1
00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:22,784
God.
2
00:00:26,464 --> 00:00:28,456
- Dr. Wexler.
- Hey!
3
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,007
I hope I didn't wake you.
4
00:00:31,636 --> 00:00:34,800
No, no, not at all.
What is up?
5
00:00:34,889 --> 00:00:38,929
Uh, I've got good news
and less good news.
6
00:00:39,018 --> 00:00:40,850
Okay, uh...
7
00:00:40,937 --> 00:00:43,224
Let's start
with the less good news.
8
00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:44,771
Pick again.
9
00:00:45,441 --> 00:00:47,854
- The good news.
- Ah!
10
00:00:47,944 --> 00:00:50,482
The good news is you don't have
to worry about cancer.
11
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,108
Great!
12
00:00:52,198 --> 00:00:54,315
Oh, that's, uh, that's great!
13
00:00:55,368 --> 00:00:56,734
Thanks, doc.
14
00:00:56,828 --> 00:00:59,195
Uh, and the less good news?
15
00:00:59,289 --> 00:01:01,702
We did find a couple
of slow-moving
16
00:01:01,791 --> 00:01:04,329
cancer cells in the biopsy.
17
00:01:07,505 --> 00:01:10,964
Wait.
So I do have prostate cancer?
18
00:01:11,050 --> 00:01:12,382
Technically, yes.
19
00:01:12,719 --> 00:01:14,359
But, uh, you don't have
to worry about it.
20
00:01:14,387 --> 00:01:15,844
I mean, we gotta
keep our eye on it,
21
00:01:15,930 --> 00:01:17,466
but frankly, at your age,
22
00:01:17,557 --> 00:01:19,423
somethin' else in your body
is gonna kill you
23
00:01:19,517 --> 00:01:21,008
before your prostate does.
24
00:01:21,102 --> 00:01:23,139
I'm confused.
25
00:01:23,229 --> 00:01:25,141
Is this a cause for celebration?
26
00:01:25,231 --> 00:01:26,938
Well, it's a little early
in the morning,
27
00:01:27,025 --> 00:01:29,859
but sure, maybe a mimosa.
28
00:01:29,944 --> 00:01:31,435
- Yeah, baby!
- What?
29
00:01:31,529 --> 00:01:32,529
What?
30
00:01:33,906 --> 00:01:36,239
Uh, h-hang on, Doc.
31
00:01:36,326 --> 00:01:38,113
Norman, can I call you back?
32
00:01:38,202 --> 00:01:40,364
I-I think I made a mistake
throwing Phoebe out.
33
00:01:40,455 --> 00:01:42,697
No, you didn't. Listen,
I finally got the urologist
34
00:01:42,790 --> 00:01:44,122
on the other line.
35
00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:46,245
Wexler? Tell him I hope he gets
his index finger
36
00:01:46,336 --> 00:01:47,543
caught in a wood chipper.
37
00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:48,745
Will do.
38
00:01:48,838 --> 00:01:51,672
Listen, I'm,
I'm, I'm really worried.
39
00:01:51,758 --> 00:01:54,000
J-just hang on.
40
00:01:54,093 --> 00:01:57,507
Sorry. So what do I do
about the constant peeing?
41
00:01:57,597 --> 00:01:58,883
It's still me.
42
00:01:58,973 --> 00:02:00,589
Oh, shit.
43
00:02:01,809 --> 00:02:03,846
What do I do
about the constant peeing?
44
00:02:03,936 --> 00:02:06,019
Ah, well, I'll, I'll write you
up a prescription
45
00:02:06,105 --> 00:02:08,392
for an alpha-blocker
that'll increase the flow.
46
00:02:08,483 --> 00:02:11,317
That sounds good.
Side effects?
47
00:02:11,402 --> 00:02:13,564
Well, the one that most guys
complain about
48
00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:17,114
is called
retrograde ejaculation.
49
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,566
Which is...
50
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:19,992
When you orgasm,
51
00:02:20,078 --> 00:02:22,195
instead of the sperm
comin' out of your penis
52
00:02:22,288 --> 00:02:25,076
it shoots back
into your bladder.
53
00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:27,032
You're fucking kidding me.
54
00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:28,583
I shit you not.
55
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:29,877
But it's no big deal.
56
00:02:29,962 --> 00:02:31,954
It makes for a nice tidy
blow job.
57
00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:36,042
Jeez, I don't know. I mean,
the mess is half the fun.
58
00:02:36,135 --> 00:02:38,377
- Suit yourself.
- Ah. Screw it.
59
00:02:38,471 --> 00:02:40,087
- Call it in to my pharmacy.
- Yeah.
60
00:02:40,181 --> 00:02:42,969
Yeah, I'll call it in for you.
Have a nice day.
61
00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:45,676
"Have a nice day?" You just
told me I've got cancer.
62
00:02:45,770 --> 00:02:47,602
Yeah, but you've got
the nice kind.
63
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,100
Bye-bye!
64
00:02:55,738 --> 00:02:58,697
Well, you just can't sit around
here and worry.
65
00:02:58,783 --> 00:03:01,241
Sure, I can. I'm actually
very good at it.
