1 00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:22,784 God. 2 00:00:26,464 --> 00:00:28,456 - Dr. Wexler. - Hey! 3 00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,007 I hope I didn't wake you. 4 00:00:31,636 --> 00:00:34,800 No, no, not at all. What is up? 5 00:00:34,889 --> 00:00:38,929 Uh, I've got good news and less good news. 6 00:00:39,018 --> 00:00:40,850 Okay, uh... 7 00:00:40,937 --> 00:00:43,224 Let's start with the less good news. 8 00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:44,771 Pick again. 9 00:00:45,441 --> 00:00:47,854 - The good news. - Ah! 10 00:00:47,944 --> 00:00:50,482 The good news is you don't have to worry about cancer. 11 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,108 Great! 12 00:00:52,198 --> 00:00:54,315 Oh, that's, uh, that's great! 13 00:00:55,368 --> 00:00:56,734 Thanks, doc. 14 00:00:56,828 --> 00:00:59,195 Uh, and the less good news? 15 00:00:59,289 --> 00:01:01,702 We did find a couple of slow-moving 16 00:01:01,791 --> 00:01:04,329 cancer cells in the biopsy. 17 00:01:07,505 --> 00:01:10,964 Wait. So I do have prostate cancer? 18 00:01:11,050 --> 00:01:12,382 Technically, yes. 19 00:01:12,719 --> 00:01:14,359 But, uh, you don't have to worry about it. 20 00:01:14,387 --> 00:01:15,844 I mean, we gotta keep our eye on it, 21 00:01:15,930 --> 00:01:17,466 but frankly, at your age, 22 00:01:17,557 --> 00:01:19,423 somethin' else in your body is gonna kill you 23 00:01:19,517 --> 00:01:21,008 before your prostate does. 24 00:01:21,102 --> 00:01:23,139 I'm confused. 25 00:01:23,229 --> 00:01:25,141 Is this a cause for celebration? 26 00:01:25,231 --> 00:01:26,938 Well, it's a little early in the morning, 27 00:01:27,025 --> 00:01:29,859 but sure, maybe a mimosa. 28 00:01:29,944 --> 00:01:31,435 - Yeah, baby! - What? 29 00:01:31,529 --> 00:01:32,529 What? 30 00:01:33,906 --> 00:01:36,239 Uh, h-hang on, Doc. 31 00:01:36,326 --> 00:01:38,113 Norman, can I call you back? 32 00:01:38,202 --> 00:01:40,364 I-I think I made a mistake throwing Phoebe out. 33 00:01:40,455 --> 00:01:42,697 No, you didn't. Listen, I finally got the urologist 34 00:01:42,790 --> 00:01:44,122 on the other line. 35 00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:46,245 Wexler? Tell him I hope he gets his index finger 36 00:01:46,336 --> 00:01:47,543 caught in a wood chipper. 37 00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:48,745 Will do. 38 00:01:48,838 --> 00:01:51,672 Listen, I'm, I'm, I'm really worried. 39 00:01:51,758 --> 00:01:54,000 J-just hang on. 40 00:01:54,093 --> 00:01:57,507 Sorry. So what do I do about the constant peeing? 41 00:01:57,597 --> 00:01:58,883 It's still me. 42 00:01:58,973 --> 00:02:00,589 Oh, shit. 43 00:02:01,809 --> 00:02:03,846 What do I do about the constant peeing? 44 00:02:03,936 --> 00:02:06,019 Ah, well, I'll, I'll write you up a prescription 45 00:02:06,105 --> 00:02:08,392 for an alpha-blocker that'll increase the flow. 46 00:02:08,483 --> 00:02:11,317 That sounds good. Side effects? 47 00:02:11,402 --> 00:02:13,564 Well, the one that most guys complain about 48 00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:17,114 is called retrograde ejaculation. 49 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,566 Which is... 50 00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:19,992 When you orgasm, 51 00:02:20,078 --> 00:02:22,195 instead of the sperm comin' out of your penis 52 00:02:22,288 --> 00:02:25,076 it shoots back into your bladder. 53 00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:27,032 You're fucking kidding me. 54 00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:28,583 I shit you not. 55 00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:29,877 But it's no big deal. 56 00:02:29,962 --> 00:02:31,954 It makes for a nice tidy blow job. 57 00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:36,042 Jeez, I don't know. I mean, the mess is half the fun. 58 00:02:36,135 --> 00:02:38,377 - Suit yourself. - Ah. Screw it. 59 00:02:38,471 --> 00:02:40,087 - Call it in to my pharmacy. - Yeah. 60 00:02:40,181 --> 00:02:42,969 Yeah, I'll call it in for you. Have a nice day. 61 00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:45,676 "Have a nice day?" You just told me I've got cancer. 62 00:02:45,770 --> 00:02:47,602 Yeah, but you've got the nice kind. 63 00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,100 Bye-bye! 64 00:02:55,738 --> 00:02:58,697 Well, you just can't sit around here and worry. 