You're a good friend, Sandy. Thank you for doing this.
Oh, please. I'm happy to help.
Haven't been out this way since I took Tristin to Coachella.
- Tristin? - Yeah.
That girl that I was seeing...
That you kept calling "Triscuit."
Oh, yeah, right.
- Coachella? - Rock concert.
Right.
Did you enjoy it?
The music, yeah.
People thinking that I was Tristin's grandfather,
not so much.
Yeah.
Humiliation doesn't bother you, does it?
I'm an actor.
Where are we?
Oh. Look who decided to rejoin the land of the living.
- Just outside Anaheim. - My throat hurts.
Because they stuck a tube down it to pump your stomach
from the drugs you almost killed yourself with.
Right. Right.
Well, at least I'm not coming down with something.
I've heard good things about this rehab, Phoebe.
Only the best funny farms for my little girl.
Don't be mean, Daddy.
Yeah, Daddy. Don't be mean.
What was the name of that place you went to near Yosemite?
Answers at the Redwoods.
Right.
Answers at the Redwoods.
You were addicted to pain pills, and your mother was
worried you were gonna get Lyme disease.
Hey, you know what people worry about in Florida?
Key Lime disease.
Nothing, huh?
All right.
I hated that place.
They made you go camping and hiking.
We had to build these strange, uh
tents, what are they called?
Yurts.
How many rehabs you been to?
- I don't know. - Seven.
I have the check stubs to prove it.
Don't be mean, Daddy.
Thank you.
Yurts. It's a funny word.
♪♪ Yurts so good ♪♪
♪♪ Come on baby make the yurts so good ♪♪
Well, I'm havin' a good time.
Uh-oh. Yoink! No!
How dare you!
Mm!
It's really good for you, like...
- You wanna switch booths? - Let's just order.
Oh, that's my daughter. Excuse me.
Great kid. Love her like crazy.
Hey, Min. What's up?
I'm looking at a letter from the IRS.
Oh?
Please tell me this is a mistake.
Uh... What is, honey?
That you owe three years' worth of back taxes.
- Really? - That's what it says, Dad.
Care to explain?
Well, uh, it's not complicated, really.
When Mickey passed away...
You remember my accountant, Mickey Levine?
Lovely man. Died way too young.
Had a massive heart attack
playing tennis at a pro-am event. Mixed doubles.
Serena Williams gave him CPR
and cracked two of his ribs.
- Dad! - Anyway,
when Mickey died, I was pretty shook up
as you can imagine, and I kinda dropped the ball
for the next year or two, you know, tax-wise.
This is three years!
No, those are fiscal years, sweetheart.
It's different than regular years.
Do you realize what you've done?
We are fucked.
This says we owe $285,000.
Wow. That-that sounds like too much.
Plus interest and penalties!
I-I can't believe you.
This is just fucking crazy!
Mindy, I...
Hello?
Hello? Mindy?
You know, when they pumped my stomach, they found a nickel.
You can leave the tip.
You're the best, Mindy. No, I love you, too.
All right. Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Can you believe that? She just called to say that she loves me.
So did we order yet?
You must be hungry.
Honey, I'm home.
Please don't talk.
- I thought it was funny. - Thank you.
Hi. Uh, checking in Phoebe Schumacher.
I don't use that name anymore.
Fuck him. He's poison.
He's your husband.
He is the reason why my life is a mess.
Well, I thought it was me and your mother's fault.
There's plenty of blame to go around.
Fine. Checking in Phoebe whoever.
Newlander. Phoebe Newlander.
Oh, yes. We've been expecting you.
Shepherd, would you take Ms. Newlander in
for her physical?
Right this way.
Um, hang on.
I just wanna say that...
...this time, I'm gonna make it.
I'm gonna get clean.
And I'm gonna be the kind of daughter
that you can be proud of.
Thank you.
Let's do this.
So, Shepherd, are you seeing anybody?
Would you like to put this on your credit card?
What I'd like is to have gotten a vasectomy about 46 years ago.
- Whew. That's pricey. - I am well aware.
She could spend 28 days in the Bel-Air Hotel for that money.
Mm-hm.
What's equine therapy?
Horses are very spiritual animals,
and they help our patients in their path to recovery.
- Ah. - A path filled with horse shit.
That's it? We don't even say goodbye to Phoebe?
No, they discourage that.