66
00:03:01,327 --> 00:03:03,990
Maybe you should think
about going back to work.
67
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,412
It's better that I worry
there?
68
00:03:09,961 --> 00:03:12,453
You know, I sat holding my phone
for 20 minutes.
69
00:03:12,547 --> 00:03:14,254
I'm sorry. I, I just forgot.
70
00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:18,084
Yeah? Well, that happens at
your age. What did Wexler say?
71
00:03:18,177 --> 00:03:22,171
Uh, he said I'm, uh, fine.
Clean bill of health.
72
00:03:22,265 --> 00:03:25,258
More importantly, what do you
wanna do about Phoebe?
73
00:03:25,351 --> 00:03:28,139
Well, now Eileen's suggesting
that I give it some time.
74
00:03:28,229 --> 00:03:29,390
Maybe go back to work.
75
00:03:30,148 --> 00:03:32,891
Eileen? Oh, Norman,
Norman, you're just...
76
00:03:32,984 --> 00:03:34,646
You're, you're freakin' me out.
77
00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:36,693
I like to believe
she's still looking after me.
78
00:03:36,779 --> 00:03:38,190
What's the harm in that?
79
00:03:39,282 --> 00:03:40,648
I guess there isn't any.
80
00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,010
Your daughter told me
she hears you
81
00:03:42,034 --> 00:03:44,242
in the bathroom talking
to your genitals.
82
00:03:44,328 --> 00:03:45,535
So which one of us is crazy?
83
00:03:45,621 --> 00:03:46,953
Okay! All right! Okay!
84
00:03:47,039 --> 00:03:48,780
I'm, I'm not judging!
85
00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:52,747
When was the last time
you were in the office?
86
00:03:52,837 --> 00:03:55,045
Oh...
87
00:03:55,131 --> 00:03:57,293
It's gotta be... two years.
88
00:03:57,383 --> 00:03:58,874
Two years?
89
00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:00,675
No wonder I don't get any
auditions!
90
00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:02,970
Hey, I still submit you
for everything.
91
00:04:03,055 --> 00:04:05,547
You don't work because you're
a renowned acting coach
92
00:04:05,641 --> 00:04:07,473
and y-you intimidate
other actors.
93
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,973
- That is such bullshit.
- Honest to God.
94
00:04:10,062 --> 00:04:12,395
I hear it from casting directors
all the time.
95
00:04:12,482 --> 00:04:13,482
Really?
96
00:04:13,566 --> 00:04:15,432
Why would I lie
about something like that?
97
00:04:15,526 --> 00:04:17,643
Okay. Well, thanks.
98
00:04:17,737 --> 00:04:18,944
You're welcome.
99
00:04:19,030 --> 00:04:20,340
Are we still on for dinner
tonight?
100
00:04:20,364 --> 00:04:21,605
- Sure.
- Okay.
101
00:04:21,699 --> 00:04:22,699
Bye.
102
00:04:24,368 --> 00:04:26,234
God bless him,
I think he bought it.
103
00:04:26,579 --> 00:04:29,037
Lying bald-headed fuck.
104
00:04:34,295 --> 00:04:36,252
Slow-moving cancer?
105
00:04:36,339 --> 00:04:39,207
Show me a guy
with slow-moving cancer.
106
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,212
I'll show you a guy
with cancer.
107
00:04:43,971 --> 00:04:46,008
Look at these people.
108
00:04:46,098 --> 00:04:47,964
Happy, clueless.
109
00:04:48,059 --> 00:04:50,392
Taking their assholes
for granted.
110
00:04:55,024 --> 00:04:57,266
Here's my future.
111
00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,603
Except I'll be alone and have
to pay some poor Haitian lady
112
00:05:00,696 --> 00:05:03,439
to push the wheelchair
and change my diaper.
113
00:05:32,562 --> 00:05:34,224
Come on. Let's go.
114
00:05:34,313 --> 00:05:35,313
Okay.
115
00:05:46,075 --> 00:05:47,407
- Hey, Min.
- Hey.
116
00:05:47,493 --> 00:05:49,373
You have a class in five minutes.
Where are you?
117
00:05:49,453 --> 00:05:52,366
Oh, shit. I totally spaced.
118
00:05:52,456 --> 00:05:53,947
Can you cover that for me?
119
00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:55,998
I guess, sure. Are you okay?
120
00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:59,294
Yeah, I'm fine.
I just lost track of time.
121
00:05:59,964 --> 00:06:01,375
Did you get your biopsy
results?
122
00:06:01,465 --> 00:06:02,465
Oh, yeah, yeah.
123
00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:03,961
Everything is...
124
00:06:04,051 --> 00:06:06,043
good, not to worry.
125
00:06:06,137 --> 00:06:07,924
- For real?
- He's staring at us.
126
00:06:08,431 --> 00:06:09,431
For real.
127
00:06:12,018 --> 00:06:14,977
- Oh, for God's sakes.
- What?
128
00:06:15,646 --> 00:06:18,855
This woman in the playground,
she thinks I'm a pedophile.
129
00:06:19,358 --> 00:06:21,224
- What?
- I gotta go.
130
00:06:21,319 --> 00:06:23,527
Thanks for covering for me.
