1
00:00:27,924 --> 00:00:29,756
You gonna say something?
2
00:00:31,302 --> 00:00:32,713
Eventually.
3
00:00:32,804 --> 00:00:34,887
I'm gathering my thoughts.
4
00:00:34,973 --> 00:00:37,306
It's really
just a yes or no answer.
5
00:00:37,392 --> 00:00:39,429
Oh, it's much more than that.
6
00:00:39,519 --> 00:00:41,476
Only if you need to
make me feel bad.
7
00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,582
Sandy, there are certain things
we have to do in life
8
00:00:43,606 --> 00:00:46,064
that are distasteful,
but absolutely necessary.
9
00:00:46,150 --> 00:00:48,437
I can think of several.
Can you?
10
00:00:48,528 --> 00:00:49,939
And I'm feeling bad.
11
00:00:50,029 --> 00:00:52,191
There's colonoscopies,
12
00:00:52,282 --> 00:00:55,116
engagement parties, flossing.
13
00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:56,362
Let's see...
14
00:00:56,452 --> 00:00:58,284
Being stuck in a car with you.
15
00:00:58,371 --> 00:00:59,532
Taxes, Sandy!
16
00:00:59,622 --> 00:01:01,784
Taxes are one of those
distasteful things
17
00:01:01,874 --> 00:01:03,115
that we must do.
18
00:01:03,209 --> 00:01:05,417
We really had to go through
colonoscopies to get here?
19
00:01:05,503 --> 00:01:06,855
Did you actually think
the government
20
00:01:06,879 --> 00:01:08,211
would just forget about you?
21
00:01:08,298 --> 00:01:09,914
It's possible, yes.
22
00:01:10,008 --> 00:01:12,295
- Hollywood has.
- That's amusing.
23
00:01:12,385 --> 00:01:14,377
It's good you can joke
at times like this.
24
00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:18,054
I fucked up, Norman.
What do you want me to say?
25
00:01:18,141 --> 00:01:19,301
Are you gonna help me or not?
26
00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:21,091
Three hundred thousand dollars!
27
00:01:21,185 --> 00:01:23,848
- Thereabouts.
- "Thereabouts." A little tip.
28
00:01:23,938 --> 00:01:25,975
When begging, it's good
to have an exact number.
29
00:01:26,065 --> 00:01:27,522
You'll get it all back.
30
00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,271
We'll set up a payment plan,
31
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,647
say, you know,
$1000 a month.
32
00:01:31,738 --> 00:01:35,652
Math isn't really
your strong suit, is it?
33
00:01:35,742 --> 00:01:38,325
- Why?
- Why? That's 25 years.
34
00:01:38,411 --> 00:01:41,825
You know how old I'll be when
you finish paying me off? Dead!
35
00:01:41,914 --> 00:01:44,873
Okay. How about if I push it up
to $1100 a month?
36
00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:46,746
Still dead.
37
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,561
Listen...
38
00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:12,894
I'm sorry
I put you on the spot.
39
00:02:12,987 --> 00:02:16,230
I got myself into this mess,
I'll get myself out.
40
00:02:16,324 --> 00:02:17,531
Good.
41
00:02:17,617 --> 00:02:19,028
So, just to be clear,
42
00:02:19,118 --> 00:02:21,155
I shouldn't count on you
to bail me out?
43
00:02:21,245 --> 00:02:23,407
Sandy, my concern is not about
the 300 grand.
44
00:02:23,498 --> 00:02:24,830
It's about you and me.
45
00:02:24,916 --> 00:02:27,374
That kind of money
can ruin a friendship.
46
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:29,355
What do you think jail
will do to our friendship?
47
00:02:29,379 --> 00:02:31,416
Well, it'll be
a white-collar jail.
48
00:02:31,506 --> 00:02:33,293
You'll be playing tennis
with Bernie Madoff.
49
00:02:33,383 --> 00:02:34,669
I don't play tennis.
50
00:02:34,759 --> 00:02:36,591
You'll learn. It's fun.
51
00:02:51,025 --> 00:02:52,766
- What's goin' on?
- I'm leaving.
52
00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:55,147
- You're on your own.
- Oh, Min, come on!
53
00:02:55,238 --> 00:02:57,104
Mom said not to rely on you.
54
00:02:57,198 --> 00:02:59,906
She said you were a rotten human
being, but I didn't believe her.
55
00:02:59,992 --> 00:03:01,824
Look, I may have had my flaws
as a husband,
56
00:03:01,911 --> 00:03:04,779
but as your father,
I've been solid gold.
57
00:03:05,123 --> 00:03:07,456
Yeah, 24 fuckin' carat.
58
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,621
What did you think
was gonna happen?
59
00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,828
Well, it sounds
a little silly now,
60
00:03:11,921 --> 00:03:15,289
but I was kind of hoping
by the time the IRS figured it out
61
00:03:15,383 --> 00:03:17,500
I'd be in a vase
on your mantel.
