1 00:00:27,924 --> 00:00:29,756 You gonna say something? 2 00:00:31,302 --> 00:00:32,713 Eventually. 3 00:00:32,804 --> 00:00:34,887 I'm gathering my thoughts. 4 00:00:34,973 --> 00:00:37,306 It's really just a yes or no answer. 5 00:00:37,392 --> 00:00:39,429 Oh, it's much more than that. 6 00:00:39,519 --> 00:00:41,476 Only if you need to make me feel bad. 7 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,582 Sandy, there are certain things we have to do in life 8 00:00:43,606 --> 00:00:46,064 that are distasteful, but absolutely necessary. 9 00:00:46,150 --> 00:00:48,437 I can think of several. Can you? 10 00:00:48,528 --> 00:00:49,939 And I'm feeling bad. 11 00:00:50,029 --> 00:00:52,191 There's colonoscopies, 12 00:00:52,282 --> 00:00:55,116 engagement parties, flossing. 13 00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:56,362 Let's see... 14 00:00:56,452 --> 00:00:58,284 Being stuck in a car with you. 15 00:00:58,371 --> 00:00:59,532 Taxes, Sandy! 16 00:00:59,622 --> 00:01:01,784 Taxes are one of those distasteful things 17 00:01:01,874 --> 00:01:03,115 that we must do. 18 00:01:03,209 --> 00:01:05,417 We really had to go through colonoscopies to get here? 19 00:01:05,503 --> 00:01:06,855 Did you actually think the government 20 00:01:06,879 --> 00:01:08,211 would just forget about you? 21 00:01:08,298 --> 00:01:09,914 It's possible, yes. 22 00:01:10,008 --> 00:01:12,295 - Hollywood has. - That's amusing. 23 00:01:12,385 --> 00:01:14,377 It's good you can joke at times like this. 24 00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:18,054 I fucked up, Norman. What do you want me to say? 25 00:01:18,141 --> 00:01:19,301 Are you gonna help me or not? 26 00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:21,091 Three hundred thousand dollars! 27 00:01:21,185 --> 00:01:23,848 - Thereabouts. - "Thereabouts." A little tip. 28 00:01:23,938 --> 00:01:25,975 When begging, it's good to have an exact number. 29 00:01:26,065 --> 00:01:27,522 You'll get it all back. 30 00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,271 We'll set up a payment plan, 31 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,647 say, you know, $1000 a month. 32 00:01:31,738 --> 00:01:35,652 Math isn't really your strong suit, is it? 33 00:01:35,742 --> 00:01:38,325 - Why? - Why? That's 25 years. 34 00:01:38,411 --> 00:01:41,825 You know how old I'll be when you finish paying me off? Dead! 35 00:01:41,914 --> 00:01:44,873 Okay. How about if I push it up to $1100 a month? 36 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:46,746 Still dead. 37 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,561 Listen... 38 00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:12,894 I'm sorry I put you on the spot. 39 00:02:12,987 --> 00:02:16,230 I got myself into this mess, I'll get myself out. 40 00:02:16,324 --> 00:02:17,531 Good. 41 00:02:17,617 --> 00:02:19,028 So, just to be clear, 42 00:02:19,118 --> 00:02:21,155 I shouldn't count on you to bail me out? 43 00:02:21,245 --> 00:02:23,407 Sandy, my concern is not about the 300 grand. 44 00:02:23,498 --> 00:02:24,830 It's about you and me. 45 00:02:24,916 --> 00:02:27,374 That kind of money can ruin a friendship. 46 00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:29,355 What do you think jail will do to our friendship? 47 00:02:29,379 --> 00:02:31,416 Well, it'll be a white-collar jail. 48 00:02:31,506 --> 00:02:33,293 You'll be playing tennis with Bernie Madoff. 49 00:02:33,383 --> 00:02:34,669 I don't play tennis. 50 00:02:34,759 --> 00:02:36,591 You'll learn. It's fun. 51 00:02:51,025 --> 00:02:52,766 - What's goin' on? - I'm leaving. 52 00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:55,147 - You're on your own. - Oh, Min, come on! 53 00:02:55,238 --> 00:02:57,104 Mom said not to rely on you. 54 00:02:57,198 --> 00:02:59,906 She said you were a rotten human being, but I didn't believe her. 55 00:02:59,992 --> 00:03:01,824 Look, I may have had my flaws as a husband, 56 00:03:01,911 --> 00:03:04,779 but as your father, I've been solid gold. 57 00:03:05,123 --> 00:03:07,456 Yeah, 24 fuckin' carat. 58 00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,621 What did you think was gonna happen? 