131
00:06:24,488 --> 00:06:25,979
Excuse me, ladies!
132
00:06:26,073 --> 00:06:27,564
I'm not a pervert.
133
00:06:27,658 --> 00:06:29,399
I'm an actor.
134
00:06:52,683 --> 00:06:55,300
- Mr. Newlander.
- Hello, Carol.
135
00:06:55,853 --> 00:06:57,264
I didn't know you were
coming in.
136
00:06:57,355 --> 00:06:59,062
Yeah, neither did I.
137
00:06:59,148 --> 00:07:01,140
I'm so sorry for your loss.
138
00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:02,565
Thank you, dear.
139
00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:05,978
He's here.
140
00:07:08,366 --> 00:07:10,153
- Mr. Newlander.
- Hi.
141
00:07:10,242 --> 00:07:11,762
- Hi, Mr. Newlander.
- Morning.
142
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:20,039
- Hello, Mr. Newlander.
- Good morning, good morning.
143
00:07:21,337 --> 00:07:22,498
Hello.
144
00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:28,341
Hi, Mr. Newlander.
145
00:07:29,804 --> 00:07:31,045
Great to have you back,
Norman.
146
00:07:31,138 --> 00:07:32,879
Thank you. Thank you.
147
00:07:34,058 --> 00:07:35,219
Hello, sir.
148
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,595
Oh! Norman!
It's so good to see you.
149
00:07:39,689 --> 00:07:40,975
I am so sorry for your loss.
150
00:07:41,065 --> 00:07:42,681
Nice to see you.
151
00:07:43,609 --> 00:07:45,191
- Hi, Mr. Newlander.
- Hi. Hi.
152
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:50,113
- Hi, Mr. Newlander.
- Ladies.
153
00:07:50,199 --> 00:07:51,531
Oh, hi.
154
00:07:52,827 --> 00:07:54,819
- Norman.
- Hi, Jeanine.
155
00:07:54,912 --> 00:07:56,369
Come here.
156
00:07:56,455 --> 00:07:58,242
Oh-ho, we're hugging!
157
00:07:59,041 --> 00:08:00,782
I didn't expect to see you
so soon.
158
00:08:00,876 --> 00:08:02,104
I thought you'd take some
more time.
159
00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:04,370
No, it's better I go back
to work.
160
00:08:04,463 --> 00:08:06,170
Well, sure.
I understand that.
161
00:08:06,257 --> 00:08:07,668
Keep your mind active.
162
00:08:07,758 --> 00:08:09,215
Exactly.
163
00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:13,420
My grandpa does the New York Times
crossword puzzle every day.
164
00:08:13,514 --> 00:08:15,096
Sounds like a terrific guy.
165
00:08:15,182 --> 00:08:16,718
He also takes a salsa class.
166
00:08:16,809 --> 00:08:18,471
Wow, great.
167
00:08:18,561 --> 00:08:20,018
- Uh, do me a favor.
- Anything.
168
00:08:20,104 --> 00:08:21,686
Let's ask all the senior agents
169
00:08:21,772 --> 00:08:23,542
to meet me in the conference room
in ten minutes.
170
00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,023
You got it.
171
00:08:25,109 --> 00:08:27,442
- Earl Grey, little honey?
- Yeah, please.
172
00:08:30,656 --> 00:08:33,399
I am so delighted
that you're back.
173
00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:35,609
Give it time.
The feeling will pass.
174
00:08:47,131 --> 00:08:48,997
The first time I saw
my stepmother's pussy
175
00:08:49,091 --> 00:08:50,673
was in a magazine.
176
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,126
It was right in the crease.
177
00:08:52,219 --> 00:08:53,676
There was a staple on it.
178
00:08:54,597 --> 00:08:57,806
Sherilynn was a Penthouse
Pet of the Month
179
00:08:57,892 --> 00:08:59,599
and a heroin addict.
180
00:08:59,935 --> 00:09:02,348
My dad wanted me to call her
"Mommy."
181
00:09:02,438 --> 00:09:03,804
- Can you believe...
- Shh!
182
00:09:03,898 --> 00:09:05,618
I remember
it was my ninth birthday.
183
00:09:05,983 --> 00:09:08,646
He took us to Universal Studios.
184
00:09:08,736 --> 00:09:10,193
It was a great day.
185
00:09:10,279 --> 00:09:13,568
We went on the Wild West ride,
The A-Team ride.
186
00:09:13,657 --> 00:09:17,071
We had pizza and ice cream.
187
00:09:17,161 --> 00:09:18,743
But the highlight of the day was
188
00:09:18,829 --> 00:09:20,695
when we went on a tram ride
189
00:09:20,790 --> 00:09:25,125
and the shark from Jaws
came bursting out of the water.
190
00:09:25,211 --> 00:09:26,998
Sherilynn screamed...
191
00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:29,587
and emptied her bladder
192
00:09:29,673 --> 00:09:32,006
all over my stuffed
Woody Woodpecker.
193
00:09:33,636 --> 00:09:34,717
What's happening?
194
00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:38,673
Sandy's MIA. She's doin'
her one-woman show.