62
00:03:17,593 --> 00:03:18,629
Mantel?
63
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,053
You're going under the sink
next to the drain cleaner.
64
00:03:21,139 --> 00:03:22,616
Just give me a couple of days.
I've got a plan
65
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,597
to get us through this.
66
00:03:24,684 --> 00:03:26,266
Does it involve you
robbing a bank?
67
00:03:26,769 --> 00:03:27,769
That's plan B.
68
00:03:27,854 --> 00:03:30,096
Hey, I get to be glib.
You don't.
69
00:03:30,815 --> 00:03:31,815
Sorry.
70
00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:33,311
So, what's your plan?
71
00:03:34,318 --> 00:03:35,684
Honesty.
72
00:03:35,778 --> 00:03:37,314
I'm gonna go to the IRS
73
00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:39,146
and I'm just gonna
tell them the truth.
74
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,072
Which is?
75
00:03:41,159 --> 00:03:42,866
I haven't figured
that out yet.
76
00:03:50,209 --> 00:03:52,246
I disagree. He's made his bed.
77
00:03:52,336 --> 00:03:53,336
Now he's gotta lie in it.
78
00:03:53,421 --> 00:03:55,128
Please spare me the clichés.
79
00:03:55,214 --> 00:03:57,456
He is your oldest
and dearest friend.
80
00:03:57,550 --> 00:03:59,883
Yeah, but that's only
because Ed Jacobs died.
81
00:03:59,969 --> 00:04:02,712
Norman, you have the money.
Just give it to him.
82
00:04:02,805 --> 00:04:04,717
Excuse me,
but whatever happened
83
00:04:04,807 --> 00:04:06,764
to "Never a borrower
or a lender be"?
84
00:04:06,851 --> 00:04:08,717
You wanna take advice
from Shakespeare?
85
00:04:08,811 --> 00:04:11,224
He also said,
"Kill all the lawyers."
86
00:04:11,314 --> 00:04:13,351
I agree with that too.
87
00:04:14,066 --> 00:04:15,477
You know the right thing to do.
88
00:04:15,568 --> 00:04:17,605
- Just do it.
- He'll never pay me back.
89
00:04:17,695 --> 00:04:19,311
It's ridiculous
what he's proposing.
90
00:04:19,405 --> 00:04:22,022
Sweetheart, you don't want
the money back.
91
00:04:22,492 --> 00:04:24,324
- I don't?
- No!
92
00:04:24,410 --> 00:04:28,120
You give it to him as a gift.
No strings.
93
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:29,871
Hmm.
94
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,161
Interesting.
95
00:04:34,879 --> 00:04:36,290
Sandy's a proud man.
96
00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:38,918
If I don't let him pay me back,
he will go nuts.
97
00:04:39,008 --> 00:04:40,670
Well, you just have
to reassure him.
98
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,673
No, no, I...
I want him to go nuts.
99
00:04:43,763 --> 00:04:45,004
That'll be the fun part.
100
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,802
Why can't it just be
a noble gesture?
101
00:04:47,892 --> 00:04:50,680
That's in there too.
It's genius, really.
102
00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:52,887
No strings is the biggest
string of all.
103
00:04:52,980 --> 00:04:55,313
I think maybe you're losing
the spirit of this.
104
00:04:55,775 --> 00:04:57,311
I still want it structured
as a loan.
105
00:04:57,401 --> 00:05:00,189
Otherwise he'd pay taxes
on the money.
106
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:01,941
Or doesn't pay taxes
on the money
107
00:05:02,031 --> 00:05:03,217
and we're right back
where we started.
108
00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:06,325
Well, I'm gonna leave it to you
to figure out the details.
109
00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:09,369
Yeah.
Definitely a loan.
110
00:05:09,455 --> 00:05:10,815
But I don't want him
to pay me back
111
00:05:10,873 --> 00:05:13,081
no matter how much
he cries about it.
112
00:05:15,169 --> 00:05:16,956
This is gonna kill him.
113
00:05:20,007 --> 00:05:21,293
No strings.
114
00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:27,012
I'm sorry to make a scene,
but this is really hard for me.
115
00:05:29,642 --> 00:05:31,258
When Mickey died...
116
00:05:32,061 --> 00:05:34,974
Mickey was my accountant
for over 30 years,
117
00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:36,896
and when he died...
118
00:05:36,983 --> 00:05:38,599
I just lost it.
119
00:05:38,693 --> 00:05:40,559
I mean,
you've got to understand
120
00:05:40,653 --> 00:05:42,565
he was so much more
than an accountant to me.
121
00:05:42,655 --> 00:05:46,023
He was my friend.
He was my mentor.
122
00:05:46,117 --> 00:05:47,858
Oh, hell, I'm just gonna say it.