59 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,828 Well, it sounds a little silly now, 60 00:03:11,921 --> 00:03:15,289 but I was kind of hoping by the time the IRS figured it out 61 00:03:15,383 --> 00:03:17,500 I'd be in a vase on your mantel. 62 00:03:17,593 --> 00:03:18,629 Mantel? 63 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,053 You're going under the sink next to the drain cleaner. 64 00:03:21,139 --> 00:03:22,616 Just give me a couple of days. I've got a plan 65 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,597 to get us through this. 66 00:03:24,684 --> 00:03:26,266 Does it involve you robbing a bank? 67 00:03:26,769 --> 00:03:27,769 That's plan B. 68 00:03:27,854 --> 00:03:30,096 Hey, I get to be glib. You don't. 69 00:03:30,815 --> 00:03:31,815 Sorry. 70 00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:33,311 So, what's your plan? 71 00:03:34,318 --> 00:03:35,684 Honesty. 72 00:03:35,778 --> 00:03:37,314 I'm gonna go to the IRS 73 00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:39,146 and I'm just gonna tell them the truth. 74 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,072 Which is? 75 00:03:41,159 --> 00:03:42,866 I haven't figured that out yet. 76 00:03:50,209 --> 00:03:52,246 I disagree. He's made his bed. 77 00:03:52,336 --> 00:03:53,336 Now he's gotta lie in it. 78 00:03:53,421 --> 00:03:55,128 Please spare me the clichés. 79 00:03:55,214 --> 00:03:57,456 He is your oldest and dearest friend. 80 00:03:57,550 --> 00:03:59,883 Yeah, but that's only because Ed Jacobs died. 81 00:03:59,969 --> 00:04:02,712 Norman, you have the money. Just give it to him. 82 00:04:02,805 --> 00:04:04,717 Excuse me, but whatever happened 83 00:04:04,807 --> 00:04:06,764 to "Never a borrower or a lender be"? 84 00:04:06,851 --> 00:04:08,717 You wanna take advice from Shakespeare? 85 00:04:08,811 --> 00:04:11,224 He also said, "Kill all the lawyers." 86 00:04:11,314 --> 00:04:13,351 I agree with that too. 87 00:04:14,066 --> 00:04:15,477 You know the right thing to do. 88 00:04:15,568 --> 00:04:17,605 - Just do it. - He'll never pay me back. 89 00:04:17,695 --> 00:04:19,311 It's ridiculous what he's proposing. 90 00:04:19,405 --> 00:04:22,022 Sweetheart, you don't want the money back. 91 00:04:22,492 --> 00:04:24,324 - I don't? - No! 92 00:04:24,410 --> 00:04:28,120 You give it to him as a gift. No strings. 93 00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:29,871 Hmm. 94 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,161 Interesting. 95 00:04:34,879 --> 00:04:36,290 Sandy's a proud man. 96 00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:38,918 If I don't let him pay me back, he will go nuts. 97 00:04:39,008 --> 00:04:40,670 Well, you just have to reassure him. 98 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,673 No, no, I... I want him to go nuts. 99 00:04:43,763 --> 00:04:45,004 That'll be the fun part. 100 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,802 Why can't it just be a noble gesture? 101 00:04:47,892 --> 00:04:50,680 That's in there too. It's genius, really. 102 00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:52,887 No strings is the biggest string of all. 103 00:04:52,980 --> 00:04:55,313 I think maybe you're losing the spirit of this. 104 00:04:55,775 --> 00:04:57,311 I still want it structured as a loan. 105 00:04:57,401 --> 00:05:00,189 Otherwise he'd pay taxes on the money. 106 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:01,941 Or doesn't pay taxes on the money 107 00:05:02,031 --> 00:05:03,217 and we're right back where we started. 108 00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:06,325 Well, I'm gonna leave it to you to figure out the details. 109 00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:09,369 Yeah. Definitely a loan. 110 00:05:09,455 --> 00:05:10,815 But I don't want him to pay me back 111 00:05:10,873 --> 00:05:13,081 no matter how much he cries about it. 112 00:05:15,169 --> 00:05:16,956 This is gonna kill him. 113 00:05:20,007 --> 00:05:21,293 No strings. 114 00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:27,012 I'm sorry to make a scene, but this is really hard for me. 115 00:05:29,642 --> 00:05:31,258 When Mickey died... 116 00:05:32,061 --> 00:05:34,974 Mickey was my accountant for over 30 years, 117 00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:36,896 and when he died... 118 00:05:36,983 --> 00:05:38,599 I just lost it. 119 00:05:38,693 --> 00:05:40,559 I mean, you've got to understand 120 00:05:40,653 --> 00:05:42,565 he was so much more than an accountant to me. 121 00:05:42,655 --> 00:05:46,023 He was my friend. He was my mentor. 