It's like dropping your kid off at preschool,
but with grown-up junkies.
Makes sense. They wanna minimize the drama.
Dad!
Uh, Norman?
Dad!
I don't wanna be here!
I'll be fine!
- Get the fuck away! - Just keep going.
I'll just drink beer!
You still up for finding a place to spend the night
and then head home in the morning?
Sure. Why stop the fun now?
Wanna listen to some music?
No, I like the quiet.
Helps me think.
What are you thinkin' about?
Ah, as it happens, suicide.
Wh-whose?
My own.
Oh, please. You're not killing yourself.
Are you offering to murder me?
Because that would be very thoughtful.
- You're kidding, right? - Not at all.
If you look at it objectively, my continued existence is...
pointless.
Come on, Norman.
You're just depressed, okay? It'll pass.
My wife, the woman who gave my life meaning, is dead,
my job doesn't fulfill me anymore,
and I just put my 45 year-old dope-fiend daughter in rehab
for the eighth time.
You've got a grandson.
Who's in Scientology and won't speak to me
because I'm a suppressive.
Suppressive? Oh, that's not fair.
Oppressive, maybe.
I'm sorry, I still think you have a lot to live for.
You do, huh? Let's hear it, Pollyanna.
Why should I live?
- You've answered the question. - No, no, no!
J-just give me a minute.
You're beloved.
A lot of people would be very sad.
I'm not Tom Hanks. They'll get over it.
All right, how about this?
I need you.
- You? - Yes.
You're my best friend, and your guidance and support
is crucial to, to my continued well-being.
Your agent is your best friend.
- That's very sad. - I'm serious!
I mean, do you think I would've come on this trip
if I didn't care about you?
Thank you. Forget I said anything.
Good. Good.
So then, you're not going to...
No, I'm not gonna do that.
- Maybe this. - Norman!
I'm kidding.
I'd fill up my pockets with smoked salmon,
go out in the woods and look for a hungry bear.
You sure you don't wanna push through?
No, I, I don't like driving at night.
I'm an accident waiting to happen.
That works for me.
I'd take my seat belt off.
Trust me. This is way better than a Marriott or something.
We'll have a nice dinner, get a good night's rest,
head back fresh in the morning.
I suppose.
I've never been to an Indian casino before.
They're pretty much like a Vegas casino,
except they're not overly fond of reservations.
Get it?
What's wrong with you?
Are you back on cocaine?
Oh, fuck you. It's funny.
- Will that be one room or two? - One.
Two. I like my own bathroom.
I'm sure you do. One room.
Are you trying to save money? I'm happy to pay.
No, it's me keeping an eye on you
so you don't do something stupid.
I'm not gonna commit suicide in an Indian casino.
- What's this now? - No, no, no, no, no.
He's, he's joking around.
J-just give her your credit card.
Fine. One room for me and my deranged nephew.
See?
A nice meal.
Good glass of wine.
It's reason to live.
I don't get any pleasure out of this.
I'm trying to hasten a coronary.
Oh, Jesus.
Maybe I'll start smoking again.
They still make Chesterfields?
You smoked Chesterfields?
Yeah. What did you smoke?
Newports.
Why? Were you a jazz trumpeter?
You know, you're not the only one here with problems.
Oh, what are your problems?
You dodged the penis issue, right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Thank you.
It was my prostate.
- My penis is jim-dandy. - Then what else?
You have a thriving business, a wonderful, loving daughter.
You're seeing this nice Lisa woman
who seems not to know what she's getting herself into.
You know what? Nah. Never mind.
You're the only one here who has problems.
The world has seven billion happy people
except for poor, pitiful you.
Your sarcasm falls on deaf ears, especially this one.
It's pretty good. Sounds just like him.
♪♪ I've got two tickets to paradise... ♪♪
I just need one!
Oh. Come on, let's go pee.
Yay, a nightcap.
♪♪ I've got two tickets to paradise ♪♪
I can't believe you!
I am done, Dad!
IRS! We're totally fucked!
Oh, geez.
Oh.
Oh, my gosh.
Shit.
I should have peed first.
He'd better be dead.
Norman!
- What? - Oh, Jesus. I was worried!
Nothing to worry about. I just couldn't sleep.
- Say hello to Eddie Money. - How you doin'?
Wait, you, you, you're the real guy.
Shh. Keep it down, will you, please?
I-I don't understand. Why...
Why are you working as a tribute band?