123
00:05:47,952 --> 00:05:49,944
He was like
a surrogate father.
124
00:05:52,415 --> 00:05:54,498
So when he died...
125
00:05:54,584 --> 00:05:56,997
I kinda, like,
lost my mind, you know?
126
00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:59,669
I let all the paperwork slide.
127
00:05:59,755 --> 00:06:01,667
And then when I realized
that April 15th
128
00:06:01,757 --> 00:06:02,998
had come and gone
129
00:06:03,092 --> 00:06:05,334
and I hadn't filed my taxes
130
00:06:05,428 --> 00:06:07,761
I didn't know what to do.
131
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:10,840
Without the Mickster,
I was just lost.
132
00:06:13,978 --> 00:06:14,978
I'm sorry.
133
00:06:15,354 --> 00:06:16,686
Thank you.
134
00:06:16,772 --> 00:06:18,980
But why didn't you get
a new accountant?
135
00:06:22,486 --> 00:06:24,398
Because, uh...
136
00:06:24,488 --> 00:06:26,605
Because getting
a new accountant
137
00:06:26,699 --> 00:06:29,612
would be acknowledging
that Mickey was dead
138
00:06:29,702 --> 00:06:31,364
and I still can't do that!
139
00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:34,372
Thank you.
140
00:06:38,044 --> 00:06:39,626
Well, Mr. Kominsky,
141
00:06:39,712 --> 00:06:42,045
how do you propose
we resolve this?
142
00:06:42,131 --> 00:06:45,249
Honestly, I think
I should pay you back.
143
00:06:45,343 --> 00:06:48,427
I should pay you back
a 100 cents on the dollar.
144
00:06:48,512 --> 00:06:49,798
Plus interest and penalties.
145
00:06:50,723 --> 00:06:54,216
Yeah, sure, of course.
It goes without saying.
146
00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:56,393
So...
147
00:06:56,479 --> 00:06:59,472
what do you think
about $1000 a month
148
00:06:59,565 --> 00:07:00,681
till we're square?
149
00:07:00,775 --> 00:07:02,437
That would take quite some time.
150
00:07:03,277 --> 00:07:04,734
Twenty-five years.
151
00:07:05,112 --> 00:07:07,855
I don't think that's gonna fly
with my boss.
152
00:07:09,992 --> 00:07:12,575
Do you own the building
that you teach from?
153
00:07:13,454 --> 00:07:14,615
Yeah. Why?
154
00:07:14,705 --> 00:07:16,992
If we seize the asset, sell it,
155
00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:18,665
we get our money,
and everybody's happy.
156
00:07:19,210 --> 00:07:20,792
I'm not happy.
157
00:07:20,878 --> 00:07:22,119
Well, one way or another,
158
00:07:22,213 --> 00:07:24,296
this gets resolved
in 48 hours.
159
00:07:24,382 --> 00:07:25,382
Or?
160
00:07:25,424 --> 00:07:26,915
We're the IRS.
161
00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:28,295
Use your imagination.
162
00:07:30,012 --> 00:07:31,128
Gee, I-I gotta tell you,
163
00:07:31,222 --> 00:07:32,758
I liked the $1000 a month better.
164
00:07:32,848 --> 00:07:34,635
Just excuse me.
165
00:07:34,725 --> 00:07:35,761
Hey, Norman, what's up?
166
00:07:37,728 --> 00:07:39,811
Yeah, no,
I-I can meet you, yeah.
167
00:07:40,773 --> 00:07:43,732
That's great.
No, I'm on my way.
168
00:07:45,403 --> 00:07:47,895
Fuck you very much.
I'll be back with the money.
169
00:08:00,918 --> 00:08:01,918
Hey.
170
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,289
I took the liberty of ordering
171
00:08:03,379 --> 00:08:05,792
you a Jack Daniel's
and Dr Pepper.
172
00:08:05,881 --> 00:08:07,317
- Thank you.
- I hope you don't mind.
173
00:08:07,341 --> 00:08:09,503
I was curious,
so I took a sip.
174
00:08:09,593 --> 00:08:11,129
And?
175
00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:12,802
I spit it into here.
176
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:16,553
Charming.
So what's up?
177
00:08:17,351 --> 00:08:19,468
After giving it much thought,
178
00:08:19,562 --> 00:08:21,053
I've decided to give you
the money.
179
00:08:21,147 --> 00:08:24,356
Oh, Norman,
Norman, thank you.
180
00:08:24,442 --> 00:08:27,355
Thank you.
I am beyond grateful. Thank you.
181
00:08:27,445 --> 00:08:30,233
And like I said, I promise you,
I'll pay you back every penny.
182
00:08:30,322 --> 00:08:32,939
No, no, no. That's the one thing
that won't happen.
183
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:34,616
I'm giving it to you as a gift.
184
00:08:34,702 --> 00:08:36,614
No, no, no, no.
I-I gotta pay you back.