195
00:09:40,476 --> 00:09:43,719
Now, you'd think that would've
been the end of our excursion,
196
00:09:43,813 --> 00:09:45,679
but Sherilynn was the type
of woman
197
00:09:45,773 --> 00:09:49,483
who always had spare panties
with her wherever she went.
198
00:09:50,194 --> 00:09:53,153
Now, file this under information
you don't need or want,
199
00:09:53,239 --> 00:09:56,983
but she sold the dirty ones
to Japanese businessmen.
200
00:09:58,327 --> 00:10:01,445
Which is why Sandy Kominsky
201
00:10:01,539 --> 00:10:05,283
has an export license
for bio-waste.
202
00:10:09,547 --> 00:10:10,913
Wow, these are beautiful.
203
00:10:11,006 --> 00:10:12,372
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
204
00:10:12,466 --> 00:10:13,673
A little Mexican lady
205
00:10:13,759 --> 00:10:15,625
on the freeway off-ramp
was selling 'em.
206
00:10:15,719 --> 00:10:18,632
I also got you a bag
of oranges in the car.
207
00:10:18,722 --> 00:10:20,463
Oh, very thoughtful.
Thank you.
208
00:10:20,558 --> 00:10:22,220
- Want some coffee?
- Uh, no, thanks.
209
00:10:22,309 --> 00:10:25,893
I got a long drive back, and,
you know, I got this, um...
210
00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:27,221
Oh, yeah, I know.
211
00:10:27,314 --> 00:10:29,146
How, uh, how is that,
by the way?
212
00:10:29,233 --> 00:10:31,771
Great. Great.
The doc says I'm gonna be fine.
213
00:10:31,861 --> 00:10:33,102
No surgery.
214
00:10:33,195 --> 00:10:35,027
Maybe some meds.
215
00:10:35,114 --> 00:10:37,106
- Nothing to worry about.
- That's wonderful.
216
00:10:37,199 --> 00:10:39,691
Oh! What a relief, Sandy.
Great.
217
00:10:39,785 --> 00:10:41,697
Yeah, tell me about it.
218
00:10:43,122 --> 00:10:44,363
So...
219
00:10:47,042 --> 00:10:48,453
So...
220
00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:51,252
You said you wanted to talk.
221
00:10:51,338 --> 00:10:52,829
You drove all the way out here.
222
00:10:52,923 --> 00:10:54,459
It's, it's your move, buddy.
223
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:56,086
Okay, right. My move.
224
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,418
Um...
225
00:10:57,511 --> 00:10:59,673
Okay, here it is.
226
00:11:00,389 --> 00:11:02,506
I think you and I are
really good together
227
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,139
and that we should consider
taking this relationship,
228
00:11:06,228 --> 00:11:08,060
uh, to another level.
229
00:11:08,147 --> 00:11:09,147
I see.
230
00:11:10,691 --> 00:11:12,523
So, uh, so, we would go
231
00:11:12,610 --> 00:11:15,398
from being friends to, uh,
to what?
232
00:11:15,487 --> 00:11:18,275
- Friends with benefits?
- No, I hate that term.
233
00:11:18,365 --> 00:11:21,608
- Let's say lovers.
- No! Please, no, let's not.
234
00:11:21,702 --> 00:11:23,221
- Why, what's wrong with lovers?
- I don't know.
235
00:11:23,245 --> 00:11:24,245
It's just, it's,
236
00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:27,664
it's like it's from another decade,
uh, maybe century.
237
00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:29,912
I happen to think
it's a fine word.
238
00:11:30,002 --> 00:11:31,959
Okay, all right,
well, forgetting for the moment
239
00:11:32,046 --> 00:11:34,459
what we call it, um...
240
00:11:34,548 --> 00:11:36,228
can I ask what caused
this change of heart?
241
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:39,043
- What do you mean?
- Don't be coy. Come on.
242
00:11:39,136 --> 00:11:41,253
You've been playin' it
pretty cool there, mister,
243
00:11:41,347 --> 00:11:43,634
and now, all of a sudden,
I'm gettin' flowers
244
00:11:43,724 --> 00:11:45,556
and oranges from my lover.
245
00:11:45,643 --> 00:11:48,556
- All right. I, I hear it now.
- Yeah? Okay, good.
246
00:11:48,646 --> 00:11:50,228
Look, it's pretty simple.
247
00:11:50,314 --> 00:11:55,025
Between Eileen dying
and my recent health scare,
248
00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:57,727
my perspective has changed
249
00:11:57,821 --> 00:12:00,108
regarding my feelings
towards you.
250
00:12:01,075 --> 00:12:02,282
Wow.
251
00:12:02,368 --> 00:12:04,701
You have got some big,
brass balls.
252
00:12:04,787 --> 00:12:07,279
- In a good way?
- No.
253
00:12:07,373 --> 00:12:09,267
No. You're not here
'cause you're crazy about me.
254
00:12:09,291 --> 00:12:10,702
You're here
'cause you don't wanna
255
00:12:10,793 --> 00:12:12,500
walk the Green Mile
all by yourself.
256
00:12:12,586 --> 00:12:14,077
- "The Green Mile?"
- Yeah.