65 00:02:58,783 --> 00:03:01,241 Sure, I can. I'm actually very good at it. 66 00:03:01,327 --> 00:03:03,990 Maybe you should think about going back to work. 67 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,412 It's better that I worry there? 68 00:03:09,961 --> 00:03:12,453 You know, I sat holding my phone for 20 minutes. 69 00:03:12,547 --> 00:03:14,254 I'm sorry. I, I just forgot. 70 00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:18,084 Yeah? Well, that happens at your age. What did Wexler say? 71 00:03:18,177 --> 00:03:22,171 Uh, he said I'm, uh, fine. Clean bill of health. 72 00:03:22,265 --> 00:03:25,258 More importantly, what do you wanna do about Phoebe? 73 00:03:25,351 --> 00:03:28,139 Well, now Eileen's suggesting that I give it some time. 74 00:03:28,229 --> 00:03:29,390 Maybe go back to work. 75 00:03:30,148 --> 00:03:32,891 Eileen? Oh, Norman, Norman, you're just... 76 00:03:32,984 --> 00:03:34,646 You're, you're freakin' me out. 77 00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:36,693 I like to believe she's still looking after me. 78 00:03:36,779 --> 00:03:38,190 What's the harm in that? 79 00:03:39,282 --> 00:03:40,648 I guess there isn't any. 80 00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,010 Your daughter told me she hears you 81 00:03:42,034 --> 00:03:44,242 in the bathroom talking to your genitals. 82 00:03:44,328 --> 00:03:45,535 So which one of us is crazy? 83 00:03:45,621 --> 00:03:46,953 Okay! All right! Okay! 84 00:03:47,039 --> 00:03:48,780 I'm, I'm not judging! 85 00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:52,747 When was the last time you were in the office? 86 00:03:52,837 --> 00:03:55,045 Oh... 87 00:03:55,131 --> 00:03:57,293 It's gotta be... two years. 88 00:03:57,383 --> 00:03:58,874 Two years? 89 00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:00,675 No wonder I don't get any auditions! 90 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:02,970 Hey, I still submit you for everything. 91 00:04:03,055 --> 00:04:05,547 You don't work because you're a renowned acting coach 92 00:04:05,641 --> 00:04:07,473 and y-you intimidate other actors. 93 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,973 - That is such bullshit. - Honest to God. 94 00:04:10,062 --> 00:04:12,395 I hear it from casting directors all the time. 95 00:04:12,482 --> 00:04:13,482 Really? 96 00:04:13,566 --> 00:04:15,432 Why would I lie about something like that? 97 00:04:15,526 --> 00:04:17,643 Okay. Well, thanks. 98 00:04:17,737 --> 00:04:18,944 You're welcome. 99 00:04:19,030 --> 00:04:20,340 Are we still on for dinner tonight? 100 00:04:20,364 --> 00:04:21,605 - Sure. - Okay. 101 00:04:21,699 --> 00:04:22,699 Bye. 102 00:04:24,368 --> 00:04:26,234 God bless him, I think he bought it. 103 00:04:26,579 --> 00:04:29,037 Lying bald-headed fuck. 104 00:04:34,295 --> 00:04:36,252 Slow-moving cancer? 105 00:04:36,339 --> 00:04:39,207 Show me a guy with slow-moving cancer. 106 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,212 I'll show you a guy with cancer. 107 00:04:43,971 --> 00:04:46,008 Look at these people. 108 00:04:46,098 --> 00:04:47,964 Happy, clueless. 109 00:04:48,059 --> 00:04:50,392 Taking their assholes for granted. 110 00:04:55,024 --> 00:04:57,266 Here's my future. 111 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,603 Except I'll be alone and have to pay some poor Haitian lady 112 00:05:00,696 --> 00:05:03,439 to push the wheelchair and change my diaper. 113 00:05:32,562 --> 00:05:34,224 Come on. Let's go. 114 00:05:34,313 --> 00:05:35,313 Okay. 115 00:05:46,075 --> 00:05:47,407 - Hey, Min. - Hey. 116 00:05:47,493 --> 00:05:49,373 You have a class in five minutes. Where are you? 117 00:05:49,453 --> 00:05:52,366 Oh, shit. I totally spaced. 118 00:05:52,456 --> 00:05:53,947 Can you cover that for me? 119 00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:55,998 I guess, sure. Are you okay? 120 00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:59,294 Yeah, I'm fine. I just lost track of time. 121 00:05:59,964 --> 00:06:01,375 Did you get your biopsy results? 122 00:06:01,465 --> 00:06:02,465 Oh, yeah, yeah. 123 00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:03,961 Everything is... 124 00:06:04,051 --> 00:06:06,043 good, not to worry. 125 00:06:06,137 --> 00:06:07,924 - For real? - He's staring at us. 126 00:06:08,431 --> 00:06:09,431 For real. 127 00:06:12,018 --> 00:06:14,977 - Oh, for God's sakes. - What? 128 00:06:15,646 --> 00:06:18,855 This woman in the playground, she thinks I'm a pedophile. 