185
00:08:36,704 --> 00:08:38,445
Why?
Because you have your pride?
186
00:08:38,539 --> 00:08:41,077
Yes, yes,
because I have my pride.
187
00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:42,203
That's not my problem.
188
00:08:42,293 --> 00:08:45,252
I'm giving you the money
free and clear.
189
00:08:45,337 --> 00:08:46,337
No strings.
190
00:08:47,631 --> 00:08:50,248
So you write me a check
for 300 grand
191
00:08:50,342 --> 00:08:52,880
and I'm supposed to carry on
like nothing happened?
192
00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:54,802
No, I'll write the IRS a check.
193
00:08:54,889 --> 00:08:56,255
I don't trust you
with the money.
194
00:08:56,348 --> 00:08:57,884
Wow.
195
00:08:58,684 --> 00:09:00,266
Why don't you just cut off
my balls?
196
00:09:00,352 --> 00:09:02,309
Why don't you just take my
money and be grateful?
197
00:09:02,396 --> 00:09:04,558
I can't. Giving me the money
with no strings
198
00:09:04,648 --> 00:09:07,140
is like the biggest string
of all.
199
00:09:07,234 --> 00:09:09,191
Well, that's a very
cynical attitude.
200
00:09:09,278 --> 00:09:10,940
Norman, I have to
pay you back.
201
00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:13,113
- I have to make the effort.
- No.
202
00:09:13,199 --> 00:09:14,565
See, what's gonna happen is
203
00:09:14,658 --> 00:09:17,742
you'll start out all gung-ho
with a lot of enthusiasm
204
00:09:17,828 --> 00:09:19,431
and then before you know it,
you'll be late
205
00:09:19,455 --> 00:09:21,308
on a couple of payments
and I'll have to ask you,
206
00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:22,368
"Where's the money?"
207
00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:24,165
And you'll get snippy with me
208
00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:26,459
and just like that,
our friendship will be over.
209
00:09:26,545 --> 00:09:28,457
I'll get snippy with you?
210
00:09:28,547 --> 00:09:30,413
Look at that.
You're already snippy.
211
00:09:30,508 --> 00:09:33,216
So you're assuming that
I not only won't pay you back,
212
00:09:33,302 --> 00:09:35,259
I'm incapable
of paying you back?
213
00:09:35,346 --> 00:09:36,346
Correct.
214
00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:38,096
Okay. All right.
215
00:09:38,182 --> 00:09:39,718
Well, thank you
for your offer.
216
00:09:39,809 --> 00:09:41,641
Here's my counteroffer.
217
00:09:43,145 --> 00:09:45,808
I'd like you to take
that $300,000,
218
00:09:45,898 --> 00:09:48,641
tie it up with that string
that you claim is not a string,
219
00:09:48,984 --> 00:09:51,067
and shove it up your ass.
220
00:09:56,325 --> 00:09:58,863
Not as much fun
as I thought it would be.
221
00:09:58,953 --> 00:10:00,910
Hi, this is Lisa.
Please leave a message.
222
00:10:02,915 --> 00:10:04,515
I know you're not
really thrilled
223
00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:06,870
with me, um, right now...
224
00:10:08,712 --> 00:10:11,125
...but compared to everybody
else in my life
225
00:10:11,215 --> 00:10:12,581
"not thrilled" makes you
226
00:10:12,675 --> 00:10:15,634
president of the Sandy Kominsky
fan club.
227
00:10:17,471 --> 00:10:20,885
Anyway, uh, I'd appreciate
if you called me back,
228
00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:25,219
and soon, because I may not
have a phone much longer.
229
00:10:29,441 --> 00:10:32,730
Bet you get a lot of vomit
in these Uber cars.
230
00:10:32,820 --> 00:10:34,482
Oh, don't worry. Don't worry.
231
00:10:34,572 --> 00:10:36,404
I-I'm not a puker.
232
00:10:36,490 --> 00:10:39,198
The only way booze
is jettisoned from my body
233
00:10:39,285 --> 00:10:40,742
is through my winky.
234
00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:44,446
You're a good listener.
235
00:10:45,291 --> 00:10:47,499
Important skill
as you move through life.
236
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,223
Thank you. F-five stars.
237
00:11:05,144 --> 00:11:07,557
Fuck it, six stars! Eh...
238
00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:12,854
Okay.
239
00:11:13,777 --> 00:11:15,109
All right.
240
00:11:16,238 --> 00:11:19,026
Oh, let's, let's just see here.
241
00:11:19,116 --> 00:11:20,357
Okay.
242
00:11:25,289 --> 00:11:26,850
Jambox is in pairing mode.
243
00:11:26,874 --> 00:11:29,867
Okay. There we go.
244
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,326
Hang on here.
245
00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:32,456
Hang on.
246
00:11:32,546 --> 00:11:35,539
Bluetooth is connecting.