257
00:12:14,171 --> 00:12:16,051
You know, Tom Hanks,
the big guy with the mouse.
258
00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:17,410
- You know what I mean.
- Hang on.
259
00:12:17,466 --> 00:12:19,048
I did say we were good
together.
260
00:12:19,134 --> 00:12:20,134
Oh, hot, yeah.
261
00:12:20,219 --> 00:12:21,219
And you and I both know
262
00:12:21,303 --> 00:12:22,714
that being crazy about someone
263
00:12:22,805 --> 00:12:24,262
doesn't last.
264
00:12:24,348 --> 00:12:26,028
It's just happy brain juice
that tricks you
265
00:12:26,058 --> 00:12:27,640
into not getting a prenup.
266
00:12:27,726 --> 00:12:29,012
Twice.
267
00:12:29,103 --> 00:12:30,435
Ouch.
268
00:12:30,938 --> 00:12:32,725
I mean,
are you crazy about me?
269
00:12:34,358 --> 00:12:35,394
You amuse me.
270
00:12:35,985 --> 00:12:37,066
I'll take it.
271
00:12:40,406 --> 00:12:41,406
Listen.
272
00:12:43,242 --> 00:12:45,154
I'm a big fan
of the crazy stuff,
273
00:12:45,244 --> 00:12:47,031
but at the end of the day
274
00:12:47,121 --> 00:12:51,240
I would rather be with somebody
that I truly, really like.
275
00:12:54,962 --> 00:12:56,294
Goddammit.
276
00:12:57,881 --> 00:12:58,881
Come on.
277
00:13:02,469 --> 00:13:04,802
I am probably gonna
regret this.
278
00:13:04,888 --> 00:13:07,471
There's a 50-50 chance
that nothing will happen,
279
00:13:07,558 --> 00:13:09,015
so maybe not.
280
00:13:09,643 --> 00:13:12,226
If my daughter calls,
pull me out of the meeting,
281
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,555
pull me out of the toilet,
pull me out of anywhere.
282
00:13:14,648 --> 00:13:17,231
Got it.
How's she doing, by the way?
283
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:18,900
- You saw her at the funeral?
- I did.
284
00:13:18,986 --> 00:13:20,727
Sorry. Stupid question.
285
00:13:24,908 --> 00:13:28,072
Look at that. No one talks
to each other anymore.
286
00:13:30,497 --> 00:13:31,954
They're talking.
287
00:13:32,041 --> 00:13:33,953
Just to people who are
elsewhere.
288
00:13:34,043 --> 00:13:36,251
That's not talking.
Talking is with your voice.
289
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:41,082
Eye contact, body language,
maybe a gesture, touch.
290
00:13:41,175 --> 00:13:42,757
Oh, there's no touching
these days.
291
00:13:42,843 --> 00:13:44,584
Don't touch anybody.
292
00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:49,301
Okay. Wow.
293
00:13:50,601 --> 00:13:52,217
Look at everyone wearing black.
294
00:13:52,311 --> 00:13:54,177
Feels like another funeral.
295
00:13:57,024 --> 00:13:58,024
Too soon?
296
00:13:59,401 --> 00:14:00,767
All right.
297
00:14:01,236 --> 00:14:03,273
Before we start,
I want to thank all of you
298
00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:08,029
for your e-get well cards
and your e-condolence cards.
299
00:14:08,118 --> 00:14:11,828
Very thoughtful and,
I suppose, very easy.
300
00:14:11,914 --> 00:14:14,907
Norman, did your wife get the
basket of vegan muffins I sent?
301
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,663
Uh, yes, Andrew,
I believe she did. Thank you.
302
00:14:17,753 --> 00:14:20,086
They're supposed to be,
like, super healthy.
303
00:14:20,172 --> 00:14:21,754
My wife died, Andrew.
304
00:14:23,634 --> 00:14:25,250
Not the muffins' fault.
305
00:14:25,344 --> 00:14:27,882
Uh, I've also been watching
the quarterly numbers
306
00:14:27,971 --> 00:14:30,884
and want to congratulate
you on your good work.
307
00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:33,512
Congratulations to you, Norman.
308
00:14:33,602 --> 00:14:34,763
You built a great team.
309
00:14:34,853 --> 00:14:37,095
Everyone here
is pulling their weight.
310
00:14:37,189 --> 00:14:38,305
Nice to know.
311
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:39,856
They just required a little bit
312
00:14:39,942 --> 00:14:41,274
of guidance.
313
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,942
Sure, and thank you for that.
314
00:14:43,028 --> 00:14:44,394
Oh, no need.
315
00:14:44,488 --> 00:14:46,730
My job is to lighten your load.
316
00:14:46,824 --> 00:14:48,235
Much appreciated.
317
00:14:48,325 --> 00:14:50,817
You've got enough
on your plate, right?
318
00:14:50,911 --> 00:14:52,243
I don't know. I suppose.
319
00:14:52,329 --> 00:14:54,491
In fact, you need
to take some more time
320
00:14:54,581 --> 00:14:56,618
to grieve or heal,
just say the words...
321
00:14:56,708 --> 00:14:58,540
Oh, for God's sake, Richard,
322
00:14:58,627 --> 00:15:00,914
take your head out of his ass
so we can have a meeting.