122 00:05:46,117 --> 00:05:47,858 Oh, hell, I'm just gonna say it. 123 00:05:47,952 --> 00:05:49,944 He was like a surrogate father. 124 00:05:52,415 --> 00:05:54,498 So when he died... 125 00:05:54,584 --> 00:05:56,997 I kinda, like, lost my mind, you know? 126 00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:59,669 I let all the paperwork slide. 127 00:05:59,755 --> 00:06:01,667 And then when I realized that April 15th 128 00:06:01,757 --> 00:06:02,998 had come and gone 129 00:06:03,092 --> 00:06:05,334 and I hadn't filed my taxes 130 00:06:05,428 --> 00:06:07,761 I didn't know what to do. 131 00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:10,840 Without the Mickster, I was just lost. 132 00:06:13,978 --> 00:06:14,978 I'm sorry. 133 00:06:15,354 --> 00:06:16,686 Thank you. 134 00:06:16,772 --> 00:06:18,980 But why didn't you get a new accountant? 135 00:06:22,486 --> 00:06:24,398 Because, uh... 136 00:06:24,488 --> 00:06:26,605 Because getting a new accountant 137 00:06:26,699 --> 00:06:29,612 would be acknowledging that Mickey was dead 138 00:06:29,702 --> 00:06:31,364 and I still can't do that! 139 00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:34,372 Thank you. 140 00:06:38,044 --> 00:06:39,626 Well, Mr. Kominsky, 141 00:06:39,712 --> 00:06:42,045 how do you propose we resolve this? 142 00:06:42,131 --> 00:06:45,249 Honestly, I think I should pay you back. 143 00:06:45,343 --> 00:06:48,427 I should pay you back a 100 cents on the dollar. 144 00:06:48,512 --> 00:06:49,798 Plus interest and penalties. 145 00:06:50,723 --> 00:06:54,216 Yeah, sure, of course. It goes without saying. 146 00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:56,393 So... 147 00:06:56,479 --> 00:06:59,472 what do you think about $1000 a month 148 00:06:59,565 --> 00:07:00,681 till we're square? 149 00:07:00,775 --> 00:07:02,437 That would take quite some time. 150 00:07:03,277 --> 00:07:04,734 Twenty-five years. 151 00:07:05,112 --> 00:07:07,855 I don't think that's gonna fly with my boss. 152 00:07:09,992 --> 00:07:12,575 Do you own the building that you teach from? 153 00:07:13,454 --> 00:07:14,615 Yeah. Why? 154 00:07:14,705 --> 00:07:16,992 If we seize the asset, sell it, 155 00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:18,665 we get our money, and everybody's happy. 156 00:07:19,210 --> 00:07:20,792 I'm not happy. 157 00:07:20,878 --> 00:07:22,119 Well, one way or another, 158 00:07:22,213 --> 00:07:24,296 this gets resolved in 48 hours. 159 00:07:24,382 --> 00:07:25,382 Or? 160 00:07:25,424 --> 00:07:26,915 We're the IRS. 161 00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:28,295 Use your imagination. 162 00:07:30,012 --> 00:07:31,128 Gee, I-I gotta tell you, 163 00:07:31,222 --> 00:07:32,758 I liked the $1000 a month better. 164 00:07:32,848 --> 00:07:34,635 Just excuse me. 165 00:07:34,725 --> 00:07:35,761 Hey, Norman, what's up? 166 00:07:37,728 --> 00:07:39,811 Yeah, no, I-I can meet you, yeah. 167 00:07:40,773 --> 00:07:43,732 That's great. No, I'm on my way. 168 00:07:45,403 --> 00:07:47,895 Fuck you very much. I'll be back with the money. 169 00:08:00,918 --> 00:08:01,918 Hey. 170 00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,289 I took the liberty of ordering 171 00:08:03,379 --> 00:08:05,792 you a Jack Daniel's and Dr Pepper. 172 00:08:05,881 --> 00:08:07,317 - Thank you. - I hope you don't mind. 173 00:08:07,341 --> 00:08:09,503 I was curious, so I took a sip. 174 00:08:09,593 --> 00:08:11,129 And? 175 00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:12,802 I spit it into here. 176 00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:16,553 Charming. So what's up? 177 00:08:17,351 --> 00:08:19,468 After giving it much thought, 178 00:08:19,562 --> 00:08:21,053 I've decided to give you the money. 179 00:08:21,147 --> 00:08:24,356 Oh, Norman, Norman, thank you. 180 00:08:24,442 --> 00:08:27,355 Thank you. I am beyond grateful. Thank you. 181 00:08:27,445 --> 00:08:30,233 And like I said, I promise you, I'll pay you back every penny. 