247
00:11:35,633 --> 00:11:38,171
Yeah, baby!
248
00:11:39,511 --> 00:11:40,627
Oh.
249
00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:42,087
Music.
250
00:11:42,181 --> 00:11:44,639
Peter Frampton.
251
00:11:44,725 --> 00:11:48,344
Peter, Paul and Mary.
Peter Gabriel, there you are.
252
00:11:53,567 --> 00:11:57,402
♪♪ Michael row the boat ashore ♪♪
253
00:11:57,488 --> 00:11:59,354
♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
254
00:11:59,448 --> 00:12:01,906
Damn it. That's the wrong Peter.
255
00:12:04,495 --> 00:12:05,611
Lisa?
256
00:12:06,664 --> 00:12:08,621
I'm sorry!
257
00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:11,746
Hey, it's Mr. Piss-boy.
258
00:12:11,835 --> 00:12:14,168
Where's your mother? Prick.
259
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,712
She's not home.
260
00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:17,919
Oh, shit.
261
00:12:18,008 --> 00:12:19,340
Well...
262
00:12:19,426 --> 00:12:21,588
Well-well-well,
when is she coming home?
263
00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:23,716
I-I can't hear you.
Come closer.
264
00:12:26,558 --> 00:12:29,096
Wh-when is-is she coming back?
265
00:12:29,186 --> 00:12:30,267
A little closer.
266
00:12:30,354 --> 00:12:32,061
Are you, are you deaf?
267
00:12:32,147 --> 00:12:33,683
Perfect.
268
00:12:33,774 --> 00:12:34,834
- Whoo!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
269
00:12:34,858 --> 00:12:36,378
What the fuck?
270
00:12:37,736 --> 00:12:39,568
Whoa!
You little dick!
271
00:12:40,155 --> 00:12:41,487
Fuck you, man!
272
00:12:41,573 --> 00:12:42,654
Whoo.
273
00:12:42,783 --> 00:12:44,399
God damn you!
274
00:12:44,493 --> 00:12:46,405
No, no, no, no, no! Ah!
275
00:12:46,495 --> 00:12:48,782
Dance, Piss-boy!
276
00:12:53,711 --> 00:12:55,043
What the hell is going on?
277
00:12:55,129 --> 00:12:57,496
I want you to give me
another chance!
278
00:13:00,175 --> 00:13:01,757
Mathew, stop!
279
00:13:06,348 --> 00:13:08,010
Wha-what are you doing here?
280
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,137
I wanted to tell you
that I'm sorry
281
00:13:10,227 --> 00:13:12,389
for taking you for granted.
282
00:13:13,022 --> 00:13:14,979
You're the best thing
that's happened
283
00:13:15,065 --> 00:13:18,274
to me in a really
long time, and...
284
00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:21,193
I hope you come visit me
in jail.
285
00:13:21,822 --> 00:13:23,108
Why are you going to jail?
286
00:13:23,198 --> 00:13:25,155
My accountant died.
287
00:13:25,242 --> 00:13:26,778
All right, look. Come...
288
00:13:26,869 --> 00:13:28,235
Come inside.
Come on. Come with me.
289
00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:29,945
- His name was Mickey.
- Okay.
290
00:13:30,998 --> 00:13:32,864
He was a great guy.
291
00:13:32,958 --> 00:13:34,574
Look, come on.
Here. Step, step.
292
00:13:42,926 --> 00:13:44,337
- Hey.
- Hi.
293
00:13:44,428 --> 00:13:46,108
- You got here fast.
- Yeah.
294
00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:48,137
- Thanks for coming.
- Well, sure.
295
00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:49,826
I'm sorry to have
to call you like this.
296
00:13:49,850 --> 00:13:51,762
- Oh. No, no.
- It's just...
297
00:13:52,186 --> 00:13:55,554
Well, he's, he's an unusual man,
your father.
298
00:13:55,647 --> 00:13:57,388
Yeah.
He's an idiot.
299
00:13:59,485 --> 00:14:01,602
Come on, Dad.
300
00:14:03,906 --> 00:14:06,023
Why do I smell
like gunpowder?
301
00:14:06,116 --> 00:14:07,903
Come on.
Let's get you home.
302
00:14:11,413 --> 00:14:12,949
I'm a little foggy, um...
303
00:14:13,665 --> 00:14:15,247
Did I win you back?
304
00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:18,873
- No.
- Okay. I'm gonna keep trying.
305
00:14:18,962 --> 00:14:21,830
Let me know when it stops being cute
and turns into stalking.
306
00:14:21,924 --> 00:14:24,086
- Will do.
- Come on, Dad.
307
00:14:25,219 --> 00:14:26,460
Yep. Keep going.
308
00:14:31,225 --> 00:14:32,261
Mathew!
309
00:14:45,614 --> 00:14:47,105
So are you ready
to take some advice,
310
00:14:47,199 --> 00:14:49,282
or do you still think
you have all the answers?