129 00:06:19,358 --> 00:06:21,224 - What? - I gotta go. 130 00:06:21,319 --> 00:06:23,527 Thanks for covering for me. 131 00:06:24,488 --> 00:06:25,979 Excuse me, ladies! 132 00:06:26,073 --> 00:06:27,564 I'm not a pervert. 133 00:06:27,658 --> 00:06:29,399 I'm an actor. 134 00:06:52,683 --> 00:06:55,300 - Mr. Newlander. - Hello, Carol. 135 00:06:55,853 --> 00:06:57,264 I didn't know you were coming in. 136 00:06:57,355 --> 00:06:59,062 Yeah, neither did I. 137 00:06:59,148 --> 00:07:01,140 I'm so sorry for your loss. 138 00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:02,565 Thank you, dear. 139 00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:05,978 He's here. 140 00:07:08,366 --> 00:07:10,153 - Mr. Newlander. - Hi. 141 00:07:10,242 --> 00:07:11,762 - Hi, Mr. Newlander. - Morning. 142 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:20,039 - Hello, Mr. Newlander. - Good morning, good morning. 143 00:07:21,337 --> 00:07:22,498 Hello. 144 00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:28,341 Hi, Mr. Newlander. 145 00:07:29,804 --> 00:07:31,045 Great to have you back, Norman. 146 00:07:31,138 --> 00:07:32,879 Thank you. Thank you. 147 00:07:34,058 --> 00:07:35,219 Hello, sir. 148 00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,595 Oh! Norman! It's so good to see you. 149 00:07:39,689 --> 00:07:40,975 I am so sorry for your loss. 150 00:07:41,065 --> 00:07:42,681 Nice to see you. 151 00:07:43,609 --> 00:07:45,191 - Hi, Mr. Newlander. - Hi. Hi. 152 00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:50,113 - Hi, Mr. Newlander. - Ladies. 153 00:07:50,199 --> 00:07:51,531 Oh, hi. 154 00:07:52,827 --> 00:07:54,819 - Norman. - Hi, Jeanine. 155 00:07:54,912 --> 00:07:56,369 Come here. 156 00:07:56,455 --> 00:07:58,242 Oh-ho, we're hugging! 157 00:07:59,041 --> 00:08:00,782 I didn't expect to see you so soon. 158 00:08:00,876 --> 00:08:02,104 I thought you'd take some more time. 159 00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:04,370 No, it's better I go back to work. 160 00:08:04,463 --> 00:08:06,170 Well, sure. I understand that. 161 00:08:06,257 --> 00:08:07,668 Keep your mind active. 162 00:08:07,758 --> 00:08:09,215 Exactly. 163 00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:13,420 My grandpa does the New York Times crossword puzzle every day. 164 00:08:13,514 --> 00:08:15,096 Sounds like a terrific guy. 165 00:08:15,182 --> 00:08:16,718 He also takes a salsa class. 166 00:08:16,809 --> 00:08:18,471 Wow, great. 167 00:08:18,561 --> 00:08:20,018 - Uh, do me a favor. - Anything. 168 00:08:20,104 --> 00:08:21,686 Let's ask all the senior agents 169 00:08:21,772 --> 00:08:23,542 to meet me in the conference room in ten minutes. 170 00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,023 You got it. 171 00:08:25,109 --> 00:08:27,442 - Earl Grey, little honey? - Yeah, please. 172 00:08:30,656 --> 00:08:33,399 I am so delighted that you're back. 173 00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:35,609 Give it time. The feeling will pass. 174 00:08:47,131 --> 00:08:48,997 The first time I saw my stepmother's pussy 175 00:08:49,091 --> 00:08:50,673 was in a magazine. 176 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,126 It was right in the crease. 177 00:08:52,219 --> 00:08:53,676 There was a staple on it. 178 00:08:54,597 --> 00:08:57,806 Sherilynn was a Penthouse Pet of the Month 179 00:08:57,892 --> 00:08:59,599 and a heroin addict. 180 00:08:59,935 --> 00:09:02,348 My dad wanted me to call her "Mommy." 181 00:09:02,438 --> 00:09:03,804 - Can you believe... - Shh! 182 00:09:03,898 --> 00:09:05,618 I remember it was my ninth birthday. 183 00:09:05,983 --> 00:09:08,646 He took us to Universal Studios. 184 00:09:08,736 --> 00:09:10,193 It was a great day. 185 00:09:10,279 --> 00:09:13,568 We went on the Wild West ride, The A-Team ride. 186 00:09:13,657 --> 00:09:17,071 We had pizza and ice cream. 187 00:09:17,161 --> 00:09:18,743 But the highlight of the day was 188 00:09:18,829 --> 00:09:20,695 when we went on a tram ride 189 00:09:20,790 --> 00:09:25,125 and the shark from Jaws came bursting out of the water. 190 00:09:25,211 --> 00:09:26,998 Sherilynn screamed... 191 00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:29,587 and emptied her bladder 192 00:09:29,673 --> 00:09:32,006 all over my stuffed Woody Woodpecker. 193 00:09:33,636 --> 00:09:34,717 What's happening? 