the key in the fake rock
only works

318
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:51,664
if it's among other rocks,
not sitting on your welcome mat.

319
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:52,748
[laughter]

320
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,542
Well, excuse me,

321
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,378
but if you put the fake rock
with all the other rocks,

322
00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:59,421
it's impossible to find when you're drunk.

323
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,675
- [laughter]
- I'm a good husband. I'm faithful.

324
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:03,801
Well, is she?

325
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,011
- I-Is she what?
- Uh, faithful.

326
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:07,888
[splutters]

327
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,557
Don't be ridiculous. Uh...

328
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,433
Judith doesn't even like sex.

329
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,602
All she kept saying
was she felt suffocated.

330
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:17,481
Sh-She kept going on and on.
"I'm suffocating. I'm suffocating."

331
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,526
What does that mean?
Has a woman ever said that to you?

332
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,026
Well, sure.

333
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,613
Not a woman who doesn't like sex.

334
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,198
[laughter]

335
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,784
Jake! Uh, this could destroy Jake.

336
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,034
Jake...

337
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,370
My son?

338
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:34,665
Ah, well, you know, teenagers
are pretty sophisticated these days.

339
00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:36,208
[Lane] He's ten.

340
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,712
Look, this is just
until things settle out.

341
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:42,840
A... A couple of days, max.
She'll come to her senses.

342
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,801
Sure. That's what women do.

343
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,052
[laughter]

344
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:50,269
Look, you can have the guest bedroom.
I'm gonna go get you some sheets.

345
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:51,514
That's okay.

346
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,142
Uh... I brought my own.

347
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,769
You brought your own sheets?

348
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:57,897
I like my sheets.

349
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:58,980
[laughter]

350
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,941
Okay. Good night.

351
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,026
Wait! Wait.

352
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,528
We hardly ever talk to each other.

353
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:07,031
[Jude sighs] What do you wanna
talk about, Alan?

354
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:08,115
[Lane] I don't know.

355
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:11,160
I... I was named chiropractor of the year

356
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:14,163
by the San Fernando Valley
Chiropractic Association.

357
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,584
- Okay. Good night. [sighs]
- Hang on!

358
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:19,960
What about you?

359
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,629
What's goin' on with you?

360
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:25,049
Well, Alan,
there's really not much to say.

361
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:28,260
You know, I... I make a lot of money
for doing very little work.

362
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:32,056
I sleep with beautiful women
that don't ask about my feelings. Uh...

363
00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,139
I drive a Jag.

364
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:34,934
I live at the beach.

365
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:38,312
And sometimes, in the middle of the day,
and for no reason at all,

366
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,898
I make myself a big pitcher of margaritas.

367
00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,567
And I take a nap out on the sun deck.

368
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,361
Huh.

369
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,240
And scene. [laughs]

370
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,285
Bravo!

371
00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:01,126
Okay. That was, uh, one way
to rip off <i>The Odd Couple.</i>

372
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,211
Well, thank you.

373
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,383
Before we critique the scene,
I wanna take a step back

374
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,469
and talk a little bit
about comedy as a genre.

375
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,137
Why don't you guys sit down?

376
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,516
What separates...

377
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,603
Oh, uh, okay.

378
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:25,067
What separates comedy from drama?

379
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:27,236
Is there, in fact, a separation?

380
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,741
- Martin, just hold off a second.
- Sorry.

381
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:39,748
Should we, as actors, even acknowledge
a divide between the two forms?

382
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:43,502
Human beings cry, they love,

383
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:46,380
they fear, they laugh, they rage.

384
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,549
Which of those things is more important,

385
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:51,593
more worthy of their intentions
than the others?

386
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:55,973
The answer is simple.

387
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,434
None of them. They're equal.

388
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,186
Which means we don't play comedy.

389
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,188
We don't play drama.

390
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:04,857
We play the truth.

391
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,526
If you're cast in a comedy,
perhaps a sitcom,

392
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:10,696
and there's a joke in your script,
you don't play the joke.

393
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,616
You play the reality of the moment.

394
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:19,038
If there's laughter to be had,
it'll take care of itself.

395
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,081
You don't need to help it. In fact...

396
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,752
helping it is the worst thing
that you can do.

397
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:26,378
[tuts] Eh...

398
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:27,462
Uh...

399
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,464
Yes, Martin?

400
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,175
Uh, what if the joke stinks?

401
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:32,885
That's not your concern.

402
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:36,138
You're providing services as an actor,
not a critic.

403
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:37,848
Right, but...

404
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,350
you could help it along, like, you know...

405
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,019
You see... They make funny faces

406
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:44,646
or they make a... a comedy noise,
or... [blows raspberry]

407
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,398
or... [yelps] you know, to help it.

408
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,275
- No.
- No?

409
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,152
That doesn't seem fair.

410
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,617
She was recently promoted
to night manager.

411
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,077
- No kidding.
- Yeah.

412
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,704
She goes to AA meetings during the day

413
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,499
and sells yogurt at night,
and I couldn't be more proud.

414
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:06,210
Next step,
rescue her son from Scientology.

415
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:07,627
[Phoebe] Next!

416
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,133
- Hey!
- I brought you a new customer.

417
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,927
- Madelyn.
- Hi, Phoebe.

418
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,178
What can I get you?

419
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,722
I'd like a cup of strawberry
with all of the fixings.