323
00:15:01,004 --> 00:15:02,870
My head is not in his ass.
324
00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:07,508
Actually, Richard,
you're crowning.
325
00:15:15,644 --> 00:15:17,556
You're pretty pleased
with yourself.
326
00:15:19,273 --> 00:15:20,684
Aren't you?
327
00:15:20,774 --> 00:15:22,982
Yeah. I kinda am.
328
00:15:29,741 --> 00:15:30,982
I, uh...
329
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:34,741
I don't wanna diminish
your efforts, but, uh...
330
00:15:34,830 --> 00:15:37,823
did what just happen
require any...
331
00:15:37,916 --> 00:15:39,373
pharmaceutical help?
332
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,417
No. Nope.
333
00:15:41,503 --> 00:15:43,790
Unless you count 20 milligrams
of Crestor,
334
00:15:43,881 --> 00:15:45,622
ten milligrams of Claritin,
335
00:15:45,716 --> 00:15:48,754
half a mill of Flomax,
three grams of acetaminophen,
336
00:15:48,844 --> 00:15:52,178
one baby aspirin, and a smear
of hydrocortisone cream
337
00:15:52,264 --> 00:15:54,927
on my left and right
shin bones.
338
00:15:55,017 --> 00:15:56,508
- That is some list.
- Oh, no, no.
339
00:15:56,602 --> 00:15:58,013
- I'm not done.
- Oh, shoot.
340
00:15:58,103 --> 00:16:00,686
I also take omega-3
fatty acids, calcium,
341
00:16:00,772 --> 00:16:03,139
vitamins A, C, D, E, and B12,
342
00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:06,192
melatonin, CoQ-10,
magnesium, potassium,
343
00:16:06,278 --> 00:16:08,235
and liquid glucosamine.
344
00:16:08,322 --> 00:16:10,154
Jesus. Is that it?
345
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,778
Yeah. Oh, also Cialis.
346
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:15,406
You fucker!
347
00:16:17,706 --> 00:16:19,242
And the most exciting news,
348
00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:21,074
we were able
to negotiate packages
349
00:16:21,168 --> 00:16:24,332
for Crackle, Twitch, Vevo,
PlayStation
350
00:16:24,421 --> 00:16:26,538
and Hulu Plus.
351
00:16:27,549 --> 00:16:29,290
That is exciting.
352
00:16:30,719 --> 00:16:32,631
- You'll tell me later.
- Of course.
353
00:16:34,598 --> 00:16:37,887
All right. Before we break this up,
I want to ask a favor.
354
00:16:37,976 --> 00:16:40,639
My friend Sandy Kominsky
hasn't worked in a while,
355
00:16:40,729 --> 00:16:42,812
and I would like
to rectify that.
356
00:16:42,898 --> 00:16:46,107
A guest spot on a sitcom,
a commercial,
357
00:16:46,193 --> 00:16:47,900
whatever you can find.
358
00:16:47,986 --> 00:16:50,319
- The acting coach guy?
- Yes.
359
00:16:55,744 --> 00:16:57,531
- You'll tell me later.
- Of course.
360
00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:01,163
Liam Neeson is making a fortune
361
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,583
with these old guy
revenge movies.
362
00:17:03,669 --> 00:17:05,001
Why not me?
363
00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:07,204
I mean, he's not even
that old.
364
00:17:07,297 --> 00:17:09,914
- Whereas you...
- Have one foot in the grave.
365
00:17:10,008 --> 00:17:11,840
Which brings me...
366
00:17:11,927 --> 00:17:13,463
to this.
367
00:17:14,054 --> 00:17:16,762
One Foot in the Grave,
by Elliott Gould.
368
00:17:16,848 --> 00:17:18,089
Catchy, right?
369
00:17:18,183 --> 00:17:20,345
Here's the elevator pitch.
370
00:17:20,435 --> 00:17:22,768
A retired CIA agent
371
00:17:22,854 --> 00:17:25,141
takes his grandchildren
to Disneyland,
372
00:17:25,232 --> 00:17:29,943
where, unbeknownst to him,
his former enemies lie in wait.
373
00:17:30,028 --> 00:17:32,486
Don't tell me.
They kidnap the grandchildren.
374
00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:35,657
And I get them back
with extreme prejudice.
375
00:17:35,742 --> 00:17:38,655
Okay, just so I'm clear,
your goal is
376
00:17:38,745 --> 00:17:40,236
to become an action star?
377
00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:41,787
Well, yeah. Why not?
378
00:17:41,873 --> 00:17:43,409
I mean, we'll use
a stunt double
379
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:47,210
for the kicking, punching,
running, staircases.
380
00:17:47,296 --> 00:17:49,379
- Smart.
- It gets better.
381
00:17:49,464 --> 00:17:51,330
We sell the project to Disney,
382
00:17:51,425 --> 00:17:54,634
shoot the whole thing
in the park, use the rides.
383
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,804
Maybe Mickey and Goofy
get involved somehow.
384
00:17:57,889 --> 00:17:59,505
Fuck up some bad guys.
385
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,717
- Hah!
- Well, what do you think?