311
00:14:49,368 --> 00:14:51,701
I don't have any answers.
312
00:14:54,081 --> 00:14:55,288
What do you got?
313
00:15:02,631 --> 00:15:04,918
I may have misspoke.
314
00:15:05,008 --> 00:15:06,874
Really? How so?
315
00:15:07,386 --> 00:15:10,049
You made a very generous offer
316
00:15:10,139 --> 00:15:13,007
and I was, uh,
less than gracious.
317
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:14,136
Less than gracious?
318
00:15:14,226 --> 00:15:15,637
You told me to shove it
up my ass.
319
00:15:15,727 --> 00:15:17,434
Like I said, I misspoke.
320
00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:19,353
What my father is trying to say
321
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,477
is that he's very grateful
for your help
322
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:23,604
and deeply appreciates
your friendship.
323
00:15:23,694 --> 00:15:25,374
Thank you, but I'd like
to hear him say it.
324
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,483
You really want to rub my nose
in it, don't you?
325
00:15:27,573 --> 00:15:28,905
You're right.
I'm being petty.
326
00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:30,107
Well, you are.
327
00:15:31,743 --> 00:15:33,109
So say it.
328
00:15:33,495 --> 00:15:34,656
Dad.
329
00:15:36,081 --> 00:15:38,664
I am really thankful
for your help.
330
00:15:39,168 --> 00:15:41,000
You are a good friend.
331
00:15:42,379 --> 00:15:43,495
All right.
332
00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:50,336
Here's the final number
with interest and penalties.
333
00:15:52,556 --> 00:15:54,969
Wow. I think I'd like
to rub some more.
334
00:15:55,058 --> 00:15:56,549
Just write the check.
335
00:15:57,978 --> 00:15:58,978
All right.
336
00:15:59,062 --> 00:16:00,428
Let me just jot down
337
00:16:00,522 --> 00:16:03,515
in the memo
"No strings."
338
00:16:03,609 --> 00:16:05,771
Okay.
Who's less than gracious now?
339
00:16:05,861 --> 00:16:06,861
Suck it up.
340
00:16:10,073 --> 00:16:11,154
Thank you.
341
00:16:23,629 --> 00:16:24,981
You should get down
on your knees
342
00:16:25,005 --> 00:16:26,485
and thank God
for a daughter like that
343
00:16:26,548 --> 00:16:28,665
because you did nothing
to deserve her.
344
00:16:28,759 --> 00:16:30,921
Oh, you wanna talk about
the daughters we deserve?
345
00:16:31,011 --> 00:16:32,798
Because I think you win
that argument.
346
00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:36,385
How dare you?
347
00:16:36,808 --> 00:16:39,050
Phoebe's problems
are not my fault.
348
00:16:39,144 --> 00:16:41,557
So you're gonna put it
on your dear, departed wife?
349
00:16:41,647 --> 00:16:43,013
Oh, that's very classy.
350
00:16:43,106 --> 00:16:44,768
Eileen and I went
to Al-Anon.
351
00:16:44,858 --> 00:16:46,941
They cleared us
of all responsibility.
352
00:16:47,027 --> 00:16:48,859
Whatever you need
to believe, buddy.
353
00:16:48,946 --> 00:16:50,608
Come on!
354
00:16:50,697 --> 00:16:53,861
What I believe is that
you're an ungrateful little man
355
00:16:53,951 --> 00:16:56,864
whose bitterness
about his failed acting career
356
00:16:56,954 --> 00:16:59,162
poisons his entire
outlook on life.
357
00:16:59,581 --> 00:17:02,073
The only reason
my acting career stalled
358
00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:04,625
is I was stupidly loyal
to an agent
359
00:17:04,711 --> 00:17:07,328
who couldn't find his asshole
with a flashlight and a rake!
360
00:17:07,422 --> 00:17:09,038
Oh, really? Shall I list
361
00:17:09,132 --> 00:17:11,419
the many successful actors
I've represented,
362
00:17:11,510 --> 00:17:13,718
some of whom have named
their children after me?
363
00:17:13,804 --> 00:17:17,013
Bullshit! Nobody names their
child Norman.
364
00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:21,393
Ask Suzanne Somers
what she named her Cockapoo.
365
00:17:21,478 --> 00:17:23,595
- That's not a child!
- Oh, yeah?
366
00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:25,555
You should see
how she treats that dog.
367
00:17:27,276 --> 00:17:29,063
If you wanna talk
about successful,
368
00:17:29,152 --> 00:17:31,735
I had a Tony Award
when I signed with you.
369
00:17:31,822 --> 00:17:33,905
- I was hot!
- Yeah, you were hot.
370
00:17:33,991 --> 00:17:35,357
And then you came to Hollywood
371
00:17:35,450 --> 00:17:37,282
and you pissed off
every Jew that counted.