182 00:08:30,322 --> 00:08:32,939 No, no, no. That's the one thing that won't happen. 183 00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:34,616 I'm giving it to you as a gift. 184 00:08:34,702 --> 00:08:36,614 No, no, no, no. I-I gotta pay you back. 185 00:08:36,704 --> 00:08:38,445 Why? Because you have your pride? 186 00:08:38,539 --> 00:08:41,077 Yes, yes, because I have my pride. 187 00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:42,203 That's not my problem. 188 00:08:42,293 --> 00:08:45,252 I'm giving you the money free and clear. 189 00:08:45,337 --> 00:08:46,337 No strings. 190 00:08:47,631 --> 00:08:50,248 So you write me a check for 300 grand 191 00:08:50,342 --> 00:08:52,880 and I'm supposed to carry on like nothing happened? 192 00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:54,802 No, I'll write the IRS a check. 193 00:08:54,889 --> 00:08:56,255 I don't trust you with the money. 194 00:08:56,348 --> 00:08:57,884 Wow. 195 00:08:58,684 --> 00:09:00,266 Why don't you just cut off my balls? 196 00:09:00,352 --> 00:09:02,309 Why don't you just take my money and be grateful? 197 00:09:02,396 --> 00:09:04,558 I can't. Giving me the money with no strings 198 00:09:04,648 --> 00:09:07,140 is like the biggest string of all. 199 00:09:07,234 --> 00:09:09,191 Well, that's a very cynical attitude. 200 00:09:09,278 --> 00:09:10,940 Norman, I have to pay you back. 201 00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:13,113 - I have to make the effort. - No. 202 00:09:13,199 --> 00:09:14,565 See, what's gonna happen is 203 00:09:14,658 --> 00:09:17,742 you'll start out all gung-ho with a lot of enthusiasm 204 00:09:17,828 --> 00:09:19,431 and then before you know it, you'll be late 205 00:09:19,455 --> 00:09:21,308 on a couple of payments and I'll have to ask you, 206 00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:22,368 "Where's the money?" 207 00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:24,165 And you'll get snippy with me 208 00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:26,459 and just like that, our friendship will be over. 209 00:09:26,545 --> 00:09:28,457 I'll get snippy with you? 210 00:09:28,547 --> 00:09:30,413 Look at that. You're already snippy. 211 00:09:30,508 --> 00:09:33,216 So you're assuming that I not only won't pay you back, 212 00:09:33,302 --> 00:09:35,259 I'm incapable of paying you back? 213 00:09:35,346 --> 00:09:36,346 Correct. 214 00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:38,096 Okay. All right. 215 00:09:38,182 --> 00:09:39,718 Well, thank you for your offer. 216 00:09:39,809 --> 00:09:41,641 Here's my counteroffer. 217 00:09:43,145 --> 00:09:45,808 I'd like you to take that $300,000, 218 00:09:45,898 --> 00:09:48,641 tie it up with that string that you claim is not a string, 219 00:09:48,984 --> 00:09:51,067 and shove it up your ass. 220 00:09:56,325 --> 00:09:58,863 Not as much fun as I thought it would be. 221 00:09:58,953 --> 00:10:00,910 Hi, this is Lisa. Please leave a message. 222 00:10:02,915 --> 00:10:04,515 I know you're not really thrilled 223 00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:06,870 with me, um, right now... 224 00:10:08,712 --> 00:10:11,125 ...but compared to everybody else in my life 225 00:10:11,215 --> 00:10:12,581 "not thrilled" makes you 226 00:10:12,675 --> 00:10:15,634 president of the Sandy Kominsky fan club. 227 00:10:17,471 --> 00:10:20,885 Anyway, uh, I'd appreciate if you called me back, 228 00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:25,219 and soon, because I may not have a phone much longer. 229 00:10:29,441 --> 00:10:32,730 Bet you get a lot of vomit in these Uber cars. 230 00:10:32,820 --> 00:10:34,482 Oh, don't worry. Don't worry. 231 00:10:34,572 --> 00:10:36,404 I-I'm not a puker. 232 00:10:36,490 --> 00:10:39,198 The only way booze is jettisoned from my body 233 00:10:39,285 --> 00:10:40,742 is through my winky. 234 00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:44,446 You're a good listener. 235 00:10:45,291 --> 00:10:47,499 Important skill as you move through life. 236 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,223 Thank you. F-five stars. 237 00:11:05,144 --> 00:11:07,557 Fuck it, six stars! Eh... 238 00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:12,854 Okay. 239 00:11:13,777 --> 00:11:15,109 All right. 