194 00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:38,673 Sandy's MIA. She's doin' her one-woman show. 195 00:09:40,476 --> 00:09:43,719 Now, you'd think that would've been the end of our excursion, 196 00:09:43,813 --> 00:09:45,679 but Sherilynn was the type of woman 197 00:09:45,773 --> 00:09:49,483 who always had spare panties with her wherever she went. 198 00:09:50,194 --> 00:09:53,153 Now, file this under information you don't need or want, 199 00:09:53,239 --> 00:09:56,983 but she sold the dirty ones to Japanese businessmen. 200 00:09:58,327 --> 00:10:01,445 Which is why Sandy Kominsky 201 00:10:01,539 --> 00:10:05,283 has an export license for bio-waste. 202 00:10:09,547 --> 00:10:10,913 Wow, these are beautiful. 203 00:10:11,006 --> 00:10:12,372 - Thank you. - Yeah. 204 00:10:12,466 --> 00:10:13,673 A little Mexican lady 205 00:10:13,759 --> 00:10:15,625 on the freeway off-ramp was selling 'em. 206 00:10:15,719 --> 00:10:18,632 I also got you a bag of oranges in the car. 207 00:10:18,722 --> 00:10:20,463 Oh, very thoughtful. Thank you. 208 00:10:20,558 --> 00:10:22,220 - Want some coffee? - Uh, no, thanks. 209 00:10:22,309 --> 00:10:25,893 I got a long drive back, and, you know, I got this, um... 210 00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:27,221 Oh, yeah, I know. 211 00:10:27,314 --> 00:10:29,146 How, uh, how is that, by the way? 212 00:10:29,233 --> 00:10:31,771 Great. Great. The doc says I'm gonna be fine. 213 00:10:31,861 --> 00:10:33,102 No surgery. 214 00:10:33,195 --> 00:10:35,027 Maybe some meds. 215 00:10:35,114 --> 00:10:37,106 - Nothing to worry about. - That's wonderful. 216 00:10:37,199 --> 00:10:39,691 Oh! What a relief, Sandy. Great. 217 00:10:39,785 --> 00:10:41,697 Yeah, tell me about it. 218 00:10:43,122 --> 00:10:44,363 So... 219 00:10:47,042 --> 00:10:48,453 So... 220 00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:51,252 You said you wanted to talk. 221 00:10:51,338 --> 00:10:52,829 You drove all the way out here. 222 00:10:52,923 --> 00:10:54,459 It's, it's your move, buddy. 223 00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:56,086 Okay, right. My move. 224 00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,418 Um... 225 00:10:57,511 --> 00:10:59,673 Okay, here it is. 226 00:11:00,389 --> 00:11:02,506 I think you and I are really good together 227 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,139 and that we should consider taking this relationship, 228 00:11:06,228 --> 00:11:08,060 uh, to another level. 229 00:11:08,147 --> 00:11:09,147 I see. 230 00:11:10,691 --> 00:11:12,523 So, uh, so, we would go 231 00:11:12,610 --> 00:11:15,398 from being friends to, uh, to what? 232 00:11:15,487 --> 00:11:18,275 - Friends with benefits? - No, I hate that term. 233 00:11:18,365 --> 00:11:21,608 - Let's say lovers. - No! Please, no, let's not. 234 00:11:21,702 --> 00:11:23,221 - Why, what's wrong with lovers? - I don't know. 235 00:11:23,245 --> 00:11:24,245 It's just, it's, 236 00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:27,664 it's like it's from another decade, uh, maybe century. 237 00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:29,912 I happen to think it's a fine word. 238 00:11:30,002 --> 00:11:31,959 Okay, all right, well, forgetting for the moment 239 00:11:32,046 --> 00:11:34,459 what we call it, um... 240 00:11:34,548 --> 00:11:36,228 can I ask what caused this change of heart? 241 00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:39,043 - What do you mean? - Don't be coy. Come on. 242 00:11:39,136 --> 00:11:41,253 You've been playin' it pretty cool there, mister, 243 00:11:41,347 --> 00:11:43,634 and now, all of a sudden, I'm gettin' flowers 244 00:11:43,724 --> 00:11:45,556 and oranges from my lover. 245 00:11:45,643 --> 00:11:48,556 - All right. I, I hear it now. - Yeah? Okay, good. 246 00:11:48,646 --> 00:11:50,228 Look, it's pretty simple. 247 00:11:50,314 --> 00:11:55,025 Between Eileen dying and my recent health scare, 248 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:57,727 my perspective has changed 249 00:11:57,821 --> 00:12:00,108 regarding my feelings towards you. 250 00:12:01,075 --> 00:12:02,282 Wow. 251 00:12:02,368 --> 00:12:04,701 You have got some big, brass balls. 252 00:12:04,787 --> 00:12:07,279 - In a good way? - No. 253 00:12:07,373 --> 00:12:09,267 No. You're not here 'cause you're crazy about me. 254 00:12:09,291 --> 00:12:10,702 You're here 'cause you don't wanna 255 00:12:10,793 --> 00:12:12,500 walk the Green Mile all by yourself. 256 00:12:12,586 --> 00:12:14,077 - "The Green Mile?" - Yeah. 257 00:12:14,171 --> 00:12:16,051 You know, Tom Hanks, the big guy with the mouse. 