372
00:17:37,369 --> 00:17:40,453
You burned bridges. You burned roads.
You burned tunnels.
373
00:17:40,539 --> 00:17:43,623
If there was a path to success,
you set it on fire.
374
00:17:43,709 --> 00:17:47,168
Well, forgive me for having
standards, for having integrity.
375
00:17:47,254 --> 00:17:49,712
Standards and integrity
are for Oscar winners.
376
00:17:49,798 --> 00:17:51,585
Everybody else
has gotta bend over.
377
00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:53,211
Excuse me. Sorry.
378
00:17:53,802 --> 00:17:56,169
Jesus! Excuse me.
Hold it! Hold it!
379
00:17:57,889 --> 00:18:00,051
I'm so sorry.
I'm not usually this person.
380
00:18:00,142 --> 00:18:01,619
You know what?
I don't need this shit.
381
00:18:01,643 --> 00:18:02,929
I got a class to teach.
382
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:04,886
Oh, sure, the Kominsky Method.
383
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:07,063
A how-to from a never-was.
384
00:18:07,149 --> 00:18:09,687
Hey, I may not have had
the career I wanted,
385
00:18:09,776 --> 00:18:11,358
but at least when I look
in the mirror,
386
00:18:11,445 --> 00:18:13,107
I don't see an agent.
387
00:18:13,196 --> 00:18:15,779
No, you see an old man
desperately trying
388
00:18:15,866 --> 00:18:17,903
to look young by not shaving.
389
00:18:17,993 --> 00:18:21,327
I had this look long before
it was trendy.
390
00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:29,544
Sandy Kominsky.
Paid in full, bitch!
391
00:18:37,596 --> 00:18:39,963
And I have no car.
392
00:18:45,812 --> 00:18:47,895
Okay, we've got time
for one more.
393
00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:50,223
Anybody feeling lucky?
394
00:18:50,317 --> 00:18:51,728
I'd like to go.
395
00:18:54,237 --> 00:18:55,899
Margaret. Wonderful.
396
00:18:57,866 --> 00:18:59,027
What do you got for us?
397
00:18:59,117 --> 00:19:00,904
I've been working
on a monologue
398
00:19:00,994 --> 00:19:02,986
from Albee's Virginia Woolf.
399
00:19:03,330 --> 00:19:06,243
Really?
That's kind of a tall order.
400
00:19:06,708 --> 00:19:07,949
I know.
401
00:19:08,043 --> 00:19:09,659
But I think I'm ready
to try it.
402
00:19:10,045 --> 00:19:11,581
Okay.
403
00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:12,672
Go with God.
404
00:19:33,568 --> 00:19:35,434
George...
405
00:19:35,529 --> 00:19:38,272
who is out there somewhere
in the dark.
406
00:19:39,866 --> 00:19:43,200
George, who is good to me
and whom I revile.
407
00:19:44,621 --> 00:19:46,533
Who understands me...
408
00:19:46,623 --> 00:19:48,910
and whom I push off.
409
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,492
Who can make me laugh and I...
410
00:19:51,586 --> 00:19:53,202
choke it back in my throat.
411
00:19:54,214 --> 00:19:55,830
Who can hold me at night
412
00:19:55,924 --> 00:19:56,924
so that it's warm,
413
00:19:57,008 --> 00:20:00,752
and whom I will bite,
so there is blood.
414
00:20:00,846 --> 00:20:03,304
Who keeps learning
the games we play
415
00:20:03,390 --> 00:20:06,224
as quickly as I can change
the rules.
416
00:20:07,102 --> 00:20:08,593
Who can make me happy,
417
00:20:08,687 --> 00:20:10,724
and I do not wish to be happy,
418
00:20:10,814 --> 00:20:13,932
and yes, I do wish to be happy.
419
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,477
George and Martha...
420
00:20:19,322 --> 00:20:22,565
for whom I will not forgive
for having come to rest.
421
00:20:23,201 --> 00:20:25,818
For having seen me
and having said,
422
00:20:26,413 --> 00:20:28,826
"Yes, this will do."
423
00:20:29,666 --> 00:20:32,659
Having made the hideous,
the hurtful,
424
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,370
the insulting mistake...
425
00:20:36,339 --> 00:20:37,875
of loving me...
426
00:20:38,884 --> 00:20:40,876
and must be punished for it.
427
00:20:42,763 --> 00:20:44,925
George and Martha.
428
00:20:46,099 --> 00:20:48,591
Sad, sad, sad.
429
00:21:08,371 --> 00:21:11,864
Margaret, I've been
doing this for a long time,
430
00:21:12,918 --> 00:21:15,331
and that's one of the finest
pieces of acting
431
00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:17,332
that I have ever seen.
432
00:21:23,178 --> 00:21:24,794
Thank you for being my teacher.
433
00:21:25,555 --> 00:21:26,841
Good job.