386
00:18:02,644 --> 00:18:04,351
- I like it.
- Really?
387
00:18:04,438 --> 00:18:06,020
I, I would go see that film.
388
00:18:06,106 --> 00:18:07,938
That's why I love you.
389
00:18:08,025 --> 00:18:11,268
Of course, if Disney passes,
we shoot it at Magic Mountain
390
00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:14,695
and they can kiss our ass
come awards time.
391
00:18:14,781 --> 00:18:17,068
So you think
this is awards material?
392
00:18:17,159 --> 00:18:20,573
Did I mention that my character
is suffering from dementia?
393
00:18:20,662 --> 00:18:22,824
- Oh, God.
- That's right.
394
00:18:22,914 --> 00:18:25,406
He forgets almost everything...
395
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,412
except justice.
396
00:18:28,128 --> 00:18:30,415
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
397
00:18:31,214 --> 00:18:32,955
Sandy, you know Elliott,
right?
398
00:18:33,050 --> 00:18:34,291
Oh, sure. Hi.
399
00:18:34,384 --> 00:18:35,966
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
400
00:18:36,053 --> 00:18:37,822
Hope you don't mind.
I invited him to join us.
401
00:18:37,846 --> 00:18:39,462
What, are you kidding?
This is an honor.
402
00:18:41,224 --> 00:18:45,184
Hello, Alex. Can I get my
regular Jack with a Dr. Pepper?
403
00:18:46,688 --> 00:18:48,680
So, um...
404
00:18:48,774 --> 00:18:50,686
How do you two know
each other?
405
00:18:51,151 --> 00:18:52,920
Let's see. When did we start
working together?
406
00:18:52,944 --> 00:18:55,186
I worked.
You took ten percent.
407
00:18:56,531 --> 00:18:59,444
It was right after
I got my Oscar nomination
408
00:18:59,534 --> 00:19:01,275
for Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice.
409
00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:03,612
So right after he peaked.
410
00:19:03,705 --> 00:19:05,913
By the way, I think I got you
a national commercial.
411
00:19:05,999 --> 00:19:08,082
That's great! What's it for?
412
00:19:08,418 --> 00:19:09,784
What do you care?
413
00:19:09,878 --> 00:19:11,119
You're right. I don't.
414
00:19:12,089 --> 00:19:13,330
Boy, I'm havin' a good day.
415
00:19:13,423 --> 00:19:15,039
My prostate's not gonna kill me,
416
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,170
my dick's still working,
and I got a job.
417
00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:19,343
That's the geriatric hat trick.
418
00:19:19,429 --> 00:19:21,796
Why don't you ever get me
a national commercial?
419
00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:23,450
Because you're a legend,
you're an icon.
420
00:19:23,475 --> 00:19:24,966
I don't wanna ever sully that.
421
00:19:25,060 --> 00:19:27,017
He's so full of shit.
422
00:19:27,104 --> 00:19:29,471
I believe that's 90 percent
of his body weight.
423
00:19:36,321 --> 00:19:38,654
What is, uh,
One Foot in the Grave?
424
00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:41,528
A printing press
for million-dollar bills.
425
00:19:41,618 --> 00:19:44,281
Any parts in there
for a guy my age?
426
00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:45,911
No.
427
00:19:53,588 --> 00:19:56,626
Boy, things are getting tough
these days.
428
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,460
All those wonderful plans
you had for your retirement
429
00:19:59,553 --> 00:20:02,887
seem more and more
to feel like wishful thinking.
430
00:20:03,432 --> 00:20:05,389
Hi, I'm Sandy Kominsky,
and I'm here
431
00:20:05,475 --> 00:20:08,809
to tell you that it doesn't have
to be that way.
432
00:20:08,895 --> 00:20:10,761
If you're 62 years or older,
433
00:20:10,856 --> 00:20:13,769
you can access the equity
in your home
434
00:20:13,859 --> 00:20:17,193
to take back control
of your life.
435
00:20:17,279 --> 00:20:18,815
You still own your home,
436
00:20:18,905 --> 00:20:20,612
but you have no
mortgage payments
437
00:20:20,699 --> 00:20:23,066
and plenty of ready cash
438
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,698
to do the things
you've always dreamed of.
439
00:20:27,122 --> 00:20:28,909
Now, I know what you're thinking.
440
00:20:28,999 --> 00:20:31,867
You're thinking
this is too good to be true.
441
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,451
That it's just another scam,
442
00:20:33,545 --> 00:20:36,504
a way for the banks
to foreclose on the elderly
443
00:20:36,590 --> 00:20:39,003
and take their homes away.
444
00:20:39,092 --> 00:20:41,835
Well, let me put your minds
to rest.
445
00:20:47,517 --> 00:20:49,133
No, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry.
I'm just...
446
00:20:49,227 --> 00:20:51,344
I'm a little uncomfortable
here with this copy.
447
00:20:51,438 --> 00:20:52,438
Cut.
448
00:20:53,565 --> 00:20:54,565
What's the problem?
449
00:20:54,649 --> 00:20:56,409
Well, there's no problem,
really, except, uh,
450
00:20:56,485 --> 00:20:58,898
that I did a little bit
of research
451
00:20:58,987 --> 00:21:01,149
and it's not entirely true,
you know?