258 00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:17,410 - You know what I mean. - Hang on. 259 00:12:17,466 --> 00:12:19,048 I did say we were good together. 260 00:12:19,134 --> 00:12:20,134 Oh, hot, yeah. 261 00:12:20,219 --> 00:12:21,219 And you and I both know 262 00:12:21,303 --> 00:12:22,714 that being crazy about someone 263 00:12:22,805 --> 00:12:24,262 doesn't last. 264 00:12:24,348 --> 00:12:26,028 It's just happy brain juice that tricks you 265 00:12:26,058 --> 00:12:27,640 into not getting a prenup. 266 00:12:27,726 --> 00:12:29,012 Twice. 267 00:12:29,103 --> 00:12:30,435 Ouch. 268 00:12:30,938 --> 00:12:32,725 I mean, are you crazy about me? 269 00:12:34,358 --> 00:12:35,394 You amuse me. 270 00:12:35,985 --> 00:12:37,066 I'll take it. 271 00:12:40,406 --> 00:12:41,406 Listen. 272 00:12:43,242 --> 00:12:45,154 I'm a big fan of the crazy stuff, 273 00:12:45,244 --> 00:12:47,031 but at the end of the day 274 00:12:47,121 --> 00:12:51,240 I would rather be with somebody that I truly, really like. 275 00:12:54,962 --> 00:12:56,294 Goddammit. 276 00:12:57,881 --> 00:12:58,881 Come on. 277 00:13:02,469 --> 00:13:04,802 I am probably gonna regret this. 278 00:13:04,888 --> 00:13:07,471 There's a 50-50 chance that nothing will happen, 279 00:13:07,558 --> 00:13:09,015 so maybe not. 280 00:13:09,643 --> 00:13:12,226 If my daughter calls, pull me out of the meeting, 281 00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,555 pull me out of the toilet, pull me out of anywhere. 282 00:13:14,648 --> 00:13:17,231 Got it. How's she doing, by the way? 283 00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:18,900 - You saw her at the funeral? - I did. 284 00:13:18,986 --> 00:13:20,727 Sorry. Stupid question. 285 00:13:24,908 --> 00:13:28,072 Look at that. No one talks to each other anymore. 286 00:13:30,497 --> 00:13:31,954 They're talking. 287 00:13:32,041 --> 00:13:33,953 Just to people who are elsewhere. 288 00:13:34,043 --> 00:13:36,251 That's not talking. Talking is with your voice. 289 00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:41,082 Eye contact, body language, maybe a gesture, touch. 290 00:13:41,175 --> 00:13:42,757 Oh, there's no touching these days. 291 00:13:42,843 --> 00:13:44,584 Don't touch anybody. 292 00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:49,301 Okay. Wow. 293 00:13:50,601 --> 00:13:52,217 Look at everyone wearing black. 294 00:13:52,311 --> 00:13:54,177 Feels like another funeral. 295 00:13:57,024 --> 00:13:58,024 Too soon? 296 00:13:59,401 --> 00:14:00,767 All right. 297 00:14:01,236 --> 00:14:03,273 Before we start, I want to thank all of you 298 00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:08,029 for your e-get well cards and your e-condolence cards. 299 00:14:08,118 --> 00:14:11,828 Very thoughtful and, I suppose, very easy. 300 00:14:11,914 --> 00:14:14,907 Norman, did your wife get the basket of vegan muffins I sent? 301 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,663 Uh, yes, Andrew, I believe she did. Thank you. 302 00:14:17,753 --> 00:14:20,086 They're supposed to be, like, super healthy. 303 00:14:20,172 --> 00:14:21,754 My wife died, Andrew. 304 00:14:23,634 --> 00:14:25,250 Not the muffins' fault. 305 00:14:25,344 --> 00:14:27,882 Uh, I've also been watching the quarterly numbers 306 00:14:27,971 --> 00:14:30,884 and want to congratulate you on your good work. 307 00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:33,512 Congratulations to you, Norman. 308 00:14:33,602 --> 00:14:34,763 You built a great team. 309 00:14:34,853 --> 00:14:37,095 Everyone here is pulling their weight. 310 00:14:37,189 --> 00:14:38,305 Nice to know. 311 00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:39,856 They just required a little bit 312 00:14:39,942 --> 00:14:41,274 of guidance. 313 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,942 Sure, and thank you for that. 314 00:14:43,028 --> 00:14:44,394 Oh, no need. 315 00:14:44,488 --> 00:14:46,730 My job is to lighten your load. 316 00:14:46,824 --> 00:14:48,235 Much appreciated. 317 00:14:48,325 --> 00:14:50,817 You've got enough on your plate, right? 318 00:14:50,911 --> 00:14:52,243 I don't know. I suppose. 319 00:14:52,329 --> 00:14:54,491 In fact, you need to take some more time 320 00:14:54,581 --> 00:14:56,618 to grieve or heal, just say the words... 321 00:14:56,708 --> 00:14:58,540 Oh, for God's sake, Richard, 322 00:14:58,627 --> 00:15:00,914 take your head out of his ass so we can have a meeting. 323 00:15:01,004 --> 00:15:02,870 My head is not in his ass. 324 00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:07,508 Actually, Richard, you're crowning. 