420
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,349
Make it two.

421
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,768
Except vanilla and just M&M's.

422
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,105
Phoebe, is there a ladies room here?

423
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:30,859
Uh... Not officially,
but through that door and on the right.

424
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,486
Oh, thank you.

425
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,363
I'll be right back.

426
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,448
Um, there's no light and there's no paper,

427
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:39,034
so just use your phone, and take this.

428
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:46,959
Hey, I was planning on visiting Mom
this Sunday.

429
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,627
Would you like to go with me?

430
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,254
You're going to the cemetery?

431
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,631
Is she somewhere else?

432
00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:55,425
No, I'm just surprised.
I... I didn't think you cared that much.

433
00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:57,719
Yeah. Um...

434
00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:00,097
Turns out I do.

435
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:03,517
I need to make amends
for being such a shitty daughter.

436
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,228
How do you do that? She's dead.

437
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,815
I don't know, Dad. I'm just...

438
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,694
doing what I was told to do
in order to stay sober.

439
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:15,736
Yeah, okay.

440
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,491
I'll go with you.

441
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,703
Great. Thank you.

442
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:27,082
And congratulations
on getting back together with Madelyn.

443
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,375
She's awesome.

444
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:29,459
Yeah, she is.

445
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:35,132
Phoebe, I... I... I...

446
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,594
I would like to apologize
for being so angry.

447
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:40,971
What?

448
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,098
When you were growing up,
I was angry a lot.

449
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,935
And going forward,
I will try to be better.

450
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:55,568
Thank you.

451
00:19:57,821 --> 00:19:59,948
Apology accepted.

452
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:02,993
I'm glad. Thank you.

453
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:04,660
And please...

454
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,040
Don't forget the M&M's.

455
00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:11,667
Right. [chuckles]

456
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:14,171
That's so fetch.

457
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:16,798
Gretchen, stop trying
to make fetch happen.

458
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,050
It's not gonna happen.

459
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,134
[laughter]

460
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,136
- And scene.
- [applause]

461
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,472
[man] Yeah. Good.

462
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,559
Okay, good job.

463
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:31,730
Before we call it a night,
I want to introduce a new student.

464
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:33,982
Everybody, this is Martin Schneider.

465
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:35,943
Yeah, okay.

466
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:41,448
Martin, we have a tradition here
at the Kominsky Studio.

467
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:46,119
Newbies are given a few minutes
to tell us a little bit about themselves,

468
00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:49,373
why they're here,
whatever you want, really.

469
00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:51,625
Uh...

470
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,836
Okay. Um...

471
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,920
[Sandy] Martin.

472
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:57,422
From the stage.

473
00:20:58,966 --> 00:20:59,967
I should come down there?

474
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,555
Oh, boy. Uh...

475
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:07,139
[clears throat]

476
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,941
- Is this really a tradition?
- It is now.

477
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:20,612
Um... Whew!

478
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:22,905
Hi.

479
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,409
Hello...

480
00:21:25,492 --> 00:21:26,492
students.

481
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,744
Uh...

482
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,831
As you heard,
my name is Martin Schneider.

483
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,811
Actually it's Martin Lester Schneider.

484
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,505
Hey, maybe if I become an actor,
I'll... I'll just be Martin Lester.

485
00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:40,923
Not so ethnic.

486
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:43,760
I grew up in New York.

487
00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,387
Syosset, Long Island.

488
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:49,891
I taught high school history and English
right here in LA for...

489
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,267
phew...

490
00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:53,102
a long time.

491
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:57,774
And I... I just recently retired and, uh...

492
00:21:59,192 --> 00:22:00,527
fell in love with Mindy.

493
00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,115
I don't know how that happened.

494
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,617
But, uh... thank God it did.

495
00:22:09,077 --> 00:22:10,746
And, uh, there you go.

496
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:12,247
That's... that's... that's it.

497
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:15,542
That's not it?

498
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:18,128
Um...

499
00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:21,923
I, um...

500
00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:24,468
I should probably mention this.

501
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:26,762
I recently had a, uh... a heart attack...

502
00:22:28,221 --> 00:22:29,221
which, uh...

503
00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:33,101
scared the shit out of me, to be honest.

504
00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:35,270
I really thought I was gonna die.

505
00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:41,360
But, as you can see, I am still here.

506
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:43,362
Uh...

507
00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:46,031
And the crazy thing is...

508
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,534
nothing really changed.

509
00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:55,457
I'm still doin' what I've always done.

510
00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:58,460
I just go around
pretending everything is okay.

511
00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:02,881
Everything's good.

512
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:08,261
I don't... I don't...
Uh, I don't think it is.

513
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:12,599
Mm... After a couple of weeks of...

514
00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:15,685
mopin' around the house, Mindy said...

515
00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:18,063
I should put on some clothes,

516
00:23:18,855 --> 00:23:19,855
go do something.

517
00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:22,567
I said, "What?"

518
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:24,945
And she said this.

519
00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:28,572
So...

520
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:31,910
[sighs heavily]

521
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:34,245
Here I am.

522
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:37,624
I'm takin' an acting class...

523
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:41,336
instead of sitting home,

524
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,547
wonderin' what the hell I did
with my life.

525
00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:53,056
Because I don't know.

526
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:01,522
I don't know.

527
00:24:07,070 --> 00:24:08,070
Scene.