452
00:21:01,239 --> 00:21:04,107
They can foreclose on people
for all sorts of reasons.
453
00:21:04,201 --> 00:21:06,318
I mean, even minor stuff
like not...
454
00:21:06,411 --> 00:21:07,902
not mowing your fucking lawn.
455
00:21:07,996 --> 00:21:09,265
Okay, I-I don't know
what to tell you, Sandy.
456
00:21:09,289 --> 00:21:10,655
The copy's the copy.
457
00:21:10,749 --> 00:21:12,101
I'm not in a position
to change anything, so...
458
00:21:12,125 --> 00:21:13,991
You sure?
Y-you can't make a call?
459
00:21:14,085 --> 00:21:15,621
Like maybe we add some kind
of warning
460
00:21:15,712 --> 00:21:17,829
like those drug ads do,
you know?
461
00:21:17,923 --> 00:21:20,276
"Reverse mortgages may cause you
to live with your children."
462
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:21,916
Oh, shit. Hang on.
463
00:21:22,010 --> 00:21:23,626
Let me, let me just...
464
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,463
Hey, Norman, can I call you back?
I'm shooting...
465
00:21:28,058 --> 00:21:31,301
Oh, jeez.
I-is she gonna be alright?
466
00:21:31,394 --> 00:21:33,135
All right. What hospital?
467
00:21:33,230 --> 00:21:35,643
I'm on my way.
Yeah, I'm leaving right now.
468
00:21:35,732 --> 00:21:39,146
I'm sorry, I gotta go.
My friend's daughter just OD'd.
469
00:21:39,236 --> 00:21:41,649
Oh, that's terrible. We're not
done with the spot yet.
470
00:21:41,738 --> 00:21:43,821
Yeah, but you know what?
I'm finished.
471
00:21:43,907 --> 00:21:47,446
I can't do this and look
at myself in the mirror.
472
00:21:47,536 --> 00:21:50,119
Are you actually leaving?
Are you kidding me?
473
00:21:50,205 --> 00:21:51,867
Jerry's Deli
is just down the street.
474
00:21:51,957 --> 00:21:54,040
I'm sure you can find
some desperate old actor there
475
00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:55,866
who'd be very happy to do this.
476
00:22:05,595 --> 00:22:06,595
Norman?
477
00:22:11,768 --> 00:22:13,179
This can't keep happening.
478
00:22:13,270 --> 00:22:14,761
Let's just thank God
they found her
479
00:22:14,855 --> 00:22:16,062
before it was too late.
480
00:22:16,147 --> 00:22:17,638
You know where they found her?
481
00:22:17,732 --> 00:22:20,395
Passed out in Corbin Bernsen's
koi pond.
482
00:22:20,485 --> 00:22:21,817
Oh, Jesus.
483
00:22:22,863 --> 00:22:24,570
Are she and Corbin, uh...
484
00:22:24,656 --> 00:22:27,069
No, no. Apparently,
she was stalking him.
485
00:22:27,742 --> 00:22:29,699
I don't know why,
but I'm relieved.
486
00:22:29,786 --> 00:22:31,402
You wanna guess
how many times she's been
487
00:22:31,496 --> 00:22:33,533
rushed to the hospital
to have her stomach pumped?
488
00:22:33,623 --> 00:22:35,831
- No, I don't.
- As of today, three.
489
00:22:36,418 --> 00:22:37,750
All right. All right.
490
00:22:37,836 --> 00:22:39,702
So this,
this one is the charm.
491
00:22:49,514 --> 00:22:53,053
Boy, things are getting tough
these days.
492
00:22:53,143 --> 00:22:56,136
All those wonderful plans
you had for your retirement
493
00:22:56,229 --> 00:22:59,768
seem more and more
to feel like wishful thinking.
494
00:23:01,026 --> 00:23:02,938
Hi. I'm Elliott Gould,
495
00:23:03,028 --> 00:23:05,315
and I'm here to tell you
that it doesn't have
496
00:23:05,405 --> 00:23:06,862
to be that way.
497
00:23:06,948 --> 00:23:09,691
If you're 62 years or older,
498
00:23:09,784 --> 00:23:12,822
you can access the equity
in your home
499
00:23:12,913 --> 00:23:15,826
to take back control
of your life.
500
00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:17,498
You still own your home,
501
00:23:17,584 --> 00:23:19,166
but you have no
mortgage payments
502
00:23:19,252 --> 00:23:21,414
and plenty of ready cash
to do the things
503
00:23:21,504 --> 00:23:23,461
you've always dreamed of.
504
00:23:24,257 --> 00:23:25,873
Now, I know what you're
thinking.
505
00:23:25,967 --> 00:23:29,335
You're thinking that this
is too good to be true,
506
00:23:29,429 --> 00:23:31,762
that it's just another scam,
507
00:23:31,848 --> 00:23:34,511
a way for banks to foreclose
on the elderly
508
00:23:34,601 --> 00:23:37,014
and take their homes away.
509
00:23:37,103 --> 00:23:39,436
Well, let me put your mind
to rest.