325 00:15:15,644 --> 00:15:17,556 You're pretty pleased with yourself. 326 00:15:19,273 --> 00:15:20,684 Aren't you? 327 00:15:20,774 --> 00:15:22,982 Yeah. I kinda am. 328 00:15:29,741 --> 00:15:30,982 I, uh... 329 00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:34,741 I don't wanna diminish your efforts, but, uh... 330 00:15:34,830 --> 00:15:37,823 did what just happen require any... 331 00:15:37,916 --> 00:15:39,373 pharmaceutical help? 332 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,417 No. Nope. 333 00:15:41,503 --> 00:15:43,790 Unless you count 20 milligrams of Crestor, 334 00:15:43,881 --> 00:15:45,622 ten milligrams of Claritin, 335 00:15:45,716 --> 00:15:48,754 half a mill of Flomax, three grams of acetaminophen, 336 00:15:48,844 --> 00:15:52,178 one baby aspirin, and a smear of hydrocortisone cream 337 00:15:52,264 --> 00:15:54,927 on my left and right shin bones. 338 00:15:55,017 --> 00:15:56,508 - That is some list. - Oh, no, no. 339 00:15:56,602 --> 00:15:58,013 - I'm not done. - Oh, shoot. 340 00:15:58,103 --> 00:16:00,686 I also take omega-3 fatty acids, calcium, 341 00:16:00,772 --> 00:16:03,139 vitamins A, C, D, E, and B12, 342 00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:06,192 melatonin, CoQ-10, magnesium, potassium, 343 00:16:06,278 --> 00:16:08,235 and liquid glucosamine. 344 00:16:08,322 --> 00:16:10,154 Jesus. Is that it? 345 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,778 Yeah. Oh, also Cialis. 346 00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:15,406 You fucker! 347 00:16:17,706 --> 00:16:19,242 And the most exciting news, 348 00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:21,074 we were able to negotiate packages 349 00:16:21,168 --> 00:16:24,332 for Crackle, Twitch, Vevo, PlayStation 350 00:16:24,421 --> 00:16:26,538 and Hulu Plus. 351 00:16:27,549 --> 00:16:29,290 That is exciting. 352 00:16:30,719 --> 00:16:32,631 - You'll tell me later. - Of course. 353 00:16:34,598 --> 00:16:37,887 All right. Before we break this up, I want to ask a favor. 354 00:16:37,976 --> 00:16:40,639 My friend Sandy Kominsky hasn't worked in a while, 355 00:16:40,729 --> 00:16:42,812 and I would like to rectify that. 356 00:16:42,898 --> 00:16:46,107 A guest spot on a sitcom, a commercial, 357 00:16:46,193 --> 00:16:47,900 whatever you can find. 358 00:16:47,986 --> 00:16:50,319 - The acting coach guy? - Yes. 359 00:16:55,744 --> 00:16:57,531 - You'll tell me later. - Of course. 360 00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:01,163 Liam Neeson is making a fortune 361 00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,583 with these old guy revenge movies. 362 00:17:03,669 --> 00:17:05,001 Why not me? 363 00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:07,204 I mean, he's not even that old. 364 00:17:07,297 --> 00:17:09,914 - Whereas you... - Have one foot in the grave. 365 00:17:10,008 --> 00:17:11,840 Which brings me... 366 00:17:11,927 --> 00:17:13,463 to this. 367 00:17:14,054 --> 00:17:16,762 One Foot in the Grave, by Elliott Gould. 368 00:17:16,848 --> 00:17:18,089 Catchy, right? 369 00:17:18,183 --> 00:17:20,345 Here's the elevator pitch. 370 00:17:20,435 --> 00:17:22,768 A retired CIA agent 371 00:17:22,854 --> 00:17:25,141 takes his grandchildren to Disneyland, 372 00:17:25,232 --> 00:17:29,943 where, unbeknownst to him, his former enemies lie in wait. 373 00:17:30,028 --> 00:17:32,486 Don't tell me. They kidnap the grandchildren. 374 00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:35,657 And I get them back with extreme prejudice. 375 00:17:35,742 --> 00:17:38,655 Okay, just so I'm clear, your goal is 376 00:17:38,745 --> 00:17:40,236 to become an action star? 377 00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:41,787 Well, yeah. Why not? 378 00:17:41,873 --> 00:17:43,409 I mean, we'll use a stunt double 379 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:47,210 for the kicking, punching, running, staircases. 380 00:17:47,296 --> 00:17:49,379 - Smart. - It gets better. 381 00:17:49,464 --> 00:17:51,330 We sell the project to Disney, 382 00:17:51,425 --> 00:17:54,634 shoot the whole thing in the park, use the rides. 383 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,804 Maybe Mickey and Goofy get involved somehow. 384 00:17:57,889 --> 00:17:59,505 Fuck up some bad guys. 385 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,717 - Hah! - Well, what do you think? 386 00:18:02,644 --> 00:18:04,351 - I like it. - Really? 