434
00:21:53,792 --> 00:21:56,751
Mindy, it has come
to my attention
435
00:21:56,837 --> 00:22:00,330
that I may have a bit
of a character defect.
436
00:22:00,423 --> 00:22:02,460
- A bit?
- Let me finish.
437
00:22:02,551 --> 00:22:04,237
Because, you know,
a bit is just a little...
438
00:22:04,261 --> 00:22:05,422
You gotta let me talk, Min.
439
00:22:08,390 --> 00:22:10,803
The defect of which I speak
440
00:22:11,810 --> 00:22:14,518
is that I take people
for granted...
441
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,642
especially those
that give a damn about me.
442
00:22:21,778 --> 00:22:23,485
I know I've let you down,
443
00:22:23,572 --> 00:22:25,359
and I wanna do
something concrete,
444
00:22:25,448 --> 00:22:26,859
you know, to make up for it.
445
00:22:27,617 --> 00:22:29,700
You wanna take me
for ice cream, Dad?
446
00:22:30,245 --> 00:22:32,362
Oh, Jesus.
Would you please, Min?
447
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:37,834
Apparently, I'm only good
for one thing in life.
448
00:22:37,919 --> 00:22:38,919
That's teaching.
449
00:22:39,004 --> 00:22:41,917
I seem to fuck up pretty much
everything else that I do.
450
00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:44,586
Not everything.
451
00:22:47,220 --> 00:22:49,007
Most everything.
452
00:22:51,266 --> 00:22:53,349
This place wouldn't be here
453
00:22:53,435 --> 00:22:54,892
if it wasn't for you.
454
00:22:57,188 --> 00:22:58,895
This is where you belong.
455
00:22:59,399 --> 00:23:02,517
So, from now on,
I work for you.
456
00:23:03,069 --> 00:23:04,276
What are you talking about?
457
00:23:04,696 --> 00:23:06,983
Now that the studio
is in the clear,
458
00:23:07,073 --> 00:23:08,814
I'm gonna put it in your name.
459
00:23:10,201 --> 00:23:11,908
Dad, I don't know what to say.
460
00:23:13,371 --> 00:23:16,455
You don't have to say anything.
To me, at least.
461
00:23:16,541 --> 00:23:18,624
You can tell your mom
to go fuck herself.
462
00:23:39,105 --> 00:23:40,141
Hello.
463
00:23:40,231 --> 00:23:42,097
- Hey.
- What brings you here?
464
00:23:42,943 --> 00:23:45,936
I'm not happy with the way
that we left things.
465
00:23:46,780 --> 00:23:47,780
Really?
466
00:23:48,406 --> 00:23:49,692
Really.
467
00:23:49,783 --> 00:23:51,524
Well, to be completely truthful,
468
00:23:51,618 --> 00:23:53,655
I'm not too pleased with it,
either.
469
00:23:55,747 --> 00:23:56,828
Okay.
470
00:23:59,584 --> 00:24:01,917
Well, let me start...
471
00:24:02,003 --> 00:24:04,541
by saying I'm sorry
for some of the things
472
00:24:04,631 --> 00:24:06,167
that I said to you.
473
00:24:06,758 --> 00:24:07,839
Just some of them?
474
00:24:10,929 --> 00:24:12,215
Now you go.
475
00:24:14,224 --> 00:24:15,635
I'm sorry, as well.
476
00:24:16,476 --> 00:24:18,012
Okay, then. Well...
477
00:24:19,020 --> 00:24:20,807
One last thing to do.
478
00:24:22,857 --> 00:24:25,144
This is the first
of 300 payments
479
00:24:25,235 --> 00:24:27,067
of $1000 each,
480
00:24:27,153 --> 00:24:28,894
paid monthly,
481
00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:30,776
rain or shine.
482
00:24:30,865 --> 00:24:32,072
Alive or dead?
483
00:24:32,742 --> 00:24:33,742
Sure.
484
00:24:34,995 --> 00:24:37,328
I now understand
how important this is to you.
485
00:24:38,581 --> 00:24:39,822
Thank you.
486
00:24:41,084 --> 00:24:42,666
Hang on one moment.
487
00:24:47,674 --> 00:24:49,165
What are you doing?
488
00:24:49,259 --> 00:24:50,545
Just a second.
489
00:24:52,012 --> 00:24:53,012
Alex!
490
00:24:56,558 --> 00:24:59,471
I want to thank you
for your excellent service.
491
00:25:03,356 --> 00:25:04,722
Thank you.
492
00:25:10,488 --> 00:25:13,151
You rat fuck bastard.
493
00:25:13,241 --> 00:25:15,858
What? You don't like Alex?
He's a lovely man.
494
00:25:17,537 --> 00:25:19,950
Would you like to order
your stupid drink?
495
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,783
Well, I sure as hell
can't hang out with you sober.