Eddie Money has tax problems.
Freddie Money is free and clear.
- That's interesting. - Yes.
Maybe I could change my name.
- What for? - Uh, n-never mind.
Can you keep an eye on him? I've really gotta take a pee.
Barefoot in a casino men's room?
That's a brave man.
Hi, Lisa. It's Sandy.
Hello, Sandy.
Um, I-I hope I'm not calling you too early.
No, I'm up. What's, uh, what's goin' on?
Oh, I'm on the road with Norman.
We just put his daughter in rehab,
and thought I'd lob in a call, say hi.
Thought you'd lob one in, huh?
Yeah. So how are you doin'?
Well, considering that you and I slept together a week ago
and I never heard from you again, not so good.
Really? It's been a week?
Phew. Memory's so vivid, it's...
Wow.
I've gotta give you a big "Fuck you" on that one.
Oh. I'm sorry. I just got caught up with Norman and his daughter.
And, you know, my, uh, my physical...
I'd say predicament, but, you know,
dick is right there in the middle.
Oh, you are hilarious.
You know, I know exactly why you came running to me.
You were feeling sorry for yourself
and you wanted to prove you have still got what it takes.
Now, hold on just a minute.
Shut up. Look, I have my own life.
I don't need to wait around for the great Sandy Kominsky
to need a little ego boost.
Lisa, I am really sorry.
All you had to do was call.
Just... check in, see how I'm doing.
Pretend to give a shit.
- I don't know what to say. - I do.
Just... bye.
I'll say one thing for these Indians.
They got terrific water pressure.
Wait a minute.
- What are you doing? - Hang on. Hang on.
Oh, no! Why are you throwing away your money?
Shh, shh, shh.
What if we commit suicide together?
You only lost five dollars.
Yeah.
Are you okay?
Not really.
What's going on?
When you were in the shower, I called Lisa
and, uh, she dumped me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What did you do?
What do you mean, what did I do?
Well, I'm assuming it's your fault.
Am I wrong?
No.
She said I took her for granted.
Did you?
Maybe, yeah.
May I give you some advice?
Dating advice?
Last time you went on a date,
Richard Nixon was in office and he was doing well.
The secret to a happy relationship
is that the woman must always feel like she comes first.
But what about when she doesn't?
When there's other things going on,
you know, and you don't have the time?
No, no, no. I said feel like she comes first.
- So lie? - No, no.
It's not lying. It's acting.
You should try it sometime.
Very funny.
Maybe take a class.
This drives very nicely.
Glad you like it.
Did I ever tell you who I bought it from?
Yeah, Heinrich Himmler, about 15 times.
It's still a good joke.
You ever see that movie Thelma & Louise?
Of course.
Man, that was a good movie.
What brought that to mind?
I was just thinking about the ending
where they, where they drive off the cliff
into the Grand Canyon.
- Yeah? - They were doomed.
They had no escape, and they chose to go out
on their own terms, with dignity.
What dignity? They were mangled in a horrible crash.
Yeah, but they cut before that happened.
The last image was them soaring triumphantly.
Are you tired? You, you want me to drive?
No, I'm fine.
You know, they had a convertible.
We have a convertible.
Norman, you're freaking me out.
Oh, relax. I'm just musing.
All right.
Well, quit it.
- You're still musing. - Okay, okay.
- Norman, what are you doing? - I'm sorry, Sandy!
What do you mean, you're sorry?
Deep down, you know it's what we both want!
Slow down, Norman!
Oh, Jesus!
What the hell?
Here.
What's happening? Wha...
I got you a churro.
Where the hell are we?
You're welcome.
I had to pee, and there was a rest stop.
Oh, I thought, uh...
What?
Uh, nothing...
There's a guy over there selling bonsai plants.
Before we leave, I wanna go look.
Okay.
Boy, what a deal.
You're crazy not to get one.
I'm okay.
The churro is delicious.
It's the reason we should never build that wall.
Absolutely.
Immigrants make the pastries Americans won't.
Beautiful.
Maybe it's worth sticking around for.
Maybe.
I would like to say something.
Can't I just enjoy this?
No. You need to hear it.
Sandy, I am very grateful for our friendship,
and I want you to know how happy I am
to have you in my life.
Well, that is very sweet of you, Norman.
- Thank you. - I mean it.
I can't put a price on what you mean to me.
I can.
What?