387 00:18:04,438 --> 00:18:06,020 I, I would go see that film. 388 00:18:06,106 --> 00:18:07,938 That's why I love you. 389 00:18:08,025 --> 00:18:11,268 Of course, if Disney passes, we shoot it at Magic Mountain 390 00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:14,695 and they can kiss our ass come awards time. 391 00:18:14,781 --> 00:18:17,068 So you think this is awards material? 392 00:18:17,159 --> 00:18:20,573 Did I mention that my character is suffering from dementia? 393 00:18:20,662 --> 00:18:22,824 - Oh, God. - That's right. 394 00:18:22,914 --> 00:18:25,406 He forgets almost everything... 395 00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,412 except justice. 396 00:18:28,128 --> 00:18:30,415 Hey. Sorry I'm late. 397 00:18:31,214 --> 00:18:32,955 Sandy, you know Elliott, right? 398 00:18:33,050 --> 00:18:34,291 Oh, sure. Hi. 399 00:18:34,384 --> 00:18:35,966 - Nice to see you. - Nice to see you. 400 00:18:36,053 --> 00:18:37,822 Hope you don't mind. I invited him to join us. 401 00:18:37,846 --> 00:18:39,462 What, are you kidding? This is an honor. 402 00:18:41,224 --> 00:18:45,184 Hello, Alex. Can I get my regular Jack with a Dr. Pepper? 403 00:18:46,688 --> 00:18:48,680 So, um... 404 00:18:48,774 --> 00:18:50,686 How do you two know each other? 405 00:18:51,151 --> 00:18:52,920 Let's see. When did we start working together? 406 00:18:52,944 --> 00:18:55,186 I worked. You took ten percent. 407 00:18:56,531 --> 00:18:59,444 It was right after I got my Oscar nomination 408 00:18:59,534 --> 00:19:01,275 for Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice. 409 00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:03,612 So right after he peaked. 410 00:19:03,705 --> 00:19:05,913 By the way, I think I got you a national commercial. 411 00:19:05,999 --> 00:19:08,082 That's great! What's it for? 412 00:19:08,418 --> 00:19:09,784 What do you care? 413 00:19:09,878 --> 00:19:11,119 You're right. I don't. 414 00:19:12,089 --> 00:19:13,330 Boy, I'm havin' a good day. 415 00:19:13,423 --> 00:19:15,039 My prostate's not gonna kill me, 416 00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,170 my dick's still working, and I got a job. 417 00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:19,343 That's the geriatric hat trick. 418 00:19:19,429 --> 00:19:21,796 Why don't you ever get me a national commercial? 419 00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:23,450 Because you're a legend, you're an icon. 420 00:19:23,475 --> 00:19:24,966 I don't wanna ever sully that. 421 00:19:25,060 --> 00:19:27,017 He's so full of shit. 422 00:19:27,104 --> 00:19:29,471 I believe that's 90 percent of his body weight. 423 00:19:36,321 --> 00:19:38,654 What is, uh, One Foot in the Grave? 424 00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:41,528 A printing press for million-dollar bills. 425 00:19:41,618 --> 00:19:44,281 Any parts in there for a guy my age? 426 00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:45,911 No. 427 00:19:53,588 --> 00:19:56,626 Boy, things are getting tough these days. 428 00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,460 All those wonderful plans you had for your retirement 429 00:19:59,553 --> 00:20:02,887 seem more and more to feel like wishful thinking. 430 00:20:03,432 --> 00:20:05,389 Hi, I'm Sandy Kominsky, and I'm here 431 00:20:05,475 --> 00:20:08,809 to tell you that it doesn't have to be that way. 432 00:20:08,895 --> 00:20:10,761 If you're 62 years or older, 433 00:20:10,856 --> 00:20:13,769 you can access the equity in your home 434 00:20:13,859 --> 00:20:17,193 to take back control of your life. 435 00:20:17,279 --> 00:20:18,815 You still own your home, 436 00:20:18,905 --> 00:20:20,612 but you have no mortgage payments 437 00:20:20,699 --> 00:20:23,066 and plenty of ready cash 438 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,698 to do the things you've always dreamed of. 439 00:20:27,122 --> 00:20:28,909 Now, I know what you're thinking. 440 00:20:28,999 --> 00:20:31,867 You're thinking this is too good to be true. 441 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,451 That it's just another scam, 442 00:20:33,545 --> 00:20:36,504 a way for the banks to foreclose on the elderly 443 00:20:36,590 --> 00:20:39,003 and take their homes away. 444 00:20:39,092 --> 00:20:41,835 Well, let me put your minds to rest. 445 00:20:47,517 --> 00:20:49,133 No, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry. I'm just... 446 00:20:49,227 --> 00:20:51,344 I'm a little uncomfortable here with this copy. 447 00:20:51,438 --> 00:20:52,438 Cut. 448 00:20:53,565 --> 00:20:54,565 What's the problem? 