240 00:11:16,238 --> 00:11:19,026 Oh, let's, let's just see here. 241 00:11:19,116 --> 00:11:20,357 Okay. 242 00:11:25,289 --> 00:11:26,850 Jambox is in pairing mode. 243 00:11:26,874 --> 00:11:29,867 Okay. There we go. 244 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,326 Hang on here. 245 00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:32,456 Hang on. 246 00:11:32,546 --> 00:11:35,539 Bluetooth is connecting. 247 00:11:35,633 --> 00:11:38,171 Yeah, baby! 248 00:11:39,511 --> 00:11:40,627 Oh. 249 00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:42,087 Music. 250 00:11:42,181 --> 00:11:44,639 Peter Frampton. 251 00:11:44,725 --> 00:11:48,344 Peter, Paul and Mary. Peter Gabriel, there you are. 252 00:11:53,567 --> 00:11:57,402 ♪♪ Michael row the boat ashore ♪♪ 253 00:11:57,488 --> 00:11:59,354 ♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪ 254 00:11:59,448 --> 00:12:01,906 Damn it. That's the wrong Peter. 255 00:12:04,495 --> 00:12:05,611 Lisa? 256 00:12:06,664 --> 00:12:08,621 I'm sorry! 257 00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:11,746 Hey, it's Mr. Piss-boy. 258 00:12:11,835 --> 00:12:14,168 Where's your mother? Prick. 259 00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,712 She's not home. 260 00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:17,919 Oh, shit. 261 00:12:18,008 --> 00:12:19,340 Well... 262 00:12:19,426 --> 00:12:21,588 Well-well-well, when is she coming home? 263 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:23,716 I-I can't hear you. Come closer. 264 00:12:26,558 --> 00:12:29,096 Wh-when is-is she coming back? 265 00:12:29,186 --> 00:12:30,267 A little closer. 266 00:12:30,354 --> 00:12:32,061 Are you, are you deaf? 267 00:12:32,147 --> 00:12:33,683 Perfect. 268 00:12:33,774 --> 00:12:34,834 - Whoo! - Hey, hey, hey, hey! 269 00:12:34,858 --> 00:12:36,378 What the fuck? 270 00:12:37,736 --> 00:12:39,568 Whoa! You little dick! 271 00:12:40,155 --> 00:12:41,487 Fuck you, man! 272 00:12:41,573 --> 00:12:42,654 Whoo. 273 00:12:42,783 --> 00:12:44,399 God damn you! 274 00:12:44,493 --> 00:12:46,405 No, no, no, no, no! Ah! 275 00:12:46,495 --> 00:12:48,782 Dance, Piss-boy! 276 00:12:53,711 --> 00:12:55,043 What the hell is going on? 277 00:12:55,129 --> 00:12:57,496 I want you to give me another chance! 278 00:13:00,175 --> 00:13:01,757 Mathew, stop! 279 00:13:06,348 --> 00:13:08,010 Wha-what are you doing here? 280 00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,137 I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry 281 00:13:10,227 --> 00:13:12,389 for taking you for granted. 282 00:13:13,022 --> 00:13:14,979 You're the best thing that's happened 283 00:13:15,065 --> 00:13:18,274 to me in a really long time, and... 284 00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:21,193 I hope you come visit me in jail. 285 00:13:21,822 --> 00:13:23,108 Why are you going to jail? 286 00:13:23,198 --> 00:13:25,155 My accountant died. 287 00:13:25,242 --> 00:13:26,778 All right, look. Come... 288 00:13:26,869 --> 00:13:28,235 Come inside. Come on. Come with me. 289 00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:29,945 - His name was Mickey. - Okay. 290 00:13:30,998 --> 00:13:32,864 He was a great guy. 291 00:13:32,958 --> 00:13:34,574 Look, come on. Here. Step, step. 292 00:13:42,926 --> 00:13:44,337 - Hey. - Hi. 293 00:13:44,428 --> 00:13:46,108 - You got here fast. - Yeah. 294 00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:48,137 - Thanks for coming. - Well, sure. 295 00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:49,826 I'm sorry to have to call you like this. 296 00:13:49,850 --> 00:13:51,762 - Oh. No, no. - It's just... 297 00:13:52,186 --> 00:13:55,554 Well, he's, he's an unusual man, your father. 298 00:13:55,647 --> 00:13:57,388 Yeah. He's an idiot. 299 00:13:59,485 --> 00:14:01,602 Come on, Dad. 300 00:14:03,906 --> 00:14:06,023 Why do I smell like gunpowder? 301 00:14:06,116 --> 00:14:07,903 Come on. Let's get you home. 302 00:14:11,413 --> 00:14:12,949 I'm a little foggy, um... 303 00:14:13,665 --> 00:14:15,247 Did I win you back? 304 00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:18,873 - No. - Okay. I'm gonna keep trying. 305 00:14:18,962 --> 00:14:21,830 Let me know when it stops being cute and turns into stalking. 306 00:14:21,924 --> 00:14:24,086 - Will do. - Come on, Dad. 307 00:14:25,219 --> 00:14:26,460 Yep. Keep going. 308 00:14:31,225 --> 00:14:32,261 Mathew! 309 00:14:45,614 --> 00:14:47,105 So are you ready to take some advice, 310 00:14:47,199 --> 00:14:49,282 or do you still think you have all the answers? 311 00:14:49,368 --> 00:14:51,701 I don't have any answers. 312 00:14:54,081 --> 00:14:55,288 What do you got? 313 00:15:02,631 --> 00:15:04,918 I may have misspoke. 314 00:15:05,008 --> 00:15:06,874 Really? How so? 315 00:15:07,386 --> 00:15:10,049 You made a very generous offer 316 00:15:10,139 --> 00:15:13,007 and I was, uh, less than gracious. 317 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:14,136 Less than gracious? 318 00:15:14,226 --> 00:15:15,637 You told me to shove it up my ass. 319 00:15:15,727 --> 00:15:17,434 Like I said, I misspoke. 320 00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:19,353 What my father is trying to say 321 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,477 is that he's very grateful for your help 322 00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:23,604 and deeply appreciates your friendship. 323 00:15:23,694 --> 00:15:25,374 Thank you, but I'd like to hear him say it. 324 00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,483 You really want to rub my nose in it, don't you? 325 00:15:27,573 --> 00:15:28,905 You're right. I'm being petty. 326 00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:30,107 Well, you are. 327 00:15:31,743 --> 00:15:33,109 So say it. 328 00:15:33,495 --> 00:15:34,656 Dad. 329 00:15:36,081 --> 00:15:38,664 I am really thankful for your help. 330 00:15:39,168 --> 00:15:41,000 You are a good friend. 331 00:15:42,379 --> 00:15:43,495 All right. 332 00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:50,336 Here's the final number with interest and penalties. 333 00:15:52,556 --> 00:15:54,969 Wow. I think I'd like to rub some more. 334 00:15:55,058 --> 00:15:56,549 Just write the check. 335 00:15:57,978 --> 00:15:58,978 All right. 336 00:15:59,062 --> 00:16:00,428 Let me just jot down 337 00:16:00,522 --> 00:16:03,515 in the memo "No strings." 338 00:16:03,609 --> 00:16:05,771 Okay. Who's less than gracious now? 339 00:16:05,861 --> 00:16:06,861 Suck it up. 340 00:16:10,073 --> 00:16:11,154 Thank you. 341 00:16:23,629 --> 00:16:24,981 You should get down on your knees 342 00:16:25,005 --> 00:16:26,485 and thank God for a daughter like that 343 00:16:26,548 --> 00:16:28,665 because you did nothing to deserve her. 344 00:16:28,759 --> 00:16:30,921 Oh, you wanna talk about the daughters we deserve? 345 00:16:31,011 --> 00:16:32,798 Because I think you win that argument. 346 00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:36,385 How dare you? 347 00:16:36,808 --> 00:16:39,050 Phoebe's problems are not my fault. 348 00:16:39,144 --> 00:16:41,557 So you're gonna put it on your dear, departed wife? 349 00:16:41,647 --> 00:16:43,013 Oh, that's very classy. 350 00:16:43,106 --> 00:16:44,768 Eileen and I went to Al-Anon. 351 00:16:44,858 --> 00:16:46,941 They cleared us of all responsibility. 352 00:16:47,027 --> 00:16:48,859 Whatever you need to believe, buddy. 353 00:16:48,946 --> 00:16:50,608 Come on! 354 00:16:50,697 --> 00:16:53,861 What I believe is that you're an ungrateful little man 355 00:16:53,951 --> 00:16:56,864 whose bitterness about his failed acting career 356 00:16:56,954 --> 00:16:59,162 poisons his entire outlook on life. 357 00:16:59,581 --> 00:17:02,073 The only reason my acting career stalled 358 00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:04,625 is I was stupidly loyal to an agent 359 00:17:04,711 --> 00:17:07,328 who couldn't find his asshole with a flashlight and a rake! 360 00:17:07,422 --> 00:17:09,038 Oh, really? Shall I list 361 00:17:09,132 --> 00:17:11,419 the many successful actors I've represented, 362 00:17:11,510 --> 00:17:13,718 some of whom have named their children after me? 363 00:17:13,804 --> 00:17:17,013 Bullshit! Nobody names their child Norman. 364 00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:21,393 Ask Suzanne Somers what she named her Cockapoo. 