449 00:20:54,649 --> 00:20:56,409 Well, there's no problem, really, except, uh, 450 00:20:56,485 --> 00:20:58,898 that I did a little bit of research 451 00:20:58,987 --> 00:21:01,149 and it's not entirely true, you know? 452 00:21:01,239 --> 00:21:04,107 They can foreclose on people for all sorts of reasons. 453 00:21:04,201 --> 00:21:06,318 I mean, even minor stuff like not... 454 00:21:06,411 --> 00:21:07,902 not mowing your fucking lawn. 455 00:21:07,996 --> 00:21:09,265 Okay, I-I don't know what to tell you, Sandy. 456 00:21:09,289 --> 00:21:10,655 The copy's the copy. 457 00:21:10,749 --> 00:21:12,101 I'm not in a position to change anything, so... 458 00:21:12,125 --> 00:21:13,991 You sure? Y-you can't make a call? 459 00:21:14,085 --> 00:21:15,621 Like maybe we add some kind of warning 460 00:21:15,712 --> 00:21:17,829 like those drug ads do, you know? 461 00:21:17,923 --> 00:21:20,276 "Reverse mortgages may cause you to live with your children." 462 00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:21,916 Oh, shit. Hang on. 463 00:21:22,010 --> 00:21:23,626 Let me, let me just... 464 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,463 Hey, Norman, can I call you back? I'm shooting... 465 00:21:28,058 --> 00:21:31,301 Oh, jeez. I-is she gonna be alright? 466 00:21:31,394 --> 00:21:33,135 All right. What hospital? 467 00:21:33,230 --> 00:21:35,643 I'm on my way. Yeah, I'm leaving right now. 468 00:21:35,732 --> 00:21:39,146 I'm sorry, I gotta go. My friend's daughter just OD'd. 469 00:21:39,236 --> 00:21:41,649 Oh, that's terrible. We're not done with the spot yet. 470 00:21:41,738 --> 00:21:43,821 Yeah, but you know what? I'm finished. 471 00:21:43,907 --> 00:21:47,446 I can't do this and look at myself in the mirror. 472 00:21:47,536 --> 00:21:50,119 Are you actually leaving? Are you kidding me? 473 00:21:50,205 --> 00:21:51,867 Jerry's Deli is just down the street. 474 00:21:51,957 --> 00:21:54,040 I'm sure you can find some desperate old actor there 475 00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:55,866 who'd be very happy to do this. 476 00:22:05,595 --> 00:22:06,595 Norman? 477 00:22:11,768 --> 00:22:13,179 This can't keep happening. 478 00:22:13,270 --> 00:22:14,761 Let's just thank God they found her 479 00:22:14,855 --> 00:22:16,062 before it was too late. 480 00:22:16,147 --> 00:22:17,638 You know where they found her? 481 00:22:17,732 --> 00:22:20,395 Passed out in Corbin Bernsen's koi pond. 482 00:22:20,485 --> 00:22:21,817 Oh, Jesus. 483 00:22:22,863 --> 00:22:24,570 Are she and Corbin, uh... 484 00:22:24,656 --> 00:22:27,069 No, no. Apparently, she was stalking him. 485 00:22:27,742 --> 00:22:29,699 I don't know why, but I'm relieved. 486 00:22:29,786 --> 00:22:31,402 You wanna guess how many times she's been 487 00:22:31,496 --> 00:22:33,533 rushed to the hospital to have her stomach pumped? 488 00:22:33,623 --> 00:22:35,831 - No, I don't. - As of today, three. 489 00:22:36,418 --> 00:22:37,750 All right. All right. 490 00:22:37,836 --> 00:22:39,702 So this, this one is the charm. 491 00:22:49,514 --> 00:22:53,053 Boy, things are getting tough these days. 492 00:22:53,143 --> 00:22:56,136 All those wonderful plans you had for your retirement 493 00:22:56,229 --> 00:22:59,768 seem more and more to feel like wishful thinking. 494 00:23:01,026 --> 00:23:02,938 Hi. I'm Elliott Gould, 495 00:23:03,028 --> 00:23:05,315 and I'm here to tell you that it doesn't have 496 00:23:05,405 --> 00:23:06,862 to be that way. 497 00:23:06,948 --> 00:23:09,691 If you're 62 years or older, 498 00:23:09,784 --> 00:23:12,822 you can access the equity in your home 499 00:23:12,913 --> 00:23:15,826 to take back control of your life. 500 00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:17,498 You still own your home, 501 00:23:17,584 --> 00:23:19,166 but you have no mortgage payments 502 00:23:19,252 --> 00:23:21,414 and plenty of ready cash to do the things 503 00:23:21,504 --> 00:23:23,461 you've always dreamed of. 504 00:23:24,257 --> 00:23:25,873 Now, I know what you're thinking. 505 00:23:25,967 --> 00:23:29,335 You're thinking that this is too good to be true, 506 00:23:29,429 --> 00:23:31,762 that it's just another scam, 507 00:23:31,848 --> 00:23:34,511 a way for banks to foreclose on the elderly 508 00:23:34,601 --> 00:23:37,014 and take their homes away. 509 00:23:37,103 --> 00:23:39,436 Well, let me put your mind to rest.