365 00:17:21,478 --> 00:17:23,595 - That's not a child! - Oh, yeah? 366 00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:25,555 You should see how she treats that dog. 367 00:17:27,276 --> 00:17:29,063 If you wanna talk about successful, 368 00:17:29,152 --> 00:17:31,735 I had a Tony Award when I signed with you. 369 00:17:31,822 --> 00:17:33,905 - I was hot! - Yeah, you were hot. 370 00:17:33,991 --> 00:17:35,357 And then you came to Hollywood 371 00:17:35,450 --> 00:17:37,282 and you pissed off every Jew that counted. 372 00:17:37,369 --> 00:17:40,453 You burned bridges. You burned roads. You burned tunnels. 373 00:17:40,539 --> 00:17:43,623 If there was a path to success, you set it on fire. 374 00:17:43,709 --> 00:17:47,168 Well, forgive me for having standards, for having integrity. 375 00:17:47,254 --> 00:17:49,712 Standards and integrity are for Oscar winners. 376 00:17:49,798 --> 00:17:51,585 Everybody else has gotta bend over. 377 00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:53,211 Excuse me. Sorry. 378 00:17:53,802 --> 00:17:56,169 Jesus! Excuse me. Hold it! Hold it! 379 00:17:57,889 --> 00:18:00,051 I'm so sorry. I'm not usually this person. 380 00:18:00,142 --> 00:18:01,619 You know what? I don't need this shit. 381 00:18:01,643 --> 00:18:02,929 I got a class to teach. 382 00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:04,886 Oh, sure, the Kominsky Method. 383 00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:07,063 A how-to from a never-was. 384 00:18:07,149 --> 00:18:09,687 Hey, I may not have had the career I wanted, 385 00:18:09,776 --> 00:18:11,358 but at least when I look in the mirror, 386 00:18:11,445 --> 00:18:13,107 I don't see an agent. 387 00:18:13,196 --> 00:18:15,779 No, you see an old man desperately trying 388 00:18:15,866 --> 00:18:17,903 to look young by not shaving. 389 00:18:17,993 --> 00:18:21,327 I had this look long before it was trendy. 390 00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:29,544 Sandy Kominsky. Paid in full, bitch! 391 00:18:37,596 --> 00:18:39,963 And I have no car. 392 00:18:45,812 --> 00:18:47,895 Okay, we've got time for one more. 393 00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:50,223 Anybody feeling lucky? 394 00:18:50,317 --> 00:18:51,728 I'd like to go. 395 00:18:54,237 --> 00:18:55,899 Margaret. Wonderful. 396 00:18:57,866 --> 00:18:59,027 What do you got for us? 397 00:18:59,117 --> 00:19:00,904 I've been working on a monologue 398 00:19:00,994 --> 00:19:02,986 from Albee's Virginia Woolf. 399 00:19:03,330 --> 00:19:06,243 Really? That's kind of a tall order. 400 00:19:06,708 --> 00:19:07,949 I know. 401 00:19:08,043 --> 00:19:09,659 But I think I'm ready to try it. 402 00:19:10,045 --> 00:19:11,581 Okay. 403 00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:12,672 Go with God. 404 00:19:33,568 --> 00:19:35,434 George... 405 00:19:35,529 --> 00:19:38,272 who is out there somewhere in the dark. 406 00:19:39,866 --> 00:19:43,200 George, who is good to me and whom I revile. 407 00:19:44,621 --> 00:19:46,533 Who understands me... 408 00:19:46,623 --> 00:19:48,910 and whom I push off. 409 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,492 Who can make me laugh and I... 410 00:19:51,586 --> 00:19:53,202 choke it back in my throat. 411 00:19:54,214 --> 00:19:55,830 Who can hold me at night 412 00:19:55,924 --> 00:19:56,924 so that it's warm, 413 00:19:57,008 --> 00:20:00,752 and whom I will bite, so there is blood. 414 00:20:00,846 --> 00:20:03,304 Who keeps learning the games we play 415 00:20:03,390 --> 00:20:06,224 as quickly as I can change the rules. 416 00:20:07,102 --> 00:20:08,593 Who can make me happy, 417 00:20:08,687 --> 00:20:10,724 and I do not wish to be happy, 418 00:20:10,814 --> 00:20:13,932 and yes, I do wish to be happy. 419 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,477 George and Martha... 420 00:20:19,322 --> 00:20:22,565 for whom I will not forgive for having come to rest. 421 00:20:23,201 --> 00:20:25,818 For having seen me and having said, 422 00:20:26,413 --> 00:20:28,826 "Yes, this will do." 423 00:20:29,666 --> 00:20:32,659 Having made the hideous, the hurtful, 424 00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,370 the insulting mistake... 425 00:20:36,339 --> 00:20:37,875 of loving me... 426 00:20:38,884 --> 00:20:40,876 and must be punished for it. 427 00:20:42,763 --> 00:20:44,925 George and Martha. 428 00:20:46,099 --> 00:20:48,591 Sad, sad, sad. 429 00:21:08,371 --> 00:21:11,864 Margaret, I've been doing this for a long time, 430 00:21:12,918 --> 00:21:15,331 and that's one of the finest pieces of acting 431 00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:17,332 that I have ever seen. 432 00:21:23,178 --> 00:21:24,794 Thank you for being my teacher. 433 00:21:25,555 --> 00:21:26,841 Good job. 434 00:21:53,792 --> 00:21:56,751 Mindy, it has come to my attention 435 00:21:56,837 --> 00:22:00,330 that I may have a bit of a character defect. 436 00:22:00,423 --> 00:22:02,460 - A bit? - Let me finish. 437 00:22:02,551 --> 00:22:04,237 Because, you know, a bit is just a little... 438 00:22:04,261 --> 00:22:05,422 You gotta let me talk, Min. 439 00:22:08,390 --> 00:22:10,803 The defect of which I speak 440 00:22:11,810 --> 00:22:14,518 is that I take people for granted... 441 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,642 especially those that give a damn about me. 442 00:22:21,778 --> 00:22:23,485 I know I've let you down, 443 00:22:23,572 --> 00:22:25,359 and I wanna do something concrete, 444 00:22:25,448 --> 00:22:26,859 you know, to make up for it. 445 00:22:27,617 --> 00:22:29,700 You wanna take me for ice cream, Dad? 446 00:22:30,245 --> 00:22:32,362 Oh, Jesus. Would you please, Min? 447 00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:37,834 Apparently, I'm only good for one thing in life. 448 00:22:37,919 --> 00:22:38,919 That's teaching. 449 00:22:39,004 --> 00:22:41,917 I seem to fuck up pretty much everything else that I do. 450 00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:44,586 Not everything. 451 00:22:47,220 --> 00:22:49,007 Most everything. 452 00:22:51,266 --> 00:22:53,349 This place wouldn't be here 453 00:22:53,435 --> 00:22:54,892 if it wasn't for you. 454 00:22:57,188 --> 00:22:58,895 This is where you belong. 455 00:22:59,399 --> 00:23:02,517 So, from now on, I work for you. 456 00:23:03,069 --> 00:23:04,276 What are you talking about? 457 00:23:04,696 --> 00:23:06,983 Now that the studio is in the clear, 458 00:23:07,073 --> 00:23:08,814 I'm gonna put it in your name. 459 00:23:10,201 --> 00:23:11,908 Dad, I don't know what to say. 460 00:23:13,371 --> 00:23:16,455 You don't have to say anything. To me, at least. 461 00:23:16,541 --> 00:23:18,624 You can tell your mom to go fuck herself. 462 00:23:39,105 --> 00:23:40,141 Hello. 463 00:23:40,231 --> 00:23:42,097 - Hey. - What brings you here? 464 00:23:42,943 --> 00:23:45,936 I'm not happy with the way that we left things. 465 00:23:46,780 --> 00:23:47,780 Really? 466 00:23:48,406 --> 00:23:49,692 Really. 467 00:23:49,783 --> 00:23:51,524 Well, to be completely truthful, 468 00:23:51,618 --> 00:23:53,655 I'm not too pleased with it, either. 469 00:23:55,747 --> 00:23:56,828 Okay. 470 00:23:59,584 --> 00:24:01,917 Well, let me start... 471 00:24:02,003 --> 00:24:04,541 by saying I'm sorry for some of the things 472 00:24:04,631 --> 00:24:06,167 that I said to you. 473 00:24:06,758 --> 00:24:07,839 Just some of them? 474 00:24:10,929 --> 00:24:12,215 Now you go. 475 00:24:14,224 --> 00:24:15,635 I'm sorry, as well. 476 00:24:16,476 --> 00:24:18,012 Okay, then. Well... 477 00:24:19,020 --> 00:24:20,807 One last thing to do. 478 00:24:22,857 --> 00:24:25,144 This is the first of 300 payments 479 00:24:25,235 --> 00:24:27,067 of $1000 each, 480 00:24:27,153 --> 00:24:28,894 paid monthly, 481 00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:30,776 rain or shine. 482 00:24:30,865 --> 00:24:32,072 Alive or dead? 483 00:24:32,742 --> 00:24:33,742 Sure. 484 00:24:34,995 --> 00:24:37,328 I now understand how important this is to you. 485 00:24:38,581 --> 00:24:39,822 Thank you. 486 00:24:41,084 --> 00:24:42,666 Hang on one moment. 487 00:24:47,674 --> 00:24:49,165 What are you doing? 488 00:24:49,259 --> 00:24:50,545 Just a second. 489 00:24:52,012 --> 00:24:53,012 Alex! 490 00:24:56,558 --> 00:24:59,471 I want to thank you for your excellent service. 491 00:25:03,356 --> 00:25:04,722 Thank you. 492 00:25:10,488 --> 00:25:13,151 You rat fuck bastard. 493 00:25:13,241 --> 00:25:15,858 What? You don't like Alex? He's a lovely man. 494 00:25:17,537 --> 00:25:19,950 Would you like to order your stupid drink? 495 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,783 Well, I